Issue 921 - Weekly

Friday 21st November 1997

Nightclub Manager: ‘I can only do my best’
But Sports Officer presses ahead with boycott proposal, and the students back her
Matt Pannell Editor


ichael Crust, the manager of Bojanglez Nightclub, defended the reputation of his club last week before a packed Student Council meeting. Challenging allegations that a student had been attacked and beaten by bouncers a week beforehand, he went on to say that he valued student business, and added “I can only do my best to ensure that you all have a good night have to decide if my best is good enough.” Students at the meeting then voted overwhelmingly to boycott the nightclub, leading to the Students’ Union staging a one-off ‘Boycott Bo’s’ night on Wednesday. Alternative entertainment was put on in a move designed to shock the club management into taking action to improve their security policy. Having accepted an invitation to come and answer questions, Crust faced fierce criticism from Union Sports Officer Caroline Betteridge, author of the boycott proposal. “We are disgusted with the attitude, behaviour and ability of Bo’s bouncers” she said.

The pair then repeatedly clashed over suggestions that the latest incident was just the latest in a series of up to six “serious assaults.” “I disagree with your facts” said Crust. “I would really like to know where she gets her information.” “I’m here to represent the students as a Sabbatical Officer” replied Betteridge. “I’m here as a voice for the students. They come to me with their queries, they come to me with their problems. If they say it’s happened, then I believe them, whether you do or not.” On the most recent incident, the meeting was asked to “bear in mind there are two sides to every coin....the situation is in the hands of Guildford Police, and we are cooperating with them.” Crust went on to say that the Wednesday student night at the club was seen by management as very important, with students making up about 70% of customers. “It’s something that’s been running for 5 years, and let’s be honest, it’s a bloody good night. It’s nice for us. It’s relaxed, it’s happy. Most of the time, the students are happy. If you enjoy it, you’ll continue with that, and I want you to continue. But you have to make that choice. I’m not here to tell you what to do.” Local resident Mary Davies was not easily persuaded that the club’s security has improved since last October, when she

Michael Crust, Manager of Bojanglez nightclub, at last week’s Student Council.

Photo: Mark Godfrey

n n n News 1 Features 3 Letters 4 n n Cinema and Arts 8 Union News 9

n Music 6 Notices & Personals

Entertainments Guide 7 . n 9 Sports 11 .



Friday 21st November 1997 n

claims her son was attacked by doormen. “I’m frankly appaled that this sort of thing is still going on” she said. “My son was the subject of a totally unprovoked attack. Several eyewitnesses said quite independently that he did nothing The bouncer called to his colleagues who set upon my son, threw him down the stairs, kicked him, very nearly strangled him...he couldn’t sleep for weeks because his ribs were bruised.” She said that a friend who had tried to intervene was also attacked, and later needed surgery to his hand which was fractured after he tried to shield his head from kicks dealt out by staff. “The police did their very best to prosecute, but couldn’t get enough evidence I feel very strongly about it which is why I’m here tonight.” Since the meeting, several students have approached Bare Facts with further allegations of assaults by security staff at the club. These include a student who claims to have been physically lifted off the dancefloor by a bouncer standing on a raised area above him who wanted to know the time. “I showed him my watch” explained Giles Baker, a fourth year tonmeister, “but he couldn’t see, so he just got hold of my wrist and picked me up off the dancefloor. I suppose he just didn’t think. He wanted to get the watch closer to him but forgot I was attached to it.” A first year sociology student also claims to have been “violently threatened” by a bouncer at the club. She and a friend reported the incident to the police, and said “the bouncer had to literally be restrained from hitting us - it was terrifying.”

The news in brief
Oxbridge colleges threaten fees - again
(Oxford) A change in the law abolishing exemption of the Oxbridge colleges from filing accounts have revealed assets of £2bn and an income of £100m. These assets of the Oxford and Cambridge colleges eclipse the GNP of some
Mary Davies: claims her son was ‘nearly strangled’ by bouncers last year. Photo: Mark Godfrey

nations. The results coincide with plans by the some Oxbridge colleges to start charging top up-fees if proposals to cut their ‘special status’ grants are approved by the government. At present the subsidies at Oxford and

Cambridge are £5800 per student compared with £4000 in other universities. However this has led to fears of elitism where only the rich can afford to attend. - A. Bowery

Diana bodyguard may provide answers
(Paris) Trevor Rees-Jones the sole survivor of the car crash in August that killed Diana Princess of Wales and Dodi Fayed, has returned to Paris to relive the journey which ended so tragically in a Paris underpass. The bodyguard, who is still recovering from the crash, was driven from the back of the Ritz hotel to the tunnel where the Mercedes collided with a pillar. The hope is that he will be able to recall the events leading up the crash. Previously he has been able only to recall scant details. He has been able to recall that the Mercedes Benz S280 in which three of the four occupants died was followed by a white car containing paparazzi as it drove towards the tunnel. French police are still trying to establish the role of the paparazzi, and are searching for a white Fiat Uno they believe collided with the Mercedes.- A. Bowery

Sigma Visuals Graduation Photographs
...requires assistants for the Degree Ceremonies on Friday 28th November & 12th December at

Millennium ‘timebomb’ computers still on sale
(London) Stores are still selling some computers with the Millennium bug in them according to a report published this week. The problem on these rogue machines could cause information to be scrambled or lost. It has been found that 88% of machines on sale in high street stores contain outmoded real time clocks that will not register the new century. Makes affected include Compaq, Packard Bell, Hewlett Packard and Olivetti. The problem consists of the clock’s first two figures being fixed at 19 instead of 20, which will read 1900 instead of 2000. A program taking this time directly from the real time clock will become confused and malfunction.- A. Bowery

for the day. For those who are not partaking, come and help those who are. If you are interested, phone Jane on 01483 235151 for further details.

Companies put up £700,000 for nurse’s life
(Riyadh) British nurse Deborah Parry facing beheading in Saudi Arabia has had her life spared when the brother of the alleged victim waived his right to have the death penalty conferred. The threat of lashing to Lucille McLauchlan has also been removed. Mr Gilford is now entitled to £700000 put up by British companies. Ms Parry now faces a sentence of 5 years. Ms Lauchlan has already been sentenced to 8 years for her part in the alleged killing of Yvonne Gilford.- A. Bowery

Hitler to have been sent to mental home as a child
(Vienna) It has been revealed that Sigmund Freud might have had the opportunity to treat the young Adolf Hitler. Hitler’s family doctor in 1895, concerned with Adolf’s disturbed state, recommended he be seen by a specialist at a childrens’ mental hospital. It is believed that Adolf’s father Alois prevented him from being treated. There is evidence to suggest Alois was brutal to the young Adolf; using a Hippopotamus whip to suppress the boy. This however raises the wider question that if Hitler had a mental condition, how was he able to rise to such powers in spite of it? - A. Bowery

It’s good to talk - except behind the wheel, say police
West Midlands police have launched a crackdown on dangerous mobile phone habits. One driver was caught by police driving his car with his mobile phone in one hand and his order book in the other. Another man asked his front passenger to steer because he was using his spare hand to cover his ear and block out annoying background noise, whist a lorry driver was caught steering his 40 tonne truck with his left foot while his right leg was on the dashboard and his hands were busy dialling. The police are concerned about divers turning their cars into offices where driving attentively is the last item on their agenda. - Antonia Bayliss

‘Commonwealth Family’ to be led by Edinburgh
dinburgh, the capital of Scotland, is a leading international city, known for its scenic beauty. This autumn and winter, from the 1st of October 1997 until the 10th of January 1998, the ‘Commonwealth Family’, as the Prime Minister said, ‘is welcomed to Edinburgh’. Several events take place, such


Martha Stefanidou
as exhibitions, workshops and lectures concerning theatre, sport, poetry, music and dance. Countries within the Commonwealth show off their traditions and culture, as well as their history and literature. Furthermore, talks and lectures occur concerning industry,

development and the future, as a whole, of these countries. It is worthwhile attending one of the events in Commonwealth Edinburgh ‘97, since it gives people the opportunity to experience the taste of many of these countries, and also to visualise their future.


Friday 21st November 1997



Club Committee: the mystery explained
he Club know or alternatively Mark Stuart fill out a suggestion Committee is a body of both slip. If no-one comes, students and full-time Union staff then things might just stay as they who meet fortnightly to discuss the are, although we are working on trading activities of the Union Club. many improvements. If you’ve ever wondered who This is your chance to make a difmakes the decisions regarding beer ference, to let your views be heard. prices, ticket prices, vending So, come along on alternative machines, minibuses, jukeboxes, Wednesday afternoons at 1pm in the some of the Ents, food, trading poli- Grant Mitchell Room. The next cies and guidelines, etc. - well it’s meeting is on Wednesday 26 us. November. If you can’t make the Two-thirds of those entitled to vote meetings but you would like an are students so your views are rep- issue to be raised, then you can resented but we need more input. If either fill out a suggestion slip or you’ve got any ideas or you just email me directly on want to discuss the trading activities of the union, come along and let us


Television Licensing The True Story
ll week rumours have been flying around about television licence inspectors being on campus on Monday 10 November. University Security have confirmed that inspectors were indeed on site on the night in question, calling on six residences whose previous occupants had purchased a TV licence last year but had not renewed them. The current occupants were either out or had no television. According to the University Security Office, no-one has been fined. Letters concerning the importance of purchasing a TV licence were sent out to every room on campus. However, these were not named and so sent back to the Television Licensing Authority. Licence detector vans have been given permission to come on site, which is considered private property, by security and the relevant university administrative departments. Ryan, a customer service agent at the TLA’s general enquiry line based in Bristol said “You can refuse an inspector entry to your


Hayley Stamp
room. However, he will simply go away and get a warrant. You may still receive a court summons if he thinks you have an unlicensed television or he is otherwise suspicious of you, even if you have conveniently disposed of the television before he comes around again.” Ryan said that the TLA had no plans to introduce a student licensing scheme whereby students could go to the post office with their accommodation allocation letters and purchase a license for term time only. So, here is a brief summary of the TV licensing laws: All students, on or off campus, must have their own TV licences (they are not covered by their parents’ licences at home). The only exception to this is a battery powered TV which does not need a separate licence provided your parents have a valid licence at home. Students living off campus with more than one TV in their house and

have separate rent agreements need separate licences. The current prices (per year) for TV licenses are £91.50 for a colour license and £30.50 for a black-andwhite license. You can pay for the licence in full, by monthly direct debit or by collecting savings stamps to put towards you licence next year. At the end of the academic year you can send your licence back for a refund but, only full quarters (i.e. 3 month periods) will be refunded. Inspectors cannot fine on the spot nor can they confiscate your TV! If you have any further queries, the Television Licensing Authority has an enquiry line: 0990 763 763. Alternatively, if you have any comments, write to: The Customer Relations Manager PO Box 336 Television Licensing Bristol BS98 1TL

‘We were never lost’ claim hikers

Cookery Corner
This week, John Dear ties up his apron strings...

fter a 5.30 am start(?) we set off for the Peak District. After a while of uneventful driving (no mini’s on the road this time), we were held up by roadworks on the M1 for about an hour. However, we were kept amused by playing eye-spy and discovering that certain members (Ashley) didn’t know what a grockle was. Having taken a slight detour through Derby (more than once), we arrived at the camping barn by 12.30 am to find mousetraps on the floor and a very dodgy ceiling in the shower! Everyone was woken very early (7am) by people stocking up the beer cellar below us, and after Doug’s cooking griddle cakes for everyone we were walking by 10am. The day was going well until Dave decided we should “pick a path” which led to us going 180 degrees in the wrong direction! It was then decided to use a compass which led to us going down a very steep hill, round a valley and down some more hills. By this time it was mid afternoon and Dave was still trying to remember more than the first line of the Barbie song (he never managed it) so we set about taking the “quickest” route back to the pub. Having decided to take a straight bearing back, we set off across a large area of “spongy” pear land, but the fun hadn’t yet begun when the light faded, and the fog was


showing no signs of going away. At first the night navigation was going well, but as everyone’s torches began to run low, eroding the land became boring. The highlight of the day was descending a cliff face (nearly ending up at the bottom) in the dark, and finally finding the pub (after going through a shallow river with deep bits). Dave’s first night navigation had turned out to be a success, however it was 10.30 pm before we got back, so after half an hour of being in the pub we were back in the barn, although we had Peter the Pumpkin to keep us company. On Sunday morning, we all got back into the minibus and began the journey home. We stopped off at a pub in Northampton (to make up for the evening before) and were back in a much quicker time than the journey out. A good weekend was had by everyone, and Dave “the hero” now has a lot of friends!!!!!!!!!!!!! If you think that the idea of letting Dave get you lost up some mountain in the middle of nowhere is good fun, then come along to one of our meetings on Tuesdays at 1pm in TB12B. Also look at our web page ( hiking/) for details of forthcoming events. You can contact Dave on 01483 576981 or 0370 941313 or email us on


eing at university can be annoying, especially if you are forced to share a small kitchen with ten people who wish to borrow your teaspoon and you can’t cook.

Method: 1. Mix the lamb with the ginger, garlic, spring onion and black bean sauce and leave to marinade for 30 minutes. 2. Heat the oil, toss in the lamb mixture and stirfry for 5 minutes until it starts to brown. 3. Add the pepper and onion. Fry for another 5 minutes, stirring the ingredients often until the lamb is tender and the vegetables are just cooked. 4. Serve with rice and chopsticks for a real taste of the Orient. Now all you have to do is slip into a loose-fitting kimono, kick off your cloth cap and sit down to enjoy this wonderful meal. However, you might not be able to cook this meal at all, as you peer into your damp cupboard and discover that your own frying pan is the same size as a shirt button. But don’t despair! New Zealand Lamb are giving away 25 wok sets, and all you have to do to get one is take part in this competition . Send your answers to the following questions on the back of a postcard to: Blurb Student Marketing, Unit 25a, Pall Mall Desposit, 124-128 Barbly Road, London, W10 6BL. 1. The All-Blacks are: A) The New Zealand rugby team. B) Your New Zealand lamb chops when you leave them under the grill too long. C) The Australian rugby team. 2. New Zealand’s national mascot is: A) The Lamb. B) The Kiwi. C) The Koala.

If you share my views, then help is at hand. I, your humble servant, shall now tell you how to cook a simple and delicious meal. Yes, I’m talking about Stir Fried Lamb with Red Peppers, a dish that can be cooked in a large frying pan, a wok or a reconditioned satellite dish. Here are the comestibles that you will need: * 350g New Zealand Lamb neck fillets or leg meat cut into thin strips * 1 inch fresh ginger, peeled or grated (you could use a teaspoon of dried ginger) * 1 clove garlic, crushed. * 4 spring onions, chopped * 4 tablespoons black bean sauce (this can be bought from a supermarket, kids) * 1 red pepper, de-seeded and thinly sliced * 1 red onion, skinned and cut into thin wedges



Friday 21st November 1997

Nightclub boycott was needed
Bojanglez is the best nightclub in Guildford. That might not be saying much, with the competition housed mostly in concrete cellars which make a night out more like a taste of U-boat warfare (no air, no light, and no room to move) than a chance to relax. But it is a shame for everyone that this week’s one-off boycott of the club seems to have been necessary in order to press home a most important point - that well-behaved customers should be treated with courtesy and respect by security staff. Bouncers do a very difficult job, and many have seen their colleagues attacked with bottles, glasses and knives. But reserving the harsh treatment for those individuals who pose a genuine threat has always been part of the job, and it is a part of the job which they cannot be allowed to forget.

Fire: Essential precautions

Dear Editor
University Court Fire
The fire on 8 November has raised concerns from residents in University Court about fire safety. When the original buildings (houses 45 - 54) were built in 1988 they met the current requirements for fire safety. This included fire doors and emergency lights but not smoke detectors. Since 1992 a programme of improvements to fire safety systems has been going on in most areas of the Residences and University Court 45-54 are due to have a new system, including smoke and heat detection, installed next year.

Following the fire, after consultation with the local Fire Brigade, as an additional precaution until this work takes place, domestic battery smoke detectors have been installed in the corridors throughout buildings 45 - 54.

its job and is a danger to all residents. KEEP FIRE DOORS CLOSED.

Cooking Late At Night
Kub’s are for cooking and residents often prepare snacks or meals late at night. Late night cooking, particularly using oil or the grill, is always more risky because less residents are around to keep an eye on things. The greatest danger comes when a resident is tired or has had a few drinks. So if you cook at night stay alert to the greater danger of fire. IF YOU ARE TIRED OR HAVE BEEN DRINKING DON’T COOK HAVE A COLD SNACK INSTEAD! From: Accommodation Manager/University Fire Officer. a lift home. So, we bundled into the minibus and got taken home, so not only were we still snug and warm on our way home, but, being two girls on our own, we were also kept safe. So, although there are lots of problems with University services, I must admit this is one that I would just like to say thank you to and let you know some of us appreciate the gesture. Amy Price involved on Sunday 2nd November were a fantastic example of this. Many thanks. Steve De Wint Guildford Borough Sports Development Officer

Fire Doors - The Life Savers
There is little doubt that the fire door to the Kub in University Court prevented a much worse outcome in the serious fire last week. The door was closed so did its job and held back smoke and heat for at least 30 minutes. All Kub’s in residences are fitted with fire doors but, despite reminders and many notices, some residents insist on wedging them open. An open fire door cannot do a dissertation to write, I, of course, found myself having a night off in Bojanglez!! After a night of drinking, boogying and socialising, I was not looking forward to the long walk home in the freezing cold. I got my gloves, scarf and coat on ready for it, but no - when I got outside I was saved by a beautiful white chariot...well maybe not quite that (maybe it was the drink) but I was pleased to see the possibility of nity sports event, the Guildford Family FunRun. It is essential in this age of lottery funding and community partnerships that students are seen as an important part of the local sports community and the individuals not, that is not why I wrote. I’m not going to complain about the standard of the paper, I’m not expecting the journalistic quality of a professional paper. On the other hand this headline is just a blatant misrepresentation of the story below it. I think you should consider such occurrences and decide whether you are happy with such glaring mistakes, deliberate or not. Remember, this paper is supposed to cater for educated people, not the lowest common denominator. I hope you bear that in mind for future editions. Tony Sammut

Halt moral decay in Students’ Union

Dear Editor,
In light of issue 919’s letter concerning the activities of those behind and in front of the bar and turntable on a Friday night at the Union, I felt urged to respond. I agree with many of the sentiments in that letter and am certainly not alone in this. Like many I have been appaled at the behaviour of many of the students on these debauched and lecherous nights; a sinful cocktail of scantily-clad

females and leering males, dizzily inebriated with prodigious amounts of alcohol. Nor is the action strictly limited between men and women. The root cause of all this is over-consumption of alcohol. I suggest the Union take a long look at its policy of serving alcohol every Friday night before there are injuries and pregnancies. I am not on a moral crusade, but on a mission to uphold social values and decency in a University that is rapidly losing such qualities. Mr Nicholas KN Walters

Ta for the lift

Dear Editor,
I am writing not to complain for a change, but to actually say thanks to the minibus drivers of the University. In specific, I am talking about the minibuses running students home from Bojanglez on a Wednesday night. As a very busy 4th year with lots of work to do and

What your Union is doing to try and make things better for students
JWorking with the Accommodation Office on the final versions of the new accommodation policy J Arranging for estimates and repairs to vandalised facilities in Union house J Making preparations for the mental health awareness week and forthcoming world AIDS day J Finalising a new ticket sales and door policy for the Union Club J Looking at new revisions to the Union’s Constitution J Liaising with the University on changes to the central timetabling facility J Planning for the FNO 5th birthday J Sending a proposal to BUSA, the British Universities Sports Association, to host their annual conference J Trying (at the time of going to press) to get an extended entertainment licence for Wednesday’s Boycott Bo’s night J Meeting a local residents group

Thanks for legging it

Dear Editor,
I would like to thank members of the University of Surrey Running Club for their help in running Guildford Borough’s first commu

Misled by Bare Facts

Ed’s note: Tania would like to say: ... “Thank you for your comments. I am sorry if the title offended you in any way, this was certainly not intended. Nor was it intended by the other 3 national papers who ran the story with similar headlines. However, I do agree with you that the headline would have made more sense with the word “may” inserted. Thank you again for your input, may I suggest that, as you have a particular way in words, you write with us in the future.”

Dear Editor,
At the foot the second page of issue 920 of Bare Facts Tania Rocks’ headline (and therefore, as you are the editor, yours also) “Bulger’s killers have sentences reduced” is totally misleading, as the subsequent article proves. In fact the sentences are going to be reviewed, a big a big difference you will agree, and not a trivial one, especially for those concerned who fortunately won’t be reading BF this week. I don’t care if you print this letter or

The poetry corner
VSOP Blood-padded room, prisms of life are constructed inside. Creation, to enslave. To father. To mother. Chained to lethargy, pushed to lunacy by soft guilty female laughter. Crippled demimonde from where we all rise.
Rafael Martin Calvo

I’d like to be the writer type with a click click typewriter I would have to smoke a pipe And relight it with a lighter I would drink black coffee Pondering, scratching my beard I’d get brandy from the offy And people would say “He’s weird!” Chris Byrne


Friday 21st November 1997



Ask Dr Russ....
Dear Russ A friend told me about a really difficult question which she was asked during an interview. How is it best to answer these?
That particular question, by the way, is one which you are almost certain to be asked during the interview. The best way to deal with it is to plan your answer in advance. However, if you get a question which you are not expecting, could I suggest you try the following. First of all it’s very important to keep calm. Don’t worry about pausing before you answer. You could try buying yourself a breathing space by saying something like “That’s a difficult question”. While the interviewer’s congratulating her self for asking such a brilliant question, you are quietly thinking about how you are going to answer. Ask yourself what exactly they’re trying to get at. They almost certainly want to find out something about you which will show them whether you can do the job. There’s method in their madness. Frame your answer in such a way that it says something positive and relevant about you. It doesn’t have to be earthshattering - just confident, honest and to the point. By the way, if you really can’t answer a question, why not ask if you can come back to it later. It shows you’ve got the confidence to ask and it gives the old grey matter a chance to mull over the question in the meantime. They might even forget they asked the question in the first place - but don’t bank on it! Russ Clark Careers Service

Dear Tim
Actually, I’ve been on the receiving end of one of these. The very first question I was asked in my first ever job interview was “Tell me, Mr Clark, what prompted you to apply to our company?” At the time, I simply panicked. What could I possibly say - surely the truth is the best thing in emergencies I told myself. “Well, you pharmaceutical firms are all the same so I just stuck a pin in it”. My intense relief at being able to blurt out the semblance of an answer was matched by the look of abject horror on the interviewer’s face. She got rid of me as soon as she could and I was left licking my wounds. Talk about learning the hard way. What could I have said? How about - “I’ve applied to you because I believe your company could make the best use of my abilities”, or what about “I read about the kind of work you require graduates to do and I must say it all sounds extremely interesting”. Those answers may sound naff but at least they’re positive - and anyway, could anything possibly be worse than what I said!


COCO AND THE BEAN - Versus The 90’s (Mantra) Not a bad trip hoppy sound but way to bright and cheerful for my liking. The remixes all sound way to like the original although one does have its good points. 6/10 I.P. JANE WEAVER - We Are Modern (Manchester) Judging by the cover, it looks like one of those dance tunes. But open it and listen to it and you get some nice indie pop song. 6/10 F.F BOBBY BROWN - Feelin’ Inside (MCA) As R&B goes this tune is O.K., Bobby Brown has done much better though. If you like the track then it’s great, there are six versions of it on the same single. I find that it all slightly repetitive though, this includes the lyrics with the basis of most songs being “I’ve got this feelin’ baby. I’ve got this feelin’ inside”. 5/10 G.D. ROBERT MILES - Freedom (Deconstruction) His massive hit ‘Children’ was great, but after that they all sound more or less the same. I would say that this was a good single and give it 7/10 if I hadn’t heard it all before. 5/10 G.D.

Friday 21st November 1997

THE VERVE Lucky Man (Hut) Sulk in your room if you’re having a bad time, despair in futility if you feel it you’ll do fine, so cool it hurts (Ashcroft), Verve up your life; chic angst. The consensus view. 9/10 H.B. METALLICA - The Memory Remains ( Vertigo ) This is what is commonly known as “a fucking good song”. O.K. so Metallica no longer have the raw aggression of their earlier stuff. They have grown up and refined their act. This single shows that Metallica still have that heavy, moodiness that makes them who they are. If you liked “2x4”, you’ll love this. 9/10 T.O’D. VARIOUS ARTISTS - Perfect Day (Chrysalis) This Year’s Christmas Number One definitely loses a bit without the very cool video film, but by Joe it’s such a massive collection of fine famous folk all singing such a beautiful song that you can’t help but love it to death. All money to Children In Need, so buy it, or forever feel guilty as hell. 8/10 A.M.

CREAM - Anthems 97 (Deconstruction) Mixed superbly by Paul Oakenfold and Nick Warren, this is no less than you’d expect from Cream. If you’ve never been to Cream, then this will take you on a trip to the Cream vibe, and explain why they cram 3000 clubbers in each and every week. Alongside more commercial stuff like ‘Free’ by Ultra Nate and ‘You’re Not Alone’ by Olive, rolls the underground vibe, with not just underground house, but garage like 187 Lockdown’s ‘Gunman’ which has only just been released. For the underground house lovers, the second CD captures all the emotion and features many a crowd pleaser. Gorgeous tracks like Moonman’s ‘Don’t Be Afraid’ and JDS’s ‘Nine Ways’ keep everyone happy, as we see the influx of newer tunes like ‘Schoenberg’ by Marmion and Spacefrog’s ‘X-Ray (Follow Me)’. This is by far the best Cream album so far, and sends a shiver down my spine. If you like it hard loud and want to create your own atmosphere, this is the one for you. Accept no substitutes, this is Cream. 9/10 M.B. ROBERT MILES - 23 am (DeConstruction) After thirteen million records sold over the past year and a half, a Brit Award, a World Music Award and a Muzik Award, Robert Miles’ new album ’23 am’ is a real smash from the debut ‘Dreamland’. His music is wonderfully coherent drawing on ambient, classical, slow trance, breakbeat and drum ‘n’ bass. The arrangements are at times complex and sophisticated, at others beautifully simple. The tracks unfold without break. This album is a result of his experiences whilst traveling around the world and if you listen to it, you’ll float along with him, journeying through the inner self, feeling an expression of all the emotions. Collaborated artists, the French singer Nancy Danino and the legendary soul diva Kathy Sledge provides a perfect vocal counterpoint to this radiant and haunting melody. This album is ideal in a quiet environment with dimmed lights. 8/10 D.A. THE JOSEPHINE WIGGS EXPERIENCE - Bon Bon Lifestyle (Grand Royal) I must admit that I was pleasantly surprised by this offering from the Grand Royal stable. Thank goodness the Josephine Experience do not try to imitate the Beastie’s sound. Instead, what you get is an original concept album with a collection of listenable rock tracks. Piano chords and melodies, guitar riffs, and decent beats combine to make interesting compositions. ‘Downward Facing Dog’ and ‘Trieste’ are my personal favourites, but overall, this album is quite decent. 7/10 P.A. PAUL MOUNSEY- Nahootoo (Iona) This album, rather unusually, reminded me of ‘African Sanctus’, traditional African music with Latin sung over the top. ‘Nahootoo’ seems to imitate this, with traditional Scottish and Brazilian music mixed in with “Ambient and Rock music”. When I say traditional, I mean in Gaelic with bagpipes. The tracks are pretty varied, from the haunting tones of ‘Another Clearance’ to the undeniably rock guitar of ‘Turned On The Dog’. ‘Nahootoo’ can really only be described as interesting, but pleasant. 7/10 E.C. V/A - Nothing To Lose (Tommy Boy) Almost the entire soundtrack is crammed full of material from singers and bands that I haven’t even heard of, not that I was really bothered about that. I was more concerned with the groups that I did know. I’d recommend this CD if, like me, you only wanted a copy of Coolio’s ‘C U When U Get There’. Pachelbel himself couldn’t have done much better in the remixing of his famous ‘Canon in D’. The other stuff on the CD is also good. Most of it is rap which is very infectious. I can’t wait to see the film now! 7/10 G.T. BUTTER 08 - Butter (Grand Royal) Butter is very much drums ‘n’ bass-oriented album. Mike Mills’ bass lines are always busy, but never cluttered, and is a perfect complement to Russell Simins’ primal drum bashing. If nothing else, they really know how to lock into a rhythm. However, the funky songs only work when Cibo singer Miho Hatori is involved. She provides the vocal hooks and charm on ‘9 MM’ and ‘Butterfucker’ (one of two song titles punning suggestively on the high-priced spread; the other being ‘Butter Of 69’) and takes lead on a couple of others. ‘Dick Serious’ apparently is a secret agent, as the music, complete with razor-sharp horn lines, bongos, and action-packed flourishes, would


ALBUM OF THE WEEK LIGHTNING SEEDS Like You Do - The Best Of (Epic) Ian Broudie and his men release this sublime compilation culled from their two Epic albums and, surprisingly, their two Virgin predecessors. With that in mind, this may be a little premature, but this album contains pure bona-fide hits. ‘Pure’ and ‘Life of Riley’, from the first and second albums respectively are both classics, then there is the retrolick of ‘Change’, from the magnificent ‘Jollification’ album, in all its single-mix glory. Then, of course, there is the anthemic, possibly best-football-song-everwritten, ‘Three Lions’, and the downright grooving Byrds cover ‘You Showed Me’, all interspersed with other small slices of pop heaven. Of course every compilation has its omissions, and in this case it’s ‘Joy’ from ‘Cloudcuckooland’, and, strangely, ‘Like You Do’, one of the finest tracks on ‘Dizzy Heights’. These are replaced by a new mix of the disappointing ‘Waiting For Today To Happen’. Still, with pop this perfect and two new tracks to boot, one can’t complain too much. 9/10 G.C
have been a perfect theme song for a ‘60s spy show. With five or six decent songs out of 12, this could’ve been a pretty good EP, but as a full-length, Butter is a marginal album at best - there’s just not enough flavour. 7/10 D.A. REDWOOD - Colourblind (Almo) Local boys, Redwood are back after igniting crowds with stuff from their last album ‘Head’. This album is very slick some, would say too slick. Even ‘Sad Sick World’, a live favourite get the whole production treatment. This takes some of the bite out of the album in comparison to ‘Head’. The four singles are here, different to the ones on the singles, which makes you wonder what was wrong with them in the first place. A fine album which serves as a great intro to their phenomenal live act. 7/10 F.F. SMART WENT CRAZY - Con Art (Dischord) Crazy but in a smart way, perhaps. At the beginning of the album you think ‘I’ heard all this before.’ but as it progresses you think, well, maybe I was wrong. Back in 1995 ‘Now We’re Even’ was ambient enough to catch my ear, perhaps this time its a bit more of a matured and controlled effort. Gotta give it to ‘em for making a comeback. 6/10 I.U. NORTHERN UPROAR - Yesterday Tomorrow Today (Heavenly) An interesting blend of Oasis-style guitar, and Charlatans singing. They have taken the best bits of Britpop and mixed them together in one fine album. Not quite enough to lift it above the heads of the hundred and one indie albums out there but good enough to warrant a spin or two. 6/10 F.F. V/A - Absolutely Hectic (Hectic) Oh dear. It’s another happy hardcore album mixed by the legendary cheesemaster, Dougal. The good thing about this CD is that it has some classic 12” versions on the first disc. Slipmatt’s ‘Crowd Control’ remix, ‘The Journey’ by Ramos and Supreme, and ‘Sunshine’ by Ramos, Supreme and the Sunset Regime (including the talents of Hixxy, Trixxy and Druid) feature on the first, and whet your appetite for what ought to be a tremendous mix from DJ Dougal if it’s going to top the tunes on the first CD. Unfortunately Dougal’s mix, though technically sound, does little to carry on the thumping, hectic impression from the first CD. If you like your Cheesecore, and Dougal is a personal favourite, this is worth a look in, but I doubt this will be in my stereo for long, I’ve got better hardcore to listen to (Bonkers for example). Maybe next time boys. 6/10 M.B. MIDGET- Alco-Pop! (Radar) This mini album combines the bands first three singles, some b-sides and four unreleased tracks. Sometimes the songs give the impression that they are only satisfied with only being in a band, and that they don’t have any plans for world domination like other bands. The songs that are here are not shit, but there is nothing to distinguish it from the hundreds of other ‘power pop’ bands out and about at the moment. On the plus side there is something quite endearing about Midget, you find yourself tapping on everything within reach, but the band are only young and at times it seems a bit puerile, although there is plenty of potential there. Good, but if only they had read a novel. 6/10 N.W. BUFFALO DAUGHTER - A Time To Dance (Grand Royal) This Japanese band has got a few tricks in its hat. They have some soft-rock guitar parts, on top of a very trippy bass, while a lot of samplings makes the whole thing sound particular. I did not find it great, but there obviously is some unconformist and original thinking behind it. I’ll advise to those who are into Easy Listening to go check it out. 6/10 T.V.

LIFE OF AGONY - Desire (Roadrunner) A masterpiece. Is the best way to describe this single, from its soothing piano motif and its mellow acoustics, to its unsettling lyrics; “Uncomfortable, feeling miserable, and I never want to change”. This easily surpasses the Mona Lisa. 10/10 K.M.
THE SUNDAYS - Cry (Parlophone) Cry is the follow-up to the upbeat ‘Summertime’ and in comparison is more of a wintry reflection on life. If you’re a fan of good songs it’s impossible not to love this, oh that voice, those lyrics. Songs like this never change your life, they just make it better. 8/10 N.W. YO LA TENGO - Little Honda (Matador) A fine collection of tracks from previous records from one of the best well kept secrets in the Matador label... check out the explosive ‘No Return’, and the fuzzy Dinosaur Jr.-esque ‘Black Hole’.. a cracking single!! 8/10 G.C. LOTTE - Somebody’s Fool (Adelphoi) A new singer from a tiny fishing village in Norway didn’t sound very exciting to me. However, Lotte does have something. ‘Somebody’s Fool’ isn’t the best single I’ve ever heard - in actual fact I don’t think it goes together that well. The word cacophony comes to mind when I try to describe the end of the first track but the second track, ‘5th December’, is totally different, in short, I like it. 6/10 G.T. FINLEY QUAYE - It’s Great When We’re Together (Epic) A man with the voice of an angel and music that pulses through your body like a second heartbeat. The Finley Quaye vibe is definitely alive and well, and set to catch the souls of the nation, again. 8/10 D.N. This weeks music bought to you by - Matthew Beal, Dean Arif, Emma Clarke, Gemma Decent, Ian Purvey, Thomas Van Waes, Ikaraam Ullah, Nick Walsh, Georgina Tarrant, Honey Butcher, Gabriel-Oliver Chamero, Denise Nicholson, Al Mooney, Frank Fraulo, Paul Amani, Kevin Marston, Christian Hunter, Andrew Thomas, Thomas O’Dwyer,Rob Winder DUB PISTOLS - Best Got Better (Concrete) A rather formulaic big beat offering this. If there was no such thing as The Chemical Brothers it would sound great, but as there most certainly is, you can’t help but think of this as a not very close second. Shame. 5/10 A.M. FULL INTENTION- America (I Love) (Sugar Daddy) It’s pathetic, seven mixes of the same song and they still fail to come up with something new. The same repetitive squeaky vocals over similar dance beats which can be found on any other dance track worldwide for 40 minutes becomes irritating. ‘DJ Tonka’s Late Checkout’, was OK though. 3/10 D.N. MUCHO MACHO - Rockley Sands (Wiiija) Even great record labels are allowed to make mistakes, and this is Wiiija’s. What we have here is approximately thirty seconds of samples continually repeated over and over again to fill over five minutes of vinyl. No lyrics, no structure, no catchy hooks, no good. 1/10 A.T.

ALABAMA 3 - Exile On Coldharbour Lane (Elemental) An interesting rap group with guitars, hmmm not quite, in fact the guitars are noticeable by their absence. They sound like the Fun Loving Criminals which is no bad thing. The current single ‘Speed Of The Loneliness’ while not being the best on the album does show what they are capable of. There are a lot of samples, and talking throughout the album especially at the beginning of every track. Can be listened to either as an album to mosh to or one to chill out to. 7/10 F.F.


Friday 21st November 1997 n

Entertainments Guide


It is always advisable to confirm with the venue before travelling. Beware - Children in Need is on tonight 21:00 Shooting Stars 21:30 The Fast Show 22:00 Have I Got News For You 21:00 Friends 22:00 Frasier 22:30 Rory Bremner 18:00/23:25 TFI Friday

The Days - Reading University (0118 986 0222) Fingerbowl, Romeo Delight London LA2 (0171 434 9592) Inter, Spillage, Super 8 Aldershot West End Centre (01252 330040) Man Or Astroman, Toenut London Garage (0171 607 1818) Sparklehorse - London Islington Union Chapel (0171 226 3750) Snug, Benson, Beaker - Reading Alleycat (0118 956 1116) Supercharger - London Camden Barfly (0171 482 4808) Sweetie - London Kings Cross Water Rats (0171 837 7269) Travis Cut, Speedurchin - (2pm) Croydon Shake Some Action

Friday & Saturday
G.I. Jane (15) 14:05, 16:55, 19:45, 22:30 Face/Off(18) 12:15, 15:20, 18:30, 21:45 7 Years in Tibet(PG) 13:45, 17:00, 20:15 Welcome to Sarajevo(15) 14:10, 16:45, 19:20, 21:55 Nothing to lose(15) 15:15, 19:15, 22:20 The Full Monty(15) 14:15, 17:00, 19:35, 22:00 Wilde(15) 13:30, 19:25 L.A. Confidential(18) 14:15, 18:00, 21:15 Shooting Fish(12) 17:35, 20:10, 22:45 Hercules(U) 13:15, 15:30 A Life Less Ordinary(15) 16:30, 22:15 Free Willy 3: The rescue(U) 12:10 A Simple Wish(15) 13:05

Saturday 22nd

Friday 21st

20:20 Casualty 21:10 FILM: The Chase 22:50 Match of the Day 21:00 Hale & Pace 22:15 FILM: The Lawnmower Man

22:00 The Lily Savage Show

Sunday 23rd

22:00 Jack Dee’s Sunday Service 22:00 FILM Peeping Tom 21:00 FILM: BULLITT

Fybre, Karuna, Receiver London Camden Barfly (0171 482 4808) Louise - Portsmouth Guildhall (01705 834146) Strain - at your Union

Sunday - Thursday
Alien: Resurection(18) (Thursday only - no trailers) 18:15, 20:55 G.I. Jane(15) 14:30, 17:30, 20:30 Face/Off(18) 13:30, 16:50, 20:00 7 Years in Tibet(PG) 13:45, 17:00, 20:15 Welcome to Sarajevo(15) 12:45, 15:15, 17:45, 20:20 Nothing to lose(15) 13:00, 15:30, 18:05, 20:40, no 13:00 show on Sunday The Full Monty(15) 13:30, 16:05, 18:30, 21:00 Wilde(15) 13:00, 18:15, Not Wednesday L.A. Confidential(18) 13:15, 16:45, 20:10 Shooting Fish(12) 12:30, 15:15, 18:00, 20:40 (no 18:00 or 20:40 shows on Thursday, or 12:30 or 15:15 on Sunday) Hercules(U) 13:10, 15:40 A Life Less Ordinary(15) 15:35, 20:50 except Wednesday Free Willy 3: The rescue(U) 12:15 A Simple Wish(U) 13:15 Lost Highway(18) Wednesday only 12:15, 15:15, 18:15, 21:15

Monday 24th

23:30 Film 97 with Barry Norman 21:30 Never Mind the Buzzcocks 22:00 I’m Alan Partridge 22:00 Cracker 23:05 Armstrong & Miller 22:00 The Comedy Network

Kava Kava - London Wag Club Mighty Mighty Bosstones London Garage (0171 607 1818) Plooen8, Myst, Earth Dies Screaming - Reading Alleycat (0118 956 1116) Toenut - London Camden Barfly (0171 482 4808)

Thursday Wednesday Tuesday 27th 26th 25th

21:30 One foot in the grave

Mettalheadz - Reading Alleycat (0118 956 1116)
20:00 Deals on Wheels 23:05 Rory Bremner

19:30 UEFA Cup football: Aston Villa v. Steaua Bucharest 21:30 Absolutely Fabulous

Super 8 , Mono Rail, Chilla London Camden Barfly (0171 482 4808)

19:30 UEFA Cup football: Barcelona v Newcastle 22:00 FILM: Trainspotting

21:00 FILM: Cadillac Man

Contrast, Boom Boom Mancini London Camden Barfly (0171 482 4808) Kava Kava - London Tower Hill Tiffanys Moreau’s Island - London Islington Hope and Anchor (0171 354 1312) Portishead - London Brixton Academy (0171 264 1525) PICK Black Grape, Dust OF THE Junkys - London Kilburn WEEK National (0171 625 4444) The Interpreters - London Kings Cross Water Rats (0171 837 7269) Kava Kava - London Tower Hill Tiffanys Moke - London Kings College Redwood - Guildford HMV Store

22:00 20:30 21:30 22:00 Over 20:30 21:00 Sun

Animal Hospital Holiday Reps Men Behaving Badly They Think it’s all Top Gear Third Rock From the

Mars Attacks Sunday at 5pm and 8pm Monday at 8pm Twelfth Night Wednsday at 8pm LTG

Champions league live: Manchester United v FC Kosice


Cinema and Arts

Friday 21st November 1997 n

Reading Alleycat, 14 November 1997, by Daniel Jones


eading seems like a nice university town, musically famous for the annual festival but it also has a cracking venue in the Alleycat, a traditional indie club/music venue dark, featureless but full of character and letting you see the whites of the drummers eyes as well as the those of the singer. Mark Linkous, essentially Sparklehorse, possibly looking as cool as is possible meanders on-stage, followed by the band who you suspect are blessed with the same richness of character as their leader. He is now walking unaided having spent his last visit to Britain in a wheelchair after a terrible accident. Tonight represents a long awaited return with a frighteningly affecting mix of nineteen new and old tunes with no indication that the fractured perfection of his songs will ever cease. ‘Tears On Fresh Fruit’ rips through with the passion and commitment to suggest it is the last song ever to be performed and is only two songs into proceedings. ‘St Mary’, the second new song is essentially powered by a Sophie Michalitsianos on cello with the sound of an angel chased by her worst nightmares. ‘Spirit Ditch’, as gentle a song there can be without not actually falling into a deep sombre sleep is tonight barer still without the timbre of Mark Linkous mothers answerphone message drifting along in accompaniment. It is perfect, it can evoke emotions you never knew possible and is assisted by the coolest whirling device from which drifting bubbles emanate. We are later treated to songs seemingly the result

Lee Hurst Live (Cert 18) The Answer to Everything?
“What’s the funniest fter his extenAntonia Bayliss thing that happened sive success on “They think it’s on ‘They think its all all over”, Lee Hurst has now released a video over’?” of his stand up act. “Have you ever taken drugs?” “What’s that wet patch?” The show begins with a The continuity and canned laughter spoil the rambling monologue “W covering all the usual spontaneity of Hurst’s act, this being his eu strongest point. This obviously provides a topics stand up compo lic sed edy. Hurst’s down pe em to good reason to go and see him on his current cal tour. The tour runs until December 8 and to earth, tell it op le en u l how it is, Lee H did nti the is at the Lewisham Theatre, u Londoner style rst on n’t l th m s London, tonight (Thursday) spe ed adds an element of genslo ey leep and at the Assembly Hall, bum t r ps. he uineness to his tall stories. m” w do eali ing Tunbridge Wells, tomorrow. This makes you believe he really wn sed If you have ever is tee-total despite his sizable repertoire for wondered how of drinking stories. Hobnob biscuits soak up Hurst’s talent shows through when he holds a most of your drink when question and answer session with the audiyou dunk them, then watch ence. The audience by this stage have about as much inhibition as Hurst so ask gems such “Lee Hurst Live” and find out. as: “How did you loose your hair?”

of twiddling of knobs on effects pedals and the roughened up and now raunchy rock of b-side ‘I Almost Lost My Mind’ with a dazzling pole axing solo. There is the slow, deathly pace of ‘Weird Sisters’ and the excited perhaps unrequited love of ‘Saturday’ and ‘Pain Burst’, which we are told they might “fuck up” having never performed it in front of people before. Anyway, it’s good. Throughout, the double bassist bounds schizophrenicaly over the stage starring at some invisible object floating above the crowd, and the drummer/tape player moulds into the backdrop. Sophie meanwhile, playing cello and guitar often looks dreamily and wantonly into the eyes of Mark Linkous - it’s a lot clearer what she wants than it is that makes the songs so mesmerising. An encore is demanded with the ultimate finale of ‘Hammering The Cramps’ boisterously ending an evening leaving the last lingering scent of the works of the genius that is Mark Linkous. They’re more elegant than horses but they certainly sparkle.


16 November, Union House


edwood sound like they come from America. From their first song it is easy to spot this Guildford based band’s influences. Playing the middle ground between Bush and early Pearl Jam their sound is very grungey. The three quarter hour set included the current single, ‘Saltbox’, and an oh so exclusive play of the b-side, ‘TVA’. Parts of the large crowd were obviously real fans of the band, invading the stage and shouting into the mics when they could. Towards the end of the set people started shouting for, ‘Halloween’. Eventually, the band gave in and played it, a bizarre take on, ‘London Bridge Is Falling Down’, forcing the lyrics into an inane chant with as many expletives as would fit in the sentence. Redwood sound like they should be famous. Their

brand of grunge rock is slightly more happy than their contemporaries, but it will take more than that for them to establish themselves in their own right. With the guitar rock scene becoming increasingly stale maybe Redwood can take the initiative. With the backing of the rock press and a forthcoming album, they may just do it. Andrew Thomas

1 November, The Garage by Andrew Thomas
“Hello, we are bis from Glasgow, Scotland, you’ll all know this one”, and with that the disco punks launched into, “Kandy Pop”. The hair slide wearing, ray gun brandishing, lollipop sucking, glitter army surged to the front of the stage and hurled themselves around for the entire set. bis are very good as a live act, talking to the audience throughout. Playing a selection of the material from their debut album, bis also performed a few new songs. The stage was briefly invaded by an excited fifteen year old who hugged Manda, screamed something incoherent into the mic, and leapt back into the crowd. When bis finished their set the audience moved off to the bar to make way for those who prefer their indie a little more rocky. Sleater-Kinney came on to an audience largely made up of people who had never heard of them before. Starting with the lead track from their new album, “Dig Me Out”, the audience soon obligingly rocked out! Sleater-Kinney is girl punk at it’s best, complete with passionate screaming vocals and trashy guitars. By the end the crowd were well and truly converted, shouting and cheering until the band returned for an encore. A great gig for anyone who likes real alternative indie.

Those Fun Loving Little Green Martians Are Back! T
hose fun loving little green Martians are back !! And they want to play. It is just a little bit unfortunate that their games involve randomly killing people, blowing up buildings, etc. which of course would lead us to the destruction of the earth. So who or what can stop these little pests from Mars? Well, if you haven’t guessed by now, this week’s OFU film is the brilliantly funny Mars Attacks. So, if you fancy the idea of intergalactic war with more than just a little bit of humour added, or you just want something to do for an evening, then you can buy a ticket by going along to the postroom in the union, filling out a ticket and the placing that ticket into the box. Then simply go along to LTG pay your two pounds and choose a seat of your liking. The film will be showing on Sunday at 5p.m. and 8p.m. and again on Monday at 8p.m.

OFU... OFU... OFU...

ever has so diverse a crowd gathered under one roof. Indie lo-fi punks, teen-c glitter kids, and the remnants of romo. The crowd also had it’s fair share of stars, including half of Kenickie and a member of dweeb. At 8:30 Comet Gain took the stage. Featuring an entirely new line-up, with the exception of the guitarist, Comet Gain ran through all their past 500 limited 7” glories. The crowd nodded along to a true indie band with no delusions of grandeur. Comet Gain are part of the Glasgow scene, the leaders of the lo-fi Scottish invasion were on next.


This weeks Arts film is Twelfth Night, another of Shakespeare’s pieces has been expertly adapted for film. The story is about the separation of twins in a shipwreck. Each thinking the other is dead, they begin to live quite different lives. So if you want to go along to the film tickets will be 2 pounds and you either buy your ticket on the door or from the Arts Office. This film (as usual) will be shown in LTG at 8p.m. on Wednesday. If anyone has any suggestions concerning the showing of films, the films you would like to see and even films you would like to see as lateniters, then please put your ideas on paper and leave them in the OFU pigeon hole in the postroom. Finally if anyone would like to have a go at learning to project films, contribute to selecting next season’s films, or just fancies being involved in a fun society, then please come along to our meeting on Tuesday at 6p.m. in LTH. All are welcome.


Friday 21st November 1997

Notices & Personals


n Nigel - Just so you don’t feel left out, just give the water to me next time - okay n Matt - No glove, no love !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! n Happy Birthday, Fabulous!!! May the alcohol flow ... Here’s hoping you’ll remember it!!!!! n Happy Belated Birthday Anne! Love you loads From The Girlies n S.L.A.G. n Pha Pha Pha Pha Pha, Chrissy Woddle. n Wendolene: Remember Tom off the telly? Wahay! -TheSpinster n Richard why do you get table service in the George Abbot? n Rob, thanks for taking us to such a cool firework display!! It was fab! Well worth half a mile walk! n To the Bird’s Nest: Bosh Bosh Bosh!!!!! n Are you calling me promiscuous?!!!?!!? n Fancy a good wristing, from The Pleasure Devil n So, did you enjoy the cinema Mutters? - WF n House 61 - The Dancing Queens!! n So, did you enjoy the cinema Mutters? - WF n Golden Bollocks: Miss you lots and lots and lots!! Ha ha. See you up the union, I hope! -TheSpinster n Richard does carol know about small bang no sparkle? n Antonia lost all her pennies last time, but just WHO in the room was it that she was talking about?! n To the prince: Hows the anchovies? n If the teddy fits...........! n Cuppa tea, PD n Silly bloke with the bleached hair - i really fancy you...! Are you up for being silly together? Reply to n “silly girl” in the GCR pigeon-hole... n Louise - Ra Ta Taa n Wondering, if you were going to print this whether it’s possible not to? n Stick you left fist up! ... n Did everyone see DAF on the fast show!! n Stevie’s a personal for you!!!! n Chris:Happy Birthday you old git! Love from the birds. n Justin: The paperboy’s favourite - aka TheSpinster!!! n Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday Dear Fi, Happy Birthday to you. n Jeremy from Physics - I saw you at the SC meeting - I want!! Please reply to Delores... n Fee, Good birthday?? - I hope so! n TEN YEARS FROM NOW ,I’LL STILL BE AROUND n Nyehehehe! n Paul Sellwood, (so you don’t like people using your surname.) Concerned about B, does Liz know! n You wanna buy some fruit? (cockney hand scrubber with water C.S.) n Stilli: what is a brown eye again? n echamos de menos a george!!!!! firmado:ellas n Fantastic Miss Fi, have fun and frolics on your birthday (19th November) n Weyside birds! Anymore for the pulling chart???? n Friday night - pissed dietitians were out in force, I do think! n just the is....but it doesnt have to be. n Tap, Bucket or by Tanker! n So Oli and Claire what’s going on between you two n No more yogurts for u boyo!! CS n Fusilli: when’s Franco cumming? n Julie....please learn how to spell, and how to use the s p a c e bar!! Suz xxx n Quit bugging you about spoons, Corinnna? Not on your life!!!!! n Lets go and be silly on wednesday, birthday girl!!! n Shelley Reed - what are the blokes in Guildford going to do if you go to Atlanta? n Simon - When are you going to wear your whites again??? — K n I gat no tyme ? too much work ? too distractin’? nah ...that aint right;) n Rusty - You make my toes curl! love Pretty Polly xxx n Where is FMF and SSQ ???? n Ireland the biggest tea drinking nation !! (did u not know that Simon) CS n LooBog: When are we boshing Kilroy?!!! n I HATE the word SOCCER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! n Duracell, I know who Dreamy Eyes is. Who gave him that name?? Get in touch Miss Dreamer!! - Warren n Jo Sharpen wants to be silly... n Claire - Where do chicken balls come from ??? n BF 5am Bob ‘Bongo’ Moledina 3am n This week I ‘ave been mostly eating a new seies...isn’t it ironic!!! n Suz, fancy something to spicy up your life again at the weekend? n Sonntag? Kaffee? und keine ausreden!!! n Tricky - I am very sorry for ommiting you from the canoe club article last week!!! n Who would ever have thought that ‘ear wax’ could be such a big issue?!! n Someone tell the Americans how to play football....properly! n DB needs to wear that wetsuit to the union - perhaps then she’ll get more than Canoe Club members W n Dear all, Barbie had a boob job. n KH, missing you already, SR n Sam - Thanks for the weekend, so quiet without you - see ya tonight - K. n WHO ate all the pies! n Bloody foreigner, mobile off, apologies sweetie darling, must try my pager, Bloody Northerner n I’m sorry Tricky!!!! n Hey Antonia, will you quit bugging me about spoons?! Or I’m warning you there’ll be war!! n Happy Birthday, Fantastic! (Don’t drink too much on Wednesday!!!) n Matt, you excel at pedanticness or should that be reign supreme? n I think Miss Dreamer should meet Fraggle Dreamy Eyes, don’t you!!! n SK ITS BANANA CUSTARD TIME!! n We don’t DO duvets...a little message from the linen room. n Northern Exposure don’t do cheating n Save my fingers - submit your articles on disc please!!!! n PEC...this Saturday? Dinner at 8pm?!! n Fabulous, May all your Birthday wishes come true! n Anne - So how orgasmic was the choccy fudge for you? n If you havent heard of the WEYSIDE GIRLS .. you soon will!!! n Pob says “Don’t go to the Union, stay at home for a Shag”. n Mullens: I agree, where is everybody??!! -TheSpinster n Watch out lads, it’s a falling lightbulb, due to the kitchen party upstairs.

Crossword No. 57

Across 7. Straw hat (6) 8. Untilled (6) 9. Prevalent (4) 10. A native of South America (8) 11. Advantage (8) 13. Run smoothly (4) 14. Kitty (4) 16. Pirate (3-5) 18. An extinct elephant (8) 21. Fleecy material (4) 22. Criminals (6) 23. Bellowed (6) Down 1. A medicinal draught (6) 2. Heavenly (8) 3. Hooked instruments (8) 4. A long way off (4) 5. An East European (4) 6. A salad fruit (6)

12. They bring horses to fitness (8) 13. Shoes, for example (8) 15. Made a speech (6) 17. Eaten away (6) 19. Implement (4) 20. Twilight (4) Last Weeks Solution Across: 1. cheery 4. artful 8. acrid 9. surmise 10. corrode 11. ultra 12. prevalent 17. bulbs 19. enquire 21. corsair 22. Aztec 23. sicken 24. florin Down: 1. chancy 2. ear-drop 3. radio 5. re-route 6. feint 7. leeway 9. shed a tear 13. enslave 14. twister 15. abacus 16. beacon 18. lyric 20. quail

Crossword compiled by Jeff Blackham

Bare Facts Editorial Board Meetings 6pm every Monday in the Office in Union House. Open to all students. Postgraduate & Mature Students Needed! Did you know that there’s an association just for you? The Postgraduate Association will soon be organising events, including a pub crawl. If you’re interested, please drop a note into the PGA pigeon hole in the Union. We also need department reps to put up 2/3 posters per dept. and help keep others informed of forthcoming events. Please get in touch! Fencing Club EGM November 20:15 TB23 25th Serious Actors, musicians and Dancers required for Shakespearean style play originally set in 18th century Italy. If interested contact Logan, Rhodri or Verite on ext 4788/7 Are you a student with a disability or special needs? How have you been treated at the University? eg relevant support needs/parking permits, etc. I’m seeking info for my dissertaition, good or bad. Any help much appreciated - all info submitted will be treated as private & confidential. Anonymity guaranteed. Please Email or phone 01483 457186 Charter Ball Meeting Wednesday wk 12, 4pm Upper Bar. University ski trip to Val d’Isere 10-17 January 1998. Everyone welcome. Contact Ewen on 304791 for more information. Scout & Guide Club AGM Mon 1st December 7:30pm LTE Will all members please attend. Tony Watling, head of Campus Security, will be attending the Education, Representation and Welfare Group (1pm Tuesday December 2nd, Grant Mitchell Room downstairs in the Students’ Union) to answer your questions on personal safety, wheel clamping and anything to do with security. All students welcome. Duke of Edinburgh All those needing to do their expeditions; the training sessions have now started (you must attend the training sessions to qualify for you expeditions) Every Monday evening 7.159.15pm (sessiona £1 per week) Meet 6.45pm in LT concourse Windsurfing EGM Friday 28 November 1pm, upper tier in the union contact Mark x2184 Motor Club presents a Ram Raid, Tuesday 25th November Transport provided, no waiting for the trains! Meet at 7.00pm in Chancellors. All welcome!



Friday 21st November 1997 n


Friday 21st November 1997



to sign up for the MIND & BODY FITNESS WORKSHOP which will take place on Saturday 15th November at the Sports Centre, 9.45 a.m. - 4.00 p.m. Don’t miss this opportunity to take part in a one day workshop designed to teach * Techniques for developing a healthier mind and body * Dietary and physical training principles linked to synergistic approaches for strengthening and recharging the mind * Understanding and dealing with stress * A complete, clear and informed approach to whole body fitness YOUR MIND AND BODY OPERATE TOGETHER - IT’S TIME TO TRAIN THEM TOGETHER. This unique workshop is on offer to University of Surrey students at the greatly subsidised price of £5.00 but it is necessary to sign up in advance. (Phone Extn. 9201 for further details).

Sadly we have had to cancel the Friday evening Step Aerobics class due to lack of support so please note it will not be running tonight. However, you could come along to the Friday Lunch Time Aerobic session at 1.00 p.m., Kick ‘n Box at 5.30 p.m. - or if you’re an early bird there is always Breakfast Fitness at 7.00 a.m. And if you want some exercise over the weekend, don’t forget Saturday Circuits at 11.00 a.m. and Sunday Aerobics at 11.00 a.m. All at the Sports Centre and FREE with a Campusport or Sports & Fitness Card.


Friday 28th November - 7.00 p.m. at the Varsity Centre Don’t forget to book your place on this wildly popular evening - last month’s was a sell out and we had to turn away thousands (well, a good number) of disappointed punters without tickets on the evening! The theme this time is an energetic form of jive - and you will get a free lesson, glass of tequila, Mexican meal and disco all thrown in with your ticket (special Forty pairs of “twinkling” toes were seen gallivanting around the University Hall last Wednesday rates for U of S students £4.75). Come down to the Sports Centre and sign up to ensure you evening - the very first meeting of those interested in reconstituting the Ballroom Dance Society! can take part. Steve Wesemeyer, a new Satellite Engineering member of staff is helping to teach, lead, enthuse and organise the evenings which will take place every Wednesday at 7.30 p.m. However, this group will soon be led forward by YOU! On WEDNESDAY 26TH NOVEMBER TONE UP FOR THE WEEK ON MONDAYS with CINTIA NAMOR our Annual General Meeting is to be held to elect a new, active and enthusiastic committee (we This excellent toning class is being restarted as Cintia is so keen to start another lunch time already have a few volunteers) so come along at 7.30 p.m. in the University hall with your Union class for you all. The session is FREE with Campusport/Sports & Fitness cards otherwise a Cards. Afterwards the cha-cha, jive and waltz are the order of the evening. small fee (£1.50 students/£2 staff) is charged.



Rowing (Boat Club)
Weybridge Silver Skulls - 18th October 1997
ust four weeks after the Freshers arrival we entered our first Head race of the semester. The day was perfect. With glorious sunshine it was not only a day of racing, but a chance for all those (sexy!) rowers to show all and top up the fading summer tan. Stefano Predieri and Steve Poole


represented Surrey University in a Double Skull. The 3300m long course was a test for these two who had a brilliant start and looked strong. Near the finish, as exhaustion set in, things got a little hairy with Stefano trying to behead a passing swan and another crew careering into the bridge. Our dou-

Annie Preston
ble finished an outstanding fourth. Maybe not Redgrave and Pinsent, but give them time, these two will be winning tankards for every member of our Club.

tefano also entered in the novice Single Skull event and, avoiding the swans this time, finished an impressive twelth out of thirty-one other Clubs. Well done guys, keep the training up - those early mornings ARE paying off, honest!! If you fancy yourself in one of those


lycra all-in-ones and can handle the commitment of being part of a crew that relies on each member 100% then contact Stefano: me61sp or Annie: bs61ap.

Sailing Club competes in Reading Uni ‘Wet Dreams’ event
he Sailing Club went to Surrey captain was debagged Dan Howe Reading University for their in the Beer garden and was ‘Wet Dreams’ team racing dragged along the concrete event last weekend. The event was held on the floor by his arms! At this point the team River Thames based at the ‘Dreadnought’ adjourned to a Curry house and left the capwhich is Reading University’s Sailing club- tain to fly the Surrey flag in the ‘Dreadnought’ house. bar. The sailing on the Saturday was a total non- In the Curry house, the team ordered far too starter with the wind ranging from Force 0 to much food, so doggy bags were needed, with Force 3 and continuous rain. Because of this the intention of Tim Rook finishing his lack of wind, the rest of the races for that day Vindaloo for breakfast! Jamie Bathmaker were cancelled and drinking began earlier ordered his main dish and when it didn’t arrive than usual, at 3:30 pm. with the others, he asked the waiter where his With the drink prices ranging from £1 for a meal was but couldn’t remember what he had pint of Pimms to £1.20 for a pint of lager, the ordered! Rob Nichol performed the after dinevening was destined to become very messy. ner entertainment with his ‘stick a 50 pence The ‘Dreadnought’ also had a club license that coin up your nose’ trick. To round off the meant that they could keep on serving until evening, Jamie and Emma got it together on they wanted to close the bar! The drinking the front seats of the Land Rover in the Sailing began by Rob Nichol performing the first club car park. ‘Funnel’ of the evening. The ‘Dreadnought’ The sailing on Sunday was much better with has a challenge called the ‘Trophy’ which is a more wind, but Surrey only had 2 races, losing large silver trophy which holds 10 pints of both but giving the two teams a run for their beer, and the challenge is to down this within money. Emma proved to everyone sailing, that 20 minutes. Unfortunately, no Surrey sailors she can shout louder than anyone else on the took up this challenge, which probably was water, much to the embarrassment of the rest wise, because it turns out that the third person of the team. to do the trophy that night vomited in it. The The Surrey team returned back to Guildford ‘Dreadnought’ however has a rule that the for a much needed shower and a Curry back at ‘Trophy’ cannot be washed out! Jamie’s house to round off another good The evening degenerated further still when the weekend.




Friday 21st November 1997 n

American Football: things can only get better

University of Surrey Men’s Hockey Club
Surrey Cup: Camberley v USMHC
“Passion, Glory, But Steve!”
here was a valiant turnout for our third game in the space of five days. Come a bright but cold Sunday morning everything was going to plan, it was rosy, with the exception the Dirky’s (foreign/european weird bloke who dresses funny) car which had been twatted twice, the minibus had a flat battery (cheers Colin!) and Fewster had got the meeting time wrong! However Nick actually decided to turn up. What a great start!? Captain Dirk was unable to deliver his usual passsionate teamtalk due to a bout of “tins and cans” and the “sprinkler” injury which he picked up on bon fire night! However the game started at a feverish pace with


urrey Stingers have unfortunately started the new season badly, having played two and lost two. However, confidence is high that we can change all this in the near future Despite losing the two games, we have not played badly and there have been a number of good personal performances. For the First Years in the team, the game against Bath was their first experience of a competitive game of American Football. Special credit must be given to them for holding their own against strong teams like Bath and U.E.A. Both games were exciting and very close-run things, with Surrey basically beating ourselves

with silly mistakes and penalties. If we can get rid of these, this looks likely to be the best American Football team EVER at Surrey! Special mention deserves to go to the Running-Backs Dayo Ashaye, who ran for a Touchdown against Bath and 150 yards against U.E.A and Michael Mills, who ran in two Touchdowns against U.E.A. Our next match is another tough one at home to Southampton. We kick off at 1.00pm this Sunday at the Varsity Centre. If you want to see what it’s all about, come along. We will also be training this Tuesday night at the Varsity at 7.30pm, so why not come and have a go! Duncan


1998 London Marathon
Umpire/referee/magistrate (?!) rushes to help in last week’s match. Photo: Mark Godfrey

the opposition dominating us with their 35 inch sticks, but we still had the advantage of an inch more (apart from Steve who seems to lack in the department - Kate?) We went in at half time a goal down due to Steve of all people giving away a short-corner. But the second half brought a glorious turn around. Our young team were like eager beavers, chewing thier way through the opposition, we were like water cascading down a mountain - a fountain of passion and skill. This led to Dirky’s meandering towards their estuary, he unleashed an unstoppable shot from his 36 incher. It was 1-1 with two minutes left. But here is where Steve comes in, his lack of an inch really showed, he topped the ball (again) to the oppos-

ing centre forward who gratefully accepted the gift and scored. WE ask ourselves why did we lose?... We asked Steve why we lost! But he had left with his inlaws, embarassed and already gingered. Never mind, the season has been really promising so far, we have a great mix of both enthusiastic youth and elderly experience (Colin, Nick and Pag) Written by: the Twins, Chris and Tom with advice from Freshy Ben and the legendary Kempy. Oh Yeh Steve - every bad thing written about you was done by Tom - The Northern Tart!

hose Marathon hopefuls should be checking their bank statements to see if their entry cheques have been cashed - assuming that you have not gifted your fee to the charities, if it’s cashed - you’re in. If not, do not despair, as many charities will be advertising in the running press, guaranteeing places to those able to raise set amounts for the respective charities. If it’s your first marathon, don’t panic or start doing 20 miles before breakfast (just yet !). Take it easy until after Christmas, enjoy the festive season and resolve to begin in earnest in the New Year. Starting training too early can be as bad as doing it too late. Instead, fill your


Andy Dawson
time trying on shoes and seeking advice from good running shops and if you can’t persuade your parents to part with the cash for a comfortable, well fitting, cushioned and supportive shoe, make sure you know the exact size and model of the pair you want and buy them mail order from one of the advertisers in the running press at a considerable discount. Please note that what your mates wear or looks good in the Union may give you blisters of Old Testament proportions, fallen arches and a host of lower limb injuries - you have been warned !

The most important thing for you to do, is to make yourself known to the Running Club, where you can get free advice on diet, equipment and all aspects of race preparation, as well as the opportunity to come out on training runs to suit all abilities. All students competing in the London Marathon are eligible to compete in the BUSA Marathon, held within the event, provided your race details are lodged with us. To contact the Running Club, email or ma51sw@mcs etc., leave a note in our pigeon hole (in the Union) or see us at Campusport at 6PM Mondays and Fridays or 2PM on Wednesdays.

....The Results.....The Results....The Results.....Resul
Sporty Thang

The Enemy

0 1 2 0 1 5 9 7 73 10 3 WIN

2 2 7 2 1 4 0 2 92 17 3 LOSE

Sporty Thang

The Enemy


2 8 42

19 3

39 2




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