WEBSITE: EMAIL: advice@howtogofromgirlfriendtowife.

com Nicole Gayle is the author of several e-books on dating, men and relationships. She is passionate about helping women exude their feminine essence and finding true love. Copyright © 2008 - 2009 Nicole Gayle - All Rights Reserved Worldwide.


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The Truth about Men and Commitment Ebook Table of Contents Truth #1….Commitment Phobic? Truth #2….Before He Falls In Love. Truth #3….Women who are fiercely loyal to themselves are highly desirable. Truth #4….How well you handle rejection may lead to a long-term commitment. Truth #5….Men do not want to HEAR how you FEEL about love - first. Truth #6….Know what you deserve but do not EXPECT to be owed. Truth #7….Men FEAR Women who'll let themselves go. Truth #8….Men date for Fun not for a Family. Truth #9….Men find Women who have their own GROOVE irresistible. Truth #10….Men FEEL good about themselves when they "do" things. Truth #11.…If a man feels he will LOSE his freedom or personal time, he won't commit to you. Truth #12….Know the different types of attraction and how they work. Truth #13….Why it is fatal to sleep with a Man who's not committed to you. Truth #14….How Men get to a Commitment. Truth #15….When you FEEL good, you'll make a man FEEL even better. Truth #16….Why Women have the "Talk" and why you should NEVER go there. Truth #17….Men "desire" when they are attracted but need to "FEEL" love to commit. Truth #18….Building emotional attraction will stimulate him to begin to feel love. Truth #19….Men value relationships that shift around. Truth #20….Men fall in love with women who have it together to build a healthy and lasting relationship.


Hey Gorgeous Lady, You’ve made a great decision to take your understanding of men to the next level and get what you want from your relationship. It takes having a strong internal foundation and a determination to live a happy and fulfilled life in order to be successful at dating and maintaining a great relationship. Sooner or later, you’ll be faced with your “inner self” – you’ll be forced to show what you’ve really got – how you handle rejection, whether you can demand respect, get what you really want, whether you are putting on a face, or playing charades in order to get and keep a relationship. You may be faced with the added stress of juggling your family, life, career, time with friends, and finances. How you respond to stress is indicative of how well you are really grounded inside. For example, how do you feel when you haven’t heard from a man in a few days? Do you start to believe the worst, resort to thinking that all men play games, run to your inner scripts and play out the drama of being unloved and unwanted? It’s only natural to be disappointed if you haven’t heard from someone who you’re really attracted to, if a man decides he no longer wants to see you, or if a man’s interest is not what it used to be. Life happens. How you choose to deal with it is another story. This is why I advocate working on you. Get yourself together if you have to pull yourself up by your bra straps and learn to stand on your own two feet. Every time a dating dilemma is thrown at you, it is an opportunity to learn how to carry the weight of a great relationship. A weak and leaky personality will attract and build a weak relationship. This book won’t help you if you have major hang-ups about men. If you buy into stereotypes, are bitter and angry, have a habit of blaming men for your problems, or think that tricks will convince a man to give you a ring. This book will only help you if you are ready to exude a fun and “together” personality in order to attract and keep the man who’s right for you.


I’m not interested in ridiculous games. Once you connect the dots within and are determine to make a great life, you will find that men will respond to the reflection of who you really are and opportunities to attract and maintain a great relationship will be effortless. You deserve true and lasting love. Your Dating Success Coach, Nicole Gayle


INTRO We’ve all had our share of dating frustration. While cruising a website recently, I read a headline by a woman in her 40’s. Her headline said, “Frustrated big time.” As I continued to read her profile, it was just more of the sad melodramatic story about how she was tired of jerks and men who did her wrong. Men run away from these kinds of women like running away from a tsunami. Well, if you were a man, would you want a woman who appears this negative? Do you want to carry this sort of dead weight? Whether you are dating or in a relationship, there are certain keys to getting what you want – all without being a dry nag. It really isn’t very complicated. I used to be like the woman who felt tired of not having success with men – this is BEFORE I understood how men work. Interestingly enough, it was coming into alignment with my feminine aura – you know the “hot chick” on the inside, the person who doesn’t have to beat men over the head to get commitment and who remains happy with or without men. Men want love and commitment as much as you do. They just don’t want to be super-glued to a deranged psycho nagging drama queen who comes out of her closet every month and digs her heels in to make them pay for something by using guilt trips and withholding love and affection. And we’re not finished here. Men don’t want a high maintenance motor mouth who cries like a little baby and gripe at them about what they can or cannot do with their free time. Men are really terrified that you’ll turn in that. If you plan on playing it cool just to get a man then changing into your nightmare on Elm Street suit, please save both of yourself the trouble. You’ve got to become a man’s ideal woman by working on your inner scripts and developing an emotionally balanced perspective. This is not about changing for men but becoming the best woman possible- a true gift to YOU and to the world. If you have any insecurity issues, you must deal with them BEFORE you try to get a man to fall in love with you. Crazy behaviors like stalking, jealousy, needing 100 phone calls a day, getting upset if he doesn’t send you 5 emails with roses is so childish, it’s hardly worth writing about.


You have your own fears about being hurt. Men are genuinely afraid that they will be short-changed in relationships. I have spent time speaking to many men both married and single. They are not afraid to fall in love, they are afraid of the consequences of falling in love with a “live one” who they’ll make the dreaded mistake of walking down the isle only to have the evil memories of being nagged to death after “I do” or disrespected, or gossiped about, or the dagger of all daggers - breaking up and having to pay up. BIG. Many of the common stereotypes that often came up are words like, “crazies” “dramas” “high maintenance” “psychos” etc. These words were not an attempt to demonize ALL women but they described the experiences that many men had encountered with women who they never made a long-term commitment to. Many are these women are “normal” women who go creepy because of their own insecurity issues. There are plenty of options available that won’t necessarily cause a man to be in a hurry to commit. Options like a woman giving him the whole farm for free when he’s not in love with her. Because of these options, men generally take their time while dating to sort through the needy, clingy, desperate, good, bad, and just plain crazy. If you consistently respond in ways that give a man the creeps, he will not want to take your relationship to the next level. Think about it. If you’ve been dating for a well over year, why don’t you have him fully committed to you? If you face the truth, you will see that either: 1. He’s playing the field with you. 2. Does not think of you long-term, aka a girl for now 3. The attraction he has for you is not one that inspires him to make a commitment. 4. You have not REQUIRED it of him by having the right boundaries.

Most women fall into category #4. They play nice with men in order to get attention and affection but have no real boundaries. They are not intune with their own needs and often spend their entire lives trying to meet a man’s needs hoping to get what they want from their relationships. Don’t buy the “it’s expensive to get married” excuse. If he cannot afford the wedding, HE DOES NOT WANT TO MARRY YOU…


What made Tom Cruise jump up and down on a couch on the Oprah Show like a little boy who got some toys from Santa? It was the level of attraction he felt for his now wife that caused him to look like he LOST it. It was how she made him FEEL. From the looks of it, it was like an EXPERIENCE that he’s never had before with any other woman and he was willing to look like a FREAK to show how this woman made him feel. If you cause a man pain, aka an emotional vampire, latching onto him like an infant, expecting him to make you happy, needing him to call you all the time, blaming him unnecessarily and a host of other tantrum throwing time bombs, you will not get a commitment. If you are sleeping together, he may like the sexual pleasure, but he will not commit to pain. He will not commit to a “connection.” In a recent poll, men were asked why they dumped their girlfriends, the top reason was, “she already plays house and gives me sex, why should I marry her?” In one of my other books I talked about the concept of NOW versus FOREVER and I also refer to it in one of my best sellers, “How to Go from Girlfriend to Wife.” Men are wired for NOW. When you respond to a man’s instinctual need for sex and keep your relationship in the NOW zone, you run the risk of jeopardizing your desire for a long-term commitment. Even though you are being intimate and seem to have a great connection, there are other factors that will cause a man to determine whether he wants to be committed to you. Give into a man’s NOW and you’ll end up being his girl for NOW. Although sex is a healthy part of a committed relationship, all of the interest and the pursuit must be guided by how you respond. Are you giving him the sun and moon when he’s not your boyfriend? If you’ve been dating for a while, why is it taking him so long to figure out that he wants to be with you FOREVER? Set your clock now and stick to learning how to respond in ways that will cause him to begin to think of you as his FOREVER girl. ==


Truth #1 - "Commitment Phobic?" We live in a culture where “things” are disposed for convenience. We are bombarded with the latest celebrity “relationship” recycling news. We may have experienced the breakup of our parents’ marriage, our own, or have friends who broke up when they seemed to have the perfect relationship. Many individuals replace their relationships faster than they can try on a new outfit. The mindset of a few generations ago was about making things last. Many have bought into instant, microwavable, drive-thru, “it’s about my happiness” philosophies. With the divorce rate around 50%, it is easy to live in fear of never having a real commitment. Winners EXPECT to win and they go out to shape their lives in a way that guarantees that they will SUCCEED. Losers expect to lose. You may face a bit more challenge in attracting quality men who do not have a “don’t-want-to-get-married-because” mentality but it is entirely possible. You should know right off the bat that ANY man who uses the failure of his relationships/parents’ relationship/friends’ relationship as an excuse is not the sort of man that you want in your life. Period. His mindset is not about winning. Fears are valid, we all have them. Yet those who allow their lives to be ruled by fears often fail. You NEED a man who knows that he can WIN despite the odds. You don’t want to get into a relationship with a man who EXPECTS to fail. This is an incompetent mindset and people usually get what they expect. Generally, men are NOT afraid of commitment. They are afraid of being in a relationship that threatens their masculinity - the sense of freedom and adventure that makes men, MEN. Men generally approach commitment with caution precisely because they value their independence. Men are socialized to appear “strong” “together” and less vulnerable. A man will usually fight against anything that affects his autonomy. Added to this are a man’s past relationship experience from any types of female emotional baggage from women who seem to turn into Godzilla AFTER getting a man to commit. It might seem selfish or unfair because women are socialized to be nurturers, to give up independence in order to be happy. But if you go back to prehistoric times when men were hunters, you’ll understand the fundamental need of a man to forge his own path, to find 9

himself so that he can be free to GET the job done which contributed to human survival. Knowing this will prevent a lot of unnecessary assumptions about a man’s fear of being in a long-term relationship. If you respond in a way that feeds his fear of losing his manliness, you will not get a commitment. In order to commit, a man must FEEL an intense and unforgettable attraction that affirms his masculinity. He needs to FEEL that he can still be himself, that you’re making him FEEL like a MAN when he’s with you – adding to his need for companionship and independence. Men love a challenge but they don't like pressure. They want to voluntarily engage in situations where they can test their manhood and conquer or overcome in order to continue to affirm their masculinity. But these expectations that men have when it comes to relationships obviously have limits. You set these restrictions by responding to your own needs first and not giving just to make him commit. When you are able to make DEMANDS because of how you VALUE yourself, you’ll have more of a chance to win him over. When relating to a man, you must balance your feminine strength while appealing to his masculine force. This sort of balance has more to do with your actions, not necessarily your words. Since men respond to “doing” things, it is looking at what you are “doing” that will feed his desire to be with you or decrease his attraction for you. Responding to him from an authentic and centered “self” communicates that you are mature enough to not TAKE away from him as a man. Let me give you an example. Some women believe that they will be happy only WHEN they can find a man to make them happy so when in relationships they consistently seek to be validated. “Do I look fat?” “Where’s this going?” “Are you in love with me?” “Are you dating other people?” “Do you want to get married?” These are what I call “futuristic” time bombs. Men see these women as insecure, incompetent, and a liability. A man wants to MAKE you happy but he does not want to be RESPONSIBLE for your inner world. If you make a man feel that he is responsible for your happiness, you take away from his need to be independent. You'll actually attract men who are emotionally unavailable and repel quality men because they are tuning in to your set of beliefs about commitment.


If you expect to have men FILL you up, you are expecting to fail in your relationships and the way you respond to men will reveal whether you are “together” enough. When you have an inner shift with the knowledge that you should ALWAYS cause a man to FEEL that you’re not out to lock him down, all of a sudden you'll begin to attract the sort of men who'll hunt you down to make a commitment to you because you'll naturally exude the attributes that men will find unforgettably appealing. This sort of attitude will cause men to beg you for attention. The kind of essence that you portray when you are in control of "you" will cause men to chase you down. This level of personal independence will cause a man to believe that you can be an equal partner. When my girlfriend started dating her husband, she played it so cool the poor guy couldn't even eat on their first date. She had a fiercely loyal commitment to “herself.” Her husband is the kind of "hot" guy who could blow Brad Pitt into outer space. She just engaged him in the conversation, exuded her feminine charm, and acted as though she wasn't moved by the whole thing. She was detached! Months after getting married, he confessed to her that he was intimidated by her savvy “self-control” when they dated. Funny thing…when she said bye to him after her dates, she would go in her car, call her girlfriend and scream like a little girl high on candy!! But…this was her secret. Not his. 10 Ways to Know If He’s Into You If you're currently dating a man or have a man who has some interest, here are some ways to tell if he's into you: #1 He banters with you. When a man likes you, teasing is a huge turn-on for him. Men love to play. Think about sports...the act of tossing things around makes them feel powerful and in control. When he banters with you, take it as a sign that he truly digs you. #2 He asks you out. Men who are into women want to be around them. Even if you play hard to get, he'll think of a creative way to get around it. 11

#3 He calls. Forget about the 3 day rule. When a man likes a woman, he's in hot pursuit and sometimes he'll break the rules if he's smitten. #4 He respects your opinion. If you have a disagreement with a man and can state your opinion in an open and engaging manner, it will make his head turn...right towards you. Men LOVE smart women. #5 He compliments you. Men love the female body, especially when it is accessorize in ways that draws out a woman's beauty. He'll tell you you're "hot" in no time flat. #6 He pays. When a man really likes a woman, he has no time to think about his wallet. Cheap men just want sex and a meal. #7 He loves talking to you. When a man is attracted to a woman, he also wants to find out if she has a brain. Chat him up in a way that shows off your intellect and he'll be hooked. #8 He doesn't mind if you put him in his place. When a man likes you, he'll also look to see if you can stand up for yourself. If he crosses the line and you can line him up, he'll be hailing you up. #9 He takes you to special places. This is not so that he can get you in between the sheets, but this is so he can spend time enjoying learning about the things that make you - you. #10 He buys you things. He'll make exception to the rules if he really likes you. He won't mind getting little things, unique things, or big things to impress you.


When a man wants to commit, he’ll show it. He will portray the “role” he wants to be to “you.” If he wants to be your boyfriend, he’ll start assuming the role in order to show you that he really wants to be with you, then he’ll naturally move the relationship in that direction by making an effort to ask you to be exclusive. Some women believe that they should try to move their relationships to the next level because they are convinced men are really scared so they try to do everything to show men how they feel. It is very common for women to believe that they can try to change a man – to get him to think and feel different. This is not a good move. How the media often portrays men and commitment I am not making excuses for how some men behave but I’m kinda tired of women who scream inequality, who want to be pampered and taken care of, and who walk around with an air of entitlement about what they are owed. They want men to tip toe around them, think all men are the same, and have a huge chip on their shoulders about how men “act.” It really bothers me when I hear angry feminists scream discrimination with a militant and misguided agenda. If you’ve read any of my other books, you’ll know that I come down quite hard on these types because they are insecure women who are often bitter. Some women view ALL men with the same small lens precisely because they do not have what it take to attract and keep quality men. If you ever keep gossip-buddies where you regularly bash men, you should stop and get a new hobby. If something bothers you about a man’s behavior, it is better to address it in a mature manner than to go on and on to your girlfriends about what’s bothering you. Then move on from it. If he’s not responding the way you’d like, change yourself, not him. You can’t go very far without seeing the pathetic ways men are portrayed in the media. Like those ridiculous sitcoms aka “Everybody Loves Raymond” – apparently not his wife. She is portrayed having no shred of respect for his masculinity whatsoever. When our culture gives us double standards to live by, it feeds a false image about men. It is far better to spend the time educating yourself on what men are like and what they want instead of giving into stereotypes.


The media is a tool that teaches women to emasculate men – sinking the male identity into a weak Metrosexual Boy who cannot do anything right and who caters to what women want - “validate me, validate me” “be more sensitive” “cater to me” “listen to my feelings” “be more romantic” “communicate more, it’s all about communication.” “Why can’t you talk about the way you FEEL.” The can’t-do-anything-right ideology is the script that a lot of women live by when they think that men are not capable of commitment. Plenty of girls are acculturated to believe this nonsense – to have an i-don’tneed-a-man attitude effectively growing up dislodged from knowing how to relate to men. The best thing you can do for yourself is to have a serious and balanced respect for the male species and yourself. Sorry about ranting, but I’m just sick of the stupidity of the liberal anti-male bias! ==


Truth #2 - Before He Falls In Love When you are physically attracted to a man and you get to know him WITHOUT revealing that your intentions are to lock him down, you will have more room to wiggle around because there will not be any pressure to meet stereotypical expectations. Being neutral with a man without bringing up the “F” word (Friends) will cause him to continue to try to come towards you if he’s attracted to you. If there are misunderstandings between the both of you, you have that neutrality to fall back on whereas if a relationship is in its early stages and you get physically involved too soon, it will be far more fragile and easily broken. Neutrality will create an environment that will not make demands on a man. If you are neutral, you just won’t get disappointed because you will not give yourself away. Women who are natural at being neutral have an air of confidence about them that is flat out sexy. They have fun around men, tease them, hang out, etc. These women just know certain principles and stick to them. They know that men are more responsive when women do not have expectations to lock them down and they do not give themselves away in order to barter with men. Being neutral will protect you from acting on emotions and works wonders when you are willing to give a man your time without him knowing quite how you feel about him. If he’s attracted to you, he’ll keep working to please you. He’ll keep trying to prove himself. There’s nothing better than a man trying to prove how amazing he is. You get to sit back and watch him try to be your hero. When this happens, your job is to be appreciative and respectful until he brings up wanting more from you. If he wants to date you exclusively, you would have had a good friendship as a foundation which will make your relationship stronger. If you’ve been spending at least two months with a man and he hasn’t indicated that he wants to be exclusive, it’s time to let Mr. Great know that your time is far too valuable to be wasted on him alone. Disengage from this position and start looking to date other men. You can still see him – 10% of the time. If he’s not moving your together time forward after two months, he will not respect you if you don’t have enough self respect to decrease your time with him.


What if you are his “official” Girlfriend? Here is where you will benefit the most if you want a man to take your relationship to the next level. If it’s been over a year and he hasn’t talked about his intentions of committing to you long-term, you have to have enough guts to go into neutral without any inclination that you are unsatisfied with not having a commitment from him. This is not time for a Bitch Fest. Are you willing to take a stand for what you want without leaving him to feel guilty or obliged to commit? You don’t want to force feed or compel a man to want you. Nonsense. Throw out any fears of rejection and do not stay in a dead end relationship. Do not stay with a man because you think this will make him WANT to commit to you. He will not respect you for this. Go into neutral by creating space and stop sleeping with him. Assure him that you value your relationship and care very much for him but pull back in a subtle and happy way. If he begins to question you about it, let him know that you’ve been thinking about what you want. Marriage is important to you and you’re ok if he doesn’t want that. As much you value the relationship that you have together, you want to do what’s right for you and you also want him to be happy. Just keep telling him that you think he’s wonderful and want him to be happy but you also want what’s right for you. Give him two weeks to respond to your “happy” position and if he does not – have the guts to stand on your own convictions by being like the transformers and move her on out! Pull away. Pull Away Manual – how you communicate to a man you’re moving away from him. “Brad, I care about you, but I care about me EVEN more.” - non-verbal “Sure we can still spend time together, how does next month sound?” – non -verbal “Oh Brad, you’re a riot, can I get back to you, I’m just busy right now.” verbal “Hey, you caught me in the middle of something, can I call you back? - verbal (call him back in five days). “Meet up? This weekend won’t work for me but next Wednesday will. Does this work for you?” – verbal “Oh hey bud, just need to run off, I’ve been so swamped lately but yes, it would be great to get together. I’ll get back to you on that.”


Note: You can’t move away from a man and give him the impression that you’re bitching, hurtin’, freakin angry, pouting, etc – NO! Pretend you don’t give a shit but be diplomatically honest about what you want. When you turn your back, you can bitch. Too many women sacrifice themselves ending up feeling used and bitter in the process. It’s never his fault. If you respect yourself, a man will value you and the chances of having a commitment will be greater. ==


Truth #3 - Women who are fiercely loyal to themselves are highly desirable If you haven’t done so already, get a paper and pen out to write down your life’s vision statement. Make it about 5-6 lines. This becomes your personal constitution where all of your decisions flow from. Next, write out your dating mission statement. When you’re faced with a dating decision, you’ll go back to your values. For example, My Dating Mission Statement I will create balance in my inner world by continually pursuing personal development. I will attract quality men who ALWAYS respond to me in a healthy manner. I will always do what’s right for me and communicate my expectations in a mature and fun manner. Women who hold a certain view of themselves and respond to men from this are highly respected. A man may decide that you’re not right for him but in the end he will respect you based on how you live your life. It’s difficult to deal with a breakup or when a man didn’t respond the way you thought. How you respond to him will show how mature you are to handle a relationship. What happens if he didn’t call you back? What do you do when you are dating a man and he suddenly announces he wants to see other people? What if he’s your boyfriend and he is losing interest? What if he’s not in a hurry to marry you? What if you disagree on a certain issue? How you respond will show your true values. If you get angry and respond to him from an angry place by telling a man how much of a Jerk he’s been, you’ll look bad. Why? Bitter women lash out. This sort of response does not come from a balanced inner world. As I mentioned earlier, bitch way from him. If you’ve been done wrong and you tell him what you think with a mature attitude plus REMOVE yourself from him, he’ll get the message that you have self-respect. You must be able to adapt quickly and show that you will stand up for yourself no matter what. The mistake many make however is to lash out in anger by being the stereotypical “woman scorned.” You don’t need to go there. Don’t try to get the last word in. Communicate your expectations once, then act.


For example, If he’s your boyfriend and he’s becoming distant say, “It’s important to me for us to spend time together. I enjoy all of the wonderful times we spend together.” Next remove yourself from him and hang back. Take on a project and give him the space to think about your expectations (about two weeks). If he doesn’t come around, move even further away from him by not being available when he wants to get in touch with you. Remember. Communicate your expectations then create distance. Don’t say, “We never spend anytime together..blah..blah.” That is immature and he will hear nagging - another top reason men dump some women, they nag! When you communicate your expectations, wait for the right time and do so in a manner as though you are speaking to a business associate. You wouldn’t mix nagging with business so don’t do it in your relationships. If you’re going to get emotional, he’ll think you’re making demands on his time. Making demands equals creating obligations. You’re worth more than that. Many women give men too much power over their lives. If a man knows that he has the power to make you upset, you’ve made him a deity. You may be disappointed if a relationship didn’t work out. Fine. Go and cry your eyes out but never go back to a man and blame him for what he did or didn’t do after you’ve told him how you feel. Let the well run dry. ==


Truth #4 - How well you handle rejection may lead to a long-term commitment Sometimes a relationship seems to be going great or you meet an amazing man and he throws the dreaded curve ball. He wants to date other people. You may be surprised because things may appear to be going well, but sometimes when a man is getting too close, he needs to pull back in order to really make sure that the relationship is right for him. Men always play to win and sometimes pulling back may mean they'll score bigger. How you respond to him will determine whether he’ll come back around after he figures out whether he really wants to be with you. The person who “pulls back” is in control of the relationship. Pulling back gives the appearance of lower interest. Another reason why playing it cool with a man will gain you leverage. It is your proximity, your position that determines how vulnerable you are. After a man announces that he wants to pull back, you have to go with his “pull” by pushing away from him. You do not show your vulnerability by asking him a million questions about why he’s made the decision. If you show how NEEDY you are, he will want to pull back even more. Neediness is seen as weakness. But if you appear strong by AGREEING with him, you will have his respect even if he decides that he no longer wants to be in a relationship with you. Maintaining your dignity and respect is MORE important than trying to convince a man to want you. Make him love you because you respect yourself or allow him to move on WHILE respecting you. There is something amazing about a woman who’s a natural at giving men space when they ask for it. A woman who happily grants a man his wish will appear more desirable to him. No one wants to think that they are not needed. If you act unmoved by his decision to see other people and remain out of sight, he’ll be left wondering and sooner or later he’ll start to worry. Remember that a man’s proximity reveals his level of interest. You don’t have to wonder how a man feels, just check his distance. In the beginning he might play it cool just to see how you’ll respond so his distance might be further. But if he’s been dating you for a few weeks or months, his distance should be getting closer to you. When you don’t hear back from him after the first few dates, he is either not interested or he doesn’t want to seem eager. If he closes back in, you’ll know he’s interested but if he never calls back, he’s moved on.


So give him space for him to figure out what his true feelings are. You don’t want a man who sorta cares about you, you want him smitten – anything less is undeserving of you! What to do with High expectations and Tough rejection Let me recap here a bit. The person who “pulls back” is in control of the relationship. The person who’s less vulnerable also controls the relationship. Whenever you are dating a man, you have to appear neutral so that you remain in control of you and of the flow of the relationship. This does not mean that you put up walls and never allow your true feelings to show. Show how you feel by expressing appreciation and gratitude for what he is DOING. When he’s not DOING anything, don’t give to make him do more. Here’s how to remain in control: 1. Stay neutral. 2. Pull back slightly when he seems cool. 3. Invest emotionally only equal to how much he invest emotionally. Don’t confuse this with his desire for physical intimacy. 4. Pull towards him when he pulls towards you. If you’ve pulled in too close because you thought a relationship was going well then experience a man’s “pull back” or rejection, you have to build a SUBSCONSCIOUS PHILOSOPHY to sustain the weight of rejection PLUS happily pull away. I have built this up in my subconscious mind using positive words of affirmation on a regular basic….sort of like mental push-ups. Not only will it make life easier and add to your personal success, it will elevate you above feeling like trash if a relationship didn’t work out. But you must do the work to strengthen your inner scripts or you’ll always feel like a failure when a relationship doesn’t go as you expect. Your positive words of affirmation will supersede what is taking place in your external environment and jump start your confidence EVERYTIME. You won’t have to go crying for days, sit around waiting for a man to call, or swim in self pity because your words of affirmation will naturally be the picker upper that will help you cope. But you must do the work to implant this in your mind several times a day until it becomes a part of your subconscious philosophy. Your subconscious constitution will feed what you need to your conscious mind if you don’t give up even in the face of feeling like nothing is taking place.


It has worked for me every time. But that is after I didn’t give up even when it seemed as if nothing was happening. When I determined that I would continue to feed my subconscious mind positive thoughts even in the face of selfloathing, my conscious mind eventually shifted in gear. After learning this secret and putting it into practice, I have been able to bounce back in a matter of days because of the seeds of success that I have planted in my mind. When faced with a breakup or a dating frustration, say the following to yourself several times a day: “I am loved. I am needed. I am wanted.” “There is always more than enough.” “Everything will be ok. I am sure of this.” “I have healthy and successful relationships with men.” “By day and by night I am being prosperous in all of my ways.” “I attract quality men all of the time.” “I radiate confidence now.” “I am strong.” “I am abundant, prosperous and secure now!” “I am healthy, wealthy and wise now!” You can make up your own as well. An important note to remember: Your conscious mind will try to wage war with the new TRUTH that you are trying to plant in it and will not take it very well. You will feel you are wasting your time and your *emotions* might not align themselves to the words you are speaking right away. You must not give up. You must continue until it BECOMES apart of you. A belief is something that becomes apart of you while a wish is something that comes and goes. Your mind may keep telling you that it doesn’t believe what you are saying but you must use your WILL….the part of you that decides that you WILL continue to plant this in your subconscious mind and eventually your subconscious MUSCLES will become so strong that it will naturally boost your *conscious* confidence. Don’t stop even when you FEEL good. Make it a lifestyle. You will begin to feel that you can take on the world and equipped to deal with dating roadblocks. You may feel disappointed but you will not be crushed. You may feel abandoned but you will not feel destroyed. This is the SECRET to STRENGTH. This is the SECRET to having TRUE SEX APPEAL. ==


Truth #5 - Men do not want to HEAR how you FEEL about love - first You might be swinging off the chandelier, completely smitten by Mr. Hottie. You talk about him to your girls, dissect every word he says, want him to give you his undying affection and are totally and completely “in like” with him. You’re beginning to have very strong feelings for him. It is tempting to tell him about your “emotions” because the attraction and connection you have with him is amazing. But this is where you'll put him in knots. Don't start talking "feelings" with your man. Don’t tell him how much you’re falling in love. Forget it. Play like a hot and cool chick. The drama-dramas go off with men and start to spill their guts. Especially if the man's pulling away, they start to rant and have the “talk” and try to convince him how much he means to them and they bark up the wrong tree and send the man running because he feels hijacked into having to deal with an emotional drama queen. Most men feel hijacked when they have to deal with intense emotions. Telling a man you are in love with him before he’s made a definite decision about you will most likely backfire. What you can say instead: “I think you’re incredible.” “I think you’re amazing.” “I feel good when I’m with you.” etc. When women want to check the thermostat of a relationship, men equate this to thinking “they” are doing something wrong or one step to being “tied” down. God knows a man does not want to feel responsible for not making a woman happy nor does he want to have to face anything remotely as intense as having a woman spilling her guts about love. Men live to please women. The main goal of a man is to make a woman happy. If you start to go off about how you're feeling even if it’s about really being into him, he'll think you're trying to convince him to want you more and you should know by now that a man cannot be CONVINCED into a commitment. He has to fall into it. Let him be the one who tells you how much he adores you, wants to be around you, thinks you’re special and IS falling in love with you. When a man can come into having access to his emotional world and opens up about his feelings for you, your relationship will progress in a natural way and his desire to have a real commitment will be greater. It is important that you respect his process and wait until he leads the relationship towards commitment. It is important to have this sort of respect 23

for a man. If you hurry the process by telling him how much you love him after only two months, he’ll think you’re insane. In his mind you’re still strangers getting to know each other. You might have easy access to your emotions and know without a doubt that you’re feeling love, but if you spill your guts, you’ll only fall in love with the idea of being in love – without him. It’s difficult to contain intense emotions, especially when you’re shared amazing moments together where you feel like you’ve known him forever but know how a man’s mind work and stay away from any high pressure negotiations like telling him he’s the ONE for you. This is where some good girlfriends will come in handy…you know the ones whom you’ve thought about being apart of your wedding when you get married? Get it all out with them. Talk about him until his name is embedded on the walls in your room. Go ahead. But tell them to keep you “grounded” – not to lose it. Do not give up any emotional ground even if it kills you and you’re busting at the seams. Here’s an example of what happened to me once. I was getting to know this man and had remained neutral with him. The physical attraction was present but I had informed him that I wasn’t after a relationship. I thought he was an amazing guy, we had a great connection, and I secretly had the “hots” for him. But he was unaware. I wanted to get to know him for a while to see where things would go. We were not physically intimate and he continued chasing for months. He did not verbally say that he wanted to date me but had tip-toed around the idea to see how I felt. I knew that he was trying very hard to impress me. When he saw that I couldn’t be easily won over, he finally had the ridiculous talk of “just to make sure…there are no intentions on my side other than a new friendship”… kidding. Giving up too much will cause you to feel crappy about yourself if he pulls back. But when you continue to appear interested without disclosing how you FEEL, you'll be glad you stayed neutral if the relationship doesn't work out in the long run. ==


Truth #6 - Know what you deserve but do not EXPECT to be owed One of the fatal errors a woman can make is having huge expectations from men. Do you have the pattern of expecting men to: 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. Call you Give up their free time for you Give you a commitment Give you the attention you think you deserve Send you emails and expecting a responsive EVERYTIME Always make plans with you in mind Be romantic Be the “perfect” dream man

If you get anything from what I’ve written, it is that having an attitude of being “owed” will make men run away from you faster than you can say “hello.” This is the very kind of insecurity that men find repelling. They’d rather spend time with an “average” woman who appears to have it together than with a seemingly beautiful bombshell who thinks that men should cater to her every need. Again, men find this sort of behavior excruciatingly repulsive. I would say it is one of the top 10 lists of “what to avoid in a woman.” If you cannot get your inner script together where you respond from an emotionally balanced place, you will have a difficult time getting and keeping a man around. Before long, the snakes will come out and he will start to get that creepy feeling. If he says he will call and didn’t when you expect, do you have an attitude about it when you finally hear from him or are you easy going about it? Here’s another version of Ms. Insecurity Repeller:…she acts nice if a man doesn’t give her the attention she thinks she deserves but deep on the inside she’s seething bitter. She’ll eventually give him a hard time, asks about his whereabouts, then cut into him about being inconsiderate, not caring about her “feelings,” being insensitive…Blah! Blah! Blah! Oh, it eventually comes out and no one wants to be around when she finally blows!


This sort of behavior will cause you to come across as if you have MAJOR insecurity issues. Sort of like the jealous man who needs to know when a pin drops. Too many women think they are being innocent. They think speaking and telling a man how they “feel” is the way to go. They don’t really think it’s a big deal. Whenever you make a man feel that he owes you something, you’ll get the opposite. He may already have a lot of pressure in his life, why should he put up with a crying, whining, motor mouth? There is a way to communicate your expectations. This new and improved way is being a happy chick no matter what. Use your “actions” not your words to let a man know where you stand and remain UNSHAKEN by his actions. If you are waiting for him to call and his brain eventually tell his hand to pick up the phone, let the dude leave a message. Make the dude work. You were apparently working by waiting for him to call you. Why should you skip to the phone? There's nothing more beautiful than looking at a man's phone number on your call display and deciding that he should wait just a little to get a hold of you. Beautiful! Think about how you'll be at an advantage. Many women don't get that even though a man is showing interest, he also needs a mental break. This is crucial to build attraction. Continual instant gratification usually decreases a man's attraction. So this is why you have to be the kind of woman who is strong enough to exercise the kind of self-control that will cause a man's interest to continue to build. You’re not owed a thing • • • You are not owed a man’s attention You are not owed a man’s time You are not owed a commitment

On the other hand, you OWE it to yourself to have self-respect. This will cause a man to treat you with respect. Having self-respect will give you the courage to communicate what you WANT in a mature fashion, not what you expect to be OWED. If you are NOT getting what you want, move on.


Understanding this will help you to know the difference between DESIRE and NEED. When you are ok with being single or you’re ok with not having to beat the idea of commitment from your boyfriend, and above all of this, make decisions that are right for you - this is precisely when you’ll get what you want. Making a man feel like he owes you something will cause him to feel trapped. Whether you like it or not, being in a relationship with a man for well over a year without communicating your DESIRE will not cause the idea of commitment to somehow float to his brains. If you are causing a man to be so comfortable with you that he doesn’t feel the need to give you what you think you deserve, you’re completely responsible for this. This is why a lot of men can’t seem to understand why a woman will start to nag about commitment out of the blue – doing things like: dropping hints, making comparisons, being obsessive, latching on, pouting, etc. If you were not making it clear from the very beginning by your behavior, then it will be very hard for a man when you start to act like it’s time to lock him down. Here’s how to communicate what you deserve: • Make him know that you are detached by putting your needs first. For example, if you’ve been dating a few weeks and he’s wanting to see you at the last minute, say, “I’d love to but I’ve had a busy day. Can we get together in a few days?” If it’s been well over a year of dating, instead of giving an ultimatum, say something like: “I appreciate you. You mean a lot to me and we’ve had so many wonderful times together. I’ve been thinking about what I want. Marriage is important to me and I want you to be happy so I think we should see other people.”

When you communicate in this manner, you are NOT making him responsible for giving you a commitment. You don’t even have to say much more. Give him a happy kiss and do the catwalk. If he really loves you, he’ll have a lot of thinking to do and he’ll find his way to the jewelry store. • • If you’ve sent him an email and he responds after a few days by letting you know he’s been busy. Say,” No rush, chat when you are free.” You were supposed to get together and he cancels at the last minute. Say, “No problem. I’ll just make other plans.” If it becomes a habit, don’t be free to go out with him the next time he wants to get together.


If he’s late once, no big deal. If he has a habit of leaving you to make small talk with the host, he’s being disrespectful. Say, “It’s nice to get together however, I would appreciate it if you are on time.”

You get the picture? Kill the expectations and you’ll have him drop his guard. This is exactly how to free up the SPACE between the both of you for him to pursue you and beg you for a commitment. ==


Truth #7 - Men FEAR Women who’ll let themselves go If you think you’re not able to compete with Hollywood’s version of SEXY, you have not spent enough time building up your sex appeal – true inner strength. Men love to look at a stereotypical sexy woman but most know that it is computerized airbrushing technological manipulation. Generally men just appreciate women who take care of their bodies because it is a reflection of having a good self-image. When you eat well and keep fit, you will feel sexier and your confidence will show. Many women fall into the “comfort” zone with a man and start to go downhill. Don’t try to outdo Barbie but keep yourself looking like a hot chick whether your relationship is new or you’ve known your man for sometime. Here are some ways to UP the sexy or remain loyal to you: #1 Start with your inner world. A woman who is truly spiritually connected and balanced is flat out sexy. Make personal development your goal so that you're not at the same place two years from now, especially if you're the kind who cries about not having men in your life. Maybe you haven't grown enough to attract the kind of man that you want. #2 If you're a practicing arrogant feminist who's like a machine, you'll make men run. I know you've been taught to feel insulted if men actually want to treat you like a lady but you have to allow men to take the lead while dating. This does not mean that you're to be a "yes" girl, but a strong yet feminine woman who'll be able to harness the power within you so that your essence, drive, and focus will be so intense that you literally burn an impression of yourself on a man's mind when he's around you. #3 Flush your system of unhealthy mindsets, baggage, resentments, past hurts, and bitterness. I don't care what you have to do to clean out your soul but if you want to exude real sexiness, you'll have to do what it takes to detoxify the soul.


#4 If you've had a bad breakup, now's the time to have some self respect and stop chasing your EX. There’s a difference between persuasion and force. Force is doing things like stalking, begging, whining, getting angry, calling and hanging up, interrogating etc. Make it one of your ten commandments to NEVER ever chase a man again. #5 Take care of your body and health. We all struggle with being consistent in this area, but you get what you put in. #6 Good grief girl, put on some makeup, even if it's a little foundation. It can make your skin go from dull to "diva." #7 Find you some clothes that actually fit your body whether you are a size 2 or 20. Throw out the tent look and the bras that have been eaten away by little rats. Why are you trying to hold on to them old panties? I have seen women of all sizes who really want to look and feel good about themselves take the time to wear clothes that compliment their bodies. #8 I already know that you're not a clown so why does your hair look like one? Some women should be fined for subjecting their hair to a bad streaking job. Get rid of the rainbow hair and find a hair stylist that can really make your hair say "touch me!" #9 Have an open vibe. If a man has to ignite a dynamite to get to you, he won't bother. Making a man work to win your heart is much different from making him your slave. Open up yourself to finding true love and you'll attract men who are tuned into that kind of station. #10 Smile more often at men. Men are drawn to women who are happy. When you are happy, you'll feel sexy and won't have to work hard at convincing a man that you are OK with you. == 30

Truth #8 – Most Men date for Fun not for a Family Look at dating as enjoying the ride, just don’t let a man RIDE you for years without marrying you. When you are able to relate to men by having an attitude of “just seeing what will happen” you will have plenty of men willing to take a trip with you. Some women announce the clicking of their biological clock that even other planets can hear it tick. They have a very difficult time while dating. Women are usually socialized to “get a man” “get married” and “have a family” so many make this their goal while dating. Any vibe that screams “I want babies” will have you discarded so quickly you’ll be out on the streets in Manville. It is the same as if a man walks up to you and asks to get laid. You would think he’s an insane Jerk. Same rule apply here except men will run from you as if you were a swarm of bees. The problem that many women run into is dating around AND sleeping with the men they date so they get hooked, lined, and tinkered emotionally attaching themselves to a man and the “idea” of falling in love with him. He won’t fall in love with you after a good roll in the hay. It just won’t happen. He’ll love the roll and think the world of the great sex he’s having. Interesting how the idea of sleeping with a man has changed over the years. Please don’t write me to tell me that I’m not liberated. I am - from the idea of giving a man sex when he hasn’t given me a commitment. When the relationship is new, give him 8 weeks of fun in the sun and not the bedroom. Make out in the car, on the couch, on the washing machine, under the stars but don’t sleep with him. If he doesn’t want to be exclusive within that time, you’ll be glad you protected your vagina. Furthermore if you have a boyfriend, you’ll have him thinking that you haven’t made up your mind about him even though he gave you the girlfriend crown that there is a possibility that you’ll decide he’s just not right for you if he does something worthy of having his ass kicked. When a man sees that you can just sit back and enjoy his efforts, he’ll literally fall into you. He’ll see that you’re not like the regular need-a-boyfriend-typewoman and he’ll want to move into that open space you’ve created to allow him to decide if he wants to take the relationship to the next level.


Yes. He has a right to decide what’s right for him too. Again, do not expect to be OWED and do not respond to men or your boyfriend as if you OWN him. Give a man the “right” to decide if he truly wants to be with you and if he loves you, he’ll use that right to give you the world. ==


Truth #9 - Men find Women who have their own GROOVE irresistible The ability to live a full rewarding life and take responsibility for one’s happiness is a highly desirable quality. If you had a choice between choosing a man who had his act together versus one who didn’t, you’d choose the man who has a lot going on for him. I was chatting with a girlfriend who talked about one of her single female friends who had no ambition at all. She’s been single for years and is well into her mid forties. She didn’t think of creating a certain level of personal success and wants to just “settle.” The minute you decide to settle, you disqualify yourself from the world of being successful in life and in your relationships. Having your own groove has nothing to do with being a career frenzied workaholic, but a woman who has a full life so that you come ready to contribute instead of being taken care of. Not only will you feel world class by having BIG dreams and pursuing them, you will exude an aura about you that is absolutely irresistible to quality men. This type of aura communicates that one is complete and is not an empty vacuum. If a man figures that you’ve got nothing but a desire to want “him” he will be completely turned off – this will kill his attraction for you. He may come close because of attraction but wont stay for very long. Men get scared off by women who have nothing going for them because they believe these types are the ones who have nagging for a full-time job. Just a side note…men think of women who nag as they do a dragon lady. This is how turned off they get. You may be in a relationship and want to take it to the next level but are you taking your own personal life to the next level? Things grow when we grow. If you do not grow yourself, you do not have a strong foundation to bear the weight of having a long-term commitment. You need to have your own internal “stuff” in continual growth, changing so that your outer world reflects this. You cannot demand from a man what you do not deserve. Deserve better by creating better - a better outlook, an interesting life, etc.


You should always be reaching forward by being a personal creator of an abundant life. Do you have dreams that you’ve always wanted to pursue? Hope you are not putting them on hold for a man – can’t tell you how offensive this is to your own personal happiness let alone your relationships. If you have a man and he’s keeping you down, dump him. Real relationships support our desire to grow. They have that “natural” law of life about them. When something isn’t growing, it is stagnant or it is dead. Don’t allow your life to go into extinction. Stretch yourself every year and do something different that will challenge you. When you challenge yourself, you will also challenge those around you. A real man will not be put off by a woman who desires to make a significant difference on Planet Earth - he’ll be proud of her and will stand behind her all the way. The minute you announce to your boyfriend that you’re going to take on a certain project or follow a certain dream and asks for his feedback on it, he’ll be charmed. Well, if he doesn’t have any insecurity issues. If a man feels threatened by your level of success or your desire to pursue a certain goal, he’s not for you. I am 100% sure of this. Yeah, but…nothing! He wasn’t made to support your roots, your desire to increase, to change, and become better. Do the right thing and get rid of him. Nicely. Just let him know that you just don’t see the two of you going in the same direction and you want him to be happy. Spend the time you need missing having him but don’t stay down at that level. This will decrease you. Set the groove for your life and sit in the “pocket” as they would say in musical terms. A man cannot come and take you out of that “pocket” if you don’t let him. Don’t dump your family and friends for a man - doing things like cancelling your plans with your girlfriends or family members just to be with a man will shrink you. Sometimes women want to spend time with a man so bad they dump their girlfriends for him. If he knows that you’re willing to give up your girls for him, he’ll think you’re unworthy of being a long-term partner. 34

Do you have a boyfriend but no more girlfriends to hang with? You’re out of the “pocket.” I urge you to cut your time down with him at least 50% so that you can get a life. A man can’t really respect a run-away girlfriend. ==


Truth #10 - Men FEEL good about themselves when they “do” things Men get pretty much addicted to being Super Heroes. They live to show off. In fact, every invention is all about men saying, “Look how great I am.” Men feel good about themselves when they "do" things. This is why men love to work, build things, invent things, create solutions, etc. Their whole sense of identity is wrapped up in "doing" something. Feeling needed. Take work from a man and he'll feel useless. Feeling useless will make him think that he's not worth very much. If you suddenly turn around and start to do things in return for him in a way that is excessive, he'll lose his attraction for you. When a woman starts to "do" things for a man, it will lessen his attraction because men feel good about themselves when they are able to accomplish something. The key is to continue to respond to his efforts with appreciation and respect. Although the occasional display of appreciation with a small gift is smart. Sometimes a woman senses that a man is distant and she’ll start forming assumptions. These assumptions cause her to feel insecure and she responds by “pulling” in towards him - wrong move. Do not go out of your way to "help" him, compliment him, laugh at whatever he says and never disagree. A man hates to feel like he's with his mama. When you start acting like his mama, he'll have the sort of security that will cause him to begin rebelling like a little toddler. He’ll either dump you or take you for granted. You're not his "yes" girl. You're supposed to be a "dream" girl. Doing things like trying to get his attention, offering a massage because he seems distant, trying to bait him with your body or going out and buying an expensive gift will backfire. The response to decreased interest is to increase your personal time AWAY from him. Start a new project, go and slay some dragons and come back sweaty. This will turn him on. When your man continues to be successful in pleasing you, it will strengthen his internal resolve to want to continue winning. When he feels as though he is winning with you, that he can make you happy, he will be much more likely to want to continue with the “habit” of trying to win. Deep on the inside, men want to be accepted for doing their best. He wants to be your hero. Let him. ==


This is the End of Part 1 of the ebook. I want you to take sometime to reflect on what I’ve shared so far and begin to incorporate this mindset in your everyday life. Give yourself time to DO what it takes to grow and you will have more success than you ever thought possible. You will be receiving Part 2 soon. In the meantime, check out these highly recommended resources:
Girlfriend to Wife in 100 days ebook and audio coaching plus bonus books Cast a spell on any man with cutting-edge advanced techniques guaranteed to rock your world, help you send shock waves and blow your man's mind. Mind Movies Get these 6 free videos that will help you to create the kind of life you want and get exactly what you want in your relationships. Click Here I believe in you, Nicole


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