FADE IN: INT.

THE SEQUENTIAL DETECTIVE AGENCY - NIGHT

Scullery sits asleep in the chair behind the desk. The room is dark The floorboards CREAK. Scullery wakes up. The floorboards CREAK again. Scullery stays seated but looks around the room. SCULLERY Smolder? The floorboards CREAK LOUDER. Scullery brings her legs up onto the chair. After a few seconds she opens one of the desk drawers and pulls out a small concrete brick. Scullery holds the brick over her shoulder. SCULLERY I've got a gun. The window RATTLES. SCULLERY (scared) Jake? SUDDENLY the bookcase in the corner falls over slamming against the floor with a loud BANG. Scullery screams. The door the bookcase was covering swings open and red light pours out of it filling the room. Scullery screams again and then SUDDENLY Scullery wakes up. She's sitting in the chair behind the desk. The room is dark. Scullery sighs and looks around the room. The bookcase in the corner is lying on the floor and the door it normally covers is wide open revealing black emptiness. Scullery starts to panic.

SCULLERY (yelling) Jake! Jake! A paper airplane flies through the open door and lands on the desk in front of Scullery. She looks at it, confused. Something big starts coming through the door but before Scullery can tell what it is she SUDDENLY wakes up. She's sitting in the chair behind the desk. Smolder is sitting in a chair in front of the TV watching a movie. The bookcase is upright in the corner covering the door and the morning Sun is shining in through the window. Smolder turns off the TV. SMOLDER That was the last Air Bud movie. Now I'm gonna watch Air Buddies and it's sequels. Scullery closes her eyes. SCULLERY (quietly to herself) Please be a dream. Please be a dream. Smolder looks over at Scullery. SMOLDER Hey, you're awake. Scullery opens her eyes. SCULLERY Unfortunately. SMOLDER You had a nightmare didn't you. SCULLERY Yeah... Smolder takes the last Air Bud movie out and starts to put Air Buddies into

the DVD player. SMOLDER Well, watching Air Buddies should help you feel better. Scullery quickly opens one of the desk drawers, pulls out a small concrete brick, and hurls it at the DVD player. The brick smashes the DVD player making it useless. SMOLDER Come on! SCULLERY It's for our own good. Smolder notices a paper airplane sitting on the desk in front of Scullery. SMOLDER What's that doing there? Scullery sees the paper airplane too. SCULLERY 'Oly crap! Scullery pulls open one of the desk drawers and shoves the paper airplane in it. Smolder looks confused. SCULLERY It's not real. SMOLDER I'll except that. Scullery stands up. SCULLERY Why'd I sleep here? SMOLDER I'm not 100% on this but I think we both live here. SCULLERY

I do not live here! SMOLDER Than why'd you sleep here? SCULLERY I... I don't know. Smolder leans back in his chair. SMOLDER Ha! Now look who's wearing the wrong foot. Scullery sighs. SCULLERY Where's Alan? SMOLDER I sent him out ta buy a gun. SCULLERY But he can't walk. SMOLDER I gave him a skateboard, although he might of been asleep when I pushed him down the stairs. SCULLERY You better go see if he's okay. SMOLDER Good idea. Smolder walks over to the door, pulls it open, and heads down the stairs. SMOLDER (O. S.) He's okay! SCULLERY Bring him back up here. SMOLDER (O. S.) Sure thing... oh, mails here.

SCULLERY Bring that up too. Smolder walks back up the stairs with Alan and the mail under his arm. He walks into the office and closes the door behind him. Smolder places Alan on the desk and starts looking through the mail. SCULLERY Are you okay Alan? ALAN I'll live... I got a gun though. SCULLERY How'd you manage that? ALAN Some guy in a ski mask placed it inside me. SCULLERY We're gonna have ta get rid of it. ALAN (sadly) I know. Smolder tosses his Modern Bride and CosmoGirl magazines he got in the mail on the desk. SMOLDER So, what're our plans for today? SCULLERY As far as I know we don't have any. SMOLDER (quietly) I guess this is our bottle episode. SCULLERY (suspicious) What'd you just say? SMOLDER Nothing incriminating.

Scullery lays down on the couch next to the window. SCULLERY Have we gotten paid by anyone recently? SMOLDER No. SCULLERY We're so screwed. SMOLDER I know what we can do. SCULLERY What's that? SMOLDER We can hire a publicist. SCULLERY You already tried that. CUTAWAY - SMOLDER AND SCULLERY IN THE OFFICE Smolder enters the office carrying a puppy. SMOLDER (holding the puppy out) Look Scullery, I've just hired us a publicist. The puppy sneezes. BACK TO SCENE SMOLDER He was without a doubt the cutest publicist in town. But this time I'll hire a human. SCULLERY Just do whatever you want.

Smolder opens one of the desk drawers and pulls out a phone book. He starts flipping through it. SMOLDER (flipping through the phone book) Let's see... public restrooms, no... public bathing, no... aha! Publicists. Smolder pulls the phone over to him. SMOLDER This one looks good. (reading) Irony Blessed. When it comes to publicizing or throwing surprise a wedding I'm the best! Smolder dials the number into the phone and waits. SMOLDER (into the phone) Hi. I'm interested in your services. (pauses) Wonderful. My address is-(pauses) How'd you know that? (pauses) That sounds illegal. (pauses) No, no, I'm not gonna report you. (pauses) How long will it take for you ta get here? (pauses) Really? Just thirty minutes? (pauses) Okay great. See you soon. Smolder hangs up the phone and gives Scullery a thumbs up. FADE OUT: FADE IN: INT. THE SEQUENTIAL DETECTIVE AGENCY - AFTERNOON

SUPER IN/OUT - "2 HOURS LATER"

Scullery and Smolder are sitting at opposite sides of the desk. SCULLERY She's certainly taking her sweet time. SMOLDER (angrily) We better not have ta pay for our pizza. SCULLERY We didn't order a pizza. SMOLDER We didn't? (sighs) What was I thinking? The SOUND of a person falling over a skateboard at the bottom of the stairs. SCULLERY Did you leave the skateboard down there? ALAN He certainly did. SMOLDER (to Alan) Quiet you! Smolder knocks Alan onto the floor. The gun falls out of Alan and fires. The bullet hits the ceiling right above the desk. Scullery and Smolder look shocked. SMOLDER I didn't do it. Scullery pulls a napkin out of a desk drawer, picks up the gun with it, and puts the gun in the desk drawer. SCULLERY Let's never speak of this again. The door opens and in walks IRONY, age 40. She's wearing a pants suit and

sunglasses. Irony walks into the room with a slight limp. IRONY Hello, I'm Irony Blessed. SMOLDER Hello, Irony Blessed. Please take my seat. Smolder gets out of his chair, walks around the desk, and stands next to Scullery. Irony sits down in Smolder's chair. IRONY The first thing I need to know is, what kind of publicity are you interested in. SMOLDER We really just need to get our name out there. SCULLERY We tend to just get the crazies. IRONY I totally understand. Irony looks around the office. IRONY Here's what I'm thinking. We throw a fake tinker tape parade and instead of shredded paper we jettison ads for your business into the air. SMOLDER The Simpsons did the exact same thing one time. IRONY (angrily) I don't know who the Simpsons are but I thought of it first! Scullery nudges Smolder with her elbow.

SMOLDER I'm sure you did. IRONY So does that sound good to you two? SCULLERY N-SMOLDER Absolutely! Irony stands up. IRONY Wonderful. I'll work everything out and it'll be scheduled for tomorrow afternoon. Irony opens the door. IRONY It was wonderful doing business with you two. SMOLDER It sure was. Bye. Irony walks through the door and shuts it behind her. Scullery turns to Smolder. SCULLERY I think that lady was crazy. The SOUND of Irony falling over a skateboard at the bottom of the stairs. SCULLERY She's gonna get us in so much trouble. SMOLDER I think your right. Dust falls from above and the area of the ceiling where the bullet hit falls

down onto Smolder and Scullery. FADE OUT: THE END