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SceneOne

StillHurting

Cathyisrevealedatasmalltable.Sheiswearingawedding
ring.Sheisturninganobjectoverandoverinherhanditisa
mansweddingringthatmatcheshers.Thereisanoteonthe
tablethatshereadsasthesongbegins.Sheputsthenotedown
tostartsinging.

CATHY
JamieisoverandJamieisgone
Jamie'sdecidedit'stimetomoveon
Jamiehasnewdreamshe'sbuildingupon
AndI'mstillhurting

Jamiearrivedattheendoftheline
Jamie'sconvincedthattheproblemsaremine
Jamieisprobablyfeelingjustfine
AndI'mstillhurting

Whataboutlies,Jamie?
Whataboutthings
Thatyousworetobetrue
Whataboutyou,Jamie
Whataboutyou

Jamieissuresomethingwonderfuldied
Jamiedecidesit'shisrighttodecide
Jamie'sgotsecretshedoesn'tconfide
AndI'mstillhurting

Goandhideandrunaway
Runaway,runandfindsomethingbetter
Goandridethesunaway
Runawaylikeit'ssimple
Likeit'sright...

JamieentersHeisnotwearingaweddingring.Cathydoes
notseehim.ItisfiveyearsearlierthanthissceneJamieisat
thebeginningoftherelationship.Duringthismusical
interlude,JamieispreppingforhisfirstdatewithCathywhile
Cathycontinuestoreadthenote.Heexitsthestageasshe
1

crushesthenotebetweenherhandsindefeat.

CATHY(continued)
Givemeaday,Jamie
Bringbackthelies
Hangthembackonthewall
MaybeI'dsee
Howyoucouldbe
Socertainthatwe
Hadnochanceatall

JamieisoverandwherecanIturn?
CoveredwithscarsIdidnothingtoearn
Maybethere'ssomewherealessontolearn
Butthatwouldn'tchangethefact
Thatwouldn'tspeedthetime
Oncethefoundation'scracked
AndI'm
StillHurting

LightsfadeoutonCathy.Jamieenterswithadoorframe,which
heleansagainstashesaysgoodbyetoCathyaftertheirfirst
date.ThemusicswellsasCathyexits.

SceneTwo
ShiksaGoddess

JAMIE
I'mbreakingmymother'sheart
ThelongerIstandlookingatyou
ThemoreIhearitsplinterandcrack
Fromninetymilesaway

I'mbreakingmymother'sheart
TheJCCofSpringValleyisshaking
Andcrumblingtotheground
Andmygrandfather'srolling
Rollinginhisgrave

Ifyouhadatattoo,thatwouldn'tmatter
Ifyouhadashavedhead,thatwouldbecool
2

IfyoucamefromSpainorJapan
Orthebackofavan
Justaslongasyou'renotfromHebrewschool
I'dsay,"NowI'mgettingsomewhere!
I'mfinallybreakingthrough!"
I'dsay,"Hey!Hey!Shiksagoddess!
I'vebeenwaitingforsomeonelikeyou."

Inthemusicalinterlude,Jamiepullsouthisphone.Heistrying
todecidewhetherornottocallCathy.Hequicklydecides
againstit.

JAMIE(continued)
I'vebeenwaitingthroughDanicaSchwartzandEricaWeiss
AndtheHandelmantwins
I'vebeenwaitingthroughHeatherGreenblatt,AnnieMincus,
KarenPincusandLisaKatz
AndStacyRosen,EllenKaplan,JulieSilberandJanieStein
I'vehadShabbasdinnersonFridaynights
WitheveryShapiroinWashingtonHeights

Hemustersupthecourageandliftsthereceivertohismouth.

ButtheminuteIfirstmetyou
Icouldbarelycatchmybreath
I'vebeenstandingfordayswiththephoneinmyhand
Likeandidiot,scaredtodeath
I'vebeenwanderingthroughthedesert
I'vebeenbeaten,I'vebeenhit
Mypeoplehavesufferedforthousandsofyears
AndIdon'tgiveashit!

Ifyouhadapiercedtongue,thatwouldn'tmatter
Ifyouoncewereinjailoryouoncewereaman,
Ifyourmotherandyourbrotherhad"relations"witheachother
AndyourfatherwasconnectedtotheGotticlan
I'dsay,"Fuckit!nobody'sperfect."
It'stragicbutit'strue
I'dsay,"Hey!Hey!Shiksagoddess!
I'vebeenwaitingforsomeonelikeyou."

JAMIE(continued)
You,breakingthecircle
3

You,takingthelight
You,youarethestory
Ishouldwrite
Ihavetowrite!

IfyoudroveanR.V.,thatwouldn'tmatter
Ifyouliketodrinkblood,Ithinkit'scute
Ifyou'vegotapowerfulconnectiontoyourfirearmcollection
I'dsay,Drawabeadandshoot
I'myourHebrewslave,atyourservice
Justtellmewhattodo
Isay,Heyheyheyhey!
I'vebeenwaitingforsomeone
I'vebeenprayingforsomeone
IthinkthatIcouldbeinlovewithsomeone
likeyou!

SceneThree
SeeI'mSmiling

CathyissittingattheendofapierbytheriverinOhioJamie
hascomeforavisit.Overherdressshewearsasweaterthats
alittletoosmallandnotquitetherightcolor.

CATHY
IguessIcan'tbelieveyoureallycame
Andthatwe'resittingonthispier
See,I'msmiling
ThatmeansI'mhappythatyou'rehere.

Istolethissweaterfromacostumeshop
ItmakesmelooklikeDaisyMae
See,we'relaughing
Ithinkwe'regonnabeokay

Imean,we'llhavetotryalittleharder
Andbendthingstoandfro
Tomakethisloveasspecial
Asitwasfiveyearsago
Imean,youmadeittoOhio!
Whoknowswhereelsewecango
4


Ithinkyou'rereallygonnalikethisshow
I'mprettysureitdoesn'tsuck
See,you'relaughingandI'msmiling
ByariverinOhio
Andyou'remine
We'redoingfine

Fiveyearsearlier,justaftertheirfirstdateJamieisonthe
phoneinhisapartmentcallingaliteraryagent.

JAMIE(speaking)
Hi,ImcallingforMs.Whitfield.Yeah,mynameisJamie
Wellerstein,andmyprofessoratColumbiasaidhehadcalled
andYeah,Dr.Adler.Right.Ohyeah,Imean,itsjustadraft,
butIthinkitsyouknow,gettingtowhatever.Well,look,I
dontknowfromagents.Dr.AlderjustsuggestedOkay,
shouldIdropitofinpersonorumyeah,Illdropitinthe
mailthen,thatsgreat.
No,thatsgreat,thankyou.Whatsyouraddress?

LightsdownonJamie.

CATHY(singing)
Ithinkwebothcanseewhatcouldbebetter
I'llownwhenIwaswrong
Withallwe'vehadtogothrough
We'llenduptwiceasstrong
Andsowe'llstartagainthisweekend
Andjustkeeprollingalong

Jamiehasjusttoldherhellbeleavingtomorrow.

CATHY(continued)
Ididn'tknowyouhadtogososoon
Ithoughtwehadalittletime
Look,whatever,ifyouhaveto
Thenyouhaveto,sowhatever
It'sallright
We'llhavetonight

BacktoJAMIE,acoupleofweekslater.Lightsupashepicks
upthephone.
5


JAMIE(speaking)
Hello?Thisis.Oh,Ms.Whitfield,itsapleasuretohearfrom
you.Andasurprise.Oh,youreadit.GreatthatsThankyou
somuch,thatmeansalottome.YesIreallyamtwentythree.
Sure,wheneverisconvenient.Tuesday,good9:00,Imthere.
Imreallylookingforwardtomeetingyou,Ms.Whitfield.
Okay,Linda,thankyou.
Thankyou,thisisgreat.

LightsdownonJamie.

CATHY(singing)
Youknowwhatmakesmecrazy?
I'msorry,canIsaythis?
Youknowwhatmakesmenuts?
Thefactthatwecouldbetogether
Heretogether
Sharingournight
Spendingourtime
Andyouaregonnachoosesomeoneelsetobewith
No,youare
Yes,Jamie,that'sexactlywhatyou'redoing:
Youcouldbeherewithme
Orbetherewiththem
Asusual,guesswhichyoupick

No,Jamie,youdonothavetogotoanotherparty
Withthesametwentyjerksyoualreadyknow
Youcouldstaywithyourwifeonherfuckingbirthday
Andyoucould,Godforbid,evenseemyshow
AndIknowinyoursoulitmustdriveyoucrazy
Thatyouwon'tgettoplaywithyourlittlegirlfriends
No,I'mnot,noI'mnot!
Andthepointis,Jamie,
Thatyoucan'tspendasingledaythat'snotabout

Youandyouandnothingbutyou
"Mahvelous"novelist,you!
Isn'thewonderful,justtwentyeight
Thesaviorofwriting
Youandyouandnothingbutyou
Milesandpilesofyou
6

Pushingthroughwindowsandburstingthroughwalls
Enroutetothesky
AndI...

IsweartoGodI'llneverunderstand
Howyoucanstandtherestraightandtall
AndseeI'mcrying
Andnotdoanythingatall

ThelightsstarttoriseonJamie.Helooksnervousashedials.
ThelightsstayuponCathyforabitwhileshecontinuestocry,
thenfadeasJamiespeaks.

JAMIE(Speaking)
Rob?Yeah,listen.Youknowhowmyleaseisup?Youknow
howIwanttogetanewapartment?WhatifIsaidIwasgonna
getonewithCathy?Rob?Yeah,Illmeetyouthereinfive
minutes.

SceneFour
MovingTooFast

JAMIE(singing)
DidIjusthearanalarmstartringing?
DidIseesirensgoflyingpast?
ThoughIdon'tknowwhattomorrow'sbringing
I'vegotasingularimpression
Thingsaremovingtoofast

I'mglidingsmoothasafigureskater
I'mridinghotasarocketblast
Ijustexpectedittenyearslater
I'vegotasingularimpression
Thingsaremovingtoofast

Andyousay,"Oh,no
Steponthebrakes
Dowhateverittakes
Butstopthistrain
Slow,slow!Thelight'sturningred"
ButIsay:No!No!
7

WhateverIdo
Ibarrelonthrough
AndIdon'tcomplain
NomatterwhatItry
I'mflyingfullspeedahead

I'mneverworriedtowalkthewire
Iwon'tdoanythingjust"halfassed"
Butwiththestakesgettingsomewhathigher
I'vegotasingularimpressionthingsaremovingtoofast

IfoundawomanIlove
AndIfoundanagentwholovesme
Thingsmightgetbumpybut

Somepeopleanalyzeeverydetail
Somepeoplestallwhentheycan'tseethetrail
Somepeoplefreezeoutoffearthatthey'llfail
ButIkeeprollin'on

Somepeoplecan'tfindsuccesswiththeirart
Somepeopleneverfeelloveintheirheart
Somepeoplecan'ttellthetwothingsapart
ButIkeeprollin'on

Oh,ohmaybeIcan'tfollowthrough
Butoh,ohwhatelseamIsupposedtodo?

LightscomeuponCathy,makingacall.Throughoutthecall
sheisveryconsciouslyusingaprofessionalvoice.

CATHY(speaking)
Hello,thisisCatherineHiatt.ImcallingforMikeStelmyer
thankyou.(
Shesonhold)
.Hi,Mike,itsCathyHiatt.no,this
wontbelong.ImsorryifIminterrupting.Well,twothings
IwascheckingtomakesureyougotthereviewsIsentfrom
thissummeryes,Igotsomenicenoticesfromthelocal
papers.Ithoughtyouwouldenjoythem.Okay,wellIcansend
outanothersetofthose,sure.Right,well,thesecondthingwas
just,youknow,justcheckingin,seeingifyousawanything
youwantedtosendmeinfor,IfeelIminareallygoodplace
rightnowYes.YesIcertainlywill,assoonasImdoing
somethinginthecity,Iwillmakesureyouknow
8

Apause.
Oh,okay,Iunderstand.Thanksfortakingthetime,MikeIll
callyousoon!

Cathyholdsthephoneforamoment,tryingnotfeelrejected,
thenhangsitup.

JAMIE(singing)
Idreamedofwritinglikethehighandmighty
NowI'mthesubjectofabiddingwar
ImetmypersonalAphrodite
I'mdoingthingsIneverdreamedofbefore

Westarttotakethenextsteptogether
FoundanapartmentonSeventyThird
TheAtlanticMonthly'sprintingmyfirstchapter
Twothousandbuckswithoutrewritingoneword

IleftColumbiaandIdon'tregretit
IwroteabookandSonnyMehtareadit
Myheart'sbeenstolen
Myego'sswollen
Ijustkeeprollin'along

AndIthinkwell,well,whatelseisinstore?
Gotallthisandmorebeforetwentyfour
It'shardnottobesureI'mspinningoutofcontrol
Outofcontrol

I'mfeelingpanickedandrushedandhurried
I'mfeelingoutmaneuveredandoutclassed
ButI'msohappyIcan'tgetworried
Aboutthissingularimpression
I'vegotasingularimpressionthingsaremovingtoofast

SceneFive
APartOfThat

AbooksigningpartyforJamiesjustreleasednovel.Ambient
noisethesigningisbusy,andCathyistrulycontenttobe
theresupportingJamie.Cathyissittingidlynexttoapileof
9

JamiesbookswhileJamiesignsthem.Someonehasjustasked
herwhatitslikebeingmarriedtoJamie.

CATHY
Onedaywe'rejustlike
"LeaveittoBeaver"
Onedayit'sjustatypicallife
Andthenhe'soffon
AtriptoJamieland
Staringcatatonicoutthewindow
Barelyevenbreathingallthewhile

Andthenhe'llsmile
Hiseyeslightupanddeepwithintheground
Withoutasound
Amomentcomestolife
AndI'mapartofthat
I'mapartofthat
I'mapartofthat

Nextdayit'sjustlike
Itneverhappened
We'remakingdinners
We'remakingplans
Thenhegetsonthe
muletraintoJamieland
HandfulafterhandfulofDoritos
Circlingtheapartment,loggingmiles

Andthenhesmiles
Hiseyeslightup
AndhowcanIcomplain?
Yes,he'sinsane
Butlookwhathecando
AndI'mapartofthat
I'mapartofthat
I'mapartofthat

Andit'strue
Itendtofollowinhisstride
Insteadofsidebyside
Itakehiscue
True,butthere'snoquestion
10

There'snodoubt
IsaidI'dstickitout
Andfollowthrough
AndwhenIdo

Thenhesmiles
AndwhereelsecanIgo?
Ididn'tknow
Therulesdonotapply
Andthenhesmiles
Andnothingelsemakessense
Whileheinvents
Theworldthat'spassingby
AndI'mapartofthat
I'mapartofthat
I'mapartofthat
Aren'tI?

I'mapartofthat
I'mapartofthat
I'mapartofthat

Atsomepoint,SHEpickedupabook.Shesnapsbackto
reality,andisabouttohandthebookback,butlooksbrieflyat
theauthorpage.Shesmilesstifflyandquicklyclosesthebook.

SceneSix
TheSchmuelSong

ItistheirsecondChristmastogether.Jamiesitsinaverystupid
ChristmassweaternexttotheChristmastree.Heisaboutto
handCathyasmallgiftwrappedbox,butinsteadwrapsitina
whiteclothandplacesitmischievouslybelowhisstool.

JAMIE(spoken)
First,astory.Newandunpublished.AlittleChristmasStory.I
callit"TheStoryofSchmuel,TailorofKlimovich.Merry
Christmas.

Hepullsoutasmallnotebook.Heclearshisthroat
melodramaticallyandbeginstoread.
11


JAMIE(singing)
Schmuelwouldworktillhalfpasttenathistailorshopin
Klimovich
Getupatdawnandstartagainwiththehemsandpinsandtwist
Fortyoneyearshadcomeandgoneathistailorshopin
Klimovich
Watchingthewinterssoldieron,therewasonethingSchmuel
missed

"IfIonlyhadtime,"oldSchmuelsaid
"Iwouldbuildthedressthat'sinmyhead
Adresstofire
Themaddesire
OfgirlsfromheretoMinsk
ButIhavenomorehourslefttosew"
Thentheclockuponthewalbegantoglow...

Andtheclocksaid:
"Nananana,nanana
OhSchmuel,you'llgettobehappy!
Nananana,nanana
Igiveyouunlimitedtime!
Nananana,nanana
SoSchmuel,gosewandbehappy!"
ButSchmuelsaid
"No,no,it'snotmylot
I'vegottomakedowiththetimeI'vegot"

Schmuelwasdoneathalfpasttenandhesaid"Goodnight,old
Klimovich"
Putonhiscoattogo,butthentheclockcried,"Wait!Notyet!
Eventhoughyou'renotwiseorrich
You'rethefinestmaninKlimovich
Listenup,Schmuel
Makeonestitchandyou'llseewhatyouget"

ButSchmuelsaid
"Clock,it'smuchtoolate
I'matpeacewithlife
Iacceptmyfate..."
Buttheclocksaid
"Schmuel!Onestitchandyouwill
12

Unlockthedreamsyou'velost!"
SoSchmuel,withreluctance,tookhisthread
Hepulledaboltofvelvetandsaid
"Ishouldtakeoutmyteethandgotobed
I'msittingherewithtalkingclocksinstead!"

Andtheclocksaid:
"Nananana,nanana
OhSchmuel,you'llgettobehappy!
Nananana,nanana,
Igiveyouunlimitedtime
Nananana,nanana
Justdoitandyoucanbehappy!"

SoSchmuelputthethreadthroughtheneedle'seye
Andthemoonstareddownfromastarlesssky
Andhepushedthethreadthroughthevelvetblack
Andhelooked,andtheclockwasturning...back

Sohegrabbedhisshearsandhecutsomelace
Asthehandsmovedleftontheoldclock'sface
Andhisfingersflewandthefabricswirled
Itwasninefifteenallaroundtheworld

Everycutandstitchwasaperfectfit
AsifGodHimselfwerecontrollingit!
AndSchmuelcriedthrougharushoftears
"Takemeback!Takemebackallfortyoneyears!"

Andonitwentdownthatsilentstreet
TillSchmuel'sdresswasatlastcomplete
Andhestretchedhisarms
Andheclosedhiseyes
Andthemorningsunfinallystartedtorise

Andthedresshemadeonthatendlessnight
Wasadressthatwouldmakeanysoultakeflight
Notaswatch,notaskeinhadgonetowaste
Everyribbonandbuttonideallyplaced
Andsewnintotheseamswerefortyoneseasonsofdreams
Dreamsthatyoucouldfeel
Comingreal

13

Andthatverydress,sothepapersswore
WasthedressagirlinOdessawore
Onthedayshepromisedforevermore
ToloveayoungmannamedSchmuel
Whoonlyonedaybefore
Hadknockedatherkitchendoor

Plentyhavehopedanddreamedandprayed
Buttheycan'tgetoutofKlimovich
IfSchmuelhadbeenacutegoyishemaid
He'd'velookedalotlikeyou
Maybeit'sjustthatyou'reafraidtogooutontoalimbovich
Maybeyourheart'scompletelyswayed
Butyourheadcan'tfollowthrough

Butshouldn'tIwanttheworldtosee
Thebrilliantgirlwhoinspiresme?
Don'tyouthinkthatnow'sagoodtimetobe
Theambitiousfreakyouare?
Saygoodbyetowipingashtraysatthebar
SayhellotoCathyHiatt,bigtimestar!

'CauseIsay:
Nananananananana
Cathy,yougettobehappy!
Nanananananana
Igiveyouunlimitedtime!
Nanananananana
Stoptempingandgoandbehappy!

Here'saheadshotguyandanewBackStage
Whereyou'rerightforsomethingoneverypage
Takeabreath
Takeastep
Takeachance

Hepresentsherwiththewatch.

Takeyourtime.

HaveImentionedtoday
HowluckyIam
Tobeinlovewithyou?
14

SceneSeven
ASummerInOhio

Cathy,writingalettertoJamie.

CATHY
Icouldhaveamansiononthehill
IcouldleaseavillainSeville
Butitwouldn'tbeasniceasasummerinOhio
WithagaymidgetnamedKarl,playingTevyeandPorgy

IcouldwanderParisafterdark
TakeacarriageridethroughCentralPark
Butitwouldn'tbeasniceasasummerinOhio
WhereI'msharingaroomwithaformerstripperandhersnake:
Wayne

Icouldhaveasatchelfullofdollarbills
Curesforallthenationsills
Pillstomakealionpurr
IcouldbeinlinetobetheBritishqueen
LooklikeIwasseventeen
StillI'mcertainI'dprefertobegoingslowlybatty
FortymileseastofCincinnati

Icouldshoveanicepickinmyeye
IcouldeatsomefishfromlastJuly
Butitwouldn'tbeasawfulasasummerinOhio
Withoutcable,hotwater,Vietnamesefood,oryou

IsawyourbookataBorder'sinKentucky
Underasignthatsaid"NewandRecommended"
IstolealookatyourpictureontheinsidesleeveandthenI
couldn'tleave
Richard,whowaswithme,gotuncharacteristicallyquiet
Andhesaid,"Allthingsconsidered,Iguessyoudon'thaveto
buyit"
SoIsmilelikeMonaLisa,andIlaymyVisadown

Hewantsme,hewantsme,butheain'tgonnagetme
15

I'vefoundmyguidinglight,Itellthestarseachnight
Lookatme,lookathim
Sonofabitch,IguessI'mdoingsomethingright
Ifinallygotsomethingright

No,it'snotNirvana,butit'sontheway
IplayAnitaatthematinee
ThenI'llgetonmyknees,andprayIcanstateinmynextbio:
"I'mnevergonnagobacktoOhio!"

Icouldchewontinfoilforaspell
Icouldgetarootcanalinhell
Butitwouldn'tbeasswellasthissummerisgonnabe!
'Causethetortureisjustexquisite,whileI'mwaitingforyouto
visit
Sohurryup,schmuck,getunstuckandgetonthescene

Love,
Themidget,thestripper,Waynethesnake,andMrs.Jamie
Wellerstein
That'sme!

SceneEight
TheNextTenMinutes

JamiestraightenshistieashetravelsthroughCentralPark.
Hepointsatvariousbuildingssurroundinghim.

JAMIE
No,thatone'sJerrySeinfeld
Thatone'sJohnLennonthere
No,theDakota
TheSanRemoisupafewblocks
HaveyoubeeninsidetheMuseum?
Weshouldgo
Meetthedinosaurs

Cathy.

Willyoushareyourlifewithme
Forthenexttenminutes?
16

Forthenexttenminutes
Wecanhandlethat
Wecouldwatchthewaves
Wecouldwatchthesky
Orjustsitandwait
Asthetimeticksby
Andifwemakeittillthen
CanIaskyouagain
Foranotherten?

Andifyouinturnagree
Tothenexttenminutes
Andthenexttenminutes
Tillthemorningcomes
Thenjustholdingyou
Mightcompelmeto
Askyouformore
TherearesomanylivesIwanttosharewithyou
IwillneverbecompleteuntilIdo

CATHY
I'mnotalwaysontime
Pleasedon'texpectthatfromme
Iwillbelate
Butifyoucanjustwait
Iwillmakeiteventually

Notlikeit'sinmycontrol
NotlikeI'mproudofthefact
Butanythingotherthanbeingexactlyontime
Icando

Idon'tknowwhypeoplerun
Idon'tknowwhythingsfallthrough
Idon'tknowhowanybodysurvivesinthislife
Withoutsomeonelikeyou
Icouldprotectandpreserve
Icouldsaynoandgoodbye
Butwhy,Jamie,why?

Iwanttobeyourwife
Iwanttobearyourchild
Iwanttodie
17

KnowingIhadalong,fulllifeinyourarms
ThatIcando
Forever,withyou

Theylookdirectlyateachother,inthesameplaceandtime,
forthefirsttime.

JAMIE
Willyoushareyourlifewithme

CATHY
Forever

JAMIE
Forthenexttenlifetimes?

CATHY
Forever,Jamie

JAMIE
Foramillionsummers

BOTH
Tilltheworldexplodes
Tillthere'snooneleft
Whohaseverknownusapart

JAMIE
Therearesomanydreams
Ineedtoseewithyou...

CATHY
Therearesomanyyears
Ineedtobewithyou...

JAMIE
Iwillneverbecomplete

CATHY
Iwillneverbealive

JAMIE
Iwillneverchangetheworld
18

UntilIdo

CATHY
Ido

JAMIE
Ido

CATHY
Ido

BOTH
Ido...

Theykiss,holdingonforaslongaspossible,likeitstheironly
chance.

Theorchestraplaysawaltz,towhichtheyclumsilydance.The
waltzendsandJamietakesCathyshandasshestepsintothe
rowboat.Asitstartstoglideupstage,Jamiestandsand
watcheditgo.CathylooksacrosstheboatasthoughtJamie
wereintheotherseat.Theyhavepartedwaysonceagain.

CATHY
IsthatoneJohnLennon?
That'stheSanRemo
Isn'tthattheMuseum?
Canwegoseethedinosaurs?

SceneNine
AMiracleWouldHappen

JAMIE
Everyonetellsyouthattheminuteyougetmarried
Everyotherwomanintheworld
Suddenlyfindsyouattractive
Well,that'snottrue
Itonlyaffectsthekindofwomen
Youalwayswantedtosleepwith
Buttheywouldn'tgiveyouthetimeofdaybefore
Andnowthey'rebangingdownyourdoor
19

Andfallingtotheirknees
Atleastthat'swhatitfeelslikebecauseyou
cannottouchthem
Infact,youcan'tevenlookatthem
Closeyoureyes,closeyoureyes,closeyoureyes
Exceptyou'resittingthere
Eatingyourcornedbeefsandwich
Andallofasudden,thispairofbreastswalksby
Andsmilesatyou
Andyou'relike"That'snotfair!"

Andinaperfectworld
Amiraclewouldhappen
Andeveryothergirlwouldflyaway
Andit'dbemeandCathy,
Andnothingelsewouldmatter
Butit'sfine,it'sfine,it'sfine
Imean,I'mhappy
AndI'mfine,I'mfine,I'mfine
It'snotaproblem
It'sjustachallenge
It'sachallengetoresisttemptation

AndIhavetosaythat
Whatexacerbatestheproblem
IsI'mattheseparties
I'mthecenterofattention
I'mthegrandfromage
Andhereshecomes:
"Let'sgetacupofcoffee.
Willyoulookatmymanuscript?"
AndI'mshowinghermylefthand
I'mgesticulatingwithmylefthand
AndthenWHOOP!There'sCathy!
'Causesheknows
Theyalwaysknow
Andthere'sthatreallyawkwardmoment
WhereItrytoshowIwasn'tencouragingthis
ThoughofcourseIsortofwas
AndIdon'twanttolookwhippedinfrontofthiswoman
WhichisdumbIshouldn'tcarewhatshethinks
SinceIcan'tFUCKheranyway!

20

Andinaperfectworld
Amiraclewouldhappen
AndeverygirlwouldlooklikeMisterEd
Andit'dbemeandCathy
Andnothingelsewouldmatter
Butit'sfine,it'sfine,it'sfine
YouknowIloveher
Andit'sfine,it'sfine,it'sfine
It'swhatIwanted
AndI'mfine,I'mfine,I'mfine!
It'snotaproblem
It'sjustachallenge
It'sachallengetoresisttemptation

CathysingsWhenYouComeHometoMe,simplyand
perfectlyitisherfinalauditionforthejobinOhio.

CATHY
Whenyoucomehometome
I'llwearasweetersmile
Andhopethat,forawhile,you'llstay
Whenyoucomehometome
Yourhandwilltouchmyface
Andbanishanytraceofgray
Soon,alovewillriseanew
EvengreaterthanthejoyIfelt
Justmissingyou
Andonceagain,I'llbe
Soproudtocallyou"mine"
Whenyoufinallycomehome
Tome

Shesmileswhensheisdonesheknowsshegotthejob.Itisa
raremomentofvictoryforCathy.

JamieisonthephonewithCathy.

JAMIE
I'llbetheresoon,Cathy
I'llfinishupthischapterandbeoutthedoor
IswearI'llbetheresoon,Cathy
Don'tgiveuponmeyet
Iamsoproudofyou,baby
21

You'redoingwhatyounevergottodobefore
AndIwillbethere,ripeandcrawling
Iffuckin'RandomHousestopscalling
Don'tlosefaith
Don'tgetdown
Don'tdespair
I'llbethere

Andinaperfectworld
Amiraclewouldhappen
Andthatdaywouldfinallybehere
Andit'dbemeandyou
Ridingittogether
Andthethingswedo
Goin'likeweplanned
We'regonnamakeitthrough
Andnothingelsewillmatter
We'llbefine,we'refine
We'refine,we'refine,we'refine
I'llbetheresoon,Cathy...
IswearIwill.

ThepianoplaysaveryclunkyrenditionofWhenYouCome
HometoMeaslightsfadeonJamie.

SceneTen
ClimbingUphill

Cathyisatanaudition.Sheisincrediblynervousandcannot
managetogetenoughbreathtoprojectmorethanfivefeetin
frontofherortoquitegetuptothepitch.

CATHY
Whenyoucomehometome
I'llwearasweetersmile
Andhopethat,forawhile,you'll...
Okay,thankyou.Thankyousomuch

Lightschange.Sheishavingdinnerwithherfather.

I'mclimbinguphill,Daddy
22

Climbinguphill

I'mupeverymorningatsix
Andstandinginline
Withtwohundredgirls
Whoareyoungerandthinnerthanme
Whohavealreadybeentothegym

I'mwaitingfivehoursinline
Andwatchingthegirls
Justcomingandgoing
Indressesthatlookjustlikethis
Tillmynumberisfinallycalled

WhenIwalkintheroom
There'satableofmen
Alwaysmenusuallygay
Who'vebeensittinglikeIhave
Andlisteningallday
Totwohundredgirls
Beltingashighastheycan!

Iamagoodperson
I'manattractiveperson
Iamatalentedperson
GrantmeGrace!

Shestepsforwardandbeginsanotheraudition.Insteadof
hearingthesong,however,wehearwhatsheisthinking.

Whenyoucomehome

IshouldhavetoldthemIwassicklastweek
They'regonnathinkthisisthewayIsing
Whyisthepianistplayingsoloud?
ShouldIsinglouder?
I'llsinglouder
MaybeIshouldstopandstartover
I'mgonnastopandstartover
Whyisthedirectorstaringathiscrotch?
Whyisthatmanstaringatmyresume?
Don'tstareatmyresume
Imadeuphalfofmyresume
23

Lookatme
Stoplookingatthat,lookatme
No,notatmyshoes
Don'tlookatmyshoes
Ihatethesefuckingshoes
WhydidIpicktheseshoes?
WhydidIpickthissong?
WhydidIpickthiscareer?

Whydoesthispianisthateme?
IfIdon'tgetacallback
IcangotoCrateandBarrelwithmomandbuyacouch
NotthatIwanttospendadaywithmom
ButJamieneedsspacetowrite
SinceI'mobviouslysuchahorrible,annoyingdistractionto
him
What'shegonnabelikewhenwehavekids?
Andonceagain...
WhyamIworkingsohard?
ThesearethepeoplewhocastLindaBlairinamusical
JesusChrist,Isuck,Isuck,Isuck,Isuck
Whenfinallyyoucomehometo

Okay,thankyou,thankyousomuch.

Jamieisathiseditorsoffice,onthephonetoCathy.

JAMIE(speaking)
Cathy,whatareyoudoingnow?No,notheresabaracross
thestreetfromElisesofficeandIwantyoutoImatElises
officenow.IcamebytochecksomethingandWell,just
comedown,Iwanttotellyouinperson,Cathy.Look,areyou
doingsomethingrightnow?SojustcomeImwithElise
becausesheistheeditorofmybook,Cathy,andIcamehereto
talktoheraboutmybook.Dowehavetodothisnow?WhatI
wantedtotellyouisthattheresareview,averygoodreview,
intheNewYorkernextweek,anditsbyJohnUpdike,andI
thoughtyoumightwanttoseethat.Yes,Icanbringithome
withme,IjustwantedtoNo,Imleavingnow.Illbetherein
ahalfhour.Itsfine,Iknow,Iknow,itsfine.Iloveyou,too.
Illberighthome.

CATHY(singing)
24

Iwillnotbethegirlstuckathomeinthe'burbs
Withthebaby,thedog,andthegardenofherbs
Iwillnotbethegirlinthesensibleshoes
Pushingburgersandbeernutsandmissingtheclues
Iwillnotbethegirlwhogetsaskedhowitfeels
Tobetrottingalongatthegenius'sheels
Iwillnotbethegirlwhorequiresamantogetby
AndI...

Whenyoucomehome

Jamieisdoingareadingatabigbookstore.Hesitsonastool
behindamicrophone.Hisrelaxationandcomfortstandinstark
contrasttoCathysdemeanor.

JAMIE
Hetouchedthewallanddecidedhehadhadenough.Hewas
exhausted,firstofall,andhecouldfeelit:hislungswere
throbbingandheavyandhisleftarmwasstingingfromthe
shoulderrightdowntohiswrist.Besidesthat,sevenlapsinand
thewaterwasstillfreezingcold,andifhewantedtobehonest
aboutit,hefeltfoolishaghostpale,gracelessthingflapping
aboutfrantically,desperatelytryingtokeeppacewiththe
mermaidinthenextlane.Shewasatleasthalfalapaheadof
him,thoughhehadntbeenabletokeeptrackofheratall
whilehewasswimmingeverytimehedtrytofindherwhile
hewascatchingabreath,shedbecompletelyoutofrange.But
hecouldseehernow,nowthathewasgrabbingontotheside
ofthepool.Hewatchedherbackstretching,watchedhowshe
seemedtoridethewater.Herarmcameupoverherearandslid
backunderthesurfacesoundlessly,effortlessly.Nowshe
touchedtheoppositewallandwasheadedbacktowardshim,
andhewatchedasshechangedherstroke,herheadcomingup
andthensubmergingagaininaburstofenergy.Hecouldsee
theshapeofherfaceunderhergoggles,sensethecurvesofher
breastsasshepushedupintotheair.
Shedidntseemparticularlyfamiliaratthatmomenthedidnt
recognizethefiercenessinherbrow,thetensioninherbiceps,
thefuryinthepumpingofhercalves.Ithadneveroccurredto
himthatthreeyearsonhewouldbelearningnewthingsabout
her.Ithithiminthatmomentthatthereweresomanythingshe
woulddiscoverhowherstomachswelledwhenshewas
pregnant,forexample,orhowtheskinaroundhereyeswould
25

wrinkleastheyearspassed.
Shetouchedthewallnexttohimandpushedoff,butshemust
havesensedsomethingandshelookedbehindherandsawhim
standingatthewall,onarmhangingofftheside,histeeth
shatteringslightly.Shesloweddownandturnedtofacehim,a
quizzicalsmilecrossingherlips.Hesmiledbackatherasshe
pulledthegogglesoverhercap.Ah,hethought,theresheis.I
recognizehernow.
Hewouldspendtherestofthedaytryingtodeterminewhat
wasdrivinghersilence,herclenchedjaw,hersharpturnsaway
fromhim.Youdonthavetoletmewin,shewasscreaming,
buthecouldnthearitatall.

Heclosesthebookandlooksupathisaudience.Cathy
meanwhile,isinthemidstofvocalizing.Sheistryingto
compensateforherpreviousmousinesswithahysterical
stridencywhichessentiallyforceshertoscreameverynoteat
theloudestpossiblevolume.

CATHY
andbanishanytraceofgray!
Soonalovewillriseanew,
Evengreaterthanthejoy

Jamieinterruptsherloudlyasthelightschange.

SceneEleven
IfIDidn'tBelieveInYou

JAMIE
Okay,stop.Cathy,stop.Listentome.CanwepleaseWould
wehavetwominuteswhereyoudontjustcontradict
everythingIsay?Canwe..Cathy!Please?Twominutes?Then
itsyourturn,youcansaywhateveryouwant.

(singing)

Therearepeople
Andtheyarepublishingmybook
Andthere'sapartythatthey'rethrowing
Andwhileyou'vemadeitveryclearthatyou'renotgoing
26

Iwillbegoing
Andthat'sdone

Butwhat'sitreallyabout?
Isitreallyaboutaparty,Cathy?
Canwepleaseforaminutestopblaming
Andsaywhatyoufeel?
Isitjustthatyou'redisappointed
Tobetouringagainforthesummer?
Didyouthinkthiswouldallbemucheasier
Thanit'sturnedouttobe?
Well,thentalktome,Cathy
Talktome

IfIdidn'tbelieveinyou
We'dneverhavegottenthisfar
IfIdidn'tbelieveinyou
Andallofthetenthousandwomenyouare
IfIdidn'tthinkyoucoulddo
Anythingyoueverwantedto
IfIwasn'tcertainthatyou'dcomethroughsomehow
THefactofthematteris,Cathy
Iwouldn'tbestandingherenow

IfIdidn'tbelieveinyou
Wewouldn'tbehavingthisfight
IfIdidn'tbelieveinyou
I'dwalkoutthedoorandsay,
"Cathy,you'reright"
ButInevercouldletthatgo
KnowingthethingsaboutyouIknow
Things,whenImetyoufouryearsago,Iknew
Itnevertookmuchconvincing
Tomakemebelieveinyou

Don'twegettobehappy,Cathy?
Atsomepointdowntheline

Don'twegettorelax?
Withoutsomenewtsuris
Topushmeyetfurtherfromyou?
IfI'mcheeringonyourside,Cathy
Whycan'tyousupportmine?
27

WhydoIhavetofeel
I'vecommittedsomefelony
DoingwhatIalwayssworeIwoulddo?

Idon'twantyoutohurt
Idon'twantyoutosink
ButyouknowwhatIthink?

Ithinkyou'llbefine!
Justhangonandyou'llsee
Butdon'tmakemewaittillyoudo
Tobehappywithyou
Willyoulistentome?
Noonecangiveyoucourage
Noonecanthickenyourskin
Iwillnotfailsoyoucanbecomfortable,Cathy
Iwillnotlosebecauseyoucan'twin

IfIdidn'tbelieveinyou
Thenhere'swherethetravelogueends
IfIdidn'tbelieveinyou
Icouldn'thavestoodbeforeallofourfriends
Andsaid,"ThisisthelifeIchoose
ThisisthethingIcan'tbeartolose
Tripusortrapus,butwerefusetofall"
That'swhatIthoughtweagreedon,Cathy
IfIhadn'tbelievedinyou
Iwouldn'thavelovedyouatall

Nowwhydon'tyouputyourdressonandwe'llgo,okay?
Cathy?Canwejustdothatplease?Please?!

ThelightsfadeoutasJamiesscreamsswells,andisthencut
offbythemusic.

SceneTwelve
ICanDoBetterThanThat

CathyandJamiearedrivingtomeetherparents.Sherambles
andbabbleshappily,sippingonadrink.

28

CATHY
Mybestfriendhadalittlesituationattheendofoursenioryear
Andlikeashot,sheandMitchellgotmarriedthatsummer
CarolAnnegettingbiggereveryminutethinking,"WhatamI
doinghere?"
WhileMitchell'souteverynight,beingaheavymetaldrummer
Theygotalittlecutehouseonalittlecutestreetwithacrucifix
onthedoor
Mitchellgotajobatarecordstoreinthemall
JustthetypicalfactsofatypicallifeinatownontheEastern
Shore
IthoughtaboutwhatIwanted
Itwasn'tlikethatatall
MadeCarolAnneacutebabysweater
Thinking"Icandobetterthanthat"

(speaking)
Iwasntpayingattentionwhatexitwasthat?Alright,sowell
betheresoon!Areyouhungry?Sickofmeyet?Anyway

(singing)
Inayearorso,Imovedtothecity
Thinking"WhathaveIgottolose?"
Gotaroom,gotacat,andgottwentypoundsthinner
MetaguyinaclassIwastakingwhohadsomevery
wellplacedtattoos
Hewouldn'tleavemealone'lessIwentwithhimtodinner
AndIguesshewascute
AndIguesshewassweet
AndIguesshewasgoodinbed
Igaveupmylifeforabetterpartofayear
AndsoI'mstartingtothinkthatthismaybemightwork
Andtheseconditenteredmyhead
Heneededtotakesometimeoff
Focusonhis"career"
Heblewmeoffwithaheartfeltletter
Ithought"Icandobetterthanthat"

Youdon'thavetogetahaircut
Youdon'thavetochangeyourshoes
Youdon'thavetolikeDuranDuran
Justloveme

29

Youdon'thavetoputtheseatdown
Youdon'thavetowatchthenews
Youdont'havetolearntotango
Youdon'thavetoeatprosciutto
Youdon'thavetochangeathing
Juststaywithme

Iwantyouandyouandnothingbutyou
Milesandpilesofyou
FinallyI'llhavesomethingworthwhile
Tothinkabouteachmorning

Youandyouandnothingbutyou
Nosubstitutionwilldo
Nothingbutfresh,undilutedandpure
Topofthelineandtotallymine!

Idon'tneedanylifetimecommitments
Idon'tneedtogethitchedtonight
Idon'twanttothrowupyourwallsanddefenses
Idon'tmeantoputonanypressure
ButIknowwhatathingisright
AndIspendeverydayreconfiguringmysense
Whenwegettomyhouse,takealookatthattown
TakealookathowfarI'vegone

Iwillnevergoback
Neverlookbackanymore
Anditfeelslikemylifeledrighttoyourside
Andwillkeepmetherefromnowon
Thinkaboutwhatyouwanted
Thinkaboutwhatcouldbe
THinkabouthowIloveyou
Sayyou'llmoveinwithme
Thinkofwhat'sgreataboutmeandyou
Thinkofthebullshitwe'vebothbeenthrough
Thinkofwhat'spastbecausewecandobetter!
Wecandobetter!
Wecandobetterthanthat!

SceneThirteen
NobodyNeedsToKnow
30


JAMIEliesinbed.Heopenshiseyes,looksattheclockand
thenatthewomaninbedbesidehim.

JAMIE
Hey,kidgoodmorning
Youlooklikeanangel
Idon'trememberwhenwefellasleep
Weshouldgetup,kid
Cathyiswaiting...

Lookatus,lyinghere
Dreaming,pretending
ImadeapromiseandItookavow
Iwroteastory
Andwechangedtheending
Cathy,justlookatmenow!

Holdon,factsarefacts
Justrelax,laylow
Allright,thepanicrecedes:
Nobodyneedstoknow

Putonmyarmor
I'mofftoOhio
Backintobattletill
Idon'tknowwhen
SwearingtoherthatIwas
Neverwithyou
AndprayingI"llholdyouagain

Holdon,clipthesewings
Thingsgetoutofhand
Allright,it'sover,it'sdone
Noonewillunderstand
Noonewillunderstand...

Webuildatreehouse
Ikeepitfromshaking
Littlemoreglueeverytimethatitbreaks
Perfectlybalanced
AndthenIstartmaking
Conscious,deliberatemistakes
31


AllthatIaskfor
Isonelittlecorner
Oneprivateroom
Atthebackofmyheart
TellherIfoundone
Shesendsoutbattalions
Toclaimitandblowitapart

Igripandshegrips
Andfasterwe'resliding
Slidingandspilling
AndwhatcanIdo?
Comebacktobed,kid
Takemeinsideyou
IpromiseIwon'tlietoyou

Holdon,don'tcryyet
Iwon'tletyougo
Alrightthepanicrecedes
Alrighteveryonebleeds
AlrightIgetwhatIneed
Andnobodyneedstoknow
Nobodyneedstoknow

AndsinceIhavetobeinlovewithsomeone
SinceIneedtobeinlovewithsomeone
MaybeIcouldbeinlovewithsomeone
Likeyou...

Lightsfadeonthebed,andriseonCathysfrontstepsatthe
endoftheirfirstdate.JamiehasjustkissedCathygoodbye.

SceneFourteen
GoodbyeUntilTomorrow/ICouldNeverRescueYou

Cathystandsinherfrontdoorway.

CATHY
Don'tkissmegoodbyeagain
Leavethisnightcleanandquiet
32

Youwantthelastword
Youwantmetolaugh
Butleaveitfornow

Allyoucansay
Allyoucanfeel
Waswrappedupinsidethatoneperfectkiss
Leaveitatthat:
I'llwatchyouturnthecornerandgo...

Andgoodbyeuntiltomorrow
Goodbyeuntilthenexttimeyoucall
AndI'llbewaiting
Goodbyeuntiltomorrow
GoodbyetillIrecallhowtobreathe
AndIhavebeenwaiting
Ihavebeenwaitingforyou

Istandonaprecipice
Istruggletokeepmybalance
Iopenmyself
Iopenmyselfonestitchatatime

Finallyyes!
Finallynow!
Finallysomethingtakesmeaway
Finallyfree!
Finallyhecancutthroughthesestrings
Andopenmywings!

Sogoodbyeuntiltomorrow!
Goodbyeuntilmyfeettouchthefloor
AndIwillbewaiting
Iwillbewaiting!
Goodbyeuntiltomorrow
Goodbyeuntiltherestofmylife
AndIhavebeenwaiting
Ihavebeenwaitingforyou
Waitingforyou
Waitingforyou

Jamieisrevealedatasmalltable.Heiswearingawedding
ring.HestrugglestowriteanotetoCathy.Throughoutthe
33

song,hewrites,eventuallyputtingthenoteinanenvelopeand
leavingit,withhisweddingring,onthetable.

JAMIE
IcalledElisetohelpmepackmybags
Iwentdowntownandclosedthebankaccount
It'snotaboutanothershrink
It'snotaboutanothercompromise
I'mnottheonlyonewho'shurtinghere
Idon'tknowwhatthehellislefttodo
Youneversawhowfarthecrackhadopened
YouneverknewIhadrunoutofropeand

Icouldneverrescueyou
Allyoueverwanted
ButIcouldneverrescueyou
NomatterhowItried
AllIcoulddowasloveyouhard
Andletyougo

HEputsdownthepen,standsandlooksaroundtheempty
apartment.

NomatterhowItried
AllIcoulddowasloveyou
God,Ilovedyouso
Sowecouldfight
Orwecouldwait
OrIcouldgo...

CATHY
Goodbyeuntiltomorrow!
GoodbyeuntilIcrawltoyourdoor
AndIwillbewaiting
Iwillbewaiting

JAMIE
Younevernoticedhowthewindhadchanged

CATHY
Goodbyeuntiltomorrow!

JAMIE
34

Ididn'tseeawaywebothcouldwin

CATHY
GoodbyeuntilI'mdonethankingGod
ForIhavebeenwaiting
Ihavebeenwaitingforyou
Ihavebeenwaiting!

JAMIE
Goodbye,Cathy

CATHY
Ihavebeenwaitingforyou

JAMIE
Goodbye

CATHY
Iwillkeepwaiting
Iwillbewaitingforyou

Jamiestartstoleave,passingCathyatthedoor.

CATHY(continued)
Justclosethegate
I'llstandandwait

SHEislookingoff,watchingthespotthatheleft.Heislooking
upatheratthedoor.

Jamie...

BOTH
Goodbye

THEEND

35

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