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Friday 10th October 1997
Murdoch calls for resistance to privacy laws
upert Murdoch, speaking at the end of his News Corporation annual meeting in Adelaide, called on the world’s media to resist calls for tougher privacy laws following the death of Diana, Princess of Wales. He defended the record of the Sun and News of the World, both owned by News Corporation subsiduary News International, suggesting that “we were by no means the worst offenders.” He added that the Princess “generally worked with the photographers to her satisfaction.” He was reacting to the Press Complaints Commission’s proposals, to include a ban on pictures taken by freelance paparazzi photographers. Privacy laws, he said, “are for the protection of people who are already privileged, they are not for the ordinary man and woman.” He had “no regrets” about using paparazzi photographs, except to say that he felt his newspapers had sometimes “paid far too much for them.”
University Scout & Guide Club on camp
he University Scout and Guide Club will be going away for our first weekend camp of the semester on Friday 17th October. We are staying at the Normandy Scout campsite in Surrey and all members are welcome. Those of you who signed up at the sports or societies’ fairs should be receiving further information very soon. It should be a fantastic weekend and it will be a great chance for you to get to know better everyone else in your society. Of course, not everyone reading this will be in the Scout and Guide club. But why not? For those of you who are into statistics, he are the facts. Ten percent of all the people in this country have, at some time, been involved in
Photograph: Mike Pantrey
offers you the chance to carry on with Guiding or Scouting. Now, assuming a normally distributed popula- Mike Pantrey your interests whilst you are here. To Steve Ellul meet like-minded people who want to tion, taking a 95% confidence interval for the replicated Latin Square do the same things as you and who can Model, and applying Mackensie’s log theo- offer you the opportunity and facilities to do rem twice to allow for the high residual those activities. “But what if I’ve never been caused by a stratified student population, we in the Guides or Scouts?” I hear you ask. Well get that fifteen-thousand people at this that doesn’t make a jot of difference. The club University should be in the Scout and Guide is open to anyone who thinks they may want Club. And statistics don’t lie.... so what does to take part in what we do or who wants to this tell us? arrange an activity that they want to do. First Well, for a start, many of you reading this and foremost we are a society which gives have been heavily involved in Scouting or students the chance to meet socially and do Guiding before. You obviously enjoyed it and something other than study while at were probably forced to stop when you start- University. We do canoeing, hiking, climbing, ed University. The Scout and Guide Club and camping amongst other things. We also
take part in the national SSAGO rallies where Scout and Guide Clubs from Universities from Plymouth to Newcastle meet up once a term for a joint weekend camp / piss-up. In the past we have also arranged activities such as microlighting. We can do whatever our members want. We meet every Monday evening, and this semester’s programme is in our Union pigeonhole. If you think you may be interested then please do contact us! For more information you can e-mail Mike at mt41mp. (You don’t have to memorise this just press your hand firmly down on this article and get it transferred to your flesh courtesy of those kind people at Bare Facts.)
News 1 RAG 8
Letters 2 n
n Features 3 n RAG 9
n n RAG 4 Music 6 Notices & Personals 11
Entertainments Guide 7 . n Sports 11 .
Friday 10th October 1997 n
and the risk that years of ext week is rag Editorial work in building relaweek, and so this week’s edition of tionships with the local BareFacts has been ‘taken over’ by community might soon be undone the rag team. This is a group of trou- has this week become very real. blemakers who, for one week each Whether the advice issued by the year, encourage students to do Security service and - soon - the strange and eccentric things in order Union President and Vice to raise money for charity. The Chancellor, is followed, remains to events, such as the beer drinking be seen. Simmilarly, nobody can be contest and the blind date, always sure about the length of time it will turn out to be amusing even for now take to repair the damage that those restrained, right thinking stu- has already been done. The only dents who don’t actually join in. certainty is that if the disruption Anyone who senses, however, that continues for much longer, the they have the spirit of rag in their University will start to suffer a bones should get involved, because harsh reaction from the local town. as the rag section reveals, there is The licence that allows the fun to be had for all. The more peo- Students’ Union to serve alcohol is ple that decide to join in, the more granted by the local council, and is fun they’ll have, and after the hours subject to regular review. The line they’ve put in, they deserve to have to be taken by police patrolling the a laugh. Lastly, if you’re one of the area around campus can change contributors expecting to see your from week to week. Planning perwork appear this week - don’t worry mission that the University will - it has been held over for next need in order to build new facilities week. can be withdrawn. Local businesses, being asked even this week for Rag prizes and sponsorship, can Noise at night will cost turn their backs on the Students’ Union. us all There are still University towns where students fight pitched battles This week, complaints have contin- with ‘townies’ outside pubs at closued to flood in to the University ing time, and while the prospect of from local residents upset by noisy this might still seem unthinkable students waking them and their chil- here, any deterioration in the reladren up at night. The Head of tionship the University enjoys with Security, and now the Vice- the local town will come at a price Chancellor and Union President none of us can afford to pay. have begun express their concerns,
Rag takes over
The Bootleg Beatles - an excellent gig, but what were the security guards doing? As final years, my friends and I are veteran USSU party animals, well known for being at the front of the stage when bands are playing. Friday night was no exception, we were a row from the front. However, the behaviour of the crowd was ridiculous with surges of people trying to get to the stage from at least twenty minutes before the band appeared, to the end of their set. The force of the pushing caused people to fall over and, after several songs, we had to leave the stage are and dance at the side watching the screen. My complaint is with security. Throughout all the pushing, shoving and even fights that were taking place, the security guards around the stage did nothing. I was squashed against the railings in the front row of the D-Ream gig in my first year, but I did not feel as unsafe as I did on Friday night, because the people were not surging forward and back, and security were very attentive and asked several times if I wished to be pulled from the crowd. It may not be security’s fault because the Union is no longer designed for watching bands. They can only be seen from the dancefloor in front of the stage so more people are squashing into a smaller area than the old Union design where the stage could be seen from to conduct the necessary interviews. The interview day dawned and our team of interviewers arrived at AP to find that ALL of the three PC labs had been booked for classes, there was not a PC to be had! I understand that labs are needed for classes, and that for some departments AP is the only option, but all three labs at once? Surely, as the central computing facility for the University it would be reasonable to keep at least one (preferably the biggest) lab open all of the time and the balcony, dancefloor, stairs, and underneath the balcony. I am only glad that the Union was not full to capacity on Friday night. The quality of the big screen was rubbish with the Beatles appearing as ghostly white shadows. Also the DJ did not try to calm the crowd down before the band came on but instead encouraged them to jump around. We have seen in recent years the injuries and tragic deaths of people due to crushing and poor crowd control at large events. I would hate to think that the next victim might be a Surrey student. Karen Swales
On returning from the summer holidays it was nice to see the Austin Pearce open for business and looking good. The thought of computing in a clean and cool enviroment (Mullens was neither) was attractive. As a computing student I had to perform an assessment of a piece of software by comparing the experiences of users of the software. The thought sprang to mind that the new AP building would be the ideal place
ensure that it can’t be booked for classes. I thought that the idea of AP was to increase the facilities available, yet I don’t remember ever finding all of the PC labs in Mullens used for classes at the same time. Come on UCS let the ordinary student have access to at least one lab at all times - stop booking them all out to classes simultaneously! Yours sincerely Chris Handy CIT
I have reason to believe the Accommodation Office are trying to mislead UCAS applicants. Evidence of this can be seen in a photo taken from the Accommodation handbook which appears to show a Hazel Farm resident smiling.
This is clearly misleading as: 1. There is nothing to smile about at Hazel Farm 2. All Hazel Farm residents are miserable gits anyway. Yours sincerely, Hugh Janus (Name and Address Supplied)
In The News
Conservative Party goes back to basics again
The Conservative Party was last night in disarray again, as arguments erupted over immigration, Northern Ireland, and, as usual, membership of the European Single Currency. The official line, that the cabinet would be whipped to vote against membership, while the backbenchers would be allowed a free vote, started to fall apart at the same time as Party Chairman Cecil Parkinson rebuked Alan Clarke (“If you haven’t got anything better to say than that, then just shut up”) over his ill-judged remarks on the Northen Ireland peace talks.
Row erupts over absurd environmental taxes
In a review of VAT on energysaving products, the Treasury has so far resisted moves to cut VAT on energy-saving products. The VAT rate on gas and electricity is now 5%, and and environmental campaigners have complained that the relatively high VAT rate on fuel-saving measures such as insulation has created an anomaly, where energy conservation is actually discouraged. The Director of the Association for the Conservation of Energy, Andrew Warren, said that the present system “makes a nonsense of any attempt to use the tax system to help the environment.”
Friday 10th October 1997
Matthew Beal chats with Mr. C about ‘Gaialive’, a new internet radio station broadcasting dance music from 33 top DJs across the world wide web.
Labour luvvies in student stich-up
hilst students slumbered over the summer, Ministers were busy dreaming up ways to give the lazy sods a fright when they got back to a new semester. Fees, you see - but you’re the lucky ones. Starting next year all new students, possibly including your younger brothers and sisters, are going to have to pay a hefty £1,000 a year for the pleasure of being a student. But how much do you know about the proposals? The news reports told a different story every day, and the
government seemed to change their plans more often than Imelda Marcos changes her shoes. We have put together a quick questionnaire to gauge Surrey students’ awareness of the issues. You may even want to join in the anti-fees protests and disprove the myth that Surrey-ites are apathetic sloths..... Andy ‘politically independent’ Gale
DJ Redz and Mr. C at the launch of ‘Gaialive’ How did ‘Gaialive’ start out? trance or whatever, but I think it’s all starting to cross. I think it’s quite interMr.C. - Gaia started after my partner in esting the way the music scene is the project, DJ Redz, a DJ on pirate developing with all these new genres radio station ‘Freak FM’”, was doing coming through and I think that’s realan interview with The Face magazine. ly healthy for the music, and for openOur technical advisor said that we ing up people’s minds to electronic should think about using the Internet, music. You can see it on ‘Gaialive’. We that it’s the whole world, not just the have people like Giles Peterson doing a one city. DJ Redz contacted me immejazz-funk show, Leah Paskin and diately, knowing that I’ve got some Matthew.B. doing everything from knowledge of the Internet. I said that it downbeat to breakbeat and funky techwas a good idea, but that we would no; Colin Faver, Brenda Russell and have to do it properly. We formed a Colin Dale sharing their shows over a partnership and started it. month doing techno stuff. We have trance DJs, the UK speed garage peoWhat about when you first started out? ple like EZ, and techno people like I’m assuming that you were a “bedmyself and Dave Angel and room DJ” to start off with. drum’n’bass people like Project 23, Rugged Vinyl or Toy Records. So No, actually. I didn’t get a pair of there’s quite a cross-section of elecdecks in my bedroom until I was tronic music. already at top level, which is quite bizarre, but I was one of those naturalWhich DJ do you most admire? ly talented mixers. I found it really easy to put records together. So I startProbably Laurent Garnier, because of ed DJing, doing my own parties, gethis versatility. He’s got a lot of attitude, ting the best house DJs that were avail- which is really good for the music. able to work with me, and within six He’s a brilliant technician who’s not months I was working at (one of) the frightened to move between different best clubs in London. genres of music. What was the first venue you played? It was my own house music party, back in ‘85-’86. I used to do a party with one of LWR’s DJs, and we used to do rare groove parties where everyone was made to dress up in flares. It was hilarious, but I wasn’t mixing, just playing track after track - all the groove and funk stuff. But that’s not in the same context as this. My first DJ outing as far as ‘Gaialive’ is concerned was organising my own club and getting in amongst it. What, in your opinion, is the influence of the internet on clubs and DJs? Does it increase the attendance at the clubs? I don’t think it’s even about that. It’s about pushing information out, and the fact that we can actually broadcast the music that we believe in and love to people in remote corners of the world that would otherwise not have any access to it. How do you think the scene has actually changed over the last couple of years? A few years ago, people would be into just house, techno, drum’n’bass or What do you think is the way forward? I think at some point in the next one to four years we’ll see more open-minded people within different genres and we’ll start to see music genres cross within one night, but it’s still going to take a long time. Even though the electronic music scene is 15 years old, it’s still in its infancy. Where can we see you play nowadays? I’m playing all over the world, but the best place to see me is at ‘Sub Terrain’, which is my residency at The End. That’s “Sub” being an area of bass, and “Terrain” being an area. So it’s a sort of double connotation being as The End is in a basement. ‘Sub Terrain’ is the first Saturday of every month, where I play alongside Darren Emerson. I’ve heard that you’ll be playing on Kiss FM, is this true? Yeah. I’ve just been given my own show. I’m now on every Tuesday night between 1 am and 4 am, broadcasting live on The End website every week. http://www.gaialive.co.uk/
What do you feel most strongly about - the removal of maintenance grants or the introduction of fees? [ ] Grants [ ] Fees [ ] Equally strongly about both [ ] Not fussed about either Are you aware that students may have to pay fees even during their industrial year? [ ] Yes [ ] No Would that put you off doing an industrial year? [ ] Yes [ ] No Some estimates suggest that students starting next year could expect to leave university with up to £15,000 debt. Is this fair, considering the potential benefit a degree brings? [ ] Yes [ ] No What do you feel would be the fairest way of funding higher education? [ ] Students pay a fixed fee per year [ ] A graduate tax system [ ] Contributions from businesses who employ graduates [ ] Partnership approach involving students, parents, tax, & business contributions If it were possible, would you pay higher fees to buy a place at a more ‘prestigious’ university than Surrey? [ ] Yes [ ] No Does the fact that the Government is thinking of selling the student loan debt off worry you? [ ] Yes [ ] No Do you understand the Government’s fees/funding proposals, or is the whole affair a bit confusing? [ ] Clear and simple [ ] Confusing
Thanks for you time! Just return the filled-in questionnaire to the Student Affairs Officer, or pop it in the Bare Facts box. Cheers, luv.
The Students’ Union will be organising transport to an NUS demonstration on fees and funding in Southhampton and/or Brighton. If you are interested in going, please add your name and contact address/Email.
Name: Contact Address:
Preference: [ ] Sounthampton [ ] Brighton
Friday 10th October 1997 n
Welcome to RAG BARE BREASTS!
The Bare Facts Editor would like us to mention that he and the editorial board have nothing to do with the material enclosed in this edition of our marvellous student newspaper. We would like to stress that all complaints should be addressed to Rag, via their pigeonhole - so we can send them on to Matt, after all, someone has to answer them! Cheers. This will be the silliest and most useful edition of your newspaper that you will ever read, especially as it’s in it’s Anyhow, we want to raise loads of money this week for our worthwhile charity’s - but we need YOUR help. Just come along to all our mega events and donate loads of your grant cheque (if there is any left!) to RAG. There are also Rag Mags and Limited Edition Rag T-Shirts to spend your well earned dosh on, but it’s all for charity - mate! Finally, thanx to all those people who have had anything to do with Rag Week - to the Sab’s and Union Officials for making fools of themselves for charity; to Crew who are wonderful; to the rest of the Rag Committee for being Fluffy; to the volunteers for volunteering; to you for coming to the events and giving us your money; to anyone I may have forgotten; and to those nice men in white coats who are walking in my direction to take me to a nice padded cell. Cheerio, and enjoy Rag Week! Wendy Bowater (Rag Chair)
Charities Supported by University of Surreys Rag Appeal 1997/98
On March 3rd, 1987, a first year Economics student, Duncan Bloomfield, tragically died at a band practice. This band had originated as the RAG BAND, who played at the ‘ALL DAY BLUES’ in 1986. His enthusiasm and ability to play bass was well noted by all in Rag during the preparation for Rag Week 1986. His death came as a heartbreak to his many friends and family so his band and other members of Rag started a memorial fund in his name. The monies collected shortly after his death totalled £600+ from which a trophy was bought, which has been presented at all Free Fest Band Competitions since. Part of the money which follows from this year’s Rag Week will be donated to a charity of his parents choice. Centre is to be purpose built in the grounds of The Royal Surrey County Hospital by Macmillan Cancer Relief in partnership with the North Downs Community Health NHS Trust and West Surrey Health Authority. It will provide an innovative range of community based clinical services and therapies to help help with cancer and other serious illnesses from the time of diagnosis. These services will be interpreted with those provided by GP’s, Community Nurses and Voluntary Organisations in the community. The new Centre will serve as a focal point for a team of specialist staff where pain and symptom control. Relaxation and complementary therapies will be provided along with a range of recreational activities. All the money raised by this appeal will help cancer patients in the local area. Any funds over and above those needed for this Appeal will be spent on Macmillan’s work in the region. Institute for Brain Injured Children), Knowle Hall, Bridgwater, Somerset TA7 8PJ.
The Emily Appeal Fund
The Emily Appeal Fund sends a lifeline to those damaged by severe abuse in childhood. It aims to improve knowledge and understanding of abuse in childhood and its effects. The fund was set up because of the lack of specialist therapy and counselling provided through the NHS people for people suffering the long-term effects of abuse in childhood. Fortunately, abused children are now more able to get the help they need but, sadly, the suffering of ‘yesterday’s children’ still tends to go unrecognised. We know that not all those abused in childhood need to overcome it. Our concern is with those who were severely damaged and who are least able to cope with their traumatic legacy.
NEW BIG TABLOID FORMAT
If anyone wants to hire out our mate Hari Hit to flan anyone who they believe to be annoying (especially lecturers) - go ahead, the order form is in the next few pages (somewhere). He will risk life and limb to place a small - or rather large amount of foam upon the person of your choice. The forms need to be handed into the RAG pigeonhole at least “ days before the expected Hit.
PHAB Keepers Guildford
This is an independent body affiliated to the National PHAB Organisations for the physically handicapped and able bodied persons. It is a new club forming in the area, and by supporting them through this year’s Rag Week we will be able to help them with the purchasing of equipment, from coffee mugs and teaspoons, to games and sports equipment.
The British Institute for Brain Injured Children
For the last 25 years BIBIC has been challenging the popular myth that brain injury is untreatable. Children nation-wide with a variety of problems - CP, Down’s Syndrome, injury caused by accident or trauma - have benefited. The charity receives no government help, relying entirely on voluntary donations for it’s existence. FREE information pack available from Dr. Stephen Wood, MB ChB, , Medical Director, BIBIC (The British
The Guildford Macmillan Day Care Centre Appeal
The Guildford Macmillan Day Care
The British Red Cross has been caring for people in need and crisis for more than 125 years. In local communities up and down the country they provide essential services every day of the year. All fund s raised will be spent in the county on the provision of medical equipment, passenger carrying vehicles and equipment for first aid duties.
What if the Spice Girls had been an invention by the pornography industry? Of course their names would be different: Scarey Spice would be S&M Spice; Baby Spice would be school uniform Spice; Sporty Spice would have to be nympho Spice and Posh Spice would be Amex Spice and what about Ginger Spice? Easy Spice obviously! But what of their songs? “Three becomes fun” would be a classic, yet their new release “Spice up your wife” could easily be a chart topper. Other bands may well follow suit, although the Backstreet Boys might cause some concern. In fact once your imagination is set free over a few pints of beer ‘those’ magazines could well sponser and have a field day on Gina G, Let Loose, Shaggy, Take That and of course Juice. For alternative magazines Boyzone is a must. Anyway it’s all food for thought. The practicality of the Spice Girls is great though. I mean, we all at some time ‘Wanna Wee’ and how many times have you heard ‘Say you’ll wee there’ on the way back from the pub. The whole Spice thing is a load of rubbish anyway isn’t it. Girl Power is all very well but let’s face it guys, they still can’t wire a plug!
Friday 10th October 1997
RAG WEEK - THE FULL LINE-UP
RAG WEEK - THE FULL LINE-UP
The start of RAG WEEK!! The week commences with the RAG opening ceremony where we’ll be presenting cheques to last years charities. This will be followed by a spectacular performance from the RAG Spiceless Girls.
Once again, we nick a idea of the TV. Due to the success of it last year, ‘Vic and Bob’s’ bar quiz makes a welcome return to Rag Week. Things have changed slightly since last year, with Bob now being Students Union president and Vic having left the university but still coming back for RAG Week. Popular rounds like ‘Dove from above’ will be making an appearance along with some novel new ones. Random prizes will be thrown into the crowd during the rounds and the top three teams go into final showdown to discover the brains of Surrey. Top prize will be £60 to the winners and entry is £2 per person. A maximum of ten people can be in one team but the more people you have, the more points will be deducted from your final total.
Have you ever watched Blind Date on TV and thought “I could give a much better answer than that?” Then this is the chance for you to use your best chat up lines in our very own version of Blind Date in the Helyn Rose Bar. The general format is the same: One guy asks three questions to three different girls and then decides, on the basis of the answers given, who he’ll go on a blind date with. Then a girl gets the chance to do the same thing. Obviously the dream date is not quite up to the standards of the professionals but after a few beers, the local curry house can begin to seem like a romantic meal for two. Afterwards, there will be the chance to take part in some mad ‘party’ games, usually involving a battle of the sexes to see who really are the stronger sex! If you’ve ever been on a lads/girls only holiday, you’ll have an idea of what’s in store.
drinking competition IS the drinking event of the year. With pints going for a measly £1, you just know things are going to get messy. Events include: - Fastest pint (both men and women). - One, two, three and even four pint wibbly wobblys. - Everyone’s favourite, the boat race. - Most disgusting/erotic pint. . All money spent on beer will go off to charity so the more you drink, the more we raise for good causes. Charlie, from Disability Sport England will be in charge of the cattle market, held during the beer drinking competition, where you have the opportunity to buy your very own sabbatical officer or union official for the day. Once you own them you can then do whatever you want with them.........within reason of course!
time for their own consumption. The Firkin are generously donating 50p to RAG for each pint of beer sold and you might even win yourself a T-shirt! If you’ve got friends who are wimping out, get yourself a sponsorship form from Rag and make them sponsor you per pint drunk. In the evening there is the RAG international event in the Helyn Rose Bar, an opportunity for all the overseas societies to get together and learn about each others cultures. Different music from around the world will be played all night and the evening will have an international theme about it. This is not just for international students, everyone is welcome but be prepared for a bit of a culture shock! Entry £2.
This is basically your usual Friday Night Out but with a band supplied by RAG. This year we have the band Supersonic playing. As you’ve probably guessed they are a tribute Britpop band who mainly do Oasis hits . Those you who saw them play last year will remember the atmosphere in the union. Tickets will be selling for £4 before the gig so buy one early or you might miss out.
During the day RAG will be dressed up and collecting in the town centre. This is our chance to mix with the locals and take their money for a chance. We need as much help as possible so anyone interested should contact us in the usual way. Those of you who have been around for a while, especially the sports clubs (and the notorious Sport Sab Cazza), will know all about this event. Freshers may have heard the rumours and believe me, they are true. The annual beer
This is when the week starts to get tough. When your hangover starts to wear off, grab what money you have left, put on some fancy dress and head on down to the Forger and Firkin on Woodbridge Road. We’re having an all day drinking session with cheap beers and lots of prizes to be given away. Entry will be £4 which may sound steep but you do get a free chip butty and entry into ‘Jump the Pump’, where the winner will have the chance to pull as many pints as they can in an allocated
in style with the Rag Shag Traffic Light Disco featuring the infamous snogathon. The rules for the traffic light disco are simple, you dress up in the colour which fits your mood for the evening: Red - Stay away, I do not want to pulled thank you very much! Amber/orange - You won’t know until you ask. Maybe I will, maybe I won’t. Green - Pull me please, I’ve been waiting for this all year. You have to have at least one distinguishing item in the colour of your choice. For those of you in amber/orange and green, there’s also the snogathon. This is where you collect a sponsorship form from the reception and go around the union snogging people in the name of charity. If you think this is distasteful and degrading, and the only people who go for it are desperate for a snog, then you’re quite right but we’re having a damn good time doing it. If you think, I’m lying and it can’t be as easy as that then you’re very wrong. It was a trial last year and trust me, it worked. The current RAG Chair holds the record with around £70 raised!
If you’re still alive, come along to the closing ceremony where we’ll be announcing how much we’ve raised and other RAG events being held throughout the year. This will be followed by the Sunday night
This is the last main night of RAG week. (sob, sob) so we’re going out
TO HIT AND RUN FOR FUN!
HARI HIT IS BACK!
Deep in history, about the time that Eve bit the snake and sort of when King Arthur beat the French at Hastings, a small dwarf with a large carbuncle on his forehead said “Oi!” Next he scratched his bum and said, “Hit squad to collect money for charity by flanning people with shaving foam or custard........what a jolly good idea, I must tell King Arthur”. He went to the King at tea time and said “Oi, Arf...” but before he could tell of his good idea, a big hairy knight smashed him with a mallet... A few years later Universities around the world started flanning people for charity, showing that they too have the mentality of freshly squashed Dwarfs. And thus the HIT SQUAD was formed....
“Why I Flan People.”
Hari Hit will consider any subversive, devious, vaguely malicious and insidious actions as means of gaining funds for RAG’ s charities. The sole aim of the Hit Squad is to raise money for RAG and if, perchance, fun, hilarity and whatever occur, all well and good. Possible activities include :KIDNAPPINGS, EXTORTIONS, EDUCTION, PILLAGE, PLUNDER............ And then there is always FLANNING!!! Hari Hit will be available for the whole of RAG Week so, be there or be........ ENSHRINED IN HOG’S TURD, WRAPPED IN PLASTIC AND STRUNG FROM THE ANGEL. Please return the completed forms back to the RAG pigeon hole with payment (cheques to Uni. Of Surrey Students Union) at least 2 days before the Hit.
& FIRK IN
HAWKWIND - Love In Space Remix (EBS) Drunken Eric Idle with a shot of David Bowie’s new shit. Proving for fans of their classic ‘Silver Machine’, “the old ones are the best”. Except for the undeniably weird last song, which ends up sounding like ‘Karma Sutra” for Daleks. 5/10 E.C. LUNA - Bobby Peru (Beggars Banquet) Another REM soundalike band from the US. Radio friendly gumby-pop; cute, whispered vocals backed up by lots of piano and E-bow guitar. Nothing is allowed to overshadow the “song”... pity. J.B.
Friday 10th October 1997 n
CECIL - Hostage In A Frock (Parlophone) Cecil continue to splice their aggression with melody. This is their best single yet brooding with Mansun-style emotion. 8/10 R.W. FEEDER - High (Echo) Interesting harmonies for a band who sound like the bastard son of Oasis and Longpigs. Strangely however they pull it off, managing to create a song that infests your head and will have you humming it in the most embarrassing places. 7/10 E.C.
BJORK - Homogenic (One Little Indian) If ever there was a record which could be labelled contemporary this is it, a record which sounds so unique and distinct you can only dream of finding out what’s going on in Björks head. On this album there are no songs like ‘Big Time Sensuality’ or ‘It’s Oh So Quiet’ instead Björk has made an album which combines weird Björkbeats with classical string arrangements in a new experimental style helped along by dance maverick Mark Bell of LFO. The first single from the album ‘Joga’ serves as a felicitous taster, showcasing her fantastic voice and lyrical abilities. Better tracks however are ‘Bachelorette’ a tense, yet sweeping beauty of a song and ‘Alarm Call’ which is the most poppy track on the album. The only downpoint on the album is ‘Pluto’ which is the only one bereft of a decent tune. On the whole it has a more cohesive sound compared with her other albums about it and will undoubtedly sell less. A very good album. 9/10 N.W. CHINA DRUM - Self Made Maniac (Mantra) Initially I thought that this China Drum album was somewhat disappointing compared to their previous album. However, the songs lodge themselves in your brain and you just keep returning to listen again and again. China Drum write such great pop songs and wrap them up in punky hardcore so that they can batter their way through your skull. The singles ‘Somewhere Else’ and ‘Fiction Of Life’ along with ‘All I Wanna Be’ are the outstanding tracks. Turned out to be a good album after all. 8/10 R.W. VARIOUS ARTISTS - Visitation 2 (Magick Eye) It’s so nice to have a really good dance label which isn’t up it’s own arse. Magick Eye constantly and quietly hand out prime quality sounds without pigeon holing them into genres or offering free spiritual advice, something so many trance labels seem duty bound to do. Children Of Dub’s rare ‘Electronic Meditation’ kicks it off, a mellow but acidic dubby trancey track and it’s a good start. Astralasia’a awesome ‘Alien Love Song’ makes an earned appearance and Swordfish is also there with the very rare ‘Slap Tongue Squeeky Bonk’ and new project Under The Honeytunnel. Spiralhead offer ‘Beyond The Blue 2’, a no holds barred tweeky trancey trip (alright!) and Another Green World’s magnificent storybook piece ‘The Big Fish’ rounds it off a treat. Not trance, not ambient, not post-dub-fusion-smegtechno. Just Magick Eye. 8/10 A.M. THE DAWN - 5 Days Wiser (Rough Trade) What an impressive debut record.. this is true to the bone rock that very few bands nowadays can produce! Kerrang! has already put in a mention for these guys saying they’ll make it to the top, and if their next albums are as good as this, they will. The bands influences range from anti-style bands from the 70’s such as Led Zeppelin, Black Sabbath to hot buttered soul a la James Brown and Stevie Wonder to singer song writer artists such as the late Nick Drake. On the whole, simply impressive rock. 8/10 G.C. STEREOLAB - Dots And Loops (Duophonic) A cool blend of jazzy vibes that gently flow, with a touch of ambiance and maybe just a mere hint of soul...this record is beautifully mixed and should prove a success! The music is rather like Deus’ instrumental pieces- if you have heard anything by this magnificent Belgian band (tracks like ‘Via’ or
ALBUM OF THE WEEK
SINGLE OF THE WEEK
WILDHEARTS - Urge (Mushroom) Fuzzed guitars, sub-bass boom, distorted vocals, the second single from the revitalised Wildhearts. Totally uncommercial, wholly uncompromising, thoroughly fucking brilliant. 9/10 R.W.
LOOP GURU - Loop Bites Dog (North South) Have you ever noticed how everything sounds the same nowadays? Have you ever stood still at Bojanglez and wondered why they’ve been playing the same tune for the past two and a half hours? In the next life, they won’t be playing Puff Daddy or Los Del Rio. They’ll be playing Loop Guru. I want to use words like “complexity” and “intelligence”. I really want you to know what it feels like to listen to ‘Karma Manga’ in a dark and incense filled room, and I’d love to be able to describe the closing bars of ‘Tam Duugi’ in a sentence. But words just aren’t good enough for music like this. Only if the CD was given away free with this newspaper could you appreciate it’s greatness now. All I can suggest is you spend an extra thirteen quid this week on an album of indescribable power and beauty. Imagine if bloody Leroy played this. 10/10 A.M. ‘Hotel Lounge’) you will know what this CD is like. This album features more instrumental music than its predecessor, the magnificent ‘Emperor Tomato Ketchup’. Miss Modular is the first released single...watch out for it! 8/10 G.C. V/A - Food 100 (Food) A collection of songs from Food Records, the label started by Dave Balfe after the Teardrop Exploded, ranging from earlier signings The Woodentops, Zodiac Mindwarp and Voice of The Beehive, all of which left for bigger labels, through Crazyhead, Jesus Jones and Diesel Park West, who established the label with their first albums. With Blur, the previously unreleased ‘Never Clever’ is included, and Shampoo who brought cross over success and sale of the label to EMI, to Dubstar, Strangelove and the Supernaturals (the unreleased ‘It Doesn’t Matter Anymore’ is here). Possibly not essential, but enjoyable if only for the memories. 7/10 R.W. CHARLENE SMITH - Life Is High (IndoChina) ‘Life Is High’ is pop soul at its best. This is the kind of album you could play when you wanna get your mack on or just to chill to. The production here is top notch and crystal clear. The live vibe Charlene says she wanted to achieve has worked out great. In terms of vocals, Charlene is an A-class vocalist and she truly excels on the Disco Funk of ‘Feel The Rhythm’ and the mellow ‘You Are Everything’. Overall, there’s little going against this album. It’s essentially a celebration of life (as on the title track) and love (on the majority of the album). Worth checking out if you are into Janet Jackson, Eternal, you know, that sort of thing. And for the (hip hop) sample spotters out there, see if you can recognise the piano intro on the closing ‘A Taste Of ChardonNay’ (answers on a post card to...). 7/10 P.A. POLVO - Shapes (Touch + Go) Polvo first came to our attention in the post-Nirvana “grunge”-wave. However, make no mistake, this is no grunge album, this comes from somewhere out in the left field of U.S. rock music. This is a weird album from the opening car engine turning over through mellow twisted melodies through to full on Sonic Youth style noise and through the fantastic full on 12 minute instrumental ‘El Rocio’. Weird but fascinating. 6/10 R.W. SLEEPER - Pleased To Meet You (Indolent) Following last year’s Platinum selling album, ‘The It Girl’, this eagerly awaited album does sound disappointing on it’s first hearing. Although there is fundamentally nothing wrong with this album many tracks do sound much like one another and track 11 does sum the whole album up with the title ‘Nothing Is Changing’. In defence of Sleeper there are a couple of good tracks, namely ‘Miss You’ and the mellow ‘Because Of You’. Thus after a couple of hearings each track becomes distinctive in it’s own right, therefore making their audience work. However in my opinion none of the tracks on this album live up to the brilliant ‘Sale Of The Century’ or ‘Statuesque’. This album probably won’t be as successful as the last, but no doubt will create a few hit singles. 6/10 G.D. TRAUMA CLUB - Headology (Just Create) Their album gets off to a dodgy start, but progresses to something pleasing. The album is composed of chilled reggae, calypso dub, soft trance and more inspiring styles. The punchline is cool too.....”take a stress pill and think things over”. The track ‘Unrational’ is something to listen out for. A good album to spin, when all you want to do is switch off. 5/10 I.U.
THE SUPERNATURALS - Prepare To Land (Food) A nice indie tune from the Food stable, tends to get a bit too unfocused at times but a interesting ditty nevertheless. 7/10 F.F. CARRIE - Breathe Underwater (Island) Bright and poppy, indie Beach Boys with a twist of Perry Farrell’s weirdness... imagine Weezer on drugs and you’ll be close to what this is like. 7/10 R.W. HOWIE B - Switch (Polydor) This is an interesting single with some good mixes, but the sound reproduction sounds flawed, with interference on the bass line. That aside the tune that messes up all preconceptions about dance music. The addition of ‘Hopscotch’ is welcome, and is familiar to those in the right circles. It’s a shame that the vinyl was not available, as the Billy Nasty/Chemical Brothers mix would have been nice to hear. 6/10 M.B. JAGUAR - Nothing (WEA) At times this 4 track e.p sounds like Northern Uproar/Gigolo Aunts particularly on the title track, although things do get better on tracks 2 and 3 it is just standard heavily influenced guitar based pop, which is in itself not a bad thing but it’s been done before and it’s been done better. 6/10 N.W. 2K - F*** The Millennium (Mute) This one, as well as having a funny title, sounds very familiar. That’s because it the old KLF tune ‘What Time Is Love’ with different words. A funny tune that will make you wonder the fuss about the year 2000 is all about. 8/10 F.F.
DAWN OF THE REPLICANTS - All That Cheyenne Caboodle (EastWest) Second EP from DOTR following the ‘Violent Sundays EP’ which was supposedly acclaimed by John Peel (probably a different one). A new wave sound complete with Mansun-esque vocals. Unfortunately the songs aren’t even up to this low standard. 3/10 J.B. PIZZICATO FIVE - Mon Amour Tokyo (Matador) This is almost laughable....The Japanese group have tried to emulate a European approach to dance music and have created a dance ‘Frankenstein’, don’t bother, unless you want to have a laugh. 2/10 M.B. FIGBOY- Sensitive (Gut) Despite collaborations with Tricky and the singer/songwriters Deddi Madden’s claims of absorbing all different cultures into his essentially English music, just listening to the song, what he talks is clearly nonsense. It is just crap singing, a crap calypso beat and scarily it has an uncanny resemblance to ‘Yellow Submarine’. Don’t bother. 2/10 N.W. ROLF HARRIS - Sun Arise (EMI) If you’re one of those people who thinks that Rolf Harris is an insane bumbling old fool who should stop making records and piss off, then let me tell you something : you’re absolutely right. 0/10 A.M.
This weeks music bought to you by Paul Amani, Matthew Beal, James Bloomfield, Gabriel-Oliver Chamero, Emma Clarke, Gemma Decent, Frank Fraulo, Daniel Jones, Samuel Lawal, Alastair Mooney, Denise Nicholson, Ikaraam Ullah, Nick Walsh, Rob Winder
STEVE EARLE El Corazón (Warner Brothers) The third album from Steve Earle since he got out of jail and quit the drugs takes pages from its two predecessors by mixing acoustic folk like ‘Christmas In Washington’, he is joined by Emmylou Harris for ‘Tameytown’ and more aggressive countryrock on ‘NYC’ where he is backed by the Supersuckers. Steve Earle writes sings and plays with the spirits of Woody Guthrie and Townes Van Zandt guiding him. Songs for the hearts and songs from the heart. Magnificent. 9/10 R.W.
Friday 10th October 1997
Phone 01483 578017 for more details of films and bookings Friday to Saturday
Hercules ( U ) 12:15, 14:40, 17:05, 19:30 The Game ( 15 ) 12:45, 15:45, 18:45, 21:45 Fathers Day ( 12 ) 13:10, 15:40, 18:10, 20:40 Nil By Mouth ( 12 ) 13:15, 16:15, 19:15, 22:15 Volcano ( 12 ) 13:55, 16:45, 19:15, 22:05 The Full Monty ( 15 ) 13:00, 15:30, 17:50, 20:15, 22:35 Contact ( PG ) 12:15, 15:35, 18:50, 22:10 My Best Friends Wedding ( 12 ) 14:00, 16:35, 19:10, 21:45 Face ( 18 ) 16:00, 22:00 Spawn ( 12 ) 13:45 Air Force One ( 15 ) 21:55 Austin Powers ( 15 ) 13:15, 19:15 Career Girls ( 15 ) 23:05
21:00 Red Dwarf 21:30 Shooting Stars 21:00 Friends 22:00 Frasier 18:00/23.35 TFI Friday
20:10 Casualty 23:45 Clive Anderson All Talk 21:00 An Audience with Freddie Star!! 21:30 Drop the Dead Donkey 22:00 ER
England v Italy live: doors open 7pm
20:00 Full Circle with Michael Palin 21:55 French and Saunders 21:00 London’s Burning 23:10 Japanese Grand Prix
Space Jam ( U ) 11:00 The Lost World( PG ) 10:45 Jungle 2 Jungle ( PG ) 10:50 Batman & Robin ( PG ) 11:10 The Fifth Element ( PG ) 11:10
Sunday to Thursday
21:00 Absolutely Fabulous 22:00 Never Mind the Buzzcocks 23:40 Nash Bridges 22:00 NYPD Blue
Thursday Wednesday Tuesday 16th 15th 14th
23:25 FILM: Legal Eagles 23:15 Seinfeld 23:35 The Larry Sanders Show 20:30 Paul Merton in...Being of Sound Mind 21:00 Soldier, Soldier 20:00 University Challenge
Hercules ( U ) 13:15, 15:50, 18:05 The Game ( 15 ) 14:00, 15:15, 20:20 Fathers Day ( 12 ) 13:10, 15:40, 18:10, 20:40 Nil By Mouth ( 12 ) 13:45, 17:05, 20:10 Volcano ( 12 ) 12:35, 15:10, 17:55, 20:30 The Full Monty ( 15 ) 13:30, 15:55, 18:15, 20:40 Contact ( PG ) 13:15, 16:35, 20:00 My Best Friends Wedding ( 12 ) 12:40, 15:20, 17:55, 20:30 Face ( 18 ) 15:30, 20:50 Spawn ( 12 ) 13:15 Air Force One ( 15 ) 20:20 Austin Powers ( 15 ) 13:00, 18:10 Projections - Focus on Film ( 15 ) 12:45, 15:15, 20:50 ( Wednesday 15th Octoner Only )
22:00 Prime Suspect
20:00 Animal Hospital
Sunday 5 pm & 8pm Monday 8pm Lecture Theatre G
20:30 Top Gear 21:00 3d Rock from the Sun 21:00 Medicine Man
Touch of Evil
Wednesday 8pm LT G
Friday 10th October 1997 n
The Rules Of Bedroom Golf
1. Each player shall furnish his own equipment fore play - normally one club and two balls. 2. Play on a course must be approved by the owner of the hole. 3. Unlike outdoor golf the object is to get the club in the hole and keep the balls out. 4. For most effective play the club should have a firm shaft. Course owners are permitted to check stiffness before play begins. 5. Course owners reserve the right to restrict the length of club to prevent damage to the hole. 6. The object of the game is to take as many strokes as is necessary until the course owner is satisfied that the play is complete. Failure to do so may result in being denied permission to play the course again. 7. It is considered bad form to play the hole immediately upon arrival at the course. The experienced player will normally take time to admire the whole course , with special attention to well formed bunkers. 8. Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they have played. Upset course owners have been known to damage a players equipment. 9. Players are encouraged to have proper rain gear on. 10. Players should assure themselves that their match has been properly scheduled, particularly when playing a new course. Previous players become irate if they discover someone else playing on what they considered to be a private course. 11. Players should not assume a course is in shape for play at all times. Some players may be embarrassed if they find the course to be temporarily under repair. Players are advised to be extremely tactful in this situation. More advanced players will find alternative means of play when this is the case. 12. Slow play is encouraged however players should be prepared to proceed at a quicker pace, at least temporarily at the course owners request. 13. It is considered outstanding performance to play the same hole several times in one match.
A Misplaced Pair of Gloves
A Young man wished to purchase a birthday present for his sweetheart and, after much consideration, he decided on a pair of gloves. Accompanied by his sister, he went to a ladies ready-to-wear shop and purchased a pair of white gloves; his sister bought a pair of underpants. In delivering the packages they became mixed up. His sister receiving the gloves and his sweetheart the underpants. Unaware of the mix-up, and without examining the contents, he sent the package onto his sweetheart with this note attached. three weeks and they were hardly soiled. I had her try on the pair that I had selected for you and she really showed them to the best advantage. How I wish I could put them on for you when you first wear them. No doubt, many other men’s hands will touch and caress them before I have the chance to see them once again. I wasn’t certain of the size, yet I should be capable of judging better than anyone else. And darling, when you take them off, blow in them before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing. And, be sure to keep them on while you clean them, otherwise they might shrink. I do hope that you will like them and wear them for me on Friday night. PS Just think how many times I’ll kiss the back of them during the coming weeks and year! Incidentally, the saleslady said that the latest style is to wear the unbuttoned and hanging down. My love.
This little gift is to show you that I have not forgotten your birthday. I chose these because I noticed that you were not in the habit of wearing any whenever you go out in the evening. If it had not been for my sister, I would have chosen longer ones with buttons, but she said short ones are more in fashion. These are very delicate in shade but the saleslady from whom I purchased them showed me a pair that she had been wearing for
The First Rag Volunteer 1997/1998.
Rag 1997/1998 saw a pioneering new volunteer who was exceptionally enthusiastic and outstandingly silly. Here follows the interview of the century with CHIP L’ORANGE. NAME: Chip L’Orange AGE: 14 days OCCUPATION: Ringleader of the infamous Orangy Tang Gang, now posing as a student so as to be involved with RAG MAJOR AMBITION: To become Communications Officer for Surrey University Students’ Union WHY: To take over Bare Facts, and ultimately....THE WORLD!! WHY DID YOU JOIN RAG? Why not? WHAT DO YOU SEE YOURSELF ACHIEVING THROUGH RAG? Lots of Fun, Frolics and Frill’s (with capital F’s) That warm gooy feeling you can only get from raising money for charity and helping those worse off than me Maybe a free beer (!?!) Meeting a nice orangy girl tang as insane as myself WHAT ARE YOUR FAVOURITE SPORTS? Eating the smashing orangy bits from the Jaffa Cakes for Great Britain...I hope to get to the Olympics some day! DO YOU THINK RAG HAS A PLACE IN THE CONSERVATIVE SOCIETY OF SURREY UNIVERSITY? Of course, insanity is needed everywhere, especially in such a laid back place as this! WHY ARE YOU SO ORANGE? Because I eat too many smashing orangy bits from the yummy Jaffa Cakes. WHAT DO YOU THINK THE RAG TEAM SHOULD BE MANDATED TO DO? To eat Jaffa Cakes for the whole of Rag Week (and donate the orangy bits to me!) WHICH OF THE 6 CHARITY’S THAT RAG ARE SUPPORTING IS YOUR FAVOURITE? I don’t know, they are all so worthwhile, probably Duncans’ Fund. IF YOU WERE GIVEN £50,000 WHAT WOULD YOU DO WITH IT? Buy myself lots of orangy bits, without the rest of the Jaffa Cake around them! DO YOU HAVE ANY FURTHER COMMENTS? Yes, there are non-believers, but us orangy tangs are more abundant than you think, so guard your Jaffa Cakes with your life! THANK YOU CHIP, AND LEAVE RAG’S JAFFA CAKES ALONE!
“Somewhere over the rainbow...” Alan, Jez and Steve would not be singing.
Friday 10th October 1997
RAG MANDATES 1997/1998
This House Knows:
That the bar is open, and we need a drink. The Power of RAG during Rag Week is Omnipotent. The Rag Committee is deranged. Well, we actually wanted to do this in the first place. The Rag Chair is so stressed, that by the end of Rag Week she will be a gibbering heap in the corner talking with “the voices”
This House Demands Profusely:
All the Sabbaticals and Union Officials must be auctioned as slaves for 24 hours at the Cattle Market (Wednesday). This includes Rag Chair in her official capacity. Each Sab must attend the Guildford Rag Raid at some point during the day. They must sell 10 Rag Mags and 2 T-shirts during Rag Week. The Sab’s must do a song and dance at the Rag Closing Ceremony. This will be “Cabin Fever” from “Muppet Treasure Island”. Words and music will be provided on request. Each Sab and Union Official must sponsor one of the Rag Team members who will be doing the “Skydive for Charity”. On Saturday afternoon, each Sabbatical has to take up the RAG CHALLENGE! Be there at 3pm sharp in Hari’s Bar, to await further instructions. The Union President has to look after the electronic pet given to her that week. If it is not 6 days old when we get it back, a forfeit will have to be undertaken. The Communications Officer has to be a contestant in the Rag Blind Date. If he fails to attend he will have to donate £50 to Rag. The Sabbaticals has to have a boat racing team (of 5) to challenge the Rag Committee team (5 members) at the beer drinking competition.
the most menial tasks to do in Rag Week.
Liaison Officer (Kam) Equal BATMAN:
and climbs around in the roof all the time (the latter wont be a problem, the former could be amusing).
Technology Officer (Warren) BANANAMAN:
has to wear a blue body suit with a
This House Believes:
Beer should be free. If beer isn’t free, when people see us at the bar, they should automatically buy us a drink. In Fun, Frolics and Frills with capital F’s.
Opportunity’s yellow cape and hood. Must carry a Officer (Nick) CAPTAIN banana (or a bunch of) at all must wear a funny mask, tights and times and needs a stuffed crow. a cape. Most importantly must have SCARLET: & moulded chest and utility belt. must walk around as a puppet - Entertainment’s Every time he sees Catwoman he preferably with strings, and wear a Marketing Manager (Alan red suit - especially the dodgy hat. has to pick her up, throw her Roy) MAD HATTER: Action must wear a hat and dress with over his shoulder and take her to his Community bat cave. Chairperson (Jo) LADY green trousers, chequered waistcoat External Affairs Officer PENELOPY: with a clock. Must carry a (Wendy F) JUDGE needs a chauffeur to take her for a teapot at all times and wish everyone a very merry unbirthday. Must ride occasionally. Has to wear her DREAD:
has to have huge shoulder pads, wear a helmet and dread badge. Has a dark blue body suit and goes around saying “I am the law” every 2 minutes.
hair up and wear a lovely pink dress. Must also walk around as a puppet. Professional Placements Officer (Sophie) ROBIN: needs a dodgy cape, tights and a black band around his head with holes in for his eyes. Every time he sees batgirl (doing the arms) must shout “to the bat cave” and run off film style. frantically encourage everyone to attend all the events in Rag Week.
General Manager (Adrien Fieldhouse) JAMES BOND:
has to wear a dinner jacket and bow tie all week. Has to introduce himself to EVERYONE with the words “my name is Bond, James Bond - licence to kill” and on requiring a drink must ask at the bar for a martini - shaken, not stirred. This House Warns:
If help is needed with any of the above, the Rag Committee will be willing to help, but not necessarily able to help. If this is not complied with, there will be a huge fine, or the person in question will be subject to a Hari Hit.
This House Considers:
The Union Constitution (we aren’t saying we will obey it to the letter, just consider it). We have a wonderful team of Sab’s and Union Officials to embarrass themselves as they will in the name of charity. That we are the only sane ones in a completely mad world! That the thought of free beer is the best in the world.
Internal Affairs Officer (Matt L’Fluff) CAPTAIN PICARD:
must be bald (which wont be a problem), wear a tight red top and black trousers. Has to have a badge communicator and go around saying “make it so” (it is the only thing he is allowed to speak)
Entertainment’s Chairperson (Cerise) SUPERTED:
has to have fuzzy ears and paws; needs a pillow down her front and a red body suit with a red cape. Must say to everyone “I’ll say my secret magic words” and whispers quietly to herself.
This House Ponders:
On life, the universe and everything - for about 30 seconds and then worry’s about where the next pint is coming from. On what would happen if Mr.Blobby took over parliament, and the Spice Girls ran the Union. On what fun we could have with the badges that hang around the neck of every sabbatical and Union Official (Ha! Ha!)
Union Treasurer (Tania) BATGIRL:
has to wear a tight black body suit, dodgy mask, utility belt and kinky boots. Every time she sees robin (doing the arms) must shout “to the bat cave” and run off film style.
This House Wants:
Free beer! Revenge!! More free beer!!! Sanity to come home, as we didn’t mean it, and we love you really.
This House Requires: During Rag Week, the Sabbaticals and Union Officials are mandated to dress as the following whilst in the union:
Sports Chairperson (Dan) must wear a blue knee length dress, BUZZ LIGHT YEAR: white socks and a blue hairband.
believes he really comes from outerspace. Must wear cardboard wings and a fake laser and shouts “to infinity and beyond” all the time, and must walk around as if he was a toy. Must pretend to grow small on drinking anything. very
Union Chairperson (Harriet) ALICE IN WONDERLAND:
RESISTANCE IS FUTILE.
Union President (Bob) Rag Chairperson (Wendy CATWOMAN:
must wear leather from head to toe, carry a whip and meeow seductively at Batman.
This House Demands:
The Union President (BOB) has to start each sentence with: “It’s your Union” The Student Affairs Officer (SAM) has to end each sentence with: “Education, Representation and Welfare” The Sports Officer (CAZZA) has to yell every 10 minutes: “Sport for Surrey!...Does anyone want to hire a minibus?” The Communications Officer (MATTY P) has to do a cheer-leader impression using the words “BARE FACTS” on RAG’s demand (see us for further details) The Liaison Officer (KAM) has to end each sentence with: “Nurses, Midwives, Mmmm!” The Internal Affairs Officer (MATT L’FLUFF) has to sing instead of speak, especially in Union exec. The External Affairs Officer (WENDY F) has to speak without using her hands. Every Sabbatical and Union Official must wear a badge - but not their own. No Sab can wear another Sab badge, and no member of the Rag Committee can wear a Rag badge.
B) THE RAG SUPERHERO:
wants to be part of RAG as it is RAG alone who seems to understand her insanity a n d gives her the rest and recuperation that her condition requires.
Student Affairs Officer (Sam) POISON IVY:
has a tight green body suit and must carry a potted plant at all times, which she will name and introduce to us all.
Stage Manager (JB) THE INCREDIBLE HULK:
has to have green skin and rip off his clothes repeatedly. Also has to go “Grrrrrrrr” all the time.
Sports Officer (Cazza) WONDER WOMAN:
must wear tights (with underpants over the top), cape and dodgy headband. She must also keep spinning around on the spot regardless of how drunk she is. Every time she sees superman they must discuss wearing tights and underwear the wrong way around.
Stage Crew: THE ASSASSINS GUILD from TERRY PRATCHETT FANTASY’s.
must wear black all week, with lots of concealed weapons (!?!). They also have to enter and leave the Union any way but using the door.
Communications Bare Facts Secretary, and Officer (Matty P) other BF related bods SUPERMAN: (Sarah, Rob, Jeff) THE
has to wear red underpants over his tights and a dodgy red cape. Blue tights are essential , and on meeting wonder woman, has to discuss the advantages of wearing tights and underwear the wrong way around. He also must not complain when Rag a)sell his computer and b) give him
have to wear turtle necks and try to solve the problems of the world (especially those of Bare Facts).
Club Committee Representative (Wilf) SPIDERMAN:
must wear a blue and red body suit
Even More of RAG
Friday 10th October 1997 n
Wibbley-Wobbley - will he get there or wont he?
Rag Appeal 1996/97 Update
Alan (Rag Chair 96/97) and Bob putting signs on bins, whilst having a laugh in true RAG style.
Last year’s Appeal raised £3,000 which was evenly distributed to the following Not very surprisingly, one of the most popular and best supported of last year’s charities: events was the Beer Drinking Competition which took place in February, whereby a concoction of alcoholic beverages had to be consumed in the fastest Anthony Nolan Bone Marrow Trust possible time! For your enlightenment we have included a few pictures taken British Institute for Brain Injured Children (BIBIC) by our roving photographer (who was probably blind drunk) to give you a taste Duncan’s Fund in preparation for the next competition. Guildford AIDS Line Marie Curie Cancer Care Don’t forget the date - WEDNESDAY, 15th OCTOBER. Number 5
WOMEN: CHEMICAL ANALYSIS.
ELEMENT: W02 DISCOVERER: ADAM ATOMIC MASS: Accepted as 53.6 Kg, but known to vary from 40 to 200 Kg OCCURRENCE: Copious quantities in all urban areas PHYSICAL PROPERTIES: Surface usually covered with painted film Boils at nothing, freezes without any known reasons Melts if given special treatment Bitter if incorrectly used Found in various states ranging from virgin metal to common ore CHEMICAL PROPERTIES: 1. Has a great affinity for gold, silver and a range of precious stones 2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances 3. May explode spontaneously without prior notice for no known reasons 4. Insoluble in liquid, but activity increases greatly by saturation in alcohol 5. Most powerful money reducing agent known to man. COMMON USES: 1. Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars 2. Can be a great aid in relaxation 3. Very effective cleaning agent TESTS: 1. Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in natural state
Its a weird World
In Bangkok, 54 year old Chao Boonchu was featured in the press as Thailand’s champion chain-smoker, claiming noone could beat his record of 120 fags a day for 30 years. Shortly afterwards, he collapsed with breathing difficulties and heart problems and went into a coma. In Seattle, Rocky, a dog sentenced to death for his part in a robbery, was released and told never to return to the city. Cody Schreiber, 29, an escapee from a Montana mental hospital, was convicted of killing and dismembering his room-mate after an argument over some missing Playboy centrefolds. South Korean Foreign Minister Lee Bum Suk complimented the few British officials who had the courage to pronounce his name the proper way instead of trying to convert it into “Boom Sook”. Indianapolis police officer Timothy Day was hospitalised when the wind blew into his face the contents of a sack of cocaine he’d seized as evidence. “I was never much of a churchgoer, but this has provedto me that there is a God,” said Weston-superMare window cleaner Alan Puddy after a vision of the Virgin Mary and Jesus apparently appeared on a crisp he was eating while watching television. The father-of-four was attacking a packet of Nik Naks, reports the Sunday Independent, when he felt a shiver down his spine. “You can see Mary’s nose, mouth and shawl,” he said. “Her head is slightly bowed as she cradles the baby Jesus. I know I had stumbled upon something special. Its not every day you come across a religious crisp.” Mr Puddy said people may laugh at his claims “but these things come to us as a sign I’ve been given an opportunity to find my true path in life.”
2. Turns green when placed beside a better specimen
HAZARDS: 1. Highly dangerous except in experienced hands 2. Illegal to process more than one, although several can be maintained at different locations as long as specimens do not come into contact with each other.
It has come to the notice of the management that employees have been found dying on the job, and either refusing (or neglecting) to fall over. This practice must cease forthwith and employees found DEAD in the upright position will be immediately stopped from the payroll. In future if a foreman notices an employee has made no movement for a period of one hour, it will be his duty to investigate as to the cause, as it is almost impossible to distinguish between death and natural movement in some employees. Foremen are advised to make a careful investigation by holding a pay packet in front of the suspected ‘corpses’ as this is considered to be a most reliable test. There are many cases, however, where the natural instinct has been so deeply ingrained that the hand of the Corpse has made spasmodic clutches even after rigor mortis has set in. The most successful test is to whisper ‘Sunday work’. This has been known to restore animation to the body which has been motionless all week. The foregoing test should not be applied to FOREMEN and SUPERVISORS, as in these cases movement of any kind is UNNECESSARY.
Friday 10th October 1997
Sports Standing Meeting Tuesday 14th October at 6pm in LTE, compulsary attendance for 2 representatives from each club. Sports Exec Meeting Friday 10th October at 1pm in the Sports Office Canoe Club White Water Trip To Wales: 18/19th October. £5 deposits required now!! Tennis Club AGM Tuesday 14th October at 6pm in the Grant Mitchell Room Mountaineering EGM Wednesday 29th October at 2.30pm at Campusport Climbing Wall Chess Club - we exist! Meet on Thursdays at 7pm in LTK, matches against locals, contact Dan (ee41de) or Pete (me41ps) Judo Club meet 2pm every Wednesday at campusport centre, everyone welcome from beginners to blackbelts Islamic Society AGM Tuesday October 21st at 7pm in Lecture Theatre A. Thai Society AGM Friday 24th October at 6pm in Lecture Theatre A International Tamil Society AGM Wednesday 22nd October at 6.30pm in LTA FOAS AGM Tuesday 28th October at 7pm in TB14 Unplugged AGM Tuesday 21st October at 7pm in Helen Rose Bar Green Society AGM Tuesday 21st October at 6.30 pm in TB 21 Lawsoc AGM Wednesday 22nd October at 6:30pm in LTA Electronic and Amateur Radio AGM Tuesday 21st October at 7.30pm in 9BB21 Duke of Edinburgh Society AGM Monday 27th October at 7pm in LTE Economics Society meeting Tuesday 30th October at 5pm in 4AO17 Motor Club AGM Wednesday 15th October at 6pm in the Grant Mitchell Room Science Fiction and Anime Society AGM Sunday 19th October at 2.30pm in LTA Bare Facts Editorial Board Meetings 6pm every Monday in the Office in Union House Laser Printer For Sale - 300 dpi 4 ppm Ideal for essays Good condition - phone 504629 The Running Club will be holding a novice/beginner evening at 6pm on Friday 10th October. If you didn’t sign up, don’t worry, just turn up. We meet in the foyer of Campusport; bring trainers and lungs!
n Sir Woolhouse, Everton sucks!!!!! - Ken n SSQ Your new nickname is now S-P!!!! - T.L.O. n Giggle and Girls - no more fires or men, next time it’s just Pizza’s - S n MR.DREAMY EYES (LUNCH STAFF IN HELYN ROSE), do you know you have had admirers for a year now? L + P n UNCLE FESTER, reply to baby PP and Lolo .. NOW.. you give too much attention to Duracell bunny!! XXX n So Helen, How many ‘Jonny’s’ have I got left in my cupboard? n Ero Tinky Winky, Your ariel is amazing and your little hamster sneezes aren’t bad either!!!! yours forever Po xxx n Anyone had a session in the Austin Powers building ? n Kristian og Jens! Rock ‘n’ Roll - Ken n Ahhh... he’s lost his goatee... we won’t have anything to tease him about now... :( n Rag, so far so good but every step you take, every move you make, we’ll be watching you.... n To ‘The Dragons’ - you know who you are! Thanks for everything. I really appreciate you both. The bollard returns n Nick, that last sentence was for you n Desperately seeking Helen Philpott n JUDO CLUB COMMITTEE Where are you? Contact us on Wednesday n Babybird’s up for it if you are! RMP n I’m a bit concerned mmmm n Grandad pulled a fresher nurse!! n Que tal, chicas? -Ken n Rec Road Arachnid Removals n You got a spider? Just call us, ANY time!!!! n Sparky. Nice surprise for you in the AP building. Wasn’t it. The legend lives on. n MR. DREAMY EYES....... please R.S.V.P....... L + P. n How many SOMS students enjoy ‘Location Management’ then? Pigeon Hole Phillipos????? n Austin Pearce building - that’s really not my bag, baby n So, Max forgot to “pick up” Nina, then!! “ohh err missus.” n This week I ‘ave mostly been eating Virtual Pets! n Nick, that last sentence was for you! n To Damien, why has Karen not stopped smiling?!! n Duracell Bunny, you excelled yourself on Monday!! - From Warren n Sport Spice, white knickers with frilly bits n H & C students can cook-We only burn things occaisonally, but at least we do it in style!!!! n It’s Gary Wilmot...no, no. I meant the song! n The SOFA, which now comes in LEATHER, takes up to SIX people in any ONE session. n How are the new postgrads, A? n Sam - Happy Birthday for the 16th, Bruises n Bootleg Beatles - Paul McCartney...or...Jimmy Krankie n A very big thank you to all the members of the Trampolining Club who helped out at the sports fair and who have helped coach the Freshers. Thanks! Love Jane n Dear Dean. Please will you fix it for me to be evicted. n Following the success of the Bootleg Beatles, may I introduce the Sockfoot Stones. !!! n Final Year OR- Whots with awl these quews ? - Bob M n Cory, what no message from you! n To the bloke who wants rid of his mobile phone - you got it from Orange Direct Sales, Solihull Matt
Friday 10th October 1997 n
Never trust Tich (Canoe Club)
The semester has started with a fling with some classes being full to the brim while there are spaces still in some of the evening sessions - do join in - all standards are welcome!
t was all planned weeks in advance, Tich was to drive down after work on Friday night, pick us up and then drive to Wales. First mistake: never rely on Tich! Having decided to meet at the Waterside Centre at half-past-seven, Alistair picked me up and after giving his wife a long kiss goodbye, we were left stranded in the rain. Luckily I had the keys, so we were forced to go inside and have a beer. An hour later Martyn had turned up, but no Tich. Another hour passed and still no Tich, so we decided to give him a ring to see if he had forgotten us. No, he hadn’t, but in trying to get home quickly he had managed to interface the car with the central reservation, writing it off. Second mistake: never trust Tich’s driving! After running around like canoeists with the threat of a dry world, we were lumbered with the fact that Alistair could not get a car and Martyn was not prepared to lick enough ass to get us a minibus at ten o’clock at night. A few more irate phone calls later, we found out that he did have another car but he wasn’t insured on it till Monday. Having
given up on the whole idea a long time ago Martyn and I decided to go and drown our sorrows in the Union. Twelve pints later we decided that they were sufficiently drowned and collapsed! Third mistake: never give up and resort to drink!
petrol-guzzling monster. The look of amazement on the face’s of our instructors was worth it though as we turned up at Symonds-Yat fashionably late by a day! Fifth mistake: never trust Tich! After the instructor had finished drooling over the canoes we proceeded to show him how to canoe properly and, in the end, he had no choice except to pass me, Martyn and Alistair with flying colours. Unfortunately Tich failed because he hadn’t paddled for a while. A good time was had by all but if you ever go up there don’t expect any decent white water, and definitely no night life as they all crossbreed with sheep and the women are built like brick shit houses! So we advise getting take-outs from a pub and then going back to your youth hostel room and getting wankered there instead. There will be a beginners’ trip there in week 7-ish so all you Freshers can come along and have your first experience of white water on a smaller scale.
AEROBICS DURING OPEN UNIVERSITY EXAMINATIONS
Please Note CHANGE OF TIME on the following dates for ALL classes IN THE UNIVERSITY HALL: 6.30 p.m. on Mondays 13th October & 20th October 6.30 p.m. on Wednesdays 15th October & 22nd October 6.30 p.m. on Thursdays 16th October & 23rd October Anyone arriving early or starting later could perhaps help with chair and table clearing!!
After getting in at three a.m, I was not too amused to be woken up at eight o’clock by someone banging on the door. But there was Tich with a stupid grin on his face, telling me to look outside. And there it was, the curse of the Estate-Agent-Class, a B.M.W. 3-series. I was amazed at his ability to do something right for a change, but I did not want to enquire about how he had got it. It looked alright from the outside and, if you ignored the knackerd seats and a bit of rust, it was the perfect car - or so we thought. Fourth mistake: never trust Tich!
LUNCH TIME SOCIAL SPORTS PROGRAMME AUTUMN SEMESTER 1997/98
Programme & Entry Form 20th October - 5th December Tel Extn 9201 for further information Social Sports Programme is competitive sport at a fun pace. Everyone is welcome - students and staff of all ages. Experience is immaterial. Entry is FREE with a Sports & Classes or Campusport membership card. Contact your Department sports rep or nominate a rep from your house/floor to enter. Entry forms must be registered at the Sports Centre reception by Thursday 9th October. An overall PARTICIPATION TROPHY is awarded at the end of the year! BUT BEFORE YOU ENTER, MAKE SURE: 1. Your team can play each week if necessary - non appearances will result in ‘minus’ points & disqualification. 2. A maximum of 2 team sports per academic year can be made. 3. A maximum of 2 University or league team players can be included (1 team player for pairs events). 4.Departments may combine but an individual can play for ONE TEAM ONLY. 5. Participation points will be awarded for all team sports with a maximum of 4 for squash, badminton & dance. 6. Remember to bring a spare clean pair of trainers for use on the Sports Centre floors.
Tich’s right foot never left the floor and our knuckles were white as we gripped the hand rails for dear life. OK, we got to Wales in less than two hours but on the way we had made seven fuel stops and put more than £50 pounds of fuel into this
t is almost getting boring writing about the considerable success of British Sport. Once again over this last week we have proved ourselves across the board with stunning victories, most notably in the European Cup, boxing and tennis. The midweek football was a joy to behold. Manchester Utd beating the Italians in what has surely laid the precedent for this Saturday’s match in Rome; Liverpool, Chelsea and Aston Villa also won. The enjoyment of these results was enhanced enormously by the Greeks beating Arsenal despite the presence of one of the greatest players in world football at the moment - Bergkamp. Let’s hope that he does move to AC Milan or Arsenal are in serious danger of winning the championship! I will not say anything about Scottish football anymore, especially as none of them are involved in the second rounds. Well done Rangers for setting one record - that of losing
Richie Saulet Sports Editor
in two European Cups (in the first rounds) in one season. The other major events of the week turned on our great “British” athletes. There is always criticism of these guys until they start winning. Well, Lennox Lewis, raised in Jamaica, and Greg Rusedski, born and raised in Canada, have done England proud. How long before we find out that Shane Warne has an English uncle, three times removed and thus could play for us? Although it is unlikely he would want to- which brings me onto the point, why did Lewis and Rusedski choose to box/play for us? We hardly have the greatest of traditions in either sport. Still keep going so we can claim the plaudits. Maybe our English ballroom dancing team should start poaching the Italian dancers in that highly com1. D Erichsen ( 159 ) a - a Inglis ( 162 ) 2. A Garcia-Delento ( e90 ) 0 - 1 Bice ( 142 ) 3. P Shing ( 92 )0 - 1 Sobey (124)
petitive sport of ballroom dancing. Now, personally why ballroom dancing competitions? The only other sport that I would not watch on TV is horse racing, but at least you can bet on that. The problem is that with the funding that BBC’s Grandstand is currently receiving, ballroom dancing is liable to trip onto our screens on a Saturday afternoon and we will all become concerned that Cecilie Rygel has retired and that Alessandra Buccialrelli is threatening our very own Chris Hawkins. Bollocks. Somebody pay a licence fee so Grandstand can provide entertaining sports again. On the University front, the Rugby team has done it again with an easy win in the league on Saturday. Other teams that have done well include.....no idea as no-one can be arsed to write anything. If you do have an article, you can e-mail it to me at email@example.com. If you want some publicity, then write! 4. Y Hav ( e85 ) 0 - 1 Adams ( 115 ) 5. P Hawtin ( e85 ) 1 - 0 Conquer ( 95 ) a=adjudicated ( We are claiming victory! ) P. Shing
Thurs 9th Oct - Last date for entries (by 2:00pm) to Sports Centre Reception. Sun 12th Oct - University Sports Day. Mon 20th Oct - Starting date for fixtures. Wed 17th Dec - Xmas Presentation at the V.C. PROGRAMME 5-a-side Football Mixed Netball Ladies Soccer Indoor Cricket Evening Soccer Uni Hockey Mixed Volleyball Team Squash Ballroom Dancing The Social Sports Programme is another free benefit for Sports & Classes/Campusport card holders. All players must ‘swipe’ at Reception or pay the casual sports attendance fee (Students - 50p/Staff - £1.00)
CAMPUSDANCE LATIN AMERICAN TASTER COURSE
TUESDAY 7.00-8.00 & 8.00-9.00 PM TB10
For those of you who turned up last week and found yourselves squashed in a room full of students trying to move to some latin beats, there is an extra class from 8.009.00 pm. So come on down to Campusport and sign up as quick as possible.
6th October Haslemere
University Of Surrey Haslemere
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