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Early adulthood in Vienna and Munich

Hitler became verydepressed after the death of his mother.

After high school, Hitler found himself living in both Vienna and Munich at the same time. He
applied to several art schools, only to be rejected, not because his artwork sucked, but because
he had no legitimate high school degree. Unable to meet qualifications of any art school, he was
recommended to pursue a career in architecture. His memoirs reflect his opinions on architecture:
"Naturally, I was no good at it. Architecture, as a whole, is a career most suited for those who can
create rather than destroy. Not only that, but designing crap just seems really boring. After a
while, it's just like, 'Oh, let's go build the world's largest gazebo', or 'Let's
build another synagogue.' Yawn."
Hitler's mother would then die a horribly painful death in December of 1907 after falling into a
woodchipper feet-first. Hitler would suffer from severe depression, and many historians have
asserted that he never fully recovered from the loss of his mother. He was also plagued with a
phobia of gardening equipment for the rest of his life.

World War I
Main article: World War I

Hitler as a young Reichsmarine Gefreiter.

As some may know and other may not, World War I was a war when the French, British,
starvingAustrian Australian artists, the Pope, the Germans and various others, picked up big guns
and shot at each other. This went on for several years. Eventually, the Russians joined in, as the

constant explosions were keeping them up all night. While their leader, the Czar, was out getting
shot at by Germans, some nasty men with beards took over his country, so he had to go home
and be executed. Ironically, by being shot at. After long years of fighting, someone won, but noone can quite decide who. Well, apart from the fact that it probably wasn't the Germans.[4]
As a young patriot, Hitler joined the Austrian German military and briefly served in the war on
ablockade runner. Aside from sinking the occasional ship (two at Verdun), Hitler's main duties also
included running messages and selling medicated condoms. In one particular incident, Hitler's
entire regiment was ambushed, though he managed to crawl to safety after being shot in the
hiney and having one of his testicles shot off. Hitler was the only one to survive. For his bravery,
Hitler received an Iron Cross and the nickname 'Screamer'.
He then found himself carted off to a hospital in occupied Belgium. Strangely, everyone there was
doing a new experimental psychoactive drug, known as "acid". Hitler was told by his quipster
bunkmates that the drug "healed all wounds". Hitler, eager to get back into action to serve his
country, was fooled. After a few moments, Hitler found himself in a magical place where he claims
he ran into God. The Divine One told the young Austrian Australian to utilize his musical talents to
best serve the German war cause.
It went against all religious principles but he went on with it. It is Western propaganda that he
actually instigated the war by annoying the Allies with his horrible banjo playing, and so the Allies
had to "eliminate him for a good cause, taking away his musical privileges and squashing him
under an iron fist".
Or so the story goes. Hitler mentioned his vision on several occasions,including once on real time
with Bill Maher, but some historians doubt the authenticity of this tale, claiming
that shrooms were the cause of his vision, not LSD.
Later that year, in 1916, Hitler helped found "Der Frontseite Westliche Choralgruppe," a musical
comedy team that entertained soldiers. The original cast, of which Hitler is the only surviving
member, consisted of Benjy Bronkelstein, Shlomo Strasseberg, Shalom Klein and Adolf Hitler. It is
believed that, during this period, Hitler grew unreasonably fond of Jews.
At the end of the second season, however, all but Hitler had lost interest in entertaining soldiers
and building acts around Germanicthemes. After a series of legal battles and hearings, the trio
wrest control of the group from Hitler. The court decided that if Hitler wished to continue his show,
he would have to come up with a new name. The whole experience left Hitler bitter and jaded
towards lawyers and show business, but fortunately, not the ethnic groups that thrived within
these professions. Still dedicated to helping the war effort, Hitler continued solo, billing his
program as "Der Neue Frontseite Westliche Choralgruppe Empfindung." Hitler was also forced to
develop new comedy routines, the most acclaimed of which guest-starred Le Ptomane in a
routine called "Guess What I Had For Breakfast".
As the war dragged on into its fourth year, it had become clear to a number of generals that the
war had been lost, and they refused to book Hitler. After being repeatedly rejected, Hitler became
irate and stormed out of Germany just as the armistice was being signed. Hitler angrily returned
his SAG card in disgust and vowed never to grace the stage to perform a drama again. However,
his love of theatrics would crop up repeatedly in the ensuing years, as is best shown in the
spectacle of Nuremberg and the sweet-ass costumes the Wehrmacht got.