8 Country SONGS

(all words and music copyright David A. Scheffler)

Coal Regions Woman

Coal Regions Woman, youre as hard as the coal
Coal Regions Woman, your teased hair has captured my soul
Coal Regions Woman, my dressed hawg waits for you
Well ride past the strip mines, out to the woods and screw
I dont mind workin when I can find a job
but its a depressed area and Im a lazy slob
but as long as Ive got you I dont need too much cash
cause your needs they are basic
and besides, youre a tight piece of gash
Coal Regions (etc)
All the Hunkies and Slovaks like to polka around
but we putt on my sickle and we fuck on the ground
Yeah, theres shit and theres slag piles
but these regions are home
and with you there below me
theres no reason to roam
Coal Regions (etc)

C&W&B&E (Country, Western, Buddhist, Eastern)

I love that C & W & B & E
I play it when I make love to my wife
I love that C & W & B & E
them songs help me get off the wheel of life
Off the wheel, off the wheel
the prayer wheels play in time to pedal steel
off the wheel, off the wheel
each spins helpin me get off the wheel
Drivin down the road is ecstasy
my music lifts me far above all strife
each tune is C & W & B & E
them songs help me get off the wheel of life

Off the wheel (etc)

I love that C & W & B & E
the synthesis of twang & lute & fife
I love that C & W & B & E
them songs help me get off the wheel of life
Off the wheel (etc)

My Truck Blew a Gasket

Well
My truck blew a gasket and I cant drive
my truck blew a gasket and I cant drive
well
my truck blew a gasket and I cant drive
I guess I better walk to work instead
My boss is ragin, screamin after me
my boss is ragin, hell fire me for sure
well
my boss is ragin, screamin after me
I guess I better learn to work with tools
my truck (etc)
I was three days drunk when I wrote this song
three days drunk and feelin mighty poor
I was three days drunk when I wrote this song
I guess it doesnt matter anymore
my truck (etc)

The Sound of Harley Power

What makes a man love a motor machine
so damn much it can come between
him & his wife & any other thing in his life
Out one night for a little spin
6 weeks now I ain't been home again
& the sound of Harley power fills my brain
The sound of Harley power
flows over me like a V-Twin shower

from thunderheads of rumbling chrome steel rain

& the sound of Harley power fills my brain
What makes a man ride for weeks at a time
with not enough sleep; with too much wine
whiskey & weed, snakin' the white lines of speed
Sometimes I think that I oughta go back
until I hear those straight pipes crack
& the sound of Harley power fills my brain
The sound of Harley power
flows over me like a V-Twin shower
from thunderheads of rumbling chrome steel rain
& the sound of Harley power fills my brain

Back at the Laundromat Again

Guess I was blind
didnt think you were that kind
guess I shoulda been walkin with a white-tipped cane
But now I see
made a silly fool outta me
and Im washin my clothes at the laundromat again
Back at the laundromat again
Back to the place where I hang my face
a rolla quarters is my best friend
Guess I shoulda seen it comin
it was always around the bend
that Id be
back at the laundromat again

Country Western Woman

Well, she's my country western woman
Yeah, my country western woman
Yeah, my country western woman with her bouffant hair
Good lord, I'm gonna love her just anywhere
Well, let me tell ya 'bout my woman
Yeah, the only one that I love
Well, I was all alone but I prayed to god
And he sent her from the skies above

Well, she's my...(etc)

Well, I take her to the hop
We don't dig no hippie soul
Both of us got red American blood in our veins
We like to stomp to rock n' roll
Well, she's my...(etc)
Well, my lady beat the rat race
Yeah, she split the nine to five
She owns a beauty parlor - makes the women look good
And it keeps us both alive
Well, she's my...(etc)
Yeah, I take her to the drive in
Gonna get her at the door
She'll look so sweet with her big teased hair
on my Harley 74
Well, she's my...(etc)
We was drivin in my pickup
It's got the gun rack in the rear
We both of us looked up at the American flag
And then she says, "I love you, dear!"
Well, she's my...(etc)

Truckin Hogs Cross Country

Snow's on the road
It's gettin cold
But I've gotta make some money
I'm just a slob
Doin my job
Truckin them hogs cross country
Fightin the wheel
Coppin a feel
Down at the truckstop whore joint
It aint a bad way
To end a hard day
Takin it out on her groin

And it's made me into a coarse low man

To do what I've had to do
Pushin them pigs on and off of this van
Just to get that ham to you
Truckin them hogs, truckin them hogs, truckin them hogs cross country
Truckin them hogs, truckin them hogs, truckin them hogs cross country
Shiftin the gears
Supressin my fears
Of jacknifes and nasty pileups
I got a tattoo
It's black and it's blue
I got it when I's in my cups
And it's made me...(etc)

The Jukebox and the Joker

It used to be
that love grew here
deeply rooted as a tree
but then one day
the cheatin urge
sprung a seed in me
I didn't think
'bout my wife at home
carryin our child
I only heard the jukebox
& felt the joker runnin wild
At first she looked
the other way
she tried so hard to cope
but lipstick on my collar
turned to motel nights & dope
I stayed so high I couldn't see
she didn't want to bear my child
I only heard the jukebox
& felt the joker runnin wild
the jukebox & the joker
the reefers & the poker
the long, long nights of extra-wedlock whiskey, wine & smokers
the jukebox & the joker

the reefers & the poker

I had true love but I pawned the dove
to pay the jukebox & the joker
Then one night I came home
to find out she had gone
the note said "Dear, I'm outta here
and your child - he won't be born.
You can have my wedding ring pawn it, that's your style
you got to play the jukebox
because the joker's runnin wild"
the jukebox & the joker
the reefers & the poker
the long, long nights of extra-wedlock whiskey, wine & smokers
the jukebox & the joker
the reefers & the poker
I had true love but I pawned the dove
to pay the jukebox & the joker
The jukebox & the joker
the reefers & the poker
the long, long nights of extra-wedlock whiskey, wine & smokers
If I could get that sweet love back for just one night again
Lord, would I have the sense to stay
or would I still fall prey
to the yen
for the jukebox & the joker
the reefers & the poker
I had true love but I pawned the dove
to pay the jukebox & the joker

Hot Bath
I've had enough of urban life
I'm sick and tired of all the strife
And I don't want the rural trip
Think I'll take a hot bath and slit my wrists
I've had enough of nine to five
I really don't wanna stay alive
I never made no well-dressed lists
Think I'll take a hot bath and slit my wrists

This crazy world is killin me

There's just no place for me to be
The daily news gives me the shits
Think I'll take a hot bath and slit my wrists
(repeat 1st two verses)
This putrid globe is boilin mad
There's nowheres left just to be glad
They crossed out all my favorite bits
Think I'll take a hot bath and slit my wrists