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ESFJ PERSONALITY (THE CONSUL)

Encourage, lift and strengthen one another. For the positive energy spread to one
will be felt by us all.
-Deborah DayPeople who share the ESFJ personality type are, for lack of a better word, popular
which makes sense, given that it is also a very common personality type, making up
twelve percent of the population. In high school, ESFJs are the cheerleaders and the
quarterbacks, setting the tone, taking the spotlight and leading their teams forward to
victory and fame. Later in life, ESFJs continue to enjoy supporting their friends and
loved ones, organizing social gatherings and doing their best to make sure everyone
is happy.
At their hearts, ESFJ personalities are social creatures, and thrive on staying up to
date with what their friends are doing.
Discussing scientific theories or debating European politics isn't likely to capture
ESFJs' interest for too long. ESFJs are more concerned with fashion and their
appearance, their social status and the standings of other people. Practical matters
and gossip are their bread and butter, but ESFJs do their best to use their powers for
good.
Respecting the Wisdom of Leadership
ESFJs are altruists, and they take seriously their responsibility to help and to do the
right thing. Unlike their Diplomat (NF) relatives however, people with the ESFJ
personality type will base their moral compass on established traditions and laws,
upholding authority and rules, rather than drawing their morality from philosophy or
mysticism. It's important for ESFJs to remember though, that people come from
many backgrounds and perspectives, and what may seem right to them isn't always
an absolute truth.
ESFJs love to be of service, enjoying any role that allows them to participate in a
meaningful way, so long as they know that they are valued and appreciated. This is
especially apparent at home, and ESFJs make loyal and devoted partners and
parents. ESFJ personalities respect hierarchy, and do their best to position
themselves with some authority, at home and at work, which allows them to keep
things clear, stable and organized for everyone.
Play Dates Aren't Just for the Kids!
Supportive and outgoing, ESFJs can always be spotted at a party they're the ones
finding time to chat and laugh with everyone! But their devotion goes further than just
breezing through because they have to. ESFJs truly enjoy hearing about their
friends' relationships and activities, remembering little details and always standing
ready to talk things out with warmth and sensitivity. If things aren't going right, or

there's tension in the room, ESFJs pick up on it and to try to restore harmony and
stability to the group.
Being pretty conflict-averse, ESFJs spend a lot of their energy establishing social
order, and prefer plans and organized events to open-ended activities or
spontaneous get-togethers. People with this personality type put a lot of effort into
the activities they've arranged, and it's easy for ESFJs' feelings to be hurt if their
ideas are rejected, or if people just aren't interested. Again, it's important for ESFJs
to remember that everyone is coming from a different place, and that disinterest isn't
a comment about them or the activity they've organized it's just not their thing.
Coming to terms with their sensitivity is ESFJs' biggest challenge people are going
to disagree and they're going to criticize, and while it hurts, it's just a part of life. The
best thing for ESFJs to do is to do what they do best: be a role model, take care of
what they have the power to take care of, and enjoy that so many people do
appreciate the efforts they make.

ESFJ STRENGTHS AND WEAKNESSES


ESFJ Strengths

Strong Practical Skills ESFJs are excellent managers of day-to-day tasks


and routine maintenance, enjoying making sure that those who are close to
them are well cared for.

Strong Sense of Duty People with the ESFJ personality type have a strong
sense of responsibility and strive to meet their obligations, though this may
sometimes be more from a sense of social expectations than intrinsic drive.

Very Loyal Valuing stability and security very highly, ESFJs are eager to
preserve the status quo, which makes them extremely loyal and trustworthy
partners and employees. ESFJs are true pillars of any groups they belong to
whether it is their family or a community club, people with this personality type
can always be relied upon.

Sensitive and Warm Helping to ensure that stability, ESFJ personalities


seek harmony and care deeply about other people's feelings, being careful
not to offend or hurt anybody. ESFJs are strong team players, and win-win
situations are the stuff smiles are made of.

Good at Connecting with Others These qualities come together to make


ESFJs social, comfortable and well-liked. ESFJ personalities have a strong
need to "belong", and have no problem with small talk or following social cues
in order to help them take an active role in their communities.

ESFJ Weaknesses

Worried about Their Social Status These Strengths are related to a chief
Weakness: ESFJs' preoccupation with social status and influence, which
affects many decisions they make, potentially limiting their creativity and
open-mindedness.

Inflexible ESFJs place a lot of importance on what is socially acceptable,


and can be very cautious, even critical of anything unconventional or outside
the mainstream. People with this personality type may also sometimes push
their own beliefs too hard in an effort to establish them as mainstream.

Reluctant to Innovate or Improvise Just as they can be critical of others'


"unusual" behavior, ESFJs may also be unwilling to step out of their own
comfort zones, usually for fear of being (or just appearing) different.

Vulnerable to Criticism It can be especially challenging to change these


tendencies because ESFJs are so conflict-averse. ESFJ personalities can

become very defensive and hurt if someone, especially a person close to


them, criticizes their habits, beliefs or traditions.

Often Too Needy ESFJs need to hear and see a great deal of appreciation.
If their efforts go unnoticed, people with the ESFJ personality type may start
fishing for compliments, in an attempt to get reassurance of how much they
are valued.

Too Selfless The other side of this is that ESFJs sometimes try to establish
their value with doting attention, something that can quickly overwhelm those
who don't need it, making it ultimately unwelcome. Furthermore, ESFJs often
neglect their own needs in the process.

ESFJ RELATIONSHIPS
Prizing social validation and a sense of belonging so highly, romantic relationships
hold a special level of importance for ESFJs. No other kind of relationship provides
people with the ESFJ personality type with the same level of support and devotion,
and the feelings of security and stability that come with strong romantic relationships
are extremely warming.
ESFJs don't do casual flings they need to know that their partners will always be by
their sides offering unwavering support, and marriage and family are the ultimate
goal.
With such a goal in mind, ESFJ personalities take each stage, from dating to
everything thereafter, very seriously. Everything about ESFJs' relationships is based
on satisfying mutual needs, from creating understanding early on to building mutual
respect and support for each other's opinions and goals. Knowing that they are loved
and appreciated has a huge effect on ESFJs' mood and self-esteem.
Live Long Enough and Everyone Makes Mistakes...
If they feel like this support isn't there, such as when their partners deliver criticism,
ESFJs can feel extremely hurt. People with the ESFJ personality type dislike conflict
and criticism, which can make it challenging to address any problems that come up.
Nothing is more hurtful or depressing to ESFJs than to realize that their partners
don't respect their dreams or opinions. ESFJs can be surprisingly tough and tireless
in the face of hardship, but they need to know without a doubt that their partners are
behind them 100%.
Unfortunately, less mature ESFJs may lack the inner strength and wisdom to attract
this in healthy ways. They can be very needy, compromising their own principles and
values in exchange for their partners' approval. This is a terrible trap not only is it
unattractive, it can too easily lead to emotionally abusive relationships, which reduce
ESFJs' self-esteem further. Another snare is their fixation on social status and
approval it's not uncommon for ESFJs' social circles and relatives to play a bigger
part in their choice of dating partners than even their own values.

...But Learning From Those Mistakes Makes a Better Person


ESFJs are warm, loyal people who want to feel trusted and valued. They are great
with practical matters like money management and administrative tasks, and are
happy to take on such responsibilities in the name of taking care of the people they
care about, a wonderful quality. ESFJs just need to make sure they take the time to
ensure that they build relationships that allow them to satisfy their own needs and
dreams, with partners who appreciate their care and generosity fully, and who
reciprocate as well.
ESFJs are often very organized in how their relationships develop, following
established dating rules and traditions (don't call first, third date, etc.). As their
relationships enter more sexual stages, ESFJs' emphasis on process and tradition
continue with established gender roles and socially acceptable activities.
However, since ESFJs are so centered on the physical world and are quite
emotional, they tend to be very affectionate and sensual, and overall great sexual
partners. People with this personality type love to find ways to make their partners
happy, and this sort of intimacy is a great way to do so. As the two partners become
more comfortable with each other, ESFJs are often open to experimenting and trying
new things, so long as their partners are willing to reciprocate.
ESFJs have specific needs for their relationships, and certain personality types are
best able to meet those needs. In general, partners should share ESFJs' Observant
(S) trait, but it can also be useful to develop a sense of introspection that Introverted
(I) partners can provide, with maybe one more opposing trait to help ESFJs focus on
logical decisions when appropriate, or to be more open-minded in new situations.

ESFJ FRIENDS
ESFJs are very social personality types, seeking large circles of friends and proving
themselves more than willing to spend the time and energy necessary to maintain
these relationships. Loyal and warm, ESFJs are known for standing by their friends
no matter what, and providing a constant source of emotional support and
encouragement.
ESFJ personalities are also sensitive to the traditions of friendship, seeing the
support they offer as much as a responsibility as a pleasure.
Doing everything they can to make sure their friends are happy, and being so
comfortable with introductions and small talk, ESFJs are naturally very popular in
pretty much any environment. This is a dynamic that ESFJs genuinely enjoy, but they
also expect their efforts and support to be reciprocated. There's nothing quite as
hurtful to people with the ESFJ personality type as finding out that a trusted friend is
critical of their beliefs or habits, except maybe being told so in a direct confrontation.
ESFJs have a tendency to believe that their friends can do no wrong, always
stepping up to defend them regardless of circumstances, and they expect the same
benefit of the doubt in return. ESFJs can greatly expand their circle of friends if they
learn to be more receptive to other perspectives, rather than making snap judgments
and conclusions. It's important for ESFJs, as with anyone, to avoid being insulated
from other viewpoints and opinions, to relate to and understand ever more people.
We're All in It Together
On the other hand, ESFJs are great at using their sensitivity to stay in tune with what
motivates and drives their friends. While in their weaker moments, ESFJ
personalities can sometimes use these observations to manipulate others, they are
far more interested in maintaining strong relationships, and this is a great tool for
doing so. Altruists that they are, ESFJs almost always use their powers for good,
encouraging and inspiring others.
By and large, the ESFJ personality type is a pleasant and sincere one. Their energy
and social intelligence win them many acquaintances and friends, and their support
and dedication keep those friendships close and strong. With so much zest for life
and company, dull moments are sure to be few and far between.

ESFJ PARENTS
As parents, ESFJs have an excellent opportunity to display their warmth, affection
and dedication in ways that have a real and positive impact. Sensitive yet firm, ESFJ
parents are able to establish rules and authority without being entirely overbearing,
using their compassion and support to smooth over the occasional
miscommunication or difference of opinion.
Having children is often the culmination of ESFJs' life goals, and they cherish every
moment of it.
From the start, ESFJs try to ensure that their children feel safe and happy. People
with the ESFJ personality type enjoy the support they are able to give their infants,
who are utterly dependent on their care. Family being as important as it is to ESFJs,
this is an incredibly rewarding start to the relationship.
Handling Adversity Fosters Growth
As their children grow and begin to explore more, ESFJs' love and care grows with
them, but often becomes overprotective. ESFJs may not just keep their children safe
physically, but also socially, by arranging play dates, camps and other activities so
much that their children aren't free to make the blunders that lead to emotional
growth and social independence.
ESFJs value harmony and stability highly, and it's often the case that they try to use
indirect pressure to try to teach life's lessons. When they are forced into a
confrontation by their children's blatant wrong-doing though, ESFJ parents step in
firmly, and expect their words to be respected. Believers in traditional roles, ESFJ
parents view the parent-child relationship in black and white terms, with their
authority as final.
Character Is a Journey, Not a Destination
As their children grow into adolescence and begin to push away from their parents,
ESFJs can take this transition personally. Feeling like they are losing their children,
ESFJ personalities sometimes try to prolong their dependence as long as possible.
It's important to remember that when grown children leave the home, it's because
their parents were successful in preparing them for the next phase of their lives, an
accomplishment ESFJs can be proud of.
ESFJs' children will always appreciate the sensitivity and warmth that they were
raised with, and as time goes on and they have their own children, they will cherish
the fact that those children have the benefit of grandparents who love and care for
them unconditionally.

ESFJ CAREERS
Because ESFJs' traits are so strongly expressed, leading with practical sense and
social vigor, the careers they find most satisfying usually revolve around making the
best use of these qualities. ESFJs are well-organized, enjoying bringing order and
structure to their workplaces, and often work best in environments with clear,
predictable hierarchies and tasks. Monotony and routine work are not a challenge for
the ESFJ personality type, as they are happy to do what needs to be done.
Cooperation, not Conflict
Careers as administrators are a natural fit, allowing ESFJs to organize not just an
environment, but the people in it. Their practical skills combine well with their
dependability, making ESFJ personalities surprisingly good accountants though
they often prefer to be personal accountants, helping people and interacting with
them directly, instead of corporate accountants crunching numbers in some back
room.
Purely analytical careers are often too dull for ESFJs though they need human
interaction and emotional feedback to be truly satisfied in their line of work. Good
listeners and enthusiastic team members, people with the ESFJ personality type are
excellent providers of medical care and social work. Teaching is another great
option, as ESFJs are comfortable with authority, but are supportive and friendly
enough to keep that authority from feeling overbearing.
ESFJs' best careers all have the additional benefit of providing them with perhaps
their most important requirement: to feel appreciated and know they've helped
someone.
Being as altruistic as they are, ESFJs find it hard to be satisfied unless they know
they've done something valuable for another person. This is often the driving force
behind ESFJs' careers and career advancement, and makes religious work and
counseling particularly rewarding.
Whatever they choose to do, ESFJ personalities' comfort with busy social situations
and practical knowledge and skills come together to create people who are not just
able to be productive and helpful, but people who genuinely enjoy it.

ESFJ IN THE WORKPLACE


When it comes to the workplace, ESFJs have clear tendencies that show through
regardless of their position. People with the ESFJ personality type thrive on social
order and harmony, and use their warmth and social intelligence to make sure that
each person knows their responsibilities and is able to get done what needs to get
done. ESFJs are comfortable, even dependent on clear hierarchies and roles, and
whether subordinates, colleagues or managers, ESFJ personalities expect authority
to be respected and backed up by rules and standards.
ESFJ Subordinates
With clearly defined responsibilities and a sense of purpose, ESFJs are patient,
efficient, hard-working people who respect the authority of their managers. While
ESFJs may struggle with too much freedom and improvisation, they thrive in
workplaces with structure, safety and guidelines. Routine tasks are not a problem for
ESFJs, and their dedication and loyalty earn them the respect of their managers.
ESFJ Colleagues
Teamwork is a concept that ESFJs have no trouble putting into practice. Often
seeking friends at work, people with this personality type are almost always willing to
lend a hand when and where its needed. Excellent networkers, ESFJs always seem
to know just the guy to bring a project together on time. On the other hand, ESFJs
often need to work on a team being stuck alone chipping away at paperwork for
days on end just leaves them tired and unfulfilled.
ESFJs take pride in these qualities, which has the side effect of making them
particularly sensitive when they come under criticism. When their suggestions and
help are turned down, ESFJ personalities can take it personally. Already somewhat
vulnerable to stress, rejections like these can be pretty demoralizing, and ESFJs
may need their coworkers to make an effort to express their appreciation from time
to time.
ESFJ Managers
ESFJs enjoy the responsibility that comes with organizing social situations, and the
enjoyment they feel in managing other people translates well into management
positions. As team leaders, ESFJs find ways to make everyone feel involved, uniting
people and smoothing relations in order to get things done.
At the same time, ESFJs have a strong respect for traditional power structures, and
if after all their efforts convincing their subordinates to work together someone ends
up challenging their authority, they can stress out, lose their temper, and just
generally react badly. People with the ESFJ personality type are sensitive about their
status and dislike conflict, and prefer situations where everyone knows their role. So

long as expectations are clearly outlined, ESFJs are effective and enjoyable
managers.

ESFJ PERSONALITY CONCLUSION


Few personality types are as practical and caring as ESFJs. Known for their social
and administrative skills, ESFJs are good at creating and maintaining a secure,
stable and friendly environment for themselves and their loved ones. ESFJs'
dedication is invaluable in many areas, including their own personal growth.
Yet ESFJs can be easily tripped up in areas where their kindness and practical
approach are more of a liability than an asset. Whether it is finding (or keeping) a
partner, learning to relax or improvise, reaching dazzling heights on the career
ladder, or managing their workload, ESFJs need to put in a conscious effort to
develop their weaker traits and additional skills.
What you have read so far is just an introduction into the complex concept that is the
ESFJ personality type. You may have muttered to yourself, "wow, this is so accurate
it's a little creepy" or "finally, someone understands me!" You may have even asked
"how do they know more about me than the people I'm closest to?"
This is not a trick. You felt understood because you were. We've studied how ESFJs
think and what they need to reach their full potential. And no, we did not spy on you
many of the challenges you've faced and will face in the future have been overcome
by other ESFJs. You simply need to learn how they succeeded.
But in order to do that, you need to have a plan, a personal roadmap. The best car in
the world will not take you to the right place if you do not know where you want to go.
We have told you how ESFJs tend to behave in certain circumstances and what their
key strengths and weaknesses are. Now we need to go much deeper into your
personality type and answer "why?", "how?" and "what if?"
This knowledge is only the beginning of a lifelong journey. Are you ready to learn
why ESFJs act in the way they do? What motivates and inspires you? What you are
afraid of and what you secretly dream about? How you can unlock your true,
exceptional potential?
Our premium profiles provide a roadmap towards a happier, more successful, and
more versatile YOU! They are not for everyone though you need to be willing and
able to challenge yourself, to go beyond the obvious, to imagine and follow your own
path instead of just going with the flow. If you want to take the reins into your own
hands, we are here to help you.

PREMIUM PROFILES
Have You Ever Wondered Why...

...you feel energetic in social situations, but being alone frustrates you?

...your kindness often leads to many people being too dependent on you?

...you find it natural to manage other people?

...you find it difficult to refuse to help, even when you know you are already
very busy?

...you sometimes feel worried and pessimistic, despite doing an excellent job?

...you have a keen eye for detail, but complicated concepts and theories
frustrate you?

...you often get hurt and then blame yourself for being too kind?

...you find it difficult to relax because your mind is constantly making plans
and checklists?

...you are not quite sure how to reach your full potential in a world that does
not always value your hard work and dedication?

...you often try to achieve unrealistic goals and then feel bad when you fail?

...you tend to be self-conscious and anxious in some situations?

...you seem to have an unsettling dark side that only comes out in rare
circumstances?