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Monday 7th September 2015

NHS is concerned about a new virus that could reach pandemic levels in a
matter of weeks unless immediate steps are taken.
A leading bolitician has, today, confirmed the NHS is concerned about a newly discovered virus that
is already out of control and could reach pandemic levels in a matter of weeks unless an antidote is
found immediately.

Irritatingly Duplicitous Syndrome or IDS has been

named after the first person found to be infected by it and is easily
spotted because of the tendency of people infected by it to laugh
insanely at the suspected plight of others brought about by their own
actions. The most recent example of this was Ian Duncan Smiths
reaction when it was pointed out to him that his system of sanctions
was causing people a large amount of stress followed by dependency
on food banks for survival.

A spokes person stated that if allowed to continue unchecked IDS eventually leads to genocidal
behaviour and massive financial gain. A statement that also caused a great deal of amusement and
insane laughter from the Prime Minister who replied just call me Dave
It has since been confirmed that David Cameron as well as other leading MPs have been infected.

NHS has already embarked on a massive scheme to test every man, woman
and child including the parasitic benefit
The spokes person went on to state we have instigated
a program of testing and, so far there have been no
confirmed cases outside of parliament and the House
of Lords but it is only a matter of time before this
despicable virus spreads. We plan to test every man,
woman and child. We will even test the despised,
parasitic benefit scroungers for this dangerous virus
There have already been a number of possible cases
reported within the finance industry and certain public

NHS Nurse testing a child for IDS

He went on to say that this virus has no religious or political boundaries and is infecting people from
all religious and political beliefs including Liberals, UKiP and members of the Labour party He

added that so far they havent found any cases amongst the Green Party and suggested that this could
be because their lay back attitude prevents them from contracting such a disease. This virus does
not have the patience for such a relaxed attitude he remarked so, while not impossible, it is doubtful
that they would be infected anytime soon and we hope to find the antidote well before then
We managed to find Jeremy Hunt and asked him for a response and he replied While it is clearly a
concern I am afraid that there is just no more money to fund the necessary research in order to find an
antidote. It may be possible to contract a private company to cary out testing over the next 5 yrs. I will
take steps to see what the financial gains, I mean implications might be
Our reporter pointed out that it had been alleged that he was also suffering from an acute case of IDS
he started to smirk a little and replied there is no substantial evidence to support those allegations
because I refused to be tested on the grounds that I dont trust the NHS to cary out the tests fairly and
competently That said he immediately started to roll round the floor laughing and singing Money,
makes my world go around, my world go around, my world go around. Money makes my world go

Possible cure available

We went back to talk to our spokes person from the NHS who told us There is a possible antidote
Really? We asked Sure He replied positively The answer may lie in Jeremy Corbyn and what we
need is massive public pressure to be applied so that we can test him in the houses of parliament.
If he is found to be the antidote then we can replace the current MPs, including the Prime Minister,
with Corbyn Mania and avert what is inevitably
going to be a national disaster with thousands
more dying at the hands of those infected with