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Herein is found a collection of whittisms, poems, jokes and articles to
Favorites ……volume one
Edited by J P Ronan
delight. Warning to the casual browser is given that one or more surprises will be found. The subjects are loosely organized in to five sections where their contents are arranged in random.
NSBN 1526373849 D Published by Ronan’s Press in 2010
Table of contents:
Poems……………….…………….page 4 Humor……………………………page 60 Irish……………….………...…….page 107 Quotes……………….…………….page 146 Love and faith…………………….page 162 Whose woods these are I think I know. His house is in the village though; He will not see me stopping here To watch his woods fill up with snow. Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening By Robert Frost
My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near Between the woods and frozen lake The darkest evening of the year.
He gives his harness bells a shake To ask if there is some mistake. The only other sound's the sweep Of easy wind and downy flake. My Papa's Waltz The woods are lovely, dark and deep. But I have promises to keep, And miles to go before I sleep, And miles to go before I sleep The whiskey on your breath Could make a small boy dizzy; But I hung on like death: Such waltzing was not easy. by Theodore Roethke
We romped until the pans Slid from the kitchen shelf; My mother's countenance Could not unfrown itself.
The hand that held my wrist Was battered on one knuckle; At every step you missed My right ear scraped a buckle. GLORY be to God for dappled things — You beat time on my head With a palm caked hard by dirt, Then waltzed me off to bed Still clinging to your shirt. For skies of couple-colour as a brinded cow; For rose-moles all in stipple upon trout that swim; Fresh-firecoal chestnut-falls; finches’ wings; Landscape plotted and pieced — fold, fallow, and plough; And áll trádes, their gear and tackle and trim. All things counter, original, spare, strange; Whatever is fickle, freckled (who knows how?) With swift, slow; sweet, sour; adazzle, dim; He fathers-forth whose beauty is past change Praise Him Pied Beauty
Gerard Manley Hopkins
The Blessings of July
Warm nights, Sunny days, Blue sky with patches of white, The fawn loses it's spots, Something by ANAIS NIN Butterflies are endless in sight, The garden and orchards bear fresh rewards, "Each friend represents a world in us, a world possible not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born." The children's play is intense, Pinics abound, The campers are in the woods, Families live outside, Young love has a start.
Anthem ~ Leonard Cohen
Ring the bells that still can ring, Forget your perfect offering, There is a crack in everything,
"Some tortures are physical And some are mental, But the one that is both Is dental."
That’s how the light gets in...
Song of the Gardener's wife (or I am the canning Queen )
What is hotter than the beating sun on an August afternoon,
Dreaming about surfing
What is richer than the lush,heavy, green of the garden- full of life, buttereflies, birds,bunnies and the slugs... oh, the slugs
I am where there is no air and seaweed is my hair
Who is prized more than the gardener- laboring, watching, coaxing the soil's gift, feet over head and head over feet What brings more memories than the bittersweet rhubarb- summers and pies of the past, and then I see Can this all be captured in a glass jar, placed on a shelf where it waits for winter and then it's promise is released, savored, uncomparable to what other things we call "food", I rise from the froth of the salty stew How grateful am I for the chance to share this taste, this season, this bounty ~~Rita ~~Megan breathless and new ahead of me the light of day repeat
The Clean Plater
Go purloin a sirloin, my pet, If you'd win a devotion incredible; And asparagus tips vinaigrette,
Pheasant is pleasant, of course, And terrapin, too, is tasty, Lobster I freely endorse, In pate or patty or pasty. But there's nothing the matter with butter, And nothing the matter with jam, And the warmest greetings I utter To the ham and the yam and the clam. For they're food, All food, And I think very fondly of food. Through I'm broody at times When bothered by rhymes, I brood On food.
Or anything else that is edible. Bring salad or sausage or scrapple, A berry or even a beet. Bring an oyster, an egg, or an apple, As long as it's something to eat. If it's food, It's food; Never mind what kind of food. When I ponder my mind I consistently find It is glued On food.
-- Ogden Nash
The Sky's Secret (the morning after)
"Our revels now are ended. These our actors, As I foretold you, were all spirits, and Are melted into air, into thin air: And like the baseless fabric of this vision, The cloud-capp'd tow'rs, the gorgeous palaces, The solemn temples, the great globe itself, Yea, all which it inherit, shall dissolve, And, like this insubstantial pageant faded, Leave not a rack behind. We are such stuff As dreams are made on; and our little life Is rounded with a sleep."
The morn breaks clear and the clouds are late. I stare up until my neck aches from wandering; what else is in there? the birds seem to know. they're quite cheerful at this time anyway, the brisk air whispers, it's chasing itself again, someone seems delighted, Well at least I have my health.
-- Shakespeare ...the Tempest The vast scape requires admiration, sweet jubilation.
Oh the cleverness of this "socalled" cunning sea of clout, it stands for something far more than we want to admit, we deny it the proper label it has so undoubtedly deserved. we render it with obtuse minds and folly. "I THINK we are too ready with complaint In this fair world of God's. Had we no hope Indeed beyond the zenith and the slope Of yon gray blank of sky, we might grow faint To muse upon eternity's constraint Round our aspirant souls; but since the scope We treat it as we treat ourselves, each other, and those lost. without a cause. with each drink, with each smoke we attempt to tarnish what we have. mine's gone, mind's gone, goodnight. Must widen early, is it well to droop, For a few days consumed in loss and taint ? O pusillanimous Heart, be comforted And, like a cheerful traveller, take the road Singing beside the hedge. What if the bread Be bitter in thine inn, and thou unshod To meet the flints ? At least it may be said 'Because the way is short, I thank thee, God." Cheerfulness Taught By Reason
-- Elizabeth Barrett Browning
Came whiffling through the tulgey wood, JABBERWOCKY And burbled as it came!
`Twas brillig, and the slithy toves Did gyre and gimble in the wabe: All mimsy were the borogoves, And the mome raths outgrabe.
One, two! One, two! And through and through The vorpal blade went snicker-snack! He left it dead, and with its head He went galumphing back.
"Beware the Jabberwock, my son! The jaws that bite, the claws that catch! Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun The frumious Bandersnatch!"
"And, has thou slain the Jabberwock? Come to my arms, my beamish boy! O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!' He chortled in his joy.
He took his vorpal sword in hand: Long time the manxome foe he sought -So rested he by the Tumtum tree, And stood awhile in thought.
`Twas brillig, and the slithy toves Did gyre and gimble in the wabe; All mimsy were the borogoves, And the mome raths outgrabe.
And, as in uffish thought he stood, The Jabberwock, with eyes of flame,
~ Lewis Carroll
That you lov'd me still the same...
I dreamt that suitors sought my hand; That knights upon bended knee, And with vows no maiden heart could withstand, They pledg'd their faith to me;
And I dreamt that one of that noble host The Gipsy Girl's Dream Came forth my hand to claim. But I also dreamt, which charmed me most, That you lov'd me still the same...
I dreamt that I dwelt in marble halls, With vassals and serfs at my side, And of all who assembled within those walls, That I was the hope and the pride.
-- Michael Balfe
I had riches too great to count, could boast Of a high ancestral name; But I also dreamt, which pleased me most,
"For the Fallen" ....
They shall grow not old, as we that are left grow old: Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn. At the going down of the sun and in the morning We will remember them. I travel in time, -- Laurence Binyon wrt soldiers lost in WWI here I go to the future not back and the trip is real slow. I Travel In Time
I travel in time to the past,
a place in my mind where breezes blow warm, the weather is kind.
the then and the was, where I go to hide.
I travel in time I travel in time when the hurt first appears as the milk starts to sour before I can feel before any tears. You don’t like this rhyme? What do you know? I travel in time to the past time ago where I play all day long puppies are free and nothing goes wrong. Step out of my way. The moment is lost, Here I go.... to the past to and fro. You don’t like this rhyme? I can tell - the way your eyes go
I travel in time. Here and now I never have tried. it’s the until and before,
They searched him in the attic room and cubby hole and press and even up the chimney flu and every wheres, I guess, Little Orphan Annie but all they ever found of him was just his pants and round-abouts and the goblins will get ya if ya don't watch out!! Little Orphan Annie's come to my house to stay. To wash the cups and saucers up and brush the crumbs away. To shoo the chickens from the porch and dust the hearth and sweep, and make the fire and bake the bread to earn her board and keep. While all us other children, when the supper things is done, we sit around the kitchen fire and has the mostest fun, a listening to the witch tales that Annie tells about and the goblins will get ya if ya don't watch out! Once there was a little girl who always laughed and grinned and made fun of everyone, of all her blood and kin, and once when there was company and old folks was there, she mocked them and she shocked them and said, she didn't care. And just as she turned on her heels and to go and run and hide, there was two great big black things a standing by her side. They snatched her through the ceiling fore she knew what shes about, Once there was a little boy who wouldn't say his prayers, and when he went to bed at night away up stairs, his mammy heard him holler and his daddy heard him bawl, and when they turned the covers down, he wasn't there at all! -- James Whitcomb Riley and the goblins will get ya if ya don't watch out!!
When gentians roll their fingers tight To save them for the morning, And chestnuts fall from satin burrs Without a sound of warning;
When on the ground red apples lie In piles like jewels shining, And redder still on old stone walls October's Bright Blue Weather Are leaves of woodbine twining;
O suns and skies and clouds of June, And flowers of June together, Ye cannot rival for one hour October's bright blue weather;
When all the lovely wayside things Their white-winged seeds are sowing, And in the fields still green and fair, Late aftermaths are growing;
When loud the bumblebee makes haste, Belated, thriftless vagrant, And goldenrod is dying fast, And lanes with grapes are fragrant;
When springs run low, and on the brooks, In idle golden freighting, Bright leaves sink noiseless in the hush Of woods, for winter waiting;
When comrades seek sweet country haunts, By twos and twos together, And count like misers, hour by hour, October's bright blue weather.
O sun and skies and flowers of June, Count all your boasts together, Love loveth best of all the year October's bright blue weather. “Ring out the old, ring in the new, Ring, happy bells, across the snow: -- Helen Hunt Jackson The year is going, let him go; Ring out the false, ring in the true.” - -Alfred, Lord Tennyson New Year’s Eve
Moved by groundhog’s day
My friends all know that I am shy, But the chipmunk is twice as shy as I. He moves with flickering indecision Like stripes across the television. He's like the shadow of a cloud, Or Emily Dickinson read aloud. - - Ogden Nash OH, give us pleasure in the flowers today; And give us not to think so far away As the uncertain harvest; keep us here All simply in the springing of the year. A Prayer in Spring
Oh, give us pleasure in the orchard white, Like nothing else by day, like ghosts by night; And make us happy in the happy bees, The swarm dilating round the perfect trees.
And make us happy in the darting bird That suddenly above the bees is heard, The meteor that thrusts in with needle bill, And off a blossom in mid air stands still.
For this is love and nothing else is love, To which it is reserved for God above To sanctify to what far ends he will, But which it only needs that we fulfill. -- Robert Frost My God (oh, let me call Thee mine, Weak, wretched sinner though I be), My trembling soul would fain be Thine; My feeble faith still clings to Thee. A Prayer by Anne Bronte
Not only for the Past I grieve, The Future fills me with dismay; Unless Thou hasten to relieve, Thy suppliant is a castaway.
I cannot say my faith is strong, I dare not hope my love is great; But strength and love to Thee belong; Oh, do not leave me desolate! A Prayer in the Prospect of Death by Robert Burns
I know I owe my all to Thee; Oh, TAKE the heart I cannot give! Do Thou my strength--my Saviour be, And MAKE me to Thy glory live. --
O THOU unknown, Almighty Cause Of all my hope and fear! In whose dread presence, ere an hour, Perhaps I must appear!
If I have wander’d in those paths Of life I ought to shun, As something, loudly, in my breast, Remonstrates I have done;
Thou know’st that Thou hast formed me With passions wild and strong; And list’ning to their witching voice Has often led me wrong.
Where human weakness has come short, Or frailty stept aside, Do Thou, All-Good-for such Thou art— In shades of darkness hide.
Where with intention I have err’d, No other plea I have, But, Thou art good; and Goodness still Delighteth to forgive. The day is cold, and dark, and dreary It rains, and the wind is never weary; A little Madness in the Spring by Emily Dickinson The vine still clings to the mouldering wall, But at every gust the dead leaves fall, A little Madness in the Spring Is wholesome even for the King, But God be with the Clown -Who ponders this tremendous scene -This whole Experiment of Green -As if it were his own! My life is cold, and dark, and dreary; It rains, and the wind is never weary; My thoughts still cling to the mouldering Past, But the hopes of youth fall thick in the blast, And the days are dark and dreary. And the day is dark and dreary. The Rainy Day by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
Be still, sad heart! and cease repining; Behind the clouds is the sun still shining; Thy fate is the common fate of all, Into each life some rain must fall, Some days must be dark and dreary. Nothing goes on in his head. It all goes on in his glands, his muscles, his nose. He chases every squirrel every time he sees one, barks and lunges at every cat; he'd eat every bit of garbage on the road if I didn't snap his lead hard. He doesn't care in a way I can't. He doesn't confuse past with present; his only language is what's now and under his black pads. He's the perfect one, in fact, to talk with, in the rain and wind of January, when winter needs talking to and writing down to bone-cold. "Black Dog" by James DenBoer,
As with the many names of God, I repeat his name often-he doesn't know my name, he doesn't know this is winter, he doesn't know he could kill me with those teeth. He listens to my chatter, my hum, my chikk-chikk like a squirrel; my noises keep him interested and unworried. He scribbles along the scent of air, his nails click on wet black stones, he pulls his way toward red lights on Fair Oaks Avenue, he leads me back to start And that Thy love we weighing worthily, May likewise love Thee for the same againe; And for Thy sake, that all lyke deare didst buy, With love may one another entertayne! So let us love, deare Love, lyke as we ought, --Love is the lesson which the Lord us taught. MOST glorious Lord of Lyfe! that, on this day, Didst make Thy triumph over death and sin; And, having harrowd hell, didst bring away Captivity thence captive, us to win: This joyous day, deare Lord, with joy begin; And grant that we, for whom thou diddest dye, Being with Thy deare blood clene washt from sin, May live for ever in felicity! Easter by Edmund Spenser
For many a mile where troops convene. Easter Week by Joyce Kilmer O'Connell Street is loudly sweet With strains of Wearing of the Green. "Romantic Ireland's dead and gone, It's with O'Leary in the grave." Then, Yeats, what gave that Easter dawn A hue so radiantly brave? There was a rain of blood that day, Red rain in gay blue April weather. It blessed the earth till it gave birth To valour thick as blooms of heather. Romantic Ireland never dies! O'Leary lies in fertile ground, And songs and spears throughout the years Rise up where patriot graves are found. Immortal patriots newly dead And ye that bled in bygone years, What banners rise before your eyes? What is the tune that greets your ears? The young Republic's banners smile The soil of Ireland throbs and glows With life that knows the hour is here To strike again like Irishmen For that which Irishmen hold dear. Lord Edward leaves his resting place And Sarsfield's face is glad and fierce. See Emmet leap from troubled sleep To grasp the hand of Padraic Pearse! There is no rope can strangle song And not for long death takes his toll. No prison bars can dim the stars Nor quicklime eat the living soul. Romantic Ireland is not old. For years untold her youth will shine. Her heart is fed on Heavenly bread, The blood of martyrs is her wine.
Easter Day by Oscar Wilde
The Flowery banks of Cree by Robert Burns
The silver trumpets rang across the Dome: The people knelt upon the ground with awe: And borne upon the necks of men I saw, Like some great God, the Holy Lord of Rome. Priest-like, he wore a robe more white than foam, And, king-like, swathed himself in royal red, Three crowns of gold rose high upon his head: In splendour and in light the Pope passed home. My heart stole back across wide wastes of years To One who wandered by a lonely sea, And sought in vain for any place of rest: 'Foxes have holes, and every bird its nest. I, only I, must wander wearily, And bruise my feet, and drink wine salt with tears.'
HERE is the glen, and here the bower All underneath the birchen shade; The village-bell has told the hour, O what can stay my lovely maid?
’Tis not Maria’s whispering call; ’Tis but the balmy breathing gale, Mixt with some warbler’s dying fall, The dewy star of eve to hail.
It is Maria’s voice I hear; So calls the woodlark in the grove, His little, faithful mate to cheer; At once ’tis music and ’tis love.
And art thou come! and art thou true! O welcome dear to love and me! And let us all our vows renew, Along the flowery banks of Cree.
Romance with A Red, Red Rose, By Robert Burns
O my Luve's like a red, red rose, That's newly sprung in June; O my Luve's like the melodie That's sweetly play'd in tune.--
As fair art thou, my bonie lass, So deep in luve am I; And I will love thee still, my Dear, Till a' the seas gang dry.--
Till a' the seas gang dry, my Dear,
And the rocks melt wi' the sun: I will love thee still, my Dear, While the sands o' life shall run.-From you have I been absent in the spring... (Sonnet 98) by William Shakespeare
And fare thee weel my only Luve! And fare thee weel a while! And I will come again, my Luve, Tho' it were ten thousand mile!
From you have I been absent in the spring, When proud-pied April, dressed in all his trim, Hath put a spirit of youth in everything, That heavy Saturn laughed and leaped with him, Yet nor the lays of birds, nor the sweet smell Of different flowers in odor and in hue, Could make me any summer's story tell, Or from their proud lap pluck them where they grew. Nor did I wonder at the lily's white, Nor praise the deep vermilion in the rose; They were but sweet, but figures of delight, Drawn after you, you pattern of all those. Yet seemed it winter still, and, you away, As with your shadow I with these did play.
Enjoys the air it breathes.
The birds around me hopped and played, Their thoughts I cannot measure:-But the least motion which they made Lines Written In Early Spring by William Wordsworth It seemed a thrill of pleasure.
I heard a thousand blended notes, While in a grove I sate reclined, In that sweet mood when pleasant thoughts Bring sad thoughts to the mind.
The budding twigs spread out their fan, To catch the breezy air; And I must think, do all I can, That there was pleasure there.
To her fair works did Nature link The human soul that through me ran; And much it grieved my heart to think What man has made of man.
If this belief from heaven be sent, If such be Nature's holy plan, Have I not reason to lament What man has made of man?
Through primrose tufts, in that green bower, The periwinkle trailed its wreaths; And 'tis my faith that every flower
With passions wild and strong; And list’ning to their witching voice Has often led me wrong.
Where human weakness has come short, Or frailty stept aside, Do Thou, All-Good-for such Thou art— A Prayer in the Prospect of Death by Robert Burns In shades of darkness hide.
O THOU unknown, Almighty Cause Of all my hope and fear! In whose dread presence, ere an hour, Perhaps I must appear!
Where with intention I have err’d, No other plea I have, But, Thou art good; and Goodness still Delighteth to forgive.
If I have wander’d in those paths Of life I ought to shun, As something, loudly, in my breast, Remonstrates I have done;
Thou know’st that Thou hast formed me
Winter Morning Poem
Winter is the king of showmen Turning tree stumps into snow men And houses into birthday cakes And spreading sugar over lakes Smooth and clean and frosty white The world looks good enough to bite That's the season to be young Catching snowflakes on your tongue Snow is snowy when it's snowing I'm sorry it's slushy when it's going -- Ogden Nash Chemistry test - Probably apocryphal The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid term examination paper. The answer was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, which is why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well. Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law, which is that "gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed" or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following: First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave.
Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, lets look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand as souls are added. This gives two possibilities: If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose. Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over. So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Ms. Teresa Banyan during my freshman year, "...that it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you.", and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then option 2 cannot
be true, and thus 1 am sure that Hell is exothermic and will not freeze. The student received the only A.
"It is well documented that for every mile that you jog, you add one minute to your life. This enables you at 85 years old to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $5000 per month." 3 Blind (drunk) Mice
-- anonymous Three macho mice are sitting at a bar discussing just how tough they were. The first mouse slams a shot and says: "I play with mouse traps for fun. I'll run into one on purpose and as it is closing on me, I grab the bar and bench press it 20 to 30 times." And, with Art Linkletter that, he slams another shot. The second mouse slams a shot and says: "That's nothing. I take Art asked a little girl how she helped her mother. She said, "I help her make toast for breakfast." He said, "Tell us what you do." She said, "Well, you take a piece of bread and you put it in a kind of machine there. Of course, I'm not big enough to flush it." The third mouse stops and replies: "I'm going home to shag the cat." those poison bait tablets, cut them up, and snort them, just for the fun of it." And, with that, he slams another shot. The third mouse slams a shot, gets up, and turns to walk away. "Where the hell do you think you're going?" ask his friends.
St Peter's Quiz
A petty thief, a teacher and a lawyer die in a plane crash and go up True politicial story to Heaven's gates together. When they get there they are stopped by St. Peter, who says: Supposedly G.B. Shaw once sent Winston Churchill some tickets for the first night of one of his plays. "Sorry, it's crowded up here, you need to answer a question correctly, or else you can't get in." He looks at the teacher, and asks her: "What was the name of the Churchill then sent Shaw a telegram to the effect: "Cannot come first night. Will come second night if you have one." famous ocean-liner that sank after hitting an iceberg?" "Oh, that's easy," the teacher replies, "the Titanic." So St. Peter lets her into Heaven. Shaw promptly replied: "Here are two tickets for the second night. Bring a friend if you have one." Next he turns to the petty thief. "How many people died on that ship?" St. Peter asks. "Oooh, that's tough, but I saw the movie, and I think it was 1,500." St. Peter steps away and the thief walks into Heaven. Finally, St. Peter turns to the lawyer and says: "Name them.”
Keep your eyes wide open before the wedding, half shut afterwards. (Benjamin Franklin) Q: What is the ideal weight for a mother-in-law? A: About 2.3lbs, including the urn.
y wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. (Rodney Dangerfield)
A couple drove several miles down a country road, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument, and neither wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the wife sarcastically asked, "relatives of yours?" "Yep," the husband replied, "In-laws."
After his husband forgot the wedding anniversary, his wife tells him: 'You'd better have something in front of the house, tomorrow, which goes from 0 to 100 in 4 seconds.' The next day, she finds, on the road, a bathroom scale.
A young married couple is to soon celebrate their 12th year A police detective was investigating a homicide. As he questioned the on-scene officer, he learned the body was that of a young woman. The body was found with a bowl over her head and a spoon stuck in her back. The on-scene officer asked what the detective thought had happened to the woman. The detective responded, "I think it's obvious. A cereal killer got her!" A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked the stock boy, 'Do these turkeys get any bigger?' anniversary. The wife asks him, "Take me some place I've never been.” So he took her to the kitchen!
The stock boy answered, 'No ma'am, they're dead.'
From Erma Bombeck Art Linkletter “Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.” Linkletter recalls interviewing a little girl: “When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I “I said, ‘What’s the most fun you have at your house?’ ‘I get to wake up my little brother; I take the cat down, open the door and throw the cat in.’ “I haven't trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs “I asked, ‘How is that funny?’ during their lunch hour. I've never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex.” ‘He sleeps with the dog.’” would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, "I used everything you gave me.”
Two bachelors talking: A salesman is passing a farm house and sees a sign. ”Talking dog for The first: “I want a smart woman, a beautiful woman, and a woman that will just be good to me!” sale.” Stopping he asks “Can your dog really talk?” The farmer answers “He’s tied out back …ask him yourself!” The second: “Choose one! Cause ya can't have all three.” The salesman walks behind the farmhouse finds a tethered black Labrador and asks, “Can you speak?” George Carlin Quotes “Yes since I was a pup!” The dog answers. The salesman, “Wow! How many people know you can hear and “Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.” speak English?” The dog, “Lots! I just retired from the CIA after serving years as a spy in Iraq, Afghanistan, Iran, Syria, and China.” ” I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.” The salesman to the farmer, “I want that dog how much?” The farmer, “Ten dollars!” The salesman, “$10…why so cheap?” The farmer, “Because he’s a big liar!” “One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.”
The National Transportation Safety Board recently divulged they had covertly funded a project with the US auto makers for the past five years, whereby the auto makers were installing black boxes in four-wheel drive pickup trucks in an effort to determine, in fatal accidents, the circumstances in the last 15 seconds before the crash. They were surprised to find in 47 of the 50 states the last words of drivers in 61.2 percent of fatal crashes were, "Oh, Shit!" Only the states of South Carolina, West Virginia and Arkansas were different, where over 89.3 percent of the final words were: "Hold my beer and watch this!".
Excerpts from church bulletins
-------------------------For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a
The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals. -------------------------The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.' -------------------------Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands. -------------------------Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you. …………… Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help. -------------------------Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
nursery downstairs. ………………………… Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get. -------------------------Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days. -------------------------A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.. ……………………….. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice. -------------------------Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
-------------------------Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children. ………………………………. Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help. -------------------------Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation. -------------------------For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs. …………………… Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help. -------------------------Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation. -------------------------For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
……………………………………. Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door. -------------------------The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy. -------------------------Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.. -------------------------The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours
Husband to a friend… ”My wife says I do not listen to her…..at least that’s what I think she said!"
Something from Art Linkletter
Art: “What’s your name?” Small child “Alex Fountainbleu!”
The mother of a young boy comes home from the hospital with triplets. He looks into the basenetts and excitedly calls to his mother. “Quick call everyone we know right away….these will be much harder to give away them those kittens.”
Art: “What kind of name is that?” Small child “French!”
Art: “What is your father?” Small child “Part Scotch, part English and Irish!”
Art: “What ‘s your mother?” Small child “Swedish!”
Art: “What does that make you?” Small child “I’m Spanish!”
A cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the pearly gates.
"Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter asked. Just as the graveside service had ended, there was a tremendous burst of thunder accompanied by a distant lightning bolt and more rumbling thunder. "Well, I can think of one thing," the cowboy offered. "Once, on a trip to the Black Hills of South Dakota, I came upon a gang of bikers, who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to The little old widower looked at the pastor and calmly said, "Well, she's there." leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So, I approached the largest and most heavily tattooed biker and smacked him in his face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground. I then yelled, 'Now, back off, or I'll kick the carp out of all of you!'"
St. Peter was impressed. He leafed through the great book he held. "When did this happen?"
"Just a couple minutes ago. .
8. Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.
More Shool excuses 1. Please excuse Tommy for being absent yesterday. He had Actual Shool excuses 1. My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him. 2. Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot. 3. Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33. 4. Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father's fault. 5. Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip. 6. John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face. 7. Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part. diarrhea and his boots leak. 2. Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust. 3. Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday. 4. Sally won't be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral. 5. Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well. 6. Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover. 7. Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side. 8. Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.
"Drink it," the hillbilly ordered, waving the gun. The hitchhiker took Hillbilly jokes a swallow from the bottle, gasped, gulped, sobbed, blinked, wept, gagged, choked, shuddered, squirmed, and twitched. Q: What's the difference between a hillbilly wedding and a hillbilly funeral? A: There's one less drunk at the funeral. "All right," the hillbilly said. "Now you take the gun and force me to take a drink."
Q: How do you get a hillbilly out of a bathtub? A: Throw in a bar of soap. During a recent hot spell in Atlanta a hillbilly collapsed on the street. Immediately a croud gathered and began offering Q: How do you tell the bride at a hillbilly wedding? A: She's wearing the cleanest shirt. suggestions. "Give the poor man a drink of whiskey," a little old lady said. "Give him some air," a man cried out. A hillbilly sent an advertisement to the newspaper that read, "Farmer, age 36, wishes to become acquainted with woman around 30 who owns a tractor. Please send a picture of the tractor." "Give him some whiskey," she cried again. Several other suggestions were made and the victim suddenly sat up and hollered, "Will all of you shut and listen to the old woman."
A hitchhiker in the hills of Tennessee was picked up by a hillbilly who pulled a gun on him and ordered him to take a bottle of corn moonshine from the glove compartment of the car.
Some classified adds For sale—an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers. "A Canadian psychologist is selling a video that teaches you how to test your dog's IQ. Here's how it works: if you spend $12.99 for the video, your dog is smarter than you." - Jay Leno For sale—a quilted high chair that can be made into a table, pottie chair, rocking horse, refrigerator, spring coat, size 8 and fur collar.
Four-poster bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover.
A father asked his young daughter what she would like for Christmas. She said that what she wanted more than anything else was a baby brother. And that Christmas Eve her mother came home from hospital clutching a baby boy. The following year, the father again asked his daughter what she would like for Christmas. "Well," she replied, "if it's not too uncomfortable for Mommy, I'd like a pony."
Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.
Free puppies—part German shepherd, part stupid dog.
Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family.
A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms.
Dinner Special: Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00. Georgia peaches. California grown, 89 cents per pound. Found—dirty white dog. Looks like a rat. Been out awhile. Better be reward. Snow blower for sale. Only used on snowy days. Bill's septic cleaning. We haul American-made products. German shepherd, 85 lbs., neutered. Speaks German. Free. Open house. Body shapers toning salon. Free coffee and donuts. Whirlpool built-in oven—frost-free. Joining nudist colony. Must sell washer and dryer, $300. Star Wars Job of the Hut, $15. Lost cat. Last seen at the Park County Rod & Gun Club shooting range. Tickle Me Elmo. New in box. Hardly tickled, $700. Main Street Pizza: We deliver, or pick up. 1988 Toyota Hunchback, $2,000. Nordic track, $300. Hardly used. Call Chubby. Free one can of pork and beans with purchase of three bedroom, two bath Exercise equipment: queen size mattress and box springs, $175. home.
Tickle me Elmo, still in box, comes with its own 1988 mustang, 5L, auto, excellent condition—$6,800.
American flag, 60 stars. Pole included, $100.
Amana washer, $100. Owned by clean bachelor who seldom washed.
Free puppies. Part German Shepherd, part dog.
Here lies Barnard Lightfoot Humor in Marriage The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they're too old to do it. - Ann Bancroft This monument was erected Any husband who says. "My wife and I are completely equal partners," is talking about either a law firm or a hand of bridge. - Bill Cosby by his grateful family. ~~ Who was accidentally killed in the 45th year of his age.
My mother buried three husbands, and two of them were just napping. Rita Rudner Sacred to the memory of Major James Brush Royal Artillery, who was killed
by the accidental discharge of a pistol by his orderly, 14th April 1831. "Well done, good and faithful servant."
On a brewer: G. Winch, the brewer, lies buried here. In life he was both hale and stout. Death brought him to his bitter bier. Now in heaven he hops about.
Botany I - Some Wrong Answers Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire. Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas. The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects. Germinate: To become a naturalized German. Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot ……………
What do you get if you cross a four leaf clover with poison ivy? A rash of good luck.
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow Some George Carlin that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup? cleaners depressed?
Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny?
If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
Why are hemorrhoids called “hemorrhoids” instead of “assteroids”?
If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented? More george
If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes? “Atheism is a non-prophet organization.”
Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?
“Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.”
Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
“Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience members all punch and kick one another.” joke
Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window unless you're a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy's chili. Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What did you expect it to contain? Trout
It was the first day of school and a new student, the son of a Japanese businessman, entered the fourth grade. The teacher greeted the class and said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history. Who said "Give me Liberty, or give me death?" She saw only a sea of blank faces, except for that of Toshiba, who
If you ever hope to be a credible adult and want a job that pay s better than minimum wage, then for God's sake don't pierce or tattoo every available piece of flesh. If so, then plan your future around saying, "Do you want fries with that?
had his hand up. "Patrick Henry, 1775," said the boy. "Now," said the teacher, "Who said 'Government of the people, by the people, for the people shall not perish from the earth?" Again, no response except from Toshiba: "Abraham Lincoln, 1863." The teacher snapped at the class, "You should be ashamed. Toshiba,
The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the butt heade. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf grande, halfsoy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread, cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one sweet-'n'-Low, and one NutraSweet," ooh, you're a huge horse’s ass.
who is new to our country, knows more about it than you do." As she turned to write something on the blackboard, she heard a loud whisper: "Damned Japanese." "Who said that?" she demanded. Toshiba put his hand up. "Lee Iacocca, 1982," he said.
At midnight on New Year’s Eve, it’s customary in Spain to quickly eat 12 grapes—one at each stroke of the clock. Each grape Q. What does Father Christmas suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney ? A. Santa Claustrophobia ! supposedly signifies good luck for one month of the coming year.
Wearing clothes with circular patterns is believed to attract money in the future to those in the Philippines. Polka dots are not only Q. What do you give a reindeer with an upset tummy? A. Elk-a-seltzer! accepted, but highly encouraged on the first day of the year.
In Denmark, the locals throw old dishes at the doors of friend’s Q. What is the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet? A. The Christmas alphabet has No _el. homes for good luck. Finding a big pile of broken dishes on the morning of January 1 means you have friends.
Do you realize that some tax forms ask you to check a box if you are BLIND?
Tax poem -- Ogden Nash "Abracadabra, thus we learn the more you create, the less you earn. The less you earn, the more you're given, the less you lead, the more you're driven, The more destroyed, the more they feed, the more you pay, the more they need, The more you earn, the less you keep, And now I lay me down to I pray the Lord my soul to take, if the tax-collector hasn't got it before I wake." It would be nice if we could all pay our taxes with a smile, but normally cash is required." Taxes: Of life's two certainties, the only one for which you can get an automatic extension."
Throw marinade and critter pieces into plastic trash bag and marinade around 2 to 3 days in the refrigerator.
Take out marinated critter pieces and throw on the grill on low heat. Cook until rare to medium rare. Do not overcook, critter will dry out. And no one likes their critter dry.
Serve with lots of beer. Trailer Park Groundhog: “Take gun (.22 cal is good). Load with bullets and accurately fire at head [we're assuming the groundhog's head, not your own].
Skin groundhog and gut him. Clean out carcass with waterhose. Cut critter into quarters.
Make up a big batch of your favorite marinade (make sure it has oil and vinegar to help tenderize the groundhog).
An Irish Mother’s Letter A Poem from the Past Dear Son, All things bright and beautiful,All creatures great and small,All things wise and wonderful:The Lord God made them all.From Hymns for Little Children by Cecil F. Alexander written at Markree Castle, Collooney, Co. Just a few lines to let you know that I am still alive. I am writing this slowly because I know that you can’t read very fast. You won’t know the house when you come home. We’ve moved. About your father, he has got a lovely new job. He has 500 men under him. He cuts grass at the cemetery. Your sister Mary had a baby this morning. I haven’t found out yet if it’s a boy or a girl, so I don’t know if your an aunt or an uncle. I went to the doctors on Thursday and your father came with me. The doctor put a small tube in my mouth and told me not to talk for 10 minutes. Your father offered to buy it from him. Your uncle Patrick drowned last week in a vat of Irish whiskey at the Dublin brewery. Some of his workmates tried to
save him but he fought them off bravely. They cremated him and it took 3 days to put the fire out. It only rained twice this week, first for 3 days and then for 4 days. We had a letter from the undertaker. He said if the last payment on your grandmother’s plot wasn’t paid in 7 days, up she comes. Your loving Mother, P.S. I was going to send you 5 pounds, but I have already sealed the envelope. May you die in bed at 95, shot by a jealous wife! An Irish toast for Father's Day
"You can't kiss an Irish girl unexpectedly. You can only kiss her sooner than she thought you would."
The Gaelic name for Ireland that translates into English as the Land Irish Pessimism of the Eternal Youth or the Land of the Ever-Young.
"There’s nothing so bad that it couldn’t be worse."
From a headstone in Ireland "We have always found the Irish a bit odd. They refuse to be Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, Love leaves a memory no one can steal. English." - Winston Churchill
An Irish Prayer
A letter home from an Irish son
"May God give you... For every storm, a rainbow, For every tear, a smile, For every care, a promise, And a blessing in each trial. For every problem life sends, A faithful friend to share, For every sigh, a sweet song, And an answer for each prayer."
"Mother, father, brother, All is well with me and I write to remind you if ever your homebound hearts envy my youthfully spontaneous longitudinal disparity, Keep in mind this path of mine has cut not across a place so fine as the stead where you now pass the time. There's no place like home
Irish Proverb Irish Wish "If you want praise, die. If you want blame, marry." These things I wish for you. Someone to love Some work to do, A bit of sun, A bit of cheer, And a guardian angel always near. gus aM bris an là agus an teiCh na sgailean -- Anonymous meaning "until day breaks and the shadows flee" Turn of the century Gaelic grave inscription
Then doun the stair an line the watterside Aa the bricht chaumers are eerie The drummie is polisht, the drummie is braw 51st ( Highland ) Division's Farewell To Sicily Words: Hamish Henderson / Music: James Robertson Lyric as sung by Dick Gaughan The pipie is dozie, the pipie is fey He wullnae come roun for his vino the day The sky owre Messina is unco an gray An aa the bricht chaumers are eerie Fareweill ye banks o Sicily Fare ye weill ye valley an shaw There's nae Jock will murn the kyles o ye Aa the bricht chaumers are eerie [Puir bliddy swaddies are wearie] Fareweill ye banks o Sicily Fare ye weill ye valley an shaw There's nae hame can smour the wiles o ye Aa the bricht chaumers are eerie [Puir bliddy swaddies are wearie] Then doun the stair an line the watterside Wait yer turn the ferry's awa He cannae be seen for his wabbin ava He's beezed himsell up for a photie an aa Tae leave wi his Lola, his dearie Fareweill ye banks o Sicily Fare ye weill ye sheilin an haa We'll aa mind shebeens an bothies Whaur kind signorinas were cheerie Fareweill ye banks o Sicily Fare ye weill ye sheilin an haa We'll aa mind shebeens an bothies Whaur Jock made a date wi his dearie Then tune the pipes an drub the tenor drum Leave yer kit this side o the waa Then tune the pipes an drub the tenor drum Puir bluidy swaddies are wearie [Aa the bricht chaumers are eerie]
A famous Irish Fairy: Aoibheal old Irish riddle Irish fairies are as old as the land itself. Fairies are the children of Washed my face in water That was never rained or run I dried it with a towel That was neither wove nor spun the goddess Diana or the Tuatha Dé Danann. Fairies live among the people within hills known as Fairy Mounds. Every mound or kingdom has a king and a queen. One particular mound north of Munster is believed to be ruled by the beautiful Queen Aoibheal. The legend tells that, Aoibheal foretold the outcome of a disastrous battle at ans: Wash in the dew then dry in the sun! Clontarf.
The chief cannibal asks the third missionary, “Where is your home?" The third missionary answers, "Ireland!" The chief orders, "Get out of here!"
The English missionary asks, "Why did you let the Irishman go?" The chief answers, "The last Irishman to go into the stew ate all the potatoes." joke
Three missionaries are set to be cooked in a stew by Cannibals. The chief cannibal asks the first missionary, “Where is your home?" The first missionary answers, "England!" The chief orders, "Into the stew!"
The chief cannibal asks the second missionary, “Where is your home?" The second missionary answers, "Scotland!" The chief orders, "Into the stew!"
They are war-goddesses or battle-furies. All are malignant beings, delighting in battle and slaughter. They are a class of phantoms that sometimes appear before battles bent on mischief. At any battle the war-furies would shriek and howl with delight both in the midst of the carnage and far off in a lonely haunt. Over West Virginia back country roads, made muddy by weeks of rain, ploughed a train of automobiles one day last week bearing 49 Catholic priests and Bishop John Joseph Swint of Wheeling. The party drew up before the small churchyard at Sand Fork. Forming in procession, the men of God marched into the church. There Bishop Swint solemnly handed purple robes, a purple biretta and a white lace cotta (surplice) to a wrinkled-faced, white-haired old priest named Thomas Aquinas Quirk whom Pope Pius XI had elected to invest with the title Monsignor. From TIME Magazine: Monday, Jun. 03, 1935
This honorary officership in the army of the Church Militant was 65 years in coming to Father Quirk. Born in Ireland 91 years ago, he fought in the U. S. Civil War, became a priest in 1870, is supposed to have twice renounced his rights to an earldom. Alert old Father Quirk has ministered for half a century to three mountain parishes 15 miles apart. Devoted to his collie "Shep," his blackened pipe, his comfortable Congress gaiters and his crushed black hat, he refused until last year to accept an automobile from his flock, preferring to ride from parish to parish on a sturdy grey horse. Once, said he, his eye for horseflesh caused him to stop to admire a number of mounts tethered in Huntington. One of the horse-owners asked the way to a bank. That man, said Father Quirk, turned out to be Jesse James. He robbed the bank. The Fear-Gorta (Man of Hunger) is an emaciated phantom that goes through the land in famine time, begging an alms and bringing good luck to the giver. The Far Darrig (fear dearg], which means the Red Man, for he wears a red cap and coat, busies himself with practical joking. The Cluricaun, (Clobhair-ceann, makes himself drunk in gentlemen's cellars. The name Lepracaunis from the Irish leith brog. The Lepracaun makes shoes continually, and has grown very rich. Important Irish Fairies
The Dallahan, or headless phanto...seen in the street on dark nights.
represented poetry and wisdom, and of the later saint who helped to spread Christianity throughout Ireland, but was also the name of Early Irish Law an Irish lawgiver, Brigid Brethra, or Brigid of the Judgments, who lived about the time of Christ. It is this Brigid who is responsible for Early Irish Law" was often, although not universally, referred to within the law texts as "Fenechas", the law of the Feni, or the freemen of Ireland. They are also referred to as "Brehon Law". The word "Brehon" is a derivation of breitheamh the Irish word for a judge. Comment; This Briget was probably responsible for the marriage law applied in Teltown, County Meath The laws were a civil rather than a criminal code. These laws are of great antiquity. granting the right to women to inherit the land from their fathers in the absence of sons.
Under Brehon Law women were equal to men with regard to education and property. Woman stood emancipated from the remotest time. Women in ancient Ireland were often eligible for the professions, and for rank and fame. They were druidesses, poets, physicians, sages, and lawgivers.
Bridget was not only the name of the ancient Irish goddess who
over all its members.
The general impression from all sources of evidence designates the Celtic aristocratic society as being tall, physically powerful men and women with fair or reddish hair, grey-blue eyes, light skins, oval faces, and fresh complexions.
Facts about the early Celts
The Celts were a very clean people, using soap long before the Romans did. The Celtic men and women of Britain sometimes wore
The name Celt originated with the ancient Greeks, who called the barbarian peoples of central Europe Keltoi. The Celts were a broad cultural-linguistic group. The Celts were never an empire ruled by one government.
swirling blue tattoos or paintings on their bodies.
Celtic society there was not a rigid class system imposed by birth.
Clann is a Gaelic word that means children. A clan is a family, descended from some notable individual, often bearing his name. The currant clan chief, who is the prime descendant of the founder, is nominally the father of the whole clan, having moral authority
an' Oi can't do it. The Strong Muldoon could do it alone, mebbe, but Oi'll have to get some help."
As Mick was leaving, Barty called "Mick! Mick!
D'ye think it will help if Oi pull me feet out of the stirrups? Joke
Barty was trapped in a bog and seemed a goner when Big Mick O'Reilly wandered by.
"Help!" Barty shouted, "Oi'm sinkin'!"
Don't worry," assured Mick. "Next to the Strong Muldoon, Oi'm the strongest man in Erin, and Oi'll pull ye right out o' there."
Mick leaned out and grabbed Barty's hand and pulled and pulled to no avail.
After two more unsuccessful attempts, Mick said to Barty, "Shure,
A cop pulls up Barty and Joey-Jim, both the worse for drink, and says to the first,
The late Bishop Sheen stated that the reason the Irish fight among themselves, is because that way, they're always assured of having a worthy opponent. "I'm Barty O'Day, of no fixed address." Q. “Well, Mike,” said the doctor. “I can’t quite diagnose your case. I think it must be the drink.” A. “Sure, that’s all right, doctor,” said Mike. “I know how you feel. I’ll come back when you’re sober.” "I'm Joey-Jim O'Flaherty, and I live in the flat above Barty." The cop turns to the second drunk, and asks the same question. "What's your name and address?"
Q. Why does it take five Irishmen to change a lightbulb? A. One to change the bulb. Four to remark about how grand the old bulb was.
Will bless the house and all
How grand it feels to click your heels And join in the fun of the jigs and reels I'm handing you no blarney Christmas In Killarney The likes you've never known Is Christmas in Killarney The holly green, the ivy green The prettiest picture you've ever seen Is Christmas in Killarney With all of the folks at home With all of the folks at home
It's nice, you know, to kiss your beau While cuddling under the mistletoe And Santa Claus you know, of course Is one of the boys from home
The door is always open The neighbors pay a call And Father John before he's gone
An Irish Prayer Joke May God give you... For every storm, a rainbow, For every tear, a smile, For every care, a promise, And a blessing in each trial. For every problem life sends, A faithful friend to share, For every sigh, a sweet song, And an answer for each prayer Father O'Malley answers the parish phone. “Is this Father O'Malley speaking?" "That I am!" "This is the Mr. Johnson of the IRS. Can you help us?" "That I can!" "Do you know a Sean Houlihan?" "That I do!" "Is he a member of your congregation . . . er . . . parish?" "That he is!" "Did he donate $10,000 to the church?" "That he will!"
“May your days be many and your troubles be few. May all God's blessings descend upon you. May peace be within you may your heart be strong. May you find what you're seeking wherever you roam.” --Irish Blessing
It has been said of Sir Boyle Roche, MP (1743-1807) for Tralee, Co. Kerry), that he only opened his mouth to change his feet. On one occasion he told his audience that "the cup of Ireland's misery has been overflowing for centuries and is not yet half full." Joining that remarkable cup is this spectacularly mixed metaphor, also by Roche: "All along the untrodden paths of the future, I can see the footprints of an unseen hand."
Notice in a Co. Down field .... I saw a notice that said "Drink Canada Dry" and I've just started. Brendan Behan Sign on an Irish gate: “Even if the ball was wrapped in bacon, Lassie couldn't find it. “Heard from an Irish caddie, after a particularly bad shot. It was so windy that one of our chickens laid the same egg four times. Definition of an 'Irish fact': That which tells you not what is the case but what you want to hear. "Bigamy is having one wife too many. Marriage is the same." The farmer allows walkers across the field for free, but the bull charges. "TRESPASSERS PROSECUTED - PLEASE SHUT THE GATE"
"Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience." -- Oscar Wilde Irish on general topics I saw a notice that said "Drink Canada Dry" and I've just started. Me darlin' was sweet, me darlin' was chaste Faith, an' more's the pity. For though she was sweet an'though she was chaste, She was chased all the way through the city. Anonymous Irish verse, circa 1790 “Even if the ball was wrapped in bacon, Lassie couldn't find it. “Heard from an Irish caddie, after a particularly bad shot. Brendan Behan
Definition of an 'Irish fact': That which tells you not what is the case but what you want to hear.
Irish on Politics It has been said of Sir Boyle Roche, MP (1743-1807) for Tralee, Co. Kerry), that he only opened his mouth to change his feet. On one occasion he told his audience that "the cup of Ireland's misery has been overflowing for centuries and is not yet half full." Joining that remarkable cup is this spectacularly mixed metaphor, also by Roche: "All along the untrodden paths of the future, I can see the footprints of an unseen hand." Sign on an Irish gate: The farmer allows walkers across the field for free, but the bull charges. Irish on the farm Notice in a Co. Down field .... "TRESPASSERS PROSECUTED - PLEASE SHUT THE GATE"
It was so windy that one of our chickens laid the same egg four times.
Irish Curse The Irish on marriage "Bigamy is having one wife too many. Marriage is the same." --Oscar Wilde May the curse of Mary Malone and her nine blind illegitimate children chase you so far over the hills of Damnation that the Lord himself can't find you with a telescope.
"Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience." -- Oscar Wilde
Me darlin' was sweet, me darlin' was chaste Faith, an' more's the pity. For though she was sweet an'though she was chaste, She was chased all the way through the city. Anonymous Irish verse, circa 1790
"Do not anticipate trouble, or worry about what may never happen. Keep in the sunlight."
GOOD FREND FOR JESUS SAKE FORBEARE TO DIGG THE DUST ENCLOASED HEARE. BLEST BE YE MAN YT SPARES THES STONES AND CURST BE HE YT MOVES MY BONES --William Shakespeare Benjamin Franklin
I had a lover's quarrel with the world. -- Robert Frost
"He is richest who is content with the least, for contentment is the wealth of nature." Socrates
Joannes Paulus PP. II May 1920 – 2 April 2005 --Pope John Paul II "Happiness resides not in possessions, and not in gold, happiness dwells in the soul." Democritus
"The firm, the enduring, the simple, and the modest are near to virtue."
Confuc. "Everytime you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing."
Dancing Mother Teresa "When you do dance, I wish you A wave o' th' sea, that you might ever do Nothing but that."
"There are no short cuts to any place worth going." Beverly Sills
Shakespeare ...The Winter's Tale
Proverb "Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter." “Perhaps they are not stars, but rather openings in heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to Mark Twain let us know they are happy.”
By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. -- Socrates "Political correctness is tyranny with manners." -- Charlton Heston
A wise man :
“For every wise man there is one still wiser.” ~ Turkish Proverb “There is not one wise man in twenty that will praise himself.” ~ William Shakespeare “A fool despises good counsel, but a wise man takes it to heart.” ~ Confucius Don't look where you fall, but where you slipped. ~African Proverb See everything; overlook a great deal; correct a little. ~Pope John XXIII
Have a heart that never hardens, a temper that never tires, a touch that never hurts. ~Charles Dickens
“The object of a new year is not that we should have a new year. It is that we should have a new soul” - - G. K. Chesterton
“Be always at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let each new year find you a better man. “ -- Benjamin Franklin She said, "If you were my husband I'd give you poison." “New Year's Eve, where auld acquaintance be forgot. Unless, of course, those tests come back positive.” -- Jay Leno He said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it." The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor:
Winter either bites with its teeth or lashes with its tail. “The lunatic, the lover, and the poet are of imagination all compact” ~ Shakespeare One kind word can warm three winter months. “I learned long ago, never to wrestle with a pig, you get dirty; and besides, the pig likes it.” -- George Bernard Shaw ~Japanese Proverb ~Proverb
“For the unlearned, old age is winter; for the learned it is the season of the harvest.” The Talmud
"The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has. Even when you make a tax form out on the level, you don't know when it's through if you are a crook or a martyr." -- Will Rogers
In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. ~Albert Camus If you get up early, work late, and pay your taxes, you will get ahead -- if you strike oil." -- J. Paul Getty
I shall never use profanity except in discussing house rent and taxes . . ." -- Mark Twain “Never give in, never give in, never; never; never; never - in nothing, great or small, large or petty - never give in except to convictions of honor and good sense.” -- Winston Churchill
“And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your “The chief enemy of creativity is "good" sense.” -- Pablo Picasso years.” ~Abraham Lincoln
“Money buys everything but good sense” --Yiddish Proverb “You don't drown by falling in the water; you drown by staying there.” ~~Edwin Louis Cole “You must not fight too often with one enemy, or you will teach him all your art of war.” -- Napoleon Bonaparte Saying thank you: “The painful warrior famous for fight, After a thousand victories, once foil'd, Is from the books of honor razed quite, And all the rest forgot for which he toil'd” ~~William Shakespeare “I can no other answer make, but, thanks, and thanks.” William Shakespeare
“I would maintain that thanks are the highest form of thought, and that gratitude is happiness doubled by wonder.” G.K. Chesterton
Love and Faith
"Woman is made to be wooed. She is not made to woo!" Shakespeare.
“A thankful heart is not only the greatest virtue, but the parent of all other virtues.” Cicero summer contemplation ……………. golden sunrays casting long shadows on the ground, come back tomorrow, I will kiss you with golden ray of my heart, Door: What a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of. - Ogden Nash your dance is beautiful, you make things spin, all minutes matter, how greatful am I for You.
A warning label needed The worth of a spouse "No sooner met but they looked; Is not held in pounds Sterling, Is not scaled in earthly stores, Is not ledgered in labor saved. No sooner looked but they loved; No sooner loved but they sighed; No sooner signed but they asked one another the reason; No sooner knew the reason but they sought the remedy; Is a welcomed caress, Is a healing word, Is faithfulness that does not wane. William Shakespeare, As Your Like It And in these degrees have they made a pair of stairs to marriage."
I am the patient gardener Briefly It Enters, and Briefly It Speaks of the dry and weedy garden...
by Jane Kenyon
I am the stone step, the latch, and the working hinge...
I am blossom pressed in a book, found again after two hundred years...
I am the heart contracted by joy... the longest hair, white before the rest...
I am the maker, the lover, and the keeper... I am there in the basket of fruit When the young girl who starves sits down to a table she will sit beside me... I am the musk rose opening unattended, the fern on the boggy summit... I am the food on the prisoner's plate... I am the one whose love I am water rushing to the wellhead, filling the pitcher until it spills... overcomes you, already with you when you think to call my name... presented to the widow...
FULL MOON PRAYER
"We thank the Moon and the stars, who give us their light when the Sun retires.... why hope We thank the Great Spirit, incarnation of all kindness, who directs all things for the good of Its children." "Oft expectation fails, and most oft there Where most it promises; and oft it hits Where hope is coldest, and despair most fits." - - Shakespeare — - an Iroquois prayer
GO. "There are things that we should tell them" Go out on the wide open waters There's things that we should tell them. We who have dared to sail the wild seas of matrimony and lived to tell the tale. of your union, with the winds of love behind you and your future ahead. Things about hard work and honesty, Kindness and respect. Things about ups and downs and every-days, forgiveness, forebearance, the virtue of patience. Your ship is stong. But look at them. These two who stand before us are splendid in their happiness and beautiful with love. And we, your community, to bear witness to your marriage vow, There's something we should tell them. Your sails are full. Sail. GO.
We give you our blessing. We pledge our support, We offer our love, and
We tell you, Les Enfants GO. We take care of our children, Sail. We do not possess them, They do not belong to us, Live. They belong to God.
And cherish each other, --Bonnie Always.
~~ Kathy on her daughter’s wedding day
Wedding dresses need wedding presses, The Serenity Prayer Wedding soups for wedding troops, Wedding bakes raise wedding cakes, God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, And Wisdom to know the difference. Wedding fancies place wedding dances, Wedding wines at wedding times, Wedding hums bring wedding sums, Wedding tunes fortell wedding soons.
Bride to groom, In celebration, Begin together, A long life in good health, and with many beautiful children!
Given In Marriage Unto Thee
Eskimo Love Song
Given in marriage unto thee, Oh, thou celestial host! Bride of the Father and the Son, Bride of the Holy Ghost! Other betrothal shall dissolve, Wedlock of will decay; Only the keeper of this seal Conquers mortality. -- Emily Dickinson
You are my husband, you are my wife My feet shall run because of you My feet dance because of you My heart shall beat because of you My eyes see because of you My mind thinks because of you And I shall love, because of you.
Let me not to the marriage of true minds admit impediments. Love is not love which alters when it alteration finds, or bends with the remover to remove: Oh, no! It is an ever-fixed mark. That looks on tempests and is never shaken; it is the star to every wandering bark, whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken. Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks within his bending sickle's compass come; love alters not with his brief hours and weeks, but bears it out even to the edge of doom. If this be error and upon me proved, I never writ, nor no man ever loved. So I charge Nicodema with help getting me up on time as well. For three nights a while back I so asked. During the third night's sleep, I dreamt of my eighth grate teacher at SAS, Sr Nicodema, PCJ. So my angel's name is had. In our youth we are told to listen to the little voice of our guarding angel that tells us right from wrong. Recently I learned of the belief that if one asks this angel with God's permission, they may inform one of their name. Nicodema's presence
-- Wm Shakespeare
It is well with my soul
Many angels are believed to be guardians over children through out their lives. Angels are also regarded as the conductors of the souls of the dead to the next world.
When peace, like a river, attendeth my way, When sorrows like sea billows roll; Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say, It is well, it is well, with my soul. -- Horatio G. Spafford
“A truly rich man is one whose children run into his arms when his hands are empty. “ ~Author Unknown
prayer to the guardian angel
Angel of God, my guardian dear,
“Father! - to God himself we cannot give a holier name.” ~William Wordsworth
to whom God's love commits me here, ever this day, be at my side
“Love and fear. Everything the father of a family says must inspire one or the other. “ ~Joseph Joubert
to light and guard, to rule and guide. Amen!
“The greatest gift I ever hadCame from God; I call him Dad!” ~Author Unknown
Joy and happiness are not the same. The one does not place the other.
“We, ignorant of ourselves, beg often our own harms, which the wise powers deny us for our good; so find we profit by losing of our prayers.”
Happiness is had and dispelled by circumstance. It vacillates as does the weather’s foretell. The try to be happy may drive one to the extremity as with the collection of spouses in multiple marriages.
-- William Shakespeare
Joy transcends the material, the temporal. It cannot be purchased. It is immune to situation. Insult dims not joy’s presence in our core. “The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.” Joy is a gift! It is not purchasable but it may be found. The way to it is best shown with the view of another whose soul is joyous. -- Mahatma Gandhi
and she penetrates and pervades all things by reason of her purity. For she is an aura of the might of God and a pure effusion of the glory of the Almighty; therefore nought that is sullied enters into her. For she is the refulgence of eternal light, the spotless mirror of the power of God, the image of his goodness. Wisdom And she, who is one, can do all things, and renews everything while herself perduring; "In Wisdom is a spirit intelligent, holy, unique, Manifold, subtle, agile, clear, unstained, certain, Not baneful, loving the good, keen, unhampered, beneficent, kindly, Firm, secure, tranquil, all-powerful, all-seeing, And pervading all spirits, though they be intelligent, pure and very subtle. For Wisdom is mobile beyond all motion, And passing into holy souls from age to age, she produces friends of God and prophets. For there is nought God loves, be it not one who dwells with Wisdom. For she is fairer than the sun and surpasses every constellation of the stars. Compared to light, she takes precedence; for that, indeed, night supplants, but wickedness prevails not over Wisdom." -- Scrpiture
Hope is a waking dream. -- Aristotle
“When there are monsters there are miracles.” -- Ogden Nash How to get a Miracle! “I prefer you to make mistakes in kindness than work miracles in 1. Start with the simplest necessity … ASK FOR IT! 2. Be persistent - Keep asking! 3. Miracles and Faith go hand in hand. “Miracles are not contrary to nature, but only contrary to what we know about nature.” -- St. Augustine “Out of difficulties grow miracles.” -- Jean de la Bruyere unkindness.” -- Mother Teresa of Calcutta
"Some of my little friends say there is no Santa Claus. "Papa says, 'If you see it in THE SUN it's so.' "Please tell me the truth; is there a Santa Claus?
"VIRGINIA O'HANLON. "115 WEST NINETY-FIFTH STREET." Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus
Eight-year-old Virginia O'Hanlon wrote a letter to the editor of New York's Sun, and the quick response was printed as an unsigned editorial Sept. 21, 1897. The work of veteran newsman Francis Pharcellus Church has since become history's most reprinted newspaper editorial, appearing in part or whole in dozens of languages in books, movies, and other editorials, and on posters and stamps. VIRGINIA, your little friends are wrong. They have been affected by the skepticism of a skeptical age. They do not believe except [what] they see. They think that nothing can be which is not comprehensible by their little minds. All minds, Virginia, whether they be men's or children's, are little. In this great universe of ours man is a mere insect, an ant, in his intellect, as compared with the boundless world about him, as measured by the intelligence capable of grasping the whole of truth and knowledge.
Yes, VIRGINIA, there is a Santa Claus. He exists as certainly as love "DEAR EDITOR: I am 8 years old. and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound
and give to your life its highest beauty and joy. Alas! how dreary would be the world if there were no Santa Claus. It would be as dreary as if there were no VIRGINIAS. There would be no childlike faith then, no poetry, no romance to make tolerable this existence. We should have no enjoyment, except in sense and sight. The eternal light with which childhood fills the world would be extinguished.
inside, but there is a veil covering the unseen world which not the strongest man, nor even the united strength of all the strongest men that ever lived, could tear apart. Only faith, fancy, poetry, love, romance, can push aside that curtain and view and picture the supernal beauty and glory beyond. Is it all real? Ah, VIRGINIA, in all this world there is nothing else real and abiding.
No Santa Claus! Thank God! he lives, and he lives forever. A Not believe in Santa Claus! You might as well not believe in fairies! You might get your papa to hire men to watch in all the chimneys on Christmas Eve to catch Santa Claus, but even if they did not see Santa Claus coming down, what would that prove? Nobody sees Santa Claus, but that is no sign that there is no Santa Claus. The most real things in the world are those that neither children nor men can see. Did you ever see fairies dancing on the lawn? Of course not, but that's no proof that they are not there. Nobody can conceive or imagine all the wonders there are unseen and unseeable in the world. thousand years from now, Virginia, nay, ten times ten thousand years from now, he will continue to make glad the heart of childhood.
You may tear apart the baby's rattle and see what makes the noise
Prayer is not an old woman's idle amusement. Properly understood and applied, it is the most potent instrument of action. -- Mahatma Gandhi "Short prayers reach heaven." -- Proverb Prayer moves the hand that moves the universe. -- Unknown Source
Pray as though everything depended on God. Work as though everything depended on you. -- Saint Augustine
Bow, stubborn knees! -- William Shakespeare
"It is the ashes in our lives that permit a greater love to come." When the gods wish to punish us they answer our prayers. -- Oscar Wilde “Love to faults is always blind, always is to joy inclined. Lawless, All that I am or hope to be I owe to my angel mother. I remember my mother's prayers and they have always followed me. They have clung to me all my life. -- Abraham Lincoln “When arguing with a stone an egg is always wrong” ~ African Proverb winged, and unconfined, and breaks all chains from every mind.” ~~Shakespeare -- Fr. John Corapi
"If you ask in My Father's name all things will be granted should they glorify Him." -- The Bible Comment: Include peace and reconciliation.
“Women cannot receive even the most palpably judicious suggestion without arguing it, that is, married women.” ~ Mark Twain
It’s not how much you fight, but how you fight and how you resolve your differences. Lasting marriages aren’t marriages where nobody ever fights, but marriages where couples have agreed to resolve their conflicts in specific ways. “Heaven means to be one with God.” ~ Confucius
The Magic Ratio of 5 to 1. Gottman discovered he could predicate marital success based on the ratio of good to bad interactions between a couple. Successful marriages needed at least 5 positive interactions for each negative one. The more volatile the marriage, the more positive interactions were needed. And when the negative emotions outweighed the positive, the marriage was headed for failure.
“Heaven liveth at the feet of mothers” ~ Muhammad “If the Lord should bring a wicked man to heaven, heaven would be hell to him; for he who loves not grace upon earth will never love it in heaven” ~Christopher Love
“If you are going through hell, keep going.” What are the negative emotions? Criticism and contempt, defensiveness and withdrawal, loneliness and isolation. You’ll notice “anger” is not listed. This is because only when anger accompanies the negative emotions above, is it destructive. ~ Winston Churchill
Picture the private grace of man and wife Land Love We stood here in the coupledom of us. I showed her this – a pool of leaping trout, Split-second saints drawn in a rippled nimbus. We heard the nightboys in the fir trees shout. Dusk was an insect-hovered still water, The calling of lost children, stars coming out. With all the feelings of a widower Who does not live there now, I dream my place. I go by the soft paths, alone with her. Dusk is a listening, a whispered grace Voiced on a bank, a time that is all ears For the snapped twig, the strange wind on your face. She waits at the door of the hemisphere In her harvest dress, in the remote Local August that is everywhere and here. What rustles in the leaves, if it is not What I asked for, an opening of doors To a half-heard religious anecdote? Monogamous swans on the darkened mirrors In its white poise, its sleepy portraitures. Night is its Dog Star, its eyelet of grief A high, lit echo of the starry sheaves. A puff of hedge-dust loosens in the leaves. Such love that lingers on the fields of life! DOUGLAS DUNN (1983)
And when I looked to the moon it had turned gold.
Blue Moon The next will occur in 2028. Tonight we will experience the first Blue Moon since 199
Blue Moon, now I'm no longer alone, Without a dream in my heart, Without a love of my own.
And then there suddenly appeared before me Blue Moon The only one my arms will ever hold Heard somebody whisper please adore me Blue Moon, you saw me standing alone, Without a dream in my heart, Without a love of my own. Blue Moon Now I'm no longer alone Blue Moon, you knew just what I was there for, You heard me saying a prayer for, Someone I could care for -Rodgers and Hart, 1934 And then there suddenly appeared before me, Someone my arms could really hold, I heard you whisper, "Darling please adore me," Without a dream in my heart, Without a love of my own. and when I looked the moon had turned to gold.
but In My Lonely Hours, yes, Those Precious Lonely Hours, jesus Lets Me Know That I Was His Own
i Thank God For The Mountains, and I Thank Him For The Valleys, i Thank Him For The Storms He Brought Me Through. for If I'd Never Had A Problem, Through it all i Wouldn't Know God Could Solve Them, i'd Never Know What Faith In God Could Do i've Had Many Tears And Sorrows, i've Had Questions For Tomorrow, there's Been Times I Didn't Know Right From Wrong. but In Every Situation, god Gave Me Blessed Consulation, that My Trials Come To Only Make Me Strong. --Andrea Crouch
i've Been To Lots Of Places, i've Seen A Lot Of Faces, there's Been Times I Felt So All Alone.
"Through clever and constant application of propaganda, people can be made to see paradise as hell, and also the other way round, to consider the most wretched sort of life as paradise." ~ Adolf Hitler Prayer by Robert Louis Stevenson “Hell is empty and all the devils are here.” ~ William Shakespeare…The Tempest I ASK good things that I detest, With speeches fair; Heed not, I pray Thee, Lord, my breast, But hear my prayer.
I say ill things I would not say Things unaware: Regard my breast, Lord, in Thy day, And not my prayer.
My heart is evil in Thy sight: My good thoughts flee: O Lord, I cannot wish aright Wish Thou for me.
O bend my words and acts to Thee, However ill, That I, whate'er I say or be, May serve Thee still. “ God doesn't require us to succeed; he only requires that you try” O let my thoughts abide in Thee Lest I should fall: Show me Thyself in all I see, Thou Lord of all. --Mother Teresa of Calcutta “ Peace begins with a smile.” “I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish He didn't trust me so much.”
High and lifted up Jesus, Son of God. The darling of Heaven, crucified... Worthy is the Lamb. Worthy Is The Lamb lyrics: --Darlene Zschech
Thank you for the cross, Lord. Thank you for the price you paid. Bearing all my sin and shame, in love you came And gave Amazing Grace.
Thank you for this love, Lord. Thank you for the nail-pierced hands. Wash me in Your cleansing flow, now all I know... Your forgiveness and embrace.
Worthy is the Lamb seated on the throne. We crown You now with many crowns You reign victorious!
“Hell is a place where the motorists are French, the policemen are German, and the cooks are English.” ~ Author Unknown
5 to 1 rule in marriage It’s not how much you fight, but how you fight and how you resolve your differences. Lasting marriages aren’t marriages where nobody ever fights, but marriages where couples have agreed to resolve their conflicts in specific ways.
The Magic Ratio of 5 to 1. Gottman discovered he could predicate marital success based on the ratio of good to bad interactions between a couple. Successful marriages needed at least 5 positive interactions for each negative one. The more volatile the marriage, the more positive interactions were needed. And when the negative emotions outweighed the positive, the marriage was headed for failure.
What are the negative emotions? Criticism and contempt, defensiveness and withdrawal, loneliness and isolation. You’ll notice “anger” is not listed. This is because only when anger accompanies the negative emotions above, is it destructive.
Easter quotes "Do not abandon yourselves to despair. We are the Easter people and hallelujah is our song." ~ Pope John Paul II "And he departed from our sight that we might return to our heart, and there find Him. For He departed, and behold, He is here." ~ St. Augustine, Confessions ……
The Family Prayer
"And Shepherds we shall be Morning Prayer For thee, my Lord, for thee. Now another day is breaking, Sleep was sweet and so is waking. Dear Lord, I promised you last night Never again to sulk or fight. Such vows are easier to keep When a child is sound asleep. Today, O Lord, for your dear sake, I'll try to keep them when awake. --Ogden Nash In Nomeni Patri Et Fili Spiritus Sancti." And teeming with souls shall it ever be. So we shall flow a river forth to Thee Our feet may swiftly carry out Thy commands. Power hath descended forth from Thy hand
“Love is an irresistable desire to be irresistably desired.” -- Robert Frost “One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life: That word is love. “ -- Sophocles “Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies. “ -- Aristotle
“Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind. “ -- William Shakespeare
“Love seems the swiftest, but it is the slowest of all growths. No man or woman really knows what perfect love is until they have been married a quarter of a century. “ --Mark Twain
“There is nothing nobler or more admirable than when two people who see eye to eye keep house as man and wife, confounding their enemies and delighting their friends.” -- Homer
“Everything has its beauty, but not everyone sees it” “Friendship is constant in all other things Save in the office and affairs of love: Therefore all hearts in love use their own tongues; Let every eye negotiate for itself And trust no agent. “ -- William Shakespeare "Better than a thousand hollow words is one word that brings peace." --Buddha “Beauty is the wisdom of women. Wisdom is the beauty of men.” --Chinese Proverb “An unjust peace is better than a just war.” -- Marcus Tullius Cicero --Confucius
"When my heart is at peace, the world is at peace." --Chinese Proverb
"What can you do to promote world peace? Go home and love your family." --Mother Teresa
“Never be in a hurry; do everything quietly and in a calm spirit. Do not lose your inner peace for anything whatsoever, even if your whole world seems upset. “ --St. Francis de Sales
“Beauty is ten, nine of which is dressing.” --Proverb “The most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched, they must be felt with the heart” “There is nothing nobler or more admirable than when two people who see eye to eye keep house as man and wife, confounding their enemies and delighting their friends.” -- Homer “A man can be happy with any woman as long as he does not love her. “ -- Oscar Wilde “Love seems the swiftest, but it is the slowest of all growths. No man or woman really knows what perfect love is until they have been married a quarter of a century. “ --Mark Twain “Beauty is how you feel inside, and it reflects in your eyes. It is not something physical.” --Sophia Loren --Helen Keller
“The more you sweat in peacetime, the less you bleed during war.” --Chinese Proverb
Prayer: After Prayers, Lie Cold The greatest prayer is patience” --Buddha Arise my body, my small body, we have striven Enough, and He is merciful; we are forgiven. “Prayers go up and blessings come down” --Yiddish Proverb Arise small body, puppet-like and pale, and go, White as the bed-clothes into bed, and cold as snow, Undress with small, cold fingers and put out the light, “It is in vain to expect our prayers to be heard, if we do not strive as well as pray.” --Aesop And be alone, hush'd mortal, in the sacred night… -- C. S. Lewis
“Ultimately prayer becomes a dialogue with Heaven.” --jpr