How To Visit Chicago Like A Chicagoan

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How to: Visit Chicago Like a Chicagoan

Posted on February 4, 2013 by Go Go Go
[Ed. note: The below piece of writing is extremely funny. It is also extremely profane. The word irreverent does not go far enough. If you're offended by
salty language and off-color humor, please just enjoy our photo today and I promise we'll be back to our usual family-friendly routine promptly
tomorrow.]
[Ed. note part 2: It's also really long. Tough.]
[Ed Hirsch is a huge nerd, rap enthusiast, and homesick Chicagoan currently stationed in Dallas. He is the love child of Studs Terkel and David Mamet.]
Since moving out of Chicago, Im asked about every three months for advice about visiting Chicago: what to do, where to stay, what to eat, and so on. Ive come to
realize in these conversations that either (a) Im a complete slug of a person or (b) everyone assumes I spent twenty-eight years in Chicago living as a tourist.
While (a) is probably true, this article is about (b). People will ask me about a restaurant like Charlie Trotters or what I think about the Drake Hotel, and I have to
remind people that I was living in Chicago on $40k a year. I make more now ($41k!) and I still dont stay at the Drake when I fly back home. I guess I just know a
bunch of obnoxious WASPs, but I dont think you learn anything about Chicago by trying to hang around Streeterville and Gold Coast for a long weekend. So below Im
going to compile my true honest-to-god suggestions for visiting Chicago.
Where do I fly into?
I dont care. Theyre both about the same distance from where youre going to stay. Yes, I know where youre going to stay.
How much is a cab from the airport? Will the cab driver rip me off?
1. If you take a cab from the airport to downtown youre a coward. Get on the El. Smell public transportation, you baby.
2. Yes, a cab driver will at some point rip you off. Youre a guest in the city, and you should be happy to overpay our cabbies.
OK, so Im staying at the Drake
Hahahahahhahahaha and youre worried about getting ripped off by a cabbie? You bitch.
Stay at the Tremont. Its $90 a night, two blocks from the Drake, and nobody worth a dime gives a shit that you roomed where some princess or Oprah or whoever
stayed. You didnt get treated like them anyway.
OK, Im checked in. Now what do I do?
OK, so here are the things I think I would list as cool things to do in Chicago. No particular order:
1) River tour. If its warm out, a historical/architecture tour of Chicago is rad for both tourists and locals. Aside from a nice, breezy trip on the not overly smelly river,
architectural tours in Chicago actually have significance. This isnt your chumpsville city where you paid a bunch of dipshits a cool million to design a glass dildo in the
center of your three-block downtown. Buildings in Chicago actually mean something to the history of the city, and youll learn something about the meat packing
industry, health and sanitation, immigrant migration, and other cool stuff that you probably wont appreciate because youre a fucking uneducated hick. Fuck you.
2) Art Institute. Chicago museums are in general the types of museums you have to commit a day to, and I think the Art Institute probably does that experience the
best. If you can figure out a way to get tickets in advance it will save you twenty minutes in a line. The doll-houses are downstairs, and you can skip the African and
Asian art (you fucking racists) and go through the Greek/Roman section and hit up the American classics. That will kill two hours at least, more likely three. Youve
seen about 20 percent of the museum. Also please consider reading (if you can actually read) things about the art. Art has meaning kinda!
Realize your father is terrible.
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3) Get someone over the age of fifty to drive you to Pullman Town. I was lucky enough to tag along one weekend when my dad took a friend of his on a tour of the
South Side. See, despite what thirty-something yuppie shitheels in Chicago think, the South Side actually wasnt always just for black people! You should swing through
Bridgeport, over to Bronzeville, down to Hyde Park, through Washington Park to Englewood, and then on to Pullman. Ideally this person giving the tour is Jewish, but I
dont have high hopes for you. Pullman is itself an interesting historic landmark, and theres a nice little museum.
4) Cubs game. As a Sox fan, it makes me barf to say this, but youll get better photos and its more interesting to walk around Clark and Addison even though its just a
bunch of frat guys. Hell, youll probably feel pretty comfortable with that.
That should eat up your weekend.
OK, but what I was thinking of doing
I KNOW WHAT YOU WERE THINKING OF DOING ITS ALL STUPID THATS WHY I DONT CARE.
1) Shopping on the Mag Mile. Ahahhahahahahahahah you fucking dipshit. You dont have an outlet store in your state? Believe me, I want your fucking money flowing
through the coffers of the city of Chicago as much as anyone, but if you came to Chicago to shop you are human trash and I hope you die.
2) Going up the Hancock/Sears Tower. Wow, you went up high. You were higher up when you flew in. Also, youre going to spend too much on a drink in the Signature
Room while sitting next to some screaming kid. Great move, asshat.
3) Seeing a show. Yeah, you arent going to see anything interesting, youre going to see some musical prepping for Broadway or back touring. Wait for it to come to
your dumbass state, maybe? You could go to iO or a million other great improv troupes or small theaters, but risking being in a theater where you might have to have a
thought about what you just saw is likely for you pretty scary.
4) See the Bean without a local. Seeing The Sky Bridge seems like such a great idea too, right?! Millennium Park is like a park but without all that history and gravitas
that real Chicago parks have. If you dont have a fat half-Italian bitching about Daley as you try to take your stupid reflection shot, youre incapable of raising children
right. Ponder that.
5) The Taste. I hope someone shoots you.
Pictured: three stabbings, eight thefts, and someone eating a stupid

thing on a stick
OK, I am properly humbled. Now, WHERE DO I EAT CHICAGO HAS GREAT FOOD RIGHT GREAT FOOD FOOD FOOD FOOD STUFF FOOD IN MY MOUTH I
NEED TO BE A FAT PIGGIE.
OK, now heres where we get serious.
Eating like a Chicagoan means understanding you can get good to great food anywhere. Yeah, Im sure Rick Bayless has had his proverbial knob gobbled by every
Food Network person you watch, but it turns out if you dont go to some rib joint thats open until 1 a.m. you may as well be a plantation owner. So here are some
quintessential Chicago dining experiences.
Chicago-Style Pizza
Yeah I know you went to Ginos East or Giordanos or whatever. You did it wrong. First off, you ate at the restaurant. Second, you were probably mostly sober. In no
way is that how you approach eating a Chicago-style pizza.
1) Go out to a dive bar on the north side (anything west of Southport and north of Belmont will count, I feel; YMMV) and begin drinking. If they have PBR you should
have at least two. Same with Schlitz. If you want to do the beer snob thing, youre welcome to it. Same with scotch. No wine. Vodka is OK.
2) Keep drinking.
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3) Begin talking to locals. They will be the interesting people around you.
4) Become best friends with locals. It should be about 10:30 by now.
5) Keep drinking. Decide if you are going to try to sleep with any of these people.
6) At 12:30, begin talking about how youre hungry. This will be true as you have not eaten.
7) Convince your new friends to take you to their apartment. It will look like this most likely:
Hello, I am a two-flat.
8) Order a deep dish from Chicagos Pizza.

9) Fifty minutes later, make a major ordeal about how you are going to pay this delivery guy.
10) Eat a slice of the pizza that you have somehow paid for.
11) Fall asleep on couch, not having sex with locals.
12) Wake up four hours later. At this point the pizza should be sitting on the coffee table across from you. The cheese has congealed and the sauce gone cold. Think to
yourself There is a block of cheese inside of me. It has to get outright? Ponder your life failures as you sneak out of this persons apartment and try to find a cab/el
stop.
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This is a picture of failure.
Chicago Meat
Oh you want to go to a steakhouse? Ohhhhhhh hmmmmmm yeah no. Half the places out there are chains, and you arent mafia enough to pull off being in the ones that
arent. Chicago meat to you can be summed up as HogDogGyroItalianBeefSausageBurger. Also ribs.
The shortcut to all your Chicago meat needs is Portillos. I know what youre thinking: did this guy who cant stop being a prick to me just tell me to go to a chain? First
off, its no chain you ever heard of so put your dick away. Second, go ask around about Portillos and see what kind of reaction you get. Portillos is like the only
popular thing Chicagoans like thats not named Derrick Rose.
But, if you want to live it real, avoid Portillos and find your own hole in the wall. To do this, first you look for a sign.
Despite never being there, I know this is a reputable establishment.
Your keys to spotting this place are:

1) Vienna Beef logo on their hanging sign
2) Their name includes one or more of the following
a. Chicago
b. Windy City
c. Beef
d. Dog
e. Gyros
f. The name of the street youre on
g. The name of a street youre not on
h. Any ethnic sounding name followed by an s
3) Their staff appears to all be related or from the same ethnicity
4) They have any of the following
a. Signed pictures of the old mayor
b. Railroad paraphernalia
c. A picture of a giant hotdog, possibly floating in Lake Michigan
d. A menu hanging above the counter that appears to have ~50 items
e. An elderly lady working the cash register
You should expect to eat here a few times. You will want to try a hot dog (plain), another hot dog (everything), Italian beef (hot peppers), Italian sausage (peppers),
gyros (everything, pronounce it euros or someone will slap you in a just world).
Chicago Ethnic Food
Chicago is good at ethnicities and racism. Its a good mix, as it means you end up with very particular neighborhoods and streets (ghettos?) to experience unique
foods. Here in Texas, Im not sure if most people can tell the difference between an African American and a Latino, but in Chicago my old barber (Uncle Joe!) once
gave me a lecture on exactly when the neighborhood went to hell: when the Irish moved in.
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So while in Chicago, you should at least try to get someplace weird. While I think Andersonville and Rogers Park are two great places to do it, Im going to send you to
Uptown. Uptown works for three reasons. First, its accessible, right off the Red Line. Second, it has an energetic corner at Lawrence and Broadway. Third, the Green
Mill is there. And fourth, theres a rad Ethiopian place called Demera. If youve never had Ethiopian food before, I expect you to go. Do not google anything. Do not be
a coward. Do what they do and stop crying. If youre lucky, youll also get to see a guy perform guitar there and drink some honey wine. Once youre done, go across
the street to the Green Mill. Pay the cover. Listen to whatever weird experimental Swedish jazz band has flown in to play there and just there. Shut your gaping mouth
and just try to appreciate what is happening. Please. Try.
THATS A LOT TO DIGEST, LOL.
I get it. A pun.
OK, so this should get you through your weekend in Chicago such that I will give a crap about what you did there. Other things to consider may be:
getting into a fight with a homeless man at an el stop
having a terrible opinion about sports and sharing it with everyone
being involved in a gun crime
eating a plate of fries at Clarkes and wondering how unsanitary the kitchen is
going to a Polish buffet on the far northwest side and getting threatened by a three-hundred-pound man in sweatpants
freezing your fucking balls off
becoming a fan of Rod Blagojevich
bitching about Oprah
growing a moustache
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This entry was posted in How To, Local and tagged architecture tour, art institute, Chicago, Ed Hirsch, ethnic food, meat, pizza, what not to do by Go Go Go.
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214 THOUGHTS ON HOW TO: VISIT CHICAGO LIKE A CHICAGOAN
Andrew
on February 5, 2013 at 4:26 pm said:
Id also recommend Emporium if you like old school arcade games and beer, although its next to impossible
to enjoy both at the same time because once beer drinking time hits (around 9 or so) it gets too PACKED
to get much game time in. Also it is full of hipsters. Whether that is a good thing or a bad thing is up to you.
But its fun to show up early and play play play.
Dan
Have to go with Beecade over Emporium. Less crowded, fewer hipsters, the arcades are free, and
a full menu of local craft beers. Plus the bar is cool with letting people pick up Lou Malnatis down
the street and eating it at the bar.
Definitely agree with the comment earlier that there are too many local breweries in or around
Chicago (Revolution, half Acre, 3 Floyds, etc.) to settle for PBR.
Dan
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*Beercade
Al
What the hell are you talking about? Theres beer arcades here? The ONLY game to play at
the bar is Golden Tee, and it sucks but. well, drunk.
aaron
Do you mean Headquarters off Sheffield?
Andrew
on February 6, 2013 at 2:04 am said:
I have never heard of this Beercade. Intriguing.
kafein74
Did anyone else read this with a full on Swerski accent? No? Just Me?
Matt
You forgot Genes and Judes hotdog stand by OHare. Come on now. And going to Frank Lloyd Wrights
architecture tour in Oak Park. Tons of more things I cant think of at the moment. Go see the Chicago
Symphony Orchestra too. That aint bad either.
no way
forget the mushy dogs at gene and judes. hot dougs all the way.
Repo Man
I cant believe chain restaurants are being hailed as the best pizza in town. You want the real deal? Ginos
North in Edgewater. Take the red line to Granville and walk east 50ft, sit at the bar, order a pizza and a
beer, marvel at the fountain in the middle of the bar, and enjoy! The place is art deco and easily the second
most beautiful bar on the north side. As for the pizza, its made by the same woman for the last 50+ years.
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That should be enough to tell you its amazing.

As for Portillos, Im not going to knock it. Its not bad. It isnt where I would take somebody for their first
Chicago dog, but it isnt the worth idea either. If it were me, Id take them to Hot Dougs. Amazing.
Eva
GINOS IS A CHAIN TOO! Chain means there are more than one, right? HELLO, there are at
least three Ginos.
Chris
Ditto on the Ginos North. Worth the trip! Limited seating. Eat at the bar if you have to.
ren buenviaje (@glutenfreerenby)

First Chicago dog at Hot Dougs? No way. If youre going to stand in line that long, you HAVE to get
one of their crazy sausages.
whatadick
It would be so cool if this guy hadnt just avoided half the city in his rant.
Eva
How long did you want his article to be and/or how long do you think that people visit the city for?!
Zana
you are aboultely rightMangis is the shit and the signs and old lady/or man are major clues. Id like to
also comment that an OLd Style/Special Export/Budweiser sign is also what you should be looking for in a
dive barif all they have is PBR instead of old style LEAVE and go to another bar.
Sincerly,
concerned vereran chicago dive bar bartender
smadge100
The writer mentions obnoxious WASPs and refers to the Gold Coast and Streeterville. Would he/she have
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dared to mention obnoxious Jews?! Because THATS what you will find plenty of in those parts of
Chicago! Id advise tourists to avoid the Southside altogether since there are obnoxious Blacks there.
Unbelievable!
Bart Goldstein
1. Even if you werent jumping to silly conclusions did you.

2. read the disclaimer?
Eva
youre an idiot.
ren buenviaje (@glutenfreerenby)

Um, yeah, you totally misread that sentence. Go back and try again.
Roy Hobbs
This was solid. Dead on with everything you said.

And I always order Chicagos Pizza (thin crust) LATE at night after coming home drunk from the corner bar,
right before I have an appetizer of numerous bong rips too. They deliver until 5am! Cant beat that. Or if you
are not out too late, have your cab go through the drive through at Nikos Gyros at Elston and Diversey!
And glad you didnt suggest doing a shot of Malort b/c that is NOT a Chicago thing, it is a hipster thing here
in Chicago.
Eva
Hi, there is a huge difference between a hipster thing and a TREND. Malort is a Swedish-style
liquor produced in Chicago. So it is technically a Chicago thingbut its also a really irritating trend.
Kevin
Malort is actually made in Florida for Chicago. Go figure. Weve been drinking Malort for ten
years at Lakeside Inn in Lake Summerset. Im kinda pissed its turned into the Hipster thing
to do because weve been pulling that trick for years and its turned into a tradition whenever
someone new comes to the lake house with us. Malort has been in Chicago for years. Why
its popular now is beyond me.
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Jason
As a fellow Chicagoan now trapped in DFW like yourself, any recommendations there?
Ed
Alcoholism.
I really dont have any great suggestions. Jimmys meat market in (Deep Ellum? Deep Ellum-ish?) is
the only small Italian grocery store Ive found, and they do a pretty legit Italian beef.
evechicago
I take issue with the thoughts on the theater scene here obviously the author he has no idea that Chicago
has the best medium-sized and storefront theater in the country, but otherwise, spot on!
Jaycee
Go back and read it again. He gives props to the storefront theaters and improv groups. Hes ragging on the broadway in Chicago type shows.
Ed
Yeah- Chicago has amazing theater. Sadly I dont think anyone on a first visit will pick up a
Time Out Chicago or Reader or whatever and find something smaller or unique. And I probably shouldnt hate on all the big-productions. I mean if you end up going to the Lyric then
big-ups bro, and a lot of the large-scale renovations are beautiful. I just dont get why someone would fly in from another city to see Wicked unless theres nowhere nearer to them it
would tour to.
Charles
Lous. Yuck!
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James Henderson
I approve of the Malort suggestions in the comments. I was there in January of last year, and done the
usual touristy-sorta stuff (really I was just there for the Blackhawks, but I love the whole feel of the city and
how everyone from there is just so proud of the place), but Malort in a dive bar was one of my best
experiences over there..
Chicago Boy
You had me until you said PBR, hipster.
Eva
oh sorry i guess it shouldve been goose island BRO
pittrader1988
Old Style. Fully Krausened. Never Budweiser. And Miller is from Wisconsin so fuck that.
aaron
If the cheapest thing happens to be PBR, drink it. If your hipster anxiety prevents you from drinking
a cheap brand then thats the real problem.
Ben
Except north-side bars have been charging about 7 to 10 dollars a bottle now for PBR because it is so popular. So if you are drinking alone in your house and want PBR go to the
liquor store and get it for cheap
Mike Heitz
you a brilliant! Thank you for giving props to all my favorite places here at home!!!
Migs
How do you not mention Weiners Circle, and all the atmosphere that comes with it?!
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Eva
The atmosphere? I lived two buildings from the Weiner Circle for a year. Its not funny or cute or a
joke, its fucking racist. That place is AMAZING and the people there rule, but I avoided that whole
stretch of Clark after 11PM because thats when all of the stupid fucking ex-frat boys came to ask
for a chocolate shake. Fuck that. No.
Ed
I was going to add a whole thing on not going to the Weiner Circle! Yeah its kind of a fun
gimmick, but youre either (a) going to be the guy who gets clammed up and tries to order
perfectly so you dont piss them off (ME!) or (b) the guy who takes it too far and tries to like
whip a ketchup bomb and the staff. If youre (b), I hope they still have the guy who will kick
you outside and whip you with a broom handle.
Basically you can enjoy WC if youre Dave Attell or Dave Attell is there ordering while you
watch.
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Joe Mowrer
Tourists, dont go to Englewood (all that Chicago murder rate talk can be blamed on this and 3 or 4 other
neighborhoods), and if you go to Hyde Park, enter via Lake Shore Drive, and dont go further west than
where you see a cop car every 10 yards, hence you enter another one of those neighborhoods in
Washington Park. Lou Malnatis is good, Giordanos is good, dont care if theyve added enough branches
to be unhip and look for an Old Style sign if youre looking for an authentic local bar. Dont drink the Old
Style though, its pisswater. When you do get an italian beef, get it dipped w/ hot peppers. For a true
goodfellas feeling dinner, go to the block one street north of 25th and 1 block east of Western Ave. where
you can find Ignotzs, you enter through the side door, the owner greets you, dont feel special he greets
everyone, fill up on the awesome bread and whole roasted heads of garlic, try to stuff the oversized garlic
filled dish in whatever space is left, then take him up on an afterdinner drink should he offer at the highly
undersized bar at the place, then feel special. I never felt like I lived in Chicago my whole life until I ate
there a couple years ago. I repeat, dont go to Englewood.
tony
There is nothing wrong with englewood white people are safe they think you are the police.
Ed
Dont be that guy whos afraid to go to Englewood. Yeah if someone starts shooting in the middle of
the street you could get shot, but thats true anywhere. Chicago gun crime MOSTLY has to do with
distribution of drug profits amongst elements of the Gangster Disciples. Unless you happen to be a
tourist who is also a high level captain in the Gangster Disciples youll live.
Also, Drink Old Style.
Troy
Pizza Castle at 55th and Spaulding, Palermos on 63rd and hamlin, Do go on a boat tour, preferably a
booze cruise that docks at Navy Pier, see the museum of science and industry. also, its a good town to get
laid! Have fun in Chicago!
river tour
A river tour does give you the history and a short jaunt on the lake, but if its just the view you want, the
Chicago Water Taxi is only $7 for unlimited trips all day and it will take you from Michigan Avenue to
Chinatown and stops in between. Besides being a beautiful ride, its worth the trip to Chinatown to see Ping
Tom Park and to get an avocado shake. Plus the water taxi offers discounts for seniors and those with
disabilities, and its free for active military.
Megan
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Where is part 2?!
Kbomb
Go to Villa Rosa on Archer, on the southwest side. AGHGHGHHGHG. I used to work there. Amazeballs.
Bright Spencer
what about the holographic museum or the University of Chicagos new library, state of the art? how about
the medical museum or the museum of science and industry?
Ed
My aunt took me to the Surgery Museum when I was in 5th grade, and told me a story about how
excessive leeching led to George Washingtons passing. I told that to my history teaching in class
and she told me I was full of it!
I love MSI, but for a first time visit I hate telling people how to get down to Hyde Park. Even though
Hyde Park is beautiful!
crazinessiscontagious
Love it! Ditto on the Wieners Circle comment though cant skip that for a late night excursion.
Jerry Chicago
Heres the real scoop on Chicago. I couldnt disagree more with so many of your ignorant and idiotic points
of view. Disclaimer, I am born and bred in Chicagos southwest side and travel the lengths of Chicagos
corners and various neighborhoods frequently in my 21 years of life.
1. No cabbie will rip you off. They may bitch about you paying with a credit card, but be persistent. They
would lose your business and lose to competition if they ripped you off.
2. Never take public transit from the airport to the city, unless you want to increase your probability of being
shot or stabbed by 75% in your lifetime. No one does that
3. The Drake is nice, especially in the summer as the viewing and waterfront are gorgeous during the
summer time. This author is bitter he decided to be a cheap hipster who unfortunately was forced into a job
nicknamed famously by Michael Lewis as Equities in Dallas. His job is literally in Dallas. Stay at a nicer
hotel and treat yourself in a top tier city in the best country in the world. I recommend the Westin, Marriott,
Four Seasons, or the W. Yes they are more expensive than the Days Inn; but its very worth your money.
4. DEFINITELY GO SEE A SHOW. Some of most fantastic theatrical and musical performances make their
way through Chicago. I recommend a matinee and having a tasty and classy dinner in the theater district.
The author mentioning neither of those points makes me question if he grew up in Chicago or Gary, Indiana.
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Famous comedians and actors started in Chicago. Conan OBrien to name one. Go see a show at Second
City and laugh hysterically.
5. This next section struck me the most and made me want to stop reading at the thought of the authors
pure ignorance for heavy Chicago food. I love food, especially Chicago food and I will give you the
CORRECT State of the Union on where to wine and dine. His suggestions were sub par at best.
Where to eat deep-dish pizza.
Ginos East very tasty, and you can scribble on the walls with pen / crayon and make your mark in a
great restaurant.
Lou Malnatis front runner for deep dish pizza in Chicago. SImply phenomenal.
Dueys another great pie.
Giordanos delish
Where to eat Italian Beef
1. Als Beef on Taylor St. in Little Italy. Im guessing the public trans happy hipster never made it to the
proclaimed ethnic ghetto of Little Italy. After dinner, unbuckle your belt a notches and walk across the street
to Marios Italian Ice for the best italian ice you will ever enjoy.
2. Portillos The author got this correct but Als is better. Portillos gives you that chain feeling and dont
get me wrong, its very good.
***GET YOUR BEEF DIPPED that means dunked in house au jus. Also get sweet and hot peppers****
Where to get Hotdogs
-anything that sells Vienna beef.
- I recommend Fat Johnnies on the Southside. Great dogs.
Go to Greek Town and enjoy authentic southern europa food just west of the city. OOOH PA!
Go to China Town and enjoy incredible authentic asian food. If sushi is your thing, Chicago has that too.
Head to the north side and go to Weiners Circle. Just do it. Dont go with any children whatsoever and dont
go before 2 AM.
And for Chicago Steakhouses. excellent.
- Lawrys is expensive yet excellent
- Fogo De Chao. Delicious endless servings of premium meats at a great Brazilian Steakhouse
- Ditkas great food and a better icon
- really anywhere with a wait time of > 30 mins has great chops
Activities
Yes the architecture tour is awesome. Go on the lake, the river, and the locke. Simply cool.
I firmly disagree on elevating to the top of the Willis Tower. Great views and cool experience to step out of
the enclosed glass ledge. All the museums are top of the line. I really enjoy millennium park and grant park.
I have been to the taste of Chicago and although its busy, its a fun time. If you can withstand the heat and
dont mind paying premiums for a sample of many Chicago foods, it should be a fine day. I also love
Lollapalooza. Great music, food, friends, and the skyline at night with Red Hot Chili Peppers rocking the
night away is a truly exciting sight. Catching a sports game is also incredible as Chicago sells out every
game. (except Sox games I am a Sox fan too). Bears dont sell out either probably. Chicago is friendly,
exciting, fun, energetic, tasteful, and beautiful. The way the author talks about Chicago makes us seems
like a bunch of fat racist hicks with an infrastructure similar to Detroit.
Author, Please stay in Dallas and visit only in cases of business.
Ed
I WILL FIGHT YOU RIGHT NOW
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Oh
I stopped reading after you said no one takes public transit from the airport to the city, because a
ton of people do. The orange line from Midway to the loop is just fine and so is the blue line from
OHare.
Tara
Thank you!
Ben
Thank you too
Oh
PS Als Beef sucks.
Tara
Everything you just said was pretty much wrong. Shut up. Also, youre fucking 21. You think you
know everything? Because Im 20 and I sure as hell dont, so I know you dont either.
aaron
Dude, no one gets shot or stabbed on the Blue Line from OHare. There are a million suits on that
train every day with their giant suitcases preventing me from sitting down. Its fine.
Oh
By southwest side he probably means southwest suburbs.
endlessframe
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Make sure you go to the White Castle at Addison and Elston! Had some amazing Clam Strips the last time
I was there!
Jenna Price
lol who visits Chicago? its like a crappy NY with shittier people.
Oh
YOURE A CRAPPY NY WITH SHITTIER PEOPLE
aaron
People are shittier in NYC and everything costs twice as much. Keep your NYC.
Ed
Jenna,
Youve made two comments hating on Chicago. I think this is a cry. A cry for me.
Lets meet in Chicago. I will take you on a Chicago date. In Chicago. Let me melt your heart with
some neon relish and sport peppers.
Oh
Sounds like marriage to me.
michiganbird
The clock tower at the Pullman factory site is a state of Illinois property. If you really want to have the best
experience, you should plan your visit to this historic neighborhood using the resources available through
their website, http://www.pullman-museum.org.
Fuck Chicago
fuck that Im going to LA
2/6/2013 8:59 AM
17 of 19
Ed
Yeah well enjoy all your pretty people and porn stars and beaches that arent full of Milwaukee
sewage and.crap.
north side
Yes, and avoid seeing any people of color anywhereChicago is the whitest large city in the US.
Ed
Well yes if you hang out on the North Sidebut south of Irving Park?
aaron
The point of what he wrote is to urge people to leave the mag mile / gold coast.
West Side Irish

1) Take the Red Line to Chinatown. Walk west on 22nd, then south on Wentworth. Skip the Chinese food
because youll be too intimidated to try and order in English when no one understands you and youll never
ate the weird goodness they put in front of you anyway. Keep going south to 26th. Make a right and hit
Ricobenes and get their classic beef sandwich. Marvel at how they can serve 90 orders in an hour with half
the orders being for the boys in blue. That joint will never be robbed.
2) Get a Halsted bus south from the West Loop or Orange line get off at 31st and go west to Marias
for beers. After a few, walk the 10 minutes east to Freddies and order anything. Its all good. Youll be fine,
the cop shop is nearby, hell.its Bridgeport fer cryin out loud. Get a bus back. Or a cab if youre feeling
rich.
3) Chicago bus west to Ashland. Hit Loop Tavern for a few and then cross the street and walk five minutes
west to Taco Veloz for late night Mexican goodness. Cab ride back east wont be that much dosh. Youre
welcome.
Ben
HERE HERE. Brighton Park approves this message
Jenna Price
2/6/2013 8:59 AM
18 of 19
so, in other words, Chicago is pretty much like every other shitty town that thinks its the best one ever,
except everyone is fat as fuck and the weather sucks.
no thanks.
Ed
Whoa hey whoaaaaaaaa. In the US a town is typically an area of population 10,000 or less. We
have WAY more than 10,000 people. Wikipedia that shit!
Oh
Yeah, why the fuck are you calling Chicago a town?!
Ben
Because its my kind of town

Chicago Is
Oh
Well played.
chicagoan
Als Beef
Twin Anchors
Original Pancake House
La Pasadita
Weiners Circle
Dan P
First, thanks for making me laugh out loud multiple times. My cube mates must have thought I was losing it.
That said, you tripped when you recommended hipster douche beer (Pabst and Schlitz). While I actually
like Pabst fine, that you can get in any hick town. If youre going to drink beer in Chicago at least make it
one of the couple dozen Chicago area brews that are available in pretty much even the smallest bar. Worst
case, get Goose Island, which is owned by Bud these days, but still Chicago.
And Portillos is a Chicago chain, but Id aim them at Als or send them to Clark Street Dog at Clark and
Halsted.
2/6/2013 8:59 AM
19 of 19
Major kudos for the Green Mill recommendation too!
DaBears
Susies on montrose and elstonfor late night hammered eats! Also make a bum sing and dance for you in
the middle of the nightmemories for a lifetime
GB
No one mentioned Demon Dogs

Chickens!!
pittrader1988
Closed.
pittrader1988
Have a drink at Ceres in the CBOT. No way you can have more than two and walk straight.
chicagokbridgeport
Yeah, lets drink PBR and Schlitz to be ironic. You fucking hipsters are annoying and you are contaminating
Bridgeport. Its okay to be successful and to enjoy some of the upscale qualities of the city. Not all about
dive bars and your stupid PBR.
Oh
The only thing this article is missing is calling out all the fucks who call Chicago Chi-Town or Chi-City.
2/6/2013 8:59 AM

How To Visit Chicago Like A Chicagoan

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