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Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of

the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, He is my refuge and my fortress, my


God, in whom I trust. (Psalm 91:1-2)
I will never forget looking at that Post It. I was exhausted, coming out of the first
week of the Bar Exam, shocked at what just happened and left stunned not knowing
if I would ever have a chance to pass. I was probably having a panic attack so I
slowly walked towards the locker and leaned my head on it. Then I saw the Post It
which said:
Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the
Almighty.
I immediately teared up (just a bit, because I didnt want people to see me cry for
Ive done enough crying that day) for I knew Ive been through hell and back that
day. But in that place I considered to be hell, my God was there, asking me to take
refuge in Him.
Weeks and eventually months passed, I was once again in a place of fear. The Bar
Exam results were about to come out and I was left paralyzed in fear while on my
bed. I couldnt convince myself that I would pass. I couldnt hold on to anything that
I used to hold on to, my intelligence, my Philippine Science High School education,
or the fact that I had performed well in every big exam that I ever took. I was stuck,
I had nothing. All I can hold on to thenwas God.
He finally got me. In a position of complete helplessness and surrender. It was at
that moment that I finally got to say words that scared me so much. Lord, I know
that You are good, and that You love me and that You have the best for me. So I
surrender to you the Bar Exam results. If I pass, I pass and if I fail, I fail but one
thing is for sure, You will do whatever You want to bring You the most glory. And
with that I had peace. And true enough, me passing the Bar Exam, because of Him
transforming my life while in law school, has given Him the most glory.
I thought it was over. I thought I would never have to experience that tension again.
Yet here we are again. I am here, praying for something life changing again. Just like
the Bar Exam, it made sense that the answer to this prayer was a yes. But again, I
cant hold on to that. I cant hold on to anything. And sometimes, I find myself
paralyzed again. Not this fear again. The fear that something so good is right before
me and I might not get it.
Then this verse pops up again in my quiet time. But verse 2 actually catches my
attention this time around.
I will say of the Lord, He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.
Refuge. Fortress. Trust. Big words. But at this moment I find it very comforting. He is
my refuge. If I want to just lie down in fear, then I can lie down in fear with the Lord.
I can tell Him what I am afraid of, and I can find rest in Him. He is my fortress. He is
the one that shields me from any negative thoughts. I know that like a fortress, I can

trust its walls and its sturdy design and I can hold on that. I can trust the Lord. I
know His character. I know that I can confidently pray this again. Lord, I know that
You are good, and that You love me and that You have the best for me. So I
surrender to you my prayer requests. One thing is for sure, You will do whatever You
want to bring You the most glory.
Honestly, I do believe that this will bring God the most glory. Although I cant hold
on to that, I will choose once again to trust Him. I know that He has the best for me
even while I am here on earth and that, I can hold on to.
I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the
living. (Psalm 27:13)
*To be continued*

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