Psychological Empowerment

MODULE 3
PSYCHOLOGICAL EMPOWERMENT
MODULE 3
Theoretical part 4
Introduction .............................................................................................................................. 4
3.1 Coping with prejudice of the society....................................................................................... 5
3.1.1 Case Letter Let us play together ................................................................................ 5
Practical part ................................................................................................................................. 9
3.1.2. How to overcome the prejudice (reflection activitity).................................................... 9
Theoretical part ........................................................................................................................... 10
3.2 Self-esteem............................................................................................................... ............. 10
3.2.1 Self-esteem. Signs of positive self-esteem..................................................................... 10
3.2.2. How to recognise low self-esteem? .............................................................................. 11
3.2.3. Three Self-Esteem Builders ........................................................................................... 12
Practical part ............................................................................................................................... 15
3.2.4 Reflection on affirmations.............................................................................................. 15
3.2.5 Exercise: We can influence our own self with what we say to ourselves ..................... 16
3.2.6. Personal story: Mother of a family member with autism ............................................. 17
3.2.7. Steps to help them develop positive feelings of self-worth (reflection activity) .......... 18
3.2.8. Practical activity: Self-esteem building ......................................................................... 22
3.2.9. Cases for reflection ....................................................................................................... 22
3.2.10. Self-assessment test (Rosenberg Self-Esteem Scale) .................................................. 27
3.3. Communication in the family ............................................................................................... 29
3.3.1. Factors that might influence the level of communication ............................................ 30
3.3.2. Strategies for Effective Communication within a Family-Centered Context ................ 32
Practical part ............................................................................................................................... 34
3.3.3 Listening ......................................................................................................................... 34
3.3.4 What you as a parent should avoid? (reflection activity) .............................................. 36
4. Test for psychological empowerment of parents ................................................................... 39
Practical part ............................................................................................................................... 40
5. Words of Encouragement and Praise.................................................................................. 40
6. Complete the following sentences with appropriate words............................................... 41
7. Positive thinking ...................................................................................................................... 43
7.1 What is positive thinking? How to foster in your family member with disability ............ 43
2
MODULE 3
7.2 Can person with disability grasp the concept of positive thinking? ................................. 43
5-year olds can connect thought with emotion .................................................................. 44
7.3 How can parents foster positive thinking? ....................................................................... 45
Be a model........................................................................................................................... 45
Acknowledge when something bad happens ..................................................................... 47
7.4 Key points to remember ................................................................................................... 47
Practical part ............................................................................................................................... 48
7.5 Positive thinking exercise .................................................................................................. 48
7.6 How to welcome positive behaviour ................................................................................ 49
Practical part ............................................................................................................................... 54
7.7 Positive thinking tips ......................................................................................................... 54
7.8. Positive thinking activity .................................................................................................. 55
7.9 Reflection .......................................................................................................................... 56
7.10 Exercise Why its not obvious? .................................................................................... 56
7.11. Exercise Self-assessment of happiness ....................................................................... 57
7.12 Exercise Positive thinking gratitude and optimism ................................................... 58
MODULE 3
Theoretical part
Introduction
The most commonly cited definition states that empowerment is "...an intentional, on-going
process ... through which people lacking an equal share of valued resources gain greater access
to and control over those resources" (Cornell Empowerment Group, 1999, p. 2).
For the purposes of this module, individual empowerment is defined as ... a process by which
families access knowledge, skills, and resources that enable
them to gain positive control over their own lives as well as
improve the quality of their life-styles (Singh, 1995, p.13). It
comprises the key components of self-efficacy, sense of
control, meeting your personal needs and utilizing of your
knowledge to meet the needs of your family member with
disability, recognition of the strengths of your family
member with disability.
Fig. 3.0 Yes I can message
The main aim of the module is then to bring to the parents / relatives conscience that this
yes you can is the message they have to believe and to deliver each day to their family
member with disability. We could conclude on 3 major points that are self-confidence, selfesteem and most of all the feeling that you can impact your life (i.e. when I decide something I
can feel changes in my life) and to influence the life of your family member with disability.
The section related to self-esteem and self-confidence is targeted to parents/relatives
themselves rather than to their family member with disabilities.
We believe that by developing the self-confidence and self-esteem of the parents / relatives
then being equipped with enough resources they will be able to transmit those to their family
member. The module put emphasis on the individual empowerment of parents / relatives
while the involvement of the family member with disability in the process of empowerment is
complex and high demanding process which could requires the intervention of a professional
therapeutic support.
If you as a parent / relative feel like your family member with disability need external support
by the psychologist please contact a professional to whom you can trust. You may search for
4
MODULE 3
reliable psychologist following recommendations by other people that you trust. You may also
contact your social service provider who can help you to identify professional with experience
and recognized expertise.
3.1 Coping with prejudice of the society

3.1.1 Case Letter Let us play together
Fig. 3.1 Youngsters are playing on schoolyard.
Let's play a game - changing places.

Imagine that you who love to play ball, you tied to a chair and you cannot break free.
Your peers run, past you, kick, handing her laugh, have fun and do not even notice you.
Spontaneous tears streaming down your face, but no one can wipe them and you
cannot do this on your own.
Imagine that you go to school and you are the leader of the class. Suddenly, you do not
understand anything of what your teachers teach. You find it difficult to concentrate
and to handle with the material. You do not get ratings, and our diaries are full of A
5
MODULE 3
grades. There is a celebration; however there is no poem for you or if any it is the
shortest. You are not participating in school events and the excursions are taboo for
you. All laugh you and staring at you ...
Tears streaming down your face, but they stays alone ...
Luckily for you this is just a game, however for me this is a way of life!
There are countless options, but let's play together in one team by changing the rules.
Although I cannot get out of the chair, you pass the ball to me, smiled, and I join the
game.
When I cannot understand the lesson or task, you help me and supported me.
Take me despite being difficult to approach, to talk, to write and to handle as good as
you.
No tears, only smiles ...
We are already on the same team - LET'S PLAY!
Fig. 3.2 Cartoon of society

Many of the assumptions and judgments that are made about people with disabilities
and their families are made in the light of a medical model approach. While this is not
particularly surprising within cultural and social contexts in which the medical
understanding of disability is dominant, it involves a recognition that these
MODULE 3
assumptions and judgments have been made without considering the relevant facts
and arguments - that is, upon the basis of prejudice.
Prejudice does not take place in isolation but is part of the way in which discrimination
is expressed at a personal level. Prejudiced judgments are made from a position in
which that some people assume that they know pretty much what the case is because
these things are obvious.
When society reminds us again and again - through, for example, media
representation - that disability is a tragic individual characteristic of people with
disabilities, unless it is pointed out that this truth represents a biased view then
people have no reason to suppose that it is not the case.
Prejudiced attitudes towards people with disabilities are an inevitable outcome of
participation within a society, which identifies disability as personal tragedy or as an
individual problem.
It is sometimes the case that, in spite of the best intentions, families can unwittingly
play a part in preventing the development of positive identification as disabled and
therefore lay up trouble for the future.
Fig. 3.3 Cartoon of a family

Parents / relatives will often perfectly rightly recognize that the abilities of their
daughters and sons far outweigh what have been defined by professionals and/or
relatives as their limitations. When disability is thought of in terms of physical
limitation, or as something wrong with somebodys body, or as undesirable difference,
this can lead to situations in which they encourage their family member with disability
7
MODULE 3
not to think of themselves as disabled. When young people with disabilities have
been encouraged to think of themselves as the same as their non-disabled brothers
and sisters, this often leads to them rejecting the identity disabled for themselves.
Special schools often encourage this type of thinking as well; by constantly placing
emphasis on the importance of normality, they encourage a situation in which young
people with disabilities see normality as a wonderful goal to be worked towards encouraging them yet again to think of disability as something to be thought of
negatively and to be overcome or avoided.
This might provide a zone of comfort for young people with disabilities while they
remain within the protective environments of family and school, but leaves them
unprepared for the discovery for themselves about the prejudice and difficulties they
will experience as adults within the society which have been designed on the
assumption that they will not be present.
MODULE 3
Practical part
3.1.2. How to overcome the prejudice (reflection activitity)
Fig. 3.4 Respect differences
What you as a parent / relative can do to overcome the prejudice of the society?
1. Give as much more information as possible to the community about disability
as reality not as a myth.
2. Create opportunities for everyday interactions with your accountancies and do
not allow isolation of your family member.
3. Remember that the positive attitudes can be shaped from an early age (see
module 4)
4. Dont hide your family member with disability but try to show his/her strengths
and abilities instead of weaknesses and the disability itself.
5. Share the success stories of your family member with disability with the
community even when you consider that these are minor successful steps.
6. The society needs to see good examples and encouraging stories of people with
disabilities who achieve the so called normal life despite his/her limitations.
7. If you can, participate in informal meetings with other parents and share with
them your challenges, cases, positive achievements. This would help you to
become more confident and empowered.
MODULE 3
8. Remember that the prejudice occur not because people from the society are
bad, negative or rejective but they are suffering from the lack of information
and cases about the nature of disability and what consequences it might have.
9. You as a parent / relative is in a best position to disclose the issue with
disability and to put emphasis on abilities rather disability.
Your question box:

What are your own observations in terms of the formation of attitudes?
Why attitudes are so important in approaching social change?
What would be your role in affecting the formation of attitudes and expressions on a
local and broader basis in the society?
What was your main discovery after reading this section?
Theoretical part
3.2 Self-esteem
3.2.1 Self-esteem. Signs of positive self-esteem.
Fig. 3.5 Self-esteem of parents

10
MODULE 3
Self-esteem is how we value ourselves; it is how we perceive our value to the world
and how valuable we think we are to others. Self-esteem affects our trust in others,
our relationships, and our work nearly every part of our lives.
Positive self-esteem gives us the strength and flexibility to take charge of our lives and
grow from our mistakes without the fear of rejection.
Following are some outward signs of positive self-esteem which we could share with
you as a parent of disabled family member:
x
Confidence
Self-direction (search for clear direction of possible solution)
Non-blaming behaviour
An awareness of personal strengths
An ability to make mistakes and learn from them
An ability to accept mistakes from others
Optimism
An ability to solve problems
An independent and cooperative attitude
Feeling comfortable with a wide range of emotions
An ability to trust others
A good sense of personal limitations
Good self-care
The ability to say no
3.2.2. How to recognise low self-esteem?

A person with low self-esteem feels unworthy, incapable, and incompetent. In fact,
because the person with low self-esteem feels so poorly about him or herself, these
feelings may actually cause the persons continued low self-esteem.
Here are some signs through which you can check the level of low self-esteem both of
you as a parent or to your family member with disability:
11
MODULE 3
x
Negative view of life;
Perfectionist attitude;
Mistrusting others even those who show signs of affection;
Blaming behaviour;
Fear of taking risks;
Feelings of being unloved and unlovable;
Dependence letting others make decisions;
Fear of being ridiculed.
Feelings of low self-esteem often build up over a lifetime, and letting go of ingrained
feelings and behaviours is not an easy task.
There are some simple, positive thinking techniques that can be used to help improve
your self-esteem.
These are called affirmations. Using affirmations to stop negative self-talk is a simple,
positive way to help increase self-esteem.
Affirmations are encouraging messages we can give ourselves every day until they
become part of our feelings and beliefs. Affirmations work best when a person is
relaxed. But since people are often upset when they are giving themselves negative
self-messages, they may need to counter negative messages with positive ones.
3.2.3. Three Self-Esteem Builders

There are three additional factors (Pretis, 2013) that affect your self-esteem that have
to do with time management.
12
MODULE 3
Fig. 3.6 A family of a family member with disability
1. Determine Your Values
Living your life consistent with your deepest values is essential for you to enjoy high
self-esteem. People who are clear about what they believe in and value, and who
refuse to compromise their values like and respect themselves far more than people
who are unclear about what is really important to them.
This immediately brings up the question, How much do you value your life? People
who truly value their lives are people who highly value themselves. People who value
themselves highly use their time well. They know that their time is their life.
If you act in a certain way, your actions will create within you the feelings that are
consistent with them. This means that when you act as if your time was extremely
valuable, the action causes you to feel like a more valuable and important person. By
managing your time well, you actually increase your self-esteem, and by extension,
you become better at whatever you are doing.
13
MODULE 3
The very act of living your life consistent with your values, and using your time
effectively and well, improves your self-image, builds your self-esteem and selfconfidence, and increases your self-respect.
2. Strive for Mastery
The second factor that affects your self-esteem is your sense of being in control of
your life and youre feeling of mastery in whatever you do.
Everything that you learn about time management, and then apply in your family life,
causes you to feel more in control of yourself and your life. As a result, you feel more
effective and efficient. You feel more productive and powerful. Every increase in your
feeling of effectiveness and productivity increases your self-esteem and improves your
sense of personal well-being.
3. Know What You Want
The third factor that directly affects your self-esteem is your current goals and
objectives, and the activities that you take to achieve those goals. The more your goals
and your activities are congruent with your values, the better you feel. When you are
working at something that you believe in, and which is consistent with your natural
talents and abilities, you like yourself more, and you do your work better.
14
MODULE 3
Practical part
3.2.4 Reflection on affirmations
For example, replace the message:
I made a stupid mistake as parent/relative, and I am not reliable parent/relative
with
Yes, I made a mistake but I have learned from it, and now I can be a better parent /
relative.
Begin each day by looking in the mirror and giving you a positive message.
The following affirmations can help you to work toward a positive self-image:
x
I respect myself and others
I am lovable and likable
I am confident, and it shows
I acre about myself
I am creating loving, healthy relationships
I am a good friend to myself and others
I am a good parent /relative to my family member with disability and s/he

could rely on me
I accept myself just as I am
I look great
Life is good, and I like being a part of it
Having a family member with disability is a challenge, but not a tragedy for me
and my family.
Remember that the self-esteem is supposed to be an especially important issue for

parents and relatives, given the central role they play in the socialization and
development of their family member with disability. Existing evidence indicated that
15
MODULE 3
high self-esteem individuals are more capable and competent. They are more aware of
and sensitive to the cues of others, which enables them to be more responsive and
sensitive to those with whom they interact. In a family, parents / relatives with higher
self-esteem would be expected to present more positive interactions with their family
member with disability and perform more effectively their parental role. Smalls
findings indicate that there is a relationship between a parent's sense of self-worth
and the behaviours he or she employs when interacting with his/her family member.
3.2.5 Exercise: We can influence our own self with what we say to ourselves
We can influence our own self with what we say to ourselves. People with low selfesteem say to themselves that they are not good; they cannot do anything good, they
have no value.
Please choose a message reflecting low self-esteem, write it down, think and reflect on
it.
Then think and formulate a message that is contrary; also write it down, think and
reflect on it. For example, if the message associated with low self-esteem is "I will
never do things right and I will never be a reliable parent" the contrary message would
be "You can do things right and you will become a reliable parent."
Then think about yourself positive thinking that will confirm your dignity as a human
being.
Write down examples like the following below.
You and your family member with disability are valuable.
You and your family member with disability are special.
You have good ideas.
You are able to be a good parent /relative.
You are doing well.
You are funny.
16
MODULE 3
3.2.6. Personal story: Mother of a family member with autism
Fig. 3.7. Ani and hers family member Georgi

My name is Ani Shileva and I am a mother of a family member with autism. The
upbringing of my son, actually, is a huge challenge for me and sometimes is difficult to
judge whether I react properly. His name is Georgi and he is sixteen-year-old young
man with Autism. He has serious communicative and intellectual difficulties. European
initiatives helped me to realize that often in my desire to work for my family members
development I violate his personal space and impose him requirements that he cannot
fulfill. Thus I provoke negative reactions by him and worsen our interaction. After my
involvement in a NGO of parents of disabled children I behave more carefully and take
his moods and abilities into consideration. I found out that I violate or restrict his right
of choice. Now, to higher extent, I allow him to have a choice in the daily activities
(such as eating and so on), spending his free time and education. Taking care for a
person with disability is a way of living for us as parents and it puts us to various trials.
We also need huge support and the trainings we went through were very effective
form of psychological empowerment to me. I became more adequate and flexible in
bringing up my family member. I also shared with the rest of my family what I learned
and as a result we could avoid some important differences. All of this made me more
self-confident and brave. My job as a coordinator of a project for social assistants
which are parents of disabled children is closely linked with continuous communication
17
MODULE 3
with people with disabilities and their relatives. I have always had respect for their
peculiarities but now I am more patient and encourage them to develop their potential
and not to be afraid of defending their own ambitions.
I create a message to the rest of the society. It was directed on behalf of a family
member with disability towards his/her peers without disability. The idea for spreading
the message as a part of a campaign for overcoming the negative attitudes of the
society towards people with disabilities arose. We are currently working on the
preparation of the events and we have already had the support of different
institutions.
We are confident that the seeds that fell in our minds and our hearts already give their
good fruit, and soon will reach other places where will bring a positive change towards
a better life for people with disabilities.
3.2.7. Steps to help them develop positive feelings of self-worth

(reflection activity)
Some parents are aware that their family member with disabilitys feelings of selfworth are linked to social and life success, but they sometimes don't realize how easy
it is to damage their family member's self-esteem. For example research shows that
people with learning disabilities are especially likely to suffer from a lack of selfesteem, but they benefit when their parents and relatives take steps to help them
develop positive feelings of self-worth.
18
MODULE 3
Fig. 3.8 A family of person with disability
Think yourself the following questions:

What is going good with your child?
Ask you other children what is going well with his sister or brother?
What are your signs of communication?
Is the father or other relatives participating?
1. Help your family member feel special and appreciated.

One of the main factors that contribute to a family member developing hope and
becoming resilient is the presence of at least one adult who helps the family member
to feel special and appreciated; an adult who does not ignore a family member's
problems, but focuses energy on a family member's strengths. One way for you as a
parent to do this is to set aside "special times" during the week. If your family member
with disability is young, it is even helpful for you to say, "When I read to you or play
with you, I won't even answer the phone if it rings." Also, during these special times,
focus on things that your family member enjoys doing so that he has an opportunity to
relax and to display his strengths.
19
MODULE 3
2. Help your family member to develop problem-solving skill and making the right
choices.
High self-esteem is associated with solid problem-solving skills. For example, if your
family member is having difficulty with a friend, you can ask her to think about a
couple of ways of solving the situation. Don't worry if your family member can't think
of solutions immediately; you can help her reflect upon possible solutions. Also, try
role-playing situations with your family member to help demonstrate the steps
involved in problem solving.
3. Avoid comments that are judgmental and instead, frame them in more positive
terms.
For example, a comment that often sounds accusatory is, "Try harder and put in more
of an effort." Instead say, "We have to figure out better ways to help you learn."
People with disabilities are less defensive when the problem is cast as strategies that
must be changed rather than as something deficient with their motivation. This
approach also reinforces problem-solving skills.
4. Be an empathetic parent.
Some parents, out of their own frustration, have been heard to say such things as,
"Why don't you listen to me?" or "Why don't you use your brain?" If your family
member with disability is having difficulty with learning, it is best to be empathetic and
say to your family member that you know he is having difficulty; then you can cast the
difficulty into a problem to be solved and involve your family member in thinking
about possible solutions.
5. Provide choices for your family member.

This will also minimize power struggles. For example, ask your family member if s/he
would like to be reminded five or ten minutes before bedtime to get ready for bed.
These beginning choices help to set the foundation for a feeling of control over one's
life.
20
MODULE 3
6. Do not compare siblings.
It is important not to compare siblings and to highlight the strengths of each family
member.
7. Highlight your family member's strengths.

Unfortunately, many youngsters view themselves in a negative way, especially in terms
of school. Make a list of your family member's areas of strengths. Select one of this
strength and find ways of reinforcing it. For example, if your family member is a
wonderful artist, display his/her artwork.
8. Provide opportunities to help.

Family members with disabilities seem to have an inborn need to help others.
Providing opportunities for family members highlighting that they have something to
offer their world. Involving your family member in charitable work (e.g. art therapy
workshop) is just one possible example. Helping others certainly boosts your family
member's self-esteem.
9. Have realistic expectations and goals for your family member.

Realistic expectations provide your family member with a sense of understanding. The
development of self-determination goes hand-in-glove with self-esteem.
10. Help your family member with disability to understand the nature of his/her
problem.
Some people have fantasies and misconceptions about their problems and disability
that add to their distress (for example, one family member said he was born with half a
brain). Having realistic information can give your family member with disability a
greater sense of control and a feeling that things can be done to help the situation.
11. Do not allow to your family member with disability to justify his/her failures with
the disability.
Some family members alongside with their parents are tending to explain the family
members failures with the gaps that the disability causes. However not always this is a
21
MODULE 3
reality. The family member with disability should be encouraged to use his/her
strengths to cope with different daily situations.
3.2.8. Practical activity: Self-esteem building

GENERAL SELF-ESTEEM BUILDING
x
Always focus on and encourage your family member's with disability assets and
strengths
Accept and make your family member feel that s/he is appreciated and loved
"just as s/he is"
Show your family member with disability the same respect as to the one
without disability
Praise effort and improvement not just good accomplishment
Communicate your faith and trust in your family member and his/her goodness
Make sure your standards and expectations are not so high that they
discourage and promote failure
3.2.9. Cases for reflection

Case 1:
Q: My son is ten years old and has some sort of learning disability (LD). I have noticed
that he is so slow at some things and not as noticeably slow at other things. He is
home-schooled now and I find he is learning more math than he did at school. He
often has a problem with nightmares and he is very, very shy all the time even with
people he knows very well. He will not stand up for himself against even the youngest
of family members. He is a compliant family member easy to be with and easy to love.
I want Adam to stand up for himself more and learn to value himself.
Any suggestions?
22
MODULE 3
A: First, I would not assume that your son has a "clinically diagnosable" learning
disability. Indeed if he is talked about in this manner, i.e. that something is "wrong"
with him, this certainly could contribute significantly to him having little confidence in
himself. Many home-schooled kids are also afraid to tell their parents they would
rather go to a school where they could be around other kids; they're afraid to hurt
their parent's feelings, parents who are giving them so much extra time.
If you are really concerned about difficulties your son may have in learning you owe it
to him and yourself to have him evaluated by sensitive, talented professionals. You
obviously value education greatly; some collaborating with these professional
specialists could surely help you adapt your teaching to his learning styles.
Get Adam involved with social activities outside the home, ones that he expresses an
interest in. Look to the things Adam does well (not just in academics) and find ways for
him to feel even better about these skills, talents and interests. The better he feels
about himself and what he has to offer the more confident he will be presenting
himself in life.
Case 2:
Q: I have a 5-year-old kindergartner with disability who, at times, can be very hard on
herself. For example, she had to fill out a statement for class asking why she was
special. She reacted negatively to this, saying she wasn't special at all, and that there
was nothing special about her. She is also, at times, very hard on herself if she cannot
complete some difficult task, or if she spills something, etc.
Any suggestions how to build her self-esteem?
A: Often when kids begin kindergarten they begin comparing themselves to their
classmates on all fronts. It's not unusual to see a family member's sense of self-worth
and self-image threatened, especially one who may naturally be a bit hard on herself.
You must encourage her in all she does, always helping her to frame realistic
23
MODULE 3
expectations of herself. Be aware of activities, talents, and interests of hers that offer
natural avenues for her to feel competent.
Case 3:
Q: My son has ADD (Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder) and a central auditory
processing disorder that we just had diagnosed last June. He is in seventh grade this
year and has been tutored for the auditory processing problem for about six months,
with good results. Unfortunately, he has such low self-esteem that if something isn't
easy (sports or schoolwork) he gives up and refuses to try anymore. He has never been
particularly coordinated or good at sports, but all of a sudden things are coming
together and now he won't make an effort to try the sports, either. (He tried wrestling
this year and had some very convincing moments.) He is following a very academic
sister and a very athletically talented brother, and I really do believe he is probably
equal to both of them. What can I do to help him develop a desire to try anything to
occupy his television time? He's always so discouraged; I equate him to Eyore with a
cloud over his head. I have offered him art, music, sports, anything -- and he just
doesn't want to. Thank you for any input you have.
A: This is a real challenge faced by many parents. Even though your family member is
benefiting from the help he has received, he's got a history that keeps calling out "You
can't!" to him. This background of repeated frustration and failure can have a
significant impact on the self-concept of a student with LD or ADHD that is so strong
that any new task seems very daunting. Your son, like so many other kids, has learned
that one way to avoid this scenario of failure and shame is simply to avoid doing
anything new, anything that involves risk. People I know have been able to move past
this point because there is some significant adult (usually not a parent) who has paved
a path to the activity that minimizes risk and given the family member a sense of
increasing mastery over some skill. Some examples: a middle school drama teacher
who asks a shy boy to work the lights for a school play; a scout leader who personally
invites a teenager to join the group for a special activity; a school custodian who
"hires" a student to help with some important function that helps the school; a school
24
MODULE 3
principal who personally reads everything that a young writer with LD has written; high
school student acting as a "big brother" or "big sister" to a younger family member,
learning together how to do something new (like ham radio or sign language); an art
teacher who asks a reticent but budding artist to help her prepare for art activities
(and encouraging the student "art aide" to do a demonstration model for the class); a
clergy person who invites a student to help on a project at church or temple, or sing in
the choir.
In a math class, encouraging a student to create a three dimensional model that

demonstrates a mathematical concept instead of doing 20 problems on a worksheet
can be a great way to help a student over the threshold of fear that often comes from
repeated failures associated with more traditional approaches. I hope that some of
these suggestions can help your son and others like him feel better about themselves
and the contributions they can make to the world in which we live.
Case 4:
Q: I have an 8-year-old daughter who is in special education and has been since she
was two-years-old. She has a four-year-old sister who is extremely bright. The fouryear-old is starting to read and the eight-year-old is not even close. The eight-year-old
is just starting to recognize her disabilities and as the four-year-old gets older and
reaches goals, I have noticed that the eight-year-old seems to be regressing; she is not
trying and seems to give up easily. How do I continue to encourage the four-year-old
without completely destroying the eight-year-old's self-esteem?
A: It's really hard for a family member with learning disabilities when a younger
brother or sister starts to pass them by. It's very important that both of your girls
understand what a learning disability is. First of all, your eight-year-old needs to
understand that she has a condition that makes it hard to learn, even though she is a
smart family member. She may find it helpful to attend sessions specifically for people
with LD at conferences run by the state. It might also be good for her to be in a group
for students with learning disabilities. The guidance counsellor in your daughter's
25
MODULE 3
school might run such a group, or a psychologist or social worker in your town may do
this privately. It might be covered by your health insurance.
Your younger daughter needs to understand, as best she can at her age, the nature of
her sister's disability. If she doesn't have a good understanding of the condition, she
might find it hard to figure out why her sister is struggling so much to do what she can
do so effortlessly. Without this information, she might make fun of her sister or feel
sorry for her, neither of which will help. Your daughter may find some comfort in
knowing that many other kids have learning disabilities. If she can meet other students
with LD it might help her understand that just because she is having difficulty reading,
she's not bad or lazy or "stupid." If she's had a recent evaluation, ask the person who
did the testing to explain the results to her in language that she can understand. You
might want someone to do this every couple of years, as your daughter's capacity to
understand increases with age. A learning disability is a life-long condition; the people
who cope best are those who understand what it is and how to be successful, even
though they have a learning disability.
Case 5:
Q: Our 7-year-old has always liked school. She was tested last year and just missed
being placed in an LD program. She has an individualised educational programme (IEP)
and receives 90 minutes per week of extra help. This year is so hard for her. She's
feeling so frustrated with the extra load of work, and the teacher is making her feel
worse -- she says the teacher gets short with her when she needs extra help or doesn't
understand the question. Our daughter is very sensitive, has low self-esteem, and is
rather shy. Do we switch her to another teacher or keep her in this class that is tearing
her up inside?
A: Even if the teacher is as sweet as an angel, it's your daughter's perception that
counts. You should meet with the teacher and the principal together and tell them that
your daughter finds it hard to ask questions in class because she thinks that the
teacher gets angry when she does. It might be helpful if the principal or the guidance
26
MODULE 3
counsellor observes the interaction between the teacher and your daughter. If the
process of observation makes the teacher more aware of her style, the problem might
be solved. If the observation suggests that the teacher is responding appropriately,
you'll want to make sure that this is happening when she's not being observed.
Then tell your daughter that you have talked to the teacher and that you think the
teacher is going to help her feel more comfortable in class. Sometimes just "planting"
this belief in a family member can help her feel like the teacher understands and is
trying harder to meet her needs. If your daughter senses no improvement, then I
would encourage the teacher to meet with your daughter privately and talk about her
feelings. If the teacher asks your daughter what she can do to make her feel more
comfortable in class, this may help. If it turns out that this is an insensitive teacher,
then a switch may be indicated.
It also sounds as if your daughter is struggling in school. Do you feel that her teacher is
teaching in a way that your daughter learns best? If not, then you should ask the
special education teacher to consult with the teacher to give her some ideas about
how to structure learning so that your daughter feels more successful. Since you say
your daughter is sensitive and has a low self-concept, I'd get the guidance counsellor
or school psychologist involved in this plan right away. Your daughter needs to feel
more positive about school, or these problems will get worse.
3.2.10. Self-assessment test (Rosenberg Self-Esteem Scale)

Instructions: Below is a list of statements dealing with your general feelings about
yourself. If you strongly agree, circle SA. If you agree with the statement, circle A. If
you disagree, circle D. If you strongly disagree, circle SD.
1. On the whole, I am satisfied with myself.
SA
SD
2.* At times, I think I am no good at all.
SA
SD
3. I feel that I have a number of good qualities.
SA
SD
4. I am able to do things as well as most other people.
SA
SD
27
MODULE 3
5.*I feel I do not have much to be proud of.
SA
SD
6.* I certainly feel useless at times.
SA
SD
7. I feel that Im a person of worth, at least on an equal plane withSA
SD
others.
8.*I wish I could have more respect for myself.
SA
SD
9.* All in all, I am inclined to feel that I am a failure.
SA
SD
10.I take a positive attitude toward myself.
SA
SD
Scoring: SA=3, A=2, D=1, SD=0. Items with an asterisk are reverse scored, that is, SA=0,
A=1, D=2, SD=3. Sum the scores for the 10 items.
The higher the score, the higher the self-esteem you have.
28
MODULE 3
Theoretical part
3.3. Communication in the family
Parents and relatives interact with their family member with disability using a variety
of communication general modalities including, speech, verbalizations, gestures, facial
expressions, contacts by phone or other modalities. Specific ones for people with
hearing impairments are sign language, lorm (www.deafblind.com/lorm.html) and lip
reading.
No individual is completely autonomous every moment of every day, but

interdependence and interactions occur throughout the day. Communication lies at
the centre of the everyday interactions of family members. Some people with physical
and cognitive impairments require support for communication. Communication
contributes to increased self-determination. People with disabilities communicate with
peers, family members, and others in the community about their desires, needs, and
decisions in terms of their daily activities, education, social life, living, professional
orientation. Communicative competency supports self-determination.
Support of a variety of modalities encourages inclusion and self-determination for all

individuals including those with disabilities. They are first individuals and then have
disability which partially affects their physical and mental condition, communication,
ability to be included equally in the family life, their independence, social activities of
the community as well as in the education and vocational realization. People with
disability need to communicate as much as other individuals. Through communication
they connect with others, express their innermost thoughts and have an impact on
their lives and the lives of their parents and the others. Through communication both
parents and person with disability enact change and develop self-determination.
29
MODULE 3
Fig. 3.9 Communication in family is important

Self-determination involves communicating personal preferences without undue
influences. Personal preferences include wants, desires, needs and opinions. Expressing
desires and needs of the people with disabilities to their parents or other relatives is an
expression of self-determination. Initially identifying wants and needs demonstrates
the power of communication and encourages development of self-determination.
Competent communication resulted in increased autonomy and psychological

empowerment. Individuals who communicate effectively display increased autonomy
and psychological empowerment. Autonomy and psychological empowerment
contribute to increased self-determination.
3.3.1. Factors that might influence the level of communication
Communication is crucial, a key life skill at every level of social interaction and vital to
peoples with disability successful development. There are many ways and preferred
methods of communication. However they should be adjusted in accordance with the
specific needs and the psychological condition of the disabled family member.
30
MODULE 3
We would like to share some factors which we identified in our work with parents that
might influence the level of communication between the parent and the disabled
family member is:
x
The age as well as the generations differences e.g. sometimes in some cases
the disabled family member might use strong and even impolite phrases while
his/her parent might find this inappropriate of offensive. One way to overcome
this confrontation is to have open and timely communication based on mutual
respect and tolerance.
Type and stage of disability - some impairment e.g. hearing or speech ones
could affect the ability of the person to communicate freely with the other
family members. In many cases parents developed their knowledge to talk with
the disabled family member either using their own resources or by involvement
in specialised courses held by disability organisation or training centres. Deaf
parents whose native language is Sign language (SL) communicate with their
deaf family member through sign language. Deaf parents respond to their
family members developing language appropriately, and to adjust linguistic
forms manual words and sentences to meet the language level of the deaf
family member effectively. Deaf people learn SL from their deaf parents in a
systematic and progressive way just as person with hearing impairment learn
spoken language from their hearing parents. Language development
milestones for deaf family member exposed to SL from birth, mirror language
development of person with hearing impairment that are exposed to a spoken
language from birth. Young deaf or hard of hearing person raised in a signing
environment have vocabularies equal to or larger than person who only use
spoken language. Deaf parents use sign language to communicate efficiently,
accurately, and competently with their deaf family member assisting in
language growth and development.
Inclusion of the disabled family member in the mainstream education if the

family member is attending a mainstream school then s/he would develop
his/her communication and social skills much better in comparison with his/her
peers who are visiting specialised schools. Disabled people who are studying in
31
MODULE 3
specialised schools are in direct contact with different professionals who
support them in their daily activities however all processes happen in sheltered
environment. Therefore when the family member leaves the specialised school
s/he might face difficulties in communication with other non-disabled people
including his/her parents and relatives.
Accent and tone in speeches could be perceived in different ways and influence the
perception of the message and the environment.
3.3.2. Strategies for Effective Communication within a Family-Centered
Context
Principle of Communication
Strategies based on Characteristics of Effective

Communication
(Briggs, 1998; Brandt, 1993; Rosin, 1996; Tuchman,
1996; Winton, 1996)
Family members communicate
as equals
Encourage open sharing of opinions, desires,

requests, and expectations.
Allow each family member to share his/her

ideas and views.
Do not underestimate or devalue the ideas of

the
person
with
whom
you
are
communicating.
x
Do not just criticized but suggest alternatives.
Do not focus on the communication problem

if any but seek wise solutions.
Family members communicate
Make your point clear and brief.
clearly to share information
Use language that is understandable
Avoid or explain uncommon words or

phrases.
32
MODULE 3
x
Talk with your family members about the

strengths and needs of your family.
Family members really listen
to each other
Listen carefully and do not interrupt speaking

person
Establish eye contact
Show relaxed manner do not shout.
Ask questions when you dont understand

your family member.
In conclusion, a good pattern of intra-familiar communication can contribute to create

the necessary self-confidence and can deconstruct those set of false believes that
disable person could holds about him or herself.
33
MODULE 3
Practical part
3.3.3 Listening
Fig. 3.10 Listen your family member with disability

In the family environment members do not always listen. Not listening creates various
difficulties that affect own performance, problem solving, and interactions with others.
You as a parent can follow those ten characteristics that describe a good listening.
Using a scale of 1 to 5, with 5 being the highest score, mark your answer in order to
find the extent to which you possess the characteristics in question.
67$7(0(176

,PDLQWDLQDQH\HFRQWDFWZLWKP\IDPLO\PHPEHU
,DVNFODULI\LQJTXHVWLRQV
,VKRZFRQFHUQQRWLQJWKHIHHOLQJVWKDWWKHIDPLO\PHPEHU
IHHOV
, UHWHOO RU SDUDSKUDVH WKH IDPLO\ PHPEHU
V ZRUGV WR VKRZ
WKDW,KDYHXQGHUVWRRGFRUUHFWO\
,VHHNILUVWWRXQGHUVWDQGWKHQWREHXQGHUVWRRG
34
MODULE 3
,DPUHDG\WRFRQWUROP\UHDFWLRQV
, UHVSRQG ZLWK D VPLOH QRG DQG IURZQ RU KXJV ZKHQ
QHFHVVDU\
, SD\ VSHFLDODWWHQWLRQ WR WKH VLWXDWLRQ DQG GR QRW GLVWUDFW
P\VHOI
,UHDFWUHVSRQVLEO\WRZKDW,KHDU
,VWLFNWRWKHWRSLF
$0,$%/(72/,67(1"
Following are 10 characteristics that describe a bad habit of parents listening. Using a
scale of 1 to 5, with 5 being the worst evaluation, mark your answer to discover the
extent to which you possess them. Be honest with yourself. Recognition of how you
listen is the first step towards change and understanding your family member with
disability.

,RIWHQLQWHUUXSWP\IDPLO\PHPEHU
,UXVKWRFRQFOXVLRQV
,ILQLVKP\IDPLO\PHPEHU
VVHQWHQFHV
,FKDQJHWKHVXEMHFWZLWKRXWDQRWLFH
,PDNHP\FRQFOXVLRQVEHIRUH,KDYHKHDUGHYHU\WKLQJ
,DPQRWIXOO\FRQFHQWUDWHG
,GRQRWJLYHDQ\DQVZHU
,DPDQ[LRXV
,LQVWDQWO\EHFRPHGHIHQVLYH
,WKLQNRYHUP\DQVZHUXQWLOP\IDPLO\PHPEHUVVSHDNV
Conclusion: Record your answers and start thinking what it means to listen and why it
is important to listen.
Exercise:
35
MODULE 3
Think and try to remember a situation where you were trying to listen during a
conversation with your family member with disability. What have you done?
............................................................................................................................................
Describe the results
............................................................................................................................................
Describe what you would do if the situation could be repeated taking into
consideration what you have learned from the above
............................................................................................................................................
What would you do differently?
............................................................................................................................................
3.3.4 What you as a parent should avoid? (reflection activity)
Communication is on-going process which involves different parties and interest. In

your daily life you and your family member with disability communicate with different
people e.g. peers, teachers, trainers, social workers, psychologists, coachers, public
administration staff etc.
You as a parent could support the communication of your family member with
disability with other people but without too many interventions.
Here we provide you some guidelines what not to do in order to avoid situations of
isolation of your disabled family member from the communication process with the
others:
1. When anyone ask a question to your family member with disability, do not
answer instead of him/her.
2. When someone communicates with your disabled family member you
shouldnt interfere in the conversation unless anyone of the parties ask you
explicitly.
3. Do not end or correct the sentences of your family member with disability. Let
him her to express his/her thoughts.
4. Let your disabled family member to express freely his/her opinion in front of
the others even when you not partially or fully agree.
36
MODULE 3
5. If you are a parent of a family member with hearing or speech impairments and
assist him/her in communication with others you should transmit his/her
message without changing the meaning or adding new thing you may think
appropriate.
6. If your family member with disability uses simple phrases do not try to replace
them with more sophisticated words no matter if the communication is written
or verbal.
7. When your family member with disability is talking and you feel like you need
to interrupt him/her just make a discreet signal.
8. When your family member with disability meets someone for the first time let
your family member to decide when to disclose and talk about his/her
disability.
9. When you family member is visiting school or daily care centre or wherever let
him/her to ask for adaptation and support s/he needs and dont make these
quarries instead of him/her.
10. When you speak about your family member with disability does not use
exaggerations or underestimations toward his/her condition and life situation.
Many people tend to exaggerate too much when they express their emotions
or feelings in the family. Exaggeration is used as a mode of easing the mental
tension, but may destroy the family harmony. When you talk or express the
feelings be lavish only to the limit of the tolerance of others. Frequent
exaggerated talks may make others bored and distrusted in your words and
actions.
There are many practical tips to make the communication between the family
members more effective. Let us see some of them.
x
The focus is preference, not principles
Family is the place where no strict or inflexible rules are applicable and principles
always remain subordinates to preferences. Focusing on the preferences simply means
37
MODULE 3
to give more importance to the personal likes of your family member with disability
than rules and regulations. For example, you can't just implement a rule that your
family member should be silent after 10 at night. It may be the only convenient time
for him/her to communicate with you and others. There are no right time, right way
and right place for communication. Implicating principles for communication will make
the process completely official and your family member with disability may feel it
mechanical, rather affectionate.
x
Be positive
Negative and sarcastic communication will destroy the warmth of family talking. Do
not over criticize or approach everything in negative way. Certain people cling to
sarcasm when they talk to others, especially with family members. This will destroy the
mood of talks with your family member with disability and may withdraw
himself/herself deliberately from the family communications. You can be corrective
but even then try to be positive as much as you can. Positive communication is much
influencing and effective than criticisms. Creative criticism is helpful in family but
always define limits to criticism. Let the communication be appreciating, encouraging,
supporting and soothing.
x
Let it be more than just verbal
Let the communication with your family member with disability be more than just a
verbal expression. The presence of parents conveys the messages of safety, love and
concern to the kids especially when they have some disability and need the feeling of
warmth. Use gestures of affection lavishly in the communication. A kiss, a hug, an
appreciation, a thumps up gesture, everything can tell more than words can do.
x
Be clear, be gentle and be precise
Being clear, gentle and precise is the rule applicable to any communication; so is to
family communication. Do not leave blanks for others to assume or interpret in family
communication. If you want to say something to the family member with disability,
38
MODULE 3
make your point clear in the most pleasing way. Being calm and gentle when you
communicate is helpful to invite the attention and action of the family member.
4. Test for psychological empowerment of parents

Assess to what extend each statement applies to you:
Use the provided scale: 3 its fully applies to me; 2 to some extend its applies to me;
1; It doesnt apply to me; 0 I can decide
1. I believe that I have resources to cope with the daily situations within my family.
2. I know that I am reliable parent.
3. I can find something positive even in a difficult life situation that occurs within
my family.
4. I know that my family member with disability has values and strengths.
5. Behind disability of my family member I see opportunities for him/her.
6. I believe that my family member with disability is an equal citizen of the society.
7. When I couldnt support my family member with disability I know who can help
us.
8. I could listen my family member with disability attentively even that I disagree
with his/her position.
9. I could take the point of my family member with disability.
10.
I know what the best is for my family member with disability.
11.
I leave my family member to disclose his/her disability whenever s/he
decides.
12.
I am aware of available resources for the support of my family member with
disability in terms of his/her daily needs and educational ones.

13.
I let my family member with disability to gain his/her own experience despite
my concerns.
14.
I know how to react when someone has inappropriate behaviour toward my
family member with disability.
39
MODULE 3
15.
I feel calm when my family member with disability has fun with other peers
without disability.
16.
I feel gratitude when someone recognises the abilities of my family member
with disability.
17.
I believe that my family member with disability has a capacity and resources
to cope with difficult daily situations.

18.
I accept a criticism towards the approaches that I use in the interaction with
my family member with disability.

19.
I accept that the future of my family member with disability depends on
him/her rather on my own decisions and actions.

20.
I know that I as a person have needs and desires as much valuable as those
of my family member with disability.

21.
I dont neglect my personal life.
22.
I am open to various opportunities for support I could receive in terms of
care and well-being of my family member with disability.
Please calculate your result and if the final score is under 33 then you need to go back
to the e-SUNET training materials and to review them more extensively. In addition
you can ask a professional in the field of disability to help you to complete the
challenging topics. If you final score is up to 33 then you can consider yourself well
informed, well prepared and psychologically empowered maybe with the support of eSUNET training materials.
Practical part
5. Words of Encouragement and Praise
Person with disability thrives on positive attention.
Each human being need to feel loved and appreciated. By selecting and using some of
the phrases below on a daily basis with your family member with disability, you will
find that s/he will start paying more attention to you and will try harder to please.
40
MODULE 3
We could suggest some praise and words of encouragement:

x
Yes
Good
Fine
Very good
Very fine
Excellent
Marvellous
Thats right
Wonderful
I like the way you do that
Im pleased with (proud of ) you
Thats good
Wow
Very nice
Good work
Great going
Good for you
Thats the way
Much better
O.K. Youre doing better
Thats perfect
Good idea
What a clever idea
Good job
Well done
6. Complete the following sentences with appropriate words.

I like the way you ______
41
MODULE 3
Just like this ______
I noticed that you ____
Keep it up
I had fun ______ with you
You are improving at ______ more and more
You showed a lot of responsibility when you ______
I appreciate the way you ______
You are great at that
Youre the best
Good remembering
Thats beautiful
I like your______
I like the way you ______ without having to be asked (reminded)
Im sure glad you are my son/daughter
Now youve got it
I love you
I believe you.
You can.
Keep trying
Go ahead
Carry on
Dont give up
You can SHOW them how you feel as well as tell them:
Smile Nod Part on shoulder, head, knee Wink
Signal or gesture to signify approval or understanding:
High five Touch cheek Tickle Laugh (with, not at) Pat on the back Hug
42
MODULE 3
7. Positive thinking
Fig. 4.7 Happy family of person with disability
Theoretical part
7.1 What is positive thinking? How to foster in your family member
with disability
Positive thinking is a mental attitude that perceives situations in a constructive way. It
does not mean ignoring the negative. Rather, a positive thinker acknowledges a
situation and looks at it productively.
Positive thinking is most effective when a person encounters neutral life events, such
as starting a new job, meeting a new teacher, or beginning the first day of school. In
these more ambiguous encounters, our perspective carries the most weight.
7.2 Can person with disability grasp the concept of positive thinking?
Yes. Positive thinking is an innate capacity partly due to cognitive changes during
middle childhood till mature, however it might be influenced during the lifetime by
social and economic factors such as: barriers caused by disability, limited access to
social community activities, lack of opportunities for education and professional
realisation, low income of the family etc.
In early childhood the parents are given simple, binary instructions on how emotions
work, such as, If you go to a birthday party, you are going to be happy. If you heard
your finger with a needle, you are going to be sad.; If your schoolmates play with
you, neglecting your disability, you will be happy. If you are alone during the breaks
43
MODULE 3
while your peers without disability are enjoying at the schoolyard you could be
gloomy.
At the age of five, these guidelines become more complex and continue throughout
middle childhood.
5-year olds can connect thought with emotion
A role play game involving 90 children from 5 to 10 years old has been organised. Each
child has been asked to listen to six illustrated scenarios, which featured two
characters. The characters jointly experience the same positive event (and feel good),
negative event (and feel bad), or ambiguous event (and feel okay). Afterward, one
character thinks a positive thought, while the other thinks a negative thought. For
instance, in one ambiguous scenario, the characters are about to meet a new teacher.
One character thinks negatively, Shes going to be mean and give us lots of
homework, while the other thinks positively, Shes going to be fun and read us
stories.
After explaining the characters reaction, the facilitators asked the child what they
thought and recorded their responses.
The study showed children as young as five can understand the principles of positivethinking: a positive thought makes you feel better and a negative thought makes you
feel worse. Whats more, children are better at understanding the influence of positive
thinking in situations that were ambiguous.
Children a few years older are even better at applying positive thinking. Many studies
show seven and eight year olds use distraction to help cope with anxiety. When asked
how they deal with the fear of receiving a needle from the doctor, they suggest
thinking of a happy time, such as eating ice cream. In contrast, younger kids tend to
suggest more tangible distractions, such as playing with a toy.
No matter at what age the person is remembers that positive thinkers are more
resilient.
When it is fostered, positive thinking is a powerful coping tool and helps foster
resilience. A person including the one with disability learns to better manage lifes
44
MODULE 3
inevitable disappointments: not making a sports team, rejection from a school
programme, or failing a test. There are number of cases where people with disabilities
have been trained to think optimistically and the results shows that they are less likely
to develop depression later in life. Again it shows that consequently, a positivethinking people become a more resilient one.
How to make a special moment?
Choose something that would constitute an achievement for your family member with
disability and make a funny noise or do a silly dance every time they do it. Itll make
you and your family member laugh plus youll be sure to remember that achievement
and so be able to share it with friends and family.
Its a wonderful way to celebrate the thing they achieved, it doesnt cost anything and
it really highlights the positive moments in your day. And it might make other people
smile as they are watching someone who is enjoying.
7.3 How can parents foster positive thinking?
Be a model
The more optimistic a parent, the better a person with disability understands the
principles of positive thinking. Interpret things in your own life positively. Express it
openly and in conversation with your family member with disability.
45
MODULE 3
Fig. 4.8 Emotions circle

For example, before the first day of class, ask, Tomorrow is your first day of school.
What are all the good things you are looking forward to?
If the person with disability feels anxious, help him/her reframe his/her thoughts: If
you feel worried about starting a new school year, it is just going to make you feel
worse.
Why dont we think about the positive things that can happen today at school?
i.e.:
You will meet new children who will soon become your friends.
You might disclose your disability and the teacher will support you to acquire useful
skills.
You will enjoy playing with your schoolmates.
Going to school will give you a chance to express your talent.
The time will pass quicker when you are at school surrounded by happy people.
During the classes you will learn many useful things.
The earlier a person learns to apply this technique, the more effective they become at
using it.
46
MODULE 3
Acknowledge when something bad happens
Positive thinking does not mean dismissing the negative. If your person with disability
is recovering from a broken arm, for instance, acknowledge the pain: It hurts and I
understand it makes you feel upset. Then demonstrate how you can reframe the
negative situation by saying, If we dwell on the fact your arm hurts, it is going to make
us miserable. Why dont we think of all the cool things we can do with the cast such as
drawing funny signs and signatures of your peers? This reframing technique
helps foster resilience of the person with disability.
7.4 Key points to remember

x
Positive thinking is a mental attitude that perceives situations in a constructive

way.
People no matter if they disability or not as young as five are able to grasp the
principles of positive thinking.
People no matter if they disability or not get better at understanding positive

thinking as they get older.
When it is nurtured, positive thinking is a powerful coping tool and helps builds
resilience in a person.
Parents can encourage positive thinking by modelling it in their own life.
Always acknowledge a negative situation or feeling. Then help your family

member with disability see it in a way that is positive and productive.
Positive thinking can help both you and person with disability to leave easier.
Positive thinking can also help you to present the disability of your family
member in a positive manner in front of other people from your surrounding
community.
Positive thinking will help you to find solutions and to cope with limitations
caused by disability.
Positive thinking will help you to find the right people at the right time to
support you in different perspectives.
Positive thinking will help you to put the emphasis on the resources rather than
on the gaps.
47
MODULE 3
Practical part
7.5 Positive thinking exercise
Try this exercise to get you into the habit of spending more time thinking positive
thoughts about things that have gone well and why.
People who do this positive thinking exercise say they feel happier, less worried and
less sad.
1. Each day for the next week, give yourself 10-15 minutes before you go to sleep
to write down three things that went well and why. This could be something as
simple as My son gave me a nice smile this morning. Or it might be a major
event for example, I booked our family holiday.
2. Underneath each This went well today; write what you did to make it happen.
For example, if you put My son gave me a nice smile today, you could write, I
smiled and he smiled back.
3. It might feel odd to do this at first, but it gets easier with practice. Try to give it
a go for a week. Check your notes at the end of the week.
4. Share this exercise with family and friends.
48
MODULE 3
7.6 How to welcome positive behaviour
)LJ6FRWW+DPLOWRQVPRWWR&RS\ULJKWVKWWSIHPLQLVWVRQDUFRPLDPQRW\RXUPRWLYDWLRQDO
SRVWHU
We are suggesting these general recommendations which can reduce the need of
intervention by a psychologist who can help you to form your positive thinking and
positive behaviour at highest level. These seven recommendations are supposed to
serve you to set the basis of positive thinking as well as to welcome positive behaviour
in a way that will ensure smooth and less stressful daily life.
This is simply a list, not a hierarchical presentation the first one is not more
important than the second and the tenth is neither the least nor the most important.
Human beings tend to rank things by importance so try to avoid doing that while
reading.
49
MODULE 3
1. Develop A Yes orientation
We all know that there are too many nos in our daily activities. There is a
tremendous amount of power in the ability to say no to someones request. Thats a
power thats tempting to use. Often when we say no we mean, Yes, but later.
There is a huge difference between those two statements. Even, when you clarify no
and say, No, not right now the word that is heard is NO!! Yes, we can do that
when we are done here, feels much more like the desire has been heard,
acknowledged and accepted. Lets face it; many people with disabilities have learned
that they can turn a no into a Yes by engaging in any number of behaviours. But
why make them do that? Giving a realise Yes immediately solves so many problems.
Becoming yes oriented is much more difficult than you might imagine. It involves
rethinking how you respond and evaluating the effect of your words. It involves
breaking the no habit, which is a hard habit to break.
Some people become immune to no when it is used as forcefully about a cookie
before dinner as it is for stepping in front of a bus. So make it such that no means
no only when no is an argument rather than denial.
2. Choices
Consider the following conversation and its outcome:
Jackson: Hey, Mirranda, do you want to do the dishes tonight?
Mirranda: Um, no.
Jackson: But its your turn, youll be letting everyone else down. Ill have to write this
up in your programme. Are you sure you dont want to do the dishes?
Mirranda: Um, yes.
Jackson: You need to get into the kitchen and do the dishes right now! Its your night.
Mirranda goes into the kitchen and start talking on the phone with her relatives. After
a while her anxiety starts to grow and she ended up with breaking some plates.
The basic advice here is not to offer a choice unless you are willing to have a choice
made. The moment Jackson indicated through his question that Mirranda had a
choice, Jackson needs to respect the choice that was made. Instead of doing that, he
escalates (something we rarely notice) and begins to force her into making the choice
50
MODULE 3
he wants her to make. His escalation leads to hers and a problem that could have been
avoided ends with broken plates. It might be argued that Mirranda isnt smashing the
dishes because she doesnt want to do them, but instead because she wasnt listened
to. So, be careful with choices. People with disabilities need to have both choices and
expectations be clear which are which in interactions.
3. Give Some Space

One of the most commonly used strategies that people with disabilities have for
dealing with negative feelings or situations is to dive into privacy. In fact, in preparing
to write this section we did a research and found that creating space (using privacy,
getting out of a situation) in dealing with anger was a recommendation on some of the
publications we reviewed (Brown, Standen, Evert, 2010 Nottingham).
Anger needs space.
Anger is contagious.
Its important to give people time to calm themselves down. Theres a reason that
anger is almost always accompanied by a slammed door! The loud bang of the door
closing is a way of saying Leave me alone or I need to be alone right now.
People with disabilities often dont feel that they have permission to escape or to
leave, or, alternately, when upset, dont remember they have this option. Just say to
your family member with disability: Im going to give you a bit of space right now, in
a supportive tone and get the hell out of there. This only works of course for
behaviours that arent extremely dangerous but even if the person needs constant
supervision, you can break gaze, redirect your attention or use other strategies to
create a moment of privacy.
4. Tone, Tone, Tone

Have you ever been called stupid or incapable by someones tone of voice?
Have you ever said, Dont you speak to me in that tone?
Have you ever been infuriated when someone speaks to you like you are a child?
51
MODULE 3
All of us have been at the brunt end of a disrespectful tone of voice.

All of us know what it is to rage not about what was said, but how it was said. We
should speak with child with disability as if speaking to adults because, and this
needs to be said again, we are speaking to adults.
Caution: It is in moments of frustration or upset that parents are most likely to slip into
the superior adult tone with people with disabilities.
5. Boundaries! Boundaries! Boundaries!

So far, in the previous issues of this module, the issue of boundaries has been raised
several times. Were not going to talk here about boundaries regarding space and
privacy. Nor are we going to talk about establishing boundaries regarding your
relationship with the person with disability. We want to talk about a different
boundary the one between person with disabilitys life and your opinion.
Theres a hard boundary to establish!
One of the greatest challenges that exist is an idea that we all have (admit it), that we
know better how your pupil should live their lives. We need to get over that quickly.
People with disabilities get weary of having their lives analysed, evaluated and
commented on. If youve ever had a guest stay with you and inform you of all the
things you could do differently and better you know the kind of anger that can
develop from this helpful feedback. So remembering Its not about you and Its not
your life to live and, perhaps most importantly, remembering to just hush up every
now and then, will result in reducing the need that some people with disabilities might
feel to throw a pot at you.
6. Pay Attention
People with disabilities no matter of their age need attention and need to feel
accepted even within the family which serves as closer and friendly environment for
them.
52
MODULE 3
Being a parent of a person with disability is 24/7 job which might be exhausted and
demanding. However you should remember that your child with disability needs your
attention and to talk and share with you his/her thoughts, feelings, an emotion,
threats, worries. What you can do just to allocate for example 15 minutes per day to
interact with your family member with disability attentively without being distracted
by phone calls, questions of other family members etc. S/he needs to know that these
15 minutes are just for him/her and your attention is kept and dedicated only to
him/her. So, simply stated, ensure that attention is not in short supply. Make sure that
interactions occur regularly and that there are predictable times when people know
that they will be able to have time to talk, work things through or just have fun.
7. Communication
Think about times that you are upset. Have you ever sat down with your family
member and said, Im afraid that Im very angry right now and I think I need to have a
drink and relax?. We dont as humans express our feelings through words. We
communicate them through other ways that signal to others that we are upset. Those
signals are hugely adaptive and hugely important. Thats what we need to support our
family members, rather than require them to do what we dont. We cant expect: Oh,
dear, Im feeling frustrated right now and need some time to recover myself from the
intensive conversation. Develop signals, develop an agreed upon strategy to
communicate when there is anger or frustration or a need for time alone.
53
MODULE 3
Practical part
7.7 Positive thinking tips
Fig. 4.10 Positive thinking circle
1. Only use positive words when talking When you speak your family members and
other, try to use positive words.
Positive statements:
Yes, you can.,
There is a way out.,
The things get better.,
The situation is improving.,
I believe, I have strengths,
You have strengths,
You will succeed
Try to avoid negative words like:
dont,
cant
not,
wont and no.
54
MODULE 3
2. Fill your mind with positive thoughts Constantly look for things to be positive about.
Find things you like about yourself, the person with disability, other people and your
life.
3. Celebrate Share your successes with others. Celebrate everything that happens in
your life. No matter how big or small it is, celebrate iteven if its just getting out of
bed.
4. Smile There are days when smiling is the farthest thought from your mind, but just
the simple act of smiling puts you into a more positive mind. Smile whenever you see
yourself in the mirror. Smile when you see others. Smile for no reason at all.
5. Make peace with the past Do you think about moments in your past where you felt
embarrassed, scared or angry? Do you relive events wishing you could have done
things differently? Your emotions are connected to your thoughts. If you change your
thoughts, your emotions will change. Let go of the past. Realise what happened is in
the past and you cant do anything to change it. But you can take change your present
and your future because thats where your power lies.
6. Gratitude Be grateful for your life. Keep an eye out for things to be grateful for a
sunset, a smile from a stranger, a good moments in the family. Before long, those little
things will become bigger a successful finish of the school year/training course,
successful performance, positive results of the rehabilitation etc.
7. Mirror technique Whenever you see yourself in a mirror, tell yourself something you
like about yourself. If youre having a hard day, look in the mirror and tell yourself
everything you are doing or your child is doing.
You are fabulous. Your presentation at school today went very well and tomorrow
you will get the great feedback you deserve.
7.8. Positive thinking activity

Look at horizons of your own life and try to identify what strategies of positive thinking might
be. When you consider your life, what behaviour, thoughts, or interactions do you think
people engage in that are the most rewarding?
Over the next week, pay careful attention to yourself and others.
When are you and your family members upbeat and engaged?
What is happening?
55
MODULE 3
What is not happening?
See if you can identify potentially effective strategies of the coming week.
Go ahead and create your own list of possible strategies here:
1.
2.
3.
4.
7.9 Reflection
Do you have any reservations about the goal of becoming a happier and positive person?
Do you have any reservations about advising others including your family member with
disability on how to become happier?
Feel free to write your answers here:
7.10 Exercise Why its not obvious?

We are sure that you have some theories about how you might increase your and your family
member with disability positive thinking. Take a moment and list five things that you think
could help.
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
56
MODULE 3
7.11. Exercise Self-assessment of happiness

Here is one exercise which you could suggest to be completed by your family member with
disability. For each of the following statements and/or questions, please ask your family
member with disability to select the point on the scale that is most appropriate in describing
him/her.
1. In general, I consider myself:
1
not
a very
happy
person
7
a very
happy
person
2. Compared to most of my peers, I consider myself:

1
less
happy
7
more
happy
3. Some people are generally very happy. They enjoy life regardless of what is going on,
getting the most out of everything. To what extend does this characterization describe
you?
1
not
at all
7
a great
deal
4. Some people are generally not happy. Although they are not depressed, they never
seem as happy as they might be. To what extent does this characterization describe
you?
a great
deal
7
not at
all
57
MODULE 3
Scoring scheme:
Add up the four numbers that you circled and divide by 4.
The score should range from 1 (very unhappy) to 7 (very happy). For the sake of comparison,
the average score on this scale ranges from 4.5 to 5.5. Take this difference into account when
determining where you family member fall. But dont worry so much about how you compare
to the average. The take-home message here is that you can use the strategies in this course to
raise your family member with disabilitys positive thinking and happiness above this number!
Think back to the things you listed earlier with the respect to your family member with
disability what would make him/her happy? Did anything qualify changes in his/her life
circumstances rather than experience or activities?
7.12 Exercise Positive thinking gratitude and optimism

Using the scale below as a guide, write a number beside each statement to indicate how much
you agree with it. The exercise could be done also by your family member with disability.
1 strongly disagree
2 disagree
3 slightly disagree
4 neither agree nor disagree
5 slightly agree
6 agree
7 strongly agree
___ 1. I have so much in life to be thankful for.

___ 2. If I had to list everything that I felt grateful for, it would be a very long list.
___ 3. When I look at the world, I dont see much to be grateful for.
___ 4. I am grateful to a wide variety of people.
___ 5. As I get older (or become adult), I find myself more able to appreciate the people, and
situations that have been part of my life history.
___ 6. Long amounts of time can go by before I feel grateful to something or someone.
58
MODULE 3
Scoring scheme:
Note that items 3 and 6 are reverse scored, so you would subtract the score you gave or you
family member with disability gave from 8 before considering this score as an indication of
your/his/her sense of gratitude and positive thinking.
This exercise is a matter of reflection for you and your family member with disability. It
enables both of you to think and discuss your thoughts. Some people naturally go through life
and see much to value and are thankful for. For others, this does not come as naturally. But
fortunately, there is reason to believe that most everyone can increase his or her experience of
gratitude and positive thinking. What do you think?
59
MODULE 3
60

Psychological Empowerment

Uploaded by

Document Information

Copyright

Available Formats

Share this document

Share or Embed Document

Sharing Options

Did you find this document useful?

Is this content inappropriate?

Copyright:

Available Formats

Psychological Empowerment

Uploaded by

Copyright:

Available Formats

MODULE 3

3.1 Coping with prejudice of the society

Fig. 3.1 Youngsters are playing on schoolyard.

Let's play a game - changing places.

Fig. 3.2 Cartoon of society

Fig. 3.3 Cartoon of a family

Fig. 3.4 Respect differences

Your question box:

Fig. 3.5 Self-esteem of parents

Self-direction (search for clear direction of possible solution)

An awareness of personal strengths

An ability to make mistakes and learn from them

An ability to accept mistakes from others

An ability to solve problems

An independent and cooperative attitude

Feeling comfortable with a wide range of emotions

An ability to trust others

A good sense of personal limitations

The ability to say no

3.2.2. How to recognise low self-esteem?

Negative view of life;

Mistrusting others even those who show signs of affection;

Fear of taking risks;

Feelings of being unloved and unlovable;

Dependence letting others make decisions;

Fear of being ridiculed.

3.2.3. Three Self-Esteem Builders

Fig. 3.6 A family of a family member with disability

1. Determine Your Values

2. Strive for Mastery

3. Know What You Want

I respect myself and others

I am lovable and likable

I am confident, and it shows

I acre about myself

I am creating loving, healthy relationships

I am a good friend to myself and others

I am a good parent /relative to my family member with disability and s/he

I accept myself just as I am

Life is good, and I like being a part of it

Remember that the self-esteem is supposed to be an especially important issue for

Fig. 3.7. Ani and hers family member Georgi

3.2.7. Steps to help them develop positive feelings of self-worth

Fig. 3.8 A family of person with disability

Think yourself the following questions:

1. Help your family member feel special and appreciated.

5. Provide choices for your family member.

7. Highlight your family member's strengths.

8. Provide opportunities to help.

9. Have realistic expectations and goals for your family member.

3.2.8. Practical activity: Self-esteem building

Praise effort and improvement not just good accomplishment

3.2.9. Cases for reflection

In a math class, encouraging a student to create a three dimensional model that

3.2.10. Self-assessment test (Rosenberg Self-Esteem Scale)

2.* At times, I think I am no good at all.

3. I feel that I have a number of good qualities.

4. I am able to do things as well as most other people.

6.* I certainly feel useless at times.

7. I feel that Im a person of worth, at least on an equal plane withSA

9.* All in all, I am inclined to feel that I am a failure.

10.I take a positive attitude toward myself.

No individual is completely autonomous every moment of every day, but

Support of a variety of modalities encourages inclusion and self-determination for all