ONLY ONE

Author: sun_ming

PART ONE

Ive always thought that you could only have one love in your life. You could
fall in love numerous times, but there will always be one person youre
meant to be with, and whether you find that person in this lifetime or not
depends on your fate. And Ive always thought that Ive found the one I
want to spend the rest of my life with, but sometimes I wonder... even
though the one for me is him, am I really the one for him?
***
Kame sat on the bed with the lights turned off as he pressed furiously at the
buttons on his phone. What... are you... doing... right now, he typed into
his phone and then he hit Send. He waited for a few minutes before the
lights on his phone began flashing and he quickly opened the message: Well
I was sleeping until a certain someone woke me up.
He smiled and quickly sent a reply. I... miss... you. Another response came
not long afterwards that read: I miss you too. Want to meet up tomorrow?
My apartment at eight. Kame sent a quick reply, and when he felt the older
man stir beside him, he quickly placed his phone back onto the nightstand.
Kame? What are you doing, he asked softly as his eyes stared hazily at his
lover before his gaze fell onto Kames cell phone.
Nothing, Kame replied with a small smile as he shuffled down and snuggled
in close to him. He kissed him lightly on the forehead and said, Good night,
Jin.
***
Kame filled two glasses with freshly squeezed orange juice and placed it on

the counter beside the two plates of toast and eggs. He could feel Jin wrap
his arms around him from behind.
morning Jin, he said softly. Hurry and eat breakfast, and then we can go.
Where are we going, Jin asked as he rested his head on Kames shoulder,
his arms not loosening at all.
Kame looked thoughtful for a brief moment before he said, Lets go for a
walk. We havent done that in a long time. Jin smiled lightly and nodded his
head as he lifted it from Kames shoulder.
So its a date then, Jin said, his smile growing wider.
Yes, its a date, Kame said, a small smile forming on his face. Now hurry
up and eat breakfast, slow-poke.
Hai, hai!
***
Jin and Kame walked around the park in relative silence; merely enjoying
the presence of one another with every step they took. After a while, Kame
pulled Jin onto the bench that faced the empty fields.
It felt so nice just to walk around aimlessly without going anywhere, ne Jin,
Kame said as his eyes stared off into the distance.
Mhmm... we havent done anything together in a really long time, Jin said.
We barely ever spend time with each other... even though we live together,
so this feels nice.
Kames gaze remained far off into the distance, and he found it difficult to
convey his emotions properly. Jin... weve... been together for a long time,
ne?
Mhmm... since we were teenagers.... like nine years?
So much has changed since then...
Jin looked at Kame with a confused expression on his face. Why are you
saying that all of a sudden?
Kame looked down and shook his head lightly. Nothing. Forget I said

anything. He leaned back against the bench and placed his hands loosely on
his knees. His gaze remained unfocused as various emotions swirled within
him. He wanted to say so much, yet nothing would come out.
Jin looked at Kame, and he wanted so badly to ask what he was searching
for, but he couldnt find the courage to ask. Kame..., Jin whispered softly as
he reached for Kames hand, holding it tightly in his own.
Kame turned his head to face Jin and smiled softly. Dont worry, Im not
going anywhere, he said with a soft laugh.
Jin tightened his grip on Kames hand, and he wanted to say Thats because
youve already left, but again, he couldnt find the courage to do so. All he
could do was hold onto Kames hand as tightly as he could so that the
younger man couldnt move further away.
***
Pi... am I bad lover, Jin asked solemnly. Yamashita choked on his drink and
had a coughing fit as he tried to regain his composure.
Ahem... sorry, what did you just say, Yamashita asked as he wiped his lips
with the back of his hands.
I asked, do you think Im a bad lover, Jin asked with a slight pout on his
face.
Why are you asking that all of a sudden?
Just answer the question.
Yamashita groaned softly and said, Well, you are incredibly selfish, slow,
inconsiderate, annoying, and whiny.
Jin let out a whiny moan as he rested his head on the table. Kame feels so
far away all of a sudden...
... Ryo pulled open the door and smiled upon the sight of Kame. He pulled
the younger man through the doorway and kicked it shut with his foot as he
wrapped his arms tightly around Kame. Missed you.
Youre over-exaggerating, Yamashita grumbled as he took a sip of his
drink. You and Kame were practically glued at the hips for the longest time.
I really dont see how that couldve changed.

It has. It feels like... theres a wall between us now, Jin said sadly.
... Ryo pushed Kame against the wall as he kissed him hungrily on the lips;
his hands shoving off the leather jacket that Kame wore. Once the jacket hit
the ground, his hands lowered towards the Kames pants as he fumbled with
the zipper. After a few unsuccessful tries, the pants finally freed themselves
around Kames waist and crumbled to a heap on the ground around his feet.
Ryo..., Kame moaned out softly as the older man pressed his hips against
his and slowly undid the buttons of his shirt. Ryo slipped his arms around
Kames neck and planted soft, teasing kisses on his jaw line...
You know, even with all those bad points you have, Kame still managed to
put up with you for so long already, I doubt thats going to change any time
soon. Hes madly in love with you, so I dont know what youre worried
about.
Its not that Im worried... its... you just dont understand, Jin said softly
as he leaned back against his chair; rubbing his temples in hopes of easing
his growing headache.
Then say it in a way that I would understand.
... As Ryo worked his way down to the Kames neck and shoulders, Kame
quickly tried to undress the older man. He could feel Ryo lower his hands
from around his neck and down to his waist, and then he pulled down his
briefs with one smooth motion; a playful smirk formed on his face as his
eyes fell upon Kames hardened length.
With one hand, he grasped Kames erection in his hand and gave it a few
teasing strokes, eliciting a loud moan from Kame. He reached into his pocket
and grabbed the small container of lube before stripping out of his pants. He
squeezed a generous amount onto the palm of his hand as he awkwardly
coated his member while trying to maintain as much skin contact with Kame
as possible as he felt Kame wrap his arms around his neck and kiss him
teasingly along his bare chest.
When Kame felt Ryos hands sliding down past his waist and gripped the
back of his knees firmly, he immediately tightened his hold around Ryo as
he felt himself being lifted off the ground and wrapped his legs around Ryos
waist as he pushed him against the wall.
God, I just want to fuck you so bad, Ryo whispered huskily into Kames

ears as his member probed at Kames entrance...

Kame always has this faraway look in his eyes whenever I look at him. Hes
just been acting really out of it lately... and last night, I found him sitting
wide awake in bed sending text messages in the middle of the night, Jin
confided worriedly. Im scared Pi...
Scared of what?
I dont want to lose him... Im so scared Im going to lose him.
... Kames moans filled the apartment as Ryo repeatedly thrust into him; his
movements growing faster and rougher by the second. Kames moans grew
louder and louder, and he cried out Ryos name as he climaxed. As his
muscles clenched tightly around Ryos length, it didnt take long before he
came as well, filling Kame completely...
Youre not going to lose him. Dont be so paranoid..., Yamashita said as he
patted Jins shoulder reassuringly. He really wasnt sure what would be the
appropriate thing to say in response to that, so all he could offer were empty
reassurances.
Jin looked down and clenched his hands together. I think... Ive already lost
him.
... Kames legs loosened around Ryos waist and unsteadily placed them on
the ground; his arms still wrapped tightly around Ryos neck as he leaned
back against the wall for support. His eyes were barely open as he tried to
catch his breath. He could feel Ryos heated breaths against his skin, and he
couldnt stop the tingling sensation he felt as Ryo tightened his arms around
his waist, kissing him repeatedly on the lips.
I want you... I want you so bad it hurts... This is so wrong, but I think Ive
fallen in love with you.
***
Kames eyes slowly fluttered open and he was greeted with Jins smiling
face. The older man was crouched down low beside the bed with his chin
resting on his arms crossed in front of him by Kames pillow.
Good morning, Jin said as he stared happily at his lover.
Youre up early, Kame said as he rubbed his eyes and slowly pushed

himself up into a sitting position. What time is it?

A little after noon.
Kames eyes widened from the response. What? Why didnt you wake me
up, he said as he quickly got out of bed.
You looked so peaceful sleeping, I didnt want to wake you. And you came
home so late last night, so you mustve been tired.
Kame felt a knot form in his chest as he tried to swallow the guilt. I
promised a friend Id meet them for lunch, so I should go get ready, he said
with lowered eyes.
Jin watched him with careful eyes and said, I didnt know you had plans... I
was hoping we could spend the day together too. There was a small pout on
Jins face, and the feeling of disappointment swirled inside of his eyes; those
words suddenly felt all too familiar.
Im sorry Jin, but I already made a promise, and I dont want to break it,
he replied; the feeling of guilt becoming stronger and stronger with each
breath of air.
Though he was disappointed, Jin smiled and said, Thats fine then. Youll be
home for supper though, right? Kame lifted his gaze to meet Jins eyes, and
when he saw the pleading gaze, he felt his heart soften and he nodded. Jins
face immediately brightened from the response and he said, Hurry and go
out then! The sooner you go, the sooner youll be back!
Kame resisted the urge to cry, and smiled softly at Jin. He wrapped his arms
around Jins waist and hugged him tightly. He buried his face into Jins
shoulder and squeezed his eyes shut as he tried to calm his emotions.
Whats this for, Jin asked with a slight laugh as he wrapped his arms
around Kame as well. Not that I mind.
Just felt like it, Kame replied simply and embraced him tighter. Somehow,
the feeling that he thought was gone slowly began to tingle inside of him,
and he felt his body tremble in response.
Jin felt a dampness on his shoulders, but he said nothing as he closed his
eyes and relinquished the feel of Kame in his arms. He wanted this moment
to drag on forever so that Kame could never leave his side. Kame... dont
leave me, ever, okay, Jin whispered softly, his voice trembling as he spoke.

Dont run so far away from me that I wont be able to catch up...
Hearing those words, Kame felt his heart break and he couldnt find his voice
to speak, so all he could do was nod slightly against Jins shoulder as he
tightened his hold around his lover. His heart hurt so bad, and he didnt
know how much longer he could live this lie.
***
Jin sat on the couch with a magazine in hand as he haphazardly browsed
through the pages while Kame sat on the other end of the couch with his
legs draped over top of the older mans thighs. Heaving a deep sigh, Kame
pulled back his legs and crossed them beneath him as he shuffled closer
towards Jin; placing a hand on top of the magazine that Jin was browsing
through.
Hmm? What is it Kame, Jin asked without really lifting his gaze from the
magazine.
Im bored Jin. You want to go out, he asked with a slight tilt of his head.
Its so late Kame, and Im tired, Jin said, finally lifting his eyes to meet
Kames. Lets go out tomorrow, mmkay?
Kame frowned but said, Alright.
Jin smiled gently at Kame and said, Im going to go sleep then. You
coming?
In a bit. Jin nodded and lowered his head as he captured Kames lips with
his own; kissing him gently before getting up and heading into their
bedroom.
As Kame sat there alone, he wondered when it was that they started kissing
not because they wanted to, but because they felt like they had to. Their
kisses no longer held the tingling spark that ignited whenever their lips
touched, and the feelings that were once there suddenly ceased to exist.
***
Oi Kame, snap out of it!
Kame looked up and saw an annoyed expression grace Ryos face, and he
immediately flashed the older man an apologetic smile. Sorry, I was just
thinking, he said softly.

Ryo frowned when he realized who Kame was thinking about, but he didnt
say anything; he didnt have a right to complain. Instead, he reached
forwards and patted Kames hand gently, flashing him a gentle smile that he
reserved for him alone.
I feel bad, Kame suddenly said, his gaze lowering as he felt his heart
wrench in pain. It almost feels like Jin is suspecting something.
What makes you say that, Ryo asked with a slight frown.
Hes saying weird things, and his behaviour... its almost like he thinks Im
leaving him, Kame said in a small voice.
We cant turn back, Kame. You know the day will come when you have to
choose. You cant run away from that.
Kame covered his face with his hands and leaned back against the chair. I
know. But it feels like that day is going to come a lot quicker than it should.
***
Kame returned back to the apartment around suppertime and he saw Jin in
the kitchen cleaning up. When Jin heard the door opened and closed, he
immediately turned around and flashed Kame a warm smile. Youre back,
he said happily. Kame could almost see Jins eyes sparkle with happiness,
and that only made his heart hurt more.
Mhmm... what are you doing, Kame asked. Did you make supper?
Yup! I made chicken mushroom fettuccine, he replied excitedly as he
ushered Kame towards the dining table. Taste it.
Kame smiled warmly as he sat down on one of the chairs and Jin placed the
plate of pasta in front of him. The pasta didnt look half-bad and Kame said,
It looks good. Im impressed.
Hearing that, Jins smile only widened as he crouched down beside Kame
and watched him with happy eyes. Then eat up! It took me forever to make
it, so eat every bite! Kame felt the tears begin to swell in his eyes and he
tried to hold them back, but he failed miserable. The smile on Jins face fell
as he looked at Kame worriedly. Kame... whats wrong? You dont like it?
Kame shook his head profusely and said, No... Im just... really happy. That

wasnt a lie; he did feel incredibly happy. He was so touched by this simple
act on Jins part that he couldnt stop the tears from falling, and the guilt
from overwhelming him. He wiped away the tears from his eyes and smiled
widely at his lover. Itadakimasu...
He grabbed the fork from the table and picked up some strands of pasta
before placing it in his mouth. The sauce was too runny, the noodles were
too soft, the chicken was burnt, and the mushrooms tasted raw, but Kame
couldnt bring himself to stop eating so he continued until the plate was
wiped clean. The tears had stopped falling, but his heart continued to bleed.
***
Kame stepped out of the bathroom with a towel in his hands as he
attempted to dry his hair. He saw Jin already sitting on the bed waiting for
him and he said, You can sleep first Jin. You dont have to wait for me. He
knew Jin mustve been exhausted from cooking and cleaning all day, and he
didnt want Jin to feel like he had to wait for him.
I want to, Jin replied simply and softly added, I cant sleep if youre not
sleeping beside me. Kame smiled lightly from those words and placed the
towel onto the chair by the desk before climbing into bed beside him.
Then sleep now. Ill watch you, he said as he ruffled Jins hair
affectionately. His lover could be remarkably clingy and childish sometimes,
but somehow, Kame didnt seem to mind. He actually liked this side of Jin;
at least he was able to be honest with what he wanted and didnt want,
unlike him, who cant even decide what it is that he really wants.
Jin wrapped his arms around Kame and pulled him in close. Kame... you
know I love you right, he said with a shaky voice. I love you so much...
I know Jin, Kame replied as he slowly wrapped his arms around Jin as well,
but somehow, he couldnt bring himself to saying those three little words
back and he hated himself for it.
Jin pulled back his head and kissed him tenderly on the lips as his arms
tightened around Kames waist. He didnt want to ever let go, and he could
feel Kames arms tightening around him as well; the confidence that Kame
would come back to him was slowly beginning to strengthen. They could
make things work if they just tried, and feelings that they thought were
gone can resurface as easily as they leave.
Slowly, Jin pulled Kame away from the edge of the bed and lowered him

gently on the mattress; his lips not leaving Kames for even a moment as he
carefully climbed on top of him. He felt Kame tense for a brief moment as
the realization of what is about to happen came to his mind.
Jin, Kame said as he broke apart from the kiss. Maybe we shouldnt...
I want to, Jin said as he kissed Kame again and again. Dont you want to
too?
Kame wouldve been lying if he said no; it has been so long since theyve
done anything like this, and after everything that has happened, he craved
for Jins touch as well. Since he couldnt find any further reason to reject his
lovers advances, he gently tugged at the hem of Jins shirt before taking it
off of him completely.
With gentle hands, Kame glided his hands across Jins smooth torso,
savouring the feel of the firm muscles beneath the tips of his fingers. Slowly,
his hands travelled to Jins strong arms, and he felt a sad smile form on his
lips. Those arms that have held him so tenderly... he wondered when it was
that he began to forget how safe Jins embraces have made him feel. With
the slightest bit of effort on Jins part, he could easily crush him beneath his
strength, yet with every touch and hold, he felt nothing but the greatest
amount of comfort.
Kame looked up into Jins eyes, and there was a softness in them that made
his heart race. He closed his eyes once more when he felt Jin press his soft
lips against his own; their tongues entangled in their mouths as Jin slipped a
hand underneath his shirt. With great hesitation, Jin broke away from the
kiss and helped Kame take off his long sleeved shirt.
He marvelled at his lovers gentle curves, and with careful hands, he pulled
off Kames pants along with his underwear. With a slight smile on his face,
Jin shifted down and kissed the sensitive skin along Kames inner thigh. He
could feel Kame tremble in response, and soft moans soon escaped his lips
as Jins kisses travelled further and further upwards.
Without warning, Jin took Kames entire length into his mouth, and the latter
could only moan loudly in response. His hands reached for Jins hair, and
tugged painfully with every flick of Jins tongue he felt on his member. As
Jins head moved up and down along his erection, Kame felt his eyes begin
to tear as the pleasure took over but the guilt still tugged painfully at his
heart.
Jin... stop..., Kame said with heavy breaths, and Jin pulled away and stared

at him confusedly. Kame smiled gently and said, I want you... inside of
me...
A wide grin formed on Jins face from those words, and he immediately
stripped out of his pants and briefs. He reached over and grabbed the lube
from the first drawer in the nightstand and coated his erection with the
sticky fluid. Carefully, he positioned himself between Kames legs, and he
leaned forwards so close to Kame that he could feel his lovers heated
breaths against his face.
Slowly, he pushed his hips forward into Kames tight hole, and the loud moan
that escaped Kames lips brought a smile to Jins lips. He began to move his
hips slowly, but before long he was thrusting deep and hard into his small
lover.
Kame threw his arms around Jins neck, and pulled him down even closer;
his moans growing louder as he felt Jin brush against that certain spot inside
of him. The tears refused to stop falling, and he was sure that Jin could feel
them. Its been so long since theyve last made love, and somehow, it almost
felt like it was their first time all over again; the feel of Jin thrusting so
deeply inside of him, the way Jin kissed him, everything.
Mustering up all the willpower he had, he grabbed Jins shoulders and
pushed him back just enough so that they could meet eye-to-eye. Jin was
taken back by this sudden movement on Kames part, and he stopped as he
stared down at his lover with confused eyes.
Before Jin could ask whats wrong, Kame said, Let me ride you...
Jins eyes widened from this sudden request, and before he could digest
those words, Kame flipped them over and now sat comfortably on his hips.
There was a gentle smile caressing Kames lips, and Jin could only stare at
his lover with surprise still sparkling in his eyes.
Kame placed his hands on top of Jins chest for leverage, and slowly he
began to move his hips. He wanted to bring Jin as much pleasure as
possible; he wanted to make Jin feel good.
He could barely suppress his moans as he continued to move on top of his
lover; his movements gradually increasing until he was practically slamming
down hard against Jins hips.
Jin threw his head back as a hoarse groan escaped his lips. The feel of Kame
rocking his hips on top of him was incredible. His hands grasped Kame

tightly around his rear as he helped Kame with his movements. It didnt take
long before they both came; crying out each others name loudly before
Kame collapsed on top of Jin.
Once their breathing steadied somewhat, Kame rolled off of Jin and cuddled
in close to him as he felt Jin pull the blanket over top of them. He could feel
the rapid beating of Jins heart against his own matching heart beat, and he
felt a small smile form on his lips as Jin wrapped his arms tightly around
him. Jins embraces were still very warm, they still made him feel very safe,
and he was sure that would never change.
Not long afterwards, Jin fell asleep, and Kame stared at Jins sleeping face as
he carefully traced his fingers along his delicate features. He looked so
peaceful, and there was a childlike innocence that surrounded him that
brought a small smile to Kames lips.
With careful movements, he slowly glided his fingers across Jins lips, and he
felt a tingling sensation erupt within him as he wrapped his arms around his
lover.
Jin... Im sorry, he whispered softly. ... Please dont hate me...
He felt Jins arms tighten around him and he pressed his face in closer
against Jins chest. How much more would he have to hurt the older man
before he realized how important his existence was to him? He didnt know
what to do, and he just wanted to step back in time, back to the place where
Jin and him saw nothing but each other.
***
Jin look, Kame said with an excited voice as he pointed towards the
shooting star. Did you see it?
Jin smiled as he tightened his hold around Kame from behind. They were
sitting just outside of a cabin that they had rented for the weekend, and
Kame wanted to watch the stars that night so thats what they were doing.
Jin had his arms wrapped tightly around his small lover as Kame was seated
in between his legs with his back pressed against Jins chest.
I saw it, he relied simply.
Did you make a wish, Kame asked childishly as he placed his hands on top
Jins; patting it gently.

No... what else do I have to wish for when I have everything in my arms
right now, Jin said with a genuine smile, and the sincerity from those words
brought a smile to Kames lips.
I did, Kame said softly as his eyes remained fixed on the stars above him.
What more do you want, Jin asked with a faux-hurt tone. You already
have me.
Kame laughed softly and said, I wished that even if one day we go our
separate ways, well always find our way back together again.
Like youd ever leave me in the first place, Jin said with a smile on his
face. We belong together... and well stay together...
Kame turned around in Jins embrace and stared at Jin with gentle eyes. He
smiled widely before he threw his arms around him, and they both collapsed
into a heap on the ground.
Jin laughed and said, Ugh... I think you gained weight...
Kame stuck his tongue out at him before kissing him roughly on the lips.
Never let me go, okay, Kame whispered softly, and he felt Jin wrap his
arms around him tightly.
Even if I did let you go, I know youd come back to me anyways, Jin said
confidently, and Kame felt his heart warm from those words. He felt like he
could be held by Jins arms forever, and the feelings of comfort would never
change.
***
Ryo... I think we should stop this, Kame said with a determined look on his
face. He had to stop; he couldnt bear to hurt Jin anymore than he already
has.
Ryo looked down at his feet before lifting his gaze to meet Kames. Why, he
asked simply.
I dont want to hurt Jin anymore. He really loves me and he needs me,
Kame said with sad eyes. I just... cant do this anymore.
What about you Kame? What about your feelings; your needs, Ryo asked
cooly. He was trying very hard to remain calm, but he found it difficult when

his chest felt like exploding.

I love him, he said with an unfaltering gaze. He wasnt lying; he really did
love Jin. Even though their relationship had changed, he still loved him, and
he knew that wasnt ever going to change.
So what about us then, Ryo asked, suddenly very angry. I guess it was all
about the sex and nothing else, is that right, Kamenashi?
Ryo, you know it wasnt like that, Kame said with a shaky voice. He bit
hard on his lower lip as he tried to calm his overwhelming emotions.
Then what the hell were we Kame! Tell me, because right now Im confused
as hell! I thought you wanted this to be something more... but in the end,
youre still clinging onto your past with Jin.
I did want this..., Kame choked out in between sobs. I did love you... I
still do... but Jin... Jin cant find out. I cant hurt him... he loves me too
much... and I just cant do this to him any longer. The tears kept pouring
out and Kame had to bite down hard on his knuckles to keep himself from
crying out loud.
Ryos eyes softened when he saw how torn the younger man was, and he
quickly pulled Kames hand away from his mouth when he saw the blood
streaking from his hand. Jin... wont know, Ryo said softly. He doesnt
have to know so lets just keep going like we did before.
Ryo, we cant, Kame said with a trembling voice. We just... cant.
We can, and we will, Ryo said firmly. I dont mind being number two
behind Jin...
Kame cried harder when he heard those words and shook his head furiously.
Its not fair to Jin, and its definitely not fair to you.
I dont care. Ryo pulled Kame into his arms and said, Its enough just
being together, so lets just live in the moment and screw everything else.
The younger man grabbed onto Ryos shirt as he buried his face into his
shoulders. He wanted to push him away, but he couldnt find the strength to
do so.
Jins embrace had always been strong and firm; he holds him so close and so
tight that it feels like he has nowhere to run. He felt needed and wanted
whenever Jin held him, and he liked that feeling. But being held by Ryo,

whose embrace was loose yet possessive, he felt freedom. He didnt feel
suffocated or held back, but needed yet free. He loved Jin, but he loved Ryo
as well. They were two entirely different people, but Kame loved them both.
No matter what decision he makes, someones going to get hurt, and even
though it was impossible, he wished that he could swallow all that pain
alone.
***
When Kame returned back to the apartment, he saw Jin sitting on the couch
with his black sweater in hand with a needle. He stared at him confusedly
and asked, Jin? What are you doing?
Jin looked up in horror and he abruptly stood up. Im sorry Kame, he said
quickly. I didnt mean to, really!
What are you talking about, Kame said as he moved closer towards the
older man. Is that my sweater? He took the sweater from Jins hands and
examined the large hole on the back. He frowned slightly; this was his
favourite sweater and he had only worn it once to date. What happened?
Im so sorry Kame! I just wanted to take some clothes to wash, and when I
went to grab it, I accidentally snagged it on the hanger, and I tried fixing it,
but I just made it worse and worse... Im so sorry, Jin babbled on and on.
Seeing Jins apologetic face made Kame want to cry. He didnt deserve this;
he didnt deserve the older mans love when all he did was betray him again
and again. He could feel the tears falling, and before he could wipe them
away, he saw Jins furrowed brows as he reached out to grab his hands.
Dont cry Kame! I promise Ill buy you a new one, okay? So please dont be
mad, Jin pleaded, but his words did little to ease Kames tears and only
caused more to fall from his eyes.
Im not mad at you, Kame choked out as he avoided Jins apologetic eyes.
Please stop apologizing.
Youre upset, arent you? Im sorry Im so clumsy...
No... its fine, Kame choked out as his hands clenched tightly around the
sweater. It wasnt even about the sweater, and he wanted nothing more than
to ease Jins worries by telling him the truth, but hed only cause him greater
pain.

I know its not fine, Jin said with a frown. Please dont be upset...
Please Jin, stop! Jin was taken back by the tone of Kames voice and he felt
his lover pull his hands away. Please stop treating me like this... youre too
good for me... I dont deserve you.
A frown crept onto Jins face as his mind was in turmoil with what Kame was
saying. He didnt understand what Kame meant, and once more, he reached
forwards and embraced his lover tightly. I dont understand what youre
saying. Im doing this because I love you.
Well you shouldnt love me, Kame blurted out hastily; regretting the words
the instant it rolled off his tongue. He bit hard on his lips as he felt Jins body
tense from hearing those words.
Youre acting weird... did I do something to make you upset or mad, Jin
asked unsurely.
Hearing those words, Kame couldnt take it anymore. He pushed away from
Jin and said, Damn it Jin, stop being so good to me! He hated himself so
much right now, and he just wished he could turn back time and change
things, but he couldnt. It was already too late to change things; he has
already fallen in love with Ryo, and his feelings for Jin may have dimmed at
one point, but they have not faded.
Kame... I dont... understand you... Jin felt the tears sting in his eyes as he
stared at Kames broken figure. He felt a sense of dread wash over him as
he feared the words he would be hearing next.
Im cheating on you with Ryo!
Jin felt his body freeze the moment he heard those words. He could only
stare at Kame with disbelief swirling inside of his eyes. What... what are
you saying, Jin said as he forced himself to laugh. Tears were now falling
freely from his eyes as his hands clenched tightly into fists by his side.
Im sorry Jin... Im so sorry, Kame said as he covered his face with his
hands.
Jin grabbed him roughly by the shoulders and shoved him against the wall.
Tell me youre just joking, Jin said pleadingly as he tried to stop the tears
from falling. Tell me that its just some stupid prank...
Kame looked up into his eyes, and immediately glanced downwards. Im

sorry...
Jin couldnt breath; he couldnt believe what he was hearing. Angrily, he
slammed his fist against the wall just mere inches away from Kames face.
Why did you have to tell me, Jin asked with a broken voice. Why Kame?
Why the fuck did you do this?!
I... I dont know okay, Kame screamed as he pushed Jin away from him.
It just happened and... Kames voice trailed off, and he found it difficult to
breath. Jin was staring down at him with so much pain and anger that he
found it impossible to look him in the eye right now.
Go... now, Jin said in the calmest tone he could muster as he brushed
away his tears with the back of his hand. Leave... I dont want to see you
ever again...
Kame finally looked up into Jins eyes, and he felt his breathing hitch at the
coldness from his stare. With a single hand, Jin grabbed his arm, and pushed
him out the door.
Jin..., Kame said softly before Jin slammed the door abruptly on his face.
With shaking hands, Jin covered his face and slumped down the door; his
tears falling once more as he felt his heart shatter in irreparable ways. As he
sat there alone, he couldnt help but wonder if this pain he felt would ever go
away.
***
When a relationship falls apart, does there always have to be a reason for
why it fell apart? Is it not possible for feelings to just naturally fade without
reason? Even though you want to love only them, is it possible to control
your own feelings? Why is it that in our hearts, were only allowed to love
one person, and no one else.

PART TWO

People say that absence makes the heart grow fonder, so does time dull the
feelings of love? Being together with someone for so long... are your feelings
for the person supposed to stay the same, or do they fade with the passing
of days? Years go by quickly, and the spark that once existed can disappear
without warning. Sometimes, a peaceful relationship may not be as
comfortable as it sounds, and the feeling of being trapped suddenly becomes
stronger and stronger as you struggle to bring back the broken pieces of
your relationship together.
***
Kame... Im going out, Jin announced loudly as he slipped into his shoes.
Where are you going, Kame asked as he stepped out of the bathroom; his
hair tied up in his trademark fountain hair.
Im going out with Pi and Ryo, remember, Jin said as if it were the most
obvious thing in the world.
Kame frowned and said, I thought we could stay in today... weve been
working so much that we barely have enough time to see each other.
Kame, Jin said with a slight laugh. We see each other all the time... at
work, at home... everywhere.
Kame sighed; Jin really didnt get it sometimes, and he suddenly felt too
exhausted to explain. Go have fun with Yamapi and Ryo then...., Kame said
reluctantly, and when he saw Jin flash him a warm smile, he couldnt muster
the energy to return it.
Youre the best, Jin said, and he gave Kame a quick peck on the cheek
before he disappeared out of the door. Kame stared at the door for a long
time before he pulled off the elastic in his hair, and went into their bedroom
to change; there was no point in hanging around here if he was just going to
be alone.
* * ** * *
Kame went to the beach alone as he sat on the ground; his knees drew up
close to his chest as he stared at the water splashing against the shore. It
was already dark out, and the weather was getting colder and colder as the
seconds passed by, but he didnt want to leave; he wanted to stay here
forever and just watch the waves peacefully by himself.

He wrapped his arms more tightly around his legs as he felt a cold wind blow
past him; sending shivers all throughout his body. As he sat there, he
suddenly thought of Jin, and their relationship. Jin may not notice now, but
their relationship was falling apart miserably. He knew it wasnt the older
mans fault, yet a small part of him felt bitter over their dull, ambiguous
feelings.
The sky started to cry with him as he felt his clothes dampen with the cold
raindrops. It didnt take long before he was completely drenched, but he
didnt want to move. He continued to stay in that position as the tears fell
warmly down his face.
His heart was so conflicted with what he wanted to do. He couldnt say he
didnt love Jin, but at the same time, he couldnt deny that a part of him was
growing tired of their relationship. Could he really call it a relationship when
feelings that should be there suddenly arent, and insecurities and
awkwardness that shouldnt exist suddenly appear? He didnt know what to
feel anymore.
He wasnt sure how much time passed by, but Kame remained rooted to his
spot. He could no longer feel his body as the rain made it numb, but his
heart still hurt. He didnt want to leave Jin, but he knew it wouldnt be right
to stay with him because of loyalty rather than love.
Kame? Kame lifted his head and saw Ryo standing before him with an
umbrella in his hand. What the hell are you doing out here in the rain? Are
you stupid?
Kame slowly tried to stand up, but before he could steady himself on his
feet, he collapsed into darkness as he fell straight into the arms of Ryo. It
was still really cold out, but suddenly it felt really warm.
***
Kame slowly opened his eyes and as he looked around the room, he realized
that Ryo mustve taken him back to his apartment; everything felt strangely
unfamiliar, but not uncomfortable. He slowly tried to push himself up, but
the moment Ryo saw, he pushed him back onto the bed.
Just stay there, Ryo said as he set a glass of water down on the nightstand
beside the bed.
Im fine. I should head back, Kame said, but once more, Ryo stopped him.

The storms getting worse, and theres no way in hell Im going to let you
go home in this weather. Jin will make my life a living hell, even more so
than usual if he finds out, Ryo said with a slight shudder from those images.
I already left a message at your apartment so he wont throw a stupid fit
when he finds you gone.
Kame smiled sadly at the older man and said, Thank you.
Yeah, yeah, you can thank me later. Just hurry up and sleep, and my job
here will be done, Ryo said flatly; trying to mask the concern he had for
Kame, though he didnt know how well that worked. He couldnt deny that
Kame held a soft spot in his heart, with his childlike smiles and soft gazes,
but he told himself he would never sink so low as to steal a friends lover.
Kame looked up at Ryo with those eyes that he hated yet loved all at the
same time, and felt his heart soften when he muttered a word of thanks
once more. Ryo ruffled his hair gently and as he slowly brought it away from
Kames head, he felt Kame reach forwards and grab his hand lightly in his
own. The gesture surprised Ryo so much he could only stare at him with
gaping eyes.
When Kame realized what he just did, he tried to let go, but he felt Ryo hold
onto his hand tightly. He looked up into Ryos eyes, and he felt like he was
going to fall into those dark orbs that filled with mixed emotions. No matter
how hard he tried, he couldnt tear his gaze away from Ryo, and it felt like
his chest was going to explode with raw emotions.
Sleep. Ill stay here until I know youre asleep, Ryo said softly, and Kame
could only nod slightly in response. He closed his eyes as he tried to settle
the mixed feelings he felt in his heart, and somehow, holding Ryos hand
awakened an old feeling within him. For a moment, it almost felt like it was
Jin holding his hand, and not Ryo.
***
A few days have passed since that encounter with Ryo, and the images still
remained vivid in Kames mind. When he returned back to the apartment the
next morning, Jin made a big fuss, but not long afterwards, everything
reverted back to how it was days before.
In his depression, Kame called Junno up, and made him accompany him to
the club. They sat at the bar together, and Kames hands were clenched
tightly around his drink as he stared blankly at his hands. After heaving a
deep sigh, he downed his shot quickly and ordered another dozen.

Thats enough, Junno said with a frown. Youre going to get drunk.
Kame smiled, but the smile didnt reach his eyes. I want to get drunk, he
said as he grabbed the first shot from the counter that the waiter had put
down moments before. As the alcohol burned down his throat, he didnt feel
the least bit tipsy. Why is it that the more you want to get drunk, the more
clear your thoughts become...
Kame..., Junno said softly with a frown.
Kame kept his gaze on the glass on his hand as he said, Me and Jin... were
finished... He paused as he downed another shot. Our relationship has
been going downhill for a while already... and... its not like we dont try...
but... its just not working...
You dont mean it..., Junno said with furrowed brows. You love Jin. If the
feelings are there, then itll work.
I just dont know anymore..., Kame said painfully as he finished the row of
shots that the waiter had laid out for him. His mind was finally beginning to
become hazy, and he welcomed that feeling with open arms.
***
Junno dug around in Kames pockets until he found that set of keys he had
been searching so desperately for dangling in Kames hands.
... Next time, tell me you have the keys, Junno muttered, and Kame burst
into a fit of giggles as he clung onto his friend with loose arms.
But thats no fun, Kame slurred, and Junno finally got the door unlocked;
Jin came rushing towards them from all the commotion he heard.
What the hell happened, Jin asked as he took Kame off of Junnos arms.
Kame wasnt... he was feeling kind of down so we went drinking, Junno
said reluctantly.
Jin furrowed his brows at his lover as he wrapped his arms more tightly
around his waist to keep him standing on his feet. Ill take it from here...,
Jin said simply, and Junno nodded his head before he stepped out the door.
Before he closed it, he said one last thing to Jin.

Please... take care of him, he said softly, and Jin knew he meant it in more
ways than one.
I will, Jin said firmly, and once the door closed, he guided Kame to the
couch and sat him down. What happened?
Kame looked down at Jin whom was currently crouched down low in front of
him. He started giggling and then threw his arms around Jin; completely
ignoring his questioning glances. Lets go drinking, he said with a goofy
grin.
Youve already had too much to drink, Jin said as he grabbed Kames arms.
Im going to take you to bed.
Kame abruptly pulled his arms away and pouted. I dont want to go to bed!
I want to go drinking, he whined, and in normal circumstances, Jin probably
wouldve given in, but there was an uneasy feeling that settled in the pit of
his stomach that made him think otherwise.
No, Jin said firmly. You look terrible. You should rest.
Im fine, Kame spat out angrily as he tried to stand up. He swayed slightly,
but he managed to stay on his feet as he tried to brush past Jin, but the
latter pulled him back.
Youre not fine, Jin snapped. You look like crap right now, and you
probably feel the same way. If youre feeling sad, talk to me... dont go get
yourself drunk like this.
Oh like youd even listen, Kame said bitterly and pulled away from Jins
grip.
Jin was taken back by the tone that Kame used, and the words that he had
just said. What the hell Kame? We were fine just hours ago, and now youre
acting all moody...
You thought we were fine! We havent been fine for a long time, Kame
screamed, and suddenly he felt like crying. His heart felt so heavy, and all
the feelings that had been bottled up before now burst out into the open.
You always make these assumptions... about me... about us... you dont
even care how I feel anymore. Kames voice softened towards the end, and
the tears threatened to fall. He could still taste the alcohol in his mouth, but
his mind remained remarkably clear.

Of course I care about how you feel, Jin said painfully. He was hurt that
Kame thought that he didnt think or care about his feelings at all.
You care... but not enough to even ask anymore, Kame shot back, and he
could see that he was hurting Jin with his words, but somehow he couldnt
stop. Weve been drifting apart... and were already miles away from each
other.... and you dont even stop to look back at me... you just assume Im
still there... just like how you assume our relationship will never fall apart,
even though it has already been broken apart so badly that itll never fix
itself again...
There was a long silence that followed Kames words before Jin spoke again.
Why are you saying this all of a sudden? I thought we were going along just
fine... I thought... Jins voice trailed off as he was at a loss as to what to
say.
After being together for almost nine years, he thought that him and Kame
have come to an understanding with each other. He thought that he could
sense his lovers thoughts without even him having to vocally express them.
He thought he understood everything about Kame, but in the end, he knew
nothing.
You thought wrong Jin... a relationship can only remain strong if enough
effort is put forwards into holding it together. If only one side pulls, what
would be the point?
Jin didnt know what to say to that, and as Kame unsteadily walked towards
the door, he couldnt find the courage to stop the younger man from drifting
even further away from him.
***
Kame wasnt sure where he was going; he merely walked aimlessly around
the crowded streets, and when he came across a familiar neighbourhood, he
felt an awkward feeling awaken inside of him. With careful steps, he
approached the apartment complex, and mustering all of his courage, he
stepped inside. Every step he took wavered, but he managed to get inside
the elevator and ascended to the eleventh floor.
His eyes were blurred, but somehow he managed to find the door he was
looking for and knocked gently on the white surface. It took a while before
the door burst open to reveal an unfazed Ryo.
With rough hands, he grabbed Kame and pulled him inside the apartment

and closed the door. What the hell are you doing here, he asked as Kame
leaned back against the door.
Kame closed his eyes and said, Thats what Id like to know too.... Tears
started falling from his closed lids, and Kame wrapped his arms around
himself insecurely.
Jin called me earlier, Ryo said suddenly, hes worried about you...
With trembling hands, Kame wiped his eyes furiously before Ryo grabbed
them and pulled them away from his face.
Can I have a hug please, Kame asked, and before Ryo could answer, Kame
threw his arms around him and hugged him tightly. He buried his face into
the crook of Ryos neck as the tears continued to roll down his eyes; soaking
the thin material of Ryos t-shirt.
They werent sure how long they stood there by the door, but when Kames
tears finally stopped falling, they reluctantly pulled apart. Neither of them
said anything as they merely stared at one another with softened eyes.
Therell be no turning back after this, Ryo said finally, and Kame wasnt
sure what to say in response. Instead, he took one step towards him, and
they both leaned forwards until their lips finally touched. Their bodies were
pulled close to one another, and the guilty pleasure tugged painfully at both
of their hearts.
***
Jin was dozing off on the couch when Kame finally returned back to the
apartment the next morning. He immediately jumped out of his seat when
he heard the sound of the door unlocking, and he felt a rush of relief when
he saw Kame shut the door tiredly behind him. Their eyes met, and for a
long while, an awkward silence surrounded them as they both remained
rooted to their spot.
Im sorry, Jin finally said, and Kame furrowed his brows at him.
Dont be, Kame said in response as he moved closer towards Jin with
hesitant steps. Im the one that should be sorry... I said and... did things...
that I shouldnt have. Kame felt a lump form in his throats as he said those
words, and he wondered if Jin understood the hidden meaning behind what
he had just said.
No... it was my fault for not thinking about you more... I promise Ill be a

better boyfriend from this moment on... He reached forwards to grab

Kames hand, but the younger man pulled back almost violently.
I... Im going to go shower first..., Kame said hastily, and quickly rushed
into the bathroom. He stripped out of his clothes, and turned the hot water
on full blast before he stepped in. The small room was soon filled with steam
as Kame felt the stream of water splash against his back. He shoved part of
his fist in his mouth as he tried to muffle his sobs. The tears wouldnt stop
falling as last nights events came to mind, and slowly, he crouched down low
and covered his face with his hands. He felt so dirty, and he wasnt sure how
he was going to face Jin in the days to come.
***
True to his words, Jin had finally began to pay more attention to Kames
needs, but that only further added to the younger mans guilt. If they
werent working, they were at home together, or spending time outside
together; they were rarely apart for more than an hour at a time, and Kame
wasnt entirely sure this was what he wanted.
Well arent you hard to please, Ryo said snidely as he stared at the
younger man sitting on his couch. You didnt like it when he didnt pay
attention to your needs, but when he finally does, you get annoyed that hes
being clingy.
Im not annoyed that hes being clingy, Kame reasoned. Its just...
Just what Kame, Ryo snapped, and when he noticed Kames hurt
expression, his eyes immediately softened. We cant know what youre
thinking if you dont say anything.
... I dont know what it is I want, Kame admitted sadly, but I know its not
this... Hes trying too hard... hes trying so hard to pull back together our
relationship... but its just not going to work. The harder he tries, the more
suffocated I feel. Kame sighed and closed his eyes as he rubbed his temples
in hopes of easing his massive headache. I dont know what I want
anymore...
Ryo sat down beside him, and held his hand loosely in his own. You know
you want me, right, he asked.
Kame smiled slightly and leaned forwards to kiss Ryo softly on the cheek.
This was so wrong, yet at that moment, it felt so right. Being with Ryo, he
felt so free; but being with Jin, he felt like he was trapped inside of a cage

where he no longer held the freedom to venture outside of those metals

bars, and that only made him wish to fly to Ryo even more.
***
Ryo-chan~, Jin whined into the phone as he flopped onto the couch; his
cell phone still pressed close to his ears. Im so bored...
And thats my problem because...., Ryo trailed off as he waited for some
kind of response from Jin, but the latter only whined more.
Well Kazu went out, and I have no one to play with, Jin complained, and
Ryo felt a lump in his throat.
... How are things between you two anyways, Ryo asked reluctantly. He
wanted to know because he wanted to assure his position in Kames life, but
he didnt want to know because he was afraid of the answer he might be
receiving.
... Its better, Jin said finally. Itll take time... but I know well be able to
work something out. He could hear the soft knocking on the other end of
the phone, and he asked, Is someone over right now?
Yeah... I got to go Jin..., Ryo said guiltily. Ill call you back.
Aw... bye-bye, Jin said sadly and hung up the phone, and didnt even
notice the guilt that brimmed every word that left Ryos lips.
***
Kame sat in between Ryos legs with his back leaning against the older mans
firm chest; Ryos arms were wrapped loosely around his waist. They were
sitting on the floor of Ryos apartment; the lights were dimmed and all he
could see was the dancing flame on the thick white candle. He tilted his head
back and rested it against Ryos shoulder as he stared intently at the older
mans face.
What, Ryo said as he noticed Kame was staring.
Nothing... I just wanted to see what kind of expression you have on your
face when you hold me, he said with a tinge of curiosity brimming his voice;
a childlike glint sparkling in his dark brown eyes.
And what kind of expression do I have on my face, Ryo asked with a slight

smirk.
You look peaceful... carefree... bored?
Ryo laughed and tightened his arms around his waist. Well the last part was
right.
Kame frowned and turned his head back towards the flame. Ryo... are you
happy, Kame asked with a dead serious tone. He could feel Ryos body tense
from those words as he understood the hidden question masked behind
those simple three words.
Ryo looked off to the side, and said, I am.
Even if we lose everything, you still dont regret a thing?
I dont. From the time it took for Ryo to answer the question, Kame knew
Ryo meant it. Do you, he asked. Kame didnt say anything, and his silence
was as good of an answer as Ryo was ever going to get.
***
People do stupid things when theyre in love. Love makes us stupid and
selfish. We say we want the ones we love to be happy when secretly we
crave for their touch, we crave for their bodies, and we crave for their souls.
We want them all to ourselves, and you can say that as long as the one you
love is happy, then thats all that matters, but you cant deny that a part of
you wants the reason for their existence to be because of you, and for you.

PART THREE

Time is what brought us together, but it was time that pulled us apart.
Given a second chance, would time help bring us back together again? Or
are we destined to walk separate paths, and live a life where you and I no
longer exist as one?

***
Stop drinking so much, Yamapi said as he grabbed the can of beer from
Jins hands. They were lying on the floor in Jins apartment, and at least a
dozen of empty beer cans surrounded them on the ground.
I just found out my boyfriend was cheating on me with one of my so-called
friends, Jin snapped angrily as he retrieved the beer from Yamapis hand
and said, I think I reserve the right to drink myself to death.
Yamapi frowned and said, Jin... stop.
Jin lowered the can from his lips, and the tears suddenly started falling again
as he tried to push away the echoes of Kames brutal confession. ... Where
the hell did we go wrong, Jin asked suddenly as he sniffed loudly; his hands
crushing the empty can as he tightened them into fists. What the fuck went
wrong with us?
I dont know Jin... but I do know you cant keep hurting yourself like this,
Yamapi said worriedly.
What would you do if you were me, Jin asked with furrowed brows before
he chucked the can against the wall. I just want to mess him up so badly...
but... I cant...
You dont have to force yourself to do anything... just... Yamapis voice
trailed off and he sighed. He wasnt sure what he was supposed to say at
that moment, and he felt torn trying to take a neutral stance in all of this as
all three of them are his dearest friends. Cheating is cheating. Once you
cheat... the relationship is done. But...
But what, Jin asked curiously through the tears that brimmed his eyes.
Its Kame... and I know he loves you, Yamapi said reluctantly. And you still
love him despite all of this...
Jin covered his face with his arms as he fell back against the ground. Stupid
Kame... I hate him, Jin choked out painfully. I fucking hate his guts... but
when I think about how I might never be able to hold him again, I just want
to cry so bad.
Jin... Kame isnt the kind of person that would intentionally play around
with two different people. You know how serious he is in relationships...
there has to be a reason that he stayed with you despite being with Ryo...

I dont care what that reason is, Jin lied. He wronged me... and I hate
him...
Yamapi frowned but said no more as he watched Jin grab a fresh can of beer.
They didnt go to bed until four in he morning, and Yamapi slept on the
couch while Jin went back to his room.
Jin laid wide awake on the soft mattress and stared at the empty spot beside
him. He traced random patterns on the cold, vacant space, and he felt the
tears prickling in his eyes once more as his hands craved for that familiar
warmth. He wished he could hate Kame, but his heart longed for him even
more.
***
Thank you for letting me stay with you, Kame said softly as he took the
cup of warm tea from Junnos hands.
Its fine... but..., Junnos voice trailed off as he sat down beside Kame.
Whats going to happen now?
I dont know, Kame said as he began to cry once more. Everythings so
messed up right now... and I dont even know what I should do anymore.
He covered his face as the tears fell more rapidly, and Junno wrapped an
arm around his shoulders comfortingly.
You knew this day would come. The moment you started seeing Nishikido,
you would have to choose when Akanishi finds out. You cant avoid it
anymore..., Junno said softly as he watched his friend tremble with his
heart wrenching sobs.
The choice is no longer in my hands, Kame choked out before he buried his
face in the crook of Junnos neck. Everythings over... and I dont deserve
either of them.
***
The next few days, Kame and Jin went to work as if nothing was wrong.
They avoided one another, but occasionally, the other members would catch
them sneaking longing glances at each other; Kames more apologetic, and
Jins more pained. Despite noticing the tension, the other members made no
mention of it; they preferred to take a neutral stand in all of this, with the
exception of Junno who was clearly standing by Kame. But after a while,
they couldnt deny that they wanted to know what was going on.

What happened, Nakamaru finally asked as Kame left to go talk to the

manager, and Jin had yet to return from the bathroom. You know
everything, dont you Taguchi.
Junno avoided all the questioning glances shot his way as he fiddled
nervously with the hems of his shirt. I... its not my place to say, Junno
said finally, and when he saw all the angry glares directed at him, he wanted
to sink even further onto the couch.
This is serious... something happened between Akanishi and Kame... and
we want to know what it is, Koki said.
We just want to help, Ueda said with furrowed brows. Theyre our friends
too, and we just want to know whats wrong.
Im... I really cant say, Junno said helplessly.
We broke up. Everyone turned their heads towards the doorway, and they
saw Jin approaching them with an unreadable expression on his face. That
only worried the other members even more as Jin was never one to hide his
emotions from others, and whenever he did, they knew it was serious.
Why, Nakamaru asked, and he regretted it the instant the words rolled off
his tongue.
It just wasnt going to work, Jin said as he grabbed his bag from the floor.
Since were done here, Im going home. The moment he left the dressing
room, he saw Kame waiting for him by the door.
Why, Kame asked softly. Why did you lie to them?
I didnt lie, Jin said coldly. We are done... its over between us.
Kame looked down as he avoided Jins cold eyes. ... You couldve told them
why..., Kame said hesitantly. You couldve told them it was my fault...
I didnt do it for you, Jin said firmly. I didnt tell them because it doesnt
involve them... it involves the three of us, and only the three of us. With
that said, Jin turned his back against Kame and began to walk away.
As Kame stared at Jins disappearing figure, he wanted desperately to call
him back, but when images of Ryo plagued his mind, he couldnt find the
strength to voice out his words.

***
Kame grabbed his bag and pulled out his cell phone. He stared blankly at the
screen for several minutes before flipping it open. He pressed at the buttons
on his phone and sent Ryo a simple message: I told him.
It took several minutes before a response was received. He slowly opened
the message and it read: What now?
Kame contemplated for a while before deciding what would be the
appropriate thing to say in response to that: I think we should stop seeing
each other for a while...
The next response came a lot quicker, and he hesitated slightly before
opening it: If thats what you want, then Ill respect that.
Thank you Ryo. He didnt receive another response after that, but it wasnt
like he expected one. Ryo always knew when to give him the right amount of
space, but he also knew when to offer him a shoulder to cry on. Ryo really
was a very understanding and compassionate person behind his snarky
facade; he was attracted to that trait of Ryos, and that was what caused this
big mess to come about.
Heaving a deep sigh, Kame shoved his phone back into his bag and headed
out of the dressing room. When Kame left the agency, he saw Yamapi
waiting for him outside. There was a small smile on Yamapis face, though
the warmth from that smile didnt reach his eyes and Kame couldnt help but
notice how tense the rest of his face looked.
Can we talk, Yamapi asked, and when Kame nodded gently, they headed
towards Kames car in the parking lot. They leaned against the car and Kame
stared blankly at the dark night sky.
Yamapi stared at Kame with unreadable eyes as he tried to figure out where
to begin asking the questions that have burned in his mind these past couple
of weeks. He didnt have to worry about it for a moment longer as Kame
broke the painfully awkward silence.
You hate me too, dont you, Kame asked softly before he laughed sadly
and said, ... I guess Id hate me too...
Yamapi took a deep breath and said, I cant say I hate you, but I cant say I
dont. He sighed and closed his eyes as he tried to determine what would be
the more correct way of phrasing his thoughts. I dont understand you. I
dont understand how this couldve happened... why it even happened in the

first place...
I dont know either, Kame said sincerely, and those words hurt more than
he wouldve thought. But it cant change... no matter how much we want it
to.
You can fix it Kame, Yamapi said with a gentle voice. If you go back to
him, hell forgive you.
Without even saying it, Kame knew who Yamapi was talking about, and he
felt his heart ache from those words. Even if he could... I dont know if Id
be able to... and Ryo... Ryo had already lost everything to be with him, and
he didnt know if he could just abandon the older man like that.
Yamapi felt his breathing hitch by the mere mention of that name. Youre all
my good friends... and... I want all of you to be happy... but thats not going
to be possible. In the end, at least one of you is going to get hurt and...
Yamapis voice trailed off as he wasnt sure how to finish that sentence.
I dont deserve to be with either of them...
Self-pity does not suit you, Yamapi said with a hint of bitterness. You can
say that the choice is no longer in your hands, but from the start, you were
always the one controlling the game. You had all the cards in your hand...
you call all the shots...
Love isnt a game..., Kame said painfully. If it was... it would be so much
easier to pick things up, and put them down again. If love was a game...
there would be winners and losers, but the three of us... we lost
everything... we had everything to lose, but nothing to gain... and the one to
blame for that... will always be me...
For the first time, Yamapi found that he couldnt agree, nor disagree with
what Kame just said, so he remained silent as he stared at the younger
mans broken figure; not knowing how to begin comforting his friend.
***
Jin sprawled over the bed as he wrapped his arms around the soft, plush
pillow. He could still smell Kames scent from it, and he felt like he was going
to drown in that scent. He buried his face into the soft material, and he felt
his heart ache from the familiar scent.
He wanted to forget everything, and go back to the way things were with

Kame. But every time he closed his eyes, all he could think about were
images of Kame and Ryo together, and that made his heart loathe Kame
once more.
He reluctantly got out of bed when he heard the gentle rap on the door, and
when he opened it, he was greeted with a face he did not want to see;
Nishikido Ryo.
What the fuck are you doing here, Jin spat out angrily. I dont want to see
you. He attempted to slam the door shut, but Ryo pushed it open with all
his strength and invited himself in.
I want to talk to you, Ryo said calmly as he stared at the infuriated man
before him. I know Kame told you.
Anger flashed in Jins eyes as he slammed the door shut and stared hard at
Ryo. I trusted you, he said with unnatural calmness. You were my friend...
someone I could tell everything to... and you fucking betrayed me.
Ryo lowered his gaze momentarily before lifting them to meet Jins cold
eyes. I want to apologize for hurting you, but I dont regret it.
How could you do this to me, Ryo? You knew how much I loved Kame... yet
you still..., Jins voice trailed off and he couldnt find the strength in him to
continue. He could feel the tears stinging in his eyes and he hastily brushed
them away as he stared angrily at Ryo, but there were traces of pain swirling
behind the mask of anger.
You cant help who you fall in love with, Ryo said simply. I cant control
the way I feel about him, just like you cant either. We both fell in love with
the same person, and even though we wronged you, the one thats the most
in pain right now is Kame. Jin turned his gaze away from Ryo and tried to
take in what he was saying.
To Kame... Im like the key that unlocks his cage... the one that brings him
freedom. But you... youre the cage that bounds him... that holds him down.
But it doesnt matter what I do, in the end, he still loves you. Otherwise, he
wouldve left you a long time ago to be with me.
Your cage that bounds him gives him a sense of comfort that he does not
find with me. Its like your cage nurtures him, and protects him from the
brutalities of the wilderness. You make him feel so safe... and treasured...
Ryo paused as he searched Jins face with some kind of reaction, and he only
saw dark sadness that brimmed his features. I know that before we even

got together, you and Kame were already having lots of problems...
Jin... when a relationship falls apart... its not just one persons fault.
Jin stared at Ryo with confused eyes as he rose his brows with curiosity, and
Ryo felt nervous about what he was about to say next. He didnt want to
sound like he was trying to justify his actions, but at the same time, thats
just how it was.
If there was enough trust between two people, it wouldnt fall apart so
easily. If the trust was strong enough... Kame wouldnt... Ryos voice trailed
off as he found it difficult to finish that sentence. He felt a lump in his throat
as he tried to swallow the guilt that swarmed him.
Why are you telling me this, Jin asked suddenly.
Ryo sighed, and shrugged slightly before he said, Who knows. He took a
few steps closer towards Jin and whispered softly, But I do want you to
know that if you want whats best for Kame, and you really want him to be
happy, give him the freedom to choose. Let him go. With that said, Ryo
brushed past Jin and left the apartment, and suddenly, Jin had the urge to
cry as those words dug painfully at his memories; resounding loudly in his
mind.
***
Kame rested his head on Jins shoulders as the older man wrapped his arm
tightly around his shoulders. They watched as the seagulls soared across the
sky, flying without a care or worry.
They look so free, dont they Jin, Kame asked, his eyes locked on the birds
that flew above them. They can go wherever theyd like... and just soar
across the horizon without the confines of reality.
Yeah, unless they get shot, Jin replied with a slight smirk, but it
disappeared the moment he felt Kame lift his head from his shoulders.
Humour me, okay, Kame said with a frown and Jin immediately nodded.
Dont have to be such a smart-ass all the time, you know?
Jin laughed and said, Yes sir! A smile crept onto Kames face as he kissed
Jin softly on the cheek; wrapping his arms tightly around Jin as he breathed
in his sweet scent.

Someone once told me that if you loved something, you should let it go. If
it comes back to you, then its yours, but if it doesnt, it never was... but
love can be such a selfish thing that I wonder if anyone can really let the
thing they love most out of their grasp and wait for it to return...
If it was Kame, then I would be able to, Jin said softly. Because I know
youd definitely come back to me.
Kame laughed and said, How can you be so sure?
I just am. Jin pulled back slightly and pressed his forehead against his
lovers. I love you.
The younger man could feel a warmness tingle in his cheeks and he lowered
his eyes away from Jins piercing gaze. I love you too Jin...
Jin smiled and lowered his lips onto Kames; kissing him tenderly on the lips
and holding him so gently in his arms. He felt Kame tighten his hold around
him and pull him in even closer, as if he were afraid Jin would slip away if he
loosened his grip for even a second...
***
A nostalgic feeling stirred within Kame as he walked towards the beach. This
was where him and Ryo had begun their forbidden relationship. Whenever he
came back here, he felt an immense amount of guilt for betraying Jin, but at
the same time, he also felt this strange feeling of warmth settle in the pit of
his stomach.
He sat down heavily onto the sand as he stretched out his legs and stared at
the sky. Before he could even settle down properly, he heard some noises
behind him and when he turned around, he was surprised to see Jin standing
right there.
Jin... what are you doing here, he asked with a small voice; suddenly
feeling really nervous.
Jin avoided the question as he sat down beside him and said, You always
come here whenever you need to think. Seems like some things never
change.
Kame lowered his head as he stared at his hands in front of him. I just
wanted to be alone, he said softly.

Jin smiled sadly as he said, I mustve really suffocated you... didnt I?

No... why would you say that, Kame asked, clearly surprised from the
sudden question.
Why else would you turn to someone else, Jin said monotonously. In the
end, all my love did was suffocate you.
Kame shook his head feverishly. You didnt Jin... All you did was love me... I
just... you did nothing wrong.
Jin looked down at his hands as he tried not to let Ryos words get to his
head, but he could push those thoughts away. He knew Ryo was right; if he
wanted Kame to be happy, he should let him go find his own happiness. He
had no reason to hold onto something that doesnt want him; its not good
for either of them.
He sighed deeply and said, Im tired Kame... I dont want to play these
games anymore.
Kame could only look at Jin with sightly confused eyes as he tried to take in
what he was saying. I... I dont understand what you mean.
After taking a deep breath, Jin stared deep into Kames eyes and said, Im
letting you go.
Kame stared at Jin with wide eyes as he tried to swallow what he just said.
Jin... I...
Were done Kame... we were done the second you walked into Ryos arms...
and we wont ever be able to move on from this. You dont need a reason to
fall in love... and likewise... you dont need a reason to fall out of love. Its
fine if you dont love me... I dont want to hold you back with my feelings.
Kame could feel the tears prickling in his eyes as he could only stare at Jin
with mixed feelings. Jin... I... He couldnt even finish his sentence as Jin
interrupted him once more as he stood up and looked down at Kame.
Im not doing it for you, he said flatly. I dont want to be with someone
who only loves me half-heartedly. And you should be with someone that you
love... He didnt even wait for any kind of an answer from Kame before he
walked away.

Kame watched as Jin walked further and further way from him, and
suddenly, he wasnt so sure he wanted to let go anymore.
***
Kame brushed back his hair as the hot, steamy water fell onto his flushed
skin. His eyes were closed and he relinquished the feel of the water against
his skin. The muscles in his body all relaxed, and he could barely hold back
the sigh that escaped his lips. He heard the door open, but paid no heed to
it until he felt a pair of arms wrap around him from behind.
Wait your turn, Kame said softly, but he did nothing to push away those
arms.
I know you dont mind, Ryo replied as he placed gentle kisses along
Kames neck. His hands drifted upwards from the younger mans naval, and
a soft moan escaped Kames lips when his hand brushed past the sensitive
skin on his chest.
Kame tilted his head around and kissed Ryo gingerly on the lips. Slowly,
without breaking the kiss, he turned around in the embrace, and wrapped
his arms tightly around Ryos neck. After a while, Kame reluctantly pulled
away, and smiled at Ryo.
Through all the steam that surrounded them, Kame could barely make out
the soft features on the older mans face. With careful hands, he gently
traced the outline of Ryos face, and slipped his fingers into his lovers thick,
wet hair.
Never let me go, okay, Kame said as his eyes gazed deeply into Ryos.
Ryo nodded and tightened his embrace around Kame. I wont... I wont
ever let you go...
Kame felt his smile falter slightly before he kissed Ryo gently on the lips.
The warm feeling he felt moments before began to tug painfully at his heart.
***
Kame shot up from his bed as he struggled to calm his erratic heartbeat. He
tried to even out his breathing, but those vivid images from his dreams
continued to haunt his mind. He could feel his tears mix with his sweat, and
he shut his eyes tight to push away those images.
He didnt understand why he suddenly had that dream, but it brought back

an array of emotions within him, and he felt his heart constrict with pain. He
brought a hand to cover his face, and bit back a sob. A guilty feeling erupted
within him, and suddenly, he wished he could turn back time to fix all that
went wrong.
***
Ryo stared at the ceiling above his head and sighed heavily. Things were
becoming so complicated, and he wasnt sure what he was supposed to do.
Its been weeks since Jin found out, and Ryo was beginning to feel restless
waiting for some kind of answer from Kame. He knew he shouldnt push it,
but the longer they waited, the more scared he was of losing Kame.
Hesitantly, he grabbed his phone from the nighstand, and sent Kame a brief
message before he got ready to leave.
Its time to settle things for good... Ill wait for you at the place where it all
started...
***
You look pale, Junno said softly as he approached his friend that was
sitting on the couch. Is everything okay?
Kame stared at the phone sitting on the coffee table for a long time before
he finally said, Ryo wants me to pick...
Junno frowned and said, And are you going to?
How am I supposed to pick, Kame said tiredly. Its no longer in my hands.
But who do you want to be with Kame, Junno asked as he sat down beside
his friend.
Kame sighed and said, I dont know...
I think you do know... Junno paused as he searched Kames face for some
kind of reaction, but he saw nothing. I dont understand you sometimes
Kame... you and Jin were perfectly happy for a long time... the relationship
lasted for so long... but suddenly... you turn to someone else. What were
you looking for with Ryo that you couldnt find with Jin?
... I was searching for something..., Kame replied hesitantly.

Searching for what?

Kame took a deep breath before he said, I was searching for that feeling
that I lost with Jin...
And did you find it?
With a heavy arm, Kame covered his face and held back his tears. I couldnt
find it with Ryo... but I found it with Jin again...
Then isnt that your answer?
Kame fought back the urge to cry, and said, Its not fair to Ryo. He felt his
heart tighten as he thought about how selfish he has been; toying with
peoples feelings while trying to figure out his own.
Life isnt fair... and neither is love... but you can fix things... and make it
better. Junno patted Kames hand gently and gave it a reassuring squeeze.
None of us have a right to tell you what to do... or blame your for what you
have done... just do whatever you think must be done... and... just... follow
your heart.
Kame laughed softly and said, That sounds like something from a sappy
movie.
But it works right, Junno asked with an innocent grin.
The smile on Kames face grew wider, and it was the first genuine smile that
graced his face in a long while. Thank you Junno.
Youre welcome, Junno said, and gave Kame one last comforting embrace.
***
Kame knocked gently on the door as he waited patiently for the older man to
open it. It didnt take long before the door swung open to reveal Jins
surprised face. Kame..., Jin said with widened eyes. What are you doing
here?
Kame looked down as he took a deep breath. There were still so many
problems that they would have to work out together, but Kame knew that
the one he wanted to be with the most was still Jin, and would always be Jin.
There was still the uncertainty that Jin might not want to work things out
anymore, but it was a risk he was willing to take.

If I come back to you... will you still want me?

***
Im sorry, but Im not coming...
Ryo stared at the screen on his phone and let out a deep sigh. He had
expected it, but seeing it and finally knowing it for a fact made it hurt an
infinite times more than he could ever imagine. He squeezed the phone
tightly in his hand as he held his head low; the tears slowly falling down. He
knew the younger man wasnt coming, but hed wait anyways; for Kame, he
could wait forever.
The End.