Musings of a Musician Mom, Op. 2 no.

8; “The Barber of Jump Street” The Musician Mom works with a 2nd grade class on a project based on Act II of “The Barber of Seville.” Most of the lines were supplied by the students. “Jump Street” is a local bounce house/trampoline emporium. Musician Mom conducted, played the violin, wrote the arias and edited the lines. Cast of Characters: Count Almaviva: 17 years old, a fast-moving guy who likes to play with his DS-I and do computer searches for animals. He gestures with his hands while talking and usually tells the truth. He loves Las Vegas and the smell of green stinky cheese. Rosina: 16 years old, is a flexible gymnast and violinist who likes to dance and is smart. An orphan, her parents owned a bank, so she’ll be rich someday. She loves cheese pretzels and flowers. Dr. Bartolo (Rosina’s guardian): 45 years old and a trauma surgeon, he likes money and wants to be rich. Figaro Marie: a pro football player, circuit board assembler, pro basketball player, alien robot inventor and pro BMX bike rider who likes to eat tacos in bed. Don Basilio (Rosina’s music teacher): music teacher and Justice of the Peace. He likes pizza and wears skinny jeans. He drives a sporty blue car. The Barber of Jump Street Scene: The sidewalk outside Jump Street. Rosina & Dr. Bartolo wait with the crowd. Chorus: chatter. Enter: Count Almaviva. Almaviva aria (Tune: Who Let the Dogs Out) (clap) I’m Al-ma-vi-va (chorus) Ooh ooh-ooh ooh-ooh I’m smart and tell the truth Ooh ….. I like Ro-si-na Ooh ….. I’d like to marry her Ooh ….. But I have got to hide Ooh ….. From Doc-tor Bar-to-lo Ooh ….. I love Las Ve-gas Ooh …… Green stinky cheese smells (pinching noses) Ooh…..

Chorus: chatter. Almaviva (disguised, to Rosina): Hello, young lady! Have a trampoline coupon for Jump Street. Rosina: Oh. Thank you, sir! (Reads note) Count Almaviva wants to talk to you inside. Dr. Bartolo (to Rosina): That Count Almaviva is no good for you. He still sleeps in a crib! Rosina: What a baby! I’d never have anything to do with him. (crumples note and drops it) Come on inside! I want to teach you to do a flip on the trampoline. Dr. Bartolo: We can do that later. The BMX Hall of Fame Awards Ceremony starts soon. Wow, look how many people showed up! Chorus: chatter. Dr. Bartolo aria (Tune: Mary Had A Little Lamb) I am Doc-tor Bar-to-lo, (chorus) Bar-to-lo, Bar-to-lo. I’m a fa-mous trau-ma sur-geon. And Ro-si-na’s guar-di-an Some-day she’ll be very rich (chorus) Very rich, very rich. So I want to mar-ry her, So I can be rich too. Figaro Marie: Someone stole your 2006 Acura and they drove it into the Salt River! Say, You could use a little gel there, guy. Chorus: (chatter) looks shocked and dismayed. Dr. Bartolo: Oh my gosh! I’ve got to call my insurance company! You there- can I borrow your cell phone? (Chorus member hands him a toy cell phone) Figaro Marie aria (Tune: Old MacDonald Had a Farm) I am Fi-ga-ro Ma-rie (chorus) Fi-ga-ro Ma-rie! I’m the barber as you see (chorus) Fi-ga-ro Ma-rie! I do more than just cut hair. Secret plans are my affair. I know all that’s go-ing on, (chorus) Fi-ga-ro Ma-rie! I am Fi-ga-ro Ma-rie,

(chorus) Fi-ga-ro Ma-rie! Mul-ti tal-en-ted, that’s me! (chorus) Fi-ga-ro Ma-rie! Pro foot-ball, Pro B-M-X, Cir-cuit boards and al-i-en ro-bo-tics, Plot-ting with both sides pays well. (chorus) Fi-ga-ro Ma-rie! Almaviva: Hi! What’s up, Rosina? Rosina: Get lost, freakshow. Rosina aria (Tune: Row Row Row Your Boat) My parents owned a bank, Some-day I’ll be rich. No way do I want to mar-ry my guar-di-an He just wants my money. Viol-in, gym-nas-tics too Flow-ers and cheese pretzels. Those are a few of my fa-vor-ite things, I’m al-so smart and funny! Dr. Bartolo returns. Don Basilio: Get Rosina outta here, ‘cause Almaviva’s hanging around. Don Basilio aria (Tune: Who Let the Dogs Out) (clap) I’m Don Ba-sil-i-o Ooh The mu-sic tea-cher Ooh…. I teach Ro-si-na Ooh…. To play the violin Ooh…… I’m helping Bartolo Ooh…. To keep the Count away Ooh…… I better get some pay Ooh…. For doing all this work! Ooh…… Dr. Bartolo: Rosina, let’s go. Almaviva: (sadly) Oh, man. I’ll never get to talk to her. Chorus: (chatter) look unhappy, whispering.

Figaro Marie: Don’t worry- I have a plan. Listen up, dude- and later, I’m going to trim those sideburns. Chorus: (chatter) pointing at Figaro Marie, whispering. Shane (standing): Quiet, please. (pause) Ladies and gentlemen, may I present the winner of this year’s BMX Hall of Fame Award. Chorus: quiet, holding their breath. Shane: (opens envelope) And the winner is---Nelson Vaille! (speech) Chorus: (clapping & cheering) Yay! Woo hoo! Chorus member: I regret that Nelson Vaille is unable to be here tonight. Accepting the award for him is Count Almaviva, the famous BMX rider. Almaviva: (takes the microphone) Rosina, I’m sorry you had to find out this way. But you know all those guys that you’ve been talking to? Well that was me in disguise. I had to slip you those notes so Dr. Bartolo didn’t know it was me. You’re so kind and smart, and I love the way you play the violin. I’ve wanted to tell you so for a long time. Rosina: I like you, too! Because I’m so flexible, I understand what you had to go through. I’d go to Jump Street with you and maybe I’ll marry you someday. Don Basilio (to Bartolo): Well, there goes the funding for that Toe Trauma Surgery Center that was going to make you rich and famous. Rosina: No problem, Dr B. You can have my inheritance for your Toe Trauma Surgery Center. It will finance your research study on ingrown toenails. Dr. Bartolo: Thank you, Rosina! You made my day. Don Basilio, you can be the official hospital music teacher! Don Basilio: You made a good choice since I’m the best music teacher in the world! (harmonica tweet) Since I still have a job, I can pay for my favorite pizzas and my skinny jeans. Figaro Marie: Well, I’m glad you’re all happy- but what do I get for all my work planning and scheming? Almaviva: As you all know, I bought some Google stock when they had their IPO, because I love to do Google searches for animals. So I’m rich! I’m going to sponsor your BMX bike riding team. Here’s to “Team Almaviva!” Chorus: Three cheers for “Team Almaviva!” (harmonic tweet) Chorus member: And now, free trampoline jumping for everyone!

Tutti: Shave and a haircut (stamp foot) The end! (harmonica tweet)

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