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V

FILIPINA WOMEN’S NETWORK
ANTI-VIOLENCE RESOURCE GUIDE

Giovannie’s
D I A R I E S
Story:
Survivor. Advocate. Single Mom. Actor

PREMIERE ISSUE | MARCH 2005

Does your boyfriend

 you?
P U T YO U R B OY F R I E N D TO THE
TEST WITH OUR QUIZ

What does  mean?

Why Does She Stay?
A Filipina Woman
President
in our Future

Not Me!
THE MYTHS OF VIOLENCE

What to pack in
your getaway bag
HOW TO BE A
good best friend
The “ V” Team MESSAGE FROM THE EXECUTIVE PRODUCER

. . . . ♥ . . . . readers will find our publication useful in three women worldwide is beaten,
so they can change what is happening raped or abused. In South Africa, a
DeVoted Publisher in their homes or might happen in woman is raped every 35 seconds.
M A R I LY M O N D E J A R another’s affairs, in order to prevent Two million young girls are introduced
Loving Mother of
Bobit and Franklin Ricarte something undesirable happening. into the global commercial-sex market
A 30,000 print run was distributed in annually. Two Pakistani women are
DiVine Editor At Large select zip codes as a supplement in The burned daily by fire or acid in domes-
G E N E V I E V E V. J O PA N D A Examiner, the San Francisco Chronicle tic violence incidents. In America, a
Loving Daughter of I am delighted to welcome you to and the Bay Area Business Woman as woman is battered every 15 seconds
Lolita Villafranca Jopanda V-Day San Francisco 2005: well as the patrons at the Herbst Theatre - four a minute, 240 an hour, 5,760
Angel Art Director The Vagina Monologues. during the two-day performance. each day.
AL S. PEREZ
Loving Son of Fely Perez The Filipina Women’s Network (FWN) We are grateful to many who have To understand FWN’s Filipina Women
is proud to collaborate once again with made these ambitious goals happen: Against Violence Campaign, consider
. . . . ♥ . . . . V-Day and continue its anti-violence this – 40% of women murdered by
educational and awareness campaign a) Our truly remarkable cast and their partners were Filipinas – accord-
LoVe Writers
launched in January 2004. “Filipinas crew members, for opening ing to the 1998 Homicide Survey from
GEENE GONZALES Against Violence” is about helping their wallets and giving up their the San Francisco District Attorney’s
Loving Friend of Filipina women “break the silence” weekends and countless hours to Office.
Asian Women’s Shelter and to raise money and awareness in plan, rehearse and attend to all the
GLORIA RAMOS the community to help stop violence details of producing Violence against Filipina women
Loving Daugher of against Filipina women and girls. the show; and girls is a growing problem. Our
Julia Morales b) Our amazing advertisers and community needs to come together
JESSIC A JALLORINA Realizing that there is no specific agency sponsors, for believing in our and find solutions to end domestic
Loving Daughter of or organization in the San Francisco mission and supporting our cause; violence. The church. The schools.
Josephine Jallorina Bay Area geared towards the needs c) Our fabulous volunteers and The community organizations. The
R I TA V I L L A V I C E N C I O S C H M I D and cultural considerations of Filipina friends, for their loving corporations with large Filipino
Loving Daughter of women and girls in violent situations, commitment and valuable help; employee populations. The media. You
Maryann Edralin Schmid
FWN came up with two ways to reach d) Our family members, for not and me. Everyone.
KEVIN PIMENTEL out to the Filipina community: giving up on us, as we undertake
Loving Friend of this important project; Your presence here tonight is critical
API Legal Outreach
1. Develop and produce an e) Our Vagina Warriors, they are the to our anti-violence efforts and we
S H E L E N E ATA NAC I O Anti-Violence Resource Guide heart of V-Day and their stories urge you to continue to support our
Loving Grandaughter of
Adoracion Atanacio 2. Produce two “The Vagina Mono- keep us inspired and determined campaign. I hope the stories of The
logues” benefit performances on f) All of you who have bought tickets Vagina Monologues will inspire you
. . . . ♥ . . . . March 13 and 14, 2005 to The Vagina Monologues for to join us and to continue our work in
March 13 & 14, your presence and your community, your workplace and
Heart Contributors The resource guide is now called the your applause are much valued! your home.
BLESILDA OCAMPO “V-Diaries.” We hope you keep this
publication, learn from the articles Our work is not over….
KAI DELEN BRIONES
and reflections shared with us, and Marily Mondejar
GITA MEHROTRA pass it on to women who may need the To understand the battle that V-Day is President
CHARLES UGALDE resources listed. Our hope is that our fighting, consider the statistics. One Filipina Women’s Network

FILIPINA WOMEN’S NETWORK
TISA MENDOZA
. . . . ♥ . . . . Filipina Women’s Network is a nonprofit association for women of Philippine ancestry. It
FWN Board of Directors enhances public perceptions of Filipina women’s capacities to lead; changes biases of Filipina
women’s leadership abilities; and fosters the entry of Filipina women into positions of leadership
TESSIE ZARAGOZA, Chair in corporate, government, and nonprofit sectors. For more info, visit www.ffwn.org.
MARILY MONDE JAR, President
DINA GUINGONA, Treasurer
LAARNI SAN JUAN, Director How to reach the Filipina Women’s Network • P. O. Box 192143, San Francisco, CA 94119 • Phone: 415 / 278. 9410 • Fax: 415 / 840. 0655 • www.ffwn.org.
THELMA ESTRADA, Director The views and opinions of advertisers and contributors expressed in this publication do not necessarily state or reflect those of Filipina Women’s Network.
© 2005 Filipina Women’s Network. All Rights Reserved. No part of this publication may be published without the expressed written permission of the publisher.

02 FILIPINA WOMEN’S NETWORK | w w w. f f w n . o r g
M E S S AG E F R O M T H E E D I TO R - AT - L A R G E

stories of real people that deal with abuse.
They’re sharing their stories with you,
sharing pages from their diaries of life.
In a meeting with our friends at the
know someone directly or have heard
of someone who has been or is being
abused.
What I want you to know is that we
TABLE OF
CONTENTS
V
DIARIES

API Legal Outreach and Asian Women’s want it to stop. What I want you to do is to
Shelter, our idea of circulating a resource help us stop it. You can start by helping us TA B L E O F CO N T E N T S
guide instead of a playbill started to really raise awareness. Giovannie Pico, our cover
develop. I asked them what victims of story said “ Never be too polite to get into
Double Entendre- is defined as a word or About V-Day 3
abuse would be looking for in a resource someone’s business because you might
expression capable of two interpretations guide. What questions do they want just save someone’s life.” V-Resources 12
with one usually risqué. Our goal with the answered? What do they need to have As Beckie Masaki said,“At first The Vagina Monologues
article titles on the cover is to gain your and need to know to get help? How can we appearance, a boulder seems strong and Program 14
attention, pick up the magazine and read help? At the end of the night, meeting at water seems weak.Yet drop by drop water
it. Our true intention is to engage you in Vagina Warriors 23
a table at Max’s Opera café, we concluded can break down a boulder. Drop by drop
a deeper understanding of our mission. that awareness is what our community we can turn the tide.” The Vagina Monologues
“Packaging” our anti-violence resource Cast and Crew 24
desires. You can help stop the cycle of
guide like a fashion magazine is far from Abuse exists in every community violence. Let’s all start right now. Acknowledgments 26
being casual and trendy. From victims of regardless of race, age, gender, or eco-
abuse to service providers, these are the nomic status. Many of you reading this Genevieve V. Jopanda O N T H E CO V E R
Giovannie’s Story 16

F R O M V - D AY TO V - W O R L D States, Europe and Eastern Europe
» Driving cars in Saudi Arabia V-RESOURCE ARTICLES
As V-Day benefit performances of » Wearing trousers in Swaziland Does Your Boyfriend
“The Vagina Monologues” reach more » Safely walking home from work in Love You? 6

VICTORY
people, and as the V-energy spreads, Juarez, Mexico w w w. vd ay. org What Does Love Mean? 7
2005 is the year when we envision a » Enjoying sex
new world, where violence would end » Celebrating their desires V-Day is a vision: We see a world Not Me! The Myths of
Violence 8
and V-World is finally born. Between » Loving their bodies where women live safely and freely.
February 14 and March 31 this year, » Running the world V-Day is a demand: Rape, incest,
Why Does She Stay? 9
over 2,500 events are taking place in battery, genital mutilation and sexual Cycle of Violence 15
some 1,116 communities in over 45 About V-Day
slavery must end now.
countries worldwide – the largest num- V-Day, a nonprofit corporation, dis- What To Pack In Your

VALENTI NE
ber of events ever for V-Day! tributes funds to grassroots, national, V-Day is a spirit: We believe women Getaway Bag 17
and international organizations and should spend their lives creating and Violence Against Women:
Here’s what V-World will look like programs that work to stop violence thriving rather than surviving or A Lifetime Spiral 17
When the violence stops, women and against women and girls. V-Day is recovering from terrible atrocities.
girls will be: a global movement to stop violence V-Day is a catalyst: By raising money
» Allowed to be born in China, India against women and girls. V-Day is a V - F E AT U R E S
and consciousness, it will unify and Filipinas Who Could 9
And Korea catalyst that promotes creative events strengthen existing anti-violence
» Swimming in Iran to increase awareness, raise money be President

VAG I NA
efforts. Triggering far-reaching aware-
» Safe in their beds at home in the and revitalize the spirit of existing ness, it will lay the groundwork for new Vagina Diaries 10, 20, 30
United States, Europe and Asia anti-violence organizations. V-Day educational, protective, and legislative
» Eating ice cream in Afghanistan generates broader attention for the Domestic Violence and the
endeavors throughout the world. Filipino Community 11
» Keeping their clitorises in Africa fight to stop violence against women
and Asia and girls, including rape, battery, V-Day is a process: We will work as Accessing The California
» Wearing blue jeans in Italy incest, female genital mutilation (FGM) long as it takes. We will not stop until Victim Compensation Fund 27
» Voting in Kuwait and sexual slavery. The ‘V’ in V-Day the violence stops.
How To Be A Good
» Walking in the park at night in the stands for Victory, Valentine V-Day is a day: We proclaim Best Friend 28
United States and Vagina. Valentine’s Day as V-Day, to celebrate
» Openly flirting in Jordan women and end the violence.
» Safe at parties on college campuses Mission The V-Diaries is a publication of
» Playing with toys and not being V-Day is an organized response V-Day is a fierce, wild, unstoppable the Filipina Women’s Network.
sold as them in Asia, the United against violence toward women. movement and community.

FILIPINA WOMEN AGAINST VIOLENCE 03
04 FILIPINA WOMEN’S NETWORK | w w w. f f w n . o r g
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FILIPINA WOMEN AGAINST VIOLENCE 05
Does Your Boyfriend Love You?
Is it love or abuse? Circle the letter c. Accuses your friends of trying to
you think matches what would break up the two of you.
happen in your relationship:
7. Your boyfriend sees you talking to
1. You say something that your another boy. He:
boyfriend disagrees with. He: a. Smiles and waves.
a. Lets you give your opinion. b. Makes sure the other boy knows you
b. Teases you and says that you’re stupid. have a boyfriend by putting his arms
c. Slaps you and tells you to shut up. around you and introducing himself
to the guy.
2. You and your boyfriend are fooling c. Grabs you by the arm and drags you
around, but you tell him you don’t want
away, accusing you of flirting.
to have sex. He says:
a. “That’s OK, I understand.” 8. You aren’t home when your
b. “But, I thought you said you loved boyfriend calls. He:
me.” a. Mentions that he called the next time
c. “Well, you’ve got me excited. Now you he sees you.
have to have sex with me.” b. Calls your cell phone and asks where
3. You’re studying for finals, and you you are.
need some help with the baby. You ask d. Tracks you down and demands to
your boyfriend, and he: know what you’re doing and who
a. Says he’ll be there as soon as he gets you’re with.
off work.
b. Refuses, saying he never really Answers for “Does Your Boyfriend
believed the kid is his anyway. Love You?”
c. Threatens to dump you, if you don’t
quit asking for help all the time. Mostly A’s: In a healthy relationship, a
He buys the diapers, doesn’t he? guy is respectful and considerate of your
feelings. He tries to understand that you
4. You have a lot of studying to do this may have a different point of view about
week and you don’t have time to go out some things. Things might not always
with your boyfriend. He: be perfect, but you’ve got a good thing
a. Says he understands. going.
b. Laughs and tells you there’s no point
in studying because you’re going to Mostly B’s: Think about how you feel
flunk anyway. when he does these things. Abuse is not
c. Makes you feel guilty and insists that always physical. If it seems like he keeps
you go out with him. trying to put you down or he is always
jealous, the relationship is unhealthy.
5. What would your boyfriend do if
you told him you were thinking about
Mostly C’s: These are all signs of an
breaking up with him? Would he:
a. Ask you if you’d like to talk about it. abusive relationship. Other danger signs
b. Say “Forget it!” and find another might be:
girlfriend. » Does he blame you when he loses his
c. Refuse to listen when you want to talk temper?
about your feelings and threaten to » Does he accuse you of lying to him?

Teenagers and Acquaintance Rape hurt himself or you. If you don’t stay
with him.
» Are you afraid that you’ll do
something to upset him?
A long-term study of adolescent vulnerability to sexual assault » Does he always have to be right?
by Suzanne S. Ageton of the Behavioral Research Institute in 6. You make plans to go out with your
Boulder, Colorado, found that nearly all of the female teen victims girlfriends. Your boyfriend: Find someone you can trust to talk about
know their attackers: a. Tells you to be safe and have a good what’s going on with your boyfriend, and
» 56% had been raped by a date time. get the help you need.
» 30% had been raped by a friend b. Talks about how he’s going out with
» 11% had been raped by a boyfriend his friends and all the girls he’ll meet. (“Is it really love?” EPA, A Division of
California Family Health Council, Inc. 2001)
06 FILIPINA WOMEN’S NETWORK | w w w. f f w n . o r g
What Does Love Mean?
Is It Love or Abuse?
People need and want love. When it’s abuse they may:
Nobody should be abused.
When it’s love you: • Put you down.
• Tell you what to do.
• Trust each other. • Break your stuff.
• Respect each other’s feelings and • Threaten you or your children.
opinions. • Act jealous for no reason.
• Make decisions together. • Slap you around.
• Are honest with each other. • Force you to have sex.
• Feel safe and secure.
• Listen to each other. When it’s love, you’re in it together.
When it’s abuse, you may feel
afraid and alone.

(“Is it really love?” EPA, A Division
of California Family Health
Council, Inc. 2001 pg. 7)

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I’m sorry. I love you
FILIPINA WOMEN AGAINST VIOLENCE 07
Not Me! The Myths of Violence [ ] Restraining the attacker from
abusing you and your family.
[ ] Directing that either or both parties
go to counseling.
[ ] Directing the attacker to leave the [ ] Directing the abuser to turn in
Ask yourself the following [ ] Has your partner told you his household (kickout order). firearms.
questions: violence is not serious?
[ ] Stop the attacker from contacting
You have the right to file a civil suit
[ ] Is your partner extremely jealous? [ ] Does your partner blame drugs or you by phone, letter, third party, or
against the perpetrator for losses
Does he discourage you from alcohol for his violent behavior? email.
suffered as a result of domestic abuse.
speaking to friends or family? [ ] Stop the attacker from entering your These losses could include medical
[ ] Does your partner make you feel
[ ] Does your partner prevent you from like you are crazy? residence, school, business, or place expenses and loss of earnings, damage
getting a job or learning English? of employment. to property and any other related
[ ] Does your partner call you names expenses incurred by the victim or
[ ] Has your partner ever threatened to that are hurtful and shameful to [ ] Awarding the victim or the other agent that shelters the victim.
take your children away from you? you? parent custody of / or visitation
with a minor child or children. Know your rights
[ ] Has your partner told you that he [ ] Does your partner threaten to Restraining the attacker from
will have you deported? commit suicide? bothering or interfering with the [ ] Domestic violence victims qualify
[ ] Have you ever been hit by your minor children in the custody of the for the confidential address
Explore your options victim (listing children as “protected program. It will forward your mail
partner?
As a victim of domestic violence, you persons”). to a confidential address to keep
[ ] Has your partner forced you to have have the right to go to Superior Court your former partner from finding
sex when you did not want to? [ ] Directing the party not granted you. (Government Code 6207)
and file a petition (at no charge to custody to pay child support, if
[ ] Has your partner ever threatened you) requesting a domestic violence there is a legal obligation.
you with weapons like guns, knives restraining order. It may include: [ ] Notice of release or escape from
or other objects? [ ] Directing the attacker to pay certain jail / prison for stalking /domestic
[ ] A domestic violence restraining bills coming due while the order is violence victims available at the
[ ] Does your partner claim that his order telling the attacker to stay in effect. request of the victim. (Penal Code
violence is your fault? away from you. 646.92)

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08 FILIPINA WOMEN’S NETWORK | w w w. f f w n . o r g
[ ] Victims of various assaultive crimes
are allowed up to two support
or retaliating against domestic
violence victims who take time off
Filipina Women Who are
persons to accompany them at court
hearings. Penal Code 868.5
work to seek judicial remedies, such
as restraining orders or domestic Changing the World:
violence-related services. Labor
[ ] Law enforcement officers are FILIPINAS WHO COULD BE PRESIDENT
Code 230(c)and 230.I
required to enforce orders of
protection from other jurisdictions [ ] If you are a victim of domestic Filipina American Women Gathered organizations in leadership and strategy
in the same manner they enforce violence, the State Victim at FWN’s Leadership Summit in San at the Filipina Summit and celebrated
orders issued within their own Compensation and Government Francisco to Share Strategies on How to Filipino American Heritage Month in
jurisdictions. An Advocate’s Guide Claims Board can help you recover Strengthen Their Economic and Political October,” said Tessie Zaragoza, chair of
Muscle in the U. S. the board, FWN. “The Summit featured
to Full Faith and Credit. financially and may pay for losses
sessions that validated our cultural values
such as medical /dental expenses, Mabuhay ang mga Filipina! and we strategized on how to change the
[ ] Federal law prohibits an abuser
mental health treatment, wage or power paradigm.”
subject to a qualifying order
income loss, job retraining, home or Two magazine publishers, a nonprofit
of protection from possessing
vehicle renovation, home security
firearms and ammunition. I8 U.S.C
installation, and moving/relocation
CEO, a journalist, a political consultant, a
San Francisco Supervisor candidate, and a
Filipinas Who Could be
922(g)(8) For more information,
please see CAADV’s Firearms
expenses. governor of the California State Bar Board President Honorees:
— these remarkable women led Filipina
brochure. women at the first Filipina Summit on G E L L Y N. B O R R O M E O
October 22-23, 2004 at the War Memorial Publisher, Asian Enterprise Magazine;
[ ] You have a right to get a copy of “Exploring your options, Knowing your
Building sponsored by the Filipina Executive Director, National Council of
the crime report face sheet free of rights” brochure created by the California Women’s Network. They were honored at Asian American Business Associations
charge from the law enforcement Alliance Against Domestic Violence. a special awards ceremony at the Summit (NCAABA); President, Asian Business
agency. Family Code 6228 to highlight their contributions to the Ventures, Inc.
Filipina community.
[ ] The Victims of Domestic Violence Ir ene B. Bueno
Employment Leave Act prohibits “These Filipina women are changing Political Consultant and Government
employers from discriminating the world. They are challenging the Relations Specialist; Co-Founder and
stereotypes that hold Filipinas back Principal of Nueva Vista Group
from becoming full participants in
the workplace,” said Marily Mondejar, IRENE NATIVIDAD
president of FWN, the association for President, Global Summit of Women:
women of Philippine ancestry. Co-Chair, Corporate Women Directors

Why Does She Stay?
International; Executive Director,
“There are 2.36 million Filipinos in the Philippine American Foundation
U.S., 55 percent of which are women.
We have identified three Filipinas MONA LISA YUCHENGCO
who have broken through the “glass Founder and President, Filipinas
Lack of Immigrant Threats to her children, ceiling” at Fortune 500 companies. Publishing, Inc.; Publisher, Filipinas
money status loss of custody These women are Cora Tellez, former Magazine; Chairman and Executive
president, Health Net; Marissa Peterson, Director, Philippine International Aid
Executive Vice President, Worldwide
Lack of THE Fear of Operations, Sun Microsystems; and MYRNA LIM
job skills ABUSED loneliness Evelyn Dilsaver, Executive Vice President, President, The Realty Group; Candidate
WOMAN’S Chief Administrative Officer, U.S. Trust for San Francisco Supervisor, District 11
ROADBLOCKS Corporation, Charles Schwab. We want
Love and concern Fear of more violence, to increase this number. The Filipinas NE R I S S A FE R N A N D EZ
for batterer Who Could Be President Award and Journalist; Managing Officer,
even death
the Filipina Summit are part of a larger International Media Exchange
“Shape the Filipina Image” campaign to
Not knowing options Attempts to pacify build the Filipina community’s pipeline of RUTHE CATOLICO ASHLEY
available to her: batterer fail repeatedly; qualified leaders, increasing our odds that Director, Career Services and Outreach,
Temporary Restraining Order depression follows; some will rise to the president position,” University of the Pacific, McGeorge School
Counseling Shelter Mondejar added. of Law; Governor, Board of Governors,
self-esteem and
Legal Aid State Bar of California
assertiveness diminishes;
Aid to Families with “I think the Filipina voice, our sharp
initiative crumbles.
Dependent Children instincts and knowledge of humanity .........................
Support Groups are critically needed to bring balance to “Never doubt ...that a small group
This is the most the work-world and all communities. of thoughtful committed citizens
24 hour Assistance devastating roadblock!
etc. Filipina women are quick learners and can change the world. Indeed,
fearless teachers. We lined up the marquis it is the only thing that ever has.”
– Margaret Mead

FILIPINA WOMEN AGAINST VIOLENCE 09
T H E F LOAT Q U E E N
She was crowned the float queen. He was acap
tain in the Armed
Forces of the Philippines. Her father did not
want her to get
involved with him. This man of authority
would not be defeated
so he kidnapped her, raped her and kept her
captive for several
months. She became pregnant. She loathed
T h e Va g i n a D i a r i e s :
him. He would come
and visit his daughter but she would throw
rock s at his car.
She is my aunt; my mother’s sister. Growing
haunted by this violent story that happen up, I was
At the orientation of The Vagina Monologues, the cast and crew ed long before I was
born. My mother instilled a fear in my siste

V
were given a journal to capture their thoughts as the production r and me that we
could be kidnapped and raped if we made
progressed. Ultimately, they were finding a deeper meaning to their the “wrong” move.
DIARIES participation as buried memories and feelings started surfacing.
As a child on the way to my best friend’s
warning me to “be careful of her brother and
house I remember her
step-father.” I
The following are excerpts from their journals reflecting their dismissed her warning and went anyway
. Once, I insisted on
involvement in The Vagina Monologues and The Filipina Women’s going somewhere she did not approve of and
she warned, “If you
Network. These are excerpts from their journals. go, you will get raped”.
Rape became very real in college when a good
raped. I was called in as a witness and was friend was
interviewed by the
campus police. The perpetrator was eventual
ruary 7, 2005 ly banned from
PRIVATE, Anonymous, Feb on-campus housing. My friend and I were
shunned by his
friends. My aunt’s story continues to haun
Private thoughts … t me. It became more
real when history repeated itself in the form
Private par ts … of date rape. It
took me a long time to admit I was raped.
Private business ….. I never did anything
w sordid about it. But if I ever see him again, I just
So why do you want to kno hope to have the same
ounters courage as my aunt, to throw rock s at his
Details of innocent enc car.
With men who kno w not — Anonymous
What they do ...?
it was.”

“I can’t even remember who
When I was 17, I thought I was in love. My first boyfriend was the cool bad boy.
into my heart. I was holding
Her words pierced deeply I was the shy nice girl. He wanted to spend a lot of time with me. At first, I
bottom lip, as my 21-year
back my tears, biting my thought… how great, he really loves me! He wanted to be with me ALL the time. I
experience of being touched
old sobbingly recalled her remember thinking…wow, he really loves me!
. The sting and shock of buried
without her permission Every morning he would come to see me at my first class. He was there when I
being able to protest touches
memory, the reality of not got out of school. I thought…how sweet. Then, the jealousy started kicking in. He’d
not big enough to rescue her
against her will, my hugs
e wild, simultaneous sen- see me talking to a male classmate and he’d freak out. He’d accuse me of cheating
nor keep her from harm, thes
ce bet ween me and her. on him. Then it would be about my clothes. My typical outfit would be jeans and a
sations filled the electric spa
shirt. Pretty conservative. He accused me of dressing like a slut.
n’t want to remember...
I go … way back, where I did I tried breaking up…many times. He always promised to change, he would
a was taking typing classes
those nights when Momm cry sometimes. It became this rollercoaster cycle of breaking up and making up.
ld come to my bed and
at the high school. He wou During one of our break ups, I went out with my best girlfriend. We went clubbing.
es read me a story. He
pretended to talk, or sometim At 3AM, we went to the usual 24-hour diner where everyone went after the clubs
warmth scared me, but
forced me to touch him. The closed. A police officer caught my boyfriend outside the window. He was loitering.
really registering what
I was frozen in terror, not The police officer lectured me in front of the whole restaurant about how psychotic
ear old mind. I felt great
was going on in my five-y this situation was. My best gal starts in about how crazy he is. The waitress added
of protest. I just stared at the
fear, but made no sound her two cents. Honestly, I don’t remember anything they were saying. I was so
kept me from looking down
lamp. Its glow on my face humiliated.
ess wanted caressing. My
the covers where his malen
He guided it up and down My boyfriend and I still got back together. This time he REALLY wanted to
small hand did not grasp.
d felt its hard and soft change. He wanted us to work out our problems. He proposed marriage. He found
the shaft, the back of my han
us a marriage counselor. I knew this was insane because we were not married, but
surfaces.
honestly, I still thought, wow, he REALLY, REALLY loves me. I was pretty confused.
nger daughter’s sobbing
I snapped back to my you After our first session, the counselor told me confidentially to “get out of
gently.
body. I could only hug her this relationship!” She referred me to Woman, Inc., a non-profit organization for
holiday this year. battered women. I went to a support group with a bunch of middle-aged women
Thanksgiving was a marred
who suffered abuse at home. I knew I had to get out. I refused to be in these
women’s shoes.
I graduated from high school and went to college. Still with him. I went to a
university and lived on campus. I remember staying late at the library studying for
finals and found him waiting in front of my door. He told me he has been waiting for
four hours. I decided that I have to leave. I secretly applied for a summer conference
in the east coast. I was gone for the whole summer. Never saw him again.
Domestic Violence and the
Filipino Community
By Shele ne Atanacio

A
ccording to San Francisco’s Department stated, “40 percent of women murdered by
on the Status of Women, an their partners were Filipinas.”
estimated 3.9 million women are Malay believes one possible explanation
physically abused each year, about one every may be the mail-order bride phenomenon.
eight seconds. More than three women are To escape poverty, Filipinas risk the safety
murdered by their domestic partners every of home and come to the U.S. as brides to
day in the United States. men who are essentially strangers.
The Filipino community has been Another factor may be the religious
visible recently through several highly upbringing of Filipinos and the belief
publicized cases of Filipinas being murdered that marriage is permanent while divorce
by their partners. In response, the City of is morally wrong. Religious leaders often
San Francisco developed a strategic plan reinforce victimization by advising women
to address the problem. Unfortunately, “to carry the cross the Lord asked you to
thousands of domestic violence incidents bear.” Traditionally, Filipinas also have the
go underreported each year. Santa Clara tendency to put the needs of their partners
County reported that in six deaths related before their own. In turn, these factors
to domestic violence last year, no previous often tend to encourage Filipinas to suffer
reports were filed that may have alerted or in silence.
warned authorities of a potential problem. When Malay started her private
I interviewed Paulita Lasola Malay, a practice as a mental health clinician /
licensed marriage and family therapist in psychotherapist / relationship specialist,
San Mateo County, about her observations Filipinos comprised less than 10 percent
on domestic violence in the Filipino of her clientele. Most Filipinos believe that
Community. Malay was Filipino outreach psychotherapy is for “crazy” people.
coordinator and bilingual community Malay facilitates intervention groups for
educator at the Center for Domestic people accused of domestic violence. She
Violence Prevention (now known as leads two groups for Filipinos and
CORA) of the San Mateo County. She conducted in Tagalog or Taglish (Tagalog
focused her efforts on educating the / English). The third group is for female
community about domestic violence and its offenders. A year ago, six of the 12
prevention. She also founded the Filipino participants were Filipinas.
Outreach Program of the agency. In 1998, Malay established a support
Malay said that domestic violence group in Daly City for Filipinas who were
occurs in all communities. She was involved in abusive relationships. Today, she
hesitant to claim however, that the Filipino remains the only Filipina psychotherapist.
community has the higher rates of domestic In fact, she’s the only Asian psychotherapist
violence than any other ethnicity. Malay in the field of domestic violence treatment
along with the Asian Women’s Shelter agreed and prevention in San Mateo County.
that gathering accurate statistics is difficult Malay has a private practice in brief
since most cases are never reported or are growth-oriented therapy, cross-cultural or
kept confidential. The fact is, domestic inter-racial relationships, in anger management,
violence crosses all racial and ethnic and in attaining healthy relationships. Go to
boundaries; it happens in one out of four www.gettingbetterandbetter.com
relationships regardless of race or color.
The only relevant statistics that Shelene Atanacio is a cast member of The
indicates domestic violence to be a growing Vagina Monologues 2005 produced by
problem in the Filipino community was FWN. She’s an actor / writer / playwright.
in a 1998 Homicide Survey from the San More information can be found at www.
Francisco District Attorney’s Office that sheleneatanacio.com.

FILIPINA WOMEN AGAINST VIOLENCE 11
V - RESOURCES
CHILD ABUSE

Catta Center
707. 664. 3225
1
Child & Family Services
San Francisco
415. 206. 8772
DA’s Office
Domestic Violence
Advocate
Oakland
510. 268. 7276
Contact: Ali
DA’s Office – Stalking
Emergency Shelter
Program
22634 2nd St., Suite 205
Hayward, CA 94541
510. 581. 5626
510. 786. 1246
888. 339. SAFE
Spanish; 90-day stay,
women and children
of domestic violence /
homeless
Save
Weave (Women
Escaping Violence)
1900 K St.
Sacramento, CA 95814
916. 920. 2952
916. 448. 2321
Asian Women’s Shelter
3453 18th St., #19
San Francisco, CA 94110
877. 751. 0880
415. 751. 7110
Various Asian Languages
2
Next Door
1181 N. Fourth St., Ste. A
San Jose, CA 95112

abc
408. 279. 2962
408. 279. 7550
nextdoor.org
Spanish; Women and
Children; Boys under
16 only; 24 hour intake,
sliding fee
Network for Battered
Women
Community United
Against Violence
160 14th St.,
San Francisco, CA 94103
415. 777. 5500
415. 333. Help
415. 777. 5565
cuav.org
Legal advocacy, free
counseling, 24-hour
support line, emergency
assistance (hotel, food,
etc.) to domestic violence
510. 272. 6295 39155 Liberty St., 9:00 am – 5:00 pm; 1975 W. El Camino Real, and sexual assault victims,
Parental Stress Victim Witness Advocate: Suite C310 M-F intakes; 12 week stay Suite 205 education, prevention
Alameda Kelly Sage; Trains stalking Fremont, CA 94538 Mountain View, CA
510. 893. 5444 victims 510. 794. 6055 La Casa de Las Madres 800. 275. 6472 Maitri Hotline
800. 829. 3777 Stalking Inspector: Corey 510. 574. 2250 1850 Mission St., #B 650. 940. 7850 San Mateo County
pscfamily.net White 510. 574. 2252 San Francisco, CA 94103 650. 940. 1037 PO Box 60111

4 5
Respite childcare, save-dv.org 877. 503. 1850 snbw.org Sunnyvale, CA 94086
parenting classes, family, Fremont Police Dept. Spanish, Hindi, Tamil; 415. 503. 0500 Spanish language; Women 408. 730. 4049
hotline Domestic Violence 60-day shelter lacasa.org and Children 888. 8. Maitri
Advocate Spanish, Mandarin, maitri.org
Fremont Shepherd’s Gate Tagalog, French, Arabic; Nisa (North American South Asian Women
COURT SERVICES / 510. 790. 6939 Livermore Women and children; Islamic Shelter for the Peer support / counseling
LAW ENFORCEMENT Contact: Carol 925. 443. 4283 9:00–5:00; M–F intakes Abused) for domestic violence,
OFFICES Fax: 925. 449. 3114 Palo Alto Family law, immigration
Marin Abused Women’s 888. 275. 6472 domestic violence issues,
Court Info DOMESTIC Tri-Valley Haven Services translation, interpretation,
Co.alameda.ca.us/courts/ VIOLENCE SHELTERS PO Box 2190 734 A Street Eden Info & Referral transitional housing and
index.shtml Livermore, CA 94551 San Rafael, CA 94901 East Bay community education
Court dates, fill out forms 24-Hour Emergency 800. 884. 8119 415. 924. 6616 510. 537. 2552
Shelter 925. 449. 5845 415. 457. 2464 alamedaco.info Pacific Center
Alameda County 4700 International Blvd. 925. 449. 5842 415. 924. 3456 – Spanish Daily updates of shelter Alameda County,
Superior Court Oakland, CA 94601 Cantonese, German, Maws.org availability in East Bay Berkeley, SF County
Berkeley Clerk’s Office 510. 534. 6030 French, Spanish, Tagalog, 2712 Telegraph Ave.
2000 Center St., Rm. 202 510. 534. 9140 – Fax Hindi; Emergency shelter Asian Women’s Home National Domestic Berkeley, CA 94705

ghi jkl
Berkeley, CA 94704 Women and children; for women and children of 2400 Moorpark Ave. Violence Hotline 510. 548. 8283
510. 644. 8999 30-90 Days DV; 3.5 month max stay San Jose, CA 95128 800. 799. Safe pacificcenter.org
Filing for Temporary 408. 975. 2739 Domestic violence shelters Group and individual
Restraining Orders AASRA-Federation of Women’s Refuge aaci.org in US regions counseling, narcotics
Indo-American Berkeley Asian languages; anonymous, HIV and Aids
Alameda County Fremont 510. 547. 4663 Women and children Woman Inc.
Bay Area group, social groups
Superior Court 800. 313. 2772 510. 547. 5432 Fax
Family Court Clerks 510. 657. 1245 Thewomensrefuge.org CORA (Center for 415. 864. 4722 Project Eden
1225 Fallon St., Rm. 250 510. 657. 1246 English; Women Only, Domestic Violence Daily updates of shelter Hayward
Oakland, CA 94612 South Asian Languages; No children; 4-6 months; Prevention) availability in the Bay Area 510. 247. 8200
510. 208. 4935 Women and Children Weekday intakes San Mateo LGBTQQ Youth; Support
Restraining order (Priority to South Asian); 650. 312. 8515 groups for youth
application M-F intakes and Saint John’s Shelter 650. 652. 0800 LESBIAN, GAY, surrounding drug and
for self-filing overnight emergency 1321 N.C. Street Spanish; 6-8 weeks; BISEXUAL, alcohol use
Sacramento. CA 95814 Women and Children TRANSGENDER,
Alameda County Building Futures with 916. 448. 0701 & QUESTIONING Sexual Minority

7 8
Superior Court Women And Children / Spanish, Vietnamese La Isla Pacifica Alliance of Alameda
Family Law Facilitator’s Sister Me Home San Jose AQAU County (SMAAC) Youth
Office 1395 Bancroft Ave. Stand Against Domestic 408. 683. 4118 San Francisco Center
224 West Winton Ave., San Leandro, CA 94577 Violence Women and Children 415. 292. 3900 Alameda County
Room 179 866. A-Way-Out 1410 Danzig Plaza Queer youth services 510. 834. 9578
Hayward, CA 94544 510. 357. 0205 Concord, CA 94520 LGBTQQ Youth;
510. 670. 5150 bfwc.org 888. 215. 5555 Network for Battered Support groups for youth
No-fee court affiliated Spanish; Women and 925. 676. 2845 Lesbian & Bisexual
assistance with custody, Children standagainstdv.org Women SF LGBT Center
child support, etc. Spanish; Six weeks San Francisco County San Francisco County
max stay 415. 281. 0276 415. 865. 5555
Support group

12 FILIPINA WOMEN’S NETWORK | w w w. f f w n . o r g
LEGAL REFERRALS:
TEMPORARY
RESTRAINING
ORDER ASSISTANCE

Legal Aid of
Napa County
1227 Coombs St.,
Napa, CA 94559
707. 255. 4933
707. 255. 2312 – Fax
3
def
Seniors only; Only services
Asian and Pacific
Islander (API) Legal
Outreach
1188 Franklin St., #202
San Francisco, CA 94109
415. 567. 6255
415. 567. 6248 – Fax
Serves Asian
Communities; Family,
civil, and immigration
law; temporary
restraining order, Gay
SEXUAL ASSAULT

Bay Women Against
Rape
Oakland
510. 430. 1298
sfcf.org.bawar.htm
Serves rape and incest
victims; Intake: M-F 10-3;
10 free then sliding scale;
Short-term counseling,
referrals, accompaniment
Domestic Violence Project; to hospital, court advocacy
senior clients in abusive Free and sliding scale fees
situations; For domestic Eden Information and
violence retraining orders Asian Women’s Home Referrals
in Napa area, refer to 2400 Moorpark Avenue, Alameda
Napa Emergency Women’s Suite 300 510. 537. 2552
Services San Jose, CA 95128 M-F 10-4; Counseling, Empowering People to Create

6
408. 975. 2739 legal, sexual assault, Relationships that Work.
Napa Emergency Temporary restraining CalWorks
Women’s Services order assistance;
1001 Second St., Counseling; Serves all Sage Project
Napa, CA 94559 San Francisco • Workshops, Classes and Retreats
countries; 24-hour crisis
707. 255. 6397 line, shelter; Works with 415. 905. 5050 • Training and Facilitation
Once we study NVC we can’t ignore the
707. 252. 3687 translators to serve sageinc.org potential for transformation that lies in
707. 252. 3069 – Fax various Asian-speaking Girls in custody, substance any difficult relationship, if we only bother to
Contact legal advocate
Gabby Caro for help with
restraining orders
clients
Catholic Charities
abuse
Women Against Rape
communicate with skill and empathy.
510. 433. 0700
Immigration Project 3543 18th St., – Bernie Glassman, President and Co-Founder www.baynvc.org
The Cooperative Peacemaker Community
Oakland San Francisco, CA 94110
Restraining Order 510. 768. 3102 415. 861. 2024
Clinic Visa petitions, citizenship, Sexual assault
San Francisco Vawa Cases (Victims of
415. 864. 4777 domestic violence cases)
415. 864. 4722 TEENS

mno
415. 864. 1082 – Fax Domestic Violence
Bilingual Service; Restraining Order National Domestic
Restraining Order Clinic Violence Hotline
Assistance free of charge; Richmond 800. 799. Safe
Paperwork served to 137th St., Room 185,
batterer at reduced fee Richmond, CA Rape Crisis Line
510. 374. 3364 510. 798. 7273
Restraining Order Asian Community
LEGAL SERVICES clinic held in Richmond Mental Health
Courthouse Mon & Fri 510. 451. 6729
Asian Pacific Islander 8-5 pm
(API) Legal Outreach Teens and adults
1212 Broadway St., #400 Law Center for Families
Oakland, CA 94612 Center for Family
510 16th St., Suite 300 Counseling
510. 251. 2846 Oakland, CA 94612
510. 267. 6248 – Fax 510. 562. 3731
510. 451. 9261

9
Walk-in Clinic Rm 1-4; Girls and Boys; Free
510. 763. 2169 – Fax family counseling for
Interpreter provided with Income required; Services
appointment; Family, 8-17 yr-old girls /
are free or on a sliding boys; girls self-esteem
civil, and immigration scale; Legal advocates for
law restraining orders, group; boys anger
deaf women and children management group;
queer domestic violence, victims of domestic
Asian Languages; Free After-abortion counseling
violence in greater talk-line, confidential,
and sliding scale fees Bay Area nonjudgmental, and
unbiased

FILIPINA WOMEN AGAINST VIOLENCE 13
V- D AY S A N F R A N C I S C O 2 0 0 5 : F I L I P I N A WO M E N A G A I N S T V I O L E N C E

F I L I P I N A W O M E N ’ S N E T W O R K & V - D AY P R E S E N T

EVE ENSLER’S
T H E VA G I N A M O N O L O G U E S
P R O G R A M
S U N D AY, M A R C H 1 3 | M O N D AY, M A R C H 1 4
7:00 PM | H E R B S T T H E AT R E | 4 0 1 VA N N E S S AV E N U E , S A N F R A N C I S CO

FOREPLAY: BECAUSE HE LIKED TO LOOK AT IT INTRO – MY VAGINA WAS MY RECLAIMING CUNT
Live Music Performance Bettina Santos Yap, Gloria Ramos VILLAGE Elena Mangahas
(Evelyn Luluquisen – understudy) Lourdes Santos Tancinco
Evelie Delfino Sales Posch & PAGBAWI SA PUKE
Socorro “Kit” de Castro INTRO – I WAS 12. MY MOTHER MY VAGINA WAS MY VILLAGE Bettina Santos Yap
SLAPPED ME Edna Austria Rodis, Giovannie Pico,
Rachel Puno, Shelene Atanacio A SIX YEAR-OLD WAS ASKED
P A R T O N E Blesilda Ocampo Asia Barton & Chris L. Robertson
I WAS 12. MY MOTHER SLAPPED ME MUSICAL INTERLUDE
INTRO – THE WOMAN WHO LOVED
INTRODUCTION
Katrina Delen Briones, Kristein INTRO — THE LITTLE COOCHI TO MAKE VAGINAS HAPPY
Bettina Santos Yap, Giovannie Pico, Delen Briones, Jessica Jallorina, SNORCHER THAT COULD Terry Bautista
Leah Eva, Shelene Atanacio Joy San Andres Chris L. Robertson
THE WOMAN WHO LOVED TO MAKE
NOT-SO-HAPPY FACT THE LITTLE COOCHI SNORCHER VAGINAS HAPPY
INTRODUKSYON
Cathy N. Platon, Edna Austria Helen Marte Bautista THAT COULD Giovannie Pico, Leah Eva,
Rodis, Edna Biscocho Murray, Elena INTRO – CROOKED BRAID Giovannie Pico, Jessica Jallorina, Shelene Atanacio
Mangahas, Gloria Ramos, Jacquie Connie Lloren Joy San Andres, Tisa Mendoza
UNGOL O HALINGHING
Lingad-Ricci, Jossie Alegre, Joy San THE MEMORY OF HER FACE Bettina Santos Yap, Edna Austria
Andres, Rachel Puno CROOKED BRAID
Anne Kagawan-Lucas, Blesilda Baghdad – Rodis, Elena Mangahas,
INTRO – HAIR Ocampo, Charmaine Mesina, Lourdes Santos Tancinco Gloria Ramos
Anne Kagawan-Lucas Genevieve V. Jopanda, Giovannie Islamabad –
Charmaine Mesina, Sonia Delen INTRO – I WAS THERE IN THE ROOM
HAIR
Pico, Terry Bautista Marily Mondejar
Juarez –
Edna Austria Rodis, Sonia Delen EXTRO – Update on the Philippine’s Giovannie Pico, Rachel Puno I WAS THERE IN THE ROOM
(Charmaine Mesina, Jacquie Anti-Violence Against Women Law Bettina Santos Yap, Charmaine
Lingad-Ricci – understudies) passed by President Gloria EXTRO
Lourdes Santos Tancinco Mesina, Edna Austria Rodis, Elena
Macapagal Arroyo in 2004 Mangahas, Helen Marte Bautista,
WEAR AND SAY
Cathy N. Platon, Edna Biscocho Jacquie Lingad-Ricci UNDER THE BURQA Jacquie Lingad-Ricci, Jossie Alegre,
Murray, Genevieve V. Jopanda, EXTRO – Filipina violence statistics Anne Kagawan-Lucas, Babe Barton, Lourdes Santos Tancinco, Marily
Helen Marte Bautista, Jacquie in San Francisco Blesilda Ocampo, Evelie Delfino Mondejar, Sonia Delen
Lingad-Ricci, Jessica Jallorina, Jossie Charmaine Mesina Sales Posch, Evelyn Luluquisen,
Helen Marte Bautista, Jacquie INTRO OF VAGINA WARRIORS
Alegre, Joy San Andres Marily Mondejar with Blesilda
GALIT ANG PUKI KO Lingad-Ricci
INTRO – THE FLOOD Edna Biscocho Murray & Ocampo and Tessie Zaragoza
Charmaine Mesina Elena Mangahas SMELL (Taglish version)
Cathy N. Platon, Evelyn Luluquisen, VAGINA WARRIORS
THE FLOOD MY ANGRY VAGINA Genevieve V. Jopanda, Helen Marte Department on the Status of
Babe Barton, Elena Mangahas Genevieve V. Jopanda & Leah Eva Bautista, Jacquie Lingad-Ricci, Women: City and County of
(Edna Austria Rodis – understudy) Jessica Jallorina, Jossie Alegre, San Francisco, Giovannie Pico,
INTERMISSION Joy San Andres Gloria Ramos, Kamala D. Harris,
THE VAGINA WORKSHOP Rita Villavicencio Schmid,
Bettina Santos Yap, Shelene MY SHORT SKIRT Tony Taguba and Velma R. Veloria
Atanacio, Tisa Mendoza P A R T T W O Shelene Atanacio, Tisa Mendoza
CURTAIN CALL
VAGINA HAPPY FACT OUTRAGEOUS VAGINA FACT
Evelyn Luluquisen HANDPRINTS Rachel Puno
INTRO – BECAUSE HE LIKED TO
Marily Mondejar
INTRO – RECLAIMING CUNT
LOOK AT IT Evelyn Luluquisen
Terry Bautista
Pride2005 2/18/05 12:35 PM Page 1

The Cycle of Violence
T O F T H E P R I D E !
BE PART
he theory of the cycle of violence 1. Tension Building Phase. Lasts from
days to several months, with no violence.
was developed by Dr. Lenore Walker.
2. Violent Episode Phase. Violence
It has three distinct phases which are occurs now and may last for hours or
generally present in a violent relationship. 2-3 days.
In a violent relationship, the beginning 3. Honeymoon Phase. This is a kind
and loving period, also called the “hope”
is sweet, charming, and loving. Then, the or “hook” phase.
following three phases become a pattern. Outlined below are typical feelings and
behaviors exhibited by family members in
the various phases of the cycle of violence.

PHASE ONE: TENSION BUILDING

Woman Feels: Angry, unfairly treated, Woman’s Behavior: Nurturing, compliant,
hopeless tense afraid, embarrassed, accepting, works to diffuse partner’s anger/
depressed, humiliated, disgusted frustration, may verbally express her own

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Child Feels: Afraid, tense, angry at Mom Child’s Behavior: Sides with one parent
for not “fixing” the situation, confused. over the other, hides, denies or tries to
distract.

PHASE TWO: VIOLENT EPISODE

Woman Feels: Frightened, trapped, Woman’s Behavior: May try to protect
helpless, numb self, hit back or submit helplessly, may
try to get away or seek help, may feign
unconsciousness.

Perpetrator Feels: Angry, enraged, Perpetrator’s Behavior: Dangerously
disgusted, self-righteous, jealous, frustrated. violent, deliberate desire to hurt or kill. May
be out of control or irrational.

Child Feels: Frightened, trapped, helpless. Child’s Behavior: May watch helplessly,
hide, attempt to stop fighting. May attempt
to help woman or may join in beating her.

PHASE THREE: THE HONEYMOON

Woman Feels: Relieved, angry over Woman’s Behavior: Offers excuses for
incident, guilty, hopeful. batterer, talks, tries to settle, solve or prevent
future incidents, hopes and believes change
will last.

Perpetrator Feels: Apologetic, remorseful, Perpetrator’s Behavior: Makes promises
forgetful about degree of violence, to change, blames others and the victim for
self-righteous, unable to understand why life situations and actions, especially blames
woman is still angry. alcohol and other drugs.

Child Feels: Embarrassed, humiliated, Child’s Behavior: Tries to please, distracts
relieved, guilty, angry. self, shows stress behavior, nervousness or tics.

FILIPINA WOMEN AGAINST VIOLENCE 15
COVER STORY

Giovannie’s
Story:
Survivor. Advocate. Single Mom. Actor.
Te x t b y G l o r i a R a m o s | P h o t o s b y Ad a m B e r w i d a n d Era Co n i e n d o

“He Never Hit Me!” she inter- was replaying that scene in the theater of her tatingly replied, “If we were in the car driving everywhere, to the bank, to the grocery store. I
jected quite adamantly. Perhaps she was still memory. somewhere, he’d drive fast, like a maniac. It couldn’t even take my son to the park! He had
trying to convince herself that it wasn’t that “You see, I didn’t think it was abuse. I would frighten me. You know, that road rage to go with us because he believed we might
bad, although it was years past.“I want to make thought that it was normal because I grew kind of thing. Other than that, there really be kidnapped.” She rolled her eyes in disbe-
that very clear…he never hit me!” We were up in a family where it was okay to yell and weren’t any signs. Like I said, he wouldn’t hit lief, that he somehow had talked her into that.
waiting for her turn at a rehearsal for the Fili- scream…slam doors in anger. I didn’t see my me…so I didn’t think it was abuse. When he “We lived in the country…because he said
pina Women’s Network’s V-Day 2005 produc- father hitting my mom, but I knew that he did. got mad, he’d throw things, punch walls, slam that anywhere else was evil. Society was bad,
tion of The Vagina Monologues. As I looked at I thought this was how married people fight.” doors. I had to bite my tongue – there were cities were bad, the suburbs were bad and we
this young woman sitting cross-legged on the As she spoke she picked a pinch off her choco- signs, there are always signs…we just choose needed to be far from it all. I was yanked from
carpet across from me, her face began to fade. late muffin…she ate it that way, one tiny piece not to see them.” all of my friends and
She looked as if she was sixteen rather than at a time. Giovannie doesn’t have family when we
twenty-six, her smooth baby face was devoid I wanted Giovannie to start from the any bruises or scars, none moved far away. I
of make-up, her chin length hair swung like an beginning. “How did you meet? How long that are apparent anyway. really didn’t have
ebony silk curtain over her cheeks. It was not did you know him before you got married?” Her face was almost placid, anyone but him.” She
a face marked with her inner pain, you would I asked, curious about what she saw in him, her tone even…as if she shivered almost im-
never know what she’d been through if she how their relationship evolved into the horror were telling a story she perceptibly.
didn’t make it a point to tell you. that it was for her. heard of, not lived through. Giovannie was on
“He once threw a log at me. Luckily, I shut “We met when I was fifteen, in acting class. “It started when we a roll, all of a sud-
the door and it hit the door instead. The log He was okay. We went together for a couple of had my son. After he was den she couldn’t
made a big dent. I shudder to think what dam- years and got married when I was eighteen.” born, my husband started give out the details
age that would have done to my face, my head.” She continued picking on the muffin. forbidding me to drive. He fast enough. “I felt
She became pensive, then continued wistfully. “Did he show any angry behavior when said that I couldn’t drive like nothing. He was
“I’d probably be a vegetable by now if I hadn’t you were still dating?” and take care of the baby at constantly putting
She was quiet for a minute, then she hesi- the same time. He drove me Giovannie with son Sammy; RIGHT PHOTO: me down. I couldn’t
reacted quickly.” Her gaze was distant. She With her acting coach Nancy

16 FILIPINA WOMEN’S NETWORK | w w w. f f w n . o r g
Violence Against Women: What to pack
in your
A Lifetime Spiral get-away bag
Domestic violence is just one
amongst many forms of violence
against women. From the aborting
of female fetuses to intimate homi- Make sure you have access
cide, girls and women can encoun- to a phone* and a list of
ter numerous opperessions during emergency and support
infancy, childhood, adolescence, numbers. When you leave, be
adulthood, and as elders. Some of sure to take the following:
these are confined to one stage in the
lifecycle, some continue into subse- [ ] Personal identification cards
quent stages.
[ ] Driver’s license
Violence among women is more than [ ] Passport
physical, sexual, economic and emo- [ ] Residency card (green card)
tional abuse; it is also about living in a [ ] Social security card
climate of fear, misery, loss, mistrust, [ ] Public assistance identification
humiliation and despair. The lives of
[ ] Medical information
abused Asian and Pacific Islander
women are shadowed by the cultural [ ] Health cards
burdens of shame and devaluation. [ ] Medications and/or
These abuses are experienced in the prescriptions
context of additional oppressions [ ] Immigration papers
based on race, ethnicity, age, sexual
[ ] Birth certificates
orientation, gender identity, type
of labor being performed, level [ ] Legal documents including
of education, class position, ABUSES ENDURED BY A WOMAN DURING HER LIFE CYCLE marriage license
disability, or immigration/ Printed with permission: Asian & Pacific Islander Institute on Domestic Violence, March [ ] Divorce or separation papers
refugee status. 2003. www.apiahf.org/apidvinstitute
[ ] Police reports
[ ] Restraining orders or other
protective orders
ever do anything right by his Hands clasped together tightly as acting class?”
[ ] Insurance documents
standards. I was a bad mom, I if in desperate prayer, Giovannie “He quit his job because he wanted to keep
[ ] A set of keys (house,
didn’t take care of the baby well took a deep breath and contin- closer tabs on me and the baby.” Giovannie’s
apartment, car)
enough. I was a bad wife, there ued,” This is why I’m so passionate voice was tremulous. “We began to have
was always something… I was about this show, The Vagina Mono- financial troubles so I convinced him that [ ] Money
sloppy with the laundry, the cook- logues, I want people…women to I could get jobs with my voice and my acting. [ ] Checkbook
ing. He kept saying that I wasn’t lis- have information about abuse. He He agreed, yet, he would drive me to and from [ ] Credit cards
tening to him. It was always my fault, doesn’t have to hit you. So often abuse classes and any work appointments. If I was [ ] ATM card
he would turn things around on me so that is left in the dark, there is shame associated even one minute late when he came to pick me [ ] Spare eyeglasses
it seemed like whatever the situation was, was with it. You think it’s your fault, you think that up, he would be very upset.” [ ] Jewelry
always my fault. I was sad all the time, I was no one else is going through what you are.” Giovannie spoke again of how much her [ ] Sentimental items and
constantly in fear of making him angry.” Her Her pain was as keen now as it had been teacher, Nancy, had helped her even after her
photographs
eyes got misty then. “I tried to tell someone. then…“When did you get your aha! moment?” initial epiphany. She recommended books that
We went to church every week and I tried to I asked. “One day, in an acting class I was taking, could shed light on her situation, books that
*If you do not have access to
tell some of the people there how I felt. All they I just broke down and cried. My teacher, Nancy, Giovannie managed to read on the sly “You
a phone, the Verizon Wireless
advised me to do was to try harder, pray more, thank God, was not one of those people who is know, there was a checklist in the book Free-
ing Yourself From Abuse, I saw myself and my HopeLine Program may be able to
love him more. When we went to church I had afraid to come off as impolite. She asked me provide you with a free cell phone.
to pretend that everything was okay, even if I what was really going on with me. She got in situation in every one of the twenty items.
I started reading more books about abusive Please call 415-252-4653 for
was dying inside.” Tears started flowing down my business and validated the fact that what eligibility criteria and details.
relationships such as: Boundaries and Safe
her cheeks. “I was ashamed, I thought some- was happening to me was not right. I owe her
People, I began to stand up for myself and
thing was wrong with me! I was ashamed that a lot. She helped me see that my marriage was Adapted from a publication by the
things got even worse.” I could see the marked
I couldn’t make my marriage work. I used to abusive. It was very validating.” Department on the Status of Women,
change in her posture at this time, head held City and County of San Francisco.
think, he’ll change, he loves me, he’s only look- “You said he wouldn’t let you do anything,
(Continued on page18)
ing out for me.” or see anyone. How did you manage to go to

FILIPINA WOMEN AGAINST VIOLENCE 17
(Giovannie’s Story, continued) they feel like, daily. about this…I guess, my little boy is learning There is one way to mark a winner, it is the
“How did you finally get away?” how to be angry from his father.” one who survives the worst and then thrives.
high, shoulders squared. She had everything Giovannie was quiet for a minute, organiz- Drawing her knees up to her chest and This is Giovannie. She was lucky, most victims
to be proud of now. ing her thoughts.“I took the counselor’s advice hugging them, her eyes were sparkling with of abuse go back a dozen times to their abuser
“What happened next?” and planned everything. One day, when he the confidence she now had but didn’t have before they get away. Giovannie left once and
“I got him to agree to go to counseling. He was taking a shower, I grabbed the baby and then. “When I left my husband, I felt like noth- stayed away.
went a couple of times but he’d just deny any the car keys. I just left. I took nothing. I called ing…that I could do nothing right. I am not Giovanni thrived. She is now an accom-
of it and make it all my fault all over again. I my mom and she met me someplace. I stayed that person anymore. It took, and it still takes plished actress who had garnered the lead in a
continued with the counseling for myself and with my mom, and after a week, she helped a lot of healing to feel any kind of self worth. feature film called American Yearbook which
the counselor confirmed that I had to get away, me get an apartment. I was lucky everything It took a community of people to get me back deals with high school bullying. The film won
but that I had to do it slowly because there went smoothly.” on my feet. Since I left, I felt like a huge weight the audience award at the Dances With Films
was no telling what my husband would do.” All’s well tha t ends well? Yes, she got away had been lifted from me...like I can literally Festival in Santa Monica, California.
Giovannie heaved a deep sigh. from it, but does one ever? “How are things breathe again. Nancy was at the head of the You’re right Giovannie, he never laid
In my mind, there was something askew between you and your ex-husband now, line forming my community.” his hand on your flesh in anger, he never hit
here. This young woman with her short Ha- Giovannie?” “Who are you now, Giovannie?” I couldn’t you…but his harsh criticisms and accusations
waiian summer dress, Harley Davidson boots “He has custody of our son three week- help but grin at this valiant woman. “I have shattered your heart. He pulverized your spirit
and angelic countenance didn’t belong with ends a month. Sometime ago, my son said been able to create a life for myself and my son when he threw things around in a fit of rage.
this Edgar Allan Poe-like tale. You’d expect that his dad broke the computer. I asked him that doesn’t include fear. I feel normal now…I Now you know, what you went through was in
someone with haunted eyes, somebody who what that was like. He said that Dad got mad have been able to accomplished things that ways even more damaging, it was also abuse.
cringes when you try to touch them. There is at the dial, dial, dial…I guess they have dial up seemed unreachable.” She looked even younger
no commonality among the abused, save per- access to the internet and it wouldn’t connect. than sixteen now, it was like listening to a Gloria Ramos is an educator. She has
haps eroded self-esteem. The gamut is there, His dad got angry, grabbed the computer and young girl going to her first dance. “I teach just published her first tale of love, The
accomplished business women, leaders, clerks, threw it on the floor. I don’t want my son to be an acting class in San Francisco, AND! I’m a Whippoorwill, under the pseudonym
housewives, young, old, pretty or not…it is exposed to this behavior.” Tears threatened to recurring medical student on the NBC series Xiomara Jones. The book is available for
not ethnic or culture specific…every kind of spill out again from her almond shaped eyes. ER, would you believe it? I am acting along- sale at XiomaraJ.com
woman can be the victim of abusive behavior. “I’ve noticed that lately, my son has also been side people like Mehki Pheifer, Noah Wyle and
Many keep smiling in spite of the hollow shell throwing things. I don’t know what I can do Maura Tierney!”

18 FILIPINA WOMEN’S NETWORK | w w w. f f w n . o r g
FILIPINA WOMEN AGAINST VIOLENCE 19
Fi nd ing my “Voice”

V
I have been through a lot in
life and have examined man
these things in my self-heal y of
DIARIES “I AM NOT A VICTIM, I AM A SURVIVOR!” ecstacy, as well as the con
ing efforts. I have experienc
ed the
by Rita Villavicencio-Schmid nection to “Spirit” and all tha
one and the same. I have also t makes us
experienced the violence –
psychological, and experienc physical,
I was five, still two years short of the age of reason, when I was ed in subtle ways. I have exp
silence of date rape. eri enc ed the
forced to live a nightmare by a man I trusted - someone who was
My grandmother came her
FAMILY. e in the 1920’s. Her first
died when she was pregnant husband
This man married into a family of seven daughters. Looking with her 5th child during
Depression. She was physic the
back, it was like having a big, bad wolf that sneaked into a sheep ally abused by her second hus
before they were married. band, even
pen with burning thoughts of devouring the entire herd. He frequently beat her in fro
her 5 children, and she sta nt of
This man chose no less than a holy and family day to unfold yed with him because he wa
his wicked plan. Sundays were our get-together days at our provider.” s a “good
parents’ house. He tried to win the favor of all by being the As a child, my father took
his anger out on me – brutal
perfect son-in-law who enjoyed spending Sunday brunch with spankings that had to be end
ured in silence. I learned tha
the rest of us. He was bonding with us, but for an especially to be quiet, or else Dad wo t I had
uld get mad, and would end
devious purpose. He gained the family’s trust and was given the hospital and possibly die. Wh up in the
o wanted to speak up with
responsibility of picking me up from school. This was one duty he I married a probation officer tha t in mind?
whose caseload was high lev
relished and performed diligently. For after picking me up from drug dealers and murderers el
. Threats to our family were
school, he would take me to a motel where he would satiate his I left the marriage when I frequent.
realized that my fear level
sick lust without restraint. so high that I could not ope was
n a door without looking for
Nightmares hounded me for many years. The molestation bomb packages under cars and trip wires,
behind doors. During the sep
would go on till I was in my 20s. The worst part was it went on and I realized how little I could aration,
feel of myself, and went into
on in criminal silence. I lost my virginity. I lost my childhood. And I depression. Finally, when I a deep
said I wanted a divorce, he
lost my voice. suicidal. I spent the nights bec ame
terrorized, huddled on my
I grew up terribly confused. I didn’t like what was being done away from the window, afr apartment floor
aid that he would come at
to me by this man. I hated it. I despised him. Why did I not say or gun to kill me and our daught me with his
do anything? Could have I stopped him? But whom could I turn to? er.
In wanting to do my best wit
What would I say? Years later, I found out that his wicked ways h the monologue assigned to
I just let the words speak me, do
persisted. He ravaged yet one more girl: my niece. for themselves, as the script
do you describe the differ says? How
I could not forgive myself. I was angry. This displaced anger ence between the voices?
two women? Is it the same Are there
was unfortunately and unfairly directed toward someone I truly woman? The dark woman –
had much distance in time has she
loved and cared for. Eventually, this anger will seep unconsciously from the event? How does
Raw, embittered? Dead, unf she hold it?
into my relationships, many of which were tumultuous and eeling ? Confused, disconnec
ecstasy woman – is she a wo ted ? The
sometimes violent. My past was haunting me and it was destroying man in rapture? Is she rem
the past? Is she in the pre embering
the way I relate to people. It destroyed the way I perceive myself. sent? Is she the one who
the dark memories and now has integrated
It took many years of therapy to find myself and learn to has been able to experience
ecstacy? What is the last the
stand up for my beliefs. My loving parents and siblings helped me section about? Integration?
cope. I am loved! Not lusted after, but truly loved. Suddenly I’m not sure who Resignation?
is speaking here.
If this story brings shame upon my father’s name, pain upon
my siblings, nieces, nephews…my entire family, I am sorry. I feel I
should have taken steps in denouncing my brother-in-law’s unlawful
actions a long time ago.
I sometimes wonder how my life would have been if I was not GLOBAL PROPERTIES & FINANCIAL CORPORATION
molested as a child? Would I have been married with children?
Or would I be the lesbian that I am now? The fact is I no longer
wonder why. I now have a mission in life. Speaking about my past
is empowering. I am reclaiming the dignity I deserve with no shame.
ALEX ABELA
For the people I hurt, I seek your forgiveness. I have taken
back my life and wish to do what is right. I am not a victim, I am
433 Airport Boulevard, Burlingame, CA 94010
a survivor! To all who share my experience, may this tale be one of
Tel: (650) 342-9438 | Fax: (650) 342-9443
caution, inspiration and action.
Pager: (650) 373-5394 | Email: alexabela@aol.com

20 FILIPINA WOMEN’S NETWORK | w w w. f f w n . o r g
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FILIPINA WOMEN AGAINST VIOLENCE 21
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Phone: 650-544-5221 Direct
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Fax: 650-581-1087
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22 FILIPINA WOMEN’S NETWORK | w w w. f f w n . o r g
Vagina Warriors Lead the Way first in the nation to pass laws that:
• Created the crime of trafficking, which
In February of 2001, the San Francisco
Commission and Department on the

W
hat is a Vagina Warrior? Someone Family Life, which specifically ad- includes trafficking for prostitution or Status of Women convened a review
who has suffered or witnessed dress violence prevention. Ms. Ramos other forced or slave labor, and team to assist in the investigation and
violence, grieved it, transformed herself has triumphed over an abusive • Require international matchmak- analysis of the City’s response to
it, and then does extraordinary work to relationship. Her former spouse was an ing agencies to provide criminal and domestic and family violence.
make sure it doesn’t happen to anyone else alcoholic who was alternately critical, marital background information, In the Justice and Courage Report:
in their community. controlling, and conducted an extra- including child-abuse claims and A Blueprint for San Francisco’s Response
In every community there are humble marital affair with their live-in maid and protection order violations, about to Domestic Violence, the review team
activists working every day, beat by beat to denied his behavior. With the help of fam- the person from Washington state identified and recommended systemic
undo suffering. They sit by hospital beds, ily, counselors and her community, Gloria using the agency to meet prospective solutions to the problems of domestic
pass new laws, chant taboo words, write was able to overcome her situation and partners. violence in the city by identifying gaps
proposals, beg for money, demonstrate help those who have experienced simi- in services and barriers and developing
and hold vigils in the streets. These women lar circumstances. Rita Villavicencio Schmid was abused recommendations to remove those bar-
and men have dedicated themselves to- by her brother-in-law from age five until riers and gaps.
ward ending such violence through effec- Kamala D. Harris is a veteran prosecutor she was 20 years old. This was a secret The Justice and Courage Project’s
tive grassroots means. They have been the who has dedicated her outstanding legal she carried all her life, a secret that dev- Oversight Panel also recommended
heart of V-Day since it was conceived as a talents to prosecuting violent crime, astated her relationships and outlook in forming a Filipina Advisory Council
worldwide movement to empower and en- combating the sexual exploitation of children life. During a visit to the Philippines, she to address domestic violence in the
able local activist to raise awareness and and working creatively to improve the found out that her niece was also abused Filipina community.
funds locally through V-Day benefit quality of life in our communities. by the same man. This was a turning Established in 1975, the San Fran-
productions of The Vagina Monologues. District Attorney Harris committed point in her decision to come out and cisco Commission and Department on
In order to guarantee a world without to bringing San Franciscans a “smart on share her story with her family and now the Status of Women work to ensure
violence, in a time of danger and escalating crime” approach – prosecuting crime with with us. This decision has caused a lot equal treatment of women and girls in
madness, we urged the following Vagina resolve while remaining committed to of pain in the family especially her sis- San Francisco and foster their socio-
Warriors to come out and join us so together rehabilitation and placing a priority on ter who is still married to the man who economic, political, and educational
can continue our work. Recognizing these preserving civil liberties. abused her and her niece. advancement through policies, legisla-
incredible individuals is the highlight of Understanding that many criminal Rita is a successful realtor with tion, and programs, especially for those
Filipina Women’s Network’s V-Day San offenses significantly impact our quality-of- businesses in New York and California. in need.
Francisco 2005. We honor the following life and San Francisco’s business climate, She is also Vice President of Marketing Dr. Emi ly Moto Murase, its
Vagina Warriors: Harris has launched unprecedented for The Lodge at Blue Lakes, a beautiful Executive Director will receive the
programs of outreach to San Francisco private resort in Lake County. award on behalf of the Commission.
Giovannie Anne Pico was born in Manila communities and has also expanded Dr. Murase previously served as a direc-
and migrated to the U.S. with her family Community Courts while bringing free San Francisco was stunned by the murder tor in the first Clinton White House and
when she was a year old. Before entering legal clinics to immigrant neighborhoods. of Claire Joyce Tempongko allegedly by is a Founding Sister of the Asian Pacific
show business, Giovannie was in an abusive Harris has taken a leadership role her ex-boyfriend, Tari Ramirez, in front American Women’s Leadership Insti-
relationship for four years, living in fear locally and statewide around program- of her two young children in October tute. She holds an AB from Bryn Mawr
and isolation in a cabin in South Lake Tahoe. matic and legislative advances to protect 2000. The Citywide response system in College, a master’s from the Graduate
Her controlling ex-husband did not allow women and children. Her work to defend place that October day ultimately failed School of International Relations &
her to have friends, contact her family or exploited children recently resulted in her and pointed to serious problems in Pacific Studies at UC San Diego, and a
leave the house without him accompanying successful state legislation that will create what needs to be a seamless system to PhD in communication from Stanford.
her. Eventually with the help of her acting increased punishment for those who those experiencing domestic violence.
coach, she was able to escape with her baby sexually exploit the youth.
leaving her fear and abusive husband behind.
In her journey to survive her abu- Velma Roset Veloria, is the first Asian
sive relationship, she found passion in the American elected to a state legislature in
acting industry landing the role of medi- the continental U.S. She served as State
cal student “Ludlow” in the hit television Representative for District 11 (Southeast
series “ER.” Giovannie is an advocate of Seattle) for four terms. Timothy Black-
FWN and The Vagina Monologues by well’s murder of his Filipino mail-order
sharing and publishing her story in our bride Suzana in front of a courthouse
anti violence resource guide. while waiting for a divorce was a catalyst
in galvanizing her community to stop
Gloria Ramos teaches 6th grade at a Title violence against women. She gathered a
One school. Her district mandates the group of state legislators and community
inclusion of a Family Life program along leaders to search for solutions. Because of
with academics. In conjunction with her efforts, her State Legislature was the

FILIPINA WOMEN AGAINST VIOLENCE 23
WHO’S WHO IN THE CAST
ANNE KAGAWAN-LUCAS ASIA BARTON BABE BARTON
Sales Representative, Student, Recreation Therapist,
VWR International; Archway School Center for Elders
Vice President - Internal
Affairs, JMDIAA

EDNA BISCOCHO MURRAY ELENA MANGAHAS EVELIE DELFINO SÁLES EVELYN LULUQUISEN GENEVIEVE JOPANDA
Clerk, Alameda County; Co-Chair, POSCH Founder, Human Resources Manager, Operations Manager,
Professional Massage Little Manila Foundation Babaylan Emerging: U.C. Berkeley Hertz Corporation
Therapist Apprenticeship &
Mentoring Program

KATRINA DELEN BRIONES KRISTEIN DELEN BRIONES LEAH EVA LOURDES TANCINCO
Student Student Stand-up Comedienne Attorney; Partner,
Tancinco Law Offices

WHO’S WHO IN THE CREW
AL PEREZ
Principal, Creative i Studio;
President, Filipino American
Arts Exposition / Pistahan

EVE ENSLER’S
T H E VAG I N A M O N O LO G U E S
JO-ANN JOHN JUAN, JR.
AGCAOILI-GAMBOA Founder,
HR Administrator, FilipinoPeople.com
Hitachi Consulting

24 FILIPINA WOMEN’S NETWORK | w w w. f f w n . o r g
BETTINA SANTOS YAP BLESILDA OCAMPO CATHY N. PLATON CHARMAINE MESINA CHRIS L. ROBERTSON CONNIE LLOREN EDNA AUSTRIA RODIS
Marketing Consultant, Child Support Officer, SF Marketing & Attorney; Managing Electrical Systems Operator, Staff Accountant / Stock Registered Nurse,
Sun Microsystems Dept. of Child Support Comm. Consultant, Director, Corporate Legal PG&E; Administrator Kaiser Medical Center
Services Propel Software Corp. Services, Applied Materials President, JMDIAA Willis Lease Finance Corp.

GIOVANNIE PICO GLORIA RAMOS HELEN MARTE BAUTISTA JACQUIE LINGAD-RICCI JESSICA JALLORINA JOSSIE ALEGRE JOY SAN ANDRES
Actor Educator, Commissioner, President, Former Sales Vice President, External Teacher,
Sacramento Unified San Francisco Public Library San Francisco Juvenile Representative, Affairs, Heartbridge Sunnyvale School District
School District Commission Probation Commission Rentelco International
Foundation

RACHEL PUNO RITA VILLAVICENCIO SHELENE ATANACIO SOCORRO “KIT” DE CASTRO SONIA DELEN TERRY BAUTISTA TISA MENDOZA
Attorney; Trustee, SCHMID Actor Musical Director Principal, Principal, President,
Jefferson Union High School VP, Sales & Marketing, Banc of America Leasing TCB Consultants Being Real Media, Inc.
District The Lodge at Blue Lakes

BLESILDA OCAMPO CONNIE LLOREN ELTON LUGAY EPEE RAFANAN GENEVIEVE DWYER GENEVIEVE JOPANDA JESSICA JALLORINA
Child Support Officer, Staff Accountant / Stock Executive Producer, General Manager, President, District Operations Former Sales
SF Dept. of Child Support Administrator Ginoong Pilipinas-USA Tito Rey’s Supper Club Genevieve’s Corporation Manager, Representative,
Services Willis Lease Finance Productions Hertz Corporation Rentelco
Corporation

MACKY SARMIENTO MARIA VILLENA RIA OBLEA RITA VILLAVICENCIO SONIA DELEN EVE ENSLER
Producer, Personal Banker, Student, SCHMID Principal, Founder / Artistic Director, V-Day
Crumbs Media Productions Wells Fargo Bank Heald College VP Sales & Marketing, Banc of America Leasing Playwright, “The Vagina Monologues
The Lodge at Blue Lakes

FILIPINA WOMEN AGAINST VIOLENCE 25
EXECUTIVE STAFF ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
Elson Montalbo has worked with the biggest names in the V-Angel Sponsor: The California Endowment
Philippine entertainment industry. He line-produces Fili-
pino concerts in the West Coast for Echofaze Productions, DiVine Sponsor: Manila Bulletin USA • Institute for Image Management
Inc. His career spans over 30 movies as associate/assistant
director, screenwriter, supervising producer, production Valentine Sponsor: California Transplant Donor Network
manager, TV director, copywriter, playwright and actor for
Viva Films, Regal Films, ABS-CBN, I.N.C. TV Productions
LoVe Sponsors: Philippine News • Filipinas Magazine
and Dulaang Asilaw. Elson has a BA in Mass Communica-
tions (Cum Laude) and served as faculty member for New
Era University. Ticket Donors for Women Shelter Residents: The Honorable Alice Lai-Bitker, Alameda County •
ELSON MONTALBO Supervisor Baylan Megino • Charles Bush • Chris Fitzsimmons • Dave McMullen, Esq. • Ed
Director
Marily Mondejar is an organization consultant and career Ortiz • McGrath RentCorp • Phil Roeske, Digital Market Research • Sonia Delen
image coach with expertise in organizational improve-
ment, scenario planning, managing change, outplacement Media Friends: Anna Marks, Bay Area BusinessWoman • CarouselPinoy.com • Charlie
issues, and career image development. She brings extensive & Maribeth Ugalde, Echofaze Productions • Dan Payomo, The Examiner • Dave Ceccarelli,
corporate experience in coaching executives and manage-
The Examiner • Dorka Keehn, CCSF Commission on the Status of Women • Jacqui Conclara,
ment teams on culture and diversity issues, performance
and derailment concerns, including entrepreneurship, Manila Bulletin USA • Kathleen Archambeau, Bay Area Business Woman • Lori Hope, Bay
corporate image, implications of mergers, and developing Area BusinessWoman • Marilyn King, Pinoy Today • Michelle Maloy, Pushtan Productions •
effective work teams. Mona Lisa Yuchengco, Filipinas Magazine • Nancy Grundy, The Examiner • Nerissa Fernandez,
A pioneer in the field of courtroom communication, Filipino Insider • Nion McEvoy, Chronicle Books • Noel Rominque, Philippine & Other Asian
she has worked on malpractice cases with defense law Headlines • Odette Keeley, Balitang America • Patricia Garcia, Manila Bulletin USA • Raffy
MARILY MONDEJAR firms, consulting on advocacy skills, witness preparation,
Executive Producer Espiritu, Manila Bulletin USA • Ricardo Sison, Philippine Center • Ruben Bunag, Manila Mail •
and image strategy. Mondejar has held senior management Susan Coyle, Chronicle Books • Suzy Cain, San Francisco Chronicle • Tet Francisco, Philippine
positions for a global management firm, an international
News • Thelma Cruz, Pinoy Today
publishing company, a direct sales organization, and a
consumer product manufacturing corporation with opera-
tions in Southeast Asia. Mondejar is noted for developing Donors: Anne Lucas • Asia Barton • Babe Barton • Baylan Megino • Bobbie Vivar • Cathy
the Culture Image 360-degree® assessment questionnaire, Platon • Chris Robertson • MaryAnn Pineda • Delza Briones • Hermie Briones • Edna Murray
a method for measuring executive image, attractiveness • Eppie Rafanan, Tito Rey Restaurant • Evelie Delfino Sáles Posch • Gallery Lounge • Lumpia
bias, performance derailment issues, and corporate repu- House • Lydia Katen • McKeon-Phillips Winery, Santa Maria, CA • Michelle Turner • Pearl
tation. She has graduate degrees in Organization Psychol- Parmelee • Rachel Rodrigues, Rachel’s Catering, Livermore • Ria M. Oblea • Rica Echavez •
ogy, Humanities and Leadership. Marily is Executive Di- Shelene Atanacio • Terry Bautista, aka Teriray • Tessie Guillermo, Community Technology
rector of the Institute for Image Management. She is the
KEN MARQUIS Foundation of CA • Vangie Buell • Vicky Calub, Subway at the Hyatt Embarcadero
founding president of the Filipina Women’s Network.
Producer
Emmy-nominated Television Producer Ken Marquis is an Fabulous Volunteers and Friends: Agnes Alikpala, MD • Alameda County Domestic Violence
influential leader and creative driving force. Ken is known Collaborative • Alberic Rivera, Creative i Studio • Arnel Vivar • Audi Constance • Barry Picazo
for his innovative television, radio, theater, events, concerts, • Bettina Yap • Camie Foust • Carmela Zenarosa • Charles Ugalde • Chelo Pallas • Connie
pageants, and even outdoor music and dance festivals. Lloren • Dina Guingona • Dawn Manangan, IMEX • East Bay Asian Pacific Islander Coalition to
Born in Santa Monica, California, Ken was a child actor End Domestic Violence • Ed Jocson, West Bay Pilipino Multi-Service Center • Elena Mangahas
with credits including “The Waltons” and “The Addams • Elton Lugay, Ginoong Pilipinas-USA • Emily Moto Murase, Phd, Department on the Status of
Family Halloween Reunion.” After graduating from San
Women, City & County of SF • Ernesto Jopanda, Atlantic Bancorp • Evangeline Fabia • Francis
Francisco State University with a Broadcasting degree,
Ken worked at NBC in Burbank even spending time with Jopanda, Atlantic Bancorp • Geene Gonzales, Asian Women’s Shelter • Genevieve Dwyer •
“The Tonight Show” starring Johnny Carson. After NBC, Georgia Umali • Gerry Phillips • Gita Mehrotra, Asian Women’s Shelter • Gloria Ramos •
The Bay Area beckoned Ken back to produce segments for Iris Garcia, Patina Group • Jack Guingona • Jennifer Norris, The Herbst Theatre • Jo-Ann
MSNBC’s “The Site” hosted by Soledad O’Brien. Then for Agcaoili-Gamboa • John Bott, The Herbst Theatre • John Juan Jr., FilipinoPeople.com • Justine
nearly 6 years, Ken was Series Producer for “The Screen McGonagle, Justice and Courage Project, Department on the Status of Women • Kai Briones •
Savers” on the national cable network G4TechTV (formerly Kat Briones • Kevin Pimentel, Esq. • Luz Roxas-Slattery • Macky Sarmiento • Maile Nakamura
TechTV and ZDTV). After more than 1,300 consistently • Maria Rowena Mendoza Sanchez, Consul General, Philippine Consulate General • Maria
top-rated episodes of television, Ken is currently freelance
Villena • Marie Enriquez, The Carnelian Room • Marlene Quint • Marlo Matillano, West
producing. His involvement with the Filipino community
has included Line Producing “Ginoong Pilipinas 2004” at Bay Pilipino Multi-Service Center • Maryann Schmid, The Lodge at Blue Lakes • Mona Lisa
the Palace of Fine Arts, and Producing the Main Stage at Yuchengco, Filipinas Magazine • Nikki Santiago, Pilipino Student Union, Skyline College • Owen
the “Pistahan Festival 2004” at the Yerba Buena Gardens. Starr, Creative i Studio • Paule Penchavez • Phil Ip, The Carnelian Room • Ricardo Sison, The
Ken would like to express his “gratitude to all the amazing Philippine Center • Rita Villavicencio Schmid, The Lodge at Blue Lakes • Rosie Abriam • Rudy
women I’ve had the good fortune of working with on this Asercion, War Memorial Commission • Rusty Pallas • Tessie Zaragoza • Thelma Estrada, Esq.
very important and inspiring project.” • Theresa Teston • Willis Lease Finance Corporation

26 FILIPINA WOMEN’S NETWORK | w w w. f f w n . o r g
Accessing the California
Victim Compensation Fund
By Ke v in P ime ntel, Esq.

V
ictims of crime often find themselves disabled), support loss for legal dependents,
suffering from financial problems job retraining and medically necessary
in addition to the physical, emotional, retrofitting of a home and vehicle. If a victim
and psychological aftereffects of victimization. is killed by the crime, the Fund can pay for
In California, crime victims can access the funeral and burial expenses, crime scene
California Victim Compensation Fund (“the cleanup, income loss for parents whose
Fund”) in order to be able to pay for certain children are killed, and loss of support for legal
expenses incurred as a result of the crime. dependents of the victim. The Fund does not
To be eligible for the Fund, the victim reimburse personal property loss (including
must have been a resident of California monetary or property losses in a robbery),
when the crime occurred, or the crime must “pain and suffering” expenses and expenses
have occurred in California. Additionally, the related to the prosecution of the offender.
victim needs to cooperate reasonably with the Generally, a victim can receive
staff of Victim Services, and any reasonable reimbursement for amounts that do not
requests from law enforcement to arrest and exceed $70,000. If the crime occurred before
prosecute the offender. The victim must not January 1, 2001, the limit for reimbursement
have been involved in committing the crime, is $46,000. The Fund is a payer of last resort. Vicky Servillon Calub
and cannot be on felony probation or parole. If a victim is able to recover losses through subwayqueen1@comcast.net
Certain dependents and family members of some other means, that victim must access
the crime victim can also be eligible to apply those means before accessing the Fund.
for the Fund. These means include, but are not limited
Hyatt Regency Subway Sandwiches & Salads
Typically, the application should be to: public benefit programs, auto insurance, 5 Embarcadero Center • Corner of Market & Steuart Streets
filed within one year of the date of the crime. workers’ compensation benefits, court San Francisco, CA 94111 • Ph 415-986-4622 Fax 415-986-4623
If the victim is a minor, the application ordered restitution, civil lawsuit recoveries,
should be filed within one year of the victim’s and medical, dental, or vision insurance. If a
18th birthday. If the crime is one that is victim receives some other form of recovery
not immediately discovered on the date of after the Fund has reimbursed the victim, the
commission of the crime, the application Fund has the right to be reimbursed by the
should be filed within one year of the date victim.
of the crime being discovered. If more than California law mandates that any victim
one of these preceding three criteria apply, that needs legal assistance from an attorney
the victim can use the deadline that is most to file a claim be allowed to do so at no cost.
favorable to them. Claims filed after the one- Attorneys can receive a limited amount of
year deadline can be granted under certain money from the Fund for assisting with filing
circumstances. claims. These attorneys’ fees will not be taken
The range of crimes covered by the out of the victim’s award.
Fund is extensive. Essentially, all crimes that Most victims will not need an attorney.
result in physical injury or involve a threat of Free assistance and much more detailed
physical injury to the victim, is covered. information are available in San Francisco
Only certain financial losses can be at the Victim Services Unit of the District
reimbursed by the fund. These losses are: any Attorney’s Office. This office is located in the
medical or medical-related expenses, dental Hall of Justice at 850 Bryant Street. The office
expenses, repair of any medically necessary is located at Room 320, and is accessible by
devices such as eyeglasses or hearing aids, phone at (415) 553-9044. For those in other
outpatient mental health treatment and counties, locations and phone numbers of
counseling, wage loss or income loss up to other victim service offices can be found on
five years following the date of the crime, the internet at www.boc.ca.gov/vwlist.htm.
home security improvements and relocation
expenses. Kevin Pimentel is a victim advocate at the
If a victim is permanently disabled as Victim Services Unit of the San Francisco
a result of the crime, the Fund can pay for District Attorney’s Office. He can be reached at
extended wage or income loss (including (415) 553-9044.
income loss for parents whose children are

FILIPINA WOMEN AGAINST VIOLENCE 27
How to be a Good Best Friend
By Gee ne Gonzales

D
omestic violence within the Filipino Be aware of the signs of a violent hear this, it can be helpful to know that you Remind her of her strengths.
community is a very serious, often relationship. are available to support her. Victims of domestic violence often blame
lethal issue. The murders of Claire » Does her partner show an unusual themselves for the abuse. They often feel
Joyce Tempongko four years ago, and Marisa amount of control over her life? Acknowledge that she is in a very ashamed and powerless because of such abuse.
Corpuz in October of last year – both killed by » Does her partner embarrass or ridicule difficult, scary and confusing situation. It takes incredible strength and courage to
their intimate partners had made this fact all her in public? Let her know that it is not her fault that she survive domestic violence. Remind her of her
too clear. These are but two of the many, often » Does her partner blame her for the way he is being abused. That no one deserves to be strengths and help her restore faith in herself.
unreported cases of domestic violence within or she acts or the things he or she says? abused. Encourage her to express her feelings.
the Filipino community in San Francisco alone. » Have you noticed her becoming more Remember that it may be difficult for her to Offer her helpful information.
Domestic violence exists in every community, isolated or losing touch with you or other talk about it with you, and that she will need to One barrier to a woman leaving an abusive
across all distinctions of age, class, gender, friends or family since getting involved in do so in her own time and at her own pace. relationship is the lack of knowledge of
sexual orientation, immigration history, her relationship? resources and services that are available to
religious affiliation, ability, and education » Have you noticed changes in her or her Do not deny, minimize, or excuse the her. As a support person, it is important that
level. It affects all of us – our children, our children’s behavior? abuse. you educate yourself on the issue of domestic
families. It is not any more or less prevalent » Does she miss work frequently? Remember that many women in abusive violence and the resources and services that
in the Filipino community than in other » Have you seen evidence of any physical relationships deny, minimize, or excuse the are available. Assist her in accessing other
communities, but its effects are as equally injuries? abuse because of fear of the abuser, shame, sources of information – books, websites,
devastating. We must address the issue by guilt, love, and many different feelings. Even domestic violence hotlines, etc.
helping the victims, supporting survivors, If you suspect your friend is in an if she is not able to acknowledge that she is in
holding batterers accountable, and educating abusive relationship . . . a dangerous situation, let her know that you Help her create a safety plan.
the Filipino community at large that domestic believe that she is, and that you are concerned If she is thinking of leaving an abusive
violence is not part of our culture. Bring up the subject. for her safety. relationship, assist her in developing a safety
Don’t be afraid to let her know you are plan. Help her find a safe place to go, whether
You can help. concerned for her wellbeing. It is okay to say Respect her right to make her own with friends or family or a shelter. Help her
that you notice that something is wrong and decisions. identify other support people she would feel
that you want to support her. Let her know Let her find her own way to her decisions. comfortable talking with.
TTTT she is not alone. Even if she is not ready to Do not start with what you think she should If she is thinking of leaving, help her gather
do, or insist that she follow your plan. Your an “emergency package” that she can keep in
role is to support her. Let her decide how you a safe place at home or with you or another
can help her. friend or family member.
Remember that it is difficult to leave an Assist in safety planning for children. Do
Edna Murray abusive relationship, and that it is common for
women to attempt to leave an abuser several
the children know how to dial 911? Can their
childcare worker or teacher or medical doctor
Professional Massage times before leaving permanently. There are be alerted of the domestic violence situation
many barriers to her leaving – fear of more so they can help keep the children safe?
Therapist & Health Educator violence even death, fear of loneliness, love and
concern for the abuser, fear of losing custody Get support for yourself and know your
over the children, lack of financial resources, limits.
Swedish, Shiatsu, Deep Tissue, Reflexology concern for her immigration status, etc. Supporting someone in an abusive
(Stress Reduction, Pain Relief, Relaxation, To support a victim requires patience, relationship can be overwhelming. It often
(510) 261-2265 Body & Mind Awareness)
understanding and unconditional regard. It is reminds us of our own past or ongoing
important to respect all the choices a victim problems. As you help her, it is necessary that
makes and to trust that she knows best what you take care of yourself too. Find support for
to do for herself and her children. yourself in a way that will not compromise
her confidentiality.
Keep her confidentiality.
E VELIE D ELFINO S ÁLES P OSCH Although you may need to talk to other Geene Gonzales is a staff member of the
Founder, BEAM Program people to get support or information, do not Asian Women’s Shelter in San Francisco.
AumMahal@aol.com • 510-233-1343 let her story become gossip. The Filipino Major portions of this article were adapted
community or circles that we occupy from the booklet “Peaceful Homes, Healthy
The Babaylan (Filipina healer, enchantress, magical activist) can be small, and maintaining a victim’s Relationships,” created by the Korean American
Emerging, Apprenticeship & Mentoring (BEAM) Program confidentiality is vital to her physical and Coalition to End Domestic Abuse (Kaceda) of
develops spiritual leadership through the exploration and emotional safety. the San Francisco Bay Area.
practice of Filipino indigenous shamanism and other

Every 21 hours
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28 FILIPINA WOMEN’S NETWORK | w w w. f f w n . o r g
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A Future Search Conference 415. 822-2222
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FILIPINA WOMEN AGAINST VIOLENCE 29
In Memory of
WILL YOU CARE WHEN I’M DEAD
V
DIARIES

This afternoon I sat and watched a story on Beverly Watson. If you
Gloria Obazo Abriam remember she was one of our more high profile domestic violence victims
in Atlanta. Her husband was recently convicted of murder. One of our
and more successful victories, if you can call it that. I wonder does anyone
remember Phyllis Wooten? Her abusive husband murdered her a little
over a year ago. I too am a victim of domestic violence. Fortunately, I
Rose Bobila Florendo did not meet the same fate as these two woman and thousands more.
Unfortunately, I have experienced the same justice system that Phyllis
Wooten did, in which one receives no justice at all.
We as a society think of terrorism as a political attack on our
country. The definition of terrorism is to cause extreme fear, the use
of intimidation to attain one’s goals or to advance one’s cause. This
happens every day in our country, it is called domestic violence. What
I experienced is no different. What I don’t understand is why we as
a society tend to accept domestic “terrorism” but condemn national
terrorism. Someone twice my size lay on top of me, looked into my eyes
and told me he would kill me. I thought I was going to die.
While most victims of domestic violence do nothing as Beverly Watson,
some of us do try to get the courts to protect us, but with little results.
For example, Phyllis Wooten’s husband disabled her car, held her and
her children prisoner, and terrorized them. She made a police report,
but the Cobb County Judge decided that there was no evidence of
violence, despite the fact that when he was arrested he had weapons
in his possession.
I too, tried to make a stand against my attacker. While my case
did make it to a jury, it was handed to an inexperienced prosecutor who
did little if any investigation. My attacker had a history of domestic
violence. Unfortunately, this is a fact which was never brought up in the
courtroom. The prosecutor was overworked, and knew little about the
case and was unable to present the facts correctly. My attacker hired
an attorney who was able to very creatively misrepresent the facts.
A man who beat me and threatened to kill me was acquitted. This was
not the first time that he had committed these crimes, and I am sure
it will not be the last. To this day I live in fear that this man has not
finished his promise.
I have mentioned systems that are supposed to help victims of
domestic violence. These are the systems we as victims are told to go to.
Why are they failing us?
Our country is hell bent on punishing Al Quaida, attacking Saddam
In Memory of Hussein and searching for Bin Ladin. These are people who are terrorizing
L u c i l a E c h av e z M o n d e j a r citizens of our country. I am a citizen, and I want to know why there is
such a lax attitude to protect victims of domestic violence. We need to
and address this problem before the victims are dead by the hands of their
M a n u e l P. M o n d e j a r S r . abuser. Beverly Watson did not receive justice; only her memory did.

POSTED TO THE “SUCCESS STORIES” SECTION OF THE V-DAY WEB SITE.

30 FILIPINA WOMEN’S NETWORK | w w w. f f w n . o r g
FILIPINA WOMEN AGAINST VIOLENCE 31
FILIPI N A W O M E N ’ S N E T W O R K
& V- DAY
P R E S E N T

EVE ENSLER’S

THE VAGINA
MONOLOGUES
Elson Montalbo, Director
Marily Mondejar, Executive Producer

V - D AY S A N F R A N C I S C O 2 0 0 5
“FILIPINA WOMEN AGAINST VIOLENCE”
A W O R L D W I D E C A M PA I G N T O S T O P V I O L E N C E
AGAINST FILIPINA WOMEN AND GIRLS

S U N D AY, M A R C H 1 3 – M O N D AY, M A R C H 1 4
7 : 0 0 P M | H E R B S T T H E AT R E
4 0 1 VA N N E S S AT M c A L L I S T E R | S A N F R A N C I S C O

A DVA N C E T I C K E T S : $ 3 5 , $ 5 0 , $ 6 5 , $ 1 0 0 | AT T H E D O O R : $ 4 5 , $ 6 0 , $ 7 5 , $ 1 1 0
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