Chapter 11: Calicut: Lola Kutty Land

There is an old joke about why mallus (these are residents of Kerala, actually M
alayalis, fondly known asallus in India) don’t get the time to work in Kerala. T
he explanation (according to the joke) is that they are too busy tying and untyi
ng their lungi (the wrap-around garment that men in Kerala wear). But I think i
t is really unfair. I think the real explanation is that they are too busy teach
ing people the correct way to pronounce everything. Take the example of Calicut.
Such a simple and uncomplicated name. But that would generate major unemploymen
t in the state, because everyone can pronounce it. So, there is an official name
change to Kozhikode. Even Vasco Da Gama would have lost his way, had this been
done in 1498.
Many people now happily spend hours, or maybe days, educating ignorant foreigner
s (non- mallus) on how to pronounce Kozhikode. Come to think of it, if a movie c
an be made about this education, it may beat “My Fair Lady” at the box office.
Jokes apart, one has to admit that Lola Kutty land (named after a popularmalayal
i TV character), is a unique place. These are some of its distinguishing feature
s-
1. Almost total absence of any language other than the local
2. Amazingly green landscape
3. Almost zero industrial activity. Only West Bengal and the jungles of Ama
zon come close.
4. Almost equal split between Hindu, Christian and Muslim population
5. Correlated with above, beef, fish, chicken and pork sausages co-exist pe
acefully
6. Half the state works in the Middle East and remits money back home
There could be a few more, but these are good enough to illustrate the uniquenes
s of the state. What happens in the state by way of economic activity is a myste
ry, because apart from fishing and some tourism, there are few visible signs of
anything happening at all. It remains, as the tourist brochures say, “God’s Own
country” in terms of nature’s beauty, but whether it can feed the population is
a question mark. Probably the incoming dollars (or dinars) make up.
I have one major complaint about the average Malayali. It is that he rarely smil
es. It may not matter to his fellow Malayalis, but I was taken aback by the appa
rent grimness. Maybe my sample was not representative enough, but I am fairly su
re this observation is accurate. If it is so, then the reason should be found ou
t, and a correction put in place.
Anyway, I am digressing. I got a job at IIM Kozhikode (whichever way you want to
pronounce it) and went there in May 2005. I just managed to beat the monsoon, a
nd fortunately found a landlord who spoke English. He was very nice and helpful
throughout our two year stay in his 4 bedroom house. The house had two halls, on
e on each floor, six coconut trees, one of jackfruit, and a few creepers with pe
pper pods on them. I really felt like a king.
We had a jet-setting director, who moved around as if he headed yatra.com. He wa
s rarely in town, and we often joked (behind his back) that he spent more time w
ith Jet Airways air hostesses than his own wife. Anyway, he was a true academic
in the IIM A mould, and we got along reasonably well. As usual, the marketing ar
ea was in the doldrums with only three faculty members and many students (though
less than Lucknow). My first six months at Calicut went in writing a new book (
my second) on Services Marketing. I also taught the course, and students chipped
in with some original case studies (at my insistence, of course) for my book. T
hese became some of its highlights (USPs, or Unique Selling Propositions, for th
ose of you in marketing).
I think I must have inspired some colleagues to write books as well, because all
the profs. around published a book in the next year or two (Suma, SSS Kumar, Ta
pan, Sunil Sahadev are some I can recall). I had always wondered why Indian mana
gement faculty did not write enough books. I found the explanation as I later po
ndered over the question. Writing something-anything- takes 100 times more effor
t than doing anything else. Maybe the pen is heavier, not just mightier, than th
e sword. Talking, sleeping, eating or traveling come to us almost naturally, but
writing is an acquired taste (like Goat’s cheese or tequila). Many people come
out with the weirdest excuses when asked to write anything, even their own CV. A
case in point is MBA students. When asked to write a half page CV for a placeme
nt brochure, it takes some of them over a month to write it! For their own caree
r!
I made a great new friend at Calicut called Ravi (it’s pronounced Revi, but I wo
n’t go into that). He was a misfit, according to me, in mallu-land. He was open,
outgoing, and he laughed a lot. He also played cricket for the local club of wh
ich I had become a member. We played an inter club cricket match once, and I enj
oyed the nets and the actual game tremendously. We won the match handsomely too.
Ravi was also a cocktail enthusiast, and we spent a lot of time drumming up conc
octions with whatever raw material we could find. Many exotic recipes were creat
ed and consumed. Feni, orange liquer, Bacardi, and the usual rum, brandy, vodka
and gin were some of the liquors used. Pina colada was one of my favourites, and
Polly’s Folly (vodka with lime, sliced green chilly and salt).
We went on picnics with him and our families, and I went fishing with him too. A
long boat was used, where only one of us could sit at one spot, so we sat one b
ehind the other. We spent a quiet hour or so, and the experience was very soothi
ng.
I conducted a conference along with an American association of marketing educato
rs called NASMEI, and it proved to be a big hit. I was able to outsource the cat
ering and venue arrangements to the local Taj hotel, which helped me to concentr
ate on the academic aspects. Tapan, my colleague, helped to coordinate the publi
shing of papers sent, and we published them in two edited volumes just in time f
or the conference. Gerard Tellis of NASMEI, USA, was very supportive, and got a
few international delegates. A unique feature of this conference (my idea) was t
hat there was no (wasteful) inauguration or valediction ceremony- only working s
essions with paper presentations. My director did not appreciate this much, but
many participants did.
Casa Marina, where we had a couple of parties, was a beautiful seaside bungalow
converted into a restaurant/hotel. It was owned by a German, and managed by a lo
cal. A little further up, P.T. Usha had her Academy where she trains girl athlet
es. A few hours drive up the coast is the town of Cannanore. Nearby, there is a
beautiful seaside fort called Bekal. It has a magnificient view of the sea. On t
he way to Bekal, there is a drive-in beach. It has a tongue-twister of a name, M
uzhappilangad. But it resembles the hi-flying Florida beaches in the Miami regio
n, made famous by the partying students in March every year. This beach in Keral
a is actually deserted, surprising considering its tourist potential. But we fou
nd this in many places in the state, and it probably speaks of lack of entrepren
eurial effort. Maybe the entrepreneurs are terrified of the red flags that may g
reet him.
Another lovely riverside resort in Calicut was Kadavu. This is a half hour drive
, and offers luxury rooms, a nice restaurant, and boat rides in typical Kerala h
ouseboats as well as regular motorboats. We took some of our participants from M
DPs there for an evening party. Having prawn or fish with a beer in tow, gazing
at the river, is a great experience indeed, comparable to some similar feelings
one gets in Goa.
One nice trip I remember from Calicut was to the Coorg area (now called Kodagu).
Madikeri is the hill station that is a capital of the district. It is a quaint
hill station, and has a very nice, quietening effect on the mind and soul. The o
nly trouble is, the roads leading to it are soul-numbing. We traveled at around
five kilometers an hour on some stretches to reach this place. But once there, i
t was delightful. Clean, reasonably priced, great food and lovely sights.
One new activity that we tried at IIMK was conducting Faculty Development (train
ing) programs. We found there were lots of takers. The reasons are many. Our sta
te run university system leaves many faculty members disoriented and without pro
per mentors in teaching methods, research and publishing, and more. These gaping
holes can be filled through faculty training programmes, where they spend a wee
k or so getting exposed to the best practices at a good B-school, in a non-threa
tening ambience.
Another great learning experience for me at IIMK was the high tech distance lear
ning program we had launched. This was delivered to 40 cities in India via satel
lite by a company called Hughes Direcway, our technology partner. Students atten
ded these classes on a computer terminal in their own city, with email and voice
connectivity to the faculty. These were tremendous ways to bring mobility to ed
ucation, and all IIMs later followed the lead of IIMK. We even launched a specia
lized Sales and Marketing program, and that was also a huge success. NIIT and Re
liance later entered the fray as technology providers to some of the later entra
nts.
We also did a consulting project for Cochin Refineries on branding their petrol
retailing efforts. This went down the tube, because the company was soon after m
erged with BPCL, ruling out any question of independent branding of its retail p
roducts. Mysterious are the ways some of our public sector companies work! Anywa
y, it was good to interact with all the officials of the refinery. We (my collea
gue Tapan and I) also found time to see ‘Hum Tum’ starring Saif and Rani (said t
o be a desi version of When Harry Met Sally) in a Cochin theatre during a visit.
The monsoons in Kerala drive everything, it appears. Every Keralite worth his/he
r salt carries an umbrella all the time, maybe as a reminder that the rain god i
s just around the corner, and can open up in all his glory at any time. The buse
s in this communist dominated state are mostly privately run, and so is the case
in Kolkata, another place with similar political inclinations. In other capital
istic states, the state transport is much more active. I once asked a friend abo
ut this contradiction, and his explanation was “They (the government) swallow al
l the money, and there is nothing left to run the buses with”. Don’t know if tha
t’s the correct one, but it is an explanation.
A major difficulty (and a peculiar one) that I faced in Calicut was with regard
to student projects. Being a strong advocate of student work right from my own s
tudent days, I came across a brick wall when my market research students came an
d told me that locals did not speak much English (if any), and therefore could n
ot understand many of the questions in a typical (MBA generated) questionnaire.
So we had to think of strategies like questions that had monosyllabic answers, a
nd so on. But then, some of these problems occur in rural areas too, if you are
trying to do research there. Graphics (figures etc. ) are better understood, and
simple words without jargon are appropriate for these situations. Anyway, these
were learnings for everyone.
I also went with a student on a placement promotion trip to Mumbai, and that was
another useful experience. We went to most of the big banks and a few consultin
g and FMCG (Fast Moving Consumer Goods, like toilet soaps and toothpastes) compa
nies. It was nice to see mostly positive reactions from many of the potential re
cruiters. Though students took care of the logistics and nitty gritty of the pla
cement process, I think the faculty visits gave them some moral support.
During my days at IIMK, a controversy broke out between the HRD ministry and the
IIMs regarding fees to be charged from the MBA students. The ministry was tryin
g to dictate the fees and IIMs were resisting this assault on their autonomy. Th
e following piece was inspired by this tug-of-war. (note: this is in Hindi)

Murli Meets Mughal-e-Azam

Murli was visiting IIM Delhi, trying to convert the institute’s logo into a colo
ur recognised by all- saffron. His logic was impeccable, but he came up with an
unforeseen obstacle. The Great Mughal, who happened to be the Chairman of IIMD’s
board. This is how their conversation went.
Murli: Hamein Bharat ki sanskriti ki raksha karni hai. Is liye naye electives ki
khoj karni padegi… jaise ki…murli bajakar bakriyon ko Manage karna.
Mughal-e-Azam: Hamari saltanat mein …hamara matlab hai hamari Institute mein yeh
gustakhi karne ki jurrat karne wale aap kaun hote hain? Kya bhed-bakriyon ko ma
nage karne wale multi-million dollars ki Securities Transactions ko manage kar s
akenge?
Murli: Kyon nahin? Kya Praacheen kaal mein Krishna Bhagwan ne Dwarka mein raj na
hin kiya tha? Aur apni madhur murli ki dhun se gopiyon ko bhi mantramugdh kar di
ya tha! Management aur gopiyon ka madhur sangam…nahin nahin..mera matlab hai Man
gement aur bakriyon ka…nahin nahin…
Mughal-e-Azam (interrupting)…Saleeeem……roko ise. Is shakhsiat se hamein bachao.
Chalo, hum mughal raj ki tauheen aur bardaasht nahin kar sakte. Hum is Institute
ke Chairmanship se istifa dete hain.
Murli: Ek aur baat sunte jaiye, jahan panah. Is institute ka logo ab saffron yan
e bhagwe rang ka hoga, kyonki Bharat ki pavitra dharti par aur koi rang aam jant
a ko itna pasand nahin hai.
M-e-A: Nahin…hamaari aakhri saans chalne tak hum yeh nahin hone denge. Is mulk k
i…matlab Institute ki Autonomy ko hum thes nahin pahunchne denge.
Murli: Magar ye logo to Ministry ki den hai…ise badalna hi hoga….
FADE …..to strains of hindi song…LOGO, na maro ise, yahi to mera…