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Reclaim your masculinity:

Connecting with other men
Getting strong (physical strength)
Finding healthy role models
Reexamining ones relationship with father
Don't view your dad as a caricature
And don't try to be the opposite of them
(because the opposite of crazy, is still crazy.)

Getting the love you want:

Learn to approve of yourself

Learn to please the only person who really matters

Make your needs a priority:
Put yourself first.
Take responsibility for meeting one's own
Others may cooperate with the Nice Guy, but
they are not in charge of meeting his needs.
Reclaim your personal power:
What can I learn from this?

Dwelling in reality
I deserve/have permission to be happy
In the end I want intimacy, woman are just

Expressing your feelings

I feel <emotion>

Face your fears

Trust that you can handle it

Have integrity
Asking what feels right, and then doing it

Set boundaries
Being good or doing it right doesn't insulate you
from the chaos that is life.

Please yourself, decide what is right for you

and be that with all your energy for the world
to see.
People who like you stick around, people who
don't won't.
Start to please yourself!

Set Boundaries
You can let people move closer because you are
confident that you can stand up for yourself.
Use 2nd date rule + Healthy male rule.

Focus on the relationship and not the person

Why have I invited this person into my life?
What do I need to learn from this situation and
could I see it as a gift?

Don't reinforce undesirable behavior

Don't give her attention if she does something
undesirable (like a puppy)

Do something different when beginning a new

Have a healthy agenda and consciously look
for healthy triads in woman. Like happiness,
passion, integrity, commitment to growth,
intelligence, sexual assertiveness and financial
You can have fulfilling, intimate relationships. Life is a
challenge and so are relationships. As you implement the
recovery strategies in this book, you can put yourself in
the position to embrace these challenges and get the love
you want.

Getting the sex you want:

Coming out of the closet
Admitting and getting rid of sexual shame.
History, ways you have acted out. Your dark

Taking matters into their own hands

Take responsibility for own sexual pleasure.
Practice healthy masturbation. Feel
comfortable and unashamed with this.

Saying no to bad sex

Sexual mortuarium (which leads to )
Having sexual energy without it always having
it end up in sex or an orgasm (see Taking
matters into their own hands).

Following the example of the Bull Moose.

Being comfortable being just yourself
Chart you own path and putting your needs
Self-respect, courage and integrity

Practice being just who you are

Getting the life you want:
Facing fear (stop being a victim)
Charting your own path (make your own rules)
Letting go of trying to do it right
Learning to ask for help
Identify self-sabotaging behaviors
Make a conscious decision to get out of your
own way

Develop a more accurate view of the world

What one man can do, another man can do. So
if one man can do it, why not you?
Visualize an abundant world until it begins to
feel real to you.
Visualize your goal, know exactly where you
want to be. - Arnie

Take responsibility for creating the life you really

want. You can become all that you were meant to be.

Rules 2 try:
1. If it frightens you, do it.


If it feels uncomfortable, do it.

Don't settle. Every time you settle, you get exactly what you settled for.
Put yourself first.
No matter what happens, you will handle it.
If you do what you have always done, you will get what you have always got.
You are the only person on this planet responsible for your needs, wants, and
happiness. (#1 nice guy mantra)
7. Ask for what you want.
8. If what you are doing isn't working, try something different.
9. Be clear and direct.
10.Learn to say "no."
11.Don't make excuses.
12.If you are an adult, you are old enough to make your own rules.
13.Let people help you.
14.Be honest with yourself.
15.Do not let anyone treat you badly. No one. Ever.
16.Remove yourself from a bad situation instead of waiting for the situation to
17.Don't tolerate the intolerable ever.
18.Stop blaming. Victims never succeed.
19.Live with integrity. Decide what feels right to you, then do it.
20.Accept the consequences of your actions.
21.Be good to yourself.
22.Think "abundance."
23.Face difficult situations and conflicts head on.
24.Don't do anything in secret.
25.Do it now.
26.Be willing to let go of what you have so you can get what you want.
27.Have fun. If you are not having fun, something is wrong.
28.Give yourself room to fail. There are no mistakes, only learning
29.Control is an illusion. Let go; let life happen.

Custom rules:

Please yourself and put yourself first

You need to take responsibility for meeting your needs. That's what adults do.
Make meeting your own needs a priority. This is what eventually makes a
person confident and happy.
What one man can do, another man can do.
Practice being just who you are.
The only thing stopping you from having the kind of life you really want, is you.
Accept "good enough" rather than "perfect". Perfection is something irrational
anyways and can never be achieved.
Always keep the ball in sight.

Reinforcement statements:

I am the only person I have to please

My needs are important
People love and accept me just as I am
I am lovable just as I am.
Everybody deserves happiness.
Whatever might happen, I CAN HANDLE IT.