Spells of Inebriation

The Sages Must Be Crazy: Spells of Inebriation
Authors and Designers Christopher Baldi Carol Baldi Editor Carol Baldi Artists Free Public Domain Source - we thank the artists for posting their art for use

Healing Fireball Publication www.HealingFireball.com

Open Game Content
All the game statistics and the description section are open game content. All the histories, as well as the flavor text at the beginning of the chapters, the art, the front and back covers and the introduction are not open game content.

Copyright Information The Sages Must Be Crazy: Spells of Inebriation Copyright © 2009 Healing Fireball Publications all rights reserved. The Sages Must Be Crazy logo Copyright © 2008 Healing Fireball Publications all rights reserved. Healing Fireball logo is Copyright © 2007 Healing Fireball Publications all rights reserved

Introduction
The Sages Must be Crazy is a series of treatises written by the noted humorless mage Ebenezer “The Dry” Killjoy about the dangers of what he calls “the abuses and excesses of magic in its use as part of an unwholesome diversion.” Specifically, what Ebenezer is referring to is the magic of tricksters and jesters as well as its use to produce frivolous or what he calls “unwholesome” effects. We here at Healing Fireball Publications do not share Ebenezer’s point of view. However, we do publish his treatises mainly because they are well-designed, possibly contain useful information, and, frankly, we often find the spells and items he describes fascinating and wish to see knowledge of them disseminated. So, once again, I find myself in the possession of one of Ebenezer “The Dry” Killjoy’s rants about the abuses of magic. This time it is about the spells crafted by mages who love their wineskin more than their spell book and clerics who tend the churches of the goddess of alcohol. That’s right, gentle reader - this one’s a rant about alcohol-based spells. I know what you’re thinking, and I agree, it sounds like a party. So let’s see what ol’ Ebenezer has brought us this time. ~The Healer~ ~Healing Fireball Publications~

Welcome once again, young Scholar to my second treatise involving the horrible abuses of magic perpetrated by the less-than-disciplined mind. Since my last treatise on this subject, I have found an even worse abuse of magic than that perpetrated by the so-called trickster. The heinous, uncivilized ways in which those who worship drink practice the art could barely be called reverent, with their drunken revelry and beer-soaked ceremonies. Even worse is the perversion that has been perpetrated by those who would study magecraft while deep in their cup. If you, my young scholar, have not encountered those of which I speak, consider yourself fortunate for their frivolity and celebratory attitude often leads those they encounter to a bad end as they wake up the next morning in a barn covered in feathers and with a blinding headache, only to find their new friend has left and the town constable wants a word with them. For this reason, I have dedicated this work to exposing the techniques of these undisciplined, rowdy louts.

Ebenezer Killjoy

Designer’s Notes
Several years ago I played in a light-hearted game that was called “For the Love of Drink.” The premise was that, instead of being shining examples of heroism, we instead all played drunkards, alcoholics and rowdy louts. While I enjoyed playing my jolly, rotund cleric of the god of celebration and drinking, the other spell casters in the group and I felt that we could further enhance the feel of the game by creating some unique spells based around the adventure’s theme. Our game master agreed with our suggestion and so we began the creation of several alcohol and drinking-based spells for this game. This led to some interesting effects and made the game truly memorable and fun. That is where it would have stayed - as just a fond memory of an old game. That is until recently, when clearing out some old papers that built up on my shelves I discovered the notes we had made when designing these spells. Looking through the papers, these spells once again piqued my interest. And with St. Patrick’s Day coming up, I thought, “What better time to update these spells and convert them to the 3.5 rules?” So pour yourself a green ale, take a second to remember the patron saint of Ireland, and settle in to our latest lighter-side-of-gaming product, Spells of Inebriation.

On a Serious Note
Most of this product is intended to be taken with a grain of salt. The goal of all the products in the Sages Must Be Crazy line is to explore the lighter side of gaming and present some light hearted and sometimes silly spells and items to add to your game. I have attempted to balance the spells in this product to work well in most settings, although the spells do fit best in a low-level, low-power setting, especially a swashbuckling or anti-hero setting, like the one they were originally designed for. To provide further clarification on the spells in this book, as well as provide some ideas on how to use them, I have included a Notes section with each spell that contains some additional facts and some of my thinking when I updated them. I hope you find this information useful and enjoy Spells of Inebriation.

The Spells of Inebriation

To help you identify and thus avoid those that would abuse the mystic arts, by perverting them with strong drink, I have gathered below several of the most common spells utilized by these rowdy drunkards. At first glance, these spells may appear innocent, but trust me, their users leave nothing but chaos in their wake.

Create (Fermented Drink)
Conjuration (Creation) Level: Clr 0 Pal 1 Components: V, S Casting Time: 1 Standard Action Range: Close (25 ft. + 5 ft./2 levels) Target: Container Effect: Create up to 1 Gallon of Specific Alcohol/level Duration: Instantaneous Saving Throw: None Spell Resistance: No Description: This is not an individual spell but instead a group of spells (Create Ale, Create Wine, Create Cider, Create Mead) that all have a similar function - the creation of a fermented, non-distilled alcohol. The alcohol can be created an as small a container as is available to hold it or it can take up an area three times as large, filling many small containers or possibly causing alcohol to rain down. The created alcohol is not aged and tastes as if freshly made. History: This family of spells was created by many clerics of various faiths, from those that worship god of vines to the followers of the hive queen. Over time, the various spells have been worked and refined until today, when they can be found in the repertoire of many clerics across many realms who use them to create libation and goodwill wherever they go.

Notes: Simple fermented drinks still have a high water content in relation to the concentration of alcohol, so while this spell can be used to create flammable areas soaked with the alcohol, they can only be lit by an open flame. Additionally, containers filled with the liquid are too watery to be ignited.

Prevent Hangover
Conjuration (Healing) Level: Clr 0 Pal 1 Components: V, S, M Casting Time: 1 Standard Action Range: Touch Target: Person Touched Effect: Person touched is immune to the effects of a hangover for 12 hours Duration: 12 Hours Saving Throw: Will Negates (Harmless) Spell Resistance: Yes (Harmless) Description: This spell prevents the painful headache, slight nausea and dry mouth, better known as a hangover, that is suffered the day after a drinking binge. The spell also gives the effected person resistance to the Nauseated effect of any poison. In order for a hangover or nausea to be prevented, the alcohol or poison must be imbibed while the spell is in effect. Material Component: Willow Bark Powdered

History: The most sacred spell of the followers of “The Drunken God.” Their clerics often start their day by casting this spell on themselves to prepare for morning services. This spell has also become the most profitable spell of “The Drunken God’s” followers, being sold by clerics at taverns throughout the land. Notes: This spell is primarily used for flavor. However, at low levels its protection from nausea and the hangover spell presented later could be useful to a thief or spellcaster. The reason for the material component is that willow bark contains natural aspirin and was used historically as a headache remedy.

Holy Ale are left at the door of their temples so that the celebrants may fill their mugs as they enter. Notes: This spell is a simple variation on Bless Water that creates a holy liquid that is more suitable for use by clerics who worship a god of drink, celebration or joy. As a side note, we would often use the Holy Ale’s flammability to our advantage, soaking down the undead with damaging Holy Ale and then lighting it a few rounds later when the undead had been weakened by the holy damage.

Bless Ale
Transmutation [Good] Level: Clr 1 Pal 1 Components: V, S, M Casting Time: 1 Minute Range: Touch Target: 1 pint of ale Effect: Turns 1 pint of ale into Holy Ale Duration: Instantaneous Saving Throw: Will Negates (Object) Spell Resistance: Yes (Object) Description: Infuses 1 pint (flask) of ale with positive energy, turning it into Holy Ale. Holy Ale works exactly the same as Holy Water except that its natural alcohol content makes it flammable and allows it to be lit with a torch or flame. Material Component: Powdered Silver (10 gp. Worth) and a hop History: Created by the clerics of “The Drunken God” so that they may better worship him with a lubrication that befits his majesty. Great barrels of

Hangover
Enchantment (Compulsion) Level: Brd 1 Sor/Wiz 1 Components: V, S, M Casting Time: 1 Standard Action Range: Close (25 ft. + 5 ft./2 levels) Target: 1 Person Effect: Gives one person a hangover Duration: 2 rounds/level Saving Throw: Fortitude Negates Spell Resistance: Yes Description: The target of this spell develops a severe hangover - splitting headache, nausea and a dry mouth. This state is very distracting and gives the effected person a -1 on his attack rolls and will saving throws. Additionally, any skill that requires concentration (Disable Device, Sleight of Hand, Open

Lock, Balance) has a -2 penalty and spellcasters must succeed at a concentration check (DC=10 + Spell Level) to cast any spell. Material Component: A shot of strong spirits downed by the caster during the spell History: Created by a mage called Bartold “The Pickled” when he noticed how hard it was for him to study his spell book the morning after a bender. After some experimentation on a rather unlucky group of bar patrons, Bartold found that he could reliably reproduce the feeling of a hangover. Since his discovery, Bartold has put this spell to good use, using it in combat to distract spellcasters and thieves. Notes: This is a simple spell designed for low-level casters to use as a distraction to allow their warriors to close. We have found that this spell is extremely handy when confronting magic-heavy enemies at low levels as it allows a chance of spell failure every time the target tries to cast. Due to their high fortitude, this spell was found to be less useful on fighters.

Beer Muscles
Transmutation Level: Clr 2 Pal 2 Sor/Wiz 2 Components: V, S, M Casting Time: 1 Standard Action Range: Close (25 ft.) Target: Creature Drinking Alcohol Effect: Drinker Sprouts Extra Muscle but Loses Rational Thought Duration: 1 min/2 levels Saving Throw: Will Negates (Harmless) Spell Resistance: Yes (Harmless) Description: Beer can make you feel stronger and believe you’re tougher. This spell is designed to make those beliefs come true. The target of this spell must down a mug of alcohol as the caster casts the spell. When the spell is complete, the drinker sprouts large bulky muscles in an almost comical form. These muscles give the effected person added toughness in the form of 10 bonus HP and +8 to strength. His reasoning is slightly impaired by the rush: – 2 intelligence and wisdom for the duration. Material Component: A Mug of Ale (Consumed by Target) History: Created by Bartold “The Pickled” to help his friend, a warrior whose strength had gone into his cup. This spell helped invigorate the old soldier and made him feel young again. Since its creation it has been adopted as a defensive spell by the clerics of “The Drunken God” who use it to aid in their crusade to break up bar fights and any other disturbances that kill the celebratory mood. Notes: Yes this spell is very much “flavor” in that most casters could cast Bull’s Strength and get a +4 bonus

without the drawback. However, the hit point this spell gives you can come in handy and make up for the side effects.

Buzzed (Blessing of the Drunken God)
Enchantment (Compulsion) [MindEffecting] Level: Brd 2 Clr 2 Pal 2 Components: V, S, M Casting Time: 1 Standard Action Range: 20 ft. Area: Everyone within a 20 ft. radius of the caster. Burst, centered on the caster Effect: Everyone affected has their attitude move 1 step toward friendly. Duration: 1d4 Hours Saving Throw: Will Negates Spell Resistance: Yes Description: This spell gives everyone within a 20-foot radius the head rush and favorable sensations of having gotten a little drunk. In game terms, everyone’s attitude moves 1 step toward friendly to all the people around them. Material Component: A glass of wine held up in a toast as the spell is cast and drunk at its completion. History: In small doses, alcohol is a stimulant that relaxes and calms those who drink it. This fact is one of the key tenants of the faith of “The Drunken God.” It is so crucial, in fact, that they often begin their masses by casting this spell to put all the followers in the right frame of mind. Often referred to as the “Blessing of the Drunken God,” many of his faithful clerics favor this spell over the more traditional Bless spell. Notes: This spell may seem rather useless on the surface as it only improves the group’s attitude by one

step and it is not even an effect directed at the caster specifically, but instead a feeling of relaxation that overtakes the whole group. But if you look a little deeper you will realize that this spell can be very handy when trying to stop a bar brawl or to get two sides to sit down at a negotiation table. The spell is also handy when haggling over price or trying to bluff your way past a guard.

Loose Lips
Enchantment (Compulsion) [MindEffecting] Level: Brd 2 Sor/Wiz 2 Components: V, S, M Casting Time: 1 Standard Action Range: Touch Target: Person Touched Effect: Effected Person Loses His Inner Monolog Duration: 1 min/level Saving Throw: Will Negates Spell Resistance: Yes Description: The spell causes the person to lose his inner monologue. In game terms, this forces a person to say whatever he is thinking out loud. The effected person must answer any question asked of him, since it is hard not to think of anything while questions are being fired. This spell, however, does not force the compelled person to answer truthfully or even to answer the question in the first place. Material Component: A shot of strong spirits downed by the caster during the spell History: This spell was created by the infamous bard and spy, Ghino Buso, who had often used alcohol to loosen the tongues of his targets. He found that this method worked well but was a bit on the

slow side and ended up costing him a lot of money. So he designed this spell to produce the same effect but without costing him a day’s wage. Notes: This spell was designed to aid our not-particularly-intimidating group in gathering information and interrogating people. While it is true that the spell does not compel the person to tell the truth, combining it with a Zone of Truth spell can make it a powerful tool for information gathering. Note that the Mind Blank spell, as well as any other spell that prevents mind-effecting or compulsion spells, prevents this spell’s effect.

History: Similar to the creation spells of the Create Fermented Drink family above, no one clerical group was responsible for the creation of the myriad of different create spirit spells found today. But one thing is sure - this spell has found a home both at sea, where the Create Rum spell is very popular, and with adventuring clerics who use it to take the edge off at the end of the day. Notes: Since distilled alcohol has a higher concentration of alcohol to water than simple fermented drinks, this spell can be used to create flammable areas soaked with the liquid that can be lit by a spark such as from a flint and steel. In addition, containers full of spirits have a high alcohol concentration and are thus susceptible to ignition.

Create (Spirits)
Conjuration (Creation) Level: Clr 3 Pal 4 Components: V, S Casting Time: 1 Standard Action Range: Close (25 ft. + 5 ft./2 levels) Target: Container Effect: Create up to 1 Gallon of Specific Alcohol/level Duration: Instantaneous Saving Throw: None Spell Resistance: No Description: This is not an individual spell but instead a group of spells (Create Rum, Create Brandy, Create Whiskey, Create Gin) that all have a similar function - the creation of the stronger fermented and distilled hard alcohols. The alcohol can be created in as small a container as is available to hold it or it can take up an area three times as large. filling many small containers or possibly causing alcohol to rain down. The created alcohol is not aged and tastes as if freshly made.

Age Alcohol
Transmutation Level: Clr 3 Pal 3 Sor/Wiz 3 Components: V, S, M Casting Time: 1 Minute Range: Touch Target: 1 bottle of alcohol Effect: Ages a bottle of alcohol to perfection Duration: Instantaneous Saving Throw: Will Negates (Object) Spell Resistance: Yes (Object) Description: The caster infuses the bottle of alcohol with the energy of time. This rapidly ages the contents of the bottle until they reach their peak vintage. Alcohol aged this way has a full body and aroma but may be missing some of the subtle tones that natural barrel aging might impart. Material Component: A pinch of dust from a wine cellar or a silver of wood from a barrel used to age alcohol. History: When a fire ripped through the aging cellars of Patrick Priory the monks feared it would be there ruin as the monastery’s only source of income was the sale of brandy. Their fear, however, was lifted when their prayers were answered with the secret of this spell. The monks were able to continue selling their brandy and raise the money to repair their cellar. Notes: OK, so this spell is just for flavor. However, in the game where it was invented we used this spell quite a bit to save some money buying cheap wine and aging it or helping out a barkeep who accidentally destroyed the aged brandy he was holding for an influential client. There are two common questions asked about this spell

are, why is it a level three spell and what are the possible missing tastes mentioned in the spell description? The spell is third level because players could use it to make money hand over fist selling cheap wine they aged. As for the missing tastes in the artificial aged alcohol, this is quite subtle so only the most experienced connoisseur should be able to tell the difference. It is mainly intended to be used as a plot point.

Inebriate
Enchantment (Compulsion) Level: Brd 4 Clr 3 Pal 3 Sor/Wiz 3 Components: V, S, M Casting Time: 1 Standard Action Range: Touch Target: Person Touched Effect: The Person Touched Becomes Inebriated Duration: 1 Min/2 levels Saving Throw: Will Negates Spell Resistance: Yes Description: This spell causes the target to become heavily inebriated (-2 Dex and Int, -4 Wis, +2 Con, +4 Cha) as if he had engaged in a night of drinking. Material Component: A mug of ale downed by the caster during the casting History: Created by the enchanter Kurt Mauser so he could get even with a college who accused him of always being drunk when it counted. After several weeks of study he found that he could induce a severely intoxicated state even in someone who had not had a drop of alcohol. He then cast the spell on the college right before he was to address the mages’ council.

Notes: Again this spell is designed more for flavor than practicality. While getting a thief or spellcaster drunk with this spell might make her less efficient in combat, its main use was to create embarrassing situations by getting a target drunk before an important meeting or during negotiations. Furthermore, it is important to note that the status effects in brackets are just our interpretation of severe intoxication. There are many systems out there for dealing with drunkenness and a game master should feel free to substitute the accepted effects of being drunk in his game for those listed in the description.

Reflex save (DC = 15) every round to walk. The victim cannot cast spells in this condition and, due to lack of coordination, attacks are made at -8 and can only be made on rounds where the Reflex save was a success. Thinking is hazy and requires a concentration check (DC=10) to speak in coherent sentences. This skill prevents the use of any dexterity-based skills and adds a -10 to all intelligence or wisdom-based skills. Material Component: A shot of pure grain alcohol downed by the caster to start the spell History: The most powerfully offensive spell given to the clerics of “The Drunken God,” Smashed has been used to defend the god’s temple from temperance mobs and rival churches. A few high ranking members of the church also cast this spell on themselves as a form of communing with their god in a blissfully stupefied state. Notes: This is the most combat-worthy spell in this book, with the possible exception of Beer Muscles. It is particularly handy against spellcasters and can easily subdue an enemy healer or mage.

Hammered
Enchantment (Compulsion) Level: Brd 4 Clr 4 Pal 4 Sor/Wiz 4 Components: V, S, M Casting Time: 1 Standard Action Range: Touch Target: Person Touched Effect: The Person Touched Becomes Falling Over Drunk Duration: 1 round/2 levels Saving Throw: Fortitude Negates Spell Resistance: Yes Description: The target becomes so drunk he is in a stupor and must make a

Well, my young scholar, that concludes our look at how the love of drink can lead to the perversion of the mystic arts. I hope that you have learned from this treatise what to look for as you try to avoid falling into the chaos and madness sowed by these depraved drunkards.

Ebenezer Killjoy

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The Sages Must Be Crazy: Spells of Inebriation is
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Raise a mug and give a cheer for the Spells of Inebriation.
For St. Patrick’s Day, your friends here at Healing Fireball Publications are proud to give you The Sages Must Be Crazy: Spells of Inebriation. This product covers the unusual and often chaotic spells of those spellcasters that love strong drink. This product contains eleven spells based around a theme of alcohol. From the simple Bless Ale to the devastating Hammered, these spells are designed to both put a smile on your face and give you a collection of new tricks. It’s time to lighten up your world a little because the sages must be crazy.

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