197 Reasons to date me

1. You’ll never have to worry about driving illegally in the carpool lane again 2. The taste of your tongue is all I've ever needed 3. I've got a shiny new Blockbuster card waiting just for you 4. I promise not to use your back to keep my feet warm 5. I'll let you push me on the swings 6. I always put the cap back on the toothpaste 7. I'll stash little notes for you where you'll least expect them 8. We’ll make history together 9. Because no other pirate's tongue can "shiver me timber" quite like yours 10. Sleeping alone just sucks.... period! 11. When you're around me I've got the sex drive of a 16 year old boy 12. There isn't anything I feel I can't tell you 13. I wish I could give you all of my firsts 14. All I can offer you is all of my lasts 15. You’re safe with me 16. I'll wait for you even if you're late 17. I'll lick the envelope for you 18. You've seen the monsters under my bed, and you're still here 19. I'll let you sneak a taste when I'm cooking 20. I know CPR 21.I won't make you wear lame sweaters when we go to family Christmas parties 22. You fucking turn me on! 23. You love my dorkiness 24. When you are trying to keep count, I will try and mess you up 25. You’re magically delicious 26. I suck at strip poker 27. I’ll hold your coffee for you when you’re driving 28. Around you dry panties are a thing of the past 29. I promise not to burn the house down while you’re gone 30. If you wash the car with me I promise to wear a white T-shirt for you 31. I’ll make you Mickey Mouse pancakes 32. I won’t bite unless you want me to 33. Sleeping in has a whole new meaning now that we are doing it together 34. I’ll circle your birthday on my calendar 35. I'll cover you up and kiss your forehead when you fall asleep watching tv 36. I'll carve your initials in a tree 37. I won’t swear around your family 38. I’ve never been Punk’d 39. If you pick me a flower, I’ll wear it in my hair 40. I come with an extended warranty 41. I’ll grant you three wishes 42. I’ll buy you a lap dance 43. I didn't vote for either George Bush 44. I don't tear the tags off my mattresses til I get home 45. I always stop to pet dogs outside of grocery stores 46. I'm likely to have a different hair color every time you see me 47. I'm slippery when wet 48. I only use the rail when I walk down the stairs 30% of the time ( I love to walk the line ya know) 49. I've never read Playboy for the articles 50. I'll make you laugh 51. I've never been in one of Tommy Lee's movies 52. I'll never under cook the eggs

53. I'll never drink your last beer 54. I can make a mean pot of chili 55. I'll pretend I didn't see you look at that chick with the big boobs 56. I'll always be impressed with how strong you are 57. I know that handcuffs aren't just for the cops 58. I don't recycle 59. I do know how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie roll tootsie pop 60. I won't steal the vicoden out of your medicine cabinet 61. I'll take care of you when you're sick 62. I'll make fun of you 63. I can give a kick ass back rub 64. I haven't been a house guest of O.J. Simpson 65. I like porn 66. I can't stand soap operas 67. I don't care if you leave the seat up 68. I pump my own gas 69. I don't give a shit if I break a nail 70. I've got cookies 71. I don't chew tobacco 72. I take a shower every day 73. I like it when you pull my hair 74. I'll let you beat me at pool (LET you cause if I try, you're going down) 75. I don't care that you go out with the boys 76. I don't eat crackers in bed 77. I think it's hot when you come home all dirty from playing hard 78. I can't stand the mall 79. I don't care what music we listen to in the car 80. I've never eaten a bon-bon in my life 81. When you wash the dishes it turns me on 82. I have a big butt and I am proud of it 83. My heart will jump every time you walk through the door 84. I'll save everything you ever give me 85. I won't ever forget your birthday, and remind you when mine is coming 86. You just can't stop reading this! 87. I always use my nails to scratch a lottery ticket 88. I know where to put in the oil, and have even done it 89. I'll think you're just about the coolest person I know 90. I think pizza and a game at the sports bar down the street is the ideal date 91. What the hell is "in the box"? 92. I always open a window when I paint 93. I've never been on Americas Most Wanted 94. The only drama I have any part of is on t.v. 95. I know how to make a fire 96. I can tie a cherry stem with my tongue 97. I've got secret tattoos 98. My kisses will take your breath away 99. I don't care if you leave your socks on 100. I can't stand John Mayer 101. I never drive faster than 30 mph in a school zone 102. My weird habits you'll find adorable 103. You'll sleep better when I'm next to you 104. I'd fuck Angelina Jolie too 105. I'll thank you every time you open the door 106. I'll never waste your love 107. I'll laugh at every joke even when it's not funny (but only in public - when we're alone I'll tell you if it's not funny) 108. I'd never give you shit in front of your friends

109. It gets better every time 110. Use as much salt as you want I don't care 111. I won't ever let you leave for work in the morning without your lunch 112. I'll help you find your keys 113. I don't stop and ask for directions either 114. I don't have a big brother, so you don't have to worry about getting your ass kicked ever 115. We can watch your movie first 116. I don't need batteries 117. I once ate a cricket 118. I eat red meat 119. I'll clean the house perfect every time your mom comes 120. I'll always have smooth legs 121. I like it when my hair gets messed up 122. I used to be able to put my feet behind my neck 123. My family is just as fucked up as yours 124. I don't want to get married any time soon 125. I like horror movies 126. I smell pretty good (Kind of citrusy and pina-coladaee) 127. I don't litter 128. When I can I give to charity 129. I can be ready in 10 minutes or less 130. I lose at arm wrestling every time 131. I look both ways before I cross the street 132. I never look directly into the sun 133. I'll look cute in your shirt 134. I'm not a virgin 135. You're hotter and more hilarious than anyone I know 136. I won't ever leave makeup on your shoulder 137. I've never hung a pair of panty hose on the shower rack in my life 138. I like it when you call me a whore in bed 139. I can balance a check book 140. I'll help you not to forget your moms birthday 141. I would never yell "fire" in a crowded theatre 142. I'm really good at sneaking food into the movies 143. I was the second grade spelling bee champ 144. I'll never say 'nothings wrong' when there really is 145. I know how to hold my own hair back when I get sick 146. I've never cried over spilt milk 147. I have never stabbed anyone in the eye 148. I can count to 100 by 5's 149. I've never smuggled drugs out of the country 150. I don't care if you eat dinner without a shirt 151. I think it's hot when you masturbate 152. I never overload the washer 153. What else have you got to do? 154. I know that whipped cream goes on more than sundaes 155. I've never auditioned for American Idol 156. I don't eat yellow snow 157. I like it when you talk to your friends about me in bed 158. My sunday morning breakfasts will change your life 159. My chin fits 'just right' in your shoulder when you hold me close 160. I'll understand if you get jealous 161. I'm just that good 162. I never had sexual relations with Bill Clinton 163. You're getting very sleepy... 164. I've never been on Jerry Springer 165. I may have already won $10,000,000.

166. You won't be able to get me out of your head 167. I know that sticks are better than automatics 168. I'll let you drive every time if you want 169. I buy a new toothbrush every time the blue wears down 170. I know that objects in the mirror are bigger than they appear 171. Flowers will get you laid every time 172. I've never gotten caught lip synching on SNL 173. I have a $3.24 credit at PayLess Shoes 174. I never leave the engine running while I'm pumping gas 175. I never run with scissors 176. I've taken the Coke/Pepsi challenge and won 177. Almost every time I have a winning bottle top 178. I know how to keep a secret 179. If you spell something wrong I just think it's cute 180. I've never failed a survey 181. I can almost every time find Waldo 182. I never put my fingers in the light socket 183. I'm a Cancer 184. I have all my shots 185. It's okay, I don't really expect you to last longer than 10 minutes anyways 186. I'm pretty damn funny 187. I'm not a doctor and I've never played one on t.v. either 188. I don't care if you eat off my plate 189. None of my friends are guys I used to have sex with 190. When you're sleeping I'll always try to be quiet 191. I have never run out of gas (well I just fucked myself there now, didn't I?) 192. I know the difference between they're, their, and there 193. You really kinda would dig having someone to cuddle with on the couch 194. I know how to get stains out of tshirts 195. I know how to leave you satisfied and hungry for more every time 196. I'm really good at making lists 197. After reading this far you've already got too much time invested all ready might as well e-mail me.

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