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and then overcoming bad choices. That he is still among us mortals, proves he is an expert at surviving his misdeeds and bad choices, and is able to recollect and now laugh at these calamities. A BAD HAIR DAY I was a good printer named Roy, who ran a newspaper printing press. My long hair, was my pride and joy, I should have covered, I confess. Starting the press, where I=m employed, the rollers caught hold of one tress left me and my hairdo destroyed, in a blackened and bloody mess. ANNOUNCER: Vanity is a common trait, but can be deadly if it leads to disregard of safety rules. Poor Roy, loved his long hair, he should have braided and or covered with a hairnet. Roy was fatally compressed at the daily gazette when his hair stuck between two ink rollers on a high speed printing press that skidded to a stop too late to save this pressman. Roy had a very bad hair day A DEADLY SHORTCUT Bill lays here because he forgot, to clear gas fumes before departing. With gas powered boats, both small or yacht you must run blowers before starting Safety pays while shortcuts do not! Bill=s safety gaff, and fatal mistake, turned out to be the last he would make.
ANNOUNCER Safety rules are important safeguards against disaster. Bypassing those established rules can cost you money , health or, even your life. Explosive fuel fumes can lurk seemingly undetectable in the engine bay, posing a fire or explosion potentiality when starting. It only takes seconds to air the area before engaging the starter, and that is time, well spent .
A GAMBLER PASSES Winter driving can test your luck This gambler lost, passing a truck which obstructed his view of snow plowing crew and left him just no place to duck. ANNOUNCER: The safety dictum, never pass with obstructed view is so elemental that we would expect no violations. Living where there is no snow, might prevent this catastrophe, but people are often needlessly killed , by some impatient gambler passing a slower vehicle when there is not visible clearance. We may mourn the gambler, but we doubly miss the innocent victims in the oncoming vehicle. It happens much too frequently. Never pass where you can=t see safe passing room!
A LATE MODEL SPEAKS I was a model fair and svelte, I=d not eat meat you had to kill nor wear leather or a fur pelt. I loved creatures with all my will but I knew not how dying felt, or safety rules that is until, I did not wear my safety belt! ANNOUNCER: One easy to follow safety rule that is so overwhelmingly proven by statistics is that fastening seat belts saves lives. People ignore this easy life saver from impatience or laziness. We, who respect life, should always buckle up! Protect yourself and everyone you should meet.
A SMOKER=S KISS I newly have a sense of smell, since I quit smoking cigarettes. A smoker=s kiss oft tastes like hell, I skip that smooch with no regrets, With health improved, I put on weight the weight I was destined to be! With taste returned I really ate, and now old clothes won=t fit on me. But sadly now, I will grow old and stick around as good friends die. They should have quit, I boldly scold, was boring life, their alibi?@
ANNOUNCER: Self abuse of any sort is sorrowful. I see people observing gothic youngsters with body piercing and tattoos wince in disgust while sucking on cigarettes. Who is most mistreating the body gifted by their Creator.
AMPHETAMINE ASHES I died in a fire that started while my amphetamines cooked My spirit is sadly departed, leaving my ash here where you looked, and all my friends broken hearted, and some who regret being hooked. ANNOUNCER: I doubt any drug has mushroomed into society faster than amphetamines. The easy availability of the raw materials and easy manufacture tempts victims and marketers to involve themselves in criminal and deadly actions. Speed or crank usage destroys health and is addictive, eventually damaging all users.
BEWARE OF BEARS Buried below is a hunter named Brad who chased a cub right into it's lair, proving him to be a brave little lad, unaware the cub=s mother slept there . Hearing the noise she woke up quite mad and Brad became victim of his dumb dare since mother bears treat callers so bad that half of Brad is still in that bear. ANNOUNCER: Ignoring danger is a major cause of death, and often that risk is so obvious, a mourner cannot fathom why the danger was ignored. Who would mess with a mother bear? Tourists going through Yellowstone or Glacier park carelessly do each vacation day. Who would risk the anger of any mother by seemingly threatening her baby?
A windstorm killed Mrs. Heller, although they blew the town=s alarm. Take cover, they tried to tell her as the wind took all of her farm, but did not touch her storm cellar, she could=ve been safe from harm. ANNOUNCER: The author of this well meant doggerel survived two deadly tornadoes in his lifetime, so his humorous look at such tragedy is misplaced, unless these words impress his audience with the awesome power of wayward wind, and why we must be alert and on guard, when warned of impending storms.
ELAINE LOVED COCAINE Elaine came to town, out of the hills. Grew quickly bored and searched for thrills from poisons sniffed through dollar bills and soon learned that an overdose kills. Elaine=s death, this fact confirms a disease that kills, despite no germs, now she lies here, feeding earthworms, her usage ended with deadly terms. ANNOUNCER: Perhaps there are drugs more addictive than cocaine, but few are more I doubt any drug is more deceptively dangerous. Users feel pleasured, yet in control until their surrender to addiction and impaired health. GLYCOLS ARE DEADLY When radiators are emptied, sad catastrophes could ensue unless there in a safe dump site. Animals with their sweet tooth need, could chance upon that deadly brew and slump into eternal night. Dad said don=t try strange chemistries. but Jean ignored her father's pleas. One night in his shop, while searching for pop, she sipped from his sweet antifreeze. ANNOUNCER: The reason anti-freeze glycols are so deadly, is because they are tasty and enticing. Careless disposal of anti-freeze has caused the death of many wild animals and pets, and even some pet owners. no germs, now she lies here, feeding earthworms, this addiction has deadly terms.
I WON=T EAT ANOTHER BITE Eating foods was my fatal fetish by appetite, I was accursed, I did not have a favored dish, but my taste for sweets was worst. Each time I ate, much more I=d wish, a quart of beer bare slowed my thirst. I am laid here, for your anguish from stuffing myself until I burst! ANNOUNCER: Cutting expenses on safety equipment can be costly! What manner of safety equipment would prevent over-eating? As I cruise my neighborhood, I see many who cannot answer that question. I WON=T EAT ANOTHER BITE Eating foods was my fatal fetish by appetite, I was accursed, I did not have a favored dish, but my taste for sweets was worst. Each time I ate, much more I=d wish, a quart of beer bare slowed my thirst. I am laid here, for your anguish from stuffing myself until I burst! ANNOUNCER: Cutting expenses on safety equipment can be costly! What manner of safety equipment would prevent over-eating? As I cruise my neighborhood, I see many who cannot answer that question.
HE WISHES HE WAITED Bob took a dare from his playmates between stopped freight cars, he darted. when stopped trains caused them long waits. Halfway through one train restarted, now he=s waiting at the Pearly Gates while his friends are left broken hearted. ANNOUNCER: Penny-wise and pound foolish, pundits say of economic issues but that fuzzy logic should never refer to human life. Yet, people do foolish things when their very life is the consequence. DON=T SMELL ME, SMELL THE FLOWERS Learn from the headstone you=ve viewed, why my death was foolish and wacko. I did myself in with something I chewed, my dumb suicide from chewing tobacco, This is a bad habit so foul and crude they must bury victims with a backhoe. ANNOUNCER: This promising young baseball player died much too young, a victim of nicotine, and of following the example of his baseball idol. Chewing tobacco does not taste good and is addictive and a proven cause of mouth and esophageal cancers! Tobacco chewers have to spit often and leave a careless and messy trail of foul waste wherever they indulge. Those who kiss a tobacco chewer can tell you about the taste and smell. What a deadly and foolish waste of money!
LOOK FIRST I am here because I believed, my turn signal cleared the other lane. This sad tragedy was achieved when I was squashed by tons of grain from a semi that bobbed and weaved, trying to avoid me the blinding rain, but tipped on me, my friends all grieved, but I=m squashed, I feel no pain. ANNOUNCER: Your vehicle=s turn signal activates a warning that you plan to change lanes or turn, but it has no magical power to actually clear the way. Please don=t assume that it does. Careless drivers may flip the signal and then turn, and could end up buried under a truck of grain or something equally fatal. Be aware, when you drive...and so, safely arrive. LATE ADVICE FOR CHIP Don=t go swimming with sharks despite their wide and friendly grin. They think humans easy marks, and man as food is not a sin. Sharks might inhabit seaside parks where you should spot their dorsal fin, while they hunt food in circling arcs. with napkins strapped beneath their chin. Young Chip ignored my swimming tips and swam alone and sadly died. No longer craving fish and chips, he swims with sharks with him inside ANNOUNCER: Next time you take a bite of fish, think of fish biting you. My mantra is, Don=t eat what could eat you. I no longer eat shark.
KEEP YOUR CELL PHONE DRY A reckless boater named Clyde made one too many phone calls, cell phoning friends while on his ride, ignoring the river=s dangerous falls . His phone went dead and they both died in a call ending that really appalls. ANNOUNCER: If he had kept his cell phone dry, we would still be getting calls from poor Clyde. Multitasking in hazardous places is so foolish, yet we constantly see people calling or texting while driving. I DROVE TOO FAR! I kept my last tires on my car for eighty thousand miles, I guessed, anything less, I thought, sub par. At cheap, not careful, I was the best, for saving money, I >m a star. My records lasts, I=m laid to rest, for pushing that record too far!
ANNOUNCER: The first responsibility of a car driver is to know that the vehicle he is driving is in safe driving condition.
KILLER KILOCYCLES While Jim bathed near his boom box, he replenished his music file ignoring risk of electric shocks. His box fell in, from turning dial browsing for his favorite disc jocks, and he expired in flashy style.
ANNOUNCER: When bathing or in contact with plumbing pipes or fixtures, do not touch electrical appliances, fixtures or switches. There is a harsh penalty for ignoring this safety tip and that penalty is death.
LOCKED AWAY Nan was home with the chicken pox, amusing herself while kept inside she crawled into an old ice box while playfully trying to hide, but no one had removed the locks so she was trapped and slowly died.
ANNOUNCER: All of our fifty states have laws forbidding leaving empty or abandoned refrigerators and freezers with latching doors. These laws are often neglected, but common sense alone should force universal compliance.
KILLER SEX Death is something we all should fear, and careless sex left my body here. I chased the girls and caught a few, and charmed them with my lusty leer I only did what some boys do, yet picked up an AID=s souvenir. The lesson is plain, for me and you, use condoms if strange girls you screw! ANNOUNCER: Polite societies may think this rhyme too raw and vile, but if it prevents one lusty lecher from acquiring AIDs, my crudeness is justified. Would you prefer your sinners un-warned but dead or dying.
MY ADDICTIONS ARE ENDED Of blunders dead fools do commit, abuse of body must rank first. Those drug addictions we can=t quit, like liquor to slake our thirst, or lethal smokes, most always lit. Both lawful sold with risks they=re cursed, just what embargo would be fit? When you decide whose guilt is worst, blame the people who sell this shit. ANNOUNCER: I doubt any drug is more addictive than nicotine, and the alcoholic is almost powerless to stop drinking despite knowing he will harm his health and loved ones. Both are legal to buy. We punish these foolish users, but they are victims. Why don=t we punish the peddlers? Why do we subsidize farmers to grow tobacco? Why do we encourage exportation of this poison to other countries, spreading the deadly curse. Is this somebody=s calculated secret weapon, or just the logic of fools?
MY DAD WAS TOO CHEAP This little grave, is just big enough for me, the son of cheapskate Pete who thought car safety laws too tough, and scrimped when buying my car seat. Our last car wreck was not severe a bump that caused a sudden halt when our car hit a crossing deer which can=t be Daddy=s fault Because he thought kiddy seats a joke, declined to pay that extra dough but when my seat restrainer broke out through the windshield I did go. ANNOUNCER: Cutting expenses on safety equipment can be costly! Yes, money is not the only thing of value!
MY LAST BARBECUE The steaks I bought were aged and lean, so my barbecue would be a treat. For speed, I used some gasoline, to quickly get the charcoal heat. This foolish move I would regret when fumes flared up in blazing flash, and that explosion that I set turned steaks and I, to blackened ash. ANNOUNCER: Impossibly dumb, you say. This happens every summer, somewhere and, is so avoidable. Gasoline, used as starter fluid , is so obviously dangerous that only a fool would use this explosive stuff as charcoal starter fluid, but it happens. I ask all of you in the audience, AHave you ever used gasoline to start a fire?@ You are lucky to be here! MY LIFELINE WAS SHORTED Peter's here in this grave site, he did not choose to pull out the fuse while fixing the broken entry light. Heed wiring clues and all safeguards use, when touching hot wires, do it right!
ANNOUNCER The first rule of self preservation should be awareness of the dangers you face. When you are facing an uncaged bear or lion, the danger to life is apparent. You cannot see the risk to life in an electric wire, but it may be there. Electric wiring poses hidden dangers so you must be sure.
MY RIFLE SHOT ME
I took my course on gun safety and was licensed to hunt my deer. I leaned my rifle against a tree why it discharged, is still not clear or how it pointed then at me. That=s why its me, now lying here. from hunting deer so carelessly. ANNOUNCER What excuse or explanation can there be for carelessness with a gun. A truly selfish act as the impact of that neglect is often innocent bystanders. NANCY AND THE WRONG DOOR I am a girl who needless died. while going to a church bazaar. I learned too late on my last ride, the safe way to exit the car is always from the sidewalk side, not with the road side door ajar. ANNOUNCER: Nancy was nine, and always in a rush. In a hurry, she might do dumb things impatiently, even when she knew that was the wrong thing to do. She stepped into oncoming traffic, impatiently jumping out of the back seat of mother=s car from the left side door. BLAM! All of her friends and relatives miss Nancy and know that she would not want the same thing to happen to you! Please get in the habit of leaving a car from the right doors, so you are safe from oncoming traffic!
OUR MINISTER WAS FIRED
The ash under here is our Pastor Hector who perished when our chapel burned with no alert from his fire protector, its battery borrowed, and safety spurned. Listen to your local Fire inspector, each Spring when clocks are forward turned re-energize your smoke detector. This safety lesson left, a lesson learned bequeathed by our Chapel Rector. ANNOUNCER: Fires are the biggest cause of accidental death in homes, and usually because the victims were unaware of danger. There is no excuse for a home or building to be without working smoke detectors. PIT BULL DOGS I lay here beneath this stone, brutalized by a dog I met, a smallish dog not fully grown. I trusted all dogs, I now regret but wished for one to call my own, Pit bull dogs pose a vital threat to anything of flesh and bone. I was victim of such a pet, and that lesson my death makes known. ANNOUNCER: A Dog is truly a mirror of God, as their words transpose. All dogs start prepared to love their keeper, and it is the beastliness of man that trains dogs to be mean. Pit bull dogs come by that belligerence easiest and should be always feared. The breeders of Pit bull dogs select successive breed stock on their aggressive tendencies, not affability, and that inbred meanness can lie dormant, but potent in all of that breed. Beware of all Pit Bull Dogs!
SWIMMING WITH SHARKS
Don=t go swimming with sharks despite their wide and toothy grin. They think humans easy marks, and man for food is not a sin. Sharks inhabit beach shore parks where you should spot their dorsal fin, while they hunt food in circling arcs. with napkins strapped beneath their chin. In a shark week show this past year, I starred in a shark homicide. This my gravestone, though I=m not here, I=m with sharks but in their inside. ANNOUNCER: Death by shark bite is relatively rare, but then, one is too many if those deaths are avoidable. They are an avoidable tragedy. Sharks almost never inhabit, fresh water but they do roam all over in oceans, including shallow beaches.
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