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Copyright © 2011 - 2014 Dragoș Rouă

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All rights reserved. No part of this book may be
reproduced by any mechanical, photographic, or
electronic process, or in the form of a
phonographic recording; nor may it be stored in a
retrieval system, transmitted, or otherwise be
copied for public or private use—other than for
“fair use” as brief quotations embodied in articles
and reviews—without prior written permission of
the author.


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Dragoș Rouă

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Brilliantly
Better

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Foreword

60

Life

64

Playgrounds And Balloons

65
Our Own World Of Balloons
!
66!
Inflatable Life And The Heavy Bricks
!
67!
Sting It!
!
69!
The Real Garden
!
70!

The Book Of Life

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72
The Secret Diary
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73!
The Book Of Life
!
74!

Can You Solve The Puzzle Of
Your Life?

77
You Got All You Need
!
78!
But You Have To Stick To A Plan
!
79!
Yes, It’s Confusing
!
80!

The Secret from My 3rd Grade

83
The Secret
!
83!
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Playing It Safe
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85!
No Risk It, No Biscuit
!
87!

The “Ants” Situation

90
More Ants
!
91!
The Unavoidable Storm
!
93!
The Ants Situation Meaning
!
94!

Minimum Survival Kit

98
The Survival Exercise
!
99!
A Survival Situation
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103!
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Minimal Survival Kit
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104!
1. Be Prepared
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105!
2. Avoid Excessive Baggage
!
106!
3. Take Good Care Of Your Health
!
107!
4. Jump To Opportunities
!
107!
5. Have Hope
!
108!

Life’s Not Fair

110
Do You Have The “Glass Wall”
Syndrome?

112
The Evening Walk
!
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112!
The Glass Syndrome
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115!
The Cure To The Glass Wall Syndrome
!
115!

Being Vulnerable

117
Vulnerabilities And Abuse
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118!
Competition versus Connection
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119!

A Winter Tale

122
The Second Act
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123!
The Third Act
!
124!
The Fourth Act
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125!
What I Learned From It
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128!

You Steal My Jacket? Blood In
Your Face!

130
The Setup
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130!
The Revelation
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131!
The Search
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132!
The Wake Up Ride
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134!
Forced Adaptation
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135!
Lost And Found
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138!

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You Have The Right To Hit Your
Own Wall

140
The Hidden Poison
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140!
That Tired, Protective Guy
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141!
Help and Growth
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143!
Warnings and Mistakes
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145!

How To Catch A Bee

146
Playing Around
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146!
Releasing The Bee
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148!
The Adult Perspective
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You Attract What You Are ! 160! 12 of 586 . Pain Is In Your Head ! 158! 2.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It ! 149! Today ! 150! The Slow And Almost Invisible Reward Of Doing Things Constantly 152 Day By Day ! 155! You Don’t Even Know You’re Doing It ! 156! 5 Lessons Learned From Getting My First Tattoo 158 1.

You Become What You Say You Are ! 161! 4.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It 3. Just Do It! ! 162! The First Cut Is The Deepest 164 The Projection ! 165! 25 Years Later ! 166! The Current Cut ! 168! What The World Should Be ! 169! Unlocking The Wrong Door 171 13 of 586 . Everything You Do Matter ! 162! 5.

Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It Who Are You Talking To? ! 173! No Strings Attached 177 The Inner Strings ! 178! The Unlearning ! 181! Take It Out ! 182! Self Improvement 184 Is Your Life Blurred? 185 Make Sure It Still Works ! 186! 14 of 586 .

Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It Make Sure Your Lenses Are Clean ! 187! Make Sure You Shoot The Right Subject ! 188! It’s About You. Not About Them ! 189! 5 Things I Learned From Teaching Others 190 1. Refined My Networking Skills ! 194! 15 of 586 . Enforced My Personal Brand ! 193! 5. Validated My Personal Experience ! 193! 4. Rebuilt My Interpersonal Skills ! 191! 2. Remodeled My Organizing Skills ! 192! 3.

Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It The Art Of Setting Great Expectations 196 One Step At A Time ! 196! Disruptive Approach ! 198! Fear of Failure ! 199! Living In Your Comfort Zone ! 200! Overprotecting Your Self-Esteem ! 200! Ignoring Self-Discipline ! 201! The Art Of Setting Great Expectations ! 202! The Fine Art of Making Mistakes 16 of 586 .

Stay Actionable ! 208! 6. Have Courage ! 205! 2.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It 203 The Art Of Making Mistakes? ! 204! The 7 Secret Rules Of The Art Of Making Mistakes ! 205! 1. Don’t Quit ! 210! How To Be Ridiculous 17 of 586 . Laugh at Your Mistakes ! 209! 7. No Guilt ! 207! 5. Accept Mistakes ! 207! 4. Trust Yourself ! 206! 3.

Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It 212 Being Ridiculous ! 212! Ridiculously Rejected ! 213! You Can’t Do Without It ! 213! When To Worry ! 215! How To Be Ridiculous ! 215! How To Quit Being A Quitter 218 Blogging As a Commitment ! 218! How To Stick With It ! 219! 1. Clearly Decide What You Want ! 18 of 586 .

Say Thank You ! 226! 2. Fail Fast. Be Happy About It ! 224! How To Avoid Being A Toxic Person: 13 Simple Tips 225 1. Fail Often ! 222! 4. Say Something Nice To An Unknown Person ! 19 of 586 . Clearly State What You Want ! 227! 4. Say Only What You Mean ! 226! 3. They Don’t Know Shit About You ! 223! 5.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It 220! 2. Small Chunks Pays Big Time ! 221! 3.

Pay Attention To People Around You ! 228! 8. Give Your Time To What’s Important ! 229! 10.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It 227! 5. Don’t Gossip ! 227! 6. Help Somebody Around ! 228! 9. No Regrets ! 228! 7. Don’t Enter A Fight ! 230! The 6 Stages Of A Failure 20 of 586 . Avoid Procrastination ! 230! 12 Don’t Talk Bad About Yourself ! 230! 13. Let Go Of The Unneeded ! 229! 11.

Denial ! 236! 4.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It 232 You’re Really Not Superman? ! 232! The Anatomy Of A Failure ! 234! 1. The Outcome ! 235! 3. The Experiment ! 234! 2. Learning The Lesson ! 238! Failure And Personal Development ! 239! 21 of 586 . Acceptance ! 237! 6. Excuses ! 237! 5.

Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It How To Invest In Yourself (And Why) 241 How To Invest In Yourself – A Primer ! 243! Stage One: Assessment ! 243! Stage Two: Growing Skills and Sensors ! 246! Protecting and Enhancing Your Skills ! 247! Your Highest Asset: Health ! 248! Building A Web Of Relationships ! 249! Why Investing In Yourself? ! 250! Putting The Pieces Together ! 252! 22 of 586 .

Less Negative Thoughts Will Make Room For More Positive Thoughts ! 261! 3. Less Money in Your Life Will Push You To Value More Everything Else ! 260! 2. Less Fights Means More Time for Understanding Yourself ! 262! 23 of 586 .Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It The Day You’ll Start To Like Yourself 254 The Subtle Disliking Process ! 254! The Natural Liking Process ! 256! The Day You’ll Start To Like Yourself ! 258! Why Less Is More 260 1.

Less Procrastination Will Push You To Get More Done ! 264! 6 Less Something Is Always More of The Opposite ! 264! 7. Less Compromise Means More Power for Your Own Decisions ! 263! 5. Less of This Blog Post Means More Time for Your Brain To Ponder Things By Itself ! 265! How To Live A Scriptless Life 266 My Main Script ! 267! The Business Man Script ! 268! The Intricacies Of Playing By The Script ! 270! The Relationship Script ! 24 of 586 .Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It 4.

Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It 273! How To Live A Scriptless Life ! 275! Will It Work For Me? ! 277! Are You A Valid Person? 279 The Need For Change ! 279! The Change ! 282! The Validation Process ! 283! Who Do You Give Your Power To ! 285! Live Validation Free? ! 287! How To Choose Your Validators ! 287! 25 of 586 .

Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It An Incredibly Fast Homework ! 290! Are You Copy Pasting Your Life? 292 How Copy Pasting Works in Real Life ! 293! When Copy Pasting Is Playing Nice ! 295! What Can Go Wrong ! 296! The Exercise ! 298! How Not To Feed Your Daemons 300 Meet Your Daemons ! 300! What Keeps A Daemon Alive? ! 303! 26 of 586 .

Bugs Are On You ! 314! 2. Detours Are Not An Option ! 315! 3. You Have To Face The Problem. Today’s Problem Is Tomorrow’s Laughter ! 315! 4. Good Focus Builds Good Things ! 316! 27 of 586 .Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It How Not To Feed A Daemon ! 305! A Hungry Daemon Is A Weak Daemon ! 310! 7 Life Lessons From A SelfTaught Programmer 312 Reality Is Created With Words ! 312! 7 Life Lessons From A Self-Taught Programmer ! 313! 1.

There’s More Than One Way To Skin A Cat ! 318! 7 Simple Ways To Unclog Your Pipes 320 The Poop Is Real ! 321! The Alternatives ! 322! How To Unclog Your Pipes ! 323! 1. Write What You Cannot Say ! 324! 2. Do It ! 317! 6. Recycle Aggression ! 324! 3. Be Neat ! 317! 7.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It 5. Clean Up Your Lenses 28 of 586 . If You Feel It.

Clean Up Your House ! 325! 5. Talk To Somebody ! 327! 5 Types Of False Positive People 329 1.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It ! 325! 4. The Empowerer ! 330! 2. The Yesman ! 332! 29 of 586 . Exercise ! 326! 6. Get A Massage ! 326! 7. The Surviving Victim ! 331! 3. The Cheerleader ! 331! 4.

The Savior ! 333! Happy Accidents 335 Happy Accidents ! 336! Why Happy? ! 337! Why Accidents? ! 337! From Bad To Good And Back ! 338! Motivation 340 “I Can” versus “I Do” 341 30 of 586 .Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It 5.

“I Do” is an action ! 344! Performance versus Fulfillment 347 External versus Internal 31 of 586 . “I Do” is hard ! 344! “I Can” is a thought. “I Do” respects all the promises ! 344! “I Can” is easy. “I Do” is riskier ! 343! “I Can” is nice.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It “I Can” traps ! 341! “I Do” thrills ! 342! From “I Can” to “I Do” ! 343! “I Can” is comfortable. “I Do” is grumpy ! 343! “I Can” makes no promises.

Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It ! 347! Rules versus Freedom ! 348! Proof versus Knowing ! 348! Consuming versus Creating ! 349! Finding Balance ! 349! Action versus Reaction 351 Choice versus Context ! 351! Reward And Frustration ! 352! Choosing versus Enduring ! 353! Results versus Excuses ! 354! 32 of 586 .

Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It From Competition To Connection 356 Competition versus Connection ! 358! What You Don’t Want To Know About Prostitution 360 The Sex Taboo ! 360! Money As A Shortcut ! 362! Faking Your Life For Money ! 364! Forcing Others To Fake ! 365! The Real Prostitution ! 366! 33 of 586 .

Be Precise ! 379! 34 of 586 .Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It Where Are You? ! 367! The Master and You 370 Seeing the Invisible ! 371! Meet Your Master ! 372! Give Yourself A Chance ! 373! The Magic Fairy Exercise 374 Goal Setting and Your Private Magic Fairy ! 377! The Magic Fairy Goal Setting Exercise ! 377! 1.

Go For What Scares You The Most ! 383! 2. Paint A New Context ! 385! 5. Be Direct ! 379! 3. Be Consistent ! 380! 7 Ways To Avoid Pessimism 382 1. Be Fearless ! 379! 4. Indiscriminately Help Someone ! 384! 4. Be Confident ! 380! 5. Talk To Your Future Self ! 383! 3.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It 2. Take A Long Run ! 35 of 586 .

So Stop Whining ! 393! 36 of 586 . Keep An Eye On The Opening Windows ! 387! Tempered Steel 389 How Do You Temper Steel? ! 389! How Do You Handle Pressure? ! 390! How To Handle A Life Tempering Process ! 391! Don’t Cling On To The Past ! 393! If You’re Hinted. Go For It ! 393! It’s Supposed To Be Difficult.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It 386! 6. Ask For Support ! 386! 7.

Overheating ! 397! 3. Bad Physical Health ! 398! 5. Breaking It Into Meaningless Details ! 399! 6.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It There Will Be Some Clutter ! 394! Enjoy The View ! 394! My Top 7 Demotivating Habits 396 1. Something Shiny” Syndrome ! 397! 2. The “Look. Fear Of Not Doing It Good Enough ! 398! 4. Others Are Doing It Better Than Me ! 37 of 586 . “It Doesn’t Really Matter” ! 399! 7.

Take A Leap Of Faith ! 406! 2. Enjoy ! 38 of 586 .Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It 400! The Subtle Comfort Of The Discomfort Zone 402 Social Life ! 402! Work ! 404! Personal Relationships ! 404! How To Stretch ! 406! 1. Integrate ! 408! 4. Observe Your Reactions ! 407! 3.

Accept and Manage Interruptions ! 418! 6. Share Your Learning ! 414! 3. Don’t Plan the Fun ! 413! 2.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It 409! Productivity 411 How To Be Productive without Becoming a Productivity Freak 412 1. Keep Things Simple ! 416! 5. Daydreaming Is Not Dangerous ! 39 of 586 . Listen To Others ! 415! 4.

Delegate It To Someone Else ! 425! 5. Pay Yourself Out Of It ! 426! 6.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It 419! 7. Cold Turkey ! 423! 2. Start A Parallel Habit ! 425! 4. Isolate From People With Similar Habits ! 427! 7. Find A Higher Stake ! 424! 3. Keep A Time Log ! 428! 40 of 586 . Stay Healthy ! 420! 7 Ways To Break A Habit 423 1.

Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It Goals and Mechanical Rabbits 430 The Promise of Goals ! 430! Running in the Right Context ! 431! Choosing Your Race ! 432! How Goal Setting Works (For Me) 435 The Early Years ! 435! The Current Situation ! 438! The Three Stages Of Goal Setting ! 439! The Quantum Element 41 of 586 .

Don’t Stress ! 446! 2. Rebuild Carefully ! 449! 5. Decide So It Won’t Collide ! 447! 3.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It ! 441! 7 Things To Do When The Shit Hits The Fan 443 The Story ! 443! What happened? ! 445! What About Now? ! 446! 1. Assess. Communicate ! 448! 4. Leverage 42 of 586 .

Progress Measurement ! 454! 4.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It ! 450! 6. Motivation ! 455! 5. Keep Your Fingers Crossed ! 451! 7. And One Powerful Reason Not To 453 1.  Learn ! 451! 5 Good Reasons To Share Your Goals. Accountability ! 453! 2. Connection ! 455! 43 of 586 . Clarity ! 454! 3.

Surround Yourself With Intelligent Walls ! 463! 5.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It They Don’t Know Shit About You ! 456! How Not To Multitask 459 The Downside Of Multitasking ! 459! How Not To Multitask ! 460! 1. Log Constantly ! 462! 4. Balance Right And Left Hemispheres ! 461! 3. Assess And Improve ! 464! Being A Digital Nomad 44 of 586 . Spot The Small Chunks ! 461! 2.

Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It 466 Digital Nomad Work Places ! 466! What Type Of Work Does A Digital  Nomad Do? ! 470! The Very Very Short Digital Nomad Guide To Relationships ! 471! Your Life Will Never Be The Same ! 473! Blogging 476 5 Unusual Ways To Measure Your Online Reputation 477 1. Getting Hate Comments ! 45 of 586 .

People Are Asking You To Let Them Help You ! 480! 5. You Need Time To Refine Your Message ! 487! 2. People Are Approaching You in Real Life Situations ! 479! 3.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It 478! 2. Receiving Out Of The Blue Thank You Emails ! 481! Life After Twitter And Facebook 484 5 Reasons For A Healthy Blog Hiatus 487 1. You Are Involved In Other Projects 46 of 586 . Being Quoted On Totally Unrelated Blogs ! 480! 4.

Balance Your Core Features ! 47 of 586 . You Write Somewhere Else ! 489! 5.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It ! 488! 3. You Want To Evaluate Your Work ! 489! 4. You Just Need A Break ! 490! Series 492 The Human Computer 493 Are You The Best Version Of Yourself? 494 1.

Chose Your Dominant Setup ! 501! 2. Defrag Your Mind ! 495! 3. Enjoy An Unexpected Shutdown Every Now And Then ! 497! The Undocumented Feature ! 498! How To Defrag Your Mind In 5 Easy Steps 500 Defrag Your Mind? What Exactly Is That? ! 500! 1. Identify Necessary Information 48 of 586 . Stay Virus Free ! 497! 5. Update Your Drivers ! 496! 4.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It 495! 2.

Skills and Life Device Drivers ! 508! 49 of 586 . Establish Priorities ! 502! 4. Ignore The Unimportant ! 503! 5. Run A Dry Test ! 504! A Real Life Example ! 504! How Often To Defrag? ! 506! Life Device Drivers: What Are They and When You Need To Upgrade 507 What Is A Life Device Driver? ! 507! Habits.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It ! 502! 3.

Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It Managing Your Real Life Peripherals ! 509! Why Do You Need To Upgrade Your Life Drivers ! 510! How To Upgrade Your Life Drivers ! 511! Personal Example ! 515! How To Keep Your Mind Virus Free 518 What Is A Mind Virus? ! 518! How To Identify A Mind Virus ! 519! Mind Virus Prevention ! 520! Mind Virus Diagnose ! 521! 50 of 586 .

Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It Curing A Mind Virus Disease ! 523! Mind Virus Rebounds ! 524! A Personal Example ! 524! Lessons From My Daughter 527 7 Things I Learned From My One Year Old Girl 528 7 Things I Learned From My 2 Year Old Girl 530 There is no such thing as tiredness ! 530! No hard feelings 51 of 586 .

ignore ! 532! Everyone can (and sometimes wants) to be manipulated ! 532! 7 Things I Learned From My 3 Year Old Girl 534 1.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It ! 530! The world is what you say it is ! 531! The work is my playground ! 531! I care for others. Love is the same. therefore I exist ! 531! Don’t hate. Do things on your own ! 534! 2. regardless of the loved persons ! 535! 52 of 586 .

Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It 3. Show Off Your Personality ! 539! 2. Keep Trying ! 539! 3. Learning is better ! 536! 6. Making friends is the easiest thing in the world ! 535! 4. Watch Until You Learn ! 53 of 586 . Endless playing ! 537! 7. If You Don’t Get It For The First Time. Always like the first time ! 537! 7 Things I Learned From My 4 Year Old Girl 539 1. Don’t fake it ! 536! 5.

Ask Around ! 544! 3. Don’t Fake It ! 541! 7. If You Don’t Know. Being Happy Doesn’t Need A Reason ! 544! 54 of 586 . Habits Are The Easiest Thing ! 540! 5. Stay With The Problem Until You Find The Solution ! 541! 6.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It 540! 4. Diplomacy Is Easy ! 543! 2. You Cannot Have Enough Laughter In Your Life ! 542! 7 Things I Learned From My 5 Year Old Girl 543 1.

Test Newcomers ! 546! 7. Thirst For Learning ! 545! 6. Adaptation Is Evolution ! 545! 5. The Will To Win ! 547! Movies And Fun 548 How To Make An Elephant Fly Personal Development With Dumbo 549 The Dumbo Story ! 549! Your Biggest Flaw Can Become Your Bigger Asset 55 of 586 .Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It 4.

Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It ! 552! Real Friends Take You For What You Are ! 552! Transformative Experiences Are Always Difficult ! 553! Trust Yourself Not The Magic Feather ! 554! 7 Personal Development Lessons – Kung Fu Panda Style 556 1. Sometimes Things Just Go Wrong ! 56 of 586 . Role Models Are Just Milestones ! 558! 3. You’ll Eventually Get It ! 556! 2. Your Biggest Fault Can Be Your Biggest Asset ! 559! 4. If You Can Dream About It.

You’ll Eventually Get In ! 561! 6. What We See Is What We Project ! 569! 57 of 586 . You Live In A Web Of Relationships ! 568! 4.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It 560! 5. Reality Is When You Say It Is ! 566! 2. You Can’t Have Enough Awesomeness ! 564! 5 Things Inception Taught Me About Self-Improvement (And No.  Have Hope. I’m Not Dreaming) 565 1. The Magic Power Lies Within ! 562! 7. Time Is Irrelevant ! 567! 3.

Kill Your Fears. Free Your Soul ! 571! 5 Things Avatar Taught Me About Self-Improvement 573 1. Pick Your Team Carefully ! 576! 5. If You Want To Get To Planet A You Have To Completely Leave Planet B ! 574! 3. Disappointment Is Part Of Life ! 575! 4.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It 5. The Only Thing Worth Fighting For Is Love ! 577! 5 Life Lessons From Kung Fu Panda 2 – The Movie 58 of 586 . Limitation Is Only In Your Mind ! 573! 2.

Laugh Is Powerful ! 583! Other Books 585 59 of 586 . The Biggest Victory You Can Achieve Is Inside You ! 580! 3. Your Past Doesn’t Make You Who You Are ! 579! 2. Even If He’s Not Aware Of It ! 582! 5. Everybody Has A Mission.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It 579 1. The Hurt Is The Source Of The Healing ! 581! 4.

you’re free to make your contribution here: ! Free eBooks! ! There are also other books available on my website. ! I chose to distribute my work like this because I believe that value is something very personal to each and every one of us. there’s a very important change brought to you by this second edition. Namely. there’s a list at the end of this. Maybe this book won’t mean a thing to you. and how much you’ll like it. ! **********
 60 of 586 . Apart from a general cleanup of the text.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It " Foreword " ********** Author’s note! ! ! Thank you for reading this! This is the second edition of this book. the distribution model: you got it for free and you’ll pay only if you like it. But if you find some value in it.

9 years later. A blog is a continuous string of text and events. with good things and bad things. creating and feeding itself from a reading reflex. French and even Japanese. It’s a still moment. But beyond these numbers there’s something much more important. Looking back. :) There’s a subtle and yet fundamental difference between a blog and a book. a picture of something that 61 of 586 . It’s my life. growing along with you. a frozen part of reality. and the day after tomorrow.000 words 980. I see more than 500. 5 years later. It will be here tomorrow. I decided to take a huge chunk of all this blog material and turn it into an ebook. more than 500 articles 700 articles published. more than a few millions of unique visitors.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It ! ! ! One of the best things I did in my life was to start writing on my blog. The reason? It just made sense. A book is different.000 words written. I’m still amazed at how many levels of my life this has touched. Dutch. Been featured on many major blogging outlets and some of my articles have been translated in German. exactly how I witnessed it.

Slices of my life were slowly floating in front of me. following the main themes of my blog: Life. Movies And Stories. Also. Somehow. Just putting together this book was an exhilarating experience. I felt amazing. Series. but rather following a certain evolution of my thinking. I just wanted to pack everything in a much more solid shape. except from the ones that I felt ok to remain like that. parts of the articles were mildly rewritten. what can you expect of this? Well. Blogging. Many of my articles were somehow begging to put them in another shape and free them from the “let’s consume this in a second. it’s a book divided into a few main sections. SelfImprovement. with a book containing more than 70 articles (I decided to pick just the best) and with more than 500 pages. I don’t usually re-read my material. And here you are. Now.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It can be consumed and enjoyed in the same form over and over again. in a gentle image carousel. in order to take out a bit of the “blog feeling”. Productivity. then leave” approach. The articles in these sections are not published in chronological order. 62 of 586 . That was really nice. a big part of my blog wanted that stillness. but when I started to do it for the purpose of crafting something a bit more coherent. Motivation.

my life is better. I want to thank to both of my kids. I would like to give my thanks to somebody.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It Also. This time. Bianca and Victor. it’s just a collection of articles. Bucharest. As it customary on these forewords. don’t try to read it from start to end. because they exist. And because they exist. Bucharest. 2011. after all. Romania
 63 of 586 . just pick a random article and start from there. Romania June. like you would do with a novel. there isn’t a specific red string guiding this entire book. 2104. ! Dragoș Rouă August. If you want to get the best out of it.

insights or just memories. converted in stories.
 64 of 586 . Everything you will read here comes from real experiences.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It Life ! Snippets of my life.

shouting and blowing up balloons in different shapes. Building a house out of plastic bricks. The sword and the flowers felt really solid in my hand. All made out from long. an entertainer came in. At some point. You know the type. then Bianca took another ballon shaped toy. being her favorites. Couldn’t define it so I went ahead playing. She was drifting around. this time a flower. but they felt solid. Bianca took a balloon shaped sword and came playing with me. dressed as a clown. shiny and colored balloons. playing with as many toys as she can touch. The moment I took the balloon sword in my hand I had a strange feeling. soft ones. And then another one and she started to make a garden around her soft. I knew they were just empty. In minutes he made a few flowers for the girls. the plastic. As I helped her arrange balloon flowers around her house I suddenly realized what my sensation was about. plastic house. I also knew that the feeling was made by 65 of 586 . two or three puppies and some swords for the boys.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It Playgrounds And Balloons ! I was with Bianca at a playground the other day. floating in a pool made by plastic balls and so on.

with a big noise and a little bit of drama. All with a big noise and a little bit of drama. But as Bianca invested all her trust in them. suddenly became just a small pile of lingering plastic sheets. they had no substance. The bigger the pressure. Our Own World Of Balloons We live surrounded by two types of structures: the ones that our environment is giving to us (also 66 of 586 . the more realistic the feeling. Normal flowers don’t explode if you step on them. And then it hit me. but you won’t blow them away. Until somebody stepped on them. as some kids screamed (and some parents too). I continued to watch Bianca as she was playing with her little farm.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It the pressure of the air inside. the inevitable happened: a kid stepped on a balloon and what was a flower two seconds ago. As we were sitting around our little farm. You can change their shape for a few seconds. like the balloons. The whole strange feeling revealed in a split of a second. The balloons were just illusions. They were as real as the plastic flowers from her plastic garden. At that point. It was so surprising that I had to sit back on a chair and start writing about it. They’re not made out of thin air. the illusion exploded. But there was still something missing from feeling. they were not illusions anymore.

We also blow air into a lifestyle. or consistency. You know. Two seconds ago. when we lose our jobs or get dumped. not everything is vanishing. by blowing air into some empty shapes (also known as illusions).Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It known as reality) and then ones that we are creating ourselves. And we continue to live our lives surrounded by this mix of reality and illusions. Only the balloons. We blow air into a career. giving it the shape we think it’s appropriate. Just nothing. or volume. Instead. until something tragic happens. Inflatable Life And The Heavy Bricks 67 of 586 . career or lifestyle. Your first major challenge acted like a sting. making it resemble to something we think we want. transforming it into a pile of lingering plastic sheets. in a split of a second. But when your world is made almost entirely of balloons you will feel like the whole universe is going down. he or she is just not there anymore. Of course. A small sting able to deflate in a few seconds what you thought it’s indestructible. and. Until somebody steps on our partner. you were playing with this partner you think you know. Or when a crisis strikes with so much power that everything seems to vanish. making him or her take the shape we want. We blow air into a partner. there’s something with no form. We call these situations “bad times”.

your life is filled with beautiful and colored forms. It takes time. Of course. it blows at the first sign of pressure. We love to surround ourselves with illusions. 68 of 586 . blissfully. this shiny. The same thing with our career. it seems easier and it doesn’t require any effort from our part. of course. We don’t have to use the heavy bricks. and start blowing some air into it. As we drift from one place to another in our own grownups playgrounds. We will have nothing more than a pile of lingering plastic sheets. It takes commitment and discipline. empty form will stand up for as long as the weather will be fine. fully formed after just a few chit chats and some social games. of course. We can start using it immediately. but that doesn’t matter as long as life seems light and you’re just floating around. with no value. Leaving us as empty as we were when we entered it. Using heavy bricks is difficult. It’s fast. With no volume. We like to pick a shiny and beautifully curved shape. Blowing air into empty balloons doesn’t require any of these. we like to blow into a few days relationship and start playing with it. The first sign of crisis will blow it away. You just blow and voila.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It Truth is we like these inflatable balloons. And then. It’s just there. It gives us something to cling on and we can safely turn our heads from the things that really matters. as we saw at other kids.

accept anything that could challenge your relationship. If it’s about your partner. sting it! Let it blow. fed with your constant desire of being deluded. will feel just like a regular one. This is the only way you can tell the difference. We just want to “enjoy” our life. you spend most of your times blowing them up again. the more air you blow into a balloon. Sting It! You may be in such a bubble right now. So. those things are difficult. the more consistent it will feel. So. Let the conflict arise. There will be a point where you won’t be able to tell the difference no more. but don’t avoid it. inconsistent balloons. Go through it. Except this life we’re enjoying is made of empty. A balloon relationship. Face the crisis. you know. Keeping the illusion going on. just to keep 69 of 586 . And we just don’t want to go with them. You may live in a balloons universe.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It Most of the times. And the air is going away and your world seems to be deflating at times. Manage it. Some of these balloons may already have small holes in them. You may have blown your own air for way too long. Or they are requiring some major involvement form our part. Well. Because. floating. the only way to say if you’re living in the balloons world or in a real world is to sting them.

The Real Garden As I was staying on my chair in the playground. It’s winter now. the balloons and the clown again. was to water the flowers. Our real flowers. the plants that were really taken care of. no volume. No form. And although you’re alone now. But we both know that in the spring. A real person will acknowledge the sting and respond back. I started to notice the kids.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It the things going on. is now nothing but a pile of lingering plastic sheets. And believe me. If on the other side there’s a real person. if you’re functioning as a couple. Balloons were exploding every few minutes and she didn’t seem very keen on the sound. the sting will blow the balloon away. after we entered our house. ! 70 of 586 . you’re not in an illusion anymore. there’s nothing to regret about it. See what’s happening. We went home. A balloon flower will never blossom. Bianca seemed a little bit bored about the games. What you once knew as your partner. will blossom again. no consistency. If not. Just stop it. there will be a balancing reaction. First thing we did. and the plants are needing much more care than usual.

Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It If you want the whole book.the eBook
 71 of 586 . just click on the link below: ! Get Brilliantly Better .

sometimes I can be extremely slow). the first note I found was from the same day and it was something like this: “aquiwue iwury iwurywiuey. The next one. kahihas aiehkahjs”. Bianca. I deleted the note. Of course. And it went like this for a few more lines. I guess I always assumed she’s playing some of the games I installed precisely for that. she gave it back and starts her normal morning routine. of course! It wasn’t mine. before going to the bathroom. something serious.. Most of the time she gets it. it was from yesterday. Oh. Apparently. I took that note at 6:49 AM.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It The Book Of Life ! Every morning. Happy that I solved this unexpected mystery. with a slightly different approach: “ajhskj ajsj bnmabf kajhjkhfhjka a”. an address or a flight ticket number. comes into my room and asks for my iPhone. Never asked her why she’s doing while holding the phone. And after deleting it I found the one from the day before and 72 of 586 . After touching it for a few minutes. was from the same league. it was Bianca’s! I admit it took me a good 7-8 seconds to realize that (yes. to my surprise. Recently I had to find a specific note in my iPhone Notes. To my surprise. my 4 year old daughter.

I admitted I didn’t. but some of theme were pretty elaborate. I want to ask you a few questions”
 “Oooookey”. It wasn’t by mistake. The next day. The Secret Diary The next morning. with that voice half 73 of 586 . she answered. After she finished the note for today. In 5 minutes I discovered about 30 notes written by Bianca every morning in the last month. “But it’s about your name. she was doing the writing on purpose. She seemed pretty absorbed in her writing. “Yeeeees. of course. etc. But something made me not to. Planning to ask her later about them. in the right screen. I planned to talk more about the notes so even before she asked for the iPhone I initiated a small conversation: “I’ll give it to you but first. I asked what was the note about. and then she left the room. I sat down with her. Some of them were short. didn’t you recognize it?”. I found my piece of information. after she asked for my iPhone. The first impulse was to clean up the app and delete them.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It so on. preparing for school. look closer” she said. did my stuff and left the notes untouched in my iPhone. it’s your name. Useless to mention that she was incredibly skilled in finding the right app.


 “What is this note about” and I browsed to something from a week ago. And then I realized we’re all doing that. Immediately. And. you can have it” and handed her the iPhone. remember?” I remembered watching that movie. private language.
 “That was when we watched that movie. I realized that Bianca was actually writing her book of life. The Book Of Life On my way to the city that morning. objectives. We write our 74 of 586 . “Ok. paths but we’re the only ones knowing their real meaning. I realized we’re all doing it the same way Bianca did: in our own. I said. it was eating out a Pizza Hut. We have goals. but it happened before the note. Of course. Time is still friendly to her. to my huge surprise. remember?” Didn’t remember that. Nobody really understands our own book of life.
 “Well. she doesn’t know how to read or even the days of the month. A witness of her own experiences. “How about this one?” and I pointed to something even older.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It bored half promising. to be honest. A journal. she started to write the note for the day.

private language. her book of life become intelligible for me. I may say something like: “I want to start a 30 day exercising routine” but you may understand something completely different. just because you assumed the message must be written in the same language you understand? How many times 75 of 586 . nothing more. And that makes us really lonely people. Until that. Bianca’s book of life become alive the moment I started to connect with her. no matter how much we do interact on a formal level. an exercising routine could be something very different than it is for me. Our lives can be incredibly isolated because we use a very specific.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It book of life in some kind of gibberish. it was just random letters. How’s your book of life? Do you take the time to connect with people around you and let them know what you meant when you said that thing? What you meant when you made that commitment? What you meant when you made that present? Or do you just write gibberish and assume that everybody understands you? How many times the pages from your book of life have been torn away because nobody really understand them? How many times you ignored messages from other books of life. For you. The moment I was interested enough to find out more.

talk and connect with the other person? How many seconds of happiness you lost by that? How many hours of joy? Do you really take the time to make your book of life available to your closest ones? Or are you just drifting away. mumbling a completely unintelligible mumbo-jumbo expecting anyone to fulfill your deepest desires? ! 76 of 586 .Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It you ignored other books of life because you didn’t take the time to sit down.

After she went to sleep. Somehow. We solve at least one puzzle almost every day. for instance (don’t be shy. she seems to develop a rather strong appeal for puzzle games. with bigger parts. personal development or difficult life situations. A moment of clarity. Now. as she started to talk more and to understand more. By the way. I decided to write about this. with smaller (and more) pieces. 77 of 586 . it’s not the first time when Bianca is shedding some light on my path. after we finished one of those games. We had to find bigger puzzle games. The other day. we slowly started to play more complicated games. A very interesting one.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It Can You Solve The Puzzle Of Your Life? ! As Bianca. take a look too). my 4 year old daughter. Less than a month ago she let me see through her book of life. but soon she got bored. We started with very simple games. started to better understand images and shapes. the games we played activated a switch. lets’ talk about how solving puzzles can help with your goal achievement strategies. Lately. I had a short… let’s call it moment. just before she had to go to sleep. I saw a few similarities between the puzzle games we played and some more “serious” situations like goal achievement.

but we’re so early in the game that we just can’t understand them. I lack money. I realize this every time I shuffle the pieces for a new puzzle. Totally different. But as the game progresses. And the most common roadblock of all is the feeling of “lacking”. each and every piece find its place.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It You Got All You Need Every goal. Fact is we have it all. we seem to struggle with our goals more than we should. When I look at them. You take each and every bit. look at it. That’s all there is to it. I lack luck. try to find its place in the bigger picture and then do your best to fit it in. I lack the good looks I need to attract a better partner. We just don’t see it. And yet. All I need is just a single matching point. but we don’t see them in the big picture. Goal achievement is just a matter of putting those pieces together. We have all the parts just in front of us. nothing more. and from that matching point everything starts to link it up until the final image is complete. We do have the resources. every important achievement is made out of hundreds of little separate pieces. every endeavor. they all seem so unrelated and distant. the looks and all the luck we need. 78 of 586 . or more than we expect in the beginning. I lack resources to make my life better. Just a puzzle game. I lack a positive attitude. Not part of the same game.

But if the puzzle is so huge. I can easily find my way from there. If I have a physically delimited portion of the image. Something that will give me hope to walk through it. ring by ring. regardless of the type of the piece (corner or edge). the puzzle game is nothing but a mess. Some structured approach to reduce confusion up to the point the world becomes manageable again. Without a strategy. If you really want to solve the riddle you need a strategy. I need a strategy. she looks for the next one. Bianca’s strategy is different: she looks for the first match she can find. We all have our own specific strategy. I don’t feel any drive to even try it out. just manageable. A roadmap. It doesn’t have to be downright solvable. She builds from there. things looks like they’re impossible. my puzzle strategy is to find the corners and the edges. As a matter of fact. For instance. Something that will make me understand the big picture. in whatever direction she can find. That’s all we need to get the thing moving on.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It But You Have To Stick To A Plan And that calls for the second thing about puzzle and goal achievement: a plan. All she needs is a starting point. But once you decide to bring the smallest amount of order into 79 of 586 . so difficult and so complicated that I can barely think it’s doable. Once she found a match. Until then. and so on. I build from the edges to the core of the puzzle. if a puzzle is so easy that I can see through it from the beginning.

Although we have all the pieces in front of us. If you stop. your puzzle will be finished. In other words. as a kid. And those are the moments when I realize I have to do the same tricks (or even come up with some better ones) if I want to solve the puzzles I choose. you have to go through it. you will never solve it. So I have to perform some special tricks in order to keep her focused. All the unrelated parts will eventually fall into pieces. Yes. me and Bianca. Just stick to it. your puzzle game is frozen. I need some ways to overcome those situations in which I think there’s 80 of 586 . And still. No clarity. gets bored much more easily than I do. There are no matching pieces that you can find. you’re in fact creating a small crack. Your puzzle solving strategy may be different. I need to find ways to remain in my life game even if it seems hopeless. It’s Confusing Sometimes you’re wrong. Bianca. You can’t advance anymore. We have moments when we seem to have no way to advance. letting the light shine through. We have no vision.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It the chaos. when we play our puzzles. But as long as you have one. Sometimes you spend days or months or years thinking how to get over your current situation. something prevents us from seeing their role.

If I leave. As long as you don’t leave the game. 81 of 586 . Every life situation is solvable. Every puzzle is solvable. the game will never be finished. An actor. Or just to travel around it. And I’m not talking about the games I play with Bianca. I’m talking about your goals. Your dreams. a writer. I just can’t see them yet. can be funny at times). Because I can. (although creating a nice scene from Kung Fu Panda. even if it seems it isn’t. All the pieces are there. Maybe you wanted to change the world. But it’s my abandon which will actually make it meaningless. for instance. Putting Your Own Pieces Together One of the nicest feelings you can have is to see a puzzle solved. This is your puzzle. while witnessing its beauty. all the pieces of the puzzle are there.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It nothing more I can do. The game of life is confusing at times. I’m talking about your life situation. Maybe you had a dream of becoming somebody. or just a happy husband. Even if it seems like you don’t have the resources. You just don’t see the big picture yet. This is the riddle you have to solve. And I think it’s confusing for a very good reason: to test your ability to stay on the path.

Follow your intuition. You picked it up and you do have all the necessary pieces to complete it. Most of the times.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It All you need is to set up a little plan and bring some light in. Trust your heart. ! ! 82 of 586 . Remember. Just stick with it. it’s just a puzzle. this little plan means just going along with the flow.

Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It The Secret from My 3rd Grade ! When I was a kid I was very relaxed. I was a good kid in school because I was blessed with a fantastic memory. but not something way above the average. they said. is more developed in the early years. The truth is I wasn’t a good kid in school because of my memory. And I mean in school. The Secret Whatever. as a cognitive function of the brain. I did have a good memory as a kid. the more confused I am. or so they said… The more I think about this. Even my teachers were aware about my apparent passivity and they “blamed” my success on my natural skills: a fantastic memory. I never worried too much about it. I was a good kid in 83 of 586 . but I think our memory. yet I managed to get the highest grades in my class. And not because I was diligently studying. In fact. when we have to absorb a lot of new information and somehow decreases in performance as we grow. I didn’t read much about this so I’m not backing up my assumption with some scientific research. That was my secret. I think every kid has a far better memory than an adult. to make room for other brain functions like flexibility or information processing.

Sometimes I didn’t even know I had a homework. 10 minutes was just about enough to get by. There was a 10 minutes break between classes and I almost always used this short break to write my homework.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It school because I didn’t care much about it. I really enjoyed during my homework. In fact. just before the class. while I was quickly writing my assignments. the mere fact of having to do something in a pressuring context seemed to made me act faster and more focused than usual. The rest of 10% I didn’t had any assignment at all because there were situations when 10 minutes weren’t physically enough to do it. How come? Well. I didn’t improvise at all. my mind was like crystal clear. I was pretty sure about what I was doing. Somehow related to this feeling I also remember the feeling of excitement each morning I was going to school. But the vast majority of time. What challenges was I up for that day? What unexpected things were waiting for me? What small victories was I ready to conquer? What tiny but relevant roadblock would I 84 of 586 . being it the challenge of finishing my home assignments during the break. In 90% of the cases I had better assignments than my colleagues. I almost never did my home assignments at home. so I had to react pretty fast. I used to do them at school. Every time I knew I have to face a challenge.

Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It overcome? Would it be a new assignment? Some new math problem that I have to solve? Some essay that I have to concoct in less than 10 minutes? I confess I loved school. I did great at school. I remember the feeling I had each evening before going to sleep. either by facing the consequences upfront. Playing It Safe 85 of 586 . today was a good day. Yes. I loved it because it gave me a playground for my risk taking abilities. acting and doing stuff. I had to deal with the situation. Ok. I confess that each morning I was a little bit confused and even frightened just before getting into the flow of events. Am I going to finish my homework during the break? Am I going to learn something new? Am I going to get caught? Even when I was getting caught without my home assignment (those 10% were emerging quite often. But I loved it not because I was successful at it. everything felt into pieces. Either by inventing an excuse. And finally. no big deal. so to speak) I had to come up with something. I will have to do twice the volume of work for the next time. And almost every single day at school was a fantastic day for me. but once I was there. I will come earlier to school and finish the double assignment.

Sometimes. I started to do my life assignments at home. I miss the self-confidence feeling I had each night while I was looking back at my school victories. I even miss my confusion and fear in front of something unknown and challenging because. along the way. I lost those feelings. That’s a good question. there’s nothing really unknown or challenging. I lost the thrill of not knowing what homework did I have to do. to make sure every single situation is covered. I think I started to spend more time doing my homework than actually learning and living.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It Maybe you’re wondering now why I’m writing about my 3rd grade home assignments. I started to plan in advance everything. Most of the time. I have appointments in my agenda and tasks to be done. the excitement of doing it under pressure. Because I don’t really have any important victories to be proud of nowadays: every little task is done according to the plan. even if my day is made out of difficult tasks. 86 of 586 . I already know it. Even in advance. the satisfaction of doing a great job and the incredible feeling of self-confidence I used to have every day before going to bed. I’m writing about that because somehow. I miss the thrill of not knowing what will happen tomorrow. Somehow. I started to play it safe.

We’re constantly making our life assignments at home. No Risk It. We have a partner who will fulfill our physical needs twice per week. We have a house that we’re going to really own in thirty years. Because we took every single measure to be sure. And that’s for sure. We have to push harder and become richer so we can pay our mortgages. Our fight for immediate survival made us create a highly predictable universe. We have to provide and be accountable for our own contribution. We’re having a job which will provide money every two weeks.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It At some point. The more predictable the universe we’re creating. At safe. We have to survive. get a bigger and fancier car and spend our holidays in exotic places with names that we couldn’t really spell. Or maybe we just get scared. there is no such thing as security. By playing it safe we’re creating the illusion of security and predictability. Security is an illusion invented by  insurance companies. Maybe it’s the fear of death which makes us surround with beautiful and shiny distractions just to avoid the very dreadful thought of physical destruction. the easier the life we’re living. 87 of 586 . There is no such thing as predictability either. after we’ll finish to pay our mortgage. Maybe it’s the society. No Biscuit Alas. life became boring.

Or you may wake up learning that your partner is not the person you though he/she was. And. you realize you invested yourself in the wrong partner. The sky is not safe anymore. in a split second. although by starting to do our assignments at home we’re creating this illusion. as surprising and difficult to accept as it may seem. Our life is not predictable. The sky is filled with smoke. Or you may learn from your bank that inflation made your life savings worth a nickel. Or nothing. Life is about taking risks. but all of a sudden you have to start doing your money assignment again. Your emotional life is not safe anymore. You thought you’re covered for many years. Your financial life is not safe anymore. The secret we’re constantly forgetting is that life is what happens on that fragile line between defeat and victory. And you really can’t 88 of 586 . that’s the beauty of it. Just like that.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It Fact is we’re vulnerable. You may wake up one day to realize that planes aren’t flying anymore because of a big volcano with an impossible name from a country half frozen. The truth is life is what’s happening while you’re making plans. embracing challenges and overcoming limitations. We’re exposed to dangers every single second.

Until one day you realize you’re not excited about life anymore. focusing with a crystal clear mind and getting better and better. Now you know my secret. I simply recall some of my 3rd grade victories. while constantly weakening your risk taking muscles second by second. You’re not going to bed happy about the victories you had during the day. You’re not starting your mornings eagerly waiting for some unexpected challenge. far from the noise and surprises of the real life. Doing your assignments at home.
 89 of 586 .Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It overcome limitations if you’re playing it safe. trying to prevent bad things to happen or desperately predicting every single bad outcome and avoiding it. This will push you deeper and deeper in the illusion of security. limitation and frustration. You’re not experiencing the thrill of coping with unknown assignments. Every time I get these feelings of boredom. You lost that secret along the way. will not make you more alive.

the meaning of the term “short” may be fluctuating. Bianca came to me shouting: “Dad. trying to figure out a way to 90 of 586 . repeating to me that she was afraid of them. ready to cry and pointing at the other end of the couch. It might have been something really interesting. Short thinking pause. And oh. before breakfast. close to the ceiling. Dad. An ants invasion. just in case I didn’t understand it from the first time. They were building a house and they were building it from some time now. Some of them had wings. So I may have stayed there a few dozens of seconds. I saw her on top of the couch. between the couch and the wall with that big window. At that time in the morning. dad. Meanwhile. come. so I rushed to see what was that all about. she was so right! At the other end of the couch. you have to see this!” She doesn’t do this every time. the one close to a big window. Small. just before we had breakfast. “There are ants there. some of them not. As I stumbled into the living room. The ones with the wings were up to the couch and to the window. I’m afraid”. I suddenly noticed like several hundreds of ants. black and pretty active ants. Seemed that they had a pretty good time too. since I spotted from place to place very small sand grains. Bianca was still on top of the couch. An invasion.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It The “Ants” Situation ! The other morning.

ugly looks to those nasty ants. no more ants” I whispered while letting the breakfast synapses work again. opened the window and throw them away. since I just swept them. but I turned back. A broom. Dad. No 91 of 586 . we keep something called broom. there are even more ants”. “No. I finally come up with an idea. A brilliant idea.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It understand what do I have to do. That tool looked like something I could really use. of course. That couldn’t be true. of course. under the sink. stuff like that. Just before breakfast. Just to teach them a lesson. I heard Bianca shouting again: “Dad. And. Alas. I didn’t want to kill them. chemical signals. I took them all. While I was slowly heading to the kitchen. Bianca approached carefully: “Are there still ants here. just to comfort Bianca. they were at least twice the size. In the kitchen. What to eat. In a few minutes I had an interesting collection of a few hundreds of them. More ants. from what I was able to count. how to prepare it. dear. More Ants For a moment I thought that the swept ants were able to send some invisible. Dad?”. So. because the new wave looked much more organized. Good idea. And. after a few dozens of blinking at Bianca and some short. she was right again. I took the broom and start sweeping around the ants. to start making breakfast.

In minutes. We got broom. filling the space between the couch and the window. “Are you going to sweep them again. thousands of ants were emerging again from nowhere. whispering in a low voice. while Bianca seemed to rather enjoy all this sudden game. Seeping them away. I observed them carefully. Dad. Dad. Anyway. just in case. While Bianca was shouting. I thought. yes? yes?”. I thought it would be a good idea to stay for a while near the couch. that was a clever idea. “The third tribe”. I’m a clever guy. This time. the third wave of ants was thrown away. Dad. of course. the fourth wave of ants appeared in a few minutes. Bianca”. Of course. after a few minutes. I took a different approach. In just a few minutes. “No. Those ants weren’t manifested out of thin air. they’re calling their friends”. Even Bianca looked like she was waiting for them: “Look. “Yes. I didn’t leave instantly. This time. trying to spot the entry points. after all. ants. Go. just in case. let’s see what happens next” I tried to be wise. the floor was clean again and the second wave of ants was thrown away. but I’m just staying here. “Well.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It problem. there are no ants anymore. “Good. Let me have my breakfast. Well. while starting to sweep the third wave of ants. they have a lot of friends” I thought. They had to have an entry 92 of 586 . because I’m afraid of ants”. I was getting really hungry.

firing up some strange synapses in my brain. honey. I went outside to empty the vacuum cleaner recipient into the dumpster. Yes. “There are no more ants”. A bandana.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It point. a vacuum cleaner and hundreds of thousands of ants. Sort of a Rambo stopping an invasion. near the wall with the window. what the hell. The Unavoidable Storm It was getting warmer and the window was opened. Well. plugged the vacuum cleaner. Eat it up. I rushed to the garage. there were hundreds of thousands of ants. I saw it. sorry. “Oh. I was a male defending his territory in front of thousands of organized and powerful enemies. It was a small crack on the floor. “Dad. I was literally feeling like the main character in an action movie. An idea. So I put on a bandana. Maybe getting into action without having breakfast had some unexpected consequences. you’re vacuuming the couch” I heard Bianca. didn’t see that”. I said. “Ah-aaa”. and I grabbed the broom. And yes. But something prevented me to start sweeping again. baby. Come on. I was somehow in direct sunlight. While I was getting 93 of 586 . Another brilliant idea. I have a vacuum cleaner for you. where we keep something called vacuum cleaner. Yeah. aimed for the key entry point and start vacuuming. at least I was feeling well. Toldya I’m a clever guy.

I started to feel really. ready to vacuum the ants again. Definitely. And. I was just looking outside the window. I suddenly start to feel bored. really bored. outside in the backyard. of course. I mean. don’t they understand? What are they still doing here? So. Some of the ants were leaving. because she asked me to put her a movie on DVD. Nope. apparently a good part of the ants didn’t notice they were on the wrong territory. Yes. As I was getting into the house. I saw a huge exile of ants going on from that wall. The Ants Situation Meaning 94 of 586 . pointing the vacuum cleaner to the entry point and waiting for the ants to come. So was I. can’t you understand this? Don’t you see this huge hurricane which is sucking you up and eventually putting you into the dumpster?” I thought.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It into the house again. she lost interest. Bianca also seemed to get a little bit bored. there were ants again between the couch and the wall. But not all of them were leaving. I just sat there with the vacuum cleaner doing its job and letting my mind wandering. Out I went emptying the second recipient of the vacuum cleaner. ants. as my mind was wandering freely. I realized there’s a very deep meaning in this whole “ants” situation. “You’‘re on the wrong territory here. There was clearly a lower volume of ants entering and as I looked through the window I suddenly understood why. Some of them were still entering the house.

There are moments in life when we don’t really understand why something violent and destructive is happening to us. A better life. For no apparent reason at all. They 95 of 586 . 1. They were swept away and thrown into a dumpster. The fighting ants were defending an illusion.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It So. starting afresh. Some of them chose to keep fighting the vacuum cleaner. or dead. They couldn’t possibly have a good life in my house. of course. Well. I put myself for a moment in the ants shoes. We feel like we’re sucked away and all our life is thrown into a dumpster. like they were on the wrong territory and all. starting a new life. They were on the wrong territory. The other ones ended up in the wild. while some of them chose to run away. The ones that chose to fight the vacuum cleaner ended up in the dumpster. the vacuum cleaner was like a big natural disaster. And that’s happening to us too. they were just suffering the effects of a force bigger than them. We’re the toy of a bigger force than us. what did I had to learn from this invasion? Three things. Let’s take them one at a time. that’s sad. Sooner or later their lifestyle will have been destroyed. defending a house and a lifestyle which had no substance at all. What was really interesting in all this was that even the ants were able to make a choice. From their point of view. They couldn’t understand the whole picture.

that’s one hell of a spider corner here. and they saved themselves. They were eating ants. Sometimes. Of course. 96 of 586 . I remembered that a few days ago. Those spiders were there for a reason. I ended up with millions of ants. I even thought. You’re defending an illusion. you may end up in a dumpster. in that specific place. they didn’t know that until the storm came. I don’t say I will start growing spiders (although I prefer a few controlled spiders over a few millions uncontrolled ants) but cleaning that spider corner changed the balance around my house. They were silently stopping this invasion. they should have realized something’s wrong. a huge misfortune is just a sign that you’re on the wrong territory. I removed a lot of spider webs. Now. Every step you take has consequences. I cleaned it up but the result was totally unexpected.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It simply made a wrong decision from the very beginning. Sometimes. And I had to deal with it. They were preventing them to entering the house. But I thought I was better off. The clever ones did. I had to do a much nastier job. but when the hurricane stroke. cleaning up a million of ants and trying to find much difficult ways to stop the invasion. wow. let’s clean this up. in the wild. or dead. 2. If you keep fighting. is far more better to start afresh.

3. my friend.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It There’s this subtle balance in our lives which keeps things in order. Maybe those “spider webs” are there for a reason. most of the time. And the last thing I learned is that you can write a successful article on self improvement talking about an ants invasion. Maybe I lost the conscious connections. like: “should I remove this part of my life. I keep those things in their place. because I don’t even remember why it’s still there?” I take a step back. You don’t believe me? You just read it all. Every time I’m facing an apparently easy decision. ! 97 of 586 . And. I do think as much as I can about it. Maybe there is this hidden order in the things which I should just obey and trust. but that doesn’t mean those parts aren’t necessary.

you didn’t have any other choice than to obey.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It Minimum Survival Kit ! I was a soldier in the Romanian army. like crawling in front of them in the mud for 15 minutes. sometimes we had to run continuously for 10 kilometers and more with all the fight equipment on us. Romanian army wasn’t what you may call a summer camp. it was a rough place. other than they being older than you in the army. Yes. for no reason at all. When a superior asked something from you. When it was cold. when we’re doing fight exercises. From the physical environment to the relationship level. It was a very clearly enforced power game. I woke up at 5 AM each morning (except during the 6 nights of Romanian Revolution. everything was rough. it was really cold. I was enrolled in what they call a “research and diversion” group. For 6 months. On the contrary. Our goal. And most of the time the superiors were asking really humiliating things. No wonder that in only a few weeks from the beginning. we had to sleep with clothes on and didn’t have any other way to get warm. It was a tough place to be in.. Also. but it also had some interesting ups. as a 98 of 586 . when I didn’t sleep at all). I practiced fight techniques and learned tremendously. a quarter of my group become regular clients of the infirmary.

I know I was always the first to respond when we had surviving classes. Part of our regular exercise was to penetrate other units territory. I remember that 2 of our team mates became pale and started to talk something about infirmary. They were the guys who were most of the time ill and did whatever they can to avoid getting involved in anything remotely dangerous. frightening if you have to do it. and they could open fire at any time. was to do research in the enemy field. They had all the reasons to believe we’re the enemy. I remember I put a bag of nuts and a bottle of Pepsi in my sac. doing an exercise.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It fight group. I always did that when I knew 99 of 586 . The rest of the group took the fight equipment (no real ammunition was allowed though) and went down. I don’t know why I was attracted to that. One day the captain came to our dorm and told us: “time to pack your equipment. The soldiers guarding those units had no ideas that we were soldiers too. if you look at it form the outside. we’re going out on a survival exercise”. but fact is I really enjoyed learning all the things they were teaching us about surviving. Told you it was rough… The Survival Exercise Part of our training involved also learning survival tactics and techniques. gather information and create diversions. The captain looked at them and said they can stay if they want. Exciting.

you have 48 hours.” After that he jumped in the truck. Without many words we get up. the captain said. he was smiling. Just crossed the field. Usually. It didn’t went on the regular road. From that point. the truck stopped. under the communist regime of Ceausescu. He didn’t smile. on the double”. What was going to happen. after we didn’t see any house for at least 20 minutes. Down. Pepsi was considered almost a medicinal drink and it was barely available on the stores. good for you. “Down. down. In less than a minute we were down. By the way. a big truck was waiting. squeezed together and the truck started to move. At some point. to the city. 20 years ago. but took it over the field. after all? “Split in teams of two”. down. Walk in different directions for 10 minutes. at that time. “You can only use your knife and whatever you can find around yourself. In 48 hours we’re going to meet in the unit yard. engine started. then stop. If you can make it earlier. You’re on your own now. I confess that I started to feel a little bit strange at that time. after we crossed a few forests and hills. near the truck.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It we’re going out on some exercise thing. bumping us up and down while we’re numbly trying to get a grip of where we were. In less than 30 seconds we were alone in the middle of nowhere. but not this time. said the captain. looking at the truck 100 of 586 .

  Now I was really feeling strange. Out of which I could only use my knife. in teams of two. Suddenly I realized I didn’t have any food. We were still on a decently populated area. Well. We were really alone there… The first thing I did was to see what else do I have except myself. after all. yet I was still in the middle of nowhere. In a split of a second I realized also that I was on a real survival situation. I think I was more overwhelmed by the “unexpected” way of the things. Not much of an initiative guy. trying to find our way back to the unit. 101 of 586 . except for the nuts bag and the bottle of Pepsi. at least he’s not hysterical. We started to walk in different directions for 10 minutes. We were in teams of two and my team mate was a guy who became famous in our group for sleeping all the time. Nobody would come to help us. It wasn’t complete wilderness so in a few minutes I realized that the survival in itself wasn’t such a big deal. but a very soothing presence. with a colleague who was always sleeping. I said to myself. We didn’t see any houses but there were gardens and paths. Nor did I have anything else except my fight equipment. He was always relaxed and ready to get a nap. Didn’t expect this to happen.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It becoming smaller and smaller between the hills and after the forests.

a part of the nuts I was diligently packed and we drank some Pepsi. that Pepsi was good! My team mate was getting pretty sleepy and it was starting to get dark.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It Little by little. We did a few researches in the field. The car was also a military car and I recognized one of the 102 of 586 . I saw a difference in the light. some together. we started to organize things. some separately. Some vegetables. so we minimize the chances that a potential enemy would find our base camp). Boy. but I soon realized it was a moving light. you will soon sleep” I said to my team mate and started to move towards that light. made by some rope. some breadcrumbs (my colleague used to carried dried bread in his pockets) and rocks. In a few minutes I discovered a country road. Didn’t knew at first from where it was. As we sat near the tree trying to figure out what we should do. “Let’s go. marked by scratching small signs under the knee level on trees (signs under the knee level aren’t usually visible in the forests. We established a zero point. It was getting close to the evening so we sit near our zero point and had our dinner. Somewhere between the hills a car with the lights on was moving. We didn’t catch any bird. but we soon found some food in a vegetable garden and also got a pretty clear idea of where we were. We put two traps for the birds. I instantly decided that I wouldn’t wait 48 hours.

“Then jump in”. all the results. Half of our colleagues were there too. you found us. I sat down at the fire. “What are you doing here”. And every time I apply the things I learned during that exercise. In fifteen minutes we were back at the unit. trying to pick up guys from the survival exercise”. sipping from my bottle of Pepsi. all the tools I used. A Survival Situation Every time I get caught in a really nasty thing. I remember all the phases of this exercise. I asked where I was close enough. near my colleague who was already snoring on the side. the driver answered. I learned that some of our team mates found some houses and “borrowed” some chickens. I think at that survival exercise. In the yard there was a big fire. From what I saw. It may have been because of the fire. “Well. Some of them also borrowed potatoes and carrots. “Patrolling. While I was getting ready to get my meal. but they looked even more pale than usual. The whole exercise was no longer than 6 hours. And far more tastier too. we’re from the survival exercise”. 103 of 586 . something was cooking. what was cooking at the fire was far more than we usually had for dinner.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It drivers. I get over it. he smiled back. I smiled. I saw the 2 guys who weren’t with us in the exercise. At the fire.

Minimal Survival Kit From that first survival exercise in the army I’ve been through many survival situations. a general positive attitude and some reasonable adjustments will get you through. others involved personal relationships breakups and others were related to my career choices. after all? How can you differentiate a survival situation from just some tough times? It’s an important distinction. A survival situation is different in that all your regular resources will disappear. and I’m not the only one telling you that. because you will use different tools and attitudes. The fact that you’re reading this right now might be the most important proof. or it may be the life as you used to think about it. somehow. Every major breakup or career change may be seen as a survival situation.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It Now. After getting 104 of 586 . by the way . Being an entrepreneur is one of the careers when you get loads of survival situations. Every major shift in your existence is in fact a survival situation. I managed to get out of them. you may wonder what’s a survival situation. Some of them involved violent financial crisis. If you’re just getting through some tough times. because it challenges the way you actually live your life. you’re on a different land and your life may be in danger. Now. it may be about your physical life. as in a war. But.

It was a prevention measure. if need will be. I always had smaller projects going on. It’s not a first aid kit. I started to see some patterns. but for now. Be Prepared That doesn’t mean you should stop living your normal life and act like the end of the world is near. So. in that it doesn’t tell you what to do immediately after you get hit. I’m not saying to put aside white money for black days. In business. 1. let’s just talk about the 5 things you may need to master in order to get out safely from a life survival situation. but be in a continuous movement. I may write another post on that. here I come with a minimum survival kit. just in case. Live in such a way that you will always have supplementary resources to resort to.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It out (and in. although I was successful in my niche. Some attitudes proved to be better than others and some techniques helped me overcome the obstacles easier. In my survival exercise I took that bag of nuts and that bottle of Pepsi. for what matters) those difficult times. 105 of 586 . And it proved to be a very good one. But acknowledge the fact that the life is unexpected and that you may be exposed to situations you’re not really prepared to. They were just boiling slowly and sometimes those projects saved me from some pretty tough cash-flow situations.

something very powerful happens: you’re getting stronger. just get back to rescue him. so just carrying out extra baggage will make you slower and heavier. Avoid Excessive Baggage If you’re on a real survival situation. this is extremely necessary.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It There is a very important part of this approach. During my survival exercise in the army. But I can only imagine what would have happen if I would have to carry out my sleepy partner. it may mean: sell your stuff fast. 2. They avoided the challenge but their strength was decreasing. your strength increases. don’t get attached to relationships that may drag you down and just be flexible. If you’re going through a survival situation in business this may lead to difficult decisions which may lead to let people go or to sacrifice some part of the business in order to make sure the rest will be fine. The 2 colleagues who instantly declined the survival exercise were even more pale at the fire. As tough as it may seem. Trying to get out of a real survival 106 of 586 . The moment you’re prepared. By being exposed to those sudden changes. A survival situation will ask each of any resource you may have. What does mean in a real life situation? Well. In all honesty I tell you that I would just have him parked somewhere and after I would have found some help. any excess baggage may drag you down. I was fortunate enough to get out quickly.

I decided I will just go for it. Take Good Care Of Your Health First things first. If you’re in a survival situation.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It situation when you’re with a lazy partner is suicide. And with less and less energy you’ll have less and less resources to break through. because usually they don’t. Why? Why spending your night thinking how to pay your mortgage because you’re jobless now. Don’t assume things will get better. in my survival exercise. Don’t second thought. Don’t wait for better condition because you may not get any. It proved to be the best thing that could happen to me. Don’t hesitate. you have to act. Get plenty of sleep. instead of just sleeping? Why jumping on the avoidance side by drowning in alcohol? What’s the use of it? Not only it will never solve your problem but it will ruin your health. 4. Don’t wait. you have to move. When I saw the light of the car. 3. Eat. Too often I saw people in survival situations surrendering to worries and neglecting their health. you’re both going down. You have to do stuff. just go for it. That approach was verified in 107 of 586 . Hydrate yourself. Jump To Opportunities Use whatever you have and once you see something that could prove even remotely helpful. I will follow it and see what happens.

The outside situation is really bad right now. dark reality. real life opportunities. You may actually miss opportunities. It shall pass. 5. You can’t get caught forever in this survival situation. Hope is the thing that will make you enjoy the dinner at the fire camp after the survival exercise. because it’s the most important part of all five. 108 of 586 . If you surrender to worries and negative thinking. Keeping this kind of thoughts in your head means keeping hope. you’ll lose the hook. your focus will shift from outside to your own internal.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It other survival situations I’ve been through: the moment you summon the courage to take advantage of an opportunity. At some point the wall will break. but once you move to the internal part. In keeping your mind fresh and ready to react. You’ll get caught in your own whirl of negative thoughts and you won’t see the light moving through the hills. Have Hope I intently left this at the very end. you’ll lose the battle even before it will start. Hope is the fundamental tool in your minimal survival kit. just because you’re not paying attention. It’s your escape. Whatever you’re going through right now. Because hope is the fundamental ingredient in keeping your sight clean. it’s temporary. But if you don’t keep this hope. that opportunity is in fact the end of the survival situation.

life is even better. in the end. always. Nicer. but after we’re out. What does not kill you makes you stronger. all of these survival situations are only exercises. And. We may get the shivers in the beginning.
 109 of 586 . Tastier. they are less scary than we think they are.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It Because.

the more we integrate. Being it a genuine laughter. the more secure we feel. Because a manageable system creates the illusion of control. We will be here tomorrow. We survive anyway. in one shape or another.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It Life’s Not Fair ! Life’s not fair. But our true nature may not. the more we manage. unborn worries and their 110 of 586 . a deep and profound sadness or the scariest shiver in front of what we think it may be a huge catastrophe. “Fair” and “unfair” are mental constructs. based on a fuzzy memory about what we think we may call happiness. for which we sacrifice every piece of authenticity. Security is the biggest lie we tell to ourselves. It may be lost in the limbo of dead memories. Never was and never will be. Life is never about survival. And the more in control we feel. in a desperate act of survival. our ultimate goal. we continue to push every second for an uncertain future. And yet. I may not be here tomorrow and so may you. in the end. the more we believe we are in control. ways of integrating an unexplainable mystery into a manageable system. The more we categorize. “Still being here tomorrow” became the highest satisfaction.

tragedy by tragedy. The rapture of this very second will in fact open the gate for the next disaster. Never was and never will be. Today’s catastrophe carries the seeds for the next epiphany. Ecstasy by ecstasy. The moment life will start to feel fair. Life’s not fair. we advance in a spiral of bliss. ! 111 of 586 . check your pulse.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It constant. uncontrollable and powerful beyond imagination. You may be dead. hypnotic balance between a dried past and a deluding future. It’s full of surprises.

not in the first two sentences. I spotted in front of me. It’s a delicate concept and it’s better to tell you a short story first. where I was doing 5-6 kilometers daily long walks around the lake near my home city. It will make you understand the whole thing better. solitary walks especially in the evening. The lights. At least. but I’d rather not. I get this from my adolescence. I could start giving you the definition. At some point. a bank office.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It Do You Have The “Glass Wall” Syndrome? ! I’m not going to tell you what the glass syndrome is. A few weeks ago. and. melted into the multitude of shops. The office was fully lighted and I could see that there wasn’t 112 of 586 . Ramnicu Valcea. I was walking on one of the largest central boulevards of Bucharest (the city where I’m working at the moment). on a lovely and quite hot fall evening. A lot of people were doing the same thing. where you can enter in a small room and use the ATM. I know I’m at the third sentence already. The Evening Walk I love long. It was the self-service kind of a bank hut. the noise and a certain city vibe made that walk pretty enjoyable. technically.

there was a real. I briefly stopped for a red light and then closely approached the bank office. Banging my head against that wall seemed to somehow make the Universe go in slow motion. I clearly saw the young ladies starting to turn their heads towards me. those lady are certainly turning their heads reaaaly slow“ and microseconds after I felt an intense ache in my forehead. I thought I could enter too. Instead of the empty space I was expecting to enter through. if you know the feeling. There was a real slow movement. Meanwhile a couple formed by two young ladies already entered and they were using the ATM. everything I felt for the last 5 or 10 seconds. my bones were feeling a small pressure. I started to notice a little bit of a dizziness. for some small shopping on my way home. 113 of 586 . As I was entering the office. thick and completely transparent glass wall. ”Well. At the same time. I thought. And that strange collection of sensations. Also. Everything came back to its normal speed in a split of a second and not only I started to suddenly hear the noise of the city again (somehow it disappeared in this slow motion whirlwind) but I also realized I was just banged my head against a glass wall.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It nobody in. like when you’re trying to walk on a swimming pool. I thought I should take out some money from my ATM card. just to be there and wait for them to finish. the one that you can see in a Discovery like footage. in fact happened in less than one.

I laugh my butt out too. without even stopping. that was my first clear thought. ”Well. Ok. Stopped by. you’re done? Because I’m finally going to tell you what the ”glass wall“ syndrome is. every time I think at this incident. Well. In 10 minutes I was entering a subway station. took the money and went on. ”Let’s find another ATM“. round. lets’ have a good one. So. describing a narrow. my synapses weren’t affected by the impact. I saw the ladies looking at me with an indescribable mix of fear. I found a mirror and. Seriously. wild amusement and surprise. but just 20 meters after I spotted a wall mounted ATM. A few laughs were still strong enough to enter my ears. as I expected. that was my second. So. it looks like I can’t enter through this wall“.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It After hearing the incredibly ugly sound of my forehead hitting the glass. my forehead had a nice. you can stop laughing now. kilingonianlike swelling right in the middle. 114 of 586 . walking again on the street. to be honest. Ok. but solid curve and here I was. red. I just corrected my trajectory with a few degrees. Somehow. A few of the walkers were also stopped and they were gazing at the guy who was slowly starting to feel the impact of his 88 kilos in close and total contact with an incredibly hard obstacle.

It’s like wanting to enter a bank from a window. we’re right. perfect goals. because you may just banging your head against a glass wall. Of course you will hit a glass wall. Most of the time.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It The Glass Syndrome You are on a very clear path. You know what you want. but you didn’t choose the right entrance. but the way you want it. But in some specific situations our lack of assessment is almost fatal. without assessing too much. Do you see them clearly? Then do yourself a service and look for the real entrance to those precious venues. The Cure To The Glass Wall Syndrome 115 of 586 . but I’m sure you’ve been there too. I know you’ve been there. it is refused to you. but in fact you’re constantly choosing the wrong path. as familiar as it may look. like I did the other day. Look at your perfect job. you just didn’t choose the right entrance. You may think you can have it instantly. We fail to get the results because we think we know the solution. That’s the “glass wall” syndrome. Truth is we’ve all been there. Maybe in milder forms than hitting a real glass wall on a large boulevard. Stop for a second and look very carefully at your life as it is right now. perfect partner. Because we do apply the same patterns over and over.

Don’t get addicted to the meaningless effort of pushing it harder than it needs. ! 116 of 586 . suppose you’re hitting a glass wall. As long as I kept moving. Just because you’re getting a shitload of resistance.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It Ok. it will come to you. how can you break free from it? In just two words: move on. If you really want it. but it did the job perfectly. You may see clearly the end goal. So. after all. it doesn’t mean you’re on the right path. It wasn’t exactly as the one I was trying to use before. It’s not so uncommon. I found the next ATM in just 20 meters. but you may loose the entrance from sight.

At some point. They can literally get access to you through those handles. Where do we find handles in the real world? In tools. Aren’t you afraid of being vulnerable?” Nope. Now stop a little and think about handles. Dragos. as I was answering questions and opening up to the whole interaction process. And I gave him a few reasons. of course. We knew each other from the Internet for quite some time and we both thought it could be an interesting idea to meet each other in real life too. my friend told me something surprising:”You are surely opening a lot. 117 of 586 . I won’t talk about the interview though. I wasn’t. you’re offering to the other person a bunch of handles. Whenever you open up and leave some spots of your inner being open to the light. We interact with our tools through handles.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It Being Vulnerable ! A few weeks ago I met a fellow blogger for a live interview. but rather about something that came up during the interview. I always try to balance my online relationships with real life encounters. Part of my answer for being vulnerable was an image that is still circling inside my head: vulnerabilities are like handles.

while still maintaining your vulnerability.  Yes. Happens. or abuse a tool. will create some sort of invisible shield between you and them. the one that keeps spinning this image inside my head: you can either use. For instance. it may take some time until you realize somebody is trying to abuse you. you may get hurt in this process. Your intuition.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It And here comes the interesting part. Every time you open up to somebody. Your capacity to take action. You can use a knife to cut your way out of the jungle. 118 of 586 . You start an interaction. everything in you is working as it should be. authentic. or you can use it to cut somebody else (or yourself). if you can get bitten? And then I realized there are other approaches too. You offer a handle to the other person. And you’ll see how avoiding them. Your senses and your memories. Why open up. you create an opportunity. of course. But in time you’ll get better at identifying those abusers. And. Yes. I also used this strategy. avoid abusers. And when you’re authentic. Vulnerabilities And Abuse Many people choose to avoid vulnerability after being abused. you can be either used or abused by the other person. And that’s because you are continuing to be genuine.

masking or eliminating their vulnerabilities. In all honesty. An incredibly huge part of a daily business operation is focused on how to hide your vulnerabilities from your competition. unless you agree. 119 of 586 . than your chances to lose that competition are dramatically increasing. But as long as you keep yourself open to new experiences. If. and only if. If you feel you’re abused. when you close up.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It When you’re disconnected. Not enough info comes to your senses. This is especially frequent in business or sports. Turn your handles to the other side. This is why all the businesses are focusing on hiding. Or even better. You’re handicapped by your own decision to block all the entrances. you can just move away. If you are vulnerable AND you are in a competition. Nobody can’t do anything to you. this is a very good thing to do. You don’t have enough data to feed to your intuition. Competition versus Connection A lot of the weakness associated with vulnerability comes from the “competition” approach. you will realize that being abused is simply not possible anymore. you can’t function properly. you are in a competition. turn your handles to somebody who can really appreciate you and do something nice with you.

after all. nothing runs on it. Not from security. As a general approach. Security gives us contentment. from contribution. my knowledge. at best. from sharing. if the connection is really working. most of the time. Use it. a two way highway. but you’re not contributing. you’re simply useless. Your lane is blocked. You can’t offer anything. And our real sense of happiness comes from creating. then being vulnerable stops being a liability. You can’t use a tool without grabbing it first by its handles. It becomes an opportunity. In fact. And we do this because we want to offer our handles to them. deep down we know this is not possible. And as much as we’d want to replace happiness with contentment. We’re opening up to our friends. We’re all craving for connection. to our loved ones.” And. We’re telling: “here I am. offering something to you.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It But when what you’re after is connection. we get back something valuable too. My love. *** 120 of 586 . That’s what a connection is. You may feel secure. my support. you can’t even create a connection without being vulnerable. connection is a better place to be than competition. to people we trust. But if you don’t offer your handles to the world.

they are afraid not to be abused.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It People are not afraid to be vulnerable. And you have no way to know this. And they are right. until you open up. Believe it or not. But the other alternative is also real. This is a real risk. ! 121 of 586 . your vulnerability may give to the other person the chance to do something beautiful together with you.

dancing and exquisite company. I do this from time to time. Little I know at that time that this rather beautiful experience had to set course for one of the most pressuring experiences in my life. I could barely recognize my car. fact is it was amazing. Yes. I got the honor of driving a few people home. one of the most snowy nights in my life took over. which made for one and half hour of driving through snow. I finally entered the compound.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It A Winter Tale ! Last Saturday I was to a party. Around 5:15 AM I got home and after getting over the isolated road which connects us to the world. Since I was one of the few people who came by car. Once out of the club. I drove 3 people home. I only knew the organizer. a close friend of mine and partner in my blogging workshop. I live outside Bucharest. 10 people at most. I don’t know if it was the music. although I didn’t spend more than 6-7 hours in the club. It was a rather informal meeting in a Bucharest club. in a rather isolated compound. the quality of the people or the fact that I didn’t attend to a party for some time now. Around 4 AM we decided it’s time to go. Only two turns and 122 of 586 . I had a lot of quality fun and enjoyed good music.

here I am. I took the turn to the left and puff… car stopped. Weather news were rather worrying and the next day I have to fly to Rome. And I mean it. Back in the car and rushing to the store.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It I’m home. but I finally got home. No success. So getting some supplies for my family to make sure they’ll be fine while I was away seemed like a good idea. I walked to my house (50 meters away) and took a shovel. to no success. I decided it’s time to go for some shopping. stuck again. Puzzled and almost ashamed. Never. accelerations and other techniques. Put them under the wheels and voila: I was finally moving again. Let me tell you something about my self: my car doesn’t stop in the snow. Alas. With my mind already at a hot cup of tea. I was rushing only for 45 meters because 10 meters to the infamous place of my first forced stop. Almost desperate. I got a huge quantity of snow under the car and the wheels 123 of 586 . I got home and took some blankets left outside on the bench. Took me one hour of work at 50 meters from my picket fence. I tried for at least 30 minutes to use some balance. Huh. Another 30 minutes of work. My car was stuck in the snow. And the blizzard got more and more powerful. using the shovel. This time. The Second Act Around noon.

my plane was leaving tomorrow (early) morning and I still had to do that shopping. it was an orange code for blizzard and snow. And irritating. entering our street. 124 of 586 . Probably frustrated by the noise of my car engine. After 45 minutes of shoveling and swearing a neighbor came. After a few hours my ears were pleasantly surprised by the incredible sound of a really big engine. The blizzard was going on pretty strong so I could barely recognize the road.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It didn’t actually touched the ground. After all. Worse than orange code is only red code and when you have red code is super bad. Which means it was pretty nasty. I parked the car. I started to feel a little bit chilly. Obviously. The Third Act With only 1 hour till dark I decided to give it a try. the snow plough was there too. Funny. Snow plough seemed to cleaned up the streets of the compound but when I got out. All this time blizzard was getting stronger and stronger. entered the house and started to watch the TV weather report closely. open field. After a few trials and errors we pulled the car out. A snow plough! Yes! It was about time. only outside the compound it was… well. Again. Apparently. He bring in a fence made by dry reed. Orange code is bad.

and started to strengthen our relationship. Snow was around 80 cm deep. making some room for the snow plough. So. Open field. I took a nap and slowly allowed my feelings of depression to take over. other than the compound. And my plane? Am I going to catch my plane? I stayed awake until 12:30 AM when I decided I won’t. the shovel.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It Took me only 200 meters outside the compound to get stuck again. all televisions were broadcasting catastrophic news about the snow and how the entire South of the country was blocked. I took my good friend. Or what I thought it was the middle of the road. After 45 minutes of shoveling I decided to abandon the car in the middle of the road. When I woke up I was pretty pumped with frustration. of course. The Fourth Act Well. I hate being stuck. Even if I would make it by foot (that would be a mile on open field at 4:30 AM. To no success. blurrier as the weather got worse and the dark was rapidly going down. Happiness and 125 of 586 . Back home. Third time. Nothing to see around. around 11 AM a neighbor come to my door telling me to get the car out of the road. blizzard and 1 meter snow) what about my car? It was right in the middle of the road and in the morning there will be another snow plough coming to clean the compound streets.

about 1 mile. until I got to a place where the road couldn’t be seen. My family was about to be happy. Only this time I didn’t want to be any snow left in the sky. After 1 hour of trying to get warm in my car. Not more than 10-15 meters. driver said. It was surrealistic. leaving my car untouched. Main road was clean and I finally got to do that shopping.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It joy. My time was finally came! I asked him to pull me to the main road. I finally attached my car to his back and we’re rolling. but did it. I talked with the driver and he told me he had to clean the compound first and he’ll see if he can help me after that. When I got to the car I saw the snow plough made a detour. Briefly watched the sky. Should I wait for him in the car? Of course. the plough finally came out of the neighborhood. everything went fine. Snow was around 1. same way you watch a bottle of wine trying to figure out if there’s still something left. 126 of 586 . I’ll be back in 15 minutes.5 meters around my house and blizzard was going on as strong as yesterday. until I got outside. On the way back. And it was a very good reason for that: it was completely covered in snow. But nope. He agreed and after another few failed attempts. 24 hours delay. the snow was strong and so was the blizzard. Only for a few minutes. but seemed like the wind had a preference for that specific part.

I remembered I got the phone from the guy with the snow plough. my angels surely got enough material to fill up a full dictionary of 4 letters words. Suddenly. At some point I was so frustrated that I was almost waiting for the windshield to crack up. Despite my intention to go through it full speed. If there are ethereal beings surrounding us every moment. waiting for me to get out. well. really creative. Car was like in a snow container. 5 centimeters to the white walls each side. Blizzard as always. I called him and begged him to come back. I swear. with no perspective to get out soon – I can do it for 30 minutes in a row. Only I couldn’t even open the door. Open field again. I only managed to put my car even deeper than I wanted in the snow. 4th time. I can get really. If I’m on the “right” setup – stuck in the middle of nowhere.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It because it stacked like 1 meter of snow exactly there. I could physically feel the pressure from the inside. accelerating like in a bob race. I really do. called angels. for instance. With a few neighbors at the other end of the road. Seemed like I just couldn’t make anything to find my way home in that storm. without repeating! And I mean it. And the pressure from the inside was infinitesimally small compared with the pressure from the outside. Promised an obscene bribe which finally made him change his mind and 127 of 586 .

I felt powerless and defeated. in a few minutes. we were already there.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It promise he will come pick me up in about… 2 hours! 2 hours!!! Meanwhile. Because it did crossed my mind but at the time I was ready to do it. Tony Robbins – and got stuck 128 of 586 . carrying… a horse! Yeap. neighbors at the other end of the road took their shovels and came to help me. they disappeared. What I Learned From It Nothing. Missed my plane to Rome – and a potential business involving one of my favorite personal development gurus. Minutes later. Don’t you ever dare to ask me why I didn’t pull out my iPhone to take a picture of it. For a few seconds. A few hundreds meters away there was a gipsy shelter. I was witnessing one of the most incredible images in my entire life: my 4×4 car was pulled in the snow by a white horse. Seriously. with a running gipsy near it. We attached the car to the horse and. Sometimes I think we just have to leave away all that personal development shmancy-fancy mumbo-jumbo and just live. Just experience things. In less than 10 minutes they were back again. nothing happened. I noticed something interesting on the field. After a few minutes in which they worked with my neighbors. brilliant idea. I saw two gipsies running towards me and in seconds I saw them pushing my car. I was living in another world. Of course.

nothing real. Felt really good. if I want. and got out. I started to shovel the snow away form the road in front of my house. It was my belated revenge. Without planning it. Frustration was a feeble euphemism for what I felt. Blizzard stopped. Didn’t learned anything from your stupid lesson but I’m still here. But the next day – meaning today – everything was changed. the shovel. See.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It in snow four times. Spent around 2 hours. Weather was incredible. I’m still here. I can move 1 ton of snow.
 129 of 586 . I can do stuff! You can’t make me feel powerless for ever. Sunny. Looked like my 4 snow accidents were just nightmares. I moved around a ton of snow (300+ shovels at 3-4 kg average shovel). Clear. Took my friend.

I had a thick jacket. the rest of 2 being reserved to women. I had a job and all. Which translated in drinking 5 days out of 7 each week. poorly disguised as “terraces”. I guess we would call this today “a personal branding item”. I have to admit. I had a little bit of a restless life.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It You Steal My Jacket? Blood In Your Face! ! When I was younger. That jacket was also a distinctive sign of my presence in that campus. Oh. Fact is that. Just after the fall of the communist regime the student campuses in Romania were a wild mix of cheap student hostels and drinking holes. a blue furred short jacket. I was as usual in the student campus. I didn’t do almost anything else except “having fun”. I remember it was a very cold winter night. Sometimes the ratio being drastically reversed in favor of women. which came in very handy at those minus ten Celsius degrees. until my late twenties. quite boring) weeks. The Setup One of these long (and. I had what the vast majority of people knows as “a lot of fun”. but it was a very easy one. 130 of 586 . But at that time it was just my special blue furred jacket. Being a radio anchor I was basically making a living by talking out loud.

I thought it was a joke my drinking buddies were playing on me. From 5 AM I could take the subway. that terrace allowed me to play. The night went fast forward before my eyes. it seemed. It was around 3 and a half in the morning when I decided it would be a good idea to take my jacket and find a room in the hostel to sleep for one and a half hour until 5 AM. I remember I played everything I had on me and didn’t win. beer by beer and friend by friend. The Revelation But outside: surprise! What am I saying. Basically because playing for so long I somehow started to guess the algorithm and started to win more than I was “allowed”. So I did one last hand at the machines. Planning 131 of 586 . just having fun there). it was plain horror: my jacket disappeared! First. I left my jacket on one of the chairs outside the pub. My drinking buddies were already in and we took our comfortable places at the poker machines. because there were other places were the owners didn’t.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It And since I was going to enter my regular routine. lost it in style and went out to take my jacket. surprise. I looked deep into their eyes and realized they were much too drunk to answer logically to any question I may have had. 5 stations to my rented studio (I wasn’t living in the campus anymore. That night wasn’t good for algorithms. Luckily. which involved a dozen of beers and mindless gambling at the poker machines in one of those “terraces”.

Minus ten degrees Celsius. It was freezing. but that. Didn’t think clear. as I told you. or borrow a jacket from somebody else. In a few seconds we identified all the 132 of 586 . I was much drunker than I thought.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It and executing a joke in that state was clearly out of the question. one of us may also have mumbled a quote from “Tortilla Flat” which happened to be the book I was having under my pillow at that time. the sudden realization that one of the members of our gang (we were quite popular at that time) was robbed. I experienced a strong sensation of cold. and trying to avoid slipping on the thick ice. After a few minutes in which I was walking in circles on the terrace. but my drinking buddies had a burst of lucidity and. Of course I could find a room and sleep. in a clear voice. The Search Our long term party animals memory activated instantly. I followed instantly. and. I cannot remember clearly. hoping to find my jacket under some table. At some point. With a little bit of surprise. they had an incredible proposition. The alcohol was burning really fast inside me and I suddenly had a revelation: I had to find my jacket or otherwise I would die frozen. “Let’s find the jacket” they said. but. I don’t know if it was the cold. as this sounded like a voice from the heaven. I realized I was also much drunker than I initially thought.

We may have been quite an impressive show. In the end. because it was really cold outside. was: “Who the fuck stole Dragon’s jacket?” We visited a few hostels. and it was minus ten degrees outside) entering each of these parties. To ease a little bit the frustration we did have a few drinks everywhere we went. we were drinking buddies. something happened. Usually. all the terraces and open discotheques. We lost some of them in each of the places we were into. I throw at him the only English phrase I could articulate at that time: “You steal my jacket? Blood in your face!”. My drinking buddies were fewer and fewer. I remember we met with a young Albanese guy who was at the medical school in Romania. open terraces and. Also. there were 133 of 586 . generally speaking. and took them one by one. including discotheques and other venues. a few lads all frown ups with a guy only in his shirt (yes. Almost walking on our own feet. as I remember. We were mingling instantly and started to subtly hunt for clues. all hot places still populated at that time. We parted ways as close friends. After a few minutes of talking it was deadly apparent that he didn’t steal my jacket. silent but decided. He promised he will do some research and get back to us.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It parties. but my jacket wasn’t in any of these places. but in that specific context. At some point. In a burst of lucidity. It was getting late. The most subtle way of doing it. you know. We had a few drinks to celebrate this fact. I only had one shirt on me.

Probably because of the cold. Scratch that. I 134 of 586 . I was a man. Like a consortium of distilleries. I thought. what a waste. Second. giving me a strange position.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It only two left. In just a few seconds I was widely awake. And I decided to change those looks directed at me. They were looking at me a little bit too long. This young and good looking pal. smelling like a consortium of distilleries. The Wake Up Ride As I entered the subway. but I thought otherwise. I also had a sudden change in my spatiality perceptions. They walked me to the subway station. I realized I smelled like a distillery. First of all. right? They gave me strong pats on the back and declared they didn’t see anyone manlier than me. I refused. 5 AM in the morning and I was in my shirt. They insisted to give me one of their jackets. Looked like every gesture I made was amplified by this strange space deformation. I was still able to identify distinct faces of workers and secretaries rushing to their jobs. I had a mix of strange sensations. I clearly remember that I felt how all the alcohol was simply washed away. it was warm inside. It was like all the space around me was curbing. They had tears in their eyes. At that point. And then I realized the awkwardness of the situation: it was minus ten degrees. I still had 4 more stations until my rented flat.

It worked. Without my jacket on. It may sound completely strange. The lesson of forced adaptation. and I wasn’t cold anymore. and then they moved onto somebody else. just going back to his home. And I mean it. that morning I learned one of the most important lessons in my life. but I strongly intended to send a different message to those people. I was just blending in. But 135 of 586 . I focused as much as I could on this attitude: “hi folks.” The deformed space around me started to change. Nobody had any fancy looks anymore. the ones that they were still on me had a lower intensity. Forced Adaptation Without knowing. the number of looks started to decrease. I know. Seemed like any intention I had was amplified and sent away in waves. the guilt. or anything else. First. but what can I say. So. I was deprived of something very important for me. There were fewer and fewer people looking at me. Yeah. By the time I was home. Second. I like to ride the subway in the morning.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It don’t know if it was the shame. I’m just taking the garbage out. Just a few seconds on me. I could put it just near my block. I was actually modifying the image I sent to other people. I could almost see it as you see the ripples made by a stone thrown on a lake. I’m cool. absolutely everyone in that wagon thought that I was a perfectly normal guy. Oh. I’m ok. but this is how it happened.

Our first reaction is to blame somebody else. “You steal my jacket? Blood in your face!” It’s nobody’s fault. of course. while I was on the subway. while negotiating with my Albanese friend. We may lose our furred blue jacket. They may have even bigger problems than we have. I realized this was a dead end. We’re suddenly deprived of something important but we can’t adapt. deprivation just happens. And it’s the same in real life. or to adjust. On the other hand. We believe so hard that other people are responsible for our misfortunes and we just can’t stop. something magical happened. Not only to my personal context (which translates into having very powerful sensations of cold) but to the other people contexts. from that morning on. I had to adjust. In fact. We have only two alternatives: to blame others for that. who was even drunker than me. We may lose our partners or beloved ones. As drunken as I was. when I was for the 136 of 586 . I did incorporated it into my daily behavior. We may lose our money. Blaming never works. Sometimes. I had to find a way to blend in again. This is happening in our lives more often than we think. they may be even unhappier than we are. Somehow. For example.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It at the same time. that was something extremely powerful. That strange space deformation thing. I do this instinctively now. We may lose our job.

to fine tune for the same vibration as our environment. we will always be considered aliens. I faced many challenges and I was deprived by 137 of 586 . when I’m writing this post. watching me with disgust: “look at this guy. They thought I was a local. I was approached 3 times by locals who were asking for directions. Yeah. guys… The ability to adapt ourselves to unexpected contexts is fundamental. I’m one of you. I’m Romanian. But while I was passing by all those cars partially dismantled. a mechanic asked me to hand him a hammer. On my first flight back from New Zealand. It’s too cold outside.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It first time in Geneva. I told him. Even now. Later on. If we don’t train our abilities to blend in. buddy”. “Here you go. I crossed through the actual repairing hall. Needles to say that you don’t usually have access to the repairing hall. he’s so out of this context”. I left my computer here in the lounge but instead of getting out of the building and take the long way from the outside to the reception. I don’t think you can find a more ridiculous context than the one I was in that morning. I was asked by my seat neighbor if I’m Irish or Scottish. Like those guys in the subway. I said. I noticed this. And people will always be afraid of aliens. 10 years after the jacket incident. I am having my car checked up and a few moments ago a clerk asked me to give him some papers.

They were quite new in the campus and didn’t have the time to identify the jacket with its owner (we were quite popular at that time. very happy event. Yes. Apparently. But the power I experienced that morning in the subway always helped me to get over them. did I tell you that?).Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It many things. when nobody looked. That. in just 4 subway stations. and the fact that all they found in its pockets was a half empty tube of mini-super Glue (I have no idea why did I carried that with me) made them throw the jacket under the table. I somehow managed to make other people think not only that this guy in a shirt on a freezing winter is a normal person. with only one sweater on me (it was the same freezing weather) ready to celebrate this very. they found my jacket. Lost And Found A few days later I got a phone call from one of my drinking buddies. under one of the tables of the same terrace. Which basically means they couldn’t sell it in the campus. I only had a sweater because I knew I would return home with 138 of 586 . Fact is that 30 minutes after that phone call I came back to the same terrace. I also vaguely remember about some very serious threats for the “idiots” who stole my jacket. threats that may have played quite a role in their decision. everybody knew that jacket. but also that they have no right to judge me whatsoever. It seemed that the ones that stole it had no idea from who they stole it. Apparently.

I mingled into the morning subway population. When I left the campus. made by the same workers and secretaries rushing to their jobs. I intended to send out the the appearance of a suit who’s coming home after a very long night at the office. strategies and marketing plans.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It my jacket. I think they bought it.
 139 of 586 . at 6 AM next morning. with my flurry blue jacket on me. crunching numbers. While I was looking at them.

something interesting happened. or intuition. Even as a kid. I can’t stand to be helped when I don’t want to. or luck. Call it experience. but I always hated to be taken care of. I took pride in letting the other person know about it. I started to notice when other people were heading against a “wall” too.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It You Have The Right To Hit Your Own Wall ! I don’t know why. Every time I was perceiving such a wall. when I grew up and started to engage in my own relationships. it was something more. would be toxic for that specific person. I didn’t feel comfortable when my parents were overprotective or when some challenges were silently removed with the help of other people. And it wasn’t always the thrill of the risk. You’re heading against a wall. I felt like I was missing something. And they were literally running for that wall. In my early relationships I took the protective role. fact is I started to notice the “walls” the people were heading against. you’re going to get 140 of 586 . In other words. The Hidden Poison Later on. with a lot of confidence and full speed. I started to see how the outcome of a certain activity a certain person was engaging in.

But at the relationship level.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It hurt. everything was better than before: the other person avoided a major crisis. the relationship was slowly starting to degrade. 141 of 586 . surprisingly enough. and from an individual perspective. It was like avoiding the wall poisoned the relationship. every time the partner was listening to me and the wall was circumvented following my advice. there were a lot of times when her impulsivity made her say stupid things or act in violent ways. but there was a certain trend. Protective Guy Let me give you an example. For a good amount of time I was able to maintain a balance. those rants had consequences. Every time she was ready to hit another “wall” of impulsivity I was there. subtly turning the events in a different direction. Very close to the consequences you get after you hit a wall. That Tired. a nuance that in a few months or years evolved in a much stronger difference of opinions. Of course. I had a girlfriend who was rather impulsive. I took the protective approach. my warnings were correct. the other person would listen to me. Of course. Most of the time. something was rotten. Because I really enjoyed the other part of the relationship. But. Not immediately and not visibly. I even explained the whole process and how exactly the wall is going to hit. Although we had quite a lot of emotional bonding and an overall healthy and friendly relationship.

I made a commitment to be there after the hit. in a few months the silence slowly covered the whole mess and I was able to start fresh. for her failures. It was like keeping the relationship sane and safe was my job. things were already in pretty bad shape. When I did it. now from totally different 142 of 586 . with a valuable lesson learned. but basically leave her alone to act exactly as she wants. Instead of being her friend I become her shrink.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It But then something different started to emerge. And at that moment I left. I entered a new relationship ready to let the other person made her own mistakes. to swallow in silence every fight and to be there at any sign of imbalance. Quite a difference from the beginning. for her decisions as well as for mines. for my failures. Quite a mess. of course. Took me a while to realize that I don’t want to be a shrink for my personal relationships. Now. This time. We met again a few months ago. And I congratulate myself every single day for that decision. However. but I eventually did it. when we were just two people who were enjoying each other and their life together. Now I was supposed to calm her down all the time. but my peaceful approach was taken for granted. And the breaking up didn’t went well either. and my job only. Not only was I supposed to give more and more support. I was “guilty” for everything in the Universe. back to the first relationship. if and when she needs me.

the “you gotta solve this mess” approach was still there. I didn’t gave such a sign. doing your own mistakes and recovering from them is fundamental. And. people are avoiding difficult challenges upfront. The wife is not autonomous because she is afraid of getting a job (afraid of failure. And the partner will start to provide more and more. Everybody has their own walls to be hit. preventing us from dealing with our problems. our so-called friends and partners act in an overprotective way. But sometimes. afraid of spending too much time there as opposed to being a mother or afraid of being on her own). immobile and silent.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It positions. after a certain amount of time. We still have a lot in common (I won’t detail more. but ready to be awaken at the slightest sign of complacency from my part. Hitting the wall of “getting a job” and “being autonomous” is exactly what the wife needs in order to grow. By providing her cut of the revenue too. husband will block this process. Help and Growth Hitting your own wall. You can’t function in a balanced way if you avoid doing that. husband will find himself in the very awkward 143 of 586 . Fact is that even when we met again. Dormant. nor do I intend to do it. but we still have some lifelong commitments). in order to keep her sane and safe. Of course. Many marriages are based on this rotten approach. Most of the time.

they now have a binomial: one of the members is in constant need (material. as a personal development blogger. the one who provides will never be perceived as a partner. but it’s very common). It will be more like a parent-child relationship. The spark of change. Instead of a balanced relationship between two people who are enjoying themselves and their time together. Hitting your own walls is a fundamental right. Here. to solve your problems. tell us to go ahead and hit our own walls. I know what you think: if you. I’m not here. that’s an interesting question and I hear it a lot (sometimes in a different form. on this blog. what exactly are you doing here? How do you expect us to find something useful for our problems in your blog? Well. but as a provider. emotional) and the other one is constantly providing. I try to ignite the spark of action. “What exactly are you doing with this personal development thing?” Well. You have to 144 of 586 . I’m not going to take that away from you. I share my experiences in the hope that they will be motivational and inspiring.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It position of providing a lot of other stuff besides the material support. Now. as a personal development blogger. But that spark alone won’t do a thing by itself. I’m not here to prevent you from hitting your own walls. Enormous emotional support being the most common one. And because of the nature of the exchange.

. Repent!” Cars were passing by pretty fast and of course. one of them. with huge signs in big letters: “The end is near. You have to do things. I know. the monks were trying to be even more persuasive. don’t you think it would be better to just write on those signs: broken bridge ahead?”. almost shouting. I laughed too. nobody would stop. After a few seconds. asks the other: “Father. apparently the younger one. Even if that means hitting your own wall. let’s finish with a nice joke about warnings: Two monks were sitting on the side of the road.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It give it more oxygen in order to make it a fire. ! 145 of 586 . Warnings and Mistakes Now that you’re prepared to start doing your own mistakes. powerful crash sounds were coming from behind the monks. And after each sound. After a few hours of doing this.

let me give you a little bit of the context around this sentence. I’m sure that my will to become self-supported immediately after high-school had a lot to do with that. Playing Around 146 of 586 . Let’s get back to our bees. Although a very rough place to be for a kid. I grew up in a communist country. You didn’t have much to do in a small city from Romania. (not to mention the strict discipline and the terror of not saying what you want. in a small city near the mountains. And that was because they had to be away all day to build socialism. my ability to survive in difficult conditions must have been built up during those years. with not much affection or tenderness around. All kids had to go to the same state kindergarten because their parents didn’t have any time to spend with them. one of my favorite distractions was catching bees. by fear of the political police) the communist kindergarten helped me a lot. especially under a communist regime. of course. Also.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It How To Catch A Bee ! When I was a kid. Before jumping to any conclusions. But I’m getting a little bit ahead here.

We were slowly approaching those bushes. every once in a while we ended up with a bee caught in our small vitamin C tube. sensing the vibration of hundreds of small insects. trying to catch the bee in the middle. took out the small plastic top (the tube was closed by applying a little bit of pressure on it) did a small hole in the top and then went out hunting. I know it sounds dumb. That moment was magic. I still remember the thrill of it. under this rather gray background. trying to spot a bee.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It So. slowly and gently. I couldn’t find any comparison for that. That small insect was caught only by our actions. If our moves were smooth. but in 147 of 586 . We did this. right into the tube. When we spotted it. the ones that were used to keep small pills of C vitamin. The outside playgrounds on the state kindergarten were surrounded by small bushes. but they were just bushes. if we were fast enough and. any activity that stood up as being different. Catching bees was one of these activities. if we were close enough. we were carefully approaching from one part the top and from the other part the tube. left a very deep mark. I suppose the initial intention was to have a “live fence” around the playgrounds. lucky enough. of course. or at least colorful. We used to take an empty plastic tube.

that dumb activity was the only way to prove our assertiveness. The sudden aggregation of a human circle around you. the moments we were finding out someone did catch a bee. the bee had to be released back into the open. those kids weren’t very popular. There were some kids who wouldn’t obey that rule.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It our little grey universe. And potentially dangerous. We were into catching up something difficult to catch. it was against the rules. And. the joy and admiration on the childish faces. our capacity of enjoying life. the yelling and the joy. The bees were buzzing inside the tubes for a few minutes. Releasing the bee was a very important part of the game. In all honesty. As a matter of fact. to keep the air flowing in. After that. Releasing The Bee We weren’t into killing insects. You just couldn’t do this. “Is that the 100 year old 148 of 586 . For milliseconds each bee catcher became a local hero. we used to make fun of them. just enough for us to show them up to our colleagues. They were carrying their bees in their vitamin C tubes each and every day. as incredible as it may sound. You couldn’t hold a bee forever in your vitamin C tube. You had to go out and catch a new bee every day. Oh. Hence the small hole in the tube.

Oh. For them. “What are you doing there kids?”. we realized that they just couldn’t understand the game. they asked. you want to clean the fence from insects?” “Nope. just catching the bee and releasing it back into the open was enough. we’re just catching bees. “Still sleeping together?”. we answered. we’re just playing. The Adult Perspective One day. “We are catching bees”. that bee had to have a meaning. “Are you married already?” Eventually. but what is the benefit of this game? Are you building a house for those bees?” “Nope. our parents spotted this game. I see that.” After we went like this for like ten minutes. they had to release their bees too and get back into the game.” “Are you killing the bees? Oh. the thrill when someone was catching a big one! The joy on our faces and then the smooth and necessary releasing of the bee back into the open. Do something with it. Use it somehow.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It bee in your tube?”. “Oh. 149 of 586 . For us.

150 of 586 . I have the ability to reach it and the power to let it go after that. Or specific usage. I always answer “Nope. I make insane amounts of money and then release it back into the open. I have my eagerness to pursue a new goal. because. But when it comes to that question: “So. well. I did. I still do things only for the thrill of it.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It Those were magic moments. I support my friends if I can. helped me not only to keep my mental health. To be honest. Did I say that already? Yes. And again. And start again. But that’s ok. I support other people if I can. as simple and dumb as it may seem. I don’t really care. letting myself broke. Today I still catch bees these days. Many of my friends don’t understand this. you really don’t regret letting that bee fly away?”. Catching bees and releasing them back. Because I still have that thrill inside. and that’s what friends are doing. I set up some goal and then reach it and then forget about it. I may listen to their concerns. but to act and react like any human being on this planet should. without any immediate benefit. not a bit”. we’re friends.

! 151 of 586 .Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It Like a child.

out of the blue. why not?” I answered. driving Victor. He’s into rock music (obviously) and all the stuff of a typical teenager. “Might be experience?” tried Victor to help. I answered. I don’t know”. rockpedia. A more thoughtful answer would have required me to stop the car and start thinking over. but also because of the context. 152 of 586 . and then. “By all means. “When did you learn to drive so well?” he asks. Victor is almost 14. out of nowhere. my son. to his school. We spent some time at my place. The question is brutally taking me by surprise. watching movies and working on his latest project. just to keep the conversation running. We were slowly talking about some concerts that we are about to see in the next few weeks. this question.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It The Slow And Almost Invisible Reward Of Doing Things Constantly ! It’s almost noon and I’m in my car. “Well.co. somehow relieved. Not only because I never thought at myself as being a good driver.

coming forward at about 70 km/h. out of nowhere. It was a matter of seconds in which I had to take the decision to stop. but it could have been much worse”. “None serious”. the third incident. or racing or other childish stuff like that. I am a really. by car. And since I was also focused on the road.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It And then I really started to think. I was hit two times by two different idiots. And then I realized that Victor was right. I’m talking about the ability to get myself safely from one place to another. I answered. “I think I have more than 200. I continued. I was a good driver. 50 meters in front of me. We touched. I was driving a 2 tons SUV. since I was able to avoid it. As I started to recall the context of that accident. I said. “200. the one that I avoided. “How many accidents did you have?” asked Victor.000 kilometers”. I think I learned to drive so well during those 200. all the adrenaline started to rush again. And yes. was really close. it wasn’t technically an accident. I decided it would be much better to step 153 of 586 . and then the third well.000 kilometers on board”. In a split of a second. As a matter of fact. And I’m not talking about speed. really good driver. I chose the lighter version of thinking: namely. some rough number crunching. The other car was slowly crossing the road. “Only three. or to step on it.000 kilometers is a lot.

“If that car would go forward at the same speed. in my present car. no.000 kilometers when I avoided that accident”. “4 times around the world? Oh my!” 154 of 586 . And that’s exactly what I did. I can come first”. “Oh. It’s kinda hard to stop a 2 tons car. My car was barely scratched. His eyes grew like two truck lights in the darkest night ever. not at all”. between that slow car and the other side of the road. My car was a really solid SUV. I realized it wasn’t a matter of seconds. And then. I answered. extremely gently steered to the right and came right in front of the other car. after the adrenaline started to slow a bit and I was paying more and more attention to the road in front of me. just scratching my left rear light to his bumper. And then I started to crunch some other numbers. 4 times around the world  by car”.000 kilometers? Like Romania?” he asked. took place in less than a second. I said to myself. I stepped on it to the floor.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It on it rather than trying to hit the brakes. I think it’s 4 times the equator. All these decisions. It was a matter of under a second. near Victor. “How much is 180. “You know. a very narrow corridor. as light as it was. then gently. “I think I had around 180. so the impact. made his bumper fly 20 meters away. all these reactions. I said to Victor. Especially since you spotted a possible trace. and if I steer exactly 1 meter to right.

The next car was a Skoda Fabia. My first car was a Dacia. I did it mostly because “you gotta have your license driver. A wreck. more than 450 kilometers. I was around 22 or 23 years old. My friends were impressing girls with their father’s cars already. So. I took my driver license. Some of my friends even managed to steal their parents cars when they weren’t at home. right?”. Easier to drive and nicer. I crossed the country back and forth with it and it also was the first car in which I visited Europe. the sport version. And the next one was an Opel Astra. And it started really slow. I did my first inter city trip with that.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It Day By Day I didn’t make a goal from my driving. without too much bells and whistles. but I couldn’t do it. My father didn’t let me drive his car. when I had my first driving lesson. And. so that made me a little bit reluctant to the whole thing. Most of the times. this happened when I was in the middle of some crowded intersection. I just did it every day. 155 of 586 . but I couldn’t do this either. The engine was constantly overheating and tons of white smoke emerged from under the hood. if you’re curious.

in under a second. so easy to access and to use. emerged from a simple conversation with my son in my car. The steering. It’s much more than that. that it almost look like nothing to me. I was able to stop a terrible thing. at some point. And. It’s not like the habit of it. but I went forward. You can’t say it’s there. because all my reflexes. since I owned for three years the biggest car portal in Romania. that it left the driver of 156 of 586 . The decision to step on it instead of stopping it. Just like I eventually drove hundreds of cars (and I mean it. You Don’t Even Know You’re Doing It As I wrote this. as I started to unfold a series of apparently dull and unimportant events on my life.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It Then. so smooth and yet so perfect. It’s part of your life. but you’re doing it. I started to drive pretty much every car that was imported in my country. I prevented a horrible accident. I started slow. And that is the power of doing things constantly. all my experience and all my skills were so fit together. The narrow corridor I isolated in a split of a second. I realized something extremely powerful. hundreds of them) because it was part of my day to day job. We used to do this on a regular basis in order to write reviews on the site. It was natural. It’s so melted into your existence that it doesn’t really show up anymore. So.

Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It the other car speechless. somebody will notice how wonderful you are when you’re doing it. while he was holding his bumper. think again. so good that you don’t even realize you’re doing them? Do you have such an area in your life? Some area where you started really slow. ! 157 of 586 . quite angry) questions. that day… So. right? Well. after you’ve been to the end of the world and back for at least 4 times doing that thing. but then stayed there and did it every day? Each and every day? If you do. unable to respond to any of my (I admit. what is the area in your life when you’re doing things so often. He might as well have seen an alien. so constant. I bet you think it’s just a dull and unimportant thing. Because one day.

1. It took roughly two hours. If you want to know why. I had the urge of getting a tattoo. just because I wanted to. well. While I was there. but also because. in which I stayed pretty much like a stone on a chair. if you really want to know) tattoo. I decided that I got a (Scorpio shaped. having my skin sewed with an electric needle which punched me 300 times per second. I didn’t have a tattoo before and I knew little about the whole thing. as always. But I’m very happy with the result. I was there just days before the earthquake. but I’m not gonna talk about that in this post. Period.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It 5 Lessons Learned From Getting My First Tattoo ! A couple of weeks ago I was in Christchurch. Not only because I got a very nice piece of work. Pain Is In Your Head 158 of 586 . after a few days and nights of pondering things out. New Zealand. taught me a great deal. If you’re curious what exactly I learned from this. well… I don’t kinda have an answer to that question… I gave it some serious thoughts myself and. Yes. this new and apparently out of nothing experience. just read on . Everything happened really fast.

And then kick his face. after the first half an hour I had my pain under control. By normal person I mean one with a regular nerve and skin structure. The tattoo had to be outlined 4 times (it’s a green Scorpio with a red outline. I just wanted to have my tattoo done and if that meant I had to go through that pain. I think you got the idea. In his face. But none of these actions were available at the moment. enough”. To make a long story short. a little bit of a color symbolism there) and 159 of 586 . I had to just stay there. I’m a normal person and my skin nerves are performing exactly as they should do: informing me of every aggression that might happen. And after the first 5 minutes I really wanted to punch the guy.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It If you’re a normal person. So I just stayed there. There are people who are not able to sense pain on their skin and for them. Exhale. getting a tattoo is like brushing their hair. it wasn’t. For me. got it. After the first minute I had the urge of telling “OK. Inhale. Until he’s down. The moment I felt the needle on my skin I knew it’s going to be harsh. Ok. I do this all the time when I want to calm down or just take a break and refuel with energy. getting a tattoo hurts. And started to shift my focus from my pain and the needle that was sewing me to my breathe. After the second minute I had the urge of just running away. Repeatedly. well. by triggering pain. Repeatedly. But I wasn’t prepared for that harsh.

really sore. perhaps? A Virgo? My green-red Scorpio was like a lighthouse. the Malayesian owner and the Chinese lady both seen my tattoo and felt compelled to start talking to me. They both admitted it was a very nice piece and they felt quite familiar in engaging in a social interaction with me. When I got down from the chair. with a fantastic greenred Scorpio on my arm. look. “Hey. The tattoo was visible all the time. I could barely step.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It one of the outlines had to be filled with color. So. despite the racial difference. You Attract What You Are This is something that started to happen after the tattoo was made. 2. I would have to ask you a little question first: what’s the link between a Malayesian owner of a small malayesian restaurant in Auckland. I was ok. Why I wasn’t approached by somebody else? A Gemini. The link was made at another level. Like really ok. It attracted human floating vessels with a familiar signal. two hours later. And I admit I wasn’t prepared for that either. in order to explain this. a Chinese lady operating a shop at Victoria Peak in Hong Kong and yours truly? Well. So it was a lot of hurt. you recognize this? Let’s 160 of 586 . And both pretty similar to me. Both Scorpios. I was really. But not in pain anymore. But after detaching myself from it.

Fact is. 3. all of that made me more aware of who I am and how I act in this world. well. financially speaking. If you project yourself in a certain context. a subtle reinforcement vibe started to appear. melting it into my daily visual field. Either by changing yourself to fit in. But the whole process. I think it works a bit like visualization. what you paint yourself as. this is really working. sooner or later you become one with that context. the average of the first 5 persons you spend most of your time with. Seeing the Scorpio on my arm all day long made me more aware of it. That I am it. I’m not going to say that I’m a better person because I have a green-red Scorpio tattoo on my arm. A very big lighthouse. But it was a very precious reminder that we do broadcast signals all the time and those signals are shaping our interactions. getting it. And of the fact that I am one with it. And I do tend to believe that. If you’re constantly in contact with something. You Become What You Say You Are Or in other words.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It connect”. you are adapting. After I made the tattoo. or by attracting some favorable circumstances. A tattoo is a very “in your face” signal. 161 of 586 . you are eventually becoming one with that something. There is this saying that you are. you are adjusting.

I cannot change the past or the consequences of my actions. but that doesn’t mean they’re not there.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It 4. I can only accept them and learn to live with them. Of course we can change our lives. If you really want to do something. this can’t happen. Well. Especially if we’ve been through some pain. but rather a reinforcement. we want to reverse things to “how they used to be before”. a picture that will stay on your body for as long as you’ll have that body is a great reminder that your actions are leaving a trace. Sometimes we don’t see them. it has consequences. We have to work with what we have and make the best out of it. The past is in the past and all we have to work with is in this present moment. if we really want to. And that I cannot change it now. Every time I wash my tattoo – and it doesn’t disappear – I realize that it was my decision. Everything You Do Matter Or in other words. But we cannot change the consequences of what we already did. Do it when you 162 of 586 . But a tattoo. Just Do It! This is not technically a lesson. do it while you got the chance to. 5. Sometimes we’re trapped into a strange remorse carousel.

I just did it. Because if you postpone too much. you may lose it entirely. Just two days after I made my tattoo in Christchurch the whole city collapsed in a huge earthquake. My tattoo parlor may not even be standing.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It want to. I do wear my tattoo with pride and satisfaction. I think it’s better to proudly wear the traces of your adventures than to slip through life in an endless avoidance dance. It really makes you think when you see stuff like this. ! 163 of 586 . Like a ton of other things I did before and I’m going to do from now on.

I didn’t tell you but until 19 I lived under communism. We lived in grey. concrete made and freezing cold blocks. We were practically in the same building. I still think she must have been one of the most beautiful girls in our town. She was like floating or something. An important part of my adulation was to gaze at her window for hours. with long black hair flowing just right to her hips. was living very close to my place. Luckily. Her windows had the view over a state kindergarten (the one that I attended as a kid) a place which was opened all the time. Oh. an incredible white and delicate face and a specific way of walking. Tall. She was living at the fourth (and last) floor of one of the communist blocks in my small town. M. ugly. find a place from where I could see her window and start my gazing. near the mountains. in a small city in the middle of Romania. I used to sneak inside the playgrounds of the kindergarten. I was on fire. only her mother’s apartment was on the opposite side. thin. She was absolutely gorgeous.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It The First Cut Is The Deepest ! When I was 15 I was madly in love with a beautiful girl called M. 164 of 586 . only 15.

she was talking to somebody. which was. we went out together.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It Sometimes. until she finally noticed me. During those times you didn’t have many options for shelter. from behind. Sometimes I could see her hair for like 20 seconds. We were just having long walks. So. I even started to plan where to move out. Your employer was the one giving you the home. It was close to where we lived at that time and I was absolutely sure I was going to have an apartment in one of those blocks. From that moment. But that was the highest point of my horizon at that time. exactly. There were rumors that a new neighborhood of blocks was on the city council plans. I stayed in that kindergarten for a few weeks.  Fact is. cold and concrete made blocks. trying to find hidden remote places where we fooled around for hours. getting out together is a little exaggeration. there were the same ugly. Your only chance to live in your own apartment was to have a specific job. She opened the window and we finally started to talk. You couldn’t own your own house. Well. long afternoon after long afternoon. I could see a shadow. I even researched the location. the whole city was waiting for this new neighborhood. Yes. an apartment in a block. Living 165 of 586 . I knew what type of job do I need for getting one of those and I was determined to get it. The Projection I was absolutely sure I was going to marry her.

she stayed in the same city and eventually got a job at her mother’s work place. The fuel for our encounters wasn’t there anymore. in a one bedroom apartment in a communist city. Somehow. In a few years I was admitted to college and left my city for good. It was like a candle going off. If I think now. spending less and less time in my neighborhood. a bloody carnival which basically replaced stupid communists with stupid liars. our worlds became more and more distant and each meeting required more and more energy and time to happen. I don’t think she was as convinced as I was. 25 Years Later A few weeks ago I spent a week-end at my parents. We saw each other again for a few more times while I was in college and then silence. Fact is. Our long walks became more and more sparse. That was all I could fathom for a happy life. my 5 year old daughter. Then I went to the army and shortly after that the Romanian Revolution came. I was 18. I don’t know how. Next year I went to a different school. after a few years. with Bianca.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It with M. She didn’t went to college. I didn’t even remember that I once wanted to marry a girl called M. Time passed by. without any noise or drama. but one afternoon we ended up in the 166 of 586 .

it wasn’t about the places. I don’t know if it was a coincidence. at the window. For a moment. there were a lot of changes. Bucharest. Yes. but it was enough to make me move my eyes from the window. And I was also doing business in New Zealand. but even the curtains on the windows looked the same. nothing seemed to be changed. I loved women. where M.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It playground of the same state kindergarten I use to sneak in and gaze at my girl window. used to live. I thought I saw M. 167 of 586 . This time.000 kilometers away from that place. It was about me. I was having two kids. The kindergarten had one more floor and a few more playgrounds. I can’t describe what I felt in that second. I realized there were also loads of other changes. I also had 2 divorces and countless of other longer or shorter relationships (what can I say. each coming from its own different relationship. a place 20. in one of the most soothed after neighborhoods in the main town of the country. But at the fourth floor. Bianca started to play and I started to look around. And as I was trying to remember the places how they used to be. a boy of 14 and a girl of 5. A few things were changed. I was living in my own house. And I still do ). The blocks around got parking spaces and modern roofs.

the first cut will always be the deepest. I wouldn’t know who she really was. That cut is way back in the past. Your first love will always define the way you understand love. right now. My teenage dreams were ages behind me. But the things is. playing in a state kindergarten playground. The Current Cut As I was turning my eyes from that window to the playground where Bianca was having fun with other kids I realized something so important. and yet so simple. thin. tall. so deep. where you can project every now and then some short movies. I wouldn’t know what to do. But at the end of the projected movie the white screen must be folded and stowed away. And your memories can only be used as a huge white screen. The reality was right there. What’s in the past will always be in the past. again was not at all comfortable.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It The mere thought that I could meet M. You’re living with the current cut. that I had to sit down. only 15 and with a fantastic long black hair. It was just a movie. Like the movie with the most beautiful girl in town. you’re not living with your first cut anymore. And the first woman you loved will always live in your memories. Yes. 168 of 586 . I wouldn’t know what to tell her.

It’s made out of different debris. by any chance or misfortune. But in fact it’s the most difficult one. We combined them in a shiny carousel and we think we’re doing a great job at living it. Because we keep these mental representations of what the world “should be” instead of what the world really is. to live right now. as I know it. As long as I keep each happiness model in its place. 25 years ago.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It What The World Should Be It may seem the easiest thing in the world. they will start to collide. These are two separated entities living in two different times. our world as it should be. some from our early childhood. my world. for many of us. my ultimate model of happiness consisted in life with a beautiful girl M. And there is nothing wrong with this either. will collapse. the “digital nomad” model is in the present. some from our teenage time and some from our present. all over the world. in a communist apartment. We’re 169 of 586 . In fact. We’re taking dead memories for living creatures. my ultimate model of happiness consists in living my life as a digital nomad. right here. And there was nothing wrong with that. But fact is. is already collapsed. The “life with M.” model is in the past. we’re deluding ourselves. Right now. If somehow.

Just emptiness. to the first big intuition. trying to create a carnival. I turned to the playground again. We’re surrounding ourselves with images from the past. while focusing on a fake movie screen taken over by shadows. We’re trying to revive old emotions because we’re afraid to experience new ones. there’s nothing. laughing and running in circles. but for the remaining time spent in the playground. ! 170 of 586 . Bianca was playing.’s window not even once. I stayed there for a couple of hours just watching them and then headed back to my parents house. to the first big emotion. forgetting that life is just moving on. but behind those images.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It following goals that aren’t ours anymore (and highly doubt that they’ve ever been ours). Slowly. And we’re losing the real picture. I don’t know why. I didn’t feel the urge to look at M. to the first big achievement. We’re hanging on to the first cut. The other kids were shouting and laughing big time.

4 liter gasoline. The make was Dacia and the model was Nova. more like a habit) and then went to my meeting. if I was using the car more than 2-3 hours a day. The doors weren’t closing right and rear window exploded one very cold winter while I was waiting at a red light. During the summer. For instance. at some point thick layers of white steam were starting to emerge from under the hood. A real wreck. I remember that one day. Yes. I found a parking spot. a heat sensor who was supposed to start the engine cooling system decided to have a life of its own. sometimes it didn’t. I had a meeting down town. but I remember that I stayed around an hour. The color was metal blue and the engine was a 1. Had to pull over and wait until the engine cooled down. it just exploded.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It Unlocking The Wrong Door ! My first car was a wreck. I don’t remember well what was I supposed to do at that meeting or if it went well at all. 171 of 586 . it was a real wreck. Don’t ask why. Sometimes it worked. The inside was extremely hot in the summer and freezing cold in the winter. during a very hot summer. Half of the parts were malfunctioning one way or another. locked the car (a useless precaution.

I even had a very familiar scratch on my hood. At that point.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It It was noon already and the heat was reaching the “unbearable” point. But then something happened. Unfortunately. the lock was stuck. trying to make that lock open. I remember just as clear that my fist stopped millimeters above the hood. but didn’t get luckier. My shirt was wet and my feet were burning. 172 of 586 . I remember there was a subtle sequence of pushing and spinning that I have to do with my key in order to trick the lock. I clearly remembered that I lifted my right arm. Yes. Drops of sweat were already flowing down from my eyebrows. waiting for my fist to reach that very familiar scratch on the hood. It was getting hotter and hotter. the point where all my fury had to explode in a giant hit. chose the exact spot where my fist was about to land. that familiar scratch. it wasn’t the first time. I did what every frustrated man would have done: decided to punch the car as hard as I can. Once I got to my car. well. because. Puzzled. half of the parts were malfunctioning and my door lock was on that half. No chance. then lowered it with great speed. Gone. I went to the other door. I think I stayed like 30 minutes using my wrist in the most incredible positions. And that stupid door had no intention to open. Alas. I inserted the key into the door lock and started to spin. that scratch was gone. No scratch at all. Like I told you.

The reason I wrote this story is because every time I am coming around a new significant relationship. my head moved two degrees to the right. Metal blue. you can stop laughing now. I was trying to unlock a different. I was focusing on unlocking the wrong door. Even more. Same tires. Are we cool now? Ok. a Dacia Nova.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It I stepped down. unlocked the door with only one move and left in a split of a second. thanks. 173 of 586 . for the first time during that half an hour. Only the hood had that familiar scratch too. Same steering wheel. I thought that heat was playing a trick on me. Same tires. Seriously. At first. I looked around really fast. Even more. but somehow familiar car. Again and again. it kinda pops up into my head. For the last half an hour. Yes. But now it moved to the right a little. Then. Something new and at the same time familiar appeared in my visual field. Same steering wheel. all my visual field was locked on the target in front of me: my car. Who Are You Talking To? Yes. I went to that second car. Another Dacia. Metal blue. 20 centimeters next to the one I wanted to unlock so far. But the scratch wasn’t there anymore. a Dacia Nova. Nobody seemed to have noticed anything. But no. Until that moment. it was a Dacia.

In a similar way. All I was doing was trying to 174 of 586 . Stumbled upon a familiar image. In my car situation. It wasn’t a real discussion going on. It’s just an image we built inside and. And. I was imagining all the time that I was dealing with something familiar. based only on this. I imagined that I know whom am I talking to. really close to my internal ideal of a significant relationship and. Only it wasn’t. to be honest. we build an internal image of somebody who is supposed to be our “chosen one” and when we see that image. How come? Well. I know that because I’ve been there many times. we’re rushing towards it without the blink of an eye. based on a strange coincidence. It looked exactly as the one I was expecting to get. it just appeared in our visual field. Only the person behind that image may have nothing in common with our expectations. somebody that was really. Only I wasn’t really talking to somebody. it seldom has something in common with our expectations. I went to that car without the blink of an eye.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It That half an hour spent trying to unlock the wrong door seems to be my “relationship red alert”. because it reminds me about the difference between who I think I’m dealing with and who I’m really dealing with.

you can’t even leave in a journey together. Parts of it may explode during the winters and sometimes it will feel too cold or too hot. In my experience. you may have to do a few tricks.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It unstuck the door lock and get into that person heart. It may leave off some thick layers of white steam every once in a while. 175 of 586 . but the door to the other person heart must open. Somehow. a relationship works only when the door unlocks from the first time and you’re getting everything about the other person. detours or embellishing lies. of course. without any noise. I even got used to this game and said to myself all kind of “encouraging“ stuff like “if it takes so much time unlocking this door. a little pushing and a little spinning. That’s the starting point. And what’s even more interesting is that even after you opened the other person’s heart. secrets. All I was doing was staying in the heat. decoys. nobody guarantees that the journey will be peaceful and all happy and pink. Most of the time spent in these relationships was just an endless effort on the outside. None of these relationships was even started. But at least you will have a journey together. You’re stuck on the parking lot. it must be really valuable”. Only it wasn’t valuable at all. endlessly trying to unlock a door which wasn’t supposed to open for me. Without opening the door. Ok.

A real wreck. ! 176 of 586 . With good stuff and bad stuff. my first car was a wreck. But it was my car and I loved it.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It Yes.

Usually. Kinda obvious. Which one should be? Does *Bianca* works?”. unattached to anything. the passing code”. Bianca. A red string tying together the door knob and the chair. I wouldn’t have noticed that if it wasn’t for a very obvious change in her playing: one day. Bianca tied something with something else. In a playful and apparently 177 of 586 . I wanted to lift the string up on my way in because I had something to do in the living but I suddenly heard Bianca: “No way. “Oh. dad! No trespassing! You gotta tell me the code. I could safely pass into the living room. that code.”. I said.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It No Strings Attached ! A few months ago. and she gently untied the knot. “Of course”. From that day on. and the tied objects were either doors or chairs. she said. while the red string was lying on the door. “You know. The strings were dividing the living room space in new areas. this was happening in the living. I found the living door tied up with a red string to the first chair in the room. “What code?”. learned how to tie a knot. you couldn’t miss it. but you got the idea. forcing me (and her. Actually. of course) to chose different paths across the room. my 5 year old daughter. every once in a while. the string was tied to a toy computer which was sitting on the chair.

not without some serious resistance from her. Of course. reminding me of the “invisible” red lasers in the James Bond movies. just by herself. Sometimes the strings were forming new structures with all the chairs. the room geography was changed every time she was playing like this. Gradually. It always started in the same place. I adapted. leaving her game untouched. in a strange web of red strings. I learned how to walk in the room without changing the new models.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It chaotic way. from the living door and then it was extended. Sometimes the doors of the kitchen and bathroom were involved too. And noise. the more complicated the string structures became. And there was no way to destroy these structures. on different levels. After a few weeks I deliberately started to observe this new game of her. something 178 of 586 . I learned there were only 2 ways to overcome the chaotic red web: 1 – by telling the “code” which gave me a free pass. and 2 – by cleaning up the room after she was living. The Inner Strings The other day. In the end. making it all clean and shiny for the next playing adventure. after I told the “code” and she untied a knot for the thousandth time. Fact is that every time I was allowing her to form these new structures. the room was completely changed. The more I was leaving her unsupervised.

And I suddenly realized that I was doing the same thing. The only difference is that we don’t have the comfort of cleaning it up. only a few million times bigger. after we gently go to sleep. we even forget how the initial architecture of our mental room was. we have 179 of 586 . And those strings and knots. We identify actions by following the strings with which we tied them up in our minds. We learn a new word by tying the sound to a mental representation. The more I was looking at Bianca’s strings model. just like Bianca. In my mind. will make the living room neat and shiny for our next play. any mind in the world. this time. We remember a scene from our childhood by tying it up to the smell of a madeleine. are just strings tied up from one spot of our mind to another. With a very different eye.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It stroke me. those were just what we call “synapses”. Although nothing was changed in her game. well. at some point. We give names to people and things. only in a different place. Suddenly. And not only my mind. I just realized that my mind was completely similar with the living room. I got dizzy. The geography we create in our heads takes over reality. And. I sat down and looked at the structure again. All the things that we’re telling to ourselves. We’re building incredibly complicated structures in our heads and. the clearer my intuition became. Most of the time. There is no “mind dad” who. we’re tying up knots on top of other knots.

We forcefully resist to any attempt to freshen up our space and let go. This is how we tied up the knot. every time we think at that person. we just stop using it. deep down. created just because we know how to tie a knot. we just go and sit on the “anger” chair. When the real person disappears. we start to believe that our fragile structures. we start to believe that somebody hurt us long ago and that string is tied up to the “anger” chair. but not without a lot of resistance and frustration.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It an incredibly hard time to destroy these models. the string will go down the floor. For instance. we are driven to the money chair. You know. we tie a knot from the door of self-esteem to the chair of money. This is how we hard wired it. are a replacement for the real life. Or. just like a basic facility in any normal house. So every time we see that person. even worse. and we will lose the chair of “love” all together. Because. Or. But since the string was gone. We’re all equipped with it. we tie up the chair of “love” to a certain person in our lives. that chair was always there. That’s where the string is leading us. Because there is no other connection between selfesteem and money in our mind. Sometimes we may tie it up to another person. or. Every time we want to enter that door. at times. unattached. 180 of 586 .

I think one of them it’s “depression”. just as Bianca’s game. Another one would be “illness”. we’ll eventually run out of space. we get an enormous amount of joy out of it. If we keep the old structures. All these words are just representations of a super crowded internal playground. one so complicated and so erratic that we don’t know our way out of it anymore. And then the day after tomorrow. Truth is. Just like Bianca’s game. we are the ones who blocked them all. The knots are so strong and some of them are tied up so long ago. But. To clean it up every once in a while.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It The Unlearning Fact is our mental structures are incredibly difficult to modify. but we just forgot one very important thing. we should never forget that this is just a game. Living our life the way we want. And so on. A new one will start tomorrow. We’ll choke. that we forgot how to untie them. which translates into tying up our own knots to the structures we choose. we are the ones who created that incredibly complicated structure. is exhilarating. As a matter of fact. 181 of 586 . And even another word for this would be “unhappy”. This internal structure has taken over our internal geography years ago and we don’t know anymore where the real bed is. we even invented words for this specific situation. where the chairs are. where are the doors and why some of them are stuck.

And she even forgot to ask me for the code. with a few dozens of strings and a very clean living room. “Would you help me to tie up the vineyard”? I asked. she cried. as I was untying everything in the room. At this point. 182 of 586 . “Would you come with me outside.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It Take It Out As I was sitting on my chair. And I just realized that the real living room was even more crowded than 5 minutes ago. and it involves the same strings and knots. in the backyard. dad. Five minutes later. I have an even better game for you. Apparently. we went outside. Interested?” “Yes.” “Hmm. I got up. yes”. “Of course. Bianca found some new strings she was just getting ready to “attack” library shelves. still puzzled by my intuition. vineyard is my favorite!”. yes. Light and small sounds were finding their way into my senses. Bianca?” “Why? I’m playing very nice here. she answered. the outside world slowly started to get in.

I looked up outside. I answered. my soul. The living room was clean and neat again. she asked me at some point. “Yes. dad?”. The vineyard was a wreck. anyway. we started to put our knowledge and experience in knots to some good work. “Are we going to have grapes this fall.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It I looked up inside. We will”. ! 183 of 586 . Everything was in its place. with branches pointing erratically in different directions. So. Like a living room should be. It looked like a really good space to rest and enjoy. Could seriously use a strong hand to give it some structure.

Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It Self Improvement ! Sometimes.
 184 of 586 . Sometimes I have hunches that I can be improved. What you’ll read here is just a consequence of those hunches. I have hunches that life can be improved.

foggy image. By the way. and the way you live it. not knowing if the person in front of you is smiling or frowning. that’s really bad. You just have enough information to know a little bit about your surroundings.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It Is Your Life Blurred? I love taking photos. One of the things I really like about my camera is the manual focus feature. gentle touch of your finger. when you slowly rotate your camera lenses until your image is perfectly clear. and voila: you have a brand new. You go from a blurred. you’ve been there. Everything around you is unclear. Most of the time you live a blurred life. the vast majority of people is there. It’s about your life. But this is how it is and it’s pretty much everybody’s story. You know. And they have this foggy image because they don’t use the manual focus feature. moving around with a blurred image of their lives. this manual focus. slowly turn your fingers around the lenses. living in a blurred world is frustrating. I’ve been there. and even now. Only it’s not about photos. but you are moving in a foggy world. Their life camera is 185 of 586 . crystal clear image. ready to be captured by a single. not knowing where you are really heading. Not knowing who you’re really talking to. You’ll be surprised to learn that everybody have this feature.

the most common problem is a broken camera objective. Your perfect partner was there all the time. A blurred job. They’re looking at a blurred scenery. only blurred. what could you do in order to start improve your life lenses? Make Sure It Still Works Yes. they’re all right. Some people call this “having an aha” moment. In other words. With the mention that everything was there before. something magical happens. It’s stuck. They don’t have the courage to touch the lenses and really see what’s going on around them.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It not calibrated. 186 of 586 . a blurred relationship. It doesn’t work anymore. Whenever you clear your lenses. Some people call this an epiphany and even other people call this “seeing God”. because you were not properly focused. a blurred income. If you ask me. they’re not using their full potential. but you couldn’t see it. The best way to verify your camera integrity is to try moving it a little bit forward and backward. truly believing that this is all what they are getting from this life. You start to see things the way they really are. Now. only you couldn’t see it because of the fog. Your real life mission was always there. Everything was there before. Only you think it’s still working at full capacity. melted in a sea of dissipated contours. only she was just invisible.

translates in starting a completely new life. Or be late a couple a days. Which. wherever you point your camera. of course. you live a blurred life and you didn’t even know. if you are in a job you don’t like. you’ll experience the same type of sensation you have in a dream. you’re stuck. You need to take immediate measures to fix your camera.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It That translates in what people usually call “pushing your luck”. If it’s not. this means buying a new one. you’re lucky: you have a working camera. do allocate some extra time. For instance. If not. you get the exact 187 of 586 . Usually. If there is any reaction at all from your environment. Make Sure Your Lenses Are Clean Sometimes. The reality has the same shape. Work extra hours. no difference? On the other hand. Is this really making a difference? How do you feel? There is any change at all in your life? This type of small steps helps you verify if the camera is actually working. if you do like the job but you’re unsure if it really fits you. try upsetting your boss. Your camera objective is broken. No matter what you try to shoot. Is this really making a difference? Or everything is basically the same. when whatever you do has no consequences. you get the same result.

Assessing this can be difficult. And the only way to give a professional cleaning to your life lenses is to go out and experience more. Verify them against what you thought you know. Learn. Or pre-made judgement.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It same picture. If you already make your judgement in regard to whatever crosses your mind. And this is something natural. Some judgement that was ok when you were a kid is not working anymore now. reality is changing. You can’t tell if your lenses are clogged with dirt if you don’t check them out. Clean it up. your camera will obey and show you exactly what you think you know. Make Sure You Shoot The Right Subject Maybe you’re trying to get that common picture everybody wants? Like shooting the same old Eiffel Tour you get on every postcard in the world? 188 of 586 . not the reality. There is clogged dirt on the lenses which is preventing you to see the world as it really is. Experiment. That means your lenses are dirty. Things are changing. You trust your camera so much that you don’t even bother to check it out from time to time. The most common dirt your lenses can accumulate in time is called prejudice. You lived for so long that your camera accumulated a lot of dirt. It will show the dirt you have on the lenses.

I’m sure you’ll start getting a new picture pretty soon. The lenses are obeying you. It’s About You. you will get common pictures. you adjust the clarity and the beauty of your life. You chose the subject. You are the one who holds the camera. And maybe the most important lesson to be learned is that your life picture is entirely up to you. You’ll learn something from it. You can adjust the objective the way you want. Point your camera to new topics. but it’s a new one. Because if you’re doing what everybody else does (or tells you to do). Not About Them If you’ve carefully doing everything above. try new angles. Nobody guarantees that you will shoot the picture of a lifetime. see if what you get is interesting. Maybe your life picture got blurred because its main subject is so common that you can’t find anything original in it? No courage? No thrills? No innovation? No risk? Well. your life will be boring. You may not know if it’s a good or a bad one. enough with that! Forget what they told you about how to use a camera and invent your own way.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It No wonder you think life it’s boring. but at least you didn’t get bored. think again: is your life blurred right now?
 189 of 586 . So. If you’re choosing common subjects for your life.

I really enjoyed doing these workshops. but after the initial thrill dried out.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It 5 Things I Learned From Teaching Others ! A few months ago. usually 3 Fridays in a row. teaching and always being challenged are so different than blogging. The concern of “am I going to deliver today?” was slowly replaced by “what would I learn today?”. I suppose. I started a series of workshops. Interacting. Didn’t even realize I’m actually learning from it. because I was totally focused and immersed. Mentorship is 2 days in a row and blogging is split in 3 days. One is about doing online business (which I call the “mentorship”) and the other one is about blogging. regardless of how much social media we will create. I noticed a different approach. energy and time. I’ll always be amazed by the results you get from direct interaction with another human being. And as much as I value blogging as a personal development channel. is how much I learned during this process. 190 of 586 . But what amazes me the most. Both are pretty demanding in terms of focus. We will never replace human interaction.

something magic happened. We literally grew 191 of 586 . And every time I interacted with another person during my workshops. “I understand how you are now. let’s see what are the 5 things that I got substantially improved by teaching others: 1. The mere act of getting out and share your experience will always get you out of your comfort zone. I teach roughly the same topics (with some improvements from one series to another) but every time I do it it’s different. You’re constantly being challenged even if your main teaching themes are the same. Every interaction is unique.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It The biggest secret of teaching is that you constantly learn from it. Each time I interacted with someone I projected his or her image into a very near future. Before the workshop a normal interaction would usually last as long as the physical interaction: after we exchanged some information. Rebuilt My Interpersonal Skills Every person is unique. Suffice to say that I drastically improved my interpersonal skills. Now. I created a sort of a loop. but here’s how you’re going to be in a very short time if we’re going to learn this or that. Couldn’t describe it and I won’t even try. But after I started to teach. the other person was out of my radar.” And that made a huge quantum leap in our relationship.

And that’s what organizing is for me. To be honest. Once you get over the little details that you’ll roll on autopilot. you will start to feel the whole structure of your performance from another level. 2. Remodeled My Organizing Skills Preparing a workshop is totally different than preparing a blog post. and me as a witness. You will start to identify chunks of high interaction. is more complicated than preparing a business meeting too. And witnessing other people growing has this strange effect of triggering growth in yourself too. favorable contexts and instant changes and opportunities. and I know that because I  had literally hundreds of business meetings in my 10 years as an entrepreneur. I can freak out at times ). as a performer of new tasks. 192 of 586 . It’s more about creating a specific context in which you can express yourself in a more powerful way.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It together: he. anyway. You will learn how to get the most of your environment with minimum effort. It’s not that you have to predict everything all the time: did I get enough paper or pencils? Do I have everything I need at the workshop location? The desks are good? How are the chairs? Do we have electricity? (Yeah.

Based on my evaluation after the mentorship workshops I made some informal recommendations to some investors and. Let other people stress you with questions. let them put you in uncomfortable situations and see how – and if – you can get out in good shape. 193 of 586 . Yes. And that’s ok if all you want is to be a famous blogger. some of the young entrepreneurs I recommended got an initial seed funding. 4. you may become a famous blogger.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It 3. Enforced My Personal Brand Real brands are built in real world. I consider to be a great thing. I did business for 10 years. But be prepared for some big surprises when you go out in the real world. to be honest. Validated My Personal Experience Yes. I still do business today. It’s part of how we’re functioning as human beings. Getting out and teaching what I’ve learned in 10 years of entrepreneurship had a very important (yet almost invisible for any other person than me) effect: actually proved if my personal experience was good or not. If all you do is stay at your computer and write. And by validation I mean putting your expertise to be tested by others. But let me tell you something: we will always need validation for our actions. to my great satisfaction. Which.

I still know a few key people and try to keep close with my old partners. my knowledge and interpersonal skills.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It Every time I started a new workshop I knew I will put to a difficult test not only my experience. Refined My Networking Skills Before starting these workshops I had quite a comfortable position in the online publishing industry in Romania. you can’t be less than great. I am actually forced to find ways to keep track of what I’m starting and with whom. And striving to be the best version of yourself in front of an eager audience is the best thing that could happen to your personal brand. But things are changing incredibly fast in this industry. 194 of 586 . Any screw up is highly penalized when people are expecting to learn something from you. After just a few months of workshops I feel like my network of people has exploded. 5. What could be perceived as a mild disappointment in a normal relationship. but also my personal brand. Honestly. If you’re trying to make the other person better. Each attendant was in fact an amplifier for my personal image. would become a huge turn off if you’re teaching the other person. The term “business opportunity” become more common than “good morning”.

which I think it’s a sign of normality. It’s not the fact that I know more people than I knew when I owned my own business. It’s like every new encounter is wrapped into a veil of business proposals. ! ! 195 of 586 .Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It The pressure of keeping my connections alive. but I do enjoy this new field of opportunities. after spending a lot of valuable time together. It’s the actual business quota for each person I know. I can’t follow all of them. pushed me to a new level.

One Step At A Time Suppose you have a blog. the changing speed of the world is directly influenced by the size of your expectations. Aim for less. and your world will change slower. 196 of 586 . setting up expectations is one of the most sensitive areas in our lives. Let’s say: I want 50 views per article.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It The Art Of Setting Great Expectations ! What do you want to happen to you? How do you envision your desired outcome? How do you set up expectations? In my experience. Not bad for a new blog. But I find more than often this change to be the result of the way you set up your expectations. You are comfortable writing. you set up some expectations here. Because every time you set yourself up to something. But you can’t really ask money from your blog. I find this amazing. To be more precise. unless you have a decent traffic. and your world will explode. So. You start to look at the world differently. you have a decent posting routine and already started to think about monetization. Think big. your surroundings are changing. because you expect it to behave in a certain way and the world actually start to change.

you can even try a little bit of AdSense and get a grasp of this entire monetization thing. you raise it again: 5000-6000 views per blog post. from your older posts. you realize that 50-60 views per blog post is not enough. Now you can start putting some advertising on your blog. It’s getting better and better. Again. And that traffic starts to add up. in a certain amount of time. you get there. Now you make so much money from your blog that your entire lifestyle has changed. you realize that this can be better. So. your articles are starting to get that. Interesting. Sooner than you think. but you get some residual traffic too. In another certain amount of time. but not enough for paying a vacation in Hawaii. Instead of spending only two weeks on an exotic island you start thinking why not spending half a year there? And the other half on some mountains resort? You have enough experience in blogging and now you know how to do it. Not only you get 500-600 views per article. you get that too. You live 197 of 586 . They are making 50-60 views. So. You set up higher expectations: 500-600 hits for every blog post. It might be good for some peanuts money.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It In a certain amount of time. Your expectations have been met. But then again. you raise the stake. Now you make enough money from your blog to afford a nice two weeks vacation on an exotic island.

Your expectations have been met. several years have passed. 198 of 586 . The only difference is that you won’t take those baby steps. your expectations will be met. you aim directly for 5000-6000 views. this period of time is less than the years in the baby step approach. of 50-60 views per article.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It where you want on this planet. a certain time have passed. Disruptive Approach Now suppose you have the same blog. of 5000-6000 views per article. the same thing: in a certain amount of time. in my direct experience. (yes. Instead of aiming at 50-60 views for your articles. once again. there is a “but” here). From the moment you set up your initial expectations. But. when you want. From the moment you set up your initial expectations. up to the moment you get 5000-6000 views per article. You will reach that goal. Travel is something natural and your money problems are gone forever. What happens now? Well. only you set up different expectations. you are the same person. up to the moment you get 5000-6000 views per article.

So. A smaller failure is just a social construct. You either succeed. There is no quality of it. I aimed for 100k visits each month. I didn’t even care when I had fewer than that. I’m there now. a smaller failure sounds like something more bearable. That was my expectation. Somehow. If you go beyond that. small increase. Fear of Failure People are afraid of taking big steps because they are afraid of making big failures. You’re accepted if you fail under a certain threshold. And I was also focused on writing the best content I can. I was focused on the bigger numbers.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It And I’m supporting my affirmation with this very blog. 199 of 586 . to be honest. A failure is a failure. you either don’t. a year ago. I watched the numbers. Instead. Regardless of the fact you failed both times. of course. I only did 2 milestones: one at the first 6 months of blogging and the other at the first year of blogging. When I started it. but I didn’t acknowledged the gradual. as a success. I’m puzzled by that. sharing my knowledge and promoting it. month by month. what’s the difference? Why so many people are setting for those baby steps? Why don’t they start thinking and acting “big” from the first time? Here’s what I think about this. you’re not accepted anymore. I never acknowledged the gradual increase.

then our acts will start to be 200 of 586 .Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It Fear of making mistakes was definitely something that kept me away for achieving some of my earlier goals. no doubt about it. If we cannot properly identify ourselves with inner models we value. We call this the comfort zone. Setting up great expectations forces you to leave this comfort zone and act on moving sands. Setting up expectations too close to your comfort zone will never create breakthroughs. And guess what: nothing was really happened to me. I did failed small a couple of times. You will reach those expectations and you will be successful. Living In Your Comfort Zone We’re designed to act and evolve in a circle of safety. a linear evolution will eventually lead to stagnation. Big achievements require big leaps not baby steps. We need this as a fuel for our own identity. But in my personal experience. I was so convinced that if I will fail “small” nothing will really happen to me. It’s costly. Well. Leaving the comfort zone is difficult. why leave it if you can act from the inside and take only baby steps? Acting too much inside your comfort zone will make you weak. So. Overprotecting Your Self-Esteem We cannot function properly without self-esteem. It’s demanding.

embracing any possible and available behavior. It’s a perfect goal for a one year old who’s starting to walk. Baby steps are the result of a baby discipline. Self-discipline is the ability to do what you have to do. in order to keep our self-esteem within reasonable figures. While there is nothing wrong with being a child. It’s deep down at the core of our values. We put a layer of safety around this core value and try to protect it. Ignoring Self-Discipline Setting smaller expectations is usually a sign of a short attention span. if you really want to achieve your goals. The moment we lose our self-esteem we are literally at lose. it’s a question of liking it or not. So. Doing 201 of 586 . and so on. you should aim for something bigger than the living room coach. we avoid big expectations. period. And a huge failure will bring it down. so we chose something smaller. Both ways. but it’s ridiculous for a grown up who wants to travel the world. Self-esteem is something we tend to protect with great vigor. Liking it or not is not a question of selfdiscipline. A huge expectation will boost your self-esteem. We cannot focus on long term tasks. It’s like trying to build up muscle by reading fitness books.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It confusing. After each small victory we set up another small task. Any disruptive attempt will shake this self-esteem. Only we can’t really protect selfesteem by avoiding big expectations.

now do it. value yourself no matter what and don’t quit. yet people tend to mix it every time with this hedonistic approach: oh. Get over it. Yes. get out of your comfort zone. You’ve set up your own goal. ! 202 of 586 . but I don’t like it. as simple as that. The Art Of Setting Great Expectations Be fearless. you’ve schedule the tasks. well.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It what you have to do is so simple. I might do this.

you. It’s the fine art of making mistakes. anyway. an approach so beneficial that once you learn how to master it. But this doesn’t prevent me from trying to reach to them. I know I was a pretty slow learner myself. after you read this. you may be one of those people. Ever. Or you may want to become one. I know what you think: I won’t have a huge audience for this post. Precisely. Because this article is about one of the most hidden and mysterious arts on Earth. for people who are learning from their own mistakes.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It The Fine Art of Making Mistakes ! Do you make mistakes? No? Really? Than thank you very much and enjoy your trip away from this book as of… right now! This post is not for you. it’s one of the most fulfilling and enriching techniques ever. And I have to agree with that. An art so secret and out of sight that many of use never heard of it. For instance. Yeah. There aren’t a lot of people out there to learn from their own mistakes. Yet. the one who’s reading right now. 203 of 586 . you’ll never want to forget it. This post is about people who are making mistakes.

Second reason for sucking at making mistakes: we never really accept them. Because like any other action. Well. 204 of 586 . It’s called regret. making mistakes can be evaluated and improved. capitals written opportunities. why we’re not following it? First reason: all mistakes are opportunities. The rest of us are sucking big time at this. time to suffer. We developed this very popular talent of stacking up boo-boo’s in a secret personal history and chewing them every time we’re depressed. if there is such a way.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It The Art Of Making Mistakes? Yes! I can see you’re a little confused: how making mistakes can be an art? Mistakes are just mistakes. There is a way to positively make mistakes the same way there is a way to improve your English accent. Instead of accepting each error as an opportunity. Oh. let me tell you something: we’re all making them. We’re very good at that. but we somehow lost the ability to recognize them as such. broke and alone. we instantly push the guilt switch: we blundered? Oh. We don’t really process and digest our faults. nothing more. I wouldn’t be here. but only a few really know how to make them. while constantly pushing gaffes in the back of our mind. if only I would have done this the other way around. Big time. black-and-white. Well. We’re accepting only clear.

Go all the way up to the top. there will be enough time to clean up afterward. Just do whatever you feel you have to do and then watch for the results. The 7 Secret Rules Of The Art Of Making Mistakes What’s following is a list of 7 simple rules. creating your own style. Read on. time to change all of this. You can build on top of them. Have Courage If you’re going to blunder. Blow away everything. Ever. we won’t go back to our clumsy way of blundering. But as simple and obvious as they may seem. while being aware of every possible negative outcome of your actions. We’re taking our mistakes for granted. Have no fear. We simply think that making mistakes is fundamentally a non-improvable process.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It Third reason for sucking at making mistakes: we’re not practicing them. Courage is the ability to completely immerse in what you’re doing. blunder big time. they’re really the cornerstone of this art. Dry out your possibilities and try everything. an art so empowering and liberating that once we really get it. 205 of 586 . but you can’t avoid any of them. Well. We’re not aware of the fact that there is a fine art of making mistakes. 1.

Do yourself a service: don’t drink this . In the end. There isn’t such thing as a ready made solution. By practicing the fine art of making mistakes you’ll soon understand why always trusting yourself is fundamental and unavoidable. The other option is to give away your entire experience and judgment for some ready-made solutions. Pour in some shame and social pressure and you’ll have one big poisoned cocktail. mistakes are just hints. Trust Yourself One of the subtlest ways in which mistakes are affecting our behavior is at the self-trust level. brilliant and marvelous mistakes. And with a small impact on reality. 2. different way of doing things. how can you change it? A courageous mistake is worth a thousand times more than a fearful compliance. Every time we blunder. Look at them in all their beauty. The fine art of making mistakes resides primarily in the ability to create complete. our common reaction is to step back and re-evaluate our entire personal history. pointers to a new.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It Without courage. Trust yourself even when you’re barking up the wrong tree. You’re the only one able to see what’s right for you. your impact on the reality will be drastically diminished. Now you clearly know what to avoid. If you don’t trust 206 of 586 .

You can begin to change something only when you’re accepting it. you have no way to actually grab that specific thing and turning it away. Not your friends. not your partner. They can’t hear you. Maybe you hurt yourself too. It’s like trying to talk to a person in a plane 10. The fine art of making mistakes will allow you to reverse the consequences of your acts but only from the moment you take full responsibility for what you did. you won’t be able to decipher the underlying message of those signs. You can’t really assign responsibility to somebody else and still expect to manage the situation. And accept the fact that you did it. you’re practically giving away the handles. The social response to such a situation is guilt. Accept Mistakes As part of the experience. Now you may start to understand why this art is so rare: accepting mistakes is still a pretty uncommon trend nowadays. 4. not your parents.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It yourself. Maybe you hurt some people in the process. You were the one who took that bad decision or who did that stupid step.000 feet above you. No Guilt Ok. you really screw it up this time. Let’s feel guilty for what we did. 3. 207 of 586 . If you continuously reject something.

Fact is you’re going to badly need a step back. You will slowly learn that your guilt is one your biggest liabilities and it can only make you powerless. Get over it. but the more you’re avoiding action. the more you’re sinking. Guilt is a waste of time. Like this will reverse the situation. It doesn’t work like this. By practicing the fine art of making mistakes you will gradually eliminating guilt from your emotions portfolio. Stay Actionable At some point. But that’s another story. And you will also experience some rejection from the guilt worshipers around. because guilt makes you easier to be controlled. Either the results of your blunders will be really overwhelming. Maybe you’re in a really big hole now. either you’re going to develop some kind of an allergy to actions. If you’re not going to do anything. Stay actionable. Since all your life is right here right now. what’s the purpose of going back in time and feeling bad about something you can’t change anymore? Oh. 208 of 586 . or something. really into making mistakes. The only way to get out from a hole is to keep climbing. the Earth won’t start lower around you just to flatten your situation. 5. The biggest of all. Keep doing stuff.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It let’s embrace sadness and regret. you’ll hit a wall. Don’t. if you ask me. if you’re really.

Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It The masters of the fine art of making mistakes know that action is the only detail that separate an error from an opportunity. if properly used. Lose yourself in a smile. Sooner than you think. Allow laughing to dissolve some of your frozen approaches. you’re going to become hard as a rock. the fine art of making mistakes will teach you the true value of laughing. The trick is to keep a functional link between your mistakes and your sense of humor. It can melt everything around. even if you’re making only baby steps. a very powerful one. 209 of 586 . I agree) but you’ll start to actually enjoy your life. With all those mistakes. Do whatever you can to foster your actions. Make a little fun of yourself every once in a while. And equally difficult to change. you’re as good as dead. greatly improved sense of humor (which may seem strange to your peers. 6. If not used at all. The dissolving effect of this link will help you overcome the consequences of your mistakes faster than anyone else. keep making those steps. Laugh at Your Mistakes Laugh is a dissolution agent. as feeble as it may be at times. Or let others do it. If you stop moving. attitudes or mental paths. Not only you’re going to develop a new. keep looking forward and. Or even because of them.

as long as you’re obeying this one. follow it. waiting for some random trigger to be used by somebody else.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It 7. just go for it. The fundamental question is: do you really want to be the unconscious toy of somebody else? Because that’s going to happen when you’re quitting. it’s time to sum up the core of the fine art of making mistakes. But the fundamental question is not why and how did them. you did a few mistakes in your life and yes. Yes. You can forget all of the above. Obsess over it. Whatever you want. that would be the one. Quitters are just empty forms mimicking life. Whatever you’re after. Just don’t allow yourself to quit and ruin all the progress you’ve made so far. Don’t Quit Quitting is the mother of all mistakes. their goals. don’t lose sight of your dream. their dreams. Fantasize if that’s bringing it closer. *** Now that you read the principles. Follow your goal. you’ll probably do some more. if that’s making it more real. And 210 of 586 . If there will be only one fundamental principle of the art of making mistakes. Their infinite inner power is at lose. They lost their joy of life.

Whatever you want. ! 211 of 586 .Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It that would be only 3 simple sentences (sorry if you’re waiting for more): 1. but you can’t tell it unless you start doing it. 3. You can’t grow without accepting the mistakes you made. 2. just go out and do it: you may be wrong. You can’t grow without making mistakes.

But what happens if you see a grown up doing the same thing? Suddenly.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It How To Be Ridiculous ! Have you ever feel ridiculous? Ever been laughed at? Don’t answer that. I’ve been laughed at. fall. crawl and then get back on his feet again and start over? Everybody admires that. so what? I don’t have any visible scars from being ridiculous (and no invisible scars either). Then what is really the problem with being ridiculous? Why this fear of making a “faux pas”? Why this obsession of avoiding to be laughed at in public (and not only)? Being Ridiculous Have you ever saw an infant learning to walk? Noticed how he stumbles. if it makes you feel awkward. As a grown up you’re expected to walk steadily. You don’t really have to answer. the falling and the crawling are ridiculous. Being ridiculous means creating an unexpected and violent contrast between what you’re doing now and what you are generally expected to do. I can do it for you and I will: yes. the stumbling. I know these types of answers can be considered sometimes “sensitive information”. I felt ridiculous a number of times. and not only once. 212 of 586 . Yes. if it makes you feel uncomfortable. Ok.

by the way. by rejecting you. Similarly.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It Stumbling. society hates everything unpredictable. You’re acting differently. As strange as it may seem. society tries to protect itself. You Can’t Do Without It 213 of 586 . falling and crawling will generate a huge contrast to this expectation. this rejection is somehow natural. the answer to our initial question: people fear being ridiculous because they fear rejection. Being ridiculous is a social illness and it manifests only in groups. If you’re showing such a big contrast from what you’re usually doing and what you are doing just now. you will be ridiculous. an infant is expected to stumble and crawl. You can’t really be ridiculous when you’re alone. or at least unpredictably. And voila. Ridiculously Rejected This contrast creates a certain response: people notice it and react to it. And for the sake of its own safety. If you do that. Every ridiculous situation is created from this contrast: you’re doing something surprisingly different from what you’re expected to. Most of the time. He’s just natural. so he does not create any contrast at all between what he does now and what he’s expected to do.

that we simply cannot avoid being ridiculous. when we grow. we do get forced to become ridiculous. we all do our best to have a consistent social behavior and avoid those awkward contrasts. you create an unexpected and sometimes violent contrast between the current you and the future you. your tasteless. Really ridiculous. we do. 214 of 586 . my friend. When you learn something new. when you’re trying to acquire a new skill or implement a new habit. Yes. When we learn.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It Now. Remember when you first started to learn a foreign language? Or cooking? Or some sport? Remember your hideous accent. mechanical moves? Well. Generally speaking. ugly meals or your clumsy. we are ridiculous. the one who’ll have that habit. We are so different from the person we want to become. When we’re not ridiculous. we’re usually respected and accepted. you were ridiculous. skill or ability. you’re in fact bridging a huge gap between the actual you and the next you. believe it or not. whenever you learn something new. But what happens when we have no other option than to create this contrast? Because. You don’t believe me? Follow on. when we evolve. society likes this approach and rewards us by giving back validation. Have you ever thought what exactly happens when you learn something? Well. Starting to get my point? Glad you do.

the highest our ridiculous meter. The biggest the gap we want to bridge. when you got used to being ridiculous. you’re in trouble. although there’s been a while since you started to do that specific thing. dustier version of you and the shinier. well. To continue our comparison. without really evolving into something new. How To Be Ridiculous 215 of 586 . we’re all evolving and each time we’re aiming at something much better than we are now. It means you’re not growing. We’re leaving behind something familiar and we’re stumbling upon a new territory. Whenever you’re ridiculous not because of the contrast between your older. new version of you. you’re just funny. You’re on the same level. if you still stumble and crawl when you’re in high school. you should take a step back. well. When To Worry As a rule of thumb. You should really have learn how to walk by the time you’re eighteen. being ridiculous is absolutely mandatory. We’re all becoming better. It means you’re no longer advancing. we all are. that should be a problem.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It Truth is. It means we’re getting there. We’re creating the contrast. unless you have a serious physical condition. in a sad way.

The main reason: my English skills. they make fun of me. Lately. more than a year ago. They expect me to be proficient in English and every small mistake is immediately spotted. I “enjoyed” a lot of ridiculousness. My reaction: I’m happy about it. live with it. And when you learn like this.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It When I started to blog constantly in English. reading programming documentation and other blogs. keeps a certain 216 of 586 . it’s part of the deal. really happy about that. I have some “spelling nazis” hunting for my English blunders and vocally announcing them on Twitter or in their blogs. Not a single one. since this blog really picked it up and became popular. What we call society. in the process. you should expect some serious flaws. It means this blog created such high expectations that every small mistake is by contrast unacceptable. I learned by absorption. Which means I’m getting there. All that I’ve learned was by watching movies. you will face this danger of becoming ridiculous. I’m also aware of the fact that I’m being ridiculous. And yes. Of course. Every now and then some of my readers are kind enough to give me some grammar or vocabulary advice. this group in which you are living. Well. Oh. Truth is I never had an English lesson in my entire life. you will face rejection. to say the least. Which were poor. I think by now you realized that every time you will want to grow. I’m really. in the process. that’s also part of the deal.

but you’re not his newer version either. Being appropriately ridiculous is an art. The art of creating an incredibly better you. Who are you. The art of keep growing until you’re not making them anymore. The art of accepting your own mistakes.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It memory about you and when you grow you will violently change it. Just keep doing what you’re started and do whatever you can to become your better version. until you force society to acknowledge it. it will have no other option than to accept and validate your new you. society reacts by questioning your status quo: “hey. You will become different (hopefully. The art of daring to become so differently from your older version that sometimes you won’t be recognized anymore. after you get better and better at what you’re doing. you’re not the guy I know. To this new image of you. At some point. ! 217 of 586 . better). funny guy?”.

I usually do some evaluation. I even become friend with some of them. In today’s post I’m going to talk about this bigger thing that emerged. Precisely. Of course. Some commenters appeared more often than others. Out of curiosity. What was worth doing last year? What changed? How this change impacted me? During some of this rather informal evaluations I spotted an intriguing thing. I started to visit 218 of 586 . Blogging As a Commitment While I was browsing through my posts on this very blog.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It How To Quit Being A Quitter ! I write this at the end of a year and the beginning of another one. I started to spot some similarities. many of the people who comment on this blog are quite active in the personal development field too. An impression and then gone. Each time I reach such a milestone. I’m going to talk about the art of not quitting. It started as personal story but then evolved into something bigger. But beyond these constant presences there were also some sporadic appearances. It’s quite normal for them to comment on other blogs. A comment every now and then.

What happened to those blogs? They were not abandoned. They quit one of their dreams. And yet. Nobody’s really there anymore. Because those people quit. A place with a lot of high hopes but almost no action to back them up. if you ask me. It’s easier to blame it on the “life got in the way” than to actually make your dreams alive. so many people are doing it. It’s far more easy to abandon your goals then to stick with them. Nothing. I’ve been there too.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It the blogs of those intermittent commenters. And then it hit me: they were drifting in the suspended limbo of “what if?”. It’s easier to find excuses than to do work. A quick effort and then gone. How To Stick With It Quitting is the fastest way to screw up your life. They quit their blogs and their presence on other blogs. I was one of those lazy quitters and I must tell you: I didn’t feel well at all. but obviously they were not fully functional either. A desert space filled with stubs and unfulfilled promises. It’s quite depressing in this realm. On the 219 of 586 . They quit their project. “What if” I’ll start a blog and become famous? “What if” I’ll start to make some passive income? The “what if?” realm is a realm of neglected desires. The same impression emerged from their blogs: a post every now and then. And they do it for a reason: because it’s easy.

Being a quitter will work against your normal physiology. creating whirls of free. But deep down. that’s true. which will most likely transform into body imbalances. By realizing it’s a disease. Don’t pretend you want to travel the world and you’re doing some research. So. I had to come up with a treatment. 220 of 586 . don’t pretend you’re a blogger just to procrastinate on twitter while pretending you’re promoting your blog. it will stop some natural processes. If you really like watching TV. Have you noticed how lazy people have headaches? That’s not by hazard. A chronic type of pain which is slowly eating you up.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It surface. just sit on the couch for the whole day and watch TV. Which we also call illnesses. Clearly Decide What You Want If you really like scrubbing twitter all day just scrub it. This is how I started to fight quitting.) Here is my 5 steps recipe to quit being a quitter. (It’s amazing how much you can do when you realize your physical presence is at risk. 1. A medicine for quit quitting. I can tell you. something that will literally make me ill. it’s easiest to quit. unused energy. quitting is more like a disease. It’s easy to be lazy and wait for things to happen instead of pushing the world to make them happen for you.

You will be focusing your resources in only one point. Write down what you want to do in a visible place. Or I want to become a successful blogger. The beautiful snow is made by millions of snowflakes.5 hours of writing. after all. Put it on the wall in front of you. Or I want to become a social media consultant. And that’s just a basic definition. A rainbow is light transformed by billions of raindrops. Long term results are more often the cause of small. Just do what you have to do daily. Half an hour of writing each day will be 365 halves of an hour. take note that being a successful blogger means: writing good content. A sea is the sum of all the small creeks. Small Chunks Pays Big Time Slice it up in daily manageable chunks. The most important thing generated by this simple action will be your energy focus. commenting on other blogs and promoting your own blog through social media. If you want to be a successful blogger. 2. I want to travel the world. dramatically increasing your chances to succeed. And that will be 182. Like the focus of the sunshine through a magnifying loupe: it can really light a fire. well. regardless of how you feel about it. constantly repeated actions. At a rate of only 500 words per hour (but 221 of 586 .Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It Deciding what you want do is the cornerstone of every successful activity. answering to comments.

Fail Often So you can understand if it works for you. I couldn’t even imagine that number. For a moment. You will build brick by brick. Can you even imagine yourself writing now 100. you can’t really know the good one. What matters is to do it daily. But if you slice it up in daily chunks of repeated actions you will add up. you can fail. That’s one more reason to do hell out of your best in order to avoid failure. One word though: I’m not in this big trend of “let’s have a big failure to be ready for success” which seems to have spread lately.000 words of good content? I thought so. Let’s make it a round 100. sometimes 2000. you will have good days and bad days. but I do find failure indispensable in the learning process. Getting too intimate with failure can lead to a friendship and I 222 of 586 . While browsing through my blog admin interface I saw that my blog have now more than 450. To mobilize every inch of resources available. Fail Fast.250 words written in one year. Sometimes you’ll write 100 words. It means going to sleep every day with a clear heart: I did everything I could today.000 words. in order to be sure you are on the right track. If you don’t really fail on a wrong path. be bold. So. Yes.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It in time you can easily get to 1000 words per hour) that would be 91.000 words written. Yes. Step by step. 3.

only you. don’t stop when you’re an A-lister. every time you get resistance from other people. As long as you already have your dream clear in your mind. When they start to accept you. what I want is success. If your goal was to become the best blogger in the world. 223 of 586 . They Don’t Know Shit About You Nobody knows what you really want. Remember. nobody knows what’s in your heart. Nobody knows but you what success really means to you. but man.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It don’t want that. I accept failure as necessary and I welcome it every time it occurs. Even if being an A-lister means centuries of evolution for you. in small chunks. Nobody can live for you. of course. When people start to notice your work. When you start to get praised. This is especially necessary not only when you get rejected. So. don’t trust anybody but you. resist to it. Don’t settle for an intermediary victory. as long as you’re already doing what you have to do daily. Don’t let it bring you down. There is only one person in the universe who can live for you and that person would be. as long as all your small failures made you even more confident in your path. Capital letters if you didn’t get it for the first time: SUCCESS! 4. but when you get accepted too. Don’t accept the good while indeifnitely postponing the best. Live it up to the fullest. Go for what YOU want. because they don’t know shit about you. Don’t stop at the first sign of success.

It’s the beginning of a new year and I’m looking back at what I did in 2009. Every decision to work instead of procrastinating is transformed into real. And that’s the whole secret behind how to quit becoming a quitter:  you can’t quit something you’re proud of. Just look at what you did and be genuinely happy for it. Appreciate your results. Sooner or later it will stop. I could explode with happiness and I’m not joking. Appreciation is the invisible fuel of your actions. all of the above will be useless. I’m proud of what I did.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It 5. And I’m happy for every “I can’t do this thing now” transformed into “well. visible value. You did it! If you skip this step. let’s do it anyway”. ! 224 of 586 . Smile at them. If you don’t appreciate what you’re doing. you’re not pumping enough fuel into your machine. Smile at yourself. The end of the year will do it for many of us. Be Happy About It Chose one special moment to enjoy it. And I’m incredibly happy about it. Now I can see that every 10 minutes stolen from distractions are paying off big time. Appreciate yourself.

so to 225 of 586 . We’re going on and on. The day went on as usual but on my way home. He looked calm and somehow on top of the situation. noisy and… toxic! The exhaustion pipe was on the left side. and since the truck was rolling on my right. We can all spread gas on other people cars. at some point on the highway. relaxed and somehow on top of the situation without even noticing how infectious we can be at times. only we don’t realize it. I don’t know if you know the type: ugly. After a few hundreds meters I went ahead of it and looked to the rear mirror: the driver didn’t seem to have any problem with all that toxic gas he was literally exhaling on the highway. even if my windows were closed. just like the driver of the morning truck. something hit me: we can all be toxic persons to other people. I could see he had no idea he was a really toxic person to other people.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It How To Avoid Being A Toxic Person: 13 Simple Tips ! I was driving to town the other day. when. Toxic gas. around the same place I met the truck. I found myself near a huge truck. I was inhaling huge amounts of gas.

2. What follows is only a short list of what I found. although it encompasses this too. Once home. so feel free to add your own tips in the comments. Say Only What You Mean It’s not only about plain lying. I was searching for things which can lower your toxic “gas emissions”. But fact is. It’s about keeping what you’re saying in sync with your mind. The list is not even near to be complete. or sometimes you just don’t want to say it out loud.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It speak. hence you’re 226 of 586 . I started to think about what makes us toxic persons. sometimes you’re in a hurry. Generally speaking. Say Thank You Sometimes you simply forgot to say “thank you’. goals and attitude. I tried to identify some simple ways to avoid becoming such a person. 1. The moment you’re starting saying things you don’t really mean. every time you’re not saying ”thank you“ you leave room for a toxic thought or approach. The simple act of saying ”thank you“ closes an interaction in a completely healthy way. Even more. your communication process becomes heavily ineffective. no room left for any potential harmful follow up. making it easier to become an “ecological” citizen. and the worst thing is we don’t even realize how toxic we are.

3. 4. we do live in an emotionally polluted world. 5. What really counts in this dusty environment is to try lowering this pollution index as much as we can.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It going to emit huge amounts of toxic gas. Small confusions. Say Something Nice To An Unknown Person Like it or not. from people who don’t even realize they’re toxic. Every time you get such a glitch. false impressions or misinterpretations are like glitches in a car engine. like the driver of that truck. just like that ugly. Clearly State What You Want A lot of toxicity exhales from misunderstanding. And saying something nice to a completely unknown person will have exactly this effect: it will act like an air freshener. making the smog disappear at least for a few moments. Just say what you want. Don’t Gossip 227 of 586 . most of the time. you’ll get an increased level of toxicity. it’s like having water in your gasoline: the conversation engine will start to cough and before you know it. noisy truck. Doesn’t matter if this emotional pollution comes.

No Regrets Even if you don’t realize.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It Talking behind other people’s back is like putting your exhaustion pipe to somebody else door. Most of the time we do the same. Even if you’re not talking directly to those people. without checking. 8. The mere act of keeping strings attached to the past will make you be that driver who’s going ten miles per hour on a speed lane. Even if your regrets have nothing to do. directly. This apparently small inconvenient of not letting others go faster will soon become toxic for them. Sooner or later they’ll realize something is wrong and they’ll also identify the source. just look around and realize there are other people around you. Pay Attention To People Around You For starters. A lot of toxicity arise from ignorance. that would be enough. If the driver of that huge truck would have look at me he could have seen that I was a little bit upset because of all this gas. 7. when you regret stuff for yourself you’re affecting the reality of others too. you’re directing your toxic emissions to their houses. 6. with their reality. But he just assumed that everything was ok. while pretending you’re looking in a different direction. Help Somebody Around 228 of 586 .

Loading yourself with tons of unneeded gadgets or beliefs will make you move slower and slower. 10. but your overall performance will go down. you’ll be like a 4×4 car carrying away a huge truck. move away from the road and let others reach their goals. helping somebody around will be equivalent to a full repair of a damaged exhaustion pipe. 229 of 586 . Be elastic. If you can’t focus. You will become toxic by immobility.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It If ”saying something nice to an unknown person“ will act like an air freshener. without focusing on what’s really important all you’re going to do is to create an awfully crowded traffic. be slim. Give Your Time To What’s Important If you’re drifting away from task to task. If you can’t do that. Helping other people will lower not only their existent toxicity but it will also drastically reduce the odds of an uncontrolled increase. Not only your mileage will sky rocket. without doing anything from what you intended to. Period. 9. If you help somebody out. Adjust instantly to new environments. It’s like driving in circles on the same roads again and again. Let Go Of The Unneeded Clutter is bad. you will in fact create a fresher environment for yourself. The only problem with that is that you’re becoming a problem too.

right? How can one scratch his own car? But at the same time we keep talking bad about ourselves.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It 11. you’re one of the guys keeping a parking spot for ever. Yeah. the road is 230 of 586 . Meanwhile. because you think it “deserves” that. if you procrastinate. Avoid Procrastination How many times you went in circles in a public parking waiting for a free spot? Well. you’re infecting others with your behavior. Other people can borrow this attitude pretty easily and that would create some sort of an epidemic. And that’s pretty frustrating. Procrastination is not only an individual choice. Don’t Enter A Fight Fighting – as in verbal fighting – it’s such a waste of time. 12 Don’t Talk Bad About Yourself It’s contagious. Try to visualize yourself walking around with a lot of scars for your own punches… 13. if we’re talking about a car it’s kinda funny. Not to mention the fact that talking bad about yourself it’s like scratching your own car. and how stupid the other guy is. it will affect your interaction with other people too. Have you ever noticed those drivers fighting when someone blunders in traffic? They spend minutes and minutes blocking the road just to tell how smarter and skilled they are. If you’re not doing your job.

everybody is delayed and the toxic gas from the immobilized cars is slowly replacing the oxygen.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It blocked. ! ! 231 of 586 .

sorry. Which I’m so totally not. (I can’t tell you the exact proportion. Aside the usual eye rolling when it comes to put “blog” and “make a living” on the same level. I’d lean more towards the Superman thing. but the “idiot” team is also pretty strong). either start to treat me like I’m Superman or something. putting a permanent “idiot” label on my forehead. your relationships or your 232 of 586 . hitting your heads gracefully and healing your life. Wrong blog. I’m not Superman. they’re all having a sort of a chill. Like they want to have a better look at me. fact is that once they learn I’m running a personal development blog. Anyway. From now on. they somehow treat me as some sort of a guru.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It The 6 Stages Of A Failure ! I am always amazed by how people react when I’m telling them what I do for a living: “I run a personal development blog”. if you know what I mean. I don’t have a magic wand. And a little step back. though. but I’ll say it again: no. they’re either totally ignoring me. The total opposite of failure. You’re Really Not Superman? You may be disappointed.

I had failures in personal and social relationships. in school.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It finances. I’m not the last beholder of the light of knowledge. I couldn’t manage to keep my relationship with his mother going on and had to split up. Not even the best productivity guy around. you can bet all your money that I had at least one major failure there. At some point. After that. Yes. Then why the heck have I started a personal development blog? Now take a deep breath and relax: the answer will puzzle you. Ready? Ok: I started a personal development blog because I know every imaginable thing about failure. I’ve been there so many times. generally speaking. I had to sell my home (at that time a small studio I was living in) and move my entire company from the office I was renting to a small apartment. wherever you’ll find a consistent life niche. I courageously entered a hasty marriage. just to pay my debt. I had failures in business. only to end 233 of 586 . My first major personal relationship was also a complete fiasco. but I’ve been on the verge of bankruptcy more than once. where I also had to sleep. I can’t even remember. in my job (back when I had one) and. I’m not the ultimate carrier of the universal truth. After my first child was born. And you’ll win big time. I had an online business for 10 years.

jumping around and being in the moment. If you fail enough. You take a risk.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It it up in a few years. interesting. exciting. In my experience. with the same bitter taste in my mouth. I can go on like this for hours. Fall in love. The Anatomy Of A Failure If you do something often enough. because it releases our inner guardians. But that’s not the point. The point is that all those failures. you’ll start to discern the hidden structure of a failure. if you really wanna know. And some of them made me even smarter. I really can. so to speak. each of equal importance. made me stronger. And this what I’m going to talk about for the rest of this post. Start a business. This is the part where you start something new. you’ll start to see some patterns. 1. 234 of 586 . Embark on an unexpected travel. The experiment is the most intense part of a failure. through a subtle but powerful process. We act free of inhibitions. This is the stage where you actually dive in without really knowing what’s going to happen. The Experiment That’s the first stage and also the most alive and most pleasant of all. failure comes in 6 stages. I mean.

at some point. all you want is to feel more. you ignored some very obvious signs that he/she was actually flashing from the very beginning). to experiment more. 235 of 586 . For example. this is the romantic phase. when you fall in love with the “wrong” person. The Outcome Something happens after this experiment: there is an outcome. this is also the stage we use to blame the most. Maybe your partner proved to be dishonest (or. most likely. Maybe the trip turned out to be a fiasco because the budget exploded and now you have to do the dishes in a restaurant to pay for your plane ticket home (or. Which is not entirely true. Maybe your business idea wasn’t validated by reality (or. you did something wrong).Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It Unfortunately. I think we’ve all been there. And I think we’ll all be there too. 2. most likely. if he or she is an honest person. enjoying every second with your new partner. We somehow associate the thrill. exhilaration and enthusiasm of this stage with the actual failure. You don’t really care if he or she is married. But the fact that we felt good shouldn’t make us feel bad after we realize we did a mistake. you ignored some very common sense rule and it turned out that rule was for real). The phase in which you’re totally blind and helpless. You just don’t want to know more. most likely.

that we simply couldn’t accept it. Sometimes we simply call this “the disaster”. It will be fixed in a moment. You avoid it altogether. more than often. you simply ignore the numbers. reject. Denial is more than often some kind of pain alleviation. Denial The first reaction is to deny the whole result. in our faces. 3. this is the one we hate the most. You chose not to see the reality. If there’s something that could go wrong in the experiment. Our reality was so drastically challenged. The third stage is the stage of the blind man. If the failure is about a business. the stage in which many of us are stuck for ever. step back. The disaster was so big. uncovering an ugly reality and making us feel miserable. Usually. Denial is also. so we chose to run away and hide in a mental castle. Take refuge. This is the one which totally blows out the experiment. Out of all 6 stages. Everything is ok. isolate. this is the stage when it actually explodes.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It The outcome is the part when we pay. No worries. that we can’t recognize it anymore. 236 of 586 . Act like you still have all the money you lost and their real absence is just a temporary glitch in the matrix. When we realize we did something extremely wrong and we have to put up with the consequences.

it wasn’t me: the market was tough. it wasn’t me: my partner lied. They’re ready to turn the world upside down and claim the rain is going from earth to the sky . 5. They never get out of here. Excuses Hopefully. You’ll start to acknowledge the mess. but you won’t take responsibility. you accept the outcome. you’ll get tired of living in denial.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It 4. What’s interesting at this stage is the enormous amount of creativity people are using in finding excuses. at some point. Yes. Acceptance Then. finally. Accepting the mistake give them some sort of a relief. No. Yes. I’m going to tell it anyway: this is the stage in which 90% of the people are stopping. It’s the stage of excuses: somebody else did it. nobody forced you to. Personal development is never possible if you blame others for your own failure. just to avoid admitting that they turned on that stupid water hose. Never was and never will be. No. you started that business. And it was a mistake. you entered that relationship. You’re going to realize you did a mistake. And you did it. nobody forced you to. but they lack the power to take responsibility. As hard as it would be for you to accept this. And that 237 of 586 .

Acceptance in itself will only make you feel better on the inside. when and 238 of 586 . It means a lot more. Acceptance makes things manageable again. You’re still on the same mess you created. You see what you did wrong. if you made it to the acceptance stage. it’s you who is hurt. that’s true). And you still live in that mess. Denial is a form of rejecting reality. that by itself won’t change the consequences of that mistake. 6.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It caused a lot of a mess. there’s hope. Accepting you did something that hurt somebody (most of the time. there wasn’t any handle to reality. And that’s the beauty of a lesson. But now. When you were in denial. If you did a major mistake and you accept it. It’s so difficult to accept a failure. but will not change your external surroundings. please solve it. Because acceptance doesn’t only mean a verbal “yes”. you were giving away your power to somebody else: you did it. minute by minute. No wonder 90% of the people are stopping at the excuses layer. Learning The Lesson Which means taking some sort of real action. Until you take action and get out. so I can feel better. You learn by doing. That’s the most difficult stage of all. It means taking responsibility for what you’ve done. not me. And in the excuses layer.

but rather the secret of failure. one may ask the following question (if nobody will do it. and start to fix it. Only this time you’re not sleepwalking on the roof of your house. The last stage is the stage in which you’re actually growing. It’s like a DIY session. It’s like you have a map on how to reassemble the pieces. I’ll do it for you. only it’s for the entire Universe. You’re exercising your powers again. so you pick your tools and start fixing that stuff. at the core of it it’s no secret of success. I know you’re all thinking at it): if we know the anatomy of a failure so well. As you can see. accepting and taking action again.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It how. evaluating. because now you’re doing stuff. You broke something in your reality but now you know exactly how you did it. We grow up by identifying each stage of our failures and moving on. The long answer: because this is how we learn. you’re fixing the roof  of your house. Failure And Personal Development Now. You’re taking action. The first and the last stage of a failure have something very subtle in common: enthusiasm. why aren’t we avoiding them altogether? Why do we keep making mistakes? The short answer: because we can’t. By experimenting. That’s the whole personal development process. 239 of 586 . It doesn’t really matter if you’re broke or alone.

You still need a cup of it to quench your thirst. but that wouldn’t prevent us from bumping into it again. ! 240 of 586 . this is true. It’s about getting square. Partially. Learning the lesson. you won’t be attracted to that failure again. There is still a very deep need for that specific lesson. On the contrary: have you noticed that we tend to make the same mistakes again and again? Because it’s not about knowing the mistake and avoiding it. Once you’re not thirsty again. The glue to the failure is the fact that you didn’t consumed it entirely.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It One could argue that if we really know the anatomy of a failure. we could avoid it next time. Once you learned the lesson. It’s about putting up with it. But only partially. you’ll finally be free to try another lesson. We may know a certain type of failure.

Not only because I can hardly remember what I did during those two weeks. Being a millionaire. Really. I wasn’t Dragos Roua anymore. floating like a prima-donna on a cheap soap opera. Partly because it wasn’t me who did it (I was somebody else. In our current society. now I’m pretty sure those were two of the worst weeks of my life. this is a reasonably big milestone. a venture in which I invested all my energy and time for more than a decade. but because what I remember feels disconnected and strange. like “being a millionaire” is a very dangerous thing for your 241 of 586 . Although at that time I didn’t imagine I will ever think something like this. which is more than 10 days in a row. who doesn’t want to be that? I confess I surrendered to this reality for a good two weeks. focused so much on numbers and quantitative approaches. Borrowing a ready made identity. The assets I already owned combined with the value of the transaction put me in the position to be evaluated at over 1 million dollars. I was a millionaire. During those two weeks.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It How To Invest In Yourself (And Why) ! Two years ago I sold my first company. just like I told you) partly because I was in a very euphoric state.

Specifically. If all I was chasing was a mirage. but it wasn’t. so please excuse the long introduction. Been there. which culminated with the book 30 Sentences For A Millionaire Mindset. about investing in yourself. I realized that being a millionaire is just an external image. writing that book was a therapeutic process. It was my way of healing the strange illness I got by this foreign image which I glued on me. I would like to say that it was a sudden enlightenment. what’s the use for all that money anymore? And with that I finally reach the topic of this article. I know that first hand. For me. 242 of 586 . it became useless. well. yes. another thing started to slowly grow until it became a very clear and sharp question: what to do with all that money? Suddenly. done that. But being able to create abundance. and the book talked exactly about that.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It mental health. Borrowing any social mask to hide your real nature is a very dangerous thing too. an internal breakthrough which led me to an epiphany. being a millionaire is one of the most wanted and toxic ones. After I finished the book. it was a rather slow process. In fact. After those two weeks something happened. At the same time. that was something that was very precious. but among all the social personas you can choose. at the cost of my own authentic being. Today I’m going to talk about investing. it has nothing to do with me.

Investing in yourself is very different from investing in external assets. You don’t get back money.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It How To Invest In Yourself – A Primer To make a long story short. yourself. after I realized I still have work to do. in this case. it’s not an easy task. we’re carrying away just an incomplete picture of what we would like to be rather than what we really are. you start by assessing your potential asset. it’s completely different when you invest in yourself. 243 of 586 . I decided to invest it all in myself. but that’s not always true. namely to take care of that money. as in any investment. Stage One: Assessment Of course. Usually. It doesn’t follow the same pattern and it surely doesn’t offer you the same compensation. Again. I still congratulate myself every once in a while when I’m thinking about that. It wasn’t an easy decision as some of the money was already invested in real estate. We’re the byproduct of our own ideas about ourselves. you get back an improved version of yourself. Most of the time. We think we can provide value in a certain area. rather than the facts. but in the long run it proved to be a very good one. Well. Whenever people are investing money they expect in return money.

She was always close to me and by observing her reaction to some of my actions I realized that some areas I thought I was strong in were not so strong. And what I did lose was the image of a successful entrepreneur. she didn’t 244 of 586 . you leave away the internal “fog”. You can either start asking questions right away about the facts you’re interested in. it should be a person you trust. but your weaknesses. something was missing. but rather “where’s my opportunity spot?”. Facts Analysis! When you analyze facts. Once you put this so-called quality of yours to strain. It’s not “how much do I value now?”. For instance. She always knew me by this public interface of a successful online business man. either just observe the other person reactions to some of your actions. but that may be just an inconsistent cloud in your ego. Ideally. I knew for sure that I didn’t lost my mojo. At some point. One important thing to note is that this assessment is not geared towards identifying your “value”. after all. but she was right. Because that’s the spot where you’re going to invest. it may vanish in a second. my team mate in facts analysis was Diana. Facts analysis involves another person. she told me that “I lost my mojo”. Maybe you think you’re a brilliant negotiator. 1. Now that the image was gone.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It Here’s a 3 steps structure I used to make my first initial assessment.

And without dreaming you can’t really function in this world. The danger appears when you take wishful thinking for granted.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It know how access my real part. I already wrote a (rather popular. rather than actually living in. that’s for sure. Just accept the fact that sometimes you’re just fantasizing about the world you’re living in. Accept and Avoid Wishful Thinking! Precisely: accept that you can generate wishful thinking and avoid those situations. If you plan to seriously invest in yourself you gotta accept the fact that you’re going to have unrealistic thoughts and expectations and take them away from your conclusions. 2. as it seems) interview with yourself which you can use as a starting point for your own. One of the most common wishful thinking patterns I had was “I will move to New Zealand”. Of course I will. 245 of 586 . It won’t happen by itself. or even if there was a real part behind that image. Interview With Yourself! But the most useful tools of all in the stage of assessment is the interview with yourself. That will make your assessment very difficult. You can’t always escape from this trap: wishful thinking is from the same family with dreaming. but before that I have to take care about a lot of stuff. And that was a very strong indicator of an area in which I had work to do. 3.

You simply don’t know how to “look” at them. But some parts of reality are hidden because you’re not having the right tools to perceive them. you’ll be so focused on saving money that your real objective will start to shrink more and more. you start to actually invest. You’re going to do this in two ways: you’re either growing and enhancing skills. You have pre-conceived opinions about it. Let’s talk a little about those “reality sensors” (will get back to skills a little later). Because they will help you measure the success of your investment. It’s like trying to see the infra-red light. Well. either build new “reality sensors”. You may get the money and start 246 of 586 . you have your own experiences and memories. until it will disappear. In the process. But they’ll be true. Stage Two: Growing Skills and Sensors After the assessment. Without them you can’t evaluate your investment.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It The conclusions you’ll draw from this interview won’t be appealing. that I can tell you. You can perceive reality in many ways. those new reality sensors are fundamental. Let’s say you want to travel the world and you’re saving money for that. and having a real image of your asset in which you’re going to invest is fundamental. which cannot be seen without the appropriate sensor.

I wasn’t a really big enjoyer while I was an entrepreneur. I practiced my long distance travel sensors. For instance. And the more I did it. And. to make it more in sync with your real self. If you’re going to really invest in yourself. partly because it seemed like a perpetual postponed activity: “I will feel good when I’ll grow my company revenue three times”. Well. You became so immersed in your activity that you forgot the goal. Protecting and Enhancing Your Skills Now. but you’ll travel with this unspeakable feeling of “something is missing”. I started to look around and see what are the things which are bringing me joy. I started to expose myself to them. Or some other bullshit like this. Japan or New Zealand. You’re not going to acquire some new skill requested by your job. Fundamental difference. your skills are not to be traded. You actually can’t feel the activity. let’s get back a little to the skills. because you don’t have the corresponding sensor.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It traveling the world. but protected. practicing my “enjoying” sensors every day. going to see Thailand. Partly because I didn’t have the time for it. the more I wanted to do it. little by little. but you’re going to enhance and polish what you already have. When I decided I will invest in myself. you don’t have the sensor for it anymore. One of the sensors I had to carefully grow was “enjoy reality”. It’s the 247 of 586 .

I learned tons of stuff about project management. move your focus from it. Nothing fancy. programming. I’m sure everybody knows that you can’t properly function if you’re neglecting your health. and I’m sure I won’t bring down the AppStore with it. For instance I just finished my first iPhone app (with iPad and Android versions following pretty soon). negotiation. Re-focus. So why ditching it just because “I’m a millionaire”. If not. Your Highest Asset: Health This is by far the easiest way to understand this whole “invest in yourself” approach. As an entrepreneur I had to grow a lot of skills required by my “job”. Do I really like programming? Of course I do.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It inverse process: instead of going out buying a new skill (by giving your focus and time in exchange). Well. but a very important milestone for me. When I decided to invest in myself I took each and every one of those skills and polished it. I started to exercise regularly 248 of 586 . I made this one of my top priorities and it paid back tremendously. Do you still need it? If yes. financial planning and a lot more. getting things done. shift to another direction and start programming again. you’re looking at what you already have and see how it fits in your general structure. if I really want to. then make it even better. But not everybody do something about it. Tried to find every facet of it and look how it fits into my real personality. then leave it away.

Each of these stimuli will trigger a certain response in you. If you’re going to try this “invest in yourself” approach. In other words. I won’t tell you again about the benefits of eating raw. in an ocean of stimuli. our behavior is hugely shaped by our environment. I recommend to start with an investment in your health: improve your diet and start exercising. Hence. you can do a search on my blog and read the related articles. I’m a regular vegetarian now but I can function way better that I was before. You cannot function alone.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It (which was something completely unthinkable back when I was running my company) and I even embarked on a 9 and a half months raw food diet. by the people we’re surrounding ourselves with. You’re living in a sea of interactions. 249 of 586 . Although we’re not always admitting it. investing in yourself involves creating better relationships. You’re going to see the results faster than in any other area and that will keep you pumped and motivated. Building A Web Of Relationships Surprisingly enough. it goes without any doubt that if you want to improve your overall activity. You’re not alone. you should change your relationships. But I will tell you that something changed for the good in my metabolism after those 9 months. you should change the stimuli you’re exposed to.

The more you invest in yourself. But it wasn’t only about my online friends. I moved fast and started to create new ones. And it worked. Why Investing In Yourself? We talked so far about “how to invest in yourself” but we didn’t talk about the “why?”. They’re way too many and I wouldn’t have enough space even if you could read this blog until tomorrow morning. especially since they’re not baked up with a physical presence. they were nice people to have around. here we go: why investing in yourself? Because. It’s a fantastic feeling to have so many supportive and empathic relationships. Initially. Although I’ve brutally cut out many of my old professional relationships. 250 of 586 . but I won’t. the more independence and power you gain. I wanted to name a few of my online friends here. the faster you’ll be able to cope with any change in your reality.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It That’s also a very cheap and affordable investment and it also pays back really quick. And the more independent you are. in the end. everything changed. The moment I ignored the potential business benefit I was seeing in each person. So. They were not potential clients. you’re the only one controlling your reality.

we get home. which was heavily under pressure.The weak link was of course my authenticity. For instance. A relationship crisis may have something to do with our self-respect or obsessive control. Thinking that being a “millionaire” will make me more “fit” or “appropriate” . All we’re doing is to adapt to it: day becomes night. And that’s the real reason why investing in yourself always pays back. my “millionaire crisis” was about my need for validation and approval. if you think for a while. or crisis. Our entire life is just a continuous race against change. we think “well. We’re floating from one environment to the the next one. after one of these crisis.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It In fact. 251 of 586 . we’re not doing much outside of trying to cope with changes in our life. changes are challenging our “weak links”. More often than not. Those are what we call “the bad times”. But almost always. those changes in the environment are pretty hard. And this hardening process becomes much easier and almost enjoyable. when we look back at the situation. night becomes day. if you have more resources for it. or areas in which we’re not performing well. Sometimes. Each and every area challenged by a crisis is in fact a weak link which needs hardening. A financial crisis may have something to do with our impulse spending. all I had to do was to adapt and adjust”. we get to work. it wasn’t THAT bad.

My real estate investment is now evaluated 75% less than it was 2 years ago. but like an opportunity. By investing in my self I created a lot of other alternative paths.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It If you have more power and flexibility. 2 years was supposed to be the exit period for that investment. Following my introduction. What exit? At 75% less? You kidding me. I still manage to adjust and adapt to this change by providing value through other channels. “Ok. I will just dive in and see where I’ll end up. Let’s do it. you remember that part of my money was invested in real estate. let’s talk a little bit about some real life examples. a crisis will never feel like a crisis. I’m sure you know the phenomenon. I don’t face the associated stress with such a powerful slump. just before I decided to redirect it into my own personal development. I’m facing a crisis now: here is this big change in my life. In my initial plan. right? And yet. • • I run a rather popular blog which manages to bring in a steady (and growing) revenue month by month I started a series of workshops about online business 252 of 586 . And you know why? Because I didn’t give away control.” Putting The Pieces Together Now. I know I can get through it.

I know I can handle any other challenge. After going through this accelerated investment process. waiting desperately for a buyer and. of flowing an enjoying the benefits of a well thought investment: myself. You know. by using my “enjoy life more” sensor. I am ready for it. I was inclined to write something like: “Whatever it comes.”
 253 of 586 . I will rephrase it like this: “Whatever it comes. To be honest. put under extreme pressure. I don’t care. I really look forward to it. after having my new. there’s this huge difference between watching a (dying) real estate market. I couldn’t sustain a blog without a lot of discipline and implication. hardened version. all in all. Right now I’m doing absolutely ok and I’m also feeling fantastic in the process.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It • I started a series of workshops about blogging • I launched a new branch of building iPhone apps in my New Zealand company None of the above would have been possible if I wouldn’t take the time to carefully invest in my self. And I’ll enjoy every second of it. I couldn’t start a series of workshops if I wouldn’t have something to share in them and I couldn’t start building iPhone apps if I wouldn’t harden my programming skills. giving away control to outside circumstances.” But somehow. and this feeling of being in sync.

Maybe you could be a little more patient when you argue. Not to love. This is going to be light stuff. Easy going. 254 of 586 . something happens.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It The Day You’ll Start To Like Yourself ! Yes. we don’t go there. chit chat. those bits and pieces… The Subtle Disliking Process Those bits and pieces are taking a lot more space and time than you think. Unfortunately. profound and “really touching” stuff. Have a beer. as subtle as it can be. But you know. Every time you’re stumbling upon some aspect of your being you don’t like. A subtle. Or maybe you could make some more money if you’d really start to use your full potential. most of the time invisible process is triggered. when you just like somebody and want to hang out. don’t get me wrong. You know. Perhaps you could lose some weight. this process is also destructive and leaves deep marks. Maybe you like the whole package. At least not in this post. Overall you’re good. This post is not going to be heavy. but there are a few bits and pieces that could be corrected. to like. I bet you don’t really like yourself. grab something to eat and watch the world unfolding in front of you. enjoyable second after enjoyable second.

acting like you’re normal (although you know you’re different). this rejection feeling is not always triggered by somebody else. labeled and stored for further review. Second: you start to feel bad about that part. Your internal dislike process could be something like this: 255 of 586 . although they may be accepted and valued by their peers. Surprisingly enough. Yeap. which makes that difference even more visible. You do that by spotting differences. Not chubby. but. fat. Let’s have an example: suppose you’re fat. exactly. Being different means most of the time being rejected. you start to completely ignore that different part of yourself. Third: you activate some sort of rejection mechanism. People are feeling alienated because they don’t fit in their own image of “acceptable”. This mechanism works in various ways. more often than you think. not a little overweighted. The small part takes over the big part.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It Here’s how it works: First: you identify the part that you don’t like. Or you amplify it to the point it takes over your entire behavior and becomes your main acting theme. You carry around a mental model of what’s “average” or “acceptable” and whatever part of you which doesn’t fit the description is immediately identified. fat. For instance. it’s an individual reaction.

The Natural Liking Process 256 of 586 . in which you try to cope with your own feelings of rejection. so I’m pretending I’m normal. Now isn’t that an incredible waste of time? I mean really.
 3 I gotta get rid of these alienation feelings. It transforms the reality you know and understand in a twisted one. You’ll start to gradually dislike other people because you became really good at the whole disliking process. or I start acting like an elephant in a porcelain store. I’m so fat. I wear tight tee shirts. letting everyone know that I’m huge. I’m bigger than most of the people I know. You see how this disliking process is taking over? You see how those perceived differences are changing the whole world around you? The dislike process is a reality modifier. You’re good at spotting differences and “unacceptable” parts in other people and start triggering the rejection mechanisms for those people too.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It 1 Oh. Disliking yourself will ultimately extend unto others.
 2 I’m definitely different and that makes me feel alienated. you see how much energy is concentrated in this dislike process? And the worst part is that the dislike process is unnatural.

and I really like beautiful. but overall. your emotional arsenal. Here’s how “dislike” is translated into “like”: I’m fat -> I’m taking the exact amount of space my body needs and I like that. Just because you didn’t find the reason yet. because small is beautiful. You’re a complete and functional individual. everything is there for a reason. 257 of 586 . conflicting with each other. Liking yourself will glue the parts together. piece by piece. your physical body. it doesn’t mean it’s not there. making you smaller and weaker. you have it for a reason. your skills. everything you have within your being.. which I let out in small drops. You can refine and enhance your current version of yourself. that’s true. You’re not made up by discrete pieces. Everything you have. I’m broke -> I don’t have any money and that gives me this incredible opportunity to start learning one of the most important lessons in my life: how to be an autonomous person. Disliking parts of yourself will only break apart this monolithic entity. I’m shy -> I’m sensitive and have an enormous emotional potential.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It On the other hand. liking yourself is natural. Accepting your parts as a whole is your normal condition.

you notice a little wrinkle around your eyes. See a pattern here? See how liking yourself is making room for more stuff into your life? See how your entire personality is uncovered (like by like) and gives you the freedom to do whatever you feel like? Liking yourself is a reality enhancer. Have you noticed how people who are at ease with themselves are usually surrounded by more people than the others? It’s a trivial observation. A mature.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It I’m alone -> I feel better with myself than most of the people do. you notice the mess in the living room or the kitchen. Maybe you had guests last night and didn’t want to clean up. anyone can see this. powerful man. so familiar feeling of: “I’m getting old and I feel alienated” you realize those wrinkles are rather sexy. The Day You’ll Start To Like Yourself You wake up. Go the bathroom and look in the mirror. Liking yourself has also this contagious property of extending unto others. That face looks familiar. Yeah. Instead of triggering that nasty. 258 of 586 . After you finish washing your face. I kinda like that. And I like that. and oh. right? You smile at yourself. by the way. You like what you see. It activates every bit of your potential and boosts your life enjoying capacity way beyond what you thought you can have. Oh.

dancing and cleaning up the kitchen at the same time.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It Instead of activating that childhood conditioning about your pathological laziness. or sending them to a fantasy magazine. Instead of triggering that guilt mechanism. you start to mentally construct a walking path around that mess. In the process. you’re not a liar. and voila. Oh. I kinda like this too. Maybe you should start thinking about writing those stories on a blog. as some of your colleagues are calling you. Yes. on the porch of your house. No. The day you’ll really start to like yourself. you start to mentally allocate some extra time that you know you’ll need to actually finish your work and start concocting a beautiful story for your boss. starting to prepare coffee. those stories for your boos… He actually believes them. Few minutes later. you’re in the kitchen. you straighten up a chair. you put  a big a smile on your face (that wrinkle is surely looking sexy). Two degrees left after the table and a big step over the couch. Once you have the story draft in your mind. this is going to be a really great day. leave the garbage in the garbage can and breathe in. ! 259 of 586 . pick up some dirty dishes and improvise a salsa move. you just have an incredible imagination. Oh yesss. you notice you’re going to be late for work.

why sometimes less is good? The following list is my answer to the last question. And so on. Less Money in Your Life Will Push You To Value More Everything Else The money rat race is a never ending game. And then a little bit more.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It Why Less Is More I’ve been playing a lot lately with these concepts: less. I will skip every unneeded clutter and just start it away (it won’t take you more than 10 minutes to read the whole article): 1. without a plan to make it something material. And. Without a goal to direct it. You get an amazing experience but at the same time you slowly decrease your overall resistance and health. Money is just raw energy. more and the thing in between (usually called balance). it 260 of 586 . Why do we need more? And more of what? Why sometimes we tend to value balance. Next time you’ll need more because you created a little bit of tolerance to it. most of all. while otherwise we tend to lean towards one of the ends? And. The more money you get the more money you want. being a list about less. It’s a thrill in many ways similar to the one you get by putting your fingers in a power outlet.

So. Negative thoughts are highly personal. just getting out your creative potential. Just eliminate the negative thoughts and you’ll make room for some more positive thoughts. Imagine you aim for something simpler. current environment and more. it’s not always like this. Less Negative Thoughts Will Make Room For More Positive Thoughts Now that’s an easy one. 2. Or writing a fantastic story. All in all. Or having a balanced family and raising kids. It works out of the box and everybody could understand it at the first glance. The problem is we’re having different understanding of the concept “negative thoughts”. Alas. Less is more: less money is more creativity. Climbing on top of the world for instance. And every form of raw energy is a dangerous thing to play with. imagine you won’t aim for this raw energy all the time. What I perceive as a negative thought may be something natural for somebody else. The less money you’ll aim for. upbringing.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It will remain in its raw form. They are shaped by our life experience. painting or sculpting. the more you’ll want to put your  creative potential to work. Now. how can you identify those negative thoughts in the first place? My number one trick in doing that is: are they making me feel angry? Am I experiencing feelings of fear and abandonment? If 261 of 586 .

And that something else has no chance left but being something good. that’s a negative thought. But in the end. we’re playing our case. All that matters is that you’re using your resources in something useless. Move on.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It yes. even if we don’t say it out loud. You’re spending time and energy on something irrelevant. Fighting is such a waste of time. Just make this simple exercise of writing down every argument 262 of 586 . Less is more: less fear. every time something is not working according to our own expectations. right? 3. if it triggers feelings of anger. every time somebody is making us feeling bad. We’re getting better and better at that. We already got rid of the bad stuff. Less Fights Means More Time for Understanding Yourself Fighting is a constant activity in our modern society. Every time we’re not heard. it doesn’t really matters who is winning a fight. Ok. it’s in the past now. it’s a negative thought. I know I won thousands of fights on the inside: I knew I was right. we’re doing it on the inside. We’re doing it almost on autopilot. No matter how “right” that thought may look like in my own internal values system. We’re arguing. anger and revenge will definitely make room for something else. revenge or fear. Most of the time. we’re starting to fight.

but it would be your color and your shape. Less Compromise Means More Power for Your Own Decisions Compromise is a good social tool. once you get a hook on it. But without shrinking compromise to the size it deserves (a last minute survival resort) you won’t be able to get a grasp on 263 of 586 . And I bet it wasn’t very well received. As such. You can start modifying that world. It was invented to keep some sort of a balance between different opinions and create a middle path. 4. compromise is a useful tool for survival. either. if you’re more extrovert) and be amazed about how much time you’re spending on this. But as with any other good thing in our lives. Now imagine how it would be to make this time available for something really important.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It you had in your mind (or out loud. We compromise on almost everything. like understanding yourself. Less compromise will bring back color and shape into your life. you did this last time when you were a kid. When was the last time you gave full power to your decisions? When was the last time you took into account your own desires and goals. It may not be the color and shape you would expect. overusing compromise made it toxic. without getting infected by external intentions? If you live in a modern society. allegedly a safer one.

6 Less Something Is Always More of The Opposite And with that. We spend more time procrastinating than maybe sleeping. a task. 5. you’ll start doing things. Some of you may think that’s just a normal fact and I emphasis a normal fact too much. everybody 264 of 586 . It’s simple. Less something is always more of the opposite. it will be dead. Joke aside. Procrastination is just a softer way to slowly kill your time (in both senses). You’ll work on an infected vision of it. Less Procrastination Will Push You To Get More Done I bet you didn’t know that. Imagine how it would be to have less of procrastination in your life. Naturally. You’ll start making the world spin again. by even procrastination can be done in a productive way. spending time without doing what you are committed to do is such a waste. Staring at something (a project. Procrastination is the bigger client of our modern time expenditures. a client) without acting on it will make it stop. That’s the fundamental principle of quantity and it’s a basic rule of our perceived Universe. we’re getting to the core of it. It won’t move. Less time spent on nothing.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It the correct world.

Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It knows that less of something is more of the opposite. I think it’s far more better for you (and. so the remaining 5 are going to be used for somebody really special: you. But if there are some readers who think that less of something could really trigger more of the opposite. to some extent. 7. You’re not into the target of this article. for those of you who are really getting this. and that is an incredible powerful tool for switching our world. I apologize. our universe upside down the way we need it. the last item on the list is for you. Well. be happy: you only spent 5 so far. our life. If you mentally allocated 10 minutes to this blog post. I could go like this forever. for me too) to let you think things by yourself now. But I won’t. Less of This Blog Post Means More Time for Your Brain To Ponder Things By Itself That’s right. Just leave this blog post behind and start thinking: do you have too much of something? How less of that can give you more? And more of what? 265 of 586 .

after all? Well. “brainless” or even “topless”. but “scriptless”?. a Rescuer. we’re acting on auto-pilot. we took them for granted. There are many other scripts. at least for me. Beyond this rather light introduction there’s a far more serious theme for this article. a far more important challenge: how to avoid playing roles in our lives? Yeah. And it literally means: “without a script” (yeah.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It How To Live A Scriptless Life ! I bet you picked this article only to find out what “scriptless” means. and. are poisonous. but some of the most common are 266 of 586 . Unconsciously playing games is happening more often than we know. We became a Victim. what’s the thing with this word. or a Persecutor. I like to think I invented it (didn’t find it in a dictionary anyway). We didn’t have the tools and experience to analyze those behaviors. We’re repeating stuff we engrained in our behavior when we were kids. Some of these behaviors are useful (like answering to a “hello” instinctively: it makes your social life easier). right). and I dare say most of them. this is serious stuff. right? Scriptless? I think you know “merciless”. For the vast majority of our time. But some of them.

But I know that after reading this article you will start to ask some questions. I know that by claiming that. If you behave the way we tell you to (you are good) we will reward you. or childhood. I will in fact play the role of the Teacher.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It those three. I know that for sure. and they form the foundation for the social games people play. many of them will have answers. My Main Script One of my main scripts is “be good and good stuff will come to you”. This script is so powerful and so deep in my being that I’m totally frightened only by thinking at it. how to live a life without playing those roles? How to avoid being caught in the trap of automatic thinking and reacting? How to break free from your early conditioning? I would very much lie if I would tell you right now that you’ll find the answer to those questions by reading this blog post. This script was created during my “domestication”. If you don’t (you are not good) we will punish you. Let’s start. It will be only a script. You know the type: the one that claims to know everything and put himself on the pedestal of the verified science. 267 of 586 . So. even worse. And I’m not that. And. and you won’t like them at all. a period in which I was exposed to the reward / punishment binomial. Many of them won’t have answers.

Well. So. and that experience was the inspiration for one of my most read ebooks so far “30 Sentences For A Millionaire Mindset”. sometimes I wasn’t.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It How many times was I “good” although my guts told me not to play the expected role? Thousands of times. Trying to coerce life into a set of fixed rules will not work. And that 268 of 586 . By now many of my readers know that I had an online business for the last 10 years. I wasn’t always rewarded. The initial script stated that if I do a certain sequence a steps. a certain result will emerge. Life is all about change. I was a succesful business man. into a different context. Why? Because life is not predictable. And what happened? Was I rewarded? Here comes the confusing part: nope. that I successfully sold two years ago. predictable. It requires a great deal of effort. About new stuff. Every time you’ll be exposed to a new set of events. Every time will be different. exactly. Which totally confused me. if it will really create a sustainable Universe around you. shrinking life into the pattern of “be good and good stuff will come to you” simply won’t work. that Universe will be incredibly small and… yes. The Business Man Script Back to my script now: how did it worked? Well. Sometimes I was. patience and persistence to coerce life into something  predictable. Which is another word for boring. it didn’t. let’s take the business side of my life. Yeah. And if this huge effort will eventually work.

it wasn’t a genuine desire to create value. smelling bullshit. good things will happen. I wish it did. but I didn’t. but it wasn’t. implemented them and become successful. I learned the rules. I stayed there at the office because I had to 269 of 586 .Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It ebook will really give you 30 sentences to create a millionaire mindset. That script took a few years out of my life. It was a script. There were moments in my career as business man that I really enjoyed. actually. There were other moments in which I would rather be in some exotic place. if I would  make a lot of money and build an image of success. Because I will write it again: “bullshit”. Was I happy? Nope. it was just a thing I knew. A big. I use to call this variation of the script “the biggest bullshit ever”. Each and every day I woke up with the firm conviction that if I would be a successful business man. So. Notice the word “bullshit” in my article? Good. Was I successful in terms of my script? Absolutely. Did I really wanted to be a business man? What was my motivation for those 10 years? What was my drive? Unfortunately. Never really knew why this would happen. But let’s go a step beyond the “business man” label. The script of “make a lot of money and people will accept you and value you as a person”. Didn’t have to know: it was all in the script. As you can see this is a variation of the script “be good and good things will come to you”.

All your education is filled with processes that will validate this script over and over. A script will make you dead alive. A robotish approach. Be good. or your values? You have only two choices: one. I was on auto-pilot. Many religions are promoting this. let’s go back to the main script “be good and good things will come to you”. But what happens when. Your enthusiasm. to play by the script (in this case the “be good” script) the other to reject the script and do something different. for instance. The Intricacies Of Playing By The Script Now. your challenges. affecting your physical integrity. Looking back in time. A script will take away your freedom. but without putting my soul. And they lasted only a few days. Your joy. A script will drastically limit your choices.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It play the script. meaning 10 years. The rest of the time. your experiences. answer with kindness no matter what and you will be rewarded. the enjoyable moments were very few. Many social norms are also enforcing this behavior. I was putting to work some skills. or your status. An actor playing a script. By now you may start to understand what’s the problem with those scripts and why they are making us unhappy. when somebody is really getting on you. 270 of 586 . Possibly in heaven. your life is at stake? What happens. at some point. my self or my life into it.

In my experience. there’s a small interval. to the point you give an answer to that stimulus. something interesting happens. whatever: something bad will happen. We do have a reaction time. it isn’t happening at all. During that time the brain searches for the best reaction to that stimulus. categorized. If you chose to respond by the script and give back some “goodness” reaction. in which things are pondered by the brain. Your physical integrity will be affected or your values will be undermined. You will be rewarded if you responded with kindness. But the script will tell you that this is ok. of course. you may get hurt. You’ve just been abused and your continuous hope for a change won’t change anything. And you know why? Because your reaction wasn’t a genuine one. The script doesn’t tell when exactly. you’re acting the same way Pavlov’s dog is 271 of 586 . like it or not. I call this the “engagement” point. under a second. the “engagement” point. but you would expect to be pretty soon. although we’re not really using it. And that’s a good news. Believe it or not. At this point of our example. this isn’t happening. It was a standardized. unconscious reaction to a certain stimulus.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It That’s a very interesting point in playing by the script. by the way. but fact is there is some reaction time. If the brain was trained to give a preestablished answer. Nor soon. nor late. it will most likely give it. Even at a physical level. from the moment a certain stimulus gets to your brain.

Well. you will discover something interesting: the script-based reaction is not the best one in that specific context. sometimes in the past. or when you fall down the stairs without trying to stop the fall. It’s like doing nothing when your house is on fire. which will actually break the script. or it may appear that a new reaction. That we “learned” something. it they don’t. That’s the biggest trap of the scripts. 272 of 586 . We love to think that we created a certain pattern that will protect us in the future. you’re not taking the time to evaluate the current context.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It acting. and your memory is giving you some hints about that. right now is unique. If you would take the time to evaluate your context. in a different context. Maybe that initial reaction may have been correct at some point (you were good. maybe we did. specific context. You’re not assessing. A script based reaction is rooted in some predefined rules and we expect those rules to function everywhere. so you weren’t punished) but that doesn’t automatically mean it will be correct in all contexts. Well. or when a car is approaching you full speed. but in the current. It may appear that the script based reaction was the best one. will prove beneficial. Maybe it was. But what happens right here. It needs your full focus and attention to assess it and act accordingly. responding with kindness will be just wrong.

I’ve been in quite a few abusive relationships (I told you. We tend to live with the comfort sensation of the script. When you accept the abuse. you have a choice: accept it (be good) or don’t accept it (break the script). you decided to “forgive and forget”. By the way. They think you gave them permission. They don’t know you’re playing a script. an abusive relationship is not only about violence. you reinforce the script. and you’ll be fine” but in fact we have no way to know it. but you also reinforce the behavior of the other person. Each second of your life is different. The script based approach is the one that will put you at risk. my “be good and good things will happen to you” script was pretty powerful) so I know it can get pretty bad without violence. from lack of acceptance up to lying or cheating. And the 273 of 586 . So. The Relationship Script Now think about being in an abusive relationship. they think you’re enjoying it. which will tell us: “do this. They don’t know you acknowledged the abuse. And each context requires your full attention and presence to understand it and make the best of it. but still.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It A very big obstacle in living a scriptless life is that we think that trying something new will put as at risk. when you’re in this abusive relationship. you’ll soon realize that this is the normal approach. And if you do that. A partner may abuse the other one in various ways. Each moment is unique.

the outside reality was modified in your favor. right now right here. sticking with your initial approach will make things clear sooner or later. In this case. but what really matter is that you 274 of 586 . I know). after all? Ups. those internal voices can be pretty strong. “or you’re playing hard to get”. and that message completely changed the context. Oh. so you don’t like it. because you didn’t respond with kindness”. Or. Fact is that even if your internal script was broken.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It abuse continues on and on. the abuser may realize that you simply don’t like to stay in that relationship and leave you alone (that happens very seldom. It will be hard to ignore them. And. But at the same time. the situation can evolve in several ways. You sent out a different message. something magical will start to happen. Your internal voices will start telling you: “nothing good will come out of this. based on your own permission. this time: the abuser will get an unexpected signal. not at some point in the past. The abuser may think “you’re just joking”. Only outside. From now on. And that will have some immediate consequences. what happens if you don’t accept the abuse? First thing: you will break the script. depending on how powerful your script is. Now. and continues his abuse. The current context may be better or worse. based on your genuine reaction.

I can’t say I’m not following any scripts now. Now I know if I’m in a script or not. what’s this framework about? Well.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It actually get a grip on it. you modified it and now you know you may change it again if you want. you won’t find the answer to this in my blog post. Assess – Decide – Do In A Nutshell! Assessment is the state in which you analyze. 275 of 586 . the Decide realm and the Do realm. it states that we’re having only three main realms in which we are acting: the Assess realm. Decide. compare. Our life imbalances are in fact imbalances of one of those realms. but at least I can spot them much easier than before. I created this framework a year ago and it surely helped me a lot since then. But I can share with you my experiences in trying to overcome this limitation. learn and store your experiences. And one thing that proved really helpful to me was a framework called “Assess. Living a scripbased life would be an imbalance of the Assess realm: you’re acting without thinking (assessing). By framework I understand a set of simple rules which you consciously follow instead of automatically giving up control to a script. So. How To Live A Scriptless Life Like I told you. Do”.

You’re doing only after you have a clear decision to follow. Flow is usually perceived as your capacity of enjoying and alignment with your current context. Flow is not a measurable concept although we can refer to it as bigger. lower or we can define some quality of it. Doing is the state in which you’re using focus to create your next reality. happiness or exhilaration is in one way or another a variation of a great flow we’re experiencing. Most of what we call joy. they will take you to more detailed articles on this topic. You’re coming to this stage after finishing an assessment session completely. If focus will be the main tool for creating your reality we may refer to the flow as the master glue for keeping the pieces together. A healthy flow will allow you to go from a complete assessment to an atomic decision and that will lead to a totally immersed activity of doing. That’s a very short description of the framework. If you want to know more. just click on the links above.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It Decision is the state in which you project your next reality. 276 of 586 . Each of these states are maintained by your focus and you’re shifting from one state to another by being in flow.

but at least you’ll be able to exert some sort of control over it. And it still works pretty well. Or if it is. Then restart the process. I guess this is what Buddhism meant by “samadhi”. which in turn are part of other. 277 of 586 . Being completely independent from scripts is a state of bliss. There may be times when you will shift from one script to another. make a decision based on this assessment (Decide) and act upon it (Do). Ok. based on how deep your scripts are engrained in your behavior. is much more simple than you think: just be aware of what happens to you (Assess). We won’t find any. how this framework will apply to a scriptless life? Well. It worked for me. let me explain: meeting really free people around us will never work. But I don’t think it will be possible in this current context. bigger scripts… But as long as you try to keep each of the three states pure. You may realize that you have scripts in scripts. It won’t free me completely. it will invalidate the context all together.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It Now. you will eventually find a way to control the scripts. Any script can be killed if you’re continuously assess your current situation. Will It Work For Me? I don’t know. Maybe you won’t be able to overcome the script response completely. But one thing I know for sure: it won’t work 100%. And this is what Jesus meant by “reborn”.

my travel to become a scriptless individual is going really well. the moment I’ll start to look strange to you. They become free of this world. they have to do some work to get a house and a car. just maybe. You see now? Although we may physically live in the same Universe. the moment I won’t fit in any of your definitions of success. How could that be? Our scripts are telling us that a free man should be successful. maybe at that point I will start to enjoy my scriptless life.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It Why? Because we’re searching them using this world tools. Maybe they aren’t famous. How about you? ! 278 of 586 . And they are free in another world. famous. but I may still be around for a while. Maybe they are poor and they don’t have a house or own a car. in reality we’re galaxies away from each other. But nobody knows that they’re enjoying life so much. visible. So. the moment I will start doing or writing about things which aren’t common sense. Our script valuation will tell us they aren’t free. those free people. And maybe. They’re just some anonymous faces passing by. We’re applying the script valuation instead of a scriptless valuation to their status. enjoying life so thoroughly that it will make them shine from the inside.

is not a very friendly place to be. Basically. that is. I’ve always been fascinated by the digital world. if you tell your name loud enough. but still… It was at that time that I started to be interested in the online world too. filled with gossip and back talking – I felt the need for a change. I was doing pretty good both in terms of money and career.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It Are You A Valid Person? ! For more than 7 years I worked as a radio anchorman. by the way. but never been interested in build a career on top of it. you’re the guy who read the news at Pro FM! Didn’t know how you look!” Yeah. what seemed to be pretty cool at that time. back in my twenties working as a radio anchorman seemed a very interesting thing to do – not to mention it was incredibly easy: I was basically living by talking out  loud. A lot of people get to know your name. Working as a radio anchorman is interesting. But after working a few years in the traditional media world – which. always challenged. all I had to do was to read the news out loud. you get to be recognized at parties. The Need For Change But at some point I felt the need for a change. Into a microphone. “Oh. you enjoy a few perks every now and then and. 279 of 586 .

confront them with the specifications and write reports for the clients.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It In 1997 I quit my job as a radio anchor and applied for a job as a quality assurance engineer at a Franco-Romanian company. That was. I got an office in an isolated room and a computer. who didn’t know programming very well. I guess. But after a month or so. They didn’t need a 280 of 586 . at that time) internet for whatever crossed my mind doesn’t really count at work. It was a comfortable situation. they just informed me about the projects that were developed in the company and that was pretty much all. I admit I didn’t exactly knew what I had to do in the first weeks. and who was able to write long – and sometimes. And also discovered why the fact that I didn’t know how to program was somehow an advantage. very long – reports in French. my supervisor came and started to work with  me. I was all alone in there. Nobody came to tell me what I have to do. what a quality assurance engineer had to do. I also admit that I didn’t insisted much to find out what I have to do. Because part of my job was to test all the apps. apparently. What’s funny about getting that job is that I never had any specific training for that. I finally discovered what I had to do. In a few days we completed a small training. Becoming friend with my colleagues and scratching the (infant. The company needed a person who knew French very well. For a few weeks I did practically nothing.

Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It programmer approach on those app. just a lot of windows. I didn’t really had any social interaction with my colleagues. I wasn’t from their league. like software for assurance companies. Things were spiced a little bit by the fact that the terms were in French. and also pay or not pay the required amount. but a customer one. We were only talking during our lunch break and the only conversation subject was about jokes. I was just a strange guy who gave up a fancy job at a radio just to write stupid documentations in French. or software for managing parks or supermarkets. Until that time. a client could accept or reject the app. menus and forms. In a few weeks we were visited by some clients. Based on my reports. We were actually telling jokes for all our lunch break. Also. It was the first client session after I started to work in the company and they used my reports to evaluate the work that has been done. The projects were really boring. the fact that I wasn’t a programmer made me a little bit alienated. Did you know that “onglette” means a tab controller? Or that a “requette” means in fact “an SQL query”? Well. with a lot of niche specific features. 281 of 586 . Nothing fancy. these little things made that job a little less boring. I started to test a few projects and also begun to write the documentation.

Every time I was entering the kitchen. So I went to the kitchen and asked if somebody forgot his fresh coffee on my desk. Huh? What are they staring at. It was a fresh cup of coffee. as I was entering the kitchen in the first lunch break of the week. One of my colleagues told me. Now this seems strange.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It The client visit went well and they did pay for the work. one of my colleagues got up of this chair and offered it to me. Back I came and enjoyed my coffee. but I 282 of 586 . I thought it was a mistake. I was also happy by the fact that I’ve written dozens and dozens of pages in French. with a rather shy voice: “it’s your coffee. puzzled. You don’t take sugar. Nobody did. First time I saw this. A few days later I also noticed a little change during our lunch break. I didn’t” I responded. then? After a few more days. I was completely overwhelmed. there was like half of a second of silence. don’t you?”. strong coffee. It was closed. At first. A fresh cup of hot. a few days after the first client visit I noticed a small change on my desk. as puzzled as I was. Not only the whole behavior of my colleagues shifted. I gently went out and checked out my zipper. Ups. The Change Anyway. (that was the space were we all meet for some chit chat). Everything was cool. “Nope. I agree. but at that time something as small as that could make me happy.

Never met any of my colleagues again. After 1 year I left that company and started to work for myself. At that point my colleagues realized something fundamental for their job: I was validating them. they were even doing some small errands for me. Then it hit me. they needed to protect me. It never went up to the level of bribing me for a good review. The simplest one I can think of out of the box is a job. The whole situation changed after the visit of the clients. I was a very important person to them and that change completely their behavior. if I asked them. You have a supervisor who validates your work. So. They talked to me. but they completely changed their attitude towards me. no need to think that far. If I was writing a good report. or at least to have a (very) good relationship with me.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It suddenly wasn’t an alien anymore. The Validation Process We do a lot of things in our life for validation. the client would have pay. And the fact that I was validating them remained. They would have cash in their wages. I was a strong link in their financial ecosystem. and who pays you accordingly. Or you have your 283 of 586 . they were looking for my company.

somebody else have to validate your work first. we don’t receive validation. If we don’t perform well. But a job is just one of the simplest validation processes. here’s the money.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It own business and you have a client who validates your work and pays you accordingly. We need to be validated socially.. Sometimes it comes in form of emotional support. We do expose many more activities for validation. we both receive validation from the other part. we don’t give or receive emotional support. You did your work well. We need to be validated by our friends. But some of the most subtle. If we perform as the peer expects. yet powerful and long lasting validation processes are taking place in your childhood. Every time we do something to “please” somebody else. If we disappoint each other. and education is always enforced by a validation process. Either way. we’re triggering a validation process. by our peers. Your parents are the first and most powerful persons in your life. or you’ll get burned”. our colleagues. If 284 of 586 . We had a “friendship contract” and if we fulfill it. “Don’t put your hand in the fire. They’re also the ones who are giving you education. we receive validation. Sometimes validation comes in form of money. We need to be validated by our spouses or kids.

Yet still. And what’s also very important is that you can get in the position of being a validator without even knowing. Some of them are shaping the way you’re behaving socially. As a grown up. That’s the most important thing about validation. you receive validation: “Bravo. Who Do You Give Your Power To The people who validates you have power over you. or the choice of your career. Some of them are shaping the choice of your partner. that’s what I did. Fact is those validation processes are most of the time the foundation for the scripts which are driving your life. chances are that many of them are becoming unconscious validation processes.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It you don’t put your hand in the fire. for instance. Whatever activities you are performing regularly as a kid. 285 of 586 . That was the case with my job as a quality assurance engineer. you will performing them again and again. without even knowing. It’s hard to evaluate how deeply ingrained are all these process and on how many areas of your life are they spanning. They’re also part of the unconscious games you play. Never imagined that I will literally have power over my colleagues wages. Some of them are shaping the way you create and maintain relationships. you did well”.

you give your power away. Both of you are walking away empowered by the validation process. A picky manager who gives you more and more complex tasks without showing recognition or proposing you for a promotion. Literally. But sometimes. or recognition. Your partner just had a promotion or a personal breakthrough and you’re supporting him. You don’t get much validation. but he deform the validation process. balanced relationship. in which any of the peers are genuinely supporting each other is a good example for that.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It Every time you expect validation. You validate his efforts.That person uses the validation process to disempower you. Genuinely. One of the simplest. at the other end there is a person who chooses to take your power away. and at the other end there’s a good person who will empower you back. An empowering person would give you more chances for promotion. and you feel demotivated. He asks more and more from you . A fulfilling. Sometimes this process is a genuine one. Your work will seem more and more meaningless. that’s a disempowering person. And will start producing bad results too . yet fundamental personal discoveries in my life is that every person who uses validation against you is a toxic person. You can get ill if you still engage in a 286 of 586 . It’s joy and enthusiasm involved.

But that shift can occur in any direction. We’re not islands. It can take you up or it can take you down. It can completely shift the way you perform at any levels: emotional. We do need validation in order to function as human beings. My honest take is that we can’t. we will be just shipwrecked persons.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It twisted validation process. Validation in itself is a very powerful process. So I say it’s better to embrace this game. can’t we just avoid all together? Live a completely validationfree life? That way we could just preserve our power and we won’t give it away. trying to preserve and live only on our own energy. Without it. How To Choose Your Validators 287 of 586 . We do exchange energy at many levels and we all need that energy. We’re not isolated. but play it consciously and pick your own validators. It can leverage huge amounts of energy. spiritual. Which will eventually drain away. You are giving your power away. physical. Live Validation Free? Now I know what you think: if we are so deeply affected by this validation process.

It’s what you assessed that you want: only money. assess what exactly you wait to receive in terms of validation. You want to commit totally or you want to balance 288 of 586 . if you’re going to a job. for those who are reading my blog for at least one year. in this case don’t look for (nor be deceived by) social rejection at your work. If it’s a personal relationship. Because it’s a power game. How does this work? Well. 1. Nothing wrong with that. Is it only money? Ok. called Assess – Decide – Do. To get the most out of it. assess what you want in terms of what you give and what you want back. the answer is quite simple: I’m just using a simple life management framework. but to enhance it. must be clearly defined. To harness all the power I can get from all these interaction. Assess The Process! Assess what the validation process involves.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It Now you understand why validation and the persons at the other end are so important. For instance. as long as you consciously assess it. And it’s about your own power and how you choose to use it. My personal option is not to give up the validation process. Is it money? Is it emotional dependence? Is it social acceptance? Whatever the validation process will enforce.

but don’t give them the power to validate your work. This is the “live” part of the whole 289 of 586 . If it’s about your job. Test And Improve (Do)! This is where you actually implement the validation process. this is where you actually do work. or your friends? Are you dating a specific person because you feel good in her presence. Get feedback from them. Decide On The Validator! Decide who the validator will be and how the process will be handled. this is where you actually live together. 3. just simply don’t pay any attention to what your colleagues are saying. If it’s a relationship. If it’s personal relationship.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It it with some personal freedom every now and then? Be crystal clear on that. It’s your wife who validates your relationship. If it’s about your job. naturally. just be very careful who is really validating your process. decide who EXACTLY can give you validation and don’t take into account anyone else. If it’s just your manager. decide who is going to validate it. or because what your friends or family will think about you? This point is fundamental for the whole validation process. Many couple relationships are based on the wrong validator. 2.

And at this point. see if the person at the end is not having any hidden agendas which will break up the validation process at some point. An Incredibly Fast Homework Now. I’m going to propose you a little exercise. So: 1. Decide On The Validation Process! If you do want to validate me (both by empowering and disempowering me) decide how you’re going to do it: are you going to leave a 290 of 586 . using the simple rules above. Rewind and start over. Or maybe not all I’m saying is of interest or even “valid” for you. Assess This Article! Was it useful for you? Did you learned something? Maybe you don’t agree completely. If it’s a personal relationship you’ll see if the other person is empowering you or is trying to confine you in a vicious circle. you’ll see if the results of your work are appreciated. Is it worth? 2. It will help both of us to get something out of this interaction. I will be the person who needs validation and you will be the person who can give it to me. Just do a few tries and see how it goes. trial and error is the best way to go. Just run a short mental test. If it’s about a job. The process will be based on this very article. that you learned a few things about validation. If it’s a friendship.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It process.

Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It comment? Are you going to promote the article? Maybe by putting a link back on your blog? Maybe on social media. Or do nothing. Do It! Just do what you decided above. Leave a comment. You will validate or invalidate my article. 3. ! 291 of 586 . like Twitter and Facebook? Or even Delicious and Digg? Make your pick. Or send this article to your friends.

everybody knows what copy paste is nowadays. You copy paste your address. You’re copy pasting behaviors. you must be reading this article on your computer right now (or laptop. and videos. In fact. You’re copy pasting a lot more than that. sometimes without even knowing it. when a beggar approaches you on the street.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It Are You Copy Pasting Your Life? ! Do you know what copy paste is? Of course you do. attitudes. You copy paste parts of your messages. and processes. songs. many parts of what you’re doing or you’re reacting to are based on a copy paste process. you don’t really take the time to hear his 292 of 586 . For instance. During your day. Copy pasting is indeed a very powerful process. your phone number or your social media nicknames. But you’re not copy pasting only that. You’re actually copy pasting big chunks of your life everyday. your personal identification number. It saves a lot of time and makes your tasks a little less tedious. or iPad or iPhone). photos. And everybody uses it big time. reactions. hence you do have a moderate knowledge of how to use it.

“Oh. but in fact. you don’t. you didn’t. I don’t have time for this. or you might repel him with a low voice. a beggar.” Depending on what your usual behavior is. You may think that you won some time on your side. you believe that you won some time on your side because you didn’t write the whole action in the moment. “Oh here it is: copy from that remote shelf in my mind.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It story. You may even ignore him. Be honest.” 5. How Copy Pasting Works in Real Life If you really take the time to assess how copy pasting works. Step 1: Identifying the Stimuli! We all have something called perception. you can identify some common points. But whatever the choice. you copy pasted it from some other corner of your consciousness. 293 of 586 . This quality allows us to identify changes in our universe and match them to our internal history. “And now paste it to the current moment.” 3. “Where is that piece of behavior that I usually apply when bumping into a beggar?” 4. In my experience. a typical copy paste situation unfolds in 3 steps. you might give some cash to the beggar. 2. Most of the time your thoughts are following this pattern 1.” “I really want to get over this and I want to get over this fast.

our reptilian brain will trigger a powerful and potentially life-saving response. while other stimuli are processed by “higher” parts of our brain. and in turn where “fight or flight” reactions are generated. usually in the form of a “run!” command. Some stimuli are processed by “lower” parts of our brain. Listening to music or reading a book are processed in more recent parts of the brain. That’s where fear is processed. based on things like our past experience.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It We may choose to respond or not to respond to those stimuli. one of the oldest parts of our brain. we browse our internal library and pick whatever we think it might be appropriate. That’s where “artistic” emotions take place. Step 2 Identify the Usual Behavior! If the change in our reality triggers the need for an answer from us. 294 of 586 . It’s perceived as a “fight or flight situation”. It does that in half of a second. It’s a way for our brain to create shortcuts. For instance. every dangerous situation is processed in the “reptilian” brain. which are specialized in performing these types of tasks. it follows “known paths”. based on what the stimuli offers. For instance. if the stimuli is a big flame touching our hand. intentions or current context. we usually try to identify the most “popular” one. So.

It’s the most appropriate and beneficial answer from our cortex when facing what we may perceive as “beauty“.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It On the other hand. So. If there’s a cortex initiated response to release endorphins. or “pleasure hormones”. Step 3 Copy it and Apply it! After we’ve identified the stimuli and picked up the most appropriate answer. That goes for basically all life and death situations you’ve ever been in (or 295 of 586 . we match it to our internal history and we chose wether to respond or not. releasing them in our blood. Just copy paste the “avoid” behavior and move on. our body begins to enjoy positive feelings while listening to the music. Our body follows the orders sent by the central unit. then copy pasting forgoes the need to repeat the contact of your hand with the fire a thousand times to learn the consequences. When Copy Pasting Is Playing Nice If you burned your hand once. we begin applying it. our hand muscles will contract and our hand will retreat from the perceived danger of the flame. or contrarily we may choose to start something from scratch. our cortex may choose to respond by producing endorphins. We may often choose to apply a “verified” model. If there’s a reptilian brain command to ”run“. every time we identify a change in our reality. if we are listening to some beautiful music.

Based on the knowledge of your own or others’ previous experience with similar situations however.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It situations that have been “tagged” as such by your reptilian brain). or you’ll experience it. but at a much higher price than you’re prepared to pay. You become more and more sure of your reactions. the temptation to give “black and white” answers becomes bigger and bigger. and those messages are generated due to real life and death situations. What Can Go Wrong The only part that can really go wrong in this copy pasting process is stimuli identification. copy pasting works when you’re avoiding past traumas or judging identical traumatic contexts. Every time you overcome a threat by listening to your reptilian brain. just to experience flying. The reptilian brain sends very powerful messages. primitive responses. your trust in its responses grows. You start to see the world in black and white. your brain has most likely tagged this activity as “don’t”. Usually. 296 of 586 . You start to evaluate all of the stimuli around you as “black and white” and insert those really fast. Being on top of a building and feeling the need to jump. Somehow you know you won’t experience true flying. that’s a stimuli you have probably never experienced. well. So.

In my experience. Which is to withdraw. you’ll be safe. So copy pasting is probably your best bet. copy paste works only on the reptilian brain level. so you just pencil in that “secure” behavior by copy pasting your reaction. But above these situations that trigger the reptilian brain. you assume that by copy pasting some “definitive” reaction. you should copy paste. I mean when there is immediate danger and your brain is triggering the fight or flight reaction. you don’t really take the time to assess. you’d realize that in a few seconds. gestures or even smile that reminds you of the person who hurt you in the past. For instance. If you would take the time to assess the situation. It’s probably only something in the attitude. Those are life and death situations. The most common problem being that you’re identifying the stimuli in the wrong way. So. Your internal history tells you that you’ve been burned by a similar stimuli. then every time you saw a person that reminded you of your ex. Of course that person is not even remotely identical to the person who hurt you. without copy pasting your behavior. copy pasting doesn’t work as well as expected. You have to be fast.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It Even if the situation requires more attention and assessment. Not every situation should be dealt with using the 297 of 586 . you would “instinctively” step back. if you had been in a relationship that was wrong for you.

copy paste. so you copy paste the last best behavior you had (either give in or give out). He or she reminds you of your ex. you’re missing opportunities. you limit your experiences and opportunities by categorizing it into the same system. and you will automate your reactions at such a level. do the opposite now. People are different. You will be like a puppet. Just leave a comment (that will take you to the real blog post) and do it with a new level of awareness. But fact is no one person is identical to any other person. that you won’t live a life anymore. copy paste… Let’s do a test here: if your normal behavior for reading blog posts is to get over with it and close the browser without a comment.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It ‘fight or flight’ response. Trigger. outside the basic survival situations will make you a copy paste person. See 298 of 586 . instead of assessing it at face value. Even if you don’t agree with what I wrote (or especially if you don’t agree). And yet. Now you meet a new person. You identify a stimuli here. You will spend so little time assessing what’s actually going on with your life under the present circumstances. The Exercise Copy pasting your everyday life. You may have had a bad relationship in the past. trigger. In other words. This new person is completely different from the person they resemble.

If you are. Let’s see.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It what’s happening with yourself. our worlds are different and your story is completely different than my own. you know. it doesn’t need to be related to this article. and I’m copy pasting in completely different areas. Describe it in the comment. describe the situation. My book of life is written in a different way from yours. What are you copy pasting right now in your life? ! 299 of 586 . just identify some stimuli in your immediate world and see if you’re copy pasting your behavior in response to it right now. Because. Even more.

dormant. Sometimes those forces are taking the form of people. Addictions. Abusive people who are restricting your choices. violent people who are constantly threatening you or simply unknown persons who are abusing you all of a sudden. some people choose to take the victim position: “Why me? Why am I confronted with these forces? I’m not deserving this. It isn’t. that 300 of 586 . As unexpected and undeserved as it seems. There must be a mistake.” Nope. those forces are inside you. compulsions. And I’m not talking about those small. Sometimes. And they play their part in our lives.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It How Not To Feed Your Daemons ! Everybody has daemons. Whatever the form. Meet Your Daemons When faced with those forces. discrete programs running in the background of your computer (I know a few programmers are reading this blog so I thought to cut any ambiguities from the start). active and powerful forces which are acting in a disruptive way. I’m talking about real. irrepressible actions which are dragging you down without any opposition from yourself. those forces exist.

I followed this pattern too. Then. It may be that those areas are so hidden. followed by the karma position and then. so hard to be perceived by you. that the necessary force to point your head into that direction should be out of proportion. Playing the victim won’t make it disappear. or you’re ignoring them. more quiet or more helpful. you can’t find any plausible explanation other than there must be a lesson to learn. In my experiences. the victim and the complaining. First. A daemon would then be the way life forces you to pay whatever you own. Now it’s time to pay my debt”. But. then the lesson part. those forces are pushing you to become more humble. and here comes one of the most incredible discoveries I made in the last few months. Other may choose to take the karma position: “I lived many lives and in some of my lives I did some ugly stuff to somebody else. then the karma part. disguised as daemons. It may be that you’re avoiding to learn some lessons. Somehow. you can face the same daemons again and again even after 301 of 586 . after you’ve been both a victim and debtor.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It situation is there. They’re here to point you to some very specific areas in your behavior which needs adjustments. Other way to see them are like teachers. The victim position is the first level. these positions are following a certain hierarchy.

They have their own choices. Many daemons are manifesting intermittently through other people (I guess in some areas this is called “to be possessed”) and you can sense them manifesting long after all your lessons have been learned. Yes. even with interest. ugly and destructive forces. They have their own life. yes. you paid your karmic debt. you learned your lesson again and again. and yes. they may teach you some tough lessons.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It you’ve been through all those levels. Because it’s easier to spot that in people. Yes. The truth is there isn’t any logical explanation for their existence. their temporary role may be to point you to some vulnerabilities in your life. but they’re as alive as you are. They think they’re doing the “right thing”. those victim. karma and teaching explanations are good. And still. They have their own existence. And yes. you’re facing those unstoppable. those daemons are out there  (or inside yourself) for the same reason you are here: they have the right to be. 302 of 586 . But after you’re above all those levels you realize that. They don’t even know they’re daemons for you. For a while. you overcame the victim position and you can take it in your face. They keep you sane under pressure and they give you a little bit of mental comfort. Those people don’t realize they’re carrying with them other energies. they may act like karma triggers. And I’m talking especially about people here. Yes. as frightening as it sounds.

Because if there is one. 303 of 586 . don’t read away if you’ve been drawn here by a vampire-like vibe in this article. movies and gibberish. otherwise you’re going to be consumed. and that would be the second discovery I made in the last few months. But it’s also liberating. it’s completely unintentional. to some point. What Keeps A Daemon Alive? At this point. they have to feed themselves with something. In order to be alive and act as they act. I know the most common icon of a daemon is a vampire. You really do. what keeps them alive? They’re part of this universe so they must obey to the same rules. it’s a correct image of a daemon. So please. The rest is just literature. You gotta protect yourself. If at this point you’re going to think “are we going to see a Twilight trailer now?” you’re wrong.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It That’s frightening. You gotta make and maintain some boundaries. If daemons are alive and have their own existence. Because it suddenly puts you in a position where you gotta take action. in a subtle way. But the fact that you must feed a vampire somehow is the only resemblance with what I call daemons. It really is. and. You’re going to cease to exist. a fundamental question exploded right in my face.

And if you look at it this way. Suppose you’re the victim of an abusive partner. your body or your money. The daemon is fed by you. He or she may abuse your time. by your reactions. To be more precise. I witnessed this a number of times in my life. Let’s try some examples here. Simple and surprising at the same time. but “who keeps a daemon alive”. Because I realized the correct question was not “what keeps a daemon alive”. In a magic and almost epiphanic way. but looking back (without any anger) I can see it clearly. the answer is obvious: YOU.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It Back to my question. These are the energies that are actually feeding the daemon inside your partner. The more you release them. the more he or she will continue to do what it does to you. allow them to connect with you react to those interactions. so to speak. they keep doing it for as long as you 1. the answer emerged. Clear and elegant. Whatever the object of their abuse. or frustrated or angry. 2. you gotta allow them to make an impact. Every time I avoided connection with some of my 304 of 586 . after a few weeks of playing back and forth with it. Be sad. Never been able to put my finger on it. releasing some energy So first you must accept to play that game and second. your affection.

they found other sources of food. the easiest to identify those groups of actions. How Not To Feed A Daemon So. And they’re continuing to feed themselves off of other people hate. those daemons disappeared. 1. Because. It’s something like: “well. Most of the time. I was finally able to share my experience in making a daemon hungry (and eventually making him disappear from your life). It’s just sharing my personal experience. so I have to work for both. after making some knots and pulling some strings. sadness or anger as we speak. they only disappeared from my life. but at the same 305 of 586 . Identify The Daemon! That’s the toughest part and it takes some time to master it. It’s not a manual. we’re talking about icons of destruction like Hitler or Stalin. habits or approaches from some people around you. In their own circle of life. this would be the stage in which you’re trying to assess what exactly is making you an abused person in that relationship. my partner doesn’t have a job. Interestingly enough.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It daemons and preventing any energy to be released. The closest the people. Or if they are. those daemons are not manifesting 100% of the time. after putting together all my experiences with my own personal daemons. these daemons are taking the form of repeated behavior. In other terms. as I said.

You may be in love with that partner. Again. it’s time to pass it through the 3 levels test. It takes a lot of time to clear all the 306 of 586 . your successes. the karma and the lesson. Try to see if you’re really abused or it’s just your imagination. But first. Another example is when other people are questioning (or even destroying) your accomplishments. This would be the “I’m minimizing your life because that makes me feel better” daemon. Most of the time. the victim.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It time my partner doesn’t really do anything to get a job”. they may be “normal” people but they’re constantly trashing your life. the daemons are pointing to real life situations. That would be the “I’m living off of your resources because I’m too lazy/scared/negligent to create my own resources” daemon. Assess Your Behavior! If you’re sure that you identified the correct daemon. 2. In this case. they’re just scared and they’re allowing to that daemon to manifest. They’re able to track you down because you’re leaving a visible trail. or that you’ve done in the past. your breakthroughs. but the fact that he or she is putting you on an abused position (being the only support of your common life) may be the sign of a daemon manifesting. it may be that your success is so visible that it scares other people out. stuff that you’re currently doing. Doesn’t really matter that you’re not intending to scare them. try to see if that’s a real situation.

If people are abusing you. Because if they’re referring to a real life situation and you didn’t take care of that. come and hunt me”. Any debt is limited in scope. But don’t get too comfortable paying debts. First. But if you’re 100% sure that you’re innocent. but it’s an important step in making your daemon hungry. pay your debt. I’m an egotistic bastard. And if the daemon still comes after you. in a subtle and reconciling way? Do you feel like you’re actually owning something to somebody? If the answer is yes. they’ll have all the rights to come back and hunt you again and again. Stop questioning “why me?” because this won’t go anywhere. It’s like raising a flag: “hey. it means you learned your lesson.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It potential confusions. the karma. they may throw ugly words at you or do painful stuff. the victim. Take it right in your face. Yes. Yes. 307 of 586 . Second. Can you see the process from the outside? Can you see what triggers the daemon and what validates his approach? If yes. Do you feel like you deserve this. go through the 3 levels test. get rid of the victim behavior. then it’s because you still throw some food at him. they may shout at you. And move on. the lesson. Third.

the daemon will start to worry. making the person who are hosting it even more confused. The first and fundamental step that you must take in order to get rid of your daemons for good: avoid contact. So the most common reaction is to avoid the person altogether. as I already said. It’s difficult for you to do it and it’s confusing for them. either the person itself gets rid of the daemon.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It 3. not with a few discrete parts. Avoid Contact! Ignorance is highly underrated. You’re throwing the baby with the bath water. I wrote it before and I will write it again: the art of ignorance should be taught in schools. Which will not work as expected. You gotta learn to ignore only the daemon part. But it’s also the most difficult to take and here’s why: daemons are not manifesting 100% through people. it will start to act erratically. It’s sad to witness this from a distance but I suppose it’s also a necessary healing process. it can ends in only two ways: either the daemon finds himself another outlet. 308 of 586 . as they say. At this point. Usually. unsure and vulnerable. But that you’re still willing to engage with them in interaction as persons. it’s just parts of the people which are under that control. The last one being the most uncommon. It’s difficult to make them understand that you created new boundaries. But it’s fundamental. And that’s the hardest one because you’re dealing with a person as a whole. Without an outlet for his traditional actions.

you may have common friends or partners. So. what can you do when you avoid contact with the parts you’re not willing to deal with anymore. many of them common between the two of you. You’re living in world made by thousands of connections. and this case is excruciatingly painful: you have a child together. Re-channel Energies! But what makes this contact avoidance even harder is that you’re not living in a world composed only by two entities: you and the other person. but their energies may reach you through other persons. frustration or anger. For instance. But as you face the abuse through other messengers and identify its source. you can choose how to react. That will be the equivalent of being dead. So. Instead of sadness. And that energy will get back in the subtle field of energies. The only chance to make the daemon go away for good is to re-channel those energies. choose joy and laughter.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It 4. That child will become the innocent carrier of those daemonic energies and start to move them back and forth between you two without even knowing it. Those emotions are pure energy. you may try to avoid the direct contact with that person. Or. feeding the daemon as he or she expects. So. but you still get those abusing energies? The normal answer is sadness. Instead of anger. avoiding contact is not enough. Instead of 309 of 586 . Not reacting is impossible. You can re-channel your responses. choose physical exercise.

It’s actually proof that what you’re doing is getting results and the daemons are becoming really. So.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It frustration. But. They’re fed with sadness. yes. once you solved your problems. they’re just a finger pointed to our own problems. Most of the time. it means you’re actually condemning them to starvation. But your reaction was on a different frequency. yes. you may have had some karmic debt. you may have been played the victim. The daemon couldn’t get it. daemons are real. our real stupid steps. you realize they’re as real as you are and they have this habit of getting addicted to you. the weaker your daemons are getting. they’re pointing to our real flaws. Yes. you may have to learn a hard 310 of 586 . our real mistakes. A daemon ready to do anything to get a little bit of energy from you. They’re feeding with our anger. Most of the time. anger and frustration and if you choose something different. frustration and sadness and they’re playing only the game of abuse. Keep that in mind whenever you’re ready to think: “starving a daemon it’s not a good strategy”. *** So. the more desperate their actions to re-connect with their preferred source of food will be. choose party. A Hungry Daemon Is A Weak Daemon But it’s also a furious one. Yes. really hungry. you reacted.

! 311 of 586 . And then move on. after you solved your own problems. it’s time to stop. It’s time to kill your own daemons by starvation.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It lesson. but after you’ve been through all these.

I followed a tech high-school.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It 7 Life Lessons From A Self-Taught Programmer ! I always had a thing with languages. if you read my blog for some time you already know that. But because there’s a link between spoken languages and programming languages. where I wrote more than 70% of the source code for the underlying software platform. where I studied Romanian and French literature. Reality Is Created With Words If you ever learned a foreign language you remember that special feeling of expansion. majoring with a diploma as a programmer in… FORTRAN. At a certain level. and had a great time using them. they’re both a vocabulary over a grammar. For some reason. A programming language can be learned and applied just like learning French or Japanese. I always found it easy to learn them. Surprisingly enough. Why I’m telling you all this? Not to show you that my career life was a roller-coaster. After that. both 312 of 586 . I went to the University of Letters in Bucharest. And in the last 10 years I had my own online publishing company.

It’s like space is growing around you. Assess – Decide – Do. It puts you in uncomfortable situations and forces you to solve complicated problems. a programming language is almost the same. you actually redefine it. or from dragoste in Romanian. Now. Learning a new language is a beautiful travel. It took me 30 days to put 313 of 586 . but at the end of it. and it’s only 3. And that’s because every time you learn to describe the world in a new language.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It inward and outward. you reinvent it and enjoy it as a completely new reality. The app is available on the App Store. They’re actually new realities. you barely know how to say sawasdee. Every new app that you start coding is like a trip to Thailand with only a pocket Thai dictionary. It enlarges your mind and gives you access to areas in your life that you didn’t even know they exist. 7 Life Lessons From A Self-Taught Programmer ! I recently finished a very dear project to me.99. L’amour en Francais it’s a completely different thing from love in English. but nobody will be able to tell that you have an accent. an iPhone / iPad app based on my own life management framework. not only you know how to have a conversation with the locals. by the way. When you start the app.

Bugs Are On You Always. you have those cycles even if you’re not aware of them) and you screwed something. mature and feature packed app. Look in the mirror and try to find out what you did wrong. anyway). but around 90 days in total to have a solid. It’s the same thing in life. If there’s something wrong. Don’t blame the compiler. What follows is a collection of life lessons learned as a self-taught programmers. 314 of 586 . or the horoscope. Don’t blame somebody else. I spent countless hours trying to find a flaw in some class or API. And then solve it. something happened in one of your Assess – Decide – Do cycles (yes. During this trip. It’s in you. a bad copy/paste. At some point. I had an incredible time. There’s no glitch in the Matrix. basically banging my head against the wall by not accepting that I was the source of that mistake. learned tremendously and thoroughly enjoyed every breakthrough. A typo. You made a mistake somewhere. mainly while I was coding iAdd. 1. There’s no failure in the Universe. or whatever: every bug was in fact my own responsibility. the lack of documentation. check your own history.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It together the first version. It’s not the universal compiler’s fault (if there would be such a thing like a Universal Compiler.

You can’t take a detour. You gotta take responsibility for your choices. because the solution is always on top of that mountain. Do it the right way.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It 2. if you settle for workarounds. Detours Are Not An Option Even if you don’t like it. Not only once I hit “impossible” situations in my coding. 3. what seems difficult now. but staying with them long enough made them fade away. You Have To Face The Problem. Or if you choose a detour instead of facing the problem upfront. tomorrow will seem like a joke. expect things to blow in your face the moment you’re expecting this the least. in programming you have to take the most “difficult” path simply because there are no other options. fix the problem for good. but you won’t find the real answer. It’s like in life: you can’t live in a continuous status-quo. The real answer is always on top of the mountain. Today’s Problem Is Tomorrow’s Laughter If you learn constantly. They may solve the problem for the time being but their fragility will show up the moment you’d want to expand your app. I remember the feeling of frustration and powerlessness every time I had to learn something 315 of 586 . Workarounds are fragile. climb the mountain you have to climb. Or. you may overcome some temporary difficulties.

They say “all good things come to those who wait” for a reason. verified. some new algorithms appeared and I felt like I will never finish. the answer will amaze you. If you really take the time to look back at your life. But if you look at the top 10 apps they’re all solid. And yet. And I laughed at my own frustration afterwards.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It new. publishing it on the AppStore and waiting for the cash to pour in is big. tested and really polished apps. But if your answer will fill you up with sadness and frustration. you’d be amazed how far you’ve already gone. go back to number two above and climb your mountain. Tens of thousands of programmers are hitting this road just like the gold rush in Wild Wild West. But I did. Good Focus Builds Good Things The temptation of having something running out as fast you can. the perspective of waiting will frighten you up. So bad. you know? You can’t expect to go on with quick fixes for ever. as in the number two above. Just try to remember how was your life 5 years ago. 4. How much was changed in your financial life? In your personal life? In your career? If you did your homework well. Hurrying up is not a good solution. Every time some new class showed up. Especially in a highly competitive ecosystem like the App Store. that you’ll just run with something that works for the moment 316 of 586 .

Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It and lose sight of the big picture. you’ll develop a fine sense of what’s appropriate and what’s not. That’s exactly with life decisions. When you feel it. Of course. Fact is you’ll have to rely most of the time on your own intuition when it comes to adding or eliminating features from your app. go for it. And you’ll grow that sense by practice. Be Neat If you ever wrote a project with more than 5 source code files. In time. Take some time to think things over. don’t ask for permission. Don’t delay. if you feel like something new will fit in. by direct interaction. just for the sake of coping with your day to day challenges won’t take you far. 5. etc. You know better. you know that managing those source 317 of 586 . Doing things incessantly. You’re either an indie developer (like me). If You Feel It. just go for it. or the company doesn’t have a budget for creating focus groups or there’s nobody watching the forums. by doing stuff. there will be times when you’ll be hit by the “feature diarrhea” but that’s a risk you’ll have to take. 6. So. Do It Many times you won’t have the tools to query your user base about the features they’d want in your app.

I always was afraid there isn’t any way to do it. speak out or fulfill. my life management framework. If you have unfinished things. Even if you did a mistake. unspoken sentences or forgotten promises. You always have more choices than you think you have. 7. 318 of 586 . iAdd has almost 200 source code files.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It code files can be a nightmare. It would have been impossible to manage them without being organized and neat. It’s only you and your life. Nobody will. There’s More Than One Way To Skin A Cat And perhaps more than 10 ways to implement an algorithm. The same algorithm can be implemented in dozens of ways and a problem can be solved in thousands of ways. a neat mistake is far easier to be repaired than a complicated one. Don’t leave things floating around. In my early days as a programmer. Never. Keep it in order. the project simply wouldn’t have been finished. Now I’m afraid that I won’t choose the right way to do it. At this point. hoping that someone else will come over and take care of them for you. By the way. Without a formalized methodology in place. iAdd was developed from the idea stage to the final implementation stage using Assess – Decide – Do. uncover.

! 319 of 586 . you’ll be afraid that you didn’t chose the most simple and effective way to do it.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It That’s the same in life. If in the beginning you’ll be afraid that you won’t reach your goal. flowing and ready to be used. as you advance and learn. Nothing. Abundant. The subtle lesson here is that there are always solutions. Embracing risks and daring to be different will teach you that nothing is impossible.

Another car. On top of it it was indeed an orange flashing light. of course. I do attend from time to time to these events because it’s fun. in a nice (and also huge) house. So narrow that you could barely park two cars on both sides of the street and still leave some space for the third to pass trough. I was ready to leave. I realized that the car was made from complicated structures. apparently a bigger one. after a short networking session. you get to meet new people and sometimes you get a chance to see old friends. Or to be more specific. parked on one of those sides. I saw some orange flashing lights. After a few more steps I realized it was eaten by the ground. it was entering a sewage hole. 320 of 586 . pipes and curved reservoirs. As I approached. The location was somewhere in the old downtown. surrounded by narrow streets. Oh. and also because I’m invited . The event was interesting and smooth and. like it was eaten by the ground. As I was walking toward my car. was completely blocking my car. A huge hose was getting out from the rear. coming towards me and then suddenly stopping at the half of the street. like the one that you see on oversized convoys.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It 7 Simple Ways To Unclog Your Pipes ! The other day I was at an online industry event.

strangely aware of the big shit reservoir near us. I couldn’t smell it. we already finished the cleaning. A few other event attendees appeared on the street. brown and liquid human residual matter. And then I realized that the curved reservoir of that huge car was actually filled with smelly. The importance of our internal exhausting pipes. until the workers pulled the house. 5 minutes. But the proximity of the reservoir was giving me the chills. And we can’t always call for a big car with a dark hose to clean up our internal pipes. but I also couldn’t but notice how dangerously close to my car it was. but seldom as clearly as the one I experienced. As I was entering my car. The pipes were unclogged. We just acknowledge a little bit of 321 of 586 . top”. A few more shouts and they were gone. until they block something.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It It took me only 2 seconds to realize that they had to clean up the shit from some of the underground sewage system. 5 minutes couldn’t be that long. The road was clear. I could move again. The Poop Is Real We’re always facing these situations. of course. we’re just pulling out the hose. As I drove home I started to understand the importance of our own psychological sewage system. We sat together. They couldn’t pass either. We do have those residual matters floating inside us somehow. I experienced a strange feeling of relief. I asked one of the workers how long it will take. I thought. “Well.

Cleaning our internal. Our internal sewage system is so cleverly designed that we can find new ways of doing things almost all the time. if I wouldn’t come by car at that event. We cannot advance. over me and over 322 of 586 . We recover after losing a job. We’re stuck and we have to do something. maybe. some parts which are not processed and will never be. What if the car reservoir couldn’t cope with the pressure? The whole shit would have spread over my car. Those parts we need to get rid of. When we have no other way of doing things other than cleaning the pipe. Everything we do has a little bit of leftover. Cleaning shit is not a nice job. This is how we circumvent our own psychological shit: we’re just picking another road. But there are times when we are overloaded. somehow. Because we tend to think that we’re functioning without any residual matter. We’re making it. we try to use another way. For instance. The Alternatives As I was driving home I tried to imagine a different scenario.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It resistance. And most of the time we’re fine. I would most likely try to just use another street and head for the subway. We get back on our feet after an abusive relationship. psychological shit is particularly difficult. Which is entirely false. leaving the clogged pipe rotten full. a little bit of difficulty and.

saying or doing things you wish you wouldn’t. Things that were accumulated for years will eventually find a weak point in your pipes and will explode. everybody will be covered in shit. No one was covered in shit. But our internal sewage system doesn’t work like this. Sometimes the poop explodes. Fortunately. The good news is that we can prevent this from happening. Brown. And not only once. all of these are residual substances generated by our day to day activity as human beings. liquid. sadness. my little encounter was a happy one. some times not. Even if we’re facing some tough times. everything is so smelly. We carry them deep within our emotional body and we’re gradually filling our pipes with them. we wish we have had them cleaned before they exploded. the whole street would have been covered in poop.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It the other people on the street. As long as we’re accepting the fact that our pipes are clogged and we have to take action. How To Unclog Your Pipes Repressed feelings. if the underground pipe would crack. that you can’t stand it anymore. some day. You explode all of a sudden. smelling poop. pessimism. And then. I’ve been there too. Over the years I 323 of 586 . Or. Until. And. just like in my alternative scenario. anger. Sometimes the shit exploded. we can get through. I’m sure you’ve been there. at the end of the explosion.

but redirect it to a different 324 of 586 . chaotically. nor can you turn things back the way they were. Be as clear as you can. Accept that fact that you’re aggressive and that aggression is a normal reaction. I think this is a good thing. Don’t try to hide them. this process alone is enough to clear the residual matter of that hurtful encounter. Here are seven simple techniques I use in order to take care of my clogged pipes. Some people are diving into work after a traumatic event.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It started to learn how to manage this process. Recycle Aggression Try to get involved in some very demanding activities. Burry it or just tear it down. Sometimes. But do write everything you wish you’d say to that person. until the whole system will be blocked. 1. but don’t send it. Just don’t engage in a real interaction with that person. 2. You cannot change the past anyway. You can only heal yourself. You’ve been hurt and the consequences of that fact are real. Re-chanelling that aggression into some constant and fulfilling activity is way better than letting it grow inside. Write What You Cannot Say Write a letter to the one who hurt you. But you can be healed. The hurt will never be reversed. As long as they aren’t trying to fool themselves that they’re invulnerable.

Have you looked at your house lately? At the interior of your car? At your room? If it’s a place you wish you wouldn’t live in. if your surroundings are neat and clean. Clean Up Your House What’s on the outside is a mirror of what’s on the inside. It’s just a matter of time until they’ll explode and then you’ll cover in shit everyone who’d happen to be around. You rotate the lenses back and forth. This is very much like focusing your camera while trying to make a beautiful picture. You can’t get that promotion. throwing psychological shit at others will become much less probable. Because you 325 of 586 .Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It context. until you finally reach that crystal clear image you always wanted. Clean Up Your Lenses You can’t always get it from the first time. 3. to adapt. that partner or that trip to India. Finish them with glory and then just feel better. Take up on some difficult projects. And you wouldn’t even know why you did it. They will be part of a managed process. to find new ways. then all your failures will become acceptable. If you accept this back and forth process of gradually approaching your goals. 4. Well. then chances are that your internal pipes are clogged just as well. They won’t produce shit anymore. going through fuzzy and unclear phases. You have to adjust.

that one will benefit too. A professional masseuse (or masseur. will act like a mirror to your emotional body. they’ll remain open. Preferably one who really know what she’s doing. One side advantage of getting constant professional massage is that your energy channels will gradually open. It will 326 of 586 . for what matters) can make miracles with your body. Many times our emotional turmoils are just blocked within our physical body. the more fit it will become. 5. 6. everything will flow smoother. They are finding a place in our organs and they stay there. Until you take action and help those parts of your body to properly communicate. Not to mention that physical exercise is in itself a great way of freeing yourself from frustration. And since your physical body is a container for your emotional body. You process it with every house cleaning session. Get A Massage That’s also close to the one above. If you don’t believe me. unless you’re living a really stressful life. only it requires another partner. The more you use it.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It won’t have any shit anymore. just like the technique above. And. On an open system. Exercise Physical exercise. just try to do a kyokushin session with a sparring partner.

The listener can be a friend. How does it feel to read something like this? Bad? Really bad? You wish you didn’t start reading this in the first place? 327 of 586 . in which the entire system will start to rearrange itself in a much more effective way. And it will eventually overcome you. You may get used to the smell and start to ignore it after a while. You call somebody over. that will start a much deeper process. But the mere fact of acknowledging that you have unprocessed stuff in your system and that you are willing to letting it out. You throw away all what you accumulated. a shrink or just a stranger. Drawn in your own shit. But the poop will be there. *** The image of a life surrounded by horrendously bad smelling shit is not the nicest image you can paint on a blog post. The last one being the most adventurous way of doing this. well. It’s the technique in which you are actually spitting out everything that bothers you. Because this is exactly what you get if you’re not unclogging your pipes. Talk To Somebody That’s the equivalent of the huge car with black hoses. of course. 7. But I did this on purpose.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It be more and more difficult to accumulate residual matter.

! 328 of 586 . imagine how it would be to actually experience it. Go unclog your pipes before the shit will explode.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It Good. Because if this is how it feels to read this.

it can’t. that pressure and aggressiveness can be recycled. in which you create an algorithm and then start feeding it with data. the algorithm is bypassed by a piece of data that it 329 of 586 . the energy between you is curbed. At least. This is how it works. But as I looked over the other day post and its reactions on Twitter and Facebook. it’s good to let some steam off. from time to time. I call those “false positive people”. Not even remotely.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It 5 Types Of False Positive People ! Man. something interesting stroke me. But sometimes. It’s coming from a programming concept. You know. They’re loud and somehow visible. But there are a few types of people who are even worse than them. In a way. their actions or words are dislocating large chunks of energy that you have to process somehow. But they’re not the only species that can hurt you. Pressure builds up. they’re easier to deal with because they’re honest and easy to spot. Most of the time. Every time you deal with aggressive or frustrated people. So you let the steam out and this is how you deal with aggressive and frustrated people. aggressive people are easy to spot. They yell at you and they even become physically violent. but at some point.

They build a sugary image used to get close to you and then. At least not from the beginning. there are at least 5 types of false positive people.  Their sugary line is: ”I get out the best of people. That event is called “a false positive”. At that point. The ”empowerer” doesn’t really want to get anything out of you. 330 of 586 . Who doesn’t want to get out the best of themselves? But beyond that sugary line lies a bunch of frustration and lack of attention. The Empowerer This is what I call “the vampire“. False positive people are difficult to spot. The subtle mechanic of his game is: “You see. almost 8-9 years. What he wants is to be listened continuously and taken care of. you fall for that. but it’s not. Or at least thank me in some way”. when they’re close enough.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It normally shouldn’t.“ And most of the time. It went on an on with an imbalanced relationship until I realized that I’m the only one that can get out the best of me. That was my very first false positive and I fought for a long time with it. In my experience. It looks like it’s ok. the energy exchange game stopped. I get out the best of you. now you should do the same for me. 1. They’re not yelling at you. they start their own hurting game. They’re not trying to hurt you openly.

The happy-go-lucky pal that will always be ready to take your girlfriend out “to a movie”. He’s the one that give pats on the back but never really care about you. Around 5 years of endless back and forth of “everybody treated me so bad. Their sugary line is: “Everybody treated me so bad. Bragging around with your successes. Talking behind your back. The moment you start to express some mild interest.”. the “surviving victims” are getting the best treatment they can dream of. Only they never admit it. 331 of 586 . The Cheerleader This is a disguised manipulator. Ready to take your place anytime. The Surviving Victim This is a disguised abuser. they’re taking over your life. (not to mention the tiniest compassion) they’re ready to “surrender” to your powerful hands. nobody treated them bad.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It 2. As a matter of fact. you’re the only one that understands me. right?”. Most of the time they’re looking around to tell their sad stories to whoever is willing to listen. Of course. you’re the only one that I trust. Only they’re not really surrendering. That’s the second type I met and lived with for a long time. 3. As long as you’re going to do exactly how I say to you.

a simple intention to get something from you. Behind this line there is. Their apparent joy and availability is in fact a facade for a very clear purpose. Took me a few years to learn to isolate them from the genuinely enthusiastic business partners I had. everything you do is just amazing!”.” or “Whatever you say. but most likely a sugary approach. Their sugary line is: “You’re awesome. It wasn’t until recently that I was confronted with yesmen. On top of this game. This type is very often found in business relationships.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It They don’t have a sugary line. The social norm in these circles is to smile and be available. man. I wasn’t useful. That way. it’s very easy to construct a more sophisticated behavior with the only goal of obtaining influence or manipulate other people. of course. Once you immersed in their enthusiastic vibration. you’re going to obey to their small and almost impossible to refuse requests. Other variations include: “You know I am your friend. Partly because I never showed myself as a powerful or resourceful person. since they allegedly didn’t have anything to take from me. The Yesman This is a disguised con. choosing a much humbler approach.”. 332 of 586 . 4.

The most unpleasant part of a relationship with a “savior“ it’s their constant need to be in control. I had to have this infamous conversation myself:  “I am your friend. can you lend me some money?”. “But of course. The problem wasn’t that they were all becoming dominating at some point. he will become your worst nightmare. Meaning that he will prove to some point that he can be useful. when dealing with other people. I found my ”savior“ a few times. Top. hoping that things will turn out well. the savior did have some psychological knowledge (acquired or instinctual).Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It But in the end.” Most of the time. Never seen that money again.”. But once you take off some of your shields. when are you getting to pay it back?”. 5. being them openly 333 of 586 . “In two weeks. Their sugary line is: “I know how to save you. *** One thing that you should be aware of. It never did. of course. but the fact that I thought I had a problem in the first place. The Savior This is a disguised dominator. of course. Just let yourself in my power and I’ll take care of you. most of the time by willingly investing them with my own power. to watch your moves and to be sure you’re following their instructions.

Provided that they’re allowing us to perform like this for them. And these paths can hurt or empower other people. In the end. apart from getting your distance and protect yourself from the false positive people in your life. their cheerleader. They’re looking and acting in a certain way to you because you filter them in that specific way. In other words. Every man is true to himself. take the time to always remember that they’re nothing but tools in your destiny. We just choose different paths on this road. For some. their yesman or their savior. ! 334 of 586 . we may come out as true and balanced individuals. what needs to be worked out is inside you. everybody wants to be happy.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It aggressive or disguised as false positive. They’re like this for you and for you only. we may be their empowerer. But for others. So. the problem they’re pointing at is inside you. Deep down. is that they’re just tools for your destiny. their surviving victim.

your horse has run off. He had one son. “maybe good. “how wonderful! You have many horses.” To this the old man replied. now your work will be doubled 335 of 586 . said. said.” The next day the old man’s horse returned leading a group of wild horses. and the neighbor. “how terrible. your son has broken his leg. Taoist (or even a Christian.” To this the old man replied. seeing this. “maybe good. seeing this. we’ll see. who did most of the work on the farm and a a neighbor. and the neighbor. himself old with a son. now you have great wealth and may live easily. What follows is a beautiful Taoist story: There was an old man with a small farm in China many years ago. One day the old man’s horse ran off.” The next day the old man’s son was thrown from one of the wild horses and broke his leg. said. maybe bad. “how terrible. seeing this. and the neighbor. now work on your farm will be so difficult. maybe bad. although I was baptized as such) but every now and then I stumble upon some beautiful stories emerging from those parts of the human mind.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It Happy Accidents ! I’m not an active Buddhist. we’ll see.

based on what we learned. maybe bad.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It as nurse and farmer. Do only this. Even more. “maybe good. we’ll see.” The next day the king’s men came to the farms seeking all able men to fight a distant battle. and it will be bad. I decided to change perspective. but we cover them in various clothes. we’ll see. But as we grow and evolve. And our today’s fortune may become tomorrow’s misery. and the neighbor. “maybe good. After being on this side of the world for many years. we’re just doing and our concepts of good and bad are blending into each other as the time passes by and the context of our life changes. maybe bad. said “how fortunate you are for having an injured son. because they confine us in specific areas of action. In fact. What we think it’s bad today may turn to good tomorrow. we see that both “good” and “bad” are just inner projections. not how the world “is”. and it will be good. thus transforming reality in a series of “bad” or “good” events.” To this the old man replied.” To this the old man replied. sobbing as his son marched off. It’s how we choose see the world. I don’t look 336 of 586 . on what we expect and on what we hope. Do only that.” Happy Accidents Good or bad are just mental constructs. mine will surely perish. they are hurtful mental constructs. The facts are just facts.

Why Accidents? Because we’re living with this incredible illusion called “control”. this is way more than we need). that doesn’t necessarily mean you’re unhappy. We’re not being in charge of anything. The illusion of being in charge of events.That’s the only real power we have (and. It’s not a goal. Of course. And indeed. the rest of reality is way beyond our concept of “control”. Things are just happening. except of the way we choose to see the world.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It for good or bad outcomes. if used wisely. Of being you. their choice. It’s all part of the process of living. We can modify only an incredibly small part of our physical environment. Instead. So. It’s just a choice. many of the people I know are seeing life like this. and I respect it. I don’t think it’s something fundamentally wrong in that. this is a personal choice. I could have chosen to see life as a succession of bad accidents. Why Happy? Because happiness is a process. Many things are happening beyond our reach and we can’t do a thing to control them. Of traveling your own path. I choose to see everything as a series of “happy accidents”. And 337 of 586 . Even when you’re going through some “bad” times.

We accept accidents because. If you would try to do something different. be just another disguised opportunity. Another consequence of living under the communism was the limitation of the personal initiative. But after another 19 years I became a digital nomad. I lived like this for about 19 years. Until the next accident. I couldn’t jump that high. Everybody was equal. To continue the travel. But it was this specific limitation that 338 of 586 . The only choice we have is to take advantage of what’s happening. To see it as an opportunity. From Bad To Good And Back Looking back into my personal history I discovered a lot of things that have been considered bad and then turned to good. Without the pressure of those “bad” times.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It interpreting reality as a series of accidents has a subtle liberation vibration. you were quickly spotted and punished (believe me. which will. A fracture in the coherent fabric of forces of reality. and I travel at least 3-4 months each year. Meaning I established a company on the other side of the world. just as in the taoist story above. well. Lived a big part of my life under communism and that meant an incredible limitation of my freedom to move. I tried a few times). of course. they’re accidents. It was basically impossible to travel as we do it today. in New Zealand.

becoming one of the most visible actors in my field. a violent series of events generated what we know today as the “Romanian Revolution”. A big part of my will to differentiate as an individual was fostered during those incredibly limiting times. Those “bad” times strengthened the muscle I used to create the “good” times. When I was serving in the army. I pushed my own physical limits way beyond I was thinking it’s “normal”. *** Reading this post was good for you? Was it bad for you? We’ll see ! 339 of 586 . But it was that series of events that made me so resilient and persistent.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It pushed me to start my own company at the age of 29. I was convinced that I was going to die during those two weeks.


 340 of 586 .Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It Motivation ! Because sometimes we need a kick.

This is one of the most important.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It “I Can” versus “I Do” “I can” is empowering.
 I can be a millionaire. On the other side.
 I can create a fantastic career. The trap of “it’s ok just to say it”. But it won’t do it for you. while “I do” is life changing.
 I can change the world. but they are not modifying anything. It will always remain at the internal level. will make you believe you are truly able to do it. they are even less than a potential.
 I can have a fulfilling relationship. All those sentences are empowering. “I do” is the reality itself. They are just a potential. The trap 341 of 586 . yet widely ignored confusions in the personal development field. There is a subtle yet powerful difference between those verbs. “I do” will modify your surroundings and make things happening. it won’t reach out. “I Can” traps I can lose weight. In fact. “I can” will change your internal reality. they are a trap. not just an internal representation of it.

All the rest – including the “I can” preparation – is just a scaffold to reach this thrill level.
 I’m creating a fulfilling relationship. 342 of 586 . “I Do” thrills I am losing weight. but it’s not enough. is not important anymore. it can motivate you. Notice the difference? It’s not about the fact that you can do all those things. And this is where all the fun is.
 I’m becoming a millionaire. at the thrill level. It can give you a kickstart.
 I am changing the world. The trap of “I had a revelation and that’s enough”.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It of “ok. unless you switch to the “I do” level. But the “I do” sentences are giving you the thrills. It won’t make it happen. but about actually doing them. starting with myself.
 I’m building a fantastic career. Having powerful thoughts and using powerful verbs – and “I do” is a powerful verb – is certainly important. now can somebody please stand up and do it?”. I said it. but it won’t do it. clarity and perhaps some motivation boost. All the connection and joy of life is taking place at the “I do” level. Notice the change in your emotions while reading this? The “I can” sentences are giving you self-confidence. Once you got there.

I can in itself. a nurturing relationship. Everything is nice. 343 of 586 . “I Do” is grumpy At the “I can” level things are pinky and perfect. it won’t move you in any direction. a perfect career. But if you don’t. Here’s why: “I Can” is comfortable. You see your goals. “I Can” is nice. allocated resources only to see the dust covering everything because you didn’t do anything to move things forward? Switching from “I can” to “I do” is difficult. set up milestones. without a follow up in the real world. It pushes you to break the limits and actually do. will bury you. There is always a risk of failing if you do something. I do gets you out of the comfort zone. you won’t change anything either.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It From “I Can” to “I Do” How many times you’ve been stuck at the “I can” level? How many times you wrote powerful and motivating sentences but never actually did something? How many times you visualized your goals. you imagine a self without extra fat. “I Do” is riskier I can keeps you in the comfort zone.

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At the “I do” level things are sometimes ugly. You
have to fight, to resist, to pull, to strive. Getting
there means almost every time beating some
obstacles. Which is not always nice.

“I Can” makes no promises, “I Do”
respects all the promises

At the “I can” level you don’t make promises,
you’re just telling “ok, I’m able to do it”. You
won’t commit to anything. You’re just
acknowledging some facts.

At the “I do” level you have to respect your
commitments. Doing things means keeping your
promises. Make things happening. Stand up for
your words.

“I Can” is easy, “I Do” is hard

Because you make no real commitments, “I can”
gives you room to dream big. I can be whatever I
want. It’s spectacular and easy. You’re just saying
it.

Once you start keeping your promises, the big
dreams must become reality. And that’s hard. It’s
not always spectacular and it requires constant,
difficult work.

“I Can” is a thought, “I Do” is an action

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Think for a moment at this situation: you met the
love of your life, you fell in love and now you
want to move forward. “I Can” marry you is a
thought, while “I Do” marry you is an action. You
can replace your example with whatever situations
you feel attracted to: “I can” have money versus “I
do” have money, “I can” be happy versus “I am”
happy.

***

Now, how can you really move from “I can” to “I
do”? If you read the differences above carefully, I
think you already know. And, surprisingly enough,
it’s not complicated. You knew it all the time.

If you really, really want to switch from “I can” to
“I do” you have to get out of the comfort zone.
You have to be prepared to fail. You have to make
and keep promises. You have to work it out.
Thinking that you can do stuff is important, but
making it happen is a completely different process.
And in my opinion, this is where all the fun is, at
making things happening. Thinking big is good,
doing big is even better.

And, yes, the most important step to actually do
something is to move away from the computer
right now and start making things happen. Reading
blogs, including this one, won’t help for long. It
might help in the beginning, it will give you some
directions, but it won’t make things happening in
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your place. The real master of your life is you, not
a blog.

Step out, take risks and do something with your
life.

Of course you can. Now do it!

!
!

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Performance versus
Fulfillment

!

Are you a performance driven or a fulfillment
driven individual? Do you compete or do you live?
Do you struggle each day or do you enjoy every
second?

Whenever I ask those questions I’m getting the
most intriguing answers. But each and every
answer reinforce the fact that people are extremely
motivated by performance. Fulfillment seems to be
seen rather like a consequence of a performance
based attitude, than as a path to be followed on its
own. In today’s post I’d like to sketch a few
directions about how performance and fulfillment
approaches are shaping our lives.

So, how do you define performance in your life?
What’s fulfillment in your life?

External versus Internal

For me, performance is external. Is something that
I have to be congruent with, something that I have
to align with, something outside myself. In order
to perform, I have to shift, to remodel, to rewire, to
rearrange myself, according to an external model.
Even if I try to create my own model it will still be
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based on outside perceptions. Performance is
happening on the outside.

Fulfillment is internal. Is something in which I can
genuinely dive without any outside support. Is
something that emerges, that grows from within. In
order to be fulfilled I only have to embrace, to
accept, to dissolve into a sea of inner resources. I
don’t need an external model for my fulfillment,
everything I need is already there. Fulfillment is
happening on the inside.

Rules versus Freedom

Performance means usually to respect a set of rules
and be really good at that. Every performance
needs to be measured and for that it needs rules.
Rules are bounding, limiting and restraining.
Performance comes from total obeisance of the
rules and from acting in a finite territory.

Fulfillment doesn’t need any rule to happen, is just
there. Fulfillment doesn’t really have a
measurement system, it either is or it isn’t.
Fulfillment happens in freedom, is endless in its
nature and unmeasurable. Fulfillment comes from
total flexibility and from acting without any
restraints.

Proof versus Knowing

Every performance is meant to prove something.
Most of the time it proves a higher capacity of the
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performer, it proves the fact that more can be
achieved. Without any proof there wouldn’t be any
performance.

Fulfillment doesn’t need to prove anything, it’s just
there. Fulfillment is feeding your sense of
completeness and integration. It nourishes your
deepest connections to yourself. It doesn’t need
more of anything, because it is already complete.

Consuming versus Creating

Every performance is consuming something. It’s
consuming your resources, your time, your skills.
In order to achieve a certain performance you have
to spend something. Every performance is
expensive.

Fulfillment doesn’t need anything. Even more,
fulfillment is always creating something out of
your current state. Fulfillment is never expensive,
on the contrary, it always gives you something
instead of taking something from you.

Finding Balance

Being only performance based or only fulfillment
based is not a choice for me. I rather go with a
balance between performance and fulfillment.
Changing from one attitude to another as I grow.

Shifting my status using performance based
approaches is leading to fulfillment sooner or later.
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After a certain period of adjustment to external
stimulus and rules – in which I am totally
performance driven – I find myself joy in an inner
fulfilling abandonment.

After respecting the rules of climbing I can rest
into a peaceful stillness on the mountain I just
conquered.

After consuming experiences I can create things
based on that.

After getting proof of overcoming my own limits, I
can enjoy the simple truth that I can always do
that.

!

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Action versus Reaction

!

Acting is what makes you happy, reacting is what
makes you miserable.

Whenever you act, you perform a conscious
choice, you decide you’re going to do that thing.
You become responsible. But when you react, you
follow somebody else’s choice, you’re responding
to an external stimulus. You’re not responsible
anymore, you leave the responsibility to the
stimulus. When you act, you’re the pupeteeer,
when you react, you’re the puppet.

Choice versus Context

Acting is independent of the context, reacting is
totally dependent of the context.

You may be in favorable contexts at times. When
you’re a kid, most of the time you’re in a
continuous favorable context. The problem is that
context is artificial, you are protected by your
parents. While you’re a kid, in a favorable context,
acting or reacting are basically the same: whatever
you do the context will remain favorable. Your
parents will love and protect you no matter what.
But once you get out from their protection, you
may hit some very unfriendly contexts. And here
you’ll learn the real difference between conscious
action and powerless reaction.

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If you consciously chose success, you don’t really
care about context. You’re going to be successful
no matter what. You act, you’re consciously
building your own way. You chose to get there no
matter what. But if you don’t make this choice,
and your life is just a reaction to a chaotic flow of
stimulus, then anything in the surroundings will
help you fail. It’s you who let the context do that,
and you did this by resigning from your own
command, by reacting instead of acting.

For instance, being miserable after losing your job
it’s a reaction. The context was really hard for you
and you lost something. The “normal” reaction is
to be sad, worried, discouraged and miserable. On
the other hand, being confident, manifesting hope
and starting to look for another job (or even
starting your own business) it’s a conscious choice.
Losing your job it’s just a fact. What you do about
this fact is what really matters.

Reward And Frustration

Acting is rewarding, reacting is frustrating.

Every time you act on something, you are
rewarded in some way. Not every conscious action
will be successful. You may fail at times. Maybe
many times. But you still get your reward. When
you fail, the reward is in learning. You made a
choice, you acted in a specific way and you learned
something, even if the action was a complete
failure.

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If you react, all you get is frustration. You didn’t
make a choice, you just responded to a stimulus.
Maybe you wanted something else, but instead of
choosing an action, you automatically reacted to
that stimulus. There is no way you can get a
reward if you’re reacting to something. Even if the
initial stimulus was positive.

For instance, you blindly fall in love with
somebody.That’s a positive stimulus and you
reacted to it. After the initial, unconscious
chemistry phase, you have a choice: to love and
accept no matter what. If you don’t consciously
chose to love no matter what, you’ll get hurt.
Instead of accepting the other one, you’ll start to
control him. In love, jealousy is a reaction,
unconditional acceptance is a conscious action.

Choosing versus Enduring

The difference between action and reaction is not
always simple. Most of the time we’re acting by
habit, and habits are just safe reactions. We know
how to ride a bike, we learned how to do it, when
we’re on the bike, we’re just reacting to it. It’s a
safe reaction. Many of our habits are safe
reactions. But some of them are just stupid.

Some of the most dangerous safe reactions are
related to money. We tend to react to economic
stimulus and news, rather then act upon them. For
instance, if there’s news about a bad economic
context, we’re starting to protect our investments.
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That’s a safe reaction. The bad economic context
may or may not hurt us directly, we never really
know that. But the pre-programmed reaction to
cover our savings will emerge without any control
from our part.

A much better approach would be to directly act
upon our finances. For instance, it’s not uncommon
that investment is much more profitable during
hard economic conditions. A lot of stuff, including
real estate, is getting cheaper. Running to protect
our money, by reaction, instead of investing it, by
conscious action, will be stupid. Again, the
economic context it’s a fact, everybody will feel it,
what really matters is our attitude towards it, our
choices.

Results versus Excuses

Action creates results, reaction creates excuses.

Every time you consciously chose something, you
are producing results. You are the one who started
everything, hence the reality obeyed you. Again,
even if the action was, by any standard, a failure.
Reality responded to your stimulus and created a
result. Maybe it wasn’t the result you wanted, but
it’s still a result.

If you’re reacting to something or somebody else,
you are producing excuses. Your reactions to
external stimulus will seldom be aligned with your
internal values. If you chose to react to stimulus,
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lack of hope. after the job is gone. Most of the time. instead of gazing at the wall in my office and thinking life sucks. But I’m consciously choosing to joke with you by writing this blog post. How about you?
 355 of 586 . Sorry. all you will be left with are excuses. after the yelling is gone. It could have been the other way around. A conscious action will be to bookmark it. A typical reaction to all of these will be frustration. being left by your partner. misery. I’m joking. *** A typical reaction after reading this post will be to think a little bit. losing your job. So. And this action will certainly create some great results. to share it with as many friends as you can and to comment on it. you are giving out control. You’re not acting. of course.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It you’re already giving up your values and empower the stimulus. your reactions will try to protect yourself from apparently bad things: somebody yelling at you. to identify possible matches with your own behavioral patterns and then to forget it while gazing at the next funny cat picture on the web. And perhaps sadness. but it isn’t. after the partner is gone and after your miserable reaction.

356 of 586 . Many people are working their butts day in and day out to make it happen. for quite some money). It was an achievement. If you are the third in a market with two big and powerful leaders you can play your cards in a certain way. once your products are becoming adherent to the market and your name starts to be recognized. By any mainstream standards. Everything is about coming up first. but I start to doubt that it was my biggest one. Honestly. Am I the first one in the market? Am I the second? Everybody and their mother knows that only the first 3 players are counting in any field. I don’t think that way anymore. something interesting kicks in and kinda ruins the whole thing. And once you’re getting a little bit of grip. If you have 25% of the market you can do that and if you have 45% you can do the other thing.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It From Competition To Connection ! I used to think that my company. was one of my biggest achievements. And only number one and number two can get a major investment. well. Mirabilis Media. It’s called competition. (the one I created when I was 30 year old and sold it 10 years after. being successful with your own company is a great achievement.

I think that spreading your genes became the easiest thing we can do nowadays.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It Competition is deeply wired in our structures. the best food and shelter and pretty much the entire respect of the group. I’m inclined to agree with that. than it was 50. Roll back to the time when we’re hanging around in small groups. Especially males are subject to its influence. If you were number one. I mean. as important as it is still is. Our social structures. you got the most fertile ladies. I guess that spreading away your genes as far away as you could. imposing your own DNA over your peers and just surviving in a very difficult environment was the biggest achievement you could have during those times. our capacity of creating life supporting materials have evolved. Then why we’re still so pushed by these ancient instincts? Why we’re striving so much to pick up on some numbers and always try to come up in the first place? Why we still have this pathological fascination with numbers and fight? 357 of 586 . If that’s all that you want. hunting on the fields of Africa and you’ll start to understand why. our environment. But times have changed. It’s way easier to survive and to spread your genes today. is not the biggest issue anymore. Until somebody else challenged you.000 years ago. that is. As a matter of fact. Surviving. The alpha male used to have all the privileges.

a few years ago. there is only number one that makes you happy. you can either win or lose. you’re spending resources. you’re sharing resources. there is only healthy expectation. you don’t have anything to lose or to win. If you’re connecting. for years. If you’re competing. If you’re competing. your body is in a fight or flight situation. you’re in a graph. like in growing them. a web that can be traversed any way you like. I tried.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It I admit I haven’t find an answer to that question yet. 358 of 586 . you’re happy everywhere. I found a new question. If you’re connecting. If you’re in connection. believe me. something happened. And that new question is: What would happen if we could replace “competition” with “connection”? And the answer to that questions was: “Wow!”. Competition versus Connection If you’re in a competition state. And when I was just about to give up. everybody is your enemy. but I couldn’t find it. like a pyramid that can only be traversed from the top to the bottom. Basically. If you’re competing. like in losing them. If you’re in a connection state. everybody is your partner.

I realized that I kinda shifted to connection right after I sold my company. As I started to draw all these simple comparisons. your self-esteem is driving the connection process: the more you have. ready to explode when the time will come. ! 359 of 586 . And. the more people you attract into your connection area. And again. And that’s the value of a true connection. I still don’t know what pushes us to competition. I connect. there’s no prize to be won: your created value is spread constantly in the graph and returned to you constantly from the same graph. Well. self-esteem goes down. I don’t. Because I don’t compete anymore. that I didn’t create even a bigger empire than the one I sold. if you lose. And I may never find out what it is. If you connect. to make a long story short. A few of my formers competitors in the market were puzzled by the fact that I didn’t invest more. But I do know something better than that. self-esteem goes up. you have to compete again. your self-esteem becomes a result of the competition: if you win.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It If you compete. you win a prize. in order to win another prize. and again. If you connect. If you compete. Some of them still are puzzled and maybe think that I have something under the table. So.

then I bet you’re going to leave only after you’ve left a comment. But if you’re ready to take a step back and accept that a topic like prostitution could have the tiniest connection with personal development. but I pondered if I should publish it or not. I finally took the bullet and decided to publish it. The biggest concern was not about the main topic in this post.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It What You Don’t Want To Know About Prostitution ! This is going to be tough. you will be gone by the 2nd paragraph. I can feel it. If you’re having a strong headed approach towards everything in life. It will be a little too much for you. Without doubt. The Sex Taboo I have to confess I thought a lot about this post. Meaning I already had it sketched in my head (and then in my blogging setup). but about the thing which is shaping the modern western society for a good 2 millenniums: the sex taboo. And it’s still going to dislike you. the modern conception about sex is one of the most powerful weapons used to discipline and 360 of 586 . I can tell you by now this is not going to like you.

The reason I mentioned sex is because the modern definition of prostitution have been built on the sex taboo. 361 of 586 . There is this obsession for everything sex related which made prostitution one of the most incriminated activities on earth. now sex has become a dirty matter. I think the way we perceive sex has made more victims than the world wars and is still doing. Our culture pushed sex in the forbidden realm. I’m not going to talk about sex here. Once just a private matter (and close to spirituality). It took it from the playful and ecstatic pedestal ancient cultures had it. I remind you. and that’s prostitution. If sex wasn’t so important.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It manipulate our modern society. created industries (like porn industry) and damaged generations from the inside. In which. selling it for money wouldn’t be such a big issue. but because it’s related to sex. and it’s out of the scope of this blog post. Confined by the socially accepted norms of morality. or about what created this social distortion. Not because you’re actually faking something in the process of prostitution. because it will take too long. Prostitution has been disguised behind sex. I’m talking about something completely different. and exiled it outside the rules of morality. sex has been convicted inside the walls of  the institution of marriage. People are selling things for money all the time. This constant interdiction made sex a fantasy.

in your thinking patterns. there’s only a transaction of fantasies for money. this is what made me think if it would be acceptable or not to publish this article: prostitution is not so much about sex. people are doing this every day. makes a big difference. just because he pays the rent? How many times you’ve been doing 362 of 586 . More precisely: faking it for money. Because it changes the meaning of this activity completely. There is no drive to offer real sex.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It And this is the core of the problem. The whole thing is a prank. Money As A Shortcut If you take out the sex taboo form prostitution. in your job. Seeing prostitution as an act of faking for money. A simple fake for money. it’s called business. and not specifically related to sex. as it is about faking. the actors usually don’t even know each others. but you didn’t because of the money you get from him? How many times you said “yes” to your friend. Nobody gives something real and nobody gets something genuine. When was the last time you faked something for money? When was the last time you wanted to tell  your boss he’s wrong. It makes it spread into areas you wouldn’t think it can reach: in your daily relationships. what’s left? Money and a service. Well. Except in prostitution the service is a fake.

the people. sireee. because… they were never a whore! And this is a stupid. And true. 363 of 586 . We’ve all been whores. We all wanted a miracle to save us from something. well. Too bad money doesn’t solve anything. just because you were paid? Each time you did this you were a whore. And we sold our souls for this shortcut called money. No. We’ve all faked things for money. instead of looking inside. when facing the same challenge. that’s the paragraph where the strong headed are going to leave. because. They eventually reach out and get courage. We all sacrificed our authenticity and joy for a shortcut. What it can buy is a short term delay. We all thought at some points in our life that money will solve our problems. nor inspiration.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It things you don’t want. They take risks. the discipline or the inspiration to change the circumstances of their life. Nor discipline. reaching for a new client. An illusion of security. Eventually they find a way to change their lives. Money can’t buy courage. not the money. get out of their comfort zone and create something. Even if they don’t have the courage. They. inspiration or discipline. And then. A pause. not me! Sad. Only people solve things out. until the real problem hits again. delusional post. people are looking outside. even faking some joy in doing them. By the way.

You may become a fantastic technician – out of a prolonged physical exercise – but you won’t reach to the true nature of sex. The circle repeats endlessly and down goes all your self-esteem. If it’s sex you’re faking – in the generally accepted term for prostitution – you’re going to completely ruin your authentic joy in having sex with somebody you love. Instead. something that will change the lives of the ones you love. because you will only do what money tells you to do. You won’t be able to create genuine value. You will have probably some pleasure. but not joy or ecstasy. And faking for money will have long term effects on you: if at some point you’ll want to do something exceptional. And you’ll eventually forget how it is to create genuine 364 of 586 . but that will initially affect your income. Faking will break you down. Faking Your Life For Money The real problem with faking something is that you’re losing it.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It faking another session and getting another payment. the far you go from its authentic substance. your authenticity and joy. you’ll stick with the money. That’s the same with every other part of your life. If you’re going to fake your job for money you’re going to eventually lose it. In the long run. You won’t know how anymore. you’ll be completely disconnected. The more you fake it. something that will enhance your life. you’re not going to be able to do it.

All you’ll remember is how to get paid. You’re going to have just a regular client for your friendship faking session. You make whores out of them. Be praised. If you’re working with money directly for a very long time. And even if they don’t genuinely want to do that thing. do something you don’t like. By faking your daily routine at the job. You’re becoming a pimp. And the real friendship will get burned. you tend to think you can do everything with money. The one who’s forcing others to fake for his own money benefit. read here). you’re going to lose it eventually. a client who’s going to pay you for your performance. If it’s friendship you’re faking. the one who asks for it. you tend to substitute everything in your life with money (for more info about the difference between working directly with and putting a purpose between you and money. You’re going to fake something. More precisely. Because there’s also the other side of it. Forcing Others To Fake Faking your service is only one part of the transaction. you’ll compromise it at some point. 365 of 586 . for instance. Force other to do stuff for you. your money will eventually force them out. You start paying people to do something they don’t want. If it’s money that keeps you tied up into a friendship. For the money.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It value in the first place. Be happy.

Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It You don’t have to force others to specifically sell sex in order to be a pimp. You’re paying somebody to act as your friend. It will be a fake. You force them to fake something for money. Of course. you’re going to be hated and eventually destroyed by your “employees”. Meanwhile. even if they will obey. there are hundreds of millions of whores who are faking their jobs. You’re getting back a fake. 366 of 586 . but faking it for money. No friendship can be bought with money. a performance. no truthful relationship can be built by force or coercion. you won’t get back true friendship. The Real Prostitution The real problem behind prostitution is not sex. As in every whore – pimp relationship.  If you think you can force your friends to stick with you for your money. make it stand out and ‘fight’ it. only because you’re paying them.  Making such a big taboo out of sex just makes it easier to isolate this specific type of prostitution. you’re a pimp. you won’t get back real value: you’re only perpetuating a life of compromise and lie. even when you disappoint them. their relationships. Even if you make somebody follow you for your money. the result won’t be genuine. and maybe their whole lives for money. If you force your employees to do something they don’t want.

We are faking things for money. But instead of accepting this and do our best to change it. I’m not trying to touch any morality rules here. Where Are You? The following question will hurt. but we can make our lives better . Yes. Every day. this is out of the scope of this post. All prostitution is about and only about sex. so we’re cool.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It In an ideal world we won’t fake nothing for money. we’ve all been there. we don’t live in an ideal world. Of course we can. Forgive it. Well. We can’t make this world perfect. Many times. all I’m saying is that faking is destroying. drama or misery. will know their powers and lessons to learn and will act in all honesty and transparency. And forgive it. The key in changing this and stop losing your life one fake at a time is to accept it. we just have to do it. And we go on and on with our fakes. Accept it. You’re losing it. as I already told you in the beginning: are you a whore? In what area of your life? Maybe your husband is paying you to stay with him? Maybe at the job? Maybe 367 of 586 . Everybody will be well connected with his inner self. we deny it. There won’t be disasters. we live an imperfect one. Once again. And then move and and try to do better next time.

With real sadness. So? Fighting back against it. Accept yourself and forgive. you’ll live a real life. but you’ll be authentic. Maybe your friends will reject you but at least you’ll see the movies you really like. maybe. Try to accept. this will only make them more powerful. just the real thing. And then move on.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It you stay with your friends because they’re paying your movie tickets? Are you really faking your life for money? Or are you pimp? Are your forcing others to fake their lives for money? I can feel your tension and muscle contractions. take a moment and breathe. be meaningful and honest. With real joy. will do nothing but perpetuating the status quo. It will only bury them deep down in your subconscious mind. Or a pimp. denying it. Relax. But with no more plastic happiness. Maybe you’ll upset your boss. But before doing this. You’re going to fight me back and do whatever you can to make me understand I’m wrong. 368 of 586 . Maybe your husband will divorce you. Maybe you were a whore. That’s the only way to escape the endless circle. Rejecting those situations in your life won’t make them disappear. Instead of faking your life and losing it. but you’ll live an honest life. The real answer to those question can’t be rejection.

! ! 369 of 586 . So. Forgiveness needs to be at least as popular as sex. get on with it day by day. By the way. Not us. if you really didn’t like this. Only them. we prefer to blindly accept to fake our lives for money. Unfortunately. And should create the same addiction like sex.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It So sad that our modern society didn’t put at least an equal emphasis on forgiveness as it puts on sex. there are plenty of articles in the this book which you’ll most likely dislike as well. instead of forgiving ourselves for being whores at some points in our life. with their dirty sex… Toldya you ain’t gonna like this. this is not the case. Forgiving ourselves  should be an orgasmic act. and consider that only those who are selling sex are whores.

a quality or a precious personality trait. without revealing his true identity. That subtle moment in which the reality veils are transparent changes an entire life. 370 of 586 . Make him use his precious. I’m in love with these stories. remembers that story and tells it to world: “If it wasn’t for that master. the beginner. I am now a master. That moment is the ignition of a new existence. now a master. We just follow somebody’s advice and. the beginners become a new master. That specific moment in which the master sees “through” the other person is the key. You know the type: a disguised master meets a beginner. With his sharp intuition.” I’m telling you. In years. He saw something in me that I didn’t. And. magically. And we don’t know we actually met a master until 20 years have passed. the beginners. yet hidden talent. don’t even realize that. ready to teach others. We’re suddenly on the right path. And somewhere near the top of his career. the master sees something in the beginner that he didn’t see: a certain talent. He points him to a specific direction or just push him to do some work.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It The Master and You I love gratitude stories. Thanks to him. I wouldn’t be here now. He made me chose my path. What’s interesting is that most of the time us. everything starts to “click” around us. the master gives the beginners a chance.

They see something. an idea popped out. how exactly a master sees “through” a person? Is this specific ability something you learn? Or something you just naturally get when you’re born? Is this a gift? A special talent? I always was curious about that. human hope that the master set up for the person in front of him. nothing more. he is just imagining something that could be? Maybe the master is just “seeing” the beginner in 20 years as a master. right? What if instead of seeing something which is already there. and everything will be fine with you”. “Just do that.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It Seeing the Invisible Now. He trust the beginner to become a master. Browsing through those gratitude stories. start doing what he does best. but what they 371 of 586 . tells the master. What if?… What if the master doesn’t see the invisible? What if the master is not aware of any hidden talent in the beginner? And he’s just planting a seed? Now. relieved and sure that now everything will be fine. that’s something to think about. the more I’m inclined to think that masters are just setting up high expectations. and the beginner. The more I read those gratitude stories about masters and beginners. Maybe there’s nothing really special about that beginner and all that’s happening is just a simple.

you are the master. “Just do your best and everything will click around”. you can “see” that person anyway you want. Pretend you’re the master. It’s just a hope. a potential.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It really see is something which is not there. Look at yourself and “see” something you want to become. not that hidden quality. And once you focused on that image. In the end. just tell to yourself that everything will be fine. Remember. And keep thinking to yourself: “I’m the master and I know that for sure”. 372 of 586 . The person you’ll be in 20 years from now. Meet Your Master If there’s nothing magic about those masters. if they’re human just like us and they don’t need anything supernatural to “see”. If all you need to be a master is to set a high hope. you can see it. How is that person? Happy? Balanced? Successful? You’re the master. Play this role. it’s the beginner’s hard work which makes that hope real. Yet. You’ll make a difference around you? You’re going to create something fantastic? See it. why don’t just do it yourself? Like right now. it means we can play a little game. Let’s start a game in which the players are you and the future you.

Maybe he tells you to insist on a certain quality you have. Because it makes you understand the only real difference between you and a life master: the life master knows that everything is possible. within years of constant effort and work. ! 373 of 586 . this game is really. Nothing is really impossible. Just think about it… Give Yourself A Chance What if you are the master who sees something in yourself nobody else’s sees? What if you plant a seed so valuable yet so hidden in you that. relieved and sure that everything will be fine. really powerful. will make you the master of your own life? Why don’t you give yourself a chance? 20 years from now. near the top of your career.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It All you have to do now is to follow the master’s advice. Start doing your best. you’re going to tell one of those gratitude stories I love so much: you’re going to thank to yourself. As innocent as it may seem. It’s your own work and determination and trust. That’s the only difference between a beginner and a mentor: the mentor knows through his own experience that there aren’t any limits to what can be accomplished. but it’s not that quality which makes you stand out and be successful.

I will get you out of ignorance. After days of walking around the sand dunes. OK. without water. Now. I’m thirsty. You know the type: thin. you found me. you mighty Bedouin. not to mention it has quite a deep meaning.” The lost Bedouin closed his eyes and mumbled: “Now if you would be so kind to disappear when I’ll open my eyes again. go!” 374 of 586 . translucent and surprisingly able to fulfill any wish you could possibly have.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It The Magic Fairy Exercise ! You know the joke with the lost Bedouin? No? How come? It’s a very common joke. food and nobody to comfort him around. and the only thing that could make things worse is a stupid mirage. I’m the magic fairy of this part of the desert and I can fulfill you 3 wishes. one of them apparently did it at some point in history. tired and alone. that would be great. the lost Bedouin finally meets a magic fairy. Imagine our Bedouin’s surprise when that cute floating lady whispers to him in crystal clear voice: “Oh. just relax and read on: Although it’s quite uncommon for a Bedouin to get lost in the desert.

Bedouin said. I would like a lot of water. because I’m walking for days in this desert without water. he was properly entertained. so wait a minute. are we going to play this again? Just told you I’m a magic fairy.. our Bedouin decided he knows what he wants: “First thing. You know. please?” A little puzzled. Next?” “The second thing it’s something a little bit special. what do you want from me to believe? Can we skip to the wishes. After a few minutes. I want to 375 of 586 . After all. “Ok. “No worries. if she was a mirage. he had nothing to lose: if she was for real. then he got 3 wishes fulfilled. I had this tan skin for as long as I remember my face.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It To his even bigger surprise. right? Can you make it that I will always have water on me?” The fairy seemed to think for a few seconds and then replied: “Ok. the magic fairy was still there when he opened his eyes again. And she looked a little bored too: “Ok. our Bedouin decided it’s better to play the way she said. I just have to think exactly what I need”. I’m here to serve you”. I can do that. magic fairy replied. Now that I met you and you said you can fulfill any possible wish.

in crystal clear voice. Daily. And a man has needs. the Bedouin replied. I said it!” Magic fairy looked very carefully at our Bedouin and after a few seconds replied: “Yeap. Although it may sound a little bit silly… Can you?… Can you make me white? Ok. 376 of 586 . you want to be white and to be touched by lots of women. this joke tells a lot about our own goal setting approach. Last one. you want to always have water. Yeah. Lots of women. One short move of the magic wand. I think you know where I’m heading here. you know. she whispered again. I laughed too. But behind laughing. colored in white and touched by women daily. But I’ll just say it out loud: I want to be touched by lots of women. a man is a man. Lots of women. I can do that too. to our lost Bedouin: “So. Daily if possible.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It take advantage of this opportunity. please?” “Well. Can you do this?” Fairy acknowledged and before moving her magic wand. is that correct?” “Absolutely”. The next second. Daily. Lots of needs. a short mumbled magic formula and then our fairy disappeared. our Bedouin woke up as a flush toilet in a crowded ladies’ room: always filled with water.

Our current situation is the direct result of what we dreamed about. of what we intended to happen. The bad news is that in the end you’ll get it. Call it destiny. but the thing is. That’s the good news. We’re all having our own private magic fairy. At the core of our lives there’s nobody else but us. Sooner or later. only we’re not always able to see her. Goal setting is a tricky thing. if you wish something. and she’s doing exactly what we’re telling her to do: she’s fulfilling our wishes. of what we wanted to. So be very careful what you’re wishing for. call it Law Of Attraction. if you play your cards well. in the end you’ll get it. the magic fairy will make your wish come true. The Magic Fairy Goal Setting Exercise 377 of 586 . call it the Universe. call it whatever you want. But she’s there.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It Goal Setting and Your Private Magic Fairy How many times you did your goal setting the same way the lost Bedouin did? How many times your dreams were blurred or inconsistent? How many times you followed impersonal social patterns just to find yourself in a totally different place than you wanted to be in? I know I did it at least a thousand times.

although in the beginning it will surely help. How would you set up your goal? How will the wishes will sound? Compare “I want a better career” with ” I want to do something that I love. who will love me back and who will support me. It’s a very simple thing you can do. to have fun together and to enjoy our journey”. Quite a difference. a practical approach to avoid the lost Bedouin situation by using a better goal setting approach. What will matter in this exercise is to visualize the whole discussion between the magic fairy and the Bedouin. right? Doesn’t matter if you write the wishes down. you can end up as a flush toilet. Compare “I want a better relationship” with “I want a woman to love. not to mention it can be really fun. What follows is a short guide of how to create “magic fairy proof” wishes. How it works? Every time you establish some goal.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It One thing that could really help you avoid this lost Bedouin situation is what I call “the magic fairy goal setting” exercise. I want to be able to talk with her openly. Imagine you’ve just met the magic fairy and you’re up to have 3 wishes fulfilled. In other words. What matters is to remember that what you wish for will come true. put yourself in the lost Bedouin shoes. 378 of 586 . I want to be paid for and I want to feel good while I’m doing it”. a woman who will understand me. and if you’re not 100 percent exact.

most of the time. you’re getting something extremely different. Don’t make assumptions. So he 379 of 586 . 3. it’s NOT what you want. but you may become the wrong kind of white. this is our job. which is a very difficult job in itself. Be Direct Don’t expect your fairy to understand by herself what you’re wishing for. Magic fairies are usually pretty busy (we’re over 6 billion people to be served on this planet only.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It 1. Which. if that’s what you wish for. so they have plenty of work to do). so to speak. 2. Be Precise Tell “exactly” what you want. Don’t just mumble metaphors like: “I want to be touched by lots of women. If you’re not telling out loud what you’re wanting to happen. Our lost Bedouin wanted a lot of water. Daily” because the magic fairy will pick the simplest first available choice. You have to be very direct and put shyness apart. Magic fairies are not designed to handle our goal setting process. Be Fearless Too many times our wishes are a result of a certain imbalance in our current environment. because he experienced loss of water extensively. You may become white. They’re designed to make what we’re saying real.

We’re wishing loads of money. 5. it will happen. Be Consistent If you didn’t get it for the first time. And in the process of getting loads of money we also get other people to literally shit on our heads for it. So. improve and refine your wishes and then put up the intention again. thinking it will just be a “dry test” without really happening. period. 4. will put you in the lost Bedouin situation: you may wake up as a flush toilet in some ladies’ room. Everything you wish for it’s happening. Once you intended something. don’t despair. if we really want to. for instance. fearless and confident wishes 380 of 586 . direct. if you’re wishing something at all. Adjust. Really. And every time we’re acting based on fear. His goal setting process was rooted in fear. So. without caring what we have to do for it.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It wanted a lot of water. setting goals “just like that” will have the same effect as setting goals “seriously”. Our joke is describing only one meeting with the magic fairy but the untold truth is that we can meet this lady as often as we want. we’re getting strange results. Just sketching your goals. by fear of losing it again. being prepared for it. you’d better doing it with confidence. So. Be Confident It will happen. keep your precise.

ready to make them come true. because you never know when your private magic fairy will jump again in front of you. ! 381 of 586 .Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It handy.

the good news is that… nothing is permanent. Got it? And when you’re doing this stuff on auto-pilot. when you make a habit out of pessimism. things WILL go wrong. you’re a pessimist! I have two news for you: a good one and a bad one. If you think everything will go wrong. And. If you think relationship are hard. as surprising as it may sound. Yeah. But there’s also a good news about this thing. and you’re never able to fully understand a laughter in the middle of a storm. well. you will have a hard time having a relationship. your whole life will start to break down in pieces with every thought you think. who thinks the world will crash and burn because we’re inherently doomed. then you will generate more emptiness. I’ll start with the bad one: everything you think in your head becomes reality. well. why would you read such an article? I bet you’re the type who sees the empty half of the glass. Maybe you are a pessimist (and all pessimists are usually backing up their choice with 382 of 586 . Toldya this is bad news.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It 7 Ways To Avoid Pessimism ! Gotcha! You’re a pessimist! Otherwise. at some point. Nothing is written in stone. If you think your glass is half empty. I’m not kidding. No.

Without fear. This is the most easy. Go For What Scares You The Most You’re afraid of being left? Leave! Afraid of being broke? Go broke. You did it. And second. Especially 383 of 586 . there will be no courage. Whatever scares you the most. You can emigrate from the Pessimism country and you can do it totally legal. Avoiding your fears. You went through the hell and back and you’re still alive. you’re going to realize that you are a very powerful person. you will never ever develop real life boldness. You can change. 2.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It very strong arguments) but you don’t have to STAY a pessimist. Afraid of being alone? Isolate yourself. do it. Talk To Your Future Self Maybe now life is pretty far from pink for you. you’ll realize that the worst case scenario is not as bad as you thought it may be. Face the worst case scenario. If you don’t accept that your fears are just button pushers for your courage. that will keep you a pessimist forever. This will have at least two implications: First. Here are only 7 hints on how you can do this: 1. Courage is born in fear. ready to tell your story. Maybe it’s totally gray or even black. Confront them. endlessly thinking without taking action. effective and powerful way to realize your fears are just mental constructs.

but don’t tell. The second. In my imaginary conversations. usually the answer is: “Hey. It goes from a little piece of advice to actually doing a small service. I don’t even remember I used to have these problems”. this technique is very effective. To name just 2 of the things that are making me happy today. Dragos. Indiscriminately Help Someone When things are advancing really slow. or a beautiful daughter. when 384 of 586 . My future self is always smiling and much more relaxed than me. I forgot about that long time ago. and the most important. he’s also much smarter than I usually am. Just try to remember what were your usual problems 5 years ago and try to have a conversation with your past self. 3. benefit is that my current mindset is replaced. I try to start my days doing a small act of kindness. First benefit: it instantly shifts my focus from my own problems.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It during these black or gray times I like to talk to my future self. As funny as it may seem. Helping somebody I know (or I don’t know) out of the blue. “Hi. You know. how’s life lately? Still have those problems from 5 years ago?” In my conversations. dude. I imagine myself in 5 years from now and try to have a conversation with this guy. 5 years ago I didn’t even imagined how would it be to have a blog.

but it happens. Why this won’t happen to you too? And it usually happens. what are 385 of 586 . enough health. If it’s your house that makes you problems. One may argue that this is a childish. you gotta first imagine your life outside this realm. If it’s a person that makes you unhappy. Not instantly. there is enough for everybody. An image is worth 1000 words. It doesn’t matter if you have talent. I cannot stop thinking that there won’t be enough… something.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It everything goes wrong. just sketch your new context. you just provided some unexpected … something to a total stranger. If you really try to escape from the pessimism prison. We do perceive a lot of our reality through our eyes. and for a good reason. Enough money. enough love. And drawing this life by yourself is one of the best ways to do it. If it’s yourself that makes you feel limited. ineffective approach in fighting pessimism. Well. Paint A New Context Like in real drawing. paint a new person. helping somebody out of the blue simply blasts this mindset away. How can drawing something can change your reality? Well. paint a new self. The mere act of providing some unexpected support to somebody actually invalidates my mind model: look. paint a new house. 4. they say.

Unconsciously. Yes. in the long run. you’re doing it outside. articulated and straightforward.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It your alternatives? If you tried everything. Running is also a very good way to squeeze the stored stress in your body. You were able to take some distance. will make them go away. you contract your muscles. putting yourself in a fight or flight situation. Do it in the park or on a random itinerary. Take A Long Run A real run. You’ll bring a sense of optimism rooted in the fact that you finished the run. but this one. 6. But you’re not doing in your head. Ask For Support Out loud. Although you don’t realize it. you fight your enemies with your body too. alternate walking with running. you’re in trouble and there’s no reason to be 386 of 586 . what do you have to lose? 5. Yes. in the real life. You don’t have to run all the time. The underlying principle in this approach is that you’re pushing your limits. during stressing phases. Release that energy. you’re actually creating an escape route. your problems will still be there. once back home. not only with your mind. A few miles. To leave the old stuff behind. But you’ll be bringing back from this run a little something that.

Every action will call for a reaction. Wrong. But. We think we’re alone. Based on some traumatic experiences from the past. Go ahead. expose your difficulties. We think nobody cares. the saying goes. you will never be able to use it. Keep An Eye On The Opening Windows When God closes a door. Pessimism is more than often a perpetual blocking situation: we just can’t take our eyes from the closed door. Ask for support until you get it. We’re not islands. we extrapolate our current situation. what a life we had. talk about your problems. we’re streams of consciousness linked through far more planes than we think. You just have to keep trying. We think that whatever we do. We’re in a balanced universe. It will. Oh. it won’t count. And. and now is broken. most of the time. 7. Just keep reaching out until you’ll eventually realize that your valley will soon attract a hill. in better words. we’re doing it wrong. All we can do is whining about the past: “Oh. We’re connected. Or. if you don’t pay attention to this window. it opens a window. what a beautiful partner we had and now he’s 387 of 586 . the illusion of isolation. One of the most common sources of pessimism is isolation.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It ashamed for that.

It simply cannot survive in this environment. since he’s somewhere else.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It somewhere else. But you can’t possibly see this someone new you even if he’ll be there. At the bottom line this approach means you should accept and trust. with somebody else”. Ok. ! 388 of 586 . if you don’t actually look. Accept that life is full of possibilities and trust that you’ll be able to jump on every new opportunity. Wherever there’s acceptance and trust. look around and find somebody new. pessimism is not possible.

The alloy will be even weaker than in its initial stage. something changes deep down. something changes in the structure of those alloys. resulting in a much more tougher and ductile material. because this is usually happening at very high temperatures. if the alloy is not taking the necessary heat for the exact period of time.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It Tempered Steel ! Ever witnessed how steel is tempered? I really doubt that. And I mean it. The molecular structure of the alloy is modified. under very specific conditions. If you interrupt this process. steel tempering is made by overheating certain alloys or specific compounds. 389 of 586 . I had a chance. their atoms are actually rearranging. it didn’t trigger any major understandings. How Do You Temper Steel? From a metallurgic perspective. Upon reaching a certain heating point. much stronger structure. It’s like its atoms are stopped right in the middle of rearranging in a new. when I was younger. They didn’t reach the new model and they don’t remember the older one. in places where a regular guy can’t enter without special clearance. Although it was a very intense experience at the senses level. Until recently. to witness such a process. the process fails.

but you got my point) with the precise intent of making that something tougher. I mean. you will find it extremely unusual. What’s this metallurgy thing? Where’s the connection?” Well. to some extent. Now that’s strange. instead of a wretched piece of trash. you push. the expected result: a much tougher and resilient material. life challenges are just some pressure. you force. pushing our limits way beyond our concepts of 390 of 586 . you put some pressure on something. You deform. you stretch that material and in the end. there is a very strong connection between steel tempering and life challenges. don’t you think? How Do You Handle Pressure? I know what you think: “I thought this is a selfimprovement blog. It makes as feel better. or catastrophe or something along those lines. so to speak. (it’s about heating. not pressure. It’s easier to see them as accidents.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It I think many of us know the theoretical principles of this process and. when in fact. They’re close relatives. life challenges are from the same family as steel tempering. In fact. feeding our self-victimizing attitudes. We’re used to think at them in terms of misfortune. But if you take the time to really look at this technique. you get a shiny piece of powerful and flexible metal. Only we don’t really accept that.

Of course. but fact is at the next big challenge you will collapse. And. the old model of reality will be lost. you may reach some temporary comfort and think you avoided some catastrophe. if you try to avoid the challenge. up to the point you don’t know who you are anymore. How To Handle A Life Tempering Process I’ve been through some pretty big challenges myself.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It “normal” or “bearable”. If you stop this process. In fact. Especially if the pressure is so high that you can’t even remember who you are. And I’m sure you’ve been too. 391 of 586 . won’t know how they are supposed to arrange themselves anymore and you will stop in the middle. with the exact intent of making us stronger. to some extent. may be some life challenge you’re experiencing as we speak. like if your universe is slowly collapsing. chances are that you are undergoing a life tempering process. if we would believe that thing called the “law of attraction”. this is exactly what’s happening: your atoms are re-arranging. you will sabotage the tempering. Your atoms. becoming even weaker than before. right now. Whenever you experience some huge pressure. already shuffled by the first stages of the process. the reason for you reading this article right here.

For new forces. And for these to be born. there is a need for renewal. I was prepared to get a punch in the face but I was still thinking I was “innocent” and that “shouldn’t happen to me”. the old ones had to die. on the relationship level) I knew that something strong has to start. But the process was absolutely horrific. If there were some series of events which constantly started to push pressure on my life (being it on the career level. Just thrown away. no visibility whatsoever and a lot of pain. new perspectives. More powerful. But just being prepared was not enough. right in the middle of the things.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It I remember that my first tempering sessions were awful. In order to become more powerful. on the emotional level. I kinda become better at spotting them. at some very deep level. As I grew up. with all my familiar universe trashed in million pieces. That. At least I was somehow prepared. bigger forces were necessary to rearrange my atoms in a new. from one tempering session to another. 392 of 586 . A fatalistic approach. I kinda missed the whole point. After the storm has settle in. I was a completely different person. new beginnings. more flexible and stronger model. It took several decades to realize that those processes are in fact natural. more balanced. I really felt like I was caught in a tornado and had no way to control where I’m going to.

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And I also realized that avoiding that process, as
painful as it may be, just won’t work. If I would do
that I would become friable as a biscuit. The only
option is to take the heat and move on.

What follows is a very short guide on how to
handle a life tempering process.

Don’t Cling On To The Past

If you try to attach yourself to familiar
circumstances you may sabotage the whole
process. Your atoms are already shuffled for the
next model, so there’s no need to confuse them
with old patterns. It will make the task far more
difficult for them if you keep clinging on to the
past.

If You’re Hinted, Go For It

If there are some signs that are “talking” to you
during a major crisis, follow them. These are not
just hunches, these are your atoms telling you:
“this is the path you should take, that’s the model I
should arrange into”. You may call this intuition, I
call it the “atom intelligence”.

It’s Supposed To Be Difficult, So Stop
Whining

This is how it works, this tempering thing. It’s
difficult. It heats you up to the point of destruction,
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that’s true. But in the end you’ll emerge much
more powerful and balanced. So stop whining,
doesn’t help. It won’t make the heat colder, if you
know what I mean.

There Will Be Some Clutter

Any steel tempering process generates some trash.
In the process of transforming the whole, some
parts will be lost. It’s natural. It’s even necessary.
In your new structure you won’t need those parts
anymore. So, be prepared for a major clean up
after the storm will end.

Enjoy The View

One of the most beautiful things in life is to
witness a major life tempering. There are huge
forces involved, there is an enormous amount of
unleashed power trying to find a form to stabilize
into, there is a massive game of light, sound and
movement. I remember this from my first steel
tempering experience. Now, all those powerful
sensations, all that heat, that huge light, the intense
sound, everything is combining into a unique life
show.

The heated metal is screaming and is desperately
trying to attach to its old structure, but the heat will
go deep down to its structure and rebuild it in
something incredibly powerful.

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So, next time you’re whining about losing your
job, not having enough money or being thrown
away by uncontrollable circumstance, just look
deep down and try to recognize the signs of a new
life tempering process.

Enjoy it. You’ll be a completely different person
after that.

!

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My Top 7 Demotivating
Habits

!

In the subtle fabric of our day to day routine, every
now and again we allow some red stripes to mingle
in. Sooner or later, those stripes will unweave the
whole mechanism. I’m sure you’ve experienced it
too: the day goes on fabulously, everything falls
into its place, and then, apparently out of nowhere,
something small happens which breaks the entire
process. Suddenly, you feel down, you don’t have
any desire to go on and all you want to do is to
whine on somebody else’s shoulder about how
pitiful your life is.

Those red stripes are demotivating habits. We all
have them and, on a very unconscious level, we’re
all allowing them to manifest every once in a
while. The problem with those demotivating habits
is that we’re not always seeing them as
demotivating habits. Many of them are just
downgraded versions of normal reactions or, to be
more precise, just facts. But we tend to interpret
those facts in a diminishing way.

On a regular day, I get around 3 or 4 of these. I
somehow learned to identify them, but I’m not
always 100% correct. Their ability to disguise into
legitimate actions still amazes me. So, for the sake
of putting a name on their face and covering them
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with shame, I decided to write a post on this topic.
Namely, about my top 7 demotivating habits.

1. The “Look, Something Shiny”
Syndrome

Every time you allow your focus to get trapped
into an allegedly pleasurable activity, by
interrupting what you were doing, you are
experiencing this demotivating habit. If you’re into
social media, you know what I mean. Twitter or
Facebook are the most popular shiny things which
are invading our territory.

But there are many other versions of it. Starting a
conversation with your office colleague, for
instance. Looking outside of your office window.
Turning on the TV, if you’re working from home.
Calling a friend in the middle of something you’re
just doing, only to find out “how is he”. All of
these are forms of the “look, something shiny
syndrome”.

2. Overheating

Or doing too much too fast. I’m a very good
candidate for this habit because I crave to see
things happening. If things aren’t happening with
the speed of light, I usually consider this to be a
big problem. I want it now and I want it all. So,
when I’m starting something, I’m totally
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immersing myself into it. Up to the point that I
sometimes forget why I started it in the first place.

Overheating is a sign that you’re creating a lot of
friction around you. Friction generates heat. And
heat is a sure way to lose energy. There’s a certain
time needed for each thing to come to fruition and
if you’re trying to make it faster than it needs, then
you’re setting yourself for failure. Demotivation,
in this case, is just the first sign that you’re doing
something wrong.

3. Fear Of Not Doing It Good Enough

I’m not doing this now because I’m not in the best
shape for it. Or, I’m not having this meeting right
now, because I’m not yet prepared. I’m not writing
code, because I don’t master some inner workings
of the app. Of course you should! You should have
the meeting, you should write that code and you
should adjust while you’re doing it.

Sometimes, things just have to be done. Not in a
perfect way. Not even in a good way. Just done.
But our need for recognition (which, at its core, is
natural and legitimate) is tricking us into not doing
them, because they will not be “good enough”. Of
all these top 7 demotivating habits, this one is the
most annoying (and the most common) to me.

4. Bad Physical Health

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Luckily, I don’t have this problem anymore,
because, in the last few years I paid close attention
to my physical health. But there was a time when
this was a major problem. For instance, smoking.
It’s an addiction which creates a short wave of
endorphins, followed by a much longer period of
dumbness and lack of focus.

Overeating, drinking too much, or even exercising
too much are also symptoms that you’re lowering
your chances to get things done by simply ruining
your physical health. And, believe it or not, having
a good physical health is a matter of habits. Habits
which will enforce a healthy lifestyle, that is.

5. Breaking It Into Meaningless Details

It’s the “analysis paralysis” syndrome. Or, in terms
of Assess – Decide – Do, it’s about being stuck in
the Assess realm for ever. The need to analyze
your problem and making it actionable is
fundamental. You can’t do something in a reliable
way if you’re not having a clear image about how
you’re going to do it.

But spending all your time dissecting your tasks,
projects, goals or attitudes in smaller and smaller
chunks of data will eventually paralyze you. One
of my business partners had this habit and I had an
incredibly hard time working with him because of
that.

6. “It Doesn’t Really Matter”

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If you set yourself for doing something, do it.
During the day you may encounter contexts which
can take you out of your normal state. You may be
caught in something that seems to have a higher
priority. Well, instead of avoiding doing what you
planned, you should reschedule. Put a different
priority on those tasks, but still commit to do them.

If you’re falling for this habit, you’re becoming a
drifting, course-less ship on a lonely ocean. It’s
true that priorities are changing during the day.
Which means you should change your priorities
too, but not get rid of the stuff you wanted to do
just because now it “seems” unimportant.

7. Others Are Doing It Better Than Me

That’s the most common demotivating habit I’m
seeing around myself in the last few years. People
are not doing things because they like doing
things, or because doing things will make them
feel better. They’re doing things because of the
competition. And when the other guys are doing
those things better, there’s no reason to continue,
right?

It’s a fundamental mistake. And it acts at a very
deep level. Doesn’t matter if somebody is a better
“put your desired quality here” than you. Because
it’s not about them. It’s about you. Your
experiences. Your days and nights. Your life.

Don’t hand it to somebody else.

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!

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The Subtle Comfort Of
The Discomfort Zone

!

I have a very close relationship with the discomfort
zone. We’re somehow friends. Over the years I
slowly learned the subtle science of feeling good in
my discomfort zone. What follows is a short
description of my approach.

But first, let’s have a glimpse of what I understand
by discomfort zone in some areas of my life.

Social Life

Last week I attended to an astrology workshop. I
am somehow into astrology and since I already
knew the woman who held that workshop (from a
mailing list, not from real life), going there seemed
like a nice idea. But the atmosphere, the people
and the whole workshop approach proved to be
completely new and somehow disturbing. I
literally felt like an alien taking notes with my
iPad, the only man among 20 something middle
age women (there was another man attending but
he was an astrologer too, so I guess it didn’t
counts). That was a very uncomfortable place for
me to be.

At the same time, I am on board of a business
event called Venture Connect where I meet with
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people from the online industry. While I do enjoy
being there, the challenges this position brings are
quite interesting. I have to search for new, valuable
online businesses, evaluate them, meet with
entrepreneurs, balance their expectations and so on
and so forth. It’s the second edition of the event
and I’m starting to feel a little bit more relaxed, but
it still requires some serious stretching from me.

In the last two months I started a consulting project
(quite a big one, it will end in March next year)
where I have to spend a few hours every day in an
office, evaluating progress of a team, provisioning,
negotiating deals, creating and implementing
strategies and so on. That’s a very interesting
position for me, in a very subtle and new way. I
had my own business for more than 10 years, but
positioning myself somehow outside of the power
and control position of a business owner, while
still trying to get measurable results as a
consultant, well, that’s something completely new
and, of course, uncomfortable.

And during the entire day, every day, I socialize on
Twitter and Facebook, interacting with dozens of
people and trying to manage thousands of
followers. Some of them are just having common
interests, some of them are just into chit chat,
while some of them are completely unknown
strangers who are trying to make new friends. For
a rather reserved person like me, this routine is
really uncomfortable.

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lately I decided to enter the Apple ecosystem. And maintaining. It’s true that the first prototype of my iAdd app was ready in just 30 days. bug fixing and improving iAdd takes a very big chunk of my time. it’s a solid. nothing from it compares with what I have in my personal relationships. even Mac) apps. iAdd is not a walk in the park. Core Data based app with a lot of underlying features. even if I’m becoming more and more experienced. I had to learn Objective C from scratch and implement myself all the functionality I needed. Objective C is still a very disturbing place for me.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It Work Although I am seasoned web programmer. creating and selling my own iPhone / iPad (and. For that. I’m separated from the mother of my 4 year old 404 of 586 . But the distance from my comfort zone of being a regular PHP programmer to becoming a skilled and effective Objective C programmer is huge. lately. but those 30 days were an incredibly wearing period for me. although I spend a few hours in that realm every day. Personal Relationships Although what you read so far can give you an idea about my general discomfort zone. As some of you may know.

Until recently. being able to get in touch and maintain permanent contact with their father is fundamental. While I’m still committed to keep the first part the same (whenever I may decide to enter a new relationship. no nothing. Even if they’re not in a regular family. I want to start to maintain a (former romantic) relationship going on on a different vibe. for sure).Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It daughter. no phone calls. All my partners were accustomed to my “100% in” approach. who is 13 years old. which I’m not. cutting edge one: either “100% in”. I’m there 100% no matter what. That’s something I’m committed to do. or “100% out”. But well. my personal relationship approach was a very “clean”. Like no messages. I may be considered as well as dead. 100% out. the one related to “100% out” is something that I decided to change. I also have another child. here comes the difficult part. the second one. that is. Bianca. not for my own benefit. Although I’m well out and beyond the romantic relationship we had and all I want is to create a friendship. From the other person point of view. which is something that won’t happen very soon. Victor. 405 of 586 . Meaning that if I commit to a relationship. But when I’m out from the relationship I’m out for good. no matter what. but to give to my children access to their father too. So each contact we have is seen through those lenses. they’re still expecting me to perform as I was “100% in”.

So. work or personal relationships. I have to be really careful not to create too many expectations on my new romantic relationships. fact is I find the process of creating and maintaining healthy boundaries in personal relationships incredibly difficult. 406 of 586 . but because of the image I created into my partners minds by the former me. believe me. If one would have to use reasoning for jumping into the discomfort zone. We’re wired to search and enjoy balance. But because I want to show you how and why I find the discomfort zone fundamental for one’s growth. but it tends to get a little crowded lately . here’s how to stretch: 1. Start doing what you’re afraid of. The discomfort zone is not a rational one. Take A Leap Of Faith Jump. I kinda managed to have a balance on this area so far. he would never do it.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It Anyway. Not because of the actual me. that’s for sure. That’s one hell of a discomfort zone. Immerse in it without too much thinking. On top of that. How To Stretch Why am I telling you all these? Not because I’m creating public reports of my social life.

See what everything means for you. For instance. I made my muscle work somehow. This is the learning stage of the process and if you’re not taking the time to follow through. Observe Your Reactions Fundamental. See what muscle is strengthened. See how the new you unfolds. Was just a gratuitous. The dance is where the real fun is. selfish and useless act. Life is a dance and just because you’re invited to the party. you start reaping off the benefits. I felt like an alien during it. you’re not using your discomfort zone. The discomfort zone uses you to create frustration. in my social life I just dive in whenever I feel the drive to. If you don’t observe what the discomfort zone is doing to you. 2. but the leap of faith proved really beneficial. not reason. But if you’re staying aware. the leap of faith was in vain. Too much balance is like sitting on a chair at a party and enjoying your staying. if you don’t get up and dance it doesn’t mean you’re really having fun. that’s true. 407 of 586 . not sitting on the chair. Going to that astrology workshop was a leap of faith. I stretched out. while everybody around is dancing. And it’s true: to start dancing you gotta summon courage.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It But too much balance is dangerous.

If you don’t integrate the change.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It For instance. to build this new muscle. I’m just using my newly strengthened friendship muscle. the new muscle (along with the leap of faith that created that muscle) will be useless. so I must work this muscle pretty hard. fiber by fiber. If anything. in my social life (again) every day spent at the office is a day of learning. But each day I find a new exercise for it. For instance. it will get thinner and thinner until it will disappear. So. If it won’t be used. I took the leap of faith to morph my (former romantic) relationships into friendships and started to observe my reactions. But as things are progressing. Meaning I try to first become friend with a potential romantic partner and then see if there’s something more than that. It’s something I never did before. I’m integrating it into other areas as well. And then start to find a way to fit that change into your new you. 408 of 586 . 3. Integrate Take a break every once in a while and see what exactly was changed in your life. in my personal relationships. It’s like I’m building the muscle of being a consultant instead of a business owner. I position myself more and more accurately based on my own reactions to what happens. I realized that my “100% out” approach had to be changed.

you’re enjoying the hell out of that workout. there is still a lot of pressure to be solved. somehow. 409 of 586 . You’re releasing endorphins. the app is regularly featured by Apple. Things are moving. And you feel it with all your being. but I’m already seeing results (customers are happy with my products. you’re thriving. But as you progress. The simplest comparison is with a workout. are transforming around you. It’s hard to push and push and stretch yourself out of the comfort zone. That’s exactly what I’m currently doing with my Objective C discomfort zone. forming a fantastic realm of pressured satisfaction. I’m starting to enjoy the endorphins of my Objective C workout. And although if you’re still feeling tired and frustrated. So. although I’m far from finishing it. something is starting to change into your body chemistry. but. you’re tired and frustrated. as you stay there doing what you wanted to do. there is time to enjoy your comfort zone. etc).Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It 4. Enjoy That’s the part where the subtle comfort of the discomfort zone really kicks in. I know you know the feeling. I’m still frustrated and tired. There is a certain time when all the first three steps are coming together. But not for long.

Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It Because you gotta take the next leap of faith. ! 410 of 586 .

not for even more stuff to be done. faster and easier.
 411 of 586 . that something that is supposed to make room for more fun.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It Productivity ! That something that makes us do things better. Also.

most of the people I heard talking about “mind like water” were doing it mostly like a waterfall. All those tasks carefully squeezed into your agenda. All those fancy words like “next actions”. Being highly productive can really help you become some sort of a freak. The good news is that you can still be productive while avoiding the pitfalls of a productivity freak syndrome. social conversation. even if you obviously don’t want that. super talkative and proud of the last uber cool productivity gadget he bought or the last productivity blog post he read. Too much GTD or too much effectiveness in your life can become annoying at some point. To be honest. All those lists. “hipster cards” or “mind like water”. Here are 7 verified ways to help you avoid being left alone in the middle of a vivid 412 of 586 . Usually. nonproductivity related. not like a still lake.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It How To Be Productive without Becoming a Productivity Freak Productivity is usually a good thing. thoughts capturing devices. advanced task processing systems. Not always. I think you know the type: hyper-active. all that could give you a very hard time in a normal. well.

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social conversation in which you just tried to talk
about – exactly! – nothing else but productivity.

1. Don’t Plan the Fun

Do you have items like “go out in the park with the
kids” in your to do lists? Or something like “have
a romantic dinner with my partner”? Ditch this.
Immediately. You can’t really plan the fun in your
life. It’s a contradiction in terms. If you plan it, it’s
not fun anymore. It’s just another chore. Another
task to be slacked from your to do list.. Having fun
is a spontaneous activity and cannot be confined
into a productivity system. The very thought of
productively increasing your fun makes me laugh.

How many times you attended to a party and had
no fun at all? Well, I’m sure that behind being at
that party there was a productivity “reason”. 
Maybe you don’t call it “productivity”, but it was
something like “cross out that thing from my
agenda”. Mark the task done somehow. Which, of
course, you did. Only there wasn’t any fun
involved. How many lousy romantic dinners you
had? I bet every time you had them you looked up
every single detail in advance and made sure
everything will be just fine. Only it wasn’t. You
had no fun at that dinner.

Planning the fun in your life is the most subtle yet
powerful attempt of productivity to kill your
spontaneity. Your normal reactions to reality
stimulus. You can schedule in advance to DO
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something, that’s true, but you can’t schedule in
advance to FEEL something.

Instead of planning your fun activities, you should
just make some time box in your schedule for
yourself. If you want to spend time with other
people, your friends or your kids, just make some
space in your time schedule and be there. Show up.
And see where it goes. Don’t plan it, just watch it
unfolding ahead. If you want to throw a great
party, by all means, do all the preparations. Just
don’t expect the party to automatically rock just
because you had fantastic food. Likewise, if you
want a romantic dinner, just be romantic, don’t
plan the next actions. Do something unexpected or
extraordinaire. Which, by the way, it’s the
complete opposite of being productive.

2. Share Your Learning

Share what you learned about productivity with
your friends. Ask for their opinion. The first thing
you’ll notice is that all that information is now
filtered through your own perceptions and
experiences. A lot of what you thought is important
is now modeled by your own needs. While you’re
talking with somebody else about all those new
concepts or ideas you’re slowly getting rid of the
initial hype and start to have a better understanding
of the system altogether. (Generally speaking,
sharing what you’ve learned is  great way to
internalize everything you want to learn.)

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The second thing you can realize by sharing is to
inform your peers about the results you had by
using that specific system. No need to talk about
technical stuff now, just simple things like: I’ve
done twice the things I was usually doing on a
Tuesday so far. Watch for their reactions. You’ll be
surprised to notice that being productive has little
if no impact whatsoever in your close
relationships. Yet you unconsciously hope that
being productive will enhance your social or
intimate life too.

The most important point here is to create a feedback loop. A way to check out your social status
every now and then and see if you’re not deluding
yourself. Being productive is meant to do things
faster and better, not to alienate you from your
friends or colleagues. Don’t use the productivity
hype as an identity creator: I’m the GTD guy, or
the 4 hours work week guy. The more you do that,
the more you’ll be identified with “the productivity
freak next office.” Just because you’re updated to
the latest productivity news and other people
aren’t, doesn’t make you better than them.

3. Listen To Others

There is this cultural norm of associating
productivity with pro-activity. Start new projects.
Ignite conversations. Initiate new ventures. While
this is certainly very important, it also creates a
very nasty habit of not listening to other people.
Listening is a fantastic resource. How many times
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you found a solution to something just by listening
to other guys? I know I did this literally hundreds
of times. Just listen carefully, because your
question was certainly asked before and there is
already somebody who knows the answer.

Listening is fundamental in identifying problems.
Maybe you have the skills to do something faster
and better, but if you don’t know exactly what you
have to do, then what’s the point? I see more than
often those productivity gurus offering ready made
solutions to problems far more complicated than
they realize. They have a limited set of solutions
and they try to apply them to every problem they
encounter., regardless of its complexity. Just
because they “know” that works. Only, of course,
it doesn’t.

Without listening and acknowledging the real
problems your productivity skills are worthless.
You’re just a talkative guy making more trouble
then it solves, while bragging too in the process.
Not the nicest personal brand you can build, right?
Listening is not a productive activity in itself,
although it can be enhanced: there really is an art
of listening, you know. But listening, combined
with your productivity skills can help you become
a useful person too, rather then becoming just a
freak annoying people around.

4. Keep Things Simple

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The promise of productivity subtly invites you to
bring more into your life. You can manage it, right,
so bring more. More business, more relationships,
more everything. You load yourself with tons of
not really necessary stuff just because you can.
Well, you could also run on a roof of a running
train, with a little bit of training. But why would
you do something like this on a regular basis? You
could learn how to juggle with 5-6 balls at the
same time, becoming better than a circus artist.
Ok, but why would you do it?

Almost any productivity system out there puts a
big emphasis on how to manage everything in your
life. But why would you wanna do that to
everything in your life? Why do you want to
become productive on all the things in your life,
including stuff you don’t need anymore? Instead of
trying to manage everything, I think it’s better to
get rid of the unnecessary entirely. Why trying to
manage something you don’t really need?

This subtle invitation to bring more stuff into your
life is the most dangerous thing you can do when
you decide to become productive. You don’t really
need that extra stuff. It’s like a competition
between people racing on roofs of running trains,
just because they can run on roofs of running
trains. Who’s going to really win such a stupid
race? The good side of being productive and
effective is that you can do more in less time.
Great, now go out and enjoy life, instead bringing
more work into the system.

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5. Accept and Manage Interruptions

The productivity flow assumes you’re there 100%,
8 hours out of 8, 5 days a week. If you’re a normal
person. If you have a busier schedule, it means
even more. Well, reality is different. You’re not
there 8 full hours. At some point, life will get in
the way somehow. You will be exposed to
interruptions. It’s called hazard or the
unpredictable. And the way you react to
interruptions is almost always the key to a
productive approach.

Accept them. Manage them. Respond to those
stimuli, because there lies your real growth.
Planning everything ahead will not make you
grow. It will barely create a comfort zone around,
but not more. It’s this constant stimulus-response
dance that gives you new insights and
perspectives. This is where you learn and do your
real actions. A day with a perfect agenda is not a
day that will make you evolve as a human being. It
can give you a tricky sense of satisfaction, but if
no “deranging” interruption occurred, you must
start asking yourself questions.

“Life’s what’s happening when you’re busy
making plans”, said John Lennon and I totally
agree with him. Being productive is not always
equal with being happy and fulfilled. I really don’t
think the goal is to become the perfect business
machine out there, but to live your life. A life filled
with unexpected, interruptions, change of plans
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and contexts. Avoiding this by hiding under the
“high productivity” blanket will not only make you
lose all the fun, but it will surely create an almost
visible aura of “freak”-ness around you.

6. Daydreaming Is Not Dangerous

One of the key principles of GTD, “emptying your
mind” has become one of its biggest flops.
Because when you empty your mind in GTD style,
you’re not really emptying. Behind every mental
throw up of an idea, of a potential project or task,
there’s a continuous, humming thought of being
productive. Every time you jot down something,
you’re doing it because you want to be productive.
So, even if you think you’re emptying your mind,
you’re not really doing it: you continuously think
about how to be more productive.

A productivity freak is a person who’s always in
search of a new gadget or system. His mind is
simply obsessed with the whole productivity
process. Sometimes, those guys really make a
business out of this, teaching other people how to
become productive. They’re the lucky ones. They
found an outlet for the obsession. But most of the
times, the productivity freaks are just circling
around, stuffing new productivity techniques in
their head until they forget why they wanted to be
productive in the first place.

Empty your mind from useless stuff. But do allow
yourself to have thoughts that will never grow into
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a task. Imagine things. Picture new realities.
Visualize new contexts or situations. You may call
this day dreaming. And yes, you will be right about
that. But day dreaming is one of the most
productive ways to empty your mind. To switch its
focus from the glitches you encountered and allow
it to regroup and find new ways to tackle an issue.
One of the core qualities of a dream is its
impermanence. Once finished, it will fly away
from your mind. Leaving it empty, refreshed and
clean.

7. Stay Healthy

Being highly productive is often associated with
being a busy guy. In fact, you become productive
because you are a busy guy and want to minimize
that load. Alas, you end up by increasing it. It’s an
addiction. The higher your productivity level, the
busiest you become. You enjoy so much the thrills
you get from being productive that you start
putting more and more on your plate just to trigger
that feeling again. Look ma, see how I slack those
tasks from my task processing system! Am I the
best, or what? Now gimme some more tasks,
please! Man, that feels soooo good!

Ok, I’m being sarcastic here, but slacking tasks
from your lists can really become an addiction.
And just because is associated with productivity
doesn’t make it less dangerous or less of an
addiction. It’s on the same league with smoking or
alcohol. Really. Staying up late to slack tasks from
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your lists is doing no more good to you than
spending the whole night drinking in a bar. You
won’t have a hangover in the morning, that’s true,
but you will feel the urge to slack them again in
the evening. And will do this again and again. The
results: you end up stealing time from your
sleeping hours, from your social hours, from your
family hours. All that in the name of being
productive, how ridiculous is that?

Eat well. Sleep well. Exercise. Engage in physical
activities and change your focus. Being caught in a
constant flow of productive tasks will most likely
generate a flow of positive emotions too. You’ll
feel good about yourself and that is usually a
feeling you want to keep as long as you can. That
flow of ego boosting emotions can keep you being
productive for hours without a break. But it’s
tricky. Just because it feels good doesn’t mean it
does good to your body. You need a balance. Pack
some time in advance in your schedule and get out
of that nice, ego boosting flow of being productive
and do some physical exercise. Take a walk in the
park. Eat a healthy meal. Take a nap. Then you can
get back on being productive, with a fresh
perspective.

***

To be productive without becoming a productivity
freak is an art. The art of living your life in peace
and harmony while still doing everything you
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planned to do, enjoying abundance and feeling
happy and fulfilled.

!

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7 Ways To Break A
Habit
Habits are a very precious asset. They allow us to
drive cars or ride a bike, to speak new languages or
to predictably behave in society. But they can also
become a burden. Or, even worse, an addiction.
Think about smoking and you’ll understand what I
mean. Knowing how to break a bad habit will free
precious time and resources.

Here’s a list of 7 proven methods for breaking
habits. Feel free to add your own in the comments.

1. Cold Turkey

That’s my preferred method, but it doesn’t always
work as expected. Breaking a habit cold turkey
requires a lot of raw energy. Usually, I start
breaking a habit cold turkey after a painful event
generated by that habit. For example, I quit
smoking after a huge party which of course
generated an awful hangover. I felt so bad the next
day that I instantly decided to quit smoking for
good. And I did it without any effort. Or so I felt,
like I didn’t make any effort. Fact is I never had
another cigarette after this event.

Breaking a bad habit cold turkey is one of the most
empowering ways to handle habits. Because you
don’t use any external support you gain enormous
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So every time you’re able to offer a new target to this habit management system. 424 of 586 . gambling was nothing. My risk taking capacities found a higher stake. Use with caution. Beating a slot machine seemed a worthy enough experience for me. All of a sudden. If you smoke because you’re bored try crosswords or learn a new language.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It power over it. You’re actually become the master of that habit. That gambling problem ended the moment I found a bigger challenge: creating my own company. Replacing the current stake of your habit with a bigger one always works. When I was younger I had a gambling problem. try joining the Marines. And our habit management system knows that. you do something because you’re simply setting for less. my employees money and a lot of other things on the side. And you don’t event know that. Find A Higher Stake Sometimes. Now I was risking my money. you’ll find it easier to do it again. commanding it to stop. If you’re constantly late at work. it will adapt very fast. We’re designed to grow and evolve. I used to practice my risk taking capacities against randomness. And if you manage to create a successful history of abruptly breaking other habits. You may not have enough energy for it or you’ll lack the external support for that. It builds confidence and experience. 2. But it’s also one of the most unreliable ways to break a habit.

you’re creating another one. It seems like instead to break one habit. train to become a stock market broker.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It And if you’re spending too much money. you’re pressuring your focus system with more stimulus. I agree. Find somebody who’s 425 of 586 . surprisingly enough. nor to understand something from your email. For instance. You won’t be able to enjoy tv. but it works. Delegate It To Someone Else If you don’t have enough power to break up with your habit maybe it’s time to bring somebody else in to help you with that. It’s like squeezing too many groceries into one bag: at some point. It’s a little bit awkward. your focus will break. try getting your laptop closer and start checking email. Perhaps a walk in the park or some small gardening. Crowding your habit horizon with new and demanding activities will weaken you sooner or later and you’ll end up getting rid of all the habits involved. That’s an illusion. if you have the habit of watching television at night. 4. you’ll ditch both activities and settle for something new. because you’re not creating a habit. At some point. 3. And. the bag will crash. Start A Parallel Habit This method works by pressuring your focus span with more and more habits.

Every time you see me smoking. It requires some extra work and an extra person but it’s effective. Pay Yourself Out Of It Give yourself small rewards.000 dollars is a pretty big sum. but enough to remember them. mark the moment with a positive action. you’ll create a new brain connection. which will replace the old connection. I’ll pay you 100. and as you may imagine. Or kick my ass. Or just make fun of me. Every time you’re avoiding that habit.000 dollars”. 426 of 586 . He was quite a visible person in his town so after he tried many commercial products and attended many self help workshops. but desperate situations needs desperate solutions. you can pinch me. to no result. small amounts. it’s a bribe. you can empower that person to perform some sort of physical action upon you every time you’re caught in that nasty habit. Yes. There is a danger however. Last time I heard he never had a cigarette since then. And you don’t have to give a huge bribe. 100. that would be replacing the old bad habit with a new bad habit. I know a case of somebody who just couldn’t quit smoking. he decided to put a huge billboard with his picture on it and a very clear message: “If you see me smoking.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It willing to help and give him power over your habit. In time. For instance. based on pleasure. You can do this in many ways. 5.

The trick is. in the beginning. start by ignoring. focus on something constructive and useful. Sometimes. 6. you can control the reward. anyway. And you don’t have to be very vocal about it. all you need in order to get rid of a nasty habit is to change the environment. The need for social acceptance – or should I say complacency – is so strong that we’re sometimes doing things we wouldn’t even imagine doing in difference circumstances. For instance. Being addicted to books is far more rewarding than smoking or drinking. This is one of the most difficult ways to break a habit because it actually touches your social network.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It But you can avoid that situation with elegance. by choosing the appropriate reward. instead of having a drink every time you need a cigarette. But before making any assumptions. isolating yourself from people with identical habits will definitely help. Yes. Don’t go out “for a few drinks” with the same gang. Don’t smoke your 10 minutes break with the same smokers you use to. Isolate From People With Similar Habits You have no idea how much the environment is influencing you. that could lead to a reading addiction. you could just read two pages from a book. rest assured that your bad habits are pressuring your social life in a far more 427 of 586 . So. Don’t settle for something you know you will create an addiction.

with the total of your time holes really standing out and stick it in very visible places: on the fridge. Now. It will be obvious in the first week. on the door. Have pen and paper with you. I admit. do the math. And then do this for a whole week. Now. How much time are you really living and how much time are you on auto-pilot? If you spend more time on auto-pilot than on actual living. then half of the journey is done. Put hourly phone alarms. then you have a problem. Be sure you’re properly equipped so you can do this even when you’re on the road. you’ll end up that habit. after the first week. If you have the power to realize that what keeps you together is just sharing the same bad habit and nothing more. 7. If you can do it every hour that would be awesome. but it’s really. ! 428 of 586 . seeing day after day how much time are you really losing. on the ceiling of your bedroom. Keep A Time Log Write down everything you do during a day. At some point. Most of the time you won’t need a full month to spot your time holes. do it for a full month. write the results down. but drinking your life day after day will surely do. And then. This habit in itself is a pretty difficult one.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It unpleasant way. after keeping this time log. really beneficial. Losing a few friends will not kill you.

Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It ! 429 of 586 .

I wrote a list about 39 things I learned through experience. At the end of the race. throw away the fog and make your efforts worthwhile. Being bitesized really helped this process. They light the path. One of the most retweeted was number 8: “Goals are good. I thought it would be a good idea to write a full post about it.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It Goals and Mechanical Rabbits ! When I turned 39. A few of them got picked up by my readers and broadcasted on Twitter. Some of the most popular goals are: • • • • get out of debt get a compatible partner be your own boss get a promotion 430 of 586 . they’re useless.” Since that seemed to touch a lot of people. Which I am doing as right now. The Promise of Goals Everybody knows the power of goals. I don’t think any of those items were bigger than 140 characters. but no better than the mechanical rabbit at a dog race. a few days ago.

431 of 586 . But. A dog race is a limited context. Another goal. Another mechanical rabbit running in front of you. rabbit! Running in the Right Context The problem is not the rabbit. once you reached your goal. close enough so you can tell it’s worthwhile. it disappear. That’s a goal. The problem is the context. there are other smaller goals like owning a specific house or car. The only thing that would make you run again is another race. of course. In order to catch the rabbit. Damn you. but far enough to be out of reach.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It Of course. It’s a stupid competition. To go over your limits. you do that. You reached your goal. But after the race you bump into that frustration again. I want to have a Mac by Christmas. you have to stretch. What the hell is wrong with that rabbit? Where does it hides? Every time I think I caught it. Usually. Usually. goals are good. Or even buying a specific computer. what happens? Where is the drive to run? Where is the motivation? Gone. The race is over. trying to establish a winner among a pack of dogs. A dog race stretches the animals until one has the power to reach out and become what we call “the winner”.

And again. I think you can see now how a limited context can totally change the game. This time the  mechanical rabbit is a certain lifestyle. You won’t be living a real life. The victory here will be life in itself. not the first place and a medal. The result: the dog who catch the rabbit is a winner. a certain amount of money in the bank. And again. There is no competition here other than continuing to live. but with less limitations than a stupid dog race.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It This is pretty much what happens in the real world of jobs and careers. his meal will be gone. Is there winner there? Barely. after years of struggling and sacrifices. a specific power position. A dog chasing real rabbits will do it for the thrills and for survival. go in front of the others. You would actually live a dog’s life. They have to start the race again. And wild here is not defined as a context with no rules. being enslaved for 432 of 586 . And when it happens. somehow. they usually share. Choosing Your Race Fact is goals are highly dependent on the context. One of them. Imagine a dog at wild. The natural context is so large that the chances that 2 dogs are chasing the same rabbit are pretty low. If it doesn’t catch the rabbit. If you chose to live your life in a limited context. Imagine a dog in the wild. chasing real rabbits. chasing goals will feel as frustrating as running at a dog race. The rest are losers. A lot of dogs are running after that rabbit.

but not entering any Fortune 500 list. as you expect. A different life. that. Get rid of notions like “winner” or “loser”. The context in which you are running is limited. It runs. What if. Just being joyful for the run. instead of chasing a career or a political position. Don’t blame the mechanical rabbit for that. the answer to these questions is “No”. for instance. But was it worth the effort? The whole race was something that fulfilled you? Being “number one” is making you really happy? Most of the time. you will feel alive and thrilling. instead of just preparing you for another race. But. And then chose a goal on which your entire life will depend. The difference is that once you reach this new goal. instead of being your source of happiness. it runs before you until you reach it. as it does the best it can. it will eat you up inside. That’s what a goal does. not empty and frustrated. Reaching that goal in this new context will make your life go on. Earning enough to travel the world. what happens if you would chose a larger context? Avoid the dog race altogether. in this new context. you would chase a life. Think in terms of living.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It the benefit of others. Instead of being just a mechanical 433 of 586 . Living in a certain way. It will leave you free and full of energy. Running over and over trying to defeat other people with the stupid hope that being ahead of them in a limited context will make you happy. not racing. So are the goals. step out of it. That goal will be the real rabbit.

after something on which your entire life depends. that is so amazingly different. sometimes not. There is no victory and no first place when you chose to live your life. But running after a real rabbit.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It impostor. following a stupid social device which will leave you empty inside once you complete the race? Or are you chasing out in the wild. with all those mechanical rabbits ready to run in front of me. everything changed. changed. it will actually give you the energy to go on. with no limitations in a game with no victory or defeat? It’s just a question of choice. with my business. There is only life. The whole game. I used to chase mechanical rabbits all the time. Maybe it was a necessary milestone for my personal evolution. Once I left the dog race yard. And continue to live as you chose. done that. Sometimes you catch the rabbit. ! ! 434 of 586 . Being the first in my niche. but truth is I never truly enjoyed this type of competition. Been there. in fact. felt like crap. What type of rabbits are you chasing now? Are you in a dog race. Once I stepped out of the context. something changed.

relax. but it’s a completely different thing to stop at a 5 star hotel. The same approach works in many other areas. both are just milestones within a bigger trip. Although these are material goals. like personal evolution. As I said. They can either add more awesomeness to the mix or make the whole experience dull and boring. The trip is what gives you the ultimate thrill. as interesting as the trip may be. but their quality is different. eating some dust watching how others are passing you by. But. lifestyle. Places where you stop for a while and enjoy the scenery. It’s one thing to stop on the side of the road. and it will always be like this. closely linked to money. goals have their own importance. or relationships. I’m using these examples because they can be easily measured. and get your strength together for the next part of the trip. Let me share a personal story with you about some goals I set a few years ago. The Early Years 435 of 586 .Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It How Goal Setting Works (For Me) ! Goals are just milestones.

I had a considerable degree of success. So.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It A few years ago I was spending the majority of my time trying to build an online publishing company. But I wanted a new. Of course. after browsing a little on the internet I decided I want a Volvo XC90. At that time. Beautiful. I was driving a very old Dacia model (a local brand. but it involved a considerable degree of personal involvement and time spent making things happening. It was 6 years ago and the model hadn’t even been launched yet. It wasn’t unusual to stop 2-3 times a day to watch the white steam and to replace the water. Often I had to pull over and replace the water from the expansion recipient. So. I could barely afford my own car. and shiny car really bad. eventually I decided that it was time to get a new car. I was barely affording the maintenance expenses for my wreck. I was wired to everything that was new in the car industry. 436 of 586 . beautiful. A beautiful one. based on a Renault chassis). shiny pictures. I remember that at times the engine would heat up to the point where it would let out waves of white steam from the hood. I couldn’t afford it. I already had a few wallpapers for the upcoming Volvo XC90. but since one of my niche websites was the biggest car portal in Romania. It was a wreck. Before going to a meeting. some would say. I would always making sure I was carrying around at least 4 liters of water on the back seat.

One day. become even stronger. I started gradually with a Skoda. I wasn’t different. powerful and luxurious car. I realized that I could finally afford a much better car than my Opel Astra. The whole process took about 6 years. Time passed and in the process I changed my wallpaper. From the moment I set up a certain goal. That Volvo disappeared from my goal horizon. before shutting down my laptop. Each evening. So I bought an Infiniti FX 35. At some point. then an Opel. but I wasn’t. I decided it would be no more than 3 years until I would have that car.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It I set up my computer wallpaper to the most beautiful picture in the whole album. How did I feel the day I drove my new Infiniti home? Exactly the same. the car was a very clear sign that my intention to change my mindset 437 of 586 . to the moment that goal became reality. the goal of having a big. more expensive than a Volvo XC90. but not to a Volvo XC90. The car was. partners and employees. Each morning. after 3 years of countless hours spent in the office with clients. there were around 2100 days. I also changed my car. I think I had that wallpaper for more than one year. However. it was the first image I saw when I opened my computer. a huge. shiny and powerful car (which could act more like a statement of what I was doing at that time). I saw the same image. but the associated lifestyle didn’t. I had made a very strong commitment. In fact.

But I’m reading about it. this may be an interesting story. A Learjet. but one of the tabs of my browser is always opened with that image.9 million dollar jet is enormous. The trip was unfolding in the right direction and this milestone was a very rewarding one. to be more precise. How about now? What is an easy to measure goal that I have right now. I know. it sounds crazy. 438 of 586 .Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It towards a much more abundant one was working really well. and what exactly am I’m doing to make it happen? If you read my last post. But that won’t stop me from wanting it. right? Of course I can’t! Compared to my “car goal” situation. but it happened 6 years ago. I have nothing in this area and the financial difference between how I’m doing right now and how I would need to do in order to afford a 17. I don’t even have a wreck to call my “first jet”. I’m enjoying its pictures. The Current Situation Now. I’m “soaking” myself with a jet the same way I soaked with the image of a Volvo XC90. I don’t have a wallpaper with it. Can I afford a jet right now? You’re kidding me. I started to look around for flying courses. but I’ll say it again anyway: I want a jet. you already know. It may even be crazy. I know.

Now. not consciously. 439 of 586 .Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It I want it in 5 years from now. It’s the stage in which you are wondering. I made it familiar. But. I impregnated its image into my daily activity. and drifting away in dreams about your goal. and having a state of the art car was somehow part of my image as an owner. Of course. day dreaming. 6 years ago I didn’t know that I was using that framework in particular. I had the biggest car portal in Romania. wanting a better car had a close relationship with my lifestyle. with my jet goal. 6 years ago. That’s the stage from which I am slowly getting out of now. on a very deep and hard to grasp level. And I’m working towards it. The Three Stages Of Goal Setting Those of you familiar with my ebook already know that I’m using a life management framework called “Assess – Decide – Do”. At least. This is the part where you are making room to fit your goal into your current lifestyle. I found ways to integrate it into my lifestyle. I have always done stuff following this pattern. brainstorming. how can this be related to goal setting? First Stage: Assess! This is the stage in which you’re pondering how your goal should fit into your life.

Speaking of my car goal. Second Stage: Decide! This is the stage in which you are signing the contract with your goal. here. On the contrary. because they think they should focus on the goal. Instead. If you start moving towards your goal. the decide stage was when I clearly stated that I want the car in a time frame of 3 years. this is the stage where I am right now. I have a clear time/space context in which I can see this goal happening.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It Right now. And I guess this is the most important difference in my goal setting approach versus other techniques. in Bucharest. and you don’t have to focus entirely on it. 440 of 586 . when I’ll be fully location independent. you start making it happen. That’s a fundamental difference and here’s why. Third Stage: Do! This is the most confusing stage for people. you should focus on the chosen lifestyle. Having a jet to support it looks like a good fit. And speaking of the jet goal. I want a location independent lifestyle. And you do this by placing it into a space/time continuum. In this case: I’ll have it in 5 years from now. I’m not advocating a “fixed eye” on the goal. There’s a very subtle difference here.

I outgoaled myself. 441 of 586 . the goal was already there. once I assessed it (having its wallpaper on my computer for a year) and once I placed it in a time/space context (3 years) the things I did where not directly even really related to this goal. and then I wake up one day realizing that I have much more than I initially wanted. I just went on with my trip and enjoyed myself. And. I constantly improved my lifestyle. The trip is the great thing. I did better than I thought I was able to. waiting for me to enjoy it. In this case. So. I just continued to work on my business. I set up a certain goal. If you focus on the hotel. at some point. you’ll get stuck on the hotel. your focus should be on the trip itself. in my “goal car” example. I wanted a Volvo XC90 and I got an Infiniti FX 35. A goal is just a milestone. start working towards it. on the side of the road. not the goal. The Quantum Element One more thing: you may have noticed that there was a little bit of a difference between what I wanted as a car. Instead. I grew up. Most of the time this is the case. but your trip will be over. You may get a nice room. and what I got.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It Focusing on the goal will be like focusing on the hotel.

You may get a lower vibration. Maybe for preventing us from get too wired up in our own little wishes. It’s like reality is suddenly activating some invisible triggers telling you “ok. We may not get exactly what we want. For instance. 5 years is a lot of time. isn’t it? But that’s another story. If we would always get what we want. which is tightly connected with acceptance and observation. if you stay on the trip. but I’m going to give you that instead. life would be pretty boring and predictable. This “quantum element” adds a certain degree of randomness to our trip. on this blog. I know you wanted this. but only a regular. 4 seater plane. At least for me. Well.
 442 of 586 . it’s much more fun”. And that’s how goal settings works. the milestones will be much more rewarding than you can imagine. If you do your job properly. I’ll just continue to do my work here. sometimes we get less. That may happen. Since I’m finished with the Assess and Decide part of my jet goal. I think it’s part of a bigger process. I am fully aware that I may not get a jet. Sometimes we get more.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It I call this the “quantum element”. But be aware that sometimes this “quantum element” may be working “against” you. because. well.

Of course. During the last 3 months I developed an iPad version of one of my iPhone apps. The Story One of things I really enjoy doing is writing iPhone apps. writing iPad apps. since I’ve been through something that may qualify as a shit storm during the last week. I’m not talking about the physical phenomenon (nor do I advise you to try to replicate that exact setup). The shit hits the fan. something incredibly bad happens. I will just let you know that iAdd is a universal app. which means you 443 of 586 . out of nothing. Minding your own business. peacefully. we’ve all been. Situations that turns really bad without any perceivable warning.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It 7 Things To Do When The Shit Hits The Fan ! I know you’ve been through this. Well. And lately. things going on smoothly and then. I thought it would be useful to share some of my experiences. as well as some of the ways in which I eventually coped with the disaster. iAdd. I will skip the details about what iAdd does. We’ll see later on that the “unpredictable” factor is not so unpredictable. just follow the link if you want to know more. I’m talking about “unpredictable” crisis.

. Writing user interfaces is kinda difficult. I finally came up with something I liked. I really like the iPad interface I came up with. In this process. Fact is that after 100 days of development. A few navigation patterns had to be modified. which was supposed to be most glorious one to date. then realizing it’s not going to work and starting over. The review process took about 4-5 days. I think I changed the workflow at least 5 or 6 times. the one that was currently on sale on AppStore.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It download it only once but it will work on both your iPhone and your iPad (with a different interface. Version 1. Writing a few days. the iPhone app had to be touched a few times. And  adding a little bit of this here and taking out a little bit of that from there. of course). To make a long story short.3. Feeling under the pressure of making it happen. seriously. I finally received the email stating that my app “is in review” and then. the initial app. after countless hours of getting my fingers dirty in the hidden intricacies of Objective C and iPad user interface elements. you know. I finally submitted the app. the email 444 of 586 . about 10 hours later. It was a really slow and daunting process. without proper testing and with an incredible feeling of faith that everything is going to be just fine. was completely modified.

I simply can’t explain how the app was submitted in that form. tiredness and just plain strange stuff. I think it was 3:30 AM last Friday. Sleepy but relaxed. the iPhone rings). while others were just left away.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It stating that my app is live on the AppStore. my relaxation went away. And also my sleep. The app submitted was simply not working and it took me a few hours to find out why. 445 of 586 . It was an email from an unhappy customer. but that was the blunt reality. A crash means the app is just going away when it isn supposed to. and when I get an email from certain important sources. I don’t know why. I heard another email (I keep my iPhone close when I sleep. A crash is the worst thing that may happen to your app. to hear the morning alarm. What happened? Well. who just bought my app and who was experiencing a crash. The next second. I felt a fantastic relief that my app was finally live and went to sleep as usual. Scratch that. Only half an hour later. who was experiencing a similar problem. In just a few hours I was about to find out that my app was practically unusable. because… Well. I looked at the email. Some parts were not properly tested. A crash is a bad thing. a mix of bad luck. not included in the latest build. In just a few minutes I received another email from another customer.

just like the one I just left behind. I was under an incredible amount of pressure. I do hope there won’t be any more crashes starting from 1.3. Hopefully. Instead. And what happened proved to be a little 446 of 586 .3. I focused on what exactly happened. Don’t Stress It’s very easy to give in to panic when something goes wrong.2 will be the last version to see crashes. But meanwhile I discovered another round of crashes which are fixed in the next version.1. the first fix of iAdd was approved and it’s live on the AppStore. a couple of hours ago. To make things really sad. Which was just submitted to the AppStore. What follows is an attempt to formalize my experience in fighting an “unpredictable” situation of crisis. What About Now? As I already told you. It’s Wednesday now and for the last 4-5 days. iAdd version 1. As of today. the shit was on the fan already.3. iAdd 1. Assess. 1.3. based on my recent experience. in the morning.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It In other words. namely 1. Seriously. that happened last Friday. anything can happen. It takes days for your app to be reviewed again. you gotta know that you can’t fix things in the AppStore the moment you realize something is wrong. But.2.2.

But as I dived into the analysis process. I started to play with decisions. I had a number of unhappy customers. it took only 3 days for Apple to approve it. Well. in my case) or flight (leave things as they were. something very interesting happened. your reactions are following only two patterns: fight (or try to prove that my customers were wrong. this adrenaline rush was transformed into working energy. we’re talking about stress. 2. as dangerous as it may be. luckily for me. cutting out the iPhone business for ever from my business stream). Yes. I started to plan. For starters. What needs to be done ASAP? What can I do now? What is the time frame available? After I gathered all the data. Decide So It Won’t Collide Moments after I realized what went wrong. I already knew how to fix the crashes. Next. And. And they were perfectly right. And stress. Either way. That was a good thing. The adrenaline rush was not directed to a “fight or flight” situation anymore. it does have this incredible access to energy. It can literally release (or block) tons of energy. this stress energy. there were a few additions that were still working. Some of the things I knew I 447 of 586 . In just a few hours I was able to fix the most annoying crashes and do a resubmit.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It less worrying than I thought. When you’re facing a crisis.

there may be a different day. something completely unaccessible. anyway). Each time you face a crisis. There is this urge to run away from the place of the crisis. Unless a building is crashing on you. Our ability to identify and follow up decisions during a crisis is drastically affected. hoping that a change in context will also change the facts. but you’ll be facing the same old shit. Even in a very dangerous situation we have many more options than the “fight or flight”. Avoidance won’t work either. But it’s the only viable solution. reach to it. Information is there. It takes a while to turn your face to the fan and take all the shit upfront. but each time you’ll get back to that place. The moment I got the first emails 448 of 586 . You may get away for a while if you run away. Only if you identify the direction you can start to prepare the escape. it’s vital to step back and choose. But despite that. 3. running away is never the best option.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It have to fix weren’t so visible (they weren’t producing crashes. if you don’t face the crisis and its causes. If you don’t stay there. you won’t be able to stop it. And there isn’t such a thing like a “black box” of our life events. Communicate Nothing is happening just by itself. I decided to leave them for the next version and focus on what I could do to fix the crashes. try to communicate.

This time. my app was important. but… at the same time trying to get as much intel as I could. So why worry now? I just sat carefully. Rebuild Carefully After I finished the first 3 steps. As long as you stay on track and communicate. People were actually appreciating the fact that I was answering instantly and that was somehow lowering their frustration. Every crisis can reveal something about you (or the others) that you weren’t aware of. I started to answer. If there are other persons involved in your crisis. But at the same time I realized that… my customers were actually relaying on my app for their daily activity (iAdd is time and task planner. there were a lot of frustration. Acknowledging the situation. I started to write code. 4. try to understand their point of view too. Not to mention that my immediate answers were gaining big time on the “support” size of the whole experience. Yes. Yes. As I following up to the angry emails I realized something very interesting. the app was behaving badly.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It from my unhappy customers. in a completely different manner than before. testing each feature 3-4 times with different data. So. apologizing. Don’t isolate in a “I know better” pattern. to put it mildly). The worse had already happened. until 449 of 586 . Or so they said to me .

but do it carefully. we have this huge urge to speed up. No need to augment on that. if you have to. You gotta rebuild anyway. but just do it very carefully. the number of messages decreased. Accept the current disaster and focus on avoiding the next potential one. Well. the whole app started to get a different consistence. deciding and writing code. I also started to write blog posts on the iAdd official blog. speed up. I started to manage the process. I started to look around. explaining what’s going on. It wasn’t only about fixing some bugs. It’s very important to realize that you did as much harm as you could already. 5. when we’re under pressure.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It somehow. The emphasis here is on “carefully” not so much on “rebuild”. They 450 of 586 . After I wrote the blog posts. Just pay close attention to what you’re doing and things will start to straighten up. And I’m not talking about assessing. You don’t want to make another mistake and then another one and then another one. were reading the posts and apparently they were getting the answers they were looking for. Again. People were visiting the blog. Leverage After I realized I’m facing a real customer crisis. It was also about informing other people.

after I submitted the app.  Learn 451 of 586 . there is so much you can do. So I just sat back and tried to relax. But after I did everything that was to be done. And kept my fingers crossed. Using as many tools as you can get a hold of is incredibly useful in time of crisis. And that stands true for any type of crisis. Leveraging means reaching out to whatever you have. I realized that’s it. Fact is you never know if something is going to work or not. I did everything. Well. responded to customers and wrote blog posts. You can only hope.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It were not into bullying me. 6. Keeping your fingers crossed is a way of “giving yourself in”. try to stay on track with the remaining three. 7. don’t stop. Keep Your Fingers Crossed I bet you didn’t see that coming. Anything over that level simply won’t matter. they were just trying to understand what’s going on. Everything more would have been a waste of energy. I did all I could do. If a wheel on the car explodes. now let’s see what happens. neither do I. the author. own or can use in order to smooth the crisis. In any crisis.

like I did. not from successes. See where was the glitch. ! 452 of 586 . And then repeat it. Or at least that’s how you can cope better with it next time the shit hits the fan again. We remember the dangerous and hurtful events much better than the happy events. Well. That’s how you can prevent it later on. That’s where the “unpredictable” I was talking about in the beginning of this post is turning into “obvious”. We learn from mistakes. but do write it down.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It Write down what happened. I guess it’s wired into our survivals patterns. not necessarily in the form of 7 items list blog post. We do this in order to avoid a similarly dangerous situation. Rewind in your mind all the phases of this unfortunate crisis.

is an art. of course. believe me. verifiable. But I’ll also talk (at the end. of course). Let’s go. Making them public. Accountability 453 of 586 . And since this is a very important part of the whole goal setting artistry. 1. open. so don’t peek) about one reason you shouldn’t do this. The art of properly setting course to your closest destination. let’s talk about 5 reasons you should share your goals (once you have them clearly defined.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It 5 Good Reasons To Share Your Goals. Confused? Good. making the best of your resources and with the greatest chances of success. And One Powerful Reason Not To ! Goals are great. And goal setting. marking with clarity various milestones one your journey. One of the most important chapters in any goal setting book would be about sharing. Because that will – hopefully – make you read on. About making your goals visible. They are like lights on your path.

Most of the time. I will travel to Thailand this summer”. out of this ping-pong game of sharing your plans back and forth. Or something along those lines. he’ll ask: “hey. I had enough from my spell checker already). if you bring other people in your goal picture. you modify them.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It Sharing your goals helps big time with this. you can bet that your overall involvement in that project will be considerably higher. sharing our visions and implementing our plans. 2. you can bet that the next time you see each other. until. this form will be a much clearer one. If you’re telling to a friend: “you know what. 3. your goal will emerge in a new form. In fact. So. So. Progress Measurement 454 of 586 . something from another one. Accountability is a measure of your “stick-to-itness“ (and please do not complain that this is not a word. how’s your trip to Thailand going?”. bigger and more structured. the more those visions and plans are getting clearer. Clarity Every time you tell the world about some of your goals. many of our goals are shaped by our interactions. the more we’re out there. buddy. You take something from a discussion. by our conversations or by our encounters.

It’s not about accountability. 4. And you start telling people about your goal. 5. Ask them to cheer you every day you didn’t smoke or every week. There are many ways of motivation. you’d want to measure how long do you have until you reach it. At some point. something interesting will happen. as long as you don’t become too dependent on these “help links”. you may want to set up a new goal or to evaluate the resources you already used. but more about metrics. And sharing your goals will make progress measurement easier. Connection 455 of 586 . for instance. Motivation Suppose you want to visit Italy this summer. will act like an incentive.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It Progress measurement is not really about being accountable. I think it’s ok to “use” other people like an enhancer of your own willpower. For instance. The mere fact that you tell to somebody else. of course. some of them better than others. Sometimes you may even deliberately use your peers as guides or supervisors. but about being pumped up and ready to act. As you get closer to your goal. When you want to give up smoking. That information can be precious in many contexts.

there is a limit over which you shouldn’t trespass. Keeping them close to your heart. is always a better way to advance. Sometimes. the best way to go is to hide what you really want from anyone else. Hiding them. And connection. And here’s why: They Don’t Know Shit About You 456 of 586 . In other words. the mere fact that you take the time to share something. but far from the curious eyes. My real life experience. And if not better. *** But. as important as it may be. in certain circumstances. but I know for sure it comes from a real life experience. Goals aside. except you. sharing goals can go just as far in helping you reaching them. And it’s about obfuscating your goals. I don’t know if you’re going to find this in any goal setting book. as opposed to competition. all these tiny actions will create a connection.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It Sharing your goals with like minded people may help you grow your social circle. to give details. to bring updates and keep in touch with other people. at least not as tiresome as fighting each and every day for the first place.

If you reach the goal. You start to believe them. the moment you take out your goal. If you fail. Because. And you know why? Because the most important person in the world is you. this sharing thing may be handled with care. People will start to hold you accountable. And that reaction is based not on who you are. they’ll start seeing in you a person that you’re certainly not. But. you’re gonna create a reaction. most of the time. (and. clarity and so on and so forth. that’s the reason. Now you see it? As important as it may be for your accountability. as we saw right from the point one above). because they point fingers at you. not even a person. And here’s how. Either way. they’ll cheer at you. If you don’t. you’re a loser. the moment you’re sharing it with the whole world. If you succeed.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It Yeap. in fact. that’s a good thing. but on what you want to do. because they cheer at you. the reaction is based on what other people perceive from what you want to do. Even more than that. based on just some assumptions and affirmations. The universe turns round and round because 457 of 586 . you’re a star. in your attempt to really stick to your path. you create a loop. They will only see some stuff that has been done. But it’s a good thing only to some extent. you take those cheers or fingers pointed at you quite seriously. they’ll point fingers at you.

something that will define your entire life. And all your goals are part of you. just breathe. and what you do. Follow this inner light each and every morning. hope that it will be there each and every day and. all these are about you.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It of you. with care and attention. You know better than anyone else what you should do with your life. some incredibly rewarding goal. each tiny thing you learn. not some bright but shallow self-improvement guru. There’s a whole world inside you. feel and create in the outside world is a mirror of this inner world. the moment you finally reach it. Not your mother. the author of this blog. not your wife. if you found something important. each achievement. not me. Grow it like you grow a plant. keep it to yourself. not of them. really important. Each person that enters into your life. So. ! 458 of 586 .

parallel and independent execution entity. Knowing this. everything looks like magic. “Look. But because everything happens so fast. You can bet that the email will have at least a few 459 of 586 . you will find much easier to accept the fact that the human brain is not designed to function in a “multitasking” mode. from the outside. What happens inside that silicon core is that there are a lot of small execution threads which are managed from a central point (in order to prevent them from colliding or accidentally use the same resource). The Downside Of Multitasking Squeezing a bunch of stuff in the same tiny timeframe will drastically affect the quality of it. No processor can do stuff in a true “independent” way. I’m multitasking’. So. I was really proud of me.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It ! How Not To Multitask ! Computer multitasking is a myth. multitasking is in fact more like a single ball juggler than like a true. Only I didn’t really have something to be proud of. Yeap. There was a time when I took great pride in doing 4 or 5 things at the same time. Writing an email while talking to a client on the phone and browsing that contract I had to sign in the next 2 minutes.

you won’t be able to focus on something more complicated than writing an email. though.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It spelling errors (if not some serious semantic problems) and that the client on the phone will have some difficulties understanding what you’re talking about and. and try to squeeze more and more in that small timeframe. Namely. to be more precise. If you keep pushing it. that you may sign a very bad contract if you don’t take the time to really assess it. I’ve been there. which is worse. You may be multitasking but your tasks complexity will be at a kindergarten level. The pressure of ”getting it done“ is so high. How Not To Multitask After a few years of being a multitasking manager. so to speak. Believe me. Bottom line: in a few years you will be able to execute only very simple and short tasks. I eventually had to find a way to reverse the effects of my own choice. But maybe the most annoying consequence of human multitasking is that our brain capacity to really focus on one topic at a time is almost completely destroyed. to regain my ability to 460 of 586 . The pressure of adding something new to the mix will make it impossible to stay more on the same page. that we keep pushing and pushing. Or a few emails at a same time.

it will warm up. My long time GTD readers will spot a similarity here: it’s the 2 minutes rule from the Getting Things Done ”bible“. Or intervals. So. Spot The Small Chunks Isolate the tiniest time unit for your tasks and order them by that. 10 minutes. In other words. Introducing the brain juggler: a few simple rules for doing stuff in a consistent way.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It perform complex tasks. And the trick here is to keep a steady pace of the same length. how to intelligently switch from one thing to another. And. It’s like cardio for the brain. Or. Well. to some extent. half an hour. Balance Right And Left Hemispheres 461 of 586 . in other words. 2. without losing your focus and still keep the results within the required time constraints. do the same for the ”10 minutes“ tasks or the ”half an hour“ tasks. NOT all at the same time. but it’s more than that. If you force your brain to do tasks of the same length for a certain period. most important. try to group them by how long do you think they’ll take: 2 minutes. with a high execution quality and in a reasonable amount of time. don’t apply this only to the ”2 minutes“ tasks. not by the topic or project. And then start doing them from the shortest time interval to the longest. it is. 1. Like a muscle.

without taking the time to log what I already did. When I started to work on my iAdd app. Because you may have a specific job that requires exclusively big parts of your left or right hemisphere. In reality. All I know is that switching them constantly helped me a lot. I didn’t do any type of logging. or at least important parts of it. 462 of 586 . you can still find a way to make use of the other. 3.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It As a true brain juggler. I have to admit this. Log Constantly That means you should find the time to log what you did. Until one day I realized I wrote the same code three times! And that’s because I always rushed to implement the next feature. Even if you’re an accountant and your job involves your analytic hemisphere heavily. But this doesn’t need to be the rule. you don’t want to be ruled by only one of your brain hemispheres. when you call your clients. this is happening most often than not. It’s a little awkward at the beginning but in time you’ll get better at it. because I don’t really know that. I won’t say that if you don’t use one of your hemispheres it will shrink and become useless. try to invent a different salutation each time you get them on the phone. more creative half. For instance.

Logging will create a very necessary loop. shrink that valve. It’s the road from how to say no (and. spaces where you should take the time to write down what you actually did. you can’t log every little thing you do. On the contrary. No beginning and no ends. most of the time we’re forced to do more in less time because the task hose is bigger and bigger.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It Of course. You won’t die if you won’t do any single thing that is thrown at you. There may be situations when we do have to do whatever it takes to get the job done. And that’s what makes you so confused at the end of the day: did I actually finish what I had to do? 4. to what to say yes) up to what kind of tasks do you really want to take on. Surround Yourself With Intelligent Walls This is about the fine art of avoiding interruptions. But those are 463 of 586 . Well. all that while building an invisible line of intelligent walls which will stop the flood of your daily tasks. But each big project you start or finish may have some sort of a ”login“ or ”logut“ routine. Yes. Make it smaller. you don’t have such separations. conversely. you kinda live on the same level. a cut in the time / space continuum you’re working in. In multitasking. A separation of the beginning and the end.

Assess And Improve Do a weekly review. I always thought it’s sad to make them do 464 of 586 . 5. *** When I was a kid and we were going to the circus. Were you joyful or stressed? Were you happy about what you did or not very much so? If logging will create a loop for identifying your beginning and ends. for starters. You will be able to evaluate the time required by your tasks more accurately. The more you assess. I wasn’t impress by the animals. you will be able to juggle left and right hemisphere more often and you will definitely become way better at creating those intelligent walls between you and the harsh world outside. of course. then you’re living in a permanent crisis and you really have to talk to somebody about that. the better you’ll become. As a matter of fact. only to enslave us in endless tasks and projects. but also your overall activity and mood. If they are. They don’t have to be the rule. Try to assess not only the number of projects you finished. the more you read your own logs. Which exists. of course.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It exceptional times. assessing will create the basis of your processes improvement (you will. assess by using the very same logs you produced).

very little has changed. And if I look at myself 30 years after. ! 465 of 586 . But I was very much impressed with the jugglers. and not with their hands.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It stupid tricks for our amusement. I’m still impressed with jugglers. especially if they do the tricks with their brains.

bought a desk and a nice chair. Doesn’t have an office and most of the time doesn’t have business cards either (the new dial tone being twitter.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It Being A Digital Nomad ! Ever wondered what being a digital nomad means? For me. Redecorated an entire room. this rather trendy (and almost overused) concept boils down to something really simple: a person who’s providing value through digital channels but who doesn’t have a fixed place to work. Or so I thought. Digital Nomad Work Places Let’s start with the beginning: 2 years ago I sold my online business and decided to switch careers: instead of being a CEO with a nice office. in airports or train stations. I decided to be a personal development blogger without a real office. in a library. I worked from home. This person can work in a coffee shop. put some shelves around. I traded a down-town office for a home-based office. For a digital nomad the world is the office. In the beginning. It wasn’t long until I realized I didn’t feel comfortable at all in this new setup. and I was set. In today’s post I’ll talk about my experience as a digital nomad for almost 2 years now. And it wasn’t 466 of 586 . but in the end all I got was still an office. of course).

Coffee Shops! By far one of my favorite places as a digital nomad. So. Of course. Some coffee shops have a really nice music and sometimes this thing alone can make a real difference. one and a half hour maximum. In coffee shops I tend to do a lot of creative work: writing blog posts. but the whole concept of “office”. I prefer places near the wall. I drink a tea and sometimes I pick a sandwich.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It the location which was actually bothering me. Here is breakdown of the main points I use for work now: 1. I started to look after other locations for work. the main feature of an appropriate coffee shop is the internet access: the fastest. 467 of 586 . because I may change 2-3 coffee shops per day and at some point I will need to recharge my laptop. I did a lot of trial and error but in the end I come up with quite a nice setup. the better. commenting on other blogs. but a power outlet is absolutely necessary. I like to rest my eyes looking outside or just randomly gazing at people going in and out. faced to some windows or the main entry. I don’t usually work in chunks bigger than one. sketching projects or partnerships. The second thing I try to identify in the first few minutes is the power outlet.

but from early spring until late summer. I don’t know if this concept is implemented in other places but it is in the town I’m living in right now: Bucharest. Sometimes I leave the laptop on the bench and do some small gardening. Whenever I have to learn something new or have to dig in after some interesting concepts. I meet new people. There’s a place called Bucharest Hubb where I can have an office (seldom the same) a chair. internet access and some privacy. Back Yard! I switched the office room for my backyard. I provide advice and doing the consulting stuff. I don’t have a specific room. I can’t work there during winters. The business-like atmosphere make this a little bit more easier. 3. I sit on a bench and just do my stuff while Bianca is playing around. this whole setup is not more than 100 EUR/month. but is a major shift. I sit down at whatever office may be free. Being an advisor in Bucharest Hubb board I don’t have to pay for it.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It 2. doing this in my backyard seems to be the best way to do it. of course. only a few months. When I’m at Hubb  I’m doing a lot of meetings and administrative stuff. 468 of 586 . but even if I would. Real Estate On Demand! This is relatively new. That’s the perfect place for doing research.

Many of the posts I wrote last year were sketched in the airports. but now it feels really dry to me. Airports! Last year I traveled a lot and many of the trips were (very) long distance.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It 4. One of the consequences of being a digital nomad is that you’re exposed to a lot of new places and experiences and that makes for an almost endless source of blog post subjects. but while I’m at the ground. I love to hear people. the same territorial strategy from the coffee shops applies to airports too: hunting for the best seat and locating the nearest power outlet. Library! I was doing a lot of work in the library immediately after I sold the company. I prefer to relax in my hotel room or to sleep in the plane. Of course. without signing out at the clerk desk. I remember that last year I wrote around 20 blog posts in airports only. it seemed like a nice. especially if I was there before. but I don’t think I’ve been there last year. private and quiet place. 5. I tend to use the time as working time. Whenever I have to wait in an airport. 469 of 586 . I maximize my time by doing something useful. to watch new faces and to be able to leave whenever I want. In the beginning.

6. For instance. I carry my laptop around almost all the time so every little pause or glitch in the schedule can be used as a time for work. some brilliant ideas or skills and persistence. a decent internet connection. I think 75% of my work right now is writing (in the form of blog posts. Random Places! A digital nomad adapts. I find absolutely mind boggling that we can create value in a structured way while being completely free to move whenever and wherever we want. at least for me. the type of work which requires only a laptop. I did some of my best programming pieces while working in a library so I might try this again pretty soon. What Type Of Work Does A Digital  Nomad Do? Primarily. blog comments or ebooks). programming or interaction (email or social media). You know. But there is an important 25% which is made by consulting time. But I’m sure there is a lot of other type of digital work which can be done like this: from consulting to affiliate marketing or web development. I work in my car while waiting for a new meeting or sometimes even in the park. writing. A digital nomad is by no means a “rejected” or a 470 of 586 . if there’s more than one hour between two of my tasks.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It However.

Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It “misfit” person. And all these are fantastic way to enjoy life more. Our work is less and less tied up to a physical location. Sooner than we think. digital nomads are going to outnumber regular office suits. in 90% of the cases. this lifestyle has a huge impact not only on work but on relationships too. on a place which he usually associates with leisure. I think being a digital nomad is the way of the future in creating and broadcasting value. that’s what I think. We can talk with clients while we’re visiting Japan. At least. not with work). All these are realities. The Very Very Short Digital Nomad Guide To Relationships As you may already wonder. Second. 471 of 586 . Here’s a short guide on how to manage these changes. the client is completely defocused (because he’s on foreign land and. he become really familiar and tend to lose track of the conversation. On the contrary. we can write blog posts while we’re trekking in Thailand or we can start to sketch some new iPhone apps while we’re on a remote island from New Zealand. 1. something strange happens. First. not wishful thinking. above that. Be Focused! Anytime I have a meeting with a potential client in a coffee shop.

Put your personal photos on a slide show using your 472 of 586 . Use wallpapers with your closest ones. Keep A Clean To Do List! Or whatever thing you use for personal productivity.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It It’s fundamental to be focused and.  Virtual relationships (your partners. while still keeping an informal style. 2. Just because you don’t have a fixed office to ground you down. Keeping a clean to do list related to the tasks you have to do which involves other people (emails. be sure you’ll always walk out with a list of next actions. 3. etc) is crucial if you don’t want to become a digitally isolated bump instead of being a successful digital nomad. your remote clients) are as real as you are. your social media buddies. social media activities. Use Digital Icons Of Your Closest Ones! You know the wife and kids photo on your desktop? Maybe some writing tools you got as a present from a friend long time ago? Or that clipboard you received at that very special business event? All these are icons which are giving substance to your real life desktop. Otherwise you just spent two hours of your life pretending you’re doing business while in fact you’ve just happily procrastinated in a coffee shop. As a digital nomad you won’t have a fixed workplace. But you can make it feel like home . These are making your workplace feel like home. this doesn’t mean you don’t have to keep them informed.

people started to ask more and more questions about being a digital nomad and so on. Avoid the trap of: “we’re going to set up this at my office” or alike. I used to tell a very long story about becoming location independent and being a digital nomad.com said something really interesting: “I used to live around my work. Your Life Will Never Be The Same One of the guys who’s rising pretty fast in the blogosphere right now. 4. And whenever you feel disconnected. Better have a quick and clean explanation of this and then move on. but the other guy doesn’t need to make a whole story out of it. You don’t have an office. This summarizes pretty well the whole concept: the fundamental shift of this lifestyle design is to move from a work-centric perspective to a life-centric perspective. but I realized this was hijacking the core of the meeting.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It screensaver. take a break and enjoy your personal digital atmosphere. Glenn Alsopp from viperchill. We’re all taught that we should have a work first. and now I work around my life”. and then 473 of 586 . Instead of being interested on the proposed topics. Keep a collection of movies handy on the desktop. Have A Ready Made Explanation! Many meetings I had in coffee shops went sidetracked by a wrong answer to the question: “why don’t you have an office?”.

But soon after the adaptation 474 of 586 . on the contrary. even something like this: “what would people think of me if I don’t have an office anymore? Wouldn’t I look like a pathetic jobless loser?”. Choosing to be a digital nomad will impact your existence at virtually all levels. Or “if I wouldn’t have to wake up every morning at 6 AM to get to this stupid job. yours truly included. Or.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It some life. All these questions are normal questions. But that’s a really small price to be paid once you get in the flow. In order to function properly you need self-respect and a sense of social integration. Working strange hours and in strange places will not help you with that. Because it requires to answer some difficult questions like: “what do I really like to do?”. But some people. will generate a very predictable alienation. Leaving behind the security of a standard job and of a physical office will not be easy. You may feel confused at times or even depressed. This isn’t an easy process. being a digital nomad reverses this situation: you have a life at the core of your existence and on top of it you build some work too. what time would I wake-up then? And why?”. need a lot of variety and freshness. Moving your life to the very center of your existence is difficult. Well. Some people need more grounding than others. And I don’t think it’s a process for everybody.

if you are the type who needs a constant refresh of your life): you’re going to realize that the world is really your office. You can chose an “office” with a view to a sea shore.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It period something interesting will happen (again. You can enjoy your life while still providing value for others. or you can chose an office with a nice relaxing jazz music. And seeing the world in the process is a really nice add-on to this offer. And that is not a joke. ! 475 of 586 . You can do whatever you want. whenever you want.

experiments and results.
 476 of 586 .Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It Blogging ! Pieces of what I actually do for a living. Small tricks.

Although I enjoy doing it. I started to notice a different trend. users. page-views. For instance. let’s say. But in the last few weeks.000 477 of 586 . I mean. How am I doing with this blog in terms of. my business side likes to measure stuff. or sales? I let this side interfere every once in a while.500 twitter followers or 1. I think following those numbers can be deceiving to some degree. what does it mean to have 100. In fact. Several unorthodox ways of measuring my online influence started to shape in a more and more consistent way. my business side (after all. and it helps me keep some things in perspective. comments and so on.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It 5 Unusual Ways To Measure Your Online Reputation ! I’ve written this blog for more than 2 years now.000 unique monthly visitors? How can you translate this in terms of influence? Or reputation? What’s the point of having 3. We all know the basic metrics: unique users. I did have an online business for more than 10 years) keeps popping out every once in a while. and apparently out of nowhere. But I slowly discovered that your real online influence is seldom a sum of these well-know numbers. page impressions.

people who choose to express themselves through aggressive talking are very difficult to reach. But it’s fundamental. 1. It’s unpleasant to get hate comments because the vibe is negative. you won’t have a real image about what your reputation really is. Your ideas. But after a while I realized not only did I do nothing wrong. as in personally. stories or lifestyle 478 of 586 . and realize that your message crossed a very remote border. let’s start. And. genuinely touch their inner core. Without further ado. But it’s also part of life. when you get a real hate comment on your blog. Or at least this is what I think after taking some time to define these new and unusual ways to measure online reputation. but it looked like however I chose to handle the conversation.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It facebook friends? If you can’t escape those numbers. Receiving hate comments is a very important part of a blogger job and you should develop a proper way of handling them. When I first received a hate comment on my blog I genuinely thought I did something wrong to the person who wrote it. Getting Hate Comments This is tough. So. in my experience. Some people choose to express their feelings through aggressive wording. take a deep look (a deep breathe won’t hurt either). the hate would not just disappear. and it’s hurtful. It’s their choice and we should respect it.

already have boyfriends ). the moment you are making it outside your regular circle of people. All joking aside. something good has happened. People Are Approaching You in Real Life Situations For example. as you already know). I take 479 of 586 . since it appears that all those girls who are fans of my blog. I don’t consider myself as someone who does business anymore (although my business side still pops up every now and then. and being approached because of your digital brand. I gave up business cards a while ago. 2. well.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It have made their trip up to one of the farthest places in this world: the heart of a lonely. as gorgeous as they are. Your circle of friends or business partnerships are usually formed by direct interactions. frustrated and inhibited person. And when you realize that your business card has been replaced by your domain name. The smallest building block of this circle is your business card (if we’re talking about business relationships). Or: my girlfriend is a big fan of your blog (that’s a little bit frustrating. The aggressive comment that person left on your blog is just the receipt your blog gets from anchoring on that shore. I admit. you may be approached by people who start up conversations with you using sentences like: I don’t know you but I read your blog.

I take it as a strong sign of a healthy and powerful influence. The first time this happened was almost a year ago. I’ll leave the pleasure of learning a few trips and tricks from this blog to the opposite sex.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It this as a sign that you have created a sustainable online brand. especially since nothing in that particular post was related to fashion. I will leave the pleasure of exploring Camille’s blog to my male audience and. Being Quoted On Totally Unrelated Blogs I blog about personal development here but every once in a while I get a mention from a high-profile blog completely out of my niche.com mentioned one of my posts in her weekly carousels. when Gala from galadarling. People Are Asking You To Let Them Help You 480 of 586 . 4. It felt a little bit strange to see one of my posts quoted on a fashion blog. when one of my most popular posts got featured on Camille Crimson’s blog. but when a blogger from a completely different niche mentions my work. 3. as one of my female Facebook friends said. I mean I can expect some of my colleagues to spread the word. The climax of this trend happened just a few days ago.

in which they express their gratitude for motivation that they have drawn from this blog. inspired. I never really took this seriously. Now I’m getting almost daily interactions from people I don’t really know. I don’t know if I will make this a long term commitment (although the other person is happy to continue helping as long as I am blogging). and want to give something back. Receiving Out Of The Blue Thank You Emails This started to happen a year ago. that they will genuinely and transparently offer to put themselves at your service. I’ve always met people who have said in one way or another that they’re motivated. but then one of the people I met on Facebook (it all started with a polite and standard: “thank you for your blog” message) offered to proof-read some of my blog posts.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It This has happened to me only recently. of course. and in the last few months has become more and more common. 481 of 586 . but I guess in some form it was always there. I agreed and we started to “work” together. but I also take this a sign that I must be doing something right. What I am talking about is that some people will draw something so profound or meaningful from your blog. for that matter) once a month. if I would agree. 5. Until recently. In the beginning I was getting a thank you email (or comment on the blog.

Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It I choose to never publish these messages. Sometimes is just something like: “I like your blog and I want to start one too. my supposition that numbers give you the wrong impression of what your digital brand is capable of. I feel it almost organically. proved to be right. I take it that they would like to remain anonymous. Just because you have created a famous/well respected/popular blog. these ways of measuring your online reputation have almost nothing to do with numbers. Word of caution: all the signs mentioned above are trying to tell you an important story about the brand that you have created. it doesn’t automatically 482 of 586 . please understand that there is a difference between your digital brand and yourself. But the power of those messages is incredible. which is a more private communication channel. you inspired me”. *** As you can see. For the sake of your mental health. As a matter of fact. But sometimes is something like: “my life has really changed and I was able to leave behind an ugly/abusive/unhappy time. It’s a private interaction. and since the person initiating it has chosen to e-mail me. Whenever I receive one of these messages. It’s true that my traffic has tripled in the last year. thank you”. something starts to melt inside me. but the overall impact was bigger than that.

! 483 of 586 . You have just created a powerful blog brand.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It make you a famous/well respected/popular person. And keep having a real life. Don’t sweat over it too much.

1. You don’t look desperately for the “like” button. you just start asking yourself “why”. let’s imagine that for a second. 4. let’s pretend that only two major things are hit: Twitter and Facebook. Lets try to imagine our life after the sad end of Twitter and Facebook. But instead of all the Earth being hit. From 484 of 586 . When you really like something. where a huge catastrophe strikes Earth? And everything is dark and sad.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It Life After Twitter And Facebook ! You know those apocalyptic strategy games. 2. You finally start noticing that trees are actually growing around you. you don’t have any resources left and you gotta make it by yourself? Well. not inside computers. If a guy promises to retweet you if you do the same for him. 5. you suddenly decide to cross to the other side of the street. When you meet someone new you don’t get automatically in your mailbox a letter promoting his latest hugely discounted ebook. you just smile. Especially when the following is taking place on a dark alley. 3. when you press that tiny button called “Farmville”. Instead of being happy when somebody is following you all of a sudden.

Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It where you can safely shout at him: “You dirty pervert!”. they’ll send you photos from the last barbecue. Some of the unadapted will start talking out of the blue in short. Student becomes billionaire. an entire civilization. When they’re not the party attraction. If friends will want to send you photos from the last barbecue. a historian finds out that it was a prophecy about that web site. Many years before. people will revert to the old fashion way of using private investigators. a brilliant (yet strangely unadapted) student. Of course. Much like the dinosaurs. No living proof of that species will ever be found again. 8. Many years after the complete extinction of Twitter and Facebook. of course. They won’t tag you. not longer than 140 chars. Historians will be puzzled by the unexplainable extinction of an entire species. that is. In an old. Hundreds of millions are using the site. dumped by his girlfriend. called “social media expert”. witty and somehow cryptic sentences. 10. 9. he writes a web app for that. in a desperate act of 485 of 586 . will want to show to the whole world that he’s not as bad as he looks. When they’ll want to stalk each other. 6. 7. The app eventually explodes into an incredibly popular site. Poking someone you barely know will usually trigger a lawsuit. They will be called “Tourettes” and usually avoided at parties. dusty chronicle.

please. With sugar on top and lots of cream. Within weeks of hard work and thousands of super computers involved. the message is finally decrypted: “Social media is not dead. Presto!”. you idiots. ! 486 of 586 . Of course. left a cryptic message. claiming that the first ones used the wrong decryption mechanism. And it’ll never be”. For them. the message will look like: “A venti latte.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It survival. a small faction of historians will give a completely different interpretation to the message.

“good” and “bad” may have different meanings based on your cultural background. It’s true. possibly unrelated. Yeap.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It 5 Reasons For A Healthy Blog Hiatus ! Ok. It makes you productive and ready to go whenever 487 of 586 . Ok. I hear what you say: “A blog hiatus? As bloggers. Especially the guy in the back. You Need Time To Refine Your Message If you write each and every day. I’m not insanse. to comment on 20 blogs in his lunch break and rock the world in the evening. religion. here’s why. Nope. I hear you guys. Let’s not use “good” or “bad”. my blog hiatus turned to be a really healthy thing. I’m better than ever. aren’t us supposed to write day and night? Are you I-NS-A-N-E? ”. life philosophy and a number of other. ready to write 10 posts each morning. as strange as it may seem. you may lose sight of the big picture. the habit of writing each and every day is an amazing asset. Without further ado. But it was a good thing. all pumped up. 1. In fact. Let’s use “healthy” instead of “good”. reasons. although my blog activity took a plunge in the last month or so.

it’s never true. But at the same time. when enough is enough. from a proof of concept to a stable-and-almostmainstream iPhone / iPad (and soon Mac) app. but sometimes. two and a half years ago. It’s like you’re out of options. It’s a wordpress framework packed with tons of features. But if you didn’t. let me start by saying that this is the biggest project I embraced since I sold my company. it’s the closest thing to depression I know. it makes you repetitive and a little bit anxious. WPSumo. the muscle is built during the rest time. that blogging burnout. As in fitness. I’m only one third of it. the other two being taken 488 of 586 . which grew way over my initial expectations. 2. you just don’t see those options clearly. you know what WPSumo is. two of my projects took the lead. not during the effort. In my experience. It’s a tough game. I know I hit it more than once. You Are Involved In Other Projects And that’s fine too. What am I going to write about today? Am I going to be inspired? I’m sure that each and every blogger hit the “blogging burnout”. During the last few months. If you followed closely my social media stream. and the other is my newly born baby. One is iAdd. which. of course. You always have an option.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It you’re hit with inspiration.

the number of people who are visiting DragosRoua. I’m not talking only about extracting data from the statistics. so stick around. I became a regular contributor to Stepcase 489 of 586 . 4. You Write Somewhere Else Exactly. although I’ve been a little bit quiet in writing. one of the reasons I wrote less on my blog it’s because I started to write more on other blogs. And this requires a little bit of analysis.com is now constantly in the 120.000 area. In simpler words. I actually feel that I entered another level. 3. We launched last Friday and we’re still pumped up with all the enthusiasm. not based on some volatile circumstance.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It by two wordpress wizards.000 – 130. I will write extensively about this framework in the next few weeks. And that’s a steady flow. So. my blogging activities were actually enhanced. You Want To Evaluate Your Work During the last two months my blog had a significant surge in traffic. You cannot clearly see where you’re going if you don’t stop every now and then on a higher cliff. although I started to do it more seriously during the last few weeks (and identified some very interesting patterns) but also about my main vision and next steps.

I’m not a writing machine. Interestingly enough. being better is where all the fun is. Will see how this goes. It’s a completely different experience for me. Sometimes I just want to leave the work behind and enjoy life a little bit. but for now. Perfection is boring. 7 Not So Obvious Habits To Maximize Productivity. here are the 5 reasons that made my blogging hiatus quite useful and healthy. At this moment. and another to be a regular contributor to a mainstream blog. got a lot of attention and I’m really happy about this.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It Lifehack. 5. *** So. my first article there. nor do I want to become one. So I’m not afraid to admit that I just need a pause from time to time. You Just Need A Break One of the biggest traps of personal development is to aim for perfection.000 subscribers. Or a little bit more. Now that you’ve read this. 490 of 586 . It’s one thing to do a little bit of guest posting. go back and continue writing on your blog. it’s a nice new toy. I am quite enthusiastic about this and I will try a few different approaches and writing styles. Stepcase Lifehack has more than 80.

Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It ! 491 of 586 .

These are the series.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It Series ! Some parts are made of more than one piece.
 492 of 586 .

so put some time aside. It’s not what you would typically expect.com in less than 10 days.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It The Human Computer ! This series started as a playful comparison between humans and computers. Two of these articles were featured on LifeHacker.
 493 of 586 . though.

even a “blue screen of death”. cleaning up unneeded files and keep it slim. if it’s a major crisis. this unstable behavior goes for years. This happens because we’re not updated to our latest version of ourselves. We’re still running an old and clumsy command line interface. for instance. I sometimes feel like I lack some crucial features or don’t know how to handle specific events. the secret bliss of running the latest version of my operating system! The subtle satisfaction of watching how smoothly my laptop makes its apps literally flying over the carefully chosen desktop background image! Alas. like hitting the same keyboard combination. I’m sure you’ve been there too. We all did. I’m almost always up to date and thoroughly enjoy it. You know the drill: backups and upgrades. we can’t address more physical memory 494 of 586 . We didn’t upgrade. Unfortunately. In some specific cases. my mental operating system is more  than often obsolete. Oh. followed by a brutal reboot. and always get the same result: a frozen screen.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It Are You The Best Version Of Yourself? ! As a converted geek I’m always keen on keeping my digital tools updated. Or. that’s not always the case with my real self. I run into the same patterns.

2. Joke aside. but rather a stable load under high pressure. Balance Your Core Features Any operating system has a set of core features. What makes your presence so valuable is not personal excellence on a single topic. some operating systems are better at networking. Defrag Your Mind We have a virtually unlimited capacity of information storage. Any human being has a unique set of qualities. our behavior as human beings can be comfortably described as an operating system metaphor. An imbalanced structure of qualities will make your mental operating system crash without warning on the weak spots. Introducing the converted geek 5 steps guide to upgrade to your best version of yourself: 1. Some other are good at office productivity but they lack a proper driver integration and so on. but they really suck at graphics. Too much of something will make the rest seem unfit. An equilibrium in motion. What makes us feel like we 495 of 586 . A well balanced mix of qualities. because we’re missing some important drivers.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It to incorporate new experiences and we really don’t know how to handle new devices in our life. For example. Be sure to keep a close balance between all parts.

3. hard-drive but a very slow access protocol to it. but the unconscious mind is capable of much more. Unless we will strive to update our drivers to really understand how to talk with those new entities. While even others call it: “keep my things in good order”. a way to communicate with the computer operating system. Until we will be able to broaden this channel. but it will not really work until we build a new communication protocol to it. It’s like a having huge. Our conscious mind can process only 5-7 stimuli form the environment. We may look like we have a printer (or a wife. But this new equipment will not function unless there is a driver. We can take care of our mental clutter by defragmenting it every now and then. Update Your Drivers Every now and then we attach some new piece of hardware to our computers. actually infinite. we can try to improve some other parts. or a luxury car) attached. Like a printer or a nice camera. GTD addicted will call this mental defragmentation “emptying the mind” while other people may simply call it meditation.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It don’t is the narrow channel used to access it. We can’t expect to 496 of 586 . This is exactly what happens when we incorporate something new in our lives: from a new car to a new relationship or job. we will not function properly.

These things are basically independent entities which are taking control over your system and make it their own toy. your mind is actually controlled by somebody else. The same thing can happen to your mind. 5. Sometimes. There are (and there will always be) minor memory leaks. Staying virus free is much more difficult for your mental operating system than for your computer operating system. the best way to avoid a mental virus infection is prevention: trust your own mind. open loops and untested functions which will. This is why is recommended to push the shutdown button every now and then. So.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It have something new in our lives without changing ourselves to fully integrate it. you may experience a very bad situation called “virus”. in time. Enjoy An Unexpected Shutdown Every Now And Then No operating system is perfect. your mind will remain partially infected for ever. the same way you take an 497 of 586 . For fun or for profit. make your computer unstable. 4. Stay Virus Free If you expose your operating system to untrusted sources. Especially the cleaning action is quite tedious. make your own judgment and take everything with a little bit of salt. More often than you think.

precious improvements which are giving you more time and computing power. Sometimes those features are just simple Easter Eggs. 498 of 586 . if not you. It’s your identity. plain and useless pieces of information. your own personal gift to the world. those undocumented features are really valuable tools. Cease to believe you are in control and give your powers away every once in a while. Those features are secret weapons you can use to do things nobody think you can do. At a higher level. also known as undocumented features. those undocumented features are in fact your personal power. In  your mental operation system.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It unexpected 15 minutes nap with the head on the desktop. Too much tension will eventually break something around you. Your uniqueness. The Undocumented Feature Every geek knows that all operating systems have some deeply hidden treasures. If it’s not ok. when your boss is known to be in his lunch break. only hidden. then it is not the end. Trust that everything will be good in the end. Keeping yourself too focused can sometimes do more harm and good. undercover potential waiting to be unleashed. Your hidden. this translates in a more relaxed way to look at the world. your singularity. But sometimes.

except you. of this unique feature which made you so necessary and needed that the world couldn’t properly function without you. for starters. The world called for you and you have to deliver. you’d better pull yourself together and. go find a mirror and ask this to yourself: am I really running the best version of myself? Really. So. you’re here for a reason. That’s right.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It Nobody really knows what your undocumented feature is. You really have to. You are the carrier of this fantastic energy. really? ! ! 499 of 586 .

such as “updating your drivers” or “stay virus free”.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It How To Defrag Your Mind In 5 Easy Steps ! This is a follow up to my post: “Are You The Best Version Of Yourself?”. Defrag Your Mind? What Exactly Is That? For the non-geeky versions of my readers. scattered around your entire hard-disk. Specifically. comparing our own being with a computer. In this post I’m going to detail on “Defrag your mind”. This is where defragmentation comes in: it rearranges the data on your hard-disk so it would be much more easier to access. It’s broken down into smaller pieces and written at arbitrary locations. a certain number of maintenance tasks have to be performed. The data on your computer hard-disk is not written and read in sequential order. after a certain period. the effort for retrieving that information. could become really time consuming. The expected result of such a process is an increase in speed and a higher 500 of 586 . In order to be sure you run the best version of yourself. Now. it’s nothing but an optimization process. I will briefly outline what a defragmentation is. that article used a geeky metaphor. Although it sounds pretty harsh.

Based on this initial assessment. 501 of 586 . Now. This is what I call your “dominant” setup. Or maybe you’ll have to deliver something big at your job. Similarly. It will be your main concern. in 5 easy steps: 1.  There are setups for text or image processing. Whatever the case. Your whole defragmentation process will target this dominant setup. Chose Your Dominant Setup Maybe you’ll be in travel mood for the next couple of weeks. In other words: you’re going to work not only faster. try to identify it with a single word or a small sentence: “finish project”. Or maybe you’ll want to learn something new. when you’ll chose a dominant configuration for the next period. your essential duty. how can you do this to your mind? Here is my take on it. Depending on these setups. but also much safer. you’ll have to identify your major focus in the next few days or weeks. there are computer setups for video processing or for games.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It reliability of your equipment. your hard-disk algorithms may change. “workout” or “visit Rocky Mountains”. You’re going to setup your mind exactly for that. This is why it’s important to do an assessment first and understand what are you going to perform in the next few weeks.

Another tip that could significantly shorten this step is to use mindmapping. you’ll have the info available and spend less time on assessing it. you’d better make sure you  won’t let out something important. than quickly and fuzzy. actions and habits in a list format. That will only make the whole process slow if you’d have to go back and re-start it again. If it’s something about holiday. Identify Necessary Information Once you correctly identified the main concern for the next period. now all you have to do is to establish priorities. One tip in this step would be to make a log of it. just write down the “cloud” of necessary information. A non-linear document would be more appropriate for this process than a sequential one. start to identify related areas.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It 2. Next time you go on a holiday. If you ever 502 of 586 . 3. Establish Priorities You know the setup. you have the tools. Identifying your necessary information should be done rather slowly but thoroughly. What information do you need to succeed? Are there any important actions you need to perform on a regular basis? Are there any specific attitudes you need to adopt? Any habits you need to implement? All these items are part of your main setup. If you’re going to establish a new algorithm for your main central unit.

Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It witnessed a defragmentation. this is a laptop. Or simply because we didn’t do any assessment whatsoever and we’re still carrying around those lose ends. maybe the tool which should be constantly charged is your mobile phone. Identifying priorities is obviously closely related to the dominant setup. Ignore The Unimportant One of the biggest clutter sources in our lives is the excess luggage we’re carrying around because we think it’s necessary. The easiest way to assess the priority is to use a scale from 1 to 5. And you’re going to do exactly that: make things easier to manage. Or because somebody else has already decided for us it’s necessary. will give it a 2. 4. Just start practicing and in time you’ll get better at it. 1 being the higher point of the scale. If you’re going to work more than usual. on a scale from 1 to 5 how important is that for my dominant setup? Ok. then one of your priorities would probably be to have your laptop charged as often as possible. That would make it easier and faster to be accessed. 503 of 586 . If your main setup would be traveling related. Take the previously gathered information and run it through this filter. you saw that the most frequently accessed information is usually moved in the first sectors of your hard-disk. Our focus is too loaded with too many lenses. Ok.

congrats. The most important function of this step is to actually write down what are you going to ignore. you may totally ignore your office suits. but it will still be useful. Every information you need is in place? Are your priorities well balanced? Is the clutter properly stowed away? If you’re satisfied. try to run a dry test. If you moved all the important stuff closer to your core in the previous step. It won’t have the benefits of actually implementing the whole things.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It The 4th stage of your mind defragmentation should address exactly this question. decide you’re going to cut on your distractions: ignore watching TV or social activities. you just had your first mind defragmentation. A Real Life Example 504 of 586 . Don’t get rid of them. 5. Don’t expect it to happen naturally. if you’re going to travel. If you’re going to learn something new. now you’re going to take the unnecessary bits and pieces and move them far away from your reach. of course. For instance. Run A Dry Test Once your dominant new setup is in place. Push them away. ignore. just offer them a well deserved break. Take 15 minutes to imagine a whole day. from the moment you wake up to the moment you get to bed.

These are at least 3 main functions I should perform under this new setup: • create new products • identify markets for the products • promote my new products • increase blog traffic 2. audio and video) • focus on promoting my blog via social media • allocate at least 2 extra hours each day for new products • evaluate the promotion and generated income 3. Actions and Habits! • focus on creating extra products (text. for instance) 505 of 586 . One of the dominant setups this year would be “monetize my blog”. Establish Priorities! • the most important thing: create products (priority 1) • the second most important thing: promote the products (priority 1) • the third most important thing: increase blog traffic (priority 2) 4. The Dominant Setup! I do a little bit of defragmentation every time I enter a new milestone for my blog. Necessary Information. What To Ignore! • spend less time reading other blogs • spend less time on other projects (workshops.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It 1.

there’s no need for a weekly review in order to keep your mind defragged. Well this is how a basic mind defragmentation process looks like. suggests that a thorough review should be done weekly. maybe you should do a defrag every time you check in to a new country. The dry-test started on early January and just finished a few days ago when my 5th book was approved. For instance. living location independent.
 506 of 586 . Run A Dry Test! As you may already know I already have 5 books published on Amazon and things are going pretty well on this direction. It’s more about how often you will change your dominant setup. but only if a holiday will mean a major shift in your regular lifestyle.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It • ignore alternative monetization like display advertising 5. I know how my dominant setup will look like for the next few months. This is really sketchy but I hope you got the idea. This is also closely related to your own lifestyle. If your current lifestyle is a nomadic one. How Often To Defrag? Similar concepts in productivity metodologies (like GTD). In my experience. or your goals. I do think you should do a defrag every time you leave on holiday.

For example. Sounds much more complicated than it is. continuing our computer-human parallel. The driver should also be used to enforce a certain result upon using that context. Oh. a life device driver would be described as a set of procedures one uses to manage a certain context at a very low level. I bet you wouldn’t think at that.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It Life Device Drivers: What Are They and When You Need To Upgrade ! Life device drivers are fundamental for a smooth social interaction. it’s just like a software driver. right? Now. if we’re talking about computers. like a job or a family. this is exactly what you’re going to find out in this article. only it’s for your day to day life. seriously. a printer driver would let your computer communicate with your printer in order to print 507 of 586 . you don’t know what a life device drivers is? No problem. What Is A Life Device Driver? Well. They’re the invisible layer which allows us to have a proper interaction with various social interfaces.

because the expected result will vary drastically. Habits. memory buses and so on. Subsequently. The expected result would be an ongoing partnership which will allegedly make your life easier. Some 508 of 586 .Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It documents. Of course. For instance. close to the core of your behavior. it should always end with a predictable result. Subsequently. The difference between a mere habit and a life device driver is quite simple: besides the fact that the life device driver should be very low-level. neither printing or marriage are always creating the expected result. if you have the habit of taking a nap every afternoon. In some respects. They’re built to access directly the most intimate parts of your computer: interruptions. But in fact life device drivers are much more complex than a simple habit. Hence. The expected result would be the transfer of an image from your computer screen to a piece of paper. you’re using them transparently. that wouldn’t be a life device driver. Skills and Life Device Drivers Drivers are using very low-level programming interfaces. the constant need to improve their drivers. a marriage life driver would let you function in an almost automated way as husband and wife. once you installed a life device driver you’re just using it and don’t bother about how to talk with the part  you want to manage. they’re like habits: once implemented.

Managing Your Real Life Peripherals If life drivers are skills implemented a habits. then you know what I mean. Skills. on the other hand. implemented as habits. But in real life? A life peripheral is an external context in which you want to express yourself. You are a 509 of 586 . Being married. but it’s not part of your core. If any of you ever wanted to implement the habit of taking a nap during afternoons. for instance).  Other examples are: managing your job with a solid set of skills (both technical and social). managing a personal relationship or creating and maintaining a hobby (like travel. are essential to life drivers. every time you communicate in that language you will generate an expected result: the other guy will understand what you’re saying. Life device drivers are just very specific skills. that’s something that could be called a life peripheral: you do want to express yourself within this context. for instance. Provided that there aren’t significant bugs in your foreign language driver. If you learn a new language. a monitor or a keyboard.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It afternoons you’ll be fine while others will make you feel like crap. what are they actually driving? What is the equivalent of peripherals in our human-computer parallel? We know what a peripheral is for a computer: a printer.

You will spend a lot of time debugging your specific 510 of 586 .Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It complete individual without being forced to be part of a marriage and many of us are functioning like this. Why Do You Need To Upgrade Your Life Drivers Every time you reach a new level in your life you need to upgrade your drivers. managing your life drivers means acquiring new skills and then maintaining them in the form of habits. Not every computer does have a printer and not every human being wants to be married. like traveling. Still with me? Good. For many of us. Otherwise there will be hick-ups. would be another example. The expected results will be delayed or even null. a job is just an external interface. Another peripheral would be a job. of course. Every once in a while. You need to be sure you have the right skills and put them to work on auto-pilot in order to perform well on the new interface. You acquire a set of skills (like foreign languages. for instance) and then implement them as habits (doing that constantly). A personal hobby. you will need to upgrade your life device drivers. A context in which we are performing a certain number of tasks and at the end of the week we enjoy the expected result: money. So.

well. Entering a new stage in your life without a proper life driver could even result in a frozen computer. than yourself. Your new job may look and feel great and even give you an underlying feeling of personal progress. Every time you enter a new relationship or get a new job. you need to upgrade your drivers. 511 of 586 . Failing to do this will put you in the very frustrating state of having a beautiful printer. And we all know how frustrating that can be. or a need for a reboot. or a camera. or camera. or other gizmo and not being able to use it. Here are 5 steps in which you can upgrade your life drivers whenever your life peripherals are changing.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It life drivers instead of just doing what you have to do. by lack of the appropriate drivers. And if in the geek’s world we know it’s always segmentation’s fault. or something like this). If not. you’ll be in a better position to do this when you’ll have to. but the lack of a proper driver for your new context could lead to a serious life crisis. You need to reassess your role in the new relation or acquire new skills for the new job. How To Upgrade Your Life Drivers If you ever had to attach a new peripheral to your computer (a printer. in this case there’s nobody else to blame for forcing a cold reset. you’ll find the next steps surprisingly familiar.

In some situations the new peripheral could be identified as: a new group of friends. Or: a new group of like-minded people for exchanging ideas. Hard to identify it in the form of a manageable device. go to the next step. Once identified. you do have a little bit more freedom to decide how 512 of 586 . 2. if you know what you are attaching to your life. this step is obvious: you’ll know when you’ll get married (or at least I hope so. Identify The Expected Result! Now. But. it’s time to decide how exactly you want it to work for you. a printer should print at a certain resolution and so on. For computers peripherals. You can have a better and more fulfilling social life in a million ways. For instance. Identify The New Peripheral! Most of the time. If you’re attaching a new job into your life. This is why is important to know very well what exactly are you looking for. But there will be times when you won’t exactly know what are the peripherals you want to manage.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It 1. you may want to enrich your social life. because they come with some specs. this is generally easier. things are a little bit fuzzier. this s a very vague definition for a peripheral. A camera should capture frames at a certain frame per second rate. as real as the inner need may be. For life peripherals. for your own good) or when you get a new job. Or: a support group for my public speaking skills.

you know the expected result. For a computer. normal language should translate as: you’re imagining your new life in that new context.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It exactly it could work. and so on. Identify The Low-level Access Routines! Now you know exactly what you’re attaching to your life. which in a non-geeky. usually this is happening only with a hardware upgrade. to be honest) and for a personal habit. You start looking around for technology and choose a programming language. Now you made your own specs. You decide what the expected result of using the new interface will be. a decent work place. But it’s also important to understand that you can also change the specs on the go. you’re attending 513 of 586 . The other part should offer you money. all you have to do is to start putting together the pieces. You make all sort of diagrams and workflows. a little bit in contrast with a computer setup. You may negotiate the number of hours you spend. The equivalent for the geeks world will be the analysis stage. 3. The same goes for a marriage (more or less. If the new job requires some training. You will start to actually create your new driver. you have enough freedom to create your life device specs on demand. It’s important to remember that on this step. the number and quality of skills involved and then make a specific request. In this stage of upgrading your life device drivers you’re creating and incorporating new skills.

and your new relationship is upgrading to a “”living together stage“ you will find it very difficult to change some of your habits. We all seem to know what we have to do to improve our lives. but it seems we have a very hard time actually doing it right. because creating new habits is usually a tedious task. Most of the life device drivers bugs are created in this stage. Maybe you have a morning routine in which you’ll have to incorporate a new person (ok. hopefully you already acquired (or upgraded) the necessary skills. This stage is. who’s going to use the bathroom first? And for how long?) or maybe you’re having a poker night with the guys every Thursday (and you’re really going to miss that. 4. You’re contemplating your next life device driver. If the new relationship requires some new adjustments (ok. believe me ). analysis-driven. like I said. if you lived alone for 20 years. all you have to do is to freeze them in new habits. Program And Implement The New Driver! This is the step where you start “writing code”. 514 of 586 . You have the main architecture of your life device driver.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It classes. rather than actionable. For instance. you’re moving together. who’s going to do the dishes?) you’ll start identifying them. This is also the most difficult to implement.

Most of the time. Not much to be done to it after you finish this testing stage. After this stage is over. upgrading to your next level of your relationship. Two years ago I decided to sell my online publishing company. 515 of 586 .Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It 5. You’re already at the new job. one of the bigger social interfaces changed dramatically: I didn’t have an online publishing company anymore. usually a month. or you’re already moving in together. But I did want to do something with my life. Hence. replace routines. In every relationship. Test And Debug! This is the stage when you’re actually using the life driver. let’s talk about a real life example. integrate new skills and create new habits. the need for a new peripheral in my life. You can make adjustments. Your marriage life drivers will be already in place. the first few months are usually shaping the next years and modifying what you’re creating now is really. If you already have a life driver. Hence. you will remain stuck with your life driver in its current state. you get a trial period at any new job. This is also the last stage in which you can modify your driver. of course. this blog. After that. This is the period in which you have to put your new life driver to test. Personal Example Now. really difficult later.

It was both really small compared with the English speaking blogosphere and not at all interested in anything more than tabloid blogs. I also had to assess my biggest liability. The fourth step took me like 2 months. I want to work anywhere between 2 and 8 hours per day and have a very flexible routine. management skills and so on. and take some steps towards drastically improving these skills. if you didn’t realize it by now: I identified exactly the new peripheral in the class of “work”. where I was obviously comfortable with the language.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It That was step number one. The second step was also pretty clear: I want this blog to become profitable in 2 years. the rest of the diagram was filled in with the necessary requirements: had a lot of business experience. of course. I just started to write and follow my 2 years long strategy. writing and reading in English. but the overall market audience was completely out of my target. I sold my company in July 2008 and started the blog in October 2008. I had to choose between the Romanian market. Fortunately. What exactly I want to do as “work”? Create a personal development blog. Not too much to be told about this stage. Oh. The third step was relatively difficult. and I also wanted to generate even a bigger revenue than in my previous business. 516 of 586 .

ro domain name to a .Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It The interesting stuff happened (and still continue to happen as we speak) in the fifth step: since October 2008. by all means. Do you think this is a sustainable approach? Do you see parts where it can be improved? Would you use such an approach to adjust to some big changes (both wanted and unwanted) in your life?. if you see a flaw in my workflow. my life blog driver suffered a few major upgrades.com domain name. Let the comments begin. feel free to suggest some. some of them were related to the time spent promoting and some of them were about simple things like changing the blog domain from a . And. ! 517 of 586 . do share your impressions. I’m pretty satisfied with this life device driver as it is. At the moment. but I’m sure there are a lot of other small features which can be added. Some of them were related to the time spent writing. Well.

viruses are one of the most fascinating and powerful living beings. viruses are a very interesting topic but today I’m not going to talk about viruses as living creatures. but this the bare truth: in terms of biological life. more precisely. humans. But if you take a closer look you’re going to discover some wonderful things about viruses. A repeated action. can’t say we have at this moment. Sometimes we win.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It How To Keep Your Mind Virus Free ! Viruses are wonderful living creatures. we. Today I’m going to talk about mind viruses. humans. seem to have a rather hard time with them. that even we. I know you wouldn’t expected this as a starting sentence. What Is A Mind Virus? The simplest way to describe a mind virus is an addiction. the ability to identify and inhabit an appropriate host or to modify some inner key characteristics in order to adapt to new conditions. Why? Because we’re on a constant battle to take over the world. or. Unfortunately. sometimes the viruses win. For instance. Yes. Not even about computer viruses. with a consistent 518 of 586 . how to keep your mind clean from them.

without easy to spot symptoms. a mind virus is able to adjust to various changes of the host. Smoking. and not the most dangerous mind virus. But how can you identify a mind virus which constantly prevents you from being happy? Or a mind virus which creates limiting beliefs about money? Or a virus which constantly makes you feel powerless and defeated? How To Identify A Mind Virus First of all. they have a very clear pathology. the first step in identifying a repetitive behavior as a mind virus would be to identify its origin. even more. or at work? Most of the time we get mind viruses from social interaction.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It harming potential. I think in technical terms this 519 of 586 . You aren’t born with them. a mind virus is something you “caught” from somebody else. smoking and over drinking are so easy to spot. Second. most of the time performed without our will. Mind viruses are learned behaviors which are selfpropagating and slowly consuming the host. But addictions are only the most visible. or fighting are good examples of a mind virus. Did we have this behavior since we were born? Or we learned it in school. The most dangerous viruses are those who are spreading without our knowledge and. So. over drinking. Viruses are spreading from host to host. I mean. You can’t miss them.

That’s equally true for mind viruses so here are some simple prevention measures which could significantly minimize the chances to be contaminated: • chose safe surroundings.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It is called polymorphism. but we’re just call it adaptability. For instance. of course. 520 of 586 . And. without knowing. a very common characteristic of a mind virus would be its ability to replicate itself. If you tried various approaches towards a specific toxic behavior. that could be a pretty good sign we’re dealing with a mind virus and not with an isolated deviation. to no success. Don’t join groups which seems “infected” or which are good mediums for mind virus spreading (groups which are indiscriminately propagate all sort of ideas. to some extent. theories or approaches. Mind Virus Prevention The easiest way to cure an illness is to prevent it. we will reinforce these beliefs constantly while talking with others : “don’t you know money is so difficult to make?”. we will help it big time. There will be a certain vibe of “I’m right and you’re wrong” every time we’ll be in that mind virus sequence. It will actually try to propagate itself onto other people around us. if our mind virus is creating limiting beliefs about money. And third. without backing them up with solid experience and/or arguments).

In terms of mind viruses. you can move on. just to get a glimpse of it and. You already feel at the physical level you’re doing something wrong. like one who will prevent you have more money by creating limiting beliefs about wealth? In this case. but what happens if we actually caught a virus? How can we tell? How do we know we have a mind virus and not something else? First of all. You take for granted anything you read.Got this For Free • • I’ll Pay What I Like For It verify your information sources are often as you can. Many mind viruses are spreading because of your ignorance or laziness. Mind Virus Diagnose Ok. But because you took the time to try it first. hear or see and the next second you realize you just caught a nasty mind virus without even knowing it. Let’s say you’re a person who never had too much money. But what happens when we’re dealing with a much subtle mind virus. try to analyze if there’s something toxic in that specific behavior. if you don’t like it. You may blame this on 521 of 586 . you should assess your life for longer periods of times. If we’re talking about simple things like addictions (smoking. experiments are like vaccines: they allow you to practice a little bit of something. drinking or over-fighting) that’s easy. do your own experiments. now you’re immune.

Try to see if there are other people having the same approach. But if you’re really analyzing what’s holding you back. maintain and get satisfaction from. Let’s say your mind virus is about relationships. Sometimes it’s easy to spot the illness in 522 of 586 . to the world financial crisis or to bad luck. acquired behavior which adjusts if you try to change and feeds itself with your own misery and sadness. but you will immediately spot the gap between their real potential as human beings and their toxic behavior. A toxic. But testing this “host” penetration will help us see if what we’re thinking it’s just a borrowed pack of nonsenses which are making our life a living hell. it’s not a virus. you will identify those people. Try to see if there are people which are treating relationships the same way you are. If there’s a mind virus involved. this is how we really are. Just look around and try to identify the same behavior in other people. and see that this lack of money somehow followed you despite the environment. world progress or good luck. Which you consider something difficult to obtain. No.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It your current environment. or an internal conviction. you’ll most likely find that at the core of this situation is a mind virus. The biggest challenge in identifying a mind virus is that we can always mistake it as a form of original thinking. Another way to diagnose a mind virus would be to test its “host” penetration.

Without it. A mind virus illness manifests itself in the form of a constant. Now. There will be some trial and error. we will find its associated activity. well. I said once you don’t have a job. not always the associated activity of a virus would be so easy to spot. because you can make money outside of a job pretty well) the virus won’t be able to manifest.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It somebody else before accepting that you’re having it too. 523 of 586 . a job! What do we have to do in order to kill this virus? Kill the job. exactly! Once you won’t have a job anymore (attention: I didn’t say: once you don’t have money. Now. we correctly diagnosed that we do have a mind virus infection. To cure the illness all we have to do is to put an end to the associated activity. we failed to prevent a contamination. the mind virus won’t get enough “food” and will eventually die. now what? We have to cure it. but most of the time we will get enough hints to look in the right direction. but if we’re really after that mind virus. the associated activity of this mind virus is… yes. Curing A Mind Virus Disease Ok. Suppose we have a mind virus which prevents us traveling because. toxic activity. and you can safely start to travel around the world. in order to travel you have to have time.

so every time we get a rebound we’re going to get rid of it easier and easier. getting it again at certain time intervals won’t be a huge surprise. As long as we’re working on it. you may want to start with this article: How To Create A Habit In 15 Days. If we know we are sensitive to a certain virus. Replacing an activity with another one is most of the time a question of habits and their management. Mind Virus Rebounds As in any other illness. there will be rebounds. The good news is that we already beat it before. as long as we’re aware. A Personal Example One of the most resilient mind viruses I had was about “not being good enough”. since we had this sensitive terrain before. it will be easier to get the same virus again. I don’t think there’s a problem with that. Every 524 of 586 . If you want to know more about how to create a habit. Everything worth having was for me something that I had to fight for. our emotional body will be weakened and. of course. Every now and then. This mind virus infection made me prove all the time that I have to deserve everything I get. We grew some sort of sensitivity over a specific virus.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It How we stop that activity is beyond the scope of the article.

Seeing them from the outside made me realize instantly that this was a mind virus: it was so easy to spot the difference between what they wanted 525 of 586 . But this pattern alone couldn’t tell me if it was a mind virus or just… well. Every time I was in need of relaxation and acceptance I was striving more. Bottom line: because I was thinking I wasn’t good enough as I was. Alas. Either by making more money than the average. I always pushed things up trying to prove myself worthy of attention. At some point. I was pushing it more. I realized there’s a pattern. there was a pattern. either by acting riskier. This is how I am. Yes. I thought this was part of my personality. I do stuff because I can and because I’m better than others. yet eager to prove themselves worthy of attention at all cost. after a few years in which I took more and more risks just to prove myself worthy of… I don’t even remember of what. Every time I was feeling insecure and alone. Diagnose:! At first. I started to look around for people exhibiting the same behavior like me. a pattern. that wasn’t true. in the same circles like me (most of them were entrepreneurs too). It wasn’t long until I find them. I started to identify the “host” penetration. People who were courageous. a bold and courageous individual. So.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It time I wanted to express my individuality I had to prove something to somebody.

I realized I am good enough just the way I am. Rebounds! Every now and then this mind virus rebounds. things started to improve. ! 526 of 586 . But I’m working on it. Right now. I realized I survived without pushing it and taking risks in exchange of attention. the rebounds are taking a different form: if I’m not able to finish some tasks. Cure! Once I realized my company (and my whole approach as an entrepreneur) was the result of some mind virus. I realized I can be a decent person without proving my worth every day. So. I didn’t need any title (entrepreneur. business man. making me push things just to prove myself worthy of attention. I was ok the way I was. I decided to sell the company I created.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It (acceptance and validation) and what they did (taking more risks). after 10 years of managing it. I feel sad. It’s less than 2 years since I finished my role as an entrepreneur and I suspect there are still some uncut strings attaching me from the past. I just decided to let go. In a few months after I sold the company. etc) to make me feel better.

Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It Lessons From My Daughter ! Each year. and I did it since her first birthday. each and every year. with the first one written almost 4 years ago. on my daughter’s birthday I try to find at least 7 things I learned from her in the last 365 days. The time difference between these articles is obviously one year. Never had any difficulty with that.
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while playing and preparing meals and feeding her. well. 2. no matter how many obstacles in the way. how many interdictions from the parents. and if you are reasonably loudly letting the world knowing about that. there are literally a gazillion ways to get up again. These days I was in the fortunate position of spending more time with her. 3. if you truly and honestly want that thing. then.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It 7 Things I Learned From My One Year Old Girl ! As some of you may recall. And. or going to sleep) well. So here is a small list: 1. Once you’re down. there’s nobody in the world who can force you into it. eventually you’ll get it… 528 of 586 . it just hit me: I have learned a tremendous amount of stuff from her. during this last year. It only takes just a few new moves to be learned. or a better and innovative usage of the environment… If you don’t want to do a thing (like eating your vegetables. I have a one year old girl. You only do what you really want… If you do want something badly. for instance.

but you can do even better without them… You cannot have enough hugs in your life. 7. Many times. for adult people. toys are translated by: you cannot have enough plasma tv. don’t miss it… Talk is not really necessary. if a hug opportunity is coming. in the end. Sooner or later they will get to know you and you’ll communicate without words. shiny laptops or expensive cars. a plastic puppet. nothing compares with a walk in the afternoon. Most of the time. doing it over and over again will not make you bored. ! I’ll Pay What I Like For It You do not depend on toys. 6. You can have a decent level of communication only by being yourself. with the same level of joy like the first time.Got this For Free 4. If you really like something. 5. or with your mom’s bracelet hundreds of times. words are just staying in your way. But. Regardless of the nature of the hugged object: being it a teddy bear. As long as you really enjoy it… 529 of 586 . trying to put you to sleep… At any time in your life. Toys are nice. You can play with your daddy’s watch. or just your exhausted parents.

You know. It’s like a little concession she’s making to us. and her uninterrupted flow of actions. It’s something that we invented in order to escape happiness. and it’s time for me to share what are the other 7 things I learned this year. we think that we’re here to help them learn something. There is no such thing as tiredness Every time she is going to bed is because she wants it. Tiredness is a state of mind. not because she’s tired. I just want to reconnect to those sources sometimes… No hard feelings She’s never having any regrets at all. I start to believe that regrets are the invention of the grown up people. the parents. The gap between her sadness and happiness moments is zero.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It 7 Things I Learned From My 2 Year Old Girl Every year I learn something from my daughter. but most of the time is the other way around. The way she is connected with other sources of energy. Last year I learned my first 7 things form her. are just so incredible. when she sees that we barely can keep our eyes opened. She’s moving 530 of 586 .

It should always be like this: to play for work and work with a playful mindset. Whenever I manage to do this I’m experiencing an incredible state of joy and happiness… The world is what you say it is She doesn’t speak yet in a very understandable way but we managed to learn all her vocabulary and we know that this word means that. I feel blessed. therefore I exist She started to identify obstacles and potential dangers and she is starting to cautiously prevent 531 of 586 . and mix my work and pleasure. and that word means that. It’s funny how you can create your own vocabulary and describe reality in a very personal way. I care for others. whenever I can do this myself.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It through her emotions with zero efforts and zero regrets. She’s doing everything with the same intensity and with the same joy. Again. You can really make your own world. It’s even funnier when other people are starting to understand you and share your own reality. if you want it… The work is my playground She does things very seriously by playing and she plays very seriously by doing things. and doesn’t make any difference between work and play.

you can change everything or everyone – including yourself – if you really want… 532 of 586 . It’s about the fact that most of the people can (and most of the time want) to be manipulated (please read “influenced” here). nor the concept itself. the channel is giving also love and compassion… Don’t hate. If she likes them. regardless of what they are doing. she’s playing with them. but it’s not about that. We’re doing our best not to fall for these phases. It’s like she’s starting to give back what we are saying to her in a mirror. She doesn’t know the word “revenge”. she’s just ignoring him. and that’s one of the most important things she taught me. If not. and even if she’s forced to share the same space with an aggressive kid. One day she told me out of the blue in the car. while I was driving: “Pay attention!”. she’s simply ignoring them. So much to learn from this… Everyone can (and sometimes wants) to be manipulated The moment she learned to consciously cry. It’s like the other guy doesn’t exists in the same space. And is not only about obstacles and dangers. Don’t think everything or everyone is set in stone. like a channel that is starting to flow back to us.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It us. she learned how to manipulate us. ignore I’m amazed about the way she’s treating other kids.

Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It ! 533 of 586 .

Do things on your own During the last year she had an irrepressible need of doing things on her own. my any other source of information . She wants to be there 534 of 586 . I find myself learning more from her than from my books. my personal development workshops. I learned that “The world is what you say it is” which.” which. I am just happy to be around her and she is making me so happy just by being around. She is the most precious gift life gave me so far. When she was one. everything changed. along with other 6 things made from my first round of 7 things I learned from my one year girl. Each year. This is what I learned from my 3 year old daughter last year: 1. When she was two. I learned that “Once you’re down. there are literally a gazillion ways to get up again. along with other 6 things made from my second round of 7 things I learned from my two year old girl. Since she came into our lives.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It 7 Things I Learned From My 3 Year Old Girl ! Today is Bianca’s 3rd anniversary.

they’re laughing together. And she wants to do everything I do. like she knows the guy from the day she was born. Life is better when is experienced first hand. With her English kindergarten friends – although she’s not speaking yet very good English – she’s playing like nothing is wrong. it’s not a function of the person you love. 3. is having a special relationship with her. Making friends is the easiest thing in the world I’m amazed by her capacity to relate with unknown persons. every waiter is trying to talk with her and she is so responsive. When we eat out. 2. With her grand parents. she’s inventing on the spot some new moves or activities. She doesn’t reject anybody. Love is the same and is coming from the inside. when I write. when I plant trees in the garden. when I check my emails on my iPhone. she is trying to play games or to help me with harder tasks. Love is the same. They’re playing together. Maybe some of her experiences are difficult and she’s having a hard time trying to do complicated stuff but she’s enjoying every second of it.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It when I assemble furniture. on her own. they’re watching cartoons together. when I cook. unless the person is 535 of 586 . my beloved wife Diana. when I clean the house. regardless of the loved persons Her mom. With me.

No need to exchange cards. 5. Even when she is not sharing things with us or when she’s not 536 of 586 . There’s no need to fake sadness or joy. she’s so authentic about her pretending. even when she’s trying to pretend she’s upset. When she’s joyful. I don’t think I ever saw her faking something. she started going to the kindergarten. Bianca is making friends like this is the easiest thing in the world. she’s really joyful. When she’s upset. she really wants something. Don’t fake it When she wants something. If she doesn’t get it. they’re just interacting naturally with everybody around. Learning is better Last year she had an uninterrupted flow of lessons: she started to talk. phone numbers or to ask for a favor. things are so much better when you give yourself permission to be authentic. She’s embracing totally every new experience and she is silently learning. And I learned from her that this is the easiest thing in the world. she cries. And she doesn’t fake it either. And you know what: she doesn’t fake it. she’s really upset. When she is happy she can laugh for  half an hour continuously. 4. Instantly and with big tears. she started to be more and more autonomous. Kids don’t have social constraints when it comes to relationships.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It really annoying and/or boring.

she’s watching and she’s integrating every experience into her life. At some moment we’re just amazed by an unexpected phrase she said. But despite the fact she knows the movies by heart (and she can even sing some small passages from Mamma Mia) she constantly ask as to play the same movie again and again. 6. in every physical state. Endless playing I am amazed about her capacity to play. Always like the first time Last year she started to look at short cartoon movies. The joy she’s expressing each time is fantastic. she plays when she’s happy. when she’s with us.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It learning directly from us we know that she’s listening. with her astounding learning capacity. Learning is better. And I love to look at the world through her eyes. she plays everywhere. In fact. a place created and maintained for our infinite appetite to play. In every place. 7. when she’s alone. she started to learn almost all Disney movies we have. If I would look through her eyes I’m sure I would see the world as a huge playground. She plays when she’s tired. or with a certain sequence of activities she performs on her own. without any help from us. she plays when she’s outside the house. in every situation. It seems like each time she looks at a movie is like the first 537 of 586 .

And.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It time. ! 538 of 586 . And I learned how to do the same: I can look at the same thing a thousand time and still find something new in it. she is. I just can’t wait to see what I will learn this year. in fact.

But our expectations are so narrow and low that we forget that and treat people like assets. All my love is with her and it will always be. sometimes it’s just a person walking by who instantly receive a “Hi. at least for me. Such a waste of time! 2. Show Off Your Personality Every time we go out she surprises us by starting conversations out of the blue with people around. I’ll post the 7 lessons I learned from her in the last year. Following a tradition started 4 years ago. 1. Or like enemies. Every time we’re in a public place she is relaxed and treats people like they are her own pairs. on her first anniversary. Sometimes it’s the waiter who gets the first line. If You Don’t Get It For The First Time. I’m Bianca” greeting. And I admit that’s such a great lesson. Keep Trying 539 of 586 . People are our own pairs.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It 7 Things I Learned From My 4 Year Old Girl ! Today is Bianca’s 4th birthday.

And keeps trying. If there’s one word which dramatically changed its meaning since we have Bianca in our lives. Watch Until You Learn I noticed that she wants to watch the same movie again and again. that word would be “persistence”. 3. But I was amazed by how fast she was able to 540 of 586 . things have changed dramatically for us. And I was right to do so. She never stops. sometimes it’s something to eat and most of the time it’s just our presence and time. Sometimes I wish I have the same focus power. for the sake of diversity. we can’t deliver. At first. 4. She watches movies until she learns them by heart. you already know that at some point I had to give in. Habits Are The Easiest Thing With socializing at the kindergarten came also the effort of waking up early in the morning each day. never loses focus. I think she learned tremendously just by watching around. But if. just to be able to immerse myself in whatever thing I’m doing. never get bored. And keeps trying again. But if you’ve read number 2 above.  she keeps trying. She’s asking things for herself and she does that with persistence. And for her.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It Since she started to talk and to express her needs. for whatever reason. I didn’t agree. Sometimes it’s a toy. the same way she’s doing it. fully focused.

Stay With The Problem Until You Find The Solution Last year. Don’t Fake It Every once in a while she tries to fake it until she gets it. she started kindergarten at an English school (she is born Romanian and still live in Romania). I’m thinking how easy it is for a child to ignite one. or something like this. Well. her half-year reports from the teacher surprised both of us in term of progress and evolution. she’s using it on autopilot. bigger space. She had a short experience before at another English kindergarten but not at such a higher level: more kids. She started to wake up at 6:30 AM and to go to bed at 7:30 PM in about a week. She had a slow start. extremely diverse schedule. of course. That’s one of the biggest lessons I learned from her: stay there and do you job. just to check in. Every now and then she still tries though.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It adapt to the new schedule. 5. Every time I want to start a new habit. we seem to lose that flexibility over the years. Somehow. I 541 of 586 . she doesn’t get it. but now she’s really ok. A huge role in this habit creation played Diana. She fakes crying for a toy. In fact. who actually shaped this habit for her. but once she learned it. 6. Seeing her everyday didn’t help us to understand how much she grew up.

During last year I rediscovered the value of laughing as a normal reaction to stuff. Every time Bianca is authentic she gets everything she asks for. at this age) closes his gates and nothing gets out anymore. Many so called Law Of Attraction gurus are giving this advice: pretend like you’re already rich. Grown ups are taking things way too seriously. You Cannot Have Enough Laughter In Your Life Every situation can be – and most of the time is – a reason for laughing. the Universe (meaning us. if you choose to. we laugh at each other.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It suppose. Well. And the saddest part is that not all of them have a kid around to show them how stupid is to worry. That you can laugh at. We laugh at the weather. I don’t think I laughed so much in my entire life. or to take things for much more than they really are: just things. Faking until you get it it’s a stupid thing. 7. it’s big difference between “pretend” and “act”. ! 542 of 586 . we laugh at dogs and cats. we laugh at chairs or at tables. The moment she starts to fake it.

in order for one. As always. Every time I had one of those glitches. The only thing I can do is to manage them. here they are. two. In a “childish” and selfless way. I can’t control those glitches (being only one part of the discussion). But at some point I realized something absolutely incredible: Bianca was actually helping me around. I don’t think it was a conscious plan. she was doing her best to smooth things out. each year I write a post about what I learned from her during the last year. But for Bianca there were a few difficult situations. Although I do my best to keep a normal communication flow with her mother. of course. If you want to read the previous posts. three and four year anniversaries. I think she is just learning how to handle both me and her mother in this new context. 1. And she’s doing this 543 of 586 . For me it was an incredibly relieving and lightening event and I’m increasingly happy with this new context of my life.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It 7 Things I Learned From My 5 Year Old Girl ! A few weeks ago it was Bianca’s 5th birthday. glitches are occurring every now and then. Diplomacy Is Easy Last year Bianca’s mother and I parted ways. Again.

She expressed what she had to express (and I never try to refrain her from doing that) and then she returns to her natural state. 3. Don’t guess. Of course. For instance. Don’t imagine. she is sad. But after she finished with this separation sadness. just go around and ask. Chances are that your questions will be answered sooner than you think. And I’m still learning this. as for anybody else. I literally learned from her when and how to talk and when and why to shut up in a variety of situations. but that only made me realize how powerful this option is. not that she is not asking at all. Being Happy Doesn’t Need A Reason Bianca is happy about everything. 2. as usual. every time we split after the time we spend together. the weirdest questions you can imagine.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It with a fantastic sense of diplomacy. I had to answer. When you don’t know something. or what you think is wrong. But that only means she is picking the right time to ask his gazillion questions she had to ask. Which is being happy just about everything. Ask Around Last year was the year of “why?” questions. Say out loud what you don’t know or what you don’t understand. If You Don’t Know. Too 544 of 586 . she’s happy again. there are contexts which are not pleasant for her. I already told you that she is a diplomate.

Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It often we forget that. we just have to find it and let it manifest. or anger or frustration long after the cause of whatever bad feelings we had disappeared. Thirst For Learning 545 of 586 . Too often we prefer to cling on our own sadness. But then I realize we all have these powers. And we forget that we don’t need reasons for being happy. After I identified this ability in Bianca I soon realized that I had this too. She moved away from her house. 4. But she coped with this incredibly well. I hardly remember how I lived just a few months ago. Happiness is an unreasonable state of our being. And so the processes of reverting back to parts of my old life I lost in the last 5 years or reinventing parts of my new life started to unfold much faster than before. she changed school and she had to cope with a lot of new persons from her mother new or old circle of friends. we all have this incredible ability to adjust and adapt. Adaptation Is Evolution In the separation process Bianca had to deal with a lot of changes. Sometimes I think she has some magic powers that she summons every time she needs to overcome something in front of her. And when I do. 5. And in this process we create tons and tons of reasons for hating our life. It’s also the fundamental state of our being. I hardly recognize the reasons for living the way I used to.

the norm is stating that you should instantly reply with a “hello” too. We think we know everything. And she’s doing it like all the time. When somebody is saying “hello” to you. She is learning every single second and her curiosity never stops. We give in to social games and we move forward based on dry convention and not on our own feelings about the other person. The first few seconds are for testing. She tells stories about her friends at school. Test Newcomers Bianca is never engaging into direct interactions. Somehow. Well. This initial period of testing is so important for any new encounter we have. And I’m so happy that she doesn’t. This isn’t like she has some time for doing her homework and then going back to “play”. this is against social norms.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It During last year she started to learn how to write and read. She learns lyrics from radio tunes. Bianca doesn’t really give a damn about this norm. We weakened our curiosity muscle and let boredom conquer everything we have inside. Every single second she learns. she finds a way to enjoy and mentally devour every single piece of new information that enters her horizon. we lost this. Yes. She only engages in new interactions (if she engages at all) after at least 20-30 seconds of attentive research. 6. Sometimes I think my life would have been 546 of 586 . She plays small dialogues. And whenever I’m with her I refill my curiosity too. As adults.

7. She really wants to win. I start to incorporate this desire to win too. But boy. we started to play games together more and more. Yes. well. that victory feels so good. just as Bianca does. isn’t it? ! 547 of 586 . As I am more of a “just playing the game is good enough” type of guy. The Will To Win Lately. Every time after I finish a game in which she won. but winning every once in a while. the journey is the destination. being in the game is what counts.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It completely different if only I would take the time to test all the newcomers in my life. little by little. And Bianca really a has a lot of this. Yes. I carefully study her joy. And. that’s something that pushes us forward. her attitude is a very good reminder to pursue the winning game. focusing on the victory.

Introducing life lessons from cartoons. science-fiction block busters or psychological dramas. Somehow.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It Movies And Fun ! Sometimes I watch movies.
 548 of 586 . I created the habit to look for some parallel meaning in some of those movies.

my 3 year old daughter and she is the one responsible for making me watch it for so many times even when I’m not quite in the mood. Personal development is not always a serious. It really can be a joyful and enjoyable adventure.Personal Development With Dumbo ! I haven’t yet met a single person who doesn’t love the Dumbo cartoon. If you smiled while reading this. the tiny little elephant with huge ears can help you discover your greatest power. The Dumbo Story 549 of 586 .Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It How To Make An Elephant Fly . I usually don’t do it. but somehow I find myself liking it every time I watch it. it’s ok. I guess I saw it at least 50 times in the last 3 months. it means we’re actually getting there. rigid and rigorous process. if doing something is not at least a little bit of fun. In fact. In today’s post I’ll share my discoveries about how Dumbo. I confess I didn’t know that cartoon until I bought it for Bianca. improve your self-respect and become the person of your dreams.

and from that moment Dumbo is all alone. parental attempt to protect its child. in a very normal. In a matter of days it become the number one subject of the gossip in the circus. After drinking they’re having a famous “pink elephants” moment in which they’re seeing fabulous creatures dancing and blending in each other (they’re drunk. really really huge ears. Once they’re back from Dumbo’s mother. they’re drinking some water from a bucket in which a wine bottle has been forgotten by some circus clowns. The circus manager put her to isolation. the kids who were attending the show become so violent in teasing Dumbo that its mother. The little mouse talk with Dumbo trying to cheer it up and even take it to see its mother in the isolation wagon. From this moment. of course) and after this fantastic show they wake up in a…. except for one fact: Dumbo has huge ears. One day. The little elephant is forced to play in a dangerous circus act in which it has to jump in a bucket filled with water from a house on fire.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It Dumbo is a little and cute elephant born in a circus somewhere in Southern Florida. tree. It’s in every aspect identical with all other elephants in the world. 550 of 586 . So big that it soon begin to be mocked around by kids who constantly tease the little cub. One night after this show. And I mean. a little mouse came to Dumbo’s place and they become friends. Dumbo’s life is going to change. start hitting them.

the birds decide to help Dumbo learning to fly. the “socially finished” elephant. stop the falling and start to fly in the circus. That’s a nice and happy ending story. Dumbo returns to the circus and it’s assigned the same show in which it has to jump from a tall building. They’re both in the air. This time. getting even on those men who were mocking at it. The birds are laughing and mocking them even more. But suddenly. falling down faster. But the little mouse. is realizing that they couldn’t possibly got to that tree other than… flying. The cartoon ends with Dumbo flying above its own personal train in which of course it has its other and all its new friends. Dumbo realizes that its power doesn’t lie in the feather but in itself. By using “psychology” and a feather stuck in Dumbo’s nose. Dumbo’s only friend. the mouse is getting ready to show the new flying talent of its friend. But what’s even nicer it’s what Dumbo can show us from a personal development perspective. but after a touching speech in which the mouse is brilliantly protecting his friend. they lose the magic feather that made Dumbo believe it can fly. they succeed. The rest is history: after its new talent is under control. but somehow.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It The birds in the tree are mocking them too and they have to leave. Dumbo is actually flying. 551 of 586 .

If Dumbo was trying to cut its ears to the normal size its life would have been dull and insignificant. Your biggest difference can become your biggest asset. Until that specific moment. but only when it realized it can fly using them. The tiny little mouse was its friend. But keeping its own specific gifts made it become a miracle. Nobody can be you. Don’t hunt for things that makes you identical with other people. But that’s the only way you can contribute: by what’s unique in you. different means you’re unique. assess what’s unique and different in you. it always tried to bring Dumbo at 552 of 586 . making it unhappy and frustrated because it was different. Maybe you’re not a fantastic beauty by all standards. In fact. But different is good.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It Your Biggest Flaw Can Become Your Bigger Asset Dumbo’s huge ears made him a fantastic elephant. Never tried to convince Dumbo it could be better without those years. It might be frustrating in the beginning because you can be rejected. but you’re unique and precious. And it was a very honest and carrying one. Real Friends Take You For What You Are The tiny little mouse was the change agent for Dumbo. those ears were only dragging it down.

in a tree. your friends will never try to change you. A transformative experience is most of the time a difficult one. And it learns to fly. Transformative Experiences Are Always Difficult Dumbo is starting to fly after its “pink elephants” episode. It’s the one which help the elephant to fly. but hey. your real friends will always take you from what you are. An elephant in a tree. or a manager who will try to rip you off by telling how “brilliant” you are every 5 minutes? Friends are honest. Your friends are not your competition. you would prefer a manager who taught you to fly before. The tiny little mouse is the actual progress maker. If Dumbo wouldn’t followed the “pink elephants” in the sky it would never discovered it can fly. it has to adapt.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It peace with itself. it is the one which push Dumbo to go over the limits. It’s easy to forget that and chose your friends like you chose your clothes: by their fashionability. Friends are supportive no matter what. Its life would have been so 553 of 586 . Don’t push those guys away from your life. It become unconscious and wake up in an uncomfortable environment. It become its manager in the end. imagine that! It has to really deal with its new environment.

Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It quiet and humble without this episode. We all have our own “magic feather” which puts us in the position to overcome difficulties. Saying to yourself each and every day that you’re a better person will eventually make you a better person. I really don’t wanna say that you have to get drunk in order to trigger a transformative experience and I’m sure you already know that. for example. without a magic 554 of 586 . But that’s only a feather. Extremely difficult. the little magic feather that made it think it’s a bird disappear. Dumbo chose to trust itself and start flying on its own. What I’m telling is that getting out of your comfort zone is always rewarding. It has only 2 choices: to trust the feather and fall down. but always rewarding. Dumbo find itself in air. We all have scaffolds which help us achieve some difficult goals. You have to learn how to be a better person by yourself. But it followed the “pink elephants” and woke up in a tree. without a magic feather. So. because it lost it. or to trust itself and fly. when it wants to showcase its talent. falling down. Trusting the feather was not an option anymore. Trust Yourself Not The Magic Feather After Dumbo came back to the circus. Our magic feather might be our daily motivational mantras.

! 555 of 586 . falling down and with your mantras forgotten. you’ll be in air. At that moment you’ll only have yourself.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It feather. At one moment. You’ll fly. Trust in you.

Life is also made of fun. if you want to. to develop self-discipline and to embark on 30 days challenges. you got it right. fasten your seatbelt because we’re going to learn 7 personal development lessons from the master of all masters: Kung Fu Panda: 1. but I will remember him for as long as I live as Kung Fu Panda).Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It 7 Personal Development Lessons – Kung Fu Panda Style ! Personal development can be really fun. to borrow the words of a very close friend of mine: we can never have too much awesomeness in our lives. this friend is no other than Kung Fu Panda (I know his name is in fact Po. grave and solemn. So. You’ll Eventually Get It 556 of 586 . it’s ok to write ambitious goals. I mean. Being better doesn’t have to be all serious. If You Can Dream About It. Ladies and gents. Yes. relaxation and leisure. But all this can become really boring at some point. why don’t we try to mix some personal development with a little bit of cheerfulness? Or.

The shady world is breaking into a million pieces. but he also saves his village from Tai Lung. The rest of the story is in fact his journey towards fulfilling this great dream. bring it on! Name your biggest dream! Don’t be shy. Not only he become a perfect warrior. you can never have a dream too big.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It The lesson: no matter how unreal. A lot of stuff happens between the dream and its fulfillment. if you really trust them they’ll become reality at some point. How many times you had the courage to dream something really big? A house in Toscana. the darkest of the darkest kungu-fu warriors of all times. maybe? An apartment in the middle of New York? Cruising the world with your own yacht?  Dating the most beautiful woman in the world? Come on. Alas. that’s true. and no worthy opponent. Dreams do come true. saving the world from villains with outstanding kung-fu skills. The plot: The very beginning of the movie pictures a mighty hero. And yet. he fulfills it with magnificence. huge or totally out of this Universe your dreams are. Just look at that Panda and how his dream is totally out of sync with his current reality. The point is that your reality will 557 of 586 . the morning reveals that the mighty hero  is just a huge Panda bear dreaming to become a Kung-Fu master. under his skillful and magical hits. but that’s not the point here. by the end of the story. There is no match for his art.

You can’t become somebody else because you’re… you. Of course. That’s ok as long as you stop at the inspiration and motivation level. Once he’s accepted under the training of Shi-Fu. on the contrary. Somebody you look up to and thrive to become like him/her. Going over this will be against the normal rules of evolution. their real purpose is to set us up for something bigger than we think and deliver. and he’s allowed to practice with them. Somebody who is inspiring and motivating. 558 of 586 . 2. The plot: Kung-Fu Panda is a big admirer of the Furious Five. Imitating somebody else to the bones will never make you better. a role model should disappear. After that. But as time flies and Kung Fu Panda learn to look into his own soul and accept his own greatness. all he wants is to be accepted in their circle. he totally overcome all his former heroes. So you’d better dream something amazing. I’m sure you have a role model. will weaken your strength and ruin your authenticity.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It always match your dreams. a pack of legendary warriors. the only thing he receive is rejection: they are way above him. Role Models Are Just Milestones The lesson: role models are just milestones in our lives.

Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It A role model is just a catalyst. And. the training of KungFu Panda leads nowhere. you will be amazed by how much you can do. a situation in which all you do is try to fit in the shoes of your guru. Once you discover your own inner power. is in fact our bigger asset. Po is totally dumb and clumsy. nothing more. he usually fill himself with dumplings just to alleviate the pain) everything changes. As sad as it may feel. not being able to perform not even the simplest exercise. By using a mental connection 559 of 586 . One of the biggest. 3. Your Biggest Fault Can Be Your Biggest Asset The lesson: we’re too often trapped into “the proper way of doing things” forgetting that our uniqueness is the most precious gift we’re carrying. most of all. But when master Shi-Fu discovers that Po is highly motivated by food (whenever he feels down. personal development roadblock is the “role model fixation”. to master Shi-Fu and Furious Five’s exasperation. at some point you’ll have to “kill” this image of success in order to make room for your own. What we think it’s our biggest liability. The plot: despite the fact that he’s supposed to become the Dragon Warrior. you’ll be amazed by how small your ex-model will look from your new position. yet subtlest.

Facing them upward and accepting as part of your core being will eventually convert them to assets. the negative character with super kung-fu knowledge and mastery.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It between food and exercises. all we do is to adjust and adapt. Sometimes Things Just Go Wrong The lesson: accept it and deal with it. 4. bulimic panda before he realized his true greatness. his life changes for good. defeated or just unfit. In fact. We can’t control anything. Whenever you feel down. that’s all. but the reward will be unmeasurable. Although Po was emotionally blocked by his looks (an obese bear obsessed with food) the moment he realizes that this liability is in fact the thing that motivates him the most. Life is not always fair. life is never fair. And for the best. It takes a lot of power and maybe some painful confrontation to get to accept them. escapes the 560 of 586 . Each and every one of your liabilities are in fact disguised opportunities. Po is finally becoming a martial art master What’s your biggest fear? What’s the thing that you want to avoid the most? What are you terrified by? Whatever this is. The plot: Tai Lung. remember that the Dragon Warrior was just an obese. there lies the key to your transformation. we just happen to have the same opinion every now and then.

  Have Hope. our Panda. was to stop Tai Lung when he become the Dragon Warrior. the gates. we forget that and expect things to “go right”. Sometimes. Living a life of total security is a paradox.Despite the guardians. You’ll Eventually Get In The lesson: even if you’re in the worst possible circumstances. we can’t avoid them. Which. 561 of 586 . The real point is not to avoid them but to manage them. he really manages to get out and to start pursuing his revenge. but not without some very upsetting ups and downs. something unexpected may happen. the role of Po. The mere act of being born is a very dangerous one: separating two living creatures and pushing the youngest into a hostile environment is a highly traumatic event. We’re living in a highly unpredictable environment.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It high security prison using only a small feather. filled with unexpected challenges and sudden turnarounds. life only needs a small feather to turn the whole universe against us. 5. Not only because we have limited control. in fact. Especially downs. We’re not living in a fairy tale. against all odds. the chains. eventually. but because it’s in our nature to be exposed to challenges and pressure in order to grow an evolve. Apparently. And yet. Just because every now and then things are going right. happens. we can’t expect this to happen on a regular basis. Because.

But you never know what the next second will bring into your life. The circumstances can change in a second. Embrace possibilities. even if your current environment won’t give you much. The Magic Power Lies Within 562 of 586 . Whenever you think you hit the bottom. Until some unexpected coincidence actually make him fly over the walls and fall from the sky just in the middle of his future destiny. Provided you don’t quit.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It which will literally make you jump over the obstacles. The plot: the show of the Furious Five. Our Kung Fu Panda had a little bit of trouble getting in. From a personal development perspective the lesson can be read as: be prepared. it can always turn the other way around in one second. Summon the potential of the next second. is held on a very high mountain. This lesson is a mirror of the last one: life can go unexpectedly well the same way it can go unexpectedly wrong. 6. He got there the last one and despite his desperate efforts. Now. in which master Oogway (the turtle) wants to select the Dragon Warrior. No matter how difficult life seems now. something incredible may happe and you’re suddenly projected right in the middle of your dream life. of course. Just be prepared for something magic to happen. he just couldn’t get in.

Too often we give our power away to circumstances: we imagine that we will be more powerful if we would have access to some external tools. The plot: all Kung-Fu fighters. And it always was. not outside. Tai Lung included. we ignore the only real source of power: ourselves. the Dragon Scroll is empty.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It The lesson: your power is in yourself. the Scroll it’s not empty. Everything you need to know and have is already inside you. At the same time. he realize. We think we could solve all our problems with some magic touch or a lucky strike. magic gizmos or other people. We think we’d be happier with more money. not in outside circumstances. You 563 of 586 . You are the master of your own circumstances. Po finds it but. surprise. Kung Fu Panda learns from his father that the secret of his famous family soup was… nothing. All the power lies within. which will allegedly give infinite power to its owner. In the end. In fact. Because all the real power is within you. The Magic Scroll is empty. are searching for some powerful Dragon Scroll. it’s a mirror of yourself. And. The pursuit of the perfect tool for drastically improve your lfie will always end with the same result: at the end of the race. there’s only you. there’s nothing in it. Don’t you ever give your power away to circumstances like luck. while waiting for these external circumstances to manifest.

really. Isn’t this awesome? ! 564 of 586 . 7. That’s just a fact The plot: In Kung Fu Panda’s dream. and you”ll manifest. You Can’t Have Enough Awesomeness The lesson: there isn’t any. And you know what? What he dreamed about was right: you can’t really have enough awesomeness in your life. there is this line which already became folklore: “You can’t have enough awesomeness”. If Kung Fu Panda did it.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It don’t really need something to prove your power. Dream your biggest dream and have faith it will come true. you’ll do it too. All you need is to trust that you have power.

That one was pretty hot when I saw it. after I saw it. shaking my head in an uncontrollable enthusiastic crisis. I don’t even remember in what context I first heard about it. On the contrary. (There is one exception though: Kung-Fu Panda. and that seed grew into an uncontrollable desire to go see the movie… An inception to make me see Inception… 565 of 586 . I don’t rush to the movie theater at the first trailer. I saw Titanic 3 years after it was launched. you got the idea. Matrix.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It 5 Things Inception Taught Me About SelfImprovement (And No. Somebody came into my dream. really wanted to see it. I just know I did and from that moment I really. I still took the redpill). I was seriously taken by surprise by my own drive to go to see Inception.) Anyway. Even Fight Club came to my DVD collection pretty late. I really don’t know why I felt this urge. 2 years after (please forgive me for that. Well. planted a seed. knowing that. Now. I suspect that this movie was in fact launched a few years ago. I’m Not Dreaming) ! I’m not a movie hyper.

An artifact which behaves in a certain way. following my uncontrollable passion for self-improvement. fact is I really liked Inception. and it can only be witnessed by its owner. the marketing campaigns will start in our dreams first. Not the reality checking process in itself. Now. I mean. but. voila. in a few years from now. he knows he’s out of the dream. here comes gravity. But the mere fact of choosing that reality hook. one very important weapon is the “totem”. Not only I liked it. Although I wouldn’t be surprised if.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It I’m joking. Reality Is When You Say It Is In the dream snatchers arsenal. That made me think. these things are just my own interpretation of the events. As always. It’s your own proof that you’re not dreaming anymore. you’re in reality. Anyway. which is pretty straightforward: you do something expecting a certain result and if it checks. 1. Cobb’s totem is a spinning top. of course. you could be in a dream too when you pick that totem. it cannot be infected with other people (or projections) presence. Every time he spins that top and the top behaves as expected. suffice to say that I liked it. If we’re talking only about the artistic impression. let’s see what can we learn from it too. and may not be taken as a review of the movie. I also isolated 5 things the movie taught me. It’s your connection to reality and as such. It will 566 of 586 . Back to reality.

Every time it will check. Whenever you’re immersing yourself in something you really enjoy. You’re making the rules. 567 of 586 . You anchor yourself in a certain time space continuum. it will actually make that character older. The moment you agree that a spinning top should go round and round until it stops. And that’s because YOU made that decision. time is behaving differently. And a dream within a dream within a dream could make you spend there dozens of years. it will of course enforce a reality. you have the power to make them disappear. If there are parts in your life which aren’t in sync with what you want. instead of breaking up into pieces. It will have real effects.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It still obey the rules of that specific dream-based reality. but that reality could be in fact. like a dream you love dreaming. you sign a contract with that kind of reality. for instance. Time in a dream will flow slower than in reality. Reality is when you say it is. Time in a dream within a dream will be an order of magnitude slower. That point will become the gravitational center of your entire world. that time would not be subjective. And for the dream character. just a dream. 2. Time Is Irrelevant For a dream snatcher. Spin your top and see if it checks. Your world is built by you.

plant a seed into your mind while you’re dreaming.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It time will expand. sequential perception. time will disappear. And a second can last a lifetime. Time will manifests itself in bursts. I’ve been doing this for 5 hours? This couldn’t be!”… You will be in fact out of time in our normal. the less time we’re “consuming”. In other people’s realities you may be there for an hour. Because when we really like something. But the deeper you immerse in life this perception of times weakens. Passionately living makes you immortal. days. a dream snatcher could sneak in. and that seed could expand into an idea. somehow. time seems to be our measurement unit for things we don’t enjoy. 3. Even more. in the sense that time will become irrelevant. Our perception is that it is slow down. time will actually seem to stop. You Live In A Web Of Relationships Allegedly. and a new one. That idea will feel like it’s emerging from 568 of 586 . build empires and reboot the world. A day can last a week. every time we’re doing something we really enjoy. god. We’re used to think that time “flows” in sequences of seconds. The more we love doing something. quantum based will take place. weeks. hours. An hour can last a month. Passion is the time killer. but within your passionate dream. I’m sure you know the feeling: “oh my. you will be there forever.  In a way. An idea that could change lives.

You can influence other people and other people can influence you. Every seed you plant into your brain can become reality. like we think we are. Every information you access is in fact a seed that could become an idea. 4. We’re not alone. We’re in a continuous interaction. You will treat it like it was your idea. Those persons are not 569 of 586 . a dream snatcher could manipulate your consciousness through your dreams. This has an incredibly impact on your life. And this interaction can lead to incredibly huge transformations. All you have to do is to believe in it. like it was yours. In a way. Or at least I hope you will. regardless of who let that seed there. We’re part of something way bigger than ourselves.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It your own consciousness. Every contact you made has the power to influence your dream. The smallest piece of information. that you know that every interaction has the possibility to change your life. you will notice a lot of persons there. What We See Is What We Project If you enter somebody else’s dream. I may have planted a seed into your mind right this second. you will be much more careful. Pick your peers wisely. could change your life. We’re not individual entities. We’re interlinked in a web of relationships. like this blog post. Now.

they will both see different things. dealt with. What we usually call reality is made almost entirely by our own projections. they are merely projections of that person subconscious. To an extent. ambitions or repressed feelings. Everything which is not processed. but to understand that what we see is what we are unconsciously projecting. frustrations. 570 of 586 . those stubs will interfere with your conscious reality. that flower could take the shape of a long time repressed frustration while the other one could see there just a flower. And the ugliest part is those shapes can have a life of their own. acknowledged. that would make sense: you will deal with those situations later. Other people may not even see what we’re seeing. Those projections. They will mix in.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It individuals. will stay in your subconscious mind until you will confront it. those lose ends. There is no such thing as an objective point of view. We’re creating our reality by mixing in our own unconscious projections. They will obfuscate your vision. They have human shapes but they are in fact just projections of that persons fears. For one person. If two persons are looking at a flower. The ultimate honesty is not to accept someone else’s point of view. learned. Because they are projecting different subconscious messages to that flower. But it’s not that simple. Everything you have in your subconscious will take shape in a dream.

And that type of captivity is much worse. You will lose 571 of 586 . Every time Cobb started to dream. the remains of his own unsolved problems kept him prisoner in an endless power struggle. Until we can’t stand it anymore and take the courage to kill our own fears. We’re not prisoners of walls. Every time you kill one of your fears. something will go away from you too. He couldn’t even imagine his own freedom. he reactivated the presence of his lost wife in that dream. we accept it. Free Your Soul In Inception. Kill Your Fears. by guilt or by social pressure. we even think we deserve it. But without this hurtful process. She often interfered with the other characters and made things really complicated for everybody in those dreams. one of the main characters lived in somebody else’s mind. Cobb. We take that obstacle for granted. We can’t even imagine how we could break free. his lost wife had a life of its own. He couldn’t break free. By shame. All we know is that we’re facing an obstacle we can’t overcome. as I already mentioned. namely the main character. It took a lot of personal power to accept his own guilt and release that presence from his mind. we’re prisoners of our own fears. a dream snatcher. And. It took a lot of courage and patience for the main character to solve this mental presence.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It 5.

*** Are you still in my dream? ! 572 of 586 . But that’s the way it should be: the lost part is the part that kept you from flying higher.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It something in the process.

3D and all. I don’t know if it was the 3D experience. Matrix 2 years after the initial hype. But since we’re talking (mainly) about being brilliantly better on this blog. fact is Avatar was definitely a milestone in movies.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It 5 Things Avatar Taught Me About SelfImprovement ! I’m not a hyper when it comes to movies. in today’s post I’ll not give you a movie review (as much as I’d want to). or the story. At least for yours truly. I wait a lot before going to see a big blockbuster. although some of the people around seemed to be uncomfortable with those 3D glasses and some of them even left the movie after a few minutes. On the contrary. the stunning imagery. In short. either confirmed to me again. I saw Titanic 3 years after the launch. Limitation Is Only In Your Mind 573 of 586 . Instead. I saw it in IMAX. 1. I’ll try to outline some of the selfimprovement tricks Avatar either taught me for the first time. I liked it. Didn’t had any motion sickness. But last year I took the plunge and went to see Avatar. A lot.

But the word “impossible” holds true only in your current context. And nobody seems to like him either. So. 2. knowledge and real feelings. he is just a paraplegic ex-marine. his so-called Avatar. And all he did was to literally get rid of the old self and become a completely new person. He’s even more than he thought he can be. instead of a paraplegic ex-marine we find a truly inspiring leader. He’s just used in a strange communication program in which he’s taking on the body of a local Na’vi male. become somebody else. At the end of the beautiful story. If You Want To Get To Planet A You Have To Completely Leave Planet B As a spy in the Na’vi world. He expected to meet “savages” but instead. he finds compassion. Every once in a while life brings you into places which may seem harsh and impossible to overcome.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It When Jake Sully arrives on Pandora. change it. Jake Sully discovers a new universe. But as the story unfolds. working for the greedy corporation in search for “unobtanium”. it turns out the Jake Sully is much more than everyone around him sees in him. a man in love and a powerful warrior. He is taking on a job he doesn’t know anything about. Like Jake did. He doesn’t really like anything about this new world. If your current self can’t handle the job. the 574 of 586 . Compared with his cold and dark military life.

he will get back his legs. You can’t just wear this new avatar every once in a while. Only it’s a little bit too late. The chaos is unleashed and the Na’vi are almost destroyed. A miracle which attracts Jake so much. Jake realizes that he’s on the wrong team. that life. He has to make a tough choice. pretending you’re rich and happy. that he is willing to get rid of his old existence and become a true Na’vi. 3. That’s his motivation. And that he’s in love with Neytiri. your income level or your lifestyle. broke and miserable. Leave behind everything that was familiar and start anew. only to wake up in your own bed in the morning. He comes there by curiosity but also by the promise of hist captain that. literally reborn. well. When Jake Sully comes into the life of the Na’vi people.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It free and sparkling life of the Na’vi. The same approach applied to every situation in which you want to drastically change something in your life: your current relationship. as dangerous as it may get at times. If Jake would have 575 of 586 . especially when male rivalries are at the stake. Neytiri rejects him and he has to leave. But once in the field. You have to become your own avatar. What he started cannot be stopped. But he soon discovers that he can’t live in two places at the same time. it’s simply a miracle. Disappointment Is Part Of Life This may be a little hard to chew. all he wants is to screw them. if he provides enough “intelligence on the field”.

4. And he also discovers that the new world he is discovering is purer. sometimes during his new life. We may hit disappointment. he doesn’t stop. As a former marine. But the disappointment he created is still real. Make 576 of 586 . The information acquired by Sully will serve for the commercial expansion of Pandora’s conquerers. Sully discovers that his former team was playing him. The world is changing. This is exactly what Jake Sully does when he decides to tame Toruk Makto and to become the new leader of the Na’vi. We may disappoint others or others may disappoint us. this is one of the scars he wears. and it’s also filled with love. simpler than his initial one. That he was just used in a bigger. using his avatar. In exchange of the information Sully would give from the field. What really matters is to raise above our own limitations. Your priorities are changing. Fortunately. Your values are changing.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It stopped at this level. this military guy promises Sully to give back his legs. Sully teams up with a military guy. Oh. his only outcome would have been disappointment. more violent plan which will ultimately leads to the destruction of Pandora’s world. But. Pick Your Team Carefully Just after he arrives on Pandora. Make sure you’re always in sync with what you really care for. In his “real” life Sully is walking in a wheel chair. nicer.

Toruk Makto. Reach to the sky. his actions are casting a wave of death and destruction over this world. Neytiri rejects him. He is not what he seems to be. Hurt and disappointed. the daughter of the Na’avi leader. their traditions and their values. 5. which cares for you. But is the same love for Neytiri that makes him reach to the sky and tame the biggest bird on Pandora. His love is worthless without action. which respects you. tame the biggest beast on the universe and bring it to the feet of your love. Everything else is just an illusion (including fight itself. if it’s without a purpose). 577 of 586 . You know it’s love if you’d be willing to do everything. At some point. and I mean. The Only Thing Worth Fighting For Is Love As an avatar of the Na’vi population. Sully falls in love with Neytiri. Even more. But the gap between those souls is huge. Sully learns the Na’vi way of life. go for the next team that does this for you. forget the fight all together. He goes into a rite of passage where he learns how to fly a dragon. Sully gets to know Neytiri. And when the love is won back. The only thing worth fighting for is love. She becomes his guide on this new world. everything for it. If not. He almost gets killed in the conflict.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It sure you’re playing on a team which supports you in a genuine way.

Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It ! ! 578 of 586 .

Not to mention it was instantly picked up by social media. it goes without saying that Kung Fu Panda 2 had to find its place in my blog too. And that he was adopted. he finds out who he is and a hurtful 579 of 586 . Suddenly.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It 5 Life Lessons From Kung Fu Panda 2 – The Movie ! I’m a big fan of cartoons. Who is he. So. for instance. the goose. Po goes through an identity crisis. the movie. Eventually. Or in a more recent Kung Fu Panda. Oh. A big part of the movie is dedicated to this search for his lost identity. finds out that his father. like Dumbo. Your Past Doesn’t Make You Who You Are The movie: Po. after all? What he is supposed to do in his life? In more technical terms. the mighty Kung Fu Panda warrior. 1. was not his real father. without further ado. becoming quite popular. I even find personal development lessons in some of them. that post was a fun one. all he knows about his identity is blown away. Ladies and gents. here are 5 life lessons I learned from Kung Fu Panda 2.

you are who you choose to be.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It story. The Biggest Victory You Can Achieve Is Inside You The movie: The beginning of the movie features a very interesting scene in which Master ShiFu dances the dance of “inner peace”. We may have been hurt. deeply buried in his unconscious mind. not his present. Or we may have been humiliated or had to go through pain and reclusion. or some of the things that others did to us. Po is devastated. 2. Or we did some mistakes. Your past doesn’t make you who you are. It’s a constant result of what we do now. Some of the things we did. The lesson: We all have our own personal history. Po is puzzled and asks how he can do this. is finally revealed. “By finding inner peace” answers Master Shi Fu. But as he accepts that all that happened is part of his past. in the present. But that doesn’t make us who we are. and then leave it down gracefully on a flower. 580 of 586 . move it along his arms without getting wet (or damaging the drop). he also realizes a very powerful fact: in the end. And who we are is not written in the past. weren’t ok. In a surrealistic choreography. We always have a choice. It’s your decision that makes you who you are. his moves are so smooth and balanced that he can receive a drop of dew from a tree leaf.

if we’re not balanced on the inside. The lesson: The outside victory is a always consequence of the inside victory. 3. The more he is exposed to that sign. He pushes and pushes with his Kung Fu techniques. only with cannon balls that he returns back to his attackers. It’s only when all the inner parts are harmonized that the outside can achieve that (apparently) unachievable goal.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It Po truly believes that this “inner peace” thing is just another Kung Fu technique and not something that he can find on the inside. putting himself and his teammates at risk. No matter how many skills we may have. Without being hurt. Not the other way around. but he never seems to conquer his enemies. Po may have the choice to ignore that spot and keep on fighting. the weaker he become. Only when he finds that inner piece (a place where forgiveness and acceptance are playing a big part) he’s able to release enormous amounts of force and dance the same dance as Master Shi Fu. Po is blinded by some signs his enemies are wearing and he remains without reaction. The Hurt Is The Source Of The Healing The movie: During his multiple fights. Instead of ignoring 581 of 586 . of course. no matter how much we may know. no matter how much experience we may have. But something pushes him not to. the outside will always be in the wrong shape too.

the unknown. A clairvoyant sheep knows about it. Everybody Has A Mission. Even If He’s Not Aware Of It The movie: There is a prophecy about a black and white warrior who’s gonna save the world. This is the hurt. the confusion. But the longer we ignore it. until it slowly begins to understand what’s behind it. As the story unveils. the royal pawn. Every time we’re facing it. And still. Most of the time we chose to ignore that hurting spot inside us. (that’s why he killed all the Pandas years ago). and even do a little bit to help the prophecy to become reality. Po’s lifetime enemy. he chooses to confront it and start to follow it. 4. The hurtful point. we lose focus. It was one of the few things that he could clearly remember about his (deeply buried) childhood. The lesson: We all have a sensitive spot. the weaker we become. identity and an enormous force. we learn that the sign was the royal sign of his childhood realm. It’s only by confronting what’s hurting us that we can truly heal. knows about it. The only one that doesn’t know about it is Po.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It it. once confronted. empowers Po with knowledge. he is drawn on his path by uncontrollable forces who are pushing him closer and closer to his 582 of 586 . And it also became the key opening the gate to his lost memories.

5. Just imagine how the movie would have look like without laughing. It’s laughter. Little by little. The lesson: one of the most powerful weapons that we have doesn’t come in the form of a weapon. horror-like one. fulfilling our mission. We may feel at times that we’re drifting (and Po felt that a lot) but the closer we get to our true core. Especially when it’s used against yourself. true and very serious story. we’re always on the right place. If you can’t make fun of yourself.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It destiny. he realizes that he does have a mission and he has to fulfill it. The lesson: Even if we don’t know. the clearer our mission will become. at the right time. And when you finally hear other character’s laughter. he realizes that all the small pieces of his life can be arranged in a bigger puzzle. Like a deep. And it works. Almost nobody in the movie laughs as much as Po. Po is telling jokes almost incessantly. He keeps on laughing. Also boring. it’s a freaking. In the end. Sort of a drama. laughing become his defense weapon. Laugh Is Powerful The movie: Along the entire story. Somehow. And it’s incredibly powerful. if you can’t truly and 583 of 586 . Not even his teammates. He answers to almost everything with a joke. although he’s ridiculous.

Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It openly laugh at yourself. at least every once in a while. your last chance to evolve was just lost. ! 584 of 586 .

the average contribution was around $12.Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It Other Books ! Once again.5. ! ! Dragos Roua ! ! ! ! ! ! ! 585 of 586 . but rest assured that any amount is appreciated. If it was valuable for you. ! Also. thank you for reading this book. feel free to pay as much as you like for it. Go to this page and make your contribution. at that page you will find a list of the other 8 books I published so far. ! ! Free eBooks! At the time of publishing this.

you may also be interested in one of the following. Decide. Kindle | iBooks The 7 Ages Of An Online Business: Printed (Amazon)| Kindle | iBooks The Productivity Trap: Printed (Amazon) | Kindle | iBooks 586 of 586 . Some of them have also been referenced in the above articles. Do: Printed (Amazon).Got this For Free I’ll Pay What I Like For It If you enjoyed this book. ! 100 Ways To Live A Better Life: Printed (Amazon) | Kindle | iBooks 100 Ways To Screw Up Your Life: Printed (Amazon)| Kindle | iBooks Natural Productivity: Assess.