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Yangqi Zheng

Mrs. Chase
LANG 321
19 September 2016
If I Should Die for my Transgressions
If I should die for my transgressions, then let it be so. Verily, I have transgressed against
nothing, for I cannot see my accuser.
An obsidian obelisk rises amidst a desolate field; aye, even the stones and the dust bow
down to it, for though the wind blows ever and ever more vehemently, the pillar will not be
scathed. Also in the field are people, but they do not see the pillar. Nor for them does anything
stand in the pillar's place, for all which is can only be but within the absolute will of God.
Neither indeed does the pillar see the people, but only its dust.
Dust disperses from my hands over the corpse of my brother, from God's hands over the
corpse of a civilization. Yet it somehow seems as if all my family were protected by a little
dome. The dust will not reach us. Aye, so it seems that I shall never be blessed, for who may live
blessedly but by the blessings of God?
Yet what can I do, but hold firm to the will of God? A ship may sail even without its
anchor, but certainly not without the sea. An anchor claims to be my guide, it instructs me to
abandon the sea. But those closest to me cannot see.
I once told a butterfly to fly into the meadow, a meadow of beautiful flowers, brimming
with nectar. The butterfly would not go, claiming that a wall of fire blocked the way. “Dear
butterfly,” I said, “but there is no wall of fire!” And the butterfly accused me of blindness. Later,
I returned happy from the meadow, and the butterfly desired then to follow. But it could not; a
wall of fire blocked the way.
Neither, it seems, can I see the way to heaven, for often have I been condemned, as my
forefathers likewise were condemned to great suffering. I am amongst the dead; there is no place
for me amongst the living.
Indeed, the dust does not love me; a storm blows it from the corpse of my brother. A
storm which rages within the heart of our ruler, blowing all throughout the land. The dust swirls
about the obelisk of obsidian, and I know that I am not alone amongst the dead.