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CONFLICT MANAGEMENT

Dr. Manoranjan Dhal


Asst. Professor, IIMK

EXERCISE - I
Think of a recent (even old) conflict in which you
were an active party
It made an impact on you
Create the full picture.

If you go back to that incident again, what would


you do differently?

EXERCISE - I
Who initiated?
What was I feeling at that time?
What do I feel when I remember the incident?
What was the other party thinking?
What leads me to behave like that?
What are the consequence on my actions?
Do I need to take any action to resolve any
misunderstanding?

Much

of our thoughts and


behaviour is based on
what we have learnt so far
in life

What

has been
learned can be
unlearned.

REINFORCING FAULTY LEARNING


Setting
yourself up to
repeat the
experience

Faulty conclusions
affect
mindset/behaviour

Having/repeating
an experience

Generalizing/drawin
g faulty conclusions

EARLY PROGRAMMING
YOU

Nature

Inherited
tendencies

Nurture

Physical

Emotional

Intellectual

Warmth, food,
healthy
environment

Unconditional
love, support
and a caring
environment

Mental
stimulation,
education

WHAT COLOURS OUR PERCEPTION

Age
Culture
Religion
Gender
Education
Background
Position in society
Job/career
Previous experience
Character
Nature/genes
Prevailing external influence

DEAL WITH YOUR EMOTIONS


Happiness
Sadness
Anger
Fear
Resentment
Guilt
Hurt
Regret

CONFLICT ARISES BECAUSE

We feel threatened by someone whom we


perceive

Operates from a different set of values and beliefs


Invades what we see as our territory
Takes away something we consider to be rightfully
ours
Is different from us in some way
Causes us discomfort.

CONFLICT DEFINED

Conflict is defined as a process that begins when a


party has negatively affected, or is about to
negatively affect something that the first party
cares about.

Includes
Incompatibility of goals
Differences over interpretation of facts
Disagreements based on behavioural expectations
Disagreements

ORGANIZATIONAL CULTURE AND


CONFLICT
Not walking the Talk- vision and mission,
customer focused, equal opportunity
Mismatch between Individual and company
Values and Beliefs child labour
The Psychological Contract

LEVELS OF CONFLICT
Intra-Personal
Inter-personal
Inter-Group
Inter- Organization
Inter-national

THE LEVELS OF CONFLICT


Discomfort
Incident
Misunderstanding
Tension
Crisis

POSSIBLE STAKEHOLDERS OF CONFLICT


Supplier,
department,
team

customers

Company
culture

colleagues

YOU

Your
organization,
other
organization

bosses

Members of
team

others

INDICATORS OF CONFLICT IN AN
ORGANIZATION
Communication is increasing in the form of
memos and e-mails
More people working behind closed doors
Meeting that do not achieve anything
Them and us language
Raised voice and tears
Long lunch hours and poor timekeeping
Low morale, tension
People looking glum and stressed

INTERACTION BRINGS DIFFERENCES


Internal Boundaries role, authority
External boundaries supplier, consultant
Territorial boundaries car park
Material goods and resources
Weak/poor management
Lack of professional management training
Leadership/management style
Poor decision making process
Poor interpersonal skill
Poor change management
Inequality among staff

BEHAVIOUR THAT EXHIBIT CONFLICT

Shouting
Insulting/cursing
Humiliating
Making accusations
Bringing up the past
Sulking
Tears
Withdrawing
Physical violence
Avoidance
Pretending it is not happening
Becoming resentful
Bottling up our emotions
Storming off in a huff
Taking revenge

CHANGE
BEGINS WITH

ME

EXERCISE

Write down what you actually do when you are a


party to conflict

FIGHT
FLIGHT
BEHAVIOUR BEHAVIOUR
Shouting
Violence
Slamming the
door
Name-calling
etc.

Withdrawal
Denial
Giving in
Crying etc.

THE CONFLICT PROCESS

Stage I Stage II Stage III Stage IV Stage V


Potential
Opposition or Cognition and
incompatibility Penalization

Antecedent

Perceived
Conflict

Conditions

Communic
ation
Structure
Personal
Variable

Felt
Conflict

Intentions

Behaviour

Conflict-handling

Intentions
Competing
Collaborating
Compromising
Avoiding
Accommodating

Overt
Conflict
Partys
Behaviour
Others
reaction

Outcomes

Increased
Group
Performance
Decreased
Group
Performance

CONFLICT MANAGEMENT STYLES


Conflict exists whenever two or more parties are
in disagreement.

Forcing conflict style: user attempts to resolve


conflict by using aggressive behavior.
Avoiding conflict style: user attempts to
passively ignore the conflict rather than resolve it.
Accommodating conflict style: user attempts to
resolve the conflict by passively giving in to the
other party.
Compromising conflict style: user attempts to
resolve the conflict through assertive give-and-take
concessions.
Collaborating conflict style: user assertively
attempts to jointly resolve the conflict with the best
solution agreeable to all parties.

22

CONFLICT
The Offer
Win
Lose

CONFLICT HANDLING BEHAVIOUR


Assertive

Assertiveness

Competition

Collaboration

Compromise

Avoidance

Accommodation

Unassertive

Cooperative

Uncooperative

Cooperativeness

FIVE CONFLICT HANDLING ORIENTATION


Competition Win-lose approaches
Collaboration Win-Win approaches
Avoidance - Withdrawing from or suppressing
conflict
Accommodation Opponents interest is above
self-interest
Compromise- Each party to give up something

REACTION VS. RESPOND

Reaction
Respond
Listen To self Listen To
others
Fight
Aggressive
Flight
Passive
Assertive

USING ASSERTIVENESS
Assertiveness
Aggressiveness
Passive

BEHAVIOUR BREEDS BEHAVIOUR


How others
behave

How others think and


feel

What you
think and
feel

How you behave

INTENTIONS
Cooperativeness: - The degree to which one party
attempts to satisfy other partys concern
Assertiveness : - The degree to which one party
attempts to satisfy his or her own concern

ASSERTIVENESS
Being viewed as honest, open, and forthright
Stand up for their rights

DEALING WITH AGGRESSIVE BEHAVIOUR


Use your assertiveness skills
Acknowledge their emotions
Use active listening skills
Dont take it personally
Use neutral posture, tone of voice and facial
expression
Maintain eye contact but do not try to outstare
them.

DEALING WITH PASSIVE BEHAVIOUR


Empathize
Be patient
Offer support
Use coaching skills to draw them out
Allow silence in your conversation
Ask open questions
Watch for non-verbal responses
Be firm and persistent

PRACTICE ASSERTIVENESS
A co-worker comes into your office and say,
Pandey, I need 20 of your people to work on this
project immediately.
Your boss says, I dont see any real reason to
continue this discussion.
Your spouse says, I cant go to book the tickets
that you need.

EXERCISE II
Purpose
Think of a
particular
incident
when you
wanted to
stand up
for
yourself
but could
not
Behaviour

Environment

Identity
Values

Capability
Feeling

EXERCISE III

Create a list of people/situation with whom you


find difficulty in asserting yourself (may include
your boss).

PEOPLE

My boss
My colleagues
People in authority
People who report to me
Superior people
My parents

SITUATION

Saying NO at work
Refusing invitation to events I do not wish to attend
Being firm with my/others misbehaving children
Disciplining subordinates at work
Standing up for myself with the boss

WHY IT IS DIFFICULT?
The time or place may not be right
You may be afraid
You may not want to offend that person
You may not know how to word your feelings
appropriately
You may lack confidence
You may be denying your rights or feelings

DEALING WITH ASSERTIVENESS


Clarify your won feelings to yourself about an
issue which is bothering you
Communicate clearly and calmly your perception
and feelings
Dont attack, blame or hurt the other person
Open the discussion without eliciting
defensiveness form the other person

HOW TO DO IT
Using- I statement
Broken record

THE PRINCIPLE OF WIN/WIN

NEED FIRST
SOLUTION
LATER

COMPROMISE
SHOULD
ALWAYS BE
THE LAST
RESORT

Ass out of
U and ME

UNCOVERING NEEDS
Explain what needs are and why they matter
Shift from solution to needs
Ask Why?
Ascertain their concerns
Listen
Do not confuse your own needs with those of
others
Encourage them to be specific
Establish as many needs as possible
Find out where the differences dovetail
Keep moving from positions to interests
Brainstorm the options

DO YOU KNOW YOUR RIGHTS?


Aggressive people will attempt to claim their
rights with no consideration for the rights of
others (rights without responsibility)
Passive people will deny their own rights, while
making sure everyone elses wants, whether right
or wrong, are considered first
Assertive person will claim their rights, and
extend the same privilege to others

COMMON ASSERTIVE RIGHTS

Be treated with respect and consideration


Hold my own views and have them heard
Remain silent
Have my feelings taken seriously
Make my own decisions and cope with the consequences
Make my own choices
Make mistakes
Change my mind
Choose when and if to assert myself
Refuse without feeling guilty
Get what I pay for
Ask for what I want
Ask for information about myself
privacy

ALL RIGHTS
INVLOVE
RESPONSIBILITIES.
I BELIEVE IN
EXTENDING TO
OTHERS ANY RIGHT
I CLAIM AS MY OWN

LISTENING

I
Talk

I
Talk

You
Liste
n
You Listen
Think
Day dream
Organize
thoughts
Switch off
Relate to
experience

ACTIVE LISTENING
Acknowledging
Summarizing
Paraphrasing
Asking questions
Taking fewer notes
Judges contents, skips over delivery errors
Body language

HANDLING POWER
CONSTRUCTIVELY

POWER BASE
Reward and punishment
Positional power
Expertise/knowledge power
Personal power/charisma
Relationship power
Collective power
Cooperative power
Legislative power
Physical power

EXERCISE IV

Write the name of the people whom you consider


as powerful

BULLYING BEHAVIOUR

VICTIM BEHAVIOUR

Punish
Criticize
Pick on
Harass
Bulldoze
Coerce
Embarrass
Humiliate
Shout at
Abuse
Assault
Subdue
Blackmail emotionally
or otherwise

Helpless
Poor me
Martyr
Blame everyone around
them
Blaming circumstances
and upbringing
Inadequate
Defeated
Bitter
Constantly complaining
Passive
Apathetic
Stuck
Anxious or depressed

HOW BULLIES AND VICTIMS CAN CHANGE THEIR


BEHAVIOUR
BULLYING BEHAVIOUR

VICTIM BEHAVIOUR

Empathize
Listen
Communicate assertively
Consult with others
Share their expertise
Reconnect with their
conscience
Share decision making
Give constructive feedback
Help build peoples selfconfidence and morale

Stand up for themselves


Listen
Take responsibility
Learn to be assertive
Look at situations
objectively
Identify their needs
Look towards the future
rather than wallowing in
the past
Take actions to bring
about solutions

USE PEPSI
Position state your correct position objectively.
Empathize understand their point of view
Problem state what problem the occurrence has
caused and who is affected
Solutions present alternative possible solution
Influence use charisma and reason to persuade
others

Build up your own powerbase

THE POWER RELATIONSHIP QUADRANT


I value
myself
Assertive,
confident, high-self
esteem

Aggressive,
arrogant, rigid

I dont value
you

Hostile, low energy,


apathetic, lacking
initiative

1 Win/lose

4 Win/win

2 lose/lose

3 Lose/win

Compliant,
inadequate, passive

I dont value myself

I value you

DEALING WITH POWERFUL PEOPLE


Build up your own power by approaching them
confidently and assertively
Strengthen your own power base information,
rule, regulation
Build empathy with other person
Look for a win/win
Present your case clearly and unemotionally
Back up with facts and figures
Declare any vested interest before the other
person finds out
Be prepared to be flexible and to consider other
options or alternatives

HANDLING EMOTIONS
Focusing and leveling
When you level your feeling you will find much
easier to focus on the problem.

EXPRESSION OF EMOTIONS
Positive expression
of emotions
Talking/writing it out
Working it off at the
gym or other sport
Taking a long walk
Meditating/focusing
Painting, music,
writing, acting

Negative expression
of emotions
Losing our temper
Physical and verbal
abuse
Throwing/kicking
things
Acts of sabotage or
revenge
Harming self

HANDLING YOUR OWN ANGER

Acknowledge that you feel angry


Accept the responsibility for your own anger
Give yourself space
Center yourself
Use tension release techniques

Throw a pillow
Strangle a towel
Do a gorilla act
Hit your palm with your fist
Shout, yell or scream
Tear a newspaper

Practice deep breathing or other relaxation


techniques
Separate the person from the problem
Concentrate on the current issue

BOOKS FOR REFERENCE

CONFLICT MANAGEMENT
By Hoda Lacey

DONT SAY YES WHEN YOU WANT TO SAY


NO
By H. Fensterheim and Jean Bear