Here are random spoilers for STAR WARS Episode VII which I saw today.

Just becau
se I want to ruin your fun:
The first line of the opening crawl is "Luke Skywalker has disappeared."
The first sentence in the movie is "This will begin to make things right", said
by Max von Sydow. Poe Dameron came to him to get the map to Luke Skywalker for T
he Resistance.
Max von Sydow's role is just a cameo, he has about 10 sentences before Kylo Ren
kills him.
The Empire is now The First Order, The Rebels are now The Resistance, more extre
me fraction of the New Republic, who are supposedly pussies. We only see the New
Republic planet for a few seconds before it's destroyed by the Starkiller base.
Almost no one in the movie believes that Jedis and Luke Skywalker ever existed.
Kylo Ren captures Poe and uses the Force to stop laser blast so that it remains
floating in the air, frozen in place.
Finn helps captured Poe to escape from the Star Destroyer only because he cannot
pilot TIE fighter himself. Poe is an expert pilot, Finn can shoot lasers. They
become friends.
Finn's "real name" is FN and four numbers. Poe starts to call him "Finn" because
it's easier to pronounce. FN likes it.
After 20 minutes, we are supposed to think that Poe Dameron was killed in the TI
E crash on Jakku. He reappers near the end (he ejected before the crash) to lead
the attack on Starkiller base. He is not in the film very much. Finn wears Poe'
s jacket during most of the movie.
Rey meets Finn, they steal the Millennium Falcon from the junkyard and fly away.
Han and Chewie catch them soon, followed by two groups of racially-stereotyped
space gangsters.
Chewbacca is wounded by space gangsters soon after he appears and spends most of
the remaining time doing nothing. Rey takes his place as Falcon's pilot, provin
g herself to Han.
Kylo Ren is Han and Leia's son. He is "Master of The Knights of Ren" but it's no
t explained what it means.
Kylo Ren's real name is Ben. He was trained by Luke but then turned to the Dark
Side which was the reason for Luke blaming himself and disappearing.
The Starkiller base charges by draining suns and then destroys whole solar syste
ms. The shot in trailer with Kylo Ren and red flare is the Starkiller base firin
g. Guess what, the Starkiller base can be destroyed by flying in her trench and
shooting the "oscillator" or whatever.
Han meets Kylo at the Starkiller base/planet and tries to persuade him to return
with him. "I am torn apart, father. But I know what I must do. Can you help me?
" - "Of course, my son." They almost embrace. Kylo pierces Han with lightsaber.
"Thank you, father." Dead Han falls into the shaft on the Starkiller base. Yes,
he is dead. Most definitely.
Leader Snoke is the bald CGI bad guy with large scar across his face. He has sna
ke-like movements but his body is never clearly seen. His motivation or origin i

s never explained. He gives orders to Kylo Ren and General Hux (who hate each ot
her). Most of the characters don't know about Snoke's existence.
General Hux has screaming monologue in front of thousands of Stormtroopers: "We
stand upon this mighty weapon you've built. Everyone will bow to The First Order
. Today will be remembered as the last day of The Republic!" Afterwards, all Sto
rmtroopers raise their fists. Very nice Der Fuhrer moment.
Fan service: Holochess. The levitating training ball from Episode 4. Admiral Ack
bar. Rey living in the AT-AT wreckage. "1138" mentioned. Garbage chute and trash
compactor mentioned. Kesel Run mentioned.
Simon Pegg plays an alien called Ankar Plutt who took care of Rey when she was v
ery little and her parents disappeared. Now he runs a junkyard on Jakku and buys
scrap from Rey. His face and voice is not recognizable.
Apart from Han and Chewie, all the "original characters" (Leia, R2D2, C3PO) only
appear after two thirds of the movie, when The Resistance lands on Maz Kanata's
planet.
Maz Kanata (small CGI gypsy) is the new Yoda and explains everything cryptically
. Nobody understands her.
Han and Leia see each other for the first time after many, many years and have a
touching conversation about their son: "You can still save him." / "How can I s
ave him when Luke couldn't?" / "Luke was a Jedi, your are his father."
Kylo Ren and Rey have duel of wills. Rey wins, telling Kylo: "I sense your fear.
You are afraid that you will never be as strong as Darth Vader."
Kylo Ren talks to Vader's helmet: "Show me the darkness. I will finish what you
started, grandfather."
R2D2 spends the whole movie powered down and doesn't do anything until 5 minutes
at the very end when it's discovered that crucial part of the Skywalker map is
in his memory, probably but there by Luke long time ago. (It's not very clear bu
t Luke appears with R2D2 in a flashback.)
Rey has a weird dream/flashback after she finds Luke's lightsaber in Maz Kanata'
s castle and touches it. The dream contains lots of quick imagery and short voic
eovers by Yoda and Obi-Wan. Several famous shots in trailers (Kylo and his posse
, Luke's mechanical arm on R2D2) are from this dream montage and are never expla
ined in the movie.
Finn's origin (his skin color, who are his parents, why he hates the First Order
) is never explained.
C3PO's red hand is never explained. In fact, there are many things that are neve
r explained in this movie...
Both Finn and Rey have lightsaber duel with Kylo in the forest on the Starkiller
planet/base. Finn is badly wounded and spends rest of the movie in a coma. Rey
finally falls in love with him. (He loved her from the first sight.)
Starkiller base/planet is succesfully destroyed by The Resistance. We don't know
what happens with Kylo Ren (who was there) but he probably survived. Snoke send
s the message to Hux to "Bring Kylo Ren to me complete his training."
The last sentence of the movie is "May the Force be with you", said by Leia to R
ey.

After the last sentence, there is an extended sequence without dialogue: Rey lea
ves the Resistance base in the Millennium Falcon with Chewbacca. They find remot
e planet where Luke is hiding (because they now have the map), Rey goes to the "
first Jedi Temple" (which looks like ruins of some Scottish castle on a rocky is
land). Luke is there, dressed in old Obi-Wan style hood. Rey returns his sword t
o him. Apart from this sequence, Luke only appears for three seconds in Rey's pr
evious flashback. Luke speaks no words in the whole movie and is onscreen maybe
for 30 seconds total. He never meets anyone else than Rey.
------------ But it's not a bad movie. I am Darth Villar.