You are on page 1of 12


qxd 21/04/98 15:10 Page 1 (1,1)

Issue 934 - Weekly Thursday 26th March 1998

Millbank tapes:
now the Tories step in
Bare Facts story revealed Labour’s “disgraceful act of deception” says Shadow Education Secretary
before the last election in order to secure
MattPannell their electoral support.”
Mr Dorrell then headed for the House of
Senior Conservative MP’s last Commons. Quoting the report in his speech
week seized on a recent Bare during the debate on the Teaching and
Facts report as evidence that the Higher Education Bill, which contains the
Labour Party committed a controversial fees proposal, he clashed with
‘disgraceful act of deception’ Margaret Hodge, Labour MP for Barking, in
an exchange documented in Hansard, the
before last year’s general elec-
record of all parliamentary debates. The
spokesman quoted in Bare Facts had, argued
Dorrell, “made it crystal clear at that official
Two weeks ago, Bare Facts exposed Labour
briefing that the Government did not intend
party spokesmen as having briefed student
to introduce tuition fees”. “That is not so”,
journalists, immediately before last year’s
interjected Hodge. “I shall read it again as
general election, that students would not
the honourable lady appears to have missed
have to pay tuition fees. In a briefing espe-
it” replied Dorrell, adding that the evidence
cially for student newspapers at the party’s
merely “confirms what we all know to be
Millbank headquarters, a spokesman had
true, which is that, ahead of the election,
said that “our proposals only relate to main-
Labour had decided to abolish the mainte-
tenance support....the public purse should
nance grant. Now, the Government like to
support tuition fees.” The party announced
claim that the passage in the manifesto
its decision to impose fees just months later,
made that explicit and clear, but it was care-
with Labour MP’s claiming that their policy
fully worded to obscure the Labour party’s
had not changed, pointing out that the
Party’s manifesto was unclear on the issue.
The Conservatives, whose own track record
Stephen Dorrell MP, the Shadow Secretary
on managing higher education funding
of State for Education & Training, received
could hardly be called squeaky clean, went
Bare Facts on Friday 13th March, after it
on to attack David Blunkett, the Secretary of
was passed to him by staff working for the
State for Education accusing him of ‘being
National Union of Students. Dorrell then hit
in a mess’ with the current plans.
out at Peter Mandelson the following
Monday, in a press release issued from
NUS staff were pleased with the Tories’
Conservative Central Office. Commenting
swift response, and went on this week to
on the report, he said “It is now clear that
claim that if parents assessed to make a con-
before the last election the Labour Party
tribution under the new fees system fail to War of words -
deliberately misled students over their poli-
do so at the same rate as current defaults on
cy for the reform of higher education fund- Top: the original story, published on
assessed maintenance contributions, the
ing...Peter Mandelson manipulated his audi- 12th March.
shortfall faced by universities could total
ence into believing that students would not
£31 million. According to NUS President Middle: the response from the
pay tuition fees under Labour. Four months Conservative Party spin doctors.
Douglas Trainer, universities may end up
later, Labour cynically broke this
using selective recruitment, only taking on
pledge...Students up and down the country Bottom: an extract from Hansard, the
students whose parents will pay. record of parliamentary debates, from
now know that Labour deceived them
March 16th.

News 1 n Features 3 n Letters 4 n Music 6 n Entertainments Guide 7 .

Cinema and Arts 8 n Union News 9 n Notices & Personals 9 n Sport 12 .
ed980326.qxd 21/04/98 15:11 Page 2 (1,1)

2 News Thursday 26th March 1998 n

s Bull
News in Brief Yeltsin sacks Russian
NHS chiefs get ultimatum
NHS managers will face chop if they do not
cut their waiting lists for treatments. The
fail Health Secretary, Frank Dobson has
promised advice from those successful man-
government is anxious to meet its flagship agers but said they could ultimately be Chernomyrdin’s successor, a 35 year old
manifesto promise to remove 100,000 sacked if they do not deliver. Tracy Griffiths “technocrat” from the Ministry Of Energy.
patients from hospital waiting lists. If they Sergei Kiriyenko is now a hair’s breadth
away from the Presidency of Russia,
Consumer goods prices to come down o once again the Russian President

One week after the price hikes of the

Budget, the Chancellor and his EU counter-
tive has the aim of cutting the cost of food,
CD’s, sports goods and cars to match US
S Boris Yeltsin is making headlines all
over world. This time, however, his
health is not in speculation. He has sacked
because if Yeltsin does die (which seems
fairly likely despite the constant denials
from the Kremlin) he will become the acting
parts have announced plans to cut the prices prices. It is hoped this will help ease the fig- the whole of his government, for lacking
of many products. Gordon Brown’s initia- ure of 18 million out-of-work Europeans. “the dynamism required for the necessary
reforms.” He has confounded his critics, So who are the losers in this sweeping
change? The main loser seems to be Viktor
Art for every body who only one week ago were complaining
that he was incapable of decisive action. Chernomyrdin, the former Prime Minister,
A sculptor has appeared in court accused of allegedly paid for an inside source to smug- How they have been proved wrong! He had who had been a devoted and respected
stealing human remains from the Royal gle out body parts, including a head to make indicated that he was unhappy with his gov- member of Yeltsins’ government. Another
College Of Surgeons. The macabre artist sculptures. He is pleading not guilty. ernment when he bounced back from his loser is the unpopular Anatoly Chubais, who
health scare in September and chastised had been the Chief of Staff before being
demoted late last year to First Deputy Prime
A table for 15,000 please, waiter them for infighting.
Minister. Anatoly Chubais had been consid-
When he decided to sack Prime Minister ered an excellent economist but his reforms
15,000 Portuguese ate themselves into the table ever laid. They ate on what is now the
Chernomyrdin, who had been widely con- proved deeply unpopular and ineffective.
record books last week. They devoured the longest bridge in Europe: the Vasco da
sidered as his successor, he had no choice The fact that he is engaged to Yeltsin’s
largest lunch ever served-several tones of Gama bridge, and used 200 buses to get to
but to sack the whole of the government. daughter Tatyana Dyachenko, will make for
the traditional dish "feijoada", at the longest their seats.
The economic and political problems that an interesting wedding!
104 year-old driver causes chaos Russia faces at the moment were, according
This is the latest move by an ailing
to Yeltsin, intensified by his ministers’ spo-
A 104 year old Swedish driver could be the crashing into parked cars. Finally he got radic attempts at reform. Yeltsin now President desperate to maintain a grip on
oldest ever to be prosecuted for dangerous stuck while doing a 3 point turn and ended intends to increase the speed of reform of power despite his incredibly fragile health.
driving. The old man caused mayhem while up going back and forth smashing into cars the state industries to improve Russia’s ail- However, whether he will live to see the
out on his Sunday afternoon spin in his Ford on each side of the street. The man told ing economy. next Presidential elections in the year 2000
Cortina. Police say he ran red lights and police that he drove daily. is anyone’s guess. The Presidential race is
Who will assist him in this pace of change? now thrown wide open and there are so
He has chosen a relative unknown to be many contenders, will Yeltsin have the
strength to fend them off?

Titanic remains
screen sitcoms in the states.
Bruce Chapman
Good Will Hunting was the other winner of
inning 11 Oscars in Monday the evening with Matt Damon and Ben

W night’s 70th Academy Award

Ceremony, Titanic has equalled
Ben Hur as the most celebrated film of all
Affleck taking the award for Best Original
Screenplay and Robin Williams winning
Best Supporting Actor. Two nods of agree-
ment from this critic for one of the best
films to hit the big screen in a long time.
Winning the Best Picture award is justified
for this epic tale and the most expensive The losers? Well, The Full Monty was pret-
film ever made. However, James Cameron ty much overlooked, only taking one of the
as Best Director? Was this just the Musical awards. This goes against popular
Academy steaming along on the wave of opinion, but in the fact of fierce competition
public opinion? Titanic is more of an exer- from Titanic, it only ever stood an outside
cise in good administration in comparison to chance.
L.A. Confidential, Curtis Hanson’s direc- Perhaps the biggest surprise of the night was
toral masterpiece. This was slightly offset Boogie Nights and Burt Reynolds leaving
by Kim Bassinger deservedly winning Best the ceremony empty-handed. For another
Supporting Actress. amazing film and a great comeback perfor-
mance from one of the old stars of the
Other winners of the night? Jack Nicholson screen, this controversial picture was over-
earning yet another Oscar as Best Actor for looked in favour of what was, after all, a
his performance as a compulsive-obsessive film about a ship. At least the Academy are
in As Good As It Gets. Jack really is one of as fickle as ever.
the last remaining stars in Hollywood and
although he has his share of bad films to his All in all, a record-breaking night for a sink-
name, his latest performance will bring him ing ship, the stuffing knocked out of last
back to the public eye more than any of his year’s mammoth winner The English
previous comeback vehicles. Patient, a drought of awards for us Brits and
The Full Monty remaining fully clothed. If
Helen Hunt as Best Actress? Surprising and you haven’t done so already, go and see
controversial in the face of Kate Winslett Good Will Hunting, As Good as it Gets,
and Dame Judie Dench, but at the same time Boogie Nights, or - for the umpteenth time -
a deserved winner for a talented and over- Titanic.
looked actress, who now looks as though
she will no longer be confined to small-
ed980326.qxd 21/04/98 15:11 Page 3 (1,1)

n Thursday 26th March 1998 News 3

Talent Competition: Right on cue

the aftermath Tom Sherwen

inally, about time,

“individual” conditions and
each match was played in a
sporting albeit very compet-
itive manner. Top prize of
The results of Sunday’s tal-
ent competition proved con-
troversial, the six judges
Woman’ and ‘Techno Mozart’ to an
enthusiastic audience. Young band
Coy were up next, showing a great deal
of potential for future success in the
1st Place
2nd Place
3rd Place
F thank god and at last,
were all comments
made by the forty-one
£10, a FNO ticket and an
extremely nice pool cue,
generously donated by
Guildford Automatics, went
swimming against a tide of entrants to the first
talent this space! to Barry Willis. Having
popular opinion on the day. University of Surrey pool
Calling Orson received a tremendous There were tears of happiness and dis- “bravely” beaten both the
So, what happened? competition for absolutely
support from the audience and played appointment, some amazed faces and organisers in earlier rounds,
bloody ages. Despite a late
what they described as their ‘best set some disgruntled bands, but, in all Barry won an extremely
Harriet Sims switch to Thursday night the
ever’. Rounding up the day was Dave, these things, judges’ decision is final close final against Jem
interest shown was well
another young, up-and-coming band and the music industry thrives on con- Ramazanoglu.
ell, it’s all over. This year beyond anything I had

W saw probably the highest

standard of student talent
ever seen here. It was a difficult
who delighted the audience with their
catchy, poppy songs, and finished off
the proceedings on a high note (!!).
troversy. Huge congratulations to the
winners, Dave. We’ll be expecting big
things from you in the future.
hoped for or expected.

The tournament ran very

smoothly and special thanks
Congratulations to Barry
and everyone who took part
and in particular Belinda
enough task for the judges deciding The 6 judges were a good mixture of And equally huge congratulations to
must go to Kev Chan who Olafsson who brilliantly
who should go through to the final, but performers, agents and band bookers all the bands who took part, especially
helped me organise the first represented the female entry
the task of deciding the overall winner and went off into their huddle for what those who made it through to the final.
of what I hope to be many entirely on her own. If an
was really tough. seemed like forever. 35 minutes later, Thanks to Stage Crew, who did a great
more pool competitions. If experimental competition
Alan Roy emerged from behind the big job throughout. Thanks to all the can be such a resounding
The final afternoon began at 1.30, you are interested in help-
black curtains to announce this years judges of the heats and the final, and success, there is no reason
along with Hari’s Beer Keller, which ing, then just let me know
winners. He began by explaining thanks to all of you, the audience, who why pool at Surrey cannot
also went down a storm. Bohica began through the new Pool
some of the criteria for judging; qual- gave so much support to the acts and go from strength to strength.
the day with their original and catchy pigeon hole. As to the actu-
ity of songs, enthusiasm, audience made the whole competition such a
rock style and set the scene for an al competition, the standard
response and professionalism. Then success. This will be a hard year to fol-
astounding day. Housewife followed, was excellent. Everyone
came the moment everyone had been low.
playing their favourites ‘Big Fat played under the same
waiting for:

Mountaineers hold dinner The poetry corner

Holland and co. and the
Eli Bowley fine cuisine was enjoyed Tip of a pen
Colin Sermons by everyone (so was the
wine!) After which it was Sure of a pen’s comfort;
It was Friday the 13th; this didn’t time to get down to the
bode well for what is the highlight of It smoothes along,
serious business of the
the USMC social calendar. But fear award ceremony. This follows my fingers’ desires,
not Eli Bird was in charge…… saw members of the club touches the line here
PANIC!!! receiving various items as and there;
awards to recognise its many curves undulate
As five o’clock approached the mem- events throughout the
bers of the University of Surrey forming loops, shallows, a trough, a peak,
year. This was to include:
Mountaineering Club converged on an - mimicking a mood,
unsuspecting Campusport brandishing silently communicating a voice, a heart,
(in some cases, very new and shiny) The Yellow laces - most releasing a constant stream of ink,
lead racks, smelly climbing shoes and spectacular lead fall relentless like pity,
D.J.s. By about 5.20pm, and after a lot (they’re the dangerous
of flapping in true bird-like fashion, its tiny rasps murmur from the page,
ones!), the Cowboy of the
Eli had managed to shove 14 climbers year, Golden Krab award, its future clear,
and the necessary supplies for the jour- most spectacular wimp clear like centimetres,
ney into the white minibus and they out of the year, a true straight margin.
were on their way, and more impor- And Tart of the year.
tantly out of her hair!!! (Feeling a bit
stressed were you?) Safe in the knowl- The page will always accept
We also gave special
edge that they would be stuck in the awards for the most out- wet kisses from its tip,
some people!!!) and a lot of the club
traffic on the M25, that left a few more standing comedy moments throughout members managed to eat large will always be held
people to wait for and eventually both the year. amounts of fried food, it was great (. in the tender embrace of three
minibuses and the gear bus were Peak After we had eventually managed to fingers and even its plastic heart
District bound by about 7pm. The hotel barman proved to be one make everyone part with their keys and is infinite in its expression:
cool cookie, remaining un-flustered nice warm beds, circus antics ensued
We reached the pre-arranged ren- when confronted with the dilemma of can easily write words like ‘love’
as we tried to extract the minibuses
dezvous point (Translation: nearest who to serve first, The Playboy Bunny from the hotel car park (with debatable or ‘hate’ and score through both,
pub to where the first minibus ran out with the whip or the Transvestite in the success!). Once more we headed for can equally have the power of ambiguity,
of alcohol!) and were soon settled pink dress (the least said about this the the…. (Drum roll please!) …. CRAG! the deviousness of words
down for a couple of bevvies. better!!?!) And a day of some climbing, much eat-
The next day was spent (dare I say it?) or just mumble like scribbles.
ing of chocolate cake and the sport of
CLIMBING! Lots of people went up, As the evening wore on and the bar- ‘pushing the sleeping Arwel down the
some came down faster than planned, man had started to drink with us (prob- hill’ (tee hee hee) followed. We made Longing and desire waits
and others just sat around admiring the ably a wise course of action consider- good time on the journey home and Like a page for ink.
view (getting windburn!). ing the sights in his bar - a bloke clean- were in the Union in time for last
We eventually descended upon the ing his nostrils with a condom etc. etc.) orders to nicely round off the weekend.
plush unsuspecting hotel covered in and some people decided to toddle off If you want to find out more about the
mud, sweat and glowing a nice shade to bed. In the end the bar shut at about USMC, or want to have a go at climb-
of red (saves on blusher!) all looking 2.30am (minus a few items) and peo- ing, check out the club web-page or Kevin Chan
forward to a nice warm shower and an ple went back to their rooms to either come along to the Vertex at
evening of drunken foolishness. sleep, throw up or pass out (or a com- Campusport any Wednesday afternoon
Dinner was eventually served after the bination of all 3 in some cases!!!) 3pm to 5pm.
arrival of the ever late Joe McCarthy- Sunday dawned another fine day (for melodious - Wednesdays, Wates House, 5pm
ed980326.qxd 21/04/98 15:11 Page 4 (1,1)

4 Letters/Editorial Thursday 26th March 1998 n

Your Letters
Talent contest decision ‘astounding’ Middle East: don’t forget the Palestinians
Dear Editor, * Variety of Material
Dear Editor, the Middle East is due to the Arabs oppos-
* Audience Reaction and ing the UN partition plan for Palestine in
I am writing to question the judges’ decision * Stage Presence. 1948. Can you blame them?
Imagine, if you will, the following situa-
to give Calling Orson no credit in the 1998 tion.....
Talent contest. With no disrespect to Dave, As one of the 100 or so enthusiastic audi- I myself, do not claim to be an expert on the
ence members that made their way to the You are happily living your life in Surrey
the eventual winners, I find it astounding when suddenly on the news you hear that Middle Eastern situation, but it does seem to
that a band who performed 8 of their own dancefloor to witness the energetic perfor- me that as a nation we are very pro-Israel,
mance given by Calling Orson, and noting the UN have decided to create a homeland
songs and 2 covers throughout the competi- for a large group of refugees. The site of the and that is not necessarily a bad thing in
tion should not be given the respect they the criteria stated above, I really feel that itself, but we should not ignore the plight of
they deserved better. homeland will be half of the UK, the bit
deserve. Especially considering that the South of Birmingham (although you can the Palestinians who are in fact people who
judges claimed that in addition to musical keep a piece of London). Then you are have been displaced themselves.
talent they were looking for: Yours disappointedly
asked to please move out of the new home-
land and into some lovely settlements in the Just one more closing point, the author last
Vicki Bowers week made the point that Israel has not
North (no disrespect to Northerners of
More ‘disbelief’ at talent contest result course). Almost 50 years later you are still threatened its neighbours with chemical
weapons. Perhaps, the situation in Southern
Dear Editor, judges do have, and are welcome to, their there, living in conditions which can only be
Lebanon should be looked at for what it is.
own opinions. However I am concerned as described as disgusting. Effectively, you
I am writing to express my complete and to how greatly their opinion differs to those have become the refugee. The question I
of the audience. I am well aware that the have for you is, would you refuse the UN Here’s to peace, and a compromise for both
utter disbelief concerning the result of the sides!
1998 Talent contest. For those of you who result could never be reversed, though I partitioning plan?
are unaware, the result stands at: ‘Dave’ would like to forward the idea that Calling
Orson should perform at the Graduation I am referring to a comment made in a letter Name & URN supplied
first, ‘Housewife’ second, ‘Bohica’ third
and ‘Coy’ and ‘Calling Orson’ last. This Ball. I think that as we are forced to support published in BF last week in which the
result came as a complete surprise to almost the judges’ opinion in the Talent Contest, author suggested that the current conflict in
everybody in the Union. Having spoken to for the Graduation Ball we should see the
acts that we, the students, want to see. I
all of the bands beforehand, the musicians A crap letter
clearly felt that it was a direct fight between know that I am not alone in this view and
Housewife and Calling Orson. When they would prove incredibly popular. Dear Editor, clever version of crap. After all its better to
Housewife was announced as second, use crap than to be write it. (sic)
everybody assumed that Calling Orson had Looking forward to seeing the support that
I was pleased to see John Dear using the
reached the top spot. However, somehow Calling Orson deserve, Yours sincerely,
word 'crapulent' in his front page article last
Dave stole the limelight. I agree that the week. It's always seemed apropriate for a
Jake Conway Andy Parton
newspaper devoted to student life as it
Talent show tantrums: Calling Orson were ‘discriminated against’ means 'suffering from sickness due to
excessive drinking'. However, it would
Dear Editor far better than Dave on stage, jumping about
probabally wise (sic) not to try to use it as a
and looking as if they were enjoying them-
What the hell happened in the talent con- selves and were far more confident than
test?! Do the union have a problem with Dave. b) Audience participation; who had
Calling Orson. Without them unplugged the most support and who’s performance did
would have been nothing this year yet the the audience most enjoy? Dave? I don’t
Union seem to have the problem with them. think so! Calling Orson had far more sup-
There was a chance that Calling Orson port. The winners of the contest were sup-
could play at the Charter Ball, but this never posed to support Rootjoose and warm up the
happened, maybe the ball would have been audience. How can a band that can only
more successful if they had. Who fills in perform 4 songs be a support band when the
when the Union is let down by another band audience doesn’t even get involved? At the
– Calling Orson! They were supposed to end of the day the consensus view was that
play at the beginning of the semester and it the three best bands were Housewife,
was cancelled. Now they’ve been discrimi- Calling Orson and Bohica. If these three
nated against again. Were the judges blind bands had been placed in the top three, in
and deaf? Calling Orson should have at any order, there would have been far less
least been placed. The criteria the judges complaints, but as it is, it seems Calling
were using to judge the competition were a) Orson has been discriminated against yet
Band presence on stage; Calling Orson were again!
Liz Case
Johnny boy’s ‘wheels of pants’ just won’t do
Dear Editor merely as a short slap-stick gag, a clever but
fairly unfunny parody of the outdated
I read with interest the Entertainments stereotype of mobile disco DJ’s. I have to
Guide in last weeks Bare Facts, mostly pay- ask myself is this meant as a satire on the
ing attention to next Friday’s arranged standard Union entertainment?
Please - you can do better than this.
After 10 hard weeks of work (okay - 3 hard Counteract the criticism of the Charter Ball
weeks of trying to get my essays in on time), by providing a band that really are value for
I was looking forward to a memorable money. After all, you have brought in many
social occasion to mark the beginning of my fine bands for Sunday evenings. Can’t one
well-earned Easter holidays and to set of those be persuaded to come back for a
myself in fine spirits for the forthcoming second running?
celebration of re-birth. I had asked myself
“What fine band will they provide for my Yours faithfully,
entertainment” on said night. After the ster-
ling work of getting the Lightening Seeds
and Finlay Quaye, I had high hopes. But I Daniel Stephens
looked down, and what did I see? Jonny
Boy Revell and his “wheels of steel”. His P.S. Try and get the Dust Junkys (nb - not
wheels of pants more like. What a bunch of “Junkies” as in last weeks album review).
arse. We are getting something that is used They are brilliant.
ed980326.qxd 21/04/98 15:11 Page 5 (1,1)

n Thursday 26th March 1998 letters 5

Your Letters
Entertainments need rethinking Pornograpy: where should the line be drawn?
Dear Editor, especially when we are being asked to fork Dear Editor, The issue wasn’t what was right and what
out such a large amount of our limited cash. was wrong, but who controlled our freedom
After all the recent debates regarding Iraq It brings us back to basic student needs. It’s of expression. Obviously, there are some
In response to the letter concerning a work-
and pornogrophy, I feel it’s time to return to the last night out before the long Easter issues like child pornography and graphic
man’s ‘pornographic’ calendar in edition
the basic issue of Ents, student needs and break and most people, after a stressful violence that on the whole, western society
931, I felt the need to reply, especially after
value for money. It’s a classic case of one exam week, just want to go out and have a finds offensive and would not sanction for
listening to a debate on freedom of expres-
step forward, two steps back for the union. fun night in the union. It’s time the union widespread consumption.
sion on ‘The Moral Maze’ today.
The semester began with the gross over- wakes up and stops taking us for granted.
Pornography can be offensive and degrad-
charging of the first FNO, then greatly ing, but where does one draw the line in But, surely in the case of a pornographic
improved with all the theme nights but now One final thought, after the success of the calendar (exactly what does pornographic
censorship? Censorship may seem an
looks like finishing on a damp note with the talent competition and the obvious quality mean in this case - like ‘page three’, or are
extreme term in relation to these offended
final FNO featuring.......Johnny Boy Revel of some of our bands, isn’t it time that stu- we talking about the use of serious hardware
young women. But does one have the right
and his Wheels of Steel! dent bands were given more of a chance to here?) spied through a window, one could
to sanction what others read, look at, or
play in the main union? be mature enough to could be mature
think about? If bare breasts and thighs are
OK so he would liven the evening up a bit offensive to women, are pictures of half- enough to respect somebody’s freedom of
but is he really worth paying a fiver for just Mark Stuart choice. Or are these young women suggest-
naked men, which are popular now, offen-
to hear Cindies music for an hour and have (For anyone interested in Entertainments in ing that we have an authoritarian institution
sive to men? Should these be banned as
him say “have a great one”? We learnt from the Students’ Union, the Ents Committee where nobody can express their individuali-
the Christmas Ball that DJ’s who arrive at meets at 6:15 every Monday in the Grant ty. Does this mean that my floor should
midnight to play an hour long set really Mitchell Room, downstairs in the Union, loose its breakfast time visual entertain-
My floor’s kitchen has a happy marriage of
don’t work as the main event of an evening, and is open to all students - ed) ment?
male and female posters (all demurely
posed and semi-clothed) on the notice
board. We are exercising our freedom to Or on a more serious note, does it mean that
Pornography campaigners hit back marginalised groups such as homosexuals,
look at sexually attractive people while
bisexuals and some religious groups are pre-
Dear Editor, “Complaining about ladies with no clothes munching our coco-pops (and all prefer-
vented from expressing their individuality?
is so eighties” is another comment. This is ences have been catered for).
not something which was only discussed in I hope these offended young women read
Why, dear little boys, did you get upset? In the article by the Equal Opportunities
an ideal world, men and women would the eighties (were you even born then?), but Would these young women be offended and
continues to be discussed, Haven’t you degraded by that? The ‘Moral Maze’ men- Officer and got a sense of perspective.
show each other respect , be equal and get
the same treatment from people wherever noticed? Sad. tioned a gay photographer’s book, which
contained sado-masochism pictures (includ- Or are they sanctioning that no student or
they went and from whomever they talked staff member has the right to express them-
to. There is no such thing as an ideal world, Yes, everyone is most certainly entitled to ing an interesting receptacle for a bull’s
their opinion, but that doesn’t mean we have whip) as well as ‘standard’ still-lives. The selves? I don’t personally fancy being at a
but the world is a sad place. And if anything, university controlled by those who think
we felt sad when we read the reactions to to agree - does it? Once there was a man debate was, should this be banned? Was
called Hitler and he was entitled to his opin- this akin to Murdoch’s ‘editing’ and refusal they are protecting society when in fact they
our letter about pornography in the universi- have no respect for anyone’s freedom,
ty. Where did people in this country go ion..... to print Patten’s book to protect the former’s
“In this society, we citizens must tolerate the business in China. (Allegedly). except their own.
wrong? Why do people get upset about
women being offended by pornography? harmless foibles of our fellow homosapiens
if civilisation as we know it is to be sus- L. Astbury
WHY? and why do you think we should
tained.” Wow, doesn’t that sound beautiful?
look the other way? If everybody looked the Chemistry department is unsafe
We almost cried when we read it. And of
other way every time they saw something
they didn’t like, the world would never course you are the one to decide what’s Dear Editor, either he wasn’t aware that it was now safe
harmless? There are plenty of people (sadly or, more alarmingly, that people were
change. And while we are at it, WHY DID- allowed in when it WASN’T SAFE.
N’T PEOPLE WHO GOT UPSET LOOK enough) who think that child pornography, I’m writing to inform and complain about
for example, is harmless and they are enti- that shambolic situation that I found myself So I went out again.... Another walk over
THE OTHER WAY in that case? We don’t Level 19. And returned to the fire point,
think pornography within a university is tled to their opinion. That’s part of the civil- in on Monday afternoon.
isation you want to sustain. Because we On Monday morning, I was going to my lec- with another array of increasingly pissed off
okay. Once again - what people do at home people. 3 mins later we were allowed in
is their business. The old “soon we will have don’t want any changes - do we? ture in the Computer-Aided Chemistry lab
in Level 19 in building AZ. However the again. This time I decided to travel through
people telling us what we can and cannot do Level 17 (probably annoying H&C, but I
at home” just doesn’t work. Think twice We never said that people shouldn’t be main entrance between AZ and AX was
allowed to watch pornography at home. We closed. I therefore decided to walk to the too was annoyed)...
(Have you thought at all?!!)
just said that we do not want pornography other side of the building to gain entrance
within the DEPARTMENTS of this univer- (since you can’t walk right though level 19 If this fire had been any worse, I don’t
We never said that all men who watch believe it’s too strong to say that people
pornography attack women (though there is sity. There is a clear difference you know (or since the planner, foolishly, decided to place
don’t you?). Even though 4 people wrote a lab right in the centre of it). Sadly, again, I could have actually died in there. If you are
a clear connection between men who do travelling in haste to the fire exit you don’t
attack women and pornography). “Respect lovely and well composed answers to our wasn’t lucky, since the entrance was also
letter we still don’t understand why you got closed down. -I walked around the building expect it to be apparently blocked off,
is a commodity to be earned on one’s mer- because then you need to go against the tide
its, not issued on demand to half the world’s upset in the first place. It seems to us that again and had to walk over Level 20 and
you were offended. Well tough luck! back down to level 19. of equally distressed people to try another.
population” writes one upset person (PR Finally having to decide to chance your luck
Groves - Steve.). Really?! My God, are you Nobody in this place seems to worry a bit So I was now in a room where my two
about offending other people. points of exit in the case of a fire appeared walking though a chemical lab full of sol-
a sad little person? Don’t you think it’s a vents during a fire or walk up a level and
better idea that all the people in this world closed. My lecturer and myself mused on
And for your information: of course we are the fact that we were buggered if there was across and down again.
respect each other? You won’t know a thing
about most people you run into in your life, 2 ugly, single virgins who wear grey M&S a fire.
knickers, who feel sick when we see naked In the afternoon, there was an oil fire -we Additionally, why and how were people
does that mean that you don’t have to allowed back in when some guards were
respect them, because you can’t be sure that people and who hate sex! How did you had to leave. Not through the CAC fire exit
know ?!!! How dared we walk into Mr H’s has it doesn’t, apparently, lead anywhere still evacuating people? Normally, and if
they have actually earned it? Grow up. sense had anything to do with the situation,
office? Actually, we weren’t a bit afraid! constructive, and not through the lab. So
We’re sure that Mr H appreciates your con- again I had to walk right over the building. a guard would be on each door and someone
The reason why we wrote the letter this term should be with the people who have got out,
and not last term was that we talked to the cern though. And by the way: it’s Mrs X and Anyway, the fire brigade arrived -all be it
Ms Y. Why we didn’t want our names print- unable to reach the building properly. keeping them up to date.
Union in December and they said they
would take action in this issue. Since noth- ed alongside our views? Because we sus- People still filtering out of the building -
pected that we would attract attention from probably delayed since they tried to exit the I think today has shown a sad lacking in fire
ing seemed to have happened, we decided to safety in the Chemistry and SBS blocks, as
write the letter. Though we do find it hilari- loony males like you and as sweet as you are building using the known fire exits, as we’d
we don’t want you hanging on our use in a practice. well as a lack of communication between
ous that even the fact that it took us three staff. I don’t care if maintainence work is
months before we wrote the letter upset you. doorsteps. After a while the alarms went off and the
Well, bye for now little boys! firemen left. People started to filtering in only a temporary thing - a fire exit can be
Talk about not having a life.... We think it is used at any time!
a good idea that you contact Esther of again (another glorious walk over and
Names and URNs supplied around Level 19). I sat down at my com- Yours Concerned and, luckily, not burned,
Vanessa, see BBC2 website for details as PR
Groves suggested. puter, only for some bloke in a security coat
telling me to evacuate again, illustrating that Anton McCoy
ed980326.qxd 21/04/98 15:11 Page 6 (1,1)

6 Music Thursday 26th March 1998 n

sive. ‘Owed To A Devil’ becomes long and repet-

MASSIVE ATTACK – Tear Drop (Virgin)
itive. This is a band I will be looking out for in
the future. 7/10 G.D.
THE WARM JETS - Hurricane (Island)
A concoction of raw energy, unstable elements heated together for 53 min-
Radio 1 sanctioned daytime rock song. Fairly IZZY STRADLIN- 117 Degrees utes, to form an uncontrollable amount of hard and fast break-beats, manic
New Single taken from forthcoming album pleasant to listen to with a nice big chorus. A (Geffen) basslines and deadly guitars. Joined with the serious lyrical base dis-
‘Mezzanine’, very dark and atmospheric, but with softer more subtle version of Therapy. Expect a Izzy left Guns’N’Roses at the right time, cussing issues, like
the ethereal falsetto of ex- Cocteau Twin top 20 hit from this. 7/10 A.T. after co-writing some of the bests songs the Criminal Justice
Elizabeth Fraser which lifts it into a whole new on the ‘Use Your Illusion’ albums and bill on ‘Genius’ to anti
world. 9/10 N.W. MOKE - Wheel In Motion (Dorado) before the band became a farce. ‘117o’ is
Another single taken from their debut album racism on
MARCY PLAYGROUND - Sex And Candy his second solo album and a more cohe- ‘Microwaved’ and
‘Superdrag’ which see them more swinging to sive record than the first, possibly
(Capitol) their hip hop roots. The only problem with this, is basically today’s soci-
Indifferent Kurt Cobain vocals saturated in a because Izzy’s voice sounds more natural ety in general. On the
that it slows the wheel down too much. 6/10 K.M when singing. Musically the album takes
smoky, dreamy saloon bar euphony before last track of the
spilling into the dusky aura of a late summers SOULFLY - Bleed (Roadrunner) its lead from late-sixties / early-seventies
Rolling Stones and Guns’N’Roses at their album they are basi-
evening. Invigoratingly catchy. 8/10 D.J. Loud guitars, ferocious drums, screaming vocals,
most potent. Looks like rock’n’roll is cally giving away free
what more could you expect from the former
STEPHEN BAYLIS - Good Timing (Sand) back this year. 8/10 R.W. samples for you bud-
frontman of Sepultura(Max Cavalera) new band.
This is a debut single in the style of a boy band. It Well something not so Sepultura. 6/10 K.M ding musicians to nick
is good but lacks a degree of originality. Good for JAMES - The Best Of (Fontana) and mix all you like.
easy listening on a sunny day. It could be ARTIFICIAL JOY CLUB - Sick And This album is pretty much what I expect- Pitchshifter have con-
described as beach/deck chair music. 8/10 G.T. Beautiful (Interscope) ed, all of the best James songs packed tinued to progress in
A rather unimaginative debut track from this onto one C.D. A brilliant mix of the older
GROOP DOGDRILL - Jackie O (Mantra) leap and bounds
Canadian five piece. It basically sounds like a bit singles, namely ‘Hymn From A Village’.
Having stormed the Union the other week, Groop since their first offer-
of Garbage mixed with Curve and then topped Through to their latest single, ‘Destiny
Dogdrill deliver yet another cool as fuck slice of Calling’. In my opinion the best James ing ‘Desensitized’ and
with a dashing of Portishead. A blend which is
groove-bound hard-bluesy rock. You should buy tracks featured on this album have to be even their last one as
smooth but not Earl Grey. 6/10 K.M
this. 8/10 R.W. ‘She’s A Star’, ‘Waltzing Along’ and well, but with each
TINA MOORE - Nobody Better (Delirious) ‘Tomorrow’. But all tracks are brilliant one there is always
RADIATOR Resistor (Chrysalis) The trouble with putting previous hits on a new and on the first listening I found myself something new. An
On the press release there was an eye catching single is that you realize that the new single isn’t not skipping any of them. The trouble exhilarating infusion
sentence saying ‘Tell ‘em it’s Black Sabbath fuck- as good as the old one. This is the case here
ing the Chemical Brothers up the arse’. An inter- with ‘Best Of’ albums though in general of heavy metal and
‘Nobody Better’ is a good dance track and will do is that if you have all of their albums you sonics. 9/10 K.M
esting note but cant see the resemblance, yes well, but it isn’t as good as her last hit ‘Never
Chemical, Sabbath but arse, who are they? 8/10 will already have all of the tracks.
Gonna Let You Go’. 6/10 G.D. However if you love James this is still a an array of mellow beats and distinctive tunes, noisy punk guitars and some extra-
K.M rhymes that fuse jazz and rock, and flips ordinary jazz and funk singing. Quite
AUDIOWEB - Policeman Skank (Mother) great album, and a must for your C.D.
MELYS - Diwifr (Arctic) collection. 8/10 G.D. between English and Spanish. This album unlike anything you’ve heard before! 7/10
When this single first comes on it sounds quite shows the bands musical maturity and G.C.
At first sight ‘Diwifr’ is just another debut single good, but the single drags on way too long on
from an up and coming band. The difference CECIL - Subtitles (Parlophone) growth since the eponymously titled
sounds the same all the way through it, with great Cecil’s days as a raucous hard rock band BAD RELIGION - No Substance
between this and the norm is that it smacks of debut album, which included the top forty
use of repetition. Not brilliant or amazing 5/10 seem to be behind them, in their place is a (Columbia)
originality. The music definitely does break free hit ‘Tres Delincuentes’. 7/10 G.C.
G.D. thoughtful and melancholy band whose Throughout their seventeen years Bad
from conventionality. The sounds are all new and THE MAKE UP - In Mass Mind (Dischord) Religion have pretty much led the way for
exciting. The vocals have hopes and dreams KARATE - Operation:Sand/Empty There sound owes something to their labelmates
Mansun. The singles ‘Red Wine At Dead This unknown Washington D.C. garage the West Coast pop-punk field, and they
embedded in them and the overall sound is hazy (Southern) band, are really one of the most amazing have stuck with the same sound. Fans will
and narcotic/ethereal. Take a trip into another A rather apocalyptical guitar sound which doesn’t Time’ and ‘Hostage In A Frock’ are the
most instantly appealing songs, but bands I have ever heard, they sing soul R be pleased that on ‘No Substance’ they
world. 8/10 G.T. want to come together. Sounds a bit like an &B, what they call, the ‘gospel yeah have stuck with the buzz-saw guitars, big
instrumental version Pavement a couple of years ‘Acres’ with the “He makes more sense,
THE PARADISE MOTEL - Calling You she makes more sense out of the non- yeah’. In parts a bit like Pulp, in their use chorus and intelligent socially conscious
back. 5/10 I.P. of the organ, a bit like The Who in the lyrics. Bad Religion sound sharper than
(Infectious) sense” hook that strikes as the albums
Ethereal and spiritual beauty is a difficult quality ALEX WHITCOMBE & BIG C - Ice Rain highpoint. By the end of the album a lot amount of energy the singer Ian on their previous album ‘The Gray Race’,
to bring to music. The Paradise Motel succeeds in (Xtravaganza) of the tracks seem to be a bit samey. A Svenonius uses up during each song, but ‘No Substance’ is unlikely to win
mixing the spiritual style of artists like Enya with Sounds like Grace, but more voliny, needs some good album certainly, but I miss the worth buying the album just for the bril- them any new fans. 6/10 R.W.
more upbeat orchestrations and melodies like more kick to it. 5/10 F.F. unpredictability of the old style Cecil. liant sleeve notes. 7/10 N.W.
BRAID - Frame And Canvas
groups which specialise in more easy listening. THE HIGH FIDELITY - Come Again 7/10 R.W. FINITRIBE - Sleazy Listening (Infectious) (Polyvinyl)
The tracks which follow ‘Calling You’ are almost (Plastique) Not quite old timers Finitribe are back Brash guitar rock fueled by harsh produc-
as good. 8/10 G.T. RIALTO - Rialto (East West)
The follow up to the amazing ‘Addicted To A To not mention Pulp and Suede would be with some more funky stuff which both tion combine, attempting to demolish the
GOMEZ - 78 Stone Wobble (Hut) TV’ this isn’t as immediate or catchy. Weird a crime. There is more than an element of makes you happy and relaxed at the same underlying fresh, sonorous punk enthusi-
A cool indie track, which has none of the “lets experimental electronic noises buzz over a fairly these in Rialto’s music - both the time. The album has a dark mood with asm - still evident on this, their third long
copy Oasis” mentality that is going around at the middling indie guitar tune. Nothing to get excited panoramic sound and uptight claustropho- slowed down samples, samples of people player. ‘Milwaukee Sky Rocket’ sounds
moment. 8/10 F.F. about. 5/10 A.T. bic element (of carefully observed obses- admitting they are scared (that’s what desolate, an even more harrowing Pixies
sions) seen at various times in their they sound like anyway), in fact samples ‘Debaser’, and ‘A Dozen Roses’ hides a
CHEEKY MONKEY - Four Arms to Hold FINITRIBE - Make My Mind-Up (Infectious) of anything which is not “happy” or fractured, desperately hopeful melody
I find it very tedious when a group lacks the careers. But ‘Summers Over’ manages to
You (Shoeshine) “nice”. Still something to do your work behind a stuttering and relentless stream
imagination to write different songs and instead sound like ‘Strawberry Fields’ and the
This is good old fashioned strummy guitar stuff to, if you work in a cemetery or similar of subdued noise. ‘First Day Back’
opts for 6 or so remixes of the same one. The Longpigs, as it laments the past and
and simple instrumentation. It makes a refreshing then this is your album of the year. 7/10 smacks of early REM with the raw and
original track is not that bad with the vocals ‘Lucky Number’ is positively energising.
change to have that. The lyrics are listener friend- F.F. refreshing riff, and the voice brings you
seeming quite dark at times, but the remixes, So, there is talk of obsessions and lost
ly despite the fact that the singer is ever so slight- back to a twisted, vociferous Spin
though different are a waste of time. 5/10 E.C. love, all in a manner Morrissey would’ve THE SORTS - More There (Slowdime)
ly vocally challenged. Good start... cool. 8/10 Doctors sound. This album, literally
been proud of - but only if there were a Intense instrumentation is built by a
G.T. MIDGET - Invisible Balloon (Radar) screaming to be listened to is, ultimately,
little more irony. There is, of course the blending unorthodox guitar style, lean
ROBBIE WILLIAMS - Let Me Entertain You There are many mysteries in this world, like why humour (subtly in ‘Monday Morning a demanding album and ‘(This Is)
bass lines and heavy, alert drumming. Hardcore’ in a way Pulp most definitely
(Chrysalis) students voted Labour and why club prices go up 5.19’) but it is coupled with at least as Trombone and trumpet and some percus-
Robbie lands another blow to his critics, perhaps the less time you spend inside. Another is how much seriousness and neurosis (urm, aren’t. Given attention there are rewards
sion instruments extracts are also includ-
exclaiming “Take That” as he does so, whilst Midget got signed. ‘Invisible Balloon’ is a poppy ‘Monday Morning 5.19’). However, when in the songs mentioned, which are blind-
ed in this CD, giving the overall effect of ing, but they do seem trapped in a dark
another rifling, supercharged single prepares to fuzzy teen punk jaunt that sounds just like a song you’re sweeping vast cinematic sounds a collage of sound that has an extra
storm the charts. A sure fire hit for anyone with a by any of the hundreds of sixth form bands across across the listeners ears, you should I sup- place that is ‘Frame And Canvas’. 6/10
degree of richness. The vocals are clear, D.J.
penchant for D:Ream’s ‘Shoot Me (With Your the country. Unbelievably average. 4/10 A.T. pose, be sincere. Especially when you but not evasive. 7/10 G.C.
Love)’. 7/10 D.J. have such epic and almost justified illu- SIMPLE MINDS - Neapolis (Chrysalis)
sions of grandeur. 7/10 D.J. This new effort by the Simple Minds fea-
BEN HARPER – Faded (Virgin) Indian music played over beats together with four Everyman (Wide)
Typical American Rock, a bit like the Chili remixes. Some which rather lose the Indian bit, DELINQUENT HABITS - Here Come tures Peter Walsh’s return to production
Deconstructed sounds, peculiar geome- controls alongside Charlie Burchill, and
Peppers, a bit of a poor Hendrix impression, if one which goes just plain weird and a dubby ver- The Horns (Loud) tries and disturbing sound puzzles make
your into the aforementioned you will probably sion. 4/10 I.P. After nearly 2 years of relative silence, the classic tandem formed by bassist
this a very weird sounding alternative Derek Forbes and drummer Mel Gaynor
like this. 7/10 N.W. the Latin hip hop groovesters return with rock album. Their songs combine melodic
ALABAMA 3 - Ain’t Goin’ To Goa returning to the rhythm section. The result
PULSARS - Submission To The Master E.P (Elemental) BERNARD BUTLER - is a return to the bands origins, with the
(Almo) Putting eight mixes of the same track on one CD People Move On use of synthesizers as the prime base of
For a relatively new band this E.P is impressive. is OK if they all sound more or less different to (Creation) their songs as they did in their earlier
The first and main track ‘Submission Song’ is each other, but when it sounds as boring and albums. 6/10 G.C.
There are certain bits if
definitely the best song and the highlight of this monotonous as this, whoever is responsible ought
baggage solo artists bring ALL NATURAL LEMON & LIME
CD, however, the rest of the E.P isn’t so impres- to be guillotined. 1/10 G.C.
with them, when they have FLAVOURS - Turning Into Small
previously been in success- (Gern Blansten)
SINGLE OF THE WEEK ful bands. Just for a back- All Natural Lemon & Lime Flavours
THE ground, Bernard used to be should win an award for making a song
PECADILOES the guitarist in Suede; who sound unbearably flat using the least
- The Wanting some say in the early 90’s number of notes. You’ve just got to
Song (A&M) kick-started a revolution in admire the skillful way in which they
Now on a guitar music with a return most of their songs slip slowly in and out
towards 3 minute songs, of key. The tracks would sound a lot bet-
major label,
the importance of image ter without the continuous noise in the
the Pecadiloes background, it just doesn’t stop. The
are in control etc. ‘People Move On’
vocals, when heard above the noise, are
of what is however does not sound somewhat obscure and meaningless mak-
surely an elec- like a Suede album, all ing for a very dull and rather depressing
trifying destiny. instruments bar drums were album. 1/10 E.C.
played by Bernard, it was written and produced by Bernard, but here his influences
sharp pop
have stretched further, giving the album a widescreen version of his music. The songs This weeks music bought to you
are ambitious, the opener ‘Woman I Know’ sounds a bit like Spiritualized, an 8 minute by -
smothered in
epic, others ‘Change of Heart’ are reminiscent of Neil Young particularly his ‘Harvest’ Daniel Jones, Frank Fraulo,
sugary har- Ian Purvey, Georgina Tarrant,
era, but with an amazing string arrangement at the end. ‘Autograph’ the albums center-
monies. 9/10 piece is another 8 minute song, a blues-rock epic, but with more amazing production Gabriel-Oliver Chamero,
D.J. with its brilliant crescendo at its close. The only downpoint on the album is that maybe Emma Clarke, Kevin Marston,
there are too many slow songs, it needs more like the obvious single ‘You just know’. It Nick Walsh,
is hard not to be sycophantic, when albums are just as inspiring as this, but it just Andrew Thomas, Gemma Decent,
shows that if you mean it, everything will be all right. 9/10 N.W.
Rob Winder
ed980326.qxd 21/04/98 15:11 Page 7 (1,1)

n Thursday 26th Marh 1998 Entertainments Guide 7

It is always advisable to confirm with the
venue before travelling. Cineline - (01483) 578017
20.00 Only Fools and Asian Dub Foundation - Portsmouth Friday 27th/Sat 28th March
Horses Wedgewood Rooms (01705 863911)
Saturday Friday Thursday Wednesday Tuesday Monday Sunday Saturday Friday

Bluetones, Mover - Guildford Civic Hall


(01483 444555) Titanic

21.00 Blackadder II Pocket Devils - London 100 Club (0171 636 12:15, 13:00, 16:20, 17:05, 20:30,
Tribute To Nothing, dBH, Lockdown -
21.30 Father Ted Reading Alleycat (0118 956 1116) As Good as it Gets
23.05 The Adam and Joe Snuff, King Prawn - London Electric Ballroom 12:25, 15:25, 18:30, 21:40
(0171 485 9006)
Show Warm Jets, Idlewild - London ULU
Good Will Hunting
12:50, 15:40, 18:35, 21:30
Bluetones, Regular Fries - London L.A. Confidential
there and back. The ticket price will be £4.00 if you obtain a discount flyer before the gig. You can obtain the tickets by contacting Jacobs Tale on 01252 – 819019 or e-mail at ‘’. There will

Shepherds Bush Empire (0171 287 1331)

NB The band Jacobs Tale have announced their first London date at the Mean Fiddler in Harlesden on Thursday 9th of April 1998. To make it easier to get along a coach will be provided to ferry people

20.00 Before They Were Fri: 12:00, 15:00, 18:10, 21:20

Fluke - London Holloway Rocket

Famous Fu Manchu - London Garage (0171 607 Sat: 18:10, 21:20

1818) The Man in the Iron Mask
15.40 F1: Grand Prix “Jackpot” - London Subterania (0181 960
12:55, 15:55, 18:55, 22:00
For food and bar opening times, see main advertisement on page 10 For Sports / Fitness information, see Campusport notice on page 12

Also, BARE FACTS has will have free tickets available for preview screening of Great Expectations at the Guildford Odeon on 15th April. Contact us before 8th April for details

Semi Junction, Waif, Jerc - Reading Gattaca

18.00 FILM: Dumb and
be 3 other bands in the line-up, the doors open at 8.00pm and close at 2.00am, this is also the Thursday before Good Friday so you don’t even have to get up in the morning.

Alleycat (0118 956 1116) 14:30, 16:55, 19:20, 21:50

University closure week (when all University buildings and services will be closed) Thursday 9th - Wednesday 15th April inclusive

Dumber My Life Story, Drugstore, Inter, Twister,

Glitterbox - Farnham Maltings (01252 726234)
Kiss the Girls
Fri: 13:00, 16:15, 19:20, 22:10
Sat: 16:15, 19:20, 22:10

Nothing decent - watch the Grand Prix

14:00 (Fri only), 16:45, 19:30, 22:20
16.20 F1: Grand Prix Flubber
22.00 The Clive James 13:00, 15:15
Show Fairytale
12:15, 14:30
12:05, 14:10
20.30 Goodnight George of the Jungle
Sweetheart 12:30
Artificial Joy Club - London

23.25 Film 98
Borderline (0171 734 2095)
Myst, Gecko, Calhouns Cat -
18.00 The Simpsons Sun 29th March -
Reading Alleycat (0118 956 1116)
Thurs 2nd April
Easter Holiday - no Entertainments at the Union

11:15 (Mon-Thurs only), 14:00,
21.30 One Foot in the 15:20, 19:00, 19:25
Grave As Good as it Gets

Bernard Butler - London Upstairs At 12:30, 17:00, 20:10

18.00 Fresh Prince of Bel The Garage (0171 607 1818) Good Will Hunting
Air Zed’s Ded, Joda, Caffeine - 12:10, 14:55, 17:40, 20:30
Reading Alleycat (0118 956 1116) L.A. Confidential
21.00 The Sweeney
13:15 (Mon-Thurs only), 17:15,
The Man in the Iron Mask
PICK The Pecadiloes, Jolt, 13:00, 17:20, 20:20
21.30 The Thin Blue Line
OF THE Satellite Beach - London
22.00 FILM: Timecop WEEK
Camden Dingwalls

12:05 (mon-thurs only), 14:30,

18.00 Star Trek: The Next Daybreak, Wake, Chayse - Reading 18:20, 20:50
Generation Alleycat (0118 956 1116) Kiss the Girls
22.00 Room 101 12:15, 13:15 (Mon-Thurs only),
18:00, 20:40
LK - London Garage (0171 607 12:10, 15:00 (Mon - Thurs only),
20.00 Animal Hospital 1818) 17:45, 20:30
20.30 2point4 Children Senser, Sons Of Tribe, Entropy - Flubber

22.25 The Mrs Merton Reading Alleycat (0118 956 1116) (Sun only) 12:30, 14:40
Show The Smiles - London Camden Barfly Fairytale
(0171 482 4808) (Sun only) 12:45, 15:00
21.00 Steptoe and Son Paws
(Sun only) 12:15, 14:05
George of the Jungle
20.00 Only Fools and Echo And The Bunnymen, Rialto - (Sun only) 12:20
Horses London Brixton Academy (0171 264

Leatherface, Moke, Speedurchin -

21.00 Blackadder II
Reading Alleycat (0118 956 1116)
18.00 TFI Friday Sniper, Nightnurse, Mouthfull -
21.30 Father Ted London Kings Cross Water Rats
(0171 837 7269)

Finitribe - London ICA

16.40 TOTP 2 “Jackpot” - London Subterania (0181
960 4590)

Libido, Ballroom, Glitterbox - London

20.00 Stars in Their Eyes Garage (0171 607 1818) Oscar will be hibernating
Natia Blue, Pinnacle - Reading Alleycat over Easter
(0118 956 1116)
09.30 Knight Rider Twister - London Camden Dublin Castle
(0171 485 1773)
ed980326.qxd 21/04/98 15:11 Page 8 (1,1)

8 Arts Thursday 26th March 1998 n

Spititualized, Guildford Civic Hall, Thursday 19 March 1998. Review - Daniel Jones
Film review: Gattaca
jam packed Civic

A Hall, sporting a
male dominated,
occasionally cool looking Kamran Loqueman
Thurman, who many of us believe is one of
an elite class.
audience waits for
Spiritualized. They n recent times the moral argument as to An open-minded audience can really
admire the stage with the
‘pillbox’ backdrop and
sundry columns, support-
ing devices that will pro-
I whether we should be able to manipulate
the sex of our future offspring has
caused only a ripple of controversy, as no
becomes sucked into this futuristic atmos-
phere Niccol generates with such ease. A
world of sparsely populated cities and
squeaky clean offices, this is not a film with
one really knows exactly where it will all
vide the light show. It is a
lead. flashing lights and fancy effects, not at all.
wonderful sight even
In fact I should imagine the budget of this
before it is filled with the
visual and sonic flair of a Andrew Niccol’s Gattaca takes this premise film would barely have covered one of
band, Jason Pierce (head and grips it firmly by the throat. With excel- Titanics’ lifeboats. Nevertheless the yel-
astronaut) describes as lent cinematography, the likes of which I low/green camera filters and classic style
people who “want to haven’t seen since George Orwell’s 1984, electric cars do not distract you away from
make music on a more Gattaca creates a future world obsessed with the plot and the message being delivered by
basic, more soulful the film, but adds to it’s overall genre. The
our genetic makeup, where a ‘Valid’, some-
level”. It seems with film has a good story, a healthy portion of
one who is genetically engineered, holds a
tonight’s experience, for
higher position in society then that of an suspense and real substance if one is willing
it is more an experience
‘invalid’ spawned from mother nature. to look.
than a show, that they are
aiming at a stratospheric In conclusion, not a ‘wham bam thank you
level. The story follows Ethan Hawke (Reality mam’ movie. But if you liked films like
Despite the usual slow Bites, Great Expectations ) as Vincent, an ‘Fahrenheit 451’ and ‘1984’ you’ll appreci-
start and even before Invalid with a lifelong dream to travel into ate this thought provoking Sci-Fi movie.
‘Electricity’, there is a space, a privilege bestowed only upon
charge on the stage. A solid, recommended 8/10 by me and a
Valids. However with this burning ambition
Heads are fixated. And as 9/10 by Matty P. (Yes, it deserves 9/10.
to fulfil his dream he undertakes the huge
‘Electricity’ rings out it were coming from every Spiritualized arrived in. I’ve
task of adopting the life of a Valid named Kam’s just being tight. It’s thought provok-
there is a dazzling array of crack in the building. The not personally seen one but
Jerome. This new identity is not easy to ing if you like that kind of thing, and if
pulsating lights. The four men visuals are ever more awe- taking X-Files as a reference
on stage - guitars/bass/sax - some as frantic strobes give point, the visual effect more achieve in a world where a single stand of you’re not in the mood you can just enjoy
stand tall and motionless carv- way to pretty lights dancing on and more resembles an alien hair can give you away to the authorities. As the splendid design and beautiful photogra-
ing the slow orchestral, and in the ceiling. ‘Come Together’ landing. And sounds like one. his launch date draws closer, a murder poses phy. It’s 1984 for the 1990’s. This film will
this case palpitating tunes. A acts as a call to arms, as The bass pounds, pressing skin to jeopardise Vincent’s dream, along with a inspire you. -Ed)
few heads begin to nod in time indeed it is. People wake up firmly against bones - tortured dangerous liaison with a Valid, Irene
and one couple partake in a from the outer body experi- souls are surely venting Cassini, adequately played by Uma
spot of loosely ballroom style ences, some jig and many despair in the most uplifting

Theatre review:
dancing. Others merely close embrace as if they were in the way possible.
their eyes, absorbing the middle of an out of control It’s like you’ve been in a big
dreamscape of reverberating religious awakening. dream, literally like you have
noise. There is always a droning been floating in space some-

The Tempest
With ‘Home Of The Brave’ background sound. Perhaps where. And you’re not sure if
the sound swarms all over as if this is the spacecraft it has really happened.

With Cold, London Garage, Thursday 19 March 1998. Review - Kevin Marston.
sold out venue, and still a queue
Questors Theatre - 6th March who played Miranda (the daughter of

A of people trying to buy tickets,

why? because they are about to
miss one the most promising new com-
Mary Elizabeth Phillips
Prospero) and Tomos Lewis who played
Ariel (the spirit) astounded me with their
professionalism and excellent acting.
However, there were a few faults which
ers to the skate/ska scene, Cold and one
of the most rocking Scandinavian band After a huge storm and shipwreck men of showed lack of professionalism amongst
ever. Bullyrag were supposed to be on the courts of Naples and Milan are lured some of the actors; how many unconscious
first but due to band illnesses and and ‘frozen’ people would fiddle with their
away into a world of illusion always led by
things, they didn’t play so it was left to fingers, look around in the audience and pull
Cold to warm up the crowd. strange powers which they cannot resist.
Prospero (the rightful Duke of Milan) hav- up their socks?
About 9 o’clock one hell of a weird guy
with tuffs of bleached tipped hair walks ing on his side Ariel (the spirit of illusion) is
onto the stage and takes control of the able to manipulate the circumstances and The dancing in the play was poor; the whole
drums, while the rest of Cold venture teach the rest a good lesson from which choreography was lacking creativity and
out. And its not just the drummer who is he’ll receive wisdom. although the dancers were children they
weird, but the guitarist is totally spaced seemed to be unexcited to perform and cre-
out with an impression that he’s one of Interpretations of “The Tempest”, as many ate.
the most coolest players ever. Is he?,
have put it, can be very much influenced by
well no, the performance is very aver- As far as the theatre is concerned the stage
age. Nothing outstanding at all, all the the particular background of the interpreter
and that’s mainly due to the fact that was below the audience (similar to the
words are indistinguishable except for
Shakespeare has used the device of allegory ancient Greek theatre) and that created a dif-
the occasional fucking fuck fuck some-
thing. But some of the crowd seem to a lot, once again. Some see this play as a ferent atmosphere to the conventional the-
love it. Before the final song the vocal- focus on theatrical art, others think that it atre stages as it enhanced the performer -
ist decides to invite as many stage has to do with the analysis of political issues audience relationship.
divers on the stage as possible, which and especially those relevant to the oppres-
led to an explosive array acrobatics by sion of the inhabitants of the ‘new’ world. If any of you are interested in going and see-
the crowd. ing a performance at the Questors Theatre,
A quarter of an hour later Clawfinger called the Gati (Passage of Time) which is
embarked on their dark and fiery journey. Once Me Down’. The last one received one hell of a The cast of this play was made up of people
who had auditioned and been chosen by the performed by the Theatre of Bangalore (the
the first few chords of ‘I’m Your Life And cheer and the biggest mosh of the night. It was
just a full aural assault on the brain. A totally theatre. Bearing in mind that they were only most vibrant English Theatre of any city in
Religion’ from their new album are played, the
mosh begins in full earnest with the stage being buzzing night and with quotes like ‘ you lot are amateurs performing for pleasure and that India) there are some tickets which you can
invaded constantly. About every ten seconds or insane’ and ‘come on Barbie... lets go party’ they only had two months to prepare, the get for free for the performances from the
so there would be another body hurtling through what more could you ask for. Well, Jocke decid- production was good. In general the acting 21st to the 27th March. All you have to do
the air, even when they played ‘Don’t Wake Me ing to play the guitar and the bass instead of was the thing that made the performance is dial 0181 5670011 and ask for it!
Up’ a relatively slow track. Which Zak ( the mixing the decks and the DAT. But then again
interesting and people such as Gerry
vocalist) remarked at. The next song tonight there was a good reason for the bass though and
that was because the bassist decided to go stage
O’Sullivan who played the role of Caliban
was ‘Undone’ which again was just mad, they
played other classics like ‘Warfair’, and ‘Pin diving. Brilliant. (a savage and deformed slave), Kate Davie
ed980326.qxd 21/04/98 15:11 Page 9 (1,1)

n Thursday 26th March1998 Notices & Personals 9

nPaddington, the best shag in nAnyone know how Rainman nSo coke and guiness are just the nANDY FROM SPIERS: Need ‘honk’ you !?! daisy in the mouth of a certain
months not years, I haven’t got to ends? Nice one Han. same are they Steve? any more lessons? n First prize to politically correct pink cow!!
that stage, unlike you. love nHappy Birthday to 3A’s sexy nCongratulations to everyone in nYou are the ants’ pants Simon... Green Shirt Man nWould you like your pinger felt
nKrust 2. Helen 13. The gap is thing, are we going for it large on the Jiu Jitsu club who graded. nGreenfingered Ab cultures n Rootjoose :- by a certain young lady in Cath
getting longer. Friday? nRUSSIAN SOCIETY!!! Good Ferns! Fwoooooooooarrrgh! court?
nHelen. You and Jon are wearing nSTOP banging on the pipes! job, I am proud of you. Your presi- nKate on Rich 3- I forgot your nIt would be cold and hard unless
the same sweaters AGAIN. How can Richard suck it off the dent. surname, but just to say, I’m on n Dave or Housewife? I fail to see you hold it in your hands long
(Paddington) table when he can’t get it in his nHarold. How are you, my son? sound crew, and I like you. where the difficulty was in choos- enough to warm it up a bit
nKrustie. Why is it that you have mouth.? yours Victor nRuth- don’t worry, we’re a party ing the better band. nWatch out Ascot .. Weyside
that name? should I mention nHappy Birthday Hazel and thank nHappy 22nd birthday little Jo. of five, remember? n KATE IN RICH 3 - I’m sorry I Birds are on the way!!!
Paddington Madam you for being there and listening in Vick nSunday afternoons, 3-5, GCR. missed you tonight. Why were you n Those Weyside Birds who work
nAndy don’t be a custard, be a the last few weeks, I really appre- nJess. Lab’s pants isn’t it nSingle Uncle looks for close with that weirdo with nail var- in the Firkin need to be a little
tart! ciate it, Helen. nnice one SURREY MOUN- friendship with lady for fun and nish?? more
nLiz. I lurve those stockings.from nEver thought of locking your TAINBIKE TEAM, Bronze this great times.Must live around n Housewife- We love you loads n fussy!!!
Jokerface room door - otherwise the pink year Gold next. Chaz Kingston. and loads From S and K xx n Marc .. What’s your name
nRobocop. Doesn’t ALL that gel elephants and green monster might nTo miss ‘do diamonds’ - thanks. nKaty, as if I’d have sent a per- n We could always tie dye that again??!!!
damage your circuits? get you. Beer fest per chance!!!! Pierre de Mintfart, you ave gin din sonal like that! There’s far too green shirt of yours!!!! n So Marc .. she’s named it
nAndy-JD wants his Y-fronts nASWANI... get a life, get some zee ill wizz zee trollaie yes, no? many Katy’s here. UD n Acid Jazz... Hmmm I don’t Robert has she!!!
back ASAP friends!!!!!! nHAPPY BIRTHDAY little JO, nTo Miss R-B, hope your work is think so. n Phil V...can I rent your furnished
nJavier has lovely hands Helen nTINA A.... stop exaggerating SEE YOU AT YOUR PARTY, going well and that you’re getting n Judges-how much German lager shed?
nThe Ginger Fox is thinking of about how many guys are after u! nLots of Big balloons, Hann & your sleep. Mr Smelly Belly. did you have?? n A.Tiger Ouch.
having vegetarian for supper nGorgeous Navdeep........did any- Vick xxxxx nAndy from Croydon, ‘your the n um,err,um,um,errrr,umm n Dunky, Big Issue=Big munt
tonight. one tell u how sexy u looked last nLooking forward to the relax- man!’ nToo much 80’s waa waa???????? points
nthe more i think, the more wor- Friday???!! ation area nCarshalton or Sherley, which n Halifax Town 2-0 Rushden & n Which johhny boy will the lep-
rying i get nShagun babe, can we get togeth- nLocal lass seeks budding ama- was worse? Diamonds. The Shaymen march racorn choose on friday?
nRaf ( not to mention other er some time??? - Monday, 7-30, teur photographer for insight into nSo Claires not involved in your towards the title. n Robocop, does the Joker know
Tonmeisters) have finally got it in Chancellor’s. Your Ultimate Guildford tours for AGM candi- threesome fantasy! n And it snows in Heaven... your screwing Liz?
- that’ll be a relief for the rest of Fantasy. dates nOI!!!!!! EVERYONE....... n International Marketing bloke: n Linda, Alex and Garry. Thanks
us. nRLB: Rumours are that he’s nI Easter Egg you Buz Lightyear, nNEIL GOT GINGERED!!!!!!! no-one likes you for making this special trip home
nWhatever did happen to the leaving. Is this the end? lots of Galaxies, Tinkerbell xxx nDAN & CO n LOU IN TWYFORD C!!!!! extra
chicken in Cathedral court nFancy a pitstop Sarah? nFlick, floor fly flavour flov fle nCONGRATS ON GETTING How many boys have you pulled n special. I love you all. Hxx
nNav aka Lumbhoo...Janamdin Hey P R Groves we know who flunth, Fluv Flan YOUR DREAM HOUSE! now during FNO? I’ve lost count!! Last, but by no means least, Nikki.
you are PENNY and you’d better nLizzie &’s about time A very special thank you for your
Mubarak!! From a friend!!! nCAN I LIVE THERE RENT n ANITA B!!! YEAH YOU!!!
start sleeping with one eye open. time, honesty and patience. I
nHarri stop lying about how many you came out of the closet, we all FREE????? COME TO BIOSOC’S LAST
nHi Jainge - I Easter Egg you. meant what I said. Forever friends.
people u have had sex with!!!!!
nJames (I love Eddie) - looks like
know what you two are like!!! nYang Yang..are you happy that I EVENT OR I’LL CRY. L.A.
nTina A....How many blokes nI love you darling. Happy 6 have repaired your chain now!!?? n PISSED-SHIT PLEASE SEND
you have more then one fan!!!!! n Hxxx suffer from embarasing
fancy u now??????
nLegian, friends forever.
months on the 9th nDo I know what is going on? I SOME PHOTO’S HOME- WE nipple hairs? call J for reassur-
nHUGE Thanks to all the silly nMev - The people who put the don’t think so! CAN’T REMEBER WHAT U
nGorgeous...I’ll still beat you ance.
crew for an excellent Wednesday -
naked at seventy! Lover. XXX
two personals in last week’s nmmmmmmmmm, nice arse! LOOK LIKE. LOVE FROM THE n sorry about your nipple hair,
the fees anarchists” Barefacts are really sorry that stu- n Hey bignose hows the golf dri- SHITS
n“Swpitwist” nKMW - what would I do without love shitbags
pid others have taken it seriously. ver running? n WOOAHHHH DONS- C’MON n the cause of yellow knickers
nUnless you have already found you?!?
n55 Denzil Road - is the Palace n OH NOse!!!! BABY LIGHT MY FIRE! FROM
someone for this, then I’m yer nThere’s more to life than an old everywhere is VD!
boyfriend and a part time job
ours? n Its Da BOMB!!! *TOYBOY* n Alix wants to tie him up under
man. nSports Officer will pay cash for n Nevermind Kate, better luck n All at 89 GPR, the years nearly
nHandy tip: Don’t bother with the nLOST: One black Scully type the bed, and jump on him - poor
pictorial evidence (photos or next Friday. finished, cheers for an interesting
new series of “Telly Addicts”. It’s mackintosh with bright red lining thing!
(lost three weeks ago). If found -
sketch) of supermarket shennani- n Why was the DJ for the Acid one. n Sorry Jo, but we have to ask:
getting far too easy... gans with experienced ball-handler Jazz SHAG not told that it was n Elo......anybody home??!!
nHas Kostis’ friend found who please G I V E I T B A C K was it a carpet burn?????
nJohnnie Boy is in ATLANTA!! acid jazz before he arrived?? nPenis’s come into everything.”
was watching him that night? ‘cos because I’m getting cold and n Mat, Oh sorry, have you just
wet!!!! (Ring ext 4951, room 2 if
Keep an eye on CNN! n It’s not just the bruises on my three guesses who said it..! come?!
I know who it is!! nIt’s cold but it’s somewhere to nI don’t know what it is!” “same
arm, I’m hurt deep inside as well. n A carpet burn.... How ironic!!
nMark would never even consider you have seen it).
nWill the Cath Court Metal Man
sleep, the creaky noises make my n Ruth- you should have done a as it is in French! Aaa!!!
being unfaithful!! skin creep-I need to get some sleep nI knew he would get it when he
solo, you know you should.I will n What have Sam and a tampon
nHelen, I told you, I haven’t got please *grow up* and leave poor,
nHappy Birthday Jane - Sorry I help you do one next time. got erection....who was Helen talk- got in common??!
anything to say to you!! sweet, innocent Dexter alone. You
can’t be there, I’ll have a drink for n Why was the DJ for the Acid ing about? The question is was it n DD or is that your bra size!!
nThanks for an excellent night out are corrupting the poor lad.
you! Prof Johnson R. II Jr Jazz SHAG not told that it was as good as she said? n Del-alcohol affects your perfor-
lads, Guernsey. nWhat’s it like to be 22 Rob (old
nJohnnie Boy is in ATLANTA!! acid jazz before he arrived?? nit’s a fruit salad monster eating a
nAlix - Make Helen confess about man now eh!!) The ‘gathering’
nKeep an eye on CNN!
mance in telephone boxes!
was fun -thanks! n It’s not just the bruises on my
the chicken remarque! nIt’s cold but it’s somewhere to arm, I’m hurt deep inside as well.
nS: Thanks for a “wicked” week- nMike-I’m gonna boil your
end! bunny-Helen
sleep, the creaky noises make my n Ruth- you should have done a
skin creep-I need to get some sleep solo, you know you should.I will
nBoy oh boy are you guys getting nRolf Harris is Innocent!
nHappy Birthday Jane - Sorry I help you do one next time.
fussy! My real name is not actual- Smack my Fortran Up!
ly Buz nDid the Ginger Fox use baby oil
can’t be there, I’ll have a drink for n So Duncan have you managed
you! Prof Johnson R. II Jr to find it yet? Did she give you a
nRUSSIAN SOCIETY!!! Good after swimming recently?
nWiiiiiil!!!!! bung in a brown envelope?
job, I am proud of you. Your presi- nH - “The bunion, where you
nMatt - all you need is a bum n Arent rugby shirts cool.. espe-
dent. shag on a Saturday!”
chin! Where’s my biro...... cially when they are free.....
nA.K. Are you accepting K. air- nH - “But I’ve got R - no I mean
nMystic Matt - Spoooooky!!!! n Lost several saturdays last seen
lines flight offer? Let me know, in the sense of playing with him!”
Fred’s not fat, he’s not ugly, but he nOLIVER, VENTE YA PARA in Astolat......
limited places available... LOVE,
K.A is cute and cuddly ESPANYA!!!! n Mister :- Isn’t it my turn to
nNos vemos el 5 de abril, olrait?

Bare Facts wants your Easter stories, letters contact Adam (above). Fancy a bit of International Rugby after House, for summer period through to
and personals. Email them from university the exams? The Sanyo Cup at Twickenham September. Ring 01483 833276 for details.
or home to Room available in student house off will feature the star-studded World XV ver-
The office and darkroom facilities will be Northway about 15 mins from campus. Rent sus 1998 English Club Champions on Sat Badminton Club AGM, Tuesday week 14
open through most of the holiday for pho- £195 pcm until July All mod cons, newly 23rd May (end wk 14) Tickets £20 or £26 (28th April), Grant Mitchell Room, 7pm.
tography, dissertation writing, etc. Please refurbished etc. Phone (01483) 504629 including transport. Contact Alex Langley,
ring to check first. ext 4739, Email cv31al Netgamer AGM, 29th April, 7:30 LTB
Have you got a parent suffering from Email
Korean Society AGM, 27 March 6pm mental illness? Graduation photos
Wates House. Contact Young-Tae Cho Would you be willing to help me with some Are you graduating this year? Do you want ChemEngSoc AGM is to be held on
236149 research into the experiences of young peo- a photo the moment of presentation of your wednessday the sixth of May (Week 12) at
ple like yourself? If so, I would like to talk degree ( actually getting your certifi- 13:00 to 14:00, in LTL
Reminder to all Final Year Economists: to you, IN COMPLETE CONFIDENCE, cate.) Other photos are taken anyway, so
Please return yearbook forms before the end about what life has been like at home, and would this be too intrusive? Please Email University Swimmers. There will be no
of week 10. what has helped you to cope. Please tele- your views to the Union President swimming 9-10pm at the Spectrum on May
phone Stella Charman on 01420 487924 (su-pres) or fill in a Union suggestion slip. 11th.
tops for sale £32.50, mostly navy blue, some Room Available next year. House on Women’s Waterpolo AGM - Friday 1st
other colours available. Contact Adam, ext. Decriminalise Cannabis March. Sat 28th Canterbury Road, 15 mins walk. All mod May, 5pm, Grant Mitchell Room.
4241, cv42ab or via the windsurfing pigeon March, assemble Midday at the reformer’s cons. £48 per week plus bills. Will be shar-
thole. We still meet every Friday at 1pm tree in Hyde Park, for march to Trafalgar ing with three girls. Phone Antonia x4358 American Football AGM, 5th May 18:30
upstairs in the Union. All abilities welcome. Square. Keep ‘em peeled for more details. or Claire x4219. (after Sports Standing C/tee) LTE
Anyone interested in doing the RYA level
one beginners course after Easter, please 2 rooms to rent in Guildford Park Avenue
ed980326.qxd 21/04/98 15:11 Page 10 (1,1)

10 Features Thursday 26th March 1998 n

Silly night: stupidity

to continue after
your double & mixer for £1.
‘Kyle Silly’
Week 13? It’s Space, the final
nce more unto the breach, dear

O fiends, as someone famouse once

said. I think it was the big one out of
The Krankies. Have we got big flans for the
frontier...again. We’ve got the new Star
Wars trilogy on the big screens. You know
the veal, make a space ship, brig a phaser, a
cardboard cut-out storm trooper, dress as
last three Silly Nights after Easter? Oh, yes. Darth Vader. Whatever. And remember
you’ll need to make the effort otherwise
Week 11, or 29th April, as some people will you’ll not get your dog & bone for £1. But
have it, it’s the one we’ve all been waiting the nub, some say crux, the jewel of the-bit-
for, it’s....BEACH WEAR. So, when you go after-Easter, is Week 15. It’s Blind Drunk
home for Easter raid your grannies’ cupbard Date. Silly Night plays match maker (minty
for those sexy 1930’s cosines. And that’s ones). Find your partner in the onion for
just for the boys. And if you can’t face your double & mixer. Plus ‘our’ Cilla will
going to Blow’s afterwards in shirts and be on had to see which lucky lass gets to go
Hawaiian shorts, then a bucket and spade home with... And remember you’ll need
will do. To get you in the mood we’re going what? Have a Happy Easter, if not a
to have palm trees, hula (hoop) competition, Little Chef will do. See you there.
and Shy Coconuts. Find the coconuts for a
FREE drink. And remember you’ll need to
make the effort otherwise you’ll not get

Graduation Ball plans Graduation Ball 1998 Budget


near completion
Ticket Sales 1000 1500
Ticket Income £42,553 £63,830
Sponsorship £200 £200
Commission £0 £0
£42,753 £64,030
used by the graduates. complement their graduation and the Outgoing
Sally Kentfield end of three or four (or more) years Essentials
Why are the tickets £50? Where does it spent studying here and using the Insurance £500 £500
all go? Students Union”. Therefore it is Security £900 £900
Fencing £496 £496
Why is it on campus? The basic necessities like power, mar- intended the that Union Club does not
Power £1,000 £1,000
Rumours have been travelling regard- quees, sound lights, security, fences, make a loss, but all ticket money Trackway £825 £825
ing grad ball being at Thorpe Park. We etc. take up a large chunk of the received WILL be spent on entertain- Structures
did look into this, as well as other money, as does the allocation of ticket ment or infrastructure for the ball. Stage £4,635 £4,635
places like Loseley Park, Chessington, money towards food. The other big Domes £2,800 £2,800
Clandon Park and many other loca- expenses are the drapes for the Union Where do I get my ticket? Marquees £2,000 £4,000
tions. None of them were willing to let and the cost of the bands and their Tickets will be available from Union Forklift/Truck £600 £600
associated extras (food, drink, etc.). reception from Monday of week 11 Trussing/Motors £1,200 £1,200
us run a ball through until 6am on their
The budget shown here lays out total after Easter. We hope that the event Barrier £400 £400
grounds. Scaffolding £60 £60
costing (before VAT) for both 1000 programmes will also be available then
Why are we not having any guest DJ’s? tickets sold, and 1500 tickets sold. and will be given out with your tickets. Lights £2,060 £3,400
Our beloved Friday and Saturday DJ’s Going by previous years sales, only You will then be able to plan your Sound £500 £900
will all play for less than £1000 for the 1000 tickets are normally sold. As evening before the ball and ensure that Blackout £2,500 £9,450
three of them whilst Dave Pearce more tickets are sold we will confirm you know where all the entertainments Bannerama £800 £1,000
would charge us £1500 to play for an the booking of all the extras that will be, and when they will be occur- Sofas £0 £2,200
hour, similarly, Mark Goodier is £3000 appear on the budget for 1500 tickets ring so that you do not miss out on Stairs £100 £100
being sold. anything. Carpeting £0 £2,000
for an hour, and Pete Tong costs even
more. We believe that we can obtain Main Band £7,500 £7,500
better value for money by spending Where can I stay?
Support £1,000 £1,000
that amount on entertainment that lasts Local hotels, campus (See advertis- DJ’s £750 £750
for longer than an hour. ment earlier in this issue). Funfair £6,000 £7,000
Mini Golf £0 £800
The funfair is always great, but will the So what entertainments will there actu- Magician £0 £250
Union be naff? ally be on the night? Photos/Tattoos £1,000 £1,000
The Union building is a notoriously This is a listing of all the suggested Jazz Band £100 £250
entertainments that we could feasibly Casino £900 £900
difficult venue to attempt to make look
provide, although we could only pro- Balloon Man £0 £150
different. Drapes and banners for the Double Six Club £0 £1,000
walls and ceiling are very expensive. vide all of them if all 1500 tickets are
Fireworks £0 £1,602
We will be trying to fit in as many dif- sold. Compere £0 £200
ferent side acts and entertainment’s as Band Riders £500 £500
we can so that it is not just another Does the Union Club intend to make Other
Friday night out disco for 6 hours. We any profit on the Grad Ball? Advertising £122 £300
are limited by the number of areas To quote the previous General Programmes £1,180 £1,180
where we can place the side acts and Manager of the Students Union, “The Tickets £400 £400
graduation ball is a service that the Crew Costs £500 £800
entertainment’s as each area used for
Union Club provides the students as a Contingency £1,425 £1,982
such a purpose cannot therefore be TOTAL £42,753 £64,030
memorable and fitting occasion to
ed980326.qxd 21/04/98 15:11 Page 11 (1,1)

n Thursday 26th March 1998 Features 11

Dear Russ
Dr Russ replies
an opportunity to discuss your application
Canoe club gets
with them. We have an example in the
Is it really worth writing speculatively to an Careers Service if you would like to come in
employer, surely they’d advertise the job if and pick up a copy.
they wanted someone badly enough?
You may, of course, feel a bit stuck in trying spins and just generally looking damn good.
‘Fraggle’ Haggis included capsizing in this category
Dear Mustapha to decide who to apply to. If that is the case,
you’d probably find it helpful to use some
Canoe Club Captain as well, bad show! Finally the 8 finalists
There is a lot of truth in what you say, and of the employer directories we carry. You were announced with Haggis, Fraggle and
or the fist time in living memory, even
that’s why it’s so important to keep a watch-
ful eye on advertised vacancies.
Unfortunately, you can’t guarantee you will
spot the advertisement when it does come
could use something like Prospects
Directory ’98 to identify all the major
employers of graduates or you could use a
directory such as KOMPASS to locate all
F that of granddad Brewer, canoe
entered a competition. The 3rd British
Universities playboating competition at
Steve making their finals, and Tricky reach-
ing the semi’s. With the morning tide used
up, we wacky raced to the beach for some
sun and surf, with several other uni’s and
Teesside White Water centre. A depleted proceded to terrorise the local surfer types
out, so writing ‘on spec’ at least gives you a the employers who operate in very special-
squad of four left with a gush of tears from on some gorgeous vertical green waves.
chance to be considered for something you ist areas such as nuclear instrumentation
Haggis’ bird, cheers Lou, it touched the The evening tide was used to hold the infa-
might otherwise have missed. There are manufacture or the production of automo-
heart strings of us all. Excuses for not mous Topo duo event (double kayak) this
two other very good reasons for writing out tive components. We also have local
attending ranged from lack of rucksacks for always ends in carnage with as many boats
of the blue. First of all, it can be pretty employer lists for most parts of the country.
kit, broken hand, to ‘bloke doesn’t paddle in the hole as possible with much deck
expensive to advertise a job and employers The more you move off the beaten track, by
so neither do I now’, but hey, meant more pulling and cheating taking place. Surrey
wouldn’t waste their money if they had suf- the way, the greater your chances of
bus and tent space for the rest of us. (Haggis and Steve) finished 2nd after being
ficient speculative applications sitting on unearthing a vacancy which no-one else has
their desks. Secondly, it really works, as 7% found. narrowly beaten by Bangor uni, who pulled
After the rather long bus journey up north, their decks and mooned at the judges.
of University of Surrey graduates found last
we hit the organised Friday night party and Saturday night, involved more drinking and
year. So I would encourage you to try writing
started on the Diesels, trying to forget about the unfortunate eating of a rather dodgy
speculatively. You might end up with piles
the 8am start. Morning broke with a hang- kebab, which tried to escape several times
In case you’re interested, I’ll run through of rejection letters or even no responses at
over, closely followed by Wacky-races to the following day. The finals held on the
the accepted procedure for writing on spec. all, but then you might just discover a
the course for the first event, the river run- Sunday were tough and finally saw Haggis
Most people send a curriculum vitae and a nugget of a job which gets your career off to
ning to sort the spods for the boaters. This and Fraggle 5th in their finals while Steve,
covering letter. The letter would typically a brilliant start.
involved paddling the course while com- beat several members of the British squad to
be four paragraphs - who you are, why you
pleting various manoeuvres such as rolls, achieve a good 3rd in a terrible hole, which
are writing, what particular skills and expe-
surfs and throwing paddles through hoops. wouldn’t allow verticals let alone cart-
rience you have to offer and a closing para- Russ Clark
Due to hangovers and any other excuse we wheels. With paddlers being drowned,
graph to say how much you’d value having Careers Service
could think of, we did pants, but did all bending paddles, cracking helmets and gen-
make the first 50% cut out of 200 paddlers.
Crossword No. 70 We got grouped into random categories of
erally looking worried, it was not looking
good for us mere mortal paddlers who were
Haggis & Tricky ‘taking it easy’, Fraggle on next. Surrey competed against the best
‘trying slightly’ and Steve “I am a surrey Britain could offer (and some French
student honest” in the group labelled ‘dogs- bloke). We’ll be back next year in north
bollix’. The groups were then weeded down Wales, to win events this time and not loose
in the quarter’s and semi’s by performing to mooning from Bangor uni. Congrats to
top quality playboating moves on the stop- Skinny and the rest of the BMX club for uni
pers such as paddle spins, rail grabs, flat championship results.

Trampoline ‘agents’
hit Bath
arch 7th 1998, 2pm, Surrey Students for communal back massages, though some

M Union

Special agents meet to discuss mission. First

took a little longer than others.

March 8th 1998 8am (yes that time actually

aim to find our transportation vessel “What does exist)
was the registration number again?” Our Special agents were woken up, washed
course was set for the far out reach of the town dressed, and fed, and on their way to the sports
of Bath. The journey though long was hall.
uneventful (apart from Lue feeling travel sick The first round was an eventful one, with Caz
before we left campus). and Lue both finding 9’s for their routines, and
lying in =1sta and 3rd respectively and Tweety
Later that day Toes lying 4th., there was a small catastrophe
Arrive at Bath university. Found trampolines. in the novices, when Posh decided to make his
Lue is happy rabbit because the trampolines routine look a little less Posh than usual.
are sexy, and after an hour and a half, finally The second round saw brilliant routines from
Down Across
1. Repudiate (6)
gets on and practices her routine. Much inse- our Novices, particularly Pizza Monster who
1. Blemish (6)
2. Lemon-like-fruit (6) curity from other special agents “I shouldn’t fought her way to 25th place, closely followed
2. A scolding woman (5)
3. Revolve rapidly (5) 8. Polish up (7) be here I’m not good enough” so having con- by Baby and Posh in 33rd and 34th respec-
5. Unbeliever (7) 10. Central point (5) vinced good routines out of them, and per- tively.
6. Newly-enlisted person (7) 11. Species of primrose (7) suaded Tweety toes to point his toes, and Posh So onto the final for our brave special agents
7. End of a rugger game (2-4) 12. Ancient Celtic priest (5) spice to keep his legs together we headed off Caz, Lue and Tweety Toes. I say brave
9. Children’s outdoor game (3-6) 13. Make expressive body movements to find our resting place for the night, the because the final was done so that each indi-
14. Something that’s offensive to look at (7) (11) YMCA!!!!!! This is where the navigational vidual jumped alone so every one could watch,
15. Climbing plant-organ (7) 18. Trim with the beak (5) skill of our team failed, as we got lost on the - you mean people watch these things?
16. Aromatic vegetable substances (6) 19. Nominal (7) way out of the building, and ended up on the After some splendid trampolining, Caz lead
17. Grating (6) 22. Singing group (5) wrong side of Campus. our secret agents in 2nd place with Lue close
20. Wigwam (5) 23. Optimistic (7) at her heals in 6th, and Tweety pulled his socks
21. A Long sentence (5) 24. Inflexibly hard (6) 8pm That Evening up and held onto his 9th place position in what
25. Unit of temperature (6) The Pizza Monster was getting a little peckish is to be his last BUSA competition, Ahh we
so Pint of cider navigated us to “Pizza are going to miss you Tweety.
Solution to Crossword no. 69
Express” before nipping off for a quickie (pint So Mission accomplished and the secret
Across: 1.ripen 4.parasol 9.moist 10.lair 11.meanness 13.safest 14.stupor 18.mandrill 20.ling
22.raven 23.janitor 24.Harlech 25.Pairs that is) with Posh Spice. We then got the Beers agents return to base, the only mystery that
Down: 1.raffles 2.pontiff 3.neat 4.pullet 5.ruminate 6.Seine 7.lotus 12.estrange 15.pointer 16.regards in, or at least Tweety toes, Pint of Cider and remains unsolved is what happened to the
17.Elijah 18.mirth 19.never 21.snip Posh Spice did, before returning to the YMCA Apple Danish ?
Crossword compiled by Jeff Blackham
ed980326.qxd 21/04/98 15:11 Page 12 (1,1)

12 Sport Thursday 26th March 1998 n

Campusport 1998 London Marathon:

you need balls
Campusport wish you all a very energising p.m. Tone to the Bone
Easter break and for those of you who are - Thursdays (2nd, 16th & 23rd April) - 6.30
remaining on campus or in the Guildford p.m. Legs, Bums & Tums
area, we are running a shortened programme - Fridays (3rd, 17th & 24th April) - 7.00
of activities. These will all take place at the a.m. Early Morning Fitness and is doubling in frequency close to 3 hours as he can.
Sports Centre unless specified otherwise. All other facilities at both the Sports Centre Andy Dawson every 20 years. The event also incorporates
- Mondays (30th March, 6th & 20th April) - and Varsity Centre will remain available the BUSA Marathon
6.00 p.m. Aerobics with Danny (badminton, squash, tennis, ATP etc.) opefully that’s got The Institute of Cancer Championships and will be
- Tuesdays (31st March, 7th & 21st April) -
7.00 a.m. Early Morning Fitness;
1.00 p.m. Lunch Time Aerobics; 1.10 p.m.
Lunch Time Stretch (in the Dance
although during the week 9th April - 15th
April, opening times will be variable.
All details are available from the Sports
Centre and the new brochures for a fuller
H your attention. Do
you realise that one
in three of us is likely to suf-
Research will be construct-
ing the UK’s first dedicated
male cancer research centre
later this year, in Surrey.
broadcast on the BBC on
Sunday 26th April 98.

For the sake of your broth-

fer from some form of can-
Department Studio); 6.00 p.m. Circuit summer programme beginning on Monday cer ? By the year 2018 it is Two of the University run- ers, fathers, boyfriends and
Training. 27th April will be ready shortly. estimated that 1 in 4 men ners, Andy Dawson and any sons you may go on to
- Wednesdays (1st, 8th & 22nd April)- 1.00 will suffer from prostate Luke Godfrey will be run- have, please get your hands

Surrey cleans up at
cancer, of which 70% will ning this year’s London in your pockets and dig
actually die from the dis- Marathon with the aim of deep. Donations and spon-
ease; bladder cancer is 3 raising both cash and aware- sorship are both welcomed,
times more prevalent in men ness for the issue of male more details from Andy on

Climbing Competition than women; start squirming cancers. Luke is hoping to
- testicular cancer mainly complete the course and
occurs in men aged 24 to 35 Andy is aiming to finish as

N Bodsworth,
D Driscoll,
of skin and hanging around, ALL the prizes
for the universities section went to USMC
climbers, as follows:
The Eagle has granded
J McCarthy-Holland Top scoring beginner: Heidi Petzold
Top scoring open class: Arwell Roberts
s we travelled to Redhill indoor Top scoring university team: USMC A

A climbing wall, our thoughts were of

enjoyment, participation and with a
little bit of luck the odd mention in the final
(Arwell, Matt, Joe & Sharon)
Best overall team: USMC A

standings. What we did not anticipate after Good performances were put in by all with
finally arriving at the third sports centre in exceptional scores being obtained by Dan
the area was that weÕd walk away with Sudbury and Tom Linecar - so much so that
slightly more than weÕd bargained for. they were expelled from the beginners ranks
and given default scores in the open class.
The competition consisted of each person Neil (turning up a whole 2hrs late) put us all
climbing fifteen routes in either an open or to shame by ending up third overall even
beginners category, climbing for team and though he only had an hour to complete the
individual points. The grades ( for the non- routes. We all had a good time and felt we
climbers ) ranged from hard to very hard hadn’t done badly considering this was the
(beginners) and stupid-hard to bastard-hard first competition most of us had entered.
After much finger strain, pumped arms, lack
The abseilers pose with Eddie Edwards at the Grand Hotel in Brighton
length of rotting rope was found on the roof,
Alex Langley which looked as though it had been there
since WW2. The rope was attached to EEE,
s soon as we drove past the Grand who proceeded to get into some interesting

A on the sea front we noticed the flag-

pole swaying in the wind. It was
actually more violent than a sway but we
poses for the publicity shots. If you remem-
ber him from the Winter Olympics all those
years ago, you will probably agree that he
was brave, but at least ‘a couple cans short
persuaded ourselves otherwise due to the
fact we (Bimbo, Wurzel, Valleys and Just of a six pack’.
did it) were about to dangle from 7 storeys
on the end of a rope. Sometimes photographers lack concern for
human life, in this instance it was a lack of
The purpose of the trip to the seaside was to respect for gravity, as skiing on stairs is not
promote The Big Dangle at Brighton on a recipe for success. Whilst all this was
23rd May. The event has been arranged in going on us ‘Kids’ were getting a bit bored,
support of the Imperial Cancer Research so we decided to have some cheeky fun.
Fund. However we were soon over the moon!, as
By 10.30 our ‘Fearless-Four’ were sat in the the next shot involved the four of us, and the
Grand enjoying a coffee rather than the sec- ‘Eagle’ himself.
ond hour of Space Structures (never-
mind!?). Our highly intellectual and stimu- All in all a great day was had by all down at
lating conversation was suddenly killed by the Grand, and with a bit of luck it should be
one odd question, ‘Whatever happened to a bit warmer and less windy by the end of
Eddie the ‘Eagle’ Edwards??’ There were May.
looks of bemusement all-round until we
realised that the star of the upcoming photo The aim of that day and this article is to pub-
shoot had just arrived!! licise the Dangle at the Grand on 23rd May.
It was at this point that a call was received If anyone is interested in taking part, and
to say the Abseil team had broken down en- would like some more information then call
route and would not be able to make it. Alex on ext. 4739 or e-mail on cv31al, alter-
Determined not to be beaten we all went up natively call Chris on ext. 4191 or e-mail on
on the roof to see what could be done. A cv41cm.

COLOURS BALL - IMPORTANT NOTICE. Lobsters are now OFF THE MENU due to an unexpected price rise. Please let Cazza know
what you want instead (9981)Sorry for the inconvenience.