Creative Writing

Story 2 – Mind Over Matter

Mind over Matter

The house was clouded while the wallpaper was pealing

itself apart and turning grey. I paced down the stairs holding

on to the rail. Then, the rail became more cylindrical and slid

out of my hand. I stood at the foot of the stairs on the hilly

floor. The light started to blink. The windows cracked and the

door creaked open. I headed outside. Standing there on the

doormat, I noticed that the grass turned grey and the trees

turned black. Clouds gathered above my head. I moved closer to

the gate, and the clouds followed me. I went weak at the knees

and fell on to the ground.

The bright ray shone through the gate. I looked up to see

a guy in loose and white apparel. He had long hair and beard.

He stretched out his right hand toward me. I stared until white

clouds appeared in front of me.

*****

“Ms. Janejitt Dumrongkun, I have your result ready,” Dr.

Krittinut Kitwijai walked in to the consulting room with a

light green folder in his left hand.

I sat in front of the Doctor’s table with my husband

sitting on my right. My husband held my hands and looked at me

to ensure that I was ready for the result.

“So are they cysts, doc? Does my wife need to have

operations to get rid of these lumps?” My husband stared at the

doctor.

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Story 2 – Mind Over Matter
“Operations would not work. After examining the liquid

inside the lump, I discovered that these lumps are swollen

lymph nodes. I’m sorry to say that your wife has lymphoma or

the cancer of the lymphatic system.” Doctor nodded.

The word Lymphoma struck me.

“What are the treatments, doc?” My husband glanced at me.

“There are many treatments including Watch and Wait,

Radiation therapy, Chemotherapy, and Immunotherapy. For your

case, stage III, I would combine two types of therapy:

Radiation therapy and chemotherapy.”

“This is not possible! Surely, a mistake. It can’t be. I

am always on a nutritious diet. I am a part-time yoga

instructor, so I exercise everyday! I am healthy. Doc, you must

have mistaken another patient’s result for mine.” I looked at

the folder on the doctor’s table. “Is this MY folder?”

“If you need time, I give you 7 days. But, it is better to

hurry up and make your decision.” Doctor showed me the front of

the folder, which had my name, weight, height, and address at

the top.

I thanked the doctor and followed my husband out of the

room.

*****

“Why does it have to be me? I didn’t do anything to hurt

anyone.” I hit the sofa with the little energy that I had.

“Honey, I’m home.” My husband walked in to the living room

and kissed on the forehead.

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Story 2 – Mind Over Matter
“Chai, why are these things happening to me?...Why me?”

“How’s your day been? No cleaning and no teaching Yoga –

as I requested?”

“Yes, boring. You want me to just sleep all day?”

“You should get some rest. How are you feeling now?”

“I am out of energy. My body itches. I have the lower back

pain. I even pee more often. Why do you think all these happen

– TO ME -? I HATE life...I hate the WORLD.” I sighed and gave

my husband a soft punch

“We should go to the hospital again to discuss about the

symptoms.”

I rolled my eyes.

“Or should we talk about your treatments - first? Let’s

list out the pros and cons for some of the treatments, so we

can decide, which treatments to go for.”

“Why am I having all these aches and pains?” I lay there

in my husband’s T-shirt and shorts not wanting to move.

“Come on, Jane, we should discuss about it now.”

“Wait, I need the toilet. Can you help?”

My husband scooped me up from the couch. He put me down in

front of the toilet bowl, waited for me, and scooped me up

again.

“Maybe we should go to the hospital – I want to discuss

about the symptoms.”

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Story 2 – Mind Over Matter
With me on his arms, he walked over to the car, opened the

car’s door, and laid me on the back seats. I watched as he

close the door and drove off.

“Janejitt, lucky you. I was about to leave the hospital.

How are you doing?”

“I’m TIRED. Doc, I feel very itchy and like wanting to pee

all the time. The pains. The lower back and stomach pains are

horrible. I don’t understand doc. Why are these things

happening to me?” I told the Dr. Krittinut who was a leukemia

and lymphoma specialist.

“Mrs. Janejitt, please stay calm and be patient. The aches

and pains are normal. I would love to give you pills to relieve

the pains, but...I can’t. It was noted here in your folder that

you, Janejitt, are sensitive to Penicillin, Paracetamol,

Aspirin, Sulfa, and Erythromycin, which are contained in all

pain relievers. I believe problems you have, with urination,

pains, and itch, are caused by expanding lymph nodes pressing

on nerves. I suggest you to quickly make up your mind about the

treatments, so we can start shrinking and killing those cancer

cells. I give you 4 more days at the maximum. But, better be

soon. Chemotherapy and radiation would help you.” Dr. Krittinut

gave me a warm smile.

I thanked the doctor. My husband helped me up and

supported me as I was walking out of the consulting room

heading for the toilet.

*****

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Story 2 – Mind Over Matter
“Happy Sunday! I made you breakfast.” Chai hugged me.

“Ooh, I love to have breakfast in bed.”

“Do you want to go to church with me this morning?”

“Nah. I don’t have the energy. I don’t want to use the

church’s toilet.”

“Sure? You know people at the church always ask for you.”

I gave chai a nod.

“I’ll be back for you then.” Chai gave me a kiss and

walked out of the bedroom.

I crawled out of the bed having to go to the bathroom. On

my way back to bed, I stopped in front of the television and

pressed power on. Oh, not the history channel again! Ah, Chai

missed his favorite ‘This day in History’ again.

“On this day in 1512, Michelangelo unveiled his Sistine

Chapel bringing a slice of heaven to earth. It’s considered the

best painting of the Renaissance...” I glanced at the

television. The ceiling of the Sistine Chapel was beautiful.

Michelangelo did a great job. I stared at The Creation of Adam.

I noticed the arms of God and Adam were stretching toward each

other. Thinking about it, how long ago did I visit the church?

I couldn’t even remember. I turned to CHICK channel. Was it

inappropriate to reject Chai’s invitation? Nah, I didn’t reject

him every time, but just most of the times because of my tight

schedule. I was busy with the housecleaning and teaching Yoga.

When Sunday came, I was already tired. “Ahhhh.” Back pain was

killing me. Do people at the church ask for me? I couldn’t help

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Story 2 – Mind Over Matter
it. I couldn’t go this time. I’m too tired. “Ouy.” My stomach

ached. I admit I hardly pray and meditate these days.

“Is God punishing me? – for being irresponsible?” Could

this be true? I closed my eyes. “God, I want to - apologize. I

promise that I visit the church more often on Sundays – from

now on. I promise I will be a better person if these aches and

pains are disappeared and my illness is cured. I will be more

involved in community services.” I opened my eyes and stood up

having to go to the toilet again.

*****

“Honey, Are you okay in there?”

“Not really.” I tried to get up from the toilet bowl.

“Oey.” My husband walked in to see me lay there breathless on

the tiles. He helped me up. By the time I was able to get up on

my feet, I wanted to pee again.

It was then, when I had to go to the toilet every 5

minutes. The yellowish liquid waste kept coming out, and it was

a lot for every time I pee. I was curious to know where all the

liquid came from.

“Chai, give me a Sarong and put an enameled basin in the

bedroom,” I told my husband as I was resting on the toilet

bowl.

I changed into the Sarong and a T-shit. I lay on the bed

watching my favorite movie ‘A Walk to Remember’. I kept the

basin beside me to save the little energy that I have, and Chai

would help me empty the basin.

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Story 2 – Mind Over Matter
I kept breathing in and out. Short. Fast. I saw Chai

walked into the bedroom, but he had three heads and two bodies.

My body was on fire. Ants were crawling all over me and biting

me. In my yellow T-shirt and sarong, I sat there surrounded

with four cushions supporting my back and one on my lap. With

the support from these cushions, I sat up and lined up my

airway. If I lie down, I might get to sleep forever and never

wake up again. Pictures flashed into my mind: my great-

grandparents who passed away a little more than a decade ago,

all my relatives who passed away, and angels and gods.

I was disposed towards death. I was ready. I decided to

pray. I didn’t care anymore.

“Chai, I don’t know what to do anymore. I asked god for

help. Look, it’s not getting any better. Everything is getting

worse.” I rested my palms on my forehead. “I couldn’t sleep

now.”

“Well, I will turn on the radio – see if good songs can

put you to sleep” Chai turned on the radio on the bedside

table.

“Cause here I am, take my hand, why can’t you just

understand me. Don’t run away (don’t run away), will you ever

realize, there’s more to life than meets the eye. Don’t run

away (don’t run away)...Someday you will stop ignoring me,

hopefully, don’t be afraid, don’t run away...”

“Honey? You know who wrote this song.”

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Story 2 – Mind Over Matter
“HUH. I don’t. I’m sleepy now.” I turned my head away from

Chai, and closed my eyes. I continued to listen.

The radio went on, “Someday, life will be fairer, Need

will be rarer, and greed will not pay. Godspeed this bright

millennia, on its way, let it come someday. Someday, our fight

will be won and, we’ll stand in the sun in, that bright

afternoon... ‘Til then, on days when the sun, is gone, we’ll

hang on, if we wish upon the moon. There are some days, dark

and bitter, seems we haven’t got a prayer, but a prayer for

something better, is the one thing we all share… Oneday,

Someday…Soon.” I listened to the songs – word for word. Maybe

the song is right. Maybe – there is that ‘someday’. I should

wish and fight for my ‘someday’. Life is full of obstacles and

illness is one of them. And, death is one of them. If I die,

then these lumps would die too. So, why die now - before the

fight? I should fight for my ‘someday’, so we have to live

together. My disease and I.

*****

“Morning, Hon... – Jane? Are you okay?”

“Huh? Yah? – Why do you have to put your ear close to my

chest?”

“I thought you said you have to sleep with the support

from the cushions around you. Are you feeling better?”

“Honey, I am okay. No, I’m not feeling better, but I tried

to sleep without the support last night. I tried to lie down,

and I made it.”

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Story 2 – Mind Over Matter
“Oh, great.”

“I love the songs. I understand it now. I should learn to

fight. Because not only will this occur to me or to other sick

people, but also to all other living creatures in this world.

Sooner or later, death will come. But before that, I should

fight.” Sleeping beside my husband, his arms wrapped strongly

around me giving me the protection. “Far from the heart.” I

lifted my hands and pulled out both of my index fingers. I

pointed the right index finger to the sky and put my left index

finger horizontally next to the right index finger close to the

top knuckle. I clenched both fists, raised them above my head,

and shook my arms. “I will be strong. I live, my lumps live,” I

said to my disease, Lymphoma.

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