Um. You use it on a daily basis.

Constantly switching between your topic and this word, but never knowing exactly why. Well according to studies done by many Universities, uh and um is simply the brain resetting itself while it sets up for the next bit of information to be said. You see, when the brain is done saying something, or you say uh or um, the brain has to recharge the synapses used during that conversation. This is a lot of the reason behind stumbling through words and mumbling. It also turns out that uh is used in subjects you dont consider to important or when you truly cant think of what to say next. Um is used when you are talking about a subject you feel passionate about or are very knowledgeable about. Why I looked and researched for this is beyond me, but, uh, you know, its like, cool and stuff. This daily enlightenment brought to you by Intel processors: Intel Inside, YOUR MOM!! Daily enlightenment not guaranteed everyday, Im um, you know, doing stuff and ya. I think they should make cars that are meant to be crashed into. Just think of it, it would save hundreds of millions on insurance, and you could get your kicks everyday when you go to work. And when you crash into someone, they wouldnt care, why? Cause the car was made to be crashed into. It would have an all rubber body, but that hard rubber, like the kind on erasers, and then, instead of an airbag, a gigantic blast of morphine would blow into you so that you dont feel the actual hit. Just think of a world where everyone can smash into each other and no one cares, it would be paradise, or complete chaos, either way though, I will still be entertained. Airbag or morphine, still damn funny no matter which one blows into your face. This daily enlightenment brought to you by Toyota: now with Hybrid Synergy drive, another excuse to use to take two really stupid words that you havent seen since the SAT and throw them together. Daily enlightenment not guaranteed everyday, Im crashing my Crash-a-Car. Im going to start a cult. In this cult were going to praise the Trix bunny. You see, throughout my life I have seen nothing but pure disrespect for this Trix bunny. All he does is want a bowl of cereal, and he tries so very hard to get what he wants. It is my belief then, that whoever successfully gives the Trix bunny a bowl of his own cereal, will live in pure bliss with the Trix bunny, frolicking through fields of cereal and sugar for eternity, on planet TRX where there is no air pollution, which according to the Trix bunny, causes aging. I am using this daily enlightenment to recruit people, but I will never mention this again, so if you want in, just tell me, and give me all of your earthly possessions. This daily enlightenment brought to you by The Pope: Hells yes my brethren, the pope is in the hizouse. Daily enlightenment not guaranteed everyday, Im creating my cult

If you think Im stupid for saying anything like praising the Trix bunny, send me a message, then go fuck yourself for denying the almighty power of the Trix bunny. All Hail. In a world where you are considered free, one must assess the true definition of freedom. Woh, that was true mastery of the English language, and my teacher says I have no sentence structure, to which i quickly replied "Shove it up your ass." But nevertheless, what is freedom? Is it the true choice to choose what you want to do in the morning. Is the absence of government the presence of utter freedom? As far as my knowledge, the United States is the true example of freedom. We have a long list of atrocities, atrocities that, to some would be nefarious in nature, to others would be a simple counter to the powers that may harm the overall populous of the United States. Our nations, however, cannot be called "free" in the most extreme sense of the word. You see, the US has many policies set forth so that the people of the US may act out against the government in controlled areas, for the safety of those not within the crowd, so therefore, the people may riot against the government as long as it is controlled by the government. An interesting concept to grasp, a controlled chaos, but it has been around for the better half of our nations past. There have been atrocities against our people though. Countless people have died at the hands of our government, some that were guilty of the crimes they were sentenced to, and some who weren't. The problem with those who were innocent, is that the court system is based on the reality that people lie. The fact that you are on the defense side of the room is because you are either lying, or everyone else thinks you are. The fact is, everyone, no matter who you are, Republican, Democratic, liberal, conservative, pro-choice, pro-life, pro-god in schools so that the children can learn about god and possibly find better acronyms then their parents for god in schools, or even against PIS (Prayer I Schools) we are all on the defense side, because in order to be free, we must embrace the differences of the person on the other side of the room, because if we can't, we will no longer have the greatest nation in the world. In it's place we will have a gigantic pile of people who hate eachother, all trying to prove that they are right. This daily enlightenment brought to you by Internet Explorer: remember when you used the little bar on the right of your screen to skip all the political shit John was spewing all over his screen, ya we did that. daily enlightenment not guaranteed everyday, don't worry people, the next one will be funny, I just thought I would test the waters a bit. The art of procrastination. It's an amazingly particular art that requires amazing amounts of vigilance and will to go on with the plan, that is, to have no plan. Procrastination is a skill that is learned, you are not born with this skill, and you can't have a certain "nack" for it, you must study it's ways and be one with the procrastination. If you have read my previous daily enlightenment's, you may notice a trend. An odd assortment of views on the world, fueled by the very art that I am talking about. That's right! to most this doesn't come as a surprise, but to the challenged minority, the story is out, daily enlightenment's were created by the utter need to procrastinate. Because once you procrastinate; learn the fine art of it's ways, you can't go back. It is the ultimate drug (a bit of an exaggeration of course but it's the ultimate drug that doesn't cost anything, I'll put it that way.) Now, I will concede that procrastination in its basic form is easy. The fact that you can put something off for long periods is simple, there's no real effort there. But to get the project done in

a manner that is the height of perfection, the signs of it's procrastination nonexistent, that's the art of procrastination. Procrastination is highly misunderstood. it's articuate nature is simply misunderstood by the parents of the procrastinator. Procrastination in itself needs a bit of a face lift, a PR change if you will. You see, in our society we are a very time based community of people. Everyone wears a watch, no one can go 40 minutes without knowing the time. The screams of "damnit I'm going to be late" "I can't believe I missed the bus" "I can't go to the strip bar, I have a presentation tomorrow" All of these phrases are heard constantly. That is why parents don't like procrastination, they have been reared to believe that time is everything, from sun up to sun down all the time between these two phenomenon must be utilized to its most extreme point, no playing or fun is necessary when work is to be done. But if the views were changed, society no longer treated procrastination as a play thing, but instead embraced it as a necessary tool for work, then maybe more things would get done, rather then less. Well, I have procrastinated enough already, peace. This daily enlightenment brought to you by Myspace: your portal to procrastination daily enlightenment not guaranteed everyday, I'm procrastinating it Today I was startled. I was scrolling through Myspace, looking at what my friends were up to. All the while I was listening to my collection of loud rock music, and understandably, I had the volume of my speakers up quite a lot. Now, I don't know if this was some sort of sick joke or something, but as i moved my mouse up to the Home button of Myspace, I careened over a certain "Smiley" ad. as this happened, everything went wrong. Suddenly, a voice from my speakers boomed out a eardrum popping scream, "HEY!!" I jumped four feet away from my desk, unknown to the fact that my dog was lain down immediately behind me. After he cried a yelp of pain, I was startled by his yelp. My reaction was complete confusion of the world i was surrounded by. I stepped into my pile of books where my foot jumped up to avoid anymore pain from these heathens of the classroom. Unknown to my foot though, was that my other foot was not completely situated on the ground below, so my torso plummeted into the ground, making a loud bump. well, unknown to my torso was the books, apparently the foot didn't tell anyone about those devils, not a very talkative foot I have. So my torso, in reaction to the unevenness created by those books, gave a sharp cry to my brain to react. In getting this message from my torso, my brain situated the hands to lift the pained torso away from the danger below. as it lifted, they were unaware of the dog, who was watching from a distance. So as my hands were lifting me up from those evil, evil books, my dog, following some sort of instinct, began to lick my head (the one on my shoulders, you sicko). as a result my hands began to grab my dog away from my head, consequently however, my hands forgot about the invisible force of gravity, so my face smashed straight into the stupid books, again. It was then I decided that it was a useless cause, and also that i should clean my room. The latter thought quickly left my head as soon as it entered. This daily enlightenment brought to you by Those crazy Smileys: our ad scares the shit out of you daily enlightenment not guaranteed everyday, I am being scared by the smiley ads

I don't like to write long papers. Long daily enlightenment's are fine, long English papers, not so much. The thing is, I am passionate about all the subjects I write about here, I could go on for days on these things, but my fingers grow tired and I always seem to want to do something else, you call it ADD, I call it subtract. Anyways, The thing about English papers nowadays, is the subject, which could just as easily be open ended, but instead is close minded and stupid. It's always about an obscure author that dies of some obscure disease in some obscure place and all this guy wrote is some stupid poem that made 20 bucks at a fair. It really pisses me off that these teachers only teach the necessities of homework rather then actually teaching something. I am appalled at our schools don't think of the student as a person, but rather a number. If that number doesn't show up to the numbered class, he will get a numbered call to his numbered family, and be another number in Saturday School, all because the jerk-offs at the top want to make 20 more cents then they need. Have you ever seen these assholes cars! Budget crisis my ass, California pays more money to it's schools then any other state, just over 50% of the total expenditures are to the schools. Does anyone know how much fucking money is in these schools? millions, We are fucking loaded, but where does all that money go? well, the schools say that 70% go directly back to the students in the form of new supplies, etc. What they omit in that statistic, is that's the part of the budget that is taxed for normal businesses. They have found a loophole in the reporting program where they only have to show the budget that normal businesses pay taxes for, since schools don't pay taxes, over 50% of all the money that comes in is unsupervised by the public. This supremely pisses me the fuck off. there is nothing worse then an administration that takes in tax money, using it for the high ups usage. Believe what you want, but I am fucking PISSED about this info, CEOs would be arrested, stockholders fined, people would go to FUCKING JAIL for the things the schools are doing. Budget fucking crisis according to the school systems-not having enough money for the administrators new Jaguar. This daily enlightenment brought to you by SDG&E: Like you have a choice daily enlightenment not guaranteed everyday, I'm pissed that I have to do another paper for this piece of shit school Myspace. You are on it right now, or at least better be cause if some guy is posting these on his website called or something like my cool, I'm going to shoot him, right in the back, while he's sleeping. Anyways, Myspace, it's stranglehold on you is obvious. You are reading the daily enlightenment so therefore you have given your soul to Myspace. But why is this place so appealing. The same question can be asked of AIM, Facebook etc. it's the social factor of it all. The fact that you know who your talking to, or at least believe as such, gives you the satisfaction of knowing that you aren't wasting your life away in front of a computer screen, which you are, but that's not the point. The point is, you are not just typing to nothing, which I sometimes feel like, until someone messages me about these things (you know who you are). But ya, I think that Myspace has found some way to addict you. Not with the pretty colors, or the enticement of the socializing, but through the cooperation of hundreds of companies. What I mean is, Myspace is sending some type of addicting material through your keyboard as you type away to your friends. That's right, Myspace has you addicted, how? Well, it all began at the beginning of computers. Tom's dad knew Tom would someday become leader of some website, or a cult, or both, so Tom's dad made

deals with early computer makers. The deal said, Tom's dad would pay the company money so that the keyboards would release small amounts of addicting material into the veins of the typer, but the addiction wouldn't start up until Tom was grown and had created his website, or cult, or both. So, unknowing, Tom created this website "" calling it "a place for friends." It was then that Tom's dad started up the addicting materials and caused thousands of computer users to go to this "" and they signed up, not knowing that they were going to be addicted for the rest of their lives. And that, my friends, is the Myspace conspiracy, any questions? direct them to the little button that says "Reply" at the bottom, thanks. This daily enlightenment brought to you by The Myspace Cult: We have your soul daily enlightenment not guaranteed everyday, I'm addicted Movies. Ever since the early 20's, these "moving pictures" have entranced audiences around the world. Our views of the world are changed by them, our pop culture is dependant on them. They are the embodiment of today's culture. Whenever you see a movie, there is a certain nostalgia, a flair that has been unchanged for decades. And for good reason too. As you walk into your favorite movie theater, you walk into another world. One that has no rules, no war, no pain, that is, unless you want there to be. The fact that the movie isn't one that someone else thinks you should watch, but rather, one that you feel like watching, gives a person a feeling of control over their surroundings. It's a family affair if you want it to be, or an intimate make out frenzy, if you want it to be. You can watch the movie, or I've heard one person decided not to and instead have sex on the floor. The theater is whatever you want it to be. Man, I want to be the guy on the floor now. Daaaaarnit. This daily enlightenment brought to you by Edwards Theaters: Premium seating, with new flooring that doesn't glow in the dark! daily enlightenment not guaranteed everyday, I'm at the movies, watching a movie, with no one in particular. I really am watching the movie though. I swear! STD's scare me. The name itself, Sexually Transmitted Disease, inserts an innate fear to participate in the activity. But then, there's that whole health class, thing. In health class they tell you that everyone, yes everyone has a STD. They use visualizations to induce fear into the students. For example, when my class started the sex education portion of the class, we began by having one person stand up. That person was labeled with having an STD. This person went to two different people, who were then labeled with having an STD. Then those two people went to two more people and so on until everyone in the class had an "STD." The problem with this model is this. Not everyone with an STD will get laid that much, I doubt anyone gets laid that much. Lets put it this way, not every class is a gigantic orgy, and if they are, I am in the wrong school. But that model still pulses through my head whenever, um, something happens that triggers that thought. The fear that was pushed into our heads works, and we are scared to do something that we were going to end up doing anyways. Because, a fact of life is, at one point or another, you are going to get laid. It just happens, that is, unless your completely unlayable, then, you deserve not to get laid. But as long as you have the urge to go about the task, there is a high possibility of the task happening, if you know what I mean. No

STD is going to stop some loser from getting laid, and if it does, they shouldn't be having sex anyways, bad for the population pool. STD's are real, yes, but as long as you wear the rubber, you worrying ass will be free from syphilis. This daily enlightenment brought to you by Trojan: Slip it on your dick, and AIDS won't get you sick daily enlightenment not guaranteed everyday, I'm not getting STD's It's fun to make people laugh. To give someone a smile at their loneliest times, it makes me feel good inside. I think its like a cool like ESP thing, right, and when you laugh, you send out an awesome ESP signal, which I get for free 'cause I stole my cable, and so it makes me feel good inside. Or maybe its the realization that I am actually funny. But, I've always wondered, who decided a smile would symbolize happiness? You can make hundreds of facial movements, all of which have a certain meaning. If you enforce the sad face, :(, to mean happiness at a young age, will it be the same as they grow older, or will it be the happy, :), face, as we have been taught for centuries. It's the standard question of nature over nurture, if one specific reaction is enforced that contradicts the reactions of previous generations, which one will win out? In fact, just to test this theory, I'm going to teach them that a frown means happy, and then isolate it from the world. I was going to fuck the kid up anyways, might as well make some science out of it. Oh my god, I didn't even realize how horrible that was until I read it a second time. OMG I'm going to hell. This daily enlightenment brought to you by MMM Studios: Put together out of sheer boredom daily enlightenment not guaranteed everyday, I am fucking up my future children