How To Tell When ItsOver

AUG. 6, 2012 By CHELSEA FAGAN

Start looking around your relationship and realize that nothing absolutely nothi
ng looks the way it did when you started. All of the little things about them th
at used to make you smile to yourself when on your way home from a date have bee
n somehow transformed into grating tics that they cant get rid of. Start to notic
e things that, once seen, can no longer be ignored. Latch onto their more negati
ve habits and pick at them, as you might a scab in a particularly irritating loc
ation on your body. Become overwhelmed with the desire to tell them to just stop
being themselves. Realize that that would be ridiculous, and instead swallow you
r constant frustration like an oversized antibiotic. Feel oppressed by their pre
sence.
Stop being interested in sex. Be repulsed by their touch, even when its offered
only in kindness and comfort. Find yourself increasingly tense when you know tha
t sex is expected, and nothing short of resentful at the implication that you sh
ould be having sex with them. Know that letting your sex life together wither an
d die like this isnt constructive for anyone and it certainly isnt making them fee
l good about themselves but feel completely unable to force yourself to fake it.
Watch them go through the motions of trying to make things good ahead, like the
y were before (and be painfully aware of all the connotations that now come with
the word before), but remain completely indifferent to their affection. Feel naus
eas when you see them on top of you.
Realize that almost your entire time together is now spent in some variation of
a fight. There are the quiet, seething, passive-aggresive fights; the screaming
words we dont actually mean but which feel good to say fights; the bringing up pr
oblems that wed long-since resolved to be spiteful fights; and everything in-betw
een. No indiscretion or slight is too small or too petty not to launch into a ti
rade, to go back-and-forth until youre apologizing and someone is swallowing thei
r pride to take the blame for this particular scuffle. Be unable to admit that t
he problem may just be inherent in the two of you together, and not just a serie
s of thousands of tiny injustices foisted upon you by the hands of fate. Conside
r everything just a fight, instead of a symptom of a much more profound problem. B
lame each other for everything.
Know that the moment is going to come, likely sooner than later, where youre goin
g to have to end this. Dread the conversation the way one does a test that they
havent studied for but which is incredibly important to their overall grade. Run
over what youre going to say enough times that every word in the sentence has los
t its meaning. Be so tired, so physically tired of fighting that you want to beg
in nearly every sentence with I cant do this anymore, but be unable to do so when y
ou go to actually tell them how youre feeling. Understand how much its going to hu
rt them, how it wasnt always this way, and though the fleeting visions of the lov
e you used to share arent enough to make you stay, feel a sharp pain in your stom
ach when you remember them. Know that the person you once loved with every fiber
of you is no longer going to be a part of your life, and feel the emotion of it
all like quicksand.
Finally have that one fight that you know is going to do it. Get so angry and, m
ore than that, so exasperated, that you can no longer walk away from this one an
d lick your wounds. Come to a kind of calm silence in which the clear inability
to exist together is far more prominent than any joy you get from spending toget
her. Start to speak the words youve been saving up like bullets inside you for mo
nths now, for which you want to soften the blow, but know that nothing is going
to make I dont want to be with you anymore less hard to swallow. Tell them that you
dont want to fight, but that you dont want to make up, either. Stay for their pro
tests, and perhaps their pleading, but be ready at the end to say no. Though break
ing it off on the tail end of a fight, and not in some calm moment in which you
both could have collected your thoughts, may not have been the most mature route
it had to end. Repeat things about how hard its gotten, about how mean you are w
ith each other, and about how you just cant do this anymore. Hope it sounds as sinc

ere and pained as it actually is.

Know that they will hate you for a while, but know, beyond all doubt and even th
rough your guilt, that you did the right thing.
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ku awali hariku dengan mendoakanmu agar kau sehat dan bahagia disana,
sebelum kau melupakan ku lebih jauh,
meninggalkan ku lebih jauh
ku tak pernah berharap kau kan merindukan keberedaanku pria yang menyedihkan ini
ku hanya ingin ketika kau melihatku dari jauh kau mengatku dan berkata
"pria inilah yang jatuh hati padamu
pria inilah yang kan slalu memujamu"
akulah pria yang kan slalu mengawasimu menikmati indah mu dari sisi gelapmu
mungkin kau tak kan pernah tau betapa ku amat mengagumimu.
kan ku nikmati hari-hariku merindukan jejak-jejak cinta mu padaku...