The Story of Me: Phil Clothier

Big picture The core values that are close to my heart are Trust, Service, Humour & Fun and Love. I try hard to demonstrate conscious, joyful human living. To serve and make a difference for others is what makes me happy. This is a matter of self-interest for me. If I can make it a better and happier world for others, it is a better and happier world for me too. b) competence in my chosen field of computers and through that, an innerconfidence. I believed that in all of my work, the key was to listen to people‟s needs and figure out what role I could play in helping them to find happiness. For my sales team, our customers and my colleagues, this was a remarkably successful strategy. I also experienced distressing and dysfunctional situations that helped to form my sense of ethics, compassion, fairness and forgiveness. I was appointed the CEO of Barrett Values Centre in July 2007. I was 41 years old - so I missed my prediction by about 6 months. My strengths and unique abilities In my 2010 leadership assessment, my assessors used these words to describe my strengths. Commitment, trustworthy, support and care for people, honesty, enthusiasm, helpful and available, hard working, team player, humour/fun, positive energy, desire to make a difference, openness, compassion and having a good heart. I believe it is the combination of these qualities, my practical awareness of technology and life experiences that make up my unique abilities. In my field I have both confidence and competence. I am also willing to admit when either or both are lacking. Through self discovery and meditation I am finding myself increasingly in a place of inner peace, equanimity and this has increased my ability to handle upset or friction in human relations.

My life story I knew from a young age that I was „different‟. I did not seem to fit with the other kids. Since my parents ran children‟s homes and I had over 350 foster brothers and sisters, my response to this was to become fiercely independent from a young age. What I did start to realise was that difference has something to do with leadership. At age 14, I told my mother that by age 40 I would be the CEO of an international organisation. Strangely, despite what I said about not fitting in, I knew that relationship were important to me. I wanted to engage with adults in philosophical conversations about life rather than kicking a football with the other kids. My leadership roles started when I was young, in marching bands as the Drum Major in my teens and in my IT sales job as a sales manager in my early 20‟s. Certain qualities started to emerge and flourish inside of me – a) ability to connect easily with people,

The Story of Me: Phil Clothier
My deepest belief about our work is that we are helping people to face their fears and find a more loving existence in personal and work lives. I believe that this understanding is strength because it allows me to cut through complexity and see simple principles that lie beneath the surface. New values I am exploring 1. Equanimity (Balance PEMS) Belief: Getting past all my attachments (cravings and aversions) will help me to find inner peace and joy. I become far more effective when I am in this state Behaviours: Meditation; noticing when I am not equanimous and taking steps to remedy the situation 2. Leadership development Belief: Life conditions are becoming increasingly complex. New levels of awareness and responsibility (ability to respond) are necessary. Learn – live - model Behaviours: Invest in myself – mostly time; Recognise that I also learn through hardship and mistakes. My core motivation More core motivation is to be happy. That drives me to make a difference in other people‟s lives and make a positive impact in the world. This is a matter of self-interest for me. If I can make it a better and happier world for others, it is a better and happier world for me too. To dig one level deeper, I have defined happiness. “Happiness is the extent to which we live in love as opposed to living in fear” Vision & Mission My personal mission and vision are summed up in just two words - “Serene Joy”. I consider it as one of my jobs to practice and explore this idea for myself. The more I practice and model this state of being, the more I can support others in finding this too. This is a life journey and I have much to learn. In the mean time, I try hard to demonstrate conscious, joyful human living. My Good day I get up early, walk the dog, exercise and appreciate the changing seasons. I meditate for 30 minutes to create a sense of calm and balance. I have a variety of news, opportunities and people communications in my email. I have a clear to-do list and get on with doing it. I have productive and enjoyable meetings with fun and professional people. I am open to challenges and upset and I am able to take a stand from a place of love. At the end of the day something new was created, I made a difference to someone and I learned something new. How I show up on a good day: balanced, enthusiastic, creative, fun to be with, appreciative. Good day warning! I can get carried away with blind enthusiasm for new ideas, projects or products without thinking them through.

The Story of Me: Phil Clothier
You may need to ask me questions to get me re-grounded in reality. My bad day I wake up feeling tired, low energy and lethargic. I don‟t have time to walk, exercise or meditate. Too much to do, big problems, unhappy colleagues and customers and I don‟t get things done. How I show up on a bad day: quiet, disconnected, disengaged, low self esteem and confidence. My warning signs It takes a lot to get me angry so my warning signs are quite subtle. I stop smiling and, become more intense and awkward. I go quiet and don‟t reach out to connect. I disengage from the meeting, no longer mentally or emotionally there. My hot buttons and triggers Situations that trigger me
Overwhelm: Too much to do and not enough time, especially if people are waiting Stressful relationship situation when I do not know the answer

What is holding me back from expressing my full potential? I believe that there are only internal factors that hold me back. I am responsible for EVERYTHING that happens in my life. External factors are always caused by me. All fears can be categorised into three simple statements. I have measured my fears using the following matrix. How much fear do I have?
I have enough I am loved enough I am enough

At home
0% 2% 3%

At work
5% 4% 5%

This exercise helped me to realise that my life is not controlled by fear. In reality, there is very little holding me back apart from gaining more skills, awareness and experience. My actions to precipitate more good days and less bad days Start: Recognising that I am feeling bad and take a breath to re-organise. Be OK with feeling bad. Ask for help. Stop: Thinking that I have to know all the answers. Getting stressed about what people think about me. Continue Exercise and meditation. Naming what is not working and how I feel about it. Making a to-do list when overwhelmed. What can others do to help me get past my upset:

Underlying fears and impact
Fear of failure, I am not enough I am not loved enough, I am not enough. I go quiet, rabbit in the headlights, uncomfortable void inside Makes me feel weak and out of control. I don‟t like myself and how others might see me. When people don‟t live by the Golden Rule this can make me angry. If I catch myself not living this rule, I get terribly self critical.

The curse of seeing both sides of an argument and therefore difficult to make a decision. People acting unethically, uncaringly and unfairly. Me acting this way is worse.

The Story of Me: Phil Clothier

In difficult situations I sometimes find it difficult to make the first move - to call you or to walk into your office. If you notice that I am quiet, intense and moody please engage me in conversation. You don‟t need to solve my problem but ask me what is up and give me a chance to talk. Normally, I will get past my upset very fast. Other tactics that work for me Smile at me Give me a hug Questions to ask myself bring me back to a state of grace. What is the reality of the situation? What is the worst thing that can happen? What am I attached to (cravings and aversions)? Name and score my fears in these three areas: I don‟t have enough, I am not loved enough, I am not enough. Short-term Agreement I will return to my Story of Me document within 1 hour from the start of feeling upset. Long-term Agreement I am only willing to stay in a stressful mind set for a maximum of 24 hours, although sometimes this may go on for a few days.

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