Romance/Dating Info

Information for those who; have trouble finding a date, are having trouble with their relationship, are just confused. Love is not a game...

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The meaning and definition of "love" Excerpts from Dr. Ray Short's book answering many common questions Dr. Ray Short's 14 clues to distringush real love from infatuation Sexual Chemistry - Science takes a new look at the ancient game of love 10 questions to ask yourself to help you help you figure out if it's real love or infatuation Chapters 1-4 from "The Complete Guide to Meeting Women" 4 main factors that determine compatibility Past relationships can make your new ones better Make girl friends to attract girlfriend Being single is better than being with wrong person Dining etiquite & tips for men Green Bay fine dining restraunt guide Troubleshooting common problems in relationships What to do if your girlfriend dumps you Common situations w/ practical answers How to Tell if a Single Woman is Interested in You Dating Tips For The Timid Tips/advice for shy people/nice guys Loads of ideas for fun dates in Spring, Fall, Summer or Winter

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Adolescent Adulthood - Learn All About Flirting, Dating, & Dumping Teen Advice Online - Questions by teens, answered by counselors Excerpts from: Dating for Dummies By: Dr. Joy Browne

"If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it is yours. If not, it was never meant to be." "Better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved.." "If love isn't taught in the home, it's difficult to learn anywhere else.." "Your mind can't change your heart, and you heart can't change your mind, because your heart is full of love, and love is stronger than you think" "There are many things in life that will catch your eye, but only a few will catch your heart... persue those." "People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." "It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an hour to like someone, and a day to love someone-but it takes a lifetime to forget someone that you have loved"

The meaning and definition of "love" love (lîv) n. 1. A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness. 2. A feeling of intense desire and attraction toward a person with whom one is disposed to make a pair; the emotion of sex and romance. 3.a. Sexual passion. b. Sexual intercourse. c. A love affair. 4. An intense emotional attachment, as for a pet or treasured object. 5. A person who is the object of deep or intense affection or attraction; beloved. Often used as a term of endearment. 6. An expression of one's affection. 7.a. A strong predilection or enthusiasm. b. The object of such an enthusiasm. -love v. loved, loving, loves. -tr. 1. To have a deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward (a person). 2. To have a feeling of intense desire and attraction toward (a person). 3. To have an intense emotional attachment to. 4.a. To embrace or caress. b. To have sexual intercourse with. 5. To like or desire enthusiastically. 6. Theology. To have charity for. 7. To thrive on; need. -intr. To experience deep affection or intense desire for another. The meaning of love is still being much confused. It may be even worse that it used to be. Although most Americans want a marriage based on love, society has failed to help us detect real love. That failure has contributed to our high rates of divorce and loss in faith in marriage. Yet each time you get those stars in your eyes, you will need to decide it it's real love. Unless you can do that, and do it better than most people have in the past, you too will be stuck with those frightful one - in - three odds. The problem stems back beyond the media's false portrail of love, all the way back to the Greek language translations. The problem is that a number of Greek words, each of which had its own unique shades of meaning, were at times translated into the English language simply as "love." Let's take a brief look at each of the five Greeks words for "love": 1. Sensual love. This is sexual desire. Greeks called it epithymia. 2. Yearning for unity. For the Greeks this meant a drive to unite with something attractive. They called it eros. Our English word erotic means passion and sex, but for the Greeks, eros had a much broader meaning. It could even be used to describe love for God. C.S. Lewis uses the word to mean "falling in love." 3. Brotherly love. This kind of love shared by good friends and companions. It is a close feeling that develops when two persons have many things in common. The Greek word for this is phillia. 4. Family affection. This is the kind of love shared by parents and children. The Greeks called this storge. 5. Self-giving love. Greek Christians invented this concept and called it agape. They associated this type of love with Jesus. It is the selfgiving devotion to others regardless of their merits. There are some people you don't think are very loveable, but you can love them anyway, simply because they are human beings. Clearly, each one of these five words used by the Greeks has its own distinct meaning. Each is quite different from all the rest. When all these meanings get loaded into just one word, the result is hopeless confusion. No wonder we have a hard time deciding when we've found true love. Real Love Includes All Five A good marriage will likely need to have every one of these five types of love - and have them in healthy helpings. 1. A strong sex interest. Hornell Hart used to tell his classes at Duke that three things had to be true for the human race to survive. We had to (a) get our breakfast, (b) avoid being someone else's breakfast, and (c) have at last a passing interest in sex. Well, for most of us, interest in sex is a trifle more than passing. Couples normally do have strong erotic feelings for each other. A good marriage includes mutual joy and satisfaction in sex. 2. Respect and admiration. Couples need to have strong mutual attraction and hold each other in high regard. 3. Friendship and fellowship. Couples also need to be true comrades. They need to have many things in common - the more the better.. They must like each other a lot, and be the best of friends. 4. Affection. And, of course, there must be tender feelings. Each partner should provide the other with a haven of refuge from harsh attacks in the outside world. We all need sympathy and empathy to soothe our hurts. We need to be understood. Love can mean a shoulder to cry one when our burdens are too heavy to bear alone. 5. Self-giving devotion. Finally, a good marriage has to have to good deal of agape love. All of us have some unloveable traits. A spouse must at times love not because of, but in spite of, the other person's faults. You will have to love your mate even during those times when you feel he or she does not deserve it. Like you, your spouse may sometimes not be very loveable. Your mate may at times be cranky, or lose their temper, or be depressed, or not want to talk to you. That will take some agape love on your part.

How Old Is Old Enough? q What's a good age to start dating? q How old should a person be to go steady with someone? q What about age differences in dating? q Why are guys so immature? q Why is it though that the guy should be older than the girl? q What's the best age to marry? q What is a good age for a person to start having sex?

Dating Not for Mating q How can I attract someone of the opposite sex? How can I get someone to like me? q How can I know if he (or she) really likes me? q What is a good thing to say to a girl when you first meet her? q If you think you like someone but aren't sure they like you in return, should you risk asking them out? q There is this guy that I really like. Be he only seems to care about me when he is not around or near his friends. Why is this and what can be done about it? q Is it OK to be friends first, and then go out with someone? q Is it right to date others before marriage, even if the people dating don't intend to marry? q When you like a girl a lot, and you find out she does not like you, should you try to make her like you or go on with your life? q Is it old-fashioned if you don't want to kiss on a first date? q I spend quite a lot of bucks on girls when I take them out. I have a nice car and we go to eat, or to a movie, or to bowl or whatever. I sometimes think girls go out with me just for the things I buy for them. Could that be true? q When a boy comes over, what do you do besides make out and watch TV? q Do guys like it when a girl openly flirts with them? q Is it all right for a girl to ask a guy to go out? q What is the best way to handle money when on a date? q Is everyone capable of loving? q What about the saying, "opposites attract"? q Why do guys use girls for sex objects? q Why do guy always pressure you to have sex? q How do you stop a guy from going too far? q What does a guy think of a girl when she lets him do almost anything he wants to because it doesn't bother her? q Why do guys think that they can just take advantage of a girl and think that it doesn't hurt her? I want every guy to think that over.

"Just You and Me, Sweetheart" q You have said that each of us averages about nine or ten romantic experiences in our lifetime. How many of these are false love? q Why do girls fall in love more than guys? q How can you assure your boyfriend that you love him and do not want anyone else? q How do I get over the jealousy I feel when my girlfriend is with other people? q What if your best friend doesn't like your girlfriend? He feels like you are not spending enough time with him. q If a guy says he loves you, dumps you, but comes back feeling he made a mistake, asks for you back, do you feel it is probably love? q We keep breaking up, and he keeps coming back to me. He has more infatuation for me than love. I have more love than infatuation. Will our relationship work? q Is it all right to go out with your brother's best friend? q Is it wrong to have feelings for both your boyfriend and his brother? q If, after going out for a year , your boyfriend cheats on you with a younger girl but you will love him, is it love or infatuation? q Is there an easy way to tell the person you're going with to get lost? q What is a good way to let a friend know that sex should not be necessary for a lasting relationship? q What is the best way to talk to your boy/girl friend about where to draw the line? q How long should you go together before you get married? q What does it mean to "flunk the test of time"? q Are long engagements a good thing? q Do you think that a long courtship can get you in trouble sexually? q What about the couple who say: "We're engaged and the wedding is only a couple months from now. Why should we wait any longer for sex?"

How Can I Know When It's Love? q Why do scientists such as yourself make love out to be so complex when in fact it should be one of the simplest things in life - a natural human instinct? q Should you rely more on logic or feeling when making a choice? q I am very confused. One day I am just sure that my girlfriend is the one for me. The next day I have doubts. How can I sort it all out and come up with the right answer? My folks got a divorce and I sure don't want to go through that mess again. q What is puppy love? Is a crush a kind of infatuation? q Since I met this boy I just haven't been the same. I daydream about him all the time. I can't study or do my work. I've even lost my appetite. My mom says I'm in love. Is she right? q How can I know when I've found the right person to marry? q Do you think that people must always have something in common with each other to make a good relationship? q Is there such thing as love at first sight? q My guy and I get along just fine, but our parents don't approve of our relationship. Does that really matter? q What are the odds of our breaking up when my boyfriend goes away to college? q Can one person be in love and the other only infatuated? q Can infatuation turn into love? q Is it possible to be in love more than once? q Can one just be in love with love? q Is is possible to be in love with more than one person at the same time? q How do you get over an infatuation? And how do you get over a lost love? q Can you fall out of true love?

What's a good age to start dating? As a rule, I doubt if it's wise for a girl to date one-to-one before age 16, or a boy before 17. Before that, young folks of similar ages can have loads of fun going for cokes or pizza in mixed groups. Many won't even want to pair off at this stage, and that's probably all to the good. No need to rush into dating. Enjoy being young. Wait to date. For one thing, studies show that the younger you start to date, the more likely you are to get serious and go steady. Those who go steady younger are in turn the more likely to get involved more deeply in sex. They are also more likely to marry young. They may even have to get married. Half of all teenage women who stand at the altar for marriage are already pregnant. And forced marriages, as well as young marriages, are far more likely to fail. How old should a person be to go steady with someone? For the above and other reasons it is probably not a good idea to go steady in high school at all. Ask yourself: "Would I choose the same mate at age 25 that I would at age 17?" For most of us the answer would be a hefty no! For instance, in high school I felt sure I was in love. It never occurred to me that we would not get married. But thank heavens we did not. It would of been an absolute disaster. I doubt it would of lasted more than six months at most. For one thing, if you home in on only one person too soon, how can you be sure you've made the best choice? As your relationship grows you may well wonder: "Is this really for me?" A good question. And how can you be sure if you haven't dated a good many others? You probably can't. No, high school age is a time to go with a number of others. This helps you sort out the things you like and don't like in persons of the other sex. You lean from experience. You learn what to look for and what to avoid. It's the wise way to go. You may face two problems here. In some schools kids have the silly idea that if a couple goes out together more than once they are going steady. He's her guy, and she's his girl. So nobody else is supposed to intrude. That is sheer nonsense. If your school has any such stupid system, get a bunch of kids together and put a stop to it. You can do it if you stick together and hold the line. Another silly, even dangerous idea around some schools should be stopped dead in its tracks by the girls. Some people seem to think that if a girl dates around, going with first one and then another boy, that she must be "loose" or "on the prowl." What hogwash. She is just being smart. The exact opposite is in fact true. The person who dates a variety of persons for only a few times each is far less likely to get into deep water with sex than the couple that goes steady. The longer the couple dates, the farther they're likely to go in sex. So just because the girl has the good sense to seek variety in her dating does not mean she is "hot for sex." Girls should band together and stop such foolish nonsense. What about age differences in dating? That depends on what age you are, and which way the difference is. A high school senior girl who dates freshman boys will be in for a lot of flack and teasing. She will probably get ribbed for "robbing the cradle" or worse. Yet people think nothing or a senior boy dating freshman girls, even though the age spread is the same. That's because girls mature faster by about two years in almost every way. That led one young woman to ask... Why are guys so immature? A lot of girls wonder about that. A girl is usually ahead of most boys her own age. He may lag behind her in school performance. She may have developed more social skills. She reaches puberty first. She may be interested in boys before he cares one whit about girls. In truth, both are quite normal for their age. Young men like to think they catch up to the girls later. Still, the mid-teen or younger girl who dates a boy more than one or two years older may be in for some problems. Older, more experienced boys may press her to go farther in sex than she otherwise would or should. Since she feels flattered that an older boy is interested "in little old me," she may be tempted to "give in" on order to hold his interest. Scientists call this the "principle of the least interest." That is, the person who is less interested in having the relationship go in is in the position to call the shots. The more serious of the two will give in rather than risk a breakup. That could spell bad news. It is even more of danger if the boy is five or ten years older than the girl. In the teens its much better to stick with kids roughly your own age. That's why most parents will object if there is much of an age gap. However, it's less of a problem once both the man and the women are fully mature (Usually that means at the age 20 or more.) Why? Because scientists have found that even marriages with large age gaps of five, ten, or more years are just as likely to succeed as marriages in general. The key seems to be maturity. Both need to be old enough and "grown-up" enough to know just what they're doing and be willing to cope. Why is it though that the guy should be older than the girl? The average age for women to marry in the United States now is just about 24 years. Males marry between 26 and 27. These ages are the highest since this century began. They represent an increase of three years for both men and women since the year 1975. A number of reasons explain this age difference. One is tradition. Years ago, when a wife's role was confined to the home, it made sense. A girl could learn at a very young age how to cook and keep house and change a baby. Therefore she was able to fill her role as a wife early on. The young man, on the other hand, had to take time to learn a trade or a skill so he could support a wife and children. That would likely take quite a few years. It was only natural that a woman would be more apt to marry a man somewhat older than she. To some extent, this is still true. In spite of gains made in women's rights, husbands are still more likely to be the main money-maker. Since it is more and more difficult to make a living without at least a high school, if not a college degree, that pushes back the time young men plan to marry. And there are other factors. Girls tend to develop about two years ahead of boys in almost every way. That means that a girl's mind, body, spirit, emotions, and social life mature sooner. In the early years men lag behind. That is why many young women feel more at ease with young men a bit older than themselves. Their ages may be different, but they may be more equal in maturity. Also, more people are now living-in before marriage. That tends to postpone the age they wed. What's the best age to marry? If you want to play the odds, the longer you wait, the better. Marriages in the late 20s fail less often than those in the mid-20s. The mid-20s are better than the early 20s. And any time in the 20s is better then the teens. However, the rate of failure is not the only thing to think about. The safest age for a woman to have babies, for instance, is in her 20s. As a rule, each year before 20 - and especially under age 18 - or after 30 that she gets pregnant, the more problems she will have. There will be more danger to her own health and more risk for her child. She will face more risks of losing the baby and more hardships both carrying and giving birth to her child. Her baby will be more likely to be born dead or deformed. Other factors need to be weighed. When parents are too old, the "generation gap" in age between them and their children is greater. After age 30, the chances that one will marry in the next calendar year will grow less and less. Many of the best mate choices are already wed. All in all, a good balance may be best. A good bet seems to be that males might want to marry in their mid- or late 20s, females in their early to mid-20s. By then both should be able to assume all of the duties and privileges of marriage. What is a good age for a person to start having sex? The age when one can have sex and when one has the right to have it are two quite different things. Even a small preschool child is able to have sex. Boys are able to have an erection at a very early age-long before they are able to have a male discharge (ejaculation). I know of one sad case where a male in his teens had intercourse with a girl of five. In another case two four-year-old children has sex as a form of play. (That is, they did until they got caught. Then their folks stopped letting them play together at all.) Just because we can have sex at such a tender age does not mean we have a right to do it. The main question is not one of age, but of situation. Some girls area able to have a baby at age 11. One case is reported of a girl in South America getting pregnant at age four. But does that mean that these children should have sex and have a baby just because they can? Boys in turn can get a girl pregnant at age 12 - and maybe at 11 or even 10. Does not mean that they are capable of being a good father and husband at that tender age? Let's pause to mention some of the dire risks involved in getting into sex at an early age. The younger the girl is when she starts having sex, the earlier she will get pregnant and have a baby. And the earlier she will marry. And the more likely that her first sexual encounter was not her choice. She was forced. Girls who had sex before age 14 are especially at risk. At what age then, does one have a right to have sex? Not until he or she is able to take full responsibility for the results of that sex. In our society, that means not until you are married. No couple has the right to have sex until they are old enough and grown-up enough to support themselves and care for any children they might have. What does this mean? Well, as of now there is absolutely no 100 percent way to avoid the risk of getting pregnant or getting AIDS or other STDs. That means unless you are willing to become a parent RIGHT NOW! THIS VERY MINUTE!, you have no right to enjoy the pleasures of having sex. In fact, that means that it is not at all smart to engage in sex until you are married.

How can I attract someone of the opposite sex? How can I get someone to like me? That may not be easy. If you happen to be one whose face and figure are very, very attractive, it's not so rough. But most of us wouldn't win any beauty contests. It's too bad that some people put so much stock in the outward looks of others, but they do. Perhaps the prayer of Reinhold Niebuhr may be a good thing to keep in mind here: God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference. Most of us can't do much about the face or figure we have been given. We can't so much about the size of our body-short of plastic surgery- the shape of our nose or face. We can't help it if we have an overbite or flat bosoms. We just have to accept what we cannot change. But there are many things we can change. We can go on a diet if we are too fat. We can change our disposition and our attitudes. We can get into the habit of being "smiley" instead of grumpy. We can try always to be pleasant and friendly. We can give others sincere compliments and encouragement rather than criticisms and put-downs. No one likes to be around a grump or gripe, or a snob or a snitch. We like people who are pleasant and happy and nice, who have a sense of humor and who respect and like other people as well as themselves. These are things we can change. So instead of going around moping and moaning about what we cannot change, why not home in on the things we can? Let a smile be your trademark. Not a false, silly grin-everyone will soon get on to that-but an honest, open caring, friendly smile. A genuine, pleasant smile when you meet another says to that person: "I want to be friends. How about you?" Be on the lookout for things you can like and admire about others. Watch for ways you can pay them a sincere compliment. All of us like to be appreciated-and we like the people who do the appreciating. In brief, what I'm saying is simply this: if you want to attract persons of the opposite sex, then try to become the kind of person that others-male or female-like to be around. We all like persons we can trust, so always be honest. We all like persons we can talk to, so learn to listen and try to understand others. There's an old saying that goes, "pretty is as pretty does." A girl can be pretty to look at, but still be a spoiled brat. But pretty (or handsome) or not, we can all become beautiful people. Isn't that the more important thing? How can I know if he (or she) really likes me? That depends a lot on what age the person is. At about junior high age or younger, we tent to treat the girl (or boy) we like in very strange ways. A boy may throw snowballs at the girl he likes best. He may pull her hair or "show off" around her by chinning himself on the monkey bars. Or he may race around faster than anyone else-when he thinks she's watching. He may tease her a lot. A girl may pretend she's just chatting with girl friends. But she may exaggerate her facial expressions or her hand gestures-all the while casting shy, sly glances at a boy to see if he's noticed her. Yet she may act like he's not alive when she meets him alone on the street. That's because she may not know quite how to act. She may be too shy and embarrassed even to be pleasant and friendly. Neither a boy nor a girl at this age wants to appear too obvious or to let on that they like the other person. They play-act a lot. They try to give hints that they are interested without really saying so. By high school age, young men and women are feeling more secure and self-assured. They gradually become less afraid to let the other person know how they feel. They are more likely to admit openly-to themselves and to others-that they think the other is pretty nice. They may stop and chat in the hall between classes. A boy may walk a girl home from school. They may "happen" to meet at the lunch table or water fountain-not really by chance, of course. They may flirt a lot. But they may still play games. If a boy is shy or bashful, a girl may catch him looking her way when he thinks she isn't looking. He may stare at her a lot in study hall or in class. Then he will pretend not to notice her or mumble a greeting if they meet on the street. As young people get older and more mature, they are less likely to play such games with each other. They feel more free to show openly that they like the other person. If they'd like to know someone better or go out, they will probably come right out and admit it. A boy will ask a girl out, or she will find ways to let him know that she would be pleased if he showed her more attention. As friendship grows, they may be able to tell each other just how they feel. Frankly, I'm a great believer in being honest and open in dating and courtship relationships. Mature young people don't need to play cat-and-mouse games. If you like someone, why keep that a secret? And by the same token, if you don't care for someone who keeps showing interest in you, why put off telling the truth? If a girl doesn't like a certain guy, she shouldn't keep him in the dark. Be frank and honest, but be kind. Don't sat to your sister or roommate, "If Bill calls, tell him I'm not home!" or "Gosh! There is Suzie down the hall. Let's go this way so she won't see me!" What is a good thing to say to a girl when you first meet her? Talk about something you share in common. If you have a class in school together, talk about the tough test you just had. Or you might be a little sneaky and ask about the next assignment - even though you know what it is already. If you are in the same church youth group, talk about that. Anything to break the ice. Just be yourself and see how it goes. If you think you like someone but aren't sure they like you in return, should you risk asking them out? Why not? The worst thing that can happen is for them to say no. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. A girl may be wise to be a bit cautious in asking for that first date. Be sure he's "liberated" and won't be turned off. Otherwise, go for it. There is this guy that I really like. Be he only seems to care about me when he is not around or near his friends. Why is this and what can be done about it? Some guys, mainly younger ones, are weird that way. They're between a rock and a hard place. On the one hand, he may like a girl and like to be around her when his friends can't see him. But when they are in site, he knows they'll give him a hard time. They'll tease him if he pays attention to her. As he gets older, he may not care. His friends are likely to like girls too. Of course, there's also a chance that he's ashamed to be seen with her. If that's the case, she should probably dump him fast. He's not worth her time. Is it OK to be friends first, and then go out with someone? By all means. Relationships built on friendship are the best kind. I wouldn't even think of getting serious about someone you could not be real friends with. The person you marry should be a best friend. Is it right to date others before marriage, even if the people dating don't intend to marry? By all means. How else can to get to know what you like and don't like about persons of the other sex? That is likely the best chance you will ever have to date a wide variety of fine young people found in every school. It's the best way to prepare for choosing a mate wisely, once you do decide to settle down with one person for the long pull. Further, it's quite OK to date someone just because they are fun to be with. You don't need to have romantic feelings. Fun is fine - if it doesn't spoil something better. When you like a girl a lot, and you find out she does not like you, should you try to make her like you or go on with your life? If you are very sure that she does not like you, you'd be wise to look elsewhere. To pursue her to much right now will likely just drive her further away. If at some future time the person changes her/his mind, you will have time to work something out. But as of now, get on with your life and try not to let it bother you to much. Remember the old saying, "There are bigger and better fish in the sea than have ever been caught out." Keep your hooks baited! Just don't catch any suckers. Is it old-fashioned if you don't want to kiss on a first date? Not at all. You don't need to feel you have to kiss anyone at any time if you don't really want to. For one thing, a kiss or any other expression of affection does not mean much unless it is given freely. And then only when you really mean it. Also, if word gets around that you kiss (or make out) on the first date, you'll get tagged as an easy mark. Your kisses lose their value if you toss them around like chicken feed. And think of all those germs you'll get! A beloved old teacher at Willamette University used to talk to each new class of women. "Advice to freshman girl," he would say with a kindly smile. "you have only one kiss to give. Bestow it wisely" Well said. Gestures of caring should mean something important, both to the one who gives and the one who receives. Better to be sincere and honest, to live one's own life. Never mind what others say. Never mind what the couple is doing in the back seat of the car. They may do that in the back seat and not get AIDS or pregnant. You may do it in the front seat and get both! Do what you think is right, no what others want or expect you to do. Some girls think they owe a boy some favors in return for taking them on a date. That is just not so. The pleasure of being with you is all a guy has a right to expect. If he expects more and gets ticked off off he doesn't get it, that should be a tip-off. Ask yourself, "Does this guy like me as a person and want to be with me for myself? Or does he go with me for my body or for what favors or kicks he can get out of me?" If it's the latter, then he is using you. That isn't flattering, is it? The only kiss you ought to give such a guy is the kissoff! Tell him to get lost. And good riddance. I spend quite a lot of bucks on girls when I take them out. I have a nice car and we go to eat, or to a movie, or to bowl or whatever. I sometimes think girls go out with me just for the things I buy for them. Could that be true? You bet it could. Some girls use boys to get what they want every bit as much as some boys use girls for the sex thrills they might get. Boys have no corner on the art of taking advantage of the other sex. But that doesn't make it right, does it? Just ask yourself, "Do I like it when I feel that someone is just using me?" Most of us don't like it. It makes us feel like a thing, not a person. It is a real put-down. Do we have any right to do the same to others? Philosopher Immanuel Kant said we should always act towards others in such a way that we would be willing to have our act become a universal law. That is, we'd be willing to have everyone else behave in the very same way. Does this sound strangely like the golden rule, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you?" Almost every major living religion has come up with that same idea. There just may be something to it! When a boy comes over, what do you do besides make out and watch TV? Surely you can come up with more things to do than that. If you don't, you may be in deep trouble. The "making out" can man anything from holding hands and a hug to going all the way in sex. If all you do is make out every time you see each other, you may find yourself slipping farther and father down "the road to arousal." And a little TV may go a long way. Much of the programming on the TV is shallow, violent, or raunchy. It wears thing mighty fast. There are dozens of things a couple can do to enjoy an evening together. With a little advance planning, you can come up with good ideas. What do you both like to talk about? What games do you know, or could you learn to play? How about making popcorn or candy or pizza instead of making out? Why not involve others in your family - in discussions, games, etc.? Many parents and siblings would be pleased to be included if you would just invite them, They also may have a few suggestions of things you two might like to do. If you use your head for something more than a hat rack, I'm sure you can come up with a good list. If not, either one of two things is likely true. You two may have so little in common that your relationship will - and should - wither and die. Or you're not using your imagination and that fertile brain of yours. Do guys like it when a girl openly flirts with them? That depends. If a boy likes a girl, he may be thrilled or even flattered if she flirts with him. If not, it may embarrass him and turn him off. It depends on the guy and the occasion. He may like a girl and secretly enjoy the flirting when he's alone, but not like it when he's with other guys. They may tease him later. So he may pretend to them that he resents your attention. He may even treat you rudely in order to "save face" with his friends. So if you feel like flirting, be cautious at first. Watch carefully how the guy takes it. If you sense a problem, back off. And be selective. Flirt only with those you really like. If you flirt with every Tom, Dick, and Harry, none of them will feel special. And you might get a bad reputation for your trouble. Is it all right for a girl to ask a guy to go out? Probably. It will depend on the guy and the situation. If it is an event where the women get to do all the asking, like a Sadie Hawkins Dance, then it's OK. Just explain that to him. If he turns you down, that's OK too. It will help you know how a guy feels when a girl turns him down! But these days most young people aren't so fussy about what's been "correct" in the past. Here's an interesting fact. Women tend to use more good sense when they choose men than men use in the choice of women. Studies show that men put much more weight on shallow things like good looks and a nice figure. Women are more apt to stress more important things. Is a man kind, considerate, and thoughtful? In this sense, then, women may do a better job of picking out dates than men. What is the best way to handle money when on a date? Alas, tradition still rears its ugly head and often triumphs over logic. In the past, men have always been the ones to ask and to pay. Many still feel that's the way it ought to be. A guy who feels that way may be turned off, not on, by a woman who is bold enough to ask him out. Some may even think she's on the loose side, "on the make" for sex. Therefore a smart woman may wait until she knows a guy well enough to be quite sure what his response will be. Otherwise, she takes some risks. Some shy guy may be glad the girl broke the ice and made the first move. Other guys may be scared off. Age is also a factor here. Men who are college-age or older may be less likely to resent a woman who takes the initiative. Younger, less secure men are more prone to be repelled. If you want to get to know a certain male better but don't want to risk offending him, try this: Don't ask him out alone, one-to-one, on a date. Pick a time when a group of you are going for pizza or burgers and ask him if he'd like to come, too. Then the scene shifts from you asking him to be with you to you inviting him to join the party. If her takes that in stride, you can judge whether or not to take the next step. There is one further point. A fully liberated woman may use this as a test to find out if a man shares her views on equality of the sexes. It's like testing the water with your toe before plunging in. So let's suppose a couple has an understanding on this score. They agree there will be no hard feelings if she asks for or pays for the date. Actually that makes some sense. Why should they both stay home just because he's broke, if she has the money for dinner for two or a movie? If there's concern about what others might think if she pays, she can just slip him the money beforehand and let him do the honors. Is everyone capable of loving? Yes, all of us are. In rare cases persons may have such serious hangups that they seem unable to release love in the ways that will make them good marriage mates. They may be too selfish. They may be afraid of others. They may be full of hate and resentments. But this type of plight is indeed rare. You are not likely to be in such a fix. In any case, all of us can grow to love more and more. We can learn to look for ways we can help others. We can train ourselves to care about the needs of other people as well as out own. We can make it a habit to treat others as we would want to be treated if we were in their place. An old Indian proverb suggests, "If you would know another, walk in his (or her) moccasins for one week." Even one day would help. It might help to play a game with yourself. Every time you see other people, try to figure out what their needs are. Then think how you can help them meet their needs (without, of course, going against your own morals or religious standards). It can be a fun game. And useful. If you truly feel you are not able to love, then see someone who is trained as a counselor. Some of the clergy or some school counselors are so trained. At least they can point to where you can get help. What about the saying, "opposites attract"? Opposites may attract, but are they likely to stay attracted? That innocent sweet young farm gal from Podunk Prairie may feel flattered by the attentions of some cool, dashing, self-assured city smoothie. But will her quiet rural feet feel at home when set down in the buzz and bustle of the big city? Will he come to resent her sweet, simple, unspoiled lack of urban skills in the presence of his city friends and family? Those who are quite different in their life-styles, their hopes, their roots, and religions, their roles and goals do not often make good mates for the long pull. When the newness wears off, they will find little in common to hold their lives together. In some cases, those who have opposite personal traits may be happy if they fill a need in each other. A shy type may admire and need a mate who is outgoing. They get a kind of mutual joy from the change of pace. Those who like to be bossy may get on well with those who like being bossed. But watch out if the bossed ones ever decide they've had enough. Then sparks will fly! As a rule, though likes like likes longer than unlikes like unlikes. (Say that fast three times!) The more things a couple share in common, the better will be their chances for wedded bliss. Those who like the same things, go to the same church, enjoy the same friends, like each others families, and agree on goals are far more likely to stay wed for keeps. The more things you like about each other and like to do together, the better. Why do guys use girls for sex objects? Not all guys do. Some boys do see girls mainly as a way to satisfy their sex urges. That's too bad. But more and more it is not just guys who use girls. Boys now complain that some of the girls are coming on to them for sex. That's really foolish, since the girl is the one who can get pregnant. The girl is also more likely to catch an STD like AIDS than the boy. But foolish or not, boys say it is happening. And where are young women getting such an idea? From the TV and some movies. Have you noticed? Now it's the girl who almost drags the guy into the bedroom and rapes him? He's portrayed - and this is most unreal - as the reluctant one who finally submits to her wiles. And it's the woman who is portrayed as having all the wild, ecstatic responses to that sex. Girls who don't know any better may buy into that nonsense. Some boys now worry that if a boy refuses her advances, he may be accused of not being a real man. Actually, the guy's a hero, not a nerd. It takes real guts to turn down an invitation to have sex, especially at his age. Why do guy always pressure you to have sex? Some guys do test the limit with every girl they go out with. They see it as a challenge. They want to see just how far a girl will let them go. Each exploit is to them a victory. If he gets her to go all the way he is beside himself with pride. It's kind of like the gunfighters of the old West. Each man they killed, they'd put another notch on the handle of their sixguns. But let me warn you, girls. Guys like that will usually "kiss and tell." They may even kiss and brag to the other envious guys. Then the girl gets the label as an easy mark. If so, all the boys are drawn to her like a cub bear to a honey tree. Every other guy she goes with will expect the same favors. It will be hard for her to regain he self-respect, if indeed she ever can. How do you stop a guy from going too far? Before you even go out on your first date, decide just where your limit is going to be in the road to arousal. Perhaps you will not even want to do any necking at first. When he tries to go beyond your limit, tell him in no uncertain terms that he can go only that far and no farther. Make it perfectly clear that "no" means "NO" - not maybe. Most boys will heed the warning. Always carry some change with you on a date in case you have to call home. And don't let a guy take you out to a remote spot to park where the nearest phone is miles away, in case you have to walk home. Of course, after you've gone with the guy long enough to know he can be trusted, these precautions may not be needed. If a guy continues to pester or try to abuse you, insist that he take you right home. Tell him if he doesn't, you will report him to his folks or in extreme cases to the authorities. If nothing else works, get out and phone home, or start to walk back. Better to have a little hike than have a little tyke! What does a guy think of a girl when she lets him do almost anything he wants to because it doesn't bother her? For one thing, she may get a reputation for having loose morals if or when the word gets around. At least I'm glad she only lets him do ALMOST anything he wants to. This girl may be tempting trouble. Sometimes she may go with a guy who gets so excited that he refuses to stop at "almost." She may be a victim of date rape, a tragedy now being reported more often. On the other hand, she may be a victim of her own claim that it does not bother her. She may someday date a male who is very experienced in matters of sex. If her gets his hand on her vulva, she may loose control. If he knows what to touch and how to touch it he may driver her up the wall. I fear this girl is skating on very thin ice. And if she falls through, the water is icy cold. Ask any girl who did. Why do guys think that they can just take advantage of a girl and think that it doesn't hurt her? I want every guy to think that over. You said it beautifully. I hope that all guys who are guilty of that will listen up. Of course, girls can be guilty of the same kind of mis-treatment of boys. In either case it is hard to forgive such actions.

You have said that each of us averages about nine or ten romantic experiences in our lifetime. How many of these are false love? About eight or nine of these will likely be puppy loves or infatuations. No more than one or two of them are likely to be real love. Most persons who have found real love tend to think that all of their former romances were mere infatuations. They are probably right, too. But just try to convince them of that while the romance was going on! They'd likely have sworn up and down that they were really in love. A gentle word of warning is in order here. No matter how much teenagers are "just sure" they are in love, they almost never are. Chances are extremely slim that adolescents have real love. I know it is very hard for you to believe that fact, especially when you get those starts in your eyes. But it is true. Why do girls fall in love more than guys? It is true that girls tend to take their relationships more seriously than most boys. Part of that may be due to maternal instinct. (Males don't have much of that!) And again, it's partly because women mature quicker. For whatever reason, girls are in fact more likely to get serious. That means she has to be - even more than the boys - more careful not to fool herself into thinking it is love and not a mere romance. How can you assure your boyfriend that you love him and do not want anyone else? If he won't take your word for it, that means he does not really trust you to tell the truth. Not a good sign. Be sure you do not do things to make him jealous. That will help. Whatever you do, don't fall for the trap of "proving your love" by giving him sex. Real love doesn't have to be proved. If you are being truthful with him and he still won't believe you, that's his problem, not yours. But if he doesn't shape up soon, it will more and more be a problem for you, too. In that case you may wish to consider backing away. How do I get over the jealousy I feel when my girlfriend is with other people? Jealously can mean many things. You may feel that you can't trust her. Or she may in fact not be trustworthy. You may feel a lack of self-worth and that you don't deserve her. This may lead to fear of losing her. You feel insecure and anxious. For whatever reason, jealous feelings can make a person feel terrible. You don't say how involved you are with each other. If a couple get very much into sex, both will almost always get quite jealous. Why? Because you can't help but wonder: If he/ she will do that with me, would they do it with others if they had half a chance? A good question. And too often it is true. Studies show that those who go all the way with one person they date are far more likely to do the same later with others. Or if they have gone a certain distance down the road to arousal, they tend to move quite rapidly to that same level with their future partners. It's no wonder that couples who get very much into sex will almost always be jealous and suspicious. What if your best friend doesn't like your girlfriend? He feels like you are not spending enough time with him. This happens a lot. You've been close to each other, and suddenly you have other calls on your time. He feels neglected, and probably is. He is jealous of your girl. That's likely the reason why he does not like her. There's not a lot you can do about that, unless you and your girl break up. Other than that, your friend will just have to get used to the new situation. He has to realize that's just the way the dating ball bounces. If a guy says he loves you, dumps you, but comes back feeling he made a mistake, asks for you back, do you feel it is probably love? Most probably not love at all. I'd be really reluctant to take the guy back. He obviously doesn't know what he wants at this point. If he dumped you once, he may well do it again. But if you do go back to him, don't let him have sex. That may be what he hopes to get. It is pretty clear to me that the guy does not know what love is. I think I'd look for greener pastures. We keep breaking up, and he keeps coming back to me. He has more infatuation for me than love. I have more love than infatuation. Will our relationship work? Don't count on it. A one-sided love - if indeed that's what you really have for him - will not last. Love cannot be a one-way street. Love must be shared. More than that, your many break-ups are a clue that your chances to make it together are very poor. Marriage scientists know that if a couple break up and get back together more than once, it's a red warning flag. Why? Because if that happens several times before the wedding bells ring, you can just bet it will go right on doing so after the romance and sex begin to fade. Such couples can't stand to be apart, yet can't stand to stay together. They almost always end up hurting each other over and over, then finally calling it quits Better to have hurt on a rift now than more misery and a final bust later, don't you think? Is it all right to go out with your brother's best friend? Of course. If you and your brother get along well with each other, then the best friend he has chosen will likely be a good bet for you. You'd have a lot of things in common. But if you were to go out with the best friend of your boyfriend now that's quite a different story. It would likely lead to a double bust: between you and your boyfriend, and between him and his former best friend. Is it wrong to have feelings for both your boyfriend and his brother? It may be wrong, but it certainly is dangerous. One - if not both - of them may get plenty jealous if you seem too fond of both at the same time. One result may be to cause problems between you and your friend. But it may also drive a deep wedge between the two boys and cause ill will in the family, as well as toward you. As a young man I was very close friends with two sets of sisters. I was going with one of the four, but all five of us often went places together. All went well until I tried to date some of the others, too. That led to big trouble. All four got on my back fast. If you want to stay healthy, better keep it one at a time. If, after going out for a year, your boyfriend cheats on you with a younger girl but you will love him, is it love or infatuation? Probably neither. He obviously does not love you or he would not have betrayed you like that. You may have strong emotional feelings for him, but that does not mean it is love. Better run like a scared rabbit - away from this cad. If he cheated once, he'll probably do it again. Studies show that if people cheat before marriage, they will do so after. You can get along with that for sure. And another thing. The person who cheats on a partner runs a high risk of bringing home an STD and even AIDS. That's not just being unfaithful, it's being downright dangerous. Surely you don't want that kind of risk. Is there an easy way to tell the person you're going with to get lost? I doubt there is an easy way to end a romance. But some seem better than others. Just out of the blue to blurt out, "Bug off, Buster!" or "Get lost, Lucy!" hardly seems the wise way to go. That's pretty crude and cruel, especially if it's done when others are around to hear you. Keep two things in mind. First, as soon as you feel sure you no longer want the relationship to go on, say so. You owe it to the person and to yourself to tell the truth. That's only fair. It's not easy, but you do the other no favor by pretending you still care when you don't. The bitter pill will be just as hard to choke down tomorrow was it is today. Don't put it off. But while you need to be fully frank, to be brutally blunt. No need to club them over the head with the bad news. No hurt is more painful than a broken heart. A broken arm hurts only in that arm. A broken heart hurts all over. So be kind. Be gentle. Try to put the truth in ways that will ease the hurt. Don't do it anger or in spite. That's a put down. Do it instead in a quite, matter-of-fact way that lets the person save face. If you can, try to keep the person as a friend. What is a good way to let a friend know that sex should not be necessary for a lasting relationship? Try giving them a few facts. Sex is important; it is not all important. No matter how good their sex is, it will hold a couple together no more than three to five years - and probably not that long. Also, the sex may blind them to the real nature of their relationship. It muddies the water. It fools them into thinking they have more going for them than they really have. And it tends to break couples up, since they often fight about it. What is the best way to talk to your boy/girl friend about where to draw the line? Why not pick a quite time together when you are not doing any physical expression of affection? Then simply explain how you feel. Give them the main reasons why you want to set a particular limit. Say that you hope he or she will respect your decision. Then hold your

ground. Don't budge unless you feel comfortable with some compromise you can agree on. And bully for you! How long should you go together before you get married? The general rule is, the longer the better. Those who go together the longest, stay together the longest when wed. And they are more happy, too. Since the risks of a marriage failure are now so high, it seems the smart thing to do is to take lots and lots of time. Take a long look before you leap. Err on the side of too much time rather than too little-if you err at all. Remember, couples who take a full year to get to know each other better are on much sounder ground than those who wed after only six months. Two years of courtship and engagement are even safer, and three are better yet. And so are four and five. The more time you take to get to know the person well before you marry, the fewer surprises you'll have after you marry. Pick a reasonable amount of time, of course. (These 25-year engagements make no sense!) Since marriage is now so risky, I think no couple should enter the high privilege of marriage - and I do see it as a high privilege - unless they've had at least two full years of courtship and engagement. What does it mean to "flunk the test of time"? The thrills of sex may hold a couple together for up to three to five years. So even if a couple date two years before they marry, they could still flunk the test. The pull back to each other for sex may fool them into thinking they have more in common than they do. To be sure you have passed the test of time, you need at least two years without the thrills of mutually satisfying sex. That's a bitter pill, but it needs to be swallowed if you want to avoid a poor marriage or divorce. Are long engagements a good thing? Yes, if you want to play the odds. Longer engagements more often lead to lasting, happy marriages. The main thing here is to get to know the other person really well before you marry. The total length of time you take is the key. Whether you take that time in courtship or in engagement is not the most important thing. You can slice the pie of a total time in any way you choose. My own choice is a long courtship, but a short engagement. When a couple gets engaged, they "go public." It is assumed that they have already found that their relationship is a sound one. They just announce that they intend to go to the altar. So no couple should get engaged until they feel quite sure it will be for the keeps. For one thing, it may save them a lot of hassle. One out of every three engaged couples will break up before they get married. If a breakup comes after going public with a picture and story in the local press, you may feel pretty silly. It's even worse if the wedding announcments have already hit the mail. That makes for a lot of red faces. Best to avoid such a mess if you can. Do you think that a long courtship can get you in trouble sexually? It can. Studies show that engaged couples are much more likely to get involved with sex after they're engaged. And they're more likely to go all the way. So if a couple wants to wait for sex until after they're wed, it will be easier to do so during a short engagement. At best, it is plenty tough enough these days for a couple to wait. No need to make it and harder than need be. Therefore a lengthy courtship and a brief engagement seems best. Of course you should allow enough time so that the wedding plans can be made calmly and be carried out without too much stress. You don't want to faint at the alter from sheer exhaustion. What about the couple who say: "We're engaged and the wedding is only a couple months from now. Why should we wait any longer for sex?" If you have stuck it out all this time, why not "go all the way" - not in sex, but in abstinence? This would be an achievement you two could really be proud of for years to come. In spite of everything, you reached that cherished goal you had set for yourselves those many months ago! What a great feeling that would be. And you could honestly tell your children about it, as an example you hope they would follow.

Why do scientists such as yourself make love out to be so complex when in fact it should be one of the simplest things in life - a natural human instinct? It is just such false ideas that lead to so many divorces. It suggests that when the right person for you comes along, you will "just know." Not so. You can't just trust your heart. If there is any instinct involved, it is the deep desire to mate and breed. Lower animals do that, too. Then often the male cuts out and leaves the female to cope with rearing the cubs. Most humans are more responsible than that - or at least we should be. We realize that rearing children is a most complex matter. We need to give them training in hundreds of ways if they are to grow up to be good citizens. Both fathers and mothers have a role to play in the process. "Mating" is far more than choosing a convenient sex-mate. It is the matching of two unique persons in many, many aspects of their lives. You can't just pick a good mate by instinct. We need all the help we can get to succeed - from science and anywhere else we can get it. Should you rely more on logic or feeling when making a choice? Both are important. All login and no feeling makes for a very dull marriage. But all feeling and no logic leads to tragic mistakes and mismatching of mates. I like to quote the old Greek wise men. They said, "Emotion must warm reason, but reason must rule emotion." Best to have a good balance of the two. Science and research can give us a lot of aid. It can help us avoid the awful pitfalls of the past, and lead us to do a better job of mate choice in the future. I am very confused. One day I am just sure that my girlfriend is the one for me. The next day I have doubts. How can I sort it all out and come up with the right answer? My folks got a divorce and I sure don't want to go through that mess again. If you have all these doubts, it's wise to wait. You do want to avoid a mistake at the alter. As of now, the odds that one's first marriage will succeed are no more than even. Some now put that at two out of three. One out of two two first marriages now ends in divorce. Another three percent of married couples become separated. And eight to ten percent tough it out but are not all happy. Unless you learn to beat those odds, there's only a flip of the coin, heads-or-tails chance that your marriage will work out. Those wedding bells are just likely to ring out sad, not glad tidings. What you are asking is how you can tell if you have now found a love that will last. From my own research I have found this to be the number one courtship question that youth and young adults want answered. Even older people want to know how to tell if they have real love. What is puppy love? Is a crush a kind of infatuation? Puppy love and a crush are the same thing. My term for it is Primary Infatuation. It involves putting some person on a pedestal. You idealize them. At times, you might almost worship them. It, for the most part, involves a younger person having such strong feelings toward a much older one. Like a student for a teacher. Or like a teenager and a rock star. In each case, the person is "out of reach" for the one who has the crush. To that extent, it is likely a harmless passing thing. We must contrast that with Romantic Infatuation, which is more likely to happen between two persons of similar age. It is far more dangerous, since the couple are more inclined to do something foolish about it, such as getting deeply into sex. Or marrying in haste in the heat of emotion. They will usually regret it, but then it is too late. A love relation is indeed very complex. Some people mistake romance-falsely called "romantic love"-for real love. It's not love at all. To call it love is a fraud, a falsehood. It only leads to confusion and delusion. That is why I call it "Romantic Infatuation" and not Romantic Love. Such a romance will hold a marriage intact no more than three to five years, even with a red-hot sex life thrown in. In time, sex gets less and less exciting. It loses much of its ability to keep beckoning the two back together via bed. Some of its former fervor fades. Romance soon fades in a marriage. How many couples can you name who, after 10 years of marriage, still have romantic dinners with soft music and candles every day? Or once a week? Or even once a month? And there's not much romance in washing dishes, cleaning floors, and taking out the garbage-even if a couple does them together. No, a marriage based on romance just won't make it. Five years tops, and the tied knot will come loose. On the other hand, many people think that their strong sexual attraction for each other is a sure sign of love. Not so. One can have strong sex attraction with or without romance, and with or without love. Since my students were so confused about true love, I spent some 30 years in search of answers to the puzzle. The full results are set forth in my book, Sex, Love, or Infatuation: How Can I Really Know? There I describe "Fourteen Key Clues" by which one can distinguish true love from false love. It is probably the most complete summary of what scientists know on this subject now in print. These clues seem to be helping many people "sort it all out." I do think that if you apply these 14 clues, honestly and with due care, you will come up with a pretty clear answer to your question. It won't be possible in this book to fully explain all 14 clues. But let's now review some of the clues which will, and those that will not, be useful signs of love. Consider the following questions: Since I met this boy I just haven't been the same. I daydream about him all the time. I can't study or do my work. I've even lost my appetite. My mom says I'm in love. Is she right? You've described a "false clue." You may be in love, or just infatuated. I've devised 14 Key clues to help tell the difference. True love will have symptoms that are quite different - often opposite - from the symptoms that describe infatuation. That is the case for each of the 14 clues. There will be clear contrast. The three "false clues," on the other hand, are tricky. They can be present in either true or false love. If you have any of those symptoms, it can just as easily indicate one as the other. You just can't trust them. Let's review these three false clues so you can be on your guard against them. (1) You will get funny feelings, especially when you're near to or thinking of the other person. These strange feelings occur whether you have romantic infatuation or real love. Your heart may flutter or pound. Your tummy may feel strange. Your knees may get weak. You may clam up or find it hard to talk to that person. Or, as you say, you may daydream a lot and not even want to eat. Don't be fooled. This does not mean it's love at all. (2) A gnawing need for nearness is a second false sign. You long to be with each other all the time. You can scarcely stand it when you have to be apart, even for just a little while. You seem pulled together like a nail to a magnet. But don't send for Marryin' Sam. It may only be sex or romance again. It may not be love at all. It's another false clue. (3) Finally, be it love or infatuation, you are likely to have a powerful pull to passion. You really turn each other on. That sex urge haunts you like a ghost. But don't be duped. The fact that your breath comes in short pants each time you touch is not a true sign of love. Sex attraction can be just as strong in a romantic infatuation as it is in the real thing. And in some cases, it may be sex and nothing more that turns you on. In sum, you can have one or more of these symptoms-even all of them-and still not be in love. Don't be fooled. You need the other 14 clues to tell you whether it is real love. The findings of science can help you make a sound decision. While we are one the subject of showing affection, is it OK to do it in public? Have you know couples that lean against each other very suggestively right out in front of God and everybody? Or French kiss - I call it tongue-in-cheek kiss - and moan like a porcupine in pain? Well, geta load of this! Psychologists have found a strong tie between people who express a lot of affection in public and the low scores they make on emotional maturity tests! So the next time you see a couple making a public display you can say to them: "I know something about you!!" They may get the point and clean up their act. And it makes sense. Mature people who really love and respect each other don't wear their passion on their sleeves. Passion is something special to be done only in private, not displayed in public. How can I know when I've found the right person to marry? You can tell a true love from a false one by asking yourself 14 key questions. You should reply to each of them truthfully and with careful thought. If you can do that, in most cases you will see pretty quickly whether or not it's love. Here are the questions: CLUE 1. What is you main interest in the other person? What attracts you most? CLUE 2. How many things about the person attract you? CLUE 3. How did the romance start? CLUE 4. How consistent is your level of interest? CLUE 5. What effect does the romance have on your personality? CLUE 6. How did it end? CLUE 7. How do you two view each other? CLUE 8. How do others view you two? What's the attitude of friends and families? CLUE 9. What does distance (long separation) do to the relationship? CLUE 10. How do quarrels affect the romance? CLUE 11. How do you feel about and refer to your relationship? CLUE 12. What's your ego response to the other? CLUE 13. What's your overall attitude toward the other? CLUE 14. What is the effect of jealousy? Now we will look more closely at a few of the clues just to show you how they work. CLUE 1. What is the main thing that attracts me to him or her? If it's that persons physical equipment, then it points to infatuation. You mainly like the face or figure, the smile, they way her or she walks to talks. In real love, the physical things are not the main concern. It's not the mask of the face, but what's behind that mask that counts. The shape of the body is far less important to you than what's housed in the body. You like the person's mind, emotions, attitudes, and goals. In short, your main attraction is to the total personality, not just one part of it. It's the kind of person you respect, care a lot about, and like to be around. As young people put it these days, he or she is a beautiful person. So his ears are too big. They stick out like a scared baby elephant. Or she's as flat-chested as your Uncle Charlie. So what? You main interest should not be looks. Men tend to trip up on this score more than women. When I was a young man, our high school held a "for men only" assembly. We were all ears, thinking we would here something really juicy. We didn't. But one thing they guy said stuck with me all these years. "Fellows," he said, "don't make the mistake that a lot of guys do. A lot of guys pass up a beautiful women to marry a pretty girl." Said to say, a lot of men are still doing just that. Do you think that people must always have something in common with each other to make a good relationship? Yes, by all means. And the more the better. That leads us neatly into.. CLUE 2: How many things attract you to that person? If it's infatuation the answer will be few things. This clue may sound simpler than it is. False or romantic "love" (infatuation) can trip you up. Why? Because those few things you do like about the person may be felt very strongly. That may fool you into thinking you have more things in common than you really do. Be on your guard. Count with caution. If it's real love, any or most of the things about the person will attract you. What about the way he or she thinks? Reactions to failure and success? Attitudes toward people? How about goals in life? Plans for the future? Like and dislikes? The more of these hundreds of things about the person's whole self that you like and admire and respect, the greater the chance that your love is real. And by the way, have you ever had doubts that you are important? If so, just think about this. Of the billions of people on this earth, you are unique. There has never ever been one other person just like you! You are one of a kind, hence of very special worth. What a wonderful thought that is! So don't ever let anyone try to tell you that you're not important. You are uniquely important. If you take that to heart, it will put real meaning and purpose in your life. When God make you, God threw the mold away. There won't be many suicides if people take that seriously. Is there such thing as love at first sight? Romantic infatuation at first site, yes. Love? No way. CLUE 3: How did the romance start? Romance and sex attraction can strike like a bolt out of the blue. And it can disappear just as fast. You know the old story. Rogers and Hammerstein put it into words and music in South Pacific: "Some enchanted evening"... two eyes meet across a crowded room - and they know. That's pure poppycock. THEY DON'T KNOW ANYTHING. At least not about love. Real love can only start slowly. Each person is very complex, with many different traits and qualities. Some of these are obvious but many are not. So you can't possibly know enough about someone in a few moments, a few days, or even a few weeks to be sure you want to spend the rest of your life together. That decision takes time - lots of time - two years or more. CLUE 6: How did your relationship end? Answer: the same way it started. False loves stop fast and true loves stop slowly. This is true in two different ways. First, if you break up, you are most likely to get over an infatuation in a short while. Only a few surface things attracted you, so there's not all at much to get over. But with love, many things attracted you. Your personalities came to be intertwined in a lot of ways. It may take years to get over such a deep relationship. Indeed, in some ways you many never be the same again. A second thing to watch for is how long the relationship lasts while it is going on. In most cases, false loves don't last long. There aren't many things the couples have in common. There isn't much that they like to talk about do together. Therefore, they lose interest quite quickly. By and large, infatuations won't last more than a few weeks or months. There is one exception. I'll explain hat in a moment. Real loves last many months and years, often for one's whole life. Whole blocks of the two personalities are in harmony. Each has become a very real part of the other. So if a relationship has lasted a long time, that is usually a good sign of love. And again, the longer you have a good relationship before marriage, the better the chance your marriage will be for keeps. This is called passing the "test of time." There is just one catch, though. You can flunk that all-important test of time. How? By getting involved deeply in sex too soon. If in courtship you get into a sexual relation that is fully satisfying to both of you, the test of time just won't work for you. You have cheated on the test. You see, the sex urge is very deep and urgent in each of us. A couple with a good sexual relation but with very little else may well be held together for as much as three years to five years. It is satisfying sex, not the more solid cement of a good overall relationship, that keeps you coming back to each other. So you can be fooled. You may think that since your relationship has lasted a couple of years, it has passed the test of time. It hasn't. It may have been little more than sex that kept you together. This is perhaps the strongest reason of all why it is unwise for a couple to go all the way with sex before they marry. That sex can lead them into a tragic marriage, likely to fail in a year or two. A couple thus robs themselves of the very best natural protection they have against getting into a bad marriage. My guy and I get along just fine, but our parents don't approve of our relationship. Does that really matter? It matters a lot. In fact, that is one of the Key Clues to tell you if it's love. CLUE 8: What's the attitude of friends and family? Research reported as recently as 1992 affirms that parents still have a strong role in in influencing romantic relations in the United States today. Negative reactions by friends and families to a couple tend to deteriorate the relationship. In turn, good support leads to a higher quality of it. Perceived support from one's own family and friends has a large influence on the satisfaction, love, and commitment of the person. And doesn't that make sense? After all, who loves and cares more about you and your future than your close friends and family? If they see you getting into a situation that they think will bring you heartache and tragedy, of course they will turn thumbs down. But if they think it will lead to happy times for you down the line, they'll be all for it. It's best to bend your ears to what your loved ones think. They have and advantage. They don't have stars in their eyes. What are the odds of our breaking up when my boyfriend goes away to college? The answer suggests another Key clue. CLUE 9: What does distance (long separation) do to the relationship? If you have real love for your friend - many things you like and admire and respect - you have nothing to worry about. That person actually will have become a part of your very being. When he or she is not there, you are not all there. A part of you is away. So you both will long to be united again with that other part of yourselves You won't like to be apart, but your love is likely to survive. But if your relation was surface - physical attraction to what you see, hear, smell, taste, or touch about the other - it likely will die. Out of site, out of mind. Other physical equipment that is more available at the moment will lead you to forget your former flame. It was probably tough to take at the time, but such a breakup is a good thing in the long run. The next two clues go together. They are similar, but for the sake of clarity and the greater emphasis they deserve, we will treat them as if they were separate. CLUE 12: Are you selfish or selfless with regard to the other person? This is an acid test. And it is a rough one. It's hard to be honest enough to admit that we are selfish, so we tend to deny it. But honest we must be if we are to learn the truth. If you are infatuated, your ego response is largely selfish and possessive. Your big question about the relationship is: "What am I going to get out of this?" You're looking out for number one. You are selfserving. You may even use the other person for your own gain. She dates him because he has a good set of wheels. He dates her to get sex thrills or peer praise. Each has an ego big enough to choke a mule. And that chokes off love as well. When you really love another, you want all the same good things for that person that you want for yourself. Your ego response is largely selfless. Your own pleasure and happiness are in great part tied in with that of your beloved. To paraphrase the late President John F. Kennedy, you "ask not what your beloved can do for you, but what you can do for your beloved." CLUE 13: What is your overall attitude? This clue is similar to the previous one. For the infatuated person, the basic attitude is one of taking from the relationship. Your interest is measured in terms of gain and loss. You take all you can get. You give little thought to what harm it may do to the other. You may not admit it, even to yourself, but it's true. You like the person not for what she or he is, but for what that person can do for you. To love, on the other hand, is to really care about the other. Your overall attitude is that of giving, not taking. You will look for ways you can make the other happy and fulfilled. You don't just give the other good treatment and gifts in order to get something back. You give whether or not you get in return. It gives you joy just to see your beloved's joy. If you really love, your giving is its own reward. There's a warning here for girls. We scientists have long know that young women at this age take their relationships more seriously than do men. If a girl goes with a guy very long, she likely thinks a lot of him. She may even think she loves him. So if some night in a lonely spot he whispers in her shell-pink ear: "Honey, if you love me you'll let me," you might be tempted to give him sex. After all, you love him and it's quite obvious what he has in mind. But before you get sucked in by that old line, girls, ask yourself a few questions. Who will get the blame if someone find out? Who will risk getting pregnant? Who runs the greatest risk of getting STDs or AIDS? Clearly you are the one who will get hurt the most. So may I suggest, girls, if he whispers: "If you love me you'll let me," why not whisper back: "Honey, if you really love me. If you really care about me and my future, you won't ask me to." And you know what? He won't, either. If he really loves you, he will not want to expose you to all those risks. Not if he really loves you. A Sum-up Clue: Each of these 14 Key Clues is important. Each will tell you something special about your relationship that you really need to know. But no one or two, or even four or five, taken by themselves out of the list, is enough to give you the accurate answer you need. So answer each of the questions as honestly and sensibly as you can. But if I had to come up with just one clue as a test of true love, it would be this one. It cuts to the core. No one clue by itself is enough, but this one comes close: If you love someone so much that you want that person to be happy, even if you are not the one to make him or her happy, then you really love that person. That is, if you love someone so much that you want that person to be happy, even if you can't be the one who shares that happiness, then your love is indeed real. There you have it. Your wish to do what is best for your beloved is even more important to you than that gnawing need to be the one to share that love with him or her. That test will quickly separate those who have real love from those who do not. Sorting out love is a tough process. If it's a problem for you, be sure to consult a more complete discussion of it in Sex, Love, or Infatuation. There you will find the symptoms for love and infatuation listed in a check-chart. How can you use the clues? A fairly valid measure of your relationship can be obtained just by counting up your answers. Which of them fall into the infatuation column, and which belong in the love column? But not all of your answers will in every case be either/or. Instead some may be both/and. For example, there are degrees of jealousy. Some relationships start very fast, some only fairly fast. So we have devised an easy way to score your relationship more accurately. Simply score your-self on each of the clues (except one, "How does it stop?") on a scale of zero to ten:

Your score 0-50 50-90 90-130

What it means Infatuation Toss-up Real love

Suggested Action Cool it; make no promises, no commitments Some hope; shows promise, but give it more time Consider marriage - with due care.

How best to use this chart to access your own situation is fully explained in the 1990 edition of Sex, Love, or Infatuation: How Can I Really Know? Can one person be in love and the other only infatuated? Yes, and it happens a lot. But unless the infatuated person develops love, it won't work. Watch closely, to see if that is in fact happening as determined by using the Key Clues. Can infatuation turn into love? Yes. Give it time and keep checking the clues to see what direction it seems to be going. Is it possible to be in love more than once? Of course. If that were not true, a lot of people would have to spend most of their life alone. No two loves are exactly alike, but you really can love several times in your lifetime. Can one just be in love with love? Oh yes. You can just feel the the need for romance. But that is not really love in the sense I'm talking about. Best to cool it. Is is possible to be in love with more than one person at the same time? It is quite possible and happens quite often, according to the research. You can also be infatuated with two people at the same time. And you can be in love with one and infatuated with another at the same time. You can really mix it up - and be really mixed up in the process. How do you get over an infatuation? And how do you get over a lost love? The answer to both questions is the same. In time, you heart will heal. I know; that is very hard to accept while the hurt is so deep. But believe me it is true. It will take much longer to recover if it was love. In some ways you may never quite bury the hurt. But in time, it will grow less and less. You can just count on that. The main thing to remember is not to do something foolish like thinking about seclusion or even suicide. That would not be wise at all. Just turn you attention to other things. Remove all reminders of that person. Take that picture out of your blindfold. Maybe burn it. Then bury yourself in other interests - your studies, your other friends, your family, your hobbies. Soon you will begin to feel better, and in time you will wonder why it gave you such a bad time to lose the relationship. Can you fall out of true love? That can happen. No matter how careful you are to pick the right mate, marriage does involve some rick. The person you are now married to may not be the same kind of person you married. For instance, you may have married a moderate drinker. Now you are living with an alcoholic. Or a physical abuser. Or a compulsive gambler. Or a drug addict. Or one who cheats on you. You may not be able to love that changed person in the same way you did before. Some may still love in spite of the changes. For others, these new behaviors may kill the love they once had for their mate. But for many - we hope most - of us marrieds, we are glad for the choice we made. If you use them with caution, these 14 Key Clues will serve you well. In most cases the type of relationship you have will become quite clear.

14 Key Clues To Distinguish Infatuation And Love
Clues Questions to Ask Characteristics If It's Romantic Infatuation
The nature of the attraction

If It's Love

1. What is your main interest? What attracts you most? 2. How many things attract you? 3. How did the romance start? 4. How consistent is your level of interest? 5. What effect does the romance have on your personality? 6. How does it end?

Person's "physical equipment"; the body; what responds to the five senses. Few-though some may be very strong.
The course of the romance

The total personality; whole person; what's in the body Many or most.

Fast (hours or days). Interest varies, comes and goes; many peaks and valleys; not consistent or predictable. Disorganizing, destructive, you act strangely, are not "yourself." Fast-unless there's been mutually satisfying sex.
Two views of you two

Slowly (months or years). Evens out; gets to be dependable, consistent; can predict it. Organizing, constructive, you're a better person. Slowly; takes long time; you may never be quite the same. You add the new relationship to former ones. You are more realistic, admitting other's faults, but loving anyway. Most or all approve. You get along well with other's friends and parents.

You live in a one-person 7. How do you view each world. You see the other other? as faultless, idealizing him or her. 8. How do others view you two? What's the attitude of friends and parents? Few or none approve of the relationship.
Dealing with double trouble

9. What does distance Withers away; dies; can't (long separation)do to the stand this added stress. relationship? They get more frequent, 10. How do quarrels more severe, and will kill affect the romance? the relationship.
The inner world of love

Survives; may even grow. They grow less frequent, less severe.

Speak of we/us/our; feel and think as a unit, a pair; togetherness. Mainly unselfish, 12. What's your ego releasing, concerned response to the other? equally for other. Attitude of giving, 13. What's your overall Attitude of taking, exploit sharing, want to serve attitude toward the other? and use the other. other's needs, wants. 14. What is the effect of More frequent, more Less frequent, less severe. jealousy? severe. TOTAL PATTERN OF THE CLUES Kid stuff; romantic infatuation

11. How do you feel about and refer to your relationship?

Much use of I/me/my; he/ him/his; she/her/hers; little feeling of oneness. Mainly selfish, restrictive; "What does this do for me?"

The real thing; true love.

Summary clue: In real love you love the person so much that you want them to be happy-even if you may not be allowed to share their happiness.

The Mating Game
The sophisticated sexual strategies of modern man and women are shaped by a powerful Stone Age psychology. By: William F. Allman It's a dance as old as the human race. At cocktail lounges and church socials, during office coffee breaks and dinner parties - and most blatantly perhaps, in the personal ads in the newspapers and magazines - men and women perform the elaborate ritual of advertisement and assessment that precedes and essential part of nearly every life: mating. More than 90 percent of the world's people marry at some point in their lives, and it is estimated that a similarly large number of people engage in affairs, liaisons, flings or one-night stands. The who, what, when and where of love, sex and romance are a cultural obsession that is reflected in everything from Shakespeare to soap operas and from Tristram and Isolde to 2 Live Crew, fueling archetypes like the coy ingenue, the rakish cad, the trophy bride, Mrs. Robinson, Casanova and lovers both star-crossed and blessed. It all may seem very modern, but a new group of researchers argues that love, American style, is in fact part of a universal human behavior with roots stretching back to the dawn of humankind. These scientists contend that, in stark contrast to the old image of brute cavemen dragging their mates by the hair to the dens, or ancient ancestors - men and women alike - engaged in a sophisticated mating dance of sexual intrigue, shrewd strategizing and savvy negotiating that has left its stamp on human psychology. People may live in a thoroughly modern world, these researchers say, but within the human skull is a Stone Age mind that was shaped by the mating concerns of our ancient ancestors and continues to have a profound influence on behavior today. Indeed, this ancient psychology legacy influences everything from sexual attraction to infidelity and jealousy - and, as remarkable new research reveals, even extends its reach all the way down to the microscopic level of egg and sperm. These new researchers call themselves evolutionary psychologists. In a host of recent scientific papers and at a major conference last month at the London School of Economics, they are arguing that the key to understanding modern sexual behavior lies not solely in culture, as some anthropologists contend, nor purely in the genes, as some sociobiologists believe. Rather, they argue, understanding human nature is possible only if scientists begin to understand the evolution of the human mind. Just as humans have evolved specialized biological organs to deal with the intricacies of sex, they say, the mind, too, has evolved customized mental mechanisms for coping with this most fundamental aspect of human existence. Gender and Mind When it comes to sexuality and mating, evolutionary psychologists say, men and women often are as different psychologically as they are physically. Scientists have long known that people typically choose mates who closely resemble themselves in terms of weight, height, intelligence and even earlobe length. But a survey of more than 10,000 people in 37 cultures in six continents, conducted by University of Michigan psychologist David Bruss, reveals that men consistently value physical attractiveness and youth in a mate more than women do; women, equally as consistently, are more concerned than men with a prospective mate's ambition, status and resources. If such preferences where merely arbitrary products of culture, says Bruss, one might expect to find at least one society somewhere when men's are women's mating preferences were reversed; the fact that attitudes are uniform across cultures suggests they are a fundamental pert of human psychology. Evolutionary psychologists think many of these mating preferences evolved in response to the different biological challenges faced by men and women in producing children - the definition of success in evolutionary terms. In a seminal paper, evolutionary biologist Robert Trivers of the University of California at Santa Cruz points out that in most mammals, females invest far more time and energy in reproduction and child rearing than do males. Not only must females go though a long gestation and weaning of their offspring, but childbirth itself is relatively dangerous. Males, on the other hand, potentially can get away with a very small biological investment in a child. Human infants require the greatest amount of care and nurturing of any animal on Earth, and so over the eons women have evolved a psychology that is particularly concerns with a father's ability to help out with this enormous task - with his clout, protection and access to resources. So powerful is this psychological legacy that nowadays women size up a man's finances even when, as a practical matter, they may not have to. A recent study of the mating preferences of a group of medical students, for instance, found that these women, though anticipating financial success, were nevertheless most interested in men whose earning capacity was equal or greater than their own. Healthy Genes For men, on the other hand, reproductive success is ultimately dependent on the fertility of their mates. Thus males have evolved a mind-set that homes in on signs of a woman's health and youth, signs that, in absence of medical records and birth certificates long ago, were primarily visual. Modern man's sense of feminine beauty - clear skin, bright eyes and youthful appearance - is, in effect, the legacy of eons spent diagnosing the health and fertility of potential mates. This concern with women's reproductive health also helps explain why men value curvaceous figures. An upcoming paper by Devendra Singh of the University of Texas at Austin reveals that people consistently judge a woman's figure not by whether she is slim or fat but by the ratio waist to hips. The ideal proportion - the hips roughly a third larger than the waist - reflects a hormonal balance that results in woman's preferentially storing fat on their hips as opposed to their waists, a condition that correlates with higher fertility and resistance to disease. Western society's modern-day obsession with being slim has not changed this equation. Singh found, for instance, that while the winning Miss America has become 30 percent thinner over the past several decades, her waist-to-hip ratio has remained close to this ancient ideal. Women also appreciate a fair face and figure, of course. And what they look for in a male's physique can also be explained as an evolved mentality that links good looks with good genes. A number of studies have shown that both men and women rate as most attractive faces that are near the average; that is true in societies as diverse as those of Brazil, Russia and several hunting and gathering tribes. The average face tends to be more symmetrical, and, according to psychologist Steven Gangestad and biologist Randy Thornhill, both of the University of Mexico, this symmetry may reflect a person's genetic resistance to disease. People have two versions of each of their genes - one from each parent - within every cell. Sometimes the copies are slightly different, though typically each version works just as effectively. The advantage to having two slightly different copies of the same gene, the researchers argue, is that it is harder for a disease to knock out the function of both copies, and this biological redundancy is reflected in the symmetry in people's bodies, including their faces. Further evidence for a psychological mechanism that links attractiveness with health comes from Bruss's worldwide study of mating preferences: In those parts of the world where the incidence of parasites and infectious disease is highest, both men and women place a greater value on attractive mates. Some feminists reject the notion that women should alter physical appearance to gain advantage in the mating game. But archaeological finds suggest that the "beauty myth" has been very much a part of the human mating psychology since the times of our ancient ancestors - and that it applies equally to men. Some of the very first signs of human artistry are carved body ornaments that date back more than 30,000 years, and findings of worn nubs or ochre suggest that ancient humans may have used the red and black chalklike substance as makeup. These artifacts probably served as social signs that, like lipstick or a Rolex watch today, advertised a person's physical appearance and status. In one grave dating back some 20,000 years, a male skeleton was found bedecked with a tunic made from thousands of tiny ivory beads - the Stone Age equivalent of an Armani suit. Far from being immutable, biological mandates, these evolved mating mechanisms in the mind are flexible, culturally influenced aspects of human psychology that are similar to people's tastes for certain kinds of food. The human sweet tooth is a legacy from a time when the only thing sweet things in the environment were nutritious ripe fruit and honey, says Buss, whose book "The Evolution of Desire" is due next year. Today, this ancient taste for sweets is susceptible to modern-day temptation by candy bars and such, though people have the free will to refrain from indulging it. Likewise the mind's mating mechanisms can be strongly swayed by cultural influences such as religious and moral beliefs. Playing the Field Both men and women display different mating psychologies when they are just playing around as opposed to searching for a lifelong partner, and these mental mechanisms are also a legacy from ancient times. A new survey by Buss and his colleague David Schmitt found that when women are looking for "short term" mates, their preference for attractive men increases substantially. In a study released last month, Doug Kenrick and Gary Groth of Arizona State University fond that while men, too, desire attractive mates when they're playing the field, they will actually settle for a lot less. Men's diminished concern about beauty in short-term mates reflects the fact that throughout human evolution, men have often pursued a dual mating strategy. The most successful strategy for most men was to find a healthy, fertile, long-term mate. Bit it also didn't hurt to take advantage of any low-risk opportunity to sire as many kin as possible outside the relationship, just to hedge the evolutionary bet. The result is an evolved psychology that allows a man to be sexually excited by a wide variety of women even while committed to a partner. This predilection shows up in studies of men's and women's sexual fantasies today. A study by Don Symons of the University of California at Santa Barbara and Bruce Ellis of the University of Michigan found that while both men and women actively engage in sexual fantasy, men typically have more fantasies about anonymous partners. Surveys in the United States show that at least 30 percent of married women have extramarital affairs, suggesting that, like men, women also harbor a drive for short-term mating. But they have different evolutionary reasons for doing so. Throughout human existence, short-term flings have offered women an opportunity to exchange sex for resources. In Buss and Schmitt's study, women value an "extravagant lifestyle" three times more highly when they are searching for a brief affair than when they are seeking a long-term mate. Women who are secure in a relationship with a committed male might still seek out attractive men to secure healthier genes for their offspring. Outside affairs also allow women to shop for better partners. Sperm Warfare A women may engage the sexual interest of several men simultaneously in order to foster a microscopic battle known as sperm competition. Sperm can survive in a woman's reproductive tract for nearly a week, note biologists Robin Baker and Mark Bellis of the University of Manchester, and by mating with more than one man within a short period of time, a woman sets the stage for their sperm to compete to sire a child - passing this winning trait on to her male offspring as well. In a confidential survey tracking the sexual behavior and menstrual cycles of more than 2,000 women who said they had steady mates, Baker and Bellis found that while there was no pattern to when the women had sex with their steady partners, having sex on the side peaked at the height of the women's monthly fertility cycles. Since in ancient times a man paid a dear evolutionary price for being cuckolded, the male psychology produces a physiological counterstrategy for dealing with a woman's infidelity. Studying the sexual behavior of a group of couples, Baker and Bellis found that the more time a couple spend apart, the more sperm the man ejaculates upon their sexual reunion - as much as three times higher than average. This increase is sperm count is unrelated to when the man last ejaculated though nocturnal emission or masturbation, and Baker and Bellis argue that it is a result of a man's evolved psychological mechanism that bolsters his chances in sperm competition in the event that his mate has been unfaithful during their separation. As was no doubt the case in the times of our ancient ancestors, these concerns are not unfounded: Studies of blood typings show that as many as 1 of every 10 babies born to couples in North America is not the offspring of the mother's husband. Despite men's efforts at sexual subterfuge, women still have the last word on the fate of a man's sperm in her reproductive tract - thanks to the physiological effect of the female orgasm. In a new study, Baker and Bellis reveal that if a woman experiences an orgasm soon after her mate's, the amount of sperm retained in her reproductive tract is far higher than if she has an earlier orgasm or none at all. Apparently a woman's arousal, fueled by her feelings as well as her mate's solicitous attentions, results in an evolutionary payoff for both. Cads and Dads Whether people pursue committed relationships or one-night stands depends on their perceptions of what kind of mates are in the surrounding sexual environment. Anthropologist Elizabeth Cashdan of the University of Utah surveyed hundreds of men and women on whether they thought the members of their "pool" of potential mates were in general trustworthy, honest and capable of commitment. She also asked them what kinds of tactics they used to attract mates. Cashdan found that the less committed people thought their potential mates would be, the more they themselves pursued shortterm mating tactics. For example, if women considered their world to be full of "cads," they tended to dress more provocatively and to be more promiscuous; if they thought that the world was populated by potential "dads" - that is, committed and nurturing men - they tended to emphasize their chastity and fidelity. Similarly, "cads" tended to emphasize their sexuality and "dads" said they relied more on advertising their resources and desire or long-term commitment. These perceptions of what to expect from the opposite sex may be influenced by the kind of home life an individual knew as a child. Social scientists have long known that children from homes where the father is chronically absent or abusive tend to mature faster physically and to have sexual relations earlier in life. Psychologist Jay Belsky of Pennsylvania State University argues that this behavior is an evolved psychological mechanism, triggered by early childhood experiences, that enables a child to come of age earlier and leave the distressing situation. This psychological mechanism may also lead to a mating strategy that focuses on short-term affairs. The Green Monster Whether in modern or ancient times, infidelities can breed anger and hurt, and new research suggests subtle differences in male and female jealousy with roots in the ancient past. In one study, for example, Buss asked males and females to imagine that their mates were having sex with someone else or that their mates were engaged in a deep emotional commitment with another person. Monitoring his subjects' heart rates, frowning and stress responses, he found that the stereotypical double standard cuts both ways. Men reacted for more strongly than women to the idea that their mates were having sex with other men. But women reacted far more strongly to the thought that their mates were developing strong emotional attachments to someone else. As with out evolved mating preferences, these triggers for jealousy ultimately stem from men's and women's biology, say Buss. A woman, of course, has no doubt she is the mother of her children. For a man, however, paternity is never more than conjecture, and so men have evolved psychologies with a heightened concern about a mate's sexual infidelity. Since women make the greater biological investment in offspring, their psychologies are more concerned about a mate's reneging on his commitment, and, therefore, they are more attentive to signs that their mates might be attaching themselves emotionally to other women. Sexual Monopoly The male preoccupation with monopolizing a woman's sexual reproduction has led to the oppression and abuse of women world-wide, including, at its extremes, confinement, domestic violence and ritual mutilation such as clitordectomy. Yet the new research into the mating game also reveals that throughout human evolution, women have not passively acquiesced to men's sexual wishes. Rather, they have long employed a host of behavioral and biological tactics to follow their own sexual agenda - behaviors that have a huge impact on men's behavior as well. As Buss points out, if all women suddenly began preferring to have sex with men who walked on their hands, in a very short time half the human race would be upside down. With its emphasis on how both men and women are active players in the mating game, evolutionary psychology holds out the promise of helping negotiate a truce of sorts in the battle of the sexes - not be declaring a winner but by pointing out that the essence of the mating game is compromise, not victory. The exhortations of radical feminists, dyed-in-the-wool chauvinists and everyone in between are all the spices for a sexual stew that has been on a slow boil for millions of years. It is not accident that consistently, the top two mating preferences in Bruss's survey - expressed equally my males and females world-wide - were not great looks, fame, youth, wealth, or status, but kindness and intelligence. In the rough-and-rumble of the human mating game, they are love's greatest allies.

#2# IS IT LOVE OR NOT? Mature Love vs. Infatuation TEN QUESTIONS TO ASK ABOUT YOURSELF AND YOUR RELATIONSHIP 1. What do I want from this relationship? 2. Have I told him/her what is important to me in a relationship? 3. Does he/she tell me what is important to him/her in a relationship? 4. Am I happy with the way things are? 5. What type of changes would make it better? 6. Can we talk about touching? 7. Do I feel good about the touching we do? 8. Am I feeling pressured or am I pressurring? 9. How does the relationship affect other things or people in my life? 10 Who can I talk to when things get tough? Then it goes into these definitions: MATURE LOVE *both are individuals apart from the other *each accepts the fact that neither is perfect *the relationship is strong in tough times as well as happy times *the love gives each person energy to devote to all aspects of life *the two people are close friends *each person continues to grow as an independent human being *there is joy in giving as well as recieving *there is honesty and trust between the two people *each feels a responsibility to the others well being INFATUATION IS NOT LOVE *the person depends on the relation for self esteem *the person takes more from the relationship than they give *each is jealous of the others seperate activities *the relationship drains the person of energy *the person is afraid that the other person will lose interest in them *the person can only think of the other person -----------------------------------------------------------------------------How do you know when it's love? (Summary of replies to a survey) 1. When you see someone you like, how do you attract that person? *I flirt and smile a lot. I try to let them see who I am by sharing myself. *I find out what our mutual interests are and I try to find a way to share them. *By conversations and phone calls, make the other person know that you are alive and interested in him/her. *Do not put on an act, just be yourself. *You cannot go out and try "lines" on him/her, these are normally turn offs. *Do not try and move too fast. If it is meant to be, it will happen. 2. And once that person is attracted to you, how do you know you're in love? *By looking into his eyes and seeing my reflections through the tears of joy in his eyes. *By enjoying and appreciating the little things he did for me and getting goose bumps at the sound of his voice when he called my name. *I would say that if you are waiting for it to happen, it will take longer or it will not happen. Be patient with it. *When I know that I have seen my lover's soul and I love it. *Sharing daily things with each other and showing undivided attention to that person. 3. When you're in love, how would you express it? *Making the other person the most important person in your life is the key. *By being there and being able to count on the other person. You must be honest too. *I do his laundry and make his dinner for him when he is too tired to do them. *I do the mush stuff: cards, flowers, weekends away, etc. *I treat him well. I treat him like a best friend because he is. 4. And after expressing your everlasting love, how does your significant other return it? *By telling me how he feels deep inside, opening up to me, and telling me every little thing about his feelings towards things. *He returns my love by holding my hand when we are walking across the street. *Just seeing the glow and smile on the other person's face means that it must be love! *Love is a give and take arrangement. You must give love in order to receive it. *He loves me all the time! He purrs when I wake him up in the morning. He hugs me throughout the day. *When he looks at me, I see the love in his eyes. He treats me as though I was precious. Failing all else, one slightly insane guru suggested a sure fire method: *I would light my hair on fire and place a live salmon in my vest pocket to attract her. I know I'm in love when she can enjoy my salmon, but still respect my mind. I show her my love by doing interpretive dancing with fluorescent lightbulbs, followed by splashing multicolored dayglow paint against my thighs, and then dinner at McDonalds. And I know she loves me when there's an absence of gunfire and lawsuits. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------From: (Laakso Dianna) @}-,-`-- @}-,-`-- @}-,-`-- @}-,-`-subject: seeing 'the signs' (body language etc.) (James Peregrino) writes: [...] >1) she makes an attempt to break your personal space. i.e gets a little >closer to you than most people do. Yes, this is something some of us do. When standing and talking to someone I'm attracted to, I move just a little closer. If there's an empty seat beside him then of course I sit there. If he's done something kind for me then I touch him lightly on the arm when I say 'thanks'. Etc. >2) she conveniently runs into. Especially if your daily patterns are >predictable. Yep. I would try to be where he is.... but not so often that I would make a pest of myself. >3) her dressing patterns change. But balance this with knowing that it >could be due to a change in season. If she begins to wear pretty things, like romantic dresses, or skirts instead of jeans, jewlery when she never did before, perfume, a more attractive hairstyle, then interpret it as a sign. These are all things I find myself doing when I'm interested in someone. >4) Is she nervous around you? Makes silly mistakes? Definitely a sign, especially if she's just getting to know you... however, if the nervousness diminishes, DON'T take it as a sign that she's losing interest! Personally the more I like him and the more I get to know him, the less nervous I am around him. >5) When you are having a conversation with her and it is going well (or >very interesting) does she appear inordinately happy about that? How do you know women so well? ;) You'll see it in her eyes...if she thinks things are going well and that you're interested in her too, then it will show. Just take a good look into her eyes. You can't miss it. >6) Has she made any attempt to feel you out? A personal question dropped >in the middle of a conversation. Look for questions such as "Where are >you from?" "What town do you live in?". And especially any information >that could be used to determine if you are single or attached. 'What do you like to do in your free time?' 'How do you like this or that about your job?' 'Tell me about your family' I've been in a situation before when I was almost positive that he was interested in me, but I got the feeling that he was waiting for me to ask about his personal life, because it had something to do with his hesitation in starting a relationship with me. I didn't ask though...most women wouldn't unless they are very assertive (wish I were). Don't take it as a sign of non-interest if she doesn't take hints like that. >7) Body language: Either A) Looks you right in the eye. B) Avoids your >glance. Contradictory? Sure, but it is up to you to test this. Does >she look everyone else right in the eye? You job is to see if you can >find a consistent pattern of things that she does differently around >you. I look him straight in the eye, and hold his eyes a moment longer than I would in ordinary conversation with just anyone. James, you're a pretty observant guy. I wish they were all! - Dianna

Chapter 1 - "The Complete Guide to Meeting Women" Awesome Goal-Setting Techniques to Meet & Seduce Sexy Single Women Goal-setting is a powerful system in getting what you want, and this is, scoring with hot & sexy beautiful single women for some love, sex, and romance. "As you think, so you become." If you focus on a goal with determination, backed with a burning desire, you'll experience it. Setting a goal to pick up single women is acknowledging to your conscious and subconscious minds that where you stand as far as scoring with women is not where you want to be. Having a goal creates positive pressure on yourself, which is necessary to move you forward and motivate you to pick up women. Now, I will explain the following steps to goal-setting to pick up single women. Step 1- The first step in goal-setting is desire. Desire is the great motivator, the powerful force that drives you toward your goal. Step 2- The second step is belief - you must believe with all your heart and no doubts that you have the ability to achieve your goal. Step 3 - The third and most important step is to write your goal of picking up single women in complete detail, exactly as you wish to have it. Until your goal is committed to paper by you, it is not a goal; it is simply a wish backed by perhaps a lot of sexual fantasies. Step 4 - The forth step is to determine all the benefits you will receive by achieving your goals of scoring with single women. Write out on paper all the benefits you will enjoy by accomplishing your goal. You should really enjoy this step. Just let your sexual imagination run wild and put it on paper. Step 5 - Step number five is to set a deadline- decide exactly when you are going to accomplish your goal of picking up single women and put it on paper. Step 6 - Step number six is to identify the obstacles you will have to overcome to achieve your goal of picking up single women. You will discover that any major obstacles lingering in your mind and preventing you from picking up single women will become small when you write them down on paper. Step 7 - Step number seven is to clearly define the knowledge you need to learn in order to accomplish your goal. All the knowledge you need is right here in this book. Study it and put it into action. Step 8 - Step number eight is to take all the details that you have identified in step 6 and 7 and make a plan. Be sure and make it complete in every little detail, with all the things you need to do to accomplish your goal. Step 9 - Step number nine is to get a clear mental picture of your goal as already attained. Picture in your mind over and over seeing yourself scoring and picking up single women. Just let your imagination run wild. Become completely obsessed with picking up women in your mind. Step 10 - Your final step is to back your plan with determination, persistence, and a burning desire to never, never give up until you have achieved your goal. Here's an example of a written goal: By ___________(insert date) I will pick up and score with a hot & sexy beautiful single woman. I am now going out often and pursuing a sexual relationship with single women by every means possible until this goal is accomplished. I'm now taking action when I see an opportunity to pick up a woman. When I go to clubs now, I don't just sit there and watch other men meet and pick up single women. I'm aggressive with women now and move into action quickly and easily. It is extremely easy now for me to meet and talk with women, get their phone number, date, seduce and make love to women. Signed___________(your name) Date ____________ This is just an example of what to write for your goal. You can write whatever you want, this is just a guideline. This is very important. Write your goal on a 8 1/2 x 11 piece of paper, preferably blank with no lines. Now, you need to get copies of your favorite men's magazines. Cut out pictures of the nude models and paste them all around your written goal. When reading your goal look at these pictures and visualize yourself picking up single women. Looking at these pictures will work on your subconscious mind and motivate you to reach your goal. Read your goal and look at the photos twice daily. Once when you get up in the morning and once when you go to bed. These are the best times to do this because your subconscious mind is more receptive to suggestions at this time. Additional Tips To Help You Achieve Your Goals 1. Focus all of your attention, desire and energy in accomplishing your goal at hand. Forget completely about any consequences of failure with single women. Remember that you usually get what you think about most. 2. When you start on your goal, concentrate all of your energy without any distractions on the successful completion of your goal. Make reaching your goal an all-consuming obsession. 3. Develop a self-talk vocabulary to reach your goal of scoring with single women. Make it a habit to repeat again and again to yourself, "I want to - I can" in regards to scoring with single women. 4. Substitute the word "Try" with the word "Will" in your vocabulary associated with scoring with single women. This is a form of semantics and creates a new attitude of concentrating on things that you "Will do," instead of things you plan to "Try," with a built-in excuse in advance for possible failure. 5. Substitute the word "Can't" with the word "Can" in your daily vocabulary too. Always tell yourself you "Can" do things you set your mind to. In conclusion, set your goals and go for it! Happy Hunting! ----------------------------------------------------------------------------Chapter 2 - "The Complete Guide to Meeting Women" The Single Man's Guide to Using Body Language to Meet & Seduce Single Women You can attract more single women than you can handle for love, sex, and romance just by simply using the art of body language. Step by step I will guide you in the usage of successful body language using the following methods: How To Use Body Language To Attract Single Women 1. Develop a graceful, arrogant sort of walk. A walk that is free and easy with fluid movements. This kind of walk transmits a sexual message which will turn a woman's head. 2. When leaning against a wall or whatever, thrust your hips forward, with your legs apart. This position also transmits a sexual message. 3. While you are standing or especially when leaning, hook your thumbs in your belt just above your pockets and point your fingers down toward the genital area. Because of the fingers pointing toward the genital area, this sends out a sexual message to a woman and you will be amazed at how many women pick up this signal. 4. When talking to a single woman, let your eyes linger on her throat and her breasts. Also, while talking to her, wet your lips with your tongue. By using these two techniques, she usually will feel rather uneasy and excited. In conclusion, try these methods of attracting attention from single women and see if they work for you. They have worked successfully for a lot of men I know. Remember, the more techniques you use to attract a woman, the more women you're going to be picking up and that's the name of the game. How To Recognize Female Body Language That Says She's Available The following are some body signals and bodily movements that indicate a single woman is available and approachable: 1. A single woman sitting with her legs open. 2. A single woman sitting with one hand touching one of her breasts. 3. She protrudes her lips and thrust her breasts forward. 4. A single woman with a sexy walk, with her hips moving to and fro like the waves of the ocean. 5. She uses strong and sexy smelling perfume. 6. Sitting with her legs crossed in a manner to reveal her thigh. 7. Standing with one hand on her hip with her hip thrust forward. 8. A single woman wearing a low-cut dress, exposing her breasts. 9. Standing with her head cocked slightly at an angle, one foot behind the other, hips slightly thrust forward. 10. A single woman sitting with her arms crossed can indicate that she is frustrated and not having a good time and would welcome you approaching her. In conclusion, keep your eye open for all these body signals and movements. With practice you can recognize these easily and it will help you to determine which women are available. By being able to determine that a woman is available in advance, your success ratio in scoring will improve and you will move right in for the kill when you see these signals. How To Recognize Female Body Language That Means She's Interested in You The following body signals and bodily movements will indicate that a single woman is interested in you after meeting you: 1. Of course, if you do make eye contact and exchange smiles, this usually means that she is interested in you. 2. She sits uncomfortably close to you. 3. Her hand or thigh carelessly brushes up against your thigh. 4. A single woman exposing her wrist or palm to you. 5. While talking to you, she twiddles her hair, rearranges her clothes, or pushes her hair away from her face. 6. While talking to you, she strokes her thigh, wrists, or palm. 7. While talking to you, she blinks more than usual, fluttering her eyelashes. 8. While talking to you, her eyes are brighter than normal. She maintains eye contact and her pupils get bigger. 9. She sits with her legs crossed and pointed towards you. 10. She sits in a very straight position, displaying poise and good posture. 11. While conversing with you, she licks her lips. 12. Eyebrows raised and then lowered, then a smile, usually indicate interest. 13. While conversing with you, she rests an elbow in the palm of one hand, while holding out her other hand, palm up. 14. She touches your arm, shoulder, thigh, or hand while talking to you. 15. While conversing with you, she rests an elbow in the palm of one hand, while holding out her other hand, palm up. 16. She raises or lowers the volume of her voice to match yours. 17. She rubs her chin or touches her cheek. This indicates that she's thinking about you and her relating in some way. 18. Her skin tone becomes red while being around you. 19. She plays with her jewelry, especially with stoking and pulling motions. 20. She rubs her wrists up and down. In conclusion, look for these body signals and bodily movements by single women. They can be very helpful in evaluating how she feels about you. If you see she's really interested in you, really turn on the charm and give it your best efforts to score. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------Chapter 3 - "The Complete Guide to Meeting Women" How to Overcome Your Shyness and Get More Dates With Hot & Sexy Women The following is a guide to use in overcoming your shyness with single women. Follow these steps and you can overcome your shyness and start picking up single women instead of standing on the sidelines watching other men meet & pick up hot & sexy single women. 1. One of the biggest roadblocks to a shy man in picking up single women is fear. Fear that he will be rejected, fear that he won't know what to say, and fear that he won't know how to act. Believe me, there is nothing to fear but fear itself. Fear and anxiety will produce distinct psychological consequences and if there's anything that's going to hinder your success in picking up single women, it is going to be fear. The fear of being rejected by a woman can paralyze your attempts to pick up single women. Accept the fact that you're going to get rejected some of the time. Just because you get rejected by a woman it does not make you worthless. There can be many different reasons why a woman may not be interested in you at a given moment. Most of these reasons have little or nothing to do with you as a person. Being rejected by a woman is just a risk you will have to take and if you do get rejected by a woman, it's not the end of the world. Keep this in mind if you get rejected by a woman. No matter how many single women are not interested in you, you must remember there are many other single women out there, many of who would be delighted to know you. To overcome these fears and pick up single women for some love, sex, and romance you have got to approach it like you would if you were going to jump in a cold ocean to go swimming. Hurl yourself into it. Take action! You have got to practice at picking up single women. Sure, you'll get rejected a few times. We all do. So what if you get rejected. You may never see her again anyway. By practicing, you'll build up your confidence. Also, by accepting the fact that you're only practicing picking up single women, the pressure to succeed won't be so great. . 2. Has this ever happened to you? You see this beautiful single woman that you would love to meet. You try to build up your nerve to approach her and you make up an excuse not to approach her like, "I'm too scared" or "I'm too nervous." Pondering, stalling, postponing, reconsidering, these are all delaying tactics that impede action. If you find yourself telling yourself these lies and making excuses, block them out of your mind immediately and take action and approach that woman right then and there. Don't waste any time or you'll see one single woman after another walk right out of your life. Don't delay trying to pick up a woman or you might find yourself delaying all your life. 3. Get rid of the idea that people are always watching you, sizing you up and evaluating you. The only people who do this are shy people who spend a lot of time fearing that they are being evaluated negatively. The reason you think you are being watched is because you do this to others. The solution to breaking this habit is to stop judging and sizing people up and you will stop thinking that others are doing the same to you. Don't worry about people evaluating you unfavorably, because the reason for this is that they think they are better than you. 4. Shy men have difficulty in carrying on a conversation with the opposite sex. You're going to have to work on sharpening up your conversational skills. If you don't have any skills, you're going to have to develop some. You're not going to meet many single women unless you talk to them. _________________________________________________________________ Misconceived Beliefs of Shy Men: "If I Ask a Woman to Dance and She Turns Me Down Or If I Talk to a Woman and She Ignores Me, It's Because I am Not Worthwhile Or Good Enough For Her." This irrational belief causes shy men to fear approaching a woman and produces low self-esteem when they are rejected. This fear of being rejected and turned down prevents shy men from making contact with single women. For example, If you're turned down for a dance, it doesn't mean that you're not worthwhile or not good enough for her. She just may not feel like dancing at the moment. She may just be tired. She may not even dance, period. There can be a number of reasons. So don't take it personally. However, what I do in a case like this is to ask her, "Would you like to dance later?" If she says yes, maybe I'll ask her again later. In the mean time I'll ask other women to dance. What works best for me when they turn me down to dance is that I will ask them, "If you don't want to dance right now, do you mind if I join you for some conversation?" I was rarely turned down. A word about getting rejected for a dance. A lot of guys get turned down to dance, so don't feel that you're the only guy in the world that happens to. It happens to all guys, even handsome guys. If you approach a single woman and try to start up a conversation and she ignores you, don't take that personally either. She just may not feel like talking or being bothered. Perhaps she's tied down to a boyfriend or even married. Also, you just might not be using the proper social skills. So if she ignores you, move on to the next woman and you'll find someone who will respond to your advances. "The Odds Are Slim of a Woman Being Interested And Attracted to Me." This is the guy that has fixed opinions about himself and makes up excuses such as, "I'm not very lucky with women" or "I just don't stand a chance of picking up a woman" or "There aren't any good places where I can meet single women." These are just defensive statements to avoid placing the blame where it really belongs and that's on yourself. You just haven't tried hard enough to pick up a woman. That's where the real problem lies. Make it a point to block these beliefs out of your mind because they will hinder you from seeking out single women using your own initiative. "If I Stand Around Long Enough, Maybe Something Will Happen." Nothing could be farther from the truth. Waiting around for something to happen will most likely accomplish nothing. This will produce little action, if any at all. I just can't tell you how many nights I've wasted at nightclubs waiting for something to happen, that is until I wised up. If you wait for a woman to approach you and strike up a conversation, you'll be waiting all night. You have got to take the initiative and create your own action, it's not going to come to you out of the clear blue sky. "Most Guys Are Lucky That Pick Up Women." This is a very mistaken notion that picking up single women happens to other guys because of luck and good breaks. Picking up or meeting a single woman rarely happens just by accident. Somebody has to take that first step to initiate contact with a woman. The only difference between you and the other guy is he takes action, not because of a stroke of luck. So remember, you must go out and initiate action. You must make the effort to pick up single women. "If A Single Woman Doesn't Show She Likes Me Right Away, She Really Doesn't Like Me And Will Never Like Me." This is an unproductive belief that a single woman, upon first meeting her, must show complete interest in you by verbal and non-verbal communication. This is perfect example of this misconception: You ask a woman to dance and she readily accepts. After the dance is over she accepts another guys invitation to dance. You get all upset and say to yourself, "If she was really interested in me, she would have found some excuse not to dance with that guy when he asked her." What this guy doesn't know is that in the majority of cases like this, is that when interest is not immediately shown to the other, this doesn't mean that the possibility of liking you may not be there. So, don't give up on a woman if she accepts another guys invitation to dance. Just keep on pursuing her. In conclusion, it is rare when a single woman will show her liking and interest in you following a brief initial meeting. Prolonged communication and conversation are necessary before she can feel comfortable in showing her interest in you. "If You're Going to Make It With a Woman, You'll Both Know It When You Meet And There Won't Be Any Problem." This is the guy who is waiting for "love at first sight" to occur to initiate a relationship. Upon meeting a woman, if there are no vibrations or chemistry between them, he simply dismisses the encounter. He uses this as a defensive excuse for initiating any intimate contact with women. Waiting for "love at first sight" will prevent you from establishing real friendships with the opposite sex out of casual acquaintances. You don't have to be madly in love with a woman to show interest and concern and to establish a friendly rapport. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------Chapter 4 - "The Complete Guide to Meeting Women" How to Seduce Sexy Single Women on the Dance Floor Single women love to dance and you can use this to your advantage. Here's a few techniques you help you successfully make single women desire you while dancing: How to Score With Sexy Women While Fast-Dancing If you don't dance you'd better learn, because most single women go to a nightclub to dance and have a good time. You don't have to invest a lot of money in private dancing lessons either. Many cities offer inexpensive dance classes with groups, or perhaps you have a female friend who will teach you. You don't have to learn anything real fancy. Just basic free-style nightclub dance steps will be sufficient. Besides, in a lot of nightclubs the dance floor is so crowded there's just not enough room to do any of the sophisticated nightclub dance steps, especially on the weekend. When approaching a woman to ask her to dance, whatever you do don't fondle her, paw at her body, or put your arm around her shoulders or waist. This turns most women off when a stranger starts pawing at her body. It degrades her and makes her feel like a piece of meat in a meat market. Just simply walk up next to her and say with a smile, "Would you like to dance?" If she says no, just say, "OK." You might also say, "Thanks anyway" or even better, "How about later?" Don't stand there and aggravate her by arguing with her as to why she won't dance with you. Just go on to the next girl and so on until you find someone to dance with. Also, look for a woman tapping her feet or moving her body to the beat of the music. This usually means that she is anxious to dance. If she's dancing with herself while standing, this also means she's dying to dance. Don't forget to dance to the slow songs, even though they don't play too many at the nightclubs. Don't pass up these good opportunities to get some instant physical contact with a woman. So now you're out on the dance floor dancing to a fast song. While you're dancing with her, make eye contact. Just catch her eye and hold it momentarily, then look away. Repeat this process until you start getting a smile out of her or at least a look of interest. Of course, now some women won't look at you while you're dancing. They don't focus their eyes on anyone in particular and look at their feet, or the floor, or they're busy trying to show off in front of everyone else. Some women are self-conscious about everybody watching them, so they don't make much eye contact. Anyway, try to establish as much eye contact as possible. This will be to your advantage. While you're dancing this first dance together, be sure and make some verbal contact no matter how loud the music is. The first thing you should say is, "What's your name?" After she tells you her name tell her yours. Now you have become formally introduced, just by dancing. Also, make a comment on how nice she looks or compliment her outfit or dress. So now this first song is coming to an end. When it ends don't hesitate and look at her to see if she wants to dance to the next song. Just turn away from her while continuing to dance and look at her out of the corner of your eye to see what she is going to do. You see, by hesitating at the end of a song, you force a direct confrontation on whether to dance to the next song. If you just keep on dancing into the next song, taking it for granted that she wants to dance again, you'll be more successful in keeping her out on the dance floor. The longer you dance with her the better your chances of getting to know her. Now we get to the part when you finish dancing. This will usually end in these following ways: 1. She stops dancing and says, "Thank you." 2. You're both hot, sweaty, and exhausted from dancing and mutually agree to leave the dance floor. 3. Either one of you develops a cramp and has to leave the dance floor. This is very important! After you have finished dancing whatever you do, don't let her get away after thanking you for the dance. Just simply say, "Can I join you for a drink?" Also, you could say, "Can I talk to you about something?" After this statement, she will say,"Talk about what?" Then you say, I'll tell you when we sit down." After this, just start making conversation. Also, if she doesn't have a table and she is just standing like yourself, just say, "Can I talk to you for a little while?" So, what you do after you finish dancing can determine the future of your whole night and whether you're going to score or not. What I can't figure out is these guys that dance with a woman and don't even look at or talk to her while they are dancing and when they finish, he says, "Thanks" and just walks away. Needless to say, you don't meet any single women this way. So when you have finished dancing, move right in for the kill. Don't even hesitate, just proceed immediately with determination that you're going to make contact with this woman. How to Seduce Sexy Single Women While Slow-Dancing Let me give you a few pointers if you're slow-dancing and by all means try to dance to every slow dance because of the physical contact involved. As in fast dancing, immediately start introduction procedures. Open up by saying, "My name is ___________. What's yours?" When slow-dancing try to hold her as close to your body as possible. Gently now! Don't squeeze her like an octopus. When moving your right leg, gently brush her inner thighs. While dancing, gently squeeze her hand and see if you get any response. If you do, continue with the next step. Start rubbing her back with your hand. At this point if she starts rubbing your shoulders, neck, or chest and starts grinding her crotch against yours, you're on your way. At this stage of the game it's time to try and kiss her. Begin kissing her neck and work your way up to behind the ear, then the ear lobe, then kiss her on the lips. If you've gotten this far, chances are you're going to score tonight, if not later for sure. If you have tried all these moves and you do not get any response, don't be concerned about it. Some single women are reluctant to show any affection towards a total stranger. This is quite common, so don't jump to conclusions thinking that she's cold or not interested in you. Whatever you do, don't give up on a woman who does not respond to your physical advances while slow-dancing. Just follow up with your conversational skills and get to know her better and get her to like you. Perhaps then she will loosen up when she gets to know you a little better and becomes interested in you. If you employ good pick-up techniques, you shouldn't have any problems.

The Main Factors that seem to determine someone's compatibility with another person (as revealed in most social psychology courses) are as follows: Geographical and Communicational Closeness The closer you are to someone, or the more contact you have, the more likely you are to fall for them. This is known as the propinquity effect, and is one of the greatest factors on liking. Similarities Opposites generally do NOT attract. People who have similar interests are going to be easier to find things to do to spend time with. This is not to say that you need to be identical, but it doesn't hurt to have (or acquire) similar interests with someone you have your eye on. Reciprocal Liking Despite what they say about always wanting what you can't have, We more often tend to like people who we know already like us, because this makes for less awkwardness and more control, so if you want someone to like you, do as much as you can to seem interested in their conversation and presence. Physical Attractiveness As Shallow as it sounds, this is high up on the list of important qualities, so learn to deal with it. It is believed there is a survival factor to this, because attractiveness is believed to have once been a sign of hardiness and ability to bear strong children. Don't fear if you're not attractive according to the public standards however. Physical attractiveness varies in the eye of every beholder, and there truly is somebody how finds everyone beautiful, just hang in there till you find them :) Well those are the four big ones. Ways to improve your success rate therefore are to look for people close to you, with some similar interests, try and give off signs that you like them (Without seeming obsessive) and try and look your best.

Past Relationships Can Make Your New Ones Better
Every person you date helps shape your life. Because when you date someone, you not only learn about them - you also learn a few things about yourself. A doomed relationship is not necessarily bad. It just means that on some level there is an incompatibility that cannot be reconciled. The trick is to take these past experiences and use them to your future benefit. Analyze your time together. Look carefully at your growth as a couple, as well as how you grew as an individual during that period, and you will start to see how the person changed you, for better or for worse. You will then see that, while the relationship has ended, you still carry with you many of the things that you loved about that person. That growth makes relationships, even doomed ones, seem like stepping stones in your development, and not wasted time to be mourned. Look back at your past relationships, and see how you have developed. For instance, maybe your ex was an avid reader and she turned you on to some great literature. Maybe she introduced you to "Seinfeld." Perhaps she once said she loved a man who cooked, so you decided to get involved in the kitchen. If she was a vegetarian, maybe you stopped eating meat. On the other hand, maybe she hated going out in the sun, so you stayed inside and put on 20 pounds. Maybe she drove you to the brink of insanity and now you have to seek therapy. Either way, she changed you. And in turn you changed her. The next time she gets involved in a relationship, perhaps she will know better than to try to change her man. Maybe she will be more patient when her date does not want to go to the mall. Heck, you may have helped mold her into the perfect girlfriend. Unfortunately, you just won't get to enjoy the benefits. You may even take pride in being a finishing school for women. They will come to you, naive and uncertain, and when they finally leave you they will be totally prepared for any of the crap a boyfriend can dish out. Most likely by the time a girl is done with you, they are ready to move on to a lasting, long-term relationship. Since your ex got so much out of your relationship - and we're not talking your boxers or favorite CDs - you should do the same. Think about the things you did that ticked her off, think about the things you did that brought a smile to her face, then work on those things. Maybe that is why women tend to date guys older then they are. Clearly they are hoping these guys have learned some things about relationships and matters of the heart. If you pay attention to your relationships, and learn from them, then somewhere along the way you will become the perfect date, perfect boyfriend, perfect husband, and may even a ladies man. But don't hold your breath.

Make Girl Friends To Attract Girlfriend
It is a known fact that a man with a girlfriend is the most attractive man in the world. Women find him irresistible. That's because when he is out on the town, he is just being himself. He is not the least bit concerned about with whom he is going home. Women can see this, and they find it very attractive. They know that the difference between a man with a significant other and a man on the prowl is like the difference between a millionaire and a derelict: One doesn't have a thing in the world to worry about, and the other has a hint of desperation or defeat behind his eyes. "It's true that man who have girlfriends are more desirable," said Jen, 20. "They are unobtainable, and we all want something we can't have." This time-tested theory has been the downfall of many relationships. We've all seen it happen. A guy who has been involved with only one person for a while has become secure and confident - two qualities women adore. And when beautiful women start to respond to these qualities, he immediately - and mistakenly - believes it's his own animal magnetism that's drawing 'em like files. Soon he decides that he owes the female population more time and attention then he could give all those women as a committed man, so he leaves his girlfriend and becomes a driveling idiot with no magnetism, just like he was before he lucked into the girlfriend. There's an adage that goes something like this: "It takes money to make money." Well I think the same goes for getting girls. It takes girls to get girls. Instead of hanging out in packs of meatheads, guys need to foster more intergender relationships even if they are of the platonic type. When a woman sees you hanging out with your friends, or by yourself, she has no idea if you're a decent guy or a jerk. But if you are standing there shooting the breeze with a woman, all of a sudden you are vouched for. Women will start to wonder what it is about you that they are missing. The reason is simple: Women don't trust their own judgement. They need a confirmation by another woman - verbal or otherwise - that you are datable material. Sure, there are some women who might be turned off by a man who appears to have a girlfriend but is hitting on them. That is why it is important to let the object of your affection know that you and the lady you are with are just good friends and, in fact, the girl you are with insisted that you make the moves on her. This not only conveys that you will do whatever a woman tells you to do, but that you are innocent and in need of a little guidance. After all, women love to give a little guidance. And if you're worried about your looks - forget it. Everyone knows men don't have to look like Brad Pitt to pick up girls. In fact, man can look like Lyle Lovett and make out just fine. Do you think for a second that having Julia Roberts on his resume has hurt his chances with the ladies? I doubt it. The 1987 movie "Can't Buy Me Love" illustrates the point perfectly. A geeky guy pays a popular girl to hang out with him for a month. When they end their "affair," all the other girls in the school can't wait to find out what the geek had going on. Just think - you can be that geek. By cultivating a few strong, friendly relationships with some fun, attractive women, you can have girls all over the place dying to find out what your story is.

Being single is better than being with wrong person
Being single means being good at waiting. It means having patience and not settling for something because you're bored with being single. Being single is often both an opportunity and a commitment to learn from the mistakes of relationships past. Of course, telling single people they should not fall into the first available relationship is a little like telling aging NFL stars they should not do phone commercials with Alf. They already know it's not a good idea, but they can't seem to control themselves. There are many men and women who have spent long careers as boyfriends and girlfriends and can't imagine doing anything else. In fact, they are so accustomed to being entrenched in relationships they have a hard time defining themselves when they are single. People face relationship opportunities daily - well, at least monthly. But once they decide to take a chance, a little self control and pacing at the outset of the relationship can be the difference between jumping back into a tired cycle of dependency and figuring out what compatibility really means. For most people, at least at some point, compatibility means physical attraction. This is understandable because physical intimacy is one of the biggest things missing from a single person's life. Of course, so is emotional intimacy, but it's easier for people to forget about that than the fact they haven't hooked up in a while. It's natural for a person who is suffering from loneliness to jump at the chance to establish a connection with someone they find attractive. But it's important to discover whether physical attractiveness is the basis for the relationship or if there is common ground that will give two people a chance in the future. It sounds simple, but many people have made the mistake of not waiting for an intellectual attraction before falling head-long in love. Unfortunately, it is only after they have committed their hearts to an unworthy cause that they discover their mistake. And even when people learn they have made an error, there is the tendency to try to overcompensate for a lack of intellectual attraction by focusing even more energy on the physical attraction. Relationships they could have been a mere fling can take on a true-love aura and linger for months after they should of ended. Showing a little patience in the face of one more Saturday night without plans sounds like a lot to ask of someone who is weary of not being in love. But in the long run, a Saturday night spent with someone who may be physical turn-on but is also an ultimate bore. This is not to say that unless compatibility is a foregone conclusion that dating is a bad idea. It's not. Dating is how people learn whether there is both physical and intellectual attraction. It's how we determine who is worthy of our intimacy and our love and who is an object of lust. It's the time spent outside of a relationship that is the key to understanding the difference between the two.

The Top 10 Dining Etiquette Tips to Impress Single Women When on a Dining Date: 1. Whatever you do, don't use curse words in your dining conversations. This can really turn women off and can even spoil your chances for dating her again and your potential relationship goes right down the drain. 2. Don't bring your cell phone on your dining date. You don't want any interruptions and you want to give her your undivided attention. Also, you may mistakenly think that cell phones impress women by thinking that you are a important businessman or something. The women are going to be impressed by how you treat them, not because you have a cell phone. 3. I highly recommend that you bring some dental floss and tic tacs with you on your date. After you complete your meal, excuse yourself and go to the restroom and floss your teeth and take a breath mint. The reason for this is that you don't want any food stuck on your teeth while talking to her (this can be very embarrassing and you won't even be aware of it and of course you don't want to have bad breath either. 4. Don't bore your date by constantly talking about yourself, what material possessions you have, important people you know, your fancy car, your money, etc. In other words, stay away from your ego trip, just focus on her and revolve your conversation around her and her interests. 5. Never bite your nails while you are dining. 6. Please, whatever you do, don't light up a cigar while you are eating. It will not only turn her off, but will annoy other patrons with the foul odor of a cigar. 7. Refrain from chewing gum while dining. 8. When asked how you are doing. Always reply, "I'm doing great, how about yourself?" Don't reply with how bad you are feeling or discussing any ailments. 9. If there are other people in your party, be sure and include them in your conversations. In other words, don't ignore the other people at your table, especially if they are her friends. 10. Whenever she reaches for a cigarette, be sure and light it for her. ---------------------------------------------------------------------Listed here is the proper dining etiquette when on a dinner date with women: Be sure and make reservations if you are going to a fancy or popular restaurant. It's very embarrassing to show up without reservations and having to wait an hour or two for a table. Also, be sure a check to see if they have a dress code and dress properly. Be sure and tell your date in advance what to wear. When your food comes don't gobble your food down like you haven't eaten in a week. Eat at a moderate pace so you will have more time for conversation. It makes a bad impression if you gobble down your food and you spend the rest of the time watching your date eat. Be sure and use your napkin and place it in your lap. Do not tuck it in your belt or use it as a bib. When being seated do not allow them to place you in "bad" spots such as noisy areas, next to the restrooms, by the front or back door, areas with a bad atmosphere, etc. Do not slurp your soup, smack your lips, or chew with your mouth open. Nothing is more unsightly than watching someone talk and chew their food at the same time. Should you order for your date? If you are at a classy restaurant, you should order for your date. Ask her in advance what she wants and when the waiter or waitress comes, order for her. This makes a good impression on women. When eating insert your fork straight in your mouth. Do not place your fork in the side of your mouth. This increases the chances of you dropping your food on your table and that's embarrassing. If you get food stuck in your mouth do not pick it out with your fingers or fork at the table. Excuse yourself and go to the restroom and get it out with a toothpick. Be sure and leave at least a 15% tip (unless the service is bad). Single women will judge you on your tipping habits. If you are cheap it can make a bad impression on them. Don't whip out a pen and paper or calculator to calculate the tip, it could leave an impression on her that you are "cheap." Here's an easy way to do it in your head. Let's say that your bill comes to $45.10. Move the decimal point one place to the left ( this will come to $4.51 which is 10% of the bill). Now divide $4.51 by 2 which will give you $2.25. Now add $4.51 + $2.25 = $6.76 in your head and this will give you a 15% tip. That wasn't so hard was it?

Green Bay Restaurant Search Category is "Fine Dining" Cost Average is "$11 - $15" _________________________________________________________________ A's Dockside Cafe 112 N. Broadway DePere, WI 54115 (920) 336-2277 Categories: Fine Dining Average Cost: $11 - $15 _________________________________________________________________ Backgammon Pub & Restaurant 2920 Ramada Way Green Bay, WI 54304 (920) 336-0335 Categories: Bar & Grill, Family Restaurant, Fine Dining Average Cost: $11 - $15 _________________________________________________________________ Carlton Inn 2607 Nicolet Dr Green Bay, WI 54311 (920) 468-1086 Categories: Fine Dining Average Cost: $11 - $15 _________________________________________________________________ Chanterelles 2638 Bay Settlement Rd Green Bay, WI 54311 (920) 469-3200 Categories: Fine Dining Average Cost: $11 - $15 _________________________________________________________________ Charneski's Prime Cut Steak House 3171 Manitowoc Rd Green Bay, WI 54311 (920) 468-7679 Categories: Fine Dining Average Cost: $11 - $15 _________________________________________________________________ Eve's Supper Club 2020 Riverside Drive Green Bay, WI 54301 (920) 435-1571 Categories: Fine Dining Average Cost: $11 - $15 _________________________________________________________________ Mariner Supper Club 2222 Riverside Dr Green Bay, WI 54301 (920) 437-7101 Categories: Family Restaurant, Fine Dining Average Cost: $11 - $15 _________________________________________________________________ Prime Quarter Steak House 2610 S Oneida St Green Bay, WI 54304 (920) 498-8701 Categories: Bar & Grill, Family Restaurant, Fine Dining Average Cost: $11 - $15 _________________________________________________________________ Rivers Bend 792 N Riverview Dr Green Bay, WI 54303 (920) 434-1383 Categories: Fine Dining Average Cost: $11 - $15 _________________________________________________________________ Rock Garden Supper Club & Banquet Hall 1951 Bond St Green Bay, WI 54303 (920) 497-4701 Categories: Family Restaurant, Fine Dining Average Cost: $11 - $15 _________________________________________________________________ Stratosphere 2850 Humbolt Rd Green Bay, WI 54311 (920) 468-1452 Categories: Fine Dining Average Cost: $11 - $15 _________________________________________________________________ Terrapin Station 623 George St DePere, WI 54115 (920) 339-9903 Categories: Fine Dining Average Cost: $11 - $15 _________________________________________________________________ Union Hotel 200 N Broadway DePere, WI 54115 (920) 336-6131 Categories: Fine Dining Average Cost: $11 - $15 _________________________________________________________________ Wild Onion 1632 Hwy 41 DePere, WI 54115 (920) 336-2303 Categories: Fine Dining, Ethnic Average Cost: $11 - $15 _________________________________________________________________ Ziggey's Inn 741 Hoffman Rd Green Bay, WI 54301 (920) 339-7820 Categories: Fine Dining Average Cost: $11 - $15 _________________________________________________________________

Here are some common problems you will face in relationships and a trouble shooting guide to fix them: Problem: As long as the two of you are doing something, everything is fine, but when you are alone with each other you seem to have nothing to say. Solution: This does not bode well for your relationship. If you cannot communicate, you may not have much in common. Problem: The woman you are going with consistently shows up late for dates. Solution: You are a low priority with her. Reconsider how important she is in your life. Problem: After meeting a single woman, things usually go well for the first few dates, but then she loses interest in you. Solution: This seems to be a repeating pattern in your relationships. 1. Become a more interesting person. 2. Develop your talents and explore the depths of your potential. 3. Review basic conversational skills. 4. Do you attach yourself to the woman, "smothering'" her? 5. Do your constant attentions allow her to take you for granted? Problem: You are going out with a woman who shows you no affection at all, who constantly criticizes you, who shows no interest in the things that are important to you. She permits you to take her to dinner and entertain her, and makes you feel that this is what you owe her for being with her. You are nevertheless overwhelmed and grateful to be near her, and if you could only get her to return your love, it would make your life complete. Solution: If it is your life's ambition to be abused and exploited, then you have found your soul mate. Otherwise, run, don't walk, to the nearest exit. Problem: You seem to be stuck in a rut. Your life has settled into a dull routine of loneliness and even the prospect of a close relationship hardly excites you any more. Solution: Try a change of pace. 1. Fill up your free time with activities. 2. Take classes. Join clubs. Do volunteer work. 3. Devote yourself to a hobby. 4. Start work on your novel. 5. Step out of the role. 6. Be a bit more flexible, and less predictable in your behavior. 7. Deliberately act out of character occasionally. 8. If you are in a permanent state of depression, consider professional counseling. Problem: You are tired of making a fool of yourself over women, tired of being humiliated and rejected. You don't know where you'll find the courage to go on looking for your love. Solution: 1. Get a good night's sleep. 2. Wake up fortified with a teeny bit of optimism, and smile at the people you meet on the way to work. 3. Forget about girlfriend hunting for a few weeks, perhaps a month or two, and concentrate on improving your relationships with your family and friends. Problem: Absolutely nothing seems to work. Solution: 1. Perhaps it is not a good time in your life to be seeking a relationship. 2. You might not yet be ready for one. 3. Treat yourself to a six month's breather, a vacation from looking or a girlfriend. 4. Enlarge your circle of acquaintances. 5. Develop new interests. 6.Grow, learn, and be patient.

What To Do When It's Over
It's a sad fact of life, but at some point in your life you will get dumped by a girlfriend. And, no guy likes to get dumped, especially by someone you cared for and loved. But, love is a two-way street. Both parties have to love and nurture a relationship to keep it alive. It's no good to be involved in a one-way relationship with a woman that you love and she does not love you back. The Cardinal Rule of Life is- "Never stay where you are not appreciated." This applies to all phases of life - jobs, sports, and social activities - but it especially applies to dealing with single women. If a girl is not interested in you, then that is that. Nothing you can do is going to change it. Don't waste time with people who aren't into you. Even if she looks like the girl of your dreams, it will lead nowhere so move on. By hanging around this girl, you portray an image to her and everyone else that you are a person who is found unattractive by women. And worse, you are used to it. After all, if you had other women who were attracted to you why would you be hanging around her? When are you not being appreciated? When you are the only one putting energy into the relationship. You are the glue holding the whole thing together. She is neither showing nor giving any effort or energy towards being with you. She's not making herself available to get together. She lacks enthusiasm. In sum, when trying to get something to develop is a struggle. If you experience these symptoms and recognize the lack of "magic" present when two people are mutually interested, don't try any remedies - just leave. Don't make a speech, or a scene, or an issue. Simply bow out gracefully and pursue girls who are interested in you. You will be doing yourself and everyone else a big favor. I know you're going to feel like shit in the beginning after your girlfriend breaks up with you or you decide to call it quits. But, you will get over her a hell of a lot easier if you will take these steps to get over her and get on with your life: 1. Don't sit around feeling sorry for yourself and try to scheme up ways to get your girlfriend back. Don't make any efforts whatsoever and whatever you do, don't call her or write her. You need to block her out of your life completely and pretend that she does not even exist on this earth anymore. 2. If you have any pictures of her laying around, on the wall, or in your wallet, hide them in your attic or somewhere where you will not likely see them. Even better, throw them away or burn them. You could be nice and return them to her if you desire. 3. Here's a good ritual to get her out of your system: Sit down and write her a letter telling her pissed off and hurt you are about her dumping you and tell her good bye and you don't want to ever see her again. Don't mail this letter, but just set it aside somewhere. This is just a good way to vent your feelings and make you feel better. 4. Block out of your mind all the good times you had. Just focus on the negative and bad times (her bitchy moods, her always nagging you, standing you up for dates, refusing to have sex with you, telling her you love her and she does not say anything in return, her not returning your calls, her flirting with other guys when you go out, her unsightly nose hairs, her fat ass, all your arguments, etc.). After some serious thinking, you may come to realize that you had mostly bad times and things worked out for the best by you getting out of an unhappy relationship. 5. Be sure and hide or destroy any love letters or cards she may have given to you. 6. Return any gifts she may given to you. You don't need the reminders of her and I would consider throwing them away or donating them to the needy. 7. Don't listen to the crying in your beer songs or songs that you shared together. Listen only to upbeat music that will cheer you up. Laying around listening to sad songs is only going to make you feel worse. If you can, avoid going to places that will remind you of your ex. In conclusion, keep real active and busy and spend a lot of time with your friends. And most importantly, get back in circulation and start dating again. And, don't be choosy and particular when you start dating again. Date any and all single women. You need to get back in the groove and don't hold out waiting for some Playboy Playmate type to come along. Fight the feelings of loneliness/blues after you break up with work. The kinda that produces a heavy sweat (physical labor). This takes your mind off of your negative emotions when you're feeling down. And negative emotions are your worst enemy. Because, when you dwell on your misfortunes in attracting love, it only makes you feel worse. Always try to think positive and what ever happens to you in life is only temporary. Life goes in cycles and there will be good and bad times. Always strive to dwell on the good times you've experienced with women in your life and bury your past failures with women.

Common Situations With Practical Answers 1. As you walk from a store, a young woman approaches you. She boldly announces, with a mischievous grin on her face, that she had been watching you paw through the cookware. "I could tell, you add up the prices in your head", she says. How do you answer? 2. Walking down the street, you notice an attractive single woman several hundred feet away seem to stare at you, possibly even smile. Do you approach her? How? What do you say? 3. At the supermarket, a well-dressed single woman stares into your shopping cart. She remarks that you seem to have a special liking for canned spaghetti. Could she be "hitting" on you or is she just making a joke at your expense? 4. You have been good, but not intimate friends with a woman for years. She trusts and confides in you. She is in the process of breaking up with her longtime boyfriend. She turns to you for comfort and solace. Is it time for something more than friendship between the two of you? 5. On the street, you run into a classmate from high school. She walks right up to you and starts chatting, as if she had seen you just last week, rather than a decade ago. She would not have con descended to notice you back in school, but now she is extremely friendly, even intrusive. Do you respond to her overtures? 6. At work, a single woman loudly announces to her friends that she would accept an invitation from "anyone" to a certain dance club. She is looking in your direction and she seems to have taken pains to ensure you will overhear her. You scarcely know the woman, and had not even considered approaching her. What to do? 7. As the office party breaks up, amidst considerable noise and confusion, a woman you hardly know grabs you and kisses you on the lips, hard (you rather enjoy the sensation). Is she drunk, or does this indicate genuine interest in you? 8. The woman you have been going out with consistently shows up late for dates, at times an hour or more. She always has an excuse, but you are beginning to get somewhat annoyed. What should you do? 9. As you pass a group of single young women on the street, one of them makes a rather suggestive remark about you, to the accompaniment of raucous laughter from the others. What should you do? 10. The disastrous blind date scenario. A good friend has set you up with "the perfect woman for you". You talked with her on the phone and seemed to hit it off. When you show up at the rendezvous, here is this alluring Hollywood film star wannabe in a tight fitting sweater, reeking of expensive perfume, literally oozing glamour, and flaunting her good looks. She takes one look at you and visibly recoils. She seemed to have been expecting a male counterpart, and her distaste for you is all too plain. What should you do? If there are no wrong answers, neither are there correct ones to the problems given. A workable strategy depends not only on the situation and the people involved, but also on timing, "delivery", and a good measure of luck. The following are only suggestions, tantalizing hints to provoke your thinking. Detailed solutions are left as an "exercise for the reader". Here are the corresponding numbered answers to match the questions: 1. Smile. That's always a good start. "Hmmm, I'm honored that you consider my shopping technique worthy of your attention, ma'am. While I don't consider shopping for frying pans a critically important activity, all the same, I do my humble best. And, no, I can't quite track all the prices, as I seem to have a sticking digit somewhere behind my left eye. It helps if I whack my forehead occasionally, like so..." 2. Smile back. Wave. Give her the chance to respond. If she does not, shrug your shoulders and walk on. 3. "Well, yes, I enjoy this particular brand for the tangy metallic flavor of the sauce. For a fellow who finds boiling water a nearly impossible task, I think I do a pretty fair job at making this stuff fit to eat." 4. Remain friends. Give her comfort and support, but be extremely wary of becoming more closely involved with her, at least at this time. 5. Talk is cheap. Stay noncommittal, and let her carry the burden of the conversation. 6. This is a double whammy. On the one hand, she is displaying behavior typical of a giggly teenager. On the other, she is making it perfectly clear that she would be using you only as a convenience, to provide an escort for her into the club, and that any generic male would do as well. Let her find another victim. 7. The next working day, flowers for her arrive at the office, with an unsigned card saying; "The kiss lingers". 8. You seem to be number 468 on her list of priorities. Have a long talk with her, but realize the relationship may be in serious trouble. 9. Rudeness has become a national epidemic. Consider this a minor annoyance, the equivalent of bird droppings falling on you from the sky. Keep walking. 10. "I'm not quite what you were expecting, Leila. It does appear that we are quite unsuited for each other, and I would be most happy to relieve you of the obligation of spending the evening with me." Put her into a taxi. Go home. Cook yourself spicy pasta. Read a good book. Consider yourself fortunate not to have wasted a perfectly fine evening entertaining an airhead.

How to Tell if a Single Woman is Interested in You - Reading Her Signals
Unfortunately, we don't live in a world where our dating availability is conveniently marked on our foreheads. In the dating game body language can say a lot about a person. If you're a shy guy, learn how to read a single woman's seductive signals before you ask her out or to dance. Remember, shy can be very sexy! Figuring out whether or not she's single or taken takes a little detective work, and sometime it may not be determined in just one sitting. Below are signals Single women give out, if she has a boyfriend, then chances are she won't be twirling her hair, and touching & talking to other men so casually. Women who are already attached usually don't bother looking around as they have no intention of meeting other men. If it's someone you work with or see often, it becomes more complicated, since you don't want to come right out and ask her if she is romantically involved or not. In this case, pay attention to any conversations you have. For example; If she tells you that she has a dog named Max, does a lot of cooking, goes to the gym every week, and takes art lessons, chances are she doesn't have a man to come home to. The two tip-offs are she has a lot of time on her hands and does a lot to keep herself busy. And she's very open and friendly when it comes to you. Usually the biggest and most obvious signal in regular social situations is eye contact w/ relaxed smile, and then she starts futzing with her necklace/collar. And/Or if she is with a group of friends, she has her friends look at you too. There are a lot of signs to look for, here are the top ten flirting gestures, body language, and actions that let you know a single woman is interested in you: 1) Eyebrow flash: She raises both eyebrows exaggeratedly for a couple of seconds, followed by a rapid lowering to the normal position. The flash is often combined with a smile and some eye contact. 2) Lip lick: Very common. Some women use only a single-lip lick, wetting the upper or lower lip, while others run the tongue around the entire lip area. Pay attention to any showing of the tongue or biting of the lips. 3) Short darting glances: Usually occurs in sets, with an average of three glances each. 4) Hair flip/twirling her hair: She pushes her fingers through her hair. This can be one hand movement or more of a stroking motion, usually while looking at you. 5) Coy smile: She gives you a sort of half-smile, showing little if any tooth, combined with a downward gaze or very brief eye contact. 6) Whisper: She leans over and speaks into her friend's ear, just like in junior high school. 7) Primping: She pats or smoothes her clothing, even if it doesn't need any adjusting. 8) Skirt hike: The hem goes up to expose a little more leg. 9) Object caress: Fondling keys/jewelry, sliding hands up and down a glass, playing with toys or other things on the table. Very sensual. 10) Solitary dance: While seated, she moves in time to the music, with her eyes on you.

Dating Tips For The Timid
Dating is a learned behavior, just like playing tennis or riding a bike. The more you do it, the better you get at it. Without a great deal of dating experience, you may find dating to be both perplexing and overwhelming. It's not surprising to find yourself out of your comfort zone when you have little knowledge about how to get into the swing of dating. The lack of experience causes you to feel shy and unassertive in the dating world. People who are bashful in social situations have little faith in their own social appeal, and thus have a tendency to run away from possible social interactions. If someone looks at you, and you react by looking away, you appear aloof and disinterested. Eye contact with an upturned smiley face is all that is needed to make yourself easily approachable. One key way to feel good about yourself is to look your best at all times. Many people don't bother to look their best some days, either out of laziness or thinking it won't matter just to run to the grocery store, the dry cleaners, or whatever. If you have the kind of luck I have, that's usually when you do run into people. If you look your best at all times, you'll be prepared to be seen or discovered wherever you go. When you receive a compliment, an easy comeback would be, "It's nice of you to notice. Thank you." Meeting interested singles doesn't "just happen" except in rare instances. You have to make it happen! TRY THESE IDEAS: 1. Let others know you're approachable. 2. Smile, nod and act interested. Make eye contact instead of looking down or to the side. 3. Appreciate the attention you receive. If someone tries to talk to you, be friendly and answer the person. 4. In group situations, whether professional. leisure, or social, converse with people. Make small talk. Try to be gracious during small talk to encourage a new friend to continue conversation. 5. Make contact with others through social graces. Offer to get food or drink or help in other ways. 6. Invite a person you're attracted to into a group you frequent. 7. If a person approached you earlier and you rebuffed him or her because you hadn't warmed up yet and were feeling to shy, pick up the threads of the conversation when you're more comfortable. 8. Try not to make any conversation with one-sided. The art of intimacy starts with getting to know a person. As you find out more about the person, you'll know which topics to pursue. 9. Don't be passive. Talk! HERE ARE SOME GENERAL RULES OF PROTOCOL FOR MAKING DATES: 1. Ask for a phone number: "I enjoyed talking to you. Would it be okay if I called you sometime?" 2. Call! There's nothing to be lost by calling, but much to be lost by not calling. Assume the person is interested! When you call identify yourself. "This is John Brown. I met you last week at the Super Singles dance. I was the one with the funny purple tie." 3. Arrange the meeting. Invite your new friend for a specific activity at a particular time, but have an alternative plan in case the first one doesn't fly. "Would you like to go out for pizza after work next Friday evening?" ON THE DATE: Try to find some common ground by asking questions and being interested in what your date has to say. Good eye contact is important. A pair of meandering eyes can stop a conversation dead. Let someone know you're listening by leaning forward slightly, nodding, paraphrasing, and asking clarifying questions. Ask open-ended questions that can't be answered with a simple "yes" or "no." Keep your sense of humor and have fun. Don't be afraid of silences; they are never as long as they feel. Match levels of self-disclosure so there's give-and-take. Your date will not enjoy just answering questions. First impressions tend to last. Listening is crucial. The reason you talk is because you want someone to listen, and the reason someone else talks back is to be listened to. The process of communication often breaks down because one party isn't listening properly. As for being afraid that your date doesn't like you, consider that perhaps the person is nervous or under stress and therefore appears uncomfortable, not disinterested. Another meeting at a different time and place may give you both a chance to discover the wonderful people you two really are. Take a risk. You might say, "I'd like to see you again." at the close of a date. When you call to make the second date, say you had a great time and bring up a few choice tidbits from the conversation. Reestablish you connection by inviting the person to do something that involves your common interests. If after a first date, you're undecided about the individual, give the man or woman another chance, try a second date. If you're still unsure, try a third date. It takes at least three dates to see if you're on the same wavelength or not. GENERAL DATING REMINDERS: 1. Have realistic expectations, and don't expect to fall in love or find your soulmate on a first date. 2. Take an active interest in your partner. It takes time to build rapport with someone. 3. Be aware of body language. Eye contact is crucial. It shows interest and conveys intimacy. 4. Talk only about the present issues related to you. Be aware of your thoughts and avoid negative ones. 5. The burden is on men at least initially, but women can help shy men by being more active in the conversation and looking for common ground. 6. It takes very time or energy to meet somebody, and not much more to have a cup of coffee or a drink with him or her. Try to be spontaneous. After all, you don't have to marry the person. The payoff to dating sometimes can be fantastic. How are you going to know if you don't try? If you have relatively few friends, and your small social network makes it difficult to meet potential partners, you will need to act as your own confident matchmaker.

I would like to write a little bit about overcoming shyness. For some people it's not easy walking up to a member of the appropriate sex and starting a conversation. Hopefully you will have read the section on attitude and will be ready to get started. First you need to pick a place to go. After you have that figured out it's time to get down to business. Step 1. For an hour wander around and just observe. Getting your butt out from in front of the tube, and I mean CRT or TV, will be good for you. Are there people that look interesting to you? If not you will want to rethink about the place you are doing this. Notice how many people you might like to notice you. Think about how you might look in their eyes. Think about the expression on your face. Think about the message you are giving off. Look at other people and notice what expression they are wearing. Think again about how many of these people you might like to meet. If you really stopped to count you could probably find dozens of people that visually attract you in a matter of a few minutes. If you find yourself wanting to make eye contact then you are ready for the next step. Step 2. This time for the hour try making eye contact with anyone that interests you. Eye contact is the first line attack in meeting people. Don't think about anything except a brief glimpse into someone else's eyes. Don't think about the results. Just make brief contact with a few random strangers. See if the contact is returned. Always be observant to what is going on with other people. You don't want to hold the eye contact too long. But you do want to be able to do it easily and with anyone that you wish. Eye contact is essential because it is the first impression you will make. In this beginning stage you are not looking for anything except to have another person notice you. You might get some strange looks. Some people are just not happy people and will always look miserable. If you get a look like that just think how much better than that person you are for not being miserable. Statistically speaking 40% of the people you look at will be single. Maybe they are miserable because they are single and not sure how to meet people. Just tell yourself that you are on the right track and doing fine. If you are comfortable with this than the next step comes very easy. Step 3. is only a two letter word different from Step two. If you are within speaking distance when you make eye contact then say "hi". Remember your attitude. Remember your appearance. Smile. I can't put enough emphasis on how important a smile is. Think back to Step 1. Don't you remember people that were smiling more than you remember people that weren't? Unless someone is extremely attractive they need a smile. Practice that smile in a mirror if you have to. So how is it going saying hi to complete strangers? Hopefully you are getting more and more comfortable all the time. The more you do it the easier it gets. Notice how many people say "hi" back. Make sure you show some confidence. An attractive stranger saying "hello" to you can do wonders for your attitude. Step 4. Today you are going to add a comment after you say hi. Here your observant skills could come in handy. Have you noticed different things about the world around you since you have been out among people? If you think the fashions have changed drastically than you might have been inside for too long. Make a comment about where you are. Supermarket lines are always good places to comment on how the expiration dates could come and go before you get the milk home. Say something that doesn't require a comment back. But if you get one consider it a bonus. That means you are well on your way. There really is no right or wrong way to do this. The trick is to just do it. Step 5. By now you might be wondering why this was so hard to do before. Unless things are broken down into manageable tasks they can look impossible. The only difference with today's lesson is you are going to ask a quick question after you say hello. Ask for the time. Ask what time the next bus comes. Ask what time the store closes. Ask how they get their whites so white. If you get ignored or a nasty look just remember from Step one and two how many people there are out there. Again remember your attitude and appearance and try it again. With someone different of course. Step 6. By now you might not consider yourself shy anymore. You are easily walking up to people and saying hello and maybe posing a quick question. But would you like to see it go a little further. To do that you need to make the comment a little deeper or the question something that a quick answer won't cover. Make the question something that can't be answered by just a yes or no. Ask for an opinion. Ask for directions. Ask where the nicest club or bookstore is in the area. The possibilities are endless. The more you do it the more comfortable it becomes. Pay attention to what kind of questions get the best responses. Anything that increases the length of contact you have with another person. These six steps are designed just to get over being shy. You should not be thinking about potential partners or dating at this point. There are other specific ways to do that. They are covered in meeting people. Step 7. You should stay home and rest and congratulate yourself and also ponder if any of the people you made contact could have been your next partner. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------Nice guys / meeting women Here are some interrelated points for guys who are having problems finding a relationship because they want to be a "nice guy" and are afraid of being aggressive. You can't wait for "something" to happen, because more than likely nothing will. If you're interested in a women as possibly more than a friend, you *have* to tell her that - somehow - fairly soon. Otherwhise you may end up hearing women tell you what a great catch you'd be for someone else. This can get old real fast, especially if you hear it over and over. Women are not offended if you make a pass at them, as long as it's done with some amount of taste. So don't worry about offending them by suggesting being something more than friends. "Nice Guys" don't want to risk getting getting thir face slapped by suggesting (in any manner) that the bedroom might be an appropriate place to spend the rest of the evening. But sooner or later you'll have to. So in no particular order, here are some pointers about relationships between men and women. Take it for what it's worth ... and remember it's often worth what you pay for it. 1. With rare exceptions, women are not offended if you make a pass at them, as long as it's done with some amount of taste. In fact, after a fairly short period of time (mileage may vary), women draw an important conclusion if you *don't* make a pass. And that conclusion is that you're not terribly interested in being more than a friend. Let me explain that I consider 'make a pass' to be a very broad term ... it can be something as non-threatening as putting you hand on her arm briefly and telling her that you think she looks especially nice tonight. 2. If you're interested in a women as possibly more than a friend, you *have* to tell her that - somehow - fairly soon. Probably by the end of the first date. Again, it doesn't have to be anything Outrageously Significant, but it's got to be *something*. (see last sentence above). It doesn't have to be words. It at least has to be some sort of signal. 3. On the subject of compliments: a. Women enjoy receiving them. b. But not *all* the time - they get boring and embarrassing. c. And they *know* when you're lying. d. You're much better off complimenting a woman on something she has some control over. Her hair style. A piece of jewelry. Her presentation in a class. Not particularly her eyes, her skin color, the size of her breasts. *Especially* not the size of her breasts. 4. *Practice* dealing with women, especially if you're shy. They usually don't bite (some do, actually, but that's another topic and doesn't come until somewhat later in the relationship ...) How? Easy: a. Say hi to at least 3 women a day you've never spoken to before, or maybe even never seen before. Say it when you pass them in the hall. When you sit down next to them in class. When you buy something from them in a store. Why? 1) Because you'll probably at the very least get a suprised smile which will make you feel *lots* better about yourself 2) Because they might say something back to you, and then you're talking Don't worry about saying anything else. Just "hi". If you want to be brave, and it's the right situation (not passing in the hall, for example), you could try "I don't think we've met ... my name is <insert first name here>." But "hi" is fine the first time. b. Don't wait until you see the woman of your imagined dreams before you strike up a conversation. Try to talk to any woman about anything without making a pest of yourself. The worst that can happen is that she'll indicate she's not interested in talking. Think of that reaction as her loss. c. What can you talk about? Literally, anything. "Whew, it's cold outside!". "Excuse me, what time have you got?" (possibly followed by "that's a nice watch!", but only if you believe it (see 3c above)). d. Who do you talk to? Anyone! It's practice, remember? 5. On the subject of being "aggressive" (which "nice guys", of course, don't like to be) ... a. Don't think of it as "aggressive". Think of it as "self-confident" but not really cocky. b. This quality (and I use that word in a positive sense) is one which reflects your feeling (you have this feeling, don't you?) that you're a man worth knowing. Forget about "nice guy". Unfortunately, "nice guy" equates to wimp/dweeb in too many people's minds. Sure you're nice - most people are. So what? c. "Aggressive" in my definition isn't wolf whistles or cat calls. It's not leering. It's not pawing a woman's body. It's taking some initiative and not waiting for madam perfection to drop into your lap (which you as a "nice guy" deserve by definition, of course). It's showing some honest interest in something about a woman. -----------------------------------------------------------------------------Nice Guys vs. Jerks / Why do women go out with jerks instead of "nice guys"? There are several different meanings of "nice": Being a friendly, decent human being: generally a good thing. Being inoffensive, shy, boring, lacking self-confidence: almost always bad. People labeled "nice guy" usually fall into the last category; people can be nice without it being the defining facet of their personality. There are several different meanings of "jerk": Being an actual jerk: not attractive to most women. Being self-confident, assertive, outgoing: generally a good thing, but the nice guy may consider him a jerk. The nice guy vs. jerk debate thrives on this ambiguity, as well as the false division of people into nice guys or jerks. Women generally prefer self-confident guys over shy, boring ones, but this does not mean they prefer "jerks" over "nice guys". Men labelled "nice guy" may be submissive about their emotional needs. They would generally rather avoid an argument rather than let one develop. They are not loud or aggressive, and generally despise men who are, usually on the grounds that such men are insensitive and heedless of hurt they do to others. "Nice guys" face several impediments to relationships: they lose out in competition to assertive men and they appear to lack self-confidence. The canonical scenario is the woman always tells the nice guy about what a jerk her boyfriends are, but never goes out with nice guy. The nice guy remains single and frustrated (also known as "let's just be friends"). a) The woman probably doesn't need to discuss her boyfriend when everything is fine, so the nice guy may form a unjustly negative image of the boyfriend. b) A barrier to a relationship with the nice guy is "don't sleep with friends". c) The interesting question in this scenario is why does the nice guy stick around with this woman who is draining his emotional support when he could find someone else. Note the symmetry that he is attracted to this "jerk" woman instead of finding a "nice woman". Being fun and interesting is the quality that gets you friends. Being nice is the quality that helps you keep the friends. Being sexy, flirtatious, and aggressive at the right moment gets you in bed with the woman you want. It is not true that women, in general, prefer assholes. Women, in general, prefer guys with self-confidence. Unfortunately, assholes are generally pretty self-confident. (slf) "Being *nice* is not enough." Okay, fine, you're *nice*. But you also need to be *interesting*. (Pooh) Maybe the cause-and-effect are backwards; guys who attract lots of women are jerks because they don't have to be nice. Some women say "you're too nice to go out with" as a "polite" way of saying "I don't want to go out with you". Clearly some women do go out with jerks (e.g. codependency, women who want extra excitement, women who want to "rescue" the jerk). However, lots of women do go out with nice guys; after all, most nice guys end up in relationships, married, etc. Besides, why would you _want_ to go out with a woman who is attracted to jerks. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------




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Make a lunch or dinner of hot soup and rolls together and set the table with candles. Play your favorite music. Have an indoor picnic -- lay out a blanket and bring a picnic basket -- just have it on your living room floor! Build a fire and roast marshmallows. If you don't have a fireplace, build a small safe campfire outside. Be sure to put it out completely when you're done and before leaving the area. Build a snow fort together. Surprise your date with "Summer in a Bag!" Get creative: Gather together 2 pairs of sunglasses, coconut suntan oil (for the smell of summer), Put on a Beach Boys CD, blow up a beach ball to toss and pretend it's hot out. It's silly, but it can take the edge out of the winter blahs. Make a snowman and snowwoman. Gather some friends and go holiday caroling. End by having hot cider and making cookies together. Go ice skating. Go to a children's museum. Make angels in the snow. Bundle up and find someplace to watch the sun set over a silhouette of bare trees. As the sun goes down, watch them appear black and strikingly beautiful against the sky. Go to a cappuccino bar, drink decaf and get to know one another. Go sleigh riding. Go for a walk in the snow and catch snow flakes on your tongue. End a winter walk with hot chocolate and mini marshmallows. Go to an arcade. Rent a movie and pop some corn. Rent and watch the video "It's a Wonderful Life!" Assemble a really challenging puzzle. Play board games. Take a night-time walk to look at your neighbors' holiday decorations and lights. Go skiing -- downhill or cross-country.

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Go wild-flower hunting. Pick your date a bouquet of wild-flowers. Put some in his/her hair. Go for a walk in the park together. Plant a window garden together. Skip stones on a lake. Have a picnic. Go horseback riding. Go on a hike. Hire a professional guide and go rock climbing. Hire a professional guide and go spelunking (exploring caves). Go on a hot air balloon ride. Go to the zoo to see the new baby animals who were born this spring. Go for a walk in the rain (an umbrella is optional) and sing "Singing in the Rain!" really loudly. Rent a bicycle built for two. Go to a school play or concert. Go to a comedy club. Look in your local paper for free or inexpensive concerts, shows and fairs. Go to a park and play on the swings. Play tennis. Play pool.

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Go to the top of a very tall building to watch the sun go down. Jump through sprinklers together. Go star gazing. Name a star for your date. Lay on the grass and watch clouds. Use your imagination and talk about what you see in the clouds. Make giant bubbles. Wash a parent's car together. Have fun spraying each other with the hose. Go to an amusement park, go on scary rides and eat cotton candy. Go rafting or canoeing or tubing (using a truck inner tube). Clean out an elderly person's attic or garage together. Walk on the beach. Bury each other in the sand. Visit a boardwalk or carnival and play games. Get up really early and meet to watch the sun rise -- then go for breakfast at a diner. Run in a 5 K race together. Do a walk-a-thon (for some cause you care about) together. Make sand castles. Use a sandbox if there's no beach nearby (use a bucket of water to make the sand beach-quality). Go fishing -- throw the fish back, if you catch any. Write a message and tie it to a balloon (or send it off in a bottle). Ask whoever finds it to mail you the message and tell you where they found it. Get a group together and go camping. Get a group together, go to a park or camp and have a cook-out. Make home-made ice-cream! Have a picnic then watch fireworks. Watch a Little League game and cheer like you're watching the pros. Play volleyball or racquetball

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Decorate the house for Halloween or Thanksgiving. Carve pumpkins. Make a two-person costume and go trick-or-treating together. Go on a hay ride (or a haunted hay ride). Go pumpkin picking. Go apple picking and make an apple pie with the apples. Do homework together. Really. Go to a school sports event together. Join a school club together. Go in-line skating. Make a scarecrow together. Go bike riding. Get a big old barrel, water, and apples and invite a group of friends to dunk for apples. Have a camera available. There will be great shots! Go to a flea market. Find the silliest thing for sale. Go to a historic site. Try to talk like people from that period of time. Take an American Sign Language Course together. This way you can talk to one another in class and not make any noise and not have anyone else understand what you're saying! Go to a football game and cheer for the underdog or for your home team.

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Take her out to eat at a nice restaurant Go miniature golfing Spend time with your families together Go bowling Ride go-karts Go to the movies (the old stand-by...but still a fun thing to do!). Bring HIM a single rose. Bring her flowers and bring one for her mom. Go to the mall. Pretend to have a million dollars and spend it ALL on your date. (Bring a calculator!) Listen to CDs. Go to a concert. Bake cookies together. Go to a lecture at a local college or university. Go dancing. Any and all kinds: square dancing, clubs, country, ballroom -- whatever! Go for a ride in a hansom cab (horse and carriage ride). Dress up for a formal date...but go out for fast food instead. Don't forget the corsage! Watch TV together. Watch videos together. Make up a poem or song for your special someone and read or sing it to them. Go to a museum or art gallery. Do community service together by working at a soup kitchen on a Saturday or Sunday. It will make you feel really good and really grateful for the things you both have. Make a pizza together -- any kind. Go to McDonald's for french fries and a shake (appetizer), Burger King for a hamburger (main entree) and end with Dairy Queen, Friendly's or TCBY (for dessert)! Make paper mache masks of each other's faces. Paint them and give them to each other. Spend an evening at the symphony Goto the video arcade Go to a "coffee house" Go to a Musical together