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HOW TO WIN FRIENDS AND

INFLUENCE PEOPLE… IN 15
MINUTES — A CONCISE SUMMARY
OF THE BEST SELLER

Sam Lloyd

February 6, 2013

4 Comments

“How to Win Friends and Influence People” is one of the most
popular self-improvement books ever written.
Over 15 million copies sold and to this day people swear by the book.
Today I present to you the a How to Win Friends and Influence
People summary. These are cliffnotes for each chapter within the
best seller.
But first let’s influence you on the book itself. Here are 12 things this
book will do for you:
1. Get you out of a mental rut, give you new thoughts, new visions,
new ambitions.
2. Enable you to make friends quickly and easily.
3. Increase your popularity.

4. Help you to win people to your way of thinking.
5. Increase your influence, your prestige, your ability to get things
done.
6. Enable you to win new clients, new customers.
7. Increase your earning power.
8. Make you a better salesman, a better executive.
9. Help you to handle complaints, avoid arguments, keep your
human contacts smooth and pleasant.
10.

Make you a better speaker, a more entertaining

conversationalist.
11.

Make the principles of psychology easy for you to apply in

your daily contacts.
12.

Help you to arouse enthusiasm among your associates.

I you like what you see here, I suggest you go pick up the book
because there are so many useful historical examples Dale Carnegie
used in his book to explain these principles in greater detail.
So here is the summary:

Part 1: Fundamental Techniques in Handling
People
Chapter 1: Fundamental Techniques in Handling People

or complain. – Charles Schwab  Be anxious to praise and loath to find fault.  Criticism is dangerous. Men like Abraham Lincoln made it a point at some point in his life to never criticize anyone. but that I heard never” .  Instead of condemning everyone.  The deepest craving in human nature is the craving to be appreciated. because it wounds a person’s pride. hurts his sense of importance (everyone wants to feel important/wanted) and arouses resentment. “To know all is to forgive all”  “I will speak ill of no man… and speak all the good I know of everybody”  Many great leaders stood out because of this principle.  The best way to develop the best that is in a person is through appreciation and encouragement. condemn. Criticism is futile because it puts a person on the defensive and usually makes him strive to justify himself. Principle 1: Don’t criticize. which is making them want to do it. Chapter 2: The Big Secret of Dealing with People  There is only one way to make someone do something. try to figure out why they are how they are.  “Once I did bad and that I heard ever/Twice I did good.

but tell them HOW they’re doing great. He Who Cannot Walks a Lonely Way  Think about things from other people’s perspective  Put the other person’s wants before your own  Convince this person of how something can benefit them  Arouse in the other person an eager want Principle 3: Arouse in the other person an eager want. etc…  Tell others you appreciated something they did. Tell a hotel manager that your room was very well kept… etc. Chapter 3: He Who Can do this Holds the Whole World with Him. or what about them looks good.  Don’t just tell someone something small like “You’re doing great” or “Lookin good!”. for example: tell a chef of some restaurant that you really enjoyed his meal. Principle 2: Give honest and sincere appreciation. . Part 2: Ways to Make People Like You Chapter 1: Do This and You’ll be Welcome Anywhere  You can make more friends in 2 months by becoming genuinely interested in other people than you can in two years trying to get people interested in you. Let others know you appreciate them or something about them often  There is a major difference between appreciation and flattery.

 “We are interested in others when they are interested in us” – Publilius Syrus  Greet people with animation and enthusiasm. Principle 1: Become genuinely interested in other people Chapter 2: A Simple Way to Make a Good Impression  Actions speak louder than words. Thus the sovereign voluntary path to cheerfulness… is to sit up cheerfully and to act and speak as if cheerfulness was already there…” . We like people whom admire us. don’t give an insincere grin. You make me happy.  Smile even when on the phone. I am glad to see you”  Smile. A smile says “I like you. force yourself to smile.  You must have a good time meeting people if you expect them to have a good time meeting you. Insincere grins are mechanical and resented. Your smile will come through the phone through your voice. Give real.  Say Hello to people in a way that shows you are pleased to talk with them. but really action and feeling go together…. Act as if you were already happy. and that will tend to actually make you happy.  If you don’t feel like smiling. heartwarming smiles that uplift the room. Psychologist William James – “Action seems to follow feeling.

Chapter 4: An Easy Way to Become a Good Conversationalist  If you want to be a good conversationalist. but thinking makes it so” – Shakespeare  To someone who has seen a dozen people scowl. Encourage them to talk about themselves and their accomplishments. Principle 4: Be a good listener. To be interesting. frown. or turn away their faces. Ask questions that people will enjoy answering. Chapter 5: How to Interest People  The royal road to a person’s heart is to talk about things he or she treasures most. . your smile will be like the sun breaking through the clouds. be interested. Encourage others to talk about themselves. Your mental attitude determines your happiness. You are Headed for Trouble  People value their name or whatever nickname it is that they go by.  Remember people’s names. “There is nothing either good or bad. Principle 2: Smile Chapter 3: If You Don’t Do This. Make an effort to remember their names the first try. Principle 3: Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language. be an attentive listener. Don’t even spell the name wrong if you can.

uncomfortable. If someone said something like “I don’t want a white truck! I’m going to go buy _______ truck from (random company)!” The truck salesman could agree with the salesman . Principle 5: Talk in terms of the other person’s interests Chapter 6: How to Make People Like You Instantly  Always make the other person feel important  “Do unto others as you would have others do unto you”. Franklin Roosevelt.  There once was a truck salesman friend of Dale Carnegie. they’ll just make someone feel embarrassed. give that feeling to others first. Principle 6: Make the other person feel important – and do it sincerely Part 3: How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking Chapter 1: You Can’t Win an Argument  Avoid arguments like you would rattlesnakes or earthquakes. After Dale advised him to stop arguing. Try and focus on what that person is interested in and talk about it. the salesman became one of the best salesmen his company had ever seen. used to study topics he knew his guest would be interested in discussing before they came over. before having a visitor in his office. worthwhile. He wouldn’t sell many trucks because he would argue a lot with customers who would complain or make remarks about the trucks he would sell. feel important. or hurt their pride and make them feel inferior to you. If you want to be appreciated. Most of the time.

that the competitor’s truck was indeed a good truck. he would go back and speak about the quality of the white truck he was trying to sell.  Look for areas of agreement. and speak of its quality. THEN.  Control your temper. Give them a chance to talk and try to find understandings. diplomacy. Sometimes we react harshly when we feel we have to defend ourselves or a certain point.  Listen First. Pride aside. show them appreciation of that point and talk on that.  Promise to think over your opponents’ ideas and study them carefully.  Don’t trust your first instinct when you feel an argument coming up.  A misunderstanding is never ended by an argument but by tact.  If someone tries to argue with you and brings up a point you haven’t thought of. and mean it.  Apologize for mistakes or errors you’ve made while arguing. . but you wouldn’t listen”.  Thank your opponents for their interest in what you were discussing and them wanting to improve upon what you believe. Sometimes it brings out the worst in us. Your opponent could be right. conciliation and a sympathetic desire to see the other person’s viewpoint. and it’s better you check it out and learn then them say “I tried to tell you.

now. but strike back. try saying something like “Well. could be wrong too. Chapter 2: A Sure Way of Making Enemies — And How to Avoid It  Telling someone they’re wrong is a direct blow at their intelligence. And if I am wrong.  Alexander Pope – “Men must be taught as if you taught them not. Let’s examine the facts”  Using the term “I may be wrong. What might you lose if you win the argument? Principle 1: The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it. pride and self-respect. It doesn’t make them want to agree with you. but I may be wrong. Let’s examine the facts” or something like it can do wonders. Do it subtly and adroitly so that no one knows you’re doing it. try not to let anyone know about it. I want to be put right. I frequently am. I thought otherwise.  If you are going to prove anything. Perhaps postpone a debate/argument for a day so that you both can get your head clear and gather facts together.  Respect other’s opinions and treat them courteously  You will avoid trouble by admitting you may be wrong. And things unknown proposed as things forgot”  If a person makes a statement you KNOW is wrong. Gives you both more time to think through each other’s points and whether the argument is worth your friend’s pride or not. That will stop all argument and inspire your opponent to be just as fair and open-minded as you are to the fact that he himself. look. .

Chapter 3: If You’re Wrong. that the points on which we differ are few and the points on which we agree are many. Use diplomacy to make your point. Never say “you’re wrong”.  There is a certain degree of satisfaction which can be found in admitting one’s errors. but also helps solve the problem created by the error. admit it quickly and emphatically. and that if we . just what the points at issue are. you might feel good afterwards. Principle 3: If you are wrong. but how does that person feel? Do they want to agree with your points after you embarrassed them and attacked their pride?  “If you come at me with your fists doubled. I think I can promise you that mine will double as fast as yours.’ we will presently find that we are not so far apart after all. Chapter 4: A Drop of Honey  If your temper is aroused and you go off on someone and tell them a thing or two. Principle 2: Show respect for the other person’s opinions. It takes the guilt and defensiveness out of the air. but if you come to me and say ‘Let us sit down and take counsel together. Admit It  Be humble by saying derogatory things about yourself you know the other person wants to say or intends to say – chances are they will then have a forgiving attitude towards you and minimize your mistakes in their minds. Don’t tell anyone they’re wrong about something. if we differ from each other. and. understand why it is that we differ.

Chapter 5: The Secret of Socrates  In talking with people. he discussed with the landlord how much he liked the apartments and how great of a job O. an engineer.  The skillful speaker will at first. talk about…and keep emphasizing on. Principle 4: Begin in a friendly way. Try to keep your opponent saying “yes. first convince him that you are his sincere friend”  O.L. He then said he wanted to stay for another year but he simply couldn’t afford it.L.  Keep emphasizing. a person will try to remain consistent with that statement in order to keep up their pride. as notoriously difficult to deal with as he was. Straub. if possible.only have the patience and the candor and the desire to get together. The landlord. that you are both striving towards the same end and that your only difference is one of method and not of purpose. if you would win a man to your cause. achieve a lower and more affordable rent.L. yes” instead of “no”. Once in the “no” state. don’t start by discussing things of which you differ in. This sets the psychological process of the listeners moving in the affirmative direction. needed to get his rent lowered or he wouldn’t be able to afford it. actually went out of his way after to help O. we will get together. Instead.” – Woodrow Wilson  “So with men. Instead of going in and trying to argue prices immediately or how ridiculously high the rent was. the things you have in common. . get a lot of “yes” responses. had done running the place.

Chapter 6: The Safety Valve in Handling Complaints  Most people trying to win others to their way of thinking do too much talking themselves. Don’t boast about your own.  Encourage them to express everything out. If you interrupt. build your friends up. Principle 5: Get the other person saying “Yes.  If you disagree with them. don’t interrupt.  (side tip) Almost every successful person likes to reminisce about his early struggles (remember that for interviews or building rapport)  “If you want to make enemies. excel your friends. Listen to their accomplishments. it takes a LOT of effort and wisdom to try and transform that bristling negative into an affirmative  Ask questions which your opponent is forced to agree with (yes!). They know a lot more about their business and problems than you do. If you want friends. making your opponent possibly want to conclude with your side being right instead of their own. Mention your achievements only when asked. Keep on winning one admission after another until you have an armful of yeses to build upon. Once in the “no” state. Yes” immediately. So ask them questions and hear them out.  Let the other person talk themselves out. they’ll still have a stream of ideas running through their heads. . let your friends excel you”. In other words. Let them finish.

” You can say this phrase 100% honestly too.  Let the person feel an idea is his or hers  Ask for their ideas or advice about something Principle 7: Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers Chapter 8: A Formula that Will Work Wonders for You  Remember to not condemn someone for being wrong. not told or sold something. creates good will. and gets people listening to you better: “I don’t blame you one iota for feeling as you do.Principle 6: Let the other person do a great deal of the talking Chapter 7: How to Get Cooperation  Most people prefer to feel that they are acting on their own ideas or buying on their own accord. Principle 8: Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view. Chapter 9: What Everybody Wants  One phrase that eliminates ill will. The wise try to understand why this person would say something like that.  Try to put yourself in that person’s shoes and try to figure out why they act how they do or why they would say something like they did.  Try to think through that person’s point of view and think why someone should want to adapt to your point of view. even if they are DEAD wrong. because if . and also how they would like to hear what you are saying. If I were you I would undoubtedly feel just as you do.

not just any fool. etc. he appealed to nobler motives.  The person may know the real reason. but instead. . Chapter 10: An Appeal that Everybody Likes  According to J. you really WOULD feel that way.  Remember that no one typically deserves a lot of credit for being who they are. Pierpont Morgan. and then their real reason. Their surroundings. boys. upbringings. Now if you were YOU in THEIR body. you may obviously think differently. Rockefeller wanted newspaper photographers to stop taking pictures of his children. but you don’t need to emphasize that.  Before you speak back to someone who has offended you or is debating you. everybody usually has two reasons for doing anything: one that sounds good. Show them good motives behind agreeing to what your trying to convince them. with their mindset and feelings and background. remember to try and react differently than just anyone would. Respond how a wise person would react. help determine that.  Example: When John D. He didn’t say “I don’t want these pictures taken”. try appealing to a nobler cause (something that sounds good to your opponent/customer/boss/etc). said “You know how it is.you truly WERE that person. Give it to them and they will love you.  Three-fourths of the people you meet want sympathy. Principle 9: Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires. Instead.

Principle 11: Dramatize your ideas Chapter 12: When Nothing Else Works. some of you.  This does not mean lying. but in the desire to excel. interesting. their worth. but saying something that dramatizes the importance of something that you’re talking about or trying to convey. Only smart people can pass that class” Principle 12: Throw down a challenge Part 4: Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment Chapter 1: If You Must Find Fault.  Examples of things to say to stimulate completion: “I didn’t realize you were lazy/a coward/quitter/etc…” “You’re right. Try This  Stimulate competition.  People love the chance to express themselves. not in a sordid money-getting. Do this if you want attention.You’ve got children yourselves. And you know it’s not good for youngsters to get too much publicity.” Principle 10: Appeal to the nobler motives Chapter 11: The Movies Do it. Why Don’t You Do it?  Dramatization: The truth has to be vivid. You probably shouldn’t take that class. TV Does it. and to show their importance. This is the Way to Begin . dramatic… you have to use showmanship.

tight… and if you work your legs a bit harder people will def. It is always more comfortable to hear something unpleasant about ourselves after we have heard some praise about one of our good points.  Try replacing the word “but” with “and”. Yes. but your legs make it look like you don’t even lift”. but then follow it with the word “but” and end with a critical statement. the patient is about to get drilled. Principle 1: Begin with praise and honest appreciation Chapter 2: How to Criticize — and Not Be Hated for It  Many people begin their criticism with sincere praise. Chapter 3: Talk About Your Own Mistakes First .  A barber always lathers a man before he shaves him  Imagine a dentist about to perform drilling. such as “I’ve got to say bro. you’re looking thick. you’re looking swole.  Once someone hears the “but”. but the dentist gives him Novacain to dull the pain. Example: “I’ve got to say bro. it makes them question the sincerity of the praise and that it was only put there to cushion the insult coming. think you’re shredded”  The praise now comes off as sincere and may make that person want to live up to our expectations Principle 2: Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly. solid.

” – Antoine de Saint-Exupery  Don’t belittle a person basically Principle 5: Let the other person save face Chapter 6: How to Spur People to Success  Praise people on their improvements. Hurting a man in his dignity is a crime. . What matters is not what I think of him.?” Principle 4: Ask questions instead of giving direct orders Chapter 5: Let the Other Person Save Face  “I have no right to say or do anything that diminishes a man in his own eyes. Principle 3: Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person Chapter 4: No One Likes to Take Orders  Giving suggestions instead of giving orders saves a person’s pride and gives him a sense of importance. It encourages cooperation instead of rebellion.  Admitting one’s own mistakes – even when one has corrected them – can help convince someone to change their behavior.. but what he thinks of himself.  Asking questions instead of ordering someone around can make an order seem more palatable and often stimulates the creativity of the person’s you ask. Example: “DO THIS!” versus “You think it’d be a good idea to try this next time. It feels a lot better to hear someone talk about their faults and kind of “get down on your level” in a sense before they point out yours.

 Change the person’s attitude or behavior by giving them a big reputation to lead up to. was once told by a teacher when he was 10 that he couldn’t sing.  Abilities wither under criticism. Principle 6: Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Can you think of a moment where someone’s praise encouraged you and led you to becoming more successful?  Enrico Caruso.  Give specific praise. His mother’s praise was what helped motivate him to continue trying anyway. first try telling them what a valuable asset they have been in the past (if they truly have). one of the greatest and most successful opera singers. Words of praise can change someone’s life. and tell them they’ve been slipping up a bit lately and that you would like to work with them to help fix this problem. Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.”  If you want to improve a person in a certain spect. they blossom under encouragement.” Chapter 7: Give a Dog a Good Name  “The average person can be led readily if you have his or her respect and if you show that you respect that person for some kind of ability. Not just short flattery. act as though that particular trait were already one of his or her outstanding characteristics. Example: Telling them they have the . instead of firing someone for slipping up.  For an example.

 Match those benefits to the person’s wants. put it in a form that shows the other person how they will benefit from it.  When you make a request.  Consider the benefits the person will receive from doing what you suggest.  Be sincere.qualities of a leader and you can see it by their work ethic. Chapter 8: Make the Fault Seem Easy to Correct  Praise someone’s good points and minimize the person’s faults.  Be empathetic.  Know exactly what it is you want the other person to do. Chapter 9: Making People Glad to Do What You Want  Always make the other person happy about doing what you have suggested. . Principle 8: Use encouragement. Perhaps the person will start working harder after that to live up to that reputation. Do not promise anything you can’t deliver. You could say something like “All it would take is a little _________ and you could be great!”  Let the other person know you have faith in them to get over that obstacle. Make the fault seem easy to correct. Principle 7: Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to. Ask yourself what it is the other person really wants.

Principle 9: Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest. .