This action might not be possible to undo. Are you sure you want to continue?
You Silly Blonde. Don't You Get It?
A blonde was at home watching TV with her friends when she heard a noise. She ran out just in time to see a thief drive off in her car. "Did you see their face?" her friends asked when she came back inside. "No, but it's okay -- I got the license plate number!"
Heh. Stupid Blondes.
How do you make a blonde laugh on Sunday? Tell her a joke on Thursday!
How do you keep a blonde at home? Build a circular driveway.
Blonde and a Brunette on a Cliff
Q: A blonde and a brunette jumped off a cliff. Who hit bottom first? A: The brunette -- the blonde had to stop and ask for directions.
Yo' Mama is so fat, that when she wears blue people think a flood is coming. You're so fat that when you step on the scales it says, “One person at a time please.”
Scared to death
A taxi passenger tapped his driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The drover screamed, lost control of the car, and landed inches away from a shop window. After a few silent moments, the driver said, "Look, man, don't ever do that to me again! You scared the daylights out of me!" The passenger apologized and said, 'I didn't think a tap on the shoulder would scare you that much.'The driver replies, it isn't really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver. I was driving a hearse for the past 25 years! (hearse: funeral vehicle)
Bad Things to Hear on an Airplane
10. This is your captain speaking and I don't feel that life is worth living anymore. 9. We're cruising at an altitude of... ah, hell, I don't know. 8. Could somebody come up here and tell me what this button does? 7. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! Just kidding. 6. Would a flight attendant bring me a martini? And keep 'em coming! 5. This is...uh...this is...uh...your...hmm. I seem to have lost my memory. 4. Passengers on the left side of the plane -- does that engine sound funny to you? 3. Welcome aboard flight 109 -- you bunch of jerks! 2. Good God, Steve! We're going to crash! Oops -- is this intercom on? 1. We'll be on the ground in 10 minutes. One way or another.
The Way It Goes
-- The spouse who snores the loudest always falls asleep first. -- The product you are most embarrassed to buy must be price-checked over the intercom. -- The heavier the load and the farther you must carry it, the more your nose itches. --The original will be found when a replacement is bought. -- When you have a deadline, the printer always runs out of toner. -- When you have to get up early, a power surge knocks out the alarm clock in the night. -- Technical instructions are in three languages: Spanish, French and Greek. -- On the verge of completing a major spreadsheet, you will mysteriously perform an "illegal operation" and erase your work.
Fun Things to Do at a Drive-Thru
1. Drive through the drive-thru in reverse and let your passenger order.
2. Ask the price of almost everything on the menu and then order something that you didn't ask the price for. 3. Tell the employee that your window is broken. Order and then pay with your door open. When the food comes, roll down the window and snatch your order from their hands. 4. Go to McDonald's and demand a big breakfast at 11:30 at night. 5. Pay for a large order in pennies and nickels. 6. Order in another language. Be careful what neighborhood you're in. 7. When asked if they can take your order, tell them you are just window-shopping and drive on. 8. Laugh sadistically when asked if you would like ketchup. 9. Ask the cashier how they fit into that little box. 10. If they make you wait, make them wait when they come back on. 11. Demand to speak to the manager. When they come on, complain that you did not like the way the employee said, "May I take your order?" 12. When asked if they can take your order say, "Why, can I take yours?" 13. If they ask you to wait, order anyway and keep doing it till they yell at you. 14. Pretend your car has broken down. Ask for assistance moving it. When they come out, drive away. 15. Tell them you have to use the bathroom. 16. Order a cup of water and two napkins. That's it. 17. Don't order when they come on. Just sit there. If a line forms behind you, get out of the car and cause a scene. 18. When they hand you your food, hand them a bag with all the trash from your car in it. 19. Just stare at them when you pay and get your food. 20. Honk your horn the whole way through the line.
The Rules (by Her)
1. The Female always makes THE RULES. 2. THE RULES are subject to change without notice. 3. No Male can possible know all THE RULES. 4. If the Female suspects the Male knows all THE RULES, she must immediately change some of THE RULES. 5. The Female is never wrong. 6. If it appears the Female is wrong, it is because of a flagrant misunderstanding caused by something the Male did or said wrong. 7. If Rule #6 applies, the Male must apologize immediately for causing the misunderstanding. 8. The Female can change her mind at any time. 9. The Male must never change his mind without the express, written consent of The Female. 10. The Female has every right to be angry or upset at any time. 11. The Male must remain calm at all times, unless the Female wants him to be angry or upset. 12. The Female must, under no circumstances, let the Male know whether she wants him to be angry or upset. 13. The Male is expected to read the mind of the Female at all times. 14. At all times, what is important is what the Female meant, not what she said. 15. If the Male doesn't abide by THE RULES, it is because he can't take the heat, lacks backbone, and is a wimp. 16. If the Female has PMS, all THE RULES are null and void and the Male must cater to her every whim. 17. Any attempt to document THE RULES could result in bodily harm. 18. If the Male, at any time, believes he is right, he must refer to Rule #5.
Why is 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 8 9! HOPE YOU HAD FUN!