Rob Pattinson can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
by MeiraComments 3 days ago (Fri Apr 17 2009 18:27:11) Ignore this User | Report Abuse
A bunch of Pattinized Chuck-Norrisisms from the "Rob is only human" thread: (I didn't write them)
Rob Pattinson can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves. When Rob sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, laying on the ground with a cigarette in his mouth. Rob Pattinson has not had to pay taxes, ever. Rob Pattinson doesn't wash his clothes, he melts them with his inveterate hotness. Rob Pattinson is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Rob Pattinson. In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Rob Pattinson turned that wine into beer. Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Rob Pattinson. When Rob Pattinson calls 1-900 numbers, he doesnt get charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out. And then they keep calling him back. There are no races, only countries of people Rob Pattinson has dazzled. When Rob Pattinson falls in water, Rob Pattinson doesn't get wet. Water gets Rob Pattinson. Rob Pattinson sleeps with a night light. Not because Rob Pattinson is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Rob Pattinson. Rob Pattinson only plays his trumpet to pictures of Rob Pattinson. If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time? Rob Pattinson.
When Rob Pattinson talks, everybody listens. And is dazzled. Rob Pattinson doesnt shave; he licks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Rob Pattinson is Rob Pattinson. Rob Pattinson invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink. Rob Pattinson has the sexiest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite not being born yet, holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO. If you have a dollar and Rob Pattinson has a dollar, Rob Pattinson has more money than you. There is no ctrl button on Rob Pattinson's computer. Rob Pattinson is always in control. Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Except Rob Pattinson. Rob Pattinson doesn't throw up if he drinks too much. Rob Pattinson throws down! Rob Pattinson and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building. Rob Pattinson can touch MC Hammer. Rob Pattinson is responsible for China's over-population. His GQ cover was shown in Beijing and all women within 1,000 miles became pregnant instantly. There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Rob Pattinson has allowed to live. Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Rob Pattinson pajamas. Rob Pattinson invented the cigarette, liquor, sexual intercourse, and In n Out Burger-- in that order. Rob Pattinson is expected to win gold in every swimming competition at the 2012 Olympics, even though Rob Pattinson does not swim. This is because when Rob Pattinson enters the water, the water gets out of his way and Rob Pattinson simply walks across the pool floor. Rob Pattinson eats Hot Pockets and craps pine trees. Then, he uses those pine trees to make paper, which he uses to make a magazine and sell more Hot Pockets. Some people refer to this as the "Circle of
Life." Rob Pattinson is currently suing myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you. Rob Pattinson doesn't have blood. He is filled with magma. Rob Pattinson has to maintain a concealed weapon license in order to legally wear pants. Rob Pattinson is currently in a legal battle with the makers of Bubble Tape. Pattinson claims "6 Feet of Fun" is actually the trademark for his penis. Rob Pattinson began playing piano so he'd have something to stroke besides your mom. Rob Pattinson doesn't read books. He stares them down unitl he gets the information he wants. Rob Pattinson can slam a revolving door. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Rob Pattinson. Rob Pattinson once ate a whole cake before Tomstu could tell him there was a stripper in it. Rob Pattinson counted to infinity - twice. Rob Pattinson's calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Rob Pattinson. Newborn babies cry of happiness because they know they have just entered a world with Rob Pattinson. Most men are okay with their wives fantasizing about Rob Pattinson during sex, because they are doing the same thing. Rob is the reason Waldo's hiding. Rob can eat just one Lay's potato chip. Rob can sneeze with his eyes open. It's not a coincidence that they stopped running the "Where's The Beef?" ads after Rob was born . . . Rob Pattinson doesn't get erections. His penis gets Rob Pattinsoned. Rob Pattinson got a perfect score on his A levels, simply by writing Rob Pattinson for every answer. Rob Pattinson was once a knight in King Arthur's court. He was known as Sir Spunkypants Sexyface.
Rob Pattinson is '' The best a man can get '' Rob Pattinson let the dogs out. The active ingredient in Red Bull is Rob Pattinson's spunk. When Rob Pattinson goes to Vegas, he doesn't have to gamble. The casinos just give him stacks of money. Rob Pattinson can cook minute rice in 30 seconds. Rob Pattinson make onions CRY!!! Rob Pattinson is not only a noun, but a verb. Rob Pattinson can clap with one hand. Staring at Rob Pattinson for extended periods of time without proper eye protection will cause blindess, and possibly puddles of drool. To be or not to be? That is the question. The answer? Rob Pattinson. There are two types of people in the world... people that suck, and Rob Pattinson. When you say "no one's perfect", Rob Pattinson takes this as a personal insult. There's an order to the universe: space, time, Rob Pattinson.... Just kidding, Rob Pattinson is first. Rob Pattinson doesn't say "who's your daddy", because he knows the answer. Robert Pattinson ordered an In-n-Out cheeseburger at Burger King, and got one. Rob Pattinson visits an active volcano every morning to get some of "the best damn espresso on Earth." Rob Pattinson's body temperature is 98.6 degrees... Celsius. Rob Pattinson doesn't use pickup lines, he simply says, "Now." Rob Pattinson doesn't pop his collar, his shirt gets an erection when it touches his body. Rob Pattinson is what Willis was talking about.
Rob Pattinson doesn't wear a watch. HE decides what time it is! When Rob Pattinson looks in the mirror nothing appears. There can never be a second Rob Pattinson. Rob Pattinson's giggle once brought a puppy back to life. Water boils faster if Rob Pattinson watches it Rob Pattinson can do a wheelie on a unicycle Apple pays Rob 99 cents each time he listens to a song Jesus can walk on water, but Rob can swim through dry land. When Rob has sex with men, it is not because he is gay, but because he has ran out of women. Rob once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands. There is no such thing as a lesbian, there are just girls who have never met Rob. Rob gave Mona Lisa that smile. The adjective "perfect" originated when Rob gave his penis a nickname. Apple pays Rob 99 cents each time he listens to a song Jesus can walk on water, but Rob can swim through dry land. When Rob has sex with men, it is not because he is gay, but because he has ran out of women. Rob once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands. There is no such thing as a lesbian, there are just girls who have never met Rob. Rob gave Mona Lisa that smile. The adjective "perfect" originated when Rob gave his penis a nickname. If at first you don't succeed, you're not Rob Pattinson If Rob Pattinson were a calendar, every month would be named Robtober, and every day would require a Shamwow.
MacGyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Rob Pattinson can cause one to spontaneously build itself through his sexyface alone. Google won't search for Rob Pattinson because it knows you don't find Rob Pattinson, he finds you. Rob Pattinson does not play the lottery. It doesn't have nearly enough balls. Q: How many Rob Pattinsons does it take to change a light bulb? A: None, Rob Pattinson prefers to dazzle in the dark. Sticks and stones may break your bones, but a Rob Pattinson stare will liquefy your ovaries. Everybody loves Raymond. Except Rob Pattinson.