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77 SECRETS

To Make Every Man Adore You, Chase You,


Love You, and Commit To You

www.unforgettablewoman.net

By Alexandra Fox

Copyright 2008 2009


Unforgettable Woman Publishing
All Rights Reserved

www.unforgettablewoman.net

Disclaimer

77 Secrets to Make Every Man Adore You, Chase You, Love You, and Commit
to You is copyrighted with all rights reserved. It is illegal to copy, steal, or
distribute any part of this work without written permission from Unforgettable
Woman. Anyone who attempts to violate this copyright will be punished to the
fullest extent of the law.

By using the materials presented in 77 Secrets to Make Every Man Adore You,
Chase You, Love You, and Commit to You, you agree that the materials
presented are for personal entertainment purposes only and should not be
considered legal, professional, or personal advice.

You agree that you are

responsible for your own actions. You understand that the Author assumes no
responsibility for errors, accuracy, omissions, or any interpretation of the subject
matter herein. The Author assumes no responsibility or liability whatsoever on
the behalf of any Reader of these materials. When you use these materials, you
agree to the Privacy and Terms listed on my website. You must be 18 or older.

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Table of Contents
Introduction ..................................................................................................

The 3 Sources of All Your Men Problems .............................................

10

Chapter 1 Awaking to Your Strongest Self .........................................

14

Secret 1: Love Fare is War Fare .............................................................

14

Secret 2: Clear Purpose Attracts Men ....................................................

15

Secret 3: Purpose of a Romantic Relationship ......................................

16

Secret 4: Simplicity Gets You Results ...................................................

16

Secret 5: Take the Shortest Path to the Castle........................................

17

Secret 6: Knowledge is Power ...............................................................

17

Secret 7: Never Change Who You Are ..................................................

18

Secret 8: You Can Do It I'll Show You the Way .................................

19

Chapter 2 Detox Now ...........................................................................

20

The Female Instincts That Will Enslave You .........................................

20

Secret 9: The Origin of the Female Instincts ....................................

20

Secret 10: Terrified of Being Alone ..................................................

22

Secret 11: My Clock is Tickling ....................................................

24

Secret 12: Money, Power, and Status ................................................

27

Secret 13: Repetitive Reinforcements ..............................................

29

Three 3Cs That Are Not So Cute ...........................................................

30

Secret 14: Convincing Your Man ......................................................

31

Secret 15: Complaining to Your Man ...............................................

31

Secret 16: Controlling Your Man ......................................................

32

Two Vital Distinctions You Must Know ....................................................

33

Secret 17: Controllable vs Non-Controllable ..................................

33

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Secret 18: Need vs. Desire ................................................................

38

Final Step of Detox ................................................................................

41

Secret 19: Erase the Past ...................................................................

41

Chapter 3: Emotional Intelligence .........................................................

43

Secret 20: Emotional Intelligence for Dating ........................................

43

Secret 21: Manage Your Emotions ........................................................

44

Secret 22: Three-Step System to Cultivate Your EI ..............................

45

Secret 23: Manage Your Man's Emotions .............................................

46

Secret 24: Three Case Studies on EI ......................................................

48

Chapter 4: Your Value System for Dating .............................................

50

Secret 25: Value System for Dating .......................................................

50

Secret 26: Harmful Dating Values .........................................................

52

Secret 27: Healthy Dating Values ..........................................................

53

Secret 28: Four Steps to Create Your Value System for Dating ............

54

Chapter 5: Separate the Ugly Frogs from Your True Prince ...............

55

Secret 29: Assess a Man's Relationship Potential ..............................

55

Secret 30: Qualities that Your True Prince Must Have ..........................

56

Secret 31-37: Seven Types of Toxic Men ..............................................

59

Chapter 6: Become a Value Creator .......................................................

65

Secret 38: Be a Value Creator, Not a Value Destroyer ...........................

65

Chapter 7: Lessons from the Naturals ...............................................

67

Secret 39: The Naturals Winning Mentality .......................................

67

Secret 40: What Naturals Do to Get the Men .....................................

68

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Chapter 8: Male Psychology ...................................................................

70

Secret 41: He's a Man, a Man, a Man before Anything Else .................

70

Secret 42: Origin of Male Instincts ........................................................

70

Secret 43: Play Hard to Get the Right Way ........................................

72

Secret 44: On Rejections .......................................................................

75

Secret 45: Real Men's Take on Casual Relationships ........................

76

Secret 46: Securing His Bloodline .........................................................

77

Secret 47: What Makes a Man Notice You? ..........................................

78

Secret 48: Let Him Take the Lead .........................................................

80

Secret 49: Get Him to Ask You Out .......................................................

81

Chapter 9: Lessons from Legendary Seductresses ...............................

83

Secret 50: Allow Him to Idealize You ...................................................

84

Secret 51: Always Have the Upper Hand ..............................................

85

Secret 52: Use Distance to Create Respect and Desire ..........................

85

Secret 53: Create Obstacles for Him to Overcome ................................

85

Secret 54: Show Limited Availability ....................................................

86

Secret 55: Give Him Limited Options ...................................................

86

Secret 56: The Promise of Sex ...............................................................

88

Chapter 10: Electronic Communications Etiquette..............................

89

Secret 57: How to Handle Phone Conversations with a Man ................

89

Secret 58: How to Handle Text Messages with a Man ..........................

91

Secret 59: How to Handle Emails with a Man ......................................

91

Chapter 11: On His Attachment Styles ..................................................

93

Secret 60: Different Types of Attachment Styles ...................................

93

Secret 61: Make Different Types of Men Fall in Love ..........................

94

Chapter 12: On Creating Sexual Tension ..............................................

97

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Secret 62: What Creates Sexual Tension ...............................................

97

Secret 63: Use the Sexual Tension to Your advantage ...........................

97

Chapter 13: How Emotional Bonding Helps You Seal the Deal ..........

99

Secret 64: The Essence of Emotional Bonding .....................................

99

Secret 65: Emotional Bonding vs. Physical Bonding ............................ 100


Secret 66: Signs that He Wants to Bond ................................................ 101
Secret 67: Signs that He Doesn't Want to Bond ..................................... 102
Secret 68: Why Won't He Bond with You .............................................. 103
Secret 69: Mistakes Women Make ........................................................ 105
Secret 70: Bypass a Man's Resistance ................................................... 106
Chapter 14: Mindful Practice to Hone Your Skills ............................... 108
Secret 71: The Importance of Mindful Practice ..................................... 108
Secret 72: Keeping Your Options Open ................................................. 109
Secret 73: Online Dating ....................................................................... 110
Secret 74: How to Flirt ...................................................................... 111
Secret 75: Sexual Appeal: the Double Edged Sword ............................. 111
Secret 76: Never Quit ............................................................................ 114
Secret 77: The True Beauty of an Unforgettable Woman ...................... 115
Super Bonus #1: 13 + 1 Characteristics that Naturally Attract Men .. 117
Super Bonus #2: How to Deal with the Emotionally Unavailable Man .. 133
Super Bonus #3: The Sensual Woman ................................................... 149

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A New Beginning

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Introduction

Dear Friend,

Let me start this book by asking you a few questions. Have you ever felt
frustrated because your man will not give you straight answers? Are you annoyed
when he tells you, Nothing is wrong, but you KNOW something is
DEFINITELY WRONG? Have you ever wondered what he is REALLY thinking
and what hes not telling you? Why cant a man just tell you what hes REALLY
feeling? And why do they get annoyed or defensive when you ask them?
Wouldnt it be great if men came with a users manual that told you exactly how
to READ them?

Well, Im with you on this one! Things would be so much clearer and simpler if
guys communicated with us in a way we understood. But this dream of ours will
only come true if we women live on Mars! If you have read Men Are from Mars
And Women From Venus, youll know that men and women are on completely
different levels when it comes to communication styles. Men are confusing to
read, hard to understand and easy to misread.

After a lot of in-depth research, Ive compiled this e-book to help you improve
how you can READ and UNDERSTAND men, so there will be fewer
misunderstandings and question marks. But it does not end there. I will take you
one step further to the place that very few women have ever been to the holy
land of seduction.
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The women who have been there were legendary seductresses. You may have
heard of some of them: Cleopatra, Wallis Simpson and the now infamous Camilla
Parker-Bowles. These women were neither the smartest nor the most beautiful
(please tell me you know someone who looks better than Camilla!).

But there is one thing they know and understand better than 99.9% of women in
this world they know HOW TO INFLUENCE MEN. In other words, they know
how to align men to their way of thinking and make them want to satisfy each
and every one of their little wishes. They also make men fall so deeply in love
that in the case of Wallis Simpson, King Edward VIII gave up his throne to spend
his life with the woman I love.

This is the power to influence men. This is the value of aligning men to your way
of thinking. Its the power that will deliver the man of your dreams and the love
life you could only hope for right to your doorstep. Tell me this is something you
dont want to learn and master!

To assist your learning, Ive spent a lot of time filtering through a huge amount of
information, simplifying it and condensing the most useful, practical advice into
the least amount of material for you. I want you to quickly digest the information
and start applying it in the real world to see how powerful it truly is. Ive
carefully selected 77 secrets and grouped them into different categories to
correspond with the 3 most common sources of all the dating/relationship
problems. Here they are:

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Source 1: Lacking Knowledge In Male Psychology

I want you to look back at your life and think about one example where youve
successfully influenced another person. Did you know that person well? Maybe a
bit too well to know what his or her hot buttons were? Did you keep pushing
those hot buttons to get the other person to respond? Did you try to adapt your
communication style to what that person was most responsive to? Exactly!
Without understanding what your man responds to, you cannot influence him,
change him and make him do what you want. You may have some luck here and
there, but without knowing where to aim, how many Cupids Arrows do you have
to waste until you finally hit the target?

Once you know what the hot buttons are, you CANNOT POSSIBLY fail in
attracting and keeping men. How can you fail when you target the things that
men are most responsive to? How can you fail when you know exactly how to
elicit certain responses in men? How can you fail when you can READ MEN
LIKE A BOOK? How can you fail when you know men better than they know
themselves? You cannot fail in attracting and keeping a man when you fully
understand them. The only reason that you might fail is: You Dont Know
Enough Yet!

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Source 2: Lacking Knowledge Of How Your


Emotions/Behaviors Influence Men

Unless they are plain evil, most men do not purposely try to break your heart.
They dont actively find ways or secretly plan to ruin your personal life. But there
is one thing all men do:
They REACT!
They react to you, the things you say, the things you do and, most importantly,
they react to the hints you give them. What do I mean by this?
A man cant get into your mind. He is not your alter-ego and does not know what
you are thinking. But when you interact with a man, you constantly give him
hints that lead him to derive how you think, what you think and who you are.
From your communication styles, body language and facial expressions, an
experienced male can quickly gather tons of information about you. He only
reacts to the information you give him. This is good news for you.
If a man can only form his perception of you from the information you give him,
you are in total control. The key is to figure out how to allow only the good
information to flow out and keep a lid on the bad information.

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Source 3: Lacking Sufficient Practice To


Become An Expert Seductress

There is a huge difference between knowing something on a theoretical level and


knowing how to do something on a practical level. Its the difference between
dreamers and doers. If you want to be the woman whos in control of her love life
and who has the power to attract and keep any man of her choice, you need
sufficient practice. I can tell you all the right things you need to know, but you
have to practice, practice and practice to hone your skills. Think about it as
starting a new job; it takes practice to become really good at what you are doing.
The same rule applies here. If you practice enough, you'll become an expert
seductress.

To sum up, if you take care of the three sources I have mentioned, you will solve
99.9% of your problems. You will also do better than 99.9% of women who are
constantly confused by men and always frustrated with their never-ending male
problems.

These 77 secrets are your friends, your tools and your strategies to influence men,
impact on men and change men. Study them, use them and apply them. Practice,
practice, practice, until youve become so good at what you are doing that within
10 minutes of meeting a guy youve already come up with a detailed mental plan
to lead him from the first date to the altar. Its 100% possible! Ive done it; many
of my readers have done it; now, you can too. Are you ready for the first secret?

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Chapter 1
Awaking To Your Strongest Self

Love Fare Is War Fare

Out of all the things in the world, a woman has the most at stake in the battle of
love: her time, her reproductive resources, her life and her happiness. A woman
can be the most successful CEO, but if her love life is a mess, she will always be
disappointed. During a recent survey, more than 75% of the female executives on
Wall Street claimed they would be willing to ditch their high-powered career for
the man of their dreams.

This points to the fact that love fare is the one battle a woman cannot afford to
lose. In ancient times, when a woman lost her man to another female, she would
face extinction. She needed a strong hunter to provide food and resources to
survive. Things are not as deadly serious in the modern world. But if you want to
completely succeed and make it in today's world, your love life needs to be
handled - and handled well.

Understanding how to get a competitive advantage in the battle of love is not


about playing games, tricking men, or misleading anyone. It is about winning and
winning for your own sake, your own happiness and your own quality of life. It is

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about refusing to be the sad woman who, at the end of the day, says that she was
unlucky in love. There are no unlucky women in love, only lazy women who
refuse to spend the time learning what really works. The whole purpose of Secret
1 is for you to understand the importance of learning how attraction works. I want
you to take it seriously and start taking responsibility for your own happiness.
Luck and success follow those who take responsibility and who never blame their
circumstances.

Clear Purpose Attracts Men

When you are 100% clear about what you want in life, amazing things start to
happen: success, happiness, good fortune, high-quality men, just to name a few.
Being laser-beam clear about your goals, what your life purpose is and what your
place is in this world will create the magic to transform your dream into reality.

To prove my point, I want you to do a simple exercise. Think back to a time in


your life when you were confused about what you wanted at that particular
moment. What happened? Did you like the end result? Did you feel that you
could have done so much better? Did you witness how things went from bad to
worse because it all started with a vague, confused, non-defined purpose?

I used to have never-ending bad luck with men. Sometimes I even wondered:
how this could happen to me. If I had bad luck once, shouldnt my good luck be
waiting round the corner? Unfortunately I witnessed how my bad luck turned into
worse luck because I wasnt clear about what I wanted. I allowed myself to get

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involved and stepped into the role that the man at the time wanted me to play.

When you are not clear about what you want, you become the supporting
character in someone elses life. Your life is about you, your vision and your life
goal. Clarity attracts the type of man you want. When youre crystal clear about
how you envisage your love life to be, you send out a magical invitation to the
perfect man to join your life.

Purpose Of A Romantic Relationship

The whole purpose of sharing life with a man is based on one thing and one thing
only: this partnership makes you happier than living life by yourself. Otherwise,
it doesn't make sense. Love is not a bitter fruit. It is this sweet, delicious thing
that makes you a better and happier person.

Simplicity Gets You Results

The simple way is often the best way to solve a problem. Most people tend to
overlook the simple solution because they cannot believe an extremely
complicated problem can be solved in such an easy way. In the realm of love, I
want to tell you that the simple way is almost always the best way to solve all
your men problems.

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A client of mine used to feel deeply trapped in her marriage with a man who
worked all the time. She felt her husband had no feeling or time for her
whatsoever. She felt unloved, unappreciated and worthless. She could not see a
way out and came to me for help. The solution was quite simple: (1) She either
adjusts how she feels about her marriage and if she cant, (2) she gets out. Once
you believe the simplicity of solving your problems, you will start seeing how
clear and manageable your love life truly is.

Take The Shortest Path To The Castle

Im a firm believer that you should spend the least amount of time trying to get to
where you want to go and the most amount of time enjoying the fruits of your
labor. Some of my female readers (who I love very much) have a thing for taking
the laborious path in love. It seems like they are more comfortable about earning
their way by taking the long path.

You need to start giving yourself permission to take the easiest, shortest path to
love! If you are the Cinderella, youll want to take the shortest path to the castle
and spend the most time dancing and catching your Prince Charming. Its the
same way today. Believe in your good fortune. Believe that good things can
happen to you. And, most importantly, believe that you can get to the castle and
live happily ever after by taking the shortest path.

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Knowledge is Power

In a way, dating is no different from your career. Think about how many years
youve devoted to your education, the long hours and late nights building your
professional network. You put so many years of hard work into your career. Dont
you think your personal life deserves the same nurturing?

Like learning about the skills you need to be successful in your career, dating and
relationships require you to spend time trying to understand the opposite sex.
Knowledge is power. It cant be truer than in the world of romance. As
Heraclitus, the Byzantine emperor said:

There is only one wisdom: to recognize the


intelligence that steers all things.

Never Change Who You Are

A lot of my female clients ask me, What Can I Change About Myself to Attract
More Men? Wrong question! You dont try to change the shape of your feet to
fit into your shoes, do you? You are who you are, you can always refine yourself
and be a better you, but you can never change what makes you unique. You cant
change your core values, beliefs, and your way of seeing the world. Instead, take

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some time to understand yourself, refine yourself and attract the RIGHT type of
man into your life who fits you.

You Can Do it Ill Show You The Way

If I write about my personal dating history, it would become a New York


Bestseller called, What Not To Do If You Ever Want To Attract And Keep A
Man. Ive unfortunately made many mistakes but have FORTUNATELY
discovered the road to success. This gives me the knowledge and experience to
show you the way. It might be a bit of a clich but I cant find another way to say
it better. But heres the truth: If I can do it, you can do it! So, are you ready to
come with me on this life-changing journey? Great! Let me show you the
shortest way to Your True Princes Castle and Heart.

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Chapter 2: Detox Now

Before we start learning the great things you can do to improve your love life, we
want to get rid of the bad things that are holding you back. I call this process
Detox Now. In this section, I want to focus on some not-very-cute behaviors
that just kill, kill, kill the attraction. We dont want these things in our system and
we need to get rid of them once and for all.

Three Female Instincts That Will Enslave You

The Origin Of The Female Instincts

Millions of years of evolution have selected a few instincts in women to ensure


reproductive success. Since the women who didnt have these instincts have long
been extinct, if you are alive today you have these instincts deeply wired in your
brain. They trigger intense feelings inside you, which, in turn, motivate you to
act.

Unfortunately, when selecting these instincts nature did not consider your best
interests, or what you personally want out of your life.

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Worse, these instincts generally cause anxiety and insecurity, so you will be
motivated to take action to fulfill natures design instead of your own.

When a woman allows these instincts to control her feelings and actions, she runs
into all kinds of problems, from feeling unhappy, insecure or needy, to being
unable to attract and keep a man.

There are three dominant instincts in a woman, which can be summarized in three
phrases: (1) Attract and mate with the most resourceful man: (2) Reproduce when
she is capable of doing so and (3) Feel miserable when she is alone.

Modern women, no matter how successful, are still under the power of these
instincts. They control how she feels and reacts, especially when it comes to
dating and relationships. For example, it is not surprising that most women find
men who have power, status and exceptional abilities extremely attractive. She
cannot help but feel the butterflies!

Without understanding and learning how to manage these instincts, you will
constantly feel confused, anxious and insecure. All these feelings will motivate
you to do things that you may later regret. These instincts are not your friends, so
work with me to get rid of these enemies that are dragging you away from your
true prince.

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10

Terrified of Being Alone

Being alone, in ancient times, was dangerous and disadvantageous for a woman.
By being alone, a woman was more likely to fall prey to large predators and die.
Also, how can a woman attract a man when she is alone all the time? It is the
ancient equivalent of Hey, if you want to meet a guy, you need to get out of your
apartment!
This instinct compels a woman to do things that make her look insecure and
needy, which are extremely unattractive to a man. So how should you learn to get
this harmful instinct under control?
First, lets look at the bad way your brain has trained to think when you are alone:

1. Your senses convey the information that you are alone.


2. Your brain quickly tells you: being alone is bad.
3. You feel anxious and afraid of being alone.

This leads to calling the man TOO MUCH, asking him how he thinks about you
and where the relationship is going. It also causes you to get annoyed when he
fails to give you that reassurance.

Do you see how your brain is following natures order, rather than your wish? To
get rid of this bad instinct, you have to retrain your brain. Heres the key to
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escape natures design and fight for your happiness:

Step 2 in the above sequence is crucial because thats where your brain makes an
evaluation of the situation as being either positive or negative. If you can rewire
your brain to make a different evaluation of the same situation, the anxiety and
fear you experience in step 3 will not happen. Lets see how this works:

1. Your senses convey the information that you are alone.


2. You start to tell your brain to make a different evaluation: just enjoying
myself sometimes is good because I have the freedom to do what I truly
want to do, rather than bowing to other peoples wishes.
3. Your evaluation leads to a sense of happiness and a feeling of being
lucky.

You stop calling your man every few hours, stop cornering him about where he
thinks things are heading and stop convincing him to open up to you.

The best part is that when you stop trying so hard to convince your man, he gets
INTRIGUED, CURIOUS and READY to CHASE YOU! Think about it: have
you ever been in a situation that after not calling him for a couple of days, he
FREAKED OUT and called you again and again to find out what was going on.
Yup! Thats how you do it, my girl!

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11

My Clock Is Ticking

When a woman is in her teens or early


20s, everything is about fun, fun,
fun! When a woman gets into her 30s,
her hormones begin to change, which
triggers her anxiety about producing
babies. All this makes evolutionary
sense because a womans evolutionary
function is to reproduce, reproduce and
reproduce again.

When a woman feels that her clock is ticking, she can become anxious about
finding a man to settle down with. When she meets a man she is attracted to, she
will open up and communicate this desire honestly and directly. In most cases
this information just slips out in conversation with the man because it is
constantly on her mind.

Unfortunately, while a man may have other kinds of anxieties, he never has the
anxiety of his clock ticking. A man is capable of reproducing well into old
age. Even after he has lost all his teeth he can still have sex. So before a woman
communicates her anxiety, she needs to understand that a man will respond in the
following ways:

A man wont understand it. Since a man doesnt have this anxiety, he will
be perfectly insensitive towards it. Worse, he will think it is totally not his
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problem.

A man will panic. Once a man senses the pressure from a woman to settle
down, he may unconsciously want to run away to protect his freedom. A
woman who is in a hurry to settle down triggers the deepest fears in a man
about commitment.

A man will think you are taking all the fun out of dating. At the beginning
of a relationship, a man is normally looking for a good time. He wont
start worrying about your problems until he has emotionally bonded with
you, which takes months or longer. When you show him that you want
him to fulfill a serious need of yours, he will feel forced into something
that he may not want. In this case, a man will react like he is fighting for
his life.

Realizing a mans negative reactions towards this is not only necessary but
crucial. A mans dating time-frame is like this:

I am having fun... I am having fun... I am having fun... I am still having fun...


Hmm, she does make me feel good I am having fun... I am having fun... I am
having fun... Wow, it has been a few months and I still enjoy spending time with
her. Awesome! I am having a good time... My time alone is not as much fun as
when I am with her... Actually, I start to miss her when she is not around I want
to spend more time with her... I have feelings towards her now... I may even be
falling for her I feel an emotional connection with her.

The truth is a bit chilling but a man will not truly care about your problems and
concerns for a while until he develops an emotional bond with you. In fact,
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discussing your problems early on turns men off. Again, the next time you think
about the clock ticking, try this new way of evaluation:

Observation: I am 34 and single.

Evaluation: I wont allow my intense desire to have children to distract


me from taking the time to carefully examine this man for his potential to
be my life partner. In the meantime, I will just enjoy dating him and have
a good time.

Conclusion: I am not in a hurry to settle down and I wont discuss this


with a man until we are in a committed relationship.

I understand this is difficult to do, especially if you have always loved and
wanted kids. But understanding what works with men and avoiding counterproductive strategies is the fastest and best way to achieve your goal: attracting a
high-quality man who loves you, treasures you and wants to keep you in his life
forever.

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12

Money, Power, and Status

Millions of years ago a mans physical appearance was not Ms


Lucys foremost concern. Rather it was his ability to provide
resources. As a result characteristics that demonstrate a man's
ability to provide are extremely attractive to women.

The modern translation of these attractive characteristics are power, money and
social status. An average-looking millionaire is much more attractive for a
modern woman than a great-looking bank teller. As a man once said: First you
get the money, then you get the power, then you get the woman.

In ancient times, if Lucy failed to attract a competent man, she faced extinction.
Thankfully this is not the case anymore. Without a man, a woman will still
survive and support herself. Whether living without a man will make a woman
happy, is another question. The point is that a man is not an absolute necessity for
a woman's survival.

When a modern woman meets a powerful man, the following thoughts go


through her mind:

Observation: Wow, look at that black Porsche he is driving.

Evaluation: A man with money or power is hot.

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Conclusion: I want to date him.

There is nothing wrong about wanting to date an accomplished man. Dont we all
admire an efficient and successful person? But the problem arises when a woman
allows a mans status to distract her from reality. Heres an example:

Observation: The millionaire you are dating always yells at you for not
returning his phone calls on time.

Evaluation: A man with money and power is a better boyfriend/husband.

Conclusion: I will put up with his anger problems. (At the same time, you
keep telling yourself that he wont do it again until he does it again).

Do you see how your evaluation of this situation is biased? A man should always
treat you with respect under any circumstances. As one woman once said: If you
wont put up with that kind of behavior from the bank teller, dont allow yourself
to put up with it from the bank president. If you allow the attractive qualities of
an efficient and successful man to distract you from his negative qualities, sooner
or later you will run into trouble. So how should a woman avoid letting a mans
power and status prevent her from observing his true character?

Again, the evaluation step is the key. A woman has to learn how to objectively
evaluate facts. Rather than letting your hope (that things will work out) influence
your evaluation, you need to see the facts clearly and judge them objectively. Bad
behavior is bad behavior. Theres no excuse for it.

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The great part is that once a man realizes that you have taken note of his
unacceptable behavior and have used it as a way to judge his suitability, he will
be motivated to correct himself for you. He will also develop strong feelings
towards you because of this. As a man said to me once: I am looking for a
woman who makes me a better person. Well, getting rid of his bad attitude is the
first step towards making him a better person.

For a woman, money and power should only be a bonus, rather than the main
focus when evaluating a man. In fact, a mans ability to earn money has zero
correlation to his ability to be a reliable life partner. A mans character, however,
is the sure indicator of his potential as a long-term boyfriend/life partner.

13

Repetitive Reinforcement

Your instincts have been in your genes for millions of years. They are powerful
instincts that are hard to completely get rid of. If after following the above system
you still sometimes feel these instincts, dont beat yourself up. I have a plan B for
you. To rewire your brain and make it listen to you, rather than natures design,
use the power of Repetitive Reinforcement. I want you to constantly involve
your conscious mind to achieve the most constructive results. Heres how:

You can change the way you evaluate situations and see the world via repetitive
practice. Its like playing tennis. It takes tons of practice and repetition to make
that perfect stroke. You keep using the above system and keep retraining your
brain to evaluate situations in a positive way. Lets see an example to use
repetitive reinforcement when you feel the instinct of being anxious when youre

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alone again:

From now on, whenever you are alone, think of three reasons to justify the
benefits of being alone.

For example, one benefit is that you can focus on yourself and your own
development. Another is that you can finally make time to take up that hobby that
you always wanted to do. Think about the sacrifices you have made in the past
when you were with a man. All these thoughts are to reshape your belief system.

When you finally succeed at this task, you will realize that rather than pushing a
man away, you are attracting them like never before. It was a man who once said:
There's nothing more attractive than an independent woman who is happy with
herself. Prove it! When you are capable of generating positive and happy
feelings by yourself, without a man, you are truly in control of your own life.
Even better, you will become a man magnet!

The 3 Cs That Are Not So Cute


In addition to the three female instincts, we also want to detox and get rid of the
three things that hold you back. I call them the 3 Cs that are not so cute (no, its
not

CoCo

Chanel!).

They

are:

(1)

CONVINCING

your

man,

(2)

COMPLAINING to your man, and (3) CONTROLLING your man.

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14

Convincing Your Man

Do you know the number one thing that most women (me included) do when we
feel the guy is losing interest? We try to CONVINCE him to change his mind.
When a man just isnt interested, we beg, chase, plead and do everything we can
to try to change his mind. Bad idea! I tried it and it never worked. Heres the
thing: when it comes to keeping a guy interested, trying to CONVINCE him or
TALKING HIM INTO liking you never works.
The worst thing that a woman can do is to CONVINCE a man to like her. Every
time you do this it eats away the attraction he still feels inside. So the next time,
my dear reader, when you find yourself trying to change his mind (especially at
3am when he is desperate to go to sleep), DON'T do it!
It is actually quite easy to keep a man interested. Yes, its EASY! We just need to
start doing less of the things that annoy men and start doing more of the things
that men find cute, charming, funny, sexy and irresistible :) Its as simple as that!
Any CONVINCING behavior that signals to a guy that he HAS to like you, he
HAS to love you, he HAS to stay attracted to you and he HAS to show his
affections to you is bad. This behavior is not cute at all, so let's stop doing it.

15

Complaining To Your Man

The second thing that makes any beautiful woman turn from a lovely angel to a
little monster is this action called complaining. Complaining to a guy, especially
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about something he cannot change, is extremely frustrating to him. For example,


when a woman complains to a guy that he HAS to like her more. Its really
something he cant just make happen. He cannot make himself love you more. He
has to FEEL it. He has no control over this. When a woman complains to a guy
that he has to make changes to something he has no control over, hell get
annoyed and upset. Lets be cautious about complaining to him for things he has
no control over.

16

Controlling Your Man

The third thing that makes a guy annoyed is any controlling behavior. I see this
most when a guy wants to go out with his buddies for a boys night out. Suddenly
a woman tries to control his social calendar and tells him when he can go out and
when he cant.
Can you imagine how shameful your man will feel when he has to call his
buddies one by one and tell them that he has to miss the boys night out because
his girlfriend said so? Can you imagine how long after that phone call hell be
picked on by his buddies? Worse, every time his friends pick on him (you bet
they will), hell associate that resentment with you. We really dont want that.
We want our men to only have good, loving, warm thoughts when they think
about us, not resentment or annoyance. So, lets try to ditch the controlling
behavior now.
To sum it up, the 3 Cs that are not so cute are (1) CONVINCING your man, (2)
COMPLAINING to your man and (3) CONTROLLING your man. Stop doing
the 3 Cs and your man will find you getting cuter and cuter everyday.

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Two Vital Distinctions You Must Know

17

Controllable vs Non-Controllable

A sense of control and power over your life will only come when you feel that
you are fully capable of producing an expected outcome. For example,

We feel good when we fulfill our promises to others.

We feel good when we finish the work by the deadline.

We feel good when our efforts are acknowledged by our peers and bosses.

In the above situations, you feel powerful and positive about yourself because
your actions have produced expected outcomes.

In dating, however, your actions dont always result in the outcomes you
expected. Why? Because the expected outcome only happens when the
following three things happen:

1. A man sees the situation exactly as you see it.


2. A man evaluates the situation in his mind exactly as you evaluate it.
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3. His exact evaluation of the situation causes him to behave exactly the
way you want him to.

In other words, for a man to act exactly the way you want him to, you are asking
him to think exactly like you, feel exactly like you and act exactly like you in the
same situations. This is an unrealistic expectation because we, as humans, do not
have full control over another persons emotions and actions. If you understand
another person well, you can learn ways to elicit certain emotions and actions
from that person. But to think that another person will always behave in the way
you want every time is irrational. In reality,

You always have control over your own thinking, feelings and actions.

You never have full control over a mans thinking, feelings and actions.

In other words, you dont have full control over the fact that:

He fails to say the things you really want to hear

He fails to buy you the perfect present

He fails to call you when you want him to

He fails to behave the way you expect him to

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But you do have control over:

How you react when he fails to call you

How you rationalize the fact that he forgets your birthday

How you react to his insensitive comments.

Only by focusing on the things you do have control over, your thoughts, your
feelings and your actions, you can control your own life. On the other hand, if
you try to control the uncontrollable, his thoughts, feelings and actions, you will
feel powerless and unsatisfied. If his mom cant change how he behaves after 18
years, you cant change it after 18 hours of dating him.

From now on, whenever you feel dissatisfied by a mans actions, ask yourself
this:

Am I trying to control the uncontrollable (meaning the man's behaviors)?

If the answer is yes, immediately shift your thinking:

Although I cant control his actions, I can definitely control my actions and
how I view and feel about the situation.

Then, follow up by asking yourself:

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How can I view this situation from a positive perspective that will always
generate good feelings about myself?

Do you see how this works? By focusing on the things you can control, yourself,
you are actively choosing a constructive solution that will always generate a
positive feeling. Lets use an example to illustrate this:

Situation: After not hearing from him for two days, you called him at work.
Sounding distracted and busy, he brushed you off quickly and said he would call
back.

Trying to control the uncontrollable: My gosh! He cant get off the phone fast
enough. He has no feelings towards me. I dont feel like he loves me at all. He
should have acted more considerately after not calling me for two days. When he
does have the nerve to call back later, Ill let him know his actions are totally
unacceptable! (Do you see how this approach includes many sentences that
begin with he should?)

Controlling the controllable: Do I need to feel loved every single minute by


this man? Of course I dont. I am a busy woman. I am also independent and have
many hobbies. In fact, I will plan something with my friends tonight and go and
see that movie. When I called him earlier today, he sounded busy. If he becomes
less busy, he will call and let me know. For now I should enjoy myself and maybe
try that new Martini in that trendy restaurant with my friends after the movie.
(Do you see how this approach includes many sentences that begin with I and
includes things I can do to make myself feel good?)

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Which approach do you prefer?

The irony is that when a man realizes that you dont depend on him for happiness
and satisfaction, his desire towards you intensifies to such a degree that he
sometimes goes crazy. Well, not literally, but let me show you what I mean.

My friend Susan was dating an extremely attractive man who ran his own
company. Whenever Susan wanted to get together, he always said he was too
busy. Tired of waiting for him, Susan decided to go on a short trip with her
girlfriends for the weekend.

When she drove back home late Sunday night, she saw the guy waiting in front of
her house. Before she could even get out of the car, he rushed to her and swept
her into his arms, half yelling, Where were you? I was so worried. Why didnt
you return my phone calls? It turned out that he not only left enough messages
on her voice mail that it became completely full, he had also been waiting in front
of her house since Sunday afternoon. So much for someone who had claimed he
was too busy.

Maybe you dont want to date someone like Susans crazy boyfriend. But you
do want your man to desire you, right? If so, start filling your calendar with
activities that you know will make you feel good, rather than waiting for the guy
to entertain you. Control the controllable and decide for yourself when you can
smile and when you must cry.

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18

Need vs. Desire

There are a few things in life that fall under the Need category; things we have
to have for our survival. Examples are:

Food

Shelter

A certain degree of health

Some source of income

Without these things, we will have trouble surviving. Other things, however, are
not necessary for our survival, but we desire them and want them very much.
Examples are:

Loving parents

Loyal friends

A successful career

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Good income

A nice house in a good neighborhood

A good, long-term relationship/marriage with a loving man

And last, to look and dress like Jackie Kennedy and preside over fabulous
parties at the White House. Dream big, sister!

These things fall under the desire category. We want these things very much
because they enhance our lives. But without them we can still survive. In the case
of the last point, if we cant be the First Lady, we can still have a very fulfilling
and happy life.

In dating a clear distinction between what you need and what you desire is
crucial. For example, when you wrongly assign your desire to have a loving
boyfriend to the need category, you are in for a big disappointment. In other
words, if you demand that the only way to be happy in life is to have a loving
boyfriend, you will feel dissatisfied when you dont have a loving
boyfriend. Lets see how this plays out in my friend Lindas life:

Linda has quite a good life. She is well educated and has a good career, loving
parents and loyal friends. Theres nothing terribly wrong with her life, except one
thing: Linda stubbornly believes and demands that she has to have a man who
adores her and loves her unconditionally.

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If she doesnt, Linda believes her life is a big failure. All the other good things
she has are not enough.

Linda, a lovely woman, never has any trouble attracting men. But after a while
they all leave. The thing is that when the man fails to show his unconditional love
or absolute adoration of her every single minute they are together, Linda
complains. Eventually, after putting up with her childish behavior for a while, the
men all leave because it is no fun being around her anymore. She becomes an
emotional burden because she confuses what she needs with what she
desires.

When a woman demands something she merely desires, she creates the following
problems for herself and the man she is with:

She feels disappointed because a man will not do things exactly the way
she wants.

She feels unhappy because her needs are not constantly met.

She feels powerless when she realizes that just because she demands
something, it doesnt always happen.

At the same time, a man feels that she is too demanding, needy,
burdensome, negative and no fun to be around.

When you demand something you desire very much, you set yourself up for

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disappointment.

Final Step of Detox

19

Erase The Past

The final step of detox requires one thing from you: Take the High Road! We
women have all met some men in our lives (me included) who havent treated us
the way we should be treated. Some of it was their fault while some may have
been partially caused by us not standing up for ourselves. Whatever it is, now is
the time to forgive and say the final goodbye.

Forget the Past


Embrace Your Fabulous Future!

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We have all had our share of heartbreakers. When we look back on them, we can
still feel the cracks in our hearts from those days. But these bad memories are
best kept in a secret box that you never need to open again. Because looking back
at them brings back nothing but pain and may even affect how you behave in
your current relationships.

The best weapon to use against the painful past is to firmly believe that theres no
connection between past failures in relationships and future possibilities of
repeating them. In fact, because of past mistakes, you are more likely a wiser
woman now, with a clearer view of what you want from a man and from your
life. If you stop letting the toxic men from the past haunt you, you will have that
positive mindset that makes you so irresistible and cute that youll be a man
magnet.

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Chapter 3
Emotional Intelligence

20

Emotional Intelligence for Dating

Have you ever wondered what the single most important factor is in attracting a
quality man who is intelligent, loyal, dependable, emotionally mature, financially
independent and who is looking for a committed relationship?

Its not physical beauty. Its not your education. Its not your job. Its not your
family background. Its not your religious beliefs. Its not your cooking skills. Its
not your social grace. Its not how well you can decorate his home. Its not your
ability to rock his world in the bedroom, although he would love that!

It is your Emotional Intelligence

In 1990 psychologists Peter Salovey and John D. Mayer defined emotional


intelligence as the ability to monitor ones own and others feelings and
emotions, to discriminate among them and to use this information to guide ones
thinking and actions.

It includes:

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A womans ability to (1) Recognize her own emotions and (2) Manage them to
produce positive outcomes.

A womans ability to (1) Recognize a mans needs and emotions and (2) Help
him manage his emotions to produce positive results.

With high emotional intelligence, you will start to see the world with clearer
eyes. You will be able to observe a person and understand his or her thoughts,
feelings, motivations and desires. In addition you will start to understand how to
trigger certain emotions in yourself and others.

A mature man who is looking for domestic bliss will find this extremely attractive
and know that it is a rare quality in today's world. You will realize that emotional
intelligence not only allows you to enjoy a satisfying personal relationship but
also helps you to advance your career in a way that you never would have
thought possible. By understanding people on a fundamental level, you will be
the leader that your co-workers respect, admire and voluntarily follow. Tell me
this is a skill that youre not interested in mastering!

21

Manage Your Emotions

A client of mine finds it very difficult to develop her emotional intelligence


without writing things down. Holding everything in her head confuses her. So she
keeps a journal (a great idea!) and writes down instances when she feels intense
emotions. Then she can reflect on and analyze them. As a result, when she

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experiences intense emotions such as anger, frustration, and guilt, she is able to
manage her emotions and direct her behaviors in a way that improves the
situation. When that happens to you, you will feel so proud of yourself! When a
woman is capable of managing her emotions no matter what situation she is in,
she is strong in her essence. And that is a powerful, powerful thing. For a man,
theres nothing more attractive than a woman who is strong inside.

Developing emotional intelligence is not easy; it takes time and effort. But you
need to start now and keep doing it even when you think you get it. It is similar to
exercising. You need to keep at your cardio and strength training to maintain
your health and fitness, right? Its the same with your emotional intelligence.

22

Three-Step System To Cultivate Your EI

Step 1: Start practicing monitoring your emotions. You can achieve this by
keeping a journal and reflecting on the occasions when you feel intense
emotions. What are the events that trigger these emotions? What about those
events that make you react in a certain way emotionally? Are you acting on these
emotions? Are you suppressing them? What are the actions that normally follow
you experiencing these feelings? Are these actions helping or hurting the
situation?

Step 2: The next time you feel any kind of intense emotion, rather than focusing
on your feelings at that moment, try to detach yourself, analyze the causes of
these feelings and ask yourself if acting on them will lead to a constructive
solution.
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Step 3: When you find yourself in a conflicting situation with a colleague, a


friend, a loved one, or a family member, pause for a second before reacting to
them. Detach yourself from the intense feelings you have at that moment. Play
the role of a third party observer and re-evaluate the situation. Then try to get
under the other persons skin by looking at the situation from his or her point of
view. How does the other persons motivation or interest contribute to his or her
actions? How does your own motivation or interest come into play in the
situation? Are you reacting to them or are you consciously looking for a
constructive solution?

23

Manage Your Mans Emotions

The biggest mistake a woman can make is to assume everyone thinks as she does.
When a woman is in love, she believes the man feels the same. As a result, she
ignores the signals and hints that the man sends. These might say, I'm not ready
to commit or I'm just hanging around until someone better comes along. To
truly understand a man, a woman needs to stop seeing the world from her point of
view and start seeing it from his point of view. This means becoming a truly
unselfish listener and observer.

When a man talks about his past, especially his past romantic relationships, you
need to focus 100%. Listen not only to his words but also observe his facial
expressions, his body language, any avoidance of details that seems odd, his
nervousness and excitement. You want to focus all your energy to truly
understand him. It will take time, effort and self-discipline to be an unselfish
observer who uses all five senses to gather information about him. Remember,

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appearances can be deceiving.

A client of mine is a world-class scientist. He is among the most insecure people I


have ever known. But you would never have guessed when you see his confident,
sparkling and charming appearance.

During your courtship with a man, you must start asking yourself questions based
on your observations of him. Whats the general pattern in his past
relationships? What kind of woman is he attracted to? What specific
characteristics in those women does he find particularly alluring? Why does he
find those characteristics attractive? How does that reflect his value
system? What motivates him? What turns him off? These are the kinds of
questions you want to ask yourself.

Youre not trying to be a spy. But you are a busy woman who has problems to
solve, goals to achieve and dreams to fulfill. You are simply too busy to allow
yourself to drift into whatever seems amusing. You cant just freely give your
love and affections to any man who comes along. You must be selective. And
select carefully before allowing yourself to commit your time and your heart to a
man.

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24

Three Case Studies On EI

Here are three occasions that the woman has exercised her high emotional
intelligence.

Scenario 1
After a competitive colleague rebuffed you at work, you felt annoyed and
frustrated. You wanted to talk about these frustrations with your boyfriend when
he got home. After he came through the door, you sensed that he had endured a
hard day too. He looked tired and distracted. You knew he was working on an
important project and was under a lot of stress. Rather than complaining to your
boyfriend, you chose to prepare him a hot bath, so he could relax and be in a
great mood later to hear your problems.

Scenario 2
You were on a camping trip with your boyfriend. After he ignored your
suggestion about making a left turn, you became hopelessly lost. You were
hungry, thirsty and exhausted from the long car ride and when you looked at your
boyfriend, you could tell he was not in a good mood either. You knew anything
you might say would start an argument. So you started thinking about a
constructive solution to make the experience more pleasant. You had noticed
there was a spot next to a river that had a breathtaking view. You suggested to
him you should camp at that cute spot rather than drive around in the dark. He
reluctantly agreed. After settling down, you made the evening as romantic as
possible. While drinking wine and eating cheese, you pointed at the lovely stars

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in the peaceful sky. By the end of the night he felt the romance as much as you
did and couldnt wait to have some intimate time with you.

Scenario 3
You realized recently that your husband of ten years was communicating
frequently with one of his female co-workers. They talked on the phone, chatted
on the instant messenger and joined the same bowling league. You understood
mens desire for sexual variety, so rather than getting upset or feeling hurt, you
reflected on your relationship and searched for what was missing. At the same
time you firmly communicated to your husband that you were not comfortable
with his after-work contact with the other woman. You started to pay more
attention to him in a loving way and got yourself involved with the activities he
loved. You joined his bowling league and planned an exotic trip with him to
Hawaii.

From the above scenarios, can you see why emotional intelligence is so attractive
for her man? A woman with high emotional intelligence is guaranteed to make a
man happy and make a long-term relationship work.

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Chapter 4
Your Value System for Dating

25

Value System for Dating

Men, especially the clever ones, have developed a radar system over the years to
assess what I call a womans value system for dating. What does this mean?

Think about this: When you live your life every day, do you have a set of values
that guides your behavior? I bet you do. For example, if one of your values is to
keep your promises, youll feel bad if you fail to keep your promise, even for
legitimate reasons. I felt terrible when I could not attend a girlfriends baby
shower when I said that I would. Same with dating! A woman with high
emotional intelligence has a set of values that guide her dating behaviors. Why is
it important to have such a value system?

The first benefit is that you will be amazed by the amount of respect you get from
guys. Let me ask you this: do you respect people who live their lives without a set
of values? I bet you dont. Its the same with guys. Unless you have a set of
values that govern your dating life, a guy will not respect you because he knows
that he can push you around and get what he wants.

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Most hot guys know they are attractive, get a lot of attention from women and
have many options when it comes to women. They know they can get away with
many things that most guys cant, such as showing up late for dates, not returning
phone calls, forgetting a girls birthday, refusing to commit and even cheating.
They also know they are being ridiculous and unreasonable a lot of the time but
they cant help it. They want to feel the emotional high of knowing they are so
attractive that a woman will put up with anything just to be with them.

Deep inside, however, they crave the kind of women who will finally put a stop
to it all. Have you ever wondered what guys really mean when they say, I want
to be with a woman who makes me a better man? What they really mean is this:
I want to be with a woman who cant be pushed around by me.

The second benefit of having a value system for dating is that you will be much
happier and avoid a lot of dating drama. Have you ever noticed that when you act
according to your value system, you feel great? Arent you proud of yourself
when you resist the temptation and do what is right? Exactly. The same principle
applies to your dating life: once you establish your dating values and act
according to them, you will feel in control, happy, empowered and respected all
the time.

Throughout years of dating experiences most of us have developed certain beliefs


and values we use to govern our dating lives. Many of us are not conscious of
how these beliefs affect our behaviors and, most importantly, how they affect the
ways men perceive us. I want to share with you some dating values I have
observed in many women. Some of them are beneficial to your dating success
while others are detrimental and need to be corrected as soon as possible.

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26

Harmful Dating Values


Lets start with some harmful values
that need to be eradicated from your
dating value system. Heres a trick you
can use to immediately tell which value
is beneficial and which one is harmful.
When you act according to your
beneficial value, you feel good about
yourself and your dating life. When
you act according to your harmful
value, you feel horrible about yourself
and experience all kinds of drama in
your dating life.

Here are a few Harmful Values that need to be eradicated from your value
system as soon as possible:

I absolutely need approval from men to be happy.

If I failed once in a relationship, I will fail again.

I have no control over my feelings or how external circumstances affect


me.

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27

Healthy Dating Values

Here are some beneficial and Healthy Values to be included in your dating value
system. Also, it will be great if you can add more of your own beneficial values.
It is an individual matter after all.

If a man shows any disrespectful behavior, I wont allow myself to put up


with it.

When a relationship proves to be destructive or negative, I wont allow


myself to stay in it for the sake of being with a man.

It is very desirable to have a man who loves me dearly and who is always
supportive and understanding. But I wont get angry or upset with a man
when he fails to show his love, support and sensitivity every minute. I
need to give that guy a break once in a while.

I wont depend solely on a man for my happiness and fulfillment. I will


always keep things in my life that can continuously bring me joy,
regardless of my dating situation.

Ill allow a man to make mistakes and be wrong sometimes.

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Finally, add your own values into your value system. The values you add
should be things that truly make you feel good!

28

Four Steps to Create Your Value System for Dating

Step 1: Think of a recent dating situation when you felt bad about yourself. Think
about which value was responsible for the way you acted. Put this value under the
Harmful Values category.

Step 2: Think of a recent dating situation when you felt great about yourself.
Think about which value was responsible for it. Put this value under the
Beneficial Values category.

Step 3: Make a conscious effort to eliminate the harmful values from your
belief system, while keeping and updating the beneficial values in your belief
system. Remember, this exercise is not mysterious. You can always tell whether
the value works for you by the way you feel.

Step 4: Once you have solidified your value system, start prioritizing these values
based on how important they are for your present goals.

Final word: a persons value system changes all the time because we have
different priorities at different points in life. Be open minded and know that your
value system is not fixed but is fluid.

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Chapter 5: Separate the Ugly Frogs


from Your True Prince

29

Assess a Man's Relationship Potential


I can teach you how to attract a man and
make him fall in love with you. But let's
be honest; some guys are just not worth
it.

Determining

whether

guy

has

relationship potential and gauging


whether he is worth your time and effort
are very important ...

An important skill to have is to assess a man in the right context. How a man
behaves in a love relationship differs from how he behaves in a work
environment. A man can be the most hard-working person in his company, but the
laziest husband at home. A most hands-off boss can be the most controlling man
at home. Assessing a man in the correct context is everything. Dont make the
mistake of my friend Cathy:

During the early stages of her relationship with Pete, Cathy found out what a
loyal, caring son Pete was. He visited his mom frequently, bought her groceries,
contributed to her household spending, helped around the house and was always
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there for her whenever she needed him. Cathy reasoned: Wow, if Pete treats his
mom this well, he will be a great husband!

After they moved in together, Cathy realized that Pete was a completely different
person with her. Although he earned a six-figure income, he suggested that Cathy
pay for half the rent, half the food and half of their expensive vacations. Pete also
expected Cathy do all the housework. The last time I talked to Cathy, she said in a
puzzling voice: What happened to the Pete who was so attentive to his mom?

Another mistake I see is that women assume a single dad will be a great husband.
A single caring dad will be a single ... caring ... dad. Thinking that a caring
father will be a caring husband is like believing a man will love one woman the
same as he loves another. How a man interacts with his mom is not a true
indicator of how he will interact with his girlfriend/wife and neither is how a man
acts towards his children. How a man treats you and behaves towards you are the
only evidence you need to judge his relationship potential.

30

Qualities That Your True Prince Must Have

After doing a lot of research and talking to many happily married couples, I have
noticed three common qualities in a man that are essential for having and
sustaining a fulfilling long-term relationship with a woman.

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Generosity:

I'm not just talking about money here. A man can be generous in many ways,
such as with his time and affection. A repetitive excuse of I'm too busy with
work and cant spend time with you is unacceptable. Here's how I see
generosity:
Every one of us has limited resources. Because of this, we can only share what
we have with a limited number of people. A generous man is one who has
selected you to be one of the few people with whom he will share his time,
money and affection.

It means that when hes busy with work and only has a few hours to relax, he
chooses to spend that little time with you. It means that when he only earns a
little money, he wants to spend some of it getting you something that you like. It
means that when you go through a tough time and need emotional support, he is
there for you. A generous man is capable of making a long-term relationship
work and making a woman happy.

Heres an example of a man whos not generous. Jasmine has been dating a
young professor at her university. He is handsome, fun and extremely intelligent.
Jasmine thinks she has found the one. But after the initial few months of
courtship, she realized that he definitely placed a higher priority on his work.
Dates were canceled whenever he had a deadline for grant proposals. After
feeling lonely and neglected for two years, Jasmine finally decided to leave. It
was just too painful to love a man who did not have time for her.

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Integrity:

Integrity is so important; I cant stress it enough. If youve discovered any kind of


lying behavior, I recommend you break it off with him. A man who lies is more
likely to be a cheater. Sometimes women are forgiving when its just a little lie,
but I think a habit is a habit. If a guy lies once about a little thing, how can you be
sure that he would never lie on a bigger thing, such as seeing another woman on
the side?

Being supportive:

A supportive man is one who respects and admires the fact that you have goals
and aspirations for yourself. He wont limit your personal growth and try to
define you with traditional roles. Unfortunately some men look for women who
can play a certain role for them. A guy once said to me: I didn't marry my wife
because I was in love with her. I married her because I knew she would be a
good mother and a loyal wife. I believe that the majority of ambitious and
intelligent women dont want to merely play a role for men. Instead, they have
goals to achieve, dreams to fulfill, and challenges to overcome. A woman will be
much happier with a man who is supportive of what she is doing.

I think when a woman assesses a man, these three qualities are the core of what
makes a guy boyfriend or husband material. Of course, he can have 100 things
that make him adorable, fun and sexy. And he can also be stunning in bed! But as
time goes by, its really a mans character and personality that make a relationship
strong, fulfilling and lasting. Its also a man's character that makes a woman fall
in love with him deeper and deeper every day.

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Seven Types Of Toxic Men

There are men out there who are charming, handsome, funny and just plain
adorable! They make us laugh, we have a great time with them and we forget our
own problems when we are with them. They get along well with our friends and
families and everyone loves them. But no matter how charming a man seems, a
woman should always look for character flaws that make him an unsuitable longterm boyfriend or husband. Here are the seven types of men that women should
avoid (If at all possible, run the other way when you see them!)

31

Men Who Have A Low Emotional Intelligence

Once you have done your work and achieved a high level of emotional
intelligence, it will be a waste of your time to try to educate someone who has a
low EQ. It is a different story if he is willing to change. But in most cases, men
arent willing to change. They wont change for you and they wont change for
their mothers. They are who they are.

Some men can only develop emotional intelligence as time passes. It may take
years or decades. In some cases, they wont become emotionally ready for a
committed relationship until they are in their late 30s or early 40s. As a busy and
highly desirable woman, you simply dont have the time or the energy to try to
change someone who resists change. Instead, look for an emotionally mature man
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who is ready and willing to have a happy, committed relationship with you and
who will be supportive and loving during the good and bad times. That is true
companionship. Signs that he has low Emotional Intelligence:

He gets emotional, angry, upset, or extremely happy or sad quickly and


frequently. You will notice if he has fast and frequent mood swings.

When there is any problem in your relationship, he says he doesnt want


to talk about it and becomes upset when you want to address and solve the
problem.

He acts impulsively without thinking things through!

His parents have had a traumatic relationship that is full of drama.


Although it is not fair to judge someone based on his parents, it has been
proven that childhood experiences have a big impact on a person's way of
dealing with intimate relationships. Children learn by observation and
subconsciously use those early lessons in their adult lives.

He is emotionally unavailable. When you communicate your feelings with


him, you feel like you're talking to a stone. He doesn't understand your
emotions and most importantly, he's unwilling to try because he thinks
they are silly.

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32

Men Who Are Only Into The Chase

Although a healthy dose of challenges can spice things up in a relationship, a man


who consistently seeks an adrenaline rush should be avoided. If he is more
interested in overcoming a challenge than getting to know you, he is not worth
your time. The risk is that he will go and look for another challenge once he
conquers you. He may even marry you if he believes that is the only way to win.
But every chase has an end. Do you really want to invest your time and emotion
in someone who is only in it to win it? There are a few tell-tale signs if he is this
type of man:

Everything is about winning for him. He tells you stories about times
when he has overcome challenges that in your mind are not worth
winning - like eating the most donuts or drinking the most beers in one
night.

After he knows you well, he starts to act cold and distant. He takes you
for granted, doesn't return your phone calls and cancels dates at the last
minute. This is a sign that he thinks that he has won the challenge and
can now give his attention and energy to other things.

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33

Men Who Have Cheated Before

There is an old saying, Once a cheater, always a cheater. Ladies, this is a wise
saying. Although it is true that men are biologically driven to spread their seed
among as many sexual partners as possible, you are looking for a mature man
who is able to control his sexual urges. You are looking for a man who is able to
honor the one-man-one-woman relationship that he has promised. As one of my
happily married girlfriends said: When a man is faithful, it is not because he
doesn't want to have sex with another woman. It is because he values your
relationship more than a causal, sexual encounter.

34

Men Who Have Low Self Esteem

He may look charming and confident, but little by little you will start to see his
insecurities. When he doesn't get his desired feedback from others to reflect his
unrealistic view of himself, he will turn to you for validation. If you get involved
with a man like this expect to have long discussions about his self-worth and to
constantly remind him that he is great. Men like this trigger maternal feelings in
women. Don't we all want to rescue that little boy inside of him who is so
insecure? Not if you're looking for a life partner.

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35

Men Who Have Big Dreams But Little Talent

There are men in this world who have high ambitions, dreams and aspirations to
become someone great. At the beginning of the relationship, a woman may be
quite impressed by these ambitions. However, a woman needs to carefully
evaluate if his abilities will actually allow him to achieve his grant goals. There is
nothing wrong when a man tells a woman how he wants to have a waterfront
house, a Porsche, a country club membership and enough money that his wife
won't ever need to work. In fact, this kind of cocky talk may turn some women
on. However, after a while, you need to evaluate his actions.

When a man has bigger ambitions than his natural talent, he will eventually get
frustrated and even depressed when he can't reach his unrealistic goals. Worse,
when you try to talk him out of those big dreams and into becoming more
realistic, he will start to blame you for all his failures. In his mind the reason that
he can't succeed is you. Because he believes this, he will take revenge on you
even though you have nothing to do with it. You want someone who can
objectively see the world and his place in it.

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36

Men Who Have Addictions (such as work, drinking,

drugs, and gambling).

Any kind of addictive behavior is bad news (unless he is addicted to you, but
even that can be a bit much). When a man is addicted to something, a woman will
inevitably feel neglected. The phrase golf widow describes the lonely wife of a
successful man who is obsessed with the game of golf. In that case, all the money
in the world won't make her happy. A man who has a balanced view of his
hobbies, work and relationship is more likely to make a woman happy and to
make a relationship work.

37

Men Who Have Bad Money Management Habits

I personally know a brilliant female physician who was married to a man who
didn't make a lot of money but who enjoyed spending her money. She believed
they should save money in a sensible way, so both of them could retire early and
travel the world. But her husband thought that enjoying the moment was more
important than saving for retirement. He insisted on spending money on country
club memberships, buying designer clothes and going on expensive vacations.
Their disagreements on money matters eventually made it impossible for them to
continue their marriage.

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Once a woman is in a relationship with someone, financial habits become one of


the most important issues. If you differ on your approach, it will cause countless
problems later on. When you are the more sensible one when it comes to money,
it will become unbearable for you to live with someone who wastes or spends
money carelessly.

Unfortunately, the ex-husband of the female physician in the above example was
unable to deal with his problems after the divorce and eventually committed
suicide. This traumatic event almost ruined the female physician and her son's
lives. She eventually did recover but it took her years to deal with the guilt and
the sense of failure for marrying such a man.

Assessing a man is one of the most important skills a woman can have. It will
save you time, energy, resources and affections when you carefully choose whom
to spend time with. I highly recommend any woman to play the role of a spy at
the beginning of a relationship and try to understand the man she is seeing as
much as possible. Once a woman is in love, it will be too late.

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Chapter 6: Be A Value Creator

38

Be A Value Creator, Not a Value Destroyer

I think the most certain way to stay in a mans life for a long time is to be a value
creator. What do I mean? A man should feel like you enhance, add values and
bring something valuable to his life. It might be your valuable advice; it might be
your expertise in a specific area that he needs help with; it might be your
complete honesty to keep him grounded. Whatever it is, when you find how you
can create values, you'll be guaranteed to stay in his life for a very long time. So
be a value creator!

The opposite of a value creator is a value destroyer. This applies to a small


percentage of people who only take and never give. Let me give you an example:

I used to know someone who liked to buy digital products online. No matter how
great the products were and how much he liked them, he returned every single
one of the products for his money back. This is a clear example of a value
destroyer. He clearly doesn't see the importance of being a value creator. Instead,
he finds every opportunity to take advantage of others. If you want to attract and
keep a man's love forever, you need to be a value creator, instead of a value
destroyer.

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Chapter 7
Lessons from the Naturals

I have read pretty much all the books on the market on dating, attraction and
relationships. But I probably learned the most from observing women who are
naturally good with guys. Here are a couple of things I have discovered about
these successful women:

39

The Naturals Winning Mentality

A winning mentality all starts with a few lucky successes with men that plant the
seed of their winning outlook. After gaining that perspective, it is an easy win
every time. This is what their winning cycle looks like:

A Few Lucky Successes with Men ---> Winning Beliefs ---> More Success

By changing your belief system, you can transform your dating life.

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40

What Naturals Do to Get the Men

Tease men in a funny but slightly arrogant way


I saw one of them walk up to a hot guy and say: Hey, is this seat taken?
Without waiting for him to reply, she sat down and said: Well, too late! The
guy just loved it!
Keep their interactions with men short and fun
I rarely see them spend more than five minutes with any single guy for small talk.
Just when the guy wants more, she is gone.
They intentionally get more guys interested than they can handle
They pretty much flirt with everyone, including some below average guys
(actually, waaaaaay below) that you just want to say, She can't be serious! But
it does something magical to a woman. When you feel like you have more guys
interested in you than you can handle, your whole psychology changes. It makes
you feel more confident, flirty and fabulous.
They are well groomed and tastefully dressed
They give the impression that they take very good care of themselves and have a
profound understanding of how to play up their best features. They are rarely the
best looking women in the room but you can tell they care about how they look.
Their conversational styles are unique
During the initial small talk, they never chat about common topics such as what
music do you listen to? or what kind of food do you like? Instead they talk
about interesting and unique things. For example, one of them started a
conversation with a guy by commenting on the decoration of the room. She then

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went from there to how it reminded her of a haunted house in Scotland. Then
they started talking about mystery novels and all kinds of crazy stuff. Three
minutes into the conversation and she had that guys complete attention.
Their body language
They touch their hair, their knees, their arms, their faces and the man's arms about
three times more than average women. Yes, I have counted them.
The women who are successful with men definitely try to stand out by
approaching men in a different and totally surprising way.

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Chapter 8
Male Psychology

41

Hes a Man, a Man, a Man before Anything Else

I always tell this to my clients: I dont care whether hes a millionaire, a baseball
star, a celebrity, a CEO, an average Joe, or the most attractive man youve ever
laid eyes on; hes a Man, a Man, a Man before anything else. Hell think like men
do. Hell respond to the things men respond to. When you date a guy, never feel
lost because youve never dated someone quite like him. If hes a man and you
know how male psychology works, you will be more than fine.
It is difficult to discuss male psychology without looking into the origins of male
instincts, which are the sources of a mans motivation, desires and why he is who
he is.

42

Origin Of Male Instincts

To help you achieve high emotional intelligence, I want to include some


discussion on male psychology. This will help you accelerate the process of
understanding men, attracting men and finding the right man to enhance your
love life.

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Millions of years of evolution have shaped humans in a certain way. There are
some basic instincts that remain in all men. Some may demonstrate more, while
others may demonstrate less. Use them as a basic framework. But you also need
to rely on your own observations to add the details. Humans are, after all,
complicated creatures!

In order to pass along their genes through a long history of environmental


hardship and warfare, the surviving men express certain characteristics: sexual
aggression, narcissism, competition, the ability to focus on the task at hand,
independence, and so on.

Think about it: without those characteristics, they would never have made it. If
they are not sexually aggressive, they wont find females to mate with them. If
they are always nice and share everything with everyone, they wont have enough
resources to support their women and children.

Knowing how destructive aggression and narcissism can be to a peaceful society,


political and religious leaders introduced morality and value systems to teach
men ways to manage their aggressive instincts.

Some men wholeheartedly adapt civilized ways. Many, however, manage to have
the appearance of civilized men and hide their deep-wired instincts inside.

At work men control their emotions and mostly use their logical side to solve
problems. But in their private lives, when they date and court a woman, another
side of them will surface. Therefore, understanding a mans instincts will help a
woman interpret his behaviors in her dating and love life.

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In the rest of this session, I will discuss how mens instincts influence their views
and styles in dating, relationships and commitment.

43

Play Hard to Get the Right Way

The truth is that the men who are the pursuers, aggressors, hunters and warriors
are the ones who survived the harsh environmental conditions and brutal
warfare. They are the ones who pass their genes to the next generation. A man
who is passive eventually gets wiped out of the gene pool.

When you allow the man to pursue


you, you permit him to court you in
the way that most excites him.

A man is in his true element when


he plays the aggressor. He feels
powerful, strong and heroic when he
chases you.

He feels like a man!

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There is also something decidedly exciting when he feels like he is seducing you,
making you unable to resist him and falling helplessly under his spell. It gives
him a sense of accomplishment and victory.

Moreover, letting the man pursue you will allow him to associate the excitement
he gets from the chase with you. Most men dont understand that the thrills they
get are from the act of chasing. But what they do know is when they are with you,
they are excited. Therefore, you are the source of the excitement.

In ancient China a man literally had to fight other men to win a woman's hand. In
most cases the man didnt even know what the woman was like until the
wedding. But the act of fighting off other men and endangering his own life to
win her over was so exciting that the winner trembled with anticipation when he
finally got to take his bride home. This is the power of allowing a man to pursue
you.

On the other hand, when you chase the man, you not only take away the thrill he
gets from pursuing you, you also take away his masculinity.

Rather than feeling like the brave hunter, he feels like the animal that is being
hunted. Chasing a man triggers his survival instincts and makes him run for his
life.

In ancient times, a man was weak compared to larger predators such as tigers or
lions. They had a built-in response to flee when they were being chased.

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That instinct is still in them. When you come on too strong, you inevitably
activate their flight instinct. They will be so busy running away from you that
they will fail to realize how great you truly are!

Some men have confessed to me that they did enjoy being noticed by a woman
and having her play the aggressor initially. But eventually they grew bored and
then annoyed when the woman was always the one who called, initiated dates
and initiated sex. The only way for them to gain control of the situation, they
said, was to reject her.

Chasing men may give you a slight edge at the beginning because men do love to
take the easy path. But you will suffer in the long run because he will know that
he can sit back, relax and let you do all the work to move the relationship
forward. It will exhaust you!

Another benefit is that when men are the pursuers, you get the power. Dating
is different from pursuing your career. In dating the aggressor is in a weak
position. The pursued, on the other hand, is in a strong position because he or she
has the ultimate power to either accept or reject the other person. A smart woman
will never give up that power.

As Giacomo Casanova once said,

Be the flame, not the moth.

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44

On Rejections

Although it is important to allow the man to be the pursuer, a woman needs to


understand that men are extremely insecure about being rejected. She cannot
play too hard to get.

A man is biologically conditioned to secure the best opportunity to pass along his
genes. That means finding a woman who is willing to mate. If the woman
appears cold or not interested, the man will find another, more receptive partner.

As a woman, you need to be approachable.

A girlfriend of mine in college is extremely beautiful. But we all call her the ice
queen because she gives men the cold shoulder when they approach her. A man
will normally pursue her aggressively for a short time. But after a while they all
quit and look for someone easier. The last time I talked to her, she was a bit
concerned with her clock ticking and she had not found the man she wanted.

Being approachable means conveying a subtle, sexually-charged message


through your smile, your glance and your body language.

You need to show that you are open to his approach. You want to look friendly
enough that he can calm his insecurity of being rejected. At the same time, you
never want to give a craving look like a hungry tigress staring at her prey.
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The best way is to be friendly enough that he would give it a try and know that if
he does get rejected, you wont jump on him or scold him.

45

Real Men's Take On Casual Relationships

Besides understanding the mans need to be the pursuer and his insecurity about
being rejected, a woman needs to know that a man sees a casual relationship
differently from a woman.

A woman prefers to be with one strong and capable man who can provide for
her. But a man wants to spread his seed among as many women as possible.

When the human population was small and humans were vulnerable to natural
disasters, diseases and food scarcity, men mated with as many women as possible
to increase the chance of their offspring surviving.

This powerful instinct drives men, even today, to have sex with as many women
as possible. Because of this, a sexual bond hardly counts as a bond for a man.

When a woman only has a sexual bond with a man, she is replaceable. When
she has an emotional bond with a man, she is special.

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46

Securing His Bloodline

Men are driven by the instinct to pass along their genes to the next generation.
Women in ancient times understood this anxiety and used it as a bargaining tool.
They promised to withhold sex from other men in exchange for resources. Seeing
no alternative, the man agreed.

For a man who is seeking a long-term relationship, one of the most important
criteria in a woman is her fidelity. Especially when a man has to give a large
portion of his resources to support the women and her children, he wants to be
certain that the children are his.

This biological instinct makes a woman who is hinting at being promiscuous a


big turn-off for a man who is ready to settle down. The quickest way a woman
can turn off a man who is looking for a relationship is through unfaithful and
promiscuous behavior. But if a man is searching for a candidate for a short-term
fling, this quality of being promiscuous is decidedly attractive.

Male insecurity about their bloodline explains some reasons why a hard-to-get
strategy works in many cases. By playing hard to get, a woman suggests that
she is extremely selective with her mates. She is demonstrating to the man that
if she eventually chooses him, she will remain faithful. There is wisdom in
making a man wait for sex until he has proved himself. It is a time-tested
strategy!

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47

What Makes a Man Notice You?

To draw a man in, you need to have qualities he is attracted to within the first few
minutes of seeing and talking to you. Since a man quickly makes decisions about
approaching

woman,

those

qualities

need

to

be

perceivable

and

unambiguous. They need to convey a clear message in a glance. To have a man


notice you and want to approach you, you need to have:

Sexually Charged Presence + Approachability

This means that you need to accentuate your physical attributes that appeal to a
man: luscious hair, rosy cheeks, clear skin and ripe lips.

A sexually charged presence has little to do with age and more to do with your
effort to present your most alluring self. Play up the physical attributes I
mentioned above and you will find you are drawing attention in a way you could
have never imagined before.

Also, use your facial expression and body language to convey the subtle message
that you love men and you are delighted by their presence.

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Men are insecure when it comes to approaching


a total stranger. No matter how attractive you
are to them, they will not approach you unless
they believe they have a good chance of
impressing you. Research has shown that if a
man believes that he can never impress or
please you, he wont even try. So a friendly,
open and good-natured presence is important to
encourage men to approach you.

A word of caution: you never want to reveal your interest too much. So, never
stare. A few sexy glances and a friendly smile will be sufficient. You want to
appear only lightly interested. That way, he will feel both encouraged and
challenged.

If you have done all the above and the man still does not approach you, he may
either (1) Have reasons not to, such as being in a committed relationship, or (2)
Not be very much into you.

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48

Let Him Take The Lead

Some women think it is acceptable to approach the man first and ask him
out. This approach works sometimes in the short term but it has many
disadvantages.

First, as we discussed before, men love to pursue. When you ask him out, you are
putting him in a position of being pursued. Secondly, when you start to pursue the
man, you subconsciously commit yourself to wooing him. When things dont
work out, your self-esteem will be bruised. And finally, when you take the
initiative, you never know exactly where you stand with the man.

While some men will see you as the goddess of their world, other men are just
looking for something amusing on the side. Its best to have the man approach
you. When that happens, you are sure of his intentions and are in a position of
strength.

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49

Get Him to Ask You Out

Once a man has approached you, you know that he must be very pleased with
your physical appearance or the part of your personality he can see from the
outside. The battle is half-won. What you need to do to get him to ask you on a
date is to make the conversation fun, fun, fun!

In particular, you want to:

Avoid any heavy subject. A man instinctively switches to a heavier tone and

a more serious mood when he starts to talk about heavy subjects, such as politics
or religion. Worse still, after the conversation, he will start associating those
heavy feelings he experienced in the conversation with you.

Understand that what you say is not the most important thing in this initial

conversation. He is so distracted by your beautiful smile and pretty face that he


wont remember the conversation word for word.

What he will remember, however, is the feeling you leave him with. This

is why being light, relaxed and playful will always work. You are creating a
positive and pleasant environment for him. For a man that is extremely
refreshing.

You dont want to reveal too much about yourself. You want the man to feel

so curious about you that he has to ask you out on a proper date to get to know
you. In fact, making yourself a bit mysterious always works to create more
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interest from the man.

A man will always enjoy the conversation if he gets to talk about himself.

Remember, it is the feeling you want to leave him with that is important, not
particularly what you say.

If by the end of the short conversation, he hasnt asked for your phone

number, dont offer it directly. Instead say something like maybe we'll run into
each other again. Who knows! When you do this, a man is not thinking about
the 1% possibility that he may run into you again. He is thinking about the 99%
possibility that he will never see you again.

If he still doesnt ask for your number, understand that some events in life are just
out of your control. You give your best shot and move on. Also, a woman should
know that sometimes a man feels it is polite to ask for a womans phone number
even when he has no intention of calling. Never take things personally. Instead
enjoy a busy and fabulous life.

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Chapter 9
Lessons From Legendary Seductresses

To turn up the volume of your sexual presence, I will give you seven secrets that
legendary femme fatales have used to seduce men of power.

History has provided records of successful and alluring women who understand
these powerful men on a fundamental level and who have used their knowledge
to their advantages.

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From the seductive Cleopatra, Lola Montez and Mae West to the elegant
Jacqueline Kennedy, these women used their feminine charm and knowledge of
male psychology to shape events according to their wills.

I have personally studied these famous women, looking for patterns and common
characteristics that explain their success. From their correspondence with friends
and family, their biographies, their old admirers journals and remembrances of
events, I discovered seven similarities among these women when they interact
with men.

50

Allow Him To Idealize You

No woman is more perfect than the ideal woman a man imagines inside his mind.
We are all mortals with imperfections but that ideal woman in a mans mind is
perfect. She can fulfill all his needs and desires. She can stir the deepest emotions
in him. She is his fantasy!

If you allow a man to idealize you and fantasize about you, you have him hooked.

His imagination will suggest all kinds of feelings about you to him. You do not
even have to do anything except maintain your distance while you allow his mind
to do all the rest. Distance from him is the key. If you become too familiar, it is
difficult for him to identify you with his ideal woman.

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51

Always Have The Upper Hand

The femme fatales never allow a man to think he has the upper hand. As a natural
pursuer, a man will get bored and feel restless when he knows he has your full
attention. No one wants to fight a battle that he knows he will win. Let him guess
where he stands with you and whether he has your attention. Allow him the thrill
that comes with uncertainty and the insecurity of not knowing where he stands.

52

Use Distance To Create Respect And Desire

Distance creates respect, mystery and admiration. Think about why people go
crazy about movie stars and celebrities. They are always distanced from the
crowd. They are like stars in the sky that can only be observed from a
distance. When we dont know everything about the other person, we speculate.
Our natural insecurities make us think that something unattainable and distant is
always better than what we have at hand. We admire and desire the unattainable.

53

Create Obstacles For Him To Overcome

The greatest seductresses understand the importance of having obstacles for men
to overcome. Sometimes they even cunningly create obstacles before they allow

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themselves to be caught. When a man overcomes an obstacle, the emotional high


that comes with overcoming a challenge will be directly associated with you.

54

Show Limited Availability

Think about it: do you feel more excited about going to a restaurant that is always
busy and requires a reservation at least a week in advance, or a restaurant that
you can always go whenever you want to? When you have limited availability
and turn down dates occasionally, a man starts to wonder all kinds of things. His
insecurities will eventually convince him that there must be other suitors who are
pursuing you as diligently as he is. As a natural competitor, he will only try
harder to prove himself to you.

55

Give Him Limited Options

Most men prioritize their lives based on the flexibility of things. A meeting that
cant be rescheduled under any circumstances is placed higher on a mans priority
list than something that is flexible and can be changed around.

A womans natural consideration sometimes makes her unconsciously want to


offer that flexibility to a man. When he tells a woman how swamped he is with
work and doesnt know which day of the week he will be available, she may feel

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tempted to offer that she would be happy to accommodate his schedule and will
make herself available any day of the week.

Or during the first few dates, when he complains that he lives too far from you
and is exhausted from work to drive that far, a woman may offer to meet at a
convenient location for him.

All this consideration and goodwill will move you lower and lower on a mans
priority list. Why would he want to make you the most important thing in his life
when he knows that you are flexible with last-minutes changes and will always
accommodate his needs?

Give a man limited options to choose from. Let him know that you wont travel
all the way to see him, or meet him for a late-night drink. He needs to take you on
a proper date and you wont meet him except the days you are available.

It is absolutely essential to set the right expectations with a man, especially at the
beginning of relationship. You have to let a man know that you are important and
need to be treated as such.

You will be surprised to see that when a man realizes this is the only way to court
you, he will treat you like the most important person in his world.

Later on, when you have developed genuine feelings towards each other, you can
be more considerate and understanding. But that is only after he has proved
himself.

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56

The Promise Of Sex is Always Better than the Actual

Sex at the Beginning of a Relationship


This is a time-tested truth. Sleeping with a man at the beginning of a relationship
causes all kinds of problems from him disappearing to his sudden loss of interest.

Making a man work for it is the best way to go. Also, by delaying sex, you will
know that the man who stays is really looking for a relationship rather than a
fling, since most men wont make too much effort when they are only looking for
a sexual encounter. But do let him know that, eventually, when he wins you over,
he will have it. Just not yet.

Overall, the above strategies work at creating attraction because they (1) create
enough space for a man to fully idealize the woman, (2) they trigger a man's
instinct to pursue and overcome challenges, and (3) they allow you to set the
right expectations with a man earlier on.

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Chapter 10
Electronic Communications Etiquette

57

How To Handle Phone Conversations With A Man?


A man judges you through perceivable
behaviors on your part. At the beginning of a
relationship, it is always best to present
yourself as a secure, mature and selfrespecting woman with clear emotional
boundaries.

You need to convey this message coherently


throughout all your actions, including your
electronic communication.

Here are some guidelines:

Dont take electronic communication lightly. Remember that less and


shorter are always better.

One general rule for all electronic communication is: you should always
limit your availability via electronic communication. You want to reward
one-on-one personal time and discourage a pen-pal situation.
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For phone calls,

The man should be the one to call and set up specifics about the date. If he
is interested in you, he will only be too glad to do so.

At the beginning of a relationship, you should only be replying to his


phone calls. Dont initiate calls. It can make you look insecure, no matter
how cool you sound on the phone.

Never return his phone calls immediately unless it relates to a last minute
change of plan. Appearing too available is not sexy. Instead, wait a day or
two and then get back to him.

A few months into the relationship, when everything is moving steadily,


you can relax a bit and call him once in a while, but never more
frequently than he calls you. A man may complain that you never call but
you can be sure that the next time he sees you in person, he will be that
much more excited.

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58

How To Handle Text Messages With A Man?

For text messages:

Unless it is an emergency, such as a last minute change of plan, I


personally discourage using text messages extensively at the beginning of
a relationship.

A man will sometimes send harmless little messages between the dates
such as hows your day, or hows it going? Always remember that
you are a busy, desirable woman who has a lot going on. You simply just
dont have the time to answer meaningless, cute messages.

As with phone calls, never reply within minutes of receiving his text
message. Being too available is not sexy.

59

How To Handle Emails With A Man?

For Emails:

Since emails can be long, some women like to give a man an update of
her life by sending long emails that detail her activities. This is a bad idea!

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How you live your life is none of his business. Make him wonder about
how your day goes.

As with the other forms of electronic communication, only reply to them


rather than initiate them at the beginning and wait at least a day to reply.
Remember, limited availability is always more desirable.

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Chapter 11
On His Attachment Styles

60

Different Types of Attachment Styles

There are three types of attachment styles: (1) secure, (2) drama, and (3) anti.
Understanding a mans attachment styles is extremely important. A guy can
become all hot and bothered by a woman but until he becomes emotionally
attached to her, he wont fall in love with her. Lets explain each of the three
styles in detail.

Men with a SECURE attachment style are what I call the good guys. These are
husband material, men you marry and the men who never give you a headache.
Roughly 60% of men have this type of love style. These men are my favorites.

The men with a DRAMA style LOVE drama. They can fall in love with a woman
within a few dates, experience all kinds of emotional ups and downs and may
lose interest before you know it. Roughly 25% of men have this type of love
style. I dont like them. They are too much trouble to deal with. They like to fight
with a woman one day and the next day get her flowers to apologize.
Men with an ANTI style are the emotionally unavailable type. They try to avoid
any type of emotional intimacy with a woman, as a way to combat their fear of
being hurt or abandoned by a loved one. These men generally lacked adequate
love from a primary care giver during their childhood. Roughly 25% of men have
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this type of love style.


Those are the three types of attachment styles. To make a man fall in love, a
woman should love him the way he wants to be loved. For example, being too
caring with a man who has an ANTI attachment style will make him feel
extremely uncomfortable and guarded. The better way with this type of
emotionally unavailable man is to mirror his attachment style, so hell feel
comfortable enough to open up.
Another thing to bear in mind is that the men with a DRAMA and ANTI
attachment styles have a much higher divorce rate compared to the SECURE
type. If marriage is your long-term goal, men with a SECURE attachment style
will be your best bet, even though you will probably have more fun with the
exciting DRAMA type and be intrigued by the ANTI types fascinating cool.

61

Make Different Types Of Men Fall In Love

How to make the SECURE type fall in love:


The secure type has a healthy image of himself and views most of his
relationships as fulfilling, enjoyable and happy. For him, try not to play hard to
get. Be respectful, mature, positive, and, most importantly, ON TIME. You wont
believe how many times men tell me that they hate it when a woman takes
forever to get ready for the date. It annoys men a lot. So, the next time, if he says
Ill pick you up at 7pm, be ready at 7.
Also, a woman should be responsive to his calls and inquires. He treats everyone
with respect and consideration and, in most cases, is looking for someone with

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the same qualities. For him things will be a bit slow, smooth and maybe just a
little boring sometimes. But he is the type of man wholl truly care for a woman,
love her despite all her faults and will be there for her. A woman probably wont
fall in love immediately but she will love him more and more as she discovers
what an amazing human being he really is.

How to make the DRAMA type fall in love:


The key to the DRAMA types dramatic heart are the emotional ups and downs.
That includes extreme happiness, sadness, anger, guilt, fear and loneliness. This
type of man lives for the excitement in life, loves the adrenaline rush and
anything that makes his heart beat faster. The woman he finds the most attractive
is the woman who makes him feel the most intense emotions but not necessarily
all good emotions. Sometimes this type of man may temporarily feel attracted to
the calm, mature woman whos in control of her emotions. But unless he has
changed, he normally goes back to the woman who makes him feel the most
alive.

How to make the ANTI type fall in love:


If there is one type of man that playing hard to get will work with, it is the anti
attachment type. For them being attached to someone means exposing themselves
to the possibility of being hurt or abandoned again. So especially at the beginning
of the relationship, the elusive approach works well. He will feel very
comfortable and even excited by a woman whos more the anti type than he is.
Once he feels comfortable with her and has convinced himself that he cannot
possibly get hurt, hell want to initiate the emotional bonding process. For him,
you cant, cant, cant corner him, rush him, or question him. Dont ask why hes

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not opening up to you or why he wont emotionally bond with you. You need to
be patient and wait until he is ready.
To wrap this up, a lot of problems in relationships are caused by one partner
trying to love the other person in his or her own ways, without considering the
other persons unique attachment style. For example, when a super caring woman
tries to love the anti type in her nurturing way, he most likely wont like it. So
keep on eye on the way you love your man and make sure thats the way he wants
to be loved. He will eventually form the emotional attachment necessary to move
this relationship to the next level.

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Chapter 12
On Creating Sexual Tension

62

What Creates Sexual Tension?


Fear,

stress,

curiosity,

danger,

unpredictability or even anger creates


sexual tension. I know this can be hard
to believe but scientific studies have
shown that it is indeed the case.

Tension and pressure directly relate to


sexual desires. Tension makes us
experience the same physical responses
of falling in love: sweaty palms,
increased heart rate, focused attention
on the object, obsession, and so on.

63

Use Sexual Tension to Your Advantage

You need to understand the concept of associated feelings. When you are in a
circumstance that is naturally exciting and fun, a man will unconsciously
associate that excitement with you. For example:

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Watching a horror film together has shown to increase a mans sexual desire
towards a woman.

Engaging in an adventurous activity will make a man associate the excitement


he experiences with you.

Involvement in his hobbies. A man chooses a hobby because he feels good


when he does it. Get involved and he will feel that you are the source of his
happiness.

Subtly hint at a resemblance to his ideal woman. Through indirect questioning,


you will eventually find how he believes his ideal woman should be. A subtle
resemblance to that ideal will make him desire you without giving the impression
that you are trying too hard.

Overall, at the beginning of a relationship, shoot more for fun, exciting and
adventurous experiences with a touch of danger and a hint of stress. Although
fear, anger and stress increase sexual tension, use them cautiously until you
totally understand where his boundaries are. Bringing peppered water to your
first date and threatening to torture him is not the best way to mesmerize your
suitor, although he will definitely remember you for a very long time. I guess you
can make yourself unforgettable that way!

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Chapter 13
How Emotional Bonding Helps You
Seal the Deal

64

The Essence Of Emotional Bonding

To move things to the next level, you need one key ingredient: emotional
bonding. In other words, a man has to feel that he shares an intimate emotional
bond with you and that you understand him better than anyone else in this world
and appreciate him for who he is.

Emotional bonding bridges two previously separate individuals. Suddenly, you


have twice the brainpower, twice the resources and twice the creativity to rely
upon. You feel powerful! This sense of power gives people that potent happyever-after feeling.

Relying on your pleasant personality or your sexually charged presence alone is


insufficient. An immature man will be easily satisfied with physical pleasure. He
simply lacks the mental depth to appreciate a higher level of emotional
connection. A high-quality man, on the other hand, wants something more than
the pleasure of the flesh; he wants an intimate emotional bond and the feeling
that you understand him better than anyone else in this world.

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To create this bond, both parties need to be open for emotions to flow, ideas to be
exchanged and feelings to be reciprocated. Once an emotional connection is
established, you can increase the intensity of the emotions until he falls in love.
Unfortunately men naturally try to resist womens attempts to establish an
emotional connection. Why do they do that? And, more importantly, what should
women do to bypass men's resistance?

65

Emotional Bonding vs. Physical Bonding

Some women confuse emotional bonding with physical bonding. For women the
two overlap in some ways. For example, after a woman sleeps with a man, she
normally starts to develop feelings for him. Or a woman is willing to take things
to a more physical level after she feels an emotional connection.

But for a man these two bonds are completely separate. A man is fine sleeping
with a woman when he doesnt feel an emotional connection with her.

Because of how a man views an emotional bond, a woman should understand that
a physical bond with a man can never substitute for or make a guy form an
emotional bond. A physical connection can delay the unavoidable break-up but a
man either has an emotional connection with you or he doesnt. You can normally
tell if he does from the very beginning.
Does he enjoy talking to you for hours and hours?

Does he want to get involved in activities with you that are non-sexual, such as
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going to a museum or walking in the park?

Or does he just want to meet for a drink and then go back to his place to have
some fun?

66

Signs that He Wants to Bond

He likes to ask you questions and wants to know what you think.

He respects your opinions and wants to listen to them.

He likes to talk to you on the phone.

He sends you intellectual gifts, such as books, CDs, or tickets for a


gallery opening.

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He compliments you by saying: You are so smart!

He likes your sense of humor and loves your jokes.

67

Signs that He Doesnt Want to Bond

He thinks that you talk too much.

He gets impatient when you offer your side of the story.

He loves to flirt with you but feels reluctant to talk about anything nonsexual.

He never asks you out for a daytime date and always asks you out for
night-time dates, such as a drink, followed by the question, Your place
or mine?

He hates talking on the phone.

You feel the conversations are boring or you bore him.

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He texts you more than he calls you. Texting, for some men, is a way to
create distance from a woman.

Even when a guy wants to form an emotional bond with you, they often have a
very difficult time doing so. This has made many women, me included, very
frustrated. Why cant they just get it?

68

Why Won't He Bond with You?

Women are natural communicators. They distinguish themselves by their talent to


tune into other peoples emotions. They are more expressive with their feelings
and can easily establish the emotional connection that falling in love requires.

Its amazing to me that sometimes I can talk to a woman for a few minutes and
realize immediately that she can tell how people feel by their facial expressions,

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body language and little conversational clues.

But a guy is just clueless with a big C! I tried to ask a guy once how he thought a
woman across the room who looked clearly upset was feeling. The poor guy
looked at me with such confusion in his eyes and said: Well, I guess I would
have to go and talk to her to find out!

Do you see how guys are different from women when it comes to understanding
emotions and establishing an emotional bond? When a woman is attracted to a
man, she is ready to share her feelings. She willingly opens the door to her inner
world and assumes that the mans door to his inner world is also
open. Unfortunately his is shut.

Compared to a womans, the door to a mans inner emotional world is heavily


guarded. And a man does it on purpose. A glimpse into a mans inner world
provides valuable information about his character and, most importantly, his
weaknesses. Many of those weaknesses are sources of his insecurities.

Known for his ability to be calm, rational and decisive, a man guards the door to
his emotional world like a dragon guards its treasure. He understands that if he
allows all his emotions to show and be known, he will be perceived as weak and
his masculinity will be destroyed. So a man thinks the best way to protect
himself is to hide his emotional world from the outside.

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69

Mistakes Women Make

A woman cannot force a man to open the door to his inner world. Despite this, a
woman will often try. She will first express her intense feelings and hope for
emotional reciprocation. When he fails to reciprocate, she begins to
complain. Sensing that her complaints are failing, she tries to convince him how
wonderful she is and how great a partner she will make.

Trying to convince an emotionally- closed man will never work. Any perceptible
effort on your part will make him resist you.

Have you ever experienced a pushy cosmetics salesperson who tries to convince
you to buy this foundation or that eye shadow? How did you react? You resisted.
You became defensive, annoyed and wanted to flee the store as soon as possible
because you felt that you were being pushed into something.

In fact, you might have stayed and bought the product if the salesperson had
given you enough space to make up your own mind. But you were so busy trying
to resist the salespersons pushy technique that you did not realize you actually
might have wanted to buy.

Or, if in a moment of weakness, you allowed the salesperson to persuade you to


make the purchase, you would come to resent that person later on. You felt
annoyed that you got pushed into buying something that you didnt really
need. You also felt ashamed that you allowed someone to take advantage of your
weakness.

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When you try to convince a man to emotionally bond with you, he is


experiencing these same feelings. If he wants a committed relationship, he will
feel annoyed that you beat him to it. If he doesnt want a committed relationship,
he will feel upset if you try to push him into it. If you display any anger or hurt
feelings, he will resent you for making him feel guilty. When a woman goes into
the behavioral pattern of trying to convince a guy and demonstrate what a great
partner she will make, he will feel the urge to resist her, even if she actually is the
right woman for him.

70

Bypass A Man's Resistance

You can never convince a man to open up to you, share his feelings and connect
with you. This is one area in life where trying less will help you more. The more
you try, the more pressure a man feels, the more he will resist your efforts and the
less likely youll be to get anywhere.

It is important to realize that for a man to establish an emotional bond with you,
he has to feel that you have well-defined emotional boundaries. That means:

You dont just open up to anyone.

You are not emotionally needy and have control over your feelings.

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You dont seek approval or permission from him.

You dont need anyone else to be happy.

In addition to well-defined emotional boundaries, you need to show a man that:

It is perfectly safe for him to open the guarded door of his inner world. A
man fears rejection and failure. Presenting yourself as a concerned and
caring person with willing ears will persuade him to initiate the process of
establishing an emotional bond with you.

A man also needs to feel that the only way he can get to know you is to
first open up himself. Have you noticed that when one person in a
relationship is a bit distant, it makes the other person try harder and open
up more to establish the connection? When you are not in a hurry to
establish the connection with him, he will hasten the process and come to
you. Its much better this way!

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Chapter 14
Mindful Practice

71

Importance Of The Practice

As we talked about earlier, there is a huge difference between knowing something


on a theoretical level and knowing how to do something on a practical level. You
need sufficient practice. There is no question about it. And this is one area that I
unfortunately cannot help you with.

Youll have to be responsible for yourself and put yourself out there to master the
skills via a lot of practice. You cant pay someone to do your push-ups. Similarly,
you cant buy a book to substitute the practice part. Seduction and making a man
fall for you is an art that has many subtleties and nuances. It takes a lot of
practice to become really good at what you are doing. But there is one thing I can
guarantee you; if you work hard and practice a lot, youll have a competitive edge
over 99.9% of women in the dating world.

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72

Keeping Your Options Open


During the initial phase of practice, you
really need to keep your options open.
The

Mindful

Practice

is

your

experimenting phase and you cant afford


to practice with one man and one man
only. It will take too long and youll lose
the benefit of learning what truly works
for you via comparison.

In addition, I cant stress enough what having a lot of options will do to your
dating mindset and the amazing effect it will have on your interaction with men.
This is how this works:
If the man you are dating is the only man in your life, even though you might be
the most secure, independent and confident woman in the entire world, you will
become clingy. Well, even the most beautiful supermodel will become clingy if
the man in front of her is her only shot. A woman just cant help it!
Now, imagine that you have 30 guys chasing you, asking you out, calling you,
texting you and courting you. Would you still feel nervous about one of them not
calling you or not returning your phone call? No, you would simply be too busy
to care. Here are all the benefits of having a lot of options:

You immediately stop feeling insecure, clingy, or needy, since you will be
too busy thinking about how to avoid the few annoying guys.

You immediately get a boost of confidence. I feel great when guys seek

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my attention and flirt with me. That is just human nature.

You immediately become playful. Being playful requires a relaxed mental


state and a carelessness about end results. Its amazing that when you stop
worrying about how things will turn out with a guy, you really start to
have fun. You will start to tease him, flirt with him and feel more freedom
to express yourself because at the back of your mind, you know if you
mess up with this one, theres a line of men waiting.

Many of my readers say to me: Well, we know its great to have many options,
but we work, live, or socialize within a small circle of friends and we just dont
have many opportunities to meet men.

73

Online Dating

I know some women still feel hesitant


about online dating. But I highly
recommend that you give it a try.
Online dating is a great way to give you
many options. You will be amazed by
how many good looking guys are out
there looking for their princesses.

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74

How to Flirt

Flirting does not always mean giving sexual hints (it can be though). Flirting is
more about being friendly and PLAYFUL with everyone who crosses your path.
The next time you go to a grocery store, comment on the cashiers nice haircut.
The next time you get a cup of coffee start a friendly chat with a person next to
you in line. By engaging in flirty small talk with people you not only practice
your flirting skills, but also open your eyes to the world full of lovely people who
enjoy your company. Having a lot of options not only makes you feel good, it
also drives a guy crazy when he knows he has a lot of competition.

75

Sexual Appeal: the Double Edged Sword

A womans sexual power, in my opinion, is her most valuable asset when it


comes to attracting men. Think about how much money and time men spend on
magazines like Playboy and porn websites. You get the idea. Many men will do
anything to get sex.
But theres a twist. A womans sexual power has two drawbacks.
First, over the centuries, men in power have realized how potent and destructive a
womans sexual power can be (think about how much trouble Cleopatra and
Helen of Troy caused for men). To diminish a womans sexual power, male elites
created certain ethical codes to teach men to have a defense system against
falling victim to a womans sexual power. In particular these ethical codes
taught people (women included) to view the pursuit of sensual pleasure as

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something low and sinful.


Because of the ethical codes and the defense system that is in many mens
and even some womens minds, it is crucial that you exercise your sexual power
in a tactful way. In reality people tend to distrust and despise any obvious and
direct mention or demonstration of a woman's sexual power. If you consider how
people talk about strippers, prostitutes, or women with multiple lovers, you will
get the idea. When a woman displays her sexual power in a direct way, a mans
defense system is automatically switched on. Thats why when you sit in a bar
and observe which women the best looking men approach, you will see that the
tastefully dressed women are much more popular than the provocatively dressed
ones.
Another drawback about a womans sexual power is that this power can be
temporary. Once a woman gives in to sex, the game is over. I know many people
wont like the sound of it but many men are simply not interested in having a
relationship. They are more interested in overcoming the challenge of winning a
woman over. It has been said that the prize for a guy is to get a woman to bed,
while the prize for a woman is to get a guy to the altar.
So what is the best way for a woman to exercise her sexual power without being
limited by the two drawbacks?
The solution is to withhold sex until he has proved himself (in the meantime,
kissing, hugging and some heavy petting are fine).
Heres why it works: a sexual bond is a very fragile bond for a man. This means
that a man is okay sleeping with a woman, even when he has no intention of
having a serious relationship with her. From his perspective, he reasons, Hey, I
have nothing to lose!

But from a womans perspective, she does having

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something to lose.
From my experience of coaching women, I have observed that even though a
woman might be okay with a physical relationship at the beginning, as things
develop she will become emotionally attached and want something more from the
guy. When the guy refuses to move things forward, it creates all kinds of
headaches and problems for the woman. Its just not worth it.
Lets see why withholding sex is a much better way to go about it, even though
you might be crazy about the guy.
First, by withholding sex you avoid the negative connotation that society and men
associate with promiscuous women. If you sleep with him on a first date, a man
will question your character. He will wonder if you do this with other men too.
Secondly, by withholding sex you trigger and encourage relationship building
behavior from men. At the same time, you eliminate the men who are just in it for
a fun time. If a man is only interested in sex, he wont stick around long enough
to prove himself. In that case, let him go. Hes not worth it. But when a man is
interested in having a relationship with you, he will be willing to stick around to
prove himself AND respect you for setting the boundaries AND feel grateful that
you fit his expectations of how a good woman should behave.
I am telling you all this so that you can see how things have evolved over many
centuries and so you can exercise your sexual power in a tactful way to achieve
the best results.

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76

Never Quit

I heard a story once about this hard-working gold miner who had spent a huge
fortune and years of his life looking for the gold mine to make him the richest
person in America.
He tried and tried but after many years decided it would never work. He sold all
his mining equipment cheaply to another miner and left disappointed. It was later
discovered that just one mile from where this man stopped his mining was one of
the biggest gold mines in the United States. All his time, effort and investment
were wasted because he quit just one mile from the good fortune he could have
found.
The point here is that on your journey of finding and keeping a long-lasting love,
there will be difficult times, disappointing times and unbearable times when you
question why it hasnt worked out yet. You will question why your true prince
hasnt revealed himself and how long you have to keep trying.
My advice is: Never Quit and Keep Trying. Because when you keep trying,
youre very likely to succeed. But when you quit, youll NEVER succeed. And
Ive found that luck is such a funny thing: it plays with you and frustrates you by
delaying its entrance. But once it realizes that it cant make you quit, it shows up
as a surprise!

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77

The True Beauty of an Unforgettable Woman

I want to take this opportunity to thank you for taking this journey with me. An
unforgettable woman is a rare thing in today's society. Shes emotionally mature.
She never leaves things to chance and will persistently go after what she wants in
life. An unforgettable woman is a happy woman who understands that being
happy, in essence, is the result of making smart choices.
This book covered a lot of fundamental principles, general patterns in men and
some practical advice. But the journey doesn't end here. From now on youll need
to use the knowledge youve acquired and practice, practice, practice until youve
mastered the art of attracting men.
Finally, I want to introduce you to my two best friends, who will help you on
your future journeys. Their names are persistence and hope. They are what have
carried me through the tough times, the heartbreak and many, many obstacles in
my personal life. I hope you can extend a hand and invite them into your life as
well. I wish you great happiness in life. Along the way, enjoy having a fascinating
journey, something to pursue, something to hope for and someone to love

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Super Bonus #1
($ 10.00 Value)

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13 + 1 Characteristics That Naturally


Attract Men

By Alexandra Fox

Copyright 2008-2009
Unforgettable Woman Publishing
All Rights Reserved

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Disclaimer

13 + 1 Characteristics That Naturally Attract Men is copyrighted with all rights


reserved. It is illegal to copy, steal, or distribute any part of this work without
written permission from Unforgettable Woman. Anyone who attempts to violate
this copyright will be punished to the fullest extent of the law.

By using the materials presented in 13 + 1 characteristics that naturally attract


men, you agree that the materials presented are for personal entertainment
purposes only and should not be considered legal, professional, or personal
advice. You agree that you are responsible for your own actions. You understand
that the Author assumes no responsibility for errors, accuracy, omissions, or any
interpretation of the subject matter herein. The Author assumes no responsibility
or liability whatsoever on the behalf of any Reader of these materials. When you
use these materials, you agree to the Privacy and Terms listed on my website.
You must be 18 or older.

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Introduction

Many years ago, I used to think attracting men depended solely on your looks. I
thought there was nothing a woman could do about it: either you had it or you
didn't. I remember how I admiringly gazed at tall, blond attractive women and
said to myself, Wow, isn't she lucky? The perception dominated my mind for a
long time, and as a result, I did nothing whatsoever to improve my chances with
men. I thought I should date within my league and accept the fact that the nice
guy who sells hot dogs at the train station was my best bet.
It was not until I met Julie, an average-looking girl working at the same company
as me, that I changed my perception. Julie was the quintessential example of a
lucky girl who snapped up the hot boss. Her huge success gave me hope, but also
a conviction that there is more than just looks when it comes to attraction.
After studying common patterns among women who are naturally successful with
men for a few years now, I have discovered 13 + 1 characteristics that naturally
attract men. I call it 13 + 1 because there's one essential characteristic.
Without it, the 13 other attractive characteristics won't matter at all.
This one thing is a woman's sex appeal.
When a guy says, I want a woman who knows what she wants, what he really
means is, I want a sexy woman who also knows what she wants. Or, when a
guy says, I want a woman who is ambitious and has goals in life, what he really
means is, I want a sexy woman who is also ambitious and goal-oriented. Do
you see how it works now? A woman's sex appeal is the most essential thing
when it comes to attracting men. Without that sex appeal, a woman can have 100
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attractive characteristics and will only be considered a buddy or a platonic


friend by a guy.

Sex Appeal and Beauty are Two Different


Things

Some women make the mistake of thinking that you have to be beautiful to have
sex appeal. They tell themselves, If I'm not born with a pretty face, I will never
be sexy. This can't be further from the truth. For example, Pamela Harriman , a
highly controversial woman, was a plain looking woman and dated some of the
most handsome and richest men in the 20th century. When Georgette Mosbacher
asked her husband what he thought about Pamela, his answer was, She is sexy!
Let's go deeper and see what sex appeal really is. Sex appeal, in essence, is a
woman's ability to arouse a man sexually. The challenge of a woman's sex
appeal is that it has to indirect, non-verbal, and subtle at the beginning of a
relationship. I know it's very unfair, but society and men have double standards
when it comes to women's sexuality. There's nothing we can do to change other
people's opinions. We can only learn what works and adjust our behaviors based
on that. Your sex appeal can be communicated three ways:

Big smile:
Being approachable is sooooooooo important! If you can go inside a
guy's mind, you'll discover that, no matter how tough or confident he
looks, a guy is normally scared to death when approaching a woman. A
big smile will give him enough encouragement to come over and say hi.

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Body Language:
Fluidity and elegance are what you want to shoot for. I think the best way
to learn this is to watch famous burlesque dancers, such as Dita Von Tease
or Michelle L'amour. They both have a style that's sexy and elegant.

Voice:
No matter what others tell you. A person's voice can be dramatically
improved with the right techniques. Many women go for the Marilyn
Monroe breathy voice. It's indeed sexy, but making that kind of breathy
voice puts a lot of strain on your vocal cords and is harmful for your voice
long term. I recommend purchasing some voice programs. Roger Lover
is one of the best when it comes to developing a magnificent voice. Get
one of his programs.

It will benefit both your personal and your

professional life.

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The Other 13 Essential Characteristics That


Make You Irresistible

Once a woman has sex appeal, the addition of the following characteristics will
make her irresistible.

To explain these characteristics, here are some quotes taken directly from guys.
I'll explain in detail what these quotes reflect about what a guy really desires in a
woman

I want a woman who has her sh*t together!


When you listen to a bunch of guys talking about women over beer, this is
one of the most common things you'll hear. What does a guy mean when
he says this? What are the things he wants his woman to have together?
The simple translation of a woman who has her sh*t together is a
woman who has self-reliance. I'm sure you have an idea of what this
means. A woman who's self-reliant is a woman who's able to meet her
various needs in life independently. It means, if one of her needs is to
have 10 pairs of new shoes a month, she'll have the financial resources to
buy them. If one of her needs is to feel happy and fulfilled, she'll have a
social network in place. And, most importantly, she's able to be happy
just by herself. She doesn't need a friend or a man to make her feel good.
She's financially and psychologically self-sufficient.

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I want a woman who knows what she wants!


She has specific goals in life and is persistent about going after them
without being pushy and harming others in the process. She is not afraid
to let others know what she wants. For example, when a woman doesn't
like the fact that her guy always shows up a few minutes late, she will
calmly let him know and suggest changing the time of their meetings 10
minutes later to give him enough time.
Another example, when a man is not ready to be committed to her, she
doesn't get upset. She simply agrees with him and comes back to the
topic tactfully later. If the guy you are seeing doesn't like to talk about
commitment or moving the relationship forward, don't force the topic, get
upset, or whine about it in the moment. Instead, let him know you
understand how he feels about it. Then, do things indirectly that will get
him in commitment mode.

You aren't trying to be tricky or

manipulative. You are not kidnapping a man and dragging him to the
altar, and you're not forcing a man to commit to or marry you. You are
only doing whatever works to get what you want.

I want a woman who loves herself more than she loves me!
I was a bit surprised when I first read it in the bestselling book Why Men
Marry Some Women and Not Others. As the title suggests, the author,
John Molloy, conducted detailed scientific research that showed why men
chose to marry some women, but not others. A woman who loves
herself more than she loves me was one of the things John Molloy
discovered about the kind of women that men marry. When I thought
more about it, it started to make sense. A woman who loves herself wants
to improve herself constantly. What guy won't want a woman who only
becomes better and more desirable as time goes on?

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I want a passionate woman


A passionate woman is exciting, fun, and most importantly very, very
RESPONSIVE. When a guy uses the phrase passionate woman, he's
thinking about it in contrast to the sexually and emotionally cold woman.
It's every guy's worst nightmare to have a woman who gives him a blank
face after he tells her a joke or a woman who is completely silent and
frozen in bed. As a guy once said, I would pick an average looking,
but passionate woman who's eager in bed anytime over a cold, beautiful
woman.

A confident woman is sexy!


Have I ever told you the story of my friend who, whenever a guy says,
You are beautiful, always answers, I know. Guys love it when a
woman has confidence in herself and knows that she's a catch. A woman
mostly shows her confidence through her body language. A guy can
quickly gauge a woman's confidence by the way she walks, the way she
stands, and the way she looks at people (direct eye contact). If you
currently are unsatisfied with your body posture or how you walk, I
recommend watching Naomi Campbell (learn her walk, not her attitude),
Heidi Klum, or Gisele Bunchen. They all have a confident, sexy walk.
Spend five to ten minutes everyday walking around your living room,
mimicking them. Play some hot music in the background and have some
fun!

I want a woman who makes me a better person!


What a guy really means is that he wants a woman who has backbone and
won't put up with any of his BS. If you ever want a guy to take you
seriously and think about having a future with you, you have to stand up
for yourself when he's pushing it. Really hot guys like to test a woman
and see how far she's willing to go to please him. They like to make

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unreasonable requests or behave in a bad way, such as showing up late


without any apology or just being rude.
I personally think complaining or telling him to change is not the best way
to deal with it. There's something more powerful and more effective:
silence. Just ignore him for a few days. When you don't return a guy's
phone calls, all kinds of terrible things go through his mind: he might
wonder if you're losing interest or running around and having a great time
with some other guy. A guy just can't stand the thought of being ignored!
Putting up with a guy's bad behavior or forgiving him without any
punishment is a bad, bad idea! If you do that, you're setting yourself up
for a lot of trouble later on. And he won't appreciate you a single bit for
it.

I want a woman who takes good care of herself


Of course, it is great if a woman is able to take care of herself physically,
emotionally, and spiritually. But when a guy says he wants a woman
who takes care of herself, he often means a woman who does
everything within her power to take care of her body. A guy sees how a
woman looks as a reflection of himself (That's why a lot of guys date
models). A guy will be okay with you not having the face of Audrey
Hepburn, but no guy will ever be okay with you allowing your body to
get out of shape and not doing anything about it.
I'll tell you the story of my friend Michelle. She was dating an extremely
successful man who owned a couple of insurance companies.

He

genuinely loved her. The lived together for two years, during which time
he paid for the rent, plus all of her expenses. Feeling like she had finally
found the one and the kind of lifestyle she desired, Michelle stopped
caring about how she looked. After she told me that her boyfriend hadn't

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had sex with her for a few months, I warned her and told her to be careful
with her appearance. Unfortunately, Michelle believed that he would
never leave her. A few months after that, she called me crying and told
me that he had just broken up with her. His reason: I can't live and spend
the rest of my life with a woman who doesn't care about herself. I can't
make love to a woman whose body I detest.

Emotional control:
Here's a story about emotional control that is unrelated to dating, but it
illustrates an important lesson. There used to be a little, angry boy who
yelled at his parents all the time. One day, his father said, James, how
about we do this? Every time when you yell at someone, just put a nail in
the fence. The boy agreed. After one day, the fence was filled with
nails. James was embarrassed to see so many nails in the fence. He went
to his dad and asked him what he should do about it. His father said, If
you could restrain your anger for a whole day, you could take out one nail
you've put in. James agreed. It took the boy one month and a half to
take all the nails out. By the time it was finished, James had learned how
to control his anger.
Dating can be a very emotional experience that comes with a lot of ups
and downs. A woman who knows how to manage her emotions and
refuses to allow any negative feeling to take a hold of her is extremely
attractive. It's a rare thing, and a man knows it!

I like a woman who has a sense of humor and loves to laugh


This one is huge! If you can make a guy laugh, it'll help the relationship
tremendously. Teasing a man is, in my opinion, the best way to show him
you have a sense of humor and don't take yourself too seriously. Teasing
is also a great way to bond with a man. If you observe carefully how men

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interact with one another, you'll notice that guys pick on each other in a
funny and friendly way. If you can mimic that, a guy will feel very
relaxed around you.

An intelligent woman is soooooooo sexy Interestingly, when it comes


to intelligence, a woman who is able to talk about any topic and provide
some interesting opinions is considered more intelligent than a woman
who, let's say, has a PhD in Nuclear Physics.

I want someone who's honest


Telling a guy that you prefer not to talk about something is totally fine. If
he asks you about past relationships that you don't want to go into, just
say, I'll tell you later or, I would prefer not to discuss it. A guy will
respect your refusal of answering a question much, much, much more
than a lie that he catches later. I know a guy who broke up with his
girlfriend for a little white lie. He told me, If she tells me a little lie now,
how can I be sure that she won't lie about other things and even cheat on
me one day?

Sense of adventure:
Courageous and fearless, an adventurous woman always wants to try the
next fun thing. Danger doesn't tame her; it only excites her. Adventurer
appeals to a man's desire for an active partner who has similar interests
and is fun to be around.

A sense of adventure is definitely NOT

something you're born with. I used to be a timid girl when I was in high
school. That all changed when I took a skiing trip to Vail. After that, I
tried surfing, skydiving, scuba diving, motorcycling, and many other fun
activities.

Try something new and fun, you'll be surprised by your

adventurous spirit!

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Curiosity:
A woman who wants to improve herself is curious about many things.
She wants to learn about how things work, ask questions, and take
initiative to find more information. A man loves it when a woman asks
about things that he's skilled at. That's a great way to show him that (1)
you have a curious mind and want to learn something new (2) you are
interested in him and want to learn about his life. The next time he talks
about his job or things he does, ask him to recommend a book on the topic
you can read. Then, you can discuss what you've learned the next time
you see him. He'll be very impressed!

Unattractive Characteristics

After talking about the characteristics that make a woman attractive, I have to add
a few words on the characteristics that make a woman unattractive and kill the
attraction for a man.

Needy or Insecure:
Being needy means that a woman demands constant attention from a guy.
If he doesn't call every day or tell her how much he likes her all the time,
she feels insecure.

Both of these characteristics are not attractive in

dating. Attractive guys use little clues to test how secure a woman is early
on. For example, a guy may purposely take a few days to call you or
return your phone calls, just to see if you can handle it. If you call him
after one day to find out why he hasn't called yet, he'll think you are
insecure.

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Highly sensitive:
This means that when a guy picks on a woman, she gets offended or
upset. It also means that she takes things very personally. For example,
when a guy says that he just wants to be friends, she takes it as a
personal insult. Or, when a guy looks at another hot woman for a few
seconds, she gives him hell!

Man-haters:
A guy told me once that one of the biggest turn-offs for a first date was
when a woman kept talking about how much her ex-boyfriends had
mistreated her. A man loves a woman who likes men in general, who
allows men to make mistakes, and who sees things in a positive light.
Never talk bad about your ex-boyfriends or past relationships.

Be

positive!

Emotional baggage:
I have got to be honest with you. I have had some pretty bad experiences
with men, and I used to keep the emotional baggage with me all the time.
As a result, I always assumed that the next guy would be just as bad as the
last one. It was not until I heard the following unrelated story that I
changed the way I thought and let the emotional baggage go:
There were two monks: One of them was in his 70s; the other was in his
20s. They were traveling together. Suddenly, they saw a woman who was
standing on the bank, trying to figure out how to cross the stream.
Apparently, she was intimidated by the fast-moving water. The old monk
in his 70s offered to carry her across the steam. The woman agreed. The
young monk was shocked, wondering how a monk in his 70s could do
such an embarrassing thing. He wanted to ask the old monk, but couldn't
gather the courage to do so. The young monk kept thinking about it, and

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two days later, he finally brought up the topic and questioned the old
monk. The old monk smiled and said, I only carried that woman for two
minutes; you carried her in your mind for two days.
I know that monks and dating are topics that are very far from each other,
but the lesson from the story is that a person can either choose to carry
emotional baggage for a long time after the fact or simply drop it when
the act is done. When a relationship ends between two people, it's a good
idea to do what the old monk did: Just let it go and don't allow it to weigh
on your mind.

Bad hygiene:
Some guys think the only place for a woman's hair is on her head. Also, a
woman should smell fresh and clean all the time. No bad smell, dirty
nails, or unshaved hair. If you can take things to the next level and make
yourself smell like a flower, that's even better!

A sense of entitlement:
A guy once told me, I hate it when a woman acts like she deserves all the
nice things in the world. The fact is when a woman is beautiful and men
keep telling her that, she eventually starts to feel that she deserves the
best. There's nothing wrong having high standards, but the problem is
when a woman DEMANDS that she is treated in the best way all the time.
A man is happy to do nice things for a woman when he likes her, but he'll
be upset if a woman doesn't appreciate the kind gestures and thinks that
he's supposed to do those nice things all the time.

Take some time and think about what we just talked about. I am a firm believer
in self-improvement by acquiring new skills. No woman is born perfect, but she
can make herself extremely desirable by working on characteristics that naturally

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attract men. It all comes down to spending time and effort on understanding how
attraction works and applying what you have learned over and over again until
you master the new skills. There's no mystery about attraction! It's simply hard
work

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Super Bonus #2
($ 10.00 Value)

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How to Deal with the Emotionally


Unavailable Man

By Alexandra Fox

Copyright 2008-2009
Unforgettable Woman Publishing
All Rights Reserved

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Disclaimer

How to Deal with the Emotionally Unavailable Man is copyrighted with all
rights reserved. It is illegal to copy, steal, or distribute any part of this work
without written permission from Unforgettable Woman Publishing. Anyone who
attempts to violate this copyright will be punished to the fullest extent of the law.

By using the materials presented in How to Deal with the Emotionally


Unavailable Man, you agree that the materials presented are for personal
entertainment purposes only and should not be considered legal, professional, or
personal advice. You agree that you are responsible for your own actions. You
understand that the Author assumes no responsibility for errors, accuracy,
omissions, or any interpretation of the subject matter herein. The Author assumes
no responsibility or liability whatsoever on the behalf of any Reader of these
materials. When you use these materials, you agree to the Privacy and Terms
listed on my website. You must be 18 or older.

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Introduction

On a lovely Monday morning, I was feeling perky and happy, sitting in front of
my computer and writing a Dear Reader newsletter.

Bing, I heard my

computer notifying me that I've got mail. It was an email from one of my loyal
readers who has been with me for a while. It said,
Dear Alexandra,
You're great and very talented! I've been reading your newsletters religiously and
very much enjoyed the advice and tips offered in them. My biggest challenge is
the man I've been dating for a year and a half. He was so charming and fun at the
beginning, but six months into the relationship, I've noticed that he's distant.
Whenever I try to emotionally connect with him, I feel that he either avoids me,
changes the subject, or tells me that he doesn't want to talk about it. I'm very
much in love with him and want to take things to the next level. But I feel every
time when I try to move things forward, I hit a wall. It seems like he has this
emotional shield that I can't possibly go pass. What should I do ...
This how it all started. After this email, I got a couple of more emails from my
loyal readers, who I love very much, about the difficulties dealing with emotional
unavailable men. Gosh, aren't these men troublesome! They look and act very
available at the beginning as charming, funny, considerate men. The only
problem is that six months later, they're still in the phrase of Let's just have fun
and it's okay that we don't emotionally bond.
If you talk with 10 women, more than half of them will probably tell you they
have or are dating men who are emotionally unavailable and who won't commit.
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They'll tell you specific things that he does that immediately ring a bell in your
head, Here's another one who's emotionally unavailable! What are some telltale signs that he might be the emotionally unavailable type?

Here are Direct Clues

He is uncomfortable expressing his love.


He constantly distances himself when the relationship becomes closer.
He gets uneasy when you ask how he feels about where the relationship is
heading.
When you ask what he's thinking (because you instinctively feel that something is
not quite right), he avoids you by watching TV.
He doesn't like to cuddle much.
Foreplay is never his thing. He likes to go right to the action.
His parents have a rocky relationship (I know it's not fair to judge him by his
parents, but you'll be surprised how accurate it is sometimes).
He hates talking about feelings, what he's thinking, or gets annoyed when you
push for answers.
He doesn't like the idea of marriage.

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Here are Some Indirect Clues

He has a very high opinion of himself.


He has a tendency to seek admiration.
He likes to say and do things in hope of receiving praise from others.
He doesn't react well to criticism.
He sometimes puts others down to elevate himself.
He has an unrealistic view of himself (eg. He thinks he's a sex god!)
He's fascinated by the rich and famous.
It's all about winning for him.

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What Does His Avoidance of Emotional


Bonding Tell You About Him?

An emotional bond, in a nutshell, is Communism. Yes, you heard me right! It's


all about SHARING, in this case, sharing the essence, the core, and the absolute
you with the other person. Within an intimate relationship, the two people know
each other's deepest feelings and innermost desires. As you can see, an intimate
relationship is very OTHER-ORIENTED, rather than SELF-ORIENTED. It's not
just you as one person anymore. It's two people, a male and a female, connected
by a special emotional bond.
For certain types of guys, this kind of intimacy is very scary for the following
two reasons:
First, if he's a very SELF-ORIENTED person, meaning that everything is about
him and what's in it for him, an intimate relationship that's very OTHERORIENTED doesn't sound like a good deal for him. Suddenly, he can't just do
things that make him happy. He has to think about what she wants, what she
likes, and how to make her happy.
Second, being in an intimate relationship requires each of the two partners to
show their true colors. No more of those polished exteriors to hide what's really
inside. This takes a lot of courage. I have to admit that it took me a long time to
get used to this. We all have our insecurities. Remember, how Bridget Jones got
uncomfortable with her wobbly bits in front of Mark Darcy? Yup, we all have
our wobbly bits, maybe not physically, but there are things in our lives that we
really hope people will never find out. Thus, for a man who may not be very

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conformable about revealing his imperfections, an intimate relationship sure


doesn't sound fun.

Why They are Who They are?

Although there are certain exceptions, the men who are emotionally unavailable
normally have had a childhood that involves an unloving parent. After not
receiving enough love, these men automatically developed a defense mechanism
that uses emotional distance to prevent pain.

Here's how they normally

rationalize this defense system:


If I won't allow myself to care or form any intimate
relationships with a woman, I will always be safe
and no one can hurt me or abandon me again
like my estranged mother (or father) has done.
So, as you can see, the center of his problems is really his fear of being hurt or
abandoned again by a loved one. Every time when a woman tries to open her
arms and get closer to his heart, he gets extremely uncomfortable and fearful of
the prospects of possible abandonment in the future. As a result, he pulls away.

His Insecurities about Himself

In addition to his self-developed defense mechanism against forming intimate


relationships, emotionally unavailable is also insecure about who he is. Again,

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this goes back to his early childhood when he didn't get adequate love from his
mother or father. Although it's totally irrational, he may have believed that the
reason his parent didn't love him was because he was not good enough and he
was undeserving of love.
When a woman like you comes along, he's afraid that when you get really close
to him and discover who he truly is under the charming, confident exterior, you'll
leave and abandon him just like his parent had done.

He Seeks External Sources of Validation

Money, fame, power, beautiful women, powerful friends, nice cars, nice houses
These are just some of the things that provide validation for his sense of self.
He uses worldly success to prove to people and HIMSELF that he's good
enough. In his professional life, you'll see many clear signs of success.

Why are We Attracted to Him?

Confident, charming, attractive, athletic, and competitive. Here are just a few
words to describe these men. Because of their focus on the external
representations of worldly success, they trigger a woman's attraction towards a
successful, confident, competent, socially dominant male who is physically
attractive. From the evolutionary point of view, it's in a woman's genes to feel
attracted towards the men who are the best providers for her and her offspring.
Well, who's a better candidate than a man who gives all the visible cues of

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success?

Plan A or Plan B?

Plan A: If you're not yet in love with him, you may want to give it a second
thought. I'm not saying you should break up with him. I'm just saying, give it a
second thought and give it a third thought. Compared with men who are
emotionally secure and who are comfortable with intimate relationships, a
woman has to work harder and deal with more problems.
Plan B: All right, my dear! You love him, love him, love him! You've thought
about it and it's too late to get out. If you really want him and are sure of it, I'll
help you get there. In what follows, I will talk about the characteristics that these
men find attractive.

What He Looks for in His Romantic Partner

This type of man looks for two things: (1) a mirror image of himself, or (2) his
ideal self (someone he hopes to become). For him, romantic love is not really
about love, intimacy, or the other partner. It's more about how his image of
himself is being reflected in this two-person dynamic. He is attracted to a woman
who can externally match him, either through physical beauty or worldly
success, as well as someone who can internally match him, either through
similar love style or similar way of thinkings (such as a me-centered way of
seeing the world or a me-centered way in social interactions).

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4 Characteristics that He's Attracted To

Attractive Characteristic #1: Self-Sufficiency


As someone who dislikes emotional intimacy, he is attracted to a self-sufficient
woman. It's extremely attractive and relaxing for him to know that she won't
need much emotional or financial support from him. She can handle her own life
and satisfy her own needs by herself, including both emotional and material
needs. For example, if one of her needs is to have 10 pairs of new shoes a month,
she'll have the financial resources to buy them. If one of her needs is to feel
happy and fulfilled, she'll have a social network in place. And, most importantly,
she's able to be happy just by herself. She doesn't need a friend or a man to make
her feel good. She's financially and emotionally self-sufficient.

Attractive Characteristic #2: Ambition


This goes more along the line of being a woman who has her own goals in life
and who wants to achieve things for herself. For some women, having a happy
family, being a good mother and a good wife are what they want to have. This is
an admirable dream! But for him, this is not very attractive. A self-centered man
likes a woman who wants to create her own interesting, adventurous, exciting
world that he can be part of, rather than the other way around. Therefore, an
independent woman who wants to focus on non-family oriented goals will be
what he's looking for.

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Attractive Characteristic #3: Little Need for Emotional Intimacy


We've talked before about how a self-centered man is most comfortable when he
is emotionally detached. He feels the safest and is most relaxed when he knows
that there's no way he'll be hurt or abandoned again. Because of this, he likes the
company of a woman who allows him to be himself, to be conformable, and not
feel guilty about being emotionally closed down. A woman who's in love with
this type of man should have a very established support system with trusting
friends and caring family members, because she won't get enough emotional
support and intimacy from her man.

Attractive Characteristic #4: Non-Caring (and I'm not kidding about this
one!)
Being caring is a good quality to have, but not in the case of dating and having a
relationship with a man who's afraid of intimate relationships. When a woman
lets her nurturing side and caring personality surface, he will be on guard,
suspicious, and try everything to resist her attempts to soften him up. Leave him
be! Let him know that if he needs something, you'll be there.

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3 Characteristics He's NOT Attracted To

Unattractive Characteristic #1: Neediness


Being needy means that a woman demands constant attention from him. If he
doesn't call every day or tell her how much he likes her all the time, she feels
insecure. These characteristics are not attractive in dating in general, but they are
extremely unattractive for men who don't like intimate relationships. She has to
be self-sufficient, self-reliant, and independent. That's his type. I personally
think it's a bit too much for a woman to never be needy and I personally think it's
perfectly healthy for a woman to have a strong shoulder to lean on during tough
times. But neediness is not something this type of man likes in a woman.

Unattractive Characteristic #2: Strong Need for Emotional Intimacy and


Open Communication
Some women's love styles are more geared towards open communication, shared
feelings, and a strong need for emotional intimacy. I think this love style will
make these women perfect candidates for certain types of men who are NOT
afraid of intimate relationships. As we talked before, emotional intimacy is very
other-focused, rather than self-focused. This means that a person experiences
emotional intimacy when he or she tries to understand the other person and step
into the other person's shoes, which is not something the self-centered man is
comfortable doing.

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Unattractive Characteristic #3: Mediocrity


Because of his overachieving personality, he may have a hard time relating to a
woman who's okay with just being average. One thing a self-oriented man loves
is a woman who is constantly striving to succeed. She wants to improve her
mind and learn about this world to become a more informative, more
knowledgeable, and more sophisticated person. Focus on yourself, your own
priorities in life, you'll get a self-oriented man hooked.

Finally, the Million Dollar Question, Can I


change him?

Yes and No! I know I'm starting to sound like a politician, but I won't be cynical
here and say you can never change him. Give both of you a chance! Here's the
way to change him, providing that he can be changed:
Have a talk with him and cover the following things:

You need to look calm and be calm. If you feel annoyed or angry during
this talk, stop it and do it another day.

Tell him that you love him and you've realized that being emotionally
intimate is not something he's very comfortable with.

Tell him that being emotionally intimate is something very important to


you and you don't think you can be truly happy in a relationship without
it.

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Tell him that you want to give both of you a chance to work this out.

Finally, the most important part is to give him a deadline.

I think

anywhere between 3 and 6 months is a good time table. You can say this,
I really want to work this out during the next ___ months. I sure hope
you can become more emotionally open with me by then. But I know that
I can't change who you are. If by the end of ___ months, we still can't
solve this problem, I will have to regretfully walk away.
If after that time period, you have noticed that he made a big effort to be more
emotionally open with you, CONGRATULATIONS, you've found a good man
who loves you and who is willing to change for you.
If after that time period, he hasn't changed how he behaves, I want to say this:
You deserve to be in a relationship that makes you happy. He has proven to you
that he won't change. Giving him more time won't turn him around. Either he's
willing to make the efforts or he isn't. So, accept the fact that he is not the man
who can truly make you happy and move on. It will be painful for a while, but
trust me, time will heal the wounds. I've cried on my pillows every night for
weeks when I broke up with an ex like this, but I did it and you can too. Think of
it as a bad flu! It feels so terrible when you have it, but you will get over it
Yes, you will!

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Conclusion

To wrap this up, if you want a man who's emotionally unavailable to bond with
you, the best thing you can do to is to focus on yourself, improve your self, and
worry less about him. The more you revolve your life around yourself and what
makes you happy, the more he will be intrigued. The more exciting your life is,
the more he will want to be a part of it. The more self-reliant you are, the more
he will want to be there for you. The more you don't need emotional intimacy,
the more he will be OPEN to the idea of establishing an emotional bond with
you.

I know this is counterintuitive!

But if you want to bond with an

emotionally unavailable man, this is the way to do it! Take good care of yourself
and always PUT YOU FIRST!

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Super Bonus #3
($ 10.00 Value)

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The Sensual Woman

By Alexandra Fox

Copyright 2008 2009


Unforgettable Woman Publishing
All Rights Reserved

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Disclaimer

The Sensual Woman is copyrighted with all rights reserved. It is illegal to


copy, steal, or distribute any part of this work without written permission from
Unforgettable Woman. Anyone who attempts to violate this copyright will be
punished to the fullest extent of the law.

By using the materials presented in The Sensual Woman, you agree that the
materials presented are for personal entertainment purposes only and should not
be considered legal, professional, or personal advice. You agree that you are
responsible for your own actions. You understand that the Author assumes no
responsibility for errors, accuracy, omissions, or any interpretation of the subject
matter herein. The Author assumes no responsibility or liability whatsoever on
the behalf of any Reader of these materials. When you use these materials, you
agree to the Privacy and Terms listed on my website. You must be 18 or older.

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Introduction
A sensual woman is one who's very much in touch with her body and the
pleasures of her flesh.

Many people believe in the inside out approach,

meaning a person's inner happiness and fulfillment will affect how a person looks
on the outside. A sensual woman, however, has an outside in approach. This
means she believes that physical pleasures will make her feel fulfilled inside.
The ideas I discuss here will be considered risqu by some and objectionable by
others. But I believe a woman's sensuality is something you have to let go of in
order for it to blossom. Because of this, I won't, won't, won't shut up!

On Understanding Your Own Body


Descartes had his famous motto know thyself. As a sensual woman, you have
to know your body. Without knowing her body, a woman in the bedroom will
be like a blind person trying to find her way out, a troublesome situation. Add a
clueless man to the picture and we begin to see something that closely resembles
a disaster. A woman's body is something so beautiful, mysterious, complicated,
and interesting that a curious person will never get tired of exploring it.
Understanding your own body won't just allow you to stay in touch with your
sensuality, it will open the door to a new world of ecstasy for you. Here are some
ways to understand your own body:

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How do your sexual urges fluctuate within a day, a week, or a month?


I know some days, I just don't feel like it, no matter how hot my dates are.
It wasn't until I started to pay attention to how my sexual urges change by
keeping a journal about that, I began to recognize some patterns. Try to
figure out your body's natural rhythms!

What are your sensitive spots?


Is that your ears, your inner thighs, your lips, your neck, your breasts, or
your back? Is there any hidden spot that you've never noticed before?
This is how to find out your sensitive spots: Use either a feather or a silky
handkerchief (my personal favorite) to lightly and gently caress each part
of your own body. Don't miss a single spot. Try to pay attention to even
the slightest sensation and find out which spots really do it for you.

Caution: make sure you do this in a relaxed environment with total


privacy (If you suspect your roommate may bump into your room any
minute and ask your opinion on her new dress, don't choose that time
slot). You need your full attention to feel your body's natural response.
Any kind of distraction is bad. Knowing where your sensitive spots are is
a great first step to showing your man how to please you.

How much pressure is just right?


Most women love gentle touch, but how gentle? Do you like barely being
touched, a gentle caress, a nibbling, or a harmless bite?

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Does your body respond to specific words, a certain male voice tone,
certain types of music, or other things?
For me, saxophone (I used to call it sexphone) is my trigger. What's
yours?

And finally, the most important tool to getting to know your own
body is masturbation.
If you feel a bit embarrassed about it, don't! There's nothing wrong with
masturbating. You're hurting no one in the process and will benefit a lot
from it. Here's one benefit: happy women live longer! Start with a
vibrator on your clitoris if you've never tried it before. Once you know
how it feels to have an orgasm, use your fingers to massage your clitoris
to get yourself to climax. Although using a vibrator is relatively easy,
using your fingers alone to reach an orgasm proves to be a challenge for
some women. Keep trying! Remember, once you figure it out, your body
will become more sensitive to similar, repetitive stimulus. Eventually,
you'll be able to achieve an orgasm within a relatively short time and even
multiple orgasms in a single session.

Ways to Get in Touch with your Sensuality


What's a better way to feel sexy than involving yourself in activities that
celebrate your body? Here are some of my favorites:

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Hot Bath:
I just love, love this one! I actually have a bath twice a day. I start my
day with a hot bath, while reading my newspaper and drinking my coffee.
One hour or so before going to bed, I jump into a bubble bath and play my
favorite music in the background (this month, it's Enigma).

Caution: after taking a bath, you'll feel excited and awake. So, don't do it
too close to bedtime.

Dancing Naked:
Some of my girlfriends who tried it felt a bit embarrassed when they
danced naked the first time. But once they got into it, they just couldn't
stop. When you are alone, try dancing in front of a mirror with no clothes
on. Celebrate your body and the way you look! Play some hot, sexy,
dance music. Have fun, sister!

Exotic Dance/Pole Dance:


Taking a class in exotic dance or pole dance at a local dance studio does
wonders to the way a woman feels about herself. A woman has to feel
sexy to look sexy. On your boyfriend's birthday, how about giving him a
private dance? You don't have to learn everything. One well-practiced
routine is good enough.

Sensual Massage:
Scented candles, romantic lights, massage oils (the type that you can lick
and eat), and your favorite music in the background. What could be
better? Before you do all this with your loved one, try to get a DVD or a
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book on the topic of sensual massage to learn some basics. You can then
teach them to your guy or give him an amazing massage that he will
remember forever and will definitely want more of!

Sensual Desserts:
There's something very sexy about eating sweet, mouth-watering desserts.
The temperature of the desserts is as important as the taste. Make it either
really hot or really cold. Also, it's always a great idea to eat it from each
other. It's soooooooo much fun!

Skinny Dipping:
This is something you have to try! You'll feel so free with your body and
your spirit.

Sexy Underwear:
My philosophy is either to go sexy (and comfy too) or bare.

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On Understanding a Man's Body/Mind

A man's brain is his most important sex organ:


A man's imagination is your best friend when it comes to arousing him.
You want to engage his imagination by dropping a sexual hint here and
there! His brain will do the rest. Besides his imagination, anticipation is
another important tool. Make everything progress just a bit slower than
what he would hope. The pleasure at the end will be that much more
intense.

A man's sensitive spots:


A man has some sensitive spots: his back, arms, ears, the area right under
his jaws, nipples (this depends on the guys), thighs, stomach (not for the
fat guys), and pretty much anywhere within five inches of his penis.

It's helpful to keep in mind a guy's sensitive spots when you hug him or
kiss him good night. When you hug a guy, try to caress his back slowly.
Start from his upper back, move your hands slowly down, very slowly,
stop right above his butt, go half way up his back, and go down slowly
again. Don't go lower than his waist. He might scream :)

When you kiss a guy a good night kiss on his cheeks, don't just kiss his
cheeks. It does nothing! Rather, go between his cheeks and his ears. I'll
even say a bit closer to his ears. If you just met a guy, don't bite or kiss
his ears.

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Ask him about his fantasies:


Asking a guy about what his fantasies are will do you good. You'll learn
about what kind of things arouse him, the level of his sexual imagination,
and how to dirty talk to him in bed.

Find out what things turn him on:


Every guy has certain things that instantly turn him on. It might be a
woman's black garter belt, skirts, or long hair. Also, is he a breast man, a
leg man, or a guy who loves women with curves?

Figure out his type:


Some guys like blonds; others like brunettes; a few like no hair (except on
her head). Some guys may like the girl-next-door type; others may like
the seductress type. Find out his type. You'll then have a blue print to
work with.

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Sensual Techniques

On Oral Sex:
Please make sure you are over 18 before reading this. I'm not going to jail
for you. The good thing about oral sex is that the mouth can do things
that a woman's vagina never can. You should use both your hands, make
sure they are lubricated (using either lotion or your saliva), then rotate
both your hands in opposite directions around his penis. A lot of women
try to do the in and out motion like a regular sex. It's nice, but if you
want to drive a guy crazy, the rotating thing with both hands is your best
bet. You can go a bit tight with your hands. You can also touch or lick a
guy's balls gently. This is the place you do need to go gentle, and you
should never squeeze a guy's balls. For the tip of a guy's penis, lick it
with your tongue. Don't bite it. The tip is very sensitive. Finally, I have
to discuss the question of swallow or not swallow. I suggest you keep
an open mind to it! I remember I almost puked the first time I ate sushi,
but now I just can't get enough of it.

On Dirty Talk:
When it comes to dirty talk, men are generally divided. Some men love it
when you talk dirty. For this type, you can pretty much say whatever you
like (but don't mention his mom please). You can tell him your fantasies
(especially the ones involving many hot women). Tell him what about
him turns you on and how much you have waited for this intimate
moment. The second type of man loves to talk dirty HIMSELF, but hates
it when a woman joins the talk. This type of man generally loves the

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innocent kind of woman or the girl-next-door type. He sees it as a big


challenge to bring out her dirty side. If you show that you are already
dirty minded, the thrill and challenge will be gone.

On Role Playing:
Role playing is a great way to spice things up and accommodate a guy's
love of sexual variety. It can also be fun as long as you have enough
confidence in yourself and don't stick to the idea that if a guy doesn't like
the natural you, he's not really in love with you. Instead, take joy in
having the versatility to be many women. Maybe you feel like being a
mail girl today, a French maid tomorrow, and a sexy massage therapist the
day after. Whatever it is, let your imagination fly! Don't limit yourself to
just one role! You're still you when you can play 10 different roles. The
only difference is now you are so much more exciting, alluring, and dropdead sexy!

If you have any comments or suggestions on


what you've just read, please email me at
alexfox@unforgettablewoman.net

Wishing You Love and Success,


Alexandra Fox

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