99 ways to speak the name “Anton”

Matthew Lee Knowles
March 2010

Dedicated to Anton Lukoszevieze

With a shaking leg.

In between two murderous passions.

Under scaffolding.

Whilst drinking a bottle of red wine.

Looking at the moon.

Whilst digressing about melancholia.

Whilst putting on or pulling off a plaster.

Whilst looking at a pyramid.

Whilst solving a simultaneous equation.

Whilst having a hair cut.

Whilst recovering.

Whilst severing a babies limb.

Whilst wallowing in black depression.

Whilst reading Tintin.

Whilst attempting to be inebriated.

Whilst not understanding science and its beauty.

Whilst walking to the kitchen.

Whilst staring at a seat.

Whilst feeling too heavy.

Whilst trying to make sense in the dark.

Whilst staring at the bottom of a bottle.

Whilst dragging a bag along a blue floor.

Whilst talking to a doctor.

Whilst unsuccessfully opening a packet.

Whilst nervously pinching the skin between your thumb and first finger.

Whilst calculating.

Under a bridge.

On a train leaning against a cold window.

Whilst contemplating our planet as just one of millions and billions and trillions of others.

Whilst wasting water.

Whilst clenching a fist so hard that the circulation of blood is hindered.

Whilst observing the obsessive compulsiveness of another person. Whilst making too much noise.

Whilst holding a furled umbrella in the rain.

Whilst not being able to wake up.

With a closed mouth.

Whilst breaking eggs across a painting.

Whilst eating the moon.

Whilst remembering what the key is for.

The day after.

Whilst walking slowly in a shop.

Whilst noticing a pink coloured wall.

Whilst falling from the sky.

Whilst being told not to do something.

Whilst eating a sandwich with a spoon.

At a bus stop, every time a cyclist passes.

Whilst pretending to yawn.

Whilst painting a wall with red wine.

Whilst waving to someone who was not there.

Whilst looking at fat girls.

Whilst filling a bag with other bags.

Whilst writing your address on the sole of your shoe.

After whipping yourself with a flag and/or pole.

Whilst studying the orange light offer.

Before walking through a hall of mirrors.

Seated, in between two black women.

Whilst meeting someone for the first or last time.

Whilst watching a candle burn from top to bottom.

After biting your lip and sucking in the blood.

Whilst thinking about what has to be done next.

After not drinking any liquid for five hours.

Before dreaming of yourself dreaming about dancing.

With your entrails separating through a swimming pool.

Whilst staring at a pattern of horizontal and diagonal lines.

After bending over so that your head is close to your feet.

Whilst in the corner, staring at the toilet.

After a bad haircut.

Whilst watching six black teenagers in hoods or caps.

With eyes closed and the taste of cyanide.

After walking seven miles to kiss a moth.

After pretending to count to 166,875,000,000.

Whilst plucking single hairs from your head.

Whilst travelling back to Sparta, 400 BC, to become a slave.

After drinking twenty-five cans of fizzy drink.

Before inventing a new facial expression for a dog.

After stopping thinking about it.

Whilst stopping a baker, to silently admire his shoes.

After filling a toaster with batteries.

In front of a pile of cucumbers.

Whilst resisting decomposition in a plastic container.

Whilst listening to other people’s music.

After confronting teenagers playing music out loud on a bus.

Whilst looking down on a street of cars.

With the intention of introducing yourself to bagpipes.

Before standing in quicksand and waiting for God.

Whilst building a whale prophylactic.

After detaching all the doors in your house to build either Stonehenge or Stonehinge.

After considering that there are more molecules in a glass of water than there are glasses of water in the sea.

Somewhere in the middle of saying ’Sputnik’ 1957 times.

Whilst balancing a vial of poison on your tongue.

After taking the matter to the table.

When an ostrich instructs you to.

Whilst enjoying a vision of yourself with leopard skin.

After researching the field of scatology.

Before or after vomiting yourself horse.

With the patience and fortitude of a pair of lions.

After writing down every word you know.

Whilst putting on a white headscarf.

After crying in a hospital.

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