Today, I was told by my English teacher that I had to write in one specific way.

A format that has been perfected through forced usage throughout the world. Why our schools like this format is easy to see. You see, this format is tailored to dumb people, its not very hard to master. All it is is a simple memorization of simple acronyms (MT, ST, CD, CM) and short sentences so that even the worst of students could learn this way. Now I am in no way saying that this format is bad, its just not good to tell your students that your writing will be constrained by some format simply because it is what it means to be, idiot proof. But why can't we choose how we write, and by process of trial and error, learn to write. Or show us these methods of writing and give us the option, instead of simply telling us how they want you to write. but I can't change the system, all I am is one voice, screaming to ears that refuse to listen, tossing statistics whenever too many of the right questions are asked. Down with constriction of creativity in our school systems!! Even though it's a bit long, we could chant it in front of our English classes, it'd be fun. This daily enlightenment brought to you by Costco: Buy in Bulk! That way you will eat the same goddamn thing for weeks, months at a time, screaming for it all to be gone so you can eat flavor again. daily enlightenment not guaranteed everyday, I'm following this "format" so I can pass Jr. year Being at a principals office is a lot like being at the dentists office. You are there either because you had an appointment, or someone sent you. There's always a kid crying inside the office as you wait patiently for your turn to do the same. The secretary always gives you those really ugly looks as you sit there twiddling your thumbs, almost like she's trying to set you on fire with her laser vision. There's never anything to do as your being gazed at and listening to the blood curdling cries of the youth in the office. But if there's a really hot chick there, you can't walk over and introduce yourself cause we both know why your there. But then you walk in. The tear streaked young girl flies past you, her eyes like rocks. And you walk in. The man there tells you to sit in the chair in front of you, like your a retard and can't find the only chair there, besides his big, comfortable chair. His diplomas decorate the room, showing that he might know what he's doing. He starts asking you odd questions like how school is going, like he actually cares. Then he starts to probe you, and you feel a bout of fear, because you don't know what he's going to do next. And then he starts talking about how horrible you have been regarding your teeth/behavior. And you become scared of what he actually knows. You then start making excuses on your behalf, but it makes no difference, your still screwed. The only difference between the principal and the dentist is that the dentist doesn't make you do naughty things to clear your record. This daily enlightenment brought to you by Geico: I'm dying of cancer, my wife left me for a midget, my house is being destroyed by the government and they lost my reimbursement check, all my money was taken by my wife, and I haven't gotten laid in 14 years, but I do have some good news, no wait, Geico won't accept me, never mind. daily enlightenment not guaranteed everyday, I am in the principals office, or at the dentists

I may not be able to post these crazy things over the weekend, for I am grounded. But what is grounded anyways? is it just another way of sending the kid to time out? To me, being grounded makes you do a couple of things. 1) it makes you regret doing the thing you did, kinda, mostly it makes you regret you got caught, and in getting caught it makes you, 2) hide future endeavors that you may get grounded doing, forcing you to lie cheat and steal your way to not getting grounded, but when the parents find out you will 3) get worse punishment, i.e. longer grounding, because you covered up what you were doing by lying, cheating and stealing. So basically, grounding the kid defeats its own purpose, because kids will inevitably do stupid things, so let them. Let them get in trouble on their own terms, but instill your own character in them so that maybe they will avoid doing the stupid thing in the first place. And that is why my kid will be completely fucked up. this daily enlightenment brought to you by The US Army: An Army of One, well it's not just you, its a lot more soldiers, we aren't that low on soldiers, yet daily enlightenment not guaranteed everyday, I'm grounded Dude, I am now allowed back on the computer, and I am no longer grounded, why? because I used my amazing charm to get out of it. Which brings me to my next topic, lying. Lying is simply the wrong version of the truth. It is simply a way to make someone believe something that isn't true. Political figures do this very well, things like, "When I was in England, I experimented with marijuana a time or two, and I didn't like it I didn't inhale and never tried it again." (Clinton). Now for some of you Clinton fans out there, I am not dissing the former prez, I'm just saying that he inhaled, liked it, and tried marijuana again, I'm sorry but it's the truth and you know it. Now for some of you Bush fans, "Bush said he would never answer (the marijuana) question because he wants to set a good example for kids. He doesn't ever want them to say 'Hey Daddy, President Bush tried marijuana, so I will.' So now instead when parents say 'Son, you been smoking dope?' they can say 'Hey Daddy, President Bush didn't answer that question and I'm not going to answer it either.'" — Jay Leno, on the emergence of secretly recorded tapes in which Bush admitted to marijuana use. Now Bush was a partier, and you bush fans know it, he smoked his dope, and he smoked it good. Now marijuana may have nothing to do with the lying subject, but I will assure you, I will make some kind of loop around. Oh here it is, marijuana is just another one of those things people lie about, why? because it's one of those things everybody likes in private, but you just can't talk about to a public audience. So there. Oh, and in case your wondering, I was not caught with marijuana, that's the truth. But I tried it only once, when I was in Europe, and I didn't inhale, and I didn't like it. This daily enlightenment brought to you by Wells Fargo: Bringing the best customer service in all of Wells Fargo. daily enlightenment not guaranteed everyday, I'm not inhaling Because I have missed yesterday and today, I have decided to do a double daily enlightenment. I can do it whenever I want because I am king of the daily enlightenment mwuahaha. Anyways, I am going to ask all the parents something, not that they are reading this but all those parents who have put spy software into

their kids computer to get their kids password and have fallen in love with these daily enlightenment's, then I ask you one simple question, why make kids clean their rooms? A very simple question to ask, but it always leads to, " Because I told you to, now shut the fuck up and clean your goddamn room." I wouldn't consider that an applicable answer according to my definition. Then they pull out the old' "You can't see the floor, I can't walk through your room." First of all, We get through the room quite easily, in fact we have mastered he art of going through a room that is littered with random shit, we do it just fine, why can't you? And also, there is nothing in our rooms that could be of use to you. Unless your going to clean our rooms, then the only thing that could be of an use to you is one of two things, 1) our drug/porno stash, for your reality enhancing pleasure or 2) You are putting spy software on your kids computer so you can jump on myspace to read these highly insightful daily enlightenment's. this daily enlightenment brought to you by Google: now with a cool toolbar that corrects spelling mistakes, so John can spell guarenteed right daily enlightenment not guaranteed everyday, I'm cleaning my room yay, It's another daily enlightenment. Another insightful thought to ponder as you fall asleep in your bed, or when you are as high as a kite and pass out right next to your bed while you were searching for it. But I have always wondered who makes beds? I want to meet the kid who, at the age of five, they say to their friends, "I want to make beds for a living!" Which also includes hundreds of other crappy jobs that somehow find an employee. Jobs like missing luggage attendants, DMV employees, That Churro guy, people who work at the complaint department, a janitor at a janitor supply warehouse, a secretary to a secretary, coffin salesman, door-to-door door salesman, a janitor at a fake poop factory, a musician for a boy band, taste tester for those puke tasting jelly beans, a salesperson for a really crappy product, a substitute teacher...for a substitute teacher, the guy who makes computer keyboard keys, a the guy that cleans porta potties, the assistant of the guy that cleans porta potties, a professional potty trainer ( they have to be happy whenever the kid takes a dump), the guy that gets coffee at a movie shoot when he actually wanted a part in the movie he is getting coffee for, an assassins assistant, a doorknob maker, a midget high rise builder, a midget aspiring basketball player, the guy who claims people dead, the guy who is the assistant to the guy who claims people dead, anyone who has noticed that this is a run-on sentence. And that's all I can think of right now, any more then you can reply them to me. I just hope I inspired one person to do their homework tonight. This daily enlightenment brought to you by Pick-Up Stix: We are cool cause we spelled sticks wrong, that and we serve Chinese food, laced to the brim with LSD daily enlightenment not guaranteed everyday, I am looking for a crappy job OK, to explain my lack of timeliness on today's daily enlightenment, I went to the improv show thing, and enjoyed every minute of it, so yay. Anyways, where is the world going? not in a metaphorical way, like the world is becoming less and less good, for lack of a better word. I mean in the most literal way imaginable, Where the

earth is going in the universe. Because eventually the pull of the sun will loosen on our lonely planet and we will slowly go towards the sun. Now if the earth were to become close enough to the sun, all life on earth will slowly disintegrate due to the destroyed atmosphere. The first noticeable difference will be the gradual increase in temperature. Then the ozone will finally give out and the weather will dramatically change. Because of the heightened ocean temperature, there will be a greater occurrence of hurricanes in the tropics. They will slowly destroy the cities in their wake, merciless to there pleas. Then microwaves will slip through the weakened atmosphere and will cook anything in its path. Eventually the solar winds will cause 24 hour electrical storms and cook everything else. within months, all plants will cease to exist, within the year all life will be destroyed, except those in the far poles and those that live underground. And that's what the future holds for us, but if it's any consolation it won't happen for hundreds of more years, yay for the end of the world! this daily enlightenment brought to you by Comedy Central: laugh little monkey LAUGH daily enlightenment not guaranteed everyday, I am witnessing the end of the world Holy crap, school sucks. This daily enlightenment brought to you by Sony: our stuff is the best because it is made in Japan, everything from Japan is good, right? daily enlightenment not guarenteed everyday, school sucks Since it is the week of the man made phenomenon that is daylight savings time, I will give a history and synopsis of this very occurrence. Originally the law was enacted in 1916 in Germany and Austria to save fuel and electricity. The law was taken up by Americans until 1918, but was repealed in 1919 because we couldn't decide if we wanted it or not. In 1945, President Roosevelt decided to put it into action again, except without government help. So basically, the state could decide whether it wanted daylight savings time or not, and how much it would effect the time, this caused tons of confusion cause no one knew whether they wanted this system or not. It wasn't until 1974 when Nixon made DST universal for all states, except Arizona, cause they don't like daylight savings time. But you have to ask yourself, what happens to time on that day? Because when the clock goes back, it must come forward again, so what happens when it goes back to 2 AM, which is when daylight savings time begins, does it, being time, go back to 1 AM causing a never ending time flux eventually ending civilization itself. But you have to ask yourself, When did the government decide they can govern the one thing that shouldn't need governing, time itself. So far, Time hasn't started any riots or killed anyone, but the governments of the world have complete control over the time that is supposed to govern us. Maybe the government has time in a little shed or locker somewhere and they let it out a little at a time so we don't have too much time, that way we only have enough time to get things done and not write a paper on daylight savings time, but they forget one thing, John time is on a totally different plane then your normal person time.

this daily enlightenment brought to you by Microsoft: We own your soul, we have it in the back in a storage shed daily enlightenment not guaranteed everyday, I am contemplating time, again Have you ever had that feeling that you can't think? You literally don't know what you are doing, can't process information, a life writers block. Its not drug derived or because you are really stupid, just one day you are out of things to think. Maybe it's 'cause you've thought of too many things and you need to relax your crazy brain. Maybe that's why so many old people are confused sometimes, cause they have driven their doomed brain straight to the ground. I am not saying that I am at this point in this particular state, or else I would be sitting in front of the television vegging instead of writing this. But what I am saying is this is a serious problem in today's society. Today's companies, unknowingly, drive their employees to insanity through making them use their brains too much. Now I am in no way saying this is bad, I'm just saying that it happens, and it is lowering efficiency. So what do we do about it? Well I think that I have an answer. I figure that this happens mostly to people who sit in front of a computer, writing code, making worksheets, analyzing data, etc. etc. So I propose that those companies that don't want this brain ceasing anomaly to happen to their precious employees team up with video game companies and give each of their employees a choice of video games to drain some of those thoughts. And while they're at it, let them cuss out their boss whenever they please, it'll save on those psychology bills i guarantee it. This daily enlightenment brought to you by Edwards Cinemas: with added make out corner, cause we know that's the only reason you go to movies anyway daily enlightenment not guaranteed everyday, I'm vegging in front of the television.