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" I t h i n k e v e r y o n e s h o u l d b e a b l e t o d r i n k a n d g e t l o u d w h e n e v e r t h e y w a n t .

" James Hetfield

$2,398,395.26

VOLUME FOUR

ISSUE 9

0 2 . 2 6 .15

Don't Forget
to Have a
Happy Texas
Independence
Day!
(It's Monday, March 2,
IN case you forgot.)

Proposed Noise Ordinance Explained | Unfair Pie Charts | Oma Gruene's Chili Cook-Off

P L U S : 7 D AY N E W B R A U N F E L S L I V E M U S I C G U I D E

VOTING BEGINS NOW!


A C C E S S T H E S U R V E Y AT

txcitizen.ROCKS

table

830.358.2493

of

contents

1st Word

Noise Ordinance
Run Down

All original content is copyright


TX Citizen. TX Citizen is published
every Thursday.

TX CITIZEN
1111 N. Walnut Avenue
New Braunfels, TX 78130
830.358.2493

One copy (per person) of TX Citizen is


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STAFF / CONTACT
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Director of Distribution Chase Cochran
Art Director Kayla Wallace
Editorial: news@txcitizen.com
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Distribution: distribution@txcitizen.com

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WITH

MIKE
REYNOLDS

Alright, weve put this off long


enough. Today were going
to break down the proposed
noise ordinance. Dont worry,
though. We got another rockin
letter regarding 4-B at the end
of the column. Its getting to be a
regular thing.

The Issue
The folks that live around the Pour Haus have
been raising heck for a good, long while
regarding the sounds emanating from that
location, specifically the rock and roll music
that local youngsters have taken a liking to.
These same heck-raisers moved in next to
railroad tracks, which we figure means they
like noise at all hours. Perhaps they only like it
in short, terrifying bursts, rather than mapped
out into chord progressions and whatnot.
In any case, like all laws that affect a huge
amount of people, this ones being pushed for
by a tiny group of vocal, grumpy complainers.
Who moved in next to railroad tracks.

The Ordinance as it Stands


Sec. 82-9. - Noise prohibitions, generally;
exceptions; penalty.
(a) Any noise of such character, intensity
or continued duration which causes material
distress, discomfort or injury to persons of
ordinary sensibilities in the immediate vicinity
thereof is hereby declared to be a nuisance
and is hereby prohibited.
(b) Any noise of such character, intensity
or continued duration which substantially
interferes with the comfortable enjoyment
of private homes by persons of ordinary
sensibilities is hereby declared to be a
nuisance and is hereby prohibited.
(c) Any person who shall violate any
of the provisions of this section or fail to
comply therewith shall be deemed guilty of
a misdemeanor and, upon conviction, shall
be fined in a sum not less than $100.00 and
not exceeding $500.00, and each and every
days violation shall constitute a separate and
distinct offense.
(d) This section shall not apply to any
athletic event, cultural event or concert
authorized by the city.
TXCITIZEN.COM

This is a poorly written law,


as it is entirely subjective. All
somebody has to do is complain
and convince a police officer
and possibly a judge that they
are a reasonable person that
was annoyed by something, and
the accused gets smacked with a
fine no matter how loud or not loud
they were. Anybody can appear reasonable
for five or ten minutes. I went seven minutes
just this morning. No, in order for a law to
be legit, its got to be based on an objective
standard. The new proposal is.

The Proposed
Noise Ordinance
First off, and most importantly, Wurstfest is
exempt from the new ordinance, per the
Legacy Clause. See, any event thats been
held in town for 20 years or more gets to blow
it up as loud as they want to. This gets them
out of any potential sanctions they might have
been subject to under the old law. Sporting
and other special events get a pass too. This
is about music, after all. Specifically the music
coming from the Pour Haus.
As far as actual sound limits go, the
sound emanating from a house or backyard
or residential street is limited to 85dB during
daytime hours and 80dB at night. In nonresidential areas, the limit is 85dB day or
night. For the purpose of this proposal,
daytime runs from 7a to 10p, with nighttime
taking up the balance.
The offending sound will be measured
from the property line of the complainant,
using A and Slow metering. Google
that if your interest is piqued, ignore it if
not. Theyre just settings on the decibel
meter. Anyway, the daytime/nighttime
limits noted above will apply to where
the offending sound is received, not from
where it originated.
The ordinance extends to property
5,000 feet (you know, about a mile) outside
of the Citys limits. How a city can enforce
a law outside of its legal jurisdiction is up
for grabs, but hey, wouldnt be the first
time. #canban

And the oscar goes to... The 2010 Longshot


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(mostly because it's a wine and not a
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Championships in Chicago, and that's a
performance worthy of a red carpet
rolLout. So come by the tasting roOm and
seE what the world's wine enthusiasts are
raving about. You don't even have to wear
your tux or designer dresS. But you can if
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(Across the street from the Landmark)

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Continued on page 5.

concepthomessa@yahoo.com 1111 N. Walnut Ave


3

COUNTY BEAT
WITH NICK ROGERS

Health Department Notes


Near Threefold Uptick in
Social Disease Since 2008
Reported incidents of Chlamydia have been
steadily rising in Comal County, prompting
concerns from the Countys Health Department.
While the numbers of reported cases of
the sexually transmitted disease (STD) are not
of epidemic proportions, there were 221 cases
in Comal County last year, almost double the
numbers from 2012 and almost thee times the
cases from 2008, according to Comal County
Public Health Department numbers. Currently,
the numbers of those with Chlamydia are
second in the County only to reported flu cases.
Reported Chlamydia cases in Comal
are far below the statewide average of
473 cases per 100,000, according to the
Texas Department of Health and the Centers
for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC).
Neighboring Bexar County had the highest
number of cases in the state last year, with 662
cases per 100,000. Travis County reported
624 per 100,000. Nationally, the average is
453 reported cases per 100,000.
While cases nationally and statewide
have slightly decreased, cases in Comal
County have risen, going from 119 in 2012 to
220 the following year. In 2008, the number
of cases was only at 76.
If left untreated, Chlamydia can do serious
damage, especially to women.
If you are a woman, untreated Chlamydia
can spread to your uterus and fallopian tubes
(tubes that carry fertilized eggs from the ovaries
to the uterus), causing pelvic inflammatory
disease (PID), according to the CDC. PID
often has no symptoms, however some women
may have abdominal and pelvic pain. Even
if it doesnt cause symptoms initially, PID can
cause permanent damage to your reproductive
system and lead to long-term pelvic pain,
inability to get pregnant and potentially deadly
ectopic pregnancy. An ectopic pregnancy is
when the womb develops outside of the uterus.
A pregnant mother can also pass the
disease to her baby during delivery.
The CDC also notes that while Chlamydia
rarely gives health problems to men, it can
increase the likelihood of contracting HIV.
Part of the reason the disease can spread
so easily is because it has few, if any symptoms
and those can take weeks to actually appear.
Many times, people dont actually
know that they have Chlamydia, said Gwen
Mills, the Countys Public Health Departments
director. Fifty-seventy percent of women with
the disease and up to 30 percent of the men may
4

have no symptoms or, if they do have them, the


symptoms last for a short time and then they go
away. The symptoms can sometimes resolve.
With few symptoms, infected persons
could carry the disease around for years. Also,
since the reported numbers of cases reflect only
those who have sought testing, the number of
people with the disease is likely much higher.
Symptoms for both women and men can
be an abnormal discharge or burning during
urination, according to the CDC. For men,
symptoms could also include a swelling in
one or both testicles. The disease can also be
spread orally and anally.
Fortunately, the cure for Chlamydia
requires only medication. If someone suspects
infection, or if their partner has been infected,
they should get tested immediately through
either their own health provider or a clinic.
Tests can be either fluid or urine tests.
We know Chlamydia can be cured, Mills
said. You only have to take medicine, and
thats not for a long, extended period of time.
Mills warns, however, that it is vitally
important for infected persons to take all of
their prescribed medication.
Many people will not take all of the
medication because some of the medications
will have side effects, like nausea, she said.
Also, the health care provider will give
instructions on what the patient can and cant
do, and many times those instructions will not be
followed. The sexual partner also needs to be
checked. If theyre not, the infected person will
get it again, even if they have been treated.
Mills also advised that those who are
receiving treatment refrain from sex until they
return to their health provider for tests to ensure
they have been cleared of the disease.
If your doctor prescribes a single dose
of medication, you should wait seven days
after taking the medicine before having sex,
the CDC advises.
Of course, Chlamydia, like most STDs, can
be simply prevented by avoiding unprotected
sex. Latex condoms, for example, are almost
100 percent effective against spreading STDs,
according to the CDC.
Those who have concerns or suspect
they may have the disease, are encouraged
to call the County Public Health Department
at 830-221-1150.
If people have questions, they are
welcome to call us and we will help them as
much as possible, Mills said. If we have
services that can help them, we will try to help
them. If not, we will definitely assist them in
trying to get those services somewhere else.

St. Patricks Day Party!


Tuesday, March 17 Doors open at 4pm!

Green Beer Leprechauns


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More than a few people have written


Continued from page 3.

Letters to the Editor about the sorry state of

affairs of our streets. Years ago, the Legislature


Haters: approved something called a Street
Parades and half-time shows and band Maintenance Tax which would allow a city to
Attention

Marching

Band

practice are exempt from this proposal. reduce contributions to 4B by as little as 1/8th
Next time you buy a house, maybe consider to be used only for maintenance of existing

something not near a high school if you hate streets, if the voters approved it.
America that much.
Our 4B gets 3/8% which was the

The Penalties

$6,750,000 above. If there was a successful

b. A fine not to exceed $250 for the second $4,500,000 for economic development. Our
total sales taxes are maxxed out at 8.25%,
offense plus court costs;
offense plus court costs; and

so the only way to keep under the max is to


reduce the contribution to 4B.

d. A fine not to exceed $500.00 for the

The TX Citizen could championing

fourth and any subsequent offenses plus

doing this, rather than just complaining, and

court costs.

back this idea via a petition calling for a


vote. City Council would probably not call

Variance
Of course, as this is New Braunfels, special
people will get special treatment. Variances
allowing noise at more than 85dB will be
available to certain businesses (cough, Gruene
Hall, cough cough).
In the end, this is a fairly reasonable
ordinance. We shant make a fuss about it.

for a vote themselves.

Mr. Reynolds,

better streets or the lower paying jobs we only


seem able to attract.
PLEASE DO NOT PRINT MY NAME
(*Refers to Citys cut of sales taxes, not
total collected.)

Yeah, theres a lot we could do other
have time to do all the flippin research
this gig demands. Just like the body of
the Christ, every part of the community

You are on the right track on 4B and the has its job. Were the brain. We look at
control Michael Meek has over 4B including stuff and think about it. Which we guess
who is selected President, the things they makes us the eyeballs too. In any case, our
get to work on, and even where they meet. FranklinCovey planner is full. The hands
Even though its taxpayer money, they meet in and feet are responsible for the lifting and
Honors Hall at the Chamber and not in any walking around. Take it up with them.
cityrun meeting space.
4A goes back 20 years to 1995 when
4A was first approved by voters. It was
merged into a 4B in 2000 or so which greatly
expanded the projects they could work on.
The slate was expanded again in a special

Presented by: The New Braunfels Blues Society,


Oma Gruenes Secret Garten, and Blinders Hair Salon

Blues FeStival

Saturday, March 21

at Oma Gruenes Secret Garten!


1263 Gruene Road

BBQ & Bands begin at 1pm


Raffle & Silent Auction

Then the Citizens can decide if they want

than report this stuff, but then we wouldnt

This Weeks 4-B Letter

Hair & Hearts

vote to redirect 1/8% from 4B, street

a. A fine not to exceed $100 for the first maintenance would get an infusion of a
whopping $2,250,000, while 4B would get
offense plus court costs;

c. A fine not to exceed $350.00 for the third

5th Annual

\m/
Mike Reynolds
Publisher/Editor-in-Chief

Music by:

Kim & Her Bad Habits


The Monty Guitar Tyler Band
All the way from New Orleans,
Gypsy Elise and Her Royal Blues Band

Donating hair ?

Blinders Hair Salon


will be on hand to
harvest your donations!

Currently Accepting
Cash donations
Silent Auction
& Raffle Items

BENEFITTING
The Pink Heart Funds is a group of dedicated
volunteers who support and enhance the lives of
those affected by cancer and other conditions.

2003 election. Some of the language on that


2003 ballot is below.
In 1995 city sales taxes were $3.2
million and grew to $9.5 million in 2003. In

Sponsered by

2014 our sales taxes came in just north of $27


million. As 4B gets 25% of all sales taxes*,
their haul increased from $800,000 in 1995
to $6,750,000 in 2014.
With $22 million in the bank now, they
just dont have enough valid projects on which
to spend a growing pile of more and more
money every year.
TXCITIZEN.COM

If you would like to help, call Tracy at 830.625.1045

www.OMALOVESYOU.com
5

FAKE NEWS

Sen. Campbell Wont Stop


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6

State Sen. Donna Campbell has filed


several legislative proposals ahead of next
session of the Texas Legislature, despite the
ire of Democrats and nervous looks from
Republican colleagues.
Most recently, the District 25 Senator,
who lives somewhere else, filed a bill that
would have the State pay 60 percent of the
tuition costs for those who send their children
to exclusive private schools. The bill, called
the Education Freedom Resolution, would
only cover private schools whose tuition
starts at $100,000.
This bill would allow people a choice by
having the State pay for the majority of the cost
of private education. This way, parents would
only have to pay, Campbell paused while
counting on her fingers, $40,000.
When it was pointed out that the average
Texas income is only $40,000, the Senator
replied, See? It all works out.
In keeping with the education theme,
Campbell, whose district includes Comal
County, also submitted legislation that would
get rid of all text books in Texas schools and
replace them with the Bible.
Its the only book you need, she said. It
has literature, history, philosophy, science and,
best of all, it was written in English.
The Senator dismissed any notions
that the bill likely wouldnt pass U.S.
Constitutional muster.
Of course its constitutional, she said.
America is a Christian nation, thats what it
says in the Constitution.
When told that the U.S. document does
not contain any such passage, Campbell said
that its in the appendix somewhere.
Previous to her education bill, Campbell
garnered national attention with a bill that
allows Texas residents not to recognize
homosexuals as people. She insisted, however,
that the measure is not an anti-gay bill, but a
pro-people-who-hate-gays bill.
The Senator argued that the legislation
was necessary in order to keep Texas children
from being turned into gay.
When not doing legislative business,
Sen. Campbell is a doctor who practices
evil medicine. She said her dream is to
create a kingdom ruled by mutant Christian
warrior animals.

With Tony Bell


Morsett Joins ISIS

Dressed in black, infamous New Braunfels


neer-do-well Steve Morsett posted an online
video saying that he has joined the terror group
ISIS because they promised him a girlfriend.
Morsett said he has joined ISIS (which
he pronounced is-is) in order to declare a
jabba-hat on the City of New Braunfels
for violating my religious rights to be given
a girlfriend.
The video shows Morsett donned in black
Batman pajamas, a toy Chicago Bears football
helmet and a bandoleer holding soda cans
painted to look like dynamite.
The obviously crazy Morsett said that
the Koran demands that the duty of the
government is to provide its people with
girlfriends, noting that the passage is in the
appendix somewhere.
Morsett, a former assistant city attorney,
had unsuccessfully sued the City after
Council refused to provide him a girlfriend.
The City, which won the case, promptly
appealed the decision.
The black-clad Morsett said in the video
that ISIS has promised him a girlfriend and that
he has joined the group because they are well
known to be trustworthy.
ISIS has been conducting a violent
military campaign in the Middle East in an
attempt to create its own Caliphate (kingdom)
in Syria and Iraq.
I will create a Calligraphy in Comal
County, Morsett said. And then you watch
the girls will want me then.
Currently, Morsett is married to a picture
of a naked woman.
A representative of ISIS denied that Morsett
is actually a member of their organization,
noting that the New Braunfels resident seems
like kind of a weird and creepy loner.
Hes actually just what were looking
for, the representative said. He should give
us a call. We have really cool swag with coffee
samples, anti-perspirant and ammunition. And,
yes, we can kidnap a girlfriend for him.
Death to America, the representative
said before hanging up.
In the meantime, Morsett said he intends
to spend more time with his naked picture-wife
after he is released from FBI custody.

Tony Bell makes things up for the TX Citizen.


AD SALES 830.358.2493

Get a Jumpstart on Spring!

HAPPY COW
B A R

&

G R I L L

Thursday
Cow-E-Oke

Friday

Jordan Minor
and The Bottom
Dollar Band

Saturday

Kim Meeks and


Her Bad Habits

Tuesday

Every week, we present local government data in a patently unfair format, comparing apples to
oranges, as it were, in order to arbitrarily make a point. This week: Curing our police officer
shortage with the taxpayer funds currently paid to the Greater New Braunfels Chamber of
Commerce which is more or less a private drinking club.
The Texas state average for police presence in a community is 2.21 officers per 1,000
residents. As of 2014, the New Braunfels force was at 1.76 officers per 1,000 residents, a
nearly one-half officer deficit per 1,000 residents. Figuring a local population currently
estimated at 60,000, the NBPD should number 133.33 officers. As of 2014, that number was
107, a shocking 26.33 officer shortfall compared to the rest of the Great State.
Average compensation for a New Braunfels Police officer is $89,819 per year, which
includes all benefits (and artificially inflates the expense as it also includes overtime pay that
would be absorbed by additional personnel). The annual bill, (based on those inflated
numbers), to bring our departments staff up to the Texas average would be $2,364,964.27.
Last year, City Hall wrote checks to the Greater New Braunfels Chamber of Commerce totaling
$2,044,888.29. So we got thinking

Total 2O14 NBPD Officer Deficit: 26.33 Officers

Its time to clean off your roof,


spruce up the flowerbeds, mulch,
and test your irrigation systems!
Nows the time to weed, compost and
aerate your lawn so you can enjoy
thick green turf this season.
Call us today for a free estimate
on maintaining your lawn for the
season, or for a one-time cleanup
to get you ready for spring!

Open Mic

9103 FM 1102
San Braunfels (Hunter, TX)
512.667.7510
happycowhuntertx.com

Est. 1986

3.56
Officers

83O.6O9.7552

Shortfall
Cured with
Funds
Currently
Allocated to
Chamber
Remaining
Shortfall

Whitley Reddell's Total Landscape Maintenance

22.77
Officers

Dust off your dancing shoes and head


over to NBs largest dance floor.

Karaoke Every
Thursday @ 8:30pm

FREE
Country Swing
Dance Lessons

Data Source: City of New Braunfels


If the City would simply reallocate the funds it provides to the Chamber of Commerce every
year to the Police Department, we could cut our cop deficit by more than 86 percent percent,
down to a highly manageable 3.56 officer per 1,000 residents shortfall. Wed actually get
26.33 cops, because the overtime wouldnt factor in. That pie chart would look like this:

Every Friday @ 7pm


in February!
DJ Dance Every
Saturday @ 9pm

Tues, Feb 24, 8:30-11:30

Empty-Handed Vagabonds
1390 McQueeney Rd, New Braunfels
830-625-0045 or wateringholesaloon.com
Like us on FB Watering Hole Saloon & Dancehall

TXCITIZEN.COM

26.33
Officers

Shortfall
Cured with
Funds
Currently
Allocated to
Chamber
Remaining
Shortfall

Is there City Hall financial data youd like to see unfairly graphed?
Send your suggestions to news@txcitizen.com.
7

UID
G
C
I
S
U
EM

V
YOUR LI
Thu 2.26
Adobe Verde

Rileys Tavern

Oma Gruenes Secret Garten


Jam Night
6pm

Phoenix Saloon
Nash Plays Cash, Pt. 1
5pm

AJs Ale House


Rock & Roll Sing Along Piano Bar Show
9pm

Billys Ice House


Matt Begley & Bitter Whiskey
8pm

Gruene Hall
Bo Porter
w/ Bobby Keel
6pm

The Pour Haus

Vino en Verde

April Hall

Rock & Roll Sing Along Piano Bar Show

Kenndred Spirits

9pm

9pm

8:30pm

Jesse Straton
6pm

AJs Ale House

Fri 2.27
Adobe Verde
Three Man Front
6:30pm

Alpine Haus Restaurant


Off the Grid Polka Band
6pm

Billys Ice House


Pardo & Reed

Sat 2.28
Adobe Verde
JJ Garrett Band
6:30pm

8pm

The Happy Cow


Jordan Minor & the Bottom Dollar Band
8pm

Oma Gruenes Secret Garten

Black Whale Pub


Adam Johnson

Kim Meeks & her Bad Habits

8pm

9pm

Gruene Hall

Lesti Huff Band

The Wood Brothers

6pm

w/ Kristina Train
8pm, $20

Phoenix Saloon
Nash Plays Cash, Pt. 2
5pm
Scott H Biram
w/ Bird Dog
9pm

Watering Hole Saloon

The Happy Cow

The Pour Haus


Mark Monaco Band
8:30pm

Rileys Tavern
Roy Heinrich
9pm

Vineyard at Gruene

Oma Gruenes Secret Garten


Peppers Blues
2pm
Melissa Ludwig Band
7pm

Phoenix Saloon
Dale Watson
w/ The Merles
9pm

AJs Ale House

Austin Meade

TBA

BJ Thibodeaux

Rock & Roll Sing Along Piano Bar Show

8pm

8pm

7pm

9pm

AD SALES 830.358.2493

Billys Ice House

Billys Ice House

Backwater Blvd

Jonathan Garcia

8pm

8pm

Geronimo VFW #8456

Black Whale Pub


Bill Ayers Band

Glenn Collins & Alibi

9pm

3pm

Gruene Hall

Gruene Hall

Wed 3.4
Phoenix Saloon
Swing Dance Night

Billys Ice House


Aaron Stephens
8pm

Gruene Hall

Ruby Jane Smith

1pm

12pm

Tom Gillam

Paul Thorn

Grouchy Like Riley

6pm

4pm

8pm, $25

The Pour Haus

NB Farm to Market

TBA
8pm

Ron Brietzke

Mon 3.2

The Pour Haus

Gruene Hall

Jeremy Steding

Mike Blakely, Larry Nye, Bret Graham

9:30pm

3pm

Rileys Tavern

The Pour Haus

John Evans
9pm

Vineyard at Gruene
7pm

7pm

Phoenix Saloon

GET YOUR
MUSIC ON

8pm

1724 Hunter Rd

w/ Sam Harriss

Black Whale Pub

LOOK FOR OUR GRAND RE-OPENING


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w/ Mudphonic

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Gallery Lineup:

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Cowboys Dancehall
Tracy Lawrence
7pm, 21+ $15, 18+ $30

Floores Country Store


The Bellfuries
w/ Blackbird Sing
7pm

Luckenbach Dance Hall


Hayden Whittington
4pm
Sol Patch
7pm

Sams Burger Joint


Lucas Jack
w/ Bekah Kelso & the Fellas
7pm, $10-$45

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Johnny Bush
7pm, $20-$25

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11

COMAL COUNTYS

ASK A MEXICAN!

MOST WANTED
ALEMAN,
ARTURO JR

Male 505 180 lbs


DOB: 01/02/1954
CHARGE: Motion to
revoke probationdriving while
intoxicated 3rd or
more

D
E
T
S
E
ARR

BAIER,
MEDELLIN, JESSE
RODRIGUEZ
ADAM
SAMUEL

SWEENEY,
GLENN PAUL

Male 511 195 lbs


DOB: 10/21/1962
CHARGE:
Possession of a
controlled substance
in a drug free zone

ROGERS,
JENNIFER LEE

Male 507
Male
506 200
150lbs
lbs
DOB: 01/01/1976
Female 505 110 lbs
DOB:
12/04/1971
CHARGE: Possession
DOB: 03/27/1967
CHARGE:
Violation
of a controlled
of
conditions
substance
pg of
1 under
CHARGE: Failure to
1 gram and theft of
probationappear- possession of
property under
possession
of a$1500
with 2 or more
controlled
substance a controlled substance
previous convictions

ED
T
S
E
R
AR
MARTINEZ,
MANUEL

Male 509 165 lbs


DOB: 03/09/1973
CHARGE: Failure
to appear- Driving
while intoxicated and
bail jumping/ failure
to appear

REYES,
LUIS RAUL

ED
T
S
E
R
AR
WHITE,
GLYN DANIEL

Male 606 214 lbs


DOB: 10/06/1968
CHARGE: Tamper/
Fabricate physical
evidence

WALLACE,
KIMBERLIE
LOFTUS

Male 509 145 lbs


Female 509 155 lbs
DOB: 07/18/1994
DOB: 07/11/1975
CHARGE: Possession
CHARGE: Failure to
of a controlled
appearpossession of
substance
a controlled substance

RESTED

AR

SANCHEZ,
LUIS III

Male 602 165 lbs


DOB: 05/18/1993
CHARGE: Possession
of a controlled
substance

$300
REWARD

ZUNIGA, MELVIN
ALFONSO
Male 509 200 lbs
DOB: 09/11/1977
CHARGE: Failure to
appear- possession of
a controlled substance

Dear Mexican: As Ive been doing


a lot more business in the city of Santa
Ana (one of the most-Mexican cities in
the U.S.), Ive realized that a ####load
of Mexicans are the Fox News-type
conservative, yacking out the same
kind of #### you hear at a Glenn Beck
conference except for immigration
(probably because To Juan has no
papers). But Ive also met a ton of antiimmigrant Latinos who look like they
just hopped the border themselves. In
fact, I hear more crazy #### from Latinos
in Santa Ana about Mexicans than
from gabachos in Laguna or Newport
(probably because the only time they
see them is when they are getting some
kind of manual labor service).
I know Mexico is inherently
conservative and racist, and I wasnt
surprised to encounter conservative
fanaticism from Latinos, but hearing
such pendejadas so consistently has
been a bit shocking. Is there any scholarly
evidence backing up my observations,
or am I just being paraoico!
Your Former Student Julio
Dear Wab: Refry this: A 2014 Pew
Hispanic Center survey showed that 11
percent of Latinos surveyed identified as
libertarianalmost as many as gabachos!
As Ive been writing since you were in
high

school,

Mexican

immigrants

from

the countryside and their descendents (the


majority of Mexicans) are natural libertarians,
what with their up-by-the-bootstraps mentality,
skepticism toward government of any kind,
hatred of the police and love of liberty (let us
play our tamborazo in the backyard and raise
chickens in peace!)but they also bring with
them social mores from the days of having sex

FOR INFORMATION LEADING TO THE ARREST OF COMAL


COUNTYS MOST WANTED. Callers will remain anonymous.

through a hole in the sheet.

830.620.3400 - 24-Hour
830.620.3411 - Mon-Fri 8am to 5pm

Studies yaktivists like myself who push our

The names listed have been released in accordance with the Texas Public Information Act. This is a true
and accurate account as of Monday, February 23, 2015 at 9:30 am and may not be current by the time it is
read. Do not try to apprehend anyone. These are listings of criminal warrants with the Comal County
Sheriffs Office and are not indicative of guilt or innocence. Officers are to verify the status of each warrant
prior to making an arrest. Any person is innocent of wrongdoing unless proven guilty in a court of law.

12

By Gustavo Arellano

Its those pesky chilangos and Chicano


cousins and parents toward modernity, toward
them accepting the primo in the closet and
explaining why words like joto and puto just
arent cool anymore. Needless to say, the

Dear Mexican: I would just like


an answer. As Im sure you are well
aware, there isnt much letup on the
whole immigration debate. And,
whitey (being as white as he can)
continues whining about how the
Mexicans took my job and nonEnglish speaking this and I cant
understand Spanish that. So, how do
I get people to knock it off?
Im just your average everyday
white guy, which nobody really
listens to anymore. Anyhoo, whitey
complains too much about his job
being given away, but its been shown
on television, radio, and other media
that a lot of people cant handle,
let alone keep up with a lot of the
jobs that the migrant workers and
immigrants get. That, and Mexico has
such a diverse and rich culture that
everyone just tosses aside (except for
the ever-popular Taco Hell). Spanish
is also one of the easier languages to
learn, and is considered to be one of
the Romance languages.
So my question, again: how do
I get whitey to stop being so, well,
white? How can I open up the doors
to a more peaceful community
between our people? I know as just
one loner, I cant do much, but the
Buddha said, If only one will listen.
So please: help me help others end
the pointless feuding, and realize
were all in this together. America
cant just say one thing and enforce
another (although were really good
at it). Thank you for your time.
Just a Whitey
Dear Gabacho: How do you stop
gabachos from being gabachos? Make em
Mexicansand were working on that, one
taco and gabachita at a time.

Ask the Mexican at


themexican@askamexican.net,
be his fan on Facebook, follow him on
Twitter @gustavoarellano or follow him
on Instagram @gustavo_arellano!

struggle es real
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13

First Place! - Little Dog Chil

Second Place - Fatboy Chili

Third Place - Team Pevoto

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14

TX CITIZEN
AD SALES 830.358.2493

Last Word
With Kelly Colby

On Qualifications

that, look to the common man. Long before

On the other side are conservatives, with

Scott Walker has been in the news lately. Thats the American Revolution, farmers and trappers a healthy distrust of academia. They have
not too surprising; hes a possible Republican and merchants and builders beat the East good reason. Their political opponents seem

presidential contender for 2016 after all, but Coast into something resembling civilization. to control it, and it tends to create liberals
the direction of the discussion surprises me Most of them probably lived and died without at an astonishing rate. Even so, conservatives
a little. A partisan swipe by Howard Dean once concerning themselves with the question are the proponents of the American system as
has much of the liberal punditry questioning
if a man who didnt finish his college degree

of developing a fairer system of governance. it is, in that it affords upward mobility to all.
Afterwards as well, the country was expanded None of them would even question that an

can be qualified to be president. In response, and settled by a series of people of guts and education is the key to this upward mobility.
conservative sources have jumped to Walkers grit, often uneducated, with little more in mind Success stories like Oprah Winfrey or Bill
defense and questioned why this should be of than a better life for themselves and their
any concern at all. The debate continues, and children. These werent people who had much
it will be interesting to see how well Walker

use for government; they were often moving

weathers this particular storm, but for the far out of its reach.
moment, Im finding more interesting how the

We see a residue of this attitude in the

Gates are perfect for showing the best in


American freedom, but theyre aberrations;
for most, a college education is the surest
way to upward mobility.
The public is just as schizophrenic. We
worship at the altar of exceptional talent. Pop

debate itself seems to define a basic dichotomy ambush interview/civics quiz made popular
and sports stars are our heroes, and we hang
in American culture.
by late night television. Some random person
on every word of Hollywood actors. They make
America is a country that prides itself is asked to identify important current political
obscene amounts of money, and Americans
on its egalitarianism, on the idea that all figures interspersed with popular culture icons.
dream about living their lives. This seems to be
men are created equal, but it wasnt this The results are a shocking level of ignorance
an extension of the American fascination with
average man that founded the country. The of the type of information wed intellectually
the get rich scheme or winning the lottery, a
Founding Fathers (or certainly those we are like to believe is important. But, this is just an
gauzy fantasy we all seem to have but none
most familiar with) were some of the most elitist notion that has little to do with the real
of us really believe. What we do believe in
exceptional men of their time. They were well
world. The reason that the average person is hard work. We respect people who do the
educated and often quite wealthy. It would
on the street can identify Lady Gaga more hard jobs in society and work for a living.
be hard to say they were anything but the
readily than the First Lady of the United States This is a holdover from our Puritan roots. The
elite. And, they created a system that, while
is because Lady Gaga is more important to Protestant work ethic seems ingrained in the
paying lip service to equality, was very
them in their day-to-day lives.
American psyche, a firm belief that hard work
skeptical of democracy as a concept. They
Today, the American populous is often and godliness go hand in hand.
wanted a republic that drew from the best
called anti-intellectual (usually by elites),
I dont have any answers in this column,
in society and could be depended upon to
but theres no question that they value just observations. I do know, though, that the
act dispassionately and with wisdom in the
education. Aside from owning your own controversy over Scott Walker is hardly worth
governance of the country.
home, nothing could be more integral to the considering. Walker did go to college. He
Strangely, this isnt something that has
American dream than sending ones children just left before finishing his degree. What he
ever bothered the wider populous; in fact,
to college. At the same time, theres some did do was become Governor of Wisconsin
they are more likely to embrace it than their
truth to the accusation. Nothing seems to and survive three attempts to unseat him,
betters. This may be because the common
raise an Americans hackles more than to pretty good for a guy without his degree. I
man has traditionally had better things to
have my doubts that Walkers education will
worry about than the nature of government, be lectured to. Even a careful tone can seem
hurt his chances for President. Its already
and this is particularly true if government condescending when coming from someone
been pointed out that the most educated
is as small and unintrusive as it was for the who prides themselves on intellect.
Equally confusing is that, statistically of Presidents in recent history are Barack
early part of our history. Making a living,
Obama and Jimmy Carter, neither offers
raising a family and living in a community speaking, the most educated of Americans
much in the way of argument that education
with others can, without much difficulty, are overwhelmingly liberal. These are people
is a key to success in the job. Couple that
take up the majority of someones time. If who pursue politics that focuses on the masses
with traditional American psychology, and I
these issues are your focus, as they are for and leveling the playing field, and yet they
see no reason why Walker shouldnt make a
most people, government can seem less are the first to sneer at these people for their
fine candidate.
lack of intelligence or sophistication. The effect
than important.
This is probably as it should be. While

is a sort of paternalism that, while strangely

the elites may have been this countrys

popular with the poorest Americans, doesnt

founders, they certainly didnt build it. For

sit well with the Heartland.

TXCITIZEN.COM

You can read more from Kelly Colby at yourfirstshrug.


blogspot.com.

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