You are on page 1of 12

LIGHTS OUT?

"PILOT"

Created and written by


Chris Thomas

FIRST DRAFT
09/26/13
REVISION # 1
11/25/13
REVISION #2
4/28/14

ii.

LIGHTS OUT?
"PILOT"
CAST

DAD.................................................TBA
BOY.................................................TBA
JELLO...............................................TBA
GENERAL BUD.........................................TBA
MICHAEL MAYONASE....................................TBA
1000 ISLAND.........................................TBA
RANCH...............................................TBA
FRENCH..............................................TBA
BEER BOTTLE #2......................................TBA
BEER BOTTLE #3......................................TBA
MOLD................................................TBA
BEER BOTTLE #4......................................TBA
CAPTAIN COORS ......................................TBA

Lights Out?

"Pilot"

1.

ACT ONE
INT. KITCHEN - DAY

A BOY, about 12, stands looking inside a refrigerator. He is


holding the door open with one hand and the other is leaning
on the other side. The light from the fridge illuminates him
as he blankly stares inside.

He reaches in and grabs a bowl of Jello. He examines it and


finally takes off the lid and smells it. It has gone bad. He
pulls away from it disgusted, then pops the lid back on and
places it back on the shelf.
DAD

(off camera)
Close the damn door!

Youre letting

all of the cold air out.

BOY
Im just lookin for something to eat
DAD
(off camera)
Well then take a picture.

Think about

it with the door closed.


He continues staring into the fridge.
DAD (CONTD)
(off camera)
Make yourself useful while youre over
there wasting my money and bring me a
beer.
The BOY grabs a beer. He looks at it and starts shaking it
vigorously. He is swinging it around, up and down, side to
side, all to make sure it will explode once he gives it to
his Dad.
BOY
(hushed, to himself)
One beer coming right up.

Lights Out?

"Pilot"

2.

He slams the door.


CUT TO:
INT. FRIDGE (FRONT) - DAY
The door closes but the light does not go off. Everything is
silent. Suddenly the items in the fridge come to life. The
now five pack of beer, starts to shake and shiver.

JELLO
God why did he put me back in here.
GENERAL BUD
Jesus, oh Jesus thats not going to be
pretty.

JELLO
He couldnt have just pitched me
already?
BEER BOTTLE #2
Sir that was terrifying.

We knew

coming into this it wasnt going to be


good

but to go out that way.

Oh sir.

GENERAL BUD
Youre telling me solider.
JELLO
Im done for.

Im no good to anyone.

BEER BOTTLE #3
Is he going to make it?
GENERAL BUD
I dont think so son.

It looks like

we will have another dead solider on


our hands.

Lights Out?

"Pilot"

3.

JELLO
Lucky.

Wish I was dead already.

Instead Im just turning into a petri


dish.
As the JELLO sulks along to the back of the fridge, MICHAEL,
a bottle of mayonnaise, makes his way over to the beer. His
label is a little ripped and his jar is a little less than
half-full.
MICHAEL
None of you are going to make it.
Ive told you that a 1000 times
already.
CUT TO:
INT. FRIDGE (BACK) - DAY
A bottle of 1000 ISLAND is over in the corner playing cards
with a bottles of FRENCH and RANCH.
1000 ISLAND
What did you say?

Did I hear my name?


CUT TO:

INT. FRIDGE (FRONT) - DAY


MICHAEL is sitting next to a beer bottle that is crying and
shaking.
MICHAEL MAYONASE
Nothing, I said a 1000 times, not your
name.
CUT TO:
INT. FRIDGE (BACK) - DAY
RANCH and ISLAND are being dealt cards by FRENCH

Lights Out?

"Pilot"

4.

RANCH
Christ Island, it isnt always about
you.
1000 ISLAND
Oh, sorry.

My bad.

Go on then.
CUT TO:

INT. FRIDGE (FRONT) - DAY


MICHAEL continues to talk to the beer bottles.
MICHAEL MAYONASE
Ive told you before, none of us are
going to come out of this frigid death
trap alive.

It just isnt in the

cards.
1000 ISLAND
(off camera)
What, you want to play cards?
FRENCH
(off camera)
Shut up Island he isnt talking to
you.
GENERAL BUD slides over to the MICHAEL.
GENERAL BUD
So thats it?

We just give up?

not this solider.

Well

We never give up.

We just need a good plan.


CUT TO:
EXT. KITCHEN - DAY
DAD is walking up to the fridge, mumbling about his exploding
beer.

Lights Out?

"Pilot"

5.

DAD
Ungrateful jerk.
He reaches the fridge and starts to pull on the handle.
CUT TO:
INT. FRIDGE - DAY
We see the door start to crack open.
MICHAEL
Weve got movement.

Everyone quiet.

The door opens completely and DAD reaches in and grabs


GENERAL BUD. With the door still open he twists off the cap,
and tosses it in the fridge. He quickly begins to throws
back the beer. He turns around, still drinking the beer and
slams the door shut.
Everyone is stunned. BEER BOTTLE #2 reaches down and grabs
the cap, raising into the air as he screams.
BEER BOTTLE #2
Noooooooooooo....
BEER BOTTLE #3
It should have been me.

It should

have been meeeeeee....


FRENCH has made his way over to the beer bottles and is
trying to console them.
FRENCH
The alcohols always so emotional.
MICHAEL
Probably because theyre always the
first to go.

So you guys want to know

the plan?
The BEER BOTTLES all shake their caps yes and look to MICHAEL
for guidance.

Lights Out?

"Pilot"

6.

MICHAEL (CONTD)
Tell them French
FRENCH
Enjoy yourselves while your here.

Our

time it is short, dont spend it


worrying.
The fridge door opens and DAD reaches in again.
DAD
Holy crap I havent seen you guys in
ages.
DAD reaches in grabbing BEER BOTTLES #2 and #3.
them to his friends and shuts the door.

He tosses

MICHAEL
Some of us shorter than others.
JELLO
(off camera)
Some of us longer than needed.
BEER BOTTLE #4
But look at it out there, it could be
worse buddy.
CUT TO:
INT. FRIDGE (BACK) - DAY
JELLO is now sitting and playing cards with RANCH and ISLAND.
1000 ISLAND
Ah crap.
RANCH
Here we go.

Lights Out?

"Pilot"

7.

JELLO
Could be worse? Could be worse? Ive
been here so long that things are
growing on me.
JELLO lifts open his lid.
SMASH CUT TO:
INT. JELLOS BOWL - DAY
Among the red gelatin inside we see some green and brown
mold.
MOLD
Hows it goin?
CUT TO:
INT. FRIDGE (BACK) - DAY
JELLO continues as RANCH shuffles the cards.
JELLO
And to top it all off, before this
fabulous life began you know what I
was?
RANCH
Powder in a box?
JELLO
Shut up!

I was powder in a box.

sat in that damn cabinet since the


first Bush presidency and waited.
waited.

And

And waited, hoping something

would happen.

And boy oh boy did

something happen.
(MORE)

Lights Out?

"Pilot"

8.

JELLO (CONT'D)

The genius kid decided he wanted Jello


one night.

Good for me, right?


1000 ISLAND

Wrong.
JELLO
Wrong indeed.

Kid cant read, so I

get twice as much water as I need.


Leaves me like this.

But youre

right, I guess it could be worse.


What do I know.
CUT TO:
INT. FRIDGE (FRONT) - DAY
MICHAEL
What do any of us know?
FRENCH
I know the beer will be gone before
the rest of us.
BEER BOTTLE #4
What?
The door begins to open. DAD opens the door and reaches in,
just grabbing the rest of the six pack.
DAD
Shoot, looks like we need to make a
beer run boys.
The door slams.
FRENCH
Yup.

Lights Out?

"Pilot"

9.

MICHAEL
Alright, fine, we all know that.
FRENCH
Well you said -MICHAEL
I know what I said.
FRENCH begins to walk away.
MICHAEL (CONTD)
(to himself)
Pretentious French dressing with your
low fat healthiness.

Thats the only

reason youre sticking around.


CUT TO:
EXT. KITCHEN - DAY
Carrying another six pack, DAD walks over to the fridge,
opens the door.
CUT TO:
INT. FRIDGE (FRONT) - DAY
DAD sets the six pack down on the shelf.
DAD
Good news guys, had a sixer here
already.

Gotta wait for them to get

cold though.
He slams the door shut.
CAPTAIN COORS
All hands on deck boys.
MICHAEL walks over to the six pack

Lights Out?

"Pilot"

10.

CAPTAIN COORS (CONTD)


Excuse me sir, you havent happened to
see a pack of soldiers that looked an
awful lot like us come through here
recently have you?
MICHAEL
I swear my life is like that Bill
Murray movie.
1000 ISLAND
Ghostbusters?
FRENCH
Stripes?
JELLO
Rushmore?
CAPTAIN COORS
Caddyshack?
The door opens and DAD quickly snatches two beers from the
six pack, including CAPTAIN COORS
DAD
Eh, theyre cold enough
The door closes.
faintly yell:

As the door closes, we hear CAPTAIN COORS


CAPTAIN COORS

Oh, Groundhog Day!


MICHAEL
I dont even know why I try.
FADE OUT.