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hunter king
ALMOST
FEARLESS
8/5/14 11:20 AM
bridge into a river and landed badly, resulting in a rescue and several bruised
ribs. Since then, me and heights? Forget
about it. At 46 years old Im finally to the
point where I can dive off the block at
Masters, something we do for our final
sprints on speed session days. The starting block is, what, 2 feet off the ground?
The first time our coach told us to get
up there, I slinked out of practice early,
then struggled with a day-long bout of
depression, angry with myself for being
unable to do something that seems so
effortless (and enjoyable) to others. The
next few times, I dove in from the pool
deck. Finally one day, forcing myself
to feel courageous, I crawled up on the
block and, knees knocking with anxiety,
tipped myself over into the water. It was
more of a belly flop than a dive, but no
matterI had put a dent in my fear.
They dont always make sense, the
things that cause us to freak out. Some
phobias are based on cause and effect
(like my accident-based fear of heights)
but others are completely absurd. I
mean, Ive swum in ridiculously rough
swellraces in which the swim has
been optional or on the brink of being
cancelled altogetherand Ive reveled
in the watery chaos. Ive been held under far too long for comfort while surfing, only to head back out for the very
next wave. Yet I panicked in a perfectly
calm (albeit cold) little lake during an
entirely undaunting triathlon swim.
Thats why I like our sport so much
because life does have irrational aspects,
and I believe triathlon helps us navigate
them. The sport in itself is pretty crazyI
mean what sane person would set out to
swim, bike and run in rapid succession?
Yet we do it, time and again, and not
only does it end up being an awful lot
of fun, for some reason it just feels right.
And it empowers us. I mean cmon, Ive
done an Ironmansurely I can bungee
jump or skydive? Maybe thats a bit extreme for someone who not too long ago
stepped up on her first swim start block,
but someday soon I might head back up
that high dive ladder. Because its only
the leap itself thats scarya leap of faith
into an uncertain landing. And isnt that
the exact fear we conquer each time we
toe a start line, the conquest ultimately
fueling us to the finish or calming us
down mid-course, should we freak out?
Sure, some landings, like some races,
are smoother than others. Some of them
do actually hurt. But they pretty much
all end up A-OK. So heres to being (almost) fearless. Care to join me on the
high dive?