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Name: __________________________

When We Are Not Getting Along: My Feelings, Thoughts and Behaviors

 Check all the statements that reflect the way you feel or what you do when you and your partner are fighting or not getting
along. Look back over the list and circle a few to indicate the most important items.

What I Do......
I criticize I feel it's always my fault.
I attack I feel judged.
I blame I feel blamed or criticized.
I defend I feel put down.
I analyze I feel I don't know what I have done.
I rationalize I feel analyzed.
I get quiet I feel invalidated.
I become cold or aloof I feel discounted.
I clam up I feel attacked.
I withdraw I feel controlled.
I avoid conflict I feel intimidated.
I leave I feel dismissed or "blown off".
I feel uncared for or unwanted.
What I Feel ...... I feel unlovable.
I feel scared. I feel unattractive.
I feel afraid. I feel unimportant.
I feel hurt I feel inadequate.
I feel vulnerable I feel small or insignificant.
I feel worried or nervous. I feel I don’t matter.
I feel disappointed. I feel I’ve failed.
I feel let down. I feel guilty.
I feel sad.
I feel alone or lonely. In My Body I Feel .....
I feel hopeless. I feel my heart speeding up.
I feel down or depressed. I feel tense somewhere in my body.
I feel empty. I feel uneasy in my stomach.
I feel disconnected. I feel tightness in my throat.
I feel isolated. I feel pressure in my chest.
I feel ignored.
I feel shut out or pushed away. How We Interact During Conflict ….
I feel rejected. ____I often want to avoid talking about
I feel abandoned. our relationship.
I feel misunderstood. ____During an argument, I become
I feel my partner is never there for me. become silent, withdraw and
I feel frustrated. don’t want to discuss things.
I feel angry. ____My partner often pushes an issue
I feel like getting back. and won't let it drop.
I feel like protecting myself.
I feel guarded. ____I often want to push my partner to
I feel like clinging to my partner. talk about our relationship.
I feel flooded with emotion. ____I often get angry and critical to get
I feel unable to calm myself down my partner to talk.
I feel overwhelmed. ____My partner withdraws a lot and
I feel confused. won't face an issue when I want
I feel unable to focus my thoughts. to talk.
I feel blank.
I feel numb Other Feelings:__________________________
I have trouble putting thoughts into words. ________________________________________
I feel smothered. ________________________________________
© 2003 Douglas Tillley, LCSW-C