1

JJl

MEMORIES!

MEMORIES

TALES FROM FOREIGN LANDS,
I6MO.
QILT TOP*.

UNIFORM

IN

STYLE AND PRICE.

Memories:

A

from the German of

Story of German Love. Translated MAX MULLER, by GEORGE P. UPTON.
II.

Orazlella:

A Story

the French of

of Italian Love. Translated from A. DE LAMARTINE, by JAMES B. RUNMON.
III.

Marie: A Story of Russian Love. From the Russian of ALEXANDER PUSHKIN, by MARIE H. DE ZIELINSKA.
IV.

Madeleine:

A Story

from the French of

of French Love. Translated JULES SANDEAU, by FRANCIS CHARLOT.
V.

Marlanela:
LESTER.

A

Story of Spanish Love.

Translated

from the Spanish of B. PEREZ GALDOS, by
VI.

HELEN W.

Cousin Phlllls:

A

Story of English Love.
VII.

By

ELIZABETH C. GASKBLL.

Karlne: A Story of Swedish Love. Translated from the German of WILHBLM JENSEN, by EMMA A. ENDLICII.
VIII.

Maria

Felicia:
from

A Story of Bohemian
Bohemian
IX.
of

Love.

Transby\

lated

the

CAROLINE

SVETLA,

ANTONIE KREJSA.

Nairn a

Story of Danish Love. From the Danish of HOLGBR DKACIIMANN re-written in English by FRANCIS F. BROWNE.
: ;

A

STales

from jForetgn Hants

MEMORIES
FROM THE GERMAN OF

MAX MULLER
BY

GEORGE

P.

UPTON

FIFTY-EIGHTH THOUSAND

A. C.

CHICAGO McCLURG &
1912

CO.

COPYRIGHT
A. C.

MCCLURG & Ca
1874-1902

THE UNIVERSITY

PRESS, CAMBRIDGE, U.S.A.

CONTENTS.
TRANSLATOR'S PREFACE,

g
j^
Tp

AUTHOR'S PREFACE,
FIRST MEMORY,

SECOND MEMORY

29

THIRD MEMORY,

4I

FOURTH MEMORY,
FIFTH MEMORY,

53
<5o

SIXTH MEMORY,

97
I0

SEVENTH MEMORY
LAST MEMORY,

147

2227534

TRANSLATOR'S PREFACE.

TRANSLATOR'S PREFACE.

THE
sesses.

translation of

any work

is

at

best a

difficult task,

and must inevitably be pre-

judicial to whatever of beauty the original pos-

When

the principal

charm of the

original

lies in its

elegant simplicity, as in the case of the
difficulty is still further

"

Deutsche Liebe," the

enhanced.

The

translator has sought to reproin equally simple

duce the simple German
lish,

Eng-

even at the risk of transferring German
text.
itself.

idioms into the English

The

story

speaks for
it is

Without

plot,

incidents or situations,

nevertheless dramat-

ically constructed, unflagging in interest,

abound-

ing in beauty, grace
the tenderest feeling

and pathos, and filled with of sympathy, which will go

straight to the heart of every lover of the ideal

io

TRANSLATOR'S PREFACE,
world of humanity, and every worshipper
Its brief essays

in the
in

the world of nature.

upon

theology, literature
in the dialogues
ine, will

and

social habits, contained

between the hero and the herothemselves to the thoughtful

commend

reader by their clearness and beauty of state-

ment, as well as by their freedom from prejudice.
"

Deutsche Liebe
is
is

"
is

a

poem

in prose,

whose
in

setting

all

the

more

beautiful

and tender,

that

it

freed from the

bondage of metre, and

has been the unacknowledged source of

many

a poet's most striking utterances.

As

such, the translator gives
that
it

it

to the public,

confident

will

find

ready acceptance

among

those

who

cherish the ideal, and a tender

welcome by every lover of humanity.

The
ments

translator desires to

make acknowledgChicago

to J. J. Lalor, Esq., late of the

Tribune^ for his hearty co-operation in the progress of the work,
tions;

and many valuable sugges-

to Prof. Feuling, the eminent philologist,
literal

of the University of Wisconsin, for his

TRANSLATOR'S PREFACE.
version of the extracts from the
"

n

Deutsche The-

ologie," which preserve the quaintness of the original, and to Mrs. F. M. Brown, for her

metrical version
latable lines,

of Goethe's

almost untrans-

Ueber alien Gipfeln, ist Ruh," which form the key-note of the beautiful har-

"

mony

in the character of the heroine.

G. P. U.
Chicago,

November, 1874.

AUTHOR'S PREFACE.

AUTHOR'S PREFACE.

WHO
rests in

has not, at some period of his

life,

seated himself at a writing-table, where,
sat,

only a short time before, another
the grave
?

who now

Who

has not opened the

drawers, which for long years have hidden the
secrets of a heart

now buried
?

in the holy

peace

of the church-yard

Here

lie

the letters which
;

were so precious to him, the beloved one
the pictures, ribbons,

here

and books with marks on

every

leaf.
?

Who

can now read and interpret

them

Who

can gather again the withered and
rose,

scattered

leaves of this

and

vivify

them

with fresh perfume?

The

flames, in

which the

Greeks enveloped the bodies of the departed
for the purpose of destruction; the flames, into

which the ancients cast everything once dearest

1

6

AUTHOR'S PREFACE.
are

to the living,

now

the

securest

repository

With trembling fear the surviving friend reads the leaves no eye has ever seen, save those now so firmly closed, and if,
for these relics.
after
is

a glance, too hasty even to read them, he
letters

convinced these

and leaves contain
important, he throws

nothing which

men deem

them quickly upon the glowing coals and they are gone.

a flash

From such
been saved.
for the

flames the following leaves have

They were

at first

intended only

friends of the deceased, yet they have

found friends even among strangers, and, since
it is

so to be,

may wander anew

in distant lands.

Gladly would the compiler have furnished more, but the leaves are too much scattered and mutilated to be rearranged

and given complete.

FIRST MEMORY.

FIRST MEMORY.

CHILDHOOD ^-'
teries
! ;

has

its

secrets

and

its

mys-

but

who can
all

tell

or

who can

explain

them

We

have

roamed through
all

this silent

wonder-wood

we have

once opened our eyes

in blissful astonishment, as the beautiful reality

of

life

overflowed our souls.

We knew

not where,

or who,

we were

the whole world

was ours and
infinite

we were
life

the whole world's.

That was an

without beginning and without end, with-

out rest and without pain.

In

the

heart,

it

was as clear as the spring heavens, fresh as the violet's perfume hushed and holy as a Sabbath
morning.

What

disturbs this God's-peace of the child
this

?

How

can

unconscious and innocent exist?

ence ever cease

What

dissipates the rapture of

20

FIRST MEMORY.
and
universality,
in

this individuality

and suddenly
life ?

leaves us solitary

and alone

a clouded
it is

Say

not, with serious face,
?

sin

!

Can even
and must

a child sin

Say

rather,

we know

not,

only resign ourselves to
Is
it

it.

sin,

which makes the bud a blossom, and
fruit,

the blossom
Is
it

and the

fruit

dust?
chrysalis,

sin,

which makes the worm a
butterfly,

and the chrysalis a
dust
?

and the

butterfly

And is it sin, which makes the child a man, and the man a gray-haired man, and the grayhaired man dust ? And what is dust ?
Say
rather,
it.

we know

not,

and must only resign

ourselves to

Yet
time of
self.

it

is

so beautiful, recalling the springto look
in

life,

back and remember one's
the
sultry

Yes, even

summer,

in

the

melancholy autumn and in the cold winter of life, there is here and there a spring day, and the
heart says:
this

"I
I

feel like spring."

and so

lay

Such a day is me down upon the soft moss

A STORY OF GERMAN LOVE.
of the fragrant woods, and stretch out
limbs,
into
to

21

my

weary
used

and look up, through the green the boundless blue, and think how
seems forgotten.

foliage,
it

be in that childhood.

Then,

all

The

first

pages of

memory

are like the old family Bible.

The

first

leaves are wholly faded

and somewhat soiled with
turn further, and

handling.

But,

when we
where

come

to the chapters

Adam

and Eve were banall

ished from
clear

Paradise, then,

begins to grow

1

and

legible.

Now if we

could only find the

title-page with the imprint

and date

but that

is

irrevocably lost, and, in their place,
the clear transcript

we

find only

our baptismal certificate
born, the

bearing witness

when we were
anno.
!

names

of our parents and godparents, and that
not issued sine loco
But, oh
this
et

we were

beginning

Would
all

there were

none, since, with the beginning,

thought and
thus

memories

alike

cease.

When we

dream

back into childhood, and from childhood into
infinity, this

bad beginning continually

flies

fur-

tl

FIRST MEMORY.
The thoughts pursue
;

ther away.

it

and never
where

overtake

it

just as a child seeks the spot

the blue sky touches the earth,

and runs and
it,

runs, while the sky always runs before

yet

still

touches the earth

but the child grows weary
spot.

and never reaches the

But even since we were once there
it

wherever

may be, where we had a beginning, what do we know now ? For memory shakes itself like
the spaniel, just
the water runs
strangely.
I

come out of
in

the waves, while

his eyes

and he looks very

believe I can even yet

remember when

I

saw the
seen
as

stars for the first time.

They may have
it

me

often before, but one evening
I

seemed

if it

were cold. Although

lay in

my mother's
me which

lap, I

shivered and was chilly, or I was fright-

ened.

In short, something came over

reminded
manner.
bright

me

of

my
I

little

Then my
stars,

no ordinary Ego mother showed me the
in

and

wondered

at

them, and

thought

that she

had made them very beauti-

A STORY OF GERMAN LOVE.
fully.

23

Then

I felt

warm

again,

and could

sleep

well.

Furthermore,

I

remember how

I

once lay

in

the grass and everything about

me

tossed and
there

nodded,

hummed and
great
creatures,

buzzed.
little,
lit

Then

came a

swarm of
which

myriad-footed,

winged and eyes and

upon
day."

my

forehead

said,

"Good
I

Immediately
mother, and

my

eyes smarted, and
"
:

cried to

my

she said

Poor
"
I

little

one,

how

the gnats have

stung him
the

!

could not open

blue sky any longer, but
fresh violets
in

my eyes or see my mother had
it

a

bunch of
as
if

her hand, and

seemed

a dark-blue, fresh, spicy perfume

were wafted through

my

senses.

whenever

I

see the

first violets, I

Even now, remember this,

and

it

seems to

me

that I

must close

my

eyes so

that the old dark-blue

heaven of that day may
another

again

rise

over

my
do

soul.
I

Still

further

remember, how,

at

time, a

new world

disclosed itself to

me

more

beautiful than the star-world or the violet per-

24
fume.
It

FIRST MEMORY.

was on an Easter morning, and IT* mother had dressed me early. Before the win-

dow
but

stood our old church.
still it

It

was not

beautiful,

had a

lofty roof and tower, and on the
it

tower a golden cross, and
older and

appeared very much
I

grayer than the other buildings.
in
it,

wondered who lived
through the

and once
It

I

looked in
entirely

iron-grated door.

was

empty, cold and dismal.

There was not even
after that I

one soul

in the

whole building, and
I
it

always shuddered when

passed the door.

But
and

on

this

Easter morning,

had rained

early,

when

the sun

came out

in full splendor, the old roof, the

church with the gray sloping

high win-

dows and the tower with the golden cross glistened with a wondrous shimmer. All at once
the light which streamed through the lofty win-

dows began
and

to

move and
that

glisten.

It

was so

intensely bright
within,

one could

have looked

as I closed

my

eyes the light entered

my

and therein everything seemed to shed It brilliancy and perfume, to sing and to ring.
soul

A STORY OF GERMAN LOVE.
seemed
to

25

me

a

new

life

had commenced

in

myself and that I was another being, and when
I
it

asked

my mother
What
time

what

it

meant, she replied
in the

was an Easter song they were singing
bright, holy

church.
at

song

it

was, which

that

surged through

my
It

soul, I

have

never been able to discover.

must have been

an old church hymn,

like

those which

many

a
I

time stirred the rugged soul of our Luther.

never heard

it

again, but

many

a time even

now

when

I

hear an adagio of Beethoven's, or a

psalm of Marcellus, or a chorus of Handel's,
or a simple song in the Scotch Highlands or the
Tyrol,
it

seems to

me

as if the lofty

church win-

dows again glistened and the organ-tones once more surged through my soul, and a new world
revealed
itself

more beautiful than the

starry

heavens and the violet perfume.

These things I remember in my earliest childhood, and intermingled with them are my dear
mother's looks, the calm,
father,

earnest

gaze of
soft

my

gardens and vine

leaves,

and

green

26

FIRST MEMORY.
and a very old and quaint picture-book
this is all I

turf,

and

can recall of the

first

scattered

leaves of

my

childhood.
it

Afterwards

grows

brighter

and

clearer.

Names and
mother, but
teachers,

faces appear

not only father and
sisters,

brothers and

friends
people.

and

and a multitude of strange
is

Ah

!

yes, of these strange people there

so

much

re-

corded

in

memory.

SECOND MEMORY.

SECOND MEMORY.

NOT

from our house, and opposite the old church with the golden cross, stood a
far

large building, even larger than the church,

and

having many towers.

They looked exceedingly

gray and old and had no golden cross, but stone eagles tipped the summits and a great white and blue banner fluttered from the highest tower, directly over the lofty

doorway

at the top of the

steps, where, on either side, two mounted soldiers

stood sentinels.

The

building had

many winOld

dows, and behind the windows you could distinguish red silk curtains with golden tassels.

lindens encircled the grounds, which, in summer,

overshadowed the gray masonry with their green leaves and bestrewed the turf with their fragrant
white blossoms.
at
I

had often looked

in there,

and

evening when

the lindens exhaled their per-

30

SECOND MEMORY.
I

fumes and the windows were illuminated,

saw

many figures pass and repass like shadows.
sic

Mu-

swept

down from on

high,

and carriages drove

up, from which ladies and gentlemen alighted and ascended the stairs. They all looked so
beautiful

and good!
breasts,

The gentlemen had
and the
I

stars

upon

their

ladies

wore fresh
thought,

flowers in

their

hair; and

often

Why do
said
"
:

I

not go there too?
father took

One day my

me by
;

the

hand and

We

are going to the castle
if

but you must

be very polite
kiss
I

the Princess speaks to you, and

her hand."

was about

six years of

age and as delighted
I

as only one can be at six years of age.

had

already indulged in

many

quiet fancies about the

had seen evenings through the lighted windows, and had heard many good
I

shadows which

things at

home
;

of the beneficence of the Prince
gracious they were
;

and Princess

how

how much

help and consolation they brought to the poor

and

sick

;

and that they had been chosen by the

A STORY OF GERMAN LOVE.
grace of
the bad.

31

God
I

good and punish had long pictured to myself what
to protect the

transpired in the castle, so that the Prince

and

Princess were already old acquaintances
I

whom

knew

as well as

my

nut-crackers and leaden

soldiers.

My
stairs

heart beat quickly as I ascended the high

with

my

father,

and

me

I

must

call the Princess

just as "

he was

telling

Highness," and the

Prince

"Serene
I

opened and

Highness," the folding-door saw before me a tall figure with

brilliantly piercing eyes.

She seemed
to

to

advance

and

stretch out her

hand

me.

There was an

expression on her countenance which 1 had long

known, and a heavenly smile played about her
cheeks.
I

could restrain myself no longer, and

while

my
I

father stood at the door

bowing very

low

knew not why
I

my

heart sprang into

my my

throat.

ran to the beautiful lady, threw
I

my

arms round her neck and kissed her as
mother.

would

The

beautiful, majestic lady will-

ingly submitted,

stroked

my

hair

and smiled:

32
but

SECOND MEMORY.
my
me
father took

my
I

hand, led

me

away, and

said I

was very rude, and that he should never
there again.

take

grew utterly bewildered.

The blood mounted

to

my

cheeks, for I
to

felt

that

my

father

had been unjust

me.

I

looked at

the Princess as if she ought to shield me, but

upon her face was only an expression of mild earnestness. Then I looked round upon the

and gentlemen assembled in the room, believing that they would come to my defense.
ladies

But as

I

looked, I saw that they were laughing.

Then

the tears sprang into

my

eyes,

and out of

the door,

down

the stairs, and past the lindens in

the castle yard, I rushed

home, where

I

threw

myself into
wept.

my

mother's arms and sobbed and

"What

has happened to you?" said she.
I

"Oh! mother!"
Princess',

cried;

"I was

at

the

and she was such a good and beautiful woman, just like you, dear mother, that I had to
throw

my

arms round her neck and
said

kiss her."

"Ah!"

my mother; "you

should not

A STORY OF GERMAN LOVE.
have done
that, for

33

they are strangers and high

dignitaries."

"And what
"

then
all

are

strangers?"

said

I.

May

I

not love

people

who

look upon

me

with affectionate and friendly eyes?"

"You can
"
Is
it

love

them,

my

son," replied
it."

my

mother, "but you should not show

then something wrong for
I.

me

to love

people?" said

"Why

cannot

I

show

it?"

"Well, perhaps you

are right," said she,
says,

"but

you must do as your father

and when you

are older you will understand

why you cannot

embrace every woman who regards you with affectionate and friendly eyes."

That was a sad day. Father came home, agreed I had been very uncivil. At night my
mother put me to bed, and I prayed, but I could not sleep, and kept wondering what these strange people were, whom one must not love.

Thou poor human
3

heart!

So soon

in the

spring are thy leaves broken and the feather*

34

SECOND MEMORY.
When
the spring-red of
soul,
it

torn from the wings!
life

opens the hidden calyx of the fumes our whole being with love.

per-

We

learn to

stand and to walk, to speak and to read, but no

one teaches us
life,

love.
is

It is

inherent in us like

they say, and

the very deepest foundation

of our existence.
cline to

As

the heavenly bodies inwill

and

attract

each other, and

always

cling together
tion,

by the everlasting law of gravitaso heavenly souls incline to and attract
will

each other, and

always cling together by the

everlasting law of love.

A

flower cannot bloslive with-

som without
out love.
despair

sunshine, and

man cannot

Would
the
if

not the child's heart break in
first

when
it,

cold storm of the world
sunlight of love from

sweeps over

the

warm

the eyes of mother

and father did not shine

upon him like the soft reflection of divine light and love? The ardent yearning, which then
awakes
love.
in
It

the child,
is

is

the purest and deepest

the love which embraces the whole

world, which shines resplendent wherever the

A STORY OF GERMAN LOVE.
eyes of

35

ever

it

hears the

men beam upon human
;

it,

which exults wherIt
is

voice.

the old,

immeasurable love

a deep well which no plum-

met has ever sounded; a fountain of perennial richness. Whoever knows it also knows that in
love there
is

no More and no Less

;

but that he

who

loves can only love with the whole heart,
all his

and with the whole sou'; with and with all his will.
But, alas,

strength

how

little

remains of this love by

the time

we have

finished one-half of our lifethat there are

journey!
strangers,

Soon the child learns
and ceases
to

be a child.

The

spring

of love becomes hidden and soon

filled up.

Our

eyes gleam no more, and heavy-hearted we pass one another in the bustling streets. We scarcely
greet each other, for

we know how

sharply

it

cuts

the soul

when a
it

greeting
is

remains unanswered,

and how sad

to

be sundered from those

whom we
we have
their

have once greeted, and whose hands
clasped.

The wings

of the soul lose
fast
fall

plumes; the leaves of the flower

36
off

SECOND MEMORY.

and wither; and of this fountain of love remain but a few drops. We still call these few drops love, but it is no longer the
there
clear, fresh,

all-abounding child-love.

It is

love

with anxiety and trouble, a consuming flame, a

burning passion; love which wastes
rain-drops

itself

like
is

upon the hot sand

;

love which

a

longing, not a sacrifice; love which says "Wilt

thou be mine," not love which says, " I must be
thine."
It
is is

a most

selfish,

vacillating

love.

poets sing and in which young men and maidens believe; a fire which burns up and down, yet does not warm,
this

And

the love which

and leaves nothing behind but smoke and ashes. All of us at some period of life have believed
that these rockets of
love,

sunbeams were everlasting
glitter,

but the brighter the
follows.
all

the darker the

night which

And
we

then when

around grows dark, when
all

feel utterly alone,

when

men

right

and

left

pass us by and

know

us not, a forgotten feeling

rises in the breast.

We know

not what

it is,

for

A STORY OF GERMAN LOVE.
it

37
feel like

is

neither love nor friendship.
to

You

crying
strange:

him who passes you so cold and "Dost thou not know me?" Then
that

one

realizes

man
old,

is

nearer to

man

than

brother to brother, father to son, or friend to
friend.

How

an

holy saying rings through

our

souls, that strangers are nearest to us.

Why
not,
trains

must we pass them in silence? but must resign ourselves to it.
are rushing

We know
When two
and thou

by upon the iron

rails

seest

a well-known eye that would
stretch out thy

recognize thee,

hand and

try to grasp the

hand

of a friend, and perhaps thou wilt understand

why man

passes

man
:

in silence here below.

An

old sage says

"

wrecked boat

floating

saw the fragments of a on the sea. Only a few
I

meet and hold together a long time. Then comes a storm and drives them east and west,

and here below they
it

will

never meet again.

So

is

with mankind.

Yet no one has seen the

great shipwreck."

THIRD MEMORY

THIRD MEMORY.
clouds in the sky of childhood do not
Jlast long,

and disappear

after a short,

warm
and

tear-rain.

was shortly again the Princess gave me her hand
I

at the castle,

to kiss

and then

young princes and and we played together, as if we had princesses, known each other for years. Those were happy
brought her children, the
days when, after school
ing school
I

for I

was now attend-

could go to the castle and play.

We

I had everything the heart could wish. found playthings there which my mother had

shown me

in the

shop-windows, and which were

so dear, she told me, that poor people could live

a whole week on what they

cost.

When

I

begged home and show them
fectly willing.
I

the

Princess' permission
to

to

take them

my

mother, she was per-

could turn over and over and

42

THIRD MEMORY.

look for hours at a time at beautiful picture
books, which
I

had seen

in the

book

stores with for very

my
the

father,

but which were

made only
also to
I

good

children.

Everything which belonged to

young princes belonged
I

me

so I

thought, at least.

Furthermore,

was not only
In

allowed to carry away what

wished, but I often

gave away the playthings to other children.
short, I

of the term.
cess

was a young Communist, in the full sense I remember at one time the Prin-

had a golden snake which coiled itself around her arm as if it were alive, and she gave it to us for a plaything. As I was going home I
put the snake on
give

my arm and
real

thought I would
it.

my

mother a
I

fright with

On

the

way, however,

met a woman who noticed the

snake and begged
she said
if

me

to

show

it

to her

;

and then

she could only keep the golden snake,

she could release her husband from prison with
it.

Naturally

I

did not stop to think for a minleft

ute,

but ran away and

the

the

golden

serpent-bracelet.

woman The

alone with

next

day

A STORY OF GERMAN LOVE.
there was

43

much

excitement.

The poor woman

was brought to the castle and the people said she had stolen it. Thereupon I grew very angry and
explained with holy zeal that
bracelet and that
I

had given her the would not take it back again.
I

What

further occurred I

know

not,

but

I

remem-

ber that after that time, I showed the Princess
everything
It
I

took

home with me.

was a long time before my conceptions of Meum and Tuum were fully settled, and at a
very late period they were at times confused, just
as
it

was a long time before

I could distinguish

between the blue and red
I

colors.

The

last

time

me on this my account was when my mother gave me some money to buy apples. She gave me a groschen. The apples cost only a sechser, and when I gave the woman the groschen, she said, very sadly as
remember
friends laughing at
to me, that she had sold nothing the whole livelong day and could not give me back a sechser. She wished I would buy a groschen "s worth. Then it occurred to me that I also had
it

seemed

44
a sechser in
that I
to the

THIRD MEMORY.

my

pocket, and thoroughly delighted
difficult

had solved the

problem,

I

gave

it

woman and

said

"
:

Now

you can give

me

back a sechser."

She understood

me

so

little

however that she gave me back the groschen and
kept the sechser.

At

this time, while I

was making almost daily
at the castle,

visits to the

young princes
study

both to

play as well as to

French with them,

another image comes up in

my memory.

It

was

the daughter of the Princess, the Countess Marie.

The mother
child

died shortly after the birth of the

ond
first

time.

and the Prince subsequently married a secI know not when I saw her for the

She emerges from the darkness of memory slowly and gradually at first like an airy shadow which grows more and more distinct
time.

as

it

approaches nearer and nearer, at

last

stand-

ing before

my
face.

soul like the

moon, which on some

stormy night throws back the cloud-veils from
across
its

ing and

silent,

and

She was always sick and I never saw her except

suffer-

reclin-

A STORY OF GERMAN LOVE.
ing upon her couch,

4$

brought her into
again,

upon which two servants the room and carried her out
tired.

when she was

There she

lay in her

flowing white drapery, with her hands generally
folded.

Her

face

was so pale and yet so mild,

and her eyes so deep and unfathomable, that I often stood before her lost in thought and
looked upon her and asked myself
if

she was not

one of the

"

"

strange people

also.

Many

a time
it

she placed her hand upon

my

head and then
all

seemed

to

me

that a thrill ran through

my

limbs and that I could not

move

or speak, but

must forever gaze into her deep, unfathomable She conversed very little with us, but eyes.
watched our
sports,

and when

at times

we grew

very noisy and quarrelsome, she did not complain but held her white

hands over her brow
if

and closed her eyes

as

sleeping.

But there

were days when she said she felt better, and on such days she sat up on her couch, conversed
with us and told us curious stories.
I

do not

know how

old she was at that time.

She was so

46

THIRD MEMORY.
seemed
silent

helpless that she
no serious

like

a child, and yet was

and

that she could not have

been one.
involuntarily
"

When
spoke

people alluded to her they
gently

and

softly.

They

called her

the angel," and I never heard any-

thing said of her that was not good and lovely.

Often when
less,

saw her lying so silent and helpand thought that she would never walk
I
life,

again in

that there

was

for her neither

work

nor

joy, that they

would carry her here and there
asked myself why she

upon her couch until they laid her upon her
eternal

bed of

rest,

I

had been sent

into this world,

when she could

have rested so gently on the bosom of the angels and they could have borne her through the air

on

their white wings, as I

had seen

in

some

sacred pictures.

Again

I felt as if I

must take

a part of her burden, so that she need not carry
it

alone, but

we with knew
it

her.

I

could not

tell

her

all this for I

indefinable feeling.

was not proper. I had an It was not a desire to emthat, for
it

brace her.

No

one could have done

A STORY OF GERMAN LOVE.
would have wronged
I

47
as if

her.

It

seemed

to

me

could pray from the very bottom of

my

heart

that she might be released from her burden.

spring day she was brought into She looked exceedingly pale; but her eyes were deeper and brighter than ever, and she sat upon her couch and called us to her.

One warm

our room.

"

It is

my

birth-day," said she,

"

and

I

was conpossible,"

firmed early this morning.
"

Now,

it is

she continued as she looked upon her father

with a smile,
I

that

God may soon

call

me

to him,

would gladly remain with you much although But if I am to leave you, I desire that longer.
you should not wholly forget me and, therefore, I have brought a ring for each of you, which you
;

must now place upon the

fore-finger.
it

As you
until
it

grow older you can continue to change
fits

it

the

little

finger; but

you must wear

for

your

lifetime."
five rings
off,

With these words she took the
wore upon her
fingers,

she

which she drew

one

after the other, with a look so sad

and yet so

48
affectionate,

THIRD MEMORY.
that I pressed

my

eyes closely to

keep from weeping.

She gave the first ring to her eldest brother and kissed him, the second

and

third to the two princesses,

and the fourth
all

to the youngest prince,

and kissed them
I

as

she gave them the rings.

stood near by, and,

looking fixedly at her white hand, saw that she
still had a ring upon her finger but she leaned back and appeared wearied. My eyes met hers, and as the eyes of a child speak so loudly, she
;

must have

easily

known my

thoughts.

I

would

rather not have
;

had the

last ring, for I felt that I

was a stranger that I did not belong to her, and that she was not as affectionate to me as to her
brothers and
in
sisters.
if

Then came a sharp pain
I

my

breast as

a vein had burst or a nerve

had been severed, and
turn to conceal

knew not which way

to

my

anguish.

She soon raised herself again, placed her hand upon my forehead and looked down into

my

heart so

deeply that
to her.

I

felt

I

had not a

thought invisible

She slowly drew the

A STORY OF GERMAN LOVE.
last ring

49
said

from her

finger,

gave

it

to

me and

:

"

I

intended to have taken this with me,

when

I

went from you, but it is better you should wear it and think of me when I am no longer with
you.

Read

the words engraved

upon the

ring:

'As

God
Then

wills.'

You have
life

a passionate heart,

easily
it."

moved.

May

subdue but not harden
as she

she kissed
ring.

me

had her brothers

and gave me the
All

my

feelings I

do not

truly

know.

I

had

then grown up to boyhood, and the mild beauty
of the suffering angel could not linger in

my

young heart without

alluring

it.

I

loved her as

only a boy can love, and boys love with an intensity

in

and truth and purity which few preserve their youth and manhood but I believed she
;

belonged

to the

"

"

strange people

to

whom you
unI

are not allowed to speak of love.

I scarcely

derstood the earnest words she spoke to me.
only
felt

that her soul

was as near

to

mine

as

one

human

soul can be to another.

All bitterness

was gone from

my

heart.

I felt

myself no longer

50
alone,
I

THIRD MEMORY.
no longer a
stranger,

no longer shut
I

out.
it

was by her, with her and in her. might be a sacrifice for her to give

thought

me

the ring,

and that she might have preferred to take it to the grave with her, and a feeling arose in my
soul which overshadowed
all
:

other feelings, and
"

I said with quivering voice

Thou must keep
it

the ring
for

if
is

thou dost not wish to give
thine
is

to

what

mine."

She looked

at

me me a
;

moment

surprised and thoughtfully.
it

Then she

took the ring, placed

on her

finger, kissed

me

once more on the forehead, and said gently to " Thou knowest not what thou sayest. me
:

Learn to understand

thyself.

Then

shalt

thou

be happy and make many others happy."

FOURTH MEMORY.

FOURTH MEMORY.
~T~*VERY life has --' gresses as on
its

years in which one pro-

a tedious and dusty street of

poplars, without caring to

know where he

is.,

Of

these years nought remains in

sad feeling that

memory we have advanced and only
life

but the

grown

older.
it

V/hile the river of

glides along

smoothly,

remains the same river; only the

landscape on either bank seems to change.

But

then come the cataracts of
fixed in

life.

They

are firmly

memory, and even when we are past them and far away, and draw nearer and nearer
to the silent sea of eternity,

even then

it

seems
roar.

as if

we heard from

afar their rush

and

We

feel that the life-force
still

impels us onward

which yet remains and has its source and supply

from those cataracts.

54

FOURTH MEMORY.
School time was ended, the
life
first fleeting

)

years

of university

were over, and many beautiful
,'

life-dreams were over also.
still

But one of them
Other-

remained
life

:

Faith in

G6d and man.

wise

would have been circumscribed within
Instead of that, a nobler
all,

one's narrow brain.

consecration had preserved
painful

and even the
life

and incomprehensible events of
to

be-

came a proof
divine
in

me

of the omnipresence of the

the earthly.

"The

least

important
wills it."

thing does not happen except as

God
I

This was the brief
mulated.

life-wisdom

had accu-

During the summer holidays
little

I

returned to

my

native city.
!

What

joy in these meetings
it,

again

No

one has explained

but in

this see-

ing and finding again, and in these self-memories,
lie

the real secrets of
see,

all

joy and pleasure.
first

What

we

hear or taste for the

time

may be

beautiful,
It

grand and agreeable, but it is too new. overpowers, but gives no repose, and the
is

fatigue of enjoying

greater than the enjoyment

A STORY OF GERMAN LOVE.
itself.

55

To

hear again, years afterward, an old

melody, every note of which we supposed we had
forgotten,

and yet
;

to recognize

it

as

an old acto
at

quaintance

or, after the lapse of

stand once more before the Sistine

many years, Madonna

Dresden, and experience afresh all the emotions which the infinite look of the child aroused in us
for years
;

or to smell a flower or taste a dish again

which we have not thought of since childhood all these produce such an intense charm that we

do not know which we enjoy most, the actual So when we return pleasure or the old memory.
again, after long absence, to our birth-place, the

soul floats unconsciously in a sea of memories,

and the dancing waves dreamily

toss themselves

upon

the shores of times long passed.

The
be

bel-

fry clock strikes

and we

fear

we

shall

late to

school,

and recovering from
is

this fear feel relieved

that our anxiety

over.

along the street on whose account
far out of

The same dog we used

runs
to go

our way.

Here

sits

the old huckster

whose apples often led us

into temptation,

and

56

FOURTH MEMORY.

even now, we fancy they must taste better than
all

other apples in the world, notwithstanding the

dust on them.

There one has torn down a house

and

built

a new one.

Here the old music-

teacher lived.
tiful it

He
as

seemed

and yet how beauwe stood and listened on sumis

dead

mer evenings under the window while Soul, when the hours of the day were
tasies, like the

the

True

over, in-

dulged in his own enjoyment and played fanroaring and hissing engine letting

off the

steam which has accumulated during the

day.

Here

in this little leafy lane,

which seemed

at that time

so

much

home

late

one evening,

beautiful daughter.

was coming met our neighbor's At that time I had never
larger, as I
I

ventured to look at or address her, but we schoolchildren often spoke of her and called her
"

the

Beautiful Maiden," and whenever I saw her pass-

ing along the street at a distance I was so happy
that I could only think of the time

when

I

should

meet her nearer.

Here

in this leafy
I

walk which

leads to the church-yard,

met her one evening

A STORY OF GERMAN LOVE.
and she took

57

me by

the arm, although

we had

never spoken together before, and asked

me

to

go home

with her.

I believe neither
;

of us spoke

a word the whole way

but

I

even now, after

all

these years, I wish

was so happy that it were that
again, silently

evening, and that I could go

home

and

blissfully,

with

"

the Beautiful Maiden."
follows another until the

Thus one memory

waves dash together over our heads, and a deep sigh swells the breast, which warns us that we
have forgotten to breathe in the midst of these
pure thoughts.

Then

all

at

once,

the whole

dream-world vanishes,
crowing of the cock.

like uprisen ghosts at the

As

I

passed by the old castle and the lindens,
their

and saw the

sentinels upon memories awakened in many everything had changed
!

horses,

how
had

my

soul,

and how

Many

years

flown since I was at the castle.

The

Princess

was dead.

The

Prince had given up his rule

with

and gone back to Italy, and the oldest prince, whom I had grown up, was regent. His

58

FOURTH MEMORY.

companions were young noblemen and officers, whose intercourse was congenial to him, and

whose company
estranged
to
us.

in our early days had often Other circumstances combined

weaken our young

friendship.

Like every

young man who
defects of

perceives for the first time the

lack of unity in the

German

folk-life,

and the

German

rule, I

had caught up some

phrases of the Liberal party, which sounded as
strangely at court as unseemly expressions in an

honest minister's family.
years since I

was many had ascended those stairs, and yet
In short,
it

a being dwelt in that castle whose name

I

had

named

almost daily, and

who was
I

almost con-

stantly present in

my memory.

had long dwelt
into an

upon the thought
again in this
life.

that I should never see her

She was transformed

image which I felt neither did nor could exist in reality She had become my good angel

my

other

self,

to

whom

I

talked instead of talkI

ing with myself.

How

she became so

could
her.

not explain to myself, for I scarcely

knew

A STORY OF

GERMAN

LOVE.

59

Just as the eye sometimes pictures figures in the
clouds, so I fancied

my

imagination had con-

jured up

this

sweet image in the heaven of

my

childhood, and a complete picture of phantasy

developed

itself

out of the scarcely perceptible

outlines of reality.
untarily

My

entire thought
her,

had

invol-

become a dialogue with

and

all

that

was good in me, all for which I struggled, all in which I believed, my entire better self, belonged
to her.
I

gave

it

to .her.

I received

it

from

her,
I

from her

my good
at

angel.

had been

home but

a few days, when I
It

received a letter one morning.
in English,

was written
:

and came from the Countess Marie
I

Dear Friend:
time.

hear you are with us for a short

We

have not met for
I

many

years,

and

if

it

is

agreeable to you,
again.

should like to see an old friend

You

will find

me

alone this afternoon in the
sincerely,

Swiss Cottage.

Yours

MARIE.
I

immediately replied, also in English, that I
call in the afternoon.

would

5o

FOURTH MEMORY.
The
Swiss Cottage constituted a wing of the which overlooked the garden, and could

castle,

be reached without going
yard.
It

through the castle
I

was

five o'clock

when

passed through
I re-

the garden and approached the cottage.

pressed

all

emotion and prepared myself for a
I

formal meeting.
angel,

sought to quiet

and to assure

her

that this

good lady had
listen to

my

nothing to do with her.
uneasy, and
counsel.

And

yet I felt very

my

good angel would not
I

Finally

took

courage, murmuring

something to myself about the masquerade of life, and rapped on the door, which stood ajar.

There was no one

in the

room except a lady

whom
in a

I

did not know, and

who

likewise spoke

English, and said the Countess would be present

moment.

She then

left,

and

I

was alone,

and had time

to look about.

The

walls of the

room were of

rose-chestnut,

and over an openwork trellis, a luxuriant broadleaved ivy twined around the whole room. All
the tables and chairs were of carved rose-chest-

A STORY OF GERMAN LOVE.
nut.

61

The

floor

was of variegated woodwork.

It

gave

me

a curious sensation to see so
in the

much

that

was familiar

room.

Many

articles

from

our old play-room in the castle were old friends,
but the others were new, especially the pictures,

and yet they were the same as those in my Unithe same portraits of Beethoven, versity room Handel and Mendelssohn, as I had selected

hung over the grand piano. In one corner I saw the Venus di Milo, which I always regarded as
the masterpiece of antiquity.
"

On

the table were

volumes of Dante, Shakspeare, Tauler's Sermons,
the

German Theology," Ruckert's Poems, Ten-

" nyson and Burns, and Carlyle's Past and Presall of which I had the very same books ent,"

had but recently

in

my

hands.

thoughtful, but I repressed

my

was growing thoughts and was
I

just standing before the portrait of the

deceased

Princess,

when

the door opened, and the same
I

two servants,

whom

had

so often seen in child-

hood, brought the Countess into the

room upon

her couch.

62

FOURTH MEMORY.
What a
vision
!

She spoke not a word, her countenance was as placid as the sea, until
the
servants
left

the

room.

Then her

eyes

sought

me

the old, deep, unfathomable eyes.

Her
At

expression grew more animated each instant.

last

her whole face

lit

up,

and she said
;

:

"We

are old friends
I

I believe

we have not
if I

changed.

cannot say 'You,' and

may

not

say 'Thou,' then

we must speak

in English.

Do

you understand
I

me?"

saw here was no masquerade

had not anticipated such a reception, for I here was a soul
longed
for

which

another soul

here was a

greeting like that

between two friends who rec-

ognize each other by the glance of the eye, not-

withstanding
I seized the

their

disguises

and dark masks.
to

hand she held out

me, and

re-

"

plied

:

When we
yet

address an angel,

we cannot

say 'You.'"

And

how

singular
life
!

is

the influence of the

forms and habits of

How

difficult it is to

speak the language of nature even to the most

A STORY OF GERMAN LOVE.
congenial souls
!

63

Our conversation

halted,

and

both of us
I

felt

the embarrassment of the

moment.
:

broke the silence and spoke out

my

thoughts

"

Men become
as
it

accustomed

to live

from youth

up

were in a cage, and when they are once
air they

in the

open

dare not venture to use their
fly,

wings,
"
I

fearing, if

they

that they

may stumble
very proper
often wishes
fly in

against everything."

Yes," replied she,

"

and that

is

ancl

cannot well be otherwise.

One

that he could live like the birds

which

the

woods, and meet upon the branches and sing
together without being presented to each other.
But,

my

friend,

even among the birds there are
life it is

owls and sparrows, and in
c'Xi

well that one

pass them without knowing them. It is sometimes with life as with poetry. As the real

poet can express the Truest and most Beautiful,

although

fettered

by metrical
to preserve

form,

so

man

should

know how
/

freedom of thought

and

feeling

notwithstanding the restraints of

society."

64
I

FOURTH MEMORY.
could
not
help
recalling

the
itself

words

of

Platen:

"That which proves
all
is

everlasting
fetters

under
words,

circumstances,

told

in

the

of

the unfettered spirit."
she,

"Yes," said
playful smile
at
;

with
I

a

cordial

but

sweetly
is

" but

have a privilege which

the

same time

my

burden and loneliness.
maidens, for

I

often pity the

young men and

they

cannot have a friendship or an intimacy without
their relatives or themselves

pronouncing
lose

it

love,
this

or what they call love.
account.

They

much on

The maiden knows

not what slumbers

in her soul,

earnest conversation with a noble

and what might be awakened by friend and
;

the

young man

in turn

knightly virtue

if

would acquire so much women were suffered to be the

distant witnesses of the inner struggles of the
spirit.

It will

not do, however, for immediately

love

comes

in play, or

what they

call love

the

quick beating of the heart
of hope

the stormy billows the

the delight over a beautiful face

sweet

sentimentality

sometimes also prudent

A STORY OF GERMAN LOVE.
calculation
sea,

65

in short, all that troubles the
is

calm

which
"

the true picture of pure

human

love

sion of pain passed over her countenance.

She checked herself suddenly, and an expres"I
"
;

dare not talk more to-day," said she
cian will not allow
it.

my physihear one

I

would

like to

of Mendelssohn's songs

that duet,

which
Is
it

my
not

young
so?"
I

friend used to play years ago.

could not answer, for as she ceased speak-

ing and gently folded her hands, I saw upon her hand a ring. She wore it on her little finger
the ring which she

given her.
ance,

had given me and Thoughts came too fast for
seated
I

I

had

utter-

and

I

myself at the
I

piano and

played.

When

had done,

turned around

and said: "Would one could only speak thus in tones without words!"

"That
it all.

is

possible," said she;

"I understood

But

for every

must not do anything more to-day, day I grow weaker. We must be better
I

66

FOUR TH MEMOR Y.
a poor sick recluse

acquainted, and

may

cer-

tainly claim forbearance.

We

meet to-morrow

evening, at the same hour; shall
I seized her

we not?"
to kiss
it
it,

hand and was about
firmly,

but she held
said:

my hand

pressed

and

"It

is

better thus.

Good

bye."

FIFTH MEMORY.

FIFTH MEMORY.
would be
difficult to

describe

ITand
cannot

my

thoughts

emotions as I went home.
at

The

soul

once translate

itself perfectly in

words,

" and there are thoughts without words," which in every man are the prelude of supreme joy and
suffering.
It

was neither joy nor pain, only an
felt
;

indescribable bewilderment which I
flew through

thoughts

my

innermost being like meteors,

which shoot from heaven towards earth but are
extinguished before they reach the goal.

As we
she."

sometimes say

in a

dream,
thou

"

I

am
" "

dreaming," so
it

I said to myself

"

livest

is

I

tried again to reflect and calm myself, and said, " She is a lovely vision a very wonderful spirit."

At another

time, I pictured the delightful even-

ings I should pass during the holidays.

But no,

70

FIFTH MEMORY.
She
is

no, this cannot be.

everything I sought,

thought, hoped and believed.

Here was

at last

a

human

soul, as clear

and

fresh as a spring

morning.

I

had seen

at the first glance

what she

was and how she

felt,

and we had greeted and

recognized one another.

And my good
more.

angel in

me, she answered

and

I felt

She was gone there was no place on earth where I
for I

me no

should find her again.

Now

began a beautiful

life,

was with her

every evening.

We

soon realized that we were

in truth old acquaintances

and that we could
It

only

call

each other Thou.

seemed

also as if

we had
find

lived near

for she manifested not
its

and with one another always, an emotion that did not

counterpart in

my
as

soul,

and there was no

thought which

I uttered to

which she did not
as to

nod

friendly

assent,
I

much

say:

"I

had previously heard the thought greatest master of our time and his sister extemso too."

porize on the piano, and scarcely

how two

persons

could

understand

comprehended and feel

A STORY OF GERMAN LOVE.

71

themselves so perfectly and yet never, not even
in

a single note, disturb the harmony of their

playing.

Now

it

became

intelligible to
first

me/

Yes,

now

I

understood for the

time that

mysbul

was not so poor and empty as it had seemed to me, and that it had been only the sun that was
lacking to open
light.
it

And

germs and buds to the yet what a sad and brief spring-time
all
its
!

was that our souls experienced We forget in T-> May that roses so soon wither, but here every
evening reminded us that one leaf after another

was
did,

falling to the

ground.
to
it

She

felt

it

before I

and alluded

apparently without pain,

and our interviews grew more earnest and solemn
daily.

One
said
"
:

evening, as I was about
I

to leave, she

did not think I should grow so old.

When
day
I

I

gave you the ring on
I

my

confirmation

thought

should have to take
all,

my

de-

parture

from you

very soon.

And

yet I

have lived so many years, and enjoyed so
beauty

much

and

suffered so very much.'

But one

72
forgets that!

FIFTH MEMORY.
Now, while
every
I

feel

that

my Do
I

de-

parture

is

near,

hour,

every

minute, not

Good night! grows precious to me. come too late to-morrow."
One day
as I

went into her room,

met an

Italian painter with her.

She spoke

Italian with

him, and although he was evidently more artisan than artist, she addressed him with such amiability

and modesty, with such respect even, one
the true nobility of birth.

could not avoid recognizing that nobility of soul

which

is

painter had taken his leave, she said wish to show you a picture which

When to me
will

the
"
:

I

please
I

you.

The

original

is

in the gallery at Paris.
it,

read a description of
the Italian."

and have had

it

copied

by and waited my opinion.

She showed
It

me

the painting,

was a picture of a

man
The
once

of middle age, in the old

German costume.
this

expression was dreamy and resigned, and so

characteristic that
lived.

no one could doubt

man

The whole

tone of the picture in

the foreground was dark and brownish; but in

A STORY OF GERMAN LOVE.

73

the background was a landscape, and on the

horizon the

first

gleams of daybreak appeared.

I could discover nothing special in the picture,

and

produced a feeling of such satisfaction that one might have tarried to look at it for
yet
it

hours
ine

at

a time.

"

There
"
;

is

nothing like a genu-

human
"

face," said I

Raphael himself could

not have imagined a face like this."

No," said
I

she.

"

But now

I

will

tell

you

why

wished to have the picture. I read that no one knew the artist, nor whom the picture
represents.

But

it

is

very clearly a philosopher
Just such

of

the

Middle Ages.

a picture I

wanted for my gallery, for you are aware that no one knows the author of the German The'

ology,'

him.

and moreover, that we have no picture of I wished to try whether the picture of an
for our

Unknown by an Unknown would answer
German
tions

theologian,
will

and
it

if

you have no objecthe

we
'

genses

hang and the Diet of Worms,' and
'

here between the 'Albicall
it

'German Theologian.'"

FIFTH MEMORY.
"Good," said I; "but it is somewhat too vigorous and manly for the Frankforter." "That may be," replied she. "But for a suffering

and dying

life like

mine,

much

consolation
I

and strength may be derived from his book.
thank him much, for
first
it

disclosed to

me
was

for the

time the true secret of Christian doctrine
I felt that I

in all its simplicity.

free to

believe or disbelieve the old teacher, whoever he

may have
constraint

been, for his doctrines had no external

upon me;

at last
it

it

seized
to

upon me
I

with such power that
for the
first

seemed

me

knew
^It
is

time what revelation was.

precisely this fact that bars so
true Christianity,
front

many

out from

namely

:

that

its

doctrines con-

us as revelation before revelation takes

place in ourselves/} This has often given me much anxiety not that I had ever doubted the
;

truth

and

divinity of our religion, but I felt I

had

no

a belief which others had given me, and that what I had learned and received when
right to

a child, without comprehending, did not belong

A STORY OF GERMAN
to me.

.OVE.

75
as one

One can
and die

believe for us as

little

can

live

for us."

"Certainly," said I;

"therein
;

lies

the cause

of

many

hot and bitter struggles
instead

that the teach-

ings

of Christ,

of winning our hearts

gradually and irresistibly, as they

won

the hearts

of the apostles and early Christians, confront us

from the

earliest

childhood as the

infallible

law

of a mighty church, and
conditional

demand

of us an unfaith.

submission, which

they call

Doubts

arise

sooner or later in the breast of
the power of thinking and
;

every one

who has

reverence for the truth

and then even when we

are on the right road, to overcome our faith,

the terrors of doubt and unbelief arise and disturb the tranquil development of the
"
I

new

life,"

read recently in an English work," she
"

interrupted,

that truth

makes
'

revelation,

and

not revelation truth.

This perfectly expressed

what

I

found in reading the

German Theology.'
the power of
its

I read the book,

and

I

felt

truths so overwhelmingly that I

was compelled

76
to submit to

FIFTH MEMORY.
it.

The

truth

was revealed

to
I

me

;

or rather, I was revealed to myself, and
for the first time

felt

what belief meant.

The

truth

which had long slumbered in my soul belonged to me, but it was the word of the unknown
teacher which
filled

me

with

light,

illuminated
indistinct

my

inner vision, and brought out

my

presentiments in fuller clearness before

my

soul.

When
how

I

had thus experienced

for the first time
I

the

human
if

soul

can believe,

read the

Gospels as

they, too,

had been written by an
the thought as well

unknown man, and banished
as I could that they were

an inspiration from

the Holy Ghost to the apostles, in some wonderful

manner; that they had been endorsed by

the councils and proclaimed

by the church

as

the supreme authority of the alone-saving belief.

Then,

for the first time, I

understood what Chris-

tian faith

and revelation were."
wonderful," said
I,

"It

is

"that the theoloall

gians have not broken down

religion,

and

they will succeed

yet,

if

the believers

do not

4 STORY OF
seriously confront

GERMAN
:

LOVE.
'

77

no

farther.'

Thus far but them and say Every church must have its serhas been as yet no religion

vants, but

there

which the
the

Priests, the

Brahmins, the Schamins,

Bonzes, the

Lamas, the Pharisees, or the

Scribes have not corrupted and perverted.

They

wrangle and dispute in a language unintelligible
to nine-tenths of their congregations,

and instead

of permitting themselves to be inspired by the
apostles,
ration,

and of inspiring others with

their inspi-

they construct long arguments to show

that

the

Gospels must be true, because they

were written by inspired men.
a makeshift for their they

But

this is

only

own

unbelief.

How

can
a

know

that these

men were

inspired in

wonderful manner, without ascribing to themselves a
still

more wonderful

inspiration

?

There-

fore they extend the gift of inspiration to the

fathers of the church;

they attribute to them

those very things which the majority have incor-

porated in the canons of the councils
again,

;

and there

when

the question arises

how we know

78
that

FIFTH MEMORY.
of
fifty

bishops twenty-six were inspired
finally take the
infallibility

and twenty-four were not, they last desperate step, and say that
inspiration

and
the

are

inherent in the

heads

.of

church down to the present day, through the
laying on of hands, so that infallibility, majority

and

inspiration
all

make
devout

all

our convictions,

all

resignation,

intuitions,
all

superfluous.

And
city:
is

yet,

notwithstanding

these connecting
all its

links, the first

question returns in

simpliif

How
it

can

B know

that

A

is

inspired,

not equally, or even more, inspired than
is

B A?

For

of more consequence to

know

that

A

was inspired than for one's self to be inspired." "I have never comprehended this so clearly
myself," said she.
difficult
it

rBut
to

I

have often

felt

how
loves

must be

know whether one
I

who shows
imitated.

not a sign of love that could not be

And, again,
it

have thought that no

one could know

unless he

knew

love himself,

and that he could only believe in the love of another so far as he believed in his own

loveTj

A STORY OF GERMAN LOVE.
As with
the the gift of love so
Spirit.
is it

79
gift

with the
it

of

Holy

They upon whom

descended

heard a rushing from heaven as of a mighty
wind, and there appeared to them cloven tongues
like as of fire.

But the

rest

were either amazed

and perplexed, or they made sport of them and
said
"
Still,
'
:

They
as
'

are full of sweet wine.'
I

said

to
I

you,

it

is

the

'

German
seem a

Theology

to

which

am

indebted for learning

to believe in

my

belief,

and what

will

weakness to many, strengthened

me

the most;

namely, that the old master never stops to
onstrate
his

dem-

propositions

rigidly,

but

scatters

them

like a sower, in the

will fall
fold.

hope grains upon good soil and bear fruit a thousand So our Divine Master never attempted to

that

some

prove his doctrines, for the perfect conviction of
truth disdains the form of a demonstration." " Yes," I interrupted her, for I could not help

thinking of the wonderful chain of proof
Spinoza's 'Ethics,' "the straining
stration
after

in

demonthat

by Spinoza gives me the impression

8o

FIFTH MEMORY.
could not have believed in his

this acute thinker

own

doctrines with his whole heart, and that he

therefore felt the necessity

of fastening every
"
Still," I

mesh of

his net with the utmost care.

continued,

"

I

must acknowledge
'

I

do not share

this great admiration for the

German Theology,'

although
there
it,

I

owe the book many a doubt.

To me

is

a lack of the

human and

the poetical in
for reality

and of warm

feeling

and reverence

altogether.

The
is

entire mysticism

of the four-

teenth century
it first

wholesome as a preparative, but reaches solution in the divinely holy and
to
real at
life,

divinely courageous return

as

was

exemplified by Luther.

Man must

some time

in his life recognize his nothingness.
feel that

He

must

he

is

nothing of himself, that his exist-

ence, his beginning, his everlasting life are rooted
in the superearthly
is

and incomprehensible.

That
never
in the

the returning to

God which

in reality is

concluded on earth but yet leaves behind
soul a divine
ceases.

home sickness, which never But man cannot ignore the creation

again
as the

A STORY OF GERMAN LOVE.
Mystics would.

81

Although created out of nothing, and out of God, he cannot of his is, through own power resolve himself back into this noththat
ingness.

The

self-annihilation of
is

which Tauler

so often speaks

scarcely better than the sinkas the
'

human soul in Nirvana, ing away Buddhists have it. Thus Tauler says
of the
:

That

if

he by greater reverence and love could reach

the highest existence in non-existence, he
willingly sink
abyss."

would

from

his height into the deepest

But

this annihilation of the creature

was
it.

not the purpose of the Creator since he

made

'God
'not

is

transformed in man,' says Augustine,
in God.'

man

Thus mysticism should be
steels the soul

only a

fire-trial
it

which

but does not
kettle.

evaporate

like boiling

water in a

He

who

has recognized the nothingness of self ought

to recognize this self as a reflection of the actual

divine.

The German Theology
'

'

says

:

nu u
,

geflofSen it, ba
fein roeSen anber

tt

ntdfjt

roar

unb
6

at
e

ban in bent volt

Eomen, Suuber

it

ein jufal ofeer ein

glat unb

ein

82

FIFTH MEMORY.
ber ntdjt roeen
fen>er,

d)in,

tt

ober mrf)t roeen

fjat

ba ber glat u Sunnen ober in einem lterf)te." ]

ban in bem

flufSet, al

anber3, in bet

"What has

flown out

is

not real substance

and has no other reality except in the perfect; but it is an incident or a glare or a shimmer, which is no substance, and has no other reality, except in the fire from which a glare proceeds,
as in the sun or a light."
"

What

is

emitted from the divine, though

it

be only

like the reflection
itself,

from the

fire, still

has

the divine reality in

and one might almost

ask what were the
out

fire

without glow, the sun with-

light, or the Creator without the creature?

These

re
:

questions of which

it

is

said very

truthfully

[ ,,2Beldfj menfdje unb n>el<f)e creatur Begert ju erfas ren unb ju roifSen ben fjetmlicfyen rat unb ratHeu gotte, ber begert ntdfjt anber benne al Stbam tet

unb ber
"

bb'Se getet."]

to

What man or creature desires to learn and know the secret counsel and will of God

A STORY OP GERMAN LOVE.
desires nothing else but
evil spirit.

83

what

Adam

did and the

"

For

this reason,

it

should be enough for us

to feel

and

to appear that

we

are a reflection of

the divine until

we

are divine.

No
let it

one should

place under a bushel or extinguish the divine
light

which illuminates
it

us,

but

beam
it.

out,

that

may brighten and warm
a living
fire in

all

about

Then

one

feels

his veins,

and a higher

consecration for the struggle of
trivial

life.

The most
earthly

duties remind

us of God.

The

becomes
entire

divine, the temporal

eternal,
is

and our

life

a

life
is

in

God.

God
life,
'
:

not eternal

repose.

He

everlasting

which Angelus

Silesius forgets
will.'

when he

says

God

is

without

We pray
And
lo,

'
:

Thy

will

He

has no will!

my Lord and God be done,' He is an eternal silence.'"
quietly, and, after a

She listened

to

me

mo-

ment's reflection, said:

"Health and strength
but there are life-weary

belong to your faith;

84
souls,

FIFTH MEMORY.
who
long for rest and sleep, and feel so

lonely that

when they
little

fall

asleep in God, they

miss the world as
It is

as the

world misses them,
j

a foretaste of divine rest to them
;

when they

can wrap themselves in the divine and this they can do, since no tie binds them fast to earth, and

no wish troubles
rest.
'

their hearts except the wish for

Rest

is

the highest good, and were
I avert

God

not

rest,

Then would

my

gaze even from Him.'

"You do
It
is

the

German

theologian an injustice.

true he teaches the
life,

nothingness

of thd
it

external
hilated.
I

but he does not wish to see

anni-

Read me

the twenty-eighth chapter."

took the book and read, while she closed
:

her eyes and listened
[ ,,ttnb roo bit

unb

roeScntltdj rotrt,

Doretnuitge geSdjidjt in bcr nmljrljett ba tet oorbaf ber inner menSdje

in ber etnung unberoegltdj

mend)en
bent.

cr

unb bat

6en>egt
tn
e

unb got Iet ben ufern aerben oon bieem ju
unb ge<$eljen, baf bcr
ouc^ in ber
roarljeit

ufser

mufS unb ol mend)e sprint unb
a

A STORY OF
\%i,
,,\tf)

GERMAN

LOVE.

85

mil roeber

tn nodj nit sin, roeber leben ober
nicfjt

sterben, nnfsen obcr

n>ifen,

tun ober lafSen,

unb aUe
miif

ba

bisem

unb Sol

sunber aHes, bas ba in unb gescfieb/n, bo Bin icb, bereit
glidj tst,
e
i

unb gef)oram
tuenber rote."

;u,

in

Itbenbcr n)ic ober in

Unb aloe ^at ber ufcr

men^

fetn

roarumbe ober geudj,
roiffen

genuf ju sin.

Sunber aHeine bent erotgen 23on ba rotrt befannt t:: ber
ten
ol

nmrfjeit, ba

ber inner mensdje

ol unberoegli^

unb ber ufer menc^i muf unb b,at ber inner menSd)
njarumb, ba

unb
in

beroegt roerben,
beroeglifett

iner

ein

it anber

nifyB bamt

ein

muf; unb
Unb
e

ol;in, georbnet Don bent eroigen rotHen. got elber ber menc^ roere ober it, ba it

too

alo.

!a
Iid)e

merfet

man

rool in

rito.

gotltcfyem

unb u

gotltc^em liec^te

Cuc^ roa ba in it, ba it nit geit*

^oc^fart noc^ unac^tiame fri^eit ober frie gemute,

Sunber

ein gruntlose bemutigfeit unb ein niber gc= d)Iagen unb etn geSunfen berrubet gentut, unb atte

orbenligfeit
frtbe

unb

rebeligfeit,

glidjljett

unb

roar^eit,

unb genugamfeit, unb

atte

ba, baS

atten

tugenben ju geb,5rt, ba muf ba in. 3Sa e anberS 3San tt, ba it im nit rec^t, al DOT gefprodjen ift.
ret^t al

bie ober bas ^u biser etnung nit ge^elfen ober gebienen (an, alo it ouc^ nidjteS, baS e geirren ober gefjtnbern mag, benn aHeine ber menscf} mtt

86
Sinem etgen
Sol

FIFTH MEMORY.
njtflen,

ber tut im
]

bten grofen

rf)aben.

man

n)ifen."

"And when

the union takes place in truth

and becomes real, then the inner man stands henceforth immovable in the union, and God permits the outer man to be driven hither and It must and shall be thither from this to that. and is so and happen, that the outer man says 'I will neither be nor not be, also in truth
neither live nor die, neither know nor not know, and everything neither do nor leave undone which is similar to this, but I am ready and

obedient to do everything, which must and shall be done, be it passively or actively.' And thus

has the outer

man no question or desire, but to the Eternal Will. When this will be satisfy only known in truth, that the inner man shall stand
immovable, and that the outer man shall and must be moved, the inner man has a why and wherefore of his moving, which is nothing but

an
it

'

it

must and

shall

be

'

ordered by the Eternal

Will.

is the man, would be so. This is well seen in Christ. And what in the Divine Light is and from the

And

if

God

himself were or

Divine Light, has neither

spiritual

pride nor

A STORY OF GERMAN LOVE.

87

but careless license nor an independent spirit a great humility, and a broken and contrite
heart,

and
all

all

propriety and
it

and

truth,

peace and happiness,
virtues,

honesty, justice all that be-

longs to

must have.

When

it

is

otherwise, then he is not happy, as has been said. When this does not help to this union, then there is nothing which may hinder it but

man
"

alone with his

own

will,

which does him

such great harm.

That, one ought to know."
"
;

This

is

sufficient," said she

I believe

we

understand each other now.
our unknown friend says
that
still

In another place,

more unmistakably

no man

is

passive before death, and that the
is

glorified

man

like
itself

the

hand of God, which

does nothing of
like

except as

God

wills; or,

a house in which

God

dwells.

A

God-

possessed

man
it.

feels this perfectly,

but does not
in

speak of

He

treasures his

life

God
like

like

a love secret.
silver
still

It often

seems to

me

that

poplar before

my

window.

It is perfectly
stirs.

at evening,

and not a

leaf trembles or

When

the

morning

breeze rustles and

tosses

88

FIFTH MEMOR Y.
leaf,

every

the trunk with

its

branches stands

still

and immovable, and when autumn comes, though every leaf which once rustled falls to the ground and withers, the trunk waits for a new spring."
She had lived so deep a
I did not wish to disturb
it.

life

in her

world that
just re-

I

had but

from the magic and scarcely knew thoughts, whether she had not chosen the better part
leased
circle

myself with
these

difficulty

of

which could not be taken away from her; while we have so much trouble and care.

Thus every evening brought its new conversation, and with each evening, some new phase of her fathomless mind disclosed itself. She kept
no
was only thinking and feeling aloud, and what she said must have
secret from me.
talk

Her

dwelt with her

many

long years, for she poured

out her thoughts as freely as a child that picks
its

lap full of flowers

and then sprinkles them

upon

the grass.

/

I

could not disclose

my

soul to

her as freely as sKe did to me, and this oppressed

and pained me.

Yet how few can, with those

A STORY OF GERMAN LOVE.

89

continual deceptions imposed upon us by society,
called

dence, and worldly wisdom, which
entire life a

manners, politeness, consideration, prumake our

masquerade

!

/

How

few, even

when

they would, can regain the complete truth of
their existence
!

I

Love

itself

dares not speak
its

its

own language and maintain
must learn the

own

silence,

but

set phrases of the poet

and

ideal-

ize, sigh and flirt instead of freely greeting, beholding and surrendering itself. I would most " You gladly have confessed and said to her
1

:

know me

not," but

I

found that the words were
I left, I

not wholly true.

Before

gave her a vol"

ume
time,

of Arnold's poems, which I had had a short

and begged her to read the one called The Buried Life." It was my confession, and then I

kneeled at her couch and said
"

"Good

Night."

Good

Night," said she, and laid her hand upon

my
in

head, and again her touch thrilled through

every limb and the dreams of childhood uprose

could not go, but gazed into her deep unfathomable eyes until the peace of her soul

my

soul.

I

90

FIFTH MEMOR Y.
Then
I

completely overshadowed mine.

arose

and went home

in silence

and

in the night I

dreamed of the
wind roared
branches.

silver poplar

around which the
stirred

but not

a

leaf

on

its

THE BURIED
Behold, with tears
I feel a

LIFE.

Light flows our war of mocking words, and yet

my

eyes are wet
o'er

;

nameless sadness

me

roll.

Yes, yes,

we know

that

we can

jest

;

We
But

know, we know that we can smile;
there's a

something in

this breast
rest,

To which thy light words bring no And thy gay smiles no anodyne.
Give

me

thy hand, and hush awhile,

And
And.

turn those limpid eyes on mine,
let

me
is

read there, love, thy inmost soul.

Alas,

even love too weak
let it

To

unlock the heart, and

speak

?

Are even

lovers powerless to reveal

To one
I

another what indeed they feel?
of

knew the mass

men

concealed
if

Their thoughts, for fear that

revealed

A STORY OF GERMAN LOVE.
They would by other men be met With blank indifference, or with blame reproved ; I knew they lived and moved,
Tricked in disguises, alien to the rest

91

Of men and

alien to themselves

and

yet,

s

The same
Our
Even
hearts

heart beats in every

human

breast.

!

But we,

my

love

does a like spell

benumb

our voices?
if

must we too be dumb?

Ah!

well for us,

even we,
yet free

for a

moment, can

Our

hearts and have our lips unchained:
seals

For that which

them hath been deep ordained.

Fate which foresaw

How

frivolous a

By what

distractions he

baby man would be, would be possessed,
strife,

How
And
That

he would pour himself in every
well-nigh change his

own

identity,

it might keep from his capricious play His genuine self, and force him to obey, Even in his own despite, his being's law,

Bade through the deep

recesses of our breast

The unregarded River

of our Life,
its

Pursue with indiscernible flow

way;

And
The

that

we should

not see

buried stream, and seem to be

92
Eddying about

FIFTH MEMORY.
in blind uncertainty,

Though driving on with it eternally. rBut often, in the world's most crowded
Bul~~often in the din of strife,

streets,

There

rises

an unspeakable desire
life;

After the knowledge of our buried

A
A
So

thirst to

spend our

fire

and

restless force

In tracking out our true original course;
longing to inquire

Into the mystery of this heart that beats
to know wild, so deep, in us Whence our thoughts come, and where they go. And many a man in his own breast then delves,
;

But deep enough,

alas,

none ever mines

:

And we have been on many thousand lines, And we have shown on each, talent and power,
But hardly have we, for one little hour, Been on our own line, have we been ourselves;

Hardly had

skill to utter

one of

all

through our But they course on forever unexpressed. And long we try in vain to speak and act
feelings that course

The nameless

breast,

Our hidden
Is eloquent,

self,
is

well

_and what we say and, do but 'tis not true.
will

And

then

we

no moMTBe"" racked

A STORY OF GERMAN LOVE.
With inward
Of
all

93

striving,

and demand

the thousand nothings of the hour
;

Their stupefying power

Ah
Yet

!

yes,
still,

and they benumb us at our call from time to time, vague and forlorn.
:

From

the soul's subterranean depth upborne,
infinitely distant land,

As from an

Come

airs

and

floating echoes,
all
is

and convey

A

melancholy into

our day.
rare
is

Only

but this

When

a beloved hand

laid in ours,

When, jaded with the rush and Of the interminable hours,
Our

glare

eyes can in another's eyes read clear,

When
Is

our world-deafened ear

A

by the tones of a loved voice caressed, bolt is shot back somewhere in our breast,
:

And a lost pulse of feeling stirs again The eye sinks inward, and the heart lies plain, And what we mean, we say, and what we would, we know A man becomes aware of his life's flow, And hears its winding murmur, and he sees
;

The meadows where

it

glides, the sun, the breeze.

And

there arrives a lull in the hot race

94

FIFTH MEMORY.

Wherein he doth forever chase

That

flying

and

elusive

shadow, Rest;

An

air of coolness plays

upon

his face,

And an unwonted calm And then he thinks
The
Hills where his

pervades his breast.

he knows
rose,

life

And

the Sea where

it

goes

SIXTH MEMORY.

SIXTH MEMORY.
the next morning, there was a

knock

EARLY door, and my old doctor, the Hofrath, the
at

entered.

He

was the

friend, the
little

body-and-soul-

guardian of our entire

village.

seen two generations grow up.

Children

He had whom

he had brought into the world had in turn be-

come
even

fathers

and mothers, and he treated them

as his children.
in his old
I

He

himself was unmarried, and

age was strong and handsome to

look upon.

never knew him otherwise than as

he stood before

me

at that

time

;

his clear blue

eyes gleaming under the bushy brows, his flowing white hair
still full

of youthful strength, curl-

ing and vigorous.

I

can never

forget, also, his

shoes, with their silver buckles, his white stockings, his

brown
7

coat,

which always looked new,
old,

and yet seemed

to

be

and

his cane,

which

SIXTH MEMOR Y.
was the same
in childhood,
I

had seen standing by

my

bedside

when he

felt

my

pulse and presick,

scribed

my

medicines.

I

had often been

but

it

was always
I

faith in this

man which made
when my mother
I

me

well again.

never had the slightest doubt

of his ability to cure me, and
said she

must send
it

for the

Hofrath that

might

get well again,

was

as to

if

she had said she must
torn trousers.
I felt that

send for the
I I

tailor

mend my

had only to take the medicine, and must be well again.
"

How

are you,

my

child ?"

said he, as he

entered the room.
fectly well.
I

"You You must not

are not looking per-

study too much.
talk,

But

have

little

time to-day to

and only came

to tell you,

you must not go to see the Countess Marie again. I have been with her all night, and
it is

your

fault.

So be

careful, if

her

life is

dear to you, that you do not go again.

She

must leave here as soon as possible, and be
taken into the country.
It

would be best

for

A STORY OF GERMAN LOVE.
you also
to travel
for a

99

long time.

So good
his

morning, and be a good child." With these words, he gave

me

hand,

looked at

me

affectionately in the eyes, as if

he
his

would exact the promise, and then went on

way
I

to look after his sick children.

was so astonished that another had penetrated so deeply into the secrets of my soul, and
that he

knew what

I

did not
it

know

myself, that

when

I

recovered from
the street.

he had already been
agitation

long upon
seize

began to me, as water, which has long been over
without
stirring,

An

the

fire

suddenly bubbles up,
it

boils,

heaves and rages until
!

overflows.

Not see her again
with her.
I
;

I

only live

when

I

am

will

be calm;

I will not

speak a

word
she

to her

I will only stand at

her window as

But not to see her sleeps and dreams. She Not to take one farewell from her again
!

!

knows
Surely

not, they
I

cannot know, that
I

I love

her.

do not love her

desire nothing, I

hope

for nothing,

my

heart never beats more

loo
quietly then
feel
I

SIXTH MEMORY.
when
I I

am

with her.

But

I

must

her presence
!

must breathe her

spirit

She waits for me. Has desmust go to her us together without design ? Ought tiny thrown
I

not to be her consolation, and ought she not

to

be

my

repose

?

Life

is

not a sport.

It

does

not force two souls together like the grains of

sand in the desert, which the
together and then asunder.
the
souls

sirocco

whirls
fast

IWe should hold

which friendly fate leads to us, for they are destined for us, and no power can tear them from us if we have the courage to live, to
struggle,

and

to die for

them. I She would despise
first roll

me

if I

deserted her love at the
it

of the

thunder, as

were

in the

shadow of a

tree,

under

which

I

have dreamed so many happy hours.
I

Then
all

suddenly grew calm, and heard only
"

the words

her love

;"

they reverberated through

the recesses of

was

soul like an echo, and I " terrified at myself. Her love," and how

my

had
even

I

deserved
if

She hardly knows me, and she could love me v must I not confess
it ?

A STORY OF GERMAN LOVE.
to her
I

IOI

do not deserve the love of an angel? Every thought, every hope which arose in my soul, fell back like a bird which essays to soar

into the blue sky

and does not see the wires

which

restrain

it.

/And
ami

yet,

why

all

this bliss-

fulness,

so near

so unattainable?/

Cannot

God work wonders?
ders every morning?

Does

He not work wonHas He not often heard

my

prayer

when

it

importuned him, and would

not cease, until consolation and help came to
the weary one
?

These are not earthly blessings

for which we pray. It is only that two souls, which have found and recognized each other, may be allowed to finish their brief life -journey,

arm

in

arm, and face to face

;

that I

may be

a

support to her in suffering,

and

that she

may be
until

a consolation and precious burden to

me

we reach

the end.

And
life,

if
if

a

still

later spring

were promised to her
taken from her

her burdens were

Oh, what
!

blissful scenes

crowded

^^ mother, in the Tyrol, belonged to her. /There,

upon

my

vision

The

castle of her deceased

102

SIXTH MEMORY.

on the green mountains, in the fresh mountain air, among a sturdy and uncorrupted people, far

away from the hurly-burly of the world, its cares and its struggles, its opinion and its censure,

how
and

blissfully
silently

we could
away

await the close of
like

life,

fade

the

evening-red 17

Then

I pictured the

dark lake, with the dancing
clear
;

shimmer of waves, and the
tant glaciers reflected in
it

shadows of

dis-

I

heard the lowing
;

of cattle and the songs of the herdsmen
the hunters with their
rifles

I

saw

crossing the mount-

ains, and the old and young gathering together at twilight in the village and, to crown all, I saw
;

her passing along like an angel of peace in benediction,

and

I

was her guide and

friend.
Is

"

Poor

fool!" I cried out,

"poor

fool!

thy heart

always to be so wild and so weak ?

Be a man.

Think who thou
her.

art,

and how

far

thou art from
reflects her-

She

is

a friend.

She gladly

self in another's soul,

but her childlike trust and

candor
lives in

at best

only show that no deeper feeling

her breast for thee.

Hast thou

not,

on

A STORY OF
many
sheds

GERMAN

LOVE.

103

a clear summer's night, wandering alone

through the beech groves, seen
its

how

the

moon

light

upon

all

the branches and leaves,

how
and

it

brightens the dark, dull water of the pool

reflects itself clearly in the smallest

drops

?

In like manner she shines upon this dark

life,

and thou may'st
flected in thy heart

feel

her gentle radiance re-

but hope not for a wanner

glow!"

Suddenly an image approached me as it were from life she stood before me, not like a mem;

ory but as a vision, and time

I realized for

the

first

how

beautiful

she was.

It

was not that
at the

beauty of form and face which dazzles us
first

sight of a lovely maiden,

and then fades
It

away

as suddenly as a

blossom

in spring.

was

much more

the

harmony of her whole
of

being, the

reality of every emotion, the spirituality of ex-

pression, the

perfect union

body and
it.

soul

which blesses him so who looks upon

The
not

beauty which nature lavishes so prodigally does
not bring any satisfaction,
if

the person

is

104

SIXTH MEMORY.
it

adapted to

and as

it

were deserves and overit

comes

it.

On

the other hand,

is

offensive, as

when we look upon an
stage in

actress striding along the
at

queenly costume, and notice
poorly the attire
her.
is fits is

every

step

how

her,

how

little it

becomes
sweetness

True beauty

sweetness,

and

the spiritualizing of the gross, the

It is the spiritual corporeal and the earthly. transforms ugliness into beauty. presence which

The more

I

looked upon the vision which stood
I

before me, the more

perceived, above

all

else,

the majestic beauty of her person
ful

and the

soul-

depths of her whole being.

Oh, what happithis
all

ness was near

me

!

And was

to

be

shown the summit of
thrust out into the
flat,

earthly bliss

and then be

sandy wastes of existence ?

iOh, that

I

had never known what treasures the

"earth conceals!

Once Once

to love,

and then

to

be

forever alone
to

!

to believe,

and then forever
and then
for-

doubt

!

Once

to see the light,

ever to be blinded!

In comparison with this

A STORY OF GERMAN LOVE.
rack, all the torture-chambers of
nificant/^

105

man

are insig-

Hius rushed
farther
silent.

the wild chase of

my

thoughts
all

and

farther

away

until at last

was

The confused

sensations gradually col-

lected and settled.

they

call meditation,

bui

This repose and exhaustion it is rather an inspection

one allows time

for the mixture of thoughts

to crystallize themselves according to eternal laws,

and regards the process like an observing chemand the elements having assumed a form, we ist
;

often

wonder

that they, as well as ourselves, are

so entirely different from what

we expected.

When

I

awoke from
"
I

my

abstraction,

my

first

words were,

must away." I immediately sat down and w*ote the Hofrath that I should travel
for fourteen days
I easily

and submit
to

entirely to him.

made an excuse
was on

my

parents,

and

at

night

I

my way

to the Tyrol.

SEVENTH MEMORY.

SEVENTH MEMORY.
arm
in

arm with a

friend,

WANDERING,valleys through the
enjoyment
;

and over the mountlife's

ains of the Tyrol, one sips

fresh air

and

but to travel the same road solitary

and alone with your thoughts is time and trouble Of what interest to me are the green lost.
mountains, the dark ravines, the blue lake, and
the mighty cataracts
?

Instead of contemplating

them they look
heart that

at

selves at this solitary being, fit smote
I

me and wonder among themme to the
in all the

had found no one
all

world

who loved me more than
thoughts
I

others.

With such
and
they

awoke
all

every

morning,

haunted

me

the day like a song which one

cannot drive away.
night and sat
the

When

I

entered the inn at

down

wearied, and the people in
at

room watched me, and wondered

the

no

SEVENTH MEMORY.

it often urged me out into the where no one could see I was alone. night again, At a late hour I would steal back, go quietly up

solitary wanderer,

my room and throw myself upon my hot bed, and the song of Schubert's would ring through " Where thou art my soul until I went to sleep
to
:

not,

is

happiness."
I continually

At

last

the sight of men,

whom

exulting in this glorious nature,

met laughing, rejoicing and became so intol-

erable that I slept by day, and pursued

my

jour-

ney from place to place in the clear moonlight
nights.

There was

at least

one emotion which

dispelled and dissipated my thoughts: it was Let any one attempt to scale mountains fear.

alone

all

night long in ignorance of the

way

where the eye, unnaturally strained, beholds distant shapes it cannot solve where the ear, with
morbid acuteness, hears sounds without knowing whence they come where the foot suddenly
stumbles,
it

may be

over a root which forces

its

way through

the rocks, or on a slippery path
its

which the waterfall has drenched with

spray

A STORY OF GERMAN LOVE.
and besides
the heart, no
all

Ill

this,

a disconsolate waste in
to cheer us,

memory

no hope

to

which we may cling

let

and he

will feel the cold chill of night

any one attempt this, both outfirst

wardly and inwardly.

The

fear

of
;

the

human
life

heart arises from
it,

God

forsaking us

but

dissipates

and mankind, created

after the

image of God, consoles us in our solitariness. When even this consolation and love, however,
forsake us, then

we

feel

what

it

means

to

be

deserted by
silent

God and man, and
terrifies

nature with her
consoles us.

face

rather

than

Even when we
solid rocks, they

firmly plant our feet

upon the

seem

to tremble like the mists

of the sea from which they once slowly emerged.

When
rises

the eye longs for the light, and the

moon

behind the

firs,

reflecting

their
it

tapering

tops against the bright rock opposite,
to us like the

appears

dead hand of a clock which was
will

once wound up, and
strike.

There

is

no

retreat for the soul,

some day cease to which

feels itself alone

and forsaken even among the

H2
stars,

SEVENTH MEMORY.
or in
the

heavenly world
little

itself.J
:

One

thought brings us a

consolation

the repose,

the regularity, the immensity,

and the unavoida-

bleness of nature.

Here, where the waterfall

has clothed the gray rocks on either side with

green moss, the eye suddenly recognizes a blue
forget-me-not in the cool shade.
millions of sisters
rivulets
It is

one of

and

in

now blossoming along all the all the meadows of earth, and
first

which have blossomed ever since the
ing of
creation

morn-

shed

its

entire inexhaustible
in its leaves,
its

wealth over the world.
every stamen in
is its

Every vein

cup, every fibre of

roots,

numbered, and no power on earth can make the number more or less. Still more, when

we

strain

our weak eyes and, with superhuman
searching glance into the
the microscope discloses

power, cast a more
secrets of nature,

when

to us the silent laboratory of the seed, the

bud

and the blossom, do we recognize the infinite, ever-recurring form in the most minute tissues

and

cells,

and the

eternal unchangeableness of

A STORY OF GERMAN LOVE.
Nature's plans in the most delicate
fibre.

113

Could

we

pierce

still

deeper, the same form-world would
lose itself as
infinity as

reveal
in

itself,

and the vision would

a hall hung with mirrors.

Such an

this lies

hidden

in this little flower.

If

we look

up
the

to the sky,

we

see again the

same system
planets,

moon

revolving

around

the

the

planets around suns,

and the suns around new

suns, while to the straining eye the distant star-

nebulse themselves seem to be a
tiful

new and beauthese

world.

Reflect

then

how

majestic

constellations periodically revolve, that the sea-

sons

may

change, that the seed of this forget*
itself

me-not may shed
cells

again and

again,

the

open, the leaves shoot out, and the blos-

soms decorate the carpet of the meadow; and look upon the lady-bug which rocks itself in the
blue cup of the flower, and whose awakening
into
life,

living breath, are a thousand-fold
ful

whose consciousness of existence, whose more wonder-

than the tissue of the flower, or the dead

mechanism of the heavenly bodies.

Consider

114
that thou

SEVENTH MEMORY.
also

belongest to this infinite warp
art permitted to

and woof, and that thou
fort

com-

thyself

with the

infinite

creatures which

revolve and live and disappear with thee.
if this All, its

But

with

its
its

smallest

and

its

greatest, with
its

wisdom and

power, with the wonders of
its

existence,

and the existence of
in

wonders,

is

the

work of a Being

whose presence thy soul does

not shrink back, before
trate in a feeling of

whom

thou

fallest pros-

weakness and nothingness,
again in the feeling of

and

to

whom

thou

risest
if

His love and mercy
something dwells

thou really feelest that
eter-

in thee

more endless and

nal than the cells of the flowers, the spheres of

the planets, and the

life

of the insect

if

thou

recognizest in thyself as in a
tion of the Eternal

shadow the

reflecif

which illuminates thee

thou feelest in thyself, and under and above
thyself, the

omnipresence of the Real,

in

which
rest,

thy seeming becomes being, thy trouble,
thy solitude, universality
the

then

thou knowest

One

to

Whom

thou criest in the dark night

A STORY OF GERMAN LOVE.
of
in
life

1

15

"
:

Creator and Father,
as

Thy
as

will

be done

Heaven
me."

upon

earth,
it

and

on earth so
in

also in
thee.

Then

grows bright

and about

The daybreak disappears with its cold mists, and a new warmth streams through shiverThou hast found a hand which ing nature.
never again leaves thee, which holds thee when
the mountains tremble

and moons are extinbe, thou art with
is

guished. Wherever thou may'st Him, and He with thee. He
near,

the eternally
flowers

and His
is

is

the world with

its

and

thorns, His

man

with his joys and sorrows.
thing does not happen

"The

least

important

except as

God

wills it."

one time,
troubled
;

With such thoughts I went on all was well with me
for

my
;

way.

At
and

at

another,
rest

even when we have found

peace in the lowest depths of the soul, it is still hard to remain undisturbed in this holy solitude.
Yes,

many forget it after they find it and scarcely know the way which leads back to it. Weeks had flown, and not a syllable had

Il6

SEVENTH MEMORY.
me from
her.

reached

"

Perhaps she

is

dead

and
on
I

lies in

quiet rest,"

was another song

forevei

my

tongue, and always returning as often as
it

drove

from me.

It

was not impossible,

for

the Hofrath
troubles,

had

told

me

she suffered with heart

and that he expected to find her no more among the living every morning he visited
her.
this

Could

I

ever forgive myself
I

if

she had

left

world and

had not taken

farewell of her,
I

nor told her

at the last

moment how
I

loved her?

Must

I

not follow until
life,

found her again in

another

and heard from her that she loved was forgiven
?

me and

that I

(How mankind
it

defers from day to day the best

can do, and

the most beautiful things

it

can enjoy, without
the last one, and

thinking that every day
that
lost

may be
last

time

is

lost

eternityjj

Then
I

all

the

words of the Hofrath, the
recurred to me, and
solved to

time

saw him,
re-

I felt that I

make my sudden journey
it

had only to show

my my

strength to him, and that
still

would have been a

more

difficult

task to have confessed

A STORY OF GERMAN LOVE.
weakness and remained.
it

117

It

was clear

to

me

that

was

my

simple duty
to

to return to her

imme-

diately

and

bear everything which Heaven
as soon as I

ordained.
for

But

had

laid the plan

my

return journey, I suddenly

remembered
as possible

the words of the Hofrath:

"As soon

she must go away and be taken into the country."

She had herself told

me

that she spent

the most of her time, in summer, at her castle.

Perhaps she was there, in
in

my

immediate vicinity

;

one day
;

I

could be with her.
I

Thinking was
at

doing

at

daybreak

was

off,

and

evening

I

stood at the gate of the castle.

The
set

night was clear and bright.
full

The mount-

ain peaks glistened in the

gold of the sun-

and the lower ridges were bathed in a rosy A gray mist rose from the valleys which blue.
suddenly glistened when
higher regions,
it

swept up into the

and then

like a cloud-sea rolled

heavenwards.
itself in

The whole

color-play

reflected

the gently agitated breast of the dark

lake from

whose shores the mountains seemed

to

Ii8

SEVENTH MEMORY.
and
fall,

rise

so that only the tops of the trees

and the peaks of the church steeples and the rising smoke from the houses denned the limits
which separated the
its

reality of the

world from

reflection.

My
I

glance, however, rested

only one spot

the old castle

upon where a present-

iment told

me

should find her again.

No

light

could be seen in the windows, no footstep broke
the silence of the night.

Had my
I

presentiment

deceived

me ?

I

passed slowly through the outer
stood at the

gateway and up the steps until
fore-court of the castle.

Here

I I

saw a sentinel
hastened to the
"

pacing back and forwards, and
soldier to inquire

who was

in the castle.

The

Countess and her attendants are here," was the
brief reply,
portal

and

in

an instant

I

stood at the main
bell.

and had even pulled the
time,

Then, for

the

first

my
I

action occurred to me.

No
who

one knew me.
I

neither could nor dare say
for

was.

I

had wandered

weeks about the

mountains, and looked like a beggar. should I say ? For whom should I ask ?

What
There

A STORY OF GERMAN LOVE.
was
little

119

time for consideration, however, for the

door opened and a servant in princely livery stood before me, and regarded me with amazement.
I

asked

if

the

English lady,

who

I

knew
in the

would never forsake the Countess, was
castle,
ative,

and when the servant replied in the affirmI begged for paper and ink and wrote her
to inquire after the health of the

I

was present

Countess.

The
letter

servant called an attendant,
I

who took
long

the

away.

heard every step
I waited,

in the

halls,

and every moment

my

position

became

more unendurable.
the princely house

The

old family portraits of
walls

hung upon the

knights

in full armor, ladies in antique

costume, and in

the center a lady in the white robes of a

nun

with a red cross upon her breast.

At any other

time I might have looked upon these pictures

and never thought that a human heart once beat in their breasts. But now it seemed to me I
could suddenly read whole volumes in their
feat-

120

SEVENTH MEMORY.
and that
all

ures,

of them said to

me

"
:

We

also

have once lived and suffered."

Under

these iron
in

armors secrets were once hidden as even now

my own
like that

breast.

These white robes and the red

cross are real proofs that a battle was fought here

now

raging in

fancied

all

of them regarded

my own heart. me with

Then
pity,

I

and

a loftier haughtiness rested on their features as
if

they would say,

Thou

dost not belong to us.

I

was growing uneasy every moment, when sud-

denly a light step dissipated
English lady
to

my
I

dream.

The
at

came down

the stairs

and asked me
looked
her

step

into

an apartment.
if

closely to see

she suspected

my

real emotions,

but

her face

was perfectly calm, and without
expression of curiosity

manifesting the slightest or wonder,
she
said
in

measured

tones,

the

Countess was

much

better to-day

and would see

me in half When I

an hour.
heard
these

words,

I

felt

like

the
into
his

good swimmer who has ventured far out the sea, and first thinks of returning when

A STORY OF
arras

GERMAN

LOVE.

12

1

have begun to grow weary.

He

cleaves
to

the
cast

waves with
a
glance
at

haste,

scarcely
distant
his

venturing
shore,
is

the
that

feeling
failing

with

every stroke
that

strength

and
last,

making no headway, until at purposeless and cramped, he scarcely has
he
is

any realization

of his position;

then suddenly

his foot touches the firm bottom,

and

his

arm

hugs the
ality

first

rock on the shore.

A

fresh re-

confronted me, and

my

sufferings

were a
in

dream.
the
life

There are but few such moments
of

man,

and

thousands

have never
child

known
rests in

their rapture.

The mother whose
first

her arms for the

time, the father

whose only son returns from war covered with
glory, the poet in

whom
warm

his

the youth whose

grasp

countrymen exult, of the hand is
with
it

returned

by the

beloved

being

a

still

warmer pressure they know what when a dream becomes a reality.

means

At the expiration of the half hour, a servant came and conducted me through a long

122

SEVENTH MEMORY.
opened a door, and in the fadof the evening I saw a white figure,

suite of rooms,

ing light

and above her a high window, which looked out upon the lake and the shimmering mountains.

"How

singularly people meet!" she cried out

in a clear voice,

and every word was

like a cool

iain-drop on a hot summer's day.
"

How

singularly people meet,

and how
;

sin-

gularly they lose each other," said I

and there-

upon I seized her hand, and realized that we were together again. "But people are to blame if they lose each
other,"

she

continued;
to

and her

voice,

which

seemed always

accompany her words, like

music, involuntarily modulated into a tenderer
key.

"Yes, that
me, are you

is

true," I replied;

"but

first

tell

well,

and can

I talk

with you?"
smiling,

"My
know
I

dear friend," said she,

"you

am

always sick,

and

if I

say that I feel old Hofrath
;

well, I

do so

for the sake of

my

A STORY OF GERMAN LOVE.
for

123
life

he

is

firmly convinced
first

that
to

my

entire

since

my
I

year

is

due

him and

his skill.

Before

left

the Court-residence I caused

him

much

anxiety, for one evening
I

my

heart sud-

denly ceased beating, c.nd
distress

experienced such

that

I

thought
is

it

would never beat

again.
recall

But that
it ?

past,

and why should we

Only one thing troubles me. I have hitherto believed I should some time close my
eyes in perfect repose, but
sufferings will disturb

now

I

feel that

my

and embitter
she
"
:

my

depart-

ure

from

life."

Then
and said

placed

her hand

upon her

heart,

But
I

tell

me, where

have you been, and why have

not heard from

you

all

this

time?

The

old Hofrath has given

me

so

many

reasons for your sudden departure,
tell

that I was finally compelled to

him

I

did
the

not believe him

and
all

at last

he gave

me

most incredible of

reasons,

and counselled

what do you suppose?" "He might seem untruthful,"

I

so that she should not explain the reason,

interrupted, "

and

124

SEVENTH MEMORY.
perhaps

yet,

he

this also is past,

But was only too truthful. and why should we recall it?"
friend," said she,

"No,
past
last
?

no,

my

"why

call

it

I told the Hofrath,

when he gave me
I

the

reason for your sudden departure, that I

understood neither him nor you.
sick, forsaken being,
is

am

a poor

and

only a slow death.
a few souls

my Now

earthly existence
if

Heaven sends
or love me,
it

me

who understand me,
it,

as the Hofrath calls

why
I

then should

dis-

turb their joy or mine?

had been reading
Wordsworth, when

my
the
I

favorite

poet,

the

old

Hofrath
'
:

made

his

acknowledgment, and

said

My

dear Hofrath, we have so

thoughts and so few words that
press

many we must ex-

many

thoughts in every word.

Now

if

one who does not know us understood that our

young
ner as
Juliet

friend loved me, or I him, in such

man-

we suppose Romeo loved Juliet and Romeo, you would be entirely right in
it

saying
that

should not be

so.

But
old

is

it

not true

you love

me

also,

my

Hofrath, and

A STORY OF GERMAN LOVE.
that I love you,

125

years?

And
I

has

and have loved you for many it not sometimes occurred to

you that

have neither been past remedy nor
that account?
tell

unhappy on
frath, I will

Yes,

my
I

dear

Hoyou
jeal-

you

still

more

believe

have an unfortunate love for me, and are
ous of our young friend.
every morning

Do you
how
?

not

come
not

and
I

inquire

I

am, even

when you know
bring

am

very well

Do you

me

the finest flowers from your garden?
portrait,
it

Did you not oblige me to send you my and perhaps I ought not to disclose

did

you not come to my room last Sunday and think I was really sleeping at least I was asleep?
I

could not

stir

myself.

I

saw you

sitting at

my

bedside for a long time, your eyes steadfixed

fastly

upon me, and

I

felt

your glances

playing upon

my

face like sunbeams.
I

At

last

your eyes

grew weary, and

perceived

the

great tears falling from them.
face in your hands,

You

held your
:

Marie

!

Ah,

my

and loudly sobbed Marie, dear Hofrath, our young friend

128
This

SEVENTH MEMORY.
little

bay

;

a quiet road

That holds

in shelter thy

abode

In truth, together do ye seem

Like something fashioned in a dream Such forms as from their covert peep

;

When
But,

earthly cares are laid asleep!
fair creature! in the light

O

Of common

day, so heavenly bright,

I bless thee, vision as thou art, I bless thee with a

human

heart

;

God
Thee

shield thee to thy latest years!

neither
yet

know

I,

nor thy peers;

And

my

eyes are filled with tears.

With

earnest feeling I shall pray
I I

For thee when

am

far

away:
face,

For never saw

mien or

In which more plainly I could trace Benignity and home-bred sense
Ripening
in perfect innocence.

Here

scattered, like a

random

seed,

Remote from men, thou dost not need

The embarrassed

look of shy distress,
:

And
Thou

maidenly shamefacedness
wear'st

upon thy forehead
of a mountaineer:

clear

The freedom

A STORY OF GERMAN LOVE.

A

face with gladness overspread

!

Soft smiles,

by human kindness bred!

And

seemliness complete, that sways
;

Thy courtesies, about thee plays With no restraint, but such as springs

From

quick and eager visitings

Of thoughts that lie beyond the reach Of thy few words of English speech:

A

bondage sweetly brooked, a
gives
I,

strife
life!

That

thy gestures grace and

So have

not

unmoved

in

mind.

Seen birds of tempest-loving kind

Thus beating up

against the wind.
cull

What hand but would a garland For thee who art so beautiful?

O

happy pleasure! here

to dwell

Beside thee in some heathy dell;

Adopt your homely ways and

dress,
:

A

shepherd, thou a shepherdess
I could

But

frame a wish for thee

More

like a grave reality:

art to me but as a wave Of the wild sea and I would have Some claim upon thee, if I could. Though but of common neighborhood.

Thou

;

9

130

SEVENTH MEMORY.
What
Thy
joy to hear thee, and to see!

elder brother I

would

be,

Thy
Hath

father

anything to thee!
its

Now
Joy have
I bear

thanks to heaven! that of

grace

led

me
I

to this lonely place.
;

had

and going hence

In spots

away my recompense. like these it is we prize
that she hath eyes:
I

Our memory, feel Then why should
I feel this place

be loth to stir?
for her
;

was made

To

give

new

pleasure like the past,
life

Continued long as

shall last.

Nor am
For

I loth,

Sweet Highland
I,

though pleased at heart, Girl, from thee to part ;
till

methinks,

I

grow

old,

As As

fair before

me

shall behold,

I

do now, the cabin small,
lake, the bay, the waterfall,

The

And
I

thee, the spirit of

them

all!

had

finished,

and the poem had been

to

me
I

like a

draught of the fresh spring-water which

had sipped so often of late as it dropped from the cup of some large green leaf.

A STORY OF

GERMAN

LOVE.

131

Then

I

heard her gentle voice, like the

first

tone of the organ, which wakens us from our

dreamy devotion, and she said " Thus I desire you to love me, and thus the
:

old Hofrath loves me, and thus in one

way or

another
other.
it,

we should

all

love and believe in each
I scarcely

But the world, although
and, on this earth, where

know
and

does not seem to understand

this love

faith,

we could have
existence very

lived so happily,

men have made

wretched.

"It must have been otherwise of old, else

how could Homer have

created

the

lovely,

wholesome, tender picture of Nausikaa? NauShe says sikaa loves Ulysses at the first glance.
at

once to her female friends
such a

call

man my

destiny to

Oh, that I could and that it were his spouse, She was even too remain here.'
:

'

modest

to appear in public at the

same time
if

with him, and she says, in his presence, that
she should bring such a

handsome and majestic

stranger home, the people would say, she

may

132

SEVENTH MEMORY.
How
simple

have taken him for a husband.

and natural
that he

all

this is!

But when she heard

was going home to his wife and children,

no murmur escaped her. She disappears from our sight, and we feel that she carried the picture of the

handsome and majestic stranger a

long time afterward in her breast, with silent and
joyful admiration.
this love

Why

do not our poets know

this joyful

abnegation?

A

later

acknowledgment, this calm poet would have made a

womanish Werter out of Nausikaa, for the reason that love with us is nothing more than the prelude to the comedy, or the tragedy, of marriage.
Is
it

true there

is

no longer any other love?

Has

the fountain of this pure happiness wholly

Are men only acquainted with the intoxicating draught, and no longer with the
dried up?
invigorating well-spring of love ?"

At these words the English poet occurred
me, who
also thus complains
:

to

A STORY OF GERMAN LOVE.
From heaven
Have
I
if

133

this belief

be sent,

If such be nature's holy plan,

not reason to lament

What man
"Yet,
"

has made of man.

how happy
call the

the poets are," said she.

Their words
in

deepest feelings into exist-

ence
their

thousands of mute souls, and

how

often

songs have become a confession of the Their heart beats in the sweetest secrets!
breasts of the poor

and the

rich.

The happy

sing with them, and the sad weep with them.

But

I

cannot

feel

any poet so completely
I

my

own

as

Wordsworth.
like
is

know many
say he
I like

of

my

friends

do not
But that

him.

They

is

not a poet.
all

exactly

why

him; he avoids
all

the hackneyed poetical catch-words,
ation,

exagger-

and everything comprehended in PegasusHe is true and does not everything flights.
lie in this

one word
lies

beauty which
in the

? He opens our eyes to the under our feet like the daisy

meadow.

He

calls

everything by
startle,

its

true

name.

He

never intends to

deceive, or

134

SEVENTH MEMORY.
He
seeks no

dazzle any one.
himself.

admiration for

only shows mankind how beautiful everything is which man's hand has not yet Is not a dew-drop on a spoiled or broken.

He

blade of grass more beautiful than a pearl set in

gold?

Is not a living spring,

which gushes up
beautiful
Is not his

before us,

we know not whence, more
?

than

all

the fountains of Versailles
Girl a lovelier

Highland
real

and

truer expression of

Haidee?

beauty than Goethe's Helena, or Byron's And then the plainness of his lan!

guage, and the purity of his thoughts

Is

it

not

a pity that we have never had such a poet? Schiller could have been our Wordsworth, had

he had more

faith

in himself

than in the old

Greeks and Romans.

Our Ruckert would come

the nearest to him, had he not also sought consolation

and home under Eastern

roses,

away

from his poor Fatherland.

Few

poets have the

courage to be just what they

are.

Wordsworth

had
even

it;

and

as

we

gladly listen to great men,

in

those

moments when

they are

not

A STORY OF GERMAN LOVE.

135

inspired, but, like other mortals, quietly cherish

their thoughts,

and patiently wait the moment

that will disclose

new glimpses
listened

into the infinite,

so have I also
himself,
in
his

gladly to

Wordsworth

more

than

poems, which contain nothing The any one might have said.
In

greatest poets allow themselves rest.

Homer
single

we

often read a

hundred verses without a
Dante while Pindar,
;

beauty, and
all

just so in

whom

admire so much, drives

me

to
I

distraction

with his ecstacies.

What would

not give to
visit

spend one

summer on
all

the lakes;

with

Wordsworth

the places to which he has given

the trees which he has saved names; greet from the axe; and only once watch a far-off
all

sunset with

him, which he describes as only

Turner could have painted." It was a peculiarity of hers that her voice
never dropped at the close of her
talk, as

with

most people
ended, as
it

;

on the contrary,

it

rose

and always

were, in the broken seventh chord.
to people.

She always talked up, never down,

136

SEVENTH MEMORY.

The melody of her sentences resembled that of the child when it says: "Can't I, father?" There
was something beseeching
in

her tones, and

it

was well-nigh impossible
"
still

Wordsworth,"
dearer

said

I,

to gainsay her. " is a dear poet,

and a

man

to

me, and as one often has a

more

beautiful, wide-spread,
little hill

and

stirring

outlook
effort,

from a

which he ascends without

than when he has clambered up Mont Blanc
with difficulty and weariness, so
with Wordsworth's poetry.
it

seems to

me
fre-

At

first,

he often have

appeared commonplace
quently laid
stand

to

me, and

I

down

his

poems unable to under-

how

the best minds of England to-day can

cherish such .an admiration for him.
viction has

The

con-

grown upon me

that

no poet

whom

his nation, or the intellectual aristocracy of his

people, recognize as a poet, should remain un-

enjoyed by
tion
is

us,

whatever his language.

Admira-

an

art

which we must

learn.

Many

Germans say Racine does not please them. The Englishman says, 'I do not understand Goethe.'

A STORY OF
The Frenchman What does
all

GERMAN

LOVE.
is

137 a boor.

says

Shakespeare

this

amount to?
says
it

than the child

who

likes

Nothing more a waltz better

than a symphony of Beethoven's.
sists in

The

art

con-

discovering and understanding what each
its

nation admires in

great men.
it,

He who

seeks
that

beauty

will eventually find

and discover

the Persians are not entirely deceived in their
Hafiz, nor the

Hindoos

in their Kalidasa.

We
It

cannot understand a great
takes strength,
singular that
effort,

man

all

at once.

and perseverance, and it is what pleases us at first sight seldom
she continued, "there
to
all

captivates us any length of time.

"And yet," thing common

is

sometrue

great

poets,

to

all

be they Persian or Hindoo, heathen or Christian, Roman or Gerartists, to all the world's heroes,

man;
is

it

is

I

hardly

know what
lie

to call

it

it

the Infinite which seems to

behind them, a

far

away glance

into the Eternal, an apotheosis

of the most

trifling

and transitory

things.

Goethe

138

SEVENTH MEMORY.
knew
the sweet peace which
sings:

the grand heathen,

comes from Heaven; and when he
tr

On

every mountain-height
Is
rest.

O'er each summit white

Thou
Scarcely
'6.

feelest

breath.
still

The

bird songs are

from each bough

;

Only wait, soon shalt thou
Rest too, in death.

does not an endless distance, a repose which
earth cannot give, disclose itself to the fir-clad summits
?

him above

This background is never wanting with Wordsworth. Let the carpers say

what they
earthly,

will,
it

it

is

nevertheless only the super-

be

ever so obscure, which charms and
heart.

quiets the

human

Who

has better under-

stood this earthly beauty than Michel Angelo?

but he understood

it,

because

it

was

to

him

a reflection of superearthly beauty.
his sonnet:

You know

A STORY OF GERMAN LOVE.
[La forza d'un bel volto al ciel mi sprona (Ch'altro in terra non e che mi diletti),

139

E
Si

vivo ascendo tra gli spirti eletti

;

Grazia ch'ad

uom

mortal raro

si

dona.

ben col suo Fattor 1'opra consuona,

Ch'a

lui

mi

levo per divin concetti
i

;

E

quivi informo

pensier tutti e

i

detti

;

Ardendo, amando

per gentil persona.
begli occhi
il

Onde,

se

mai da due
so,

guardo

Torcer non

conosco in lor
la via, ch'a

la luce

Che mi mostra

Dio mi guide;

E

se nel

lume loro acceso

io ardo,

Nel nobil foco mio dolce

riluce

La

gioja che nel cielo eterna ride."]

"The might
For
it

of one fair face sublimes

my

love,
;

hath weaned
I heed

my

heart from low desires
fires.

Nor death

nor purgatorial

Thy
For,

beauty, antepast of joys above

Instructs

me

in the bliss that saints

approve;

Oh! how
that

good,

how

beautiful

must be

The God
So
fair

made

so good a thing as thee,

an image of the Heavenly Dove.

Forgive

me

if

I

cannot turn away

From

those sweet eyes that are

my

earthly heaven,

140

SEVENTH MEMORY.
For they are guiding
stars,

benignly given
the

To tempt my footsteps to And if I dwell too fondly
I live

upward way;

in thy sight,

and love

in

God's peculiar light."

She was exhausted and
disturb that silence
?

silent,

and how could

I

When human

hearts, after

friendly interchange of thoughts feel calmed and

quieted,

it

is

as

if

an angel had flown through

room and we heard the gentle flutter of wings over our heads. As my gaze rested upon her,
the

her lovely form seemed illuminated in the twilight

of the
I

summer

evening,

and her hand,

which

held in mine, alone gave

me

the con-

sciousness of her real presence.

Then suddenly

a bright refulgence spread over her countenance.

She

felt

it,

opened her eyes and looked upon me

wonderingly.

The wonderful

brightness of her

eyes, which the half-closed eyelids covered as with a veil, shone like the lightning. I looked

around and

at last

saw that the moon had arisen

in full splendor
castle,

between two peaks opposite the
village

and brightened the lake and the

A STORY OF GERMAN LOVE.
with
its

141

friendly smiles.
I

Never had

I

seen Na-

ture, never had

seen her dear face so beautiful,

never had such holy rest settled down upon
soul.

my
mo-

"Marie," said
let

I,

"in

this resplendent

ment,
love.

me, just as I am, confess
us, while

my

whole

Let

we

feel

so powerfully the

nearness of the superearthly, unite our souls in

a

tie

ever love

which can never again be broken. Whatmay be, Marie, I love you and I feel,

Marie, you are mine for I
I knelt before her,

am

thine."

but ventured not to look

into her eyes.

My

lips

touched her hand and

I

kissed

it.

At

this she

withdrew her hand from

me,
ly,

slowly at first

and then quickly and decidedShe was
silent for

and

as I looked at her an expression of pain
face.

was on her

a time, but

at last she raised herself

and

said with a

deep

sigh:
"

Enough
it

for to-day.
is

You have caused me
Close the window.
I

pain, but
feel a

my

fault.

cold chill coming over

me

as

if

a strange

hand were touching me.

Stay with

me

but no,

142

SEVENTH MEMORY.
go.

you must

Farewell

!

Sleep well

!

Pray that

the peace of

God may

abide with

us.

We

see

each other again
evening
I

shall

we not?
this

To-morrow

await you."
all

Oh, where
flown?
I

at

once had

heavenly rest
all

saw how she

suffered,

and

that I

could do was to quickly hurry away,
the English lady and then go alone
ness of night to the village.

summon
darkI

in the

Long time

wan-

dered back and forth about the lake, long
gaze strayed to the lighted window where
just been.
I

my
had

Finally, the last light in the castle

was extinguished. The moon mounted higher and higher, and every pinnacle and projection
and decoration on the
lofty walls

grew

visible in

the fairy-like illumination.
in the silent night.
It

Here was
to

I all

alone
brain

seemed

me my

had refused
end and
that
it

its office,

for
I

I

only

felt

no thought came to an was alone on this earth,

contained no soul for me.

The

earth
pall,

was

like a coffin, the
I

black sky a funeral
I

and

scarcely

knew whether

was

living or

had

A STORY OF GERMAN LOVE.
long been dead.

143

Then

I

suddenly looked up to

the stars with their blinking eyes, which went
their

way

so quietly

and

it

seemed

to

me

that

they were only for the lighting and consolation
of men, and then I thought of two heavenly stars

which had risen

in

my

dark heaven so unex-

pectedly, and a thanksgiving rang through

my

breast

a thanksgiving for the love of

my

angel

LAST MEMORY.

LAST MEMORY.

THE dow
Was
it

sun was already looking into my win over the mountains when I awoke.

the same sun which looked

upon us the

evening before with lingering gaze, like a departing friend, as
if
it

would bless the union

of our souls, and which set like a lost hope?
It

shone

upon

me

now,

like

a child which

bursts into

our room with beaming glance to

wish

us

And was
broken
in

good morning on a joyful holiday. I the same man who, only a few

hours before, had thrown himself upon his bed,

body and
the

spirit ?

Immediately

I felt

once more

old

life-courage

and

trust

in

God and
mated

myself, soul

which quickened and
of

ani-

my

like the fresh

morning breeze.
without
sleep?

What would become We know not where

man

this

nightly

messenger

148
leade us

LAST MEMORY.
;

and when he closes our eyes
us
that

at night

who can assure
to

he

will

open them
bring us

again in the morning
ourselves?
the
first

that

he

will

for

required courage and faith man to throw himself into the
It

arms of

this

unknown

friend;

and were there

not in our nature a certain helplessness which
forces

us
faith

to
in

submission, and
all

compels us
to

to

have

things

we

are

believe, I
all

doubt whether any man, notwithstanding
weariness, could close his eyes of his
will

his

own

free

and enter

into

this

unknown dream-land.
a higher power,

The

very consciousness of our weakness and
faith
in

our weariness gives us

and courage
ful

to

resign

ourselves to the beautifeel

system of the All, and we

invigorated

and refreshed when, in waking or in sleeping, we have loosened, even for a short time only,
the chains which bind our Eternal Self to oui

temporal Ego.

What had appeared to me, only yesterday,, dark as an evening cloud flying overhead, be-

A STORY OF GERMAN LOVE.
came
instantly
I

149
to

clear.
felt;

We
be
it

belonged
as brother

one
sis-

another, that

and

ter, father and child, bridegroom and bride, we must remain together now and forever. It only concerned us to find the right name for that

which we
"

in our

stammering speech
would
be,

call

Love.

Thy Thy
"

elder brother I

father

anything to thee."
"

/

It

was

this

anything

for

which a name must

be found,

for the

world now recognizes nothing

as nameless.

She had told

me

herself that she

loved

me

with that pure all-human love, out
all

of which springs
ing,

other love.
I

Her shudder-

her uneasiness, when
still

confessed

my

full

love to her, were

incomprehensible to

me,
our
all

but
love.

it

could no longer shatter

my

faith in

Why
is

should we desire to understand

that takes place in other

human
the
us,

natures,

when

there

so

much
After

that
all,

is
it

incomprehensible in
is

our own?

inconceivable
in

which generally captivates

whether

na-

;50
in

LAST MEMORY.
man, or
in

ture,

our

own

breasts.

Men
we
see

whom we
us cold,
novels.

understand, whose

motives

before us like an anatomical preparation, leave
like

the

characters

in

most of our

Nothing
than

spoils our delight in life
this

and

men more
insists

ethic

rationalism

which
illu-

upon clearing up everything, and
every mystery
in

minating

of

our

inner

being.
is

There

is

every person a something that

inseparable

we

call

it

fate,

the

suggestive

power

or

character

and

he

knows neither

himself nor mankind,

who
this

believes that he can

analyze the deeds and actions of men without
taking
ciple.

into

account
I

ever-recurring
all

prin-

Thus

consoled myself on

those

points which

had troubled me

in the evening;

and

at

last

no streak of cloud obscured the
future.
I

heaven of the

In this frame of mind
close

stepped out of the
air,

house into the

open

when a mesIt

senger brought a letter for me.
the Countess, as
I

was from

saw by the

beautiful, deli-

A STORY OF GERMAN LOVE.
cate handwriting.
I

151
I

breathlessly opened
blissful

it

looked for the most
expect.
shattered.

tidings

man can

But

all

my

The

letter

hopes were immediately contained only a request
visit

not to
at

visit

her to-day, as she expected a

the

castle

from the Court Residence.

No
only
will

friendly
at

word

no news of her health

the close, a postscript:

"The Hofrath

be here to-morrow and the next day." Here were two days torn out at once from
the book of
life.

If they could only

be com-

pletely obliterated
like

but no, they hang over

me

the leaden roof of a prison.
lived.

They must
gladly

be

I

could not give them away as a

charity

to

king or beggar,

who would

have

sat

on

his

two days longer upon his throne, or stone at the church door. I remained
but then I

in this abstraction for a long time;

thought of
to

my morning prayer, and how I said myself there was no greater unbelief than
how
the
smallest
great

despondency
in
life

and

greatest

are

part of one

divine plan, to

152

LAST MEMORY.
it

which we must submit, however hard
be.

may
it

Like a rider
I

who

sees a precipice before

him,

drew

in the reins.

"Be

it

so, since
is

must be!"

I cried out;

"but God's earth

not
Is

the place for complaints and lamentations.
it

not a happiness to hold in

my hand
is

these

lines

which she has written? and
in

not the

hope of seeing her again
greater bliss

a short time a
?

than

I

have ever deserved

'Al-

ways keep the head above
life-swimmers.

water,' say all
at

good

As

well sink

once as allow

the
If
it

water to run into your eyes and throat."
is

hard for

us,

amid these

little ills

of

life,

keep God's providence continually in view, and if we hesitate, perhaps rightly, in every
to
struggle, to step out of the
life

common-places of
life

into

the presence of the divine, then
at
least,

ought

to appear, to us

an

art,

if

not

a duty.
child

What

who

more disagreeable than the behaves ungovernably and grows
is

dejected and

angry at

every

little

loss
is

and

pain?

On

the

other hand, nothing

more

A STORY OF GERMAN LOVE.
beautiful than the child in

153

whose

tearful eyes

the sunshine of joy and innocence soon
again, like the flower,

beams

which quivers and trembles in the spring shower, and soon after blossoms and exhales its fragrance, as the sun dries
the tears

upon
live
fate.

its

cheeks.
to

A
I

good thought speedily occurred
For a long time

me, that

could

both these days with her, notwithI

standing
to write

had intended

down

the dear words she had said, and

the
;

many

beautiful thoughts she
so the days passed

had confided
in

to

me and
the

away

memory
and

of

many charming hours
still

spent together, and in
beautiful future,
I

the hope of a

more
her,

was by her and with
felt

and

lived in her,

and

the nearness of her spirit and her love
I

more

than

had ever

felt

them when

I

held her hand

in mine.

How
I

dear to

me now

are these leaves

!

How

often have I read

and re-read them
said,

not that

had forgotten one word she

but they were

the witnesses of

my

happiness, and something

154

LAST MEMORY.
me
like the gaze of a

looked out of them upon
friend,

whose silence speaks more than words.
of a past happiness, the

The memory
past,

memory
upon the

of a past sorrow, the silent meditation

when everything disappears that surrounds and restrains us, when the soul throws itself
upon the green mound of her child who has slept under
down,
like

a mother

graveit

many
well

long years, when no hope, no desire, disturbs
the silence of peaceful resignation,
call sadness,

we may

but there

is

a rapture in this sad-

ness which only those
suffered

know who have

loved and

much.
ties

Ask

the mother what she feels

when she
veil she

upon

the head of her daughter the

once wore as a bride, and thinks of the
!

husband no longer with her Ask a man what he feels when the maiden whom he has loved,
and the world has torn from him, sends him
after death the dried rose

youth

!

which he gave her in They may both weep, but their tears

are not tears of sorrow, but tears of joy; tears

of sacrifice, with which

man

consecrates himself

A STORY OF GERMAN LOVE.
to the Divine,

155

and with

faith in

God's love and

wisdom, looks upon the dearest he has passing away from him.
Still

let

us go back in memory, back in the

living presence of the past.

The two days

flew

so swiftly that I was agitated, as the happiness

of seeing her again drew nearer and nearer.
the carriages and horsemen arrived on the

As
first

day from the
with

city, I

saw that the
visitors.

castle

was

alive

gaily-dressed

Banners fluttered
through
the

from

the

roof,

music

sounded

castle-yard.

In the evening, the lake swarmed

with pleasure-boats.

The moennerchors sounded
I

over the waves, and

could not but

listen, for

I fancied she also listened to these

songs from

the window.

Everything was

stirring, also,

on

the second day, and early in the afternoon the
guests

prepared
I

for

departure.

Late

in

the

evening

saw the Hofrath's carriage
to the
city.
I

also going

back alone

I

could not restrain
alone.
I

myself any longer.

knew she was

knew she thought

of me, and longed for me.

156

LAST MEMORY.
I

Should

allow one night to pass without at

least pressing

her hand, without saying to her

that

the

separation

was

over,

that

the

next

morning would waken us to new rapture. I still saw a light in her window why should
she be

alone?

Why

should

I

not,

for

one
Al-

moment
ready
I

at least, feel

her sweet presence?
;

stood at the castle

already
I

I

was about

to pull the bell " said : No ! no

then suddenly

stopped and

weakness

!

You should be
a
thief in

ashamed
the night.

to

stand before her like

Early in the morning go to her like

a hero, returning from battle, for

whom

she

is

now weaving

the crown of love, which she will

place upon thy head in the morning."

And
it

the morning

came

and

I

was with

her,

really with her.

Oh, speak not of the

spirit as if

could exist without the body.

Complete

exist-

ence, consciousness, and enjoyment, can only be

where body and soul are one
spirit,

an embodied
is

a spiritualized body.
it

There

no

spirit
is

without body, else

would be a ghost: there

A STORY OF GERMAN LOVE.
no body without
spirit, else it

157

would be a corpse.
?

Is the flower in the field without spirit
it

Does
and

not appear in a divine

will,

in

a creative
it

thought which preserves it, and gives That is its soul existence ? only it
the flower, while
it

life

is

silent in

manifests itself in
after
all,

man by
all,

words.

Real
;

life

is,

the bodily and
is,

spiritual life

real consciousness

after

the

bodily and
together
together,
is,

spiritual consciousness;
after
all,

real

being

bodily and spiritually being

which

I

had

and the whole world of memory in lived so happily for two days, dislike a

appeared

shadow,

like

a nonentity, as I
I

stood before her, and was really with her.

could have laid
eyes,

my

hands upon her brow, her
to

and her cheeks,
if it

know, to unmistakably
not only the image

know,

were

really she

which had hovered before

day and night, but a being who was not mine, and still could and would be mine; a being in whom I

my

soul

could believe as in myself; a being far from

me

and yet nearer

to

me

than

my own

self;

a being

158
without
;

LAST MEMORY.

whom my life was no life, death was no death without whom my poor existence would I felt, as my dissolve into infinity like a sigh.
thoughts and glances rested upon her, that now,
in this very instant, the happiness of

my

exist-

ence was complete

and a shudder crept over me as I thought of death but it seemed no longer to have any terror for me; for death could not destroy this love it would only purify,
;

ennoble, and immortalize it. It was so beautiful to be

silent

with her.

The whole depth

of her soul was reflected in

her countenance, and as

I looked upon her I saw and heard her every thought and emotion. "You make me sad," she seemed on the point

of saying, and yet would not.
together again at
not!
last?

"Are we not
Complain
to

Be

quiet!

Ask not! Be not bad
still

Speak not!
to

Be welcome

me!

me!"

All this looked from
to disturb

her eyes, and

we did not venture

the peace of our happiness with a word.

A STORY OF GERMAN LOVE.
"

159

Have you

received a letter from the
first

Ho-

frath?" was the

question,

and her voice

trembled with each word.
"

No,"

I replied.
silent
is

She was
"
that I

for
it

a time, and then said:

Perhaps can

it

better

has happened thus, and

tell

you everything myself.

My friend,
Let

we

see each other to-day for the last time.

us part in peace, without complaint and without
anger.
I I
feel

wrong.

that I have done you a great have intruded upon your life without

thinking that even a light breath often withers

a flower.

I

know

so

little

of the world that I

did not believe a poor suffering being like
self

could inspire anything but
in a frank

pity.

I

mywelcomed
I

you

and friendly way because
I

had

known you
presence
I

so long, because I felt so well in your

why should

not

tell

all?

because

loved you.

But the world does not understand

or tolerate this love.

The Hofrath has opened
city
is

my

eyes.

The whole

talking about us.

My

brother, the

Regent,

has

written

to

the

160

LAST MEMORY.

and he requests me never to see you I deeply regret that I have caused you again. this sorrow. Tell me you forgive me and
Prince,

then

let

us separate as friends."
eyes had
filled

Her
them
"

with tears, and she closed

that I should not see her weeping. " Marie," said I, for me there is but one
is

life

which
which

with you

;

but for you there

is

one

will

is

your own.
fire

Yes, I confess, I love you of love, but I feel I

with the whole
worthily yours.

You
and

stand far above
purity,

am not me in

nobility, sublimity

and

I

can scarcely

understand the thought of ever calling you
wife.

my

And, yet, there

is

no other road on which
Marie,

we could
you
world

travel through life together.
;

are wholly free
is

I

ask for no

sacrifice.

The

great,

and

if

see each other again.
feel

you wish it, we shall never But if you love me, if you

you are mine, oh, then, let us forget the world and its cold verdict. In my arms I will
bear you to the
altar,

and on
life

my

knees I wiD

Bwear to be yours in

and

in death."

A STORY OF GERMAN LOVE.
"

161

My

friend," said she,

"
it

we must never wish
been God's
this life,
will that

for the impossible.

Had

such a

tie

should unite us in

would He,

forsooth, have

imposed these burdens upon me
incapable of being else than

which make

me

a helpless child?
call Fate,

Do

not forget that what
life, is

we
in

Circumstance, Relations, in

reality only the work of Providence.
it

To
it

resist

is

to resist

God

himself,
it

and were

not so

childish one might call

presumptuous.
heaven.
/

wander on earth

like the stars in

Men God

has indicated the paths upon which they meet,

and

if

they are to separate, they must.!
it

Resist-

ance were useless, otherwise

would destroy the

whole system of the world. We cannot underI cannot mystand it, but we can submit to it.
)

self

understand

why my
!

inclination towards

you

was wrong. No I cannot, will not call it wrong. But it cannot be, it is not to be. My friend,
this

isjsnough

we must submit

in humility

and

ii

1

62

LAST MEMORY.

Notwithstanding the calmness with which she
spoke, I saw

how deeply

she suffered

;

and yet

I

thought
battle of

it

wrong

to surrender so quickly in this

life.

I restrained

myself as

much

as I

could, so that
"

no passionate word should increase
:

her trouble, and said
If this
is

the last time

we

are to meet in
ofier this

this life, let us see clearly to
sacrifice.

whom we

If
I

our love violated any higher law
would, as you say,

whatsoever,
humility.

bow myself

in

It

were a forgetfulness of
It

God

to opat

pose one's self to a higher will.
times as
if

may seem
if

men

could delude God, as

their

small sense had gained

Divine wisdom.

This
this

is

some advantage over the and the man frenzy
Titanic
battle,
will

who commences
love?

be

crushed and annihilated.

But what opposes our
talk

Nothing but the

of the world.
society.
I

I

respect the customs of respect
refined
ficial

human

even

them when, as and confused.

in

our time, they are over-

A

sick

body needs

arti-

medicines, and without

the barriers, the

A STORY OF GERMAN LOVE.

163

respect and the prejudices of society, at which

we

smile,

it

were impossible to hold mankind

together as at present existing, and to accomplish
the purpose of our temporal co-existence.

We

must

sacrifice

much

to these divinities.

Like the

Athenians,

we send every year a heavy boatload

of youths and maidens as tribute to this monster

which rules the labyrinth of our society. There is no longer a heart that has not broken there
;

no longer a man of true feelings who has not been obliged to break the wings of his love beis

fore
It

he came into the cage of society for
so.

rest.

must be
not

It

cannot be otherwise.

You

know
can
"

life,

but thinking only of

my

friends, I

tell

you many volumes of One loved a maiden, and
;

tragedy.

the love was rerich.

turned
fathers

but he was poor, she was

The

and relatives wrangled and sneered, and two hearts were broken. Why ? Because the
world

looked
to

woman

upon it as a misfortune for a wear a dress made of the wool of

1

64

LAST MEMORY.

a shrub in America, and not of the fibres of

a

worm

in

China.
in

"Another loved a maiden, and was loved
return;
Catholic.
mischief,

but he was a Protestant, she was a

The mothers and

the

priests

bred

and two hearts were broken.
political

Why?

On

account of a

game

of chess which
together,

Charles
three

V

and

Henry VIII played

hundred years ago.
third loved a maiden,
;

"A
return
sisters

and was loved

in

but he was a noble, she a peasant.

The

were angry, and quarreled, and two hearts were broken. Why ? Because, a hundred years

ago,

one soldier
life

slew another in battle,
of his king.
his

who

threatened the
title

This gave him

and honors, and
the blood
life.

great
that

grandson extime,

piated
"

shed at

with a

disappointed

The

statisticians say a heart is
I

broken every
In almost

hour, and

believe

it.

But why?

every case, because the world does not recognize love between 'strange people,' unless it be

A STORY OF GERMAN LOVE.
between man and
the same
fice.

165

wife.

If

two maidens love
fall

man

the one must

as a sacri-

If

two men love the same maiden, one
fall

or both must

as a sacrifice.

Why?

Canto

not

one

love

a maiden,

without

wishing

marry her?

Cannot one look upon a woman,

without desiring her for his

own?

You

close

your eyes,

and

I

feel

I

have said too much.

The world
in
life

has changed the most sacred things
the

into
!

most

common.

But,

Marie,

enough
But

Let us talk the language of the world
talk,

when we must
let

and act
a

in

it,

and with

it.

us preserve

sanctuary where

two

hearts

can

speak

the

pure

language of the

heart, undisturbed by the raging of the world

without.
sion,
this

The world

itself

honors

this

seclu-

courageous resistance, which noble

hearts, conscious of their

own

rectitude,

oppose
atten-

to the

ordinary course of things.

The

tions, the amenities, the prejudices of the world

are

like

a climbing
its

plant.

It

is

pleasant

to

see an ivy, with

thousand tendrils and

roots,

1

66

LAST MEMORY.
;

decorating the solid wall-work

but

it

should
else
it

not be allowed
will

too luxuriant

growth,
the

penetrate

every crevice of

structure,

and destroy the cement which welds it together. Be mine, Marie follow the voice of your heart. The word which now hangs upon your lips de;

cides forever your

life

and mine

my

happi-

ness and yours."
I

was

silent.

The hand
pressure

I

held in mine rethe heart.

turned

the

warm

of

A

storm raged in her breast, and the blue heaven
before

me

never seemed so beautiful as now,

while the storm swept by, cloud upon cloud.

"Why
if

do you love me?" said
still

she, gently, as

she must

delay the

moment
the
it

of decision.

f"Why, Marie?
sun

Ask

child

why

it

is

born; ask the flower

why

blossoms; ask the

why

it

shines.
if

I I

love you because I must

love you.1 But
further, let this

compelled to answer book, lying by you, which you

am

love so much, speak for

me:

A STORY OF GERMAN LOVE.
bere
solte
ntcfjt

167

folte

ba

liebSre sin,

unb

in biser libe

angeseljen roerben mtfc unb unnufc, fromcn

ober sdjaben, genrin ober oorlust, ere ober unere, lob ober unlob ober biser feins, sunber roa in ber
roarb/it

bas ebelste unb bas
attcrticbSte

atter begte tgt,

ba

olt

aud^ ba
cittern

umb ba,

ba

tn, ntd^tS nnberS ban e ba^ ebelt unb ba bete it.

unb umb

J^ie

nod mod;t etn ntend^e

em

leben gertcj^ten won
:

it[3en

unb oon innen.

33on

u[en

roan unber ben

anber, bar nad^ ban ba erotg gut in etnem mer ober minner gd^inet unb rourfet ban in bem anbern. $n rceld;em nun

creaturen ist eins

beser ban ba

ba

gut atter meist 0d;inct ; ludjtet, tuuvfet unb it oud) ba bcte unber gcltebct roirt, ba ben creaturen ; unb in roeldjem bi mint it, ba it
erctg

befaut

unb

oud; ba

atter

mint

gut.

@o nu
im
ie

ber menSdje bie
get,

creatur

b/anbelt

unb ba mit umb
o Sol
std)
.

unb bten
unb

unberd)eit befennet,
bie ItebSte
id;

bie beste creatur

in

unb sol
.

mit

flis

ju

ir l;alben

ba mit ooretntgen

."]

"

The

best should be the most loved, and in
there should be no consideration of

this love

advantage or disadvantage, gain or loss, honor 01 dishonor, praise or blame, or anything else, but
of that which in reality
is

the noblest

and

best,

1

68

LAST MEMORY.
;

which should be the dearest of all and for no other reason, but because it is the noblest and
best.

According
is

to this a
life.

inner and outer

man should plan his From without: if among
in

mankind there

one better than another,

proportion as the eternally good shines or works more in one than in another. That being in whom the eternally good shines, works, is known

and loved most, is therefore the best among mankind; and in whom this is most, there is As now a man has interalso the most good. course with a being, and apprehends this distinction, then the best being should be the dearest to him, and he should fervently cling to it. and
unite himself with
"
it

"Because you are the most perfect creature
that I know, Marie, therefore I

am good

to you,

therefore you are dear to me, therefore

we

love

each other.
say that

Speak the word which

lives in you,

you are mine.

Deny
sent

not your innerlife
it

most convictions.
suffering

God

has imposed a

of

you.

upon you. Your sorrow

He
shall

me

to

bear

with

be

my

sorrow, and

we

A STORY OF GERMAN LOVE.
will
sails

169

bear

it

together, as the ship bears the heavy
life

into the safe

which guide it through the storms of haven at last."
silent.

She grew more and more
flush

A

gentle

played

upon her cheeks

like

the quiet
full

evening gleam.

Then

she opened her eyes

the sun gleamed
lustre.

all at

once with marvellous

"I

am

yours," said she.

"God

wills

it.

Take
yours,

me

just as I

am; so long

as I live I

am

and may God bring us together again in a more beautiful life, and recompense your love."

We
lips

lay heart to heart.

My

lips

closed the

upon which had
life,

of

my

with a

just now hung the blessing Time stood still gentle kiss.

for us.

The world about

us disappeared.

Then

a deep sigh escaped from her breast.

"May

God

fofgive

me

for this rapture," she whispered.
I

"Leave me alone now,

cannot endure more.

Auf

iviedersehen !

my

friend,

my

loved one,

my

savior."

170

LAST MEMORY.
last

These were the
her.

words

I

ever heard from

But no

I

had reached home and was
in troubled dreams.
It

lying

upon
"
is

my bed

was

past

midnight when the Hofrath

entered
said

my
he
;

room.
"

Our angel

is

in

Heaven,"

here

the last greeting she sends you."

With

these words he gave

me

a

letter.

It

enclosed

the ring which she had given me, and I once had

given her, with the words:

"As God

wills."

It

was wrapped in an old paper, whereon she had some time written the words I spoke to her

when a
Marie."

child

"
:

What

is

thine,

is

mine.

Thy

Hours
It

long,

we

sat together

without speaking.

was a

spiritual

swoon which Heaven sends us

when

the load of pain

becomes greater than we
old

can bear.

At
said

last the

man

arose, took

my

hand and

"
:

We

see each other to-day for

the last time, for

days are numbered.

you must leave here, and my There is but one thing I

must say to you a secret which I have carried I have all my life, and confessed to no one.

A STORY OF GERMAN LOVE.
always longed to confess
to
it

171
Listen

to

some one.
left

me.

The
I

spirit

which has

us was a beau-

tiful

spirit,

a majestic, pure soul, a deep, true
spirit as beautiful as

heart.
still

knew one
beautiful.

hers
I

more

It

was her mother.

loved

her mother, and she loved me.
poor,

We

were both

and

I struggled

with

life to

obtain an hon-

orable position both on her account and

my own.

The young

Prince saw
Prince
;

my

bride and loved her.

He

was

my

he loved her ardently.
sacrifice

He

was ready
her, the
I

to

make any

and

to elevate

poor orphan, to the rank of Princess.
I sacrificed the

loved her so that
love for her.
I I

happiness of

my

forsook

my

native land

and
I

wrote her

would release her from her vow.

never saw her again, except on her death-bed.

She died

in giving birth to
I

her

first

daughter.

Now

you know why
life

loved your Marie, and
to day.

prolonged her

from day

She was
life.

the only being that linked

my
it.

heart to this

Bear

life

as I

have borne

Lose not a day in

useless

lamentation.

Help mankind whenever

172

LAST MEMORY.
Love them and thank God
and
that

you can.
such a

you

have seen and known and loved on

this earth

human

heart as hers

that

you have

lost it."

"As God will"

said

I,

and we parted

for

life.

days and weeks and months and years have flown. Home is a stranger to me, and a
foreign land
is

And

my

home.

But her love remains

with me, and as a tear drops into the ocean, so

has her love dropped into the living ocean of

humanity and pervades and embraces millions " " millions of the whom I have strange people
so loved from childhood.

one

Only on quiet summer days like this, when in the green woods has nature alone at heart,

and knows not whether there are human beings without, or he is living entirely alone in the
world, then there
is

a

stir in

the graveyard of
full

memory, the dead thoughts rise again, the

omnipotence of love returns to the heart and

A STORY OF GERMAN LOVE.
streams out from that beautiful being

173

who once

looked upon
eyes.
lions

me
it

with

her deep unfathomable
if

Then
were

seems as

the love for the mil-

lost in the love for the one,

my good

angel,

and

my

thoughts are

dumb

in the pres-

ence of the incomprehensible enigma of endless

and everlasting

lovt.

MEMORIES
A STORY OF GERMAN LOVE From German of MAX MULLER by GEORGE P. UPTON
the

"A

the harmonies of verse to
exquisite

touching story, whose tender pathos lacks only make it one of the most

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is

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