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Here are some tips to help develop your connection between mind and

heart...

1. Be yourself
If I make a comment to someone - even though it was kindly and sincerely meant - and
they get upset or take offense, is their upset my responsibility?
The answer is no.
You can genuinely love someone whilst nevertheless doing something they don't like
or agree with.

You do it because you feel it is the right thing to do, though you still understand and
have empathy for their different viewpoint (which causes their emotional reaction)
which they have created by their own choices and belief system.
If one only did things others can easily accept then the status quo would never
progress.
That would truly be a trap.
The solution here is better communication, leading to increased understanding of each
other's viewpoint, and therefore acceptance of the differing personal realities.
There is a strong imprint in our culture to feel sad, guilty, etc. for painful emotions our
actions may cause to others.
There's a general misconception that you are your emotions.
"I am angry" and "you make me angry".
This is conditioning not truth.
In terms of cause and effect, it's a viewpoint at effect.
Some say that to be happy, only do what others can easily experience - it's the same
lie.
And if it isn't then you'd better re-think whether you are indeed doing the right thing.
It is one definition of a 'wrong' action: that which you would not like another to do to
you.
You are responsible for your choices, decisions and actions.
For being true to your judgment.
For communicating with honesty and integrity, developing and maintaining an open
mind, and promoting understanding and empathy.
For never compromising your freedoms and rights nor trampling on another's.
For always acting from the primary motivation of love.
That's all and quite enough.
Others are responsible, in the same way, for their own beliefs, interpretations, feelings,
responses, and reactions; that's their right and their life - none of our business.

2. Decide what you want


Think of five things that are really important to you: they might include a nice house,
loving supportive partner, the chance to travel, a good job, and so on.
Now look at your current life and see how it matches up.
These questions can help you pinpoint problem areas:
What are you doing that you do indeed want to do?
What are you doing that you don't want to be doing?
What are you not doing that you do actually want to do?
In the light of this information, clarify your goals.
Be specific - before you can plan how to achieve a goal it needs to be stated in a way
that is realistic, measurable and time-targeted.
Your action plan should be broken down into manageable chunks - the steps you know
you can make that, one by one, will take you to where you want to go.
I believe that we do create our reality, the 'game of life' on this planet - everything has
to be achieved through action, i.e. there is distance between cause and effect.
In practice this means we do best to 'manifest' spiritually (perceive our goal as already
achieved and be grateful and 'allowing' for that) at the same time as we put our goals
into directed action, so there is congruence between these two aspects of our being.
Also we need to make sure that our beliefs (at every level of the mind - conscious and
subconscious) match up to our goals and our desires.
Mind, body and spirit working in harmony.
My work is all about encouraging individuals to discover the truth within themselves their own inner knowing that is gradually exposed by their own increasing awareness,
responsibility and acceptance.
When all distortions and filters are cleared, those subjective realities start to coincide
with an objective reality, albeit on a wider dimensional basis than the 3-D world of
materiality that scientific rationalism is normally limited to.
3. Don't worry
The shadow of love is fear.
To understand one's fears and anxieties better I have found it workable to determine
what need corresponds to the fear, as fear and need tend to go together: they're
opposite flows, like the fear of not obtaining one's needs, whether for survival, comfort,
belonging, rightness, esteem, success, realization, and so on.
When you've identified the corresponding need, it's easier to see if that need makes
sense.
Of course, you are worried if your child has got lost and you do all you can to resolve
that situation.
But more often worry is a result of not wanting to own up to what you have done, or
trying to predict and control other people's feelings, and especially trying to please
another rather than just being content at having done what you feel is the right thing.

Unpredicted obstacles may occur so it is important to stay flexible and to think


laterally.
The future isn't always predictable; instead of worrying about what the future holds, we
need to learn to let go and trust in the Universe to reflect our intentions.
We cannot do better than our best.
We need to be open to new ideas and listen to our intuition to direct us to new
solutions.
Life is a game - think of it like that and don't take anything too seriously.
Enjoy the challenges life offers!
4. Take control
Instead of feeling overwhelmed by a task, break it down into small segments that you
know you can do and start on the first one.
If you have lots of incomplete jobs, list them in order of priority and tackle the most
important job first.
This way you have a sense of achievement at each step - and you'll soon find yourself
getting a whole lot more accomplished.
Production equals morale.
And if you're living or working in a mess, sort it out - a disordered environment is
reflected in your mind.
5. What makes you happy?
Write down a list of things that make you excited, however big, small, likely or unlikely.
Then work to make them occur more often in your life.
And appreciate the good things you take for granted - your child's hug or a good book.
Look for moments of joy and savour them.
Recognize how many happen every day.
Feeling good can be a way of life, not just an occasional accident.
6. Smile!
Smiling triggers happy feelings in the brain and reduces stress.
Even if you don't feel happy or confident, just behave as though you do and soon you
will.
Find the joy in your life and you'll be more attractive and nicer to be around, people will
be nicer to you too - and you'll smile some more!
Joy is infectious but so is misery; therefore don't have anything whatever to do with
people who dampen your spirits, invalidate your achievements or tell you what to
think.
7. Get positive
Write down every negative thought you have over the course of a week, whether it's
"My family don't appreciate me" or "I look dreadful."
Negativity is a habit and we often don't realize we're putting ourselves down.
Under each negative thought you've written, see if you can spot an alternative way of
looking at it, that isn't so negative.
See if you've exaggerated the situation or overly generalized, or if you are being
unnecessarily intolerant or perfectionist, or thinking in terms of pleasing others rather

than yourself - the 'shoulds' and 'ought-tos'.


The objective world, our playing field of life, is dialectic by the nature of a game, full of
beauty and ugliness, good and evil. But the subjective truth of things, the bird's-eye
viewpoint, is ultimately always positive, causative and loving - as that is your essential
nature.
8. Assert your rights
Think of things which you have a right to, e.g. "I have a right to an evening out with my
friends from time to time."
Think of rights that every human being should have, such as, "I have the right not to be
bullied."
Now, protect your rights with your life, and watch your integrity and self-esteem grow.
9. Give yourself some time
Be sure to put aside a little time every day for yourself - relax with a book, in the bath
or sitting in the garden with the sun on your face.
Think of some things that make you happy - worrying solves nothing.
And at night time, go to bed early enough that you get enough sleep to feel your best
the next day.
10. Communicate
If you have a problem, the thing to do is to communicate: find out the information you
need to get the full picture, so that the solution becomes apparent.
If you're upset, you need to communicate and say how you feel.
If you've done something wrong, again you need to communicate this.
Spot where you're backing off from what you need to do or say, and as the saying
goes, "feel the fear and do it anyway".
You'll be glad you did!
11. Nurture your relationships
Communication, understanding and empathy are the component parts of relationship,
they're equally important.
Take time and trouble over your friends and your partner.
Listen and understand their opinions.
Value a different point of view equally as your own.
Don't make being right more important than a friendship.
People with a few close friends are more likely to be happy than those with many mere
acquaintances.
12. Don't get put in a bag
Don't allow others to label or stereotype you - and don't do it to yourself either!
You may have some particular qualities, or have some sort of difficulty, but don't let
that define you.
There's much more to your life than your race or gender, your sexuality, your
psychological or medical problems, your political views, or any other such particulars.
Personal growth is all about finally jumping out of the box that you're hiding away in you don't need any more limiting boxes to be stuck over your head!
13. Be creative

Making something come to life that you have envisioned - whether a painting, a
wonderful meal, a dress, an invention, a business plan - is infinitely satisfying.
And you'll feel pleasure every time you think of it.
If you want to be happy, get active - at work, within the family and the community.
You will feel happier when you're participating in an activity, whether it's just playing
with a child or helping organize a worthwhile event.
Self-esteem comes from demonstrated competence.
Everyone has skills but not everyone uses them.
So use your skills - find out what you're good at and do it.
Joy is often about living in the moment, being absorbed in what you're doing, not
brooding on the past or guessing your future.
Decide what YOU really want and then go for it.
It can take courage but it's worth the risk.
14. Be Mindful
We need to be very much in touch with our heart, with our feelings, but still to remain
intelligent about it - to remain in control, not driven by our emotions.
We need a balance of left and right brain - rational mind and emotional mind, logic and
feelings, intellect and intuition.
This is where mindfulness and wisdom is found.
We tend to be too cut off from our feelings, in order to suppress painful ones - and this
becomes a habit.
Academic education reinforces this imbalance.
And then we lose a lot of our creative and intuitional ability.
At the same time, however, when those emotions 'escape' we tend to be driven by
them, and think and act impulsively.