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Weeding Out the

the blunt facts about SSDP at brown
Brown University l March 25, 2010 l Volume 10 l Issue 25
2 upfront


post- 03 upfront
staff NOT COMIC \\ ben dann

04 feature
Marshall Katheder WEEDING OUT THE OPPOSITION \\ casey bleho
Executive Editors 05 arts & culture
Allison Zimmer
Ellen “Scraps “ Cushing
FALLING OFF THE (PUSSY) WAGON\\ brian mastroianni &
hannah recht
Managing Editor of Fea-
tures and Lifestyle
BEDROOM BANDIT \\ teen wolf V
Matthew Klebanoff
06 arts & culture
Features Editors
Katerina Dalavurak
SPRING TO THE STAGE \\ rachel lamb
Kate Doyle
Fred Milgrim
FOREIGN FLICKS \\ kelly mckowen
Managing Editor of Arts Coal to gray ponytail guy at the Rock for 07 food & booze
and Culture NOC LIST\\ ted lamm and alex logan
Sam Carter enforcing the “no food” rule. My apple
EAST OF EDEN\\ anisha sekar
isn’t going to hurt your books — I promise!
Music Editor
Katie Delaney 08 sex
Theatre Editor
The tickets are now Diamonds. HE’S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU\\ allie wollner
Rachel Lamb DOMINATRIX IN TRAINING \\ the hardy brothers
Film Editor
Coal to BSA for failing to properly antici-
Max Godnick pate the server burden from everyone try-
Literary Editor ing to order tickets at once.
Ben Schreckinger
Copy Chief Diamond to Ben & Jerry’s for free cone
Dear Reader,
Sarah Forman day.
Copy Editors Ernie Anastos has that vacant-faced look that’s perfect for a
Julia Kantor news anchor. It’s accompanied with a booming, velvety voice,
Anisha Sekar thick jet-black hair that’s receded just enough for a distin-
Paul Watanabe guished forehead, and an effortlessly toothy smile—one with
Phil Lai shimmering pearly whites that glisten against his lightly-toasted
Layout Editors
Check out complexion.
“It takes a tough man to make a tender forecast,” he says,
Madelynn Johnston
Alexandra Linn bantering with a pudgy weatherman live on FOX5 WNYW.

Graphics Editor
to submit and get into Post- “I guess that’s me,” the weatherman says, trying too hard to
look comfortable.
Katerina Dalavurak fave five back.
“Keep f*cking that chicken,” Mr. Anastos casually lobs

Photo Editor As self-consciously as Jon Stewart and I have tried to inject

Kate Doyle this elegant expletive into our daily usage, its absurdity can
never be replicated exactly. But I think it’s worth noting that
Staff Photographer
Kayla Smith
something beautiful happens when we loosen our tongues. Not
so much in the sense of letting your opinions errantly fly out
Web Designer like debris from a wood chipper. But more in letting language
Eric Stayton be fluid, not limiting yourself to clichés or latching yourself into
the same conversation you’ve had over and over again.
Web Editor The weather in Providence sure is unpredictable; etc. yawn.
Be sensitive, of course, and never speak out of ignorance
Al- (unless you fess up first). But spice up your speech, my darling
reader. Don’t always stick to the script, feel out the scene. And
son Palm
hey, it’s Spring Break. You can always blame it on the booze.
Diana Shifrina
Keep f*cking that chicken,

Post- magazine marshall

Post- Magazine is pub-
lished every Thursday Food, Sex, Booze, Music,
in the Brown Daily
Herald. It covers books, Art—
theater, music, film,
food, art, and University Write about it. Love it. Live it
culture around College
Hill. Post- editors can
be contacted at post.
com. Letters are always
welcome, and can be Email us by April 21st
either e-mailed or sent
to Post- Magazine, 195 with a sample column
Angell Street, Provi-
dence, RI 02906. We (500-700 words)
claim the right to edit
letters for style, clarity,
and length.
THURSDAY, MARCH 25, 2010 3
Have a Badass, Post-ified Spring Break
1 Sign all release forms handed to you by
6 Berge watchin’. In Cabo. Bikini edition.
Reunite with Kiwi friends. Awkwardly make

2 Don’t drink and drive, smoke and fly. 7 excuses for why our darling Editor Allison Zimmer
hasn’t called back.

3 Have sex on the beach. And maybe a cocktail. 8 Get arrested. Make sunglasses out of lit cigarettes.
“Once you kill a cow, you gotta make a burger.” The
f*ck, Lady Gaga?

4 Drink with your parents; realize they are racist.

9 Beg MTV to meet you at the beach even though
Spring Break is over for e’ryone but Brown. Have an
Explain to your Mom that the bulbous red mark
exec tell you it sounds too douchey.
on your neck is from paintball. With the boys.
Not a hickey. 10 Say woo! whenever possible.

Not Comic
why comics are dropping the ball (point pen)
ben DANN
contributing writer

If I were visiting Brown, I might whiny anime characters. And only paper. Some schools don’t even have for your big words, Herald. So when
pick up The Brown Daily Herald to after an intense BDH comic sesh do student-drawn comics, so for that, the disparity between the quality of
get a sense of the student voice. May- I realize how hilarious it is to spend kudos. But… the end of the paper your writing and the quality of your
be I would read a couple of articles too much time playing Pokémon or should be the cherry-on-top, not the cartoons is so glaring, how are the
to find out what is going on and, “Oh browsing Facebook. stale end of the loaf. goobers among us supposed to get
look,” I might say, “There are comics Perhaps nonsensical comics are The funnies are for the people our daily laugh?
on the back page!” A second later I the way to go. There is a place in my who don’t want to read the paper—or And don’t even get me started on
would realize that I would never get heart for spontaneous blips of silli- don’t have the willpower. They are for Vagina Dentada.
that second back. Soon, I’ll wonder ness. Cute talking animals have their the people who don’t have the time
how such a brilliant student body days, and sometimes have me chuck- to do a crossword puzzle or fill out a Sincerely,
could create such atrocious comics. ling despite my utter confusion. You grid of mathematical mind-busters. Your Biggest Fan, Ben Dann
Being a Brunonian, I feel like laugh because you cannot explain it. Sometimes we just don’t have time
something must be done. If I cared But I could get the same
less, I might let it slide, but does laugh by giving a second
anyone else scratch their head after grader paper and pastels
trying to justify a joke that is just… and saying, “Go nuts!” Un-
not there? fortunately, giving college
I don’t mean to be harsh: I know students pen and paper
the artists are just trying to create somehow yields the same
lighthearted humor. But someone results.
had to say something. I feel a deep But who am I to criticize
void in my stomach where laughter the comics? People might
should be. retort: “if you are so vocal
Although it’s cliché to inform about the comics, then why
you, my dictionary widget defines not make one yourself?”
comic as, “causing or meant to cause I thought about this,
laughter.” But as I sit at break- and I can give you a few
fast each morning, I read the com- reasons why not. First,
ics only to find a caliber of humor humor is subjective, and
vaguely comparable to the quality it is hard to please others
of the scrambled eggs on my plate. (as this column is quickly
Frankly, I find the fact that the Ratty proving). Friends and
microwaves bananas to ripen them life’s funny moments make
funnier than comics about fruity me laugh; everything else
characters saying stupid things. is second rate. Secondly, I
Some of my friends have tried to can’t draw for beans. And
defend their favorite comics. They thirdly, my funny bone is
like the idea of squeezing as many broken. I am writing this
jokes out of basic geometry as possi- just to make the comic art-
ble. I guess that’s fine, because after ists angry.
all, it must be difficult if it takes two Comics are something
math geniuses to come up with those to which you should look
jokes. You also have to love the gems forward, and they are an
about self-conscious dictators and integral part of our news- Katerina Dalavurak
4 feature

Weeding Out the Opposition

the blunt facts about SSDP at brown
casey BLEHO
contributing writer

It comes with the opportunity to where—and proud of it. for weed that it does for alcohol—in In case you’ve been spending
attend a prestigious Ivy League in- So, in an effort to embody as many other words, a very lax one. way too much time in the SciLi and
stitution: the good grades, the top of the (kind of accurate) stereotypes SSDP is also responsible for the haven’t already noticed, it would be
professors, the highly intellectual about our school as they could, our fact that DPS now patrols outside of pretty hard for Brown to become any
conversations of which we naturally hippie activists and our pot smokers residence halls, not inside. So, next more liberal, even in terms of its drug
partake on a daily basis, and the got together one fine day eight or nine time you’re walking through the halls policy, than it already is. “There isn’t
reputation on which we will, with a years ago and decided to single-hand- of Keeney at 3 o’clock in the afternoon really any more drug development to
little luck, be able to cruise for the edly change the world. And the Brown and get a contact high from the haze be done on the Brown campus,” says
rest of our lives. Picture glossy bro- chapter of Students for Sensible Drug of smoke that typically covers the Steiner. “Because we’re so advanced
chure-worthy photos of smiling 18 Policy, more commonly known as ground, you know who to thank for at Brown in terms of campus policy,
to 21-year-olds sitting in discussion SSDP, was born. why you’re suddenly craving bagels our mission now is to develop cam-
circles on big green fields. Debates SSDP is an international student- with ketchup instead of writing that pus education” and to work on drug
and heated discussions over warm run organization whose members are, 25-page paper that’s due tomorrow. policy outside of University grounds,
meals in rooms that look like they as their mission statement outlines, But the group’s focus is not just influencing Rhode Island state policy
were modeled after Hogwarts. A “concerned about the impact drug limited to the marijuana debate and as well.
professor smiling jovially down on abuse has on our communities, but throwing fundraising parties—they’re Brown’s SSDP chapter works
a student working diligently next to who also know that the War on Drugs currently working on, among other closely with the Rhode Island State
huge stacks of books, all in an ef- is failing our generation and our so- things, creating a series of drug-spe- House, and was active in canvassing
fort to educate a knowledge-hungry ciety.” The group, which maintains cific pamphlets to be placed in Health and pushing a marijuana decriminal-
mind. This is us. over 100 active chapters at universi- Services, which will teach students ization bill that was endorsed by the
But not really. ties nationwide, as well as chapters how to safely take an array of drugs. Rhode Island Legislative Commission
Every university, even the big in Canada, the United Kingdom and Though it is a controversial measure, in March. They also worked to support
Ivy Leagues, has a reputation—a Nigeria, looks to “empower young the group aims, with the support of the legalization of medicinal marijua-
stereotype that, as much as we hate people to participate in the political Health Services, not to promote drug na in the state and to canvass for RI
to admit it, holds some tiny (or not process, pushing for sensible poli- use on campus but rather to make sure House Representatives who maintain
so tiny) kernel of truth. Princeton cies to achieve a safer and more just that when drugs are inevitably taken, drug-liberal policies like John Ed-
is for the tweed-wearing trust-fund future, while fighting back against they are done in the least harmful way wards (no, not the Presidential nomi-
babies who wish they were at Har- counterproductive Drug War policies, possible. nee) and David Segal. “So far, most of
vard. Cornell is the Ivy no one cares particularly those that directly harm So what do Brown students think the things we’ve canvassed for have
to remember. Yale is the blue-blood students and youth.” Pretty eloquent- of the group? The general reaction been passed,” says Steiner.
school for aspiring boring brokers. ly phrased for a bunch of blazed stu- towards the goals of the 200-plus- On a more national scale, Brown
UPenn is…pretty? Harvard is the dents, right? member-group seems to be fairly SSDP recently held a protest at a
school we all just love to hate. Co- The Brown chapter of SSDP has, positive on campus, with controversy Providence Wal-mart in response to
lumbia is full of angsty hipsters. essentially, the same goal, though tending to arise on issues like where the firing of an employee at a branch
Dartmouth is for kids who prob- with more emphasis on affecting legalization of drugs should end. “I in Michigan–a state in which medici-
ably would have finished a drink (or change on campus. According to Mis- think Brown has a very permissive nal marijuana is legal. As reported by
12) while reading this. And Brown cha Steiner ’10, last semester’s Brown atmosphere, which is both good and MSNBC, Joseph Casias, a Wal-mart
is, according to nearly every single SSDP President, Brown wasn’t always bad for SSDP,” says Steiner. “It’s bad employee with an inoperable brain
university review post on the entire the super liberal campus we’ve come in the sense that we can’t get up in tumor and sinus cancer, was fired
internet and every college guide to know and love. For example, mari- arms like other schools do because without severance for testing positive
known to man, the dream school juana on campus used to be treated Brown treats us really well. But it also for marijuana in a random drug test.
for brain dead, dreadlock rocking, as a serious offense, and it is only a encourages people who are more open SSDP saw this as a prime example of
liberal, socialist, happy, high, pot result of lobbying by SSDP that the to experimentation and drug policy drug-related social injustice and cam-
smoking hippie activists every- school now maintains the same policy reform to apply.” paigned to raise awareness about Ca-
sias’ case.
With all of this in mind, it comes
as no surprise that the Brown SSDP
chapter, at the annual SSDP interna-
tional conference held in San Fran-
cisco this month, was awarded the
Change Beyond Campus Award—the
equivalent of a lifetime achievement
award for SSDPers.
This is perhaps one of the things
that makes Brown’s chapter of SSDP
so interesting. Sure, they smoke (that
said, who doesn’t at this school?) and,
as a result, have been stereotyped
among some portion of the Brown
population as glorified stoners. But all
it takes is a visit to one of their meet-
ings in that crazy room in J. Walter
Wilson with the chandeliers to real-
ize how impressive their knowledge
of the issues is—both in terms of na-
tional and international legislation
and rights, and how passionate they
are about what they do. Granted, they
may be rolling a spliff as they talk,
but essentially they’re just doing what
Brown kids do best—enacting strange,
controversial, but essentially socially
informed change.
So roll a joint, light up and change
the world. Welcome to Brown.

Mischa Steiner
arts & culture
THURSDAY, MARCH 25, 2010 5
Falling Off the (Pussy) Wagon
how lady gaga stopped blowing our minds
brian MASTROIANNI & hannah RECHT
contributing writers

Newsflash: A fight breaks out in a we’re not sure what Gaga was trying to thrown into the cell by two masculine- admit it, not only does Gaga’s video fail
women’s prison. Punches are thrown, say. Instead of taking away a message looking female guards, one says “I told to say anything new, but once her viewer
hair is pulled, a crowd cheers on the from the video, we were bombarded by you she didn’t have a dick,” with the moves past the spectacle, what remains
violence. A voice over the loudspeaker constant imagery of our consumerist other replying “too bad.” The scene is is only a fraction of the impact of her
calls out: “Beyoncé on the line for Gaga.” culture. Any deeper meaning was lost important because the guard shares our past videos. While the content of “Bad
What comes next? Some epic showdown in a sea of Wonder Bread, Virgin Mobile disappointment that Lady Gaga is just as Romance” matched the song (well, sort
between Beyoncé and Gaga? Do we find phones and Diet Coke. It is clear that unremarkable as the rest of us. of), “Telephone” has almost nothing to
out what Gaga is in jail for? No. Instead, Gaga is taking a stab at our nation’s con- Like the guard, we feel like we’ve been do with the song’s inane lyrics—except
she turns to the camera and sings: “Hel- sumerism, but she herself is just as much duped. Gaga established herself as a fig- for the “hair telephone,” which felt like a
lo/hello, baby; you called/I can’t hear a of a branded image as America’s favorite ure subverting the mainstream culture, superficial way to bridge the gap between
thing.” What else? Do we learn anything white bread. but her video reveals that she is just as image and words.
important about the situation? Nope. The video is laden with multiple in- much a part of that world as every other Gaga gave us hope for a new way of
Just that Lady Gaga has no service in the stances of pop culture iconography. blonde pop star. As much as we hate to looking at pop music. Just like a certain
club. Whether assuming the president who promised “change we
After the ingenuity of “Paparazzi” image of Madonna, doing can believe in,” Gaga is starting to be
and “Bad Romance”—videos that were a Michael Jackson-esque consumed by the mainstream machine
touchstone pop culture moments—her shuffle while leaving jail, she hoped to evade. “Telephone” is evi-
latest outing is more empty spectacle or riding Tarantino’s dence that even an inventive artist can
than relevant video. Gaga’s rise to fame Pussy Wagon from Kill lose sight of her unique vision.
has been meteoric. After the 2008 and Bill, Gaga pays homage Beneath the bubbles, the hair bows
2009 releases of “The Fame” and “The to the pop culture figures and Kermit the Frog dress, we ask our-
Fame Monster,” respectively, Gaga has who came before her. In selves: WTF is Lady Gaga? An alien?
been at the forefront of the pop music doing so, she recognizes A nice Italian girl from New York? We
scene. Even though Taylor Swift won the that she is part of that think we have the answer: underneath
Grammy, after the past two years we can legacy, while also assert- the crazy makeup, it’s really just Mi-
identify who is the real recording artist. ing herself as the modern chael Jackson.
With the release of “Telephone,” expec- Queen of Pop. By includ- But the real question is: does it
tations were high among Gaga’s “little ing Beyoncé—the only even matter? Despite her recent lapse
monsters,” but, unfortunately, this time other modern entertainer in innovation, Gaga is still the domi-
she only offered more of the same and more emblematic of the nant force in modern mainstream pop.
nothing new. What we love about Gaga current music scene—she Her videos keep getting stranger and
is her ability to elevate pop songs that acknowledges herself as stranger, but we’re not afraid to admit
performed by a Britney would just be Honey Bee’s equal. that we account for a large percentage
forgettable dance floor beats, with her She further empha- of the millions of YouTube hits. She
videos, which hint at something beneath sizes her iconic status hooked us with her initial allure, and we
the surface. with self-referential com- just hope she delivers. As she says her-
It’s not that “Telephone” is a bad vid- mentary on her critics. self in the video: “once you kill the cow,
eo, but after over nine minutes of com- And, for the record, she’s you gotta make a burger.” And, for the
pletely disassociated lyrics and images, all woman. When she’s record, we’re ordering ours rare.

Bedroom Bandit
eroticizing college hill
teen WOLF V
contributing writer

Brown University is no stranger to mined to “walk out of Brown University campus which draws students from Bos- cism from an erotic novelist, one won-
popular culture. In movies like Varsity summa cum laude in four years,” trouble ton, Worcester, and Providence, a fight ders if Jeanty’s depiction of prejudice at
Blues and Outside Providence or televi- soon gets in the way of Junior’s second breaks out on the dance floor and several Brown hits a little too close to home.
sion shows such as The O.C. and Fam- walk through the Van Wickle Gates. people are stabbed. Junior is blamed for Okay, now on to the good stuff. This
ily Guy, Brown has seen its fair share Junior is a popular figure on campus, the incident and arrested. The University is the first erotica novel that I have en-
of the spotlight. It was only a matter of quickly becoming involved with the Af- expedites his disciplinary meeting to the countered and, I must say, Jeanty’s
time before erotica was added to this rican Students Association and LitArt following Monday, but when Junior sees vivid descriptions of unspeakable sex
prestigious portfolio. classes. Before long, the bandit is up to “nothing but white faces at the hearing” acts are downright shocking. The Bed-
Our fine University should be proud his old tricks as he embarks on a sexual he knows that he “didn’t stand a chance.” room Bandit engages in anal, vagi-
(or disturbed) to have landed a leading escapade across campus with co-eds of The Bedroom Bandit is promptly ex- nal, oral, and even group sex with his
role in The Bedroom Bandit, the lat- all kinds. Although Jeanty’s portrayal of pelled and embarks on a life as a highly roommate and three women on Spring
est adult novel from Richard Jeanty. life at Brown is woefully inaccurate (Ju- paid male gigolo for wealthy Boston sub- Break. Unfortunately, Jeanty’s prose is
A graduate of the University of Massa- nior refers to the Ratty “the caf”), Bed- urbanites. clumsy and ‘unsatisfying’—even for the
chusetts and Boston University, Jeanty room Bandit is full of valuable advice Although the portion of the novel casual reader. In one hilarious para-
has been a fixture in erotica and urban on love in Providence. “New York girls where Junior attends Brown is short, graph, the author pairs a description of
drama since he published first novel in are hot” quips Junior as he undresses a Jeanty’s critique of race relations on Junior’s “huge cock” with a remark on
2004. With no fewer than twenty works Brooklynite named Crystal. Besides, “Ivy campus is worthy of discussion. From his roommate’s “cockiness.” Granted,
under his belt, this Haitian-born Bosto- League chicks are a lot more open-mind- the beginning, Junior feels an “urban finding adequate synonyms for penis is
nian has ventured into the world of Ivy ed than people think, and they’re some stigma” attached to his presence. He difficult in English but Jeanty lacks the
League debauchery to provide a sensual freaks.” One of the “great things about laments that “white students were still artful mastery of description one hopes
look at life on College Hill. being on campus” is that “dinner took shocked that black folks could excel at for in quality adult literature.
The Bedroom Bandit follows the place at the cafeteria and no one had to Brown, even decades after we had the Overall, The Bedroom Bandit is
story of David “Junior” Richardson, a pay for anything because the meal plan likes of W.E.B. Dubois, who excelled a quick but disappointing read. Al-
black teen from Boston’s inner city who covered all that. The only thing I needed at Harvard. They still didn’t feel we be- though the cover warns of “highly ad-
receives a “full academic scholarship” to was great conversation.” Looks like Ju- longed at Brown.” It appears to Junior dictive reading material,” Jeanty’s
attend Brown. Junior, unlike Brown, is nior and I have the same reason for stay- that “luxury was reserved for the white novel is good for a few chapters at best.
gifted with a sizeable “endowment” that ing on meal plan: Gail. students. They walked around campus Middle-aged housewives aside, I chal-
would make any man jealous, as well Jeanty, who published the book in without a care in the world while driv- lenge any Brown student to put down
as the “skills” to use it. Although the March 2009, is not only a gifted eroticist; ing their convertible BMWs, Mercedes, the Faulkner and pick up some erotica
young freshman arrives at his dorm in he also appears to posses psychic pow- Volkswagens, and Saabs.” While the while on the beach over Spring Break.
Bronson House bright-eyed and deter- ers. When Junior helps host a party on Corporation will not likely address criti- Dudes should be sure to put their boner
pants on!
6 arts & culture

Spring to the Stage

rachel LAMB
coming this break to a theatre near you
theatre editor
With offerings as diverse as bite- Rock Musical and a Southern belle, Malik delivers idential election, try Lisa Kron’s newest
sized musicals, opera, and Chekhov, The warm weather has been mak- her monologues under the auspices play. A sensitive portrayal of a freelance
the Brown theatre scene has been on ing us indulge our inner hippie all over of preparing tea. Subversive, thought- writer convinced that her friends are
fire these past few weeks. But, alas, as the Main Green. Why not make it of- provoking, and thoroughly compelling, blind to the consequences of the con-
March draws to an end, theatre-enthu- ficial and check out this classic ode to Unveiled is just the kind of show to brag tested election, The Wake explores the
siasts all over campus will be packing youth in all its trippy, ecstatic, and na- about having seen upon your return to ease with which we pass judgment over
their bags and bidding the stages a tear- ked glory? This smash-hit revival, now Brown. others without probing our own blind
ful farewell, fearing a dull and drama- with a bright, shiny new cast, will have Haroun and the Sea of Stories spots. It’s an excellent check for one’s
deprived week ahead. But never fear, you feeling groovy in no time. And did I Didn’t get enough of Salman Rush- smug liberal self-satisfaction.
dear Brunonians! All the world has a mention there’s nudity? die when he visited Brown last month? The Diviners
stage! So to help you make it through Next Fall Never fear; now you have the chance If you’re lacking a little Southern-
spring break, I’ve compiled a sampling An agnostic and a fundamentalist to catch Rushdie Lite, a.k.a. this play fried faith and soothsaying in your life,
of shows playing in three theatre capi- walk into a relationship. It may sound based on his children’s novel of the check out this gothic fable about an
tals during the next few weeks. They’ll like the start to a mediocre sitcom, but same name. Enjoy magical spectacles unusual alliance between an apathetic
make you laugh, they’ll make you cry, this new play transcends its seemingly of shadow warriors, lunar voyages, and preacher and a wild teenage boy in
and they’ll tide you over until find your simplistic premise to tell a witty and powerful genies while scanning fever- Depression-era Kentucky. Alternately
way back to the College Hill scene once poignant tale of two men, a nebbishy ishly for any whiff of controversy. funny, provocative, and tragic, The Di-
more. New Yorker and a devout Christian, Magical Exploding Boy viners presents a complex portrait of a
Broadway Bound?—New York trying to balance love, faith, and every- If you are mourning the loss of the poor community on the brink of des-
City thing in between. Think Woody Allen experimental fare of BUME and PW, peration. Think of it as food for thought,
Fela! with less egoism; think The Odd Couple buy a ticket for this peculiar, word- with a side of Southern comfort.
If the prospect of incendiary poli- with more nuance; or just stop thinking less one-man show. Dean Evans, ac- Through the Night
tics pulsing to the rhythm of Afrobeat and buy your tickets for the play gener- tor, mime and clown, weaves a tale Worried you’ll miss the multidis-
gets your heart pumping, look no fur- ating buzz as the best of the season. of amoebas, mind control, and space ciplinary possibilities of a liberal edu-
ther than Fela!, the intensely energetic Blowing Through the Windy travel that relies entirely on physical cation during your week off? Console
musical that took Broadway by storm City?—Chicago comedy, challenging notions about the yourself by attending Daniel Beaty’s
last November. The show tells the tale Unveiled necessity of words to tell a story. It will new work, which weaves together the
of Fela Kuti, a Nigerian performer who Not just another post-9/11 politi- be weird. It will be a little scary. And it life stories of six black men through po-
spread agitation through songs, mar- cal drama, Rohina Malik’s one-woman will be oh so Brown. etry, song, dance, and narrative. A poi-
ried 27 women, and declared himself show explores the inner life of five Is- Feeling Californication?—Los gnant and beautiful performance piece,
president of his country. The ultimate lamic women reflecting about their de- Angeles it closes on April 4th, so make sure you
badass? I think so. The ultimate musi- cision to wear the hijab, the traditional The Wake get your medium-hopping, multi-cul-
cal? Go and find out. Muslim head scarf. Playing roles as For those feeling nostalgic for the tural quick fix before then!
Hair: The American Tribal Love- diverse as a teenage rapper, a lawyer, uncertainty and polemic of 2000’s pres-

Foreign Flicks
navigating films from abroad
editor emeritus

There’s been a lot of sun shining on of a person, but rather of a moment in

College Hill lately, but make no mistake: which people of all different backgrounds
though spring may be slowly making (soldiers, politicians, paupers, criminals,
its way to Brown, the world of cinema and ideologues) are thrown together in a
remains very much wrapped in a cold, struggle that characterizes a revolution-
dreary winter. A cursory glance at popu- ary period in world fraught with colonial
lar review aggregator Rottentomatoes. breakup. The film’s unique brilliance is
com reveals that the top six grossing films its intentional failure to blindly take a
from last weekend all failed to attain at side in the extraordinarily complex de-
least 60 percent positive reviews from colonial story.
top critics, with one, the Gerard Butler-
Jennifer Aniston disasterpiece that is Norway Reprise (2006)
Bounty Hunter, achieving a laughably Selected as the top Norwegian film of
predictable 8 percent. With the year’s Time Machine. F*ck yes. it will not leave you feeling intensely re- the 2000s by at least one of the country’s
best films still weeks and possibly even flective about human existence. Nice! leading newspapers, Reprise is a fantastic
months away, the impatient cinephile Sweden: Smiles of a Summer Night movie about producing art and the costs
is forced to look for an alternative. But (1955) Algeria/Italy The Battle of Algiers one incurs when following a creative
what? What, no Seventh Seal? No Wild (1966) dream. Okay, okay, it’s also kind of about
I propose the solution that got Ameri- Strawberries? Not even Persona? Lis- The Battle of Algiers is not your typi- a bunch of middle-class Norwegian guys
ca’s Lost Generation through the confus- ten, chill—in due time. Getting into In- cal war movie. Though ostensibly there that sit around thinking they know a lot
ing, depressing years following the un- gmar Bergman is lot like getting into are protagonists (the Algerian liberators) more about the world than they actually
thinkable destruction of the Great War: scotch: the first few times are potentially and antagonists (the French army), it do—but hey, what Brown student has
expatriation! More precisely, expatria- unpleasant, even disorienting, but the would be quite difficult to say that the never taken him or herself just a bit too
tion mixed with time travel. When cur- rewards for sticking with it are nearly film presents a Mel Gibson-style dichot- seriously? We can undoubtedly relate to
rent domestic film is at its worst, there’s immeasurable. As every scotch-drinker omy between good guys and bad guys. the bourgeois dreamers that are the films
nothing better than making the trip down knows, the initiate does not gain a taste One sees ruthless colonizers attempting two main characters, Erik and Phillip, as
to Acme to watch one of the great foreign for the stuff by going straight for the to bring stability and order to Algiers well as their immature friends who make
arthouse pieces of yesteryear. Admit- rougher, more challenging single malts. while its would-be emancipators engage up a small circle of aspiring intelligen-
tedly, however, the selection can be stag- Start with something immediately pal- in terrorism and murder to drive them tsia. Directed by cinematic fresh-face
gering. To make choosing something just atable. For the potential Bergman en- out. Chaos and disorder reign in a coun- Joachim Trier, Reprise is funny and sad,
a little easier, I share a couple of my off- thusiast, that something is Smiles of try whose colonized peoples are increas- entertaining and thought-provoking. It
beat favorites below. Though these three the Summer Night, a rare comedy in ingly spurred to action by the resolve of also contains “Fingerpult av Gerhardsen”
by no means represent the best of what a filmography otherwise characterized the National Liberation Front and their (translated in the film as “Fingerf*cked
is out there in foreign film, they should by intensely philosophical movies. Like daring assaults on French rule. Indeed, by the Prime Minister”)—arguably the
be at least enough to last you until this other Bergman films, it entertains and while certain characters move the plot, best song in a movie of the last few years.
Friday’s long-awaited release of Hot Tub challenges. Unlike other Bergman films, The Battle of Algiers is the not the story Take that “Falling Slowly.”
food & booze
THURSDAY, MARCH 25, 2010 7
NOC List
“All right, Hunt. Enough is enough. You have bribed, cajoled, and killed, and
you have done it using loyalties on the inside. You want to shake hands with the
devil, that’s fine with me. I just want to make sure that you do it in hell.”
- Eugene Kittridge, Mission: Impossible
ted LAMM and alex LOGAN
food columnists

Although something along the who recommended it). It also keeps it offers a seven-course tasting menu, Providence Oyster Bar: Go
lines of The Bucket List might have you from going back to Sawaddee over we’re interested. between 4 p.m. and 6:30 p.m. any
made more sense, our hatred of Jack and over. Here is our list for you guys day of the week for $1 oysters. Chat
Nicholson post-A Few Good Men (we know it’s mostly repeats, but since Angkor: Maybe we’re bad critics up the raw-bartender, order a dozen
and our utter but respectful indif- we also know that none of you heeds for not yet having dined here, but we’ve with a martini, and indulge in pure
ference towards Morgan Freeman our advice, we’ll go for it anyway): heard that the chef is some sort of Cam- ecstasy for the cost of a week’s worth
precluded that possibility. So instead bodian royal something. Plus, it’s Cam- of Safewalk salary.
we refer to that seminal delineation, Olneyville New York System bodian food in Providence—it’s not go-
that list of lists, that Rosetta Stone Wieners: Nestled in the bleak land- ing to be bad. Graduate Center Bar: Best
of enumerations: the NOC List of scape of Olneyville, this bastion of known for its wide selection of cheap
Providence Food and Drink. Specifi- “Rhode Island cuisine” is famous for Nick’s on Broadway (break- beers, this hidden gem of a secret
cally, we discuss here the practice of their signature presentation, in which fast/brunch): If you don’t make it watering hole, bastard brother of the
maintaining a list, wherever you are, wieners are stacked along the “chef’s” here before you graduate, your Brown Bear’s Lair (with a chlorine odor to
of local destinations to investigate. arm while he applies condiments. We experience will be worse for it. The eggs match), social nexus of upperclass-
In principle, these could be anything, can’t wait to order “tree all da way and benedict are beyond words. men you wish you hung out with,
but after last week’s debacle we’ve a coffee milk.” real-life equivalent of Platform 9¾,
been forced to limit ourselves here to Nick’s on Broadway (dinner): also makes fine cocktails. Try a Hen-
food and drink. Chez Pascal: Somehow we’ve Artfully prepared classic cuisine with drick’s and soda with a dash of bitters
It’s a good idea to keep your very managed not to go here. Market Menu an eye towards sweet accents stands and a wedge of lemon.
own NOC List (especially if you can Mondays, “passionately house made” out on an otherwise Italian-dominated
put it on a series of floppy disks). charcuterie and pâtés, sausage of the hill. Traditional flavor sets and combi- It’s easy to let lists grow and grow
When a surprise opportunity for a day, and their perfect locale (North nations are shunned in favor of innova- without ever going anywhere. If it
meal out arises—parents in town, Hope) make our lapse inexcusable. tion -- something that can be a bit hard means having to make that necessary
friends in town, hot date, you wind up to encounter in Providence. Go here blue sangria-fueled Kartabar lunch a
on the good end of a drug deal gone Tini: A literal hole-in-the-wall and you’ll feel taken care of. biweekly event, it’s worth it to save
bad—it’s good to have some exciting offshoot of Al Forno, this downtown up enough to venture somewhere
non-Thayer locations for whose suc- drinkery offers (we’ve been told) great George’s Deli: Duh. Try the Spar- new. Anywhere but Kartabar.
cess or failure you can’t be blamed martinis and solid small plates. tan, or the chicken salad, or both, or
(but for which you can hold responsi- anything else. Just go, tip well, and feel
ble the two douchey food columnists Gracie’s: If it’s in Providence and entirely content.

East of Eden
cali girl tackles ocean state fare
anisha SEKAR
staff writer

I will be the first to admit that I them is the enthusiasm with which we the most elitist San Francisco snob thank you, Rhode Island, for playing
am a food hypocrite. Yes, of course, embrace new things. And so, to defend can’t turn down. host to any number of elitist Califor-
I’m an adventurous eater—burritos my reputation and that of my state, I And, finally, coffee cabinets. For nian food snobs, but I’ll pass on any-
from a tiny stand off the highway, set off to try real Rhode Island food. those who (like myself until two days thing that isn’t sold on the golden
curry and stew scooped up with in- I was in over my head. I grew up ago) have no idea what a coffee cabi- triangle of Federal Hill, Wickenden,
jera, and, most recently, udon picked with home-cooked Indian meals and net could possibly be, it’s blended ice and Thayer. And please, stop trying
up with chopsticks in a 90-minute came to love the heavy-on-the-tofu, cream, milk, and coffee syrup, a thick to tax us. Eating my way through
battle between woman and meal. But light-on-the-oil, no-animals-in-sight concoction of sugar, ground coffee, Rhode Island is income enough for
in the three full semesters I’ve spent cuisine that’s so popular back home. and water. Think coffee-flavored milk- you guys.
at Brown, never have I ventured into A cursory Google search told me that shake. It was sweet—very, very sweet.
the terrifying unknown that is Rhode this would be nearly impossible to That’s not to say that the first sip
Island food. find in the Ocean State. Clambakes, wasn’t delicious. It’s just not a drink I
I should explain. I’m from San grinders (read: sub sandwiches), and would have unless I ever need caffeine
Francisco. We wax eloquent about fish and chips were all off the menu. and sugar simultaneously—say, when
well-aged cheese paired with the per- So, too, were hot dogs and the famous I’m studying for a midterm I know I’ll
fect wine, that charming little Afghan New England clam chowder. So I dug fail, for instance.
restaurant tucked away where no one a little deeper. Despite the uncontested success
would look, or veganism, depend- I did try a vegetarian adaptation that is coffee cabinets, Rhode Island
ing on the individual. And while I’ve of chowder, though it seemed to be all cuisine and I will maintain a safe and
had no trouble eating the food here substance and no style. Though to be sort of awkward distance from each
at Brown, the University is about as fair, vegetarian chowder hardly quali- other. Our experience together was
representative of Rhode Island as the fies as Rhode Island fare and bears like a first date gone horribly wrong. In
Bay Area is of the America that ap- little relation to the celebrated chow- my day, I’ve dived into seaweed salads,
parently runs on Dunkin’ (which has dah. crispy masaladosa, Cuban-style beans,
no franchises in the Golden State). Next came Del’s Lemonade. Cool and fried plantains, but I met my
We Northern Californians pride and crisp Del’s Lemonade. Del’s Lem- match with this scrappy little state. I
ourselves on a great many things, as onade, as the sun bursts through five did find a few desserts I’d be willing to
anyone who’s spent more than five straight days of rain. Happiness is try again, but, by and large, not much
minutes with us knows, and one of Del’s Lemonade. It is a treat that even here fit my lifestyle or taste buds. So Photo courtesy of
8 sex

he’s just not that into you
Nine columns out of ten, I opt to definitely text. As we all know, compos- predator-prey encounter in the flesh— vorite scapegoats—bad timing and in-
discuss positive incarnations of sexu- ing a really great text message can take it finally sinks in that it’s really not go- convenient circumstances— to explain
ality. When I sit down to write, I do hours. Days. Weeks. Ages, really. Not to ing to happen this time. But before what went wrong. This is a bad habit,
so with the intention of finding ways mention the physical exertion expended you’re ready to let it die, there’s more: and one that we should make an effort
to make sexual expression more self- when typing the message. Texting can tautologies of overanalyzation—what to break because it’s unhealthy and
aware and sexual encounters more really wear the fingers out! When our happened? what changed?—followed unproductive. Employing a whipping
satisfying. I also believe strongly in romantic interest feels equal to the task, by spasms of self-doubt and plunges in boy to process a rejection encourages
getting what you want for yourself, we reason, s/he will get in touch. self-worth. dwelling and facilitates wallowing. It
something I encourage people to do Next, it’s like Britney Spears that Surely there’s a way to process rejec- also yields false hope for a future that
in their sex lives whenever I can. Yet, time she claimed she’d wait until mar- tion with more grace. doesn’t exist.
for every time we play large and the riage to have sex, and then did it with I was talking with a friend about Granted, sometimes there are good
risk pays off, there are the times when Justin Timberlake anyway. Even rejection and he said, “If you get re- reasons, external ones, to explain why
we shoot for the moon, miss the tar- though you promised yourself that you jected it’s not a rejection of you. It just people abandon budding romances.
get, and plummet back to Earth. wouldn’t, and vowed you’d wait for the means that it wasn’t the right time for But here’s the thing: where there’s a
This week I want to think through other person to contact you, you cave. something to happen.” At first, I agreed. will, there is always a way. Even im-
what happens when, despite our best This is the part when you start inventing There are so many valid reasons that movable topographical landmarks
efforts, we don’t get what we want. In excuses to justify your lack of willpower. explain why prospects don’t turn into can’t stop the forces of attraction. If
other words, what do you do when I’ve been good; I’ve waited 48 hours. If meetings: “s/he isn’t ready to be in a re- someone likes you enough, s/he will
you get rejected? I don’t get in touch, maybe they’ll think lationship”; “s/he is starting something figure out how to make it work—ain’t
First you make your excuses. Not I’m not interested anymore. Maybe I else”; “s/he is too busy”; “s/he isn’t no mountain high, ain’t no valley low,
for yourself, for your rejecter. “S/he’s should get in touch. Maybe I WILL get emotionally available right now.” ain’t no river wide enough to keep
going to call; s/he’s just so tied up in touch. So you do. You write the Hail Then I realized something. For the them from gettin’ to you, babe.
with that econ midterm/PW show/ Mary text— a message composed out of better part of an hour, we had been feed- Nothing I can write in 700 words
weekend-long, 24-hour-a-day BOLT desperation with only a small chance ing each other steaming spoonfuls of will take the sting out of rejection.
training/VA10 assignment to build a of success. It’s either that or lurk in the bullshit. Most times, when someone re- That said, here’s the best painkiller
scale replica of Blue State Coffee out Rock lobby until your quarry appears. jects you, it actually is a rejection of you. I’ve got. A friend once offered it to me
of used stirrer sticks and empty sugar Then, like a rabid raccoon, you pounce. It’s damn hard to accept that getting as I struggled through a rejection of
packets. Once that’s over, s/he’s defi- Rarely does either strategy yield favor- rejected means that someone you think my own: getting rejected by someone
nitely going to call.” able results. is great doesn’t feel the same about you. who isn’t willing to move mountains
Then you wait for the call. Or After a tepid response or, worse, to- Because we’re barely able to stomach it for you is worth it. That way, you’re
maybe they’ll just text. Yeah, they’ll tal silence—especially in the case of a when this happens, we turn to our fa- free to find the person who is.

Dominatrix in Training
the hardy BROTHERS staying on top

Dear Hardy Brothers, having long since given up on tradition- tation with another student here might practical considerations of etiquette
I am a dominant chick, but wor- al notions of masculinity as soon as the lead that other student to actually run that you should keep in mind.
ried that my attitude in the bedroom Cold War cooled off in the mid-60s, and away? If only our student body was that Most importantly, be safe. Since
might emasculate the males that that if the jocks (the last bastion of men exciting! Fight or flight, right? For the dom-sub play exists in the shadows of
come my way. How can I get boys in this hotbed of post-colonial sin we call Brown student, apparently the answer collegiate sex, most participants rely
to submit without making them run an alma mater) ever solve the problem is neither. on the Internet to meet each other. It’s
away? of their brotherhood’s factional tenden- In short, when you whisper into the like the gothic love child of Prospect
Who’s Your Daddy, cy to quit the team to join their favorite ear of your newest Fish Co. friend that & Meeting and Indiana Jones. Make
Dominatrix in Training a capella group, the remaining members you’re “going to fuck his insides out” and sure you meet up with anyone that
of the jock brotherhood are much more then scream that he “better take his pants you find online in a public place first,
Frank: Well, my pet—oh wait, likely to be emasculated when seen by off or else you’ll fuck him silly and it will before you take them home and spank
that would be me in this situation. My their buddies at the mall with you, hold- really hurt,” he’s not going to run away. the shit out of them.
little dom dom… No, that doesn’t feel ing your Claire’s bag, than by you tying He’ll merely stare at you—perhaps with When you do take them home,
right either. My Dom-y Apprentice— them up and beating them mercilessly wider eyes than usual, but still—smugly play slowly. Ease into it. Frank’s right:
there we go—it’s a little too late for this while intermittently sucking their cock. satisfied that in late-capitalist society no you may have met your future hus-
advice, but perhaps all your problems Men are undoubtedly stupid, but they’re one has any agency anyway so what’s he band had you attended the pegging
would have been solved if only you surprisingly forward thinking when it supposed to do about it, or else smugly seminar. But if you try to peg your
had attended last week’s Sex Week- comes to all things penis. satisfied that a) you know how to have man without warm up and warning,
sponsored workshop on “pegging.”1 I take it from your question that an orgasm, putting you way ahead of the he probably will run away.
You could have met your future hus- you’re worried about the potential of curve and b) that you’ll do all the work. Finally, be polite. In an early epi-
band there. emasculating a future partner, not any Like we’ve said before, happy hunt- sode of the Showtime show Califor-
Truth be told, though, I must admit actual occurrences, and I trust that so ing, D.I.T. nication, fictional sex addict Hank
that I’m a little perplexed by your ques- long as Brown University remains your Moody (played by real life sex addict
tion, D.I.T., because it makes me won- primary hunting ground, your con- Joe: Last spring, Psychology Today David Duchovny) brings home a stun-
der what school you’ve been attending cerns will remain purely in the realm reported that socially-dominant women ning young woman that he meets
for the past year. Have you really en- of the theoretical. In the wider world, are more likely to be submissive in the in a bookstore. Seemingly moments
countered a man at Brown University you might have more difficulty sniffing bedroom than their less-commanding later, as the young lady is riding him
who possesses a sense of his own mas- out the submissives, and especially the counterparts. If you have yet to unleash on top, she throws a right hook and
culinity strong enough for it to be an submissives in masculine clothing, but your dominant attitude in the coital punches him in the face. Never mind
issue while simultaneously insecure that’s for another column. sphere, then you may be surprised by that the young lady is actually his ba-
enough about it such that it’s capable Finally, I’d like to leave you with a how you ultimately behave between the by’s mama’s fiancé’s high school age
of being threatened by you? My sense wider meditation on the state of the sheets. On the other hand, if you’re well daughter—if she wanted to beat him
is that the “Man for Brown” is effete Brown student (yeah, that’s right, Ruth past Dominatrix in Training (and are up in bed, she should have just asked
and weak-willed, his decadent-elite- Simmons: the opposition responds). actually looking to earn your Masters in nicely.
liberal-intellectual-northern ancestors Has anyone ever thought that a confron- Beating Up Men), then there are some ---xoxo The Hardy Brothers

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