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Teaching Your Children Healthy Sexuality

Small Group Curriculum Leader’s Guide, Session 1


Building a Foundation for Teaching Your Children Healthy Sexuality

INTRODUCTORY SESSION NOTES


In order to make the most out of facilitating this series experience, be sure to read the curriculum introduction document in
Teaching Your Children Healthy Sexuality prior to preparing for Session #1.

THE BIG IDEA


One of the greatest callings we have as parents is to help our children embrace a healthy, values-centered sexuality.

GOALS OF THE SESSION


• Explore the factors that often contribute to our society’s vision of sexuality.
• Challenge participants to take up the calling of helping our children foster a healthy vision of sex and sexuality.
• Discover our job description as parents and learn some practical tools for helping teach our children healthy,
values-centered sexuality.
• Lead participants to identify individual changes they can make as they strive to live out this calling as parents.

LEADER’S PREPARATION
• Read chapters 1 and 2 in Teaching Your Children Healthy Sexuality before the session. As you do, highlight ideas,
quotes or comments that you would like to share with the group.

SUPPLIES
• Television and DVD player.
• Prior to the session, make sure that each participant (or each couple) in the group has a copy of Teaching Your
Children Healthy Sexuality.
• Print enough copies of the Participant’s Guide Session #1 from the CD-ROM to distribute to each participant at the
beginning of the session.
• 3x5 cards, one for every participant.
• Enough pens or pencils for each participant to use.

INTRODUCTORY LEADER’S NOTE


This being the first session in the series, it is essential that the group begin this journey with the right tone and environment.
Since the sessions are meant to be interactive, the tenor of this first session and your first contact with your group
participants is important. Before this first session, it might be a good idea to personally contact each participant or couple in
order to welcome them and to give them a bit of a feel for the journey they will be a part of. Be sure to answer any questions
they might have and leave a door open for them to contact you with questions at any point in the future if they want to talk
further.

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This first session is an introduction to the material and concepts that you will explore together. It has been designed to help
the group to begin to get to know each other and to give them a sense that this will be a safe place to explore thoughts and
share insights on parenting and sexuality. You role in the group is to be a facilitator of dialogue rather than a dispenser
of information. Keep the discussion moving and focused, but be careful not to drive or dominate it. Embrace your role as
fellow traveler and enjoy the journey!
Throughout these six sessions, you will find various Leader’s Notes. Sometimes these notes will offer encouragement and
insight for you as the leader. Other times they will provide advance direction for you in regards to a particular aspect of
the session, such as highlighting the goal for an activity or providing something for you to keep in mind as you guide the
discussion.

1. Getting Connected:

JUST FOR FUN (OPTIONAL)


One Minute Stories: With the group gathered together (or in smaller groups if your group is too large), give each person just
1 minute to share their memories about:
• First date
• First kiss
• Dumbest thing you ever did on a date
• Worst gift you ever bought for boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse

You should facilitate by moving the discussion on to the next person after a participant has had one minute to share. To
set the tone, go first with your own 1-minute story. Make it funny by trying to talk as quickly as you can. Set the tone by
laughing, smiling, and throwing in some good-natured humor during this activity.

LEADER’S NOTE
Before each and every session, participants should read the assigned chapter(s) in Teaching Your Children Healthy
Sexuality; the reading will provide fertile ground for discussion each week. The purpose of the “Getting Started” section is
to help people get connected—to move from a face and a name to a story. The questions are designed for easy entrance into
discussion.

With your group gathered together, have each participant respond briefly to the following:
1. Tell us a bit about the family you grew up in. Are your parents still living? Still married? Do you have any brothers
and sisters?
2. What is one word that describes your family while you were growing up? Why did you choose this word?
3. Tell us a bit about your family now. How many children do you have? What are their ages? What are their interests?
4. What is one word that describes your family now? Explain why your chose this word.
5. How would you describe the difference between how the family you grew up handled issues of sexuality and how
your family handles issues of sexuality now?

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2. Getting Started:

LEADER’S NOTE
After everyone has had an opportunity to share, this would be a great time to talk about ground rules for the group about
the atmosphere for your discussion. Let people know that this group is not built around a lecture, but about a journey
together—a discussion of what the book is stirring up in their lives, as well as in yours. Let your group know that you are
not the “expert,” nor the “final answer.” Rather, you are a fellow traveler, here to help foster dialogue and discovery as you
work through the book together. The following questions will help transition the conversation to the themes presented in the
first two chapters of the book.

Ask participants to interact with the following questions:


1. Where (or from whom) did you receive your primary education about sexuality when you were growing up? How
would you describe the quality of that education?
2. How do you feel about the sex education you received (or didn’t receive) from your parents?
3. How has your understanding of sexuality changed since you were an adolescent?
4. If you could go back in time and change something about how you learned about sexuality, what would it be? Why?
5. How do you see your sexual education growing up impacting how you provide sexual education with your
children?

3. Video:

LEADER’S NOTE
During each session, we have provided you with a brief video segment featuring Jim Burns. These video segments are
designed as a personal welcome, as well as a way to help introduce the session topic.

Introduce the video clip with Jim Burns speaking about setting a foundation for healthy sexuality and introducing the purity
code. Let your group know that each session you will be watching a brief video clip featuring Jim, introducing the session
topic.

4. Going Deeper:

LEADER’S NOTE
In this section, the group is focusing on the content of the book. You can set the tone here for how to interact with the book
through your own responses. Be ready to take the lead in answering these questions as a way of initiating the dialogue.

Ask the following questions:


1. As you read the first two chapters of Teaching Your Children Healthy Sexuality, was there an idea or a comment
that stood out to you? What was it? How did that comment impact you?
2. When you finished reading these chapters, did you come away encouraged, discouraged or challenged? Explain.

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LEADER’S NOTE
As you introduce question #3, recap the essence of the five aspects of a parent’s job description that Jim describes in the
book.

3. Jim shared five aspects of our job description as parents:


a. Talk (developing a healthy atmosphere of conversation about sexuality)
b. Be role models with honesty and integrity
c. Facilitate an atmosphere of positive peer influence
d. Extend grace and forgiveness
e. Doing something is better than nothing
Which of the five aspects do you feel most comfortable with? Which of the five aspects do you feel least
comfortable with?
4. In chapter 2 of Jim’s book, he describes the concept of the “Purity Code.” He writes, “it’s important to know that it
is not just about sex and saving yourself for marriage. It encourages making a lifetime commitment to:
• Honoring God with your body
• Renewing your mind for good
• Turning your eyes from worthless things
• Guarding your heart above all else”
When you think of your kids, which of these four commitments do you feel would be most difficult for them to
accomplish? Why?

5. In the Word:

LEADER’S NOTE
This section has been created in an effort to have participants interact with what the Scriptures have to say in regards to the
session’s topic. Depending on the amount of time you have for this section, you can choose between either having the entire
group read through the passages and discuss the questions or forming smaller groups of 4 to 6 people to foster relationship-
building and greater participation in the discussion.

Read Genesis 2:18-25


1. As you read this passage, what words or phrases stand out to you? Which ideas most connect with you?
2. What do you think the writer of Genesis is getting at by using the metaphor of bones and flesh in regards to man and
woman, husband and wife?
3. How would you re-write verse 25 in your own words?
4. From this passage, what concept do you feel is most important for your kids to learn? Why?

Read 1 Corinthians 6:18-20


1. As you read this passage, what words or phrases stand out to you? Which ideas most connect with you?
2. What truths do you think Paul is trying to convey in using the metaphor of a “temple” in speaking of the body?
3. In what ways can we “honor God with our body” when it comes to sexuality? If you were to explain this concept
to your child, how might your message need to change if he or she was an elementary-aged child? A middle-school
student? A high school student?

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6. So What?

LEADER’S NOTE
In every session, participants need to wrestle with what practical steps they should take in actively teaching their children
about sexuality. Frankly, it is not enough for us grown-ups to merely gather and discuss the matter; we need to make
practical, incremental steps forward in our role as parents, being assisted and supported by a community. Every week, this
section will help participants “connect the dots,” so to speak, between the issues raised and the changes that need to take
place.

LEADER’S NOTE
As you introduce this activity, review the sample ideas with your participants to help them start thinking about what they
might want to write on their 3x5 card.

Hand out 3x5 cards and a pen or pencil to every participant. On one side of the card, have each participant write at the top
“Teaching My Children Healthy Sexuality.” Under the title, have each participant write down one truth or concept that stood
out to him or her during the study or group discussion.

TRUTH OR CONCEPT SAMPLE IDEAS


• Parents need to have conversations about sexuality with their kids.
• I need to teach my kids what the Bible says about sexuality.
• Purity is more than not having sex before marriage.

On the other side of the card, have them write out one practical step they will take this week to begin the process of
interacting with their children about the issue of sexuality.

LEADER’S NOTE
You may want to share some of the sample ideas below to help participants think of a concrete action step they can take.

PRACTICAL ACTION STEP IDEAS


• I will take my daughter out for some ice cream and begin a discussion about sexuality.
• I will pick one of the Scripture passages from chapter 2 in the book and read it to my son before bedtime and we
can talk about it.
• At one dinnertime this week, I’ll bring up one of the four concepts from the Purity Code (This week: Renewing
your mind for good) and we’ll discuss what it means and what it looks like in real life.

After everyone has completed their card, have each person share what they have written on their card with one other person
(preferably their spouse). If there is someone who is single or whose spouse is not a part of the group, have them get together
with others with whom they can share what they wrote on their card. Encourage participants to keep their card handy all
week; referring to it as often as needed as a reminder of the key points of the lesson.

You may also want to encourage participants to take seriously the Purity Code Pledge: “In honor of God, my family and
future spouse, I commit my life to sexual purity.” This may be something that participants have already done with their
children (or some other similar pledge.) The goal is that within the next few weeks, every participant has had an opportunity
to use the Purity Code Pledge as a tool to enter into the discussion of healthy, values-centered sexuality with their children.

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7. Conclusion:
To close your group time together, gather back as a large group and have a few moments of corporate prayer. Perhaps people want to
pray about what they have written, perhaps not. Allow the freedom for people to pray about whatever they wish, either out loud or in
private. Close the prayer time by asking God to make his presence known this week as we work out what it means to “be there” for
our children.

8. For The Next Session...


Encourage participants to check in at least once during the period between your sessions with the person they shared their card with in
order to see what they’ve done. Also encourage participants to read chapter 3 “Helping Your Children Set Standards,” in preparation
for the next session.

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