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MILKED DRY

Disordered Fragments
A Bizarre Noir
Four Actors required:
Robin Edict
Violet Boa / Magenta Cervale
Sinita Chapel / Sin
Farmer Ray / Ray Cross / Frank Cervale
I cant count on that many lights if there are
going to be three other shows. A bare minimum
of props. Enough to fit in a large suitcase.
Too many phone calls.
Prologue: A midnight run.
Moonlight.
A bucket, a fence.
A cowshed.
A woman screams.
Black.
A dog barks at footsteps slapping through a puddlestrewn yard.
A man shouts: Magenta?
The sounds fade.
Silence.
The lights come up on an office and another area in
which sits a man with his back to the audience. A
phone is beside him.
He is agitated.
A decision is reached.
He dials.
In the office a phone rings.
Enter ROBIN EDICT in a hurry. She has a bowl of
cereal.
PHONECALLS
ROBIN: Dont hang up. Hold on.
She answers.
ROBIN: Kia ora, Edict investigations. Robin speaking.

MAN: Yes. May I please speak to Mr. Edict.


Pause
ROBIN: Speaking. How may I help you?
FARMER: My cows worry me.
ROBIN: Im sorry- your whats worry you?
FARMER: Someone is spooking my cows.
ROBIN:Right-cows.
Beat.
Itd be dogs.
FARMER: oh- I dont know.
ROBIN: No, itd be dogs. Or possums. Youre on a
farm. It could very well be possums, Mr... Im sorry... I
didnt catch your name.
FARMER: Call me Ray.
ROBIN: Well, Farmer Ray, in my opinion its either
dogs or possums.
A door opens spilling red light. A woman stands in
the doorway.
Pause
FARMER: It was definitely someone.
ROBIN: Tell me what makes you think that its not
dogs?
FARMER: I heard footsteps.
ROBIN: Really? Footsteps?
FARMER: Someone running barefoot through my yard
spooking my cows. You dont appear to be very
interested in the job or my money, Miss Edict.
ROBIN: Have no fears Ray, Im very interested in your
money, but I have a severe dis-interest in ripping you
off.
Silence. The woman produces a cellphone.
ROBIN: Hello? Farmer Ray? Are you there?
RAY: Yes.
ROBIN: I tell you what. Ill come round. Where are
you?
RAY: Farm 5. On the road heading to the coast. You
cant miss it- theres only one road. Its a dairy farm.

He hangs up.
ROBIN: Curious.
She hangs up and resumes breakfast.
The woman dials
The phone in the office rings.
ROBIN: Kia ora, Edict investigations. Robin Edict
speaking.
WOMAN: Its been a long time since I heard that
voice.
ROBIN: Sinita? Is that you? Oh my god! I havent
heard you for ages. Not since anyway what are
you doing now a days?
SINITA: Oh this and that. Waiting on patents for some
inventions. Tinkering round the place. Ive bought
shares in some land on the coast.
ROBIN: Really?
SINITA: Yes- Really. Look I want to talk. Do you think
you could come round for coffee?
ROBIN: To your lifestyle block?
SINITA: No. To my flat. We can talk more. Thats if
youre not busy.
ROBIN: Ive got to do a job but yeah. What time?
SINITA: Two oclock okay? The same place. Where Ive
always been. Hey! Youll be the first to christen my
coffee machine. Its Italian.
ROBIN: Sounds great. Ill see you then.
SINITA: Bye.
Robin hangs up, the lights fade on the office.
Sinita rings off.
Pause
SINITA: Theres no such thing as a coincidence. Is
there Ray?
It should come as a surprise that these two
inhabit the same space. Maybe he si side lit by
a lamp? Ways to get around lighting problems.
The man shakes his head.

Sinita shuts the door behind her cutting off the red
light.
The man slumps.
Noise behind him.
He turns and for a split second we see his face.
Terrified? Surprised.
Black out.
Back at the office.
Lights up on the office. Robin reading the paper and
eating cereal.
There is a knock at the door.
ROBIN: Coming.
Pause.
Robin goes to the door, out and opens another door.
ROBIN[offstage]: Hi, how can I help?
VOICE[Female, offstage] I want to hire you.
ROBIN[offstage]: Lets go through to the office.
VIOLET BOA enters ahead of Robin. She begins to
pour disdain.
VIOLET: This is not what I expected.
ROBIN: This makes two of us. Im Robin Edict.
VIOLET: Violet Boa.
ROBIN: Charmed, Violet. How may I help you?
VIOLET: Im in some difficulty and I dont know where
to turn. I emphatically can not tell my husband. To be
honest I dont know what to do so Ive come to you.
You have a reputation for... honesty and you come
highly recommended.
[Beat]
You do realise youre spilling milk down the front of
your blouse.
Pause.
You are discrete? I wouldnt wantROBIN: -Absolutely discrete -have a seat- complete
confidence. Youll have to excuse the bowl.
VIOLET: I will pay you handsomely.

ROBIN: Money is always handsome.


VIOLET: One Thousand dollars.
ROBIN: Hold on. You havent even told me what the
problem is.
Pause.
I will not perform illegal acts.
Lascivious? Whistful? A quick look up and down?
(Cmon its genre...)
VIOLET: Thats a shame.
Pause
ROBIN: What is this problem youre having?
VIOLET: Blackmail...
Silence momentarily.
ROBIN: Not involving your husband.
VIOLET: Never to involve my husband, if he were to
find out... life would... my life would... well, I dont
want him to find out.
Pause.
ROBIN: Whos blackmailing you?
Pause.
VIOLET: I dont know. They called by phone.
ROBIN: They?
VIOLET: Again:I dont know. A man would ring. Twice
now with directions to a key in an envelope delivered
to my The key would open a P.O. box. In the boxphotos of me naked. Many of them... he threatened
to show them to my husband.
ROBIN: You werent alone were you?
Pause.
In the photos.
VIOLET: No, I was... never alone.
Pause
ROBIN: Get a divorce.
VIOLET: I beg your pardon?!!
ROBIN: My advice to you is: Get a divorce. If youre
willing to cheat on your husband then what have you
got to lose?
Pause.

VIOLET: This job must pay well if you can afford to be


picky.
ROBIN: I make do- it helps having a silver spoon in
your mouth- see?
Pause. Spoon inserted in mouth.
VIOLET: Slightly amusing- unfortunately, I didnt
come to hire you for your stand-up. I came because I
want you to find out who is the blackmailer. This is
my decision. I will deal with my husband as I see fit.
ROBIN: My fee is one hundred and twenty dollars a
day and expenses. I am not exclusive, unless you pay
an extra fifty dollars- I may be working for several
people at once. Whatever you tell me and whatever I
find out is completely confidential. I give receipts and
accept all major credit cards. If you intend to pay me
$ 1000 like you claimed before, thatll buy you eight
and a bit days. It should take two.
VIOLET: Two days.
ROBIN: Two days. May I see the photos please.
Silence.
Magenta reaches into her bag and hands an
envelope to robin. Robin looks at the photos.
Slides of arty black and white nude pinups. Male and
female bodies, not overtly sexual. Up to the
director and the budget.
The final picture shows the Mans face clearly. It is
Farmer Ray! The terrified man!
VIOLET: Any questions, opinions, pointers?
Pause
ROBIN: Where were these taken?
She continues to look at the photos.
VIOLET: His house.
ROBIN: And he is?
VIOLET: Ray. Ray Cross.
Pause.
ROBIN: Ray Cross... Do you trust him?
VIOLET: Yes.
ROBIN: Has he been approached by the blackmailer?
VIOLET: I dont know.

ROBIN: Have you even told him that youre being


blackmailed?
VIOLET: Not yet.
ROBIN: You have to tell him and then...
Pause
Where was this one taken?
She shows one photo to VIOLET.
Silence.
VIOLET: I dont recognise it. The angles look all
wrong.
Silence.
ROBIN: What are these marks?
Pause.
VIOLET: What? Those?
ROBIN: Yes, those.
Awkward moment.
VIOLET: Theyre lovebites.
ROBIN: Hickies? By God, hes got a mighty suck.
What were you doing? Playing Chucky finds his
mom?
Pause.
VIOLET: I didnt notice them till yesterday.
ROBIN: You didnt notice hickies targeted around your
nipples?
VIOLET: I cant remember much of that evening.
ROBIN: Lucky you. It must have been worth all this...
actually Im quite envious.
VIOLET: You dont have to be. Envious.
Eye contact. Silence. A moment.
VIOLET: I really have to go. You can keep the photos if
you want. A souvenir. My address is on the envelope,
if you need to make contact with me.
Its just occurred to me that Violet Boa is being
blackmailed. Shes doing all this against her
will. The flirting, the dressing up. All of this.
She whisks herself away, Robin gapes? Follows with
her eyes. Mentally undresses her?
The door is shut.

Pause. Robin glances at the envelope.


ROBIN: So it is.
Fade to black
MEANWHILE: at Farmer Crosss
Tyres on a gravelled road. A watery pothole.
Lights up.
A bucket and the shadow thrown by a fence in the
noon day sun.
A bottle of milk by the door, with a note attached.
Robin in sunglasses.
She knocks on the door.
No one home.
She gets the note and reads.
RAY V/o: Dear Ms. Edict. I found out what was
disturbing my cows and you were right. It was
possums. Im sorry that you made the trip out here
for nothing and Im not even here to greet you.
Please accept this fresh milk as a token of thanks and
apology. Yours sincerely, Ray.
Robin crushes the note.
ROBIN: Hah! I bloody well knew it.
She picks up the milk.
Black out.
Sound of car tyres on gravel.
Lets try Sinita.
Sinitas house. Red light from a doorway, briefly
seen. Discussion of plans: a strange request.
LOTS OF PAGES HERE.
THE SHOOTING
The door opens and a hand with a gun peeks
through.
Outrageous slow motion as four shots are fired.
Robin jolts, her hands go to her chest and come
away with blood.
She slides from the chair and collapses on the floor.
Stillness.
The hand withdraws.

Then Violet Boa enters, followed quickly by Ray


Cross.
Interlude: Transformation.
Interlude: Midnight Run reprise.
A light and sound montage.
Moonlight.
A bucket, a fence.
Sounds of a cowshed throughout.
A woman screams.
Black.
A dog barks as footsteps slap through a puddlestrewn yard.
A man shouts: Magenta?
A woman, sleepy replies: What?
MAN:I thought you were out running.
Pause.
WOMAN:Come back to bed, Frank.
The sounds fade.
Silence.
Second Half: Strange Happenings.
Magenta Cerval
Frank Cerval
Sin
- Resurrection
Robin Edict THE REACTION
Robin scratches her hands.
ROBIN: Crap - my hands are suddenly very itchy. But
Im only allergic to certain types of grass.
- Home, same day
: Milk is off.
Somehow the spoon refuses to hold anything, no
matter how hard Robin tries.
: Allergic reactions.
- Phone-call
: Violet Boa.
- Travels
: Farmer Ray is not
Farmer Ray is
Ray Cross is not Ray Cross is
Frank Cerval.
: Violet Boa is ... is Magenta

Cerval.
- Trap revealed.
: Sin owns the farm.
- Final confrontation : Revelations.
Exit music

: Gut Feeling.

The door is flung open and in storms FRANZ CERVAL.


Silence.
FRANZ:
If you want a divorce ask for one!
MAGENTA:
I dont want one.
FRANK:
So whats the meaning of this!?
He flips an envelope onto the desk in front of
Magenta.
The Transformation sets in.
SINITA and ROBIN: the final transformation.
SIN: Id forgotten to tell you what my hobbies are
now.
ROBIN: What are they?
SIN: Blackmail and bacteria. Crime and cryptobiology.
Genocide and genetic engineering. Do you know
what a lycanthrope is?
ROBIN: Yes.
SIN: How do you feel? Clammy? Cold? Itchy? I
imagine theres a lot of itchiness. Thisll be the first
time Ive actually seen it happen. Will there be
movement under your skin? What will I see if I turn
your skin inside out? Robin, this is important. What
are you feeling?
ROBIN: what have you done?!
Another look at the final transformation.
SIN: You know how I told you earlier my hobbies were
photography and biochemistry?
ROBIN: Yes.
SIN: I lied. Do you want to know what they really are?
ROBIN: What?

SIN: Blackmail and bio-warfare. And you my poor,


dear Robin are the latest test subject. So, tell me.
Notice any physical change?
ROBIN: I cant move.
SIN: That is because of the drugs I put in your drink.
Another child Im such a proud parent of.

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