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This is not because sex is inherently bad or irreligious.MY VIEW OF HUMAN SEXUALITY 2 My View of Human Sexuality In the Sanskrit language. artha. but as a natural aspiration. parents and priest that the problems can arise from excessive preoccupation with sensuality. liberation from rebirth. But that is not to say that Hinduism therefore recommends unrestrained indulgence in sensual pleasure. which are regarded as the higher goals. Celibacy I remember learning this from my grandparents. These four goals of life are listed as dharma. the fulfillment of which is essential for a successful life. but because it is such an intoxicating pleasure that unrestrained indulgence can come to dominate a person's life and take away his or her higher sensibilities. the fulfilment of sensual desires. one's religious. In the Bhagavad Gita. sexuality is usually referred to by the word kama (which is different from karma) and this is accepted as one of the four main goals that human beings should aspire to in life. wealth and prosperity. kama. social and moral duty. and ultimately moksha. How culture and religion impacted my views of human sexuality: Maintaining a balance A balanced life is one in which all four goals are properly pursued and attained. and so it is apparent that from a traditional Hindu perspective sexuality is not regarded as something inherently sordid or immoral. In pursuing the four goals of life. Therefore Hindu teachings usually insist that sexuality be confined to marriage and that sexual relationships should not be engaged in without restriction and without proper preparation. . a proper balance must be maintained and excessive preoccupation with sexuality may lead to neglect of dharma and moksha.

it is also imbedded from very young age that those who are most ardently seeking (moksha) release from the cycle of rebirth. these principles are still the norms for most of Hindu society. the emphasis in teachings on duty (dharma) is slightly different. a man was expected to remain celibate so as to focus on his studies.MY VIEW OF HUMAN SEXUALITY 3 (holy book) Arjuna asks Lord Krishna why it is that people are drawn towards wickedness even though they may desire to live a virtuous life. for a person whose life is dominated by selfish desire quickly loses any sense of virtue or concern for others. Similarly. Marriage and View of Sexuality The aim of marriage which was taught to almost everyone is said to be duty . So sensuality is not in itself sinful. but it is seen as one of the main causes of wickedness and a barrier to duty (dharma). For men. To this Lord Krishna replies that it is lust and anger that are the root causes of sin. but the same fundamental principles apply. In his student life. The traditional approach: huge impact on how I view sexuality It is been taught to me that duty (dharma) insist that women in particular should not engage in sexual activities prior to marriage and that a major element of a woman's duty (dharma) is the devotion she shows to her husband. However. and sexual desire is one of the most intense forms of worldly attachment. are usually advised to refrain from sensual pleasures and take vows of celibacy. Hence chastity prior to marriage and loyal commitment to my spouse have been regarded as pillars of (dharma) in a my life and although standards are changing somewhat today. people who leave the world behind and follow the path of renunciation. but it is recognized that attachment to the world is the root cause of rebirth. this applies only to a very small section of human society.

Through sex is one of the function of marriage it is given third place. The low desire partner and high desire partner are relative positions in relationship. Which brings the question regarding low desire partner and high desire partner and how can I justify my learning and understanding. positions change. Depending on the issues. visiting friends/family or having sex. indicating there by that it is least desirable aim of the marriage. Whether it’s deciding to buy something. progeny (praja) and pleasure (rati). 1997. indicating there by that it is least desirable aim of the marriage. Viewing sexual desire as a “natural” hunger masks its complexity and encourages people to see themselves as defective ( Schnarch. One my culture/ religion say sex is one of the function of marriage it is given third place. and here when I am reading Schnarch’s views about sexuality in marriage . If I look at my own relationship there is a low desire partner and a high desire partner on virtually every issue and decision we make. According to his approach there is always a low desire partner and there is always a high desire partner and there is one of each in every relationship. My learning which I got from my culture/religion one should have less or put sex at last place in marriage then where do I stand in that position. Even if we want to do the same thing. but I have learned to put my I was thinking that I could want sex every day and still be the low desire partner person if my husband wants sex twice a day. According to him. which made me look into my own relationship. One partner wants to do something (the high desire partner) that the other doesn’t (the low desire partner).MY VIEW OF HUMAN SEXUALITY 4 (dharma).128). one of us will want it more.p. “sexual desire problems are part of the normal healthy processes of marriage’ its how we go about them that is the difficulty” made me think that often time it is seen as a problem. Being the low desire partner person doesn’t mean I have no desire.

which makes someone less defensive about level of sexual desire. How you feel about yourself. This determines if and when sex happens. too. Another rule of sexual desire that Schnarch adheres to is that the low desire partner in a relationship always controls sex. For instance. To stress the lower role of sex in marriage. the marriage is said to be for pleasure only. The low desire partner decides whether to respond. Because this is despised. In order to understand this will need to change viewpoint. Low desire partners in particular stop feeling inadequate and ‘defective’. your partner and your relationship is essential for personal growth. Another thing. It helped me understand that. Understanding this is one of the “people growing processes” The high desire partner usually initiates sex. If you can tolerate the anxiety of hearing and saying difficult things and sooth your own emotions you are on course for a more integrated meaningful sexual relationship. which struck me throughout the reading about what is human sexual desire and aspects of sexual desire that have everything to do with sexual potential and the waning of desire. This is considered to be a contemptible fellow who has no high purpose in life. we have to stop thinking of low sexual desire as a personality issue. whatever it is.MY VIEW OF HUMAN SEXUALITY 5 raises questions. Stop blaming. be less defensive and be more curious. which hit the home for me. it’s possible for the partner who is the high desire partner at the outset of the relationship to later become the low desire partner (and vice versa). This gives low desire partner control of sex whether it is wanted or not. This approach gives partner equal standing for dealing with each other. relations with a woman are viewed unfavorable through they . Understanding that ‘high desire’ and ‘low desire’ are not character traits.

It results in a more or less permanent relationship between a man and woman. social and spiritual purpose of duty (dharma). According to this sexual pleasure is the chief in aim marriage. Their aim is not nearly physical pleasure but spiritual advancement. the basic aim of marriage was dharma". The Hindu marriage is not really a social contract but a religious sacrament. (iii) Sexual pleasure: The Hindu scriptures have compared the sexual pleasure with the relation of divine bliss. Concept of marriage. other parties to the marriage can't dissolve it at will. According to this. In my understanding which shaped my view of sexuality I can summarize as follows. The institution of Hindu marriage occupies a prominent place in the social institution of the civilized world. is a lofty one because it means that the husband and wife . It exhibits unintegral approach to this serial institution. the husband accepts the palm of wife in order to get a high breed progeny. In other words "marriage is primarily for the fulfillment of duties. As marriage is said to be sacred it is irrevocable. the chief aim of marriage is procreation has also maintained the same view. It is not merely an individual function but has a serial enjoyment of sexual pleasure. (i) Fulfillment of duties (dharma) or religions duties: According to the Hindu scriptures marriage is a basic of all religion activities. procreation and sexual pleasure. Hindu marriage can be defined as religions sacrament in which a man and woman are bound in permanent relationship for physical. indissoluble. (ii) Procreation: In Hindu families the child is given a very important place. that it is. Each is bound to the other until the death of either of them and the wife is supposed to be bound to her husband even after his death.MY VIEW OF HUMAN SEXUALITY 6 can't be stopped. According to Riga Veda (ancient holy scripture).

Marriage was a serious duty towards the family and the community and there was little idea of individual interest. Even in the performance of religious duties the wife was more of a passive partner and was generally selected from a family. is not an ordinary affair where in the weakness of flesh plays a dominant part. afforded no scope for the recognition of any personal factor. in the later law it was enjoined in the case of a child who had undergone the sacrament of tonsure. which did not neglect the performance of sacred rites. privileges there was obvious discrimination made in their responsibility towards each other and in responsibility for succession of marriage. and caste with its dominion small spheres of life. demands of personal gratification and pleasures are subordinated.MY VIEW OF HUMAN SEXUALITY 7 after marriage age to adjust their tastes and temper their ideas and interest. interest or aspiration. in the relations between husband and wife. instead of breaking with each other when they find that these differ. Similarly. and the individual is called upon to make marriage a success by means of compromise and adjustment. What is my understanding of Hindu View of Sexuality? The purpose of sexual union is to express and foster love's beautiful intimacy and . Despite the fact that marriage was considered to be irrevocable the two partners were not regarded as beings equal in their obligations. On the contrary. Now when I look back and remember the importance in Hindu life can be understood from the fact that while in the early law cremation was prescribed for a child who had completed two years. Hindu marriage. thus viewed. marriage is said to be essential for woman because that is the only sacrament that can be performed for her. individual. The social background provided by the authoritarian joint family.

It is to be said that conversely. The Vedas intone. a part of the instinctive nature. Sexual intercourse is a natural reproductive function. For a marriage to succeed. Marriages that are free of prior relationships are the truest and strongest. I don’t think that I would agree with that because my husband had married previously before getting married with me. This is because their psychic nerve currents grow together and they form a one body and a one mind. It also serves through its intimacy to express and nurture love. and its pleasures draw man and woman together that a child may be conceived. if the man or woman has had intercourse before the marriage. and this in proportion to the extent of promiscuity. When I got married I was virgin and it teaches that when a virgin man and woman marry and share physical intimacy with each other. Each should grow to understand the other's needs and take care to neither deny intercourse to the married partner nor make excessive demands. transforming it from an animal function to a human fulfillment. the emotionalpsychic closeness of the marriage will suffer. A healthy. unrepressed attitude should be kept regarding sexual matters. What Is the Relation of Sex to Marriage: my personal life experiences Wisdom demands that the intimacies of sexual intercourse be confined to marriage. Intensely personal matters of sex as they affect the family or individual are not legislated. subject to community laws and customs. seldom ending in separation or divorce. "Sweet be the glances we . It is love that endows sexual intercourse with its higher qualities.MY VIEW OF HUMAN SEXUALITY 8 to draw husband and wife together for procreation. but left to the judgment of those involved. it didn’t impact us seriously and when it comes to issues in marriage I think it will be hard to find a single marriage with out any issues. their union is very strong and their marriage stable. sexual intercourse must be preserved for husband and wife.

our faces showing true concord.MY VIEW OF HUMAN SEXUALITY 9 exchange. Enshrine me in your heart and let one spirit dwell with us. . What my view is about sexuality not necessarily other people has the same way." Religion plays a major role in many people’s sexuality. so as a therapist I would listen to all verbal and nonverbal communication when working with couples or individuals. it played huge role in my own understanding of sexuality. When working with clients it is important not to impose your own ideas about sexuality on clients but rather listen what they are trying to tell some in words and some nonverbal.

W. 2009 Passionate Marriage: Keeping Love & Intimacy Alive in Committed Relationships. David.MY VIEW OF HUMAN SEXUALITY 10 Reference: Schnarch. W. Norton & Co. .