Mentally Strong People: The 13 Things They

Avoid
Amy Morin is a licensed clinical social worker and writer (Image courtesy of
AmyMorinLCSW.com)
Editors Note: Following the huge popularity of this post, article source Amy Morin has authored a
Dec. 3 guest post on exercises to increase mental strength here. Cheryl Conner has also interviewed
Amy Morin in a Forbes video chat that expands on this article here.
For all the time executives spend concerned about physical strength and health, when it comes down
to it, mental strength can mean even more. Particularly for entrepreneurs, numerous articles talk
about critical characteristics of mental strengthtenacity, grit, optimism, and an unfailing ability
as Forbes contributor David Williams says, to fail up.
However, we can also define mental strength by identifying the things mentally strong individuals
dont do. Over the weekend, I was impressed by this list compiled by Amy Morin, a psychotherapist
and licensed clinical social worker, thatshe shared in LifeHack. It impressed me enough Id also
like to share her list here along with my thoughts on how each of these items is particularly
applicable to entrepreneurs.
1. Waste Time Feeling Sorry for Themselves. You dont see mentally strong people feeling
sorry for their circumstances or dwelling on the way theyve been mistreated. They have learned to
take responsibility for their actions and outcomes, and they have an inherent understanding of the
fact that frequently life is not fair. They are able to emerge from trying circumstances with selfawareness and gratitude for the lessons learned. When a situation turns out badly, they respond with
phrases such as Oh, well. Or perhaps simply, Next!
2. Give Away Their Power. Mentally strong people avoid giving others the power to make them
feel inferior or bad. They understand they are in control of their actions and emotions. They know
their strength is in their ability to manage the way they respond.
3. Shy Away from Change. Mentally strong people embrace change and they welcome challenge.
Their biggest fear, if they have one, is not of the unknown, but of becoming complacent and
stagnant. An environment of change and even uncertainty can energize a mentally strong person and
bring out their best.
4. Waste Energy on Things They Cant Control. Mentally strong people dont complain (much)
about bad traffic, lost luggage, or especially about other people, as they recognize that all of these
factors are generally beyond their control. In a bad situation, they recognize that the one thing they
can always control is their own response and attitude, and they use these attributes well.
5. Worry About Pleasing Others. Know any people pleasers? Or, conversely, people who go out
of their way to dis-please others as a way of reinforcing an image of strength? Neither position is a
good one. A mentally strong person strives to be kind and fair and to please others where
appropriate, but is unafraid to speak up. They are able to withstand the possibility that someone will
get upset and will navigate the situation, wherever possible, with grace.

6. Fear Taking Calculated Risks. A mentally strong person is willing to take calculated risks. This
is a different thing entirely than jumping headlong into foolish risks. But with mental strength, an
individual can weigh the risks and benefits thoroughly, and will fully assess the potential downsides
and even the worst-case scenarios before they take action.
7. Dwell on the Past. There is strength in acknowledging the past and especially in acknowledging
the things learned from past experiencesbut a mentally strong person is able to avoid miring their
mental energy in past disappointments or in fantasies of the glory days gone by. They invest the
majority of their energy in creating an optimal present and future.
8. Make the Same Mistakes Over and Over. We all know the definition of insanity, right? Its
when we take the same actions again and again while hoping for a different and better outcome than
weve gotten before. A mentally strong person accepts full responsibility for past behavior and is
willing to learn from mistakes. Research shows that the ability to be self-reflective in an accurate
and productive way is one of the greatest strengths of spectacularly successful executives and
entrepreneurs.
9. Resent Other Peoples Success. It takes strength of character to feel genuine joy and excitement
for other peoples success. Mentally strong people have this ability. They dont become jealous or
resentful when others succeed (although they may take close notes on what the individual did well).
They are willing to work hard for their own chances at success, without relying on shortcuts.
10. Give Up After Failure. Every failure is a chance to improve. Even the greatest entrepreneurs
are willing to admit that their early efforts invariably brought many failures. Mentally strong people
are willing to fail again and again, if necessary, as long as the learning experience from every
failure can bring them closer to their ultimate goals.
11. Fear Alone Time. Mentally strong people enjoy and even treasure the time they spend alone.
They use their downtime to reflect, to plan, and to be productive. Most importantly, they dont
depend on others to shore up their happiness and moods. They can be happy with others, and they
can also be happy alone.
12. Feel the World Owes Them Anything. Particularly in the current economy, executives and
employees at every level are gaining the realization that the world does not owe them a salary, a
benefits package and a comfortable life, regardless of their preparation and schooling. Mentally
strong people enter the world prepared to work and succeed on their merits, at every stage of the
game.
13. Expect Immediate Results. Whether its a workout plan, a nutritional regimen, or starting a
business, mentally strong people are in it for the long haul. They know better than to expect
immediate results. They apply their energy and time in measured doses and they celebrate each
milestone and increment of success on the way. They have staying power. And they understand
that genuine changes take time. Do you have mental strength? Are there elements on this list you
need more of? With thanks to Amy Morin, I would like to reinforce my own abilities further in each
of these areas today. How about you?

5 Powerful Exercises To Increase Your Mental

Strength
The following guest post is by Amy Morin, a licensed clinical social worker in Lincoln, Maine. In
addition to working as a psychotherapist, she is also an adjunct college psychology instructor and
she serves as About.coms Parenting Teens expert.
Amy Morin
Psychology often discusses mental health but whats not often discussed is a clear definition of
mental strength. To me, mental strength means that you regulate your emotions, manage your
thoughts, and behave in a positive manner, despite your circumstances. Developing mental strength
is about finding the courage to live according to your values and being bold enough to create your
own definition of success.
Mental strength involves more than just willpower; it requires hard work and commitment. Its
about establishing healthy habits and choosing to devote your time and energy to self-improvement.
(Check out Cheryl Snapp Connors post, based on my list of the 13 things mentally strong people
avoid.)
Although its easier to feel mentally strong when life seems simple often, true mental strength
becomes most apparent in the midst of tragedy. Choosing to develop skills that increase your mental
strength is the best way to prepare for lifes inevitable obstacles.
Many exercises exist that can help you develop mental strength. But here are five that can get you
started:
1. Evaluate Your Core Beliefs
Weve all developed core beliefs about ourselves, our lives and the world in general. Core beliefs
develop over time and largely depend upon our past experiences. Whether youre aware of your core
beliefs or not, they influence your thoughts, your behavior and emotions.
Sometimes, core beliefs are inaccurate and unproductive. For example, if you believe that youll
never succeed in life, you may be less apt to apply for new jobs and inadvertently, you may not
present yourself well on job interviews. Therefore, your core beliefs may become a self-fulfilling
prophecy.
Identify and evaluate your core beliefs. Look for beliefs that are black and white, and then find
exceptions to the rule. Very few things in life are always or never true. Modifying core beliefs
requires purposeful intention and hard work, but it can change the entire course of your life.
2. Expend Your Mental Energy Wisely
Wasting brain power ruminating about things you cant control drains mental energy quickly. The
more you think about negative problems that you cant solve, the less energy youll have leftover for
creative endeavors. For example, sitting and worrying about the weather forecast isnt helpful. If a
major storm is headed your way, worrying about it wont prevent it. You can, however, choose to
prepare for it. Focus on what is only within your control.

Save your mental energy for productive tasks, such as solving problems or setting goals.When your
thoughts arent productive, make a conscious effort to shift your mental energy to more helpful
topics. The more you practice expending your mental energy wisely, the more it will become a
habit.
3. Replace Negative Thoughts with Productive Thoughts
Although most of us dont spend time thinking about our thoughts, increasing your awareness of
your thinking habits proves useful in building resilience. Exaggerated, negative thoughts, such as, I
cant ever do anything right, hold you back from reaching your full potential. Catch your negative
thoughts before they spiral out of control and influence your behavior.
Identify and replace overly negative thoughts with thoughts that are more productive. Productive
thoughts dont need to be extremely positive, but should be realistic. A more balanced thought may
be, I have some weaknesses, but I also have plenty of strengths. Changing your thoughts requires
constant monitoring, but the process can be instrumental in helping you become your best self.
4. Practice Tolerating Discomfort
Being mentally strong doesnt mean you dont experience emotions. In fact, mental strength requires
you to become acutely aware of your emotions so you can make the best choice about how to
respond. Mental strength is about accepting your feelings without being controlled by them.
Mental strength also involves an understanding of when it makes sense to behave contrary to your
emotions. For example, if you experience anxiety that prevents you from trying new things or
accepting new opportunities, try stepping out of your comfort zone if you want to continue to
challenge yourself. Tolerating uncomfortable emotions takes practice, but it becomes easier as your
confidence grows.
Practice behaving like the person youd like to become. Instead of saying, I wish I could be more
outgoing, choose to behave in a more outgoing manner, whether you feel like it or not. Some
discomfort is often necessary for greater gain, and tolerating that discomfort will help make your
vision a reality, one small step at a time.
5. Reflect on Your Progress Daily
Todays busy world doesnt lend itself to making much time available for quiet reflection. Create
time to reflect upon your progress toward developing mental strength. At the end of each day, ask
yourself what youve learned about your thoughts, emotions and behavior. Consider what you hope
to improve upon or accomplish tomorrow.
Developing mental strength is a work in progress. There is always room for improvement, and at
times this will seem more difficult than at other times. Reflecting upon your progress can reinforce
your ability to reach your definition of success while living according to your values.