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big men

allen Tergrew (law professor)

ask me if care enough to show even the most useless emtion, regret. you look at me and
try wonder why i am here, who sent me. reach for my hand and see if i jump back, you do not
discuss me, today i am will become a rich man because i have given up everything for this
moment. the only thing i brought with me is an open mind, i see you have over packed. come
now, lets us walk, for this journey will not need feet, all we have to do is close our eyes, and
together we will travel far. for a moment i cheat and open my eyes, i catch you smiling, for that i
am gald, you to are learning to let go, of everything. my wealth now lyies beneath tounges,
bestill, with lips i will clame my wages. tomarrow i will come here agian, and ever day there after,
untill you are well. the sick little girl is resting now, the doctors say she dosen't have much time, of
that i am certain, time is one thing no one can pocket. i leave her sleeping, in body, my spirt still
lingers beside her. i don't really care to know what her illness is, or weather she lives, or dies
from it, either way, she will be freed. this is what i do, go from bed to bed being healed by the
sick. i gather my riches, matieral they are not. i start off as stranger, but with each hello, i
become a friend. i bring them somthing stronger than hope, something they can touch, myself.
most people look at a terminaly ill person and they see a ghost, but not i, for they are more alive
than any us, their situation has forced them to charish every minute second, they become lifted
by their alement. i want to learn form them, and give them affection. my frivaliss day to day
actives blinded me, they shielded me from using my greatest talent, love. i have bacome
changed, i used to be gulten, stuffing myself with drugs, under age college girls, and all sorts of
lude behaviors. what happen you ask? i fell, to get to this place i had to fall, if i hadn't, every
mirror in my home would still be shartterd. i quit my job as college professor , and came here, to
this place where there is only light, i was surprised to have it found here, in such a dark place,
earth. this place that i have decoverd, is in all of us, and is open to all, good men and evil, them
especailly. the light that eixist here, is not free, i have had to give up everything i thought gave
me purpose to live here. if you close your mouth, and open your eyes, you to can dwell here.

marcus Kilue (career criminal)

all of the men here cry, they wipe away tears only to find that a greater pain awaits them,
futurelessness. time, its all they have. this is the worse fatigue to have, men without purpose
become caniables, with an appitite that knows only one thing, more. a time ago was i just like
them, i would like to say that finding jesus was my cure, but then i would i be as once was, a lier.
no, i for me it is much simpler, i learned to let go. of hate, of pain, of dispare, and all of the other
wicked adjetives that were used to make up marcus. my body is held capitive amoung these so
called ex-men, but my mind is free. i help them find an outlet within themselves, only then will
they began to find their true cause, to serve. it is every mans duty to serve, it is so natural, that
you will never be able to find joy unless you do so, it is liberating, and yes, shelfish, for i have
found several suculante pleasurse in the gratitude others give to me. i have learned to love
myself because of my willingness to serve, it has reveled a goodness inside of me that i am very
faund of. i have learned to love the men whose chains i ware because i serve them, day in and
day out. when we meet we don't bore each other with stories of our crimes, in this place there is
no distingtion, we are all doing each others time no matter what the reasons behind the bars they
all do the same task, lock down our bodies. if i serve the pisoner next to me, he will serve the
pisoner next to him and so on and so on. i have only been able to pass on my beleifs a to few
here in this place of no dreams, but i have more than enough time.
nathan Blackshe (male moldel)

i was in a terable accident, of course i was intoxicated, how else would i exlpain my being
here. still, i am a sight to behold, my beauty, all that i have left, my betrolled, gone, the beatiful
little boy she carried inside her, a memory. i lost everything but my will in that big shiny car.
involentory man slauhter they called it, they gave me a year and hafty fine, my real punishment,
going on without my loved ones. how did i become so vain, how could i not regconize somthing
so beutiful, and i the male model, i took them both for granted, hell i took my whole life for
granted. this program is supposed to make me see the errors in my ways, AAA. no, what i
needed was more than stale coffee, and vacant confessions. i want my life to mean somthing
more than goals that have been reached. i want to give myself away, to the people that i used to
beileve didn't matter.

jeffery Wright (police officer)

what tpye of people are these, leaving chidren with the likes of me, so they can go fuck. i
never really cared for mike and his hore, janice, but he was my boss and we both took turns
showing her a good time. i would do anything for him, inculding baby sitting. it was supposed to
be only for a couple of hours, i would stay at his house while he took her to my car and had his
way with her, but then the phone rang, hello i said, all out of breath from franticaly serching for the
telephone. jeff, you gotta come quick, what? whats the problem, she just stopped moving, i don't
know what happen, we where kissing, and the next thing i know she was dead, well what you
want me to do, she in your car, you gotta help me move her, why don't you just call the cops, you
don't understand, i can't have my wife finding out about her, so your just going to throw her out
like a piece of trash, come on man, i really need you here, have you forgotten about how much
you owe me, when was i going to stop paying for what he did for me all those years ago, he found
me covered in my fathers blood, the one time i lost control i was in his company, i always knew
addiction would be end of us both. i ran out side to see them both coverd in her filth, the junk that
she had been squeezing up her veins must have ment for him, he put a lot of drug dealears away
for not cutting us in on the action, they must have gotten fed up with him. i looked him right in his
eyes, and i told him, this is the last time, after this i'm done, with you, the force, everything. we
burried our prositute next to my father, i left him with out saying goodbye. the next time i saw
him, we would be in hell.

michelle Hilltour (home maker)

i love my children, i love myself and i love my husband. i am tired, worn down to the
naub. i have plenty more to give, but i want it for myself. today i will be shelfish. it was about
seven in the morning when i dropped the kids off at their grandmothers house, i don't know when
i'll be back to get them, or even if i shall. i used think that this is all there is, but i now i think, is
this all there is? my first stop will to my husbands boyfriends apartment, i want to have drink with
him, it will be my first time ever with both these actions. i was just to nice and sweet and in some
ways i still am, but not today, i'll even give myself a new name for the bitch i am about to become,
Candyline, i like that, it sounds racy. i arrived at the thiefs house about seven forty five, i am
making good time. i knocked at door and waited, he greeted me with a very fimanine, who is it,
he drags it out as he minced to door, mrs Hilltour i proclamed, still so proud to do so. he opened
the door like sooner or later he knew i would be comming. i wasn't at all conferntasional, there
was need to be, he sees how breath taking i am, i told him, we are going to have a drink, and
that he was going to do was sit there silent while i talked. i lite a cargette, and offered him one,
he tried to deny it, oh your giong to want to take whatever i offer, he noded his head, and ask for
light, i abliged. now then, do you love my husband, yes he says, i pull the pistol out from my
prada bag and say you are not to speak again, a simple nod will do. his danty tones were not
worth my ears. well then, you will sad to know that he is dead. his lips quiver, i place my fingers
tips upon his cheeks and wipe away his tears, i wanted him to cry, just as i have, his moans i can
stand, thoses i am used to. do not worry, it was not it was not by my hand, but another you see,
he was not faithful to eighter. there was another, she was not willing to break apart him as we
were, our type of strenght she knows nothing of. he came home one night, and felt more tired
than usual, i thought nothing of, that he had been with both of you that night. i made him lye down
beside me and the next morning he didn't awake. the athourities told me that he had been
poisened, by her asumed, he sent them her way, and sure enough they found a bottle of aresnic
cluchted in her cold hands. she didn't want want to go on with out him, as said before, her
weakness got the best of her. now to the other reason for my being here, i want you to forget my
husband, for you, there is no loss, only gain, i will leave your life, and your memories of your
lover, you must promise to never tell anyone of you and my husbands affairs, i will not have my
children, or my husband embarassed, nod your head if you understand. he agrees, i leave the
bottle, and go to my children.

jacob Geller (jeweler)

the junkies, they come in here all the time with hot jewerly, and i take, why? because i
know thier desperate, and can take full advantage of them. i have to break even some how, with
what my whole salers charge me. bitty, he comes in here every other week with somthing to sell
me, he gives me the same old line whenever i ask him where he gets his merchandise, in my
grandmothers attic, he slurs, you won't beileve the stuff she's got up there. but on this perticular
afternoon he handed me really rare piece, the stones on the thing was bigger than the rock he
was going to buy after he left me, the ingraving on it reads, you are the pieces of me wich i
collect with no breath, to me this ment, even after death, this woman will fell this mans love. a
love like this is hardly ever shared, this is the kind of love i wanted, i thought to myself, a symbol
of this type of love, must be returned. but how was i going to get this guy to tell me where he
really got it form, and did i really want to know? i thought about it for a while, then it hit me, this
used to be my dads store, and this is a pretty rare bracelette, he's been in the bisuness since his
grandfather first owned it. i went to see the old man, and he knew exactly where it came from, i
watched him while he stroked his gray beard as took me back to when he first became a jeweler.
for the first time ever i knew how to explain it, life, i knew how do such a thing because of the
small seconds i spent looking into her eyes, every second with her after that was god sized, even
the ones i didn't spend with her. i don't remember exactly how our paths came to cross, all i knew
is that i had found somthing great in her eyes i wanted to vast in it. after our brief meeting, my
spirt would cling to hers forever. my grandfathers friend from the old country would visit the the
shop twice a year, and he brought the girl with him, she was grandaughter. he would bring all
type's of exquisite jewelery for my father to purchase. when i came across this braclette for the
first time, i was eighteen years old. i worked for my father for three years striaght with no pay to
acquier this braclette for the girl i bearly knew, i even had to get a second job just to feed myself.
when my father finally decieded that i had labored enough to have the braclette, i was on my way
to veiatnam, curtisy of the draft. after three years, i came back home, injured do to friendly fire. i
came back in one piece, everything except my heart, it was shatterd. the girl whose name i didn't
know, who i had worked for nothing for trying to purchase somthing that almost matched her
beauty, was gone, and i never saw her agian until, my wedding day. she was acompanied by
one of my high school classmates, mitchelle Mcbrye, she was now Mrs Mcbrye, when mitchell
came to shop that i know owned, i showed him braclett, still i felt his wife should, somthing so
beautiful as this could only beloing to she. he loved how it was already engraved, he was amazed
at how perfect it was for his wife, i remember his exact words, of all the gems in the world, only
are these ones rare enough for my girl , i gave him a good price, it only took him a two months to
pay for it.

vencent Letto (stepfather)

tomarrow baby, i promiss, we'll go. daddy's tired, now let me rest, my little girl kisses me
sofly on the cheek, then she goes away. her mothers cold nagging would enterupt the warmth of
my daugthers kisses before i could enjoy them. you told her you were going take her, she says,
all day, its, mommy, mommy,mommy, when is daddy comming home, look, i say to my wife, i
have the hole day off tomarrow, we'll go then, now please, let me sleep. she walks out slaming
the door behinde her. the next morning i awoke to my wife's screaming, i rushed to find her
holding our love in her arms, whats wrong with her, why isn't she moving. i don't know!!! i came
to wake her and she would'nt move, she just, wouldn't move, my wife says still looking down at
her daughter, the mother strokes her daughters long black hair, she looks up at a husband, with
faith in eyes, what are you just going to stand there, do somthing, you have to bring back, give
me back my baby, make her warm agian. i look at my wife knowing that i promissed to protect
them, but there was nothing i could i give her to make her breath again, i tried to pull the little girl
away from her mother, but her grasp was too tight. give her to me, i damand, no, she screams,
you don't want her, you never wanted her, know that it's too late, you want her? you get a way
from her, and away from me. but honey, i love her, i love you, let me hold her, please. she begins
to rock the dead little girl back and forth in her arms while she hums, it's the same song she used
to put her to sleep with everynight. i curled myself up in farest coner away form them both, the
listened while she sang my little girl to sleep, hoping for tomarrow, so she could have another try
at waking her.

alex Melter (gas station manager)

i wish had some one to love me, i wish i had some one to love. i have my youth, but the
day to day normal activeies of life eat away on that. my pain is no greater than any one elses,
though it may be more useless, for it does not inspier me to do great things, it only feeds on my
nothingness. i had kind mother, she led me to beileve that i was speacial. her love left me
handicapped, unperpared for my mediocority. i am disappionted, because i have yet to complete
a great task, i want more for myself, than just survival, i want to change reason, take the things
that all of you beileve are speacial, and make of them gual. i have had few happy monments,
therefore i am gald to see them go, i can't afford to get used to them, it would just anger my pian.
to night when i get off of work, the old woman who's name i don't will be wating for me, she as
blind as bat, i don't think she even knows that i am black, maybe cause i am so lightskinned, i
over hear her and her friend making small talk inwhich they both use several racial epitaths,
never mind that, i will still be thier to help her cross the street, so long as she tarries.

big men, they have little to take and, and much to give, but of course, you all now that.