Professional Documents
Culture Documents
Te-Erika Patterson
Barry University
Spring 2008
Factors that influence attraction
2
Abstract
This paper discusses the four motivating factors behind romantic attraction which are distress,
identity enhancement, aging and social pressures and sexual desires. It also discusses how these
motivating factors for engagement in a relationship may affect the relationship. By understanding
these factors therapists can better gauge how to aid clients to develop more healthy relationships.
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Introduction
We meet, we greet, we fall in love and live happily ever after, for the most part. For those
who are not social scientists, the process of attraction and falling in love seems to be caused by a
mystical force. But when we delve deeper to analyze the factors that influence romantic
attraction we can de mystify the process of attraction which will aid in our understanding of the
issues surrounding different types of relationships. This topic is worthy of discussion because the
motivating factors behind the party that initiates the relationship, plays a large part in the premise
Theoretical Framework
Because this is my first semester and I am still becoming familiar with the different
theoretical frameworks, I have based my paper on my personal view that attraction in romantic
relationships are not randomly developed, but instead are a remedy for specific desires in a
person’s life.
Significance
This topic is important to the therapeutic community because once we are able to connect
with a motivating factor for involvement in the relationship of our client we can better assess the
reasons behind why our client is having an issue in the relationship and therefore able to help
Review of Literature
According to research done by John R. Jacobs in 1992, there are four facilitators that
influence a desire for romance and lead to romantic attraction. They are distress, identity
enhancement, aging and social pressures and sexual desires. When a person enters a relationship
under distress, they do so because they hope to escape from the pressures of loneliness or
anxiety. This often weakens the relationship because the person who is under distress may
become dependent on the relationship because the lover is perceived as a refuge or solution to
The desire to expand one’s identity or the desire to fall in love with someone who
possesses traits that we wish we had is also a common motivating factor in romantic attraction.
Individuals motivated by this factor will choose a lover who will assist in expansion of the
artistic, professional or intellectual self. (Jacobs, 1992) These type of individuals will seek to
achieve their true passions through the union of a romantic relationship by disclosing their hopes
and dreams, hoping that the lover will take part in helping them to mature professionally and
personally.
Self disclosure is an integral part of the process through which people become acquainted
and establish personal relationships. Self disclosure plays a particularly important role in the
formation of love feelings. (Critelli & Dupree, 1978) When two people share their dreams, hopes
and fears with each other and the information is respected and embraced, attraction deepens and
the feeling we know as love takes root especially when these extremely personal connections
In a study performed by Sefcek and Jones in 2005, these researchers explored assortive
mating. The studies conducted examined individual preferences of human personality in relation
to their preferences in a mate. Individuals were looking for mates that were matches of
themselves to some degree but also sought mates that were somewhat higher in
1992) are aging and social pressures. When the biological clock begins to tick as women age or
men achieve their career goals and are expected by society to settle down and begin a family,
some feel the urge to seek out a partner to satisfy these life milestone expectancies. This
facilitator causes the person to seek out a partner who is suitable to establishing security and this
person avoids the uncertainty of passionate relationships which are seen as flighty and unstable.
Women are looking for men who are willing to commit and can provide security for them
and their offspring, while men are looking for women who can bear many children and thus are
Yet another factor that influences romantic attraction is sexual desire. The person who is
out to satisfy sexual needs will partner with someone who can fill that need and place less value
It seems as though everyone is looking for an ideal partner. Although there are many
characteristics that people see as ideal in a romantic partner, no one romantic partner is going to
exemplify all such preferences. As such, tradeoffs will be mate-selection, with some of these
Clinical Significance
The literature I reviewed provides a sound background based on accredited studies. Each
study’s results are significant to my theory that underlying desires are the most prominent factor
that affect romantic attraction. With this knowledge, therapists may be able to identify the desire
that propelled the attraction and work with the client to resolve issues by using any of the
theoretical approaches.
In the 1992 Jacobs study we learned that there are four different primary motivating
factors behind becoming involved in a relationship. When examined the factors listed could also
be seen as unfulfilled needs that lead to seeking out a relationship which may or may not damage
the relationship. The study showed that there are times when people engage in relationships due
to loneliness or a need to escape the everyday worries of life. This supports my theory that
to make more of a connection with our clients who are involved in romantic relationships.
Discussion
We all want this thing we call love. We look for it in each face we encounter. Those who
don’t seek love are that way because they don’t expect love to come. But for those who do
expect and yearn to be embraced, that yearning represents an underlying need, a void that
urgently needs to be filled by the loving arms of a companion. The need for companionship from
a person who will allow us to feel safe emotionally and physically is not uncommon among men
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and women of all ages. We age, we grow and we want someone to share our joys and mishaps.
We want to feel the sense of belonging associated with being in a relationship, at the same time,
when we examine that desire for a relationship we can find out what need we most want to fill
which will help us to understand the issues that we are confronted with when or if our needs are
At the end of the day, everyone gains something from any relationship that we are
involved in, but it is the identity that we establish during a romantic relationship that we tend to
place more value on. Our ability to find a compatible partner is often seen as a characteristic of
success. Finding someone who shares our ideals and beliefs normalizes our existence. Many feel
that having someone who wants to share their life with them, allows them to feel that their life
has meaning. From the studies that I reviewed, sharing the stories of our life’s journey, bonds us
with each other, enabling the emotion of love to spring forth which affects our actions toward the
object of our attention. A sense of loyalty is established when a person knows that someone else
loves them. A sense of family is established. Unwritten commitments and bonds are formed
through romantic relationships, regardless of the expressed need that propelled the relationship
forward.
Each action we take in life is taken because we have a goal in mind. We take a step
forward because we want to walk from here to there. It’s the same in relationships. We join
together with someone because we feel that in uniting with them, we can achieve something
greater than if we tried to accomplish it alone. Let us remember to examine our motivating
factors and make sure they are not born from a place of emptiness and despair, but rather from a
References
Critelli, Joseph W., & Dupre, Kathleen (1978). Self-disclosure and romantic attraction. The
Figueredo, Aurelio J., Sefcek, John A., & Jones, Daniel N. (2006). The ideal romantic partner
Fletcher, J. M., Tither C., O’Loughlin, M., Friesen and N. Overall, Warm and homely or cold and
beautiful? Sex differences in trading off traits in mate selection, Personality and Social
Jacobs, John R. (1992). Facilitators of romantic attraction and their relation to lovestyle. Social
Pines, Ayala M. (1998). A prospective study of personality and gender differences in romantic